Reflecting on Childhood and Parenting

Lemonder. Jessica, there's a podcast I think you'll really appreciate. It's called Sex and the Psyche, and it's hosted by Dr. Jenny Skuyler and her husband Danielle Lieibowvitz, both sex therapists. And they feature incredible guests and experts discussing relationships, intimacy, advanced medicine for libido and prostate cancer, and other topics relevant to modern relationships You'll walk away from each episode with practical tools, fresh insights, and honest conversations about issues we all face. Find sex and the psyche wherever you get your podcasts Hi, I'm Jessica Saint Clair, and I'm June Diana Rayfieel. and this is the deep dive. We're about to do what women have done for centuries. We're crowding around the fire with our generous haunches. We got babies hanging off our tits and we're gonna share with you our fears. That's right, our joys, our tips on how to stay alive. Now Jess, we are heeding a call No one has made. Not a soul, but you're invited to listen. Absolutely. because we make one promise and one promise only. We will not Google a thing. ' frankly, we're too damn tired. Please get ready to go on. The deep dive. Good morning, Jessica Good morning. my love bug, It's. June It's June. what day is it? I don't know eighth We are officially The first week down of suummer one. Yes. and you know Pride Month, of course, kicks off june first and M I tell you of all of the identity months, the black histories, the women's histories All of them feel like Pride mononth Perfect month gets the right month. It gets kicks us off into summer in the right way. Like it just feels So right. And it's funny because different months have different identities. Oh, so true, so true. And I thought to myself, it was almost like when in the final Star Wars is that I've been made to watch or just while I'm cooking, I see them I know that the guy from Girls will feel the other one in like his bones. and I had a thought while I was doing the dishes like I thought, how short are Jake Cornell's denim shorts right now, wherever he is. How short has he gone? but he' somewhere living his best life. I'm not. I'm here in a different reality, but it like It like shook me, you know, It's just so It's short shorts. it's rainbow flags. It's and it is June to me now, of course, it is also my you know, my my name Oh my God you're right. he. I have to point that out to you But I didn't even make that notes. Okay. that's okay. But It is as just a month. has such a great vibe. too me the best vibe. I mean, one might argue The best vibe. I love right out of I love June. June is busting out all over I love June. Sap. Snap's up to June Because there are other months like July gets July iss great for a lot of differentays. take it away from I'm not I'm not going different. but it's a little bit different. It does a little more hopes. Yes. It's a little more well done. It doesn't have the hopes and dreams that June does. Yeah. And then August can get tricky August is a downright month. whichich is why I've been taking it up at the end which lander two weeks of August is when I hit Europeride There's all it's tricky. I know I'm fighting a force And I so and I but next year I'll be doing June. You know, I'm always planning. I have my next five summers in Europe lessed. But I am going to have to do June because the kids start to really like have a lot of shit to do in August as they get older and older You know, it's just it's sort of a downbeat things that people go, people are missing, you know, people missing I only things you go undering they go underwater and then you go underground, The most therapists are off in August I know that's something. It's August has the potential for A mental health crisis for you know. I'm literally underground in New Hampshire. if you remember, I goerranan. That's I sleep. Yes, I know. Now, I do think I don't know when mental health awareness mononth is, but I would lobby that it should be in August. aggreed August in February. Yes, like when we don't have the resources when our therapists have said like we don't work in August, which by the way, much respect to them Much respect. Yeah what are they French? Like but is a crazy thing. Yeah Yeah, you know, And then of course, September, October, November, they all have their identities obbviously December January is th and that's when your birthday is. It's like you're you couldn't your Name is of June, but you couldn't have a more opposite month as your And as your actual birth month. Thank God, it was almost as if your parents knew they had to psychically balance you out Well, you know, when I was born, my birth announcement which I found like actually after my mom died, I'd never seen it before and it was bllown away, you know, they sent it out and it was in the form of a Broadway ticket Oh, that's title of the show. Did you frame it? No, I should you you have to. Okay, I'll find that. I have it. The title of the show was June and January Oh my God. you know, a Rayial production. Oh my go. They did Rayfel ninety pounds. You know, all of this stuff directed by Diane you know, it was all of this stuff. Supporting cast, like, you know, it was so cute. And they didn't know you were going to be an actor. No, isn't that int So odd Yeah, I guess it is. I got chill. I guess it is. Yeah. But January is He was born in the middle of a snowstorm. They couldn't get milk, the roads were January or our formula the Januaries It's very Noah Khan Coded. Yes And then there's February and then there's March and all of these months are troubling. There's there's stick season. If we make it alive too alive, we're good. Like my whole year is about making it to June, honestly It is. it is you know what I thought today, you're not going to believe this and you're not going to want to hear it. I thought to myself this morning My God bless, Poy, let me sleep in today Thats to myself this morning Well I'm getting excited for the holidays. Now that's crazy. I will not And I can because it's Jue. No, I won't. I mean, you have to understand, I've been working on my Summer capsule wardrobe For months. Good for you. I don't have any other clothes ' only appropriate to take it from beach tonight. You have a lot of resort wear I have too much. toooo many matching sets to the point where I don't have any clothes to wear now. Like I still have to work now. R. I dress for the two weeks I am in youright. They say dress for the job you want. You're dressing for the vacation you want Yeah. Tuth And that's something else I need to address. But even last night, I forced everyone to go on a Po after dinner, I was like, everybody up, We're going down to the water and we're walking along it. T turns out there's a whole world down there. There's a whole world know I pict sure you live out there. I pict sure you live out there. you're there all the time. butver No. Dan's concerned because squirrels have taken over the park. They have a squirrel problem. Oh and he's just like grossed up by it. But But there's always like an old like bunch of hippies from Tipanga like in a band. And then like a bunch of people eating picnics