Finalizing the Top Ten Rankings

Hey there, folks! This is Stuart Wellington of the Flop House Podcast, and I want to welcome you to another edition of the Flop House Mini. This is a slightly shorter version of the Flop House Podcast where in,stead of watching a bad movie, we do kind of whatever. And I am joined by the other two members of the Flop House, Fed McCoy and Elliot Kalen Matching my energy. I love it. Now, in honor of a recent episode, that's right, Dreamcatcher. I thought we should go for the king of cinema. That's right. We're gonna talk about the cinematic works of one Stephen King. Stephen King, you might know him. He is a novelist. He was a uh at one point, apparently, a cocaine user. And he has so many screenwriting credits. I thought it would be fun if we took a look at his various movies, and we did a definitive, that's right, a definitive top 10 ranking of them based on our own personal judgments. Now, looking at the works of Stephen King, I know you'd probably say that guy's got a couple of movies under his belt. And you know what? I thought that until I looked at his fucking filmography and there's like zillions. Well this is what I I was gonna ask, when you say screenwriting credit, like is are these the ones where he literally has a screenwriting credit or it's based on a work by I'm not gonna do screenwriting credits, because that's like what, like three movies? Yeah, like maximum overdrive. We are not gonna do it. We are in fact just going to be talking about uh we're gonna be talking about movies that are either based on works or screenplays he wrote, but we're talking about movies. Now this is not TV. This is not episodes of movies. Sorry, langaliers. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. If we were just talking about like TV or TV movies, sorry, Kingdom Hospital. That was it would be going on forever. It would be going like I gotta say, I would like just looking at his upcoming credits, it's like fifty things. It's bonkers. So sorry, The Shining with Tim Daly, or was that Stephen Webster? Weber. Stephen Tim Daly. No, it was a website . It was Stephen Weber, but he was pl doing it as Webster from the TV show Webster. Some people thought it was in bad taste. Not me though . Steven Weber, I know less from Wings and more from his very successful runs on Celebrity Jeopardy. He's very bad. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Never heard of it. Never heard of it. You guys want to talk to me about it for an hour? I would love to talk to you about it for more than an hour. But we don't have time for that. We have to do that season at some point. Yeah., at some point So what we're going to be doing is we're gonna be going uh I did my best now, guys. Listeners, I did my best to like parse what counts, and I'm doing currently uh feature-length films. Okay, um, ideally, some are released on video, but they're all they're all movies. But you're not doing any from like the Dollar Baby project or whatever it's called, where he'll license his stories for a dollar to a student filmmaker or an independent filmmaker. I don't think so, because once again we're talking feature length films, not like Yeah, those are usually shorts. Again, please Wheel Shorts, the crossword puzzle items. So to to cut this list down, which is enormous, we are we are gonna uh we're gonna first do a quick weeding process where you guys are gonna say we gotta weed all his books. That's a lot of books to weed. We're gonna be like virtual lawnmower men, and we are going to weed this garden. Um, so what I'm gonna do is I'm going to list the name and year of a work and if you want to cut it, you just you guys just jump in and you say cut it, ax it, get it out of here, okay? Do I have to cut it out hand signal? You don't because that would that's gonna take way too long. We got a million of these to go through. So we're actually uh these are going to be in order but backwards starting with right now today. Okay. So we're going back to this round is in time. We're going back in time. This round is just cutting movies that we are dismissing out of hand. There is no way this is gonna be in our top ten. Okay. Okay. Okay, so first, The Running Man 2025. Kill it. I liked it, but kill it. Okay. The long walk. I haven't seen it. Kill it, kill it. The monkey twenty twenty five. Haven't seen a kill it. No, no, no. I'm gonna leave it. I'm gonna leave it twenty twenty four. Haven't seen a kill it. Uh I I haven't seen it either, so I can't speak to it. I'm gonna say kill it. The life of Chuck. I've heard the things, haven't seen it. I liked it okay, but I don't think it's gonna hit the top. Pet Cemetery Bloodlines. Kill it. Kill it. The Boogeyman. What? Mr. Harrigan's phone . What? No. I don't know what that is. Firestarter 2022. Absolutely not. No, we watched that. That's crap, yeah. Children of the corn 2020. Been seeing it. So Children of the Corn 2020 is the Barbara Walters Hugh Downs Children of the Corn? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Okay. It comes on after TGIF, so I guess I'll watch it. Yeah. No, that was 60 minutes. Wrong TV show, wrong news magazine show with the number of. Okay. Doctor sleep. Haven't seen it. Gillet. I heard good things though. I like it okay. It's it's a borderline case. I say kill it, I guess. Okay. In the tall grass. Don't know what that is. Kill it. It chapter two. Kill it . Elliot, are you just gonna say kill it to all these? Most things. Yeah. So you're trying to make this I mean it will make this mini shorter. Yeah, it also a lot of things get murdered. I have to admit, I never saw it chapter two. I saw it chapter one and it annoyed me, so I never saw it. I'm one of the defenders of it chapter two, because I like how wacky it gets, but if we're gonna keep one on here, I would probably argue for keeping the first it. Okay. Pet Cemetery 2019. Didn't see it. Oh no, no, that was no good. Children of the corn runaway . I don't know it. No. Nineteen twenty two . What? Wait. Oh yeah, this is that Netflix one. I think it's based on a short story, I think. It chapter one, or just it. I'd say let's keep it in hold on to it if you want. The Dark Tower. No, absolutely not. That was garbage. Gerald's game. Maybe I'm gonna keep it. Yeah, I'm gonna keep it. Yeah, yeah. Ellie's like, mm, Bruce Greenwood and Carla Gucino being hot and sexy. I mean I mean it stops being sexy when she has to slice the skin off her own hand, but you know, it's I'm not into that, but uh but the first couple minutes, sure, yeah. Cell sell. You know what? I never saw the movie