The Wrong Kelly Text Message

Alienware's backack to School Event is the perfect time to score top gaming gear with incredible features and Intelcore processors to go beyond performance. Save big on gaming desktops, laptops and more. Start your Alienware journey with the Alienware fifteen gaming laptop featuring Intelcore processors. Smoothly game, live stream and multitask for hours on end Plus, play through every game exactly how you want with customizable alien FX lighting across your alienware ecosystem, creating your very own gaming profile and more. Finally, pair your incredibly smooth gaming experience with immersive visuals and sound by saving on sleek alienware monitors, headsets and more. This limited time sale awaits you now at alienware dot com slash deals. That's alienware dot com slash deals Mmosh Reads Reddit Stories is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket progressive. com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates, potential savings will vary not available in all states. to the show Hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane. and today's theme is confessions. And I'm joined by two friends who are in confession with me. What are your sins, Ian and Amanda I haven't touched my wife since we married and it's been ten years Can I like that Okay, and I like that Hm Okay, Okay All right, I donon't know why. My confession is that I just have way too much sts I don't like wherever that's going. And that's my confession is I'm back with Ian on this couch. And Father, we have sinned Okay. Can I be honest though, going to confessional as someone raised Catholic was very spooky. I never did that. What was That was the craziest thing that you confessed to Oh, like I ate meat during Lent. They're always like do you get to give up just punches his arm through the chokes you out. Well, whenever they go give up stuff for Lent, you go, okay, vegetables. And they're like, no. Why no? Anyways, Oh sick, damn. Yeah, pretty cool. All right Bailey has told me I feel like this is going to be a really good episode I feel like I love when I have an episodes like guys, these stories crazy. I feel very grateful because I feel like I'm in a lot of those episodes and I feel very happy. are in some insane episodes. Yeah And you And you? No, nothing, nothing unhinged has ever happened in one of my episodes. No. That's a lot. Definitely not All right, so we have some stories that have confessions in them. And our first one is a very interesting one. so stick with me on this one It's not to go way expect , hereere we go This comes from Ask Reddit. So the post is actually a question. That's asked and the comments will give answers This was posted back in twenty twelve. Ooh, this is an old one. This is a fourteen year old post. Okay. So he's like, am I the asshole for party rocking? Yeah. Okay They write What's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out Someone commented I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes. Every last one is made using Pillsbury cake mix I buy for one dollar a box at Walmart I suck at baking. Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch, it sucked. But baking is like my whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It's like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time, telling me how delicious they are, telling me it's so much better than box mix cake, telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious. Well, guess what For one dollar, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs, and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate I just hate baking fucking cakes. I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not on the cake itself, if that makes sense. Still, no one knows about this except my husband Even my best friends think I fucking slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes. I have been doing this for years. If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure. I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes This person is raging. L O. I can't believe myself. My fucking friends call me cake girl. And I hit them and they're like, why are you angry? They don't even know the truth. Maybe maybe like Maybe I'm off for this, but I don't really see much of an issue. It is somethinghing think it's a big deal. And I actually kind of agree with him. because because I think I think like You still have to be you still have to be good at baking to get it right And also they're making all all the fondant and other stuff from scratch. like And a cake mix, honestly a cake That's the easiest part. It's it is the easiest part. It's just like the eggs, the flour, sifting it and all that stuff. I don't know enough about baking It's just specific measurements of like Okay, the butter has to be like the right temp and all that stuff, so they already did it for them. Is there a Pillsbury wedding cake mix though, because isn't wedding cake a very specific type of flavor? No, isn't I wedd I thought wedding cake has like a. Wedding cake can be whatever you want. be whatever you want, but like the traditional wedding cake It would just be white cake. Yeah, but I thought like Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know what mom My mom has always said her favorite type of cake is wedding cake, but she she has said like there's an almond type of like Oh. No like there's I'm saying like it's aite cake. Yes, I understand. You could be right. But I think like traditional Yeah. like I understand people can do whatever they want.. but I think someone like my mom who's an aficionado of wedding c like your mom would find her. Yeah. Sone someone might clock it. Yeah That' the deal though. sounds like she's doing a bunch of fondant and like decor on it, so they probably wouldon't even be able to taste ye Someone like me would notock clock it becausecause like you give me a cake. I'm be like all right. Look, I meanill I'm eating it so fast. Please do not slam any more cake. I do not want to be there to witness. You're gonna look away that's gone like Batman. It's just in my mouth. Anyways, I think I think the Pillsbury company figured it out You know You know, the box cake is delicious. Pro millions of dollars in R and D. G that box cake just right And I don't think there's anything wrong to just, you know, take a little shortcut. you know, I'm sure I'm sure all my all my professional bakers at home can sound off. It sucks I'm sure it's a lot of work to It is a lot of work because temperatures are everything. Baking is really hard and you have to be very you cannot mess around with baking. You have to be very specific about the ingredients. She does all of her own fondant. That doesreamely Tpnically does what I would assume is like I mean, I'm not a baker, but I also want to know how much she's charging because if she's char she says I has hundreds. She says what they're paying for is for the decoration and all that stuff. Yeah. But I'm like, if this is far cheaper than all her competitors and I'm like, yeah, then you're You're But also in your business, Are you saying that you're baking this from scratch? Are you