Reflecting on Animal Rescue Advice

Hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Red Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is advice . That's right. And I'm joined by two people who you should definitely take advice from Ian and Damian . Thanks, Shane. Yeah, I don't think I've ever led anyone astray with my advice . Yeah . I think I've always given very fair , level headed and serious advice . Yeah . And that's why I was brought on for this episode. Every bit of advice I'm gonna say is completely in earnest. Okay. And I went one hundred percent back. Okay, take whatever stance you don't, and then we'll get a fair and sort of balanced system. That's probably a good idea, Damian. You know what? I do actually as a friend, I do really like your advice that you give because even if I know, sometimes it's like dead on, sometimes I don't agree with it a hundred percent, but it's always coming from a really and well thought out place . So no matter what, it's always like, oh, okay, I hadn't thought about it like that. It helps me get to where I need to be. So yeah , yeah. He hit you with that genuine shit, right up. I was waiting for the how does that feel? I was waiting for joke the uppercup there's no up today. That'll be later. He's letting that sit back. Damian. No worries. Appreciate you . Yeah Look, I was a camp counselor for a very brief period of time , and no one ever really came to me for advice. I'd like to think if they did , I'd be able to offer them some wisdom that sticks with them to this day. Today we're going to be covering some subreddits we really haven't touched on much. There's a bunch of advice subreddits. Nice. So we're going to be hearing a lot of people's situations , a lot of them are asking for advice. A lot of the advice is given in the comments that might be very illuminating for all of us . But I think there's a lot of fun conversation topics that are going to come about from all of these things. Perfect. Great. All right Load it up. All right. Sand it up. This is always gonna be like, have you tried shooting it? Kill it, kill it with a gun. Here we go, our first post. This was posted back in Febru ary of twenty twenty . They said, We're doing a podcast with a friend and he's telling the entire Dragon Ball timeline. We've been here for fifty minutes and it doesn't stop. How can we politely tell him that he's been talking for way too long? Wait, so he's like literally typing as the guy it's a very short post. Yeah. So he's typing this. He typed this out while they're doing the post. The other guy's in the zone not even paying attention to the fact that they're on the phone. Just locked in on Dragon Ball. fifteen minutes doesn't sound like that long. Well, he's probably not finished with Dragon Ball yet. Right. He hasn't gotten to Dragon Ball Z . And then there's GT different timeline. And then it's super, right? Dragon Ball's super, there's all the movies. There's like the Broley. Oh yeah. And well, I hope he covers that. Yeah, he's gotta do that. Got to cover that. And if he wants to really get into it, he's got to do a doctor slump, which is what Akiratoriama made before Dragon Ball. And I've never heard of this. Yeah, it's about a little robot girl named Arael and it's there's a lot of poop humor. It's more like childish. Okay. See, it sounds like you could use fifty minutes. It sounds like I need that. Okay. So they write, when we tell him that he is taking up all the conversation, he just laughs and says it's content. We're kind of trapped here and cannot say anything. How do we break it to him? This is no joke, this is serious. Modes, if this is too trivial for this sub just delete this post, I'll understand no problem. Okay, so they're in a real sticky situation where they're filming a podcast. They're trying to get him to stop, but he continues going. We don't know what podcast this is because if it's an anime podcast, I'm like, Hey man, par for the course. In the comments, they find Joe Rogan talking about Dragon Ball for fifty minutes . He's like, So this goku. Jamie, pull up Dragon Ballsy. What? I can't imagine they have a like central theme to their podcast and or have done this very long because if this is a regular thing, it's a problem or if it's a one time thing. This feels like the first episode, like, let's sit down and do a podcast finally . This might be an incompatibility thing. It might be the first podcast of . Yeah, this might be tough. I was going to say there's so much opportunity on TikTok for one person to talk to about a niche interest for fifty minutes. That guy will be by himself and do just fine . Yeah. Like to be clear, this is borderline an episode of Smosh Games where Spencer just explains the president evil timeline . Which was great by the way. Yeah, I never got to play number six. And so I 'm right. Pick up to watch them. I watch that whole damn thing. I hate smosh games . And I hate Spencer. Yeah, yeah. No, that's I mean, like who it doesn't matter. Like Like it doesn't fucking matter man. Just delete the podcast after. Just like sit there go on your phone. Wow. I delete the podcast . I think the like the real advice I can give because before I was like, what are they doing? Real advice , like if they are friends and they really want to make this work , think about why you want this friend with you and just, you know, appeal to that and be like, dude , Jake , I don't know, you're so good at being like, you know, making these insightful comments or like, you're so funny when you banter back and forth like this and like obviously you got a lot of dragon ball knowledge, but like we don't really get to have those moments. And if we want this podcast to be a cool thing, I think what we have going for us is your relationship with this or your insight on this, you know, it needs to be a conversation. Yeah. Like that's like a podcast. If people want to yaap, I mean, I think that that's a good point of like TikTok or have your own like YouTube channel . Like people love to watch people yap about one specific interest for like four hours. Like I know I do . So I feel like that's more of the medium for that. Like if you want to talk about the entire timeline of Dragon Ball Z , I'm kind of seeded for that. Oh, yeah. This guy's this guy's actually missing out. Yeah. He needs to make his own YouTube channel, just do this. The entire Dragon Ball timeline explained. Yeah, yeah. I know there's probably already a million of those videos out there, but it sounds like he's ready to do this . There are. Yeah, there's probably other people who've done it better, but he could do his own. Yeah. For fun. Yeah, for shits and gigs. Find your niche. Yeah. I think he's misunderstanding the point of a pod . Yeah, no, he's being very he's being shitty to his co host. Like you'd said before, that's the bigger issue of someone being like, Hey, man, we want to have a conversation. You'd be like, this is just content. Like no. You're like, well, yes , yes, it is content, whether it's good or bad is yeah question . Comments. So people responded to this guy and they said, Let's be honest. The Dragon Ball Timeline is pretty interesting. Oops said, it sure is. But the other guys don't care about anime or anything about that after all. It was interesting