Goblin Sharks and Final Plugs

Bug Audio newspaper for a Visual Wor. Hello Buglers and welcome to issue four thousand three hundred and eighty three of the Bugle Audio newspaper for A Visual World with me Andy Zltzman, recording hereere in London on the fifteenth of june twenty twenty six, right at the beginning of a new age of eternal global peace conditions. Eternality may not be etnal, global I am here in London where peace, like most things, was of course invented by the British and exported joyously around the world. I think my history is a bit sketchy on that. but no one has yet disagreed with me, so we'll crack on. And joining me live, alive and in as many dimensions as you can shake a stick at. Here with me in the studio on this spatifically Godd given day of serene rejoicery. w people who love nothing more than an everlastingly harmonious and just planet. Tom Balard and Nish Kumar. Welcome both of you. What a day. Hello Andy. Hello Bglers. a huge day. I can taste peace, Andy And it tastes a lot like toothpaste. I've recently brushed my teeth. I don't know whether the two things are connected. What do you never do these days, do you? Bloody eararth Peace pe honey. Yeah Thanks very much, Tom. Is that what we say on the days? I believe so. That's what we say every day. Welcome to the Northern hemisphere. Thank you so much.' here for a you got here couple of weeks ago I think, I've been here for a few. Yes Yes. I'reriually going gonna fly here via Dubai, but because of all the peace, I had to redirect to Sapore. That was a peace transition, but I've been to Ireland and now in beautiful London. Telling my jokes and celebrating peace. That's good. How are you going to mark this history I'll celebrating peace the way I celebrate any major outbreak of peace, Andy. I'll be shooting guns up in the air on the roof of my house. Okay. That's how I mark every celebration. And what I would say is I don't want to dox us too much, but you live worryingly close to me.. I would urge you and your family to stay indoors tonight Because I will be shooting guns it's a purest celebration of peace because what you're saying when you fire guns in the air is I no longer need these bullets. And so I can empty them into the sky because I don't have to shoot them at whoever we were currently at war at. Given the slightly straightened nature of the UK's defense budget at the moment, is that a wise use of resources? No, we should be harvesting these bullies, but I'll be shooting them in air regardless. Yeah. It's like when you have a big party and you give some of leftover food to people on the street. you know withll. Yeah That's gonna be me out of the retractable roof of my house. Let' have a retractable roof of peace and. It was originally for orgies, Andy. It was originally to bring an alfresco air to all the mass humping. Okay that takes place in my house. Shobbiz is as Shbiz was It's so clearly a joke because I have to be honest with you that even a Threesome wouldould multiply my total number of people slept with by an embarrassing man. Do you think Villgegins ever made their debut at an orgy? Surely not. No, listen, you know in many ways like Cresenio Somerville has only recently been picked for the Dutch international football team and he's immediately been thrown into a worldor Cup. But maybe that's the. he had played He had played football before. Well, listen Presumably the Virgin has masturbated before. So there's some kind of experience' been accruit I don't remember that reading of the Bible I think it this peace Edie.ace. It's an orgy of peace. Ogy of peace. So much, pace. We literally don't know what to do with it. I'm covered in paper More on this later. We are recording on the fifteenth of june twenty twenty six, which is World Nature Photography Day Um, So have you guys olks have photographed any bits of nature yet to mark this special day. No, but I do my favourite ever nature photograph was taken by people listening to this podcast, I think will probably be familiar with this or certainly some of them David Beckham's son Brooklyn Beckham. has had sort of various I will say I almost respect the boy's inability to benefit at all from his parents' privilege. He's tried various careers. It's never worked out for him. There's somethinghing likeable to me about an unsuccessful Nppo baby. I'm sort of charmed by him. But at one point he did have a photography book, like a coffee table photography book release In it featured it featured an out of focus picture of an elephant under the caption Elephants, beautiful to look at but hard to photograph. So that's my entry for greatest nature photograph on this of all dayays. So that's got to be right up there pretty. I mean I admire the diversity of Jr's portfolio to me that puts him It's basasically the Michelangelo of the twenty first century, as far as I can say Bth of breadth of things he's attempting I me's a Michelangelo of failure. So anyway to mark World Nature photogy photography Day, obviously it's a bit difficult on what is an audio newspaper, even though it's now filmed through devices like whatever I'm pointing at now I remember when while this was filled. We had some audio nature photographs for you to conjure up in your mind, including brightly coloreoud frog on a leaf, thinking about whether it prefers water or land Cse of the amphibian A mountain vulture crapping off a cliff to see if it can hit a car window from a height of two thousand feet A cod and a potato plotting their revenge on the fish and chips industry. A sad polar bear perusing the window display of an estate agent. dreaming one day of owning its own home again. and a blushing semi priapic whale saying Sorry for the misunderstanding a submarine. mjor photographs. Semi priopic whale Donald Trump seecret service h. It's a real mouthfell. It's almost like they're trying to get the guy in trouble. Sic' been harpoed. Has been harfooned. Um And as always, a section of the Bgle is going straight in the bin. This week we have well it's in the bin, but I do encourage you all to audio read it. It's a charity update section. Thanks to everyone who responded to last week's appeal to contribute to help Amelia, the four year old daughter my friend Will, a long