lying? C of And you're liable. Like that is you are you can be you can be sued hard. I think she probably is. I mean, I don't think I don't know how many people are like, questioning the wedding cake maker like Is it made from scratch? I think they're probably looking at the photos. And I think like wedding cake is more of like a statement piece. I agree. Like there was there was an incident at our that sounds wrong. So we had we threw this big twenty year anniversary party at the end of the year. and we had a giant donnut cake made U, which I think actually YouTube brought for us. Whoa. Yeah, we did not know that it was a cake. We thought it was we all thought it was decoration and nobody ate it. Nobody cut into it We did not know it was a No. It was a giant pink frosted sprinkled doughnut. Why didn't I get to that table? I didn't even get to that table. D you? No. No, I was talking. It was sitting there sitting there next to all the desserts W It was like the churros. H had like a slice and like the little tree. There's probably other cakes there. I think there was a lot of. There was a bunch of stuff and the donoughut was sitting right there And so s. This is like this is like a two foot by two foot It was a big old d like like one foot high T twoo feet high kind of like I wan to take it home Well, I guess they gave it out to the staff. Hell yeah. Oh good. As longon as someone had it. But but yeah, nobody knew that it was actually cake and nobody ever c Is a cake? I would I would That also the problem is we live in an era where anything can cake. That's true would be very c Mikey.sring Mikey dayay and let's do something Yeah great. Hold on Is this is cake? Is this this microphone cake Try it. I think obviously what we're talking about is the principle of this story and like it's the principle of it of like, you can't lie and have your whole business model based on a lie. Like I understand you're decorating him. You just be forthright of like, it's Pillsbury cake But I decorate the fuck out of it and make it look amazing. If someone if like someone was throwing a wedding, it's actually a very smart business model, I think. because everything wedding wise is so expensive that it's like, hey I can decorate and make a cake look amazing. It's Pillsbury cake But I will give you at a discounted price. So you get to the aesthetic And it's gonna be a delicious cake still. And people would be like, hell yeah, I don't care. like wedding cakes are so overpriced unless they're like epic. Yeah But stuff, wedding stuff is so expensive that it's like, but I need to know the price of this stuff because if she is charging a lot And it's similar to other w. I don't think but at the end of the day, it's basically the same stuff It's still gonna be flour and sugar. Yeah you know I don't know I kind of get it. It's like it's the pr If she's charging a lot of money, it is kind of the principle of it. Because I don't know. like I mean, do you do like what do you think the catering companies are doing? for the rest of the food that you're eating at a wedding. Oh, I think some catering companies are doing like good stuff. I think it depends, but I think it what matters is that they're honest about what they're selling. Sure. sureure. I sticking with this. Comments. I'm trying to start I'm trying to start my own weddingdingake beef company. I'm like, guysys, it's fine. Hill' fine. It's okay. That's not just a crumble cookie that I put my name on. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah Comments How does Walmart not notice you pushing a cart out with hundreds of boxes of one dollar cake mix? Whoa.P says, Haha, Well, I'm a home based business. so I usually at most am buying ten to twenty boxes at a time. I usually line the bottom of the cart with cake mix and then put all my other stuff on top, like ten bags of powdered sugar. Then I use the self checkout in shame and stack the boxes in my black canvas shopping bags. Yeah. My worst fear is running into someone I know or worse yet Whoever the cake is for while I'm there with all these boxes of cake mix. That's why I act all shad about it. So. She should not be going out and buying that stuff. She should send someone else to do it because if she gets caught, her business is This is twenty twelve too. This is a Stone Age. Let's ask You can't order it to your house. Oh my Godd, you're so right. Were cars invented? And cars weren't around then a bike there? You have to. Wait were bikes invented? They were freshly invented today. still there's still the wooden wheels. Yeah didn't have wheels tiny b Yeah far in. D those Fintstones that there was huge. Alienware's backack to schoolchool event is the perfect time to score top gaming gear with incredible features and Intel core processors to go beyond performance. Save big on gaming desktops, laptops and more Start your Alienware journey with the Alienware fifteen gaming laptop featuring Intelcore processors. Smoothly game, live stream and multitask for hours on end. Plus, play through every game exactly how you want with customizable alien FX lighting across your alienware ecosystem, creating your very own gaming profile, and more Finally, pair your incredibly smooth gaming experience with immersive visuals and sound by saving on sleek alienware monitors, headsets, and more. This limited time sale awaits you now at alienware dot com slash deals. That's alienware dot com slash deals Mmosh Reads Reddit Stories is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket progressive. com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates, potential savings will vary not available in all states. to the show Someone said, this is genius. This is Ian commenting. Alienware's backack to School Event is the perfect time to score top gaming gear with incredible features and Intel core processors to go beyond performance. Save big on gaming desktops, laptops, and more. Start your Alienware journey with the Alienware fifteen gaming laptop featuring Intel core processors smmoothly game, live stream and multitask for hours on end. Plus play through every game exactly how you want with customizable alien FX lighting across your alienware ecosystem, creating your very own gaming profile, and more. Finally, pair your incredibly smooth gaming experience with immersive visuals and sound by saving on sleek alienware monitors, headsets and more This limited time sale awaits you now at alienware dot com slash deals. That's alienware dot com slash deals Mmosh Reads Reddit Stories is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket progressive. com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates, potential savings will vary not available in all states. to the show This is genius. If you meet someone, just tell them that you're doing a charity bake thing and that you just don't have the time to make your normal cakes for them. So you're getting a friend to come into your shop and whip up a few dozen of these. I love you a little bit. PM your shop. and I'll order from you forever. Oh, S flirting. Hey. An OP said, Haha I totally did this once. I told someone I was buying a box mix because I just