The Good Fight Foundation Mission

I've had many leading experts on this show, including Matthew Walker, and they've all said the same thing about sleep. They've said it's the biggest positive investment you can make in your own performance. You can have the best strategy in the world, but if you're consistently tired, poor decision making will follow and eventually cause other things to fail in your life. So if you're looking to optimize your recovery, you should start looking at what you're sleeping on Our sponsor, Helix, makes high quality mattresses tailored to your body. It doesn't matter if you run hot, sleep on your side, or need something firm. Helix has a mattress for you. And I asked them recently to send one to a member of my team, and Juan received it. And we travel a lot. So when he's home, quality sleep really matters. And he told me he's getting the best sleep of his life. and the data backs it up with eighty two percent of people in a Helix study saying they saw an increase in their deep sleep. And with a one hundred and twenty night trial, you've got four months to prove it to yourself. You can get twenty seven percent off at helixsleepot com slash diary. That's helixleep dot com slash diary. I've had bouts with depression throughout my career, but man when it hits me, it's bad which kind of brings us to the airport incident I really messed up Burn Burn. So it's Father's Day. And I felt good in the morning. I spent the morning with my kids, but then as I was traveling to work, I felt that feeling again. There's like a cloud in my head that I just can't get out from under. So I started drinking I'll fight you right now No, I don't want to fight, Bro. And My emotions has got the best of me the world. relax. relax, relax,roax. got arrested. Did I just ruin everything I was working for? No know, I don't know yet. It could have been so much worse. What was going on in your mind? I was angry at the world and I just couldn't stop thinking about my father he's actually homeless right now And I try to help him out and back out on the street. Not that anything's an excuse but it wasn't myself. And I never really spoke about it until right now, but I'm back in therapy. And when you sit down with somebody and start opening things up, you realize This could be linked to my childhood. And when I think about your earliest contact, you've got a father that's an alcoholic, violence in the home. And your mum said that you were an alcoholic kid. I started drinking at twelve, thirteen. expelled from school as well. And got arrested and I didn't have any goals. So it was a bit of a roller coaster. But what happened You rose ! One of the best light leags in the world. He on top of the world. But the roller coasters go down too, and this was the moment. Yeah, man. july thirtieth, you retired. How does it feel looking at that photo? Yeah, I'm trying to tear up, dude It was my life, man Those gloves, me putting them on the mat is a piece of myself I left. But a wise man said, if a man's lucky he gets to die twice. That part of me, that every day, wake up, push yourself to be the best fighter you can be is dead. I'm retired Dustin. I'm businessman, Dustin now. you know, it's just I'm trying to figure it all out. 'a of twenty years I was dreaming about being the best. I just want to dream again, you know. Has there ever been anything that compared? No, notothing fills that void of what fighting was. And fighting was a part of therapy for me. And some days I wake up and I'm like these top guys that are winning now on these upcoming cards, I can beat them still. So is there any possibility that you ever return to UFC I've got a favor to ask before this episode begins. The algorithm, if you follow a show, will deliver you the best episodes from that show very prominently in your feed. So when we have our best episodes on this show The most shared episodes, the most rated episodes, I would love you to know. And the simple way for you to know that is to hit that follow button. but also it's the simple, easy, free thing that you can do to help us make this show better. And I would be hugely grateful if you could take a minute on the app you're listening to this on right now and hit that followllow button. Thank you, so, so, so much Justin Poran Yoke You know, there's a question that we kind of threw around in society. We say it qu quite flippantly to people we meet, friends, family, strangers. But in this context, I want to ask it in the most sort of intentional way And give me the long answer How are you doing As a whole, great Uh recently There's been turbulence, you know But I'm doing well There's been some turbulence. Yeah Give me some color on that He last week which is not new to me. Like my emotions get the best of me kind of was in a bad spot. u mentally started drinking. Got arrested. You know, u got into trouble at the airp In Atlanta And, uh You know not proud of it It is what it is I w of them give some background context. And I spent the last couple of days sort of looking through your childhood and where you come from and who you are to try and feel picture of Dustin Porier in my head. and I've got lots of photos of you here is a As a young man, another one even younger here that I'll share with you here. Yeah. And I think this was incredibly important context because I'd watched you fight best that there is and beat the best that there is in the UFC. But it wasn't until I understood your earliest context that I started to like understand the picture of where you've come from. and also in some part, like how that makes you who you are today. So take me back. what is the early context that people need to understand to really understand you as a man Um I'm just a man Trying his best, trying to provide for my family learearning as I go I'm not scared to work hard Nm not scared to change dream. Just a kid from Lafet, Louisiana found something to put his all into and try to become great at it, you know, with fighting our father and your grandfather were fighters My father boxed growing up When he was younger My grandfather was in the Navy and worked in the oil field and stuff They weren't successful fighters. I wouldn't say they were like Nobody knew who they were, but definitely yeah, come from fighters for sure. And for money do you come for money? No, deffinitely not What was that like growing up? Was there It was normal to me because I didn't know any different, you know? It wasn't like I missed a meal or anything like that but definitely wasn't wasn't rich or anything or hadn money to do A whole lot of things when I was younger A workking class family And your parents divorced when you were younger? Yeah Yeah, I li I lived with them until about maybe kindindergarten, first first grade, then they got divorce Do you have any sort of mental models or mental images of them being together When you' younger, there any memories of them being together? Honestly, dude, not be to turn it dark or anything, but the early memories I have of them together aren't the best, you know, it's fighting and stuff. phhysical fighting. Yeah. In that Instagram post you wrote recently after the incident in the airport, you mentioned your father you mentioned, I think some of his struggles, he had his own struggles with alcohol. Yeah his whole life, he has Yeah, alcohol has ruined his life Alcohol was present when you were a young man. and you was still there He's been alcoholic my entire life Did you have a relationship with him after the divorce Yeah, of course. I don't know what that's called split custody or something where Every other weekend I would go to his house, spend the weekend at his house How did that season of your life, do you think as you look back shape the man that you became? Like that early context, under the age of ten years old, that violent parents, they divorce, they separate, your dad is struggling with alcohol. Like how'd you look back on that As a grown man, I look back and think my father was an idiot for you know, getting Not being there with his kids, you know, as a father, I think about that. like I don't Waking up. with my kids in the house running up to me making them breakfast every day like I couldn't I'd never want to live that type of life. I can can't even imagine it So as an adult and a father looking back on it, I think he's made a lot of mistakes that You know, I think he still lives with and your mum G'ot got some nice photos of here as well I guess that's your wife But she seems to have been A real constant throughout your life, that's her there. For sure For sure, I'll be on vacation with her in a week. Yeah, look at my face Post fight Her and my grandmother raised me. She was you know, everything Mothers are everything And shes she still is, you know calling me, texting me every day, checking on me asking how I am Two brothers So I have two brothers I grew up with Two brothers and a sister I met when I was twenty five, twenty six years old from my father I guess I'm trying to figure out as, because I heard about what you were like in school. you struggled in school It sounds like you got in a lot of fights when you're younger. I'm trying to figure out where that came from in you. Yeah I mean, living in South Louisiana, we fought all the time. Oh But I just kept doing it. I just kept going with fighting, you know As a young man, I've read that you were expelled from school as well And was that again for fighting and struggling to fighting The one that got me spell was a fight. And that seems to be a little quite a consistent pattern from ten to fourteen U struggling in school, fighting And then at fifteen, I hear that you end up in juvenile detention center fourteen Futi What was what was the road there happened I had gotten into some trouble at one of the times I was living with my father I u got into a fight and physically hurt somebody in the fight and got arrested and I was on probation time And I wasn't going to school picked up for truancy and some other things like that for not going to school And failed the drug tests. I was on probation at the time, failed the drug test and then they sent me to juvenile detention. Were you drinking at that age? Yeah fifteen When did you start drinking I was talking to my wife the other day and I was thinking about that. I don't know, twelve, thirteen, probably It is it is quite, um, it's quite curious to me that, you know A fourteen fifteen, you're getting in trouble for fighting, you end up in a detention center. You're drinking from twelve years old And it like begs the question to me as someone that's done lots of these interviews, like what was going on in that young man's mind? I don't have an answer what was going on notot having anywhere to put my focus, not I wasn't trying to be Best at something, I was just living day to day doing whatever. You know I didn't have any goals I was a young kid You know,s stuff it's tough to say to look back to that young and really say what I was thinking at that age. I've just been a kid I guess. Were you happy kid You happ a good And you were spending the week with your mother and then the week you said was it the weekends with your father? The weekend or every other weekend? I forget exactly how it