term bugler who way back in two thousand eight when he worked at a cricket website asked me to write a cricket blog that opened a door, which led to me now being paid to watch and talk about international cricket and by coloud felt it pens in my fifties. His daughter, Amelia has Down syyndrome. She's already been through a hell of a lot in her life, including two heart operations, the first at six months and then in March this year, a severe stroke result as well as increased care and physiotherapy needs Will, and his partner having to modify their home for Amelia's changed needs in life. And I'm calling upon all you buglers who are able to and many of you have already, to contribute whatever you can to help go to helpammelia. com The link is in the show notes. there's more details there on Amelia and Will and their family and how your generosity will help them cope with what life has thrown their way. So thanks to those who have contributed already And thanks in advance to all of you are about to do so. Anyway, that section is in the bin, but please do fish it out of the bin That's in the bin in the bin. Wh b be in the bin and It's in the bin. I not be in the o it's in the bin, but you know, you can take bits out of the bin. We don't do that either.'s a metaphor or literally. I I've taken out of the bin we get the bin. It's lovely section.sly trailer It's just section. It's just section. okay? It's just section The official section of the bid this week is Nishkamar's Ogy Guide. That's the official. Oh Godd, I shouldn't have said that. One of these fucking people is gonna make that book cover And you can also as or,ught to celebate nature photography It's a coffee table book of some of my best orgers. One of these people is gonna make that. Oh God. The point is help Amelia. . com is the website story this week, as well as global peace, we are now charting the rich and powerful's quest to destroy us all continuing updates on that throughout the next couple of thousand years or h U But let's look at this week. before we maybe turn back to our thoughts of just how awesome it is to live in a peaceful life. Donald Trump turned eighty Um this weekend. which I don' know, and you think of, I mean, that's Bically What's that? Timmy Hendriickx plus Janice Joplin plus and Kirain I think we're almost on the verge what we're trying to do is multiply twenty seven by three. know And I think what you What you come to, I believe from that is eighty eighty one y. And so we are Trump is a year away from being Jimmy, Janice and Kurt all put together And I think we can all agree. H contribution has been equivalent.. That's not a qualitative judgment. His contribution has merely been equivalent to the contribution of those three groundbreaking musical pioneers. Donald Trump has done something equivalent to the three of them in terms of size qualitatively That's for history to judge. That's the history to judge He celebrated as you know, as you would. Yeah you in that sense it you I guess I'm putting myself in the mind the Octogenarian contontrarian the crumbling grumbler, the mumbling Fumbler, the Egle Stravinsky of egotistical senescence. He's aging, but he's still raging. He's over the hill far away, look at his eyes. And he's celebrating not only his birthday, but America's two hundred and fiftieth birthday. Sure by watching people fight in a cage on his back lawn. And you know, who lets any Any of us who've celebrated an eightieth birthday without doing that cast the first stone, I guess U I mean, it's I guess the problem when someone like Trump a birth. I mean, what do you get for the man who has everything and wants everything else? It's a top Tom. I know you're a massive fan of mixed martial arts fighting and of the gardens of famous historical buildings such as the White House. So this is right in your together at last end. T what happens when media organisations are not adequately funded. We' up in a situation where the bugle now has an MMA slash gardening correspondence Well, it's me, Baby and I'm excited. Yes, nothing says American freedom like hyper capitalist corporate sponsorship are getting bashed in the face Thank you, M Angelo. I don't care why the cage bird sings. afterfter all birds and singing are awoke and gay. I don't care why the cage UFC fighters fight. The main thing is they're fking fighting and that makes me feel alive and it makes me rock hard. And if you're not rock hard while watching these half naked men touch each other so hard that liquid starts gushing out of them, well guess what? You're un American. trans. We hold these truths to be self evident that dudes rock As Americans, we believe in life, liberty and the pursuit of brain damage. ! Job twenty twenty eight That's what I think about it. Well good. Thankks for putting out so So succinct, You willon Do you think Trumps really because he's a big Broadway guy of course. he loves the musicals. Of course, we know he's gone to Broadway a lot. So I don't know I guess there are some Broadway slash UFC fans out there. But he said that like the Kennedy said he needs to bring back non woke musicals. I guess this is what he meant UFC fights on the White House No Yeah, I think by non woke musicals. I think he means I think he means rewrite existing musicals. Like the sound of music will now be exclusively from Rolf's perspective. how hard it was as a young member of the Hitler youth When you're trying to bang a girl who's sixteen going on seventeen and her leftist father has a problem with the Nazi partarty Yeah U Yes, it was Donald Trumps birthday and he celebrated by staging a UFC fight on the lawn of the White House. It Obviously the important details are that there were a lot of incredibly wealthy people present, Mark Zuckerberg was present. I believe the Winklevos twins were present. So it was a sort of social network reunion to promote the impending Alan Swkin directed and written sequel. But yeah, they were there. And also it's really important to note that the whole event was a real celebration of America As a celebration of America, it was available to the American people as long as they paid for a Paramount Plus subscription. Paramount Plus is of course, one of the streaming services owned by Pominent