needed to make cupcakes for my niece's bake sale and I didn't have time to make it from scratch. My business is small and home based. I rely only on word of mouth, and sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the business I get just from that. Someomeday, I dream of having a real cake shop with assistants and interns. Si, a girl can dream Can I see the back of your bake shop? No Lined with Pillsbury.. who was that? Hey, It's that little guy. It's that little guy. What is he, by the way? A marshmallow chef? He's a dough boy. He's a doe boy. He's made of d. Duh I' never been to a zoo. D H ever seen Doough booys? No, I haven't. Someone said, I am a culinary student and a mighty fine baker. My baking instructor taught us that many bakers, bakeries, catering companies, restaurants, use cake mix. And why use cake mix? It's quite simple. It's what we expect. If you make a cake from scratch, it has a totally different flavor, different textures and other little things. As Americans, we expect cakes to taste like boxed cake mix If we went to Europe, you would be shunned. Don't feel bad. If you can ice a cake, you have my respect Okay. I love educators on Reddit. therapists on Reddit and the educators on Reddit. I do think it's sad. it's sad and it does speak to like Americans of like the qualityake's like it's like when Ireland deemed Subway's bread not bre They're like it's actually more closely related to cake. L our bread Like Europe is like, that's not bread. We we have shame right now Our foods are so processed and bullshit that ye that's what chocolate is in chocolate. Yeah. We're living in like fallout I'm not this sucks you guys. That's it's like it's true. If people were making cakes from scratch, they'd probably get more negative reiews because they're like, what is this? That's' supped tastes boxed cake. That's so true. And like she's still putting a lot of labor into it. It's not like she's going She's not like going to like a pubix and like buying a cake and then just like putting some decorations cake, you know. Yeah. if if the baker is saying that the icing stuff is hardest, then all right Like think we think all Bakeries are using? No. Boxes? No, portos can't be. That shit is too good. Shaine. what if they are? Box mix are they using Tiram Masu box makes. For their trresslices. The three milks? The Th boxes? Yeah Yeah. Yeah. They're using three boxes with a lot of milk It's all al lie. They're using their potato ball canes. Oh, I love potato balls. Yeah. We all love potato balls. Guys, nobody knows what we're talking about I dont. It's fine. Can't do this. guys sorry. The next time you go to your local bakery, be like, all right, I wantan to see the back I want back there. O up. Let me see. Open it up. Yeah. All right. Cake is the best thing in the ent. What's your favorite cake Oh. Oh my go God You know, okay, here's an underrated one I think it's called like German forest cake. Oh so good. That want cherry. It's rich. It's cherry or is that black forest? It's black forest. Oh, no, not bllack forest. The German, it's like a coconut Yeah. German chocolate cake Dude, I haven't had that in like probably a decade, but like dude, a good German chocolate cake. Oh Yeah, There's not there's not a cake that I won't eat. Um but really I like I don't know what cakes that I don't like, but u but I do think red velvet Red velvet's hard to So good. So good. And isn't red velvet just like Yeah, just vanilla. It's a lie chocolate, but's coloring no cream cheese. Well like some about that food coloring. R. ever didid you ever have the blue velvet cake Oh milk Do I love milk,. I think the answer is I like chocolateake. There was this ice cream place in LA and they had a blue velvet cake. And apparently it turned your poop green. Hell yeah. because it was so vibrant blue. Wow. L Also shout out to ice cream cake Okay No Ice cream cake rocks. I Ice cream cake rocks. It's an inferior cake Because something is happening to you right now No well, but we'll keep going on Reddit stories, but are you sick? I cream c quick. Ice cream quick Love ice creream cake. Okay I should I tell you guys my favorite cakes insteone of you guysking out. Yeah you p the question. I like chocolate cake with vanilla. Lavender cake. I know it sounds f' never had. No, that sounds good. You love alf Lavender. like, you like lavender ice cream and stuff Lave. I love lavender Lavender b. Let's bringing in the cake. A rose, like rose or lavenderake. we orderered some caties and we orderered some cake to the to the show right now. Ging a mash cake? No Persian ice cream Rose pistachio saffron. Yeah, that sounds good Not a. All right Okay. Update to what? cake first Cak Bak up Upcake H. Hey, u Sharry. remember when you said you'll eat any cake? Yeah, that was a bad. That was crazy We're gonna fuck it up for you. And I stand stand on it. All right. I stand on that cake and. actuallyually say you need to go home. stand on. I stand on that cake. A you was the up quake. Up quick. You're calling me unwell. Look at you. I've already accepted it I'm totally fine with this. All right, update from this commenter, lady Did't know we needed an update from this do. We've already decided we're good. She's like Sillsburry is suing It's three years later. Wha Wait Wait, do we think they got caught It must have gotten caught. Wait C this be What is going? I't know don't know if it turns out to be Pru from the Great British Bakeoff. She's leaving Great British. No because this was from twenty twelve. This is now twenty fifteen. So she got found her career. us is it Paul Hollywood or Pru? We'll see All right, kiddos, here I am. If friend texted me and said my people need me. I guess there was a thread that got big and mentioned this thread. Here's your update I actually no longer make cakes. I got a divorce and moved into a much smaller home At that point I had no place to decorate cakes. I was also really burnt out. It's an incredibly hard art, very time consuming and requires a lot of tools and space. About a year later, I moved in with my now boyfriend. We have a pretty big kitchen. I wanted to sell my equipment and tools and the billion giant cake pans I have, but he convinced me not to. He said I should keep it on the back burner for a while and see if I want to do it again later He didn't know me when I was a decorator, but he saw the photos and told me it would be a shame if I never did it again. I want to share some photos, but it would be so easy to trace them back to my old cake blog. Maybe I can find one or two photos that were never posted there. So they posted some photos, I guess. Oh no. And now we have an update From three more years later. They arrested and in jail in a small apart, smaller apart. I think at this stage I care less about the cakes than more I hope this new relationship works out. M me you. And as she got a divorce, I was like, I didn't think Well the guy really wanted cake and she said, no more cake. I'm done with me Okay, update three more years later I have a sort of hilarious update at this point. About a year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with a wheat