Train guard comedy and closing

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Warning, this product contains nicotine, nicotine is an addictive chemical We all belong outside We're drawn to nature, whether it's the recorded sounds of the ocean we doze off to, or the succulents that adorn our homes Nature makes all of our lives well, better Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it. But the outdoors is closer than we realize. With Alltrails, you can discover trails nearby and explore confidently. with offline maps and on trail navigation. Download the free app today and make the most of your summer with All Trails Hello and welcome to the Carul Hutchinson podcast. I'm your host Caul Hutchinson. coming at you quite late. Yeah, actuallyually it's well Not that you'll care because it comes out every Tuesday fo M Yeah it's quarter to quarter to midnight now It was I was wanted to be done a little earlier than that and but I had to get a new printer because the old oneess fucked. D. And Lily's got like a she's got the school bay. You know where everyone takes turns get in the bay for a week and then you've got to like take photos of the bear Being in places, it was Mr. Stumpy, not too long ago, back in our nursery. And now she's in reception I still remember what we did the first. A actually, you know what? I'm Um Im I'm not I'm not starting the way I want to start I want to start this podcast in dedication to a comedian that we we all lost this week He's called Pul Sneden Damn Yeahet, just a really, really good guy. if you've If you Google his name, you'll see all the tributes are being out there thick and fast and all of them are well deserved M I've known him for about twenty years now and Yeah, it's um It's a bit it's a bit strange known that I'll, you know, never never see him again we weren't best friends or anything like that. you know, I just Good acquaintances really. Every time I would do the Edinburgh stand be I would be on And it was towards the end of the night and I would oversees like silver hereir at the back of the room. that normally meant that he he was coming back from a gig himself. He lives in Edinburgh and you would always like just be at the back of the room and I'd be all right, great. that means Paul's here do another ten minutes and then it'll be time for a drink and a bit of a katchchup and then I'll I'll see you again another six months to twelve to six months to year And u, Yeah, the last time I saw him it was just it was, you know, nothing Nothing remarkable, you know It was actually Newcastle Central station. I was off somewhere and he was he was just arriving in the castle to go do a gig and then meet up with some friends And yeah, just had a very, you know, so, so conversation and Just a bit weird Kning that that's that was that that'll be the last time I ever see him or talk to him, but u You know, just Tell him tellell you a little bit about him. He was like He was first of all, a hilarious comedian D, you know, there're a dime a dozen. He was a importantortly he was a wonderful human being who u He tripped me the exact same from day one till That time I saw him in in N Castle Central Station probably last year meaning it didn't matter if you were just brand new, if you were just doing five minutes or if you've been around for You know, forty years. He didn't have any ego about him, any pretentiousness. just a just an all around nice kind Fny blook and the world is a is worse off without him. So Paul Snedden Ionna miss you and Yeahep, me thoughts go out to Christine and the family. So yeah, I would like to dedicate this episode to Pul Ned Allright, okay. so what was I talking about? I was talking about oh yes, so I had to get a printer Basically the old printers fucked, so I had to I did order a new one and then set that up. And I don't know why I didn't I don't know why I thought that would take five minutes to fucking printer even though it's a brand new print there The still just fucking will do absolutely what they want. So yeah, it was a printer and then mom and dad are going to spend time with Alice tomorrow. they're going to come I am. We've been going around the twist a lot and bless me Daddy teext in there I could tell last week that he didn't want to go around the twist because it's hot the like the good weather. That's what it is. So last week or the week before was it was the bloody heat wave, wasn't it That menemn. But I was just getting back from holiday. so like there was no way I wanted to fucking spend another day in the heat damn You know, with having to put suncream on Alice. So I was like, alright, we' just gonna go to around the twist And I could tell he was a little bit disappointed that they were weren't going outside. So then he textes the DS in do you fancy you change your venue So we're going to go. I'm going to take Alista Hop Scotch and then meet me A and dad in the park. So it'll be all it'll all be nice. So I was having to book a different soft play as well. So that's why I'm starting at quar at midnight bloody Monday for heaven' sake. Yeah but I'm not sleep deprived because I did not watch the England match and I'm kind of kicking myself that I didn't now because It was a terrific game, Mexico. It was when England won If you listen to this and, you know far off into the future, it's a World Cup when England won Th two against Mexico in the in the home turf in the Yeah U Aztech, something I don't know, it was their home ground and You know, It was twoal four in the morning and there's no way I just can't do that. Alice is going to get us up at half six or seven and there's like it's just