AI Controversy in Literary Publishing

Bug Audio newspaper for a Visual World. Hello Buglers and welcome to issue four thousand three hundred and eighty four of the Bugle Audio newspaper for a Visual World with me. And is Altzman recording in a shed in South London that by coincidence is currently around four thousand three hundred eighty four degrees Celsius. it's It's hot at the shed, it's hot in London And the shed, and I can't remember if I've mioned this on Google before, has lost two trees worth of shade over the past two or three years. One out out the back, if you're watching this on the video, that way died in mysterious circumstances and one forwards of where I'm looking at you from was was pollarded for fashion reasons, I think, as a result of which the shed, which was already Pretty hot on hot dayays now. Unbelievably fucking hot on an unbelievably fking hot day. So anyway, excuse me if I gradually melt during the course of this recording. It's the twenty second of June twenty twenty six and the bugle is now officially preparing for its eighth prime Mister That's a record for any audio newspaper for any visual world after Kirst Aarmer gently toppled over onto his inflatable sword this morning with me to discuss when his almost inevitable successor Andy Burnham might resign I'm delighted to have two guests who can provide dignified outsider perspectives on the Jackson Pollocks power shitting dogscape that is British politics. Welcome From Dublin, Neil Delamere and from Australia but currently also in London, Alice Fraser. Hello both of you Hello, how are you I'm well hot, Neil. I'm hot. M and me and heat have long had mutual suspicions about each other I mean, I am of the same complexion and I live in a perfectly twenty one degrees it is here in Dublin. It is absolutely gorgeous. just It's just not nice you can have a little kind of cocktail on your parto and not lose the will to liver. It's amazing. Nobody no a spontaneous combustion of ginger people in the street at twenty two degrees So far so good I'm very happy to be here, Andy. I'm feeling very welcomed by both the heat and the political instability. Australia is very fond of demonstrating the capacity of parliamentary democracy to just roll leader after leader through the doors as people lose faith in them I did have to have a shower before I came on because it was quite hot and as people watching the YouTube test, my hair is a bit wet. But then, you know, I got into radio so that I could get into TV, didn't I?. That's what I want to be looked at while I talk. fuck you, YouTube Yes. when we gave this podcast, the tagline audio newspaper for a Visual world, we didn't realize that podcasts would become video. But that is apparently progress. Anyway, We are recording, as I said on the twenty second of June. Tmorrow, the twenty third of june is the tenth anniversary of the Brexit referendum Um What a time. It will be marked, of course, with the ceremonial National Belch, led by His Majesty the King, of course, who will deliver the royal burp of recrimination from the balcony at Buckingham Palace. ten PM tomorrow as we record the moment the polls closed back in twenty sixteen. The Earl of Snutterbridge, the king's fourth and a half cousin, of course, an official lord high bearer of the Grudge Royal will then whack himself on the head with a frying pan originally belonging to King Edward II, of course, in a symbolic recreation of the national self Damagement It's perpetrated ten years ago. A day of official national grumbling will follow on Wednesday the twenty fourth, with all citizens giing an extra hour off at lunch to sit and gripe about stuff to anyone who will listen or themselves foollowed at the weekend by a moving ceremony in which a hundred randomly selected British people under the age of twenty eight who are too young to vote on the issue that is shaping their lives and futures will be giggled at by a hundred randomly selected terminally ill nonogenarians, the kind of ritual that only Britain can truly pull off Oh, well done, Andy, for the perpetrated, especially after you've just done the perpetrated for the mury Um, ten years ten years. Can you can you believe it's ten ten years, ten years since some O orr is Iow to think of it? ten years since I made my debut on Test Matchpecial, which was the morning after the Brexit vote. I did my first first cricket commentary on Test Match spepecial. England Sri Lanka in Birmingham Age Baston Cicket Ground and that was a it was a weird there was a weird atmosphere as Meingless one day Innationals G holds a special place in my heart as my first on the radio. It's usually harder to pinpoint the literal point in history of the downfall of a major European nation, but it seems to be you and Frisist allid in the same day. I mean Are we saying fifty percent, one fifty percent the other? or are you attributing more to a Brexcess? Well, look, given that, you know I work in statistics, I'd say it's more, I don't know, I don't know fifteenty seventy, maybe sixty seventy, I'd say.. Okay Well, I'm very disappointed from the perspective of an Australian about the outcomes of Brexit, we were basically promised that post Brexit, the Commonwealth would reunite. there'd be bording lines cast between Australia and