intolerance.. Okay. All right, well We've got we've got the we've got the two wheat intolerant people in this room with us less so for me now. I'd be, he's just beating it. I beat it. intntolerance I needat the wheat How'd you beat theed? I'm beating weed every night. He. I stand on cake, and beats the weed. Yeah, what do you do, Amanda? I eat cpe, okay? I love beating crepe. Stop beating the weed.. Oh. cak. Yeah I slowly glutened myself. I remember you said that Yeah. yeah, yeah, I think I've beatating it. Okay, so still afraid to bera with dried, but with what. Exactly Yeah, Hers is different. No I think Emily's will kill her. Y. Emily. Emily will die. Emily will die. I'm just I'm just too strong. you. No think I think you're lie. Okay right Emily. They were diagnosed with a wheat intolerance. My intestines decided they no longer wanted to digest wheat anymore Woo! I actually just thought I was dying for a few months. It was really stressful. Anyway, I can't even fucking eat cake anymore. I still have all of my equipment and whatot. I make a quick cake now and then, but trust me when I say gluten free cake mixes are better than anything I could make from scratch, LOL. Here's a cute little cake I made for my birthday last year. It's not amazing, but it's not bad considering I rarely make cakes anymore They're a good decorator. Wh. That's a kil little unicorn. This cake is No, I was gonna say this cake is Ially twenty seventeen. I mean, the unicorn right out the middle Yeah What a crazy crank You're never gonna let me lt that down Oh Yeah No, someone said Cake is forever you. They keep writing. I still receive so many messages on this account. I'm sorry if I don't reply, but I never check this account. I've got everything in that inbox from people trying to guess who I am, to people giving me recipes, to people begging me for cake photos and one guy who wanted a video of me eating cake. Oh Okay. A new Fetish unlock. Well, has you ever seen What are you going to say? We don't know? Cake farts. Oh cake farts. Hell yeah, dude Anyhow, I'm getting married again again W secondcond time is a charm to a dude I met on Reddit. Wait. So they're gonna boyfriend. Not the boyfriend, I think to a different person because wanted he wanted a dude they met on Reddit. Okay. And our wedding planner asked me to please not try to make my own wedding cake because she has seen it end in a stressful disaster so many times. I'm going to take her advice and leave the cake making to someone else And when she gets the cake, shes would like I know this is Pillberurry. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Wait, this is the happy ending. was happy ending. She got away with it. Wow. She got away with it. She got away with it. I feel like. I don't necessarily believe in karma, but it is funny that she's like, okay, I'm makingake cakes. I'm no longer allowed to eatat. Yeah. Yeah.'s kind of there's something There's something There's kind of there. Yeah There's kind of there, maybe. Yeah. no more beating the wheat. So then why did I get a gluten intolerance?? Beuse you're just a sinful man. Back to confession. second I guess yeah, father But you were absolved. I've been beating my wheat.' od. He's brought it up again. So he's allowed to now because he's absolved. All right. so you Save fiveive Hail Ms don't know. don't do it in the mirr 's I don't get kind this stuff me. O why bigigy smalls will come What Did you just make that up? No, haveave you never heard the No? I would have said in the mirror if I knew that was gonna happen. I thought some creepy lady was gonna come and steal my soul Biggie's coming? It's stupid I think it's a South Park reference in Y. Whatever. Producer note, there are eight more largely uneventful updates that span across a few years, leading this to be a ten plus year long Reddit famous thread Wow. this person just keeps on posting. Wow. They're like, I never saw this, but I'm dating again. Yeah, it's like, all right But this time it's a Reddit mod. so, you know, moving up. O. moving up. moving on Mbe Okay Our next story. Whoa. That was one story. That was one story. Okay This comes from True Off My Chest and it was posted in twenty twenty two My wife and everyone else thinks I got laid off, but really I quit so I could make a go at being a Twitch streamer full time. Don't quit your job to do twitch. No. No no. It is a tough career path. No, no, no. All right My wife doesn't follow or know anything about Twitch or video games at all. She doesn't have any knowledge of or connection to the industry I used to work in. She is a paramedic, so she works different shifts and does not know I stream at times when she is not home Her salary is enough to cover our bills, although things will be a bit tighter until I start making money on my stream I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm bringing in enough money that I can do it full time. I've never been happier and not stressed as I am now. It's easy for me to lock myself in my home office and say I'm networking in job hunting when I'm really streaming if my wife and or my three year old is home If she's not working or my daughter is not at daycare, it's harder but I make it work. I feel a bit guilty for lying, but I have wanted to do this for a long time No one that I know in real life knows, obviously posting this with a throwaway Oh So nobody know He thinks that so he's just telling people that he's like job searching he's networking. Wn't she have some questions if she's hearing and go, Oh boom headshot. Okay on on. Okay, I'm down. It makes me so sad that the three year olds involved. Oh. this is really mad all of a sudden she's a paramedic. She's a paramedic. Paramedic. Paramedics should get paid more But I don't think they get paid to be like, she can cover both of us. And by and kid him also being like, oh, yeah, when this when I start making money off of this, you can'tge someone like who got worked's been in the entertainment industry a long time. It's like take a long time before you make his money off. This makes me sad because he could a stay at home dad right now and probably help them out a lot. Oh no, the three year olds probably in school. I like but it's the fact that he's also He's Streaming. Yeah. someomeone's going to catch him Like, it's like what nobody nobody's going to catch him because he has probably two viewers. He probably has zero I think like statistically Yeah. the average streamer has zero viewers because you either kind of have zero or you get up following. He's just playing video games Yeah. Okay I mean, he's he's, yeah I mean there's there's a lot of creators that You know, they'll have They have like the streaming or YouTube as like a side gig until it starts making money. Yeah. and then they'll leave their job. But to leave your job and start streaming And like beforefore any proof of of like success. Oh my goodness. because he didn' st fired. He No he left left He quit He said that he got fired. he quit. So he made this decision. Also, I do think if you're married, also, especially if you have a kid You need to comeicate your spouse of like, I'm going to quit my job. 