Jim Gaffigan on Fatherhood

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They participating in U.S Tacoll locations for a limited time only while supplies last, contontact store for availability You're listening to comomedy Central. One of the big mysteries of the Trump era is how so many Republicans can see everything Trump is doing and not say anything The blatant corruption, disregarding the Constitution, that magamasturbation dance Mr. President, I don't know who you've been jerking off this whole time But if they haven't come by now, they never will. okay Look, the whole point of a democracy is that the president is not an all powerful figure who's always right and can never be questioned. That sounds more like a little kid's idea of their father. And I think that's the answer. Republicans aren't looking for a president. They're looking for a daddy. Yeah, And that's not me just saying it's them. There are thousands of people here. They started screaming and chanting Daddy's home and Daddy dog. It's like Daddy arrived and he's taking his belt off. When Dad gets home, you know what he says You've been a bad girl little girl and you're getting a vigorous spanking right now. Sack the stad stop throwing stone and straightensed up sucker from his daddy's home. What the hell? What the helly? You're fifty four years old. You can't be talking about needing a daddy if you have an AARP card. Okay? My God, if youve got daddy issues, don't go into politics, become a scripper like a normal person. C trippy point you to aside. When most MAGa folks say they want a daddy, what they mean is they want somebody to protect him. And that's what Trump promises all the time You will once again have a protector in the White House. I'm going to be a protector. I will protect women at a level never seen before. I will protect our workers. I will protect our jobs. I will protect our borders. I will protect our families. Trump is protection the same way ecndomist You see him coming and you know you're going to get But here's the thing that I don't get about making Trump your father figure. If you listen to his own family members He sounds like he's a terrible father He would not really be a dad which would take them for the stroll in that center park the stroll or go and play the soccer with them or do something like that. He was always on the telephone making the business. We supply the funds and take care of the kids, right? No, it's not like I'm going to be walking the kids down Central Park. Donald Trump was never keen on bequeathhing his name to anybody. It was Ivana who wanted to call their newborn son, Donald junior You can't do that, Trump is quoted as saying in Ivana's memoir. What if he's a loser? What if Don Jr. is a loser? I guess those hats are true. Trump really is right about everything, okay And Daddy Trump does something even worse than insult his children. He plays favores among them. For instance, here's a fun Christmas story from Donald Trump Juni. himself. I got reifted all of the things that were monogrammed for him at times. So you know, there was one Christmas where he may or may not have given me the gift that I had given him the year before because I monogrammed it And it was like, oh yeah, here now see if you can spot the subtle difference between giving a child he hates a re gifted tie And what he gives the child he actually likes? A great gift that my dad gave me recently is an apartment because I'm graduating See, seeee You see that? You thought he only denied housing to black people. Turns out he also denied it to his son And maybe you're thinking, come on, Trump is proud of all his kids equally He's not. I'm very proud because Don and Eric and Ivanka and you know, to a lesser extent because she just got out of school out of college. But Tiffany That's kind of how he's treating the country, isn't it? Like the red states are Irvanka and the blue states, Yeah, we're Tiffany You see, Trump isn't just any dad. he's a particular type of dad. Bonnie Sometimes that's great for, you know, if you're having problems with another kid at school or immigrants or the president of Ukraine He'll bully them for you. But the thing is, a bully dad will bully his own kids too President Trump has slammed Bolton as a whacko and incompetent, calling Rex Tillerson dumb as a rock and Jamatis overrated Call Attorney General Jeff Sessions mentally retarded and a dumb southerner.all Almarosa, a low life and a dog. John Kelly one of he's one of the dumbest people I've ever met or stupid generals like Millie, who's a stupid person personn Nickki, Bird brain, Haley, Bird brain man If you hate your kids that much, at least have the decency to go out with cigarettes and never come back. Okay? It's okay. we won't miss you. And when you have an emotionally unavailable dad, you're constantly having to beg for his love. then you get stuff like this. Your entire life, you have stood for doing things that other people thought they couldn't do. He is the most important, the smartest, the most capable leader in the world. The greatest negotiator