itself as good. That's a big thing. We haven't seen it. It does have John Cusack. It's late period John Cusack though, which is not a good sign. How about Mercy 2014? What the fuck is that? Oh, that was the John Stamos, Stephen King combo uh combo. Yeah, yeah. I don't know that one. A good marriage. Don't know it. You know what? That one's actually kind of a a nice sleeper, but I don't think No Sleeper is a Woody Allen movie, Dan. Oh. You have no sleepwalkers. That's Stephen Cunning. Oh a good married sleeper . Carrie 2013. Uh I'm I don't know for sure, but I'm gonna say no. Yeah, I'm gonna go since I think there's gonna be a carry on this list. It will not be that one. Children of the corn genesis. It's so funny it's a very tenuous blinked king at this point, but sure. Children of the Corn is one of those series where I'm like, I have never dealt with it except the first one and I I have so much trouble believing there's so many entries. Oh Oh bo boyy. outie. Yeah. There's a view. There's nothing about the first children of the corner movie where I'm like, this has legs. Do I say these? Microsoft XL was getting very annoyed that they're like, you mean children of the I'm like, no, no, no. It's a different one. This is the new one. Flippy the paper clip is like it seems like you're putting in another goddamn children of the core. I'll agree with that. Dolan's Cadillac. This has uh friend of the pod, uh Christian Slater. And then we talked about his uh cash grab philosophy. I haven't seen that one. Okay. 1408. Another John Cusack. You know what I mean? I never watched that one. I should have, because that short story is I really love Well maybe you just can't handle it wimp. Yeah. I think I prefer the original video game Mist that it was based on. No, I'm just kidding. It's a terrible game. Yeah, Stephen King played so much Mist that he wrote a movie about it. Riding the Bullet. I never saw that one. No, I don't know. No. Secret Window. That is a goofy ass movie, but I can't make an argument for it. That is a very goofy movie, yeah. Okay. Uh oh, Dreamcatcher. No, thank you. Keep it on the keep it on board. No, kill that one too. The The Dead Zone two thousand two. What? We didn't watch that one, did we? No. Again, there's gonna be a dead zone on this list. It will not be that dead. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Children of the corn revelation . No, thank you. What could they be revealing? What's the revelation? At this late date? Yeah. Hearts in it. Corn has had so many children at this point. What about hearts in Atlantis, gang? Some fecund . It's got Anthony Jopkins in it. I think we're gonna kill Hearts in Atlantis, yeah. Oh no. Uh one second. Dan, do you want to defend Hearts in Atlantis, the other William Goldman-Stephen King movie? I have never seen it. It looks boring. The Green Mile. Gabe. Okay, I'll allow it. Yeah. Okay. There may be two there may be two prison movies on this list. We'll see. Is this another children of the corn movie? Children of the Corn 666 Isaac's Rebirth. Well that one. They couldn't even decide on what subtitle to. Guys, you know you know 90% of this mini is just me getting excited to read Children of the Corn movies. We should have drank a lot of Boku and then watched all the children of the corn movies. Uh the Rage Colon carry two. I never saw that some defenders of that, but I don't yeah, I don't familiar be the carry that we No again. I think this will be one carry on the list, yeah. Sometimes they come back for more at the Golden Corral Buffet. Apt pupil. Oh uh well I like this one . It's a good movie that is all that has a is icky because of the director and the way that the cast was treated. Oh yeah, it's a bright So that's a hard one. Let's let's not kill it yet, but it's gonna be t it's one of those things where are we are we judging the work or are we judging the creation of the world. Yeah, that's true. Children of the corn five. Fields of terror. This is only the fifth. This is the fifth one. We've been going backwards and we've only hit five now. Yeah, because six, six, six before this, yeah. Oh yeah. The night flyer. I never saw the night flyer. I remember the commercials. Nope. Thinner . Thinner is a very weirdly watchable movie. Like if I come across Thinner, like Weirdly watchable raves damn like. Flipping the channels. I'm like, Oh, maybe I'll watch some of thinner. But I don't think it's good enough to countless. You know what? We've killed so many. Do you want to hold on to it just for a moment that we killed? Yeah, just for a moment. All right. We have at least thirty more to go through. Did they ever make a movie of Eyes of the Dragon? No. I remember reading that as a kid and being like, when's the horror stuff gonna happen? And then when it was over, I was like, I was glad there was no horror stuff. This is a straight fantasy book. That's right. Children of the corn for the gathering. So who's gathering and why? Oh, I see. The origin al children of the corn children from the g juggalos. They're the children of the phago, yeah. Okay. Sometimes they come back again. Wow, I didn't know there were two sequels. Yeah, two sequels.. No, thank you Because they keep coming back sometime. Even the first one, isn't that good? Are you wearing the sometimes they come back sequel? Yeah. Uh Dolores Claibor ne. You know what? That's a pretty good movie. Okay. Yeah. Children of the corn three, Urban Harvest. Which does sound like a grocery store. I wanna tell you something. I'm not gonna argue for this to be on the thing, but uh bef I saw this at a weird Wednesday before the Almo got inshidified . And it was so much of a blast that then I like showed it at my Halloween thing party like last year. And it was a delight. Everyone had a great time. That sounds like an argument to keep it on the list. I mean, it's I'm not gonna say it's a good movie. I'm saying if you're looking for a silly horror movie that you're gonna have a lot of fun watching. What Dan is really doing is making a case for us doing running the series of uh corn. C O T Cs, yeah. C O T C Urban Harvest. Yeah. Can we become children of the corn? We'll find out I think Dolores Claiborne, going back to that, I think let's keep it for now. I don't know that it's going to end up on that top ten list. Especially because it's competing against another very strong Kathy Bates contender. Exactly. Exactly. Uh we got the Mangler. No. A lot of fun, but no. The Shawshank Redemption. Yeah. That's not my phone. Just kidding. It's not my phone, but yeah. It's it's a very good movie. It