and stuff. And it's very it's very Spain coded, really, Mexico coded because everyone's strolling about These are the whimsical things we do in summer. and I made an announcement on my personals where I said this we are open for enrollment. ty percent off your first month. like it's summer now. like we have to join we have to prepare because we have to be ready for July. Like you can't just jump into summer. You can't stick a dick in dry. You got to, if I've learned anything from watching the show off campus,ay You know yourself some off campus, Je? I've heard of it because of course, I'm about to promote another YA show on Amazon, but I have heard about it. Can I say something though and call me. I know what you're gonna say. Okay. Pornographic is what it is I supportoro That's great and that's wonderful. I. Yeah. I love heated rivalry, but not for the reasons I think everybody else did. I am not G, call me Grandma You are not as are granda What this. I'm not as interested I love watching Sexy things, right? I have no problem there Watching younger people I complete so I'm not into it. I'm like this isn't for me. I'm so gl did this Yeah. I I' it. sure it's great and everybody's talking about it. It's just not for me. Im like if I don't feel I don't feel like you've lived Yeah, like we' talking about some w We' talking about F one. you love a woman and I I hear you love a woman whose bones might be about to enter osteopenia, get thrown outst the wall by Brad Pitt. You know what She' more about the men too. It's like, I't I just The young bucks, they don't do it for me. I don't find it interesting I find them silly. They are silly billies. They're silly billies No' like I'm glad they're having fun, but they're silly billies to me. I don't know what's happened to me. They know. Well we're blond We get farther Well, there is a blond in and he's as silly as a billy is we can And they're like, we're going to give him a storyline where I guess where's gonna to like governments, I'm like, we can't An I don't know if it's like is a dimple. Can you imagine I don't know what they're going to do Now there's certain young men. you brought up Adam Driver. There's certain younger men. I mean, he's not even that young anymore, but it's like that are fucking hot and have an older kind of energy and that's hot Don't get me wrong. I know. I just Yeah, They're silly Billies. And I listen, it's a show. I don't know why who brought my two college resturants It's I watch all of my shows while breading chicken. Yeah, I know I'm never not bread. You're taking a chicken cutlet and like dropping it in some egg yolk and then putting it in some breadcrumbs. That's how I picture you watching Emily in Paris. And I know your big AirPod maxes are on and I know where you're Pad is I've got a giant update about my iPad but go on I know you know it, but go on. So you have to be very careful because off campus is important, which I also find upsetting because I know that children can just turn it on. likeike you have to be on Yeah. So like I even heard like Bei's group was like, have you heard of this show offcampus? And I turned around I was like I said something That's a naughty show. Naughty, Naughty. Naught, you are not to watch that show. And then I texted all of their mothers and I was like, APV, they're talking about off campus and all the mobs were like Like I was like check the history, lock down Amazon Prime, like lock it be a be a absolutely. Okay. Yeah. No, it's Horno porn traffic, okay So I'm watching it and then like holy mooly, like things are happening and like the thing with the AirPod Max is people can come up behind you. You could be murdered and cold You could be caught unawares and actually it's Jessic, I'm not going to lie. That's made me nervous a few times. It should. cannot be on noise canceling, okay? And so like and it people standanding next to you going And you could just hear their lips moving. So you have to be careful. because also Dance like, why is If he's made dinner and I'm doing the dishes, he's like, whyy are the dishes taking so long? That's ' I got to stop And sometimes you just got to like turn directly to it and give it your full. You have to. have to. You have listen, I'm gonna give it a chance actually, Jess because I need to, you know, of course, I have L coming out on Amazon Prime on july first. Oh that way That's not off campus and it's a different genre. but I need to get up to date on what else is out there who I'm gonna see on theseress, you know, these press twels Okay feel that I need to like that's interesting. I Well what's so funny is you're gonna have your kids Your kids are different kids Y kids Y little, your little ducklinks are different Okay. They're different in that they aren't getting eaten out for forty five minutes of the hour Now, right. I But can I just say one thing though. I read an article about Bridgerton and the new movement of sex in shows. Okaykay. now What they were saying is it is all about the female gaze now. In that wonderful when I tell you most of the action is women getting action And you know what? I tip my hat to it. I think it's important for young women to see And by the way, I will add this to my J just sort of very specific you know, sexual preference when it comes to movies and TV shows When we're talking about Bridgerton, when we're talking about something that's old timey Mhm. I can get behind a younger age group because I do think that that's different. Well, they were gonna be dead by thirty five. Exactly. they were basically They're really their Diane Keaton in an ani Virus movie. And by the way, I'm not into and I don't know what it is. It's just they're a little they're all a little too silly billy for me. Just u Understood. U not that I It's not that I also want to be clear. It's not that I'm interested in like older folk mag No It't one is No Alec Baldwin. No, no, no. say Meryl which she sees when he she sees that she has a full bush bush and have her say welcome home. Like I almost threw up during that scene. That's not the scene I want to see Jessica, I no, no. She said he said she either he said welcome home oread ever. Like that's varying peaches. Do't it work Because I' like Bell, like I don't want that That's dont want that. That's not what I'm saying.. I just even with heated rivalry, I was like, oh, they're so young, you know, they are young They are. But bodies are outrageous. I I love And I thought by the way, but what I connected to was more You know, with heated rivalry, that beautiful scene where What's' face calls the other one I' speaking in Russian I can't understand. Gorgeous stuff. like really, really beautiful. I loved it Actual wham bam, thank you, ma'am of some of these younger YA shows, I'm like hm It know feels a little weird to me. Well you're m Manners. You've turned into Mis Manners. You are the original you are now like taking over the helm I mean, someone must, you know what I mean No. And it's honestly I think because of sort of the Karen craze, everybody's so scared of being called a Karen. And you know what There's important reasons why, of course, like the way