was. Yeah. And when you talk about his life being ruined by alcohol, what you mean by what do you mean by that? I mean, he has He's ruined his marriages, he's ruined his relationships. He's ruined his friendriendships, he's ruined his relelationships with his family, with his kids Two son, three. Well, my little brother kind of is off and on talking to him, but he has two kids at Don't speak to them at all. won't Oh You know, he's been in jail plenty of times for alcohol related stuff and Yeah If I could paint a picture of what you think of of a Classic drunk or alcoholic, you know, very selfish Um, and continues to go back to it continues he's actually homeless homeless right now. He honess right now. Yeah Part of that me getting in trouble at the airport was I just felt and it's not my weight to carry, you know But I just felt I try to help him out and He's back out on the street It's like it almost doesn't want help, you know? And I was just kind of On Father's Day, I was traveling to work And I just couldn'top thinking about my father and I started drinking in the airport and that's kind of what led to the incident 's just but when I feel like that, You know, I've been going to therapy and stuff like that. years ago, I started going to therapy and When I started feeling better, I stoped practicing everything I learned through therapy, you know. And uh And I felt that feeling again just I guess to call it depression, just didn't feel well. And when I feel like that, I know I shouldn't drink and I drank anyway. so you know Not that my father, anything's an excuse. Obviously I did what I did But I I knew better in the moment when I'm feeling like that to drink or do anything you know, alcohol has never benefittited to me, especially in times like that where I'm mentally does. use the word depression there to describe that feeling to give it a word. So let's use that word pain a pure for me in terms of what that actually feels like. That day that you wake up, it's Father's D. you don't feel good. L what is that? No, I felt good in the morning. You know, I spent the morning with my kids, my daughter wrote me a letter. She gave me presents, you know, did all the Father's Day stuff. I had a great morning, but then when I left my home to go to fly out I started feeling it, you know, and days leading up to that, it would come off and on, coming off and on and I would think about, you know, my father and It would kind of bring me down, but it wasn't that bad. But for Father's Day it just hit me man, it hit me hardorri. Because he's currently homeless, Mia Here in Louisiana. Yeah. I actually me when I got out of jail in Atlanta and flew back home Tuesday I got back late maybe Tuesday Wednesday morning, I drove to where he He lives or where he sleeps and went to the sheriff's office, got in contact with the coroner, had to do a whole process to sign an OPC order of protective custody. I tried to get him to pick him up against his will and all this stuff. and they did But I went at the wrong time and I went early in the morning when I woke up. And when they picked them up He wasn't disorriented he was normal, you know? And so they released him again. What is the range of feelings and emotions you have towards him The it You know, he's always Mistuff, I'm not angry at him I'm u And once again, this isn an excuse for my actions. You know, my father just came to a head on Father's D But u Just upset to see him doing this to himself and not getting out of his own way and continuing to let it get just worse and worse progressively over the years when he knows better, you know when he knows better I mean, most people in You make a mistake or you try to fix it You try to make tomorrow better than yesterday, you know Next year better than this year. Everybody just keeps doing the same thing and that's because he's addicted to alcohol. What is his story I wish I I knew more so I could tell you, but I've been like a hard worker his whole life, you know, did whatever, worked in an oil field for a long time But check to check his whole life Simple guy, you know, was a really good athlete in school We got a woman pregn at a young age in high school, so he couldn't pret continue to focus and chase his dreams of Paying football. You know, back then when you got a girl pregnant You got married and got a job and things like that. So that's what he did. So that day, you wake up, you're feeling okay in the morning, It's father's day. you start thinking about your father. You get that feeling that you describe as depression Um, which is just how what is that feeling? It's feeling I's never expericed it before. You know, I've had bouts with depression throughout my career When it hits me, know, it hits it hits me hard. And that day it hit me, it hit me hard man you know, going to the airport. It just feels like everything is has a It's on gravity, and it's going to pull me towards the negative, no matter what it is. It's like a cloud in my head that I just can't get out from under. It's hard to explain to you unless you've been through it. That's why I try to tell my wife. because she's always so happy and so, you know which is a great But like when I I feel like that and it doesn't happen often, but man when it hits me, it's bad, you know, it's bad Do you remember the first time you fellt that I don't, but my wife, you know, me and my wife have been together a long time Since we were in off and on through middle school and high school and all that She She tells me, don't you? Yeah, f she is She tells me, donon't you remember like I've always thought something, you know, you never wanted to be around big crowds. goo to all the parties with me when I was younger and do all that stuff. Yeah, because I I just didn't like to be around that many people that much. You know, I Maybe it was a anxiety I was dealing with I don't know. this stuff is all new to me. so I'm just I would tell her how I feel. And she's like, Don't you remember? So she thinks I've been having it, but I started noticing it, you know, more recently. Nonetheless years, threeree, four years Was there a catalyst at all? a catalyst moment, something that happened that caused you to feel that? Or if I could link it to something, it was I lost a big fight. came back home with which fight? My second fight with Justin Gagey? Yeah Lost th and came back home, everything was good and then it would just I was really emotional, man You know, some days I would be fine, some days I would be sad. and I was like, something's off, you know Something's off. so that's when I started going to therapy and trying to unpack some of the stuff that I didn't even know I was walking around with, you know. Did you learn anything through the process of therapy? I've been to therapy too I've been I mean.oke the day I got back from Atlanta, I started going to therapy again After the Airport incident Yeah Right before I went try to help my father I went through a therapy session. So I had kind of I close the door on therapy when I started feeling good again. You know, then I'm starting to realize like it's not something that you just fix. It's something you have to work on always. you know. So Ands that's what I'm trying to do, you know, since For the last week I've been waking up early reading some stuff writing doing something hard in the morning, just trying to do everything that I was doing that made me feel better years ago And'm try my best, man Have you learned anything about yourself through the process of therapy Yeah that maybe some of the childhood stuff I'm still carrying around. I don't think about it, you know, it's not like the first, you know, but Itound consonscious a lot of it. Right, right, right. But deep down I'm still carrying things I think for my childhood and Everybody, you know, I've learned a lot through therapy. Everybody deals with different emotions and process things differently And I'm still going through it, you know, I'm back in therapy I've been able to interview lots of people, and so I've interviewed psychologists, a lots of them, so many therapists, I've interviewed. One of the things that I noticed, which was quite stark to me was that young boys in particular that grow up without a stable father figure are much more likely to be have anger issues, be depressed, struggle in life. But it's actually the data excuse more towards young boys without that sort of stable father figure But also if you compound that with there being violence in the home from a young age, that's also another factor which exacerbates the situation worse. So those are sort of two of the things that stood out to me was the absence of your father, also having a father or a parent that's dealing with addiction is another burden for so many reasons. So those three things are the things that from your story and from you know, I always thought, o's There's Am Those are challenges that are understandable to stay with you as an adult. Yeah, for sure. And you don't even think about think about them at all throughout your whole life and then you sit down with somebody and start opening things up and talking about things, you say, well, maybe I could be You know, this could be linked to different things and I could be carrying stuff that is't mind to carry and things like that. You know, as I'm growing up and being more mature and talking and speaking to with professionals and stuff, I'm starting to unpack some of that And was that difficult to do Therapy? Yeah. Yeah, man Yeah It's difficult to say, isn't it? And even at the beginning, when I first started doing interviews like area Hawai and stuff and I would bring it up like I'm, you know, I'm working on myself. I'm going to therapy. I It felt weak in the moment like who am I? therapy I'm telling the world, I'm going thepy but then I look at it hindsight, I'm like, you know what?'s that's strength. you know Especially in a tough guy sport. You know, we're fighting and bleeding and beating each other up, beating the best guys up in the world, you know, fighting the best guys in the world. I need to go to therapy to unpack some stuff. It just It's crazy, human mind is incredible It's funny we go to the gym right and we like work on our physical performance. but going to thepy isn't we going to hide that And the gym was a part of therapy for me. Fighting was a part of therapy, you know, for me. And always always was scared of that. You know, what am I gonna do to to sabotage myself when I retire from fighting because I don't have this outlet anymore. you know, I've done it for twenty years of fighting, I always had somewhere to go, you know always better at the gym to work on fighting, to focus on something every day I could get up and push myself to try to be better, to answer a new question, to do anything with fighting to get better. On multiple levels, whether it's the techniques or whether it's my physical fitness, anything, there was always something to work on, always And when I retired, I was kind of worried about that. L how will life look post fighting You know, Um I was scared of it I was scared of Jermman, you've been fighting since you were what, sixteen, seventeen? Yeah And you're thirty seven now. so it's Just over two decades that fighting