is a very good movie. Meetful things. Needful things I've never seen because I don't think it'll live up to my idea of what that story should be. It's such a great concept for it. It feels like a very vague movie. Like Needful Things has some fun, but it gets boring after a while, the movie. Uh-huh. The Dark Half. Yes. We're entering the era of Stuart C's these movies in the theater. Yeah, the Dark Half. I think we can keep for now. We'll keep it for now, yeah. Children of the corn too, the final sacrifice. Obviously not, because there's at least four more of them. Uh sleepwalkers. No. So funny though. One of our early Flaphouse live shows. So that's a fun one to watch. The Lawnmower Man . So wait, you didn't include Lawnmower Man 2, did you? It wasn't listed. Oh, yeah. Or maybe it was and I missed it. I wonder if it's because it's so far from He I think that was one where he actually asked his name to be taken off of it. So maybe that's why. Maybe that's why. Yeah. Yeah. This is not a good thing now that I think about it, I'm like, yeah, I would have put it in there, obviously. Job's Job's Revenge, right? Yeah, Job's Reve yeah, Job's Jobing. It's and Job's job. It's w the lawnmower man is one of the cr one of the most bizarre, extremely ra weird adaptations because the s the short story is about a man who like worships pan and eats I was confused when I read the book af the story after watching the You're like, when do they have cyber sex? I don't understand. When do they fly through cyberspace? When do we all jack into the Matrix? Um okay so we're leaving Lawnmower Man in. Okay. No, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute, wait a minute. It's a great goofy movie, but it's like it's not a good Stephen King movie. It's not the goofy movie. Yeah. Uh I also feel goofy movie is maybe Stephen King's best movie. I also feel like uh now that I'm going through this, I feel like Pet Cemetery Two might not even be in here. Oh wow. Similarly for it, maybe he had his name taken off. Yeah. Um okay I think he you know what I think he did. I think there's another one where he has to have a fun sequel though. That one is a fun sequel. It has one of my favorite like horror movie laugh moments when he rips that kid's face off with the the motorcycle wheel and he's like oops It's pretty funny. Um Stephen King is a little weird about which movies he wants his name on a which like Dreamcatchers a weird guy? No, I don't think he's that weird in general, but uh I mean he's an he's a has an addictive personality. But the uh that with Dreamcatchers, he was at the time he was like, they did a great job. This is gonna be great. But with the shining, he was like, Nope, not interested, didn't like it. It's like, all right, well, you we have different we have different standards here. Okay, sometimes they come back. No. This is the first one they can. I've never actually seen it. I just remember seeing it in the video store. It's okay. Okay, guys, now we got a heavy hitter. Misery. Yeah, put that. Keep that on the list, yeah. Uh graveyard shift. No. No. Tales from the dark side, the movie. I'm leaving that shit in. Okay. Skip. Pet Cemetery, the original. Yeah, I think The Running Man, the original. Oh, it's not that it's pretty different from his the book, but there's I mean, here's We're just talking about quality of movies, not how close it is. That movie is objectively a goofball movie, but it's pretty fun to watch. It's very fun. Yeah. It's hard to I don't move in. I'll I think if we judge it on Death Race two thousand kind of like action satire yeah uh quality then yeah I think let's keep it on the list for now. Yeah. A return to Salem's Lot. I haven't seen this . I haven't seen that one so I'm gonna say no. Yeah. Creep Show two . I am a thousand percent leaving this one in. I you can't argue with that. I don't even remember which I don't remember I mean I love the raft. I think the rest of it's pretty bad. Is the raft in creep show two or in creep show? No, it's definitely in Creepshow two. I I mean I am leaving this in almost exclusively for nostalgia reasons. The raft is great. Yeah. I for some reason I thought that was in the first one. So I guess I do remember the creep show too a little bit. Mm-hmm. Uh the thanks for the ride lady bit is uh a thing that my mom insisted I watch and fuck me up for a long time. So I'm like, thanks, mom. Okay. Stand by me. Yeah. Sure. Let's leave it on. How about that? Maximum overdrive. Uh No, but again, a a very fun movie to watch. It is fun to watch, but it is yeah, it's not a it's not a good movie. Yeah. Stephen King's Golden Tales. I don't know. I don't know what that is. It's a direct to video adventure. Tales of urine that he has passed, yeah. Uh Steam King Golden Showers. You're right you're right. That's true, yeah. Uh Silver Bullet . I like this movie, but I'm not gonna fight for it. I've never seen it. Uh I I love the what Bernie Wrightson uh color plates in the book. Yeah, yeah. It's incredible. Like super awesome. Uh can I can I vote on that? Um . Uh I haven't seen that since I was a kid, Cat's Eye. I I like it. I particularly like the Quitters Incorporated segment, but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say it. It belongs on the top. Firestarter the original. No. It's pretty boring, even like it's better than the new one, but yeah. But that's a low bard it. The original Children of the Corn, the story that birthed the Birth the Thousand Ship. I mean I feel like it's gotta be on there just because it was so successful that it's had so many sequences. I don't remember it at all. It's not a good horror movie. It's a great short story. All I remember is kids arguing with each other in a cornfield or next to a road. Like I remember very little else about it. Okay. Christine . Yeah. Yeah . It's pretty low on my carpenter list, but. Yeah. Well your number one would be the guy who made that table for you, right? My number one is Dan's Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Okay. So we'll leave it in. It's a it's a carbon. Just leave it in for now. It'll I'm sure I don't think it'll make the 10, but About the Dead Zone. Yes. Absolutely. That's a great movie. I love it. Kujo ? I don't remember the movie. I don't remember the movie that well either. I remember the book much better than the movie. Which speaks volumes for the movie. I think it's pretty good, but I don't think it's gonna make the I also get Cujo mixed up with the movie Man's Best Friend, where the dog escapes from the government lab and it has superpowers. Yeah. Um okay or Chomps. Or Chomps, yeah. Or Homps, the movie about camels. Oh yeah, yeah. Okay, then we have The funny thing is I know that that's an actual movie. People might be thinking that's a joke, but it is a movie. Based on a true story. Okay. We have uh I'm gonna I'm gonna hit now. Um creep show. Yes. Sure . The Shining. Yes. Even though it's the movie that made me think I was having a heart attack. I mean that's a good movie. Salem's Lot. Uh I never actually have seen it. I don't think I've seen it either. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not. And Carrie. Yes. Yes, let's put Carrie on that list, shall we? Okay. So that is the list . You know what? There are fewer good ones than I remembered. Uh so we are going to take a brief pause while I tabulate. Alex wants you to include some tabulate sounds here. While I get all these turds. Stuart has turds on his laptop. Oh, turds on turds on the laptop. Turds on a lappto. Never been there before. Who cares? Dropkick my laptop. Desk into the door. No one's there. The fun thing is. Alex, I think you gotta keep all this in now. I think you have to, yeah, yeah, sure. Until uh fucking Mr. Belvedere comes after us for stealing his fucking shit. Well, wait a minute. Well here the blues are calling, turns on my laptop. For some reason uh I seem a bit confused. Well maybe I've got turds on my laptop. But I don't know what to do with all those turds that are on my laptop. YouTube was feeding me the Mr. Belvedere fan club SNL 's coach the other day. What's the name that they give him in it? Uh well Wait. Oh, well there's like a code name for like fans, like people in the fan club or something. Uh it was like Broncos or something. I don't know what it was. Like I I was like half paying attention because also Audrey was listening to like reels on her phone, right? And I'm just trying to think of what other theme songs can have turds on the laptop. Uh I wake up in the morning and there's turds on my laptop and I think I'll never make it on time. The laptop turd mount medley. Yeah. Okay, we're times you wanna go where there are no turds on your laptop. Whatever happened to the turds on your laptop, the milk man, the paperboy. The pooper boy. The pooper boy, yeah. There had to have been a review of the movie The Paperboy that was the pooper boy. There had to have been, Dan. You're right. There had to have been Okay again Scientifically. That does remember I do does remember when uh uh my column that used to run in the Metro newspaper. Uh once it was next to a review of the Woody Allen movie Scoop and the headline was just Scoop is po op. Okay, guys, we are back. I have cut we have officially cut down this list of seventy-five movies to a trim twenty-one movies. We should have been more brutal. Yeah, we should have a lot we should have been more brutal, but this is a relatively simple thing. We don't have to make a huge case for these things. You simply have to give me a number rating between one and ten, one being the weakest, obvious, ten being this is the best movie I've ever seen, give it a million. And then we're going to average those out. And obviously the uh the if there's if you haven't seen it, you don't you don't give it a score. Uh but you have stain. Yeah. Yeah. So if we're like Clarence Thomas should when his wife when her wife when his wife's uh organization comes up before him. But he doesn't because he's a corrupt piece of shit. That's true. Yeah. He has been a problem. He's been a blight on the country and humanity for many years. So that count this now counts as a political podcast. Now it's a fli Hey, welcome to welcome to Flopo Flophouse. Uh here we were talking about Stephen King movies. Now we're talking about the Supreme Court. Okay. Um and obviously Did you know the Supreme Court voted Carrie Rage Carrie two as the number one Stephen King movie? Once again, the Supreme Court fucking control is just not going by precedent. Anyway, yeah. Okay. Uh the first up is the monkey. Dan, where what are you gonna give the monkey between one and ten? Uh oh boy. I really like this one. Uh, but I know that there's a lot. I'm six. Okay, six. LA. You would say I haven't seen it, no. I'm gonna give it a seven. I liked it a lot. I heard the things about it. Uh the first it movie, Dan. What are you gonna give it? Five. Five. Elliot? I'm also gonna give it a five. Wow, I'm giving it a three. I did not care for it. Um okay, Gerald. You're right, we loved it. That's why we gave it a five out of ten. Uh I don't know why you took that as a personal thing. I was simply uh trying to show off how much I liked it less than easy. I see, I see. Um okay, so uh you guys had an easy stick. I liked it, but I'm gonna I'm gonna give it a seven, I think. I'm gonna give it a six. Okay. And I liked it too. I'm gonna give it a seven. Um, okay, 1408, Dan . Uh five. Hmm. Okay. Elliot, did you see this one? I no, I never saw it. I again I love the short story. Never saw the movie. I'm also gonna give it a five. I wanted to like it as much as the short story and I did not, but it was still pretty good. Do they do the thing where he picks up the phone and it's going one, two, three, all your friends are dead? Yes, I believe so. Yeah. That was great. That's great. Yeah. Um The Mist Um now that we've been through a bunch of these, I'm gonna also give it a five, I guess. Okay, Elliot. I'll give it a I'll give it a six. You're gonna give it a six, okay? Was there anything about the mist uh, uh I think we've talked about the ending. Did you both dislike the ending? I remember watching the theater and being like, this kinda sucks, but also I'm like, well, they went for it. I like that. I mean, well that's the thing. I kinda felt similarly, yeah. I like that they did something different and they were like, well, let's make it real mean. But I I honestly like the uncertainty of the the novellas ending more. Yeah, I mean when I was uh I remember discovering discovering discovering this uh this short story or novella when I was a kid and being like oh wow there's monsters in the mist and that was uh and like the idea that there's like there could be a whole world of monsters running around that you can barely see. Like as a kid, I'm like, this is the coolest thing I've ever heard of. Yeah, and like there's I mean, I what I do like about the movie The Miss, I don't know maybe I'm undervaluing it just because uh, you know, we've talked about six. I'm gonna give it a six as well. But it's like it's a lot of cool monster stuff in there anyway. I think I mean I it's I it's i it's a fun kind of like yeah fun cool thing for most of it. And then the end they're trying something. Yeah. You know. It doesn't quite come together . I'm Graham Clark, co-host of Maximum Funds Stop Podcast Yourself, and I'm here with Max Fund Member of the Month, Matthew. Hello, Matthew. How are you? Hi Graham. Thank you for supporting a thing that you love that's something that you listen to. I do it as well, and I love being able to do that for the podcast that I listen to. Plus you're the kings of Boco . Absolutely we are. I appreciate seeing those coming in. Now, do you know what your perks are for being the member of the month? I do. 