Trump ally Larry Ellison. And in the last few days, the US Department of Justice has said that it won't be investigating the proposed takeover of Warner Brothers by Ellison There's a lot going on here. and Katie Zakari, who's a former spokesperson at the Department of Homeland Security and a conservative commentator, said that the BBC told the BBC that the event could appeal to young men and send a message of politive masculinity in response to what she termed the softness introduced by the hard left. And it does not get any tougher than watching other people have a fight. She said it's not about giving up the fight until the bitter end. I think there's no better sumation of the American ethos than a good UFC fight And in some terms, she is correct. Yeah. The Bglers listening to this and not seeing any footage of it, I'm wearing a Bruce Springsteeen t sht. I went to see Bruce Springsteeen in L.A. earlier this year and the sort of thought occurred during the gig that Springsteeen is in many ways the kind of opposite of Trump. He's the sort of incarnation of the most positive values of America as a nation and maybe values that it could aspire towards and that kind of aspirational idea runs throughout his music and his politics is the sort of incarnation of the worst ethos of America. And in many ways, a UFC fight on the South lawn does summarize a lot of pretty key American values in that it was a celebration of capitalism, violence and had shades of homophobia at its justification and refused to acknowledge the existence of women. But you're tasting that and you're thinking there's one key ingredient missing from this soup. It's something that doesn't quite set off the flavours that are already in place. And then one of the fighters, Josh Hockett, said into a microphone, Michelle Obama is a man. Yeah It was exactly what you needed, a bit of racism to truly make it an American concoction. Josh Hockett was giving a being interviewed after the fight by Joe Rogan, who whilst were in terms of the realms of the Christ versus Antichrist, is very much the Anti Zaltzman, a man who used podcasting to become a kind of laundering service for fascism, whereereas what Andy did was launch podcast at a similar point to Joe Rogan and used it as a way to get involved in cricket statistics Hook it said u Hocket said, you know what shout out to Trump for having the balls to put some shit like this on. I mean Shout out the balls. He also has the executive power to put this. And also he said, if I'm going to say anything, there's only one person more incredible the incredible Hulk and that hulk and that is my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. What edition of the Bible do these cnts read? Well Jesus he just h hung around That's young g Yeah, But I do wonder because in the nineties the Gideons used to leave Bibles in hotel rooms. Was there a special adjusted version that was left in all the rooms on Epstein's Island that said stuff like, listen, at the end of the day, it's all about getting money and being racist. because immediately after he said that, he just said into the microphone Michelle Obama is a man Which is, you know, both misogynist and racist, is sort of plays into the longstanding trope of I think got a little bit of transphobia. It's actuallys got a bit transphobia as well It really is the Swiss Army Night of Prejudice. It just as a single phrase, it manages to sort of encapsulate so many different forms of prejudice. And the Gardian reported that it marred the event My only issue with that is this event was pre marred. This event was conceptually marred. It's like say marred on arrival. Yeah, it was MOA. It was absolutely MOA. You know, you don't mar a shit by doing another shit on it. But yeah, it was sort deeply unpleasant and racist. And listen, I've said variations of this at various points on this weodcast. The American Empire is deep into its horse fucking area And having a bunch of people fight and occasionally just say racist, homophobic, sexist and transphobic things for the entertainment of some of the richest people that have ever lived shows that Trump really when people talk about his political influence, we don't spend enough time focusing on his real political influence, Marie Antoinette. And I don't know if you've seen any close up pictures of his hands recently. America has some of the worst hands in human history and there is clearly some weird bruising that is being covered up by a lot of the same makeup that Mararyie Antoinette use. And all we can do as a species is pray it's lead based and that thing does what it does best. Is the problem with America reaching this as you Yeah, historically describe it Hse fucking stake is I think a lot of people involved would see that as some form of eugenics look so the MMA It's not my thing, UFC. Congratulations. you've managed to invent a sport, even Andy Zalzman, wont? I like a lot of sports. I've led those cards firmly and repeatedly on numerous tables over the years. For the uninitiated, UFC is like a cross between golf and snooker, but nothing like either of those two things Pople It underpants, smashing each other's heads in instead of applying infinitesimally varied amounts of spin to maneuver the cueoall with a level of drightness tones over decades And people writhing around on the ground trying to inflict pain and unconsciousness on each other instead of spending two minutes sizing up how to hit that next shot and then getting angry when someone in the crowd slightly coughs. So similar bit different, I guess. Some people don't like it,. Senator John McCain once labeled MA human cockfighting, whichich I think is unfair to the cognitive capacity of roosters. Yes, roosters have very small brains, but unlike Connor McGregor, they do understand basic concepts like object permanence and consent Connor McGregor appeared via video. Oh wonderful. So there was there was a man who in the Irish civil court was a convicted sex offender. And that really is the full the full ding ding ding Trump fruit machine three cherries. It was yeah I' greatad to see these young, you know sex criminals you know beaming into people to the elder sex pest as well. Yeah I'm actually sick of the woke left trying to