has been You kind of know star and your orient. was always there for me. Always there for me You know, no matter what was going on, I could go to the gym and drown out any noise in my brain, any you know, quiet that voice in your head And I was scared to not have that anymore. And I still have it. I can still go to the gym every day if I want, but it's not the same You know, it doesn't feel the same It doesn't feel the same. not being on the mats, preparing to fight someone for your life and your family's well being in front of the world. If I'm just training just to spin my whes, it doesn't feel like I've done this my whole life training. St's still fun to have fun, you know we, do whatever, train, but it's not it doesn't feel the same to me anymore. Because there's not a goal, a big goal at the end of it to focus your being. When you look through the last twenty years, do you see fighting as a really productive distraction in some respects then For me, yeah For me, hundred percent It was an outlet. It was something to focus on. It was something to try to be the best at. It was It consumed me, man. It consumed me. fighting was my entire life and now post fighting. It's like separating myself from the fighters Trump's trying to figure out still You know, a buddy of mine told me the other day, a wise man told him, if you're lucky, You die twice If a man's luck he gets to die twice And that's kind of what I'm going through right now. Now that That makes sense to me. you know, that part of me that every day wake up, push yourself to be the best fighter you can be is dead I'm retired Dustin now. I'm a businessman Dustin. I'm I was a father before when I was still fighting, but I have other things, other hats to wear, you know, it's just, I'm trying to figure it out trying to figure it all And it's only been A year notot even a year. Yeah J july thirtieth wasn't it last year that you retired hereere in in New Orleans. Do did they offer you any support with that retirement process? As far as as far as giving you like a roadmap for how to deal with the mental shift? No There's no like sort of post fighting There should be. for sure there should be, but no Beuse it's quite a familiar story across sports. Right. And that's what I was always when I would see it happen. I knew I was like, I'm never going to be that, you know. I'm never going be the guy that goes and gets arrested or gets hooked on drugs or blows all his money and just, you know, you see it over and over and not just in fighting in professional sports, you know It's like you've done something so long your whole life so intense and So, you know, it takes all of you When it's gone, it's like what else can I do to the maximum? What else dopamine hit can I get? What can I just pour myself into and go crazy on something, you know, then a lot of times it's things dangerous things. you know, you see it time and time again. and I always said I'd never be that guy and I'm not You know, I ran to some trouble the other the other week but I'm still making a lot of right decisions, You know what I mean? I'm not that. It just sucks to be at this point to where I always saw those guys getting arrested and doing stuff and I was like, man, what an idiot? What an idiot, you know? But I wasn't going through it then I didn't understand it at that time And alcohol has been a constant through your childhood, through your career. For me drinking? Yeah. no, When you were young celebrate when I was younger Probably every weekend in that boat As I became an adult and focused on fighting, I went years without drinking. Okay And then even now, Well as when I retired, it slowly became more and more and more because I didn't h you know, when I was in training camp, I wasn't getting drunk and drinking like that. I had to wake up the next day and run miles and be at the gym make a waade and I always really focus Um But when I retired, I didn't have to anymore. So then it kind of started slipping back in. And even when I was fighting, you know, celebrations, gatherings, I would drink I would drink, but it wasn't weekly. Itn't akly or daily But I've always had a bad relationship with alcohol Like I'm always ninety percent of the times if I do drink, I'm going to to be the best at drinking. I'm going to drink more than everybody. you know, that's a danger. It can benefit you in other things that that drive and that craziness, you know, you can focus it on something and it'll benefit you Or it can hurt you, you know, and that's that's the way I've always been So As lear learning myself over the years, I know you know, to be careful with alcohol and going through mental things like I know, especially when I'm feeling the way I felt that day to not touch it, but I just told that voice to shut up and I just drank and did what I wanted to do, you know, but I know better. As I got gotten older, it's gotten better, you know, but until recently I sat here with a lady called Dr. Anna Lemke. She's like a dopamine expert. And I actually didn't really know until she sat here and explained it to me that Alcohol gives a big hit dopamine. Yeah.. She also said to me that sort of genetically, person to person, we all have a different vice. So for example, she said that she got addicted to erotic novels Now another person would never get addicted to that Some people's viceices alcohol say they do what you describe, which is they have one and then it's just straight line up until R Yeah. Other people, like they can have one or two or three and it kind of plateau and they stop and they go home And I envy them You know, I my wife is like that One of my good buddies is like that. they can have two drinks and be done. If I drink, we're drinkingntil the bottleless gone, you know?'s No matter how many times in my life, I've said It's going to be different this time. It's going to be, you know, I'm only going to have two It does it's never never worked out. Cing home, talking to my wife and stuff I'm going gonna cut alcohol completely out of my life I made that decision. I'm not going to be like my father Make another mistake like I made in the airport is just It's not helping me in any way You know, it might be a quick release and a quick hit of dopamine, but it's not benefiting me in any way So I got to cut it out. cut it off from my life Looks not an easasy thing to do. With socializing and things like that, it's tougher to be the sober one. But in everyday life, it's not hard And For me, you know, I've never been an alcoholic. I just have a bad relationship if I do drink So cutting it out completely is You know Not a big deal. So So take me to that day then, you wake up, you go you go to the airport, you're flying to Atanta.re you're going somewhere.ere are you going? Atlanta, I'm going to South Florid It was actually a three leg trip. I was supposed to go to South Florida for a day. that afternoon fly out go to LA shoot a commercial for three days from L.A., Vegas W for CBS for the weekend and then fly home three heills. bigp. Yeah Th three legropes. We' we didn't get the first leg. We didn't get the first leg, man There should be a button just down below here. And if it says subscribe, you're already subscribed. If it says subscribe but That means you're not yet. And if you're not subscribed, please could you do us a favor and hit that button. It helps the show more than you know. And according to the algorithm, you're someone that watches our show, but you haven't yet hit that button. Thank you so much What happened? What the sequence of events On my flight from Lafia, Louisiana. I drank two champagnees, notothing crazy, you know, just U landed in Atlanta had a little bit of a layover wentent to a bar restestaurant bar T to drink a champag Some guys came in took some shots. One thing led to another go to my gate get into it with the desk agent They call security, call the police. Do you remember what you said to the desk schagent now P please didn't tell you after. So you didn't even get on the plane I never got on the plane. I don't believe. I'm pretty sure ninety ninety percent sure I never got on the plane U And it might have been that the desk agent might have saw I was intoxicated It's like, no you can't get on this plane and that's might of what started. I don't know I do want to apologize. to those desk agents, whoever they are and the police for having to put up with me, man. they did it I actually asked a lawyer in Atlanta who I've been working with If he can, please give me that officers. information, his address. I want to if I could write him a letter, or his cell phone if I can call him just to tell them how great of a job he did, you know, dealing with an person that condition and Professionally was You know he's incredible. It could have been so much worse could have been so much worse I just want to thank him I didn't get to do that So there's some kind of argument with the desk agents that I'm guessing you can't recall And then they say you're not getting on the flight. Yeah. And that leads to them calling Please, the security or police And the video video we see is of the seecurity guy coming in. The police officer, yeah. You've watched the video, right? No. So my wife watched it A buddy of mine, I've kind of piece it together at this point I don't want to see it man. You don't want to see it don't want to see. Even when my wife started playing it I heard it, she went't watch in the other room. And then I have a buddy I work out with five days a week He's kind of between him and my wife, I've put the pieces together and pretty pretty much noa based on what happened Why don't you want to watch Ch it? I just don don't want to see you man Can you articulate why that is I see myself in that condition disrespecting pololice officers disrespecting workers at the airport, disrespecting myself, dispect my family. I just don't feel like it's going to benefit me to see that. if anything, I think it's going to bring me down. it's going to I'm gonna keep thinking about it I' Like I said, for the most part, understand what happened, know what happened. I don't need a seat again So in that video, you seem to get aggressive quite quickly and you offered this Gentlemen A fight he kind of backs off. He knows who you are clearly straight away he backs off. What I find interesting also is He pulls out his taser. he's going he says you might Tasy, but as you walk away and you're arrested, you dap him up And you congratulate him on the job he did? Yeah, my buddy was telling me that. he was telling me like his my buddy's wife thinks that's the best part of the video It's the best part because it's funny because You're known. So I didn't watch the video at all Everyday passing, I'd be able to piece a little bit more together and memories kind of, you know, flashes of what happened are kind of playing in my head But I got home deleted all of my social mia. I posted that on Instagram Th I uninstalled all social media off my phone. so I haven't since Father'ers or the day after Father' Day I haven't been on anything. Iven't I know They're making fun. I know they're talking about me. Obviously I've been in the Light would be being a professional athlete for a long time. I know how this goes. So I just uninstalled