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Hope Elliot's dulcet tones, thank you, make up for not getting your playlist done yet, but hopefully the peaches can recommend some tracks to cover us and manifest a rarr for your powerfully thick cat, Magnus. Love you's. It's very sweet. It's always nice when people get married. Supposed to come up with some playlist tracks? For what kind of thing? Yeah, I'll tell you. Dan, I know what playlist track you're gonna recommend for a wedding, and that's this must be the place Naive Melody by Talking Heads. What a sweet song that is. What a sweet wedding song that is. Yeah. Thank you for covering me. No problem. I'm also gonna recommend uh let's see, uh hmm, what's another this is a similar song to that one, uh, which is Sherlock Holmes by Sparks. I'm still thinking like Dan McCoy here, which is uh a song that's partly about Sherlock Holmes, but is also about um uh finding love even though you are not Sherlock Holmes. Yeah, and I'd probably recommend uh Smooth Up In You by the Bullet Boys. Okay. Sure. So put all those on there, I guess. I guess put those on the playlist. A few personal plugs before we got back to the show. I've just got the regular batch of personal plugs I'd like to mention. My new comic book, Barbarian Behind Bars, is out now from Mad Cave Studios. Check out the latest issue. It is about a Conan the Barbarian type barbarian who ends up on Earth, gets thrown in ja il. He doesn't speak the language. No one knows who he is. He's got to fight his way out. But maybe, just maybe, the evil that he was chasing to our world is out to get him at the same time. Uh and it's there's some money too. Maybe. I definitely. Let me just tell you, it definitely is. Also, I continue to come out with Harley Quinn uh for DC Comics. I think that my uh Bat Quinn storyline is still going on. It's called The Hark Knight Returns, where Harley Quinn has been split into two, and one of those two is essentially her version of the Dark Knight from Dark Knight Returns. Uh and I had a lot of fun writing it. Uh my book Joke Farming, How to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense, is still out now from the University of Chicago Press. I just finished recording the audio book of it, so that will be released at some point. So get ready to hear me read my book if you don't want to read me read my book. Um and that's what I got. Stu, do you have any personal stuff you'd like to plug? I mean, I would always recommend going over to Jiggle Studios and uh signing up for a class if you're here in New York. And if you're not, they have a link on the website to uh some merch if you want to show off um and get some cool uh fitness gear and show off uh your support of a cool little small fitness studio. Now we got the green mile. Green mile, three hours long, by the way. Um, I that's all that's a long walk. Oh yeah , it's it's it's it's a perfectly pleasant movie, but I'm more of a I'm like a five for this, eh? Oh, I like the Green Mile. I I think haven't seen it in years, but I think I'm gonna give it a I'm gonna give it an eight. Yeah. Uh I'll give it a six just because uh though I liked it, I thought it was a little long long. It is a little long. That's true. We got apt pupil. Apt pupil. Oh, this is rough. Again. As we said, this uh part of the problem here is this was directed by Brian Singer, right? Directed by Brian Singer. Even at the time, there were allegations that uh some of the underage male actors were mistreated, were told to uh do scenes in the nude. I remember reading when the movie came out, the Entertainment Weekly did an article about this. And looking back on it, I'm it's surprising that Brian Singer then went on to make more and bigger movies after after what happened on the set of that movie. So it's a little hard to Was this before or after Usual Suspects? This was I think after Usual Suspects, but before X , I believe. Uh and I think it was it helped that I think everyone thought X Men was going to be a huge flop and a and uh into nothing that they that they had him do it. Um yeah, Usual Suspects was 95, App People's 98, and then X-Men was 2000. So it's off of Usual Suspects. I gotta say the saddest thing about it is uh I hadn't heard all the stories about this filming, but that makes me more concerned about Ian McKellen. Surrey and McKellen. More concerned about what Well that Surrian McKellen would have would have been okay with it. He may not have been aware of it until afterwards. But I just want Gandalf to step in and save the day as well. Yes, I understand that. I my guess is that Eamon McKellen was not aware of those things until after the film was made. Uh because he's not in any of those scenes. These were all there was a scene where that involved like a boys' locker room. He did keep working with Brian Singer though. That's true. He did start as Magneto. Yeah. Um anyway, we're getting away from the radio. And then he played Freddie Mercury, right? On the on the uh you know, purely on the movie itself and none of the none of the other stuff, I'm going four. Oh wow. I liked it more than that. Really that love? I'm gonna say a seven. I mean, partly because Ian McClell'ans performance is great in it. Yeah. That scene where he's he keeps he makes him wear the kid makes him wear the uniform and he's and he starts saluting and and cli and stomping his heels and the kid's like, okay, stop, stop. And he won't stop doing it is a pretty that's a pretty intense scene. Yeah. So but again, the man who made it's a monster, you know, uh it did no no movie, even if it was a ten out of ten, uh justifies mistreatment of the people making the movie. You know um we have Dolores Claiborne next. Guys, I actually haven't seen Dolores Claiborne. Dolores Claiborne. This is the first in this batch that I have not seen at all. Wow. You know, Dolores Claiborne is it's okay. It's pretty good, but it's not that amazing . You