the UK would be winched slowly closer to us until we reformed some sort of Nuvoanga kind of novelty continent somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. And that has been a real letdown far as as far as I go Yeah, there's been swings and roundabouts for the Irish too as well. You'd have to kind of for every worry about the hardening of the border between the Republic and Northern Ireland for you know that maybe the troubles would kick off again. That is on the negative side. It was ten years of anxiety and worry, but on the positive side, watching British people quue to get into the EU and you wealcome by them very quickly with your EU passport in Magaluf. I mean, they're very tight. I mean, I would take one I would take one if have to have the other to be honest.. I mean we do have to remember the spirit in which those promises pre Brexit were made very much in the same the same kind of Promises that I guess Colonel Sunders would make on a date with a chicken impersonator, notot entirely to be trusted long term. Spicy. Well, the Brexit Mmorial anniversary is also the subject of our section in the Bin this week. We have a commemorative supplement examining all the ways in which Brexit has improved the United Kingdom. Here it comes, there did you hear it? Anway, that is in the bin commemorative supplement was what you called fish oil past its e by date. r or indeed snake oil past its use by date on this tenth anniversary of the Brta reference. story this week, Kir Stahmer has resigned just this morning as we record, Kir Stahmer announced that he will be stepping down as prrime Minister this following England's chaotic defeat to New Zealand and the test cricket at the Oval over the past five days. That was clearly The final straw that snnapped the overburdened camel's back and Starmer has quat ten years minus one day since the Brexit referendum. Wh Why has he stepp down as Prime Minister? Well because it's twenty twenty six. And if we don't have change, churn, chaos and content, how do we know we're still alive? But this is where we are. two years into a five year term with a massive majority He's basically quit because people wanted him to quit. and that's it. That's that's the only that's basically the So the age. off shit for brain political impatience has claimed another victim, albeit a victim who didn't do a great deal to slake the ravening change lust of the nation and its media or to reverse. is governmental titanic backu from the seabed. as I said, neutral observers, what have you made of? This is tremendous. It looks like the UK is going to have its seventh prime minister in ten years. That is not a parliamentary democracy. That is the sugar babes, thats And the paper said yesterday Kir is going to outline his flight plan for departure. I don't know who's been doing his flight plans up to now, but I think he should move away from the John Denver JFK Junror traravel aggency to perfect Gness for Most sources have said that nobody's going stand against Burnham because that's what you want, isn't it? If there's one thing we've learned from the Democrats in the US, that's what you want. You just want an unopposed coronation. What could possibly go wrong with that? You don knowt want a long drawn out process where policies are actually tested through the rigors of debate? No, vibes. goo to the vibes guys. That's what you want What could possibly be wrong with that? So it looks like he's going to be unoppposed. Well Streeting has noly ruled himself out of a contest. he couldn't win. I think is to be admired. Do remember that time Andy, you ruled yourself out with the two thousand seven Mobo Awards and everybody give you a round of applause for doing it. It's a similar thing. This is kind of dramatic news. It doesn't need more drama and yet the BBC still got up in a helicopter and followed Andy Berlam's train from Manchester likeike he was OJ Simpson in the Ford Bronco. You're like Lavs. You're expecting like, o, the LA PD have closed all the freeway or junctions or something like that instead you're getting, Oh, he's been delayed and uneaten and this isn't as dramatic as we thought it was going to be. This is exceptional Vill after that Look, Andie, I'm just disappointed in Stara. If I had quit every time everyone who'd ever met me wanted me to quit, I wouldn't be a comedian today. was actually I wrote jokes about Starmer not quitting because last night the guardian said yesterday that he wouldn quit on Monday and he has, which I mean, is so much more mature than I would be in the circumstances of having a newspaper of notes say I would bet I would quit on Monday. I would definitely quit on Tuesday or fucking never unless he's pretending that he doesn't read the Guardian, which is impressive. Like that's even more petty than I would be in the circumstances. If he's like being like, I didn't even know the Guardian had written I would, yeah could I applaud him for that Also, I note that, yes, spite based politics might be considered a vastly immature approach to a decision that could change the course of the world, but I'm pretty sure fuck the guardian is why Trump is in power. and that's not even a US paper. O is it I don't know. Everything's about three mergers away from being owned by Anthropomorphic, a