Trump Endorsements and Political Loyalty

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The Trump admistration course once again finds itself at the center of the big news today. The Trump administration continues to try and find a solution to an intractable, problematic waterway in a dangerous part of the world. Mounting problems at the reflecting pool on the National Mall. You are looking right now at what is rapidly turning into a sixteen million dollars headache for the White House Damn you, mum, Donny What hath socialism wrought to our beloved symbol of National ankle deep waiting. Pieces of that new coating began peeling off phosphate levels far higher than what is recommended. A significant algae bloom has turned the water into a sea of green. And iss really f green. I didn't really like that shit's neon. Did they replace the water with mountain Dw? What is it? I mean, didn't they just have a pool company come in and fix it? How did it get so green? One of those companies Green waterater services Quite perplexing. How did it get so green? I can', of course. It's not about the name. I'm sure Greenwater services a very reputable company that fairly won the Reflecting pool contract because of their expertise and track record. The administration paid a company to do the work in a no bid contract. The company's owned by a trust run by Republican donor John Cfarro That's the pool guy. That guy, That's the pool guy. Does Trump do business with anyone normal? Even the pool guy looks like an extra from guys and dolls. Looks like Donny Brasco got stung by a bee That's sorry, to be fair, That's probably an old picture from like the eighties when Gomez Adams was the raised Do we have a recent picture of this guy that we Are you? A kidding me This is entrapment Wh' this guy? He's a Mar Lago neighbor and has given more than three hundred thousand dollars to the political committees tied to the president. Back in two thousand one, Kafarro plleed guilty to conspiracy to bribe then congressman James Trafficin Jr.. poool guy The poool guy bribed the congressman and now he gets the pool. that tracks. What do I do Let's just say I'm I'm in the chlorine management business Well, if you're like me when you first heard that the reflecting pool had algae, you probably thought to yourself, well, I hope the president of the United States is personally involved with overseeing this. President Trump says he personally inspected the site. Oh, good. That's good. I'm glad I believe he posted a picture of that excursion. Oh there it is I'm just curious, Wait a minute Why is he always healing me That's not actually me. You know what I don't like about that canan I tell the truth about this? This is an AI generated image, right? And the picture of that person does happen to look a lot like me. But what that means is I am AI's idea of a person that is old and needs to be healed But hold on, if Donald Trump is personally overseeing the pH balance of Abbe Lincoln's Kiddy pool, who is handling the high stakes incredibly fragile Iranian trus negotiations? Hey guys. No We should have sent cigarface. Cigarface would have taken care of this. Unless you want your whole country to have green water All right, look I will give Jie Vance a chance. These are the kind of negotiations that will require Steely eyed focus on the American side and I'll bet JD Vance has just the right touch of gravitas and tact I have joked that I have two very, very important people in my life, an Indian and a Pakistani. The Indian is my wife and the Pakistani is field Marshall Manier You My wife's inndian. this dude's Pakistan? Boom. You know what I know always say, people? two browns don't make a white Boom This guy gets it Look at me, I'm pointing out the ethnicity. Is a rabbi, my wife and field Marshal muner walk into a bar It's a risky move on Trump's part, given that the first time he sent JD Vance overseas, JD Vance killed Pope Francis. It happened. eighty eight year Pope Francis lived in leopard colonies went through so much in his life sururvived, spent ten minutes with Jadie Vance And went, Check, please, I'm out Unfortunately The negotiation meeting seemed to get off to an even worse start. Social media claims that Vice President JD. Vance was snubbed by Quty officials during those weekend talks in Switzerland. There's a viral video going around that showed Vance standing alone as leaders around him exchanged hugs and greetings awkward Tady Bats really answers the question, What if a middle school dance were a person My mom's coming soon, I'm gonna get out of here. But things just went from bad to wallflower, with Vance getting more and more exasperated as the mean girls just couldn't see that he has a lot to offer too. And why would they possibly so mad Wait a second You know what, I actually think this might not have been a diplomatic snub. This might have been the result of a health code violation. Can we take a quick look at the footage again? There's JD