Summer Camps and Final Thoughts

Lemonder. We have said this before and we're gonna say it again. Skims is in a category all its own when it comes to comfort. Their fabrics are what I reach for when I want something that feels good on my body, but still looks intentional and put together. My favorite piece, oh, this is the holy grail guys Cotton jersey foldover pants. say it again. They are ridiculously soft. They have a perfect amount of stretch and somehow they still feel really flattering. I wear them constantly around the house, but I've also worn them out running errands and it never felt like I needed to change. They just sit so right on the body in a way that feels easy still intentional Sop, skims, cotton and all of our favorite pieces at skims. com After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you, select podcast in the survey, and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Hi, I'm Jessica Saint Clair, and I'm June Diana Rayfield. and this is the deep dive. We're about to do what women have done for centuries. We're crowding around the fire with our generous haunches. We got babies hanging off our tits and we're gonna share with you our fears. That's right, our joys, our tips on how to stay alive. Now Jess, we are heeding a call No one has made Not a soul, but you're invited to listen. Absolutely. because we make one promise and one promise only. We will not Google a thing. ' frankly, we're too damn tired. Please get ready to go on The deep dive Hi, Jessica June, how are you, my friend my God. when is summer Oh God, I'm so I keep being like when Are we When can we relax Coming I know, but I wish we had I wish adults had school and school got out I have to tell you, I'm going be traveling so much this summer. I would just looked at it like all of the things that I'm like, I am taking a summer. I'm taking summer I'm taking a summer. Oh, you deserve it. You I feel like I do I feel like I d and I take. Well, you know I take in August. I don't know I think I'm European. alwaysways have been. Doesn't matter how hard I've worked this year I' go, I'll be out of Oi Good for you Good foriness Devastating news for the community What does is teaches his past. hamster What a short life b I hate to start the episode on such a down note, but peaches I I noticed a slowdown, obviously. She made it through BeV's Roman Villa presentation a day in the life of a Roman hamster And but we noticed some balance problems during that shoot in which she fell off the Roman oven BV had propped her up on. And so I knew things were going downhill, but then I checked, I don't know why I did this and this is a PSA. L if at ten PM you finally started to get your children to like be in their beds Have that be the time you check in. on an elderly hamster because something told me to check in on it and it was thing. We a big sleep, hu sleep in the big sleep. The sleep hereers die, huh Here's the thing you really know On an animal to animal level that something's not right And so I poked it. And it was hard like cardbness. Yeah Set in, huh This isn't funny And then I I didn't know what to do because I couldn't have her sleep with a dead hamster in her bathroom That didn't seem right telling her, I was like or what if she checked in on it? So I told her she was very upset Very sweet. And then she said, I need you to bury it tonight And so It's like a Jewish hamster. It's got toa go right in the ground immediately. Yeah So at ten thirty at night I icked it into a plastic bag. It was like all I had was a gigantic garbage bag, like, you know tall garbageag, so I flicked it into there with a bunch of shavings And I went outside and we have newly landscaped hedges So the ground was fresh And I didn't know where to put it. So I just dug a hole there. Now it's in front of my neighbor's house. So O their ring cam, they would have seen a woman Digging Well I imagine it's in a very shallow grave Dan said, too shallow because I dug it and then as I tried to take it out of the bag, it fell it ricocheted onto the sidewalk and then I almost threw up. So I was like, Oh No, I not just put it in the bagon in The bag was too big. So and I also didn't think about it. and then Dan was like Wait, you put it without a plastic barrier to the outside. likeike that it's going to be dug up. We're going to have Amsterbones everywhere So well, honestly, it's a tough at this point, a tough piece of meat. So and that isn't that the cycle of life though You know, youve fed some other coyote or something Yeah, and this and this podcast is becoming a nature podcast. But So I then flung it back into the haole and then we went to bed and The next morning, BB said, I want you to post about peaches Aa Okay, what do you want me to say? And she said, sayay RIP peaches a sweet hamster that never bit me. Honestly, the what a Which? And honestly, what a, you know, what a way to what a legacy truth because you can't say that about every Hamster Most hamsters, not having done the research, I believe bite their owners at least a couple times during their lifetime because they're They are rodents. You know, they're not meant to be handled. She never did, she never did bite us. And that was wonder. So It was tough