giant company with the face of a man By the way, Stammer is gone as of the recording time, Stammer is gone Barnham has the chance to do the funniest thing ever and just go Oh no, I'm not standounded to be. Oh no, no no, I just I'm going to be the MP for Makerfield. I'm sorry if there's any sort of mixed signals there. I just want to do the job I was elected to do. I didn't know it would be the funniest thing I had ever seen in UK politics. It would be amazing. because I mean, he does seem to be the great white hope because Andy Bernamon and Makerfield for labor, but Labor lost out both by elections in Scotland. And so it was Burnham who won. all his posters said Andy for us and then Labor in a font reserved for the lowest line of a spec seververs visual eye exam. So it would seem that all Labor have to do to win the next general election is to run Andy Burnham in six hundred and fifty constituencies thenen they are fine, But it would still be funny if he rule himself out. I mean, here is the hairstyle apparent off the back of a very good run as mayor of Manchester making the bins run on time. I for one am running a boutique artisanal betting book on what form his fall from Grace will take How long I mean, the way I see it, and I speak as one of the rapidly decreasing proportion of the British population who haven't ever been Prime Minister, It's that inevitable failure has been constitutionally baked into our system. We have a media that is addicted to A content and B more importantly, discontent We have a febral panic in any political party about what opinion polls might theoretically mean in three or four years time or even ten years time or fifty years time and therefore need to be acted on within a millisecond. We have the rise of the unaccountable political gobbshite and an entire system specifically structured to facilitate antagonism rather than cooperation Result, as you said, neil a seventh Prime mininister in ten years. will be in Downing Street and fighting for his job as soon as the end of next month. I think that's the next transransformers film, isn't it? The rise of the unaccountable political gobses Should we question his judgment because I think Not enough has been made of Burnnham's judgment because did you see the Mak or field announcement? So I think those's twelve or fourteen candidates are running and he ends up standing And would it candidate in all its pictures a candidate who is trying to stop hunting on one side and count bin face on the other side. You have vastly underestimated the Vulpine scavenging drive if you've chosen to stand between a fox and a bin Like what is next? Starting between seagulls and chips, Farage and crypto? This is just the man's judgment needs to be questioned But that's a very very sound I should point out that it is pronounced binface, not binface. Sorry, sorry. I always get that wrong. Italian nobility. Is he C Binface or is he Lord binface? Um If if his's count bin fase, that explains why the fox isn't attacking. while the fox is a natural predator of the bin, the count is a natural predator of the fox as an aristocrat They're completely locked forever dead on for Predators. On the subject of political goobshit, the political goobbsh political goobshite himself, Donald Trump took a few moments out from his busy schedule of presiding over the demolition of America and everything it once thought it stood for to claim that starers fall was down to rising migration and crime, which have both been falling under stara. So bang on the banana as always, Trump. The curious thing is that Starmer broken any major rules. He hasn't caused an economic meltdown, he hasn't lost a referendum, he hasn't started a war. He hasn't run around Westminster with his trousers around his ankle saying a homage to Sergeant sausage. But he just isn't he isn't popular. I forget which Prime Minister it was that did that and had to quit. But hen he just isn't popular right now. and that's more than enough for the Parliamentary Labour Party to demand the change of leader and some clean underpants. And so Burnham looks set to be Prime Minister. The Makefield by election last week, he managed to thrash the squabbling far right threat of reform UK and restore Britain whoses pledged to deport everyone who can't prove a direct bloodlineage to before the ancient Romans wand over here and started ruining the place did not entirely resonate with voters. So I guess that's a positive for the nation at this time of churn Alice in terms of, know what form the challenge to his leadership might take and how soon it would happen. He could be Prime Mister as I said, basically within a month So do you think by August'll be clinging on desperately? Or maybe are we looking at sort of early September I mean, it really does depend on Wiifi speed, Andy. That's If he's got any sense of self preservation, he'll start shooting Elon Musk's satellites of the out of low orbit. and trying to shut down communication channels like the Iranian government. If he wants to keep his hold on power, just have as little communication as possible, not taking any questions at this time bard up the front windows of ten downowning Street. real your real challenge as a politician now is doing or saying Edphin or also not doing