know? What do you think, Dan? It's like it's a solid movie. Yeah, well that's why I'm gonna give it a five, but that's on the scale of like we've already called the bad movies and now this is just l levels of good. Mm-hmm gonna give it a six because five still feels lowish to me. Okay . Next up is the Shawshank Redemption. This is a big one, guys. Even if look, even if this is not your favorite movie or whatever, I still still, it's a really good movie. I'm gonna give this a I've I'm I'm gonna on the le on the scale of Stephen King movies, I'm giving it a 10. It is not a 10 movie compared to other greatest movies, but I think when it comes to Stephen King movies, I think this is incl especially for a non-horror one, this is about as good as it gets. On some level, this movie is undeniable in that way. Like this is a part of it has become a part of culture. It is bit and it has received a certain amount of backlash, not unlike, say, Forrest Gump, for instance. I would say it is less deserving of it as than Forrest Gum. be a part of the backlash to the backlash because I feel like I think it's a really good movie. Does it deserve to be for years it was number one on the IMDB top 250 movies right? Of course not. Of course it doesn't. It's not even in the top I don't think it would be even be in the top two hundred and fifty mov.ies It should just be in the top like a top movie that a dad will stop if he sees it on TV, stand next to the couch and watch the rest of the movie. I mean it's the number one of those for sure. I mean like I'm just gonna my feeling is like it is the epitome of like really beautifully solidly crafted old-fashioned like uh a a movie that's gonna make you feel things you're gonna be engrossed by it but it does it is So that's why I'm gonna give it an extra. Okay. I think I think there you can I I'm gonna give it a 10 if only because I think even a movie that's that is that craftsman-like and just does the job, yeah, is something that can can be be wonderful, you know. But I think but it's also me making a statement that like we don't have to shit on it because idiots think it's a great movie. Sometimes idiots are right occasionally. Yeah, yes. I would I'm gonna give it an 8 as well. And part of that is because I feel like a lot of what makes this movie click, I feel like was uh kind of uh adopted from standby me. That somebody that the filmmakers were like, I want to take like Stephen King is latched onto this. I'm going to do basically the same thing. And then I don't know. Yeah. Um, okay. Uh still very high score on this one. Um we got the dark half . Timothy Hutton. Timothy Hutton's in the guys. Dark half is like it's like not as good as it should be. Yeah. But still pretty fun. Um it should be a better movie. I'm gonna give it a f I'm gonna five. I'm giving it a four. Okay, I'm gonna give it a five also. Misery. We got Jimmy Con. We got Kathy Bates . I like Misery a lot. It never like clicked for me the way like some people really love miseries, so I'm gonna give it a seven. But I think it's I think it's cause you have never loved a uh creator so much that if you had them you would capture them and chop their feet some it's true. I have never felt that way. Must be nice. I'm gonna give it an eight. I think it's really good, but it I wish it was a little at times I wish it was a little scarier. Yeah. And but uh but having been on both sides of that that having been a a rabid fan and also having had people I cannot shake, um I think it's I think it's really good. So I'm gonna call it an eight. So what was your I've seen clouds from both sides now? Uh seven. Seven. I am also going to give it a seven. Tales from the Dark Side, the movie . I don't think I've ever saw this. I think I've only ever seen the TV show. I mean, only one section of it is a Stephen King thing. Okay, but that section does feature Buster Poindexter. True, and William Hickey. And William Hickey, two stars of the silver screen. They are classic. The star at that. I mean, and Buster Poindexter is also a star of the rock and roll stage, you know? Yeah. Yeah. He he was a hot hot dog. A real New York doll. He's a real, he is literally a real New York doll . I remember I remember our uh our mutual friend Devin Colem an uh either tweeting or something about like we was like holy shit I just learned Buster Point Extra was not a real person I'm gonna give this one a four. I'm gonna give it a four to o. I like it a little bit more than that, but it's not really a Stephen King movie, I feel like I do like Bill Hickey though. I'll just I'll watch this by anything he's in he's in. So I'll maybe have to watch it. And I like uh our college uh Erlum friend Bill Hickey. Yep. I mean he's he's he's an adult now, but uh he was uh he went to college how we know him. Not as much of an adult as William Hickey, the Bill Hickey, the actor, who is old since he was born. Yeah. Uh what's crazy about Bill Hickey, so he was only seventy when he died. He seemed like he was eighty five years old for most of his life. Yes. Yes. It's astonishing. Yeah. The raspiest man in Hollywood. Yeah. Yeah. Him and Tom Cruise. Same same type of guy, you know. Same age. Same age. Uh okay, so we got Pet Cemetery . This this movie , of course, was inspired by the hit song by the Ramones . I'm not sure how good this movie is in certain ways, but in other ways, like it is one of the most like straight up scary of the Stephen King I think I'm also gonna give it a six, yeah. Six, six, six. Uh, okay. Oh no. The original The Running Man . Starring our boy Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is a movie. If you had asked me when I was a younger man, I would have been like four. But now I really appreciate this kind of stuff much more . Um, and I think I might give this one a seven, guys. Like it's it does it is not amazing as an action movie. It's not amazing as a story, but it's the kind of satire that is hitting you so hard in the face that like it just gleefully being like, get it? You get the point we're making? You understand it, right? And I really appreciate that. Guys, I'm gonna give it an eight, if only, because it has some of the craziest, dumbest one liners. It's like it's incredible. Like I it's almost like you couldn't replicate it. And clearly Edgar Wright didn't I I kind of hate to be the spoiler here, but I cannot let this stand. I'm gonna give it a five. Cannot let it stand. I think I Richard Dawson's so fun in it. Come on. He's great. The fat the idea that Arnold Schwarzenegger is the everyman who's caught up in the