because I wished death on this hamster almost every day of its life And then the last thing I' to be quite honest, Jess, I haven't heard about peaches in so long that I I didn't know if peaches was still with us or not Yeah, I prage for its death I guess you thought would that's it I did. And then we were driving and Bebe said, can I ask you a question? I want you to be honest with me? And I said, okay She said Paches as insides, liqueify and come out of Oh my God Where did she get that Well, I said, no. And she goes, God 'causeuse that's what happened to Elizas It' it's inside liquefied and then it exploded. Okay, that doesn't seem like a natural death for a hamster. L that Eiza is poisoner. It's like something honestly murdered, like look into this Prime fans. like something happened. That's not normal So I guess Bovbe's been living with this deep fear that that's how Paches would pass. and she thought possibly I'd covered up the crime scene, which I hadn't, you know, and thank God. But to know that could have happened, we got off easy. I don't think they. No Now, when you put peaches in Her final resting place. Yeah,. and put some dirt over it. Did you take didid you say anything? Did you offer up anything? Did you think anything No, it's just time to get back inside, huh? What I was thinking was Oh, they got it didn't throw up Wow do have a gagate, likeike In that scene in Bridesmaidss like I almost threw up on them in in real in real time. And so like I was so happy that I made it through that and you know, the indignity of it popping out of the bag and I be flinging it back in the hole and not knowing if it would explode att any moment. Oh God. I mean, the fact that you were living with that now I'm like, yeah, just get it in there and go Dear God dear God, Well all of God's creatures are special and important and sacred to us here on the te Every single one of them, every single one of them You know, we knew a hamster wasn't a good idea. Now what are you gonna to do with the crate or the cage Well I had said stupidly like, don't worry, we'll get another one. you know? And she said, well, let's take some time, you know and revisit that. I do think I want another one. I was like, okay, she wants me to carry. The good news is she wants me to carry that very heavy glass terrarium down into the garage I'm hoping then it's with ADHD, it's out of sight out of mind And then we got maybe can't they maybe the hamster could live down there Now can it has to it has temperature control issues, but I think that It's too much. Kning that the hamster only lives for a year and a half, like mat. That's crazy. Who knew Now, if I were single and Dan wasn't here to hold me back and put boundaries in place, I'd probably get a rat Why Jess And just I don't know, it's so wild because I just worked with a rat Last I just worked with her. Tell me what happened Brad actor, A Ractor. What How was it? They're They're as smart as dogs and as affectionate. Okay, so I first came on This is exciting to me. First What? I first, you know saw the rat and I was very, very upset with it And people I felt like everybody was like, o my gosh, are you acting? And I was like, 'use my character is upset with it too. And I was like, no, I don't like rats. And everybody seemed to be shocked by this. And I was like, I'm sorry We all like rats. likeike I don't like them. They're having a moment on Instagram Okay, by the time I finished working with this Ractor I did have a certain affection for him. Now What I said over and over is if I didn't see his tail, We in a whole other. And this was a PR problem for them. I know, but that tail, that tail was not it for me and did make me want to throw up every time t. It gets you every time. Every time. You and I lived in New York for a while. And so this route was very small as they go What I Sw in New York City Fucking subway rats I know I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again because rats do have a pR problem, and to be quite honest, they should I was walking home from NYU Bast liibrary. Through Washington Sore Park late at night, I've Wor kind a paper or something And it was like one thirty in the morning and I'm walking through the park. And I look ahead at like the street, this just like Washington Square South or whatever that is And I see what looks like a mirage and I think, is that water? Is that a wave? Is that a wave? Looks like the street's wavy Well Oh I tell you what it was A swarm of rack God Running in Undulating Why are undulating Jessica pulsating through the. Why were they running? as one and they were going to the next sewers. and all my day describing it makes me want to die. And I thought, I remember having the thought, Wake up, June, wake up like this can't be it was and it is. and that's Wh, that's their natural. And I don't know this. I haven't cared to look it up, but I believe it's like I saw it. So what do I have to look up? It I saw it And there were many other times where I look down on the subway and see many of them together I know. they have the right place community. They have a right place And you know what?' I've heard the statistic before. I don't care to find out if it's real, but There are more