Vance. Oh, he went for the pick. He went for the pick. Oh no he went for the chair. Oh no! He went for the pick and wipe That's why the pic and wpe ic diplomatic fauxas. The pic It's second only to the men's room, Pe and peeak Which as many of you know, started the Franco Prussian War But you know what it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter who we send. becausecause there's not a lot of wiggle room in these negotiations. President Trump has been very clear about what's expected. The president said there will be no deal with Iran except unconditional surrender. Taa. So basically, JD Vance is just there to pick up the white flag, get it signed, hand out a couple of orange slices, call it a game Be all you knit pieers out there wondering, well what does surrender even mean? Very simple. They laid it out quite clearly. We want to see no nuclear bomb, no nuclear weapon, not even close to it. I say no enrichment. They want it for civilian you know, for civil civil I think it's unciivil. We also want theich enriched Uuranium destroying Iran's missile capabilities and their capacity to produce Brand new ones. No money will exchange hands in any way, shape or form So we already know what the deal is So why don't we go through the deal point by point probablyrobably isn't gonna to take much time at all. prettyretty simple. Number one They have to give us all their valuable nuclear material. It's actually not valuable. Not a lot of value, but we'd like to get it psychologically, but nobody's touching it Yeah So we're not actually going get it But at least they can't touch it. Let me take a look at it Looking's not cheating, you know,? As long as Iran doesn't use it for enrichment, you for military or civilian use, that's where we actually are drawing the line, rightight, mister Trump? It is a little hard though, when you say that somebody wants it other people have it. other adjoining states have it, and you're not letting them have it for purposes of electricity and things like that. It's always a little tough. You have to use a little comment and says you're the no nuclear guy. You're the one who said it Now suddenly, what I'm, you know, I'm enrich a little bit I here I mean, you know, we all enrich nuclear material at some point. You know what I'm saying The point is we don't have to be such hard asses about the nuclear Beause really the main reason we went there was the ballistic missile program That's why we're there. and we are definitely not budgeting on that. The conventional ballistic missiles, which we'll be talking about and support I mean, they have to have some because other people have some. they got to have some. Sir, you shouldn't let them have any missile. I said, Well, what am I going to do? A I going to let Saudi Arabia have missiles, but they can't have them Yes, sir. doesn't work that way, you know? It doesn't work that way We know that. we know You're like, where' the assholes? Like we were the assholes who were like, no missiles, no nuclear. and you're like, you gotta be reasonable. We're just backing you up. And now you're telling us, use your edge people. I mean, they gotta have missiles You never know when some impulsive asshole's gonna start bombing them out of nowhere. They don't have missiles. they're gonna to have whatever Fine, fine. Let them have fucking missiles. At least no money's changing hands. As for money, the US pledges to help create a three hundred billion dollars reconstruction fund for Iran. Allowing Iran immediately to start selling its oil that could earn Iran sixty to seventy billion dollars per year. Also in this agreement, the unfreezing of Iranian assets, which could be upwards of one hundred billion dollars So the hardline extremist regime of Iran It's a nuclear stockpile missiles and money Iran is a circumcision away from being Israel. I don't I don't actually know if we're run get circumced for that Well you get my point Sure someone to leave that in the comments section. I don't know if their penises have the hijab. I don't know Mbe they just have where you just see the penis's eyes. There's no graphic for that joke, by the way If this is what we're giving the Iranians, I don't understand why the Iranians are snubbing JD Vance. They should be kissing his booger laden reign. I mean, what does America get for all these concessions? Yesterday was a very, very good day. We made a lot of good progress Oh yeah. Go get them, Joan, Diddy and Vance. What kind of project? Go getem, old J Mountain Dew Vance. I knew you'd come through. What did we get? The Iranians have agreed to invite IAEA inspectors back into their country. That is a major milestone for the American people Oh yeah, that's a big milestone We haven't had nuclear inspectors in Iran since o when you started bombing them last year The Iran inspectors went in there after the JCPOA that Obama negotiated, and they only left when we attacked Iran. So just out of curiosity, why did we tear up the Obama deal with