for a good twenty minutes, but then after an hour, we got really tired. Damn. So it's not even an anime podcast. It's not even about that. Someone said have, the great idea of making it a live podcast. Tell him hold up, got a great idea. Let's do this live and tell him you're signing into YouTube. It's something and just prop your phone up. If he doesn't stop, then tell him he's got it and walk away to grab a snack or something, let him talk to your phone, or just tell him, dude stop that this isn't the point of the podcast. Someone said turn off the equipment. We asked you to please stop. This isn't the content we're interested in producing. And lastly, someone left a long comment saying, It sounds like he is trying to fill time perhaps because your podcast is open ended discussion with no guidelines. Try telling him that from the audience's perspective, they will expect to hear content from all podcasters. If you find it awkward, the listeners will too. Perhaps also work out an agenda before your podcast to break up roles and responsibilities for the content. Decide which topics are discussions, multiple people versus rants, one person talking, versus interview sty le, structured, ask and reply. I hear some podcasters even announce their agenda at the beginning of the podcast. Maybe have designed roles for facilitator slash timekeeper, snarky comment guy, and deadpan response guy. Don't just sit down and start talking. If there are guidelines and he is not following them, then say dude, I am delighted you have passion for the topic. We do too. Let's follow our agendas so we can showcase all the stuff we plan to cover. Maybe some of your content can help fill in our next one. Where do you want to cut off for today? I think that's a good point of like having an actual plan . Sure. Because if it is a completely unstructured podcast , then like you were kind of asking for a situation like this . You know, if you didn't set those guidelines , especially when you ask this friend to be on the pod, I mean, I wonder if this is not par for the course for this friend. Yeah. It's like, oh, I invited my buddy who goes on rants about anime for hours on end. Yeah. He's like, Oh well, he did the thing. A completely quiet finance guy and the moment he's got a microphone, he's just like, So Goku. Oh, he's this little boy with a monkey toe. Check this out. Update. Oh , everything's fine now. I did the presidential debate thingy after one hour counting down from three and saying it's someone else's time to talk for an hour now. God , fuck. They fixed the friendship, but that probably didn't fix the podcast. No , not at all . I gotta say the Smosh Games, which I know you hate and that's okay. Big hat, the biggest hat. The biggest hater. They really killed her with the Spencer explains stuff because like, yeah, there is no better gift than like getting to go on a rant about something you love to somebody who's like, tell me more about Pokemon. I don't know anything. And you're like, hot, like it's just the best it's feeling. And for him to like set it up in a way that Angela and Amanda were there and they made it content and people got to enjoy and learn through him and all that stuff. Like, I know we're talking in the future. This was twenty twenty, but if they're if these folks are here now , explain DBZ to your friends for an hour and make it a video. Yeah, and it's a delight. The market's ripe for it. Yeah. We primed it for it. But you need to make sure that like your friends actually want to hear you rant about this. Yeah , where these people they clearly did not know what they were getting themselves . I mean, if it's a planned dragon Ball Z rant. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's fun, but if it happened by surprise, I love anime. If you were just like surprised, I'm going to talk to you for an hour about anything, I'd have a panic attack. Yeah. I gotta feel like I can go if I need to. Right . Yeah . Our next story does involve some death and grief , just letting you know before we get into it. Our next post posted in advice in August of twenty twenty five . I feel dirty for being included in a coworker's will. I'm a twenty seven year old man and work in lower management at my job. I've always been an old soul and have made friends easier with older folks. One of my coworkers turned lifelong friends is a sixty seven year old woman, formerly a retired police detective of thirty years, who began working for the company about two years ago. She has no family, children, siblings, nothing. We always got along very well and had more in common than with the younger people at the job. I eventually became friends with this coworker outside of work and introduced her to my mom, who's the same age as she is, and they also became very close. Fast forward to this year and my friend was diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer, inoperable. She tried to stay at work, but ultimately decided to retire and quickly de graded health wise over the next couple of months. She passed away this week and I found out that she left me her fairly new SUV , along with an investment that I'm yet to learn the sum of. My mother was also included in the will and was left three hundred fifty thousand dollars with the instruction to buy a home and move in with me so I can take care of her as she ages and have a home to raise a family in or sell in the future. In total, that's almost half a million dollars being left to us. She was also very close with another of my coworkers, a woman my age, and left her the deed to her four hundred thousand dollars home. I only know this because I was around while the will was being discussed. Whether she tells anyone is her decision, but I'm airing it out anonymously here . I feel all kinds of emotions. Obviously, sadness because I just lost a close friend to a horrible disease. Joy because my life is being changed for the better in an instant, and also the point of this post, guilt. I know that most of my other coworkers were unaware of our friendship outside the workplace, and I feel like it may be seen as highly inappropriate. Rumors will swirl, by others if a twenty seven year old man in a position of power at work inherits a hefty sum from a female coworker who is much older and worked as my immediate subordinate. I know that the obvious choice is not to tell anyone, but I don't know how to keep it a secret when I show up in a new vehicle that was previously hers and when I inevitably have my other coworker friends over to my new home. They know that I've always lived paycheck to paycheck and suddenly buying a home will certainly spark conversation . My best friend is also a coworker in a different department, and while I love the guy, I know if I tell him about the money, he's going to let it slip to the rest of the workplace eventually. I guess my question is, should I keep the inheritance a secret? Lying to my friends to hide the situation, or should I just stay quiet and tell people the truth if they end up asking me about it? My mother has already told me to keep it a complete secret, even to other family, but I don't know if it's necessarily healthy to live like that. Hiding things from friends and family simply because it's an unusual circumstance. What would you guys do in my situation? I do not want to come off as bragging if I do tell people , and I'm afraid how workplace jealousy could affect the way my employees treat me . Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you . Okay , okay. I think I figured it out. Okay , because I think like keeping a secret like that eats eats you up inside over time . And like I would never want to keep something like that from people and like keep having to lie to people . But I don't think people need all the information . I think you could say I had a very close friend pass away and they willed this to me . And you know, it's it's not like everyone's going to like ask you about this new house right away . So there is like plausible deniability that it is this friend specifically. But if people are like, wow, this is a great house , how did you get this place? You're like, well, I had a very close friend that passed away, they willed it to me. That's all they need to know. They're not going to go , you know, like I think people won't pry and I think regarding the car, like unfortunately, I think just sell it. Sell it, get a different car . That way you don't have that connection because that was the first thing I thought of was like, oh, there's no way they're going to know, but it's like you're driving up in your former coworker's car . That's a bit of a red flag. So I would say yeah, sell the car . Keep a place, just say it was a very close friend. If we're going on this route of like tell the half truth or keep some of it secret, it was she was also the mom's close friend, right? So you could say, oh a close friend of my mom's passed away and like my mom inherited all of this. Family friends. Yeah, like those things where like nobody is entitled to know this stuff, right? Like technically , but it's also really uncomfortable. This reminds me of a lot of the stories I hear about when people win the lottery and how that is an actual fucking nightmare. Oh yeah. Like it is terrifying shit . So like coming about a large inheritance of money in any way or form, this is the type of advice I do here. I'm just like , yeah, however you can to keep it secret. Do I like that in my head? No. Like I am someone who doesn't like to keep secrets at all. I would feel really weird about it , but I also understand what they're saying is like, oh, I'm worried that everybody at my work is gonna treat me differently. It's like, yeah, and I don't know this guy. I don't know his workplace, but I'm just like, I'm curious of how closely people interact and work with one another because if this person who passed away , you know, they're like, oh, that's her SUV. It's like, well, how unique is the SUV? Like show up in a GMC Yukon or whatever people are going to be like, that's hers . Right. On top of that, I know for me , so I'm maybe projecting here, guilt comes up a lot when if you boil it down , I don't have control over something or there's another emotion that's very difficult to process . Guilt for me means like, oh, if I'm guilty about this, then there's something I could have done, then I'm actually in control about this. Then it's my choice that this happened. You know, this they didn't befriend this person to inherit something from them. They just had an older friend who passed away. And you know, if they wanted to, you know, send their money elsewhere or give it to a relative or something like that, they would have done it. The fact that this person, a younger person, gave this older person the time of day and also became a true friend of them probably meant a lot. And they're like, this is the best thing I can do. Like they were clearly of sound mind when they were like, I'm dealing with stage four cancer. This could be it . If I go, what do I want to leave behind and to whom? Yeah . So taking the guilt outside of it and just looking at it as it is, people don't need to know your situation. Not everybody in that place is gonna go to your home. Not everyone's gonna be like looking at your SUV with like an eagle eye and being like , I know what this is . And you know, it doesn't have to , I don't know, separate thought. It almost feels like survivor's guilt sometimes. Not just in the way of like losing a friend, but like when people do live paycheck to paycheck in the way things are set up now and people are like, I don't have money for whatever and now you suddenly have all of this money. Yeah, you know, it's like it's a life changing sum of money . Right. It's yeah, I definitely I definitely understand like the feeling of guilt of like did I deserve this on the on the emotional side of things because I think we're talking about the practical stuff on the emotional side it',s like hey, this was her, decision. Yeah . You don't have like, I know you feel guilt, right? And you can only do so much. You can't just like be like, I'm done feeling guilty, like, you know, right, but it's like, but what you're saying, I feel like is like you can acknowledge in some part of your brain of like and that's not warranted. Like you this person made a choice with their free will and their mind to give you this money because of the part you played in their life . And they wanted that. Like that meant something to them to give you this. That probably made them feel some joy at the end to know that they were doing this for someone who was so kind to them and they were close to. Yeah. I don't know. If I was in that position, it would give me some peace knowing absolutely leaving people that I cared for that could change their lives . I'm also curious about they brought up like, oh , I don't know if it's appropriate because they were my direct subordinate. I feel a little bit less strongly about the power dynamic difference there simply because this person clearly had so much in savings or things to pass on, I don't know what the job was, but if someone's sixty seven and has, at the very least, it sounds like half a million dollars to pass on to somebody , it's not like , I guess it could, but it's not like the boss is like, you better work well and leave things to me because I don't know. And they retired. They did, they had to retire early. But I think the subordinate thing only and maybe I'm off maybe I'm off on here. And if I am, that like, you know, please let me know, but that type of workplace dynamic is important for so many things, right? Where it's like, oh, well, if their power could sway you, but it's like , she's dying . What does she doesn't you can't really hold anything over her in that stage ? Like there's she kind of has like a type of free will in that moment where she's like , I can make whatever decision. I'm about to die. Yeah. Nobody can coerce me in any sort of way. She wasn't coerced by him. Like he had no power over her in that moment, both because she had so much money al ready, but also because it's like what could he have? Sure. You know, like the only argue I wouldn't want that like scrutiny from my coworkers if I was in the if I was in that position. So I think like, yeah, I would do I would take yeah a lot of precaution and not revealing that like oh I got this from this coworker this person that worked underneath me 'cause like whether or not it was like totally above board and like obviously it was because they had a