rats than humans living in any Y C Right And that's all I need to know Yeah in the get a ruring CVid. I won't. No, no, no. Dan, listen, there are certain things we can't push them on. and that's one No, that won't happen. There won't be any more rodents here. That's it. We're done with our hamster phase. BBbe's going to be thirteen ber You know what I mean? We're done I think we're done. So anyway, that chapter's passed and I want to thank everybody for being with me on this journey and U Don't ever do it. If you're thinking, if you're hamster curious, Don't be I I think they're a great idea and I understand some kids want them and all that. But it's an area I think we do need to hold strong on We do need to hold especially especially in this day and age of our maternal overwhelm. It' this is probably what will break anything in a terrarium will most likely break you 'acause you're gonna be cleaning it up. I don't care who you are. It just is what it is Wow Jessica, speaking of' maternal overwhelm You know, I Flew back Canada last week Oh and You know, I I know I announced on either it was this podcast or was the deeper dive How excited I was in the N Year because I for Christmas gift for myself, after having been Having taken the hand me down iPads of most of my family members, Paul's, I never got a new iPad in my life. You had a beautiful new iPad. had a beautiful new iPad And I got a little keyboard thing for it and sometimes it was replacing my computer altog togetherether And lots of times I was on my computer doing just like admin and then I had my shows on right next. Oh, that's beautifully done. Really reallyally loved this piece of machinery. I felt so good. I felt so adult Beautiful. Beautifully done Now, I get on this flight And I'm sitting next to a gentleman and Time to get up And I was watching something I can't remember I was watching But you know, with the iPad If you take it out of its little Keep woring. Yeah, ye. and put the keyboard thing away, you can still watch it upon landing. You to hold it D How I to have a citizen geter Iice keep However, if the keyboard's out That's considered U I don't know what it's considered and you have to put it away Oh I know this I've been traveling so m. I takeake the keyboard off the case off. Now I'm holding the case and I'm holding something else And I put the iPad, I think in the seat back you know what happ happen. No These are I get Bows we cannot handle just I truly and I hate to like ask the community grieve with me and to help me through this, but I'm truly in a crazy place. So I leave to And now if I'm being totally honest when I got in the car in the airport, I did see a notification on my phone that said something like Oh, something something has left been left behind. I did see that I I ignore it. I ignored it because it was showing up as your iPhone. And then like my iPhone, my h or myiPhone. What are you talking about Well, I get back to the apartment and I pull out from my by stuff, Oh, here's my, here's my keyboard and now where's the thing that goes in it It was like a cold chill. Yeah. coold sweat Just, I'm like, no, it's not possible. I look through the bag. Okay, but I put it in the suitcase, even though in my mind, I'm like, I never fucking open that suitcase I'm looking in I have a whole big thing where my scripts are not in there Then I go on to find my iPhone. A sureure enough, sure shit I see it Where is it ide the airport. Oh no. Now I don't so then I I'm like, oh my Godd, oh my Godd, oh my go. I'm frantically putting it in lost mode, but when you put it in lost mode, you can send it a message saying Hey, I'm Please text me. I'll do anything to get this back If you find this, if you have it, please, I'll give a reward anything Nothing, nothing Then I'm texting your Canada emailingir Canada you know them well fill out a claim,, I got a ticket number We're going to be looking. I said, this is the seat. I believe it to have been in the seat backack pocket. If not, it's in the chair But you know it's outside of the airport. Well, right. H here's what I don't understand. Yes, yes. It was at one point. then I looked again later and it had pinged at the airport in the same gate, but I'm not sure if that was because then they said twelve hours ago and that was when I had just gotten off the plane I don't know, Jress. That's a little bit of honestly a mystery in some like Digital forensic person would have to figure that out But I've been getting emails from Air Canada every day. and they's just the same form emails saying like We haven't lost hope. We're still looking Wonderful to hear But yesterday I BeCcause the iPad's dead, you know, nobody Now we can't find it anymore And I played the sound on it, notothing, nothing And so yesterday I went ahead and I erased it You set it out So the way you buried peaches. Yeah I said goodbye to that I We'll be back in just a minute Did you have Apple Care on it That's a h look hanger 'll be back and' answer that question Everything is smart now, Jessica, lights, thermostats, speakers, but for some reason, my blinds were still letting in that one aggressive beam of sunlight every morning. I amm definitely not a DIY person. That is why I started using three day blinds. 