not happening. It's absolutely not happening. So While Alice was sleeping, I was able to watch the What I thought were extended highlights, but they weren't It was just like the ten minutes of the match with like a little bit of preamble before and some post match analysis after. I don't want I don't want fucking people talking about it. I just want to watch it So I've managed to find There's an ITV version of like a full half an hour worth of them of the highlights. So I'm going to watch that after I record this and then go to fucking bed That's what my life is like. But hey no complaints. I'll take you back to last Friday now It was Lily Sports dayay And I was able to be at that so because I was I was off to Glasgow for the for a big run of gigs M Oh actually the night before I picked up the the chilli. which is like a The chilling of arms in Heaton which is again a gig that like, I don't know if I've told this, but it was It's a special special room for me because I remember when Mill and Ramsey were trying to get in with the hyena probably about, you know, eighteen years ago now I remember like I would ask Yvon who worked at the H the club shut down now and all that like I think the stand is the only game in town for you know, weekend comedy clubs Um that, you know, that provide hotels and and all that you know, like there's other gigs obviously The st's the one like, you know, professional comedians travel aroundound to Best of my knowledge as well, obviously. But I remember like, you know How do we get into the hya? Because at the time I remember paid like Something like two hundred and forty quit a night. And I remember being Ramsy, your students going like fucking elf Hey, if we can get them, then we we we will be millionaires. You know what I mean? Like do well like well, we can't offer you any gigs And because we'll have to see you We don't do open spots at our venue. So you know, let we know when you're next in Newcastle. P problem was was nothing in Newcastle So I remember having to persuade me mate it wasn't much of a persuasion n Al Does and he's the guy who gives me first ever gig. to see him Banada, the Chillingham Moms Can you book me and Ramseay? We'll put a special night on You compare it like me and Ramseay' do sets and get somebody else on and we'll go out way to invite It was Della and Ov on and invite them down. to see if well get like, you know, a thumbs up or a thumbs down I remember we both did like a tremendous set Me and Ramseay and Like I remember just outright saying so was that enough? And the both just wentt like, yes, definitely And to their credit as well because I've had people in the past say that and then you don't follow it up I remember I was doing we teacher training I remember I was still do me PGCE. And I had to do a week's placement in a primary school. It's part even though you you're a secondary school teacher, you learn to be a secondary school teacher. You still have to do like a week's placement in in a primary school So I remember I was living with my mom and dad at the time. so made sense to just choose the primary school that I went to. So that was fucking weird. So I was teaching for a week in the primary school I went to When I was like nineteen years old againg, very like insul I you know what I mean? It's like I've I've literally just been to school and then I'm coming back and I'm teaching in the school. It was like so that's one of the reasons why probablyrobably a year after that moved down to Manchester to, you know, pursue comedy More seriously Dam So I was a teacher first kind of before I was learned to be a teacher kind of before yeah Sorry, I was doing comedy before I even got into teaching because that was another question that really I would really because of sometimes in radio interviews like, oh C, there's a lot of There's a lot of teachers get into comedy. Why is that? I go, Well I was actually comedy, then teacher, then comedy again. so and I was doing the comedy while I was a teacher. I just wasn't very good for six months, first six years So I had to do I had to do comedy, teach. comedy. M But I remember going out on the lunch break and ringing avon and going like, you know And I remember she threw like a load of them. load dates. It would have been like two weekends worth? because you know, they only have a book about eight months in advance But yes, what I'm saying is a lot of a lot of history for me at the Chillingham Arms and I'm there on the treadmill at the gym on Thursday And Kyal Halbat who now books it messages saying like, you know, are you able to do it tonight? We've had a dropout And I said, Well, yeah, I've got a load of new gear. I'm trying for the tour that starts in September, by the way I think we're on to about fifteen thousand tickets as well already, so thank you all so very very much. the city hall On the twenty fourth of October is sold out and there's a Mate show added and then there's loads of other shows all over the UK. So Go on to me Link tree actually because my current website is dog shit. it's fucked, it's I don't know what's going on. It's WordPress. If anyone's out there listen to this and like you think you can do a better job on my website, obviously for a fee. actually get in touch because I don't know the first person to speak to with regards to a website My current website, if you want to go on, it's call Hutchinson. net It's fucking dog shit. I don't know. it's like somebody Avalon made it not having to go with them. It's just it hasn't been updated It just it's fucking cck. So I'm using a link tree at the minute for just like all of me all of me date which