The greatest deal maker The greatest diplomat and the greatest peacemaker. Every day is like waking up to Christmas. President, your first one hundred days has far exceeded that of any other presidency in this country ever. E never seen anything like it. Thank you. Yes, you're damn right. We've never seen Dick Riding like this. okay? All right. This is unprecedented glazing. All right? Or at least it's weird to talk about a president this way, but an emotionally abusive father, then's very normal Some of you know the drill, you stay on daddy's good side because you know when he has a bad day, he's putting belt to ass, all right? But Republicans to paraphrase the immortal Mai Polvich He is not your father, okay? All right? If you see him stepping out of line, accepting bribes from foreign countries and violating the Constitution, call it Because the truth is, America doesn't need a daddy. It needs to grow up and not be a damn child itself That' is my opinion You thought this was your run club era Turns out, it was more of a thinking about run cllub era Good news. Someone's marathon training is about to start Sell your workout gear on Dephop Just snap a few photos and we'll take care of the rest They get their race day fit. And you get a payout for trying. Someone on Dep hop wants what you've got Start selling now Deepop whereere taste recognizes taste. Beach. And the rule of law is all that separates us from the otters the Aes, really the entire cast of Madagascar. It's the only thing Faith in the rule of law, finally Democrats have a moral perch from which they can judge without shame, hypocrisy, or nuance. Breaking news, President Biden has issued a pardon for his son, Hunter Biden Mother What so! It' It's good. It's right. It's right. An eighty two year old man doesn't want to spend the rest of his life visiting his son in prison. Republicans get away with the shit all the time I'm sure the pardon is a narrowly written, precisely drawn farewell note of compassion for a loved one The pardon sweeping, covering offenses that Hunter Biden quote has committed or may have committed or taken partard in over the past eleven years Sven years is are very specific and not rounded amount of time So Honter, I'll give you a pardon a few years, five years, ten years. It needs to be eleven And if you would be so kind, make sure this upcoming New Year's Eve is also covered It's going to catch I didn't know pardons could cover for crimes you may have committed.ry I'm surprised Biden didn't include the phrase on Eth one or any of the Eths in the multiverse. Now some would say that's what any loving father would do for their troubled son or daughter. Should they have the power, But on Fox News It was this love, in fact, that may have caused the problem in the first place. My dad always told me, Ains Ly, if you get arrested, don't call me. I'm not your first phone call. I'm leaving you in there. Good night, sweetie Your dad always told you that. Were you a degenerate? Or was your dad D Nero Listen, listen me. No You get pinched. I'm not your first phone call. I don't know you There's ten grand and a gun on the floorboards. Good luck, kid. And By the way, not just Ainsy The rest of the Fox cinematic universe was no happier. Not only the worst president in US. history, but also the most corrupt. This entire administration has been nothing but a cham. He and his family are so full of slime that Nickelodeon is going to sue for trademark infringement You, Joe Biden You Joe Biden? Meghan Kelly, who do you think you are Me What am I supposed to say now . It so in m. Cine. At long last, have you no decence Of course, no one was more outraged than America's judicial compass Donald Sene Trum President elect Trump weighing in as well. He says, does the pardon given by Joe to Hunter include the January six hostages who have now been in prison for years? such an abuse and miscarriage of justice Oh you pardon your son? Well, what about the people who tried to help me overthrow the government a leap there. It's like going, you know, Oh, you're gonna let the kids stay up to watch S andL, but you're not even gonna try to help me burn the neighbor's house down So Obviously, Republicans are going criticize, but Biden did make this line of attack particularly available, seeing as how he spent so long saying he wouldn't do it Because of how much he respects the system I'm not going to do anything. I said, I abide by the jury decision. I will do that, and I will not pardon him. Will you accept the jury's outcome, their verdict, no matter what it is? Yes. And have you ruled out a pardon for your son? Yes Now watch this dive All, Here's the thing. I don't know if you've ever found yourself in this situation. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are being questioned about pardoning your son, do not do it at the swim up bar of a club med And also not for nothing. withith an old guy. I mean Biden squints indoors.. You don't face the guy in the sun and try and get an honest answer. It immediately looks untrustworthy. You gonna give him a pardon But you know what, ladies and gentlemen, hypry isn't illegal, nor is it particularly unusual in politics. It's not like he's ever going to run again. So why not take care of your kid? Even if you said you weren't gonna. I respect it. I don't have a problem with it. The problem is the rest of the Democrats made Biden's pledge to not pardon Hunter the foundation of their defense of America, this grand experiment One political party remains committed to the rule of law and the other doesn't. It's that simple. Hunter Biden's not above the law. No one is above the law. Democrats stand for the rule of law. We accept the outcome because that's how the rule of law works. Because the justice system that convicted is only a surviving son is the same justice system he's vowed to protect And if that doesn't tell you who Joe Biden is I don't really know what does. And I think I know what does And now look at the dance Democrats have to do be honest, the only reason why they went after Hunter the way they did. and I've talked to many federal prosecutors about this is because he's the president's son. People have to remember, the president has lost two children already, and he does not need to lose another one to more political witch hunts the you know, cring from Republicans, but we're talking about, you know, Donald Trump is a convicted felon who literally pardoned his daughter's father in law and just made an ambassador to France. So for anyone that wants to clutch their pearls now because he decided that he was going to pardon his son, I would say take a look in the mirror Ma'am, we will take a look in that mirror, but we are taking off. You could just put this shit on airplane mode the hot Yes Yes, yes, yes. to everything that you guys were saying, if you hadn't made Hunter Biden not receiving a pardon, the Mason Dixon line of morality Between Democrats and Republicans, there's a big gap between the laws the only thing that separates us from the animals and th shit at me first. I had no choice. This is what Biden's decision has done. confident and eloquent our Democratic representatives were back when they thought they had the moral high ground on this issue. I've not heard a single Democrat anywhere in the country cry fraud Try fixed I rigged cry kangaroo court. You don't hear a single peep out of any Democrats saying that why we believe in the rule of law And now look at what even He One of the most verbally dexterous attorneys we have on Capitol Hill has been reduced to. Do you think President Biden should pardon Hunter Biden? So there are lots of claims of political prosecution and political was Hunter politically? Well, I mean, obviously that's a judicial point and you've got to look at what the evidence is and I don't know enoughhould the president pardon him I mean, again, that is a un unilateral executive power, you know, power that And should he use it? Well, you know the power exists for the president to show mercy for people I mean thing I mean, we have an executive and we have a judicial and then a legislative and then smoke bomb first time I've crouched since Thanksgiving and . Oh, that did not go well But then why this weekend? Normally you drop a controversial pardon like the way you buy porn at a gas station in a flurry of other distracting purchases And pardons. What do you give me that? Breathmints there to WD forty to squeegee there, onene of those anal magazines Some cornnuts. Pardon for my son Big dicks like chicks pamlet So why did you do it now? As NBC News first reported, the president did decide to reverse course over the holiday weekend at his family's annual Thanksgiving getaway in Nantucket. Thanksgiving accusations against our Groper in chief as a governor of New York. This guy was made a hero when he seems like he's maybe the biggest predator in American politics today. In recent weeks, Donald Trump joined oldldest least Ericy son of Donald Trump has been complaining that a politician has not been punished for his alleged sex crimes. raises an uncomfortable question Does Don Jr. know who his father is? us That's this week on Unsolved Mysteries. Mega Edition. You might imagine that Donald Trump Jr. definitely knows who his dad is. The man says the words My father more than the pope. My father, my father, my father, my father. And yet, in recent years, a mysterious thing happened Don Junior started talking like a man who had no damn idea that Donald Trump was his dad. Listen to this. I wish my name was Hunter Biden. I could go abroad, make millions off of my father's presidency. I'd be a really rich guy. It would be incredible. He knows who his dad is, right Becauseuse this is like the kool eight man complaining about other people crashing through walls and leaving kool eight man siz holes. Whether it's Hunter, whether it's Joe Biden's brother, whether it's his sister, they've all spent their entire lives profiting of Joe Biden's taxpayer funded offices. Here, son, here's every job you've ever had. Does Dom Junior think that he got that job at the Trump orrganization because he wrote a good cover letter