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'Cuse that's the kind of thing I'd be like, nah, the most like thing that I'm most likely to lose I'd be like, Patess, I don't think and I've been too scared to ask and I've really tried to keep Paul Sheer out of this mostly Yeah, he wasn't involved when you lost your engagement for eer. Exactly. I've really tried to keep him away. He knows it was lost He told me to erase it. He's like, there's sensitive stuff, like eraset. And I was like, okay But I haven't taken him through the nitty gritty and my plans moving forward Now do I have apple Either No honest answer. I don't know And I don't know more honest answer is I wouldn't begin to know How to find that out And I don't know if Apple Care covers A lost item. I believe it does. That's what's cr crazy I thought it was just for a broken item. Like you're saying that if you lose something, you can just get a new one from us. I think you're like that's so. But again, did I I lost Rver I lost my computer I had Apple Care. I didn't Check Some things are too hard It's so hard find out if you have Apple Care or not, it's so H so hard It's It's easy to sign up. hard hard to figure it out But you have someone in your life who will do it. That's what's crazy I know that I'd never do it for me But I'm also trying to let him be him for a second and let me be me for a second and just And honestly, Jud, if I'm being okay I'm be totally honest E though I erased it And I don't really know what that means, Stephven. You still have hope for Air Canada. hope I have such faith in Air Canada. Now why it would take them so long. Now one of the reasons I have faith And this is actually I kind of let this go, but when I was getting off the plane flight attendant who was lovely the whole time, but I didn't think she recognized me or anything. As I'm getting off, she just goes Good of a f But fa fa f Beautiful f H now singing it at me for my entire exit and I started singing it back to her. Now that is from Flight of the Concords Oh my gosh, she recognized that that You were Brunette. That's crazy. It was such a deep cut Yeah.nt later And then she shouts after. She's like, I didn't want to say anything until it was over. And I was like, oh my God, what a deep cut, have a great day. But it was such a wonderful to sing Foodu Fafa to each other like that. It was such a wonderful point of connection that I have been thinking If Anyone's going to find it. it's her. And you know, we've talked about Air Canada and Canadians at length. they do have bureaucracy That's part of the calm order that they maintain and it just may take them a minute P's and Q's in a row You know, they're they're not like We've got the death penalty and we are like, oops, that was the wrong guy. They're not like that. They're like, we're gonna make sure that this iPad gets to the right person I think so. And now I'm going back to the airport on Thursday. So is there a part of me that's also thinking that's why I ha't try in person. Let me just see what's going on there. Let me make eye contact. Let me just see if there's a lost in found. I'm planning on going early, not up to my old bullshit about, you know Barely forty minutes before the flight takes off. I'm planing going early taking my two hours early there and seeing what I can see I love that for you. And you know you can buy. there are like airport auctions where people buy the stuff that's been left behind in blind items So they'll be like of like storage wars Yes, they'll be like this suitcase and you you know, fifty dollars, but it could end up being like, you know, a treasure trove. I don't know where I heard that, but yeah So let's hope your iPad isn't amongst that lot. You know, a lot of random electronics. Let's how you imagine Let's hope But I do listen, I love that for you to try, but also let's remember that sometimes if it's too hard, you just have to take the L and don't suffer for the L because right now you've got to take care of yourself and your nervous system. and our headphones and our iPads are everything to us right now They are justess and every buffering system. I know and every day I've been like, should I just G to Apple Store and get it's like when you when you like I mean, you're asking somebody who's bought seventeen laptops in the last two and a half years. For an ADHD person, that's quite frankly the cost of doing business You know I really appreciate that. There's no shame in that game. you know? It's difficult though, because like, you know, when we were ask I guess it's just pricey, That's what I'm struggling with. Yeah, it's pricey and also like You don't want to shame yourself, but then sometimes it feels so crazy to be like, Mh, shrug, lost it. but that's how it is. and And I have to work on that with BB and I because BB loses everything. And the moment, and I mean, maybe we were at this volleyball tournament in Anaheim Convention Center. I was there for three days. It destroyed me mentally and physically. But five minutes in, she was like Lost your Stany And there was a of one of our famies, by the way at my house You do Damn it It's like, and I have to stop myself because I want to punish her