or saying Well, that's sort of Burnham's strength is that he's he's different in that he is physically a different person with a different name. And that's enough, that's enough for now Um you know, in terms of who could challenge him and when that challenge would materialize, it's possible that he could end up running against himself, I think with in a dream ticket with Like a cardboard cutout of Kiss it's so hard to follow exactly what the Labour partarty wants. The danger is if he runs against himself, he may well split the vote. So that is something that we need to look out for. Now I don't know how long the transition period will be between him coming in, you know, it depends on whether he's unopposed or not And farbeit for me to suggest that the left might make the same mistakes over and over again. The rumors are that they are going to wait till September to put Berham in place because they need to find a job for Peter Mandelson. That is very exciting Then there's the question of whether Burnham would call a general election because not only was he not leader of the Labour Party at the last general election just two years ago But he wasn't even an MP at that point. Now obviously he should call a general election andqu equally obviously he shouldn't call a general election. and even more obviously, if he does or doesn't, it will definitely be the wrong decision. But such such is politics U what I mean, what does he in terms of his policies, who gives a shit, crap while that can wait. So that's, you know, this is, you know, it's a He's got a sort of blank canvas, I guess to splatter himself. over. And where did it go wrong for Kir Starmer apart from everywhere and being the wrong person at the wrong time, the time being any time in the last and probably next twenty years and the wrong person being anyone. Obviously change for the sake of change never works and people who go for it are generally complete f idiots. But it's increasingly popular these days. So we'll just have to see how it pans out over the next well, between one month and I don't know, five hundred years if it all goes well America news now and well a quick update on the peace deal with Iran that Donald Trump has facilitated, because it wouldn't have been possible without him starting the war in the first place and then conducting it with an almost heroic level of improvised incompetence. So we've got to give him a lot of credit for making this peace deal come about. It seems set to ensure that The oil can start flowing once again, which is what this was all about. because it wasn't flowing before at all. wasas it? There was no oil coming through the Straight of Fore moarsil up until the war began. I forget. I forget the detail look details, schetails The deal seems set to ensure that the brutalities of Iran's regime can carry on interrupted, uninterrupted. don't me do again, seems set to ensure that the brutalities of the Iranian regime can carry on uninterrupted and that no one is better off than they were before, apart from some oil market speculators. who will have made an absolute fking mint out of the whole process. So there's always some winners amidst the gloom. How excited are you both about at this new era of glal global harmony Well, Andy, it's an interesting sort of political thing that Trump is saying that he's ended the war after studying it and then ending it and then studing it and then ending it and then saying they started it and then saying that he'd ended it. A CBS poll said that ninety two percent of Americans wanted the conflict to end as quickly as possible with the other eight percent, presumably entirely made up of arms dealers and the anthropomorphized skeleton of death and the ghost of H M Kissinger. Civilians in Iran who probably ought to be at least moderately represented in our discussion of these events. They've been expressing fear, grief, anger at the ongoing conflict. Some who had originally opposed the Islamic regime and were quite excited about regime change are condemning the prolonged violent nature of the war and the failure to sort of wrap things up and actually change the regime desp murdering a bunch of nasty theocrats to meaningfully have failed to change the fact that the civilian population is still under the boot of religious maniacs putting the theo crazy into theocracy. Now, of course, on the bright side, the country has more holes in things like infrastructure and people is like It's like you brought in some people to deal with your mouse infestation and then they machine gunned the drywall, killed a bunch of mice and also some of your family. And now they're like, well, we got rid of the old mice also ignoring the new mice. and now those new mice have more doors. And they also the new mice own the front door of the apartment block, which they can shut down at any time therebid putting a chokeold on international trade. Look, The metaphor broke down quuicker than a ceasefire in the region, but you get the drift of Iort Like they had the painstakingly negotiated JCPOA, which Trump ripped up because it was an Obama deal. So they had a very, very good deal and then they went through all this insanity and chaos and are going to end up with a slightly worse deal than they had before. So in unrelated