cancel people for committing sexual violence.. I'm actually sick of this leftist cabal that is trying to rid public life of people that keep molesting people. The batch was apparently meant to celebrate the American fighting sppirit. And I think that's important because the American fighting sppirit has had a bit of a rough trot lately, particularly when put up against the Vietnamese fighting spirit, the Iraqi fighting spirit, the Taliban's fighting sppirit, the Iranian fighting spirit, and the fighting spirit of declining adult life expectancy and infant mortality rates I think Trump should be organizing an event to pay tbute to the American losing spirit as well, you know, which could perhaps just be a massive screen in the White House showing a documentary about Chinese infrastructure.. I mean I mean, look, people have been fighting each other in similar ways to what was what was seen in the it was hexagon or octagon It's the oxgon Yeah yeah. It was't known as the claw I think it the claw the claw. Yeah. People have been fighting each other in similar ways ever since they realized they had a better chance of winning fight against other humans and for example against bears, crocodiles, saber tooth, tigers, T rexes, and plagues of rats. So this is where I guess UFC stands in the history of human culture, UFC stands for ultimate fighting championship, Ultimate regretory, It doesn't mean what it once did, as there have now been in hundreds of the events. And UFC also by the purest of coincidences, is the most used acronym for President Trump in the English speaking world it little fight U Polling shows that only sixteen percent. It's nice when you let them finish it. There's an elegance to it. It's like Aie holding back the final punch from forming in the rumble in the jungle. It's just a nice little it's lovely. poolls show that only sixteen percent of Americans believed it was appropriate to hold the UFC event on the White House lawn. But You can't spell inappropriate without I appropriate. That is what Trump has done With the buildings of American history and politics he knocked down the White House East wing, of course, famously to build a ballroom so over the top that it's basically walking straight towards enemy machine gun fire whil trying to avoid all barb wire mud and shll. So I went with the wrong type over the top. and basically legalised trying to smash the capital building to pieces. So look, sixty percent is also In terms popularity for things he's done, it's relatively high at the moment. It's a great num totally. Someone's rado that but's like great news, double figures. Yeah, it's also important to remember that Trump, the Trump family has historically had a lot of financial interest in UFC and Dana White who's the sort of person in charge of the whole operation is a very, very close Trump ballt. So it was You know, and I think Americans can console themselves as inflation continues to increase and the cost of buying groceries or filling your car up with petrol skyrocket that a borderline senile old had a nice birthday. know you could sort of you could just keep you just keep consoling yourself of that Americans Well, the the peace deal I mean, there can be no greater They gift from the president to the world to bombing you then this wonderful peace deal, which is the report said it's expected to be signed in Geneva on Friday and we are recording on Monday. Yeah, that seems like a long time away. Y. Q is a long time in politics, An hour is a year in tumble. Questions remain, the report continued over the Strait of Hormuz, the Lebanon conflicts and Iran's nuclear programe, which is All of the major things of that though So there's a a few little gaps. I mean, it might be one of those peace deals that doesn't isn't really a deal and doesn't really produce peace, but time, the smug, know all that is, I' tell. Well, anyone's listening to what time tells, I guess time will also tell. And Trump marked the announcement of this impending deal by saying let the oil flow as it was doing before he started the war. But this newly fluent oil will be imbued with the added joy of peace and will therefore give up to forty percent more distance to the average car journey. So do factor that in when you're planning your journey to, you'll end up beyond where you're intending to go. Asatter of fact, I believe that's what Moses originally said and he was mishheard when he said let my people go. go like what? Oh oil s. Yeah, one of the key details around this is Iran's ability to produce a nuclear weapon. and Trump has repeatedly said that the uranium could never be used by the military. He said that they could never go beyond a certain amount. And this would be historic if it wasn't also exactly the same situation as Iran was in when it first ratified the nuclear and proroliferation Treaty in nineteen seventy and then reaffirmed that agreement on the first page of the Obama a deal with Iran Trump has said that it can't go certain over a certain amount. but when he was asked, according to the New York Times if the limit was the same as the Obamaa agreement, which limits enrichment to three point six seven percent, which means it's only usable in power reactors, not weaponry, he said that the new accord would assure that they can only enrich for non military purposes forever. So it's exactly the f. Also in terms of regime change, they killed the Ayattlla and now the new person in charge is the Ayattoller sonanges best cosmetic in nineteen sixty eight The Mars actually decided to change the name of the sweet oppal frruits to Starburst Cosmetic change was achieved Wout a military incursion. And the Trump administration's Pace Aord and the status quo we find ourselves in, is essentially the geopolitical equivalent of changing oppal fruits to Starburst. And he's had to blow up a hell of a lot more people to get there. And I think does that make Trump less competent than a confectionery company? Of course it Of course it In other rich powerful people attempting to destroy humanity news, Elon Musk has become the world's first trillionaire, depending on how you measure it and I guess whether you give a shit about these things, SpaceX had a well spectacular initial public