because I want to punish myself And I had to be like, and I you know what I said? I go, all right, well the lost and found tomorrow. And you know what? I found it And the saddest the saddest part of all is that it's seven fifteen the next morning when I found it I said to myself Yeah And then I thought, wow That's so sad Your highest moment of the weekend will be finding your own Stanley amongst all these other dirty Ottawala And familyies like cast offs. I went Yeah 'cause I don't think I've ever found anything Okay, so I think what what happens when you lose something is you have to confront your your like sort of life view and your outlook, which is yes. Will it come back to me or is it gone forever Right Do I replace it? Do I punish myself further? Right now, I am punishing myself for a little bit longer and trying one more thing. And then I believe I will need ' you're absolutely right. I fucking need this thing right now I will need to go out and purchase a new one Yes I know Again, there yes, there is, I guess we tellell the story again about how you were sitting on your laptop. I was in the couch cushions I'm sorry to make you do this. Yeah, I created a whole story that My laptop had been brought to the hospital when I had that emergency staff infection that I think I got in the Gap dressing room And I was like called Stain. John's Hospital. Im might get your best met on this Get your best men on it And uh went out and they couldn't find it. I bought myself a whole new computer, told the story to everyone at the Apple store It's like your infection. It's like, this is what. Because they looked. The thing about the Apple people that. There is judgment coming from them. They treat their technology with reverence as they should. That's their passion. But when they look and they're like, wait, you've had Five different laptops in the past three years. Wait, the last one was bought only three months ago And I was like, I almost died of a deadly staph infection and someone stole it in the hospital. And they were like, o my God, that's horrible. I was like, I know I was unconscious and someone stole it And then about a month later, I felt something hard under through that I was you sitting there. And I have to say like Dan, you know, Dan doesn't have ADHD. He's the opposite. He has whatever that is that's annoying. He doesn't lose anything. And so he has tuned me out now. He says he doesn't hear me when I say, I lost this or I lost that. He just doesn't Gray rocks me, he said He becomes a gray rock to my complaints in my chaos. And so he had just forgotten about all of it. and I was like, Oh my Godd, and I pulled it out and it was under the couch, the seat cushion, this whole time, I'd been sitting on it for almost like four months Now the the matter was to be zagging on it, to be sitting on it. That computer was already so broken Like we never had I mean, this podcast is suffered because of your computers, you know So like, but when I brought the computer in and I said You guys want this? They were like, nah. We don't know what you did to this It's so caked with like wheat thin dust and stuff. like we can't recover it So But I really I you want to do this with a shame away from stuff I really appreciate that, Jessica. I really need that. and thank you for telling me that I need a new one. I know it. You know, it's like but sometimes you need to relearn the things that you already know Yeah, like when my mother, when my mother I know I've told the story many times, but and How old were we? M have been BB's age, mayabbe. And my mom says, yeah, where's your coat? I don't know code I'd lost. And what my gay best friend, Mike Doyle was so shocked by is like the glibness with which I hopped out of the car I didn't take the shame on that I'd lost it. I knew simply that I had to get out of harm's way. Nowhere and no time have I ever said u Shouldn't have done that. I really don't. I couldn't. If I did that, I would be in a constant state of shame And you know what? you're so right. I think that what happened what maybe was coming up for me is I was so proud that I took it out for that extra time so I could watch. not have to put it away during dissent I was so proud that I then went on to lose it You know, so was a H moment to come off of You know, I know also One other thing was just that I don't know if you know the origin story of Dan and I, but when we finally decided to make it official, we met in Nice, France And we were h. horny as hell, you know, just having the time of our lives, you know, banging every which way and every in every B and B we could find And I had my both of our Eurail passes in my little Moroccan leather cururse that I was you know carrying around And I left it on a park bench and within seconds it was gone And I'll never forget how loving Dan was about it. Oh my God, people make mistakes Don't you dare, baby doll, donon't you dare feel bad about that And what he recalls much like in your murder shows, he recalls thinking like Oh, this this must be the only time something like this has happened to her. And he didn't realize who's getting involved in a lifetime of this. And so what I will say is When people show you who they are, believe