is just linktree d. com slash C Hutchinson So, you know, if people want to the dates Once I got hold of it, like dates just reverted back to American for some reason. I don't know why the fook's going on And do people still use websites? Who knows? But yeah, if anyone's listening then and this is your area of expertise for fuck' sake, get in touch and we'll talk and What was I telling me about this? I was telling about the Oh yeah, yes I'm going to the I'm going to the Chilli go and do new stuff John Scott compare and he did a fantastic job. And um There was like And I think there was about twenty two people in and I think I'm being generous there. So I essentially did my new stuff for the tour to silence. which sounds because it was basically just not much of an atmosphere in there at all. Don't get us wrong th the all laughs, but it was like There was nothing. It was nothing compared to gigs that I've been doing. Do you what I mean? Christ, you go me own to a Rams' to a even comedy clubs And then it's like twenty two people above a room. but It sounds like It sounds dogshit, but honestly And you'll think I other comedians probably might even disagree with this because I might say that's where new material will go to die I think it's the opposite sometimes. I think it's a The way I say it is I was going to rehearse in the house anyway I was going to find a room in the house and Because I had the Glasgow weekend coming up. I was just gonna say that thirty minutes lowd to be self anyway just to like because I don't I kind of write stuff down now, but I just kind of stick the bullet point So if I just want like one thing to talk about Like what do I talk about in the new thing? I don't want to give any of it of away, but I talk a little bit about golf and like the how people play it and, you know, it it's a You're out the house for seven hours at a time. And I'm like, how how on earth do you do get away with that when you've got a family. So but And then I've obviously got jokes like lined up all lungs. it's both. The seven minute bit right now. But I've started just writing, I just write golf whereas before I would have a spader diagram with like all the different jokes I wanted to tell and all the different asides and like the beginning, middle and end And now I think it's just because I've been doing it long enough, I kind of go like,h, you know what? I think I know where I want to get to And I know what point I want to hit along the way M. You're never gonna be on stage with a bit of paper anyway. You're offer new stuff, but it's like I don't know I'm kind of just want to skip that whole process. so I'm just I've changed up the whole way I write new material And I just try and remember it from day one And I know other people will disagree with that because of go Well, if it's not funny, why I even committ it to memory, I go well Puz I think I've got a better chance of making it funny if I do kind of commit it to like a half memory, notot a script. Just like a nice flow state of rehearsals that I've been in So it's like every day Every time I do the routine, it'll be slightly different because I'm not remembering a specific script Oh haven't u lost you there or anything like that, but it's just it's nice, it's nice just to have like a little vague a vague bullet point and then just go like right okay I know I know where I need to get to. And that's what I use the Thursday night show for. So for the chilli evenven though it was like empty, well in the head, I'm going well Beutle A room I was going to pick in the head was more or less empty as well Sorry in me house and It was a good exercise in Go ono the next bit even though you don't have that much momentum which sounds worst possible way to break new stuff in But for me, it's like I kind of I kind of like it because then it meant I enjoyed all the gigs That much more when I did Glasgow. So what I'm saying is the chilli was so shit and made us enjoy the rest of the wee in a nice way as well. the people were lovely, like I don't what am' trying to say The were Iice people, it was just there was just not much atmosphere at all Like A but When I' wear everything up It wasn't a bad night. If you don't If you don't lose, youll learn And I learnnt that night. I learned on Thursday. so that's how I feel about that So then The next day Lily sports day, right And Litily saying like Dad, willill you will you be in the Will you go in the dad's race and all that And I was like, well, yeah, of course I will, you know what I mean? Like like, you know Not asking Sophie to do it. She was she was like,, there's no fucking chance I'm doing I was like, right, I'll do the dad'sace. nori, that's fine and So I wanted to like Be I did it last year, but I didn't have the right clothes on. so I actually war like sports shorts and trainers Ready for the dads race Is your kids birthday coming up? Don't stress the prep The partarty shop at Michael's is your one stop shop for everything, from Bluey to rodeo. Transform your space into a birthday wonderland with dreamw worthy tablescapes and decor starting at ninety nine cents. Plus, get free helium inflation on select balloon styles. Whether you're crafting a one of a kind bash or grabbing the essentials, Michaels has everything to make their big day legendary. Shop now and order ahead for delivery or in store pickup. Michaels, Everything to celebrate anything We all belong outside We're drawn to nature. Puse to us Whether it's the recorded sounds of the ocean we doze off to or the succulents that adorn our homes. Nature makes all of our lives richer, calmer, and frankly