's like because it's like o Ohh yeah, so she doesn't know Yeah that she is now the provider for the household and is for the a foreseeable future. And I hope she finds out and like you. I bet he knows this is a terrible idea because why he keep it secret? It's true off my chest. He literally is like, well, this Reddit is like an anonymous thing, but it's also like I thinkad we've definitely read another story about a guy who is trying to get into streaming and like I just think it is Alienware's backack to schoolchool Event is the perfect time to score top gaming gear with incredible features and Intel core processors to go beyond performance. Save big on gaming desktops, laptops, and more. Start your Alienware journey with the Alienware fifteen gaming laptop featuring Intel core processors smmoothly game, live stream and multitask for hours on end. Plus play through every game exactly how you want with customizable alien FX lighting across your alienware ecosystem, creating your very own gaming profile, and more. Finally, pair your incredibly smooth gaming experience with immersive visuals and sound by saving on sleek alienware monitors, headsets and more This limited time sale awaits you now at alienware dot com slash deals. That's alienware dot com slash deals Mmosh Reads Reddit Stories is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket progressive. com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates, potential savings will vary not available in all states. to the show peopleeople do not realize how hard it is to break into these industries, right? Like people clown on streamers of like, Oh, it's an easy job and it's like I think we're not an easy job. Tink about what you want if the job is easy or not It is one of the hardest jobs to like get a following and make money. I mean, at least like start a TikTok first and then use that TikTok to market the stream But to just be a streamer, where are your viewers coming from? Yeah. right. I do get frustrated when people are like, oh, it's the easiest job on a plane. I'm like, it's really It's it's notice There are harder jobs, right? S. But There's a lot more know how that goes into it because like you're saying, it's like every streamer I know, they really know how to like, you have to know marketing. You have to know like ye the know how of all the platforms. you have to know how to put yourself out there, how to like clip things and put them and make people's interest. You have to know what games you should be playing, what are hot right now? like for this guy But like you say you say like there are other there are harder jobs out there. Yes. and those jobs pay money. Yeah. Streaming as a job doesn't pay. It technically doesn'tay anything. It won't pay anything until you are one of the biggest streamers in which you're not even being paid really for like ad revenue that like running on your stream. You're being paid for like brand deals and stuff mostly U Also like insurance An anything to help out His family. Yeah my gosh. it's also a job. Yeah and it's also a job that has no guarantee. He could have a successful month where he's like, I've got viewers and then they could go away. Yeah, yeah. Like this is not a sustainable This makes me really mad because of the three year old up hisad. It would make mad no matter what, but yeah. And if this guy was single If I knew this guy and he's like, I'm quitt my job to stream I'd be like, you should keep your job and you should stream. Yeah, you can. Well he wouldn't be able to do this without his wife's paycheck. I know. And she doesn't realize she's supporting his That is upsetting comments That's such a horrible thing to do. You do absolutely nothing for your household and a liar too. Damn. Okay. Someone said, you are being a really, really bad husband. If I was your wife, I would not care if you started making money doing this because I would be heartbroken that you lied and deceived me and not over something small, overver quitting your job The entire financial burden is now on her and she doesn't even know. What if she decides to quit or gets fired? You guys would be up Sitz Creek without a paddle. Not being dramatic, but I would leave you over this. This is insanity Someone said, Yikes,, you're lying to your wife and putting both of your financial futures at risk. Chances are you will never make a significant amount of money from Twitch. You just won't. For the vast majority of people, any kind of content creation is a hobby, not a career. Ch Well, they're going L hard. and you know what?bs He deserves it. Yeah. And the only thing he never even Express like Oh, shoot, this is all my wife whatever. He's like, I've always wanted to do this and I do kind of feel bad. L he never really expressed remorse that bad. I feel like I know this is going a bit extreme, but I feel like He's not cut out to be a dad Like or to be a parent. like I think Um you know, you can't just make those kinds of self it's a selfish decision because said, you know, It's always been my dream to be a streamer Brother, you have a three year old year old. Like the kid comes first. alwaysways I don't think that's a crazy take. likeike the kid should come first. Why are you pursuing your your dreams at the risk of or your child's life. I agree, or at least like if you have a kid, you and your partner are in like a massive partnership and everything needs to be discussed. Yeah for sure. Everything is a group decision. Yeah alsoso It's just it's like it's like We know this guy has no viewers right now because he just started doing this. and he's like, Yeahah, this is my dream. I'm like, no, man, you just wanted to have no responsibility and play video games in your office. Yeah. It's poss. Come on, man, like you're not treating this like a job Right. Talk about this like a job. You're talking about it like, I just want to go in there and play the video. It makes me so sad that he's in a closed office and the wife is probably like, Ohh yeah, we can't go in there and disturb Daddy becauseuse he's working Oh, this like gets me. I know. Let's find him. Well, we have an update And I think it's from an up crate an up You're never, it's gonna be years from now. I'm done Now I'm done We're gonna be in our sixties and we're gonna reconnect after years and you're gonna to be like, reconnect. Okay, like we're breaking up No. like maybe I'll like like we'll see each in our sixties and then of sudd I'll be like, Oh, Amanda and' be like, U Crak. We'll run into each other in like, you know, Croatia or something, I guess after we broken up and reconnect. We're both at like a restaurant. I see you from across the. And go I go, Oh, Amanda. And I go like this Oh, and that's it. Is that how bad Okay. We're gonna have like bad. I like think about his Christian paail. And what's his name? Wal dolicain Man begin. Thank you Stke. All right, update and I think it's from a good time afterwards because he writes. I know I'll probably get flamed, but I get it. I understand that I am the one who ruined my life in my marriage. My divorce was finalized a year ago. Y. She found out about six months after I posted. He let this go