true friendship, people aren't gonna see it there. Worried about the perception of it. And people are so jealous too because I mean, what a blessing to like, you know, to like, you know , one day you're you are living paycheck to paycheck, the next day you're a homeowner. Like that's that's the dream for so many people . And if somebody finds out about that in the workplace , like there's gonna be so much like unnecessary like animosity towards that person because like, oh, what did you do to get this? Like no way. I would I would quit . I would quit the job if people found out. Yeah, it's the unfortunate thing and I think I feel it with a lot of Reddit stories where it's like here's, the correct thing. Here's the oh, this is the right thing. And it's like and the world is so wacky and weird and you can do the absolute right thing but be perceived in a completely different way and you cannot control that that and sucks. And you see that with a situation where it's just like, hey, man, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Some comments , I would stay quiet and if someone asks them tell them, you did nothing wrong and the woman was your friend. There is nothing to feel weird about. You made a difference in her life and she returned the favor. two point three thousand up votes, and some responded that saying, and truthfully, say the house slash money was left to your mom, her friend. OP responded to that comment as well. Thank you for the reply and the help. I'll definitely stay quiet, but the only reason I feel weird about it is because of the boss slash subordinate thing. I hope that the other people who work under me that I like to think of as friends as well Give me their money. Yeah, sorry sorry . That I like to think of as friends as well won't think I did some dirty play to get into the will or be jealous and feel left out if they weren't included. For example, I know that a few weeks before her death, my friend blocked several of my coworkers on Facebook because she always saw them as gossip girls and didn't want to be part of it as she tried to enjoy her last days. They asked me if I knew why they were bl ocked and I just acted oblivious as to not hurt their feelings. I'm worried the workplace relationships could get tense if they also find out that I was close enough with her to be treated as a son, but maybe I'm just overthinking. Thank you again for the reply and the help . Yeah, yeah. I don't I don't think they're overthinking it. I sadly , yeah, it's tough. It's a valid worry. It's it's hard, but I very much question what kind of workplace this is and what kind of boundaries are in place. Right. Because even like Smosh as an example, we are like more close than a lot of workplaces would be. And that goes across like cast as friends with Crew is friends with these people in production, friends with everybody. Like and even then there's no like, did you hear the thing about the whatever or at least not that I've experienced? it's it's true. I will also say though, like we're lucky for that Like I do think like a lot of workplaces it's not like I will say if one of you died and one of the other of you rolled up in their car, I would know because I know what all you guys drive, okay? So I would know I'd be like, why are you driving my dead coworker's car? Why are you driving? You can't see someone's got to drive Shane's cool car . Someone's got to drive Shane's Honda Civic. Yeah, he would drive forever. He would want this . I'm like bicep curling while I'm like ghost riding your car. I'm just like, yeah, this is what Shane would do and would want. It is crazy that my Honda Civic will be driving long after I die. It probably will, yeah. I don't think I don't think that's true. No, it's because that thing's gonna go for like a hundred years. For a hundred years, you're a healthy man. But it's gonna be a tight race. It's gonna be good. four cylinder? I think you could take it . I could punch it to death . Someone said sell the car, keep the secret. Yep. Oh, that's the name of a self help book by that person. Sell the car. Keep the secrets. So someone said, tell absolutely no one, not coworkers, friends, or even family. Warn your mother to do the same, never discuss your finances at all. You need to tell no lies. It simply is none of their business. I just like that's also just very easy like convenience. Like that's awesome. In a world where nobody speaks to you and ever asks you questions. Like I'm just like yeah, it's this thing of like, yes, that is fair and just and the world is not that. So if you're gonna keep the secret and like be, you know, fully clandescent about it, I think what would be fun is if any time someone mentions her name, you just sort of look off in the distance and start sweating and like if you're holding something like drop it and be like, oh yes, Margarita. I knew her. And just, you know, if people are gonna talk anyway, lean into it. Building to the knives out terrace, you know? Yes. Yeah, percent. You're like, I don't even have a space in my backyard. toilet so hard. Bury anyone . Lastly, someone said, people will always talk the sad loss of your friend could be an important reminder not to spend any of whatever time you have left on others' opinions. Take care of yourself, be gentle with your grief. And feel proud and fortunate that your friendship and presence in another wonderful human's life meant that in her final moments, she chose to honor everything you and your relationship meant to her and to celebrate both with a gift of life changing generosity. While I obviously don't know either of you, I imagine she would want you to feel peace and deep appreciation for who you are. That's very sweet. You know oc,casionally, Reda has a good com ment. Yeah . Pretty good. That was pretty solid. No, I mean, it's I definitely think OP should I hope they find solace and like peace and like resolution in this whole thing , but I also simultaneously do think there is something to the comments that are advising for like some conscientious movement in their next actions. Like I hate to say it, but it's just like, yeah, be smart , be smart about it. Yeah. I also hope they got some like financial advice from a professional because it's a lot of money . It's a lot of money and like, yes, get a house, that's great, but if it's a three hundred fifty thousand dollars down payment, that better damn well not be the ten percent minimum, that better be like a lot of it . You know, keep the car, sell the car, whatever, but like it doesn't have to be like, yeah, I just if I show up in all these like fancy watches and like gucci slides. Like I'm like really hoping they don't think it be differently. Like no, just let it change your life. Don't be right yeah. All right, get ready for a bit of a tone shift . Oh no , story comes stupid nice thanks . Our next one was posted on Ask Men and it was posted in twenty nineteen . They ask how many kindergartners do you think you could personally take on in a fight before being overpowered? Dude , stipulations and context . Number one, the kindergartners are released five at a time every thirty seconds. Oh my god. Number two, the arena is a standard sized classroom, let's say forty feet wide by twenty five feet deep. However, the room is