all my stuff. So I haven't seen any of the clips, any of the videos, anything. You know, besides what my wife and my buddy are are telling me budy that you train with? Yeahah. Yeah Well it was interesting because you you seemed as you walked away, you were quite polite. Yeah. That's what I told him. I was like, maybe Reize what's going on, you know, maybe Aha moment. likeike what the hell is what am I doing? You know, Isn that drunk and stupid? I don't know You said to him that he did a good job. Right, whichich was quite nice Right, and I Looking back at it now with what that what they're telling me and the way he handled it. He did a great job, you know. I need to thank him 'causeuse like I said, it could have been so much worse What if it was a young hothead cop who wanted to be a superstar, I wanted to, you know It could have been horrible You know, I could be sitting here facing serious charges And just to put my wife and my children through that, you know, just It's not good You sa you went into jail that day You got charged with being drunk and disorderly or to No they charged me with public intoxicigation Okay, and they let you go the same day. Yeah, it's been like a night spent the night orr the afternoon in jail until I sobered up And they reallylease you on probation or something? What's I don't know what the ruls are here I haven't been to court and all that stuff yet. so they just know they own bond Okay, I'muned okay. And that's when you go in, you know, after then go and you do the therapy session, you go and try and find your father All these trips are cancellled, I'm guessing at that point. Yeah You have to go home and spech her Your wife. All right Con't easy It wasn't fun for sure, you know, to let her down and It's been so long since I don't even know how to address it really when I when I got home. I haven't in trouble I haven't arrested in so long, you know, decades and decades I don't even know when's the time I got arrested This is the first time in a very long time But to go back and partner who has been with me through everything and has grown with me through everything to go back and like see her face to face Yeah I just keep apologizing And it'll never happen again. If I'm a fly on the wall during that conversation when you get home, what do I observe me telling her it'll never happen never happen again. and H telling me it can't happen again, you know? Yeah, man T telling her that I'm going to focus on myself and be better than this. I know it sucks right now in the moment, but this decision, this arrest, this quit drinking for the rest of my life. It's going to benefit me my kids in the future. So things happen, you learn Um, I mean, that's just what it is. Julie When you were fourteen years old? Younger. Younger, really? Yeah. fourteen is like a freshman in high school. We were dating A in middle school. And in many respects, she's really she sacrificed quite a lot for you a lot, career, a lot. She dropped out of college and moved with me to South Florida for me to chase my dreams she was going to nursing schools wasn't she? And I honestly don't think I would have made it point I made it too in fighting if I didn't have an anchor like that at home, you know I should be my best friend for a long time Yeah, so to go home after getting arrested and speaking to her and like Not only did I let myself down have a family, you know Kids I let my family down, man. That's what hur Beautiful, f an Yeah,s the gang And that's now Yeah mean I let them down, let myself down. But like I said I'm going to learn from this and Continue pushing forward and it will never happen again It's going to affect the trajectory of my whole life. this one This one arresting, you know My son and my daughter is never going to grow up and see me intoxicated. They're never going see me say things or things I don't mean to do or mean to say, you know, so Like I said, it sucks, man. it's bad but It's going to benefit me and my family in the long run. So it's just something that had to happen I guess So did she know what had happened before you got back from jail Had she seen videos or? No, no, no, no. She hadn't. No. The police officer called her When I was in holding seell and stuff. so yeah. She knew what was going on. She didn't know in the moment If she probably knew a couple hours after, you know, once they booked me and all that I've got sixty seconds and I'm going to show you how much I can get done because of our sponsor called Whisper Flow. And for those of you that don't know what it is, it's a business I invested in that turns your speech into text in any app or device. I'm going post into our Slack channel, which rewards whichever team member conducted the most experiments this week. Hi everyone. here is this week's experxperimenter of the weeek Congratulations to the DiversO trailer team, which is Ant, Live, Dom and Cam. You guys have one Okay, now I'm going to open Gmail. So here is one of our founders on an email chain that I want to connect my team with. All I have to say is add my team's emails and whisper will do exactly that. Now a quick message to Juan, who does my schedule every single week. Hey Juan, can I record on Wednesday at two P Actually note, let's record at three PM on Wednesday Whisperflow is four times faster than typing and it is incredibly easy to use. So if you wna give it a go, all you have to do is head to whisperflow d. ai slash Stephven to download it today Every time I've tried to improve something in my life, like my businesses, my health, my relationships, I've noticed that the biggest shifts have come from being better informed And when it comes to our health, most of us know very, very little So when our team was approached about partnering with function health, it felt very much aligned. Their team has developed a way of giving you a full three sixty degree view of your health, many of the things that are going on in your body in the form of different tests. You do one blood draw and it gives you access to over one hundred sixty lab results, hormones, heart health, inflammation, stress, toxins, the whole picture I use it and ser of many of my team members. You sign up and you schedule your test and once you're done, you get a little report like the one I have here I can see my in range results, my out of range results, and there's a little AI function too. So if I have any questions about my out of range results go in there and ask it any question I want. and these tests are back by doctors and thousands of hours of research. It's three hundred and sixty five dollars for a yearly membership. G to functionhealth dot com slash doac and use the code DoAC twenty five for twenty five dollars off your membership. What's interesting is u You know, we've seen these kind of incidents happen before. But I've never seen such a large amount of people Understand You would expect the reaction to be from the general public, from fighters, from people at large to be, o my God, this is a bad person. But I think because you've conducted yourself in a certain way throughout your career, that wasn't the sentiment I'm not seeing what people are. It wasn't a sentiment, I can tell you. It was like it wass crazy. I was like I was saying it to my fiance, I was saying like The reason why the sentiment has been He's going through some things and this is a good man. because A, you've conducted yourself so well throughout your career You've had good values in victory An and and in loss But also I think, because you've actually spoken about some of these struggles publicly I've never bit my tongue. I've always been open, you know about what I'm going through when I was able to pin point and talk about what I was going through and I didn't know. I couldn't speak on it. But as I got older and started doing therapy, I was able to speak on it and Yeah, I am going through things at some days, you know Well, that's what I'd say to you is, you may've not looked to the internet, but The internet It's been heavily supportive of you. And need know ma I think a lot of that probably is long time fight fans and people who've been following my career a long time You know, I grew up in fighting. so people got to watch me from a kid You know, grow up so they know my character for the most part. It was a bad day. wasn't you know, it's not a bad life. had I messed up. I had a really bad day I was angry at the world and Obviously, alcohol doesn't doesn't help that. And I really messed up, but people have seen me year after year And I mean well, and I really mean it. And I think they they know is authentic and But I am just a human being and I make mistakes. So I think those fans, if people are sticking up for me, it's because they they know how Dust't like it I'm going he's going to shake back or he's going to, you know, turn this into a positive somehow and that's my goal. You know, I don't want to let anybody else out there down. I'm trying my best. You know, I have to take care of myself first and I'm doing that. the right steps and That's that's just it. I think People who are standing up for me have watched me grow up, you know? Well Dare I say I think that was the majority of the sentiment was that This is a good man who who's struggling and it was people sending sympathy because becausecause of that, but also because Be there's a couple of clips that went viral Online, of you speaking on both Thevon the Sh and Jogan's show And so in the wake of you know, this clip going viral if you're in the airport, these other clips go viral with them, which is. Oh, you haven't seen it Okay. I mean, obviously, I did I did the interviews of whatever you're talking about, so I said it. so I'm sure if you showed it, I would remember, but I haven't seen what people are talking about. Well, this clip went viral at the same time And this is what gave it context haveave to You just' know If you get complacent or if you why what I'm like it's honest, bro,'m aanger to myself when I' have nothing. no goal circle on my calendar. I'm a danger to myself, man. Yeah. Yeah. I beat myself up mentally I'm home, I drink. I' It's just not good. I have to have some kind of battle. Yeah. ye And I've always been like that. But like as I'm getting older, I'm kind of recognizing. Oh, you can see it more. Yeah. so I kind of set set goals So that clip went viral. And there was a clip just like it of you and Dir Oogan, which is you saying almost identically the same thing, whichich also went viral with it So this gave every big context And so you see that and you go, okay, we understand. And I think we're now You know, we're old enough, mature enough to understand that once a pro athlete leaves high octane, high adrenaline sport like UFC that your brain has changed For sure And not least because of the dopamine, but also, you know, there's other reasons why there's head injuries are prevalent in the sports. So there was a hu amount of sypath. I just wanted you to know that because I know you've not seen it but I still feel horrible, but it You know, and not even using fighting or head trauma My homeless father or any of that stuff as an excuse. I just want to say that. I did these things. I know better, I know right and wrong. I don't want to