offering, which is something to do with Stock markets are a bit out of the loop Cicket seasononss on and I' snout down in a spreadsheet business. I think the fact that you're aware of the peace deal is huge. And I think everyone who's been listening to this podcast for a long time will know the very fact that we' managed to get Andy to engage with the fact that everything has happened apart from the current England New Zealand Tess cricket series is really mind blowing stuff Well, I mean, part of that is because I've comet from mention this on the buugle before but b I bought this newspaper from nineteen fifty three. I've got a picture of it here. and On the right hand side, it's the evening standard, nineteen fifty three, onn the right hand side, Char's men seize power Mossadeeck flees after a coup, according to the radio and on the left hand side England win the ashes. So you know, that was you know, cricket and stuff going on in Iran. And so I need to keep track of of you know, whether there is a direct correlation between what's happening in Tes much crricket and the political situation, I have a responsibility to keep my fingers on that particular. Do you think the CIA was involved in you ha been winning the actions? I think they might, I think ye. Just for people who aren't gonna be able to see this, I should just clarify the ratios on the front page are two thirds cricket. One third coup in Iran.. And more than anything else, I feel I've never felt stronger like I'm looking directly at Andy Olsman's brain. Yeah, my brain was a newspaper Also the best meal in London. That's right exactly Cricket News Food It's your equivalent of the Gareth Bale side that says Wales Golf Macid. Anyway, the point is, SpaceX is well it itss IPO has done tremendously well and Elon Musk's total netw worth is now estimated at one point one trillion dollars according to Bloomberg. So u Look, I mean, will this Will this change Eon at all? maybe breaking through that that much coveted trillion dollar barrier, will that will that bring him an added level of humility and you know a sense of perspective about Listen, obviously, I think it would be very easy for me to sit here and say I don't believe trillionaires should exist. But as we know, that is full blown comies full blown. That is absolutely full blown comed. I haven't read the Commedist manifesto, but I'm pretty sure on day one it says no trilliontes. Yeah No tr unless they mean well. Unless they mean well. So Elon Musk is now personally richer than every country in the world apart from twenty one countries. And this status means that he's now reached a level of wealth that he is now going to be hosting the twenty thirty eight World Cup in his bog. And the World Cup final in that year will be played on his big ass forehead. Yes, his wealth is now similar to the entire annual economic output of Switzerland Musk in Switzerland are considered to be a dead heat when it comes to friendliness towards Nazis though. although Musk is expected to overtake the Swiss any day Obviously he's the first one, first person to become a Chilei. and I'm very sorry he beat you to it, An You should not have added that extra show of music. that's what. We've absolutely f it by not floating the bugle on the stock markark. Yeah We absolutely should have been. The bugles the buugles' initial public offering could have been I mean, it could have been in Bazilians. Yeah I mean they would have had to invent a new number for it.. I will say it has been a bit of a struggle for me because I do find it deeply frustrating when news like this happens News organizisations feel the need to contextualize it by saying if you laid a trillion hot dogs on top of each other, you would reach Venus. I already know that a trillion the only infographic I require with this news is the current state of the guillotine industry. That's the only thing that I don't require I know that that's way too much money. I just need to know Where are the current artisanal guilletty makers? I guess what I would say is, you a trillion is a lot. I mean Let's put it in contxt. Here we go Here we go. H comes the infographer. He could give a million dollars to half a million randomly selected people around the world And he'd still have half a trillion dollars. But what I want to know, if he chose to spend in that and it's one point one trillion, So actually he could spend a trillion And it' still it'd still have what is that one hundred and ten billion Left How far into space that could get him on one of his own rockets in terms of light I don't know what a spaceS rocket does in terms of dollars per kilometer But I feel like we could get him a comfortingly long way away. It depends It's like Uber is sururge Prize. I can't imagine. the gas per mile is great on the spacex run. But obviously the thing the response you know Musk's inexplicable defenders will give is that he doesn't technically have a trillion dollars. All of this is based on projected stock market value. So it's and even the projected stock market value, the kind of value of the shares that he owns based on the hypothetical promise that SpaceX will get us to Mars. So this is imaginary money based on something that hasn't happened. But he has been sort talking all of this up and he said this week, whoever you are watching this, SpaceX wants to be able to take you to the mooon, take you to Mars, and ultimately beyond. And listen, I think I speak for everyone here, where I say I would like to get to Birmingham much cheaper from London That would actually be more of a promise to me actually having a and I mean as anybody who's tried to travel in America by train knows We'd love to just be able to travel easily between New York and Chicago. just a cheap, low cost fast trade would actually probably impact more people's lives than space. because dangerously communist wherever he does I Perilous Cunism. Communism has always had an earth bias. Yeah yeah. Well, and also part of the problem is we do need to go and colonise Mars because as we know it is the red planet. It is quite literally made of communism I mean, the interpret SpaceX is a company, it makes Significant annual losses, itss income isn't particularly high. That's right. And it's