Does Donald Trump Junor not know what the word junior means Just like he thought Saturday Night Live was abbreviated, S and L What explains this mystifying lack of self awareness Is it possible that the unthinkable is true that Don Jr. doesn't know that Donald Trump is his father. Investigators have comb through days of footage of Don, junior and Donald together, but have not found a single hug or even an affectionate look between the two Because really, if Don Jr. does know that Donald Trump is his father What could explain Joe Biden, as a presidential contender, is likely the most corrupted and potentially corrupted person to ever run for office of the presidency. Joe Biden doesn't know where he is fifty percent of the time. a guy can't conform a complete sentence. It's almost like the whole Biden family is entirely dependent on Joe holding public office. A not only was seeing this? If you have any information as to why Donald Trump Jr. doesn't seem to realize that his father is Donald Trump Please contact Unsolved Mysteries. he starts complaining that Joe Biden is a racist tax cheat who couldn't even run a casino Noah' coming This morning My old foot U Ryan Reynolds here from Mid Mobile I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for fifteen dollars a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities, so do like I did have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile d. com slash switch. Upfront payment of forty five dollars for three month plan, equivalent to fifteen dollars per month required. intntro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. taxes and fees extra. Feful terms at mintMobile d. com Wonder where Tropicana got its name Troics And every time you enjoy a glass, you're not just drinking juice. you're taking a trip Stepping into sunshine and embarking on a flavorful journey into the tropics where ripe fruit is crafted into wildly delicious juice. And the best part, no passport required Trawacanna, give life some juice stars and our Grace Koolinchmid went over to try to interview one of the biggest I came to the convention with a dream to interview Tim Walz, also known as America's dad. This is America's dad, quote Big dad energy. Big dad energy. Unfortunately, America's dad seemed to be a very difficult interview to get. Governor Wal Govern Walf Governor Walt Governor Walls is doing his best job ignoring me right now. If I was gonna catch Tim Walls, I needed to lure him in with a trap that his dad could not resist for my date. Soo, shoot, shot Anyone know how to use a stud binder Baseball score sheet by hand. Does anyone want this copy of Broudy on Blue Ray Come on You want it? Wait I'm just excited to hear talk today. I'm really looking forward to seeing Brocker Bal. You're cute. Do you happen to have a convertible you could recklessly drive me around in? B know ones within yourars sh who might want to put their foot down and stop this ill advised romance leadeing up to a beenay and a beer. Perfect trap. It's in malls smke a cigarette unless someone stops me, hope no one catches me, makes me smoke the whole pack to learn a lesson. Whoa. I'm going absolutely crazy now. Oh geez Oh my I b a ticket to a Roy Orbison cover band. Does anyone want it Anyone know if there is a n that' bean nearby I' get to the voting booth this year. I don't know how to drive stick Is there anyone here to a teacher Downtrodden and deflated, I had one last idea. Any? This fire extinguisher is up to code. I see the twenty twenty four R on here. I see February punched out. Are you Tim Waltz? All right, theyind. G job, I talk to a lot of men. A lot of dumb men. We treat women with respect here. Yes, we do. That's an American ideal. Yeah. Tell me about your shirt. What's it say? It says Hillary sucks But not like Monica. I read the transcript, right. H read the transcript. I have not read it. Look at the transcript, right? got. L look at the transcript.. Have you read the transcript? H's I trust the way of my friendident man. Come on, f. what you got? Don't find yourself a safe space. Let me get this straight. You're yelling to me to find a safe space and you haveve evated yourself with a megaphone and you have a shield U A we You know. We never kept in touch But outside of my job interviewing dumb men, I'm also the father of a young son. And as a father, my biggest goal is to not end up interviewing my son as part of my job Make sure that happens, he's gonna need some help. And that's what I wanna talk about in tonight's L story shhort. America is in the midst of some long overdue changes around gender and power. We're re examamining ideas of masculinity, femininity, the spectrum in between, and how fluid it all is. It's a difficult and necessary conversation. But luckily for us, we get to have these nuanced debates on Twitter. This cultural change is important, and I'm glad it's happening. But when there is a cultural shift, it's easy to get lost within it. And even though it feels strange to say this, a group that is being left out is young boys And I know I know I know. War on men. I sound