them, them. When you show yourself who you are, believe yourself. You won't ever stop losing shit Well Similarly, and I know you'll appreciate this I'd been home for a few days. I was trying to do like everything I could with the kids and I had to take Sam to an appointment that both Paul and I were going go to Now it'd been back and forth about what time with the office, the doctor, and then finally in my head your head and my head, the appointment is a different time on' at six sixteen It's on the calendar, check the cow. We all have the same cow. But in my head it's at six hundred fifteen. Now Paul and I talked the night before because Gus has a sports banquet at the school to celebrate the sports year So I'm like, well, I'm going to go to that for a little bit, but only a little bit because I got a I'll over and meet you, I'll get someone to drive Gus home. Well, Not only that, but I when I RSVP to the sports banquet, I said, I'm not going to be eating because I'm just going to be there for a little bit. So I'm RSVPing, but don't worry about food. Yes, skip the chicken Cton Bu. Okaykay? So then I get there And I have there's just one of the loveliest moms, really nice community I'm very lucky to have. We sit down together I said I'm gonna be here for two seconds Basically, I'm not here I'd love to chat But I'm not gonna be here. I'm looking at the clock. I'm like, I gotta leave by. I don't know, probably five forty five Gotta get to that six fifteen. Gotta get to the six fifteen Then I were sitting with a couple new parents that I met, older kids And we're outside and there's a big, you know, they put pictures of all the kids playing sports in the middle of the tables And our picture in this little plastic frame kept them falling over because it was a little windy. And I said, you know what I got my big old janitor keys Kyyss right here to steady this. Oh In fact, one of them it was a picture of their son one of the parents, they said, we gotta see this. A studeady Oh some support Valies So then I look, it's five forty five Time for me to go go down to my car, by everyone, ask this very friendly mom that I love. I said, wouldould you mind dropping guss off And she goes, Well, we're gonna to take away mom. Is that okay with you? I said, Yeahah. And I go, o, he might. He might be what time are you leaving? because we might not be back by then. She's like, Oh well, we'll hang out before D'morr. I'll get him home figure that out, tell him, get in my car. C's not starting. huh? Then I get a call from the doctor You guys on your way? Oh Oh H. He said, okay, because the A appppoint was at five thirty.. God, No. Now, when I tell you've been waiting months for this appointment, you know and I No. Oh no.. And I said, hold on, please and I'm texting Paul forenntically. He goes, what? We're on our way there, but we're not gonna to be there till six. And then I'm on the other line with the doctor. I said, they're not gonna to be there till six. I I haveother patient or I would push you and I said, No, I don't know what to say. I really was like, I don't know what to say Yeah I don't know what to say You know And then he's like Okay Let me make a phone call. Now I'm sitting in my car and I'm just like That doesn't h. Yeah, it's hard not to take on shame when it involves You child and well being of your children. That's a tough one. was very tough. And so then he calls back. He said, I can give them fifteen extra minutes. And I said, Okay. And I said, if I leave there, I can be there soon And so then I tell Paul like, go becausecause Paul's like, shouldh I turn around? And I'm like, go, keep going. I'm gonna come, justust get there, go, go, go go there Now I'm in the car starting, my fob. Now do well, I'm pressing the car and I'm like, Oh my God, the car's not turning on. Where are my keys? Where are my keys? I'm looking everywhere. Okay, taking everything out of my bag, looking in the back I' been in the trunk at one point, getting Gus a sweshirt, L in the trunk, didid I leave him there Well completely forgot that they were upstairs holding that picture frame down Now you gotta go back up. Well No, Jaz. I didn't remember and I just sat in that car and I was like, I'm still gonna have to wo home because with now this mom, who's so lovely because I don't know my keys This is a fucking nightmare No, it was a nightmare. And I was as I was sitting in that car, I just really let it all wash over me. I can't get to the appointment. I can't get us home. And I don't know where my keys were. Now did I just put them up there not ten minutes ago? Yeah, I did. Did I remember that? No No, I didn't. Just like my Gmail keeps telling me, you have one hundred fifty two thousand onread messages. We're going shut your account down. Jess, I'll tell you what happened. We'll be back in a second We have said this before and we're gonna say it again. Skims is in a category all its own when it comes to comfort. Their fabrics are what I reach for when I want something that feels good on my body, but still looks intentional and put together My favorite piece, oh, this is the holy Grail guys Cotton jersey foldover pants. S it again. They are ridiculously soft. They have a perfect amount of stretch, and somehow they still feel really flattering. 