lean on these as a crutch of my actions, you know what I mean And the other the other clip that went Just so, you know, just because of these this is you and Jer Rogan talking about some of the things the show what I was talking about. It's like a gift and a curse, man It's like you have to be all in at something. those kind of people who are built like that whether it's fighting or drinking or Whether it's good or bad, you're going all in. It's dangerous. problem. Yeahah Yeah. The problem is like we see with Connor When they don't have the fighting, then they go all in with the other things. Yeah. Yeahight. Fighting was always for me always pulled everything together, you know. That's why like retiring is scary, man. Days are long. I have a lot of times I don't have to get ready for a fight. I don't you know you're still a young man too. You still have a whole lot of life ahead of you. thirty seven, man. Yeah. so it makes you think like what do I do now? What do I do with my future? What do I do? What do you want to do? Dude, I kind of got like For a week or so I would' say depressed, but I kind of got into like a funk like what the hell am I going to do in my life? Every day I would wake up for the last twenty years, how can I be a better fighter? How I What's new in fitness? How can I push myself? I want to be the champion and then boom, you lay the gloves down and you wake up and you're a fucking civilian And that's meant that you you know, some of your your fellow fellow peers like John Jones have come out and said some really nice things and other fighters have come out and said some really nice things and sent their support and Well wishes, I appreciate it. I'm where I'm working on myself 'm trying my best Will you ever Johon Jones had done a post anduff and my buddy Kyle said The the guy who I work with every day I'm talking about, he told me that John Jones came out and said something and it was positive He said Matt Brown as well, a former fighter. did a video, he said it was really nice and stuff. And I'm sure I'll see some that st. I don't want to like relive the moment that much. I don't want to keep like diving back, but when I do get back on social media or do start watching videos and stuff again, I'm sure I'm going to see some of it You know, and I appreciate everybody, but I I just It feels weird to You know, I'm I'm not looking for for that. for sympathy or for to make this okay. it's not okay, you know, you know, it's not But I think the reason I'm sort of really keen to tell you is once upon a time, we didn't really understand mental health And so people were thought to be crazy or whatever when they acted out of character. But I think the world has gotten to such a place now where We think about context a bit more And this was really it was really nice to see for me having done a little bit of background research as well to see that people's first reaction wasn't just to villainize somebody It was to understand peopleople actually went, oh no, this is someone struggling with their Mental health It's not a bad person It's a bad mental health situation Um which I've actually not really seen before, which is As I say, it was really nice. But I know you I know what you're saying, you're saying you don't to blame anything Right. I don't want to blame anything or have a crutch to lean on about my actions about what happened. You know, I did it Blaming it on Mental health or anything like that, even though focusing on that now, you know, I did I I did that. I decided to drink that day when I wasn't feeling well, it's all on me Is it kind of a bit of a roller coaster in your world post fighting in terms of your mental health is ups and downs and ups and downs big time. And what is the Some days I wake up and I feel like I made the right decision, you know I need to be home, I need to be. doing things around the house. I'm gonna be here every day with my kids making the breakfast. and then some days I wake up and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? I can beat all these guys still You know, I can still beat these guys, but I don't know if that ever leaves I might be sixty year old having coffee one day saying the same thing. I could beat these guys. I don't know if that's just a competitive spirit. I don't know if that's just fighting your whole life. don't I don't know, but I these top guys that are winning now and fighting now on these upcoming cards, I can I can beat them still I know I can And then I' wake up the next day and I'm like, ah G good thing I don't have to fight these guys anymore. And the next day is like L I can can be the world Champion You know, it it's just up and down every day. And how does your mental health sort of correlate to those ups and those thoughts evenven though I have those days where I w to fight and I think I made the right decision My mental health has been pretty even, you know, up until recently, I haven't been worried about myself for having to go to my journal and sit in the morning and have coffee like I've been doing this last week, you know but When I do start feeling one hundred percent normal. Okay again I need to continue to do those things, you know? can' I can't because I feel good. it's a constant. something is going on with my brain, like I have to practice these things every day And now being removed from the incident rememoved from three years ago when I felt really bad and I was in the dark place I'm realizing that like it's it's Not a Eureka moment where you're fixed. You gota this is everyday work for the rest of your life, most likely. I'm pretty sure. Was it just the last week? or was it you said in recent times? In recent times, that was like the the boiling point on Father's Day. Um, but there's been days yeah, there's been days where I've Eressed to my wife how Im feeling and I was feeling down or The last two months couple few months ye. of there's good days, bad days, you know Where you haven't expressed your wife how you're feeling. Yeah, some days I will tell her, but some days I don't just continue to go along my day and I don't want to be that guy to where I wake up and my wife's worried about how I'm feeling that day. you know, I don't want her worrying about me like that I wonder Who's waking up today is this ressed Is upset Dustin waking up today? or is this my normal husband I'm waking up to? I don't want to worry her. So some days, you know, if I'm feeling really bad, which hasn't been that often lately. I'll tell her, I'm, you know, today I'm not feeling that well. I don't want my daughter coming in in the bedroom, you know Why is that staying in bed all day? You know, I don't want to tell her again that I'm not feeling good today. You know, she doesn't understand. I a she's about to be ten years old She she can't comprehend what's going on. I can barely comprehend it, you know, so to keep them more on a steady day to day thing, if it's just slightly, I'm kind of feeling a little bit off today, I just suck it up and go about you know, my business But there will be days where you stay in bat all day. There has been, yeah and you try and sort of avoid the conversation with like your daughter Yeah Its It's not often but it happens, yeah. Do you find that if you don't talk about it, it kind of comes out in other ways because Well you pile it up so long tntil it finds a way out, you know? Yeah whichich kind of brings us to the airport incident, I guess. It could be to some degree Right, But even the airport incident, Th those days leading up, even if I did have an off day Oh. I didn't feel like it was that That bad. That's serious. that Dangerous to myself or anybody else. You know I really didn't feel like that It's an interesting thing. I've often actually contended with when I'm having like bad moments, do I tell my partner so I can really relate to the feeling? Because in part I think as a man sometimes you want to be You have it within you that you need to be strong and steady Eespecially with like my fiant, I'm like I have to be strong and steady. So if I'm having a bad day or whatever I I feel like I have to keep it to myself, but then it always finds a way out and it hurts her. like it'll hurt the relationship So actually I think with age, I've gone actually to avoid all problems Be honest as fast as you can. Right. It's like yeah, honesty is always the best It's always the best Is that kind of how you feel as well with it? it For the most part, I am really open and honest, but like If I'm just kind of filling off and it's for me to I know you don't understand what what that means or maybe you have something you can link it to when you feel kind of like today iss not Now my day, if I'm filling off, I'll let her know. I've been pretty honest But like I said If it's just slight like I'm just not feeling the right, won' If it's slight, I won't I won't even bring it up. I got to be a that and continue to do things every day and But if I' feeling really down to where I don't even wantan to leave the house at all and stuff, you know, I'll let my wife know point of purpose when you were talking to Theory and Joe, it you were saying that you know the purpose you had for twenty years has now gone so in its place You kind of need to find something else. you need to figure out what's in its place. How are you thinking about that today? I retired at thirty six years old' Young know, like I said, the days are long. I have all day every day to stay busy. and that's what I have been doing, you know, working with CBS, working with podast we have down in South Florida every Monday. I've just been trying to saying yes to as much stuff as I can so I don't have time to sit back and think And that could have been my demise as well. Maybe I was being too busy. Maybe I wasn't focusing on my mental health and myself as much. You know, it's easy to get lost in these whirlwinds of busy and be here, be there, you know, life just moves so fast sometimes Did you have a plan for So what you want to commit yourself to. You're thirty seven now, right So I mean, youve got another fifty, fifty years ahead of you to to climb other the mountains potentially No, I don't have anything locked like lockedown what I'm going to do exactly. What I'm going focus everything on, but I need to find something, man Has there ever been anything that compared? No, nothing ever will. Nothing. I have a void inside of me. there nothing you know Being a father is very fulfilling and I love it. And it it's rewarding and I actually enjoy it. but nothing feels that void of what fighting was in my life You know, I haven't found anything yet. I don't think there is I don't think there is. I just don't know What's going to consume me and take All of myself the way fighting did You know, I woke up thinking about it, I went to sleep thinking about it I It was my life, man I care so much about it I was in love with it You can still play a role in the industry, thoughh Yeah, and that's what I and that's what I thought I was, you know was a good avenue. That's what I trying to do. that was my goal after fighting is I want to stick around the sport. whether I'm on the desk broadcast or with the podcast, anything continaining to the spore where I can talk about it you