that that phrase came about was really rooted in racism, all that stuff But We cannot be afraid though, however, to hold the line on certain things. This is your other podcast. or like I just imagined a book at anthropology check out Wait wait, your rules for Miss Manner. we need It's not anyone anti medical. We need It's antithetical to you You know, like I actually had to say to someone at an event The other night, she was like, I don't think I can have another margarita. And I said, Well, you know, June Diane is always one margarita away from ruining her life. And she said, That makes a lot of sense. This woman does not know you. She goes that makes a whole lot of sense then this doesn't make sense. and I've been writing multitudes. We can say multitudes. That's it. I've been writing about you, girls. I shared a chapter, one of the many about you Jessica And And Danielle said it's it's so fascinating to see us from your eyes And what I noticed about it is you guys really contain multitudes. Don't we all Diane Danielle Schneider, like She's wearing a neon bikini at Daytona Beach. She's also the most afraid of being murdered of all of you. I don't see those things as incugruant. Yeah, like I don't. I see those things that I can that's no problem to me Yeah, But I understand that. I understand that cont those lines. So for you to be somebody for whom like we go to you ask us cuslely show more of our bodies and all this stuff. and then also your mismanners, it's just such as. you embrace. I know. I want to say a little something before and actually I'm gonna I'm going I'm going to tell you all about Jessica's chapter that she sent us, but we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right now Guys, it's summer one, and if you're anything like me, once it hits, you would rather be planning a vacation than stressing out about how to pay for it. And that is why I love Monarch. Monarch isn't just another advertiser. 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Have you ever had so many tabs open that your computer started slowing down ten for work, five for family, one for that thing you've been meaning to figure out twentywenty more running quietly in the background Life can feel like that too According to Better Helps twenty twenty six State of Stigma Report, eighty five percent of Americans say getting support is a smart thing to do Yet seventy four percent say society still discourages people from asking for help And more than three in four Americans reported symptoms of anxiety or depression in the past two weeks. Therapy can help you sort through whatever's taking up space and attention T better help you can connect with a licensed therapist online on your schedule You'll be matched based on your needs, and you can switch therapists anytime In fact, sixty nine percent of better help users showed meaningful improvement in anxiety and depression. Maybe it's time to close a few tabs. betteretterHalth. com Better Hlp. com Jessica First of all Justic a sent as a chapter. that she wrote about it was a beautiful chapter called Fairy Godmothers about some of her girlfriends and their impact on baby's life and And You sent it with such little fanfare, which is like in a text I had to send it. You know, nobody sends a chapter of a book in a text. Iusing. I was like, wait, why is this? but then you could open it up. It was so I'd never seen a document sent that way. Well, you guys are so busy. firstirst of all, I knew Casey could never open a document that she couldn't Go from A to C I understand that too. There something very painful about opening a document about clicking on something and seeing it pop up. We' very days, very exhausted. not. It's too much. under seing it to us to document. I understand that. And then that's why it was like it was really actually it was wonderful to get it in a text But a lot to read it on your phone. It's a lot to read on your phone, but it wasn't a lot to read. It flew It flew and I was scrolling and laughing and scrolling and laughing Jessic, I'm so excited for this book I Also have to say to our audience I thank God for you because I don't think anyone listens the way that you listen And maybe nobody's ever told you that before. No, that's the opposite of what Dance says to me everyday She's like, why can't you just l re? sh up for what second? is you are holding on to details and memories and observations and moments and slices of life. that are so specific and are so piercingly true And you share them in your book. it's like the David Saderis quality of just being an observer of, you know, the cosmic joke of life and then being able to share out. But with your own lens, but it is very, very powerful. Oh And you man, you are a writer. You know, I know you don't want you don't want this title. I know nobody does, but you are Jessica. Oh, Jude, I are. I a struggle. I struggle. it means so much to me. The only thing that I really love about this book is because it's all about my friends and how they make my life and make me able to survive is that I go like, why would anybody give a fuck about us and and So at the very least, I go well these little love bombs I can send in text for to let people know in my life how much they mean to me and that I am watching You are watching. I am watching because you guys are everything to me. You are you are my gorillas. You are my mountain gorillas. I'm studying you every minute like Jane Goodall. I'm with you Yeah, you are. It honestly it was so well observed and thoughtful that it made me wonder like are you even in the moment? or you are you approaching her friendships likeci like a sociologist? Yeah, like, why do I remember that Danielle Nneyer Yeah, like are you used to wear haavianas And I remember her being like, o, my boyfriend's always like, wash your feet before you come to bed. And I was like That was Matt Besser. Like I don't remember why it's weird I know But I love it. It's the details of people's friends that really so good' alive. I really Why anyone else would want to read it? I have no idea, but I know be their friend Beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful. And it's about Be Adult womanhood too, it's about being Being a woman and the Oh my God, the amazing like capacity that women have And how we do it with each other is so beautiful. It made me cry, made me laugh so hard I loved it so much. Thank friends. I'm so excited to write you. I'm so excited I I'm exc what I'm excited about is never having to write another word again. No I don't know why people are doing this to us. I know it's listen, it's a terrible, it's terrible, right? But you do have a talent. You just do Well, you just do. June, I was hating I have to say I do hate to break it to you. I take no pleasure in saying I don't want it. I know. I know like I don't want it right under the Tuscan sun. You know, and there I am. I'm becoming this person. never want to you and Dam like you guys really should be I don't know what? you really both of you should be just putting your heads down and writing all day. No, God, I can't anything worse I'm sorry is in order to take an hour lunch, but