on for six months. He's the job market It's hard out there, you know, just he's not a really person tryry and find that job. I understand that I was wrong and that I screwed up I regret my stupidity so much. She left our flat with our daughter and went to live with her sister and hired a solicitor, and that was it. Don't be stupid like me. We've been divorced for a year and I found out she just started dating again. I'm gutted. I miss her. I miss my daughter because she only lives with me half the time. Whenever I see my wife's sister or other members of her family, they give me the stink eye. I can't believe I was such a lazy fuck while she was out there busting her ass as a paramedic I understand why everyone hates me and sided with her. I know I'll get judged either way, but I'm posting in case anyone understands what I'm going through and being gutted when your ex starts dating again Well now I don't care. now I'm just sad. I don't I don't care if you at all. Kind of like came in like I actually really happy that his wife was like pece. Yeah. I mean, I felt like it was kind of inevitable Like he really said a failure. It It's borderline like whereere you sabotaging your life but very I don't really Yeah, it's kind of like, all right, man, your sob story. I'm like, what are you doing? Like what are you doing for your daughter now? What are you doing for your own life now? Yeah. I don't want tona hear about how sad you are that she's dating again. L that's part of divorce. Yeah. You didn't care about your marriage when you were in it. Oh It's a divorce when your child is three. It's really hard He doesn't care about his daughter. He's talking about his daughter here. He's not about she's seeing someone else. He's like, oh, my life is so awful. That's it. Nocent about. L like, Hey man,, aren't you like, Oh, you know what? I realized it was really stupid. Yes, I screwed up, but I really am trying to be the best father be to my daughter and I'm working on all. Like this is what I'm going through. I'm just like, okay, d And the child and the man that the u ex wife is now dating Excusey What My ex wife is now dating Qeso and I'm go. He's so fun. There's so many viewers Oh No, no, totally cat. People that made I got careers out of. No got Chy. No I got circle All right. should be dating a paramedic? come on Our doctor Donyer Ohicter a helicopter pilot. Oh my God. And her and her daughter are like flying over the waterfalls in Kawaii and they're like, oh look at that. cool. She's like, you're so awesome. And he's like, I love you Yeah And then what my God, they've said I love you to each other. Upgrak. Upak. Oh, they're gonna need a wedding cake pretty soon. know someone. He's done Oh ye because the because yeah, the wheat intolerance. ye Shoot. Our next story This comes from True off My Chest and it was posted in twenty twenty five, July of twenty. whoa. Getting a little more recent than twenty twelve PSA, if you're the friend who blocks guys from talking to your attractive friend, you're not protecting anyone. You're just being controlling Whoa. All right, I need to vent about something that happened last weekend and I'm curious if other guys have experienced this. I'm thirty one, have a decent career, been told I'm good looking, and generally don't have issues meeting people. I've had my fair share of success dating and usually feel pretty confident in social situations But last Saturday at this club downtown, I encountered something that just blew my mind There was this absolutely stunning woman at the bar. Let's call her Sarah. She was She was clearly interested, making eye contacts, smiling when I looked at her, the whole nine yards. So I walk over to introduce myself and immediately this other woman, let's call her fridge. What a nightmare. Yeah,'s doing He's doing a lot of work. Yeah.. He man, I'm really I'm really listening to your PSA right now. Fridge. So I walk over to introduce myself and immediately this other woman, let's call her Fridge. literally ugly skank. Yeah Let literally steps between us She's not interested, the fridge says, arms crossed like a bouncer. But here's the thing, Sarah was clearly interested. She was giving me the look, you know. She even tried to step around her friend to continue our conversation, but the fridge kept repositioning herself like some kind of human wall. This one on for twenty minutes. This is very funny. Yeah, This one on for twenty minutes. E twenty minutes Every I just walk away. Yeah. Every time I tried to have a normal conversation with Sarah, the fridge would interrupt with she has a boyfriend. She didn't. She's not looking to meet anyone tonight, she obviously was, or just physically blocking access. The most frustrating part, Sarah looked genuinely annoyed with her friend's behavior too. At one point, she literally mouthed sorry to me over the fridge's shoulder. I've seen this before, but never this extreme. It's like some women have appointed themselves as the official gatekeeper to their attractive friends They act like they're protecting them, but from what? a normal conversation with a respectful guy. Look, I get it. Yeah, respectful guy that referser was blocking me again. God, I have a night Look, lookook, I get it if a guy is being creepy or aggressive, then absolutely step in, but I was being completely respectful. Sarah was clearly interested and this woman was just blocking for the sake of blocking. I genuinely don't understand the psychology here. The worst part is that it's not just hurting the guy. it's taking away Sarah's ability to make her own decisions about who she wants to talk to. Honestly, it's making me want to avoid group approaches entirely Yeah. Yeah. ye. this is what Also like he's this is unreliable narrator too. Absolutely. like he's such unreliable She was really want to talk to you, but the fridge is blocking me. Yeah. I'm sorry. Oh my Godd. Ban is aw Yeah, it's And I could I could even see her, I guess I could see her still saying sorry just to like Yeah not be not sure you know, the whole thing of like, we don't. Yeah, you don't want to piss off a random man at a bar because because things Yeah happen That be scary. So so like yeah, her friend running defense and then Sarah being like Sorry. like I could see that. Yeah Like also He said she had a boyfriend, but then he was like, Oh she didn't. And he goes in parenes, she didn't. It's like, how do you How do you know? D she say that she didn't?so was she really like looking at him? I have a hard time believing that too because as we know, like some guys will take like the smallest little thing and be like, oh, she's in love with me and she with me. Or she was looking at him because she's like, why does this guy keep staring at me course be do we know each other? Yeah, there' be a million explanations quick The top common, I think really kind of nails this in a way. I've had friends run interference before without me asking them to. But if I was ever interested in someone, they never did this. Sarah obviously never corrected her friend. Yes. She wasn't interested. Most of us don't like men who refer to women as fridges, more at