devastatingly bad for the environment, which is pretty much the trouble twenty of stock market flantations, I think. You can see why people rate it so high think there's so much money to be made from it. It's very great to goes, isn't it? As stated in the IPO perspectivive, the mission of SpaceX is to build the systems and technologies necessary to make life multiplanetary, to understand the true nature of the universe and to extend the light of consciousness to the stars. And this contrast with one of Musk's other companies, the social Media site X, whose mission is to build the systems and technologies necessary to insert more Sost stigers into AI child porn videos And that's ironic is it theyre bringing consciousness to the stars when you put that against the UFC fire, which is consciousness stars of pudiistic world. SpaceX said its future growth and success is based in large part on building what it refers to as the Lunar economy. What's that, Andy? You on a full moon every month? In this lunar economy? In nineteen seventy Poet musician Gil Scott Herd released a song Whitey onn the Moon And it was about how you know, the US had committed so hard to the space race whilst leaving its own people at home impoverished. And I do feel like somebody's got to get out there and get a new version of White on the Moon called Pedo in Space. Be with the Epstein classes move into multiplanetary travel, this opens up whole new avenues for whole Nces planet. The only tragedy of this is Jeffrey did not live long enough because he was killed by insert name of person. It's a real shpe that he's not live long enough to get his own pedo planning. I'm going to reassess my interpretation of Wh on them and I was thought it was a song about Jack Farmer White, the left arm spinner from Somerset, playsed such a key role in England's nineteen twenty twenty eight nine Ashes victory in Australia. Anyway, dricket dinners news in that order. I've looked at the FpaceS website was its basaceed Twitter website,vly.. And there was a quote from Musk saying You want to wake up in the morning and think the future is going to be great? Yes, Elon. I remember that feeling fuckers like you can. Everyone's all like, Oh Elone did it. He's the world's first triillionaire. Just a reminder, when he was running Trump's Department of Government Efficiency, M Musk was responsible for the closure of the U.S. Agency for International Development which the Lanet Medical General predicts will cause more than fourteen million additional deaths by twenty thirty. And I consider that to be cheating. okay? It's a lot easier to become the first human being valued a trillion dollars if you're also removing a cheeky fourteen million competitors from the de. There's nothing against it in the rules UK news now and well, the Labour government continues to shed ministers the somewhat neprotic. Starmer regime has lost a couple more members, Defence Secretary John Heley and Defence Minister Al Khnes have resigned U due to The insufficient funding that the UK is giving to itsilitary its military budget I I mean, the deffense budget moment I think is around sixty billion pounds Yeah Oh yeah. And obviously that needs to be higher, otherwise the Russians will simply divert all their military firepower from their grinding half decade long campaign of inver in Ukraine to invade Norfolk instead. It needs to raise up to anything I would say up to two hundred trillion if we want to lead the world with our British intergalactic space battalions and our AI powered mosquito inspired micro drones small enough to fly at Vladimir Putin's nose and injects psyotropic drugs into his frontal cortex to make him hallucinate that he's a nineteen sixties hippie and wants global peace and love So we do need to invest invest more n. I know You've been Dappointed as to have reached how old are you now? forty forty one? ye neearly forty one. Yeah. withithout a single World warar to Not even not even a flicker of a single world war Apart from when you tally it up, it has been a war Yeah. When you actually tally up all the wars that have happened in my lifetime. But in terms of You know, your It's a career slam. It's a career slam of World Wars rather than a single season grand slam. you know, if you think, you know, if you'd just been born in You know, I don't know.. eighty ninety years earer, you had a much better poetry career for sure, just from ving lived through a couple of As it is, my war poem suck. These guns are big. Holy hell It's not even full Hikot, it's terri It's a hike. L like ac crostic bone. Yeah the word war Yeah Wow Another round Kz Tobber has defended the hard edge decisions he's made. Now the use of the phrase hard edgeed does suggest one of the decisions is it's all sords. We've got back to ul factor base. And listen We had a better record sword based thoughts. We've actually had a bit more a lot of our problems have happened in the gun era. So maybe we just need to take kicket old school and go back to full swords. I mean, listen, There have been a lot of wranglings about our defence budget, but also the important background to this is that Kirst Armer is in the Seline Don phase of his Titanic premership. He's in the full near far wherever you are phase. There's a big by election happening on Thursday which are equivalent of a special election because a labour and peers step aside to allow the current mayor of Manchester Andy Burnham to stand and the presumption is that he is standing so that he can get a seat in Parliament so that he can challenge downar before leadership. Its. almost a disservice to the unwell Duck community to Dem Stahmer a lame duck at this point. And there is a sense that people now that it's very possible that these ministers have resigned as a genuine serious protest against the defense budget or the proposals and changes to the defense budget. but it seems more like that' sort of hopping off the side They're hopping off the side and trying to jostle with Kate Winslet for space on that armoire. So in terms of whver it was, it was dg of status Yeah Are we talking ust lining himself up with some likein siceed bits of cucumbers and crown. It's incredible to immediately know where something is going when. Just I' be