like I'm on a network that just got sued out of seven hundred eighty million dollars Jokes on you, Comedy Central doesn't have that kind of cash My point is, we've had a great conversation about what men shouldn't be Men shouldn't be toxic. They shouldn't be overly aggressive. They shouldn't pay a porn star to keep quiet about an affair they had right after their son was born. It's a high high bar. But we haven't been showing men what they should be. And that matters to young boys who are looking for an identity for a narrative about what it means to be a man And that vacuum is being filled by people with the worst possible idea of manhood Former kickboxer and big brother contestant Andrew Tate, infamous for being the self proclaimed king of toxic masculinity. Tate's core message centers around the belief that masculinity is in the crosshairs. And he's defending it. His target audience, young men. This whole idea of being toxically masculine is complete garbage Dangerous men on Earth are the weak Fe, feel, feel, feel feel Leave the feelings to the girls That's what they do We act We're men of action. emmpowering females is the easiest way to weaken the will of men. Study, study, study. Give up your whole life in school. Then you get to be a doctor. You can't even buy a mother p scar The P probleblem with most of you is I am sitting here My sunglasses, bald head, millions of dollars, nearly unmatched fighting skills. I am morpheous. I need action. I need constant chaos in my life to feel content. I need to be driving a supercar and fighting champagne and going crazy. Okay, okay, okay, we get it. You have a small penis Even through the video, you can tell this guy wears too much cologne And by the way, not to tarnish his sparkling image, but Andrew Tate is currently under investigation for human trafficking I know, it's always the first one you suspect Now, maybe you don't know Andrew Tate. Maybe you're thinking, who is this porn parody Vin Diesel You may not know him, but trust me, your sons do With over thirteen billion views on TikTok, Tate's rhetoric is moving from online to the classroom. So I'm a teacher and I teach sixth grade. The amount of young eleven year old boys that told me that they love Andrew Tate is ridiculous. One teacher says she hears blatant misogyny from the boys in her class, hearing them say that girls belong in the kitchen and only exist for reproduction and another claiming they talk about alphas in sixth grade now. One teacher in South London noticed that his students We're parroting Tate's ideology. About a third of the thirty students in the class passionately argue that women were responsible for their own sexual assaults, one of Tate's top lines Wow Times have really changed. When I was in sixth grade, the most toxic role model for boys was Michelangelo He Eats pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That turtle doesn't give a Seriously, how can you be misogynistic in sixth grade? That's like the one year in life where all the girls are bigger than you I wouldn't be running my mouth about Allison if Allison could hang me by my underwear on the flagpole. The solution to this problem is not to cancel Andrew Tate. Innerple is probably gonna do that for us Because even if he disappeared Even if he disappeared, someone else would take his place and spew toxic shit at young boys just as well. And social media algorithms would pump it into young boys' eyes and ears just as fast Be that's really all this is about Etertate is not interested in being a role model. He wants clicks for money He doesn't want to raise your son He's takingen dad's seat at the table, but he's really the loudmouth uncle That uncle who seems cool when you're a kid, but when you grow up, you realize living in a hotel is not a vacation What we need is an alternative, positive narrative for young men to follow. And it's ironic that these guys are talking about taking the Red pill and using these matrix metaphors because if you're looking for a complex, emotionally available male role model to counter their bullshit idea of manhood, just look at the guy who took the Red pill, Ganu Reefves This is a man who is wildly considered to be kind and decent. He donates huge sums of money to cancer research. He gives up his seat to women on the subway. He bought Sandra Bullock, champagne and truffles because she had never had them before. He's the perfect man. Maybe his movies glorify gun violence, but nobody's perfect. And that makes him even more perfect because our children shouldn't strive for perfection. That will only make them sad And those movies sometimes are pretty cool. The point is, young boys need a cultural role model who is kind and comfortable in his skin. Not guys who are so fragile in their masculinity that they can't puff a cigar without putting it on every social media platform like they invented fire Hell, Gudaves, he isn't even on social media. That's how healthy he is. So So as a society, we have two options. We can either follow Keiano Reeves around and put everything he does on TikTok, or probably