news, I see a majority of the UK voters would like to rejoin the EU That is completely unrelated to what we're talking about at the moment This is This war is going to lead to proliferation of nukes A lot of people are saying this and a lot of diplomats are saying this because North Korea was not attacked and they have nukes and Iran doesn't have nukes and they were attacked. So other countries will want nuclear weapons. and Ireland hasn't bought any centrifuges yet, but we have put a microwave on a turntable And that's how it starts. I think that's phhase two. banana tied to a swing ball set microwave, a record player, extra machine, a lazy Susan. And the next thing you know, you're looking at a mushroom cloud, muttering, I am Shiva, God of death That is roughly how it works, I believe. Yes. It's so odd where we are now Because we have JD Vance using diplomatic language saying, yesterday, we can change the nature of our relationship with the people of Iran. And then Trump going I will hit you harder than ever. This has never happened before. Imagine trying to negotiate a deal, right? And then this utter lunatic is just shouting into the abyss. Imagine Deborel Mead is on Dragons then, like setting the terms of investing in some startup company, delicately offering and then countering it and slowly meeting and setting conditions bit by bit. And then Peter Jones just stands up and goes, You bad man, me bang bang, if no sign deal That's what that's what this feels like. it does come across as one of the most inevitable failures in the proud human history of inevitable failures. Trum Trump said last week that oil reserves could run out within four weeks, hence the pressing need for this deal. and that fact that oil reserves could run out quite quickly if oil stopped flowing was never known until secondconds before Trump announced it last week. So you can understand that there was some uncertainty about it. If only there were other sources of fuel that we could have been adapting our world to use for the last few decades that we weren't quite so dependent on the oil Well, we might not be in this mess, but sadly, there simply were not. But this deal has not gone down well. evenven with Trump's fans, Rod Dreer, a conservative writer who is apparently close to JD Vonne's described it as a humiliation of immense strategic and historical consequence, which Which I think I had as a one star review for one of my Edinburgh shows. How was that that show? You were reviewing it, I think, one Fox News Gobshite, Ben Domink said that everything about the agreement seems bad. Republican senator that's everything. Bill Bill Cassidy, Republican senator said this is the worst foreign policy blunder in decades and that is a hotly contested title. That's, you know, that's Federin Ajoal Djokovic times times ten. It's Ted Cruz Republican Senator, what has been released so far suggests that unfortunately, the president is getting, I think, very poor advice Now, look, I don't know who is giving Donald Trump advice other than himself But the internal advice he's getting generally a little flawed and Cuz continuues History teaches us that giving billions of dollars to theocratic litics who want to murder us is a bad idea. Now, Ted and America in general I don't think you needed history to tell you that. I think you could have worked that one out for yourselves. And also Republican Senator Tom Cotton from Arkansas, who chairs the Senate Intelligence Committee said certain aspects of this deal are a step in the wrong direction And when you're standing on a cliff edge, as we keep being told we are, a step in the wrong direction can have very serious implications for the rest of your picnic. So in summary, It might not all be quite as over as would be ideal Does anybody know what's going on? Because like the Iranian delegation is on one side, right? And then you got Witko Kushner or A Vvance on the other. All fellas. So and Iran is going, the waterway is closed, notothing is getting through and the US is saying that the waterway is open and some stuff is getting through. This is why men cannot be trusted with contraception This is why we should not be allowed anywhere near this We are fundamentally untrustworthy. What is I fel I think it's really odd when you read it over the last kind of six or eight weeks is that The Iranian war, we live in a world, right? of sophisticated drawn technology, cyber attacks Hybrid warfare And the Iranians won, I say, in the Vt of Cments by controlling a trade route. L this is some medieval shit. This is like taking the high ground. This is like having bigger horses. the US army targeted at an Iranian compound, but they couldn't get the tanks in because the IRCG dug a big hole around it and filled it with water 's kind of mad It's really old school. It's like it's ancient, actually not even medieval. it's ancient warfare, you know. If after the youFC a fight on the lawn of the White House, that there was a massive wooden horse left, you wouldn't be one hundred percent surprised, would Well it does seem to be a deal that gives the Iranian regime loads of money, loads of leverage, and loads of wiggle room to keep suppressing their own people. It doesn't please those who want a genuine peace Or indeed, those who