Iran again? That horrible Iran nuclear deal, That horrible, stupid deal. The stupidity of that deal, will we give one hundred fifty billion dollars, we get nothing? The deal allowed Iran to continue enriching uranium. It also fails to address the regime's development of ballistic missiles. Who would make a deal so stupid as that? The dumbest deal I've ever seen, the worst deal ever negotiated of any count Yeah, what kind of a dumb You know, at the time. I guess the theory is why trade smaller concessions with Iran for peace when we could instead lose a war with them and make bigger concessions? Well, I hope you learned your lesson, Iran There's plenty more concessions where that came from. You mouth off again And you're getting Greenland But that's fine. Let's just make the best of it. JD, can you at least tell us the nuclear inspectors will be starting right away to secure the uranium In terms of when the nuclear inspectors is going to start, it's funny, we were trying to call some of the inspectors last night around two in the morning As you can expect, not many people were answering their phone at two in the morning. Is that funny though We've been in war for four months and no one thought to call the nuclear inspectors before two AM last night. That's really less funny than just shitty foresight and planning Honestly, I mean, if you ever wondered who the f buys luggage at an airport, that's our negotiating c. Oh, did we forget something Oh, you know what? Why am I walking through the airport just carrying my shit in my arms? Nar respectors at two in the morning Are we getting anything in exchange for letting Iran have like half a trillion dollars? If there is any frozen Iranian assets that are unfrozen, the money would actually go to buy American soy, American corn, and American wheat for the benefit of the Iranian people, A classic Trump deal Wow It is a classic Trump deal Announce a bold action with grandiose ambition and then shit the bed And then state confidently that bedshit was the goal all along. And then finally, name the bed after Trump. Yes, folks, we went to war with Iran to force them to take money to buy our crops. Win, win. How did no one else figure this out How did no other president have the foresight to bomb a country into a crop buying spree? Well, I think one big difference, Phil is that we have a smart president whereas in the past we've had dumb presidents adding . This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a fifty page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online makes sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responsse is set upp required compatibility and availability varies eighteen plus Choice Hotels gets you more of what you value. Here's a little tune to help you remember. Same drive, different day. Don't you wish you were getting away? Pack your bags and come on through. Texas, Ohio, Alaska, we're up there too. Comfort in. It's calling your name. Save on the stay. Oh And free waffles are yours to claim. Well, I hope you like my little song book d act at choyotalesot com World Cup fans have come from all over the world to see which country has the most athletic black people But one country has been making their presence known a little more than the rest. South Florida's getting taken over by the Scottish this week for the World Cup, turning Little Havanah into an international street party This is so fun. Also, I'm just happy to see an all white parade where they're not chanting about the Jews. N'm not sure about the bagpipes though. You know the Loch Ness monster is back in Scotland right now, like finally I can get some sleep The only reason I'm so elusive is becausecause I don't want to hear those damn bagpipes. But let's get to the big story. It has now been ten weeks since the start of the war that has come to define Donald Trump's second term So let's get right into our continuing coverage of the Washington DC Reflecting pool This looks like shit Ever since the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool turned bright green, which is a thing I just said like it's totally normal. It's become the first breakout hit of the summer. Tourists are actually flocking to the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool to catch a glimpse of the controversial renovations. It's kind of like disgusting. L it looks like it's green, like it look looks like vomit. And it smells really bad. I had to see for myself I couldn't believe it kids rememember you wanted to go to Disneyland? Instead, we're gonna go see the world's largest komboa. You know, everyirbody complaining about the pool, but they're coming out to see it. I'm not saying it's better this way. I'm just saying it seems to be pretty popular This is how far America has fallen. The last time we collected this many people around the reflecting pool was for civil rights People were like, we must come out to support Dr. King Sixty years later, we're like a slimy pool. This I gotta