know, be around. that's given me everything I have and taught me so many lessons in life. I just want to be around it speaking about it. you on the mattss helping younger fighters, whatever, you know, and I was doing and I was doing that when I retired, you know I'm still doing it. But it's not it's not the same How does it compare as a percentages it twentyw twenty percent the way there, fifty percent the way there or Probably closer to twenty. it's not even fifty Have you spoken to other fighters who have expressed the exact same sentiment that fighting was the The Mount Everest for me and I don't know what to do next notot really to that to that Exact point, but other fighters have reached out and said, hey, you know, I'm all the ears if you ever want to talk about it, I went through it as well, you know Laying the gloves on isn't as easy as you think, you know People I look up to you have reached out to me and I never took anybody up on it You know, I never started speaking to other fighters about what they do to get passast and I should, you know, it's all it's My my doing, you know Becauseuse it's not new problem, is it? No, this is Everyone But lots of people have expressed. Right. And it's not just a new problem with fighting. It's a new problem, I think, with a lot of athletes. you know, who've done it for a long time and reached the pinnacle and, you know, when it's over You know, you have a lot of life left to live similar sentiments expressed from some of my friends that were in the military And then left the military thirty six, thirty seven years old and It's like that was their Everest. That was also the camaraderie that they had being in camp and being on base and stuff like that and going away being deployed and then they come back and they A civilian all of a sudden. Difficult Yeah manen So that's lifeife's difficult, you know, it's G got to figure something else out I got to figure solve new puzzle. It's life keeps going You were going off to work when you were caught up in this airport incident. Yeah How are you thinking about work prospects and stuff like that considering all that swirling around at the moment and obvious Wried about losing everything I've working on You know? is a possibility as well, you know H post fighting when I retired, all the stuff that I've been doing, all the The desk work, that me focusing on getting better at all that stuff. I'm like, did I just ruin everything that I was working for? You know, I don't know yet It's still too early to really have those answers, I think. Have you got like sponsors and stuff like that? or is it just your partners where you do guesswork and podcasts and stuff like that? I have a bunch of sponsors Yeah And they've been an understanding That's kind of murky right now. I think it's still too fresh. I know One big one isn't a sponsor anymore Oh you lost a spun Oh yeah I'm sure I lost a few waiting to see when the smokeres. Wh's still with me or not? that they cost me notot only embarrassment and embarrassment to my family, it cost me a lot of money too, you know m I'm losing sponsors, I'm losing gigs and losing things that I had set up. You' losing gigs you had set up in the future as Well will see Obviously the gigs, the three things I was supposed to do that that week are gone. And then a big sponsor of mine is gone because of it. And of the professional commitments you have coming up, what are those kinds of things that you have? I know you said in an interview that I watched that you'd reached out to Paramount I were work with them. But you'd reached out to them to say, listen, I want to sharpen my skills as a commentator as a desk analyst?k Desk analyst. And so you'd reached out to them post post retirement because you wanted to get more and more into that. I just thought it was really cool that you proactively reached out to them and said, listen, I'm here Yeah, if you guys think that would be a good fit anywhere on a broadcast or anything. I would love to talk about fighting and talk about this sport as it continues to grow with what I've learned through this two decades of doing it. You know, if I can be a voice in this area, please let me do it and they did, you know, And I told them like I'm coachable. I don't have no hard feelings. likeike if I'm doing something wrong, please let me know. I'm very, you know, because a lot of these Other people who work the desk come from a media background or things like that. Of course we have a lot of fighters but who work the desk, but a lot of these other people might not take criticism and coaching as well as somebody who's been coached their whole life. So I'm letting them know like if there's something I'm doing that It's not the right etiquette. It's not if I can do something better, please let me know, coach me. I'm not it's no judgment. You're never going to rub me the wrong way. Please let me know. I want to be good at this. That's what I was trying to let them know Well, it's cool. It's cool because a lot of people they come in with a lot of ego. Um, especially if they've been at the How' one profession? Yeah They kind of don't want to humble themselves enough to thing for me, you know? talking on TV and talking about fights and things like that is a whole new thing. So I wanted to Learn as much as I can. and you have a contract with them Yeah. I did, we'll see. Oh, you're worried that it might not be? It could be I guess when something like I had a year contract with Paramount CBS Dh desks for the fights Well, I hope they all stick with you. We'll see. I think on in a few weeks I'm back on the podcast. So I know they're bringing me back to the Monday podcast. We talk about fights every Monday. in two weeks I'll be back on that. so we'll see if that continues, you know, You know, the other thing is you are you are young. You're thirty seven. I'm thirty three And here you are Yeah yeah. that's how I can I can almost relate. It would be like if my career was was wrapping up in a couple of years Like my main, you know, but I'm in the I guess my career is business. so I can kind of do that forever. Well, for sure. But if I had to if I'd spent the last twenty years of my life, I've spent the last fifteen years of my life building businesses, if I wrapped up in a couple of years time and I had to change profession And I couldn't do what I've done for the last twenty years anymore Gosh That's what athletes go through For sure They climb the mountain and then aging happens and they get older like we all do and then they have to say right. around the mountain. That doesn't happen to people in M my creuise. you kind of just keep climbing out I never thought about it comparing it to other other careers Do you enjoy the deskwork? I really do, ma'. Yeah. That's why I'mcared lose it too, because I really enjoy being connected to the sport. You know, this sport has, like I said, given me everything I have. mee and my family Everything we have is through fighting Just like Johon Jones, where marginal improvements in your cognitive performance can have a massive impact Sometimes I podcast for ten hours a day. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been in filming for a TV show and I have like one or two days off to get all of my work done, which means there's lots of cognitive load. And so I turn to ketones because I find myself more articulate able to think more clearly, able to work out better when I'm fueled by ketones. And so the reason I became a co owner of this company and the reason why they now are a sponsor of this podcast is because I remember one of my teammbers called Christiana, she tried it once and came up to my desk and she goes, this is the best product ever made And I think in part that's because she really cares about those cognitive benefits as I do, as John Jones does, and as I think most of my listeners probably will. So if you haven't tried these yet All you have to do is go to ketone d. com slash stephven And you'll also get thirty percent off of your first subscription order. You'll get exclusive Kyto IQ merge. And of course Cognitive benefits that might just change your life If there's anything we need, it is connection, especially in the world we're living in today. and that is exactly why we created these conversation cards. because on this show, when I sit here with my guest and have those deep intimate conversations, this remarkable thing happens time and time again. We feel deeply connected to each other. At the end of every episode, the guest I'm interviewing leaves a question for the next guest turned them into these conversation cards. And we've added these twist cards to make your conversations even more interesting. And there are so many more twists along the way with the conversation cards. This is the brand new edition and for the first time ever, I've added to the pack this gold card, which is an exclusive question from me, but I'm only putting the gold cards in the first run of conversation cards. So get yours now before the limited Eedition goal cards are all gone. Head to the link in the description below And this is obvious a bit of a personal question, but it gives useful context is at thirty seven years old, you're thinking as a man, I've got to provide for my family for the next thirty forty years potentially you are you set up sufficiently? because there's a lot of talk around Fid's not getting paid that much in the FC as well I know the career I've had. Yeah to work another day in my life. Really? Yeah. Oh congratulations. Thank you. Well done 'causeuse a lot of people also they go out and they, you know, we hear the stories of Little too many watches, or gambling whatever it might be I need to stop gambing That's right.. I told my wife the other day she was like pay some bill. I saw you made another deposit to the gambling thing. I was like I can't cold turkey everything. Give me one Let's go one thing at a time One thing gambling' C couple steps up on the list. I got some other things I need to stop doing first. Well, if you can take care of yourself the rest of your life, then, you know, Oh good, right? have fun still. Right, right. Yeah. So lot of a lot of people a lot of fighters a lot of people generally can't say that when they leave but I was boys You know, I have a few businesses in Louisiana and elsewhere. I've always planted seeds my my whole life. You know, I started investing when I was twenty three years old You know, before I was even making real real money, I was investing what little I had I always play these seeds because I knew I couldn't fight forever. It was going to end any I could get in a car accident never fight again. It could end any day with fighting. I knew that. So I've always planted seeds to try to haveave my future Take care of Al since a young age Sot. Actually, when I was like eighteen, nineteen, I told my wife, I'm not to fight past thirty five years old. And I almost hit that mark. I was too young to at the time when I told her that too young to see the, you know, full picture and know how my career was going play out. but thirty six, I hung it up. I told her from a very young age, thirty five. I live half my life and I have a whole another life to live at thirty five. I can go to college. I