situation. You're just mad that it doesn't have the original ending from the book where he at one point he has to make his way up to a cockpit of a plane, but his intestines are hanging out and they get snagged on the seats as pretty great. It's pretty great. Do they do that in the new one or no? Uh they get closer to it, but it's not it's enough where you're like, come on, guy. It's like you know Werner Herzog was watching was like, you are a coward . What is the point of making an adaptation of the running command without having his guts hanging out and being snagged on by the very Scottish as you go along. Guys speaking of speaking of Werner Herzog . Guys speaking of Werner Herzog, I keep seeing the ads for the new uh Star Wars movie, The Mandalorian Grogu Grogu. Who the fuck's Grogu? He's always hanging out with um Baby Yoda. Why isn't Baby Yoda in the title? Oh, Stuart. Stuart. I feel like that is that is the true cowardice of the Star Wars universe. They weren't just like, let's just call him Baby Yoda . If they called him Baby Yoda, I'd be like, right there . I know that's not his fucking name, but his name should be Baby Yoda. It's funny. It would be way funnier. You're right. Instead of the more dignified Grogu . Thank you. Uh okay. For a while I thought he was- I thought it was called the Mandalorian and Gogurt. So and I was like, oh, when you're wearing a helmet, you gotta be able to squeeze something through the lat through the slot. Yeah. And if anyone ever calls uh baby Oda the child, I immediately stop paying attention to them. They they have lost all credibility in my eyes. Um okay, so we have creep show two, guys. I gotta say I'm giving a nine. What? No, I'll give it an eight, Dan. I know that the first section sucks. I'm yeah, the the one with the drugstore uh Yes. I know that sucks. Yeah. But uh the raft is good and again my mom insisted that I watch this movie. She's like this last section with the hitchhiker is so funny and I watched it Remember it. What happens ? It's like a woman is like racing home after cheating on her husband and she like uh like hits uh uh like a homeless guy on the road and then uh she l leaves him and then she keeps driving and then he shows up again. She hits him again. And he and he keeps like haunting her and he keeps saying, Thanks for the ride, lady. And my mom is like, that's so funny. And I'm watching it as a kid. I'm like, this is the worst thing I've ever seen, mom. Why do you make me watch it? Uh well I I love how much you uh is this a treasured memory of your mother, but other than the raft, uh nothing is memorable but this movie to me, so I'm gonna give it a four. Okay. I'm gonna give it a three. Ooh, wow, okay. Well, it's still hanging in there. It's just both tales from the dark side of the movie. Just because there's beef between me and Stuart's mom. Yep, that's fine. Shelly knows what she did. Okay, next is here. Here's a big one. Stand by me, which I recently rewatched, uh when Rob Ryan How did it hold up on rewatch? 'Cause in years. I haven't seen it. Uh it's gr it's really good. Okay. Yeah, this I mean this I I wouldn't have made the connection, but this for me is, hitting the like Stephen K ing like note that Shawshank comes very, very close to but doesn't quite do as well for me. Like I I would give this a nine. I like this one a lot. I'm gonna give it a you know I I haven't watched it in years. I'm gonna give it a 10 also because it was such a big movie for me and my family when I was a kid. We watched it all the time, and it was like watching a movie that felt like it was for a kid, but it felt like it felt like the movie equivalent of the kid saying, Do you want to go see a dead body at the train tracks? Come with me. I'm gonna show you something you don't want you to see. But it's still it's a rite of passage. So, you know, I'll give it a I'll give it a ten also. I'll be generous. I'm being generous in this episode. Yeah, I'm I'm gonna give this one a nine, because it's it's uh exactly I think you put it perfectly into words, Ellie. It is this feeling of like this is a a story for kids that is adult in a lot of ways, not the least of which is that it doesn't have some kind of Yeah, there's no yeah, there's I remember watching it and being like, I'm not s sure what I'm supposed to be feeling about what what happened with those kids or what they learned. And also, I don't think I've ever fully understood the meaning of the whole barf story, but I love it. Come on, they're all throwing up all over each other each other. Come on. The uh and the the what it really captures one of the things that I like about Stephen King stories, which is that teenagers are terri fying. Like teen teenagers, mainly teenage boys are like sociopaths that like I'm gonna push us through this round because uh we have another uh recording coming up that's Okay, we're on the thing I'll I will just say one last thing about it is that in Dreamcatcher there's that scene where they're teens and they like go up against those teen bullies and I'm like, this all feels so fake. And stand by me, you're right, Stuart. It has that kind of scene, but it feels real. Like it feels dangerous. Like these kids are in trouble. Because it's got kefer in it. Um, we got uh Christine, Christine, Dan. Uh five. Yeah, I'm gonna give it a five also. I've actually never seen Christine. Wow. Uh the dead zone . Oh man. This is Mainly what I like about it is that it is predicted that a presidential candidate, if he's shitty enough, will not get elected. Yeah. And will then and kill himself. Yeah. Out of out of out of shame. This is a big thing. He does hold up a baby to block an assassin's bullet. So I mean it's pretty bad what he did. Uh yeah, I'm gonna give that a ten also . If you're gonna ask me again again against all movies in the world, it's nine, it's really good. Against all movies in the world, I'd probably give it an eight. But against Stephen King movies, it gets a ten. Original creep show . Uh not Not entirely consistent, like and like it has its its its flaws, but it's so such a loving homage to what it is. I'm gonna give it an eight. I'm gonna give it I think a six. I've never really liked it that much too. I'm giving it I agree with Dan that I love it's such a clear, loving hom homage to that sort of thing . Um and I love the little animated comic book pages and shit. Sure, that's fine. Yeah. Okay, the Shining uh one. Just kidding. Wow. I'm gonna give that a uh I'm gonna give that a 10 also. That's a super scary movie. That's one of the few movies on this list where I'm