see Now anyone who's ever owned a swimming pool or a fish tank or a bong that they never wash will not be surprised that there's algae in the pool. and a shallow pool like this with a dark bottom in hot weather is particularly hard to keep clean I know that because half the people I follow on social media are pool experts all of a sudden. This is a completely natural and expected development. But Donald Trump thinks there's something else to blame We have a, I think two hundred and ninety three hundred foot slit right through and probably a box cutter or a knife of some kind. They cut it very violently. the same thing with the floor. they cut it. and then they lifted it, they pulled it. I can't help but if somebody goes in with a knife and starts Hacking it up. Who would think that somebody would go into a pool and take a knife and start cutting it Yeah, who would think of something like that? Two months ago. This will last for at least fifty years. you'll never have a leak. It's very raw. You couldn't If you had a knife, I don't wantan to give anybody ideas. If you had a knife, you can't even cut it I've never seen someone have a led of logic so stupid they reverse inception themselves Me from before had the idea to never. I told myself it couldn't be done, and then I forgot. That's why it happened Look, I'll admit right now I'm one of Trump's biggest haters, but Donnie, let me help you out. You have got to chill. People are not shanking the pool at night Also algae can't be that hard to get rid of. I mean, damn, you got one of the biggest algae eaters in your cabinet send him down to the pool, he'll be like, Hm, looks like Sue brocolied. The point is, don't go around escalating the situation. This morning, the National Garden Park Pice patrolling the reflecting pool on the National Mall. There are cameras stationed every fifty yards or so. The president had Marine O do a flyover around the reflecting pool. According to the White House, seventeen police reports have been filed for vandalism, leading to six arrests Dang, you treating the reflecting pool like Epstein drowned in it Just imagine what Iran must be thinking right now. They turn on the TV like whereere are the Americans plotting to send their force Damn Are they even thinking about us And I get Trump's disappointed because according to him, this was going to be the best pool in the history of water President Obama, President Biden spent much more than a hundred million dollars on the reflecting lake. You know what they got out of it? A closed lake. I'm doing the super job. And it's going to be much better. It's going to be something very special. It'll be I think Very reflective. Ver, very good. It's like a piece of glass, Beautiful color, beautiful everything. You could never get anything like that. It's gonna look better than it did in nineteen twenty two when it was built The Lincoln Memorial, lookook at that Beautiful. Look at how that reflects is like a mirror see, that's your problem right there. You talked it up so much you jinxed it Now I want to let him build the ballroom, just see how bad it turns out I bet it disintegrates at the first Chaa slide. But The lesson here is Trump, you gotta wait until after you do something to flex. If you had never made a big deal out of the pool, no one would have noticed I mean, RFK would still be down there becausecause to him that's yummy But Trump basically shot a buzzer beating game winning shot, turned around and threw his hands up in the air to celebrate. and then instead of going in, it missed and killed a baby duckling Now you got people across the country coming over to gawk at the fact that you turn the reflecting pool into a kool aid bucket And all your supporters in the media who should be defending your Iran disaster or your economic disaster have to defend this disaster I think this is Trump derangement syndrome at its finest. The far left will never get behind or celebrate anything that Donald Trump does. News flash, algae grows in stagnant w. President Trump is trying to make DC nicer. Because guess what? Presidents should care about beauty. Only the Democrats could hate beautifying our nation's capital. They are rooting for his failure And in this case, they're even rooting for algae I'm sorry, this is not the point. but what is going on with Sean Handy's face I mean, I have never seen white cheeks that big that haven't been wrapped about I' not try make fun of his looks or anything, but I mean, is he auditioning for a new Chipmunks movie Where Alvin eats Simon and Theodore It you sirls look at Haddy like how my nuts taste It looks like the Dentis added wisdom teeth Seaan, you got toa address this. You can't just walk in a room and sit down in front of a camera with a BBL on your face and act like we're not gonna notice. You gott to address what's happening to anything. like, sorry about my face, y'all. I'm currently going through a nutty professor type situation. It should be cleared up once I