completely empty. Three, the kindergartners are unarmed. They are just going to run at you attempting to punch, kick, bite and scr, atch you. Their ultimate goal is to cumulatively dog pile on you and pin you to the ground. If they can pin you for fifteen consecutive seconds, you lose . Four, you have to knock a kindergart unconsenciouser in order to defeat them. Once they are knocked unconscious, they vanished from the classroom arena. Fine . You can use any strategy you want to fend them off, but you are also unarmed and you are not allowed to leave the room . Okay . So there's no so there's no weapons. There's no weapons and there's no objects in the room. I guess there's no objects in the room that you could pick up and use. So you just got to can you hurl them through a window? I want to out of the arena . Ooh. See, I'm thinking he should have stipulated . That's the thing. When they say there's like no it's otherwise like an empty classroom like there goes any like , you know, obstacle advantage you might have. Yeah, they say you have to knock the kindergartner unconscious in order to defeat. And see, unlike this realistic situation, that's some movie stuff where like, you know, you just and then they just pass out. Like that doesn't happen . That's a severe concussion , especially at that young age. But it says that once they are knocked unconscious, they vanish from the classroom arena. So they do just poof out of their kind of like, you know, video game style. Man, I don't know. These aren't real kindergartners. They're a simulation of there's some kind ergarteners . Just cut that part out and then the rest of the conversation looks like we're fucking monsters. Let's establish it would not be fun.. No No one wants to be ducked. I enjoy I don't like the idea of hurting anyone or anything, but you know, there's the ones of like, oh how would you rather fight a human sized duck or a duck sized human? Or not. I forget what it is. Or it's like a hundred ducks or one giant duck or something like that. Human size horse or horse size duck or whatever that's right. Yeah, stuff like that. And whatever. But I'm like, I don't want to do any of that. I don't wanna fight those things. But realistically , I think I'm losing pretty fast in this. I think so too can like grapple you all at once, then you're just kind of like , I mean, like a kindergartner's pretty heavy. Yeah, it's if five like armor like if one latch latches onto your arm, right? That's like what fifty pounds? Yeah. It was funny that's the number. I literally just lay it on my head. I'm like, they got to be like, what? fifty pounds. But it's also not just that. It's like the fact that they're running at you with so much like oomph. You know , it can take the most minor thing in the world to like tweak your back and then you're just screwed. Like imagine like if you got little nieces or nephews when they're just like, catch me and you're like, oh kay buddy like yeah it's enough. No at one point I remember my niece had latched onto my leg you know like kind of that thing where it's like oh like walking all like you know and, so I'm like walking while she's like on my leg and I'm like, oh I can barely move now. That's why I feel like you need to so that's two there, two on the arms and the other one's just punching your face. Yeah , yeah. Or like biting you. Oh, yeah. No, it's I'm I'm losing. Like I lose I'm losing. Yeah, I'm round one, possibly. Yeah . But if you give me like a pushbroom or something , then I think what? Like a push broom. Like you have an you need like so I've just never heard it referred to as a pushboom . Yeah you need like some like you need like a weapon to keep them like at a distance, you know and like scatter them. This is literally like what's that one game? What's the kung fu game where you beat up a bunch of people and you can grab like items and sea like a foo maybe seafood? Yeah. No because in seafood, I would always grab brooms. That shit was so fun. Yeah. You got to keep them at a distance. Yeah, that you don't have anything. They just close distance on you and latch onto you like little monsters. You have to hope or if there's like desks as they're charging you, like jump up onto a desk, get a good kick in sure. Yeah, yeah. 'Cause otherwise dealing with a real like height differential thing here where like they're so small, you're not like, oh, I'm just gonna whack them away. It's like you kind of either have to get on their level or use a kick of some kind . But there are no, you know, there's no anything in the room . I think are they coming at you all at once? Is that is that five at a time? Five at a time but I'm wondering do they come from all angles? Time British army I'm thinking I'm thinking the door opens and five rush in. Yeah . I think okay, so here okay so I think you might need to start it with like a football charge like you charge at them as they're charging at you. So you nail at least two of them , send them send them sliding across the floor like twenty feet . Then you got like three feet. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for me, it'd be more like thirty feet, but big cl theassroom is, but then you got then you're dealing with maybe three while the two are like, you know, trying to recover. Right. Then maybe you can like , you know, two latch on your arm, you got one here, then you got this one's free. You go , you know, like take a beat to the one of their heads. Right. I think you're under also what is giving me some thought is like you can do the classic move where you grab two of their heads and go bonk and they 're now ties into the pigeons except aggressively. Like I would have to say something that I think is kind of awful, but I've been I've been more quiet on this part and it's because I've been in the noggin and trying to think about how you would actually have to do it. I think the only way you're going to survive more than one round is to play on their fear. I think what it's what you have on you, there's nothing around you. They're all coming at you, they can barely into you. I think first one near you you need to catch and just make an example of my God . Like you just grab them by the mouth and just even saying I'm not even saying what it would be. I don't want those kind of thoughts to enter my brain. Okay , of like violence . I just am like, it would have to be like shock and off. I'm saying halor of like they're marching on your army and then they see like ten thousand of your own guys. They're like, is this who we're about to fight? Let's go. It has to be something like that because I'm gonna get tuckered out real fast. Like forget the amount of therapy I'm gonna need afterwards . Well, these are Sim children. They're not real. It's real to me. Yeah. You're not gonna have to read and here's the problem. That argument doesn't work because these are Sim children. I'm thinking this, they're not feeling fear. I don't think they feel fear. I don't think they're real. If they don't feel fear, do they feel adrenaline? Because if they don't feel adrenaline, that goes out the window. We're winning. I don't even know if they take when you were saying like you gotta make them like afraid , my thought went to a much more innocent thing of like dress up as a dress up