given the amount of let's be honest, peeaking and Bejing ducks you and I have shred at various Chinese restaurants in London. As soon as you start on that, I thought is this is going to end wrapped up in a thin pancake with some hois sauce. talkal about what you know Yeah, Starmer is hanging in the window of a Chinatax restaurant apparently. L like okay, so they're upset they're not spending enough money on our defense to defend and protect the UK from threats. What threats? I know it's a bit rich coming from an Australian, but no one thinks about you, bro. The empire is over. Nothing works here. You don't have anything of value. No one's coming to evade or attack you. Britain isn nott a target. It's an embarrassment. o. You need to relax. The leading cause of death in the UK isn' terrorism or Russia or China. it's dementia. okay? seventy thousand deaths a year big study in twenty twenty three finding that a Mediterranean diet could be really effective in protecting people against developing dementia. So that's all you don't need to increase the defense budget, Just spend the current budget on buying pensioners loads of prawn and hallumies and you're done, you're safe! First of all, Tom, you've shown your total lack of awareness of the geopolitical situation we find ourselves in, and you've also shown a complete lack of awareness of our internal politics. We voted leave so that we wouldn't have to eat a Mediterranean f. We voted leave so we wouldn't have to have the woke nonsense of grilled fish and raw salad. No, you voted leave because you' all got f dmentia So in terms of the defense budget, let say it's around sixty billion. so to double it to say a hundred and twenty billion It's hard to know where the money could come from. According to the Tim'es Rich List recently released in twenty twenty six, the combined wealth of Brit's three hundred and fifty richest people is only seven hundred eighty four billion pounds So there's pussy shit. There's not enough anywhere to find an extra sixty billion pounds from anything without anyone noticing any indiscernible change in anything which they wouldn't notice. If all of those valued at over six billion. pounds of wealth In last year's Times Rich list, if they all decided to club together and treat Britain to an extra sixty billion pounds worth of military grade drones, just for shits and giggles. The poorest of those people would be left with only five billion's not really enough to be getting on with. So that is definitely off the caveatar laden table. But luckily there are other more reliable sources of funding, including the poor who are traditionally less good at shielding their money's away and the future where people are so generous beyond their means with the bounties that they bestow on us. So those I guess those are the options them seem seem to going for. Yeah, I believe it's a current policy in the reformesto or the reform manifesto that's been worked on to supplement the UK's military budget by launching people on benefits out of cannons aty combatants or dropping them from drones. that's the first rule of ordert youve got to use what technology and equipment you have available to you Kisim has rejected the idea is not doing enough for defense. In fact, in an interview with the BBC, he pointed to cuts to overseas aid as evidence that he was able to make difficult decisions to increase spending on defense. A yes, the famously politically difficult decision of cutting overseas aid. You know much the public and the capitalist class how angry they get when you cut overseas aid That's a real can of worms, which presumably is what a lot of people overseas living in extreme poverty would now how. Of course, cutting the aid budget to fund the military, that's really just a reallocation of funding, which still does get to the same poor brown people. It just when it comes through defense, it arrives considerably quicker I guess the question is how in the year twenty twenty six Everything we went through as a species in the twentieth century and all the lessons we should have learned is how the fuck we reached the point where we need to be spending so much money on defense? And globally, there are no answers to this apart from. stopping all men from going into politics. Other than that, there are no answers to it. Testosterone is the single biggest obstacle to global testosterone and god. and a combination of the two It doesn't work for forgotten the most important. peopleople keep thinking that the phrase is never forget in conjunction with events like the Second World War. But it is that's not the whole phrase. The whole phrase is never forget, but don't learn. Never forget also, don't remember the details. Never forget, don't understand. That's history, baby In terms of the the by election you mentioned, the Makeerfield B election which which could return Andy Burnham to Parliament It would be quite funny if you got back to Parliament, then D didn't launch a leadership challenge said, I really want to be local. All this time fixing the pot H So the story here is that that area has voted quite strongly in favour of Nigel Farage's reform UK partarty recently, but the right wing vote is being split. with restore Britain which is a fringe splinter off shard from Nigel Faragi's Reform UK that' even more a reform's turn. And of course, Reform UK is already a viral mutation of the Brexig Party, which popped alien like from the belly of the UK Independence Party, which plot the primordial swamp as the unwanted love childild of failed conservatism and nostalgia adult faux patriotism. So that's the story of how Restore Britain came into being. It's basically for those who don't think Farage is quite deilluded enough yet his policies don't damage the country quite enough. Restore Britain is offering an alternative even more deranged options. So that could split the right wing vote, which could end up helping Labour candidate Andy Burnham, which could end up damaging the Labour goovernment still further by accelerating the demise of Vala, causing the instability which could help Ferage to exploit and then exacerbate political chaos as he loves to do, which could then help restore Britain as reform UK's prime resident