learned to love and accept myself for who I truly am Let's start with the World Cup. The main way American kids learn geography now. It's been great for America to host the game, since recently our staff in the world went from global superpower to monkey who got loose at the zoo and has a knife But with the World Cup, people are discovering the good things about America, like our food. And obviously, it goes way beyond our food. It's also our condiments. Soccer fans are falling in love with ranch dressing. The World Cup has led to a sudden sauce craze. The TSA issuing a warning posting on social media quote, If you're visiting for a very large sporting event and you happen to discover ranch while you're here Please pack it in your checked bag on the way home. Come on, TSA, do you really need to be so strict about this? No one's gonna blow up a plane with a bottle of ranch The bathroom maybe, but not the plane By the way, I like how there's one bottle of face wasash in that photo. You know there's some Bodega oer who's like, Sarah they, it's just a different flavor range It's not even that valuable. It's just ranch. You can make it at home. All you have to do is mix Wait, what the hell is Rand But let's move on to today's top story and our ongoing coverage in Decision twenty twenty six Last night was election night in America, again. So if you were in a middle school gymnasium yesterday, hopefully that's the reason why And while every election has its winners and losers, there was one guy who came out on top last night who wasn't even on the ballot Democratic Socialist mayor, Zora Mamani, winning record this morning. three endorsement and three victories. The progressive candidates he backed won their House primary races. The king of New York City politics right now is Mayor Mandani. He's the kingmaker and he's in charge A socialist making kings? That's crazy It's like the capitalist made a hospital everybody could afford. But all right, Mum, Donnie, all your candidates won last night. so take the victory lap. Pach to the people. We are showing there is a new path for politics in our city and in our country. Wait, did you guys hear that woman's scream? Can we play that again? even sound like an election night scream, It sounded like hitting the drop at the tower teror screen But now that she's got that out of her system, let's hear Zuron speak We are showing that last June A year ago tomorrow. was not an anomaly 'm still being murdered, but that's great about the wind though Now, obviously, Republicans are mad about Mom Dia's win, but it also pissed off the Democratic establishment, which is pretty insane because they're in your party. And Zoron, you need to watch out because you know what happens when establishment ds are mad at you. You get away with whatever you want But there was one person who was willing to give Zoron his props and say game recognized game. President Trump posted this on trruth Social. Mayor Maam Dani pulled through three solid communism has received loud and universal applause from the fake news media. Congratulations, mister Mayor. I went sixteen last night helping to elect wonderful American patriots, and the media doesn't say a word Over the past two years, he says my endorsement has neted two hundred fifty nine primary wins, almost no losses, zero media attention, fake news Trump sounds like someone at a birthday party trying to remind people' also his birthday He's just walking up like, Hey, happppy birthday, Margaret. Looks like we're both geminized, huh? And yeah, technically, you know, I've been having this birthday longer, so you kind of stole it from me,. But nobody talks about that. And I feel for Donald Trump because he is not wrong about his endorsement clout. In fact, another one of his congressional candidates won a surprise victory last night in upstate New York Thank you, President Trump.. Businessman and sticker mule CEO Anthony Constantino, riding a president Donald Trump endorsement to victory Okay, Sticker CEO doesn't sound like a real job Like If you went on a date and someone said, I'm the president of Bouncy Balls, you'd be like Okay, sounds like we're splitting it. gotot it. got it But who is this guy? I'm endorsed by President Trump because I fought for him. I want to detransition America. I don't like the transgender scam at all. Just like I don't like the solar scam. I hate seeing these solar panels all over our farmland in upstate New York. It bothers me because they're ugly as hell. Wow It's like Michael's facebook came to life But don't let all the things that Constantino hates fool you. One thing I know about him is that he likes being funny and having fun. I know this because he told us. I like being funny, I like making people laugh,. I like having fun. If you're not having fun in life, what else matters Why does he look? Why does he look like he's about to read off what my grandma left me at her will? I like being funny, but today's not about me. It's about Eunice