as a dentist. You don't have a dentist outfit . It's not in the classroom. Yeah. I don't want to fight these kids either. Yeah, I know like a barber 'cause like kindergartens hate getting their haircut maybe. I don't know. Yeah. Look , let's see what the comments say okay. Yeah, we got to see what the we got to see what the comments OP clown mask in my back pocket. OP commented no moral constraints at all. The only things that exist are you and an unlimited number of kindergartners coming at you. Okay, buddy, yeah. Oh yeah, okay. He's like actually just don't feel bad about it . Someone said, why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of picking one up as a weapon? I did think about it. This would be an extreme waste of energy thinking up and lugging around an extra fifty pounds plus . We all think we got to know everyone in the com ments, everyone in the comments, comment how much you think a kindergartner gonna say fifty pounds cheap. Here's how I arrived there though. I was kind of a larger like second grader. I remember having that as the moment that I was like, oh, am I the chubby kid? And I think I was like eighty nine to ninety pounds in second grade , like so, it o'kays so what would, be like normal for a kid? I'm guessing like maybe seventy and then okay so that's two years prior. I'm gonna say fifty pounds. So just I don't know, sorry. Just using kicks or punches would do the same thing and conserve way more energy. six thousand upfolks. Someone said every fifth and tenth wave, there's a third grader boss to assist them . I love that. Someone said I've got a huge advantage and a huge disadvantage . I'm a big guy. That comes with strength, but a lack of cardio capability. I'd need to destroy each wave fast so I could have a small breather between waves. So is it allowed to just drop onto the five children like full, on fall. I reckon I could spark three out and kill two with each fall. Spark three out. As long as they line up nicely on the spawn , being bigger, it'd take more to pin me too, but there isn't an infinite number that I could beat. Maybe fifteen to twenty waves. Wow. After wave ten, I'd be getting tired and I reckon it'd take twenty five kids to effectively pin me. So fifteen slash twenty waves survived. Okay, I think people really underestimate this shit because have you ever heard about but people are like, oh, you think boxing is like easy? It's like box for sixty seconds. Yeah . And you are dying on the mat. Like it is so exhausting Forgot to think he could do fifteen waves absurd. That is silly that's simply silly. Has he not seen weapons? Yeah, no tr,uly, that's what I'm imagining. Okay, let's these are weapons children. Okay. Yeah. They said no weapons. No weapons. No bacon. But no, these kids are coming for you and they're going to rip your face off. Yeah. I also think people underestimate how much it takes to get really knocked out. Like, yes, in a boxing match, if you get hit just right, they're like, oh, it's a total knockout, whatever. But like these kids have to be unconscious. I think they're thinking of like, I kick this one, it's down. I kick this one it's down . No, nope. Yeah, you're gonna have a lot more. Lastly, someone said, I would say max three minutes before I am too tired. So twenty five to thirty . Jesus. Someone said finally a realistic answer. No, the realistic answer is Brid's, it's probably over immediately. Because thirty seconds, after thirty seconds, another five enter. That's whether you've defeated them or not. So even if you're defeating a couple of children. Even if you've knocked out a couple of the kids . Oh come in after thirty seconds. So you're not you're not succeeding. If they try to sort of like keep away from you which is another horrible situation for like, I don't know, three minutes to build up their ranks and then they go for it Yeah. Also the big guy's like, oh if I just fall on them, it's like falling on them isn't just knock 'em out He's thinking like some cartoon logic. Yeah. He's like, these aren't goombas Tweety birds around the head. Yeah Anyway, I don't like that we had to think about that. I don't like it either. I much prefer thinking about how many would terrify a gorilla I hated thinking about that . I didn't think about that when I was chucky cheese and they were kicking me in the shin at all. Then you had reason. That's self defense. This does remind me though. There's a subreddit that is my favorite subreddit right now and has been popp off andin it''s called power scaling. And all they do is they pit fictional characters against each other. They go Superman versus Omniman. And people are like Superman would fucking crash. Obviously, it's just a ton of that, right? They're like, oh, you know, black widow versus some other person like who wouldn't fight. And they're constantly doing this and it's really fun to debate this, especially when they get really niche. I have one that I really want to post, but I don't have a Reddit account, but I'm like, okay, think about this power scaling . There is an evil dictator who gets to have one guest come and stay with them for a week and you get to send a fictional character who you think would do the best chance of swaying them to good. And I'm like, okay, so it's Ted Lasso versus Paddington versus like SpongeBob versus like, who would you send that could actually sway an evil, evil emperor or king or something? Yeah. And I'm like, that's the type of power scal ing I want. Okay. Like the most powerful of like positive sway . And it's like Paddington's got to be up there. But I'm like, who else, who else fits that bill, you know? Anyways, comment down below. I like that a lot. This is my power scaling predicament. Who is the most like positive influence? You think Paddington would sway a dictator? Tell me Paddington four won't be like, Oh, this evil emperor of this nation . It's like, Oh Paddington, you were invited to go stay with him for a week. And he's like, Oh yeah, I don't know what to do. He's Paul McCartney to me . He goes . And then the evil dictator is like, What's this little bear? And then he he's like, after a while's like, he's like, you know what? I'm a bad guy. I'm off to the gulag . I mean, he's already been to jail. He's already been through the jungles of Peru. I mean, this is all this is a classic Paddington storyline, but also Ted Lasso, you know, it's like maybe he would also like you give him like a because he's sports guy, you know ? I'm trying to think of other characters that fit that trope. You know what I mean? Can there be coercion as opposed to persuasion? Sure , light yogami . Oh , that's a crazy one . That's also evil. Sure. Well, didn't say that, oh, it's just got to change his m ind like okay for the day for whatever reason. Yeah , okay fair . I said Ian Heacocks. Yeah, yeah that was a good one. No, there was a good one recently where it was x Dtere versus Hannibal and everyone was like, Oh dude, Hannibal walks Dexter . And I didn't realize like people are people rank this shit and they're like, if you look it's in your mind. They go based on the lore and the feats of like what Hannibal has done versus Dexter. It's fun. I love when it gets outside of superhero territory. Our next advice comes from advice posted in May of twenty