I'm sorry. this is. No I don't want this for myself. in order to write thingsings you have to have fun So like I would say we haven't been having and I wrote this to Casey. I said, G, we haven't been having enough fun with each other. We haven't gone to Miami this year. Everyone'sy. Everyone's been working. we've had no dinners, we've had no fun. likeike it's just, you I have a summer dinner that I'm planning. I don't want to get that on you. And June and Casey and I are planning a sunset Tower dinner, which will be a very greating. Yeah, very, very easy, Breezy Yeah, like I just want to also make sure we're living while we're creating because you're's absolutely. It's important it is. And as you know, I have not been since since February, I have been underground And I haven't seen a soul Yeah, I' seen you so thank God, I get to see you on Zer. I know. I never know what was going on. No I'm a mystery And But I'm almost on, and that's just been this season. Now it's hard ' it's five months, but it has just had to be what it had to be. It had to be There are four seasons. There are four seasons in our lives. And the fact I can toggle between four seasons and off campus is a wild ride, but There are. And you know, I wanted to say one other thing and then god damnit, do we have to get your iPad because it's so important. It's so important It's like teasing like that's the That's the headliner Um But I did recently see a dear friend of ours in and I won't see the specifics because I know it's so under wraps, but I saw her in her second act Hm to something she did in her twenties, but Push herself out of her comfort zone in a way that was so stunning and so inspiring And scary to the point where I thought I was going to pass out during it and I was just in the audience, but my I Wow. That thrilling. It was thrilling. And I was like But nobody told us that in in our you know, approaching the second half of our lives that we would have to have a second act that there would be a reinvention and a rebirth And it's exciting. but boy is it almost as hard as our early twenties of like U It's like It's like what are we going to do? Where are we going to live? What What is the next? pushing of our talents and children getting older and I am like It's exhausting, but I'm also like watching it as if it's a show that is the most high stake show I've ever seen. It's Jack Reacher. You know, I've never seen it. but You know, it's the born identity. People are like really making moves. Oh, it's exciting. Well, there's there is more notothing to me is as scary as our early twenties, but there is more nothing will be thatothing ever That's a horror movie. This is for Jack Reger, but that actually was like the poltergeist. like that that Yes. want to go back there But I do agree that this is a time of What do we do with this? what is that? What in wild the Mary Oliver poem, Wild and Precious life? L what do we now we've learned so much? What do we do with it And that's really exciting and scary. And yeah, what other talents do we have? Have we excavated everything we have to offer Is it all out there? Is there lot We just gonna to say because a lot of people say this is that's enough The sameice that And in four seasons, I know I keep going back to it. You haven't seen it yet, but One of the characters says to the Terry Kinney character, like E he's trying to decide whether they're going to have a baby and he's older. He's in his, you know, fifties fifty, you know, but but it's a gay couple and he's like just feel like everything in this second half of my life is so high stakes and I'm trying to stick the landing Because this is it And he's like, and it's exhausting. And then Terry Kenney says good news is it's almost over Boy she boy is she a fucking gift. Oh even to watch her. I'm like the work Terry Kinney is doing this show. Right, because a lot of I mean, I think we identify so much with her because it's also like, oh yeah, we saw you kill and Reno and you've been a part of that group, just killing left and right in the state But what else do you have to offer? Because we all know how much every performer, every artist has to offer. And sometimes people are like,, why don't you do other roles? It's like because nobody has seen me that way and I haven't been able to I'm not sitting here turning it down left and right No people are like, but that's what you don't. That's what you do. But someone take one says, wait, you have more Someone made a store just for meorumood. Someone knows my kind of quality. Food emorum foodor. Someone got the message. like things better. The simple way Be of course, for those of you who weren't in the East Coast, that was a very, very expensive store called Food Emporium, which I never saw the inside of. Oh my God, I loved Foodmporiums. And why was that such a banger Why was that such a fucking banger? Banger is. I told you I knew the guy who What of the guys I I was up in advertising with It was like, I have such a heavy mantle to hold. And I was like he w one lunch at like Panera, he unloaded on me the pressure he felt. I was like, what? He was like, I don't like to talk about it, but my grandfather came up with zestfully clean y not fully cleanntil you zesty clean. And what a legacy He goes, how can I ever helpop that? And I said you can't get another job to tell you just a side this is a side note but related Why Sam and I were at coffee Being yesterday? And I know sometimes I sound like Kathy Lee, you know, talking about her son Cody to Regis, but why Sam and I he just kills me sometimes Jessic He kills you Dad. He's the kills me fucking dayad. He does. We're talking about this and that and Oh no, I'm sorry. we were at Marshallalss yesterday Wonderful. You know, of course, he's a little martialista, so we did Quick trip to Marshalss to get some teachers' presence And it's great to see Marshallalss through his eyes too God, I didn't know he was a marshallista. Oh, Jessica. I had no lo a stop at Marshallals go with him to by the way I this pink juicy robe that I'm wearing right now you got me this for Christmas. I think Juy is only sold at Marshall's. Yeah. I don't think you will see it in the wild. And by the way, it's a great fucking robe Yeah, they got so many things inact. When a little boy gives you a gift that's a pink, juicy robe He says this is what be the best husband in the world. This is what I picked out from my mom For a man or a woman, he'll be the greatest husband of the world Pz So why would we were at Marshalss were talking about various things this and that And he says, he starts talking about brands. And he goes, well, I mean, you know He's like Pokemon. I mean that brand is fumbling Does it excuse me? Fumbling, use the word fumbling He goes, Ohh yeah And he is like there's a lot of like Nike' cooked right now And I'm like, why are you? He started telling me? I know. He started telling me about brands. And identity. started talking about laboooos too. and I think they're coming back, but he's like, you know He started talking about brands and how they Different brands were fumbling. here and there and weren't what they used to