Better Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it. But the outdoors is closer than we realize. With all trails, you can discover trails nearby or trails worth traveling to and explore confidently with offline maps and on trail navigation. whether you're looking for a laid back walk with family for something more adventurous to get your heart pumping. All Trails gives you the tools you need to get out there and find your outside. Download the free app today and make the most of your summer with all trails There's Big newews from Zin, America's number one nicotine pouch brand. Three new flavors are here. Live boldly with black cherry, makeake your day sweeter with peach, or go tropical with vibrant dragonbererry. You've never experienced flavor like this, and they're all available in both three and six milligrams Which one are you grabbing first? Find Zin, America's number one nicotine pouch brand at a store near you. Warning, this product contains nicotine, nicotine is an addictive chemical rered of somebody like going like, are you taking that a bit seriously on't Yeah? go Well, if I'm going to do it, I don't want to do it in like a pair of jeans. Do you know what I mean? Like I want to I don't want to be I don't w want to pull something. L I'm nearly forty. That was another thing. I dropped Alice off at nursery, right? I had to go to Alza because I had to pick up some nappies because nursery needed new nappies for Alice So I did like a little stretch, like a little warm up in AstDA Car park And again, I was frightened of that one of the dads would see is' being like, all, ain I And you' taking this seriously, aren't you? I was like, well Yes, like not I'm not one to win. I'm not like I don't think if I win, I'm going to then be propelled into the Olympics and be like a professional athlete And I'm not doing it for bragging rights or anything like that. It's more that like I don't pull a muscle in your leg and then not be able to walk for the rest of the week. because I didn't warm up for the dadgeries because I was too embarrassed that other people would say something So I mean, I was. That's why I wounded up in there in ASDA Cpark D Anyway to moot point because Benjamin's dad won and Yeah, I think I think I was a close second or third, you know. I've I've seen a couple of videos back. And from memory as well, I think and Sophie's even verified it said you were either second or third So I'll take that You know, I'll take that all day And yeah, Benjamin Dad he was he was awayak. He wasn't even w trainers I think he was just he was in his office, give a fucking shirt and tie. Tuedo Lady one Tk Tukedo and a kubabund. Andndemn And then I heard the I heard the name Benjamin again today actually it was it was a much I was walking along Great Park. going to that big Morrisons Damn. I was it might be a small I was going to the Morrisons on Gay Park, right and And I went past the nursery. It's like I must be Brunton first Nursery or whatever, right And I just heard One of the funniest teachers or nursery stauff likeike having to go at one of the kids must have been after a school club and I just heard like Benjamin, stop throwing soil at the babies There's this little dick in the nursery who was just h in silent the fucking youngest kids who can't defend themselves soort fucking outll That sounds horrible. But it was just how fed up the teachers sounded It was like a full stop after every word. stop throwing soil at the babies Oh man and then u I get on the I get on the LNER to so I'm going to go I'm not driving this time, which is nice So it actually gives us a chance to, you know, catch up on some admin work and all that and actually write some new material and You know, think about what I'm going to say and Dem It all that And it was half twelve And I don't know what's going on on that menu because and again first world problems I know But it's a first class menu. And Basically if it's lunchtime, be prepared to have something that you would have a breakfast and if it's breakfast on a weekend, be prepared to have something you'd have for your lunch. I've had them both I've never got a meal that lines up with the time of day that it is So it was like lunchtime on Friday. And I was like, oh, I'll have this I'll have this Mumbai chicken toast. went, o Oh, I'm sorry, we're on the breakfast menu, sir Oh okay, no worries. that's fine. I'll have a bacaking roll, like that's, you know No harm, no foul. But I've had it the other way I've had a coming back from Edinburgh on Sunday nine o'clock in the morning, no word of lie nine in the morning And I was like, oh I'll have the bacon roll, thank you. And they went, o, sertain, this is the afternoon. we can give you a chicken Rangang curry now and a beer. I was like it's half n in the morning. I don't I don't fucking want that. but again, and must sound like a spoil black sppoil spoiled black spout brrat complaining about stuff like that so So it's fine. It's just, it's just It's I look forward to food they offer for the time of day that it is next time. But what a great weekend tohead in Glasgow. So it kicked off there. Damn I went straight to the Nuffield gym there because Although I had done the sports steer race, that was still wasn't enough exercise. So I went there and then a new comedian called I think she called Amanda Hearst. Let's check that out. She is called Amanda Herzy. So I was I was close enough But she set up a new gig in downstairs in Max's bar And she was like, do you want to come and do like it's I didn't realize it was the first night but I was like, do you want to come open twenty minutes Apparently she said I did a slack