Soft Skills Engineering
Jamison Dance and Dave Smith
Episode 460: Losing autonomy and I got skipped for a promotion even though I'm awesome
In this episode of Soft Skills Engineering, the hosts explore the complexities of navigating workplace dynamics, specifically focusing on autonomy and promotion frustration. The discussion begins by addressing a listener’s struggle with a new, hands-on manager who is encroaching on the independence the listener previously enjoyed. The hosts suggest that this tension often stems from a lack of established trust or a new manager's desire to assert their presence. They recommend "managing up" by proactively delivering high-value work that demonstrates initiative, rather than directly challenging the manager’s oversight. The second half of the episode addresses a senior engineer who was passed over for a promotion in favor of a colleague known for poor collaboration. The hosts analyze the "shadow" criteria that often drive corporate promotion decisions, such as tangible business impact, visibility, and internal politics, which can sometimes overshadow soft skills like team communication and engineering excellence. They advise listeners to perform detective work to understand the specific heuristics used for advancement within their organization. Ultimately, the hosts provide insights into how to handle career setbacks with professionalism while evaluating whether to continue investing in their current environment.
Updated Apr 27, 2026
About This Episode
In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions:
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I have managed a product for some months now. My previous manager split their team in to mini-teams of 2-3 people. They gave me a small team and plenty of autonomy to own the product and go crazy on it. I had the time of my life as the team lead. I learned a ton and was really developing management skills. My new manager is more hands-on. They want to do things my old manager left space for me to do, like project planning and quarterly planning. Now I feel micro managed when they get involved. I become territorial. It feels like he doesn’t recognize the independence of the mini team. I feel like I’m going backwards and and undoing all the management growth I’ve had, becoming just a software eng who should just keep their head down and work on a task. I don’t know what to do. How do I keep my independence and keep growing, but also get along with the new lead and learn from them in the process?
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I work as a senior engineer in a large team alongside a few other senior technical leaders. I’ve consistently received positive feedback from my manager about my impact — improving engineering quality, operational excellence, and team communication patterns.
At the same time, there have been challenges in collaboration and teamwork between other senior leaders and the teams they work closely with.
My manager has been highly supportive of the projects and changes I propose, and many improvements have been implemented based on my suggestions. However, during the recent promotion cycle, despite this positive feedback, I was not promoted, while another senior engineer — who is known to have collaboration challenges — was promoted instead.
When I asked for feedback, I was told that while my contributions are appreciated and my time will come, they couldn’t explain the specific factors behind the promotion decision.
I now feel a bit demotivated, as it seems engineering excellence and team impact may not be the primary factors considered for growth here.
My question is: How should I think about my next steps? Should I keep investing in this team or start considering other opportunities?
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Episode 510: Old and behind and how do I hang on for the last few years until retirement?
In this episode, the hosts address two listener questions centered on the professional experience of software engineers at different life stages. The first segment focuses on an early-career professional in their late 30s who feels out of place socially at company meetups. The listener struggles to relate to younger coworkers while simultaneously fearing that befriending managers would be perceived as "brown-nosing." The hosts reassure the listener that they are overthinking the situation, noting that meetups are specifically designed for cross-team interaction. They advise the listener to be themselves and embrace the diversity of the workplace, emphasizing that age gaps are less significant than shared professional experiences. The second segment features a poignant discussion with a seasoned professional who has spent 30 years in the industry and is approaching retirement. Disillusioned by corporate practices and feeling burnt out, the listener contemplates how to finish their tenure without feeling exploited or leaving a wake of negativity. The hosts offer empathetic advice, suggesting that the listener use their remaining time to pursue "whimsical" projects or mentor others rather than settling for mediocrity. They highlight the importance of finishing one’s career with a sense of pride and agency.
Episode 459: Am I cutting edge and how to compliment someone who went from super jerk to super nice
In episode 459 of Soft Skills Engineering, the hosts dive into a mix of technical strategy and complex interpersonal dynamics. The discussion opens with an inquiry from a listener at a fintech startup who is struggling to find resources for integrating various systems, such as CRMs, CDPs, and data warehouses, in a way that remains scalable alongside a rapidly evolving product. The hosts analyze the situation through the lens of Conway’s Law, noting that such technical fragmentation often mirrors an organization’s internal structure. They suggest that instead of searching for a "holy grail" of documentation, the listener should consider writing about their current approach to spark public discussion and attract insights from others in the field. Later, the conversation shifts to a softer skill: how to properly compliment a colleague—now an engineering manager—who has undergone a significant personality transformation from being a notorious "jerk" to a supportive, approachable leader. The hosts discuss the risks of bringing up past negative behaviors and offer advice on how to frame the appreciation by focusing on the recipient's growth and current positive impact, while allowing the individual to determine how much they wish to discuss their own personal evolution.