be. And I was like, son How are you what are what are you? That's Paul's influence on. Okay. And then and then last night Last thing I about Sam but last night I was showing him something on YouTube. I can't remember what it was. And then he goes Can we check in on Jackie and Shadow And I said, Who were Jackie and shhadows? That's of the live stream And I said, what is the Sam? What is? I know, now you're like, oh Godd. what found on the dark wayay? No. Right. What's And then well, It's a live stream of two balld eagles and Big bear And now apparently the fifth grade teacher because Gus, I had like a vague memory of like, you know, they send out the newsletters every day. vague memory of that in the open up a Microsoft Word document. Re Vag memory of like they just they' they're eggs hatched and there's gizmo and rocket or whatever. I had vague memories of this. But we pull up Jackie and shadow Two of us sat there. Now that we actually didn't see Jackie and Shadow. We saw their new babies They're eaglets which are fucking um, The suny. Yeah, they look like dinosaurs probably. Well, they're a little older, but then so we're staring at this Jessica for I don't know how long And then he goes, Isn't it peaceful ' so crazy. I don't know where It is It is. Why is he going from the meaning of life? and I'm so glad we brought nature into the pot because this is a nature recap, but that he's going from brand identity, like putting a dossier together to like meet with the heads of Nike to say like, you guys have a problem. And here's all I'm going fix it And here's how I'm going to fix it And then he's also talking about pe we find like thoreau, I went to the woods so I could live simply. He said, we should have this up because we have a TV in the kitchen. You should all the time. He goes, we should really have this up all the time. And I said, you're absolutely right. And we will from here on out. Like we will be living with Jackie and Shadow. And then Gus came in and he's like, oh my gosh, is that Jackie and Shadow? And I'm like, guys, how do you have these family members that I didn't know about Yeah. He goes, that's not tracking Shadow. that's that's Luna and Sunny. And then he goes, pull up Pull up their last eggs Gizmo and cosmo or whatever And u There was another one I can't remember her name And I go, oh my God, there's three eggs, but then in some other videos I'd only seen two. And he goes, yeah. two bigger eaglets bullied the other one. Oh she didn't make it Oh God, because they knew that she was weaker and she wasn't going to make it. That's the other thing. if they were that's resources That's the tad now Wow. No, I don't like birds except for hummingbirds The way I was watching this last night I pulled it up this morning ck in. You know who else I'm sure is watching this is Lennon. Lennon has so many eagle cams she's on at all times, Birds nest. Jessica, the way I'm pulling up other videos like Jackie and Shadow fight off two Ravens, you know, I'm pulling up, I'm trying to get caught up. It's like the housewives. that Lennon can go from like RuPaul's drag race to Jackie and Shadow That's why what I'm talking about multitudes. Oh, Jessica, it's such a thrill. And to see them going to sleep last night, we watched the sun go down with them We watched them go we watched their eyes close. Wha. Yeah then Sam goes And now they're sleeping Oh my God, and I said, yeah, they now they are so meditate. It was so wonderful. Well, because they are in tune, it is what we all, the reason why he's feeling that, right is that we all should be in that rhythm of and we are so divorced from it for the most part it was so healing. Anyway, just want to tell you about Jack in shhadow Jessica, major life update. I was gonna wait to tell you on the podcast. and honestly, I couldn't wait I'm glad I knew it because it gave me a lift this all to give everybody a lift because You know, I know I talked about being mismanners and and always trying to do the right thing and being hurt in the world when people don't do the right thing. And you know, having sometimes just speak up about it this responsibility I didn't ask for this. I didn't touch all of them Bs He. I I talked at length about losing my iPad last week filling out the ticket with Air Canada and just getting What felt like so many kind of auto emails, like right. But it was interesting with their accndada The emails always read donon't lose hope And you said I for some reason, you said because you'd had that wonderful interaction with the steward, yeah, the flight attendant, you said I haven't lost hope. And to me, I was like J bu like it's never coming and I knew that you're clinging to things now that like you have to cling to to make it to the final leg of this journey You're actually right, Jess again. So But when I tell you, I was getting ready to leave Canada And I was packing up, I had my suitcase and I thought that a few days earlier, Paul had told me to erase the iPad. He's like, you know, there's stuff on there that you don't want to erasit. And I'm like, okay I did erase it Now I'm leaving the apartment. All my bags are packed. I'm ready to go. I mean, I am walking out the door And in my mind, I'm about to get on this flight without my highPath No You raw dog in this thing Do certain calculations in my mind, like, can I Inacart, canan I Ubert eats an iPad from Apple to this apartment? L I need this so f. Yeah, I would have cosigned on that. I would have I know you would have What I had come to terms with was like, I'm gonna go to the airport. I'm gonna go early. Well, not early, but when I'm supposed to be there And I'm going to talk to someone in person, enough of these emails and I'm just going to say, hey, Is there a lost and found here? Yes, I filled out my ticket, Yes, I filled out my claim Is there an area I can go to? I'm here three hours early And thats only could you even think that you could get to a real person than Air Canada. That's it. Otherwise I'm like, what are you doing And we laughed out of the terminal. and I was prepared to do that. I was prepared to talk to someone And so that was my plan. And then I thought, if they don't have it there today, today afterfter this final Final ask, fininal push I say goodbye Yeah, we released it And I let it go And then upon arrival at LAX, I take myself to the fucking Apple store and I buy a new one No, and that's that. So that was my plan Okay, sorry, I thought you said no, no, no, that was not the plan. Okay. That was my plan for the day. It's like that's all I have to do today is get this iPad So I come back So I'm an all packed jacket on, wheeling my suitcase out I see a Canadian number pop up on my phone. That's strange Usually it's just like Uber eats, telling me the buzz's not working Pick it out Hi, is this June Yes? This is Tyler from Air Canada's Lost and foundound department. And now what goes through my body is I'm like, well, there's no They're probably telling me like they're closing out the ticket Right. which is I would understand too why you would believe that Air Canada would do you the great service It's like you're being told like a survice