can go I can do be whatever I want to be. I have a whole another life to live. so I kind of always angled at thirty five. give it And that was the moment Yeah, man. That's the moment where you retired. Oh yeah How does it feel looking at that photo Man, these are my brothers in this picture, man I can see the emotion in your faces Yeah, my mother's back there This is my family, you know All these guys are my family members Special day And I got to do it in Louisiana, I it meant a lot to really meant a lot to me Yeah, I mean, I was just a kid chasing dreams and it just flew by so quick And I guess that's a part of me this Scared for the future is I don't I don't know You know, for twenty years I was dreaming about being the best I just want to dream again, you know? I don't know what that dream will be. I just need that in my life. whatever that is. Special day, man So so many emotions in your face as you look at that photo. Yeah, I'm trying to tear up, dude Be it just makes me feel that way I still love it, but I know I need to Walk away from it You know, continue walking away from it But I still love it. and like I told you, it's like a piece of me Like those gloves, me putting them on the mat is a piece of myself I left I really truly believe that You know, I was a kid when I started this to fight life You know it taught how to be a man. It taught me how to do business, it taught me a lot of things about myself I didn't go to school. fighting was my education, you know traveled the world and met people and sat at tables. I would have never dreamed of, you know, sitting at through fighting U It is just incredible journey You know, uh, But if I can go back in time So when I was a kid, sixteen, seventeen if I can do it again, I would do it again, even knowing everything that could be what damage I could take I would do it again That's how fun the ride was But nobody rides for free, you know That's why I'm saying I would do it again damage the ups and downs, the unknown Nobody rides for free and whether you're working. clocking in at a job, working in an office for your whole life, you know or you fighting m all over the world Oh We're exchanging something, you know? for something I would do it again I' just glad I got to do it here in Louisiana. You know where it all started That was special to me because youFC doesn't come here often Louisiana The time that came before my retirement was back in twenty fifteen and I fought on that on that one as well to get them to come back here just for my retirement was a big deal And I'm proud that I'm prou of bring it back to the city, you know. I have a g room at myouse and I have this The UFC actually sent me a retirement Picture big picture frame with the My wife, my daughter Their name was on the canvas for this fight and I didn't even know The UFC printed their names on the canvas of the Octagon. So they cut them out of the thing and they have them framed in a nice shadow box with pictures from the fight and their names and stuff. that was really nice, man. So I this picture hanging on my wall in my game room in my house I actually I need to call this guy here in this Mike Brown. I need to call him back. He tried to call me and he's been texting me the last few days. calling back letting ' them good, you know 've been silence and every call, you know, not just I want to talk to people since Father's Day. I need to start let need to reach back out Theres a law in your head isn't that foe seems to have teleported you back in I just ten Th about that night Thinking about the guys in the picturesure, seeing my mom in the background, you know friends. they just Incredible night. And it hurts me a little bit like to to be sitting here talking about getting arrested last week. Like it feels like such a fall from grrace. you know, looking at this picture Like I was on top of the world in this moment I like I did it all the right way, you know even had the UFC u place on Ira. I did it my way when I was walking out the Octagon that night and the You know, just life That's life, That's life L life's part of the part of the hero's journey is the the downowns, the redemptions, the of it, and everything you teach you it's funny because when I think about your earliest context, it was in myject subjective view difficult. It was a real challenge father, that's an alcoholic, the violence in the home. Gring up in you in a working class area, and you rose from that And lookook what happened ay it was beautiful And then look you're proud of it And then the roller coasters go down too. that's why they're so good when they go the opposite way and such. and And so this is just and for me, this is maybe just the platform of your next era You know? sure, whatever that is, I'm here for it, but I'm just learning and living No and try my best just like everyone else It's incredible that you've proven that you can do You know, for me I Honestly No BS look you in the eyes. like I feel like anything I set my mind to, I can I can accomplish. I to make it happen. L You've done that You don't need to look me in the eyes and OBS me.ve you've done something that you know Very few men could ever ever accomplish, especially considering where you came from. so I think I am quite excited to see what you set your mind to next because if that's what you're able to accomplish Am thirty five years old or something God only knows what you could do with the next. wo decades of your life if you aimed all that energy at a equally terrifying goal I would love to. That's what I need something terrifying I need something like that. S that I can't stop thinking about Mm And you've got the mentality that you have, right? Like to accomplished this. You've got something components to be wildly successful, as you say, with whatever you put your mind to. so, I'm not scared to work for it. At this moment in this photo, we're your family encouraging you to Book gls. My wife was Yeah N nobody else in my family. She was pregnant She was u A couple months away from giving a few months away from giving birth to my son I'd been doing it for a long time We just kind of both knew it was about the time, you know You said you were scared because of the void of purpose that would be in your life thereafter, but I've also heard you say you're scared of like the brain injuries that fighters often get in the wake of any sort of contact sport I had the great privilege of interviewing arguably the world's leader on CTE. And for people that don't know, CTE is a progressive brain disease caused by repeated head trauma, leading to abnormal protein buildu, which lead to brain decline. Older adults with a history of traumatic brain injuries have a two hundred and thirty percent greater risk of developing Alzheimer's the knowose withithout. sixty one percent of UFC fighters stated they worry about potential long term brain damage. with a good percentage of about twenty one percent noticing differences in their brain function after their fighting career. And lastly, a twenty twenty three study found that more than forty percent of brains from contact sport players who died before the age of thirty had CTE I think I heard you say that you were concerned about brain damage or brain trauma from fighting. Yeah, pop. Part of me laying the gloves down, like I said for my wife wanting me to was because she was kind of worried about my behavior a few years back and I went to a neurologist and did a scan with contrast where they put the dye in your brain and your veins and do all that stuff. and I have I had some I don't know You know, changes in my brain, but we don't have passport of before throughout the process, you know, we just have a snapshot of right now of my brain. But you, the doctor the neurologist told me that You know, it has to be post humorors. You can't put a chemical on the brain it releases a protein, you know if you We w't know until I pass away and they study my brain, if I have it or not, but the doctor was telling me like you know, looking at the things you have going on, like I can't say you have it but Your wife was noticing different behavior Yeah. Just like emotional and It's not a conversation people have alone. C. A actually I only learned about it about a year ago when I interviewed this person and I couldn't believe it. Yeah. I couldn't believe that athletes that are doing contact sports, kids that are doing American football. Oh and not only fighting, I play football All my youth, you know as well So I'm sure my head has been ratt I I have a brain scan here which is really for the listeners at home to show them what advanced CTE looks like on the brain. But it is these kind of like plaques that kind of build up in the brain from contact, head injuries. And what the symptoms of that are often in mental health disorders. they are And there's a spectrum addictions also sort of associated with CTE. People sometimes see boxes, for example, slurring their words and such and That's also within the sort of same family and category of CTD. But as you say, it's not something you know when you're alive and they have to post homously Look at your brain and check if if you have it And what did the neurologist say that it was a little bit abnormal? have a scoring and stuff, I'd have to pull out my phone and find exact termology for part of the brain. I don't know. know, I have a thinning in the back of my brain at whatever point and I have you have a septum in your brain, like your nose. Yeah. And my seep septum is is splitting separated a good bit And the neurologist thinks my left and right side aren't communicating as smoothly as they should because of the separation And they suspect that that's to do with head trauma. We don't we don't know Do you feel different? And it's a strange question to ask, but have you noticed any difference in yourself other than, you know, The differences one would experience when they left a job that was that significant No besides like Us and downs with mood and stuff like that That's one of the things I kind of notice u And mean being honest, sppontaneous decisions, I notice like if'm like fuckking Ill just put five thousand dollars on his bet right now.ike just how I wouldn't N normally do that, I feel like, but maybe it's just who I am now. I don't know. O same fuckking I'm going gonna get drrunk as I can right now in the airport just You know, I feel like that is like spontaneous decision making. that I wouldn't normally do, I think, but maybe I would. I don't know If we're talking about brain trauma and like decisions I made or ways I feel, I'm sure I can draw Links to all kinds of stuff, you know, I don't even know if it would make sense or would be correct You know what When you're scrambling for answers, it's easy to like draw lines and say, well, this is because of that. this is because of that. You know, I feel I feel normal. Besides ups and down days and stuff like that, I feel so norm So is there any possibility that you ever returned to The UFC If you had to plot it as a percentage percent. And since you've retired, has that percentage gone up or down, do you think Progressively Down, I think down. Okay because I would have to reinstate first of all, I'd have to get my wife on board