thirty five. Again, that's just how carried away I'm getting with the new gear. So she she didn't mind and all that. So what a great crowd they were first of all. So with Ma was like I've done four gigs over the weekend. Well, five if you count the chilli, but that was very much just an exercise in there. memory and not losing the will to live but all due respect to Karl the Chillian, the audience members there and John Scott who did a fabulous job comparing it as well It was just I've said everything I was going to say about that gig anyway. So did that and yeah, now I'm on clloud nine. So now I'm going to go get a taxi over to The new Glasgow stand so they've changed that. It was three hundred thirty three Woodlands Road They've moved over to to some church now because there was an issue with the Lison or whatever. But they've got that they've got this new place for twenty five years. I thought it was a tremendous room and loved it I saw Susan Morrison there and I saw, you know, a few old faces that I haven't seen for a while Obviously with the news of Paul Snden I think everyone just kind of like Nobody spoke about it backstage just because I don't think I think it was just a bit too raw for everybody And I think I was probably the way the way I like to put tribute for a pidroom O stage as well, which was lovely, lovely to see So wh Yeah. it was a bit a sweet thing. It was like I said something at the end. I basically said something similar to what I said at the start of the episode I don't really feel feel or felt qualified or that I had the credentials to do that But given that like the Stan Glasgow was his second home Glasgow and Edinburgh the stand that's just synonymous with him And I felt like I would have been torn deaf if I didn't say something I didn't acknowledge it, but u being said I went on and I just again just did like twenty five minutes of new gear and I just said giveive us a light to twenty five and I'll stop I'll stop talking type thing Be they were bit they're a bit more not strict, but they're a bit more canan you keep to your time, please call? Don't do a slack thirty five, you know So And you don't you don't want to do a stack thirty five if If you're doing new stuff and it's not going well, Do you know what I mean? But But no but this one was it was like, but I was like, you know what? I'll I'll end on a high As soon as I got that light of twenty five minutes, it happened to coincide with a big laugh and I was just like right fucking hell Get it, I'll quit while I'm ahead, right So then stayed stayed drinking with the staff and the other comedians which is Something I've done with Glasgow and Edinburgh for fucking since I've started, but haven't done it for a while. Slepp into about like twenty past ten it was lush U and then what Oh yeah, but then I had to go to the gym again. I was like forced myself to go to the gym. but then I had an afternoon show as well, right? I had a four o clclock show which was a rescheduled greatest hit show So the greatest hits that I was doing last year did it four o'clock rather than get a support act, I went and did another forty minutes of the what is now a preview. Is your kids birthday coming up? Don't stress the prep Party shhop at Michel's is your one stop shop for everything, from Buey to rodeo. Transform your space into a birthday Wonderland with dream worthy tablecapes and decor starting at ninety nine cents. Plus, get free helium inflation on select balloon styles. Whether you're crafting a one of a kind bash or grabbing the essentials, Michael's has everything to make their big day legendary Shop now and order ahead for delivery or in store pickup. Michaels, Everything to celebrate anything Wonder is a beautiful thing It takes you to places you never thought you'd go With flavors like cool mint, Zin is built for this moment And for the road ahead all from America's number one nicotine pouch brand findinds in wherever nicotine products are sold Warning, this product contains nicotine, Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Ready to experience something new All trarails helps you find your next hike Whether you're looking for something nearby or planning a trip, read reviews from real people like you to choose your trail and know what to expect. You can also download the map in case service gets spotty Plan and experience your next hike with all trails. The app for exploring the outdoors. Download it today and find your outside for the fine wine tour starting in September and then had a break and then did like another hour show of old gear. So it was like forty minutes in new gear hour of old gear. So I'm knockkeed by the end of it. And then so a couple of people wanted photos as well. So I had a bit chat to I wrote it down actually because you told us something very like not disgusting, but it's like, Very weird. yourour meal of choice. I was like, I'm going to go back to the hotel. I'm going to have a burger type thing They were called Karen Chloe, So Hllo of both is And I think it was Chloe who said like, oh, yeah, her her meal of choice or her go to comfort meal is like a Donna kebab pie Cooled beans And I was like, well, that deserves a bit of a shout out just for how How mankey and grim that is really But no, some people wanted photos after the show and all that and it was like, you know, I had I don't want to sound like I had nowhere to be, but it was like What am I gonna to do fucking? run back to the hotel. I was like, so it was nice. So I had had some photos, had a little drink with a couple of people who wanted the photos And then I went back to the hotel ready for me last gig