personers died in battle. like we have to come to the door That's not appropriate, that joke, but yeah. I think like this ward's a phone call and like they're gonna to break it to me gently. Yeah. I would get that from a Canadian He says, can I ask you to describe your iPad? It was like There was something like horrific about it because you're right. It did feel like you know Describing the victim, like how do you identify someone The body Right, Yes So can you describe it? I said, honestly, it's an iPad. It's fairly new I believe the back is silver And I wouldn't even be able to tell you what color these things are. Yeahah callalling them doing like sense memory work. Yeah, right. So then he says turning it on and I'm going to ask you to describe I see. But you've wiped it Well, this is what's interesting I didn't think anything would turn off Now I did wipe but Jessica and Paul says maybe the wallpaper would be the same, but there would be no other information in there. How does he know that? He's so weird. I So strange. He should be a forensic technology person. No, But he did, he said he's turning it on now in those seconds were It was loading. I felt and this is what's interesting I kind of felt like a criminal, like I was stealing it or something. Yeah, right, right. You know what I mean Well, because like if nothing came up, like it could be yours, it could be someone else's But that's your mismanners, ' like I wouldn't have had any problem with that. I was like, he's gonna find me out somehow. I've got to answer all these questions correctly L like he's under a polygraph I could feel just the pressure of having to get the answer right running through my body and I was like, it's gonna there's going to be some sort of a tell, even though I know I'm telling the truth We're gonna be back in just a second. I'm gonna tell you the end of the story. Wellow Every bold journey starts with a decision to go, and if you're ready, the Defender is too. This is a vehicle built for more, whether you're heading off the grid or just getting out of town for the weekend. Defender is a true icon, reimagined for a new generation. Its rugged exterior is built from durable materials and tested in the toughest conditions Inside it's modern, functional, and refined, with smart storage and premium touches that keep you comfortable wherever the road leads. 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Blessome. so we have a ton of chargers. This is a guy who takes his work home Also, I wish I could have stayed remembering your girlicket. I know, I wish I could have stayed on with him longer to ask him like what's it like getting to make these phones? It's exciting. becauseuse like what else is he call I wish we could have him on. Like what else is he calling about diamond rings? That's what I'm saying. You know what he birth certificates? like what And this is the thing like I had assumed that somebody would have taken it. Everybody told me, it's gone. It's gone. Someone took it And I I I didn't totally believe it, Jess, notot becausecause it's Air Canada. People that fly air Canada are stand up people. They go to the maple leeaf lounge, they throw away their garbage. They're not touching every spoon. They're not They're just not They realize that we are part of an ecosystem and a community and that we must take care of each other. It's very different than American He says, Well, where are you Can you come and get it? Now my way there. I'm going to try to remember what well know because he wasn't at the airport in Vancouver. I'm trying to try to remember where he was because It was so embarrassing. hold on. Um Pause one second on this on this because this is an important important So Jessica, I'm in Vancouver. Now this is going to be a really embarrassing story, I said, Well, I'm in Vancouver. I'm actually about to leave to go to LA. And he goes, Oh So nobody can get it here. And I said, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Wh are you and he said, Winnpeg to get up there? Now, well, I don't know where I don't know where Winnipeg is and I and I it' very bigir. But in my mind, I'm like, there is a cast PA. Can I get her there? So I say, Well, I do have someone who might be able to pick it up from you and I said, now how may I ask I'm sorry tod have to ask this. I said How far You're like Lewis and Clark You're like have you mapped H somebody mapped that territory? Like is it even possible? Are there roads that go there? Cooper He goes, Oh, we're in the middle of Canada. I might go Yeah, there we go. Yeah That's why they can't stand American. And then I to say I said, I just want to say I'm sorry I didn't know Good, I't know? And he goes goodood. It's okay. I said I'm just sorry. It's time for us to get interested in them. It's Talk about neighbors. I said, I heard of it. I just didn't quite know where it was. He goes, yeah, it's definitely it's not near. And I go, okay He goes, Now I can send it to you. And I said, canan you send it to my Los Angeles? address goes I' going gonna be. And he said I'm going to see if I can. I don't actually know if we can send international. let me call you back And now I'm like, oh Godd, I should have just said send it to V. You should have hung up and I'm like well, we' I get it. You know, I'm starting panic again Well, in this day and age, you can't get anything over the border And then I get an email from him. Eyler And he says I checked in with my supervisor. We can't ship it to God. Okay. canan I have your address in Canada and we will get this to you? And I said, abbsolutely. And he goes, know you do have to pay for the shipping. And is that going to be a problem? I said, No. And just I just have to shout out the level of time, care, attention Now is it in my possession yet? No. I haveope I belie' there to get it, but I believe it will be waiting for me. I believe that it will be delivered by a Canadian mounty will like clip clop. if you hear the clip clop of heels outside of your trailer, they will make sure it gets delivered to your hand Can you believe it, Jess? I can't. This is why like a lot of actors have relocated to Canada And I don't Whenever I hear that, I was like, oh God, I could never because there that way of living is so fore into us. It's like We get ours. You know, everybody's out to get theirs here in the capitalist America And They don't It would be so hard for us. Listen Canada, not Canada. I don't even want to indite America in this story because what I walked away with was and I think you're reading of Air Canada and Canadaia is beautiful but actually what I want to express is that I had faith in the universe in that moment. Yeah, and humanity. I did. You're a humanist. I always ask when people ask me, what is your religion? I say I'm a humanist. I like Benjamin Franklin. I believe in the goodness of people and the divine nature of a human And also, why shouldn't it come back? Things come back sometimes They do. I mean, most, not any of my stuff, but yeah. And when my stuff comes back, it's broken. but sure And you know what? And I'm going to bring this to couples therapy for a second because You made me