want to keep bombing the shit out of everything until Stars and Stripes flags sprout up spontaneously from the smoldering wreckage like in the good old days of American greatness So the question is, did the war achieve any of Donald Trump's objectives? I guess the answer to that is Yes and no, or more accurately, no and no. And it depends if you count things that Trump wanted to happen as objectives or as temporary neural impulses in a diseased brain And also if one of those objectives was to reassure Iran that it can switch on the global havoc tap whenever it wants with a cheeky bit of hormoozing. So yes, we will see That wasn't the only issue facing Donald Trump this week. He's had a bit of a problem with a pond his special pond in Washington, DC The reflecting pool in Washington DC had a fourteen million dollar makeover and it hasn't worked. It's been blighted by algae, vandalism according according to Trump. But basically water is heckling Trump. And when you're being heckled by One of the world's most popular compounds It might be time to think about whether you're really in the right job. It's It's not gone well. I mean, I know both of you are massive fans of six hundred meter long ponds So it's obious been quite a traumatic time for you. Oh yeah, I love a bit of wet thinking, Andy, just just reflecting on a pond. I think it's doing a great job taking on the burden of being a physical manifestation of the metaphor, whereby it reflects the opinions of the viewer back at itself. Pe on both sides of politics treating the growth of algae as a political referendum on the success of the national government or saying actually it was sabotaged by the previous government and is a reflection on the previous government. And all of this kind of speculation on the nature of algae in a pond speaks to me of a disenfranchisement so deep it can only be undone by a revolution of sentient frogs or some other species that don't have iPhones or podcasters I don't know how they're gonna to fix it, Andy. Maybe fill it in and build a deck and have a barbecue on it. Rewild the reflecting pool. I think this puts to bed the idea that Trump is a narcissist Because the last thing Narcissus would do would be to destroy a pool in which he can see his ownion It's so weird. L I think the weirdest element of the whole story Well first of all, Democratic lawmakers raise concerns about awarding one point seven million dollars no bid contract to Greenw services for installing an upgraded filtration system. It's called greenwater services. What did you think was going to happen? If the pool was called AlGe Supply limited, alarm bells would have rung, That's not the weirdest bit. The weirdest bit is just how needlessly aggressive that the Department of the Interior or Did you see the tweet that they put out? They said the reflecting pool water is crystal clear now and our National Park Service team is now vacuuming up the dead algae resting on the bottom of some parts of the reflecting pool. Just like the destroyed Iranian Navy resting on the bottom of the Persian Gulf dudes. L Your main job is to stop Yogi bear getting picnic baskets. When you relax? when you're in and ify stuff Heat wave update and well the update from the shed is it's really hot. If you're watching the video of this, you can see that I have a fan next to me. Unfortunately for the purposes of audio quality on this recording, I can't have the fan on, but it's nice to have it there J just as a little symbol of a worst of all worlds. What could have been? hereere's what you could have won on Bunsike. That's what that is. Yeah. It's getting hard in here, so take up all your clothes and then don't buy new clothes. That's what caused the problem. clothes in that song are a metonym for human induced climate change, which is a side effect It's Andy It does take off all the slads on a specialist platform but isn't allowed turn that thing on? Is it really called only fans I mean, it's always so surreal being in Europe in a heat wave because I mean, England, et cetera. you're not psychologically equipped in the UK, particularly as a culture, you're not suited to it. Everything here is built like it might need to fit into the inside of a ship or a hobbit hole on short notice. Your houses are designed to be warm, stinky comforting hutches or a castle. There's this no no ground. None of that has Aircon. The places that have AircOon, the Airconn doesn't work and the places where the Aircn works are so crowded with people desperate for a sniff of cool air that it's like sliding into a hot tub on what you didn't realize was fuck night at the local pool twenty times Yes It is going to be the hottest june since Whitfield This is this is wow. It's some I mean, it's going to be somewhere between Caracter and Whidfield. and I think it's been going be closer to the Whidfield than Caracter, to be honest. because every time you turn on the BBC and the weather map looks like a EuroN box. like we're in the absoluteble. It's just reds and yellows and it's Like it's forty two degrees in France. That's just not right And it is clear If I can be serious for a second, it's clear to anyone who looks at the records, anyyone who studies the computer modeling, who analyzes the data in using any sort of meaningfully