that I'm gonna do another training camp and do this again, But I'd have to reinstate myself in the drug testing protocol and I think I'd have to do like six months of clean drug testing before I'm eligible to compete again So that would be another six months. you know, it's just a lot of hoops toump to jump through And your father Difficult, difficult, extremely difficult layers of emotion. It's funny, you know, we've all got people in our life, well a lot of people have people in their lives where They've watched them struggle with addiction, they've tried to help them. They can't make sense of why they won't accept the help, why they won't change. They know they're doing like I've had it's such a familiar story What's the latest with him He was the latest with him is Two days ago, he was sleeping in his truck business And how do you find this ele them? Oh, you have a did When I got a This is Father's Day Week This is a My sister sent me this, somebody who she knows my dad was parked at the Um somebody snapped a picture Get out of his car. He so he's got his top off Oh gosh. No shoes. No shoes My sister actually gave him that truck that he's living in And we're still working, we're still working to get something. get him to do something or and made himself just to help himself, you know Sorry, I'm so sorry. I mean, this life. but to see your father like that, you know, he's just like, damn is alcohol It's alcohol. Yeah. Do Does he do other types of drugs?. N never smoke a cigaret in his life, never Marijua thousand eight Ps like just alcohol We're trying me and my sister trying to his other Th other kids I don't anything to do with him, but me and my sister are trying to get him right? And my w suuper on board, like trying everything to to But if he doesn't wantan to help himself, we can only do so much, you know? But like I said at the beginning, that's not my weight to carry, you know try my best. I'm a father now too. I got to look out for me and mine, I can't babysit my father It's u It can often drag people down themselves if they try and save Someone from themselves Yeah They almost lost my mind on Father's Day. Yeah I'm the guy you're talking about. Yeah. I know it because I've got a sort of personal spory in this regard where I had to sit with one of my close relatives and I can see that they were destroying themselves trying to save someone else and um, They are the only person in this family that I'm talking about that have made that decision to try and save this person and they are paying the price They are sick, they are upset all the time. they're like they've got constant despair, Whereas all the other siblings in that family have thought, fuck it. Yeah it would appear that they're living more peaceful lives because they've said fuck it. But because of this person's heart They were unable to just cut it off and let this person go. Is that part of you that's worried that someday you're going to get a call and it's going to say I've been waiting for months every day. I've been waiting. Me and my wife talk about this all the time. Like every time call about my dad from my sister or something. I'm like, justust waiting for the, you know, waiting for the news. He's not in goodalth and he's seventy four, seventy five years old, tell him if he's eating and I don't know You know, every call I was like, this is the one What did your mum think about this Your father I mean As of most recently, she didn't know She didn't even know that he was homeless I told her recently After all this stuff happened, you know, I explained to her that he's She's just sorry that I have to deal with this and She got remarried and then yeah So what's next vacation family. you have to? Thty right here in Florida, thirty A. Go on vacation with my family, sitting in the sun with my kids and family. Just have a good time, man. Stay off the internet. Mhm. I continue to work on myself, have good mornings That's it Well, you know I know you're not looking at the interternet, but I just wanted to let you know that the internet hass been really kind There's a lot of really hear that often so that you don't hear that too often. Good to hear. That's actually why I wanted to do this interview as well is in part I just wanted to tell you that, but also I just wanted I hoped we could be a bit of a platform for people understanding the like complicated nature of mental health and purpose and addiction and alcohol and all these things that through doing this show, I've been able to sort of piece together myself. I've probably interviewed seven hundred people now. You don't find many new things.. One of the most crazy things I've learned from doing this show is like, o fuck we all the same. We all struggle with the same things at the most fundamental level, you know, For sure, you know And u We're all excited to see What it is you put your your great talent and your mentality and your obsession too in the next season of your career whatever it is, you know Thank you man. It's going to be incredible Yeah, I just got to find it and continue doing it and continue working on myself and And please be patient with yourself. Yeah, I mean, patience is a virtue I wasn't blessed with But I'm working on it. I'm working on it every day. everyvery single day man We have a closing tredition where the last guest leaves a question to the next not knowing who they're leaving it for. And the question left for you is deear next guest What are you doing to improve the world trying to leave it better than I found it. better leave it a better place than I came into with everything I can You know Oh for the most part making the right decisions and showing that people do care trying to be a good, you know, person who cares about people and stuff like that. That's what hurts me too, man is me doing that, I wasn't I wasn't myself, you know? I know it's easy for me to say and try to hide behind drunkenness or mental breakdown and I feel like all those are excuses. like that's people who know me know that's That's not how I roll, man. I just feel B bad about it because that's my attentions are always ninety nine point nine percent of the time good you know, and to hear about the video and everything I did and You know, just hurt myself, man, really let myself down the hard to look in the mirror At times, But I'm a continet continontue doing what I was doing beforefore this happened You know. Leave the world a better place then I found a man and teach my kids to do the same And in twenty eighteen, you did u start. Good Fight Fation. Yeah. you and your wife after clearing out your old fight gear and auctioning it off to support Lafayette families You started this foundation and you've actively been involved in the charity. I went on the website and saw you driving delivery trucks and packing school supplies in the kitchen But also I saw the work that you' done in Uganda. fighting kids in Ugand with multiple new water wells as well And you were a thirty years old awarded the first ever Forest Griffin Community Award, the award presented annually by the OC to recognize an athlete's exceptional volunteering and charity work And you didn't have to do that especially at such a young age, at sort of twenty eight years old when this all began. And If people do want to go and check out the foundoundation, I'm going to link it below. It's called the Good Fight Foundation the mission statement on the website, etcetera It's exactly what this question asks because it's how can you do good for other people in the world that need it And I've truly honestly We're not ever sim believe I'm doing it, you know I think is I'm using the platform I built through hard work to benefit as many people as I can. you know, fighting was going to benefit me and my family Every time I walk to the ring, so whyt My mindset was why couldn't I stag more on my back go in with a cause and sell everything I wore that night and benefit a family or benefit a person or another organization. I was like, let me stack up as much on my back as I can and keep this momentum going with the foundoundation, but When we first started it, it wasn't I didn't auction off everything I wore to the Actagon. We didn't link it to goals. It was just kind of random. We were packing up my house moving from South Florida back to Louisiana And we had all this stuff and We just saw a news article that a police officer got killed a couple streets whereere me and my wife went to school, a couple of streets away from where we went to school and he left behind a wife and kids Officer Middlebrook here in Lafieta, Louisiana And we're like, well,, we're packing up the house What about all these gloves and fight shorts that you fought in on these big fights? Can we sell Maybe we can sell and donate to his family? And that's what sparked the whole Foundation starting We did it for Maybe a year a year and a half, two years just out of my name before we made it an actual nonprofit. We were just ebeying fight worn stuff and donating it to the food pantra and donating it to this fallen officers' family And then it turned into let let's keep this going and see if other fighters would get behind this and give it a name. So it's not dustin Per does this. It's the G good Fight Foundation so more people maybe get behind it. And it just kind of organically happened as someone' very proud of. I mean in a couple weeks, we have Back to school drive, do we do probably thirteen hundred backpacks filled with Every school supply on the school supply list for Louisiana Wow. Yeah, it's's incredible. Itakes it takes everybody to make these goals happen, man. Not just the monetary side, but the go into this warehouse and pack in every single bagpack becausecause we stretch the dollar with this foundation, you know, we don't have any paid everything is and we try to keep it as minimal as possible to keep everything affordable. So we buy bulk Packs Break all the pallets down a back backs, bulk. flash cards, everythingverything that goes in the backpack for the school year, we buy bulk and have to pack every backpack ourselves. Wow. ' something that I really Enjoy doing And I'm happy I have a platform to do it and raise awareness you know, no kids should go to school without a that's just one of the things we we've done annually, but no kids should go to the school without schoolchool supplies they need, you know It's crazy. so just small stuff like that, you know We're just trying to make a difference. Well, if anyone wants to donate. You can go to the Good Fight Foundation. I'll link it below and they're doing incredible work. so it's a wonderful thing, wonderful course. And as you say, you run it in a very lean way so that you can optimizize for doing more and more good Dustin, thank you so much. Thank you, Ma'am. Thank you so much for being such a class act and thank you for agreeing to have me interview you today. It's a real honor You're a legend of myes for so many reasons, not just because of the man that you are, but because you've climbed impossible mountains And also the way that you conduct yourself after fighting, which is a real it's really like inspiring to me the values, the integrity, the orientation towards family towards doing good. and actually