feel so much better about having lost it And which I needed, right? I also, I think, during the process of having lost it, was able to release some shame. Yeah When I watched couples therapy, there was an amazing episode with I really highly recommend this season S on Paramount Plus. There's some beautiful stuff in there. And one of the things Orna I'm obsessed with talks to the couple about or she's sort of narrating over some other footage, but she's like, you know, a lot of times in our adult relationships We are trying to correct didn't get as children. Now, obviously this is not a mind blowing like No and I think in every relationship we or in every relationship, we're trying to correct or control didn't have what we wanted. For me, you know, I've talked a lot about Growing up and having so many emotional needs met on the one hand And feeling very loved, right? I felt very, very loved had that deep sense of love and connection and intimacy. which I'm so grateful for. and there were feeleings of we don't have the right things, I don't have the right stuff Other kids are more put together than me My parents don't know what the hell's going on. The caretaking is lacking and So when I can't have my stuff together when I feel like I'm falling apart in that sense that's a very kind of concrete way of just like I can put a story to it that is sized from the actual event and they really needed and I know you guys, this is insane. it's about a fucking iPad. but it's not right but everything But it's about everything because it said to me, you can't You can't do it, You can't take care of it. You don't know told you about what happened at the sports bank I got the wrong time for my son's appointment and this and that it created because especially I don't want to repeat that for my own children es up what came up for me in that moment was such deep shame that I needed another woman and this is why your book is so important. I needed another woman to me down from there on my own put in logically talk to myself down, talkal myself down from the panic of what had happened And I needed and even though Paul, you know, said it was going to be fine and it was what it was, I needed a woman Tell me it was okay And not like, nothing fucking matters. Wh cares? We're all messes to tell me it was okay Yes That she's done it, that we all do it. It's L at what, look at what I'm holding. It's okay and I really was so moved by the experience of getting it back because it's sort of made me trust that Maybe I don't have to control or correct for Those very old feelings of needeing, not having deprivation you don't get it right. other kids know you don't have the right uniforms, you don't really have the right costumes You don't have a new backpack. whatever the whatever the fuck it was created that feeling in me that I will still sometimes have that feeling, right That's when it's ingrained like that. Yeah, of course. Right. It might but everybody that thought. But it doesn't have to be your second Yeah your third R And you can you can trust both in the universe and in yourself and that it will you don't actually have to do anything It was a very powerful event. Now, do I have it in my hands yet? No. Do I have some anxiety that the apartment building has not emailed and texted to say that it's there, which they usually do when packages arrive? Yeah, I do That said, it's not even about whether I get it back or not It's odd but it's like you released an old I released an old story. Let's not try to force ourselves to fit the mold that society and the world gives to us. Let's make the world work for us and let's release the shame of what we don't do perfectly. Well, and it's so hard, right? becausecause one of the I think one of the One of the most brutal moments of and that I've ever been a part of took place at the ice cream place on Main street in Disneyland. And I hope Uncle Josh is listening to this because he knows that ice cream store. You know what I'm talking about, Jessica? Yes, I know the ice cream store. Yeah. The cream store. That ice cream store, to me is one of the happiest places in the world. It's iconic. It's iconic. I don't know the name of it, but it's on main street And it's supposed to look like an old fashioned iceice cream. O sense. It is such a special place a parlor. It's parlor where you could get a banana split. You could get a banana split and it was Oh my God, it's nineteen thirties. Yeah. Now, by the way, so this story came up for me or this memory came up even though it's never left me, this memory is like literally in my DNA, but. came to me last night I was watching couple therapy and thinking about this idea of the child wanting and children do to and how forgiving they are and how much they They will always try to make it okay And Paul and I were at that ice cream store online and there was a line and we were like, we're gonna to wait this before way before we had kids. It must have been fifteen years ago And I see righting on the side of us, you know, snaking in the line I see These two kids. One of them is in a stroller and is probably like four or doesn't really know what's going on, but the other one's a little older, a boy around nine And I The energy before I even saw it And his parents, or I don't know if they were biologically, his mom, maybe and a boyfriend are fucking methods. No, at Jessica. And I am watching this scene, right? Clearly they're on some fucking coked up high and decided to bring their kids to Disney and I'm sorry, this is dark, but hopefully I will be able to find the light around this. but I They're out of their minds, okay? And I see this boy wanting this experience at Disney and wanting it to be okay And he's old enough that I see him looking at me looking at his parents And I looked at him it' made me cry, but I looked at him And I was like trying to also make it okay for him because I knew couldn't react to what I was seeing, you know, and He was king to his little sister and telling her to look at things and what kind of ice cream are we gonna get? And you can get a three scoops and mom, can we get three scoops? She's fucking out of our mind. Okay, we're going to get and you can pick your topping, the sweetest little Yeah, he's an adult at this point. W. Yeahah is an adult and he's trying to be a kid and he's trying to have this experience and he wants to be there But it's like, who fucking cares about Disney when you've got this You can't be a Disney and Paul and I had to go home, by the way. I was I wouldreck. Oh wrecked. We walked outside with our ice cream and I'm like, Paul, I'm gonna go to security. Like I can't what the fuck did we just witness And he's like, what are we gonna say? I'm like, they're on drugs. They've got kids here. like I want to like called child protective nervices. And we didn't. We didn't Well I't know I don't know. No. I don't know. We don't know have. And I'm so fine to have been wrong about. Believe me, I felt c it stuck with me. Well and what if like for some reason you're wrong and then like you I was even more embarrassed. Yeah. I wasn't wrong, but there was something about the way that