technocratic method that the old gods are angry They are angry and we need to start human sacrifices immediately. We need to start firing babies of virgins into the sun forthwifth. Now, I know what you're thinking y babies are our virgins, Neil. It's not for me to decide. The gods are always oddly specific about this sort of stuff. But until we have infants and inls loaded into a trebochet, this is going to continue Pase My temperature limit, by the way, is windows related. I figured this out the other day. There are temperatures were to cool down, you open the window and I can handle open the window temperatures. And then it gets so hot that the advice is to close the windows. That's too hot of me. That's way too hot. If you can make a pot noodle just using the normal tap water from the tap It's too hot. That's too. and the people don't accept man made contribution to climate change. I always under How hard is it going to have to get? able to start believing the science. Th people Like some of these people in the reform partarty who you see nothing is going to change their mind. It's going to be forty degrees in January. The queries and Gardeners question time will only be cactus menopausal women will be exploding in the street, King will be crowned with a sombrero and they'll still be go on the Eth goes in cycles. It goes in cycles. have to adapt I for one will be having a pint at a dog in Salamander and putting a few quid on the axolatal racing from Jepstone. It's getting too hard. Neil, it's just a fact that I mean it might be forty four degrees in Europe, might be thirty five degrees in Londonater later in the week I'm going to watch Wimbledon quQalifying tomorrow. and there was official advice saying drrink water often, avoid all strenuous exertion and stay out of direct sun. So I don't know if it's okay to watch other people strenuously exerting themselves in direct sun when when they shouldn't be. I don't know. I guess I'll find that when I get there But it's just bad luck. that once in a lifetime heat waves keep happening all the time and everywhere. But the fact is that the lifetime used as the guide for measuring once in a lifetime events has been changed from the human lifetime to that of a hedgehog living near a motorway. So it's very different Dinite It's basically still still factually accurate once in a lifetime. I supp that to be the lifetime of a British politician Yeah You used to have a heat wave every time you changed prrime mininister, whereas now you have a heatwave every time you change prrime mininister So in this increasingly toasty world we have official bugle tips for keeping cool. Tip one Hats. A broad brimmed hat can reduce your head temperature by up to two degrees. So if you build an all over bodysuit made out of twelve sombreos, that will reduce your temperature by twenty four degrees To use an eighteenth century style hand fan, which not only helps you feel cooler, but also makes people think you're from a Jane Austen novel and feeling horny Tip three, keep things in keep things in perspective Remember that Mike Mike Lasir Remember, keep things in perspective. It might have feel hot to you, but thank your lucky stars that you're not well not closer to one of your lucky stars. stars burn an average temperature of up to fifty million degrees, or for example, that you're not a potato being baked in the oven for dinner, or you're not that dude from Pompei who got pyrolastic to shit whilst taking a dump Tip four Live in an egg glue. Replace all the bricks or other solid building materials in your home with blocks of ice Egg glues never melt, if you make them correctly Tip five, stay calm. Angry people are up to five degrees hotter than the average non furious person So don't think about all the stuff that makes you angry, for example, most things, including hydration breaks at World Cups, the state of the planet and putting socks on slightly wet feet after a shower. Just don't think about those things and you'll be fine. become a pope. The special hat you get as a freebie when you become Pope contains special materials that not only direct your thoughts directly to God, but also reflect heat back into the atmosphere. Some popes also keep a frozen cabbage under their hats for added coolers on a hot day Step tip eight is it eight or seven? anyway? Tip seven or eight blood transfusions Lzards are cold blooded animals, so replacing up to half of your blood with lizard blood from a local Iiguana sanctuary or newewt infestation could make you feel up to twelve percent cooler on a hot day. Those are your bugle or move to Antarctica or space. That's it AI publishing news now Alice, you are the Bgle's official AI and publishing correspondent. and well the world of publishing has been rocked by another AI controversy. Bring us up today Yes, Anddie. So this is the after shock shockwave of the shockwave that was shocked through the literary world after it was speculated quite heavily that Grana had given its Commonwealth short story prize to an AI written piece which had veryer unusual ts of phrase and sort of eerily familiar use of what are seen nowadays as AI tells. Grantter Magazine said that they've been satisfied by the author that the story wasn't written by AI, but they did not explain