like, oh, I find it genuinely frightening when I watch it. Yeah. Like I'm actually scared by it. I'll give it a ten as well. Most DK movies, I'm like tens across the board, tens, tens across the board. We don't have to be iconoclasts. We it's okay for us to say that the Stanley Kubrick movie is a gr is a great movie. Like we don't have to be the guys who are like, actually it's not that good. And finally we have Carrie uh just a notch below for me. Yeah, I it's a nine like it doesn't I mean I think this is maybe just like the story rather than other than the iconic uh ending there's nothing in it that like really scares me, but it's so like sweeping and well made. Yeah. I yeah, I'm gonna give it a nine just because I think it I think it is on purpose, but the middle section of that movie you could call high school memories and just run it as it is. But uh it is and it goes on a little long for me, but it's so it's the s the scare scenes especially work so well. And that ending scene, I know exactly what's gonna happen. And I jump every time because he takes so long for her arm to come out of that grave. Yeah, that that I'm like, I know it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen now. Oh, it didn't happen. Oh, it just happened. Yeah. And that's like it's uh it's like the gold standard for that being. Yes. Yes, exactly. I gotta give it a nine for that exact same reason. Okay. So this is it. We we got our top we got our top ten. Uh I'm gonna read them in descending order because I don't wanna try and mess around here. So our number one here. This is who wouldn't mess around and put them in ascending order. I I just can't like I don't make me do math. Uh extra math here. Um okay. Uh so our number one is the shining, of course. It's great. Um down our second place is uh the dead zone . No huge surprise. Good. Now third is Stand By Me. Yep. Again, no surprises on the list. Cariest of the movies. Being a kid. Because it could happen. Uh Carrie is number four . Uh we go down to Shawshank at number five. Kind of a surprise that it's so low, but that's still a very a very respectable placement. But that top four, that top four is a pretty is a pretty strong top four. It's out of what eighty movies started originally. Yeah, it is in the top five out of like 75 or 80 movies. Yeah. Uh we have a tie for sixth place . Um and I'm going to say, yeah, I think it's an even Steven Ty is uh Misery and Creep Show, both at six. Very similar movies. Mm-hmm. Yeah,s it they.' Both about writing. Um, so eighth place would then both about storytelling. Mm-hmm . Eighth place would be down to it looks like we have another tie between the running man and Gerald's game. Much higher than I expected for both of them. Yes. They're both I I think they're both very strong additions to the catalog. Once you see how much crap is in the Stephen King adaptation filmography, you get less surprised. Yeah. And then weirdly how many children's of the corn there are. Um and then it looks like this one kind of snake. This one's kind of a enough kids, right? A recent addition that is uh that is brought up largely is oh exclusively because of Dan and Stuart because Elliot hasn't seen it, is The Monkey, the Alice Perkins movie. A movie that many uh was not particularly well liked that movie in turn to you said that was Osgrade Perkins. Well the thing is I think he Dan said that and I would I was again H and H uh but the the thing about the thing about uh Osgood Perkins movies uh is that I feel like all of his movies you have to accept that it's operating on some level of like kind of dream logic. And I feel like by leaning into the like the wackiness, it uh and the like dark comedy of it, I think it it really worked for me. Also, any movie w any way that they make Theo Giant and James not like they expressly try to make him not sexy, I found very funny because he's a very sexy man. I've got to watch it. But again, operates like I think it works best when you're like it's like this is does this make sense? Okay, so that was lovely, guys. Uh so we have crowned a winner in our Stephen King . Wow. Uh top ten, of course, that is Stanley Krubrich's The Shining. True again, let us let you know that um uh under no circumstance, no movie, no movie is so good that it'll it uh encourages you to mistreat your cast and or crew. I mean that's true. We we talked about that with that pupil. The shining was another example of of mistreatment of cast. That's true. That's something we shouldn't that we shouldn't gloss over. But you're right, it does not justify. The movie being so scary does not justify Shelly Duvall being treated horribly on the set of that movie. By by most accounts, right? Ye Yeahah.. Um okay. So that was uh that was a mini for the flop house. We uh this is uh uh show on Max Fun. Thank you so much for support uh supporting us. And if you wanna listen to great shows, likes ma like this one, you can go over to maximum fund.org. And uh this show has been produced and edited lovingly by Howell Daughty, aka Alex Smith. Uh he's the best. And for the flop house, I've been Stuart Wellington. I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Elliot Spooky Kalen. Is that guy? Does that work as my new nickname for it's not Halloween? How about Elliot ? Kinglin . Yeah, this is Elliot Kinglin. Uh join Stuart Langle arsington? Yep. And Daniel Kingerk McCoy. Uh-huh. Or Daniel McKing? It's Daniel McCujo. Oh yeah, yeah. That's what it is. All right. Bye. Bye . Uh, how are my levels? I'm sitting slightly further away. No, I I put I cranked you up a little bit to I hope compensation. Yanked is crank. I'll put it up just a hair more too. I mean now that I'm married, I'd love to get my crank a yanked. That's a little Rodney Danger yanked. Just a little. That's like a T . Yeah, that's Rodney Dang erish. More of a danger . Now that I'm married, I'd like somebody to be nice to me for a change. Being married, I don't get a lot of affection or sex from my wife. Rodney, no subtext danger. Okay guys. Hey, I get no respect. People don't respect me. I have a deficit of respect. My actions are not met with approbation or dignity. Wow, he's very well spoken at this point in his career. This is this is this is Rodney Samuel Johnson. Well this is after he went back to school. He did go back to school. Oh Hey, I got a slightly more respect ever since I got my degree. You could put one in, Alex. If you want to do no law against it. Stick it on the other thing. Stick it on the other thing. I asked my wife what I should do. She said, stick it on the other thing.