this kid looked at me. I wasn't wrong. They were fucking out of their minds on drugs But I didn't know what to do. We didn't know what to do. There was something about the way that he looked at me and pierced into my soul that stopped me And he was taking care of his little sister I don't know, Jess. All of this is to say What I saw in him too was the And I'm glad I saw this before I had kids Because what became so clear to me is that the child will make it okay. The child will want the child will forgive. The child will always want to find the love. kid was willing to Go with it to play the game. My pnt I know he knows his parents are fucked up beyond belief. I am willing to suspend my disbelief because I want to be loved. I want this to be a loving experience. I love them And it was such an important moment of like. recognition that We will always, that child in us will always want to find always want to be loved. We will always no matter what the fuck is happening We will want to find it. And I don't even know what I'm saying other than sometimes o, but Sometimes What makes me sad is also knowing that like he'll turn on himself because like Oftentimes what you do is say like, well, that's my responsibility, right? I can't control these people. So I'm going to turn on myself and say, how could I have done it different? How could How can I change myself into somebody that is worthy of being loved by these people, do I shrink Do I take care of everything? Do I take care of them? They'll do anything to get love And then they're going to he'll have to spend The second half of his life. Fully getting help undoing that because the truth is You are perfect the way you are. You are worthy of love. no matter what you do. And that's what good parents, really good parents, even if they fuck up seventy percent of the time, which is, I guess the statistic They instill in you the idea that no matter what you do You don't have to work for my love. You don't have to change yourself to be worthy of my love And that's everything, but a lot of us are working on that as adults and you then go to your primary relationship. The relationship you choose is often somebody that you can easily play out that dynamic And that's right If you're not aware of what the dynamic you're playing out is, you can often compliment each other. in What you lack And the the what I think I've realized After so much work and money. oh God, the vacations I would have rather have taken is that if you can actually heal that need, but also to know, you'll always want it. but if you can say, I don't need to change myself to be worthy of love that I am actually perfect just the way I am then you can take yourself out of that cycle And that can benefit the whole ecosystem to bring nature back into it Absolutely. No, I think you're absolutely right That is extremely hard because if you were hardwired as a child to believe you needed to do something different to get the love that should have been yours unconditionally It is to undo that because you've got these ridges, these rivers in your brain like the Grand Canyon that have been formed over so many years To rewire it, you cannot really do a loone. You have to do it with the help of a medical professional And we don't make that available to people unless you can pay Penny That unless its fucking crime. You're right, It's a crime. And I guess I'm bringing those two parents up because I was so I remain so fucking angry. Yeah, I know what they did. You shouldren And I am so open to feedback. Anyone, please DM me. what should I have done? What should I have done I think about Paul I think about Paul's book and I think about child prrotective serervices who came to his house and did not believe him Is that made me want to take the book and fucking rip out all the pages and burn them because I was like, I don't want to watch this story. Or all the times my husband was sent home because they thought he was sick and really he wasn't being fed So he was pale and all the people that could have intervened All the adults. now again, I don't You honestly, in that public scenario, you could have made things so much worse for this child. I'm serious probably was not going to go well either way because it's very hard for I know. and I don't mean to sit here saying like assuming that I could rescue or, you know, that I had some great power to fix the situation, right? I had to integrate this moment into the fucking rest of my life and just and think about it. But I don't So I don't know, but I'm also very open to feedback. Maybe I could have done something differently I was very struck by his gaze told me in no uncertain terms along And he don't look at don't judge me don't judge my jarent. Please I beg of you do not judge this Please pretend to also be in an ice cream shop parlor at Disney, please, you have to play along with me. And so I did but It's haunting and it has haunted me. And also there's something about him the way he was shielding his little sister. fucking broke me But But know you're absolutely right. And I think that And maybe I'm telling the stories. it's like, yes, I did have feelings of deprivation. Yes, I did wonder if I was being looked at differently. Yes, I did have those But I also had parents who were there He had two fucking ghosts. Well, you had the most important thing, actually. You had the thing that was that sets you up for stable relationships, which is to say like I'm loved You're absolutely right. We're sitting onad slap in college. That's the goal Stan always says this is the goal. Yeah. you know, it's the goal. That's our goal You had the most important thing. The trapper keepers but still affects you Yeah. And I and I look at BB and I'm like, what am I doing right now that will be hard for you in your adulthood? I know there's Things. course. You're rightiting. how do we How do we reconcile with that? It's like, yes, we're not those fucking parents on mh at Disney, you know, but by Of course not, But yes, I'm sure we're engaging in many things and life is I mean, I'm away from my kids. worry about this so much But I think what you just said is so right that ultimately providing children with the tools to emotionally know themselves even if they need to know the pain that work potentially inflicting on them to give them the tools to say this hurts to vocalize that. That's what I said. to be the other. I said, Thank you, because when I tell you, almost every day feels like I'm getting quarter quarter year feedback session, like an assessment that you would get in a corporate job. I'm getting almost daily. These are the things that. Sam's looking at brands fumbling And just, you know, she's she's sort of seeing where you're This is how I could have behaved differently when I'm driving her and her friends. I said this weird thing. I said this donon't do this. and I It's hard sometimes to hear it all, right? But I said to her the other day. I was like Thank you for always telling me Because when you tell me, you give me an opportunity to correct You know, and then I say I'm not open for feedback. I need to listen to my country music playlist