the proof that satisfied them. They've decided to reduce the opportunity for criticism of their prizes by ceasing to have as a part of the prize publication of the prize winning stories. So it's just like, we think it's good, but no one will ever see it. I, for one, am so glad that the existence of AI and accusations of AIU driven by the fear that the existence of AI will reduce opportunities for real writers seeking to be published and making a living out of the arts has led to fewer opportunities for real writers to be published in the arts What trareat? Apparently critics have highlighted phrases such as suun on Galvanize is a cruel instrument and she had the kind of walking that made benches become men. So I mean you can see why I mean, we're all in favor of, you know, a bit of mystery and a bit of magic in writing and you know, layers of meaning, layers of metaphor. but that does maybe seem to be taking it a few steps too far. Is she who has not turned Benjers into men cast the first stone on that one, Andy? I don't know about you. I'm consistently making inanimate furniture plan to presumably erect gentle persons. Well, I mean I guess there is a bit of history from it because of course the word wench was half woman, half bench actually in the past I hadard it on my sister's podcast I wre a story about anttan becoming an Ottoman, but I' disappointed about it though. Another entry by alleged Canadian celebrity novelist Floresentia Paraviage also attracted skepticism. I've got an excerpt from it now suggesting that maybe it might not have been written entirely by human hand. Derek the thirtyth woke one morning like a deck, desk betwixt a summer's Day and three chickens crossing a volcano of destiny. After breakfast, they went to bed at night before the festoon Christmas tree could bark no more. Frantically dead once more, the six foot two inch professional butudgeryar or sandwich with a testosterone fueled waltz began to furnish the five remaining burgers with womanly attractiveness and boiled shoes. The final score was one all But all the horses wept because of the weeping horses. Elizabeth II dived offside into a bikini and no one lived happily ever after. The end. I would one hundred percent read the rest of that That's the best one. me do it Could we start a bule campaign for you to finish that novel? That is absolutely exceptional Well, that brings us to the end of this week's bugle and I will admit I am Oh I'm Drenched drenched in I'm not naturally a particularly sweaty person, but I am currently I think I'm about three quarter of the way to de evvoluting back into a fish That is how how wet I think've I've just just noted some I've got some gills gills on one of my arms that would not be whereather's supposed to be. That's how hot it is the in the shed. Anyway, anything to plug, Alice Yes, indeed, Andy, we have a gogggle Friday, live, a live gogggle at the Bill Murray in Angel. It's going to be so much fun. It'll be a live ggggle. The guests will be Tom Ninan and Allison Spitittle Batteries may be licked. We've got a live gogggle with Saricks and moments of realms Unknown, followed by signing of a passassion for passassion. If you would like, I will draw some fabios for people who are interested in the little drawing of a fabio It's going to be a lot of fun tets are available at the Booglepodcast. com slash live, I think And Edinburgh E I'll be in Edur at hundred forty at the Tron. I've got a bunch of other gigs coming up in the UK. if you are in the UK. I've also got a gig in Copenhagen on the thirty first of July. I think tickets are going up for that in the next few days. If you head over to patreon d. com slash Aliceraser, I do a weekly update telling you where I'm going to be right behind you in the dark. So patreon d. com slash Aliceraaser. you can subscribe there For free, please do. it's where my mailing list goes out Leil I've just gotten a lead part in a new film called The Uncountable Rise of the Political Gobhout you said earlier on it's very exciting. I'm doing a newK tour book kind of twenty five dates. So I'm doing Packlintton Art Center on july thirtieth and the day after that leads a city variety. so very excited about that. And then the dates in the autumn in the Lceum theater in Edinburgh and Cardiff Glee Club and Manchester Froob and Bucket, London Lesser Square Theatre all over the place, Old Rep theatre, which we did with the Bgle before. They're all on neeil Delamere d. com And I'm doing a podcast still called Why would you Tell me that Where we to each other but random facts that that we love. So download that where have you got your podcast? Well consider yourselves plugged Buglers, you can hear me banging on about cricket again from Nottingham from Thursday morning. Consider yourselves plugged is the laziest pornography. U It's why you shout out when you've pegged somebody Family I that might be the latest I've ever had to say familyamily show It was show involving Alice Fraaser. I will EM. I'll be back baging on about cricket from Thursday until until Monday. We're having a week off the bugle next week. We'll put out a sub episode and then we'll be back in July Trace the inevitable downfall of Andy Burnham, our impending Prime Minister. Until then, thank you for listening