Episode 458: Infinite tech debt hack and figuring out what is going on
In this episode of Soft Skills Engineering, the hosts explore the complexities of managing technical debt and overcoming organizational silos as an individual contributor. The discussion begins with the challenges of refactoring, where the hosts highlight the risk of turning technical debt into a never-ending cycle of unproductive code changes. They emphasize that while some refactoring is necessary, teams must distinguish between genuine improvements and vanity projects that increase merge conflicts and friction for others. The hosts suggest that developers should aim for tangible improvements, such as deleting unnecessary services or reducing costs, rather than just rearranging existing abstractions. The second half of the episode addresses the feelings of being siloed in large organizations. The hosts acknowledge that while it is difficult to navigate internal politics and documentation, proactive communication is essential for career growth. They advise listeners to seek out internal wiki pages, attend cross-functional meetings, and openly discuss goals with managers. Ultimately, the hosts conclude that stepping out of one's comfort zone to understand the broader company vision is necessary for career advancement, even if it requires navigating significant organizational friction.
Episode 310: Flip flop and architecture astronaut
In episode 310 of Soft Skills Engineering, the hosts dive into two listener questions centered on career navigation and workplace dissatisfaction. The first inquiry comes from an engineer who left a fulfilling medium-sized company for a big tech role, only to find the work on legacy systems unmotivating. After receiving a lucrative offer to return to their previous company, the listener worries about the impact of job-hopping on their resume. The hosts reassure the listener that because they already have a long tenure on their record, returning to a previous employer actually strengthens their narrative by demonstrating their value to others. The second segment addresses a junior engineer feeling stifled on a team tasked with high-level architectural research instead of actual coding. The hosts warn against becoming an architecture astronaut, a term for those who design systems without grounding their decisions in reality. They advise the listener to advocate for more hands-on coding through proof-of-concept projects and to communicate clearly with leadership about their need for direction. Ultimately, the hosts emphasize that early-career growth relies on writing code and encourage the listener to look elsewhere if their current team remains unproductive.
Episode 309: Missing boss support and new manager, who dis
In episode 309 of Soft Skills Engineering, the hosts dive into the challenges of navigating organizational shifts and managing manager expectations. The discussion centers on two listener questions. The first listener, a lead DevOps engineer, feels overwhelmed by a lack of guidance from their manager regarding team processes and prioritization. The hosts offer practical advice on how to handle this, suggesting that instead of framing it as a failure on the boss's part, the engineer should proactively draft strategy documents and propose solutions to gain formal approval. They emphasize that defining clear boundaries for what the team does and does not do is essential for preventing burnout. The second half of the episode addresses a listener frustrated by a stalled promotion process following a sudden change in management. The hosts acknowledge the difficulty of losing progress during leadership transitions and stress that, regardless of how much was communicated between managers, employees must ultimately take ownership of their own career path by keeping meticulous records and treating their growth as a continuous, self-driven endeavor. The episode blends these professional insights with lighthearted banter, offering a candid look at managing workplace ambiguity.
Episode 308: FAANG to startup and Google interview prep
In this episode of Soft Skills Engineering, the hosts address listener concerns regarding navigating career transitions within the tech industry. The first inquiry explores the risks of moving from a FAANG company to a remote startup during a potential economic downturn. The hosts argue that using a less trendy technology, such as Ruby on Rails, does not inherently harm an engineer’s career prospects. They emphasize that the primary challenge of changing environments lies in the rigorous interview processes common to larger firms, rather than the specific tech stack. They also suggest that candidates should conduct thorough due diligence regarding a startup's financial stability, including burn rate and hiring plans, before making a move. The second half of the episode focuses on the nuances of FAANG recruitment, specifically regarding level expectations. The hosts explain that recruiters may sometimes suggest a higher level to improve the likelihood of a successful hire, even if the candidate eventually gets down-leveled. They reassure listeners that passing a company's general interview process usually indicates suitability, and even if team matching requires a role adjustment, the interview performance serves as a strong foundation for future career opportunities.
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