better, we make sure that the conversation about modern society includes a role for men that young boys can look up to. Because long story short, if we don't talk to our boys, Andrew Taate is gonna talk to them And that means ten years from now, I'm gonna be talking toem You know, a lot of times in this program, we're always talking about the problems in our society But our society has much to celebrate Everybody's talking about dad bs. Guys who look like they go to the gym, but they also maybe enjoy a little pizza, a little beer. Elizabeth and I find it really attractive. Leonardo DiCaprio, Jason Siegel, and Seth Rogan have all been called dad bs. Undefined abs and maybe even a little bit of flab are actually in Women admitting that normal looking guys are the sexy ones Yeah. This just came early this year for dudes because everywhere you look, there's joy fat in U For more of the new lookook that's driving women crazy We join by senioren'sues correspondent Kristen Shaw, Kristen. Hello John, and what a great day for men. It's time society finally accepted that a man's body changes when he has kids. He speent nine months eating too much because his pregnant wife is stressing him out. And then there's a screamy baby at home who's gotta get out for pizza and beer as much as he can. It's just biology, John You know, but a lot of those guys we just heard about, they're not even dads. You don't have to be a dad to have a dad bod. You just has to be really lazy. And women are lining up at the dad bod buffet, which is great news because now you don't have to worry about magazines like this shoving an impossible body image down your throat Like this chiseled triangle thing. You know what I'm talking about is like the borderline between where the chest ends, you know, and then the fun begins. You know what? let's just forget about these names because it is gone Jh.. Youas gu up. Goodbye. Okay. There we go. Absolutely. Here we go. Yes. Okay. Yeah, G rid of it Dad, Let's put aller Well, you know who really loves this dad bod tin guysuys like you who get most of their exercise by turning from camera one to camera three. As a forty something year old dad, I find this notion profoundly reassuring. Sow us your dad bod. I wish I could. I'm gonna get a beer pizza after the show.. I think women think you're sort of nuts if youve got this sixty five like a dad Bod sandwich, right?. good belly leg Well, the guy They would not let her on that show. Well I don't know. good. I mean, maybe there's a good thing. maybe Dad bod, Dad bod is just the beginning and it opens the door to celebrating the mombod. Oh sweet, sweet, John. We're already obsessed with mombods, or at least how fast moms can get rid of them There's a new breed of mom on the playground, dubbed Mom shells. They're a hybrid of mommies and mom shells. That's eleven months after giving birthday. It looks amazing. She had a baby seven months ago. She has a five month old. Three months after having a baby. lookingooking impossibly speeled. perfect. Amazing, incredible. Just weeks after giving birthday. Look at that figure too. She's just had a baby They're not real people, they're celebrities. Beyonce, Scylet Johansson, Jalo, Michelle Duggar. Michelle Tuckger from the reality show of the nineteen kids? Yeah, that's how hot she is. Her husband is never not. Th she has to hide her body under that sister wife dress to stop tempting the rest of us Why is there so much pressure though on women to be skinny? You know, it hasn't always been that way. Look at the rubinesque women in those older paintings by right, Picasso, talk about impossible body standards. I spent years trying to get my nose on the side of my face. And minute John, women will never be able to relax about their bodies the way that men can Well, it's too bad because it feels great to be able you to not think about it. feel good in the old dad bottom line. Well, you earned it, Daddio. All that not working out, focusing on other things besides your body. You wt just stand up and give the audience a little treat, show them what a mostly adequate physique looks like ious did, showh off how your looks are not what society values most in you wait Wait, hold on I'm starting to feel it. Oh yeah, I'm starting to feel it. Yeah Oh yeah.. Oh yeah, I'm starting to feel it now. Uh. Oh yeah. Here comes a twirk. I'm a twirk. I'm I'm gonna Kristin Chal, everybody. we' be by. bye These days, you've got two choices, buuying a new car, or making the one you've got run like new. We know which one wed choose. That's why at Firestone Complete AutoCare. We have thousands of ASE certified technicians nationwide trained to spot an issue with your car before it becomes a problem, no matter the make or model Get more out of your car. Firestone Complete Auto Care. Call or go online at firestoneauto. com to book today Real value shows up in reliability you don't have to second guess. likeike a set of Firestone All season tires. They're designed to deliver confidence inspiring wet weather traction and a quieter ride, no matter the road. Sason after