twenty three on RS A advice . They write boner after beasting. Never been sicker . Beasting after boner . Beast . Yesterday I traveled to another country. After I arrived, I did some work and in the evening as I was heading to my hotel, somehow a bee got under my shirt and I got stung a few inches under the belly button. It was very painful and the area got swollen. Weird thing is, I got a huge boner right away. Last night I thought, it would go away if I sleep it off, but to my horror, it's still there as I woke up. Thought it might be Morningwood, but nope, that fucker is raging. I tried everything. I'm in another country and I have to go out now to do things as scheduled and I'll have to deal with the embarrassment because I give up. I just need someone to assure me I'm not going to die and it will go away someday. This is those commercials , like back in the day they had those like CLS commercials . If you have an erection lasting longer than five hours, like seek a seek a doctor. Yeah . That is because I'm just scientifically here, like the and I know it's graphic, but sorry, the blood that is in there that is giving you like the boner is like after four hours, it's not like circulating. It's starting to rot. Like it's not this is in the pit. Oh, really? I haven't seen this this was an episode of the pit. They have a guy come in with a boner and they the pit shows the full boner. They have to drain them. They have to drain it. Not kidding. They fucking show it. Yeah, it's they show that's a real thing. They show that shit. Anyway, it's going down in the pit. It's really going down in the pit. Once they drain it, once they drain it. Yeah, yeah. Look, I mean, okay, so he got I love how he says he's like, I did everything. It's like everything . Come at a crazy night or mean crazy . Where was he? Columbia? You just said it out of the country. Didn't say why he was ? That's crazy. I don't know why he said he was like he was in another country. They got those dickbees there, huh? Also, I want to say that I thought the title was boner after beasting . Beasting with your feet after watching Mr. Beast. Yeah. So I was like, what's beasting? Okay. Yeah, beasting. Comments. If you have an erection for four hours or longer, you need to seek emergency medical care immediately. Hope your wiener doesn't fall off. Yeah . Might might, dude. So he was he was just living with that thing for like over a day. He went to bed and he woke up and he still had a boner. So dude. Not good . Not good. Well, if you let it sit there for too long, it does form its own consciousness in the face. It like's, hello . Good morning, Dan. Hello there . This is Cockney. Take me to a urinal. He would be cockney, huh? He would be cockney . Damn , damn. All right. Someone said this is an actual medical emergency, if true. The blood in your penis is going to run out of oxygen which starves your penis tissues. It can cause permanent scarring and irreversible erectile dysfunction if left for four to six hours. If left longer, it can actually cause total loss of function due to the damage. It doesn't matter what caused it. The end result is the same if left untreated. Please go to the emergency room. It sounds like this bee used horn attack on him. Nice , nice . OP responded to that saying good news after eighteen hours, it's finally back to normal . It's only just extremely purple now. Yeah, it's just really fucking very bold thing to just ride out. Someone said this has real tube slash cylinder energy . That is a deep Reddit call out that we'll have to explain some other times. Yeah, I don't have that elite ball knowledge. Cylinder shaped, just cylinder shaped. Anyways , someone said, Well, you should just rename it to your Venus. Yeah . I gotta be so real. I was thinking it. You were thinking Venus. You've thrown out Venus as a word before. I think so. Update Does it work still? They're a B now . Someone this new version of Spider Man is fun . Yeah . B enis . Update. I already got a DM asking me what type of B and where exactly was the sting to replicate it. I'm not going to tell you buddy, people die from bee stings. Edit number two, okay, it's gone. Thank you for the support. Edit number three, I don't have picture proof you sick fox. All right, so I guess they're fine. I guess their their penis surviv ed. Their penis. Their penis. Yeah. Well, I guess we all learned a valuable lesson today, huh, folks. Yeah. I gotta find out what country that is and there. Those bees just would sound like a protection have out. it Go to another country, get arrested. Excuse me ? No, it was a bee. I'm looking for bees. A bee did this. Like that was a protected bee . And now you are officially a member of their hive . And now we have to arrest you. Final story. Okay , this was posted in Need Advice in January of twenty twenty . Found injured pigeon and housed it. Now it can fly again and it's flying in my house. What should I do? It couldn't fly and now it's literally flying around my house. I'm scared it's gonna fly on me. Who do I call or what do I do ? You pick a god and thank them. You have a pigeon now. You have a pigeon now. Give it a message . The only way it will leave is if you give it a message and in destination. I like that their problem is like help this bird is doing bird things . Yeah. Like I didn't know it can do that. It was fucked up and I tried to fix it and then I did. What do I do? I thought birds weren't real, conspiracy . Comments open all the doors and windows to outside. What if a bunch of other pigeons fly in? Yeah. Yeah , it becomes a pigeon party. Yeah. Yeah, and you don't want that. Someone said check out if there's a pigeon and dove friendly rescue near you. They do exist, believe it or not, they can help and get your feathery new friend to a safe place . Lastly, someone said, Open your door and put food outside. Oopi said, like, let it go outside now. Someone responded, Yes . It's healed. It wants to go back outside. Yeah. What does he expect? What does he want? Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. I'm saying like they're like, I'm gonna fix this pigeon that can't, you know, do anything. Okay, it's fixed. Now what do I do? I'm like, let it outside or adopt it. Yeah . I mean, look, that one obviously grew up elsewhere, but pigeons in general were domesticated by humans. And that's why it's so sad that they just sort of like chill on the streets and they're like, we don't know what to do. Because they're not meant for that. So most of my for you page is just birds in general, but a lot of it is just like pet pigeons or rescue pigeons and things like that. And I love it. Thank you algorithm. But yeah, dude, damn , you should have had a step two to your plan. Really should have thought this through. I mean , you did a good deed, but you should have assumed that the bird was gonna fly. What if it flies on me? I don't know. Let it die . I don't know. It's a pigeon. Yeah, right? We have a little update . It's just a couple edits. They go Edit, thanks everyone. I let it go. It walked around for a minute, then flew away. If I could figure out how to post a picture here, I will. It was a pretty bird. It had purple and bluish green on it . So they're learning how photos work too. They're also learning what a pigeon is. Like gray with some bluish and green. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I've seen a pigeon that looks like that and matches that description I've seen this one for sure. Had feathers? Yeah, yeah. Edit number two, fuck the asshole who thinks I'm helpless. I was wondering at first if I should call an animal habitat place. I wasn't sure if it was all the way healed, but it did well once my friend put it outside. I have muscular dystrophy and can't open my windows because it's very hard and I live alone, let alone push all the screens out because I can't bend down to retrieve them. My friend came over and got him out for me. Besides my physical disability, I perf'ectmly fine. That was on me. I mean, I guess I assumed not I didn't realize the OP had muscular dystrophy and couldn't do the things that were well, we didn't know yeah, we literally didn't know. I didn't know that. We didn't know. I'm curious how long this person was rehabbing this pigeon like forty five minutes. Because yeah, 'cause it's like it's like, yeah, like this things will happen sometimes where like a bird will get injured. I had a friend that these like seagulls made a nest in their chimney and then the baby seagulls dropped down into their into their fireplace. The fire there was no fire . But it was like, what do we do with these like bird s? Right? And you, you know, immediately call around, see if you have like a local rehabber if your city has like what do you call animal control and and yeah, they showed up and and they took them. Yeah , but it's it almost this person makes it sound like they were like rehabbing this pigeon themselves for a while and then was like, what should I do after several days? Yeah, I also think, you know, I know they're looking for advice, but I think this could be a lesson in clear communication because when it did , like, frankly, the beginning of the post did sound helpless where it's like a bird is flying. What if it flies on me? It's like home, I don't know. But now that it's like, I have muscular dystrophy and I've raised this pigeon stadium can fly again, I'm not sure what the next step is. Is appro itpri ate to let it outside or should I call an animal control? I would also have difficulty grabbing the pigeon. Like, it's like, all right, thank you for the information. That's important. It's like, oh, well, let it walk outside. It's like, oh, I'm actually living on a boat and I'm in the middle of the ocean. It's like that's information to have. You know, like we kind of need that . If you're seeking advice, you should really give us the details . Ultimately, this is a silly conundrum to have, but I also understand that when you have a bird in your house that is very intense, that feels like a lot, right? Also an unexpected bird. Yeah. Unexpected bird, but they had the bird, they brought the bird inside and then it became a thing. Also thing to know , a lot of these wild birds, they got these like mites on them and you let you let those into your house. Yeah . And then you could have yourself a problem. I had a bird mite infestation and that required me to be out of my living space for a while while it was fumigated . And it's the saddest thing in the world because yeah, actually sadder than everything is what I mean to say . is there was like a bird nest that would be outside of one of my windows like all the time and it was like from these birds laying eggs there and having babies. Recently I noticed some like birds scoping out the same area and I had to like completely birdproof that area, which was almost like heartbreaking thing to me because I'm like, I've loved watching these baby birds grow up every year. Like it happened every year and I'm just like set up a little house on a tree maybe next er distant. Yeah. So I don't know if I don't know if those birds like to nest in birdhouses . It's just something to keep in mind. It's bird birds got mites and like you said, like didn't they have to like heat your place up like to a certain like degree? Yeah, they were like, we got to cook every living thing in your place. So we're gonna it's gonna be like one hundred fifty degrees in here. So you got to be out. And then you get a bunch of Swedish guys chilling in there because it's like a sauna. Yeah so like they're just there with town suddenly and you just happens get out of here. Get out of here . It's truly sound advice that no matter how good your intentions are to be very smart about bringing a wild animal into your home , no matter what . And I think and I think like with rehabbing animals, like oftentimes like they don't even want you to bring them inside. Like you're not even supposed to bring them inside, I think. Like for a lot of animals, they say like you get like a shoe box and you kind of like lightly cover it or something for like birds. Possum I found Yeah , a shoebox and like a little t shirt in there and some like scraps and but like you shouldn't bring a wild . Be careful bring things inside. Yeah, don't bring a wild animal into your house. Yeah. Like, oh I got this cute doggie and it's a coyote. Yeah, right. Yeah. So look, OP in this situation, OP did, it sounds like they helped save a pigeon. They did a great thing. Very nice. And what I love about this post too is the fact that they don't have photos . It feels more legit in a way because every time you see a video where it's like, I helped this bird that was in a vat of acid and there's like footage of it floating there in the vat of acid. I'm like, go get it. Go get it. Like why are you filming? And it's always so weird watching those moments where you're like , What is the deal here? Is this in any way staged? What did you do? Right. The fact that they're like, I found it, there was no time to take photos. I don't even know how to do it. Yeah. I was too busy saving this. Saving a life fight. Yeah . All right, well that's it. That's all our stories. Wow, dude. I feel like we really changed people's lives with our advice today. I'd say probably ten , ten for kindergartners. Yeah . How would you get them to turn on each other? Oh, psychologically mess with their heads. Yes, it's true. You got to use that degree. Psychology. It's what it's for. We had a class on that. Anyways , thank you both for being here and giving some solid advice. Hey, hey, no worries. You're welcome. Yeah, welcome. If you ever, you know, are worried about anything or something's rough at home, you know, you can always talk to us. We're your counselors. Thank you , counselors. We love you. Okay . I'd take it or leave it. All right , okay . I respect both of you in a way, you know. Community college is weird. Yeah, by the way. I don't even go here, man . No, I'm not gonna make that joke . Jesus . All right , thank you both for being here and thank you for watching . Hey, look, you can take or leave our advice. You don't have to it's up to you. But do comment down below my power scaling dilemma because I'm curious, who is the greatest positive influence , fictional character , fictional. Mr. Rogers. That's real. It's got to be fictional. It's got to be a fictional mister Rogers. All right. And also, how much do you think a kind ergarten ways. All right , we'll see you next Saturday. Bye . Enjoy your pancakes. That's what we say here, huh?