Marie Johnson, a wonderful lady. Like the words he's saying are I like to have fun, but the tone is saying I hit a cat with my car and felt nothing But here's the other reason I know he's a fun guy. Constantino recorded a hip hop album titled Thank you, President Trump. I made a ten song Patriotic album to persuade all Americans to be more patriotic and to see the world as we see it. Using the power of music. Trump Trump, Trump, Tump, Trump trump, trump Thereere I go, they love Donald Donald Trump. Down in Mexico, they love Donald Donald Trump All right, as black people I know we had our fun, but I think we need to let rap go It's over now. We lost it Don't get it wrong though, Constantino doesn't only rap about how great Donald Trump is, he also raps about how terrible Trump's nemesis is. terrorists run for office in N York City. B Poser Manami, he ain't even from here. He's still a citizen in Uganda.s one of the worst most violile countries on the planet. Whatever happens to never forget Okay. This guy's got it. And by it, I mean a learning disability Also, I don't know if you heard that, but does he think Uganda did nine hundred and eleven Uganda barely got seven eleven But you know what? I wna be fair. People love to isolate a piece of a song to trash an artist. Let's give him another chance and keep listening. Herew Co You too, you corsees. We all remember the bullhy you did during COVID. That's why you lost the primary. Eric Adams, by the way You too, You corup piece of shit Did he just get so bad he forgot he was supposed to be rapid? That's not even a song anymore. It's just a guy on the corter going and another thing. With that level of talent, it's no wonder he's getting endorsements from the cream of the crop. I am very impressed with Anthony Constantina. Anthony is exactly the kind of person we need in politics. It's like this is what I talk about that people like this have to get involved in politics. Why are you looking up That's not where the camera is or Giuliani. He's trying to endorse you, but you're making him look like he's a dad trying to convince a new school to take you like, no, no, no, you don't understand. He's a good boy, all right? He doesn't do well in class, but he makes the kids laugh. He didn't mean to hurt that girl. He had just never seen curly hair before. And you might be wondering, how could Donald Trump endorse a dude that doesn't look like he's allowed in pet stores? But this guy isn't anywhere near as bad as some of Trump's other endorsements. Just look at Texas Senate nominee Ken Paaxxton. Ken Paxton has been repeatedly accused of bribery, fraud, self dealing. In twenty twenty, a group of aidDes reported him to the FBI accusing him of bribery and abuse of office to help a friend and political donor. impeached by the Republican controlled House on multiple charges of abuse of office sued by the state bar of Texas for his efforts to overturn the twenty twenty presidential election, retaliating against whistleblowers two counts of securities fraud claimed homes as his primary residence. He slept around with a married mother of seven acccused of adultery by his wife who filed for divorce last year on quote biblical grounds Biblical ground I've never heard that before. Imagine showing up to your divorce with a Bible going, He committed all the sins You're just standing there like, whatever thou shalt not, he did This guy is garbage. so what is it about him that Trump likes? Tell you what, I love President Trump. Every time I'm around him, it's infectious That's That's a weird way to describe your relationship Did you cheat on your wife with Trump But I guess that's what matters to Trump. He doesn't care about competence. He just wants loyalty. That's why he endorse Kim Paxson over John Cornan. and that's why he endorsse Ed Gowrine over Thomas Massey, even though Massey was more MAGa than Trump But Thomas Massey told Trump, he's not gonna blow him to get elected. whileile Kim Paxton told Trump, watch me suck this peanut butter through a straw and see what I can do for you And's chunky And that's the difference between these two parties. They both have kingmakers, but kingmakers are looking for two different things on each party. One looks for this in his candidates a fight to reject the politics of big money and small ideas, making health carere more affordable and making housing more affordableote First city you can afford And the other looks for this. When people like me, I like them. It's very simple. It's a very simple formula. That's not really a formula. I mean I mean, I guess it's a formula this guy could understand Whatever you think about Trump or Mum Donnie, it's very clear that they are controlling the vibe of their party. and voters are eager to see come November, which bass is gonna sound like this Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show Week nights at eleven, tenen Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus This has been a comedy central podcast