six. That's the good use to that Yeah, him like trying to buy it like sell us on this, but referring to a woman as the fridge. Yeah. like referring to the woman that he's not interested in as an object. I'm like, yeah, I think this tells me everything' the deal. Like as a woman, it is a rite of passage that you are gonna to have those friends, those sisters who fight for you on your behalf, whether you want it or not. It's just like It partart of the deal. and sometimes it's like, hey, I can handle myself. And sometimes it's like, hey, thanks for taking care of me. L it just happens It's honestly up to Sarah to be like, I'm not interested. And if this went on for twenty minutes I the feeling that if Sarah's friends with the fridge If she was interested in this guy, she'd be like, o okay, hey. Yeah, you know, pass down Amy is probably her name And she'ds probably be like, okay, back down, like I got it. L I actually kind ofsolutely And also if she was interested, you know who's gonna know first, the fucking friend. Yeah. She's gonna go, that guy's cute. Oh shit, he's coming over. Yeah. She probably went, oh fuck, this guy's coming over. Oh go, oh God, this is gonna be so awkward. And the friend was like, I got it. Yeah. That's probably what. D't you worry about it Yeah, Don't you worry about it? just I just don't know like How does something like this continue for twenty minutes? con No. What's the conversation there. But but it what. there is no the amount of times I've I've not seen it, but I've heard about just men being relentless. Yeah like forever. Oh, this has absolutely happened to me and my little sister has been like Bro, if you don't back up, I'm going to do something and he's like Oh, okay. so anyways. They don't It doesn't. There's a video and it could be staged, but I've heard of this happening to people. There's a video of it's newew Year's like New Year's, like right as the ball drops. There' these girls these girls celebrating together and they're like cheering because the fireworks are going off and this guy walks up to try to talk to them. and they're truly just trying to ignore him just like And he just doesn't leave. Just and it's as like it's like soers they're trying to cheer and they're kind of like Yeahah's it's midnight and And he's truly just there like trying to talk to them. And he's like acting like you guys are being ridiculous. You like champagne. God you guys like It's like they're having a moment. likeike they're Yeah, they're doing their thing. It kind of agonizing, especially at a bar where there's alcohol Like it's like if this guy's if this guy's already clueless and then he's a couple drinks in and he's more clueless. justust because We're dressed up. We want to show off our bodies. We want to have a good time with our friends in a public space does not mean it's for you, bitches. It's for us. It's for our friends. And if it's for you Trust me, you will know. If we want it, you will know. We pretty sure it was for me. We pretty sure it was all for me. So clear. Like what is And also, you know what I also hate is when people over correct When they like literally like, well, I couldn't go up to you because like, you know, the me too movement and everything. it's like, yes, okay, there's that too, but it's just like Trust me You will know Yeah when we want to give you the time. Noody has a problem with him going up the first time being. Okay, and being told like no and being like, Yeah, know, we're good.. And the friend said it. Yeah AlienWare's Back to School Event is the perfect time to score top gaming gear with incredible features and Intel core processors to go beyond performance. Save big on gaming desktops, laptops, and more. Start your Alienware journey with the Alienware fifteen gaming laptop featuring Intelcore processors. Smoothly game, live stream and multitask for hours on end Plus, play through every game exactly how you want with customizable alien FX lighting across your alienware ecosystem, creating your very own gaming profile and more. Finally, pair your incredibly smooth gaming experience with immersive visuals and sound by saving on sleek alienware monitors, headsets and more. This limited time sale awaits you now at alienware dot com slash deals. That's alienware dot com slash deals Smos Reads Redd Stories is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket progressive. com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive, casualty insurance company and affiliates, potential savings will vary. not available in all states to the show It's like, fine,'s like all right, if Sarah's really interested, you made the move and she'll be like, actually, I do want to talk to him. And. Andm like but then then you hold off and like, Hey, and if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, man, like Stop bothering that. That's the issue is like I don't like I don't want men to be so afraid that they have to like cower, but but but if you friend is saying Is As someone who is afraid of making people uncomfortable, I also think it's been a bullshit tactic sometimes of making women feel bad for the boundaries that are set where it's like, well, we're pointing out uncomfortable. and the guys are going, well because because you guys have set boundaries now. we can't say anything. Yeah. It's like o. And it's like, we're human beings. So when you go up to a human being and you test the waters and they say, no, thank you. go, Okaykay, great. I'm gonna leave now. Yeah. D done It's as simple as that, but their egos get involved, they feel so rejected. So this guy probably just stood there and they probably had their setup, their drinks, they they probably waited for a spot at the bar. They're like, well, we're not leaving. And he probably just stood there forever. Also, this guy' writing a whole Reddit post about this interaction. It's like, hey man, let it go Like I'm soorry like It's another day. G There's a bunch of people out there if you're going to bars like also she's friends with the French. So if you even got in a gang her exactly guess you's going to show up The fridge is there. She's gonna pick up her friend. but it looks like yeah, he has no respect for. So so annoying. Another comment says, I hope there's a fridge, stove, dishwasher, butcher block, craftsman' tool chest, and Jeep Grand Cherokee surrounding all your future conquests. Jeep Grand Cherokee. Tay you gotta watch out for that one. That's if the fridge g dead. Lastly, someone said, I'm a woman and I've seen this play out multiple times in club settings. Sarah did not want you and her friend was running interference. The friend was playing bad cops so they could safely reject people like you. Yeah. You know how many men probably came up to her wanting to talk and also had to be rejected. And now here you are running to Reddit about it thinking you have it all figured out. Taille is oldest time, you know nothing about how women operate. Yeah, there's just this like sense of entitlement of like, I'm entitled to this stranger's time. Absolutely. And it's like and I think you make a really good point, Amand of being like, it's okay to like go up and say hi and introduce yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. Absolutely. But anything past that point is entitlement. I'm thinking that you're entitled to this person's time and you know, it's not the easiest thing for us to go Hey. I'm not interested, no thank you. It's not the easiest thing in the world. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. We want to just enjoy we don't want to deal with that either. So when we say it, We're saying it because we have enough respect for the moment and ourselves to be like, hey, like No worries, all good, but like I have a boyfriend or whatever. And then when you fucking react like that, it's like, All right. this is not Spatico. We're not on the same page. T now f Cherokee. Yeah. Yeah Yeah. now I have to I have to like fight and now My night's ruined. Yeah All right, our next story. Oh wow, is a confession that came from January of twenty twenty five I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket and plant them everywhere I go. I've been doing this for over twenty years. Yeah. This is the type of confession I love. I love Jo That's just apkin man. The pumpkin man. Oh, that sounds so great. Johnny Pumpkin seed. you sounds like mister Pumpkins from SNL. rememember mister S Pumpkins? Oh ye. His his own thing I fucking love that sket I've actually never seen it. D I've actually never seen you've never watched Tom Hanks. My Millennial L loves that skame so much I think it's so funny, because it's absurd. There's nothing happening. It makes no sense. That's why I love it. It's Tom Hanks Yeah It's so good, man. you got to watch it It's so All right. o I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket and plant them everywhere I go. I've been doing this for over twenty years. There is no reason that I do this other than I find it funny. I hear whispers. I don't know how a pumpkin grew. Oh well, I never run out of seeds. I got pumpkin patches across the country. Till next time, lend a hand, leave a smile what I don't trust this person. I can I be honest? What he's doing is is Harmless, maybe even benevolent. I do think there's something about this guy that is more sinister in nature than everybody else say. I think He sounds like a villain. I think this guy is. He's he's to hand. these little seeds need some fertilizer. Yeah.. He's got like bodies in the trunk. And we have no nothing to point that he is a bad person. He's planting seed with a human finger in the. Oh my go. It comes out like there's an update It's like actually where the police. we found this guy. He he's murdered many people. Yeah. Well you' got a pumpkin patch he's like This is all mine. This is my land U this is hilarious. I kind of can't with this man. It's something about it being pun. What's his name Well Charles. I kind of I wish it was a more edible food because like most people, most people don't at pumpkin. The squash guy. I was like that. was m. really good for you. Yeah, but people don't do that. Yeah it's so cute. People always just like Halloween, they just throw their pumpkins away. They don't even keep the seeds usually. You're like, Oh my go I's dig into them and carve them up. I always baked the seeds. Oh seeds are so good They're so good. You make my pitas? Yeah I do. Put a little salt on them. Nice. loveve them. What would pumpkin I think about that I guess it'd be atrocious to him because hekes to plant the seed. Yeah, he likes to plant them and see what grows and then and then take over land. Pumpkins though wouldn't How well do they grow in I don't think anything's growing in his pet. I think he's I don't know.'s like He's like, I visited again and there was a city by I like how he wass like, I hear whispers. How did a pumpkin grow here? I'm like, you're revising scene of the crime like a serial kill. Yeah. The whispers, the whispers are not Okay people. I kind of feel like We should all plant pumpkins around our places of residence. and see if it works Wait, that means he's going to show up. I don't think there's any I would have a hard time believing that pumpkins would grow in L.A. We have days that reach like one hundred and five degrees nowadays. when they it This is really creepy to My Gordon knowledge is not good, so I don't know don't know What It's not a Gourd. It's not Gourd. Oh, I'm sorry. It's not Gd. It's not It's not good. Okay. Anyways. Anyways. All right. It's not very Gd. someone said John P ppkin. we already said that.. We already said that. Weready We're ahead. Someone said we reply, fuck you, we already said. Someone said, I have a buddy who does this in downtown Detroit with sunflower seeds. He plants them in sad looking places and goes back and takes photos once they grow. Okay I've heard of people this. Flowers feels me. Sunflower guysy sounds fun. Flowers. I've see people do it with wildflowers. Yes. That's sweet. loc If you do it with local wildflowers, I approve Okay, someomeone said so it was you. A random pumpkin grew at my apartment complex, learned the hard way. The stems are spiky.. Oh, so he is sinister in. We knew it He's trying to take over the US e. He's a Batman villain. Yeah my God. deffinitely. What does he wear oververalls? Yeah, probablyb. I like overalls. A Fmer. but not a straw hat I finally found you pumpkin. You to Batman again, you guys You know what? Everything's Batman. Yeah. Lastly, someone said, Oh, where have you done your distribution? As a newly wed put in a flower garden out front, but somehow ended up with a very enthusiastic cherry tomato bush and a horking huge pumpkin. Neighbors . I also don't like the person. people. Hart and here's a who built a garden. Somehow pumpkin guy, not the one person. No I newly went making a garden. Yike My horking huge pumpkin. Neighbors literally would stop to see if it was real. probablyrobably twenty five to thirty pounds and we made masses of pumpkin puree from it Hey, you keep doing this. You may have just inspired me too. OPI responded only in the USA so far, but I fear I the US ofA. Only in the USA so far, but I fear I've said too much. The villain side of me wishes to reveal everything while the magician side wishes to reveal nothing. I feel torn. Till next time, lend a hand, leave a smile. No, sincerely, Carl Did it har Charlie? You said Charles. Why does it keeping off I keep saying that and I feel something happening. It's like if you watch this for seven days, you're gonna don't say that phrase. Wh do you say help a hand leave smiles and I'm talking outide I go Oh, I don't mind. And I go. No that's a hor a horet huge vind coming out of my mind comes through me and it goes Oh no no Oh no. Oh no and then the Then the pumpkins grow here. And then and then Ian just goes p pitzas Pitas Na Pitas. Okay Carl is way worse Because Charles is like, Okay, he's kind of fun a little proper. Carl is like sinister. Carl is Carl Carl the pumpkin man. Yeah He wears overalls and like big boots. Yeah. Sobody needs. Somebody needs to make fan art of Carl. Yeah. I want to see Carl the pumpkin Johnny Pumpkin seeed. despise him. Someone must stop E say his phrase again Don't smile. No. That's not even it. leave her Tnd to hand