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It's packed with tech, like three D surround cameras, clear sight ground and rear views, driver assist features, and an intuitive infotainment system. With three models, the Defender ninety, one hundred ten, and one hundred thirty There's a defender for every kind of adventure, from city streets to remote trails. This is a vehicle that, like you, is capable of great things. Explore the full defefender lineup at landrooverusa. com justust to finish up this story, and I actually think this is a very important episode. I do too For really we are talking about shame and Ol Overwhelm, maternal overwhelm and overload. And I sat in the car and I really didn't know what to do And I thought I just texted Paul. I can't find my keys and he's like, what they are He's like, I'm heading into the appointment. Should I say you're com? And I'm like Leave me here to die Leave me here to die. Truly, just leave me here And then I think gonna go back upstairs because at least I can be present for the other child. This foropie's Joice, Sophie's Joice Yeah, at least I can do that Get out of the con So I get out, I go up, it's a circular table. Someone is now sitting in my seat and then there's my mom, friend And then there's a new seat next to her. Now because now I sit in that seat, I have a different view of that frame I'm saying isn't that a fact type O of sight out of mind, justess Oh yeah So why Yeah And there's anotherother gganic set of keys put in the center of a centerpiece. so odd. holdoice. choice. And it's a set of keys that's so big, please know there's a There' like Snyder and in one day at a time sanitizer on it. There's bask little basketball, clipperers bat. There's eight million things on this sk Like you can't, it's designed so you can't lose them And I've designed it as such Yeah. And yet here we are Here we are. So I see them and I just pick them up and I turn to my friend and she goes, you're back because I've been downstairs for fifteen minutes And this is where The shock of normos to what is happening in our lives is always a bit of stark relief And you know I like her so much and she's someone I just have always really loved since like he was in third grade Such great conversations with But she seems really high level to me High love Fctioning, exxecutive Fioning, executive. Yeah Awesome lady Love lovely, but very high functioning Yeah. And I thought, how am I going to spin? what am I going say? And I just picked up the keys placed the frame face down You know, just to remind myself, like I need these keys more than that frame needs to stand. Yeah. ye. them in my bag and I said, honey, I had the wrong time And then I sat in my car trying to figure out why I wouldn't turn on for fifteen minutes. Like it was a confession at a Catholic church. Y These are my confessions just when I said I kind and I got you kinda said Whatne on the way And I said, I donon't know what to say. Yeah And What she do? How'd she receive it She goes. Here's some french fries Oh. I like her even more. And now you're here Are you here Be lver Yes, lookook, you get to be at this get to be at this event. Great couldn't have been and we had a laugh and I said, I don't know. And she goes Money, it happens We don't know which end is up And I said, I really don't, I really don't We talked about hormones, we talked about hormone replacement therapy, We talked about all manner of thing. and I just It's not it wasn't the kind of experience where sometimes, you know you lay yourself bare to someone and you feel like I shouldn't have said all that or I don't like how I present how I That's right You can sort of u seell yourself out to Yes, that wasn't this. You just told The truth. I said here's the facts. Here's the facts I'm not going to say I'm a fucking mess. I'm not going say I Here's the facts, Jack And plain and sayple plain and simple, that's right. That's look at what you're doing. That is correct Every has unfolded according to the correct timeline. And it's happened to her, somebody who we think of as such a high functioning The narrative is not, I'm a mess No The narrative is these are the facts of the play. These are the given circumstances And there's no other way it could have gone down because just with the law of averages, right? And never forget what my psychiatrist said I can medicate your ADHD, but I cannot medicate For what it is like to be a modern woman in this world There's no amount of drugs that can help you with that, Jessica That was like, whoa, that That's other fucking truth And then she said, she goes, you put your keys on that frame. so that these two parents could see a picture of their son That's what you That's it That's it I was like ye, that is why I did that to try to prop them up because it kept on falling over. Now It was a great lesson. and then I said, you know what? Let me drive you guys home Oh get your way, m' that lovely And we had a hell of a time. And then as we were leaving You know, there's there's two tables out there that have like old sports uniforms and like not uniforms, but merch, school merch Yeah buy. It was like And so I said, Gus, let's