season. Firestone All season Tires. For durability, you can count on just like people C on you Firestone, always dependable since nineteen hundred funny comedian whose new best selling book is called Dad Is Fat. Please welcome the brilliant Jim Gaffigan Thank you. Jim, Jim. so nice. Thank you for being here. We all appreciate it. Thank you The book, Dad is Fat. Yes. I mean, it's subjective, isn't it for a start? Yes Where does a title like that come from? Well, the title comes from my now seven year old son when he was four or five The first sentence he wrote on a dry erase board was status fat And then he showed it to me and I put him up for adoption. So he thoughts for four to five years and thought, what do I want this first statement to be? Yes My dad is fat, almost like it's like a poem in a way. and then he knew that I would laugh. Well it's not like the first time he had called me fat. You know, you know, it was like a daily occurrence.ight It's the first time he formalized it in writing. Yes. He worked on it. So the background to this book, let's just crunch the numbers. Yes. Okay Five children Do I have five? Yep. Oh my God. Children. and yet you live in a two bedroom apartment. Yes. In New York. those numbers don't seem to match up. No No, they don't Well, you know, it's not it's not as if we're trying to prove something. It's not like we're gonna to raise our kids in a box. Its it's just, you know, circumstances You know, my wife gets pregnant looking at babies. so it's really she is very I don't even let her hold avocados, John. No, but you can't, you know, over the past couple years, you can't really turn to someone who's seven months pregnant like, Hey, let's pack up and move Yeah. So we we've been waiting and eventually we'll move Or we'll have another kid. I don't know. Five children, you are the definition of a committed Catholic. I am I one more and I can be a Republican nominee. I think so. O more you get an official medal from the Vaticans. Yeah, I mean, hey, the Pope gave me these shoes. Well they are pretty awomely. They're very aw. You fly for a white guy as the. You know, I'm Catholic, but my wife is very Catholic. She's a Shiite Catholic. So ye. again, there is no goaling. The numbers back that up. There's no goalim So funny. than. You are my wife's favourite comediian. She very much including me. Yeah. she hadn't seen you. but you remember we did that charity gig for Bob Sagot? Yes Foundation She'd never seen you live before and you were doing your subway bit and I could hear laughs coming out of her I have never heard before. And you got to the end of it and she was literally crying. And she turned to me and said Why can't you do that That is very flattering. Well, your wife is very beautiful. We both Oh we're out of our league. I think I think biologically we can both objectively say we traded way up. Yes. You know, I up. If my wife, whenever I'm with my wife and people find out she's my wife, there's usually an audible Wow It's true. I suppose it's flattering, but it hurts my feelings. You know, it's like I'm not a caveman. Not all of caveman. is This is so funny. This is a laugh out loud book. and there's a canon of comedians writing books about children and fatherhood. You know, we were hoping, I wrote this with my wife, Jeanie and we were hoping I didn't want to do a book that was I hate my kids and I didn't want to do a book that was, I worship my kids in Jesus I just wanted I wanted it to be funny. You know So hopefully it works. Well, it's a perfect about children because there's a lot of love and a lot of contempt And in that contempt is some of the greatest love. Well, you I think you have to, you know, there's there's a gallows humor when you're handed a baby. that it's just hard. If you're complaining about parenting, that means you're involved. Re? I went John, I went to a birthday party three weeks ago for my daughter, her friend at eight AM onn a Saturday. And I was like, who's running this party? The Taliban? Who has a birthday party at eight AM? But if you have kids, you're complaining. I mean, there's a certain gallous humor, like, Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. That phrase came from someone who thought about throwing out the baby. True. it's lot of work. It's absolutely fantastic. Dad is fat is on the bookshelves now. it's brilliant. Jim Gaffigan Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show Week nights at eleven, ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus This has been a comedy central podcast The Strokes Live at Flushing Meadows Corona Park in Queens, New York on Friday october second with Beach House, TV on the radio and fuckers. Tickets on sale now at nYc. thestrokes. com Washington Post of snap Judgment from KQED Every week S snap drops you inside someone's biggest decision What kind of decision you can only make once everything on the line, what do you believe What do you want W you risk Find out, tap to listen now to snap Judgment from KQED on Spotify Spotify, it's Jay Shdy. 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