parasite, which could then help labour by splitting I've forgotten who's benefiting from this. I'm going to launch, I think this is the future now. We' just got to launch SIO style fake,ite I'm going to launch a party called Repeat Which suggests there's nothing wrong with British history and we just need to repeat it. And our policies will be, obviously, I will deport myself on day one. Everyone gets deported if you're not white. In fact, even if you are white, but your surname is black or brown, you're out of here. You're on the first plane. about How am I doing on this one because Oh very badly Very, very badly veryery, very badly. Obviously Jews are on the list. We're taking Jews, blacks, brrowns, Chinese any Chinese affiliate. You're all gone anyyone whose surname is B black or brown. you're all gone. Anyone who owns a Rap CD Gone. You're out of here. which the eventual aim is to deport everybody partart from king That's it. that's the eventual aim of this b he'sy. His family are relative newcomers to be honest. I mean Yeah yeah. yeah, actually they're German. Get rid of them as well. Get rid of them as well. And also we're going invest in a big saw and swar Scotland and Wales off because we've had it enough with those Celtic malconts Basically, if you can't find your DNA somewhere on the surface of one of the stones of Stonehenge dated back to when it was first put up there You're gone. Yeah, if one of your ancestors wasn't a drruid who cracked one off on Stonehenge, you are out of here, Pal. You are out of here. You're gone That's all right, birdsit you were looking at this, by the way. All right, so we've got reform, we've got restore, we've got repeat. I'm launching reboot The booot is all about turning Britain off and on again and starting from scratch We're going to campaign where the British landmass reattach the European continent just as it was eight thousand years ago and we're going retrace our steps and figure out where the fuck it all went wrong ly shock news now and Well, very exciting times for people who like weird looking sea creatures. Goblin sharks have been filmed alive for the first time But scientists have not been impressed by what they what they look like. There's been a lot of quuite unpleasant stuff directed towards the Gblin sharks If you've not seen them Um, They basically have a face like a daily telegraph reader after reading an askle about gender neutral d They're mingered. I believe the scientific phrasase is mingered. Anyway, they I quoted a fish expert from Macre University, which I believe is one of yours, Tom He' got to be. Shark University screams Australia. describbe these goblin sharks as quotes, arguably the ugliest shark on the planet. They are ridiculously horrendous to look at Not even their mother would love their faces. That is I mean we mean for a start, we're projecting our human aesthetic norms. Yeah onto other species. Again. I mean, for a second start, I'm sure mummy sharks are not so shallow in their love. partarticularly not ones are literally not shallow because downward the Pacific Ocean But at also He also the same the same fish expert said This is an ancient species that has remained relatively unchanged for around one hundred twenty five million years, which suggests They are plenty pretty enough for each other enough If it ain't breroke, sureurely that's all acc countount, isn't it? They' do doing they right? Yeah. Yeah also mayaybe they're looking on the inside of the Gblin shark. Maybe they're caught up with all these like aesthetic superficial requirements of these bitS scientists who are reading these sharks to fil them. It doesn't feel hugely sciencecy. Can I just say that? I don't know. I'm not questioning the credentials of this person. You're saying these sharks are ugly. It doesn't re comply. Are you saying it's Aussie science you say? It's an are we say? It's got the wiff. It's got the whiff of Australia to it. But these sharks are bloody three. I will say also I did I am looking at the pictures of these sharks. they do sort of have quite a sort pronounced I don't know how to say this, they've got quite big noses. as a proud representative of the large nose community. I do think it' I do think I do feel slightly shamed by this. I do feel slightly shamed by this goblin shark stuff. The disgrace. Well, it just proves antis Semitism throughout the university Disgrace Of course it does beg the question if you say, you know, this is the ugliest shark on the planet. What's the hottest shark?est shark on the planet Don't get wrong, Th govven sharks they lookers. They've faces like dropp pies, but at least their headsn't shape of fucking hammers. Unlike some people I to mention. It does suggest if you find a shark unattractive It does suggest you find some sharks attractive, which ones to the hardart on Well, that brings to the end of this week,ir, Bugle, thank you very much for listening Fugess, don't forget to make your contributions if you can to help Emilia Come Nich, anything to plug Well it does feel a bit crass after you've repeated the charity appeal. Yeah. So I'll just restate, do give money to the charity appeal. I feel You can watch me do full stand up show on YouTube for free. That's called Nich Don't Kill My Vibe. And if you want to then buy tickets to see me in person in four DX, I'm putting that out there. My live shows are now in four DX. So I'll sort of during the show just sort of shake your chair and spit at you a bit to sort of simulate the four DX style cinema conditions. I'm doing UK and Ireland dates from September to December tickets available Nitishcomm d. co. uk Tom Screw charity.upp Tom Balla. No that's a very worthy cause. Please do that. But I am touring my show Be fununny Challenge, open brackets, impossible closeed brackets across the UK, mainly at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival on sale now so many tickets are available I'd love to see you at the Monkey Barrel at four hundred twenty five from the third of August Be funny challenge if possible toomella. com.u for more details Next week, we will have Alice Fraser, who is also going to be at the monkey Barrel, the same the Trump Fringch and Neil Delamere Until then, Thank you for listening and goodbye