go over. we pick out a few things. We go over. Now my phone is in a case, but in order for it to fit in my bag or I don't know what happened. I had taken it out of its case. Aain, the title episode will be Don't ever take anything out its case No it's not worth it It's not I've been going around without a case on my phone and that's just crazy. Crazy crazy. So I I dropp now I'm still with her and her son. And I have the phone and I And they drop it , it rolls under the table and Gus goes to getet in and he goes, Oh my God Mom Mom, look at the back. and I see the back is completely shattered And I just said Gs Not now He was God. I had no Well he's He does have Paul's like reverence for electronic now, notot now. Not now and not sh I go, I don't need to. I don't need to care back in its case the front? okay, great. let's fucking move on. And I'm not taking this lovely mom through another episode. We that. She doesn't need another one for me. like let's end it. let's end this It ends tonight. It ends with us ends with us It has to It has to end with us I It's a great job. It's a great lesson T our young ones and to all the women listening who are younger than us possibly not yet caring for humans It's like It's hard out there for a pimp. It is. It's so hard. I said to BBbe, I was like You know, I didn't realize she wasn't wearing her rubber bands forver three months I beat myself up over that I said, Bbe, wait until you have another human being to remember their shit and you can't even remember yours. It's hard Yes, it is. It's hard. So I yeah, release the shame of all of it And yeah, it's gonna cost us some things. Sometimes we're gonna have to replace multiple things. Oh God It cost money, okay? It is. But don't keep shame on top of it don't And this whole thing, I think what's really wonderful is we're moving out of Cathy cartoon era of like, I'm a mess and I've done that. Listen, it's one of our Ky small talk things is we like to we need to make our mark a position of power, and that's often by denigrating ourselves. Casey and I do that very well. But I really think we have to watch it because if we do that, then what are we communicating to other women that they should also feel bad about themselves when they fuck up, except so what that woman did by saying this is reality, you are neither a mess Nor are you perfect. You are living as a modern woman and that means you don't know where any of your shit is And I'm proud of myself too, because I came back from the car, you know, not knowing where my keys were and how I was going to get home ly with my head held high, well high as maybe too I didn't sell myself out I didn't make myself less. Now I had shared with her before what kind of travel I was up to and the look on her face, she was like, holy fucking shit. Now she's been traveling a lot too We connected and I was just like, yeah, this is what's up This is what's up. Yeah I had a moment to, I've had a migraine for seven hundred weeks at this point. and Part of it is just, again, schedules, all of that But I said to my mom, my mom called to check on me and I just was in one of those really like weak moments. and I was like, you know, the truth is, mom I'm a mom But I need a mom I said, I still am somebody that needs A momb. because we're so overwhelmed. We need moms more than ever, really And so many of us You know, we don't have a mom still with us or we have a mom that's, you know, my friend has a mom who has dementia. It's like, but but that doesn't take away us needing somebody to take care of us. Yes, but most of us don't have that And that's Very hard Right is very hard. It is very, very, very hard And so I guess in conclusion, I'm going to purchase a new iPad. Great, let me be and that's where we all are each other's moms too Yeah in that the you tellld I get the headphones too. Now I have lost my headphones. I just forgot them. So now I have two pairs, which honestly feels great Great. I had two pairs until the other one went missing. It doesn't matter, but my point is to your fellow sisters in Christ and have them tell you to take a nap, buy the iPad, do whatever the fuck you need to do. get takeout Do it Do it And don't you dare feel bad about it. You're doing gangbusters, guys, you are. But this is not we are not meant to succeed in this structure. So we have to change the rules of the game of what success means in this world. Success to me doesn't mean knowing where all of your electronics are That's not success it Success doesn't mean knowing the terms of your Apple Care plus It's not Thats It's not making a homemade meal. It's not having It's not even being a good cook. I said if you' sorry This is as good as it will ever get. I don't have time Okay, to go snip fresh herbs Beair for Contessa, that's her fucking job job is to make Jeffrey, that roast chicken ' she's parlaying that into another cookbook, another version of Jeffrey's roast chicken But That ain't my job Okay And that is also why BB had a week of the summer that was not planned and it was just absolutely haunting me I thought, what the fuck? How am I going to get my work done And then two other moms, same thing. they were freaking out. How are we going to get our work done