Henry Hoover Interview and Survival Song

one two one tea Hello Good evening and welcome ! It's time for us to have a lovely time! We time the time it took to get to the Vettiue . It took more time than we thought it might do. Joe thought it would take you an hour or two . Ed thought more, but they should have known the answer. Cause we've been here before . We're back in the recording in the horn section bunker . In the horse section bonker, it's a ball section bodker. It's a ball section bodker. Hello, hi guys and welcome to this another episode of the Horn Section podcast. Hi Alex. Hello, hello . Hi Alex. Hello And if it's okay with you guys, I'm going to kind of host this one. I'm going to be doing a lot of the talking and basically I'll hold it all together and introduce things to generally be in charge. Is that cool with everyone here? Great with me. Really cool. That's cool, guys. Okay. And then I thought you guys could play some music during it to add a sort of musical dimension. If that's cool with everyoneone is cool with every here. Cool guys. Yeah, yeah. Hello, Mr Listener. This stingles just for you . You didn't donate money, but your sister did. It's true. So hello, Lavo Yates, a geneticist who loves his bike and loves his folk. This is your serenade . Your sister is a good one. She told us that you're nice and you hate the saxophone. So you're also very wide. And now goodbye, Tabo Yates. We'll see you very soon. But remember to thank Ruth for this very special tune . Well, I want to introduce one of the band who often gets overlooked, but who has some very special talents. It's the pianist who not only plays a piano, he also is the dream man. He can interpret any dream accurately, isn't that right? Pianist? That's true. Yes, yes. And I had a dream last night. I'd like you to now interpret my dream . Gladly , thank you Last night I had the most amazing dream . Oh dream man, will you tell me what my dream might mean ? Yes, I wear Alex . Thank you, Dream . Here comes the dream. It was nineteen ninety eight . I was at my granny's house, wearing shorts and denim shoes and granny's special flower y blouse. We had all just eaten lunch . When my family saw the clothes, my dad said, Why are you wearing that? My mummy just turned round and froze. I turned bright red and tried to speak, but when I opened up my mouth, I couldn't make a single noise and all the food I'd ate came out. I sat there with my mouth agape and out poured gravy, mash and pie lasagna from the week before, and then a bright blue butterfly. And when my parents saw that there , with wings of gold and blue and green, they started clapping, shouting, that's the best thing we have ever seen. But then the insect did a thing that caught us all quite by surprise. It landed on my grandpa's hand and tightly squeez ed shut both its eyes and opened up its mouth and puked up even more food everywhere. Sausages and bits of bread a pint of beer, a larger clair, and last of all, a hawk came out. It swooped around the kitchenette, then opened up its mouth and puked up fish and chips and vinegarette, and also three small butcher's dogs that licked my gran upon her face. And she said, This is your fault, pal. You're nothing but a tall disgrace. You shouldn't wear my special blouse, you shouldn't puke out butterflies, the puk out hawks, the puk out dogs that licked me on my mouth and eyes. So I stood up and shook my head and shook my fist and shook my legs and ran straight home and cooked a meal of ham and beans and cake and eggs. What does it mean ? What does it mean ? No dream man . Tell me the meaning of my dream. What does it mean What does it mean these things I've seen ? When I sleep this pictures cream Dreamman want you help me understand there's one man who understands dreamman want you help me if you can Well, Alex, it's just load of meaningless rubbish, don't worry about it . Thank you dream stay . It's a gift, isn't it? It fails every time, does it? It is . My favorite saint in all the world is not Saint Nicholas . Although there's nothing that man can't achieve . No , my favorite saint is called Saint E. Hannan , although I've heard he's better known as Steve Saint Eve Hannon, Steve Hannon, Steve Hannon Yep. It's now time to welcome our special one person guest audience. Here she is . It's Catherine Ryan . It's Catherine Ryan . Hello Katherine. Hi, thanks everybody. That was a beautiful song. The Dream Man song? Yes. I think so. But the butterflies and the throwing up , I thought I really connected with the material. It was quite grossed out humor. That's what I'm doing now. Do quite a lot of that gross out stuff. I wasn't grossed out, but doing it. How are you today? I'm very well, thank you. How are you? Exactly the same. Good . So far , I'm going to introduce you to the listener with a song. That's what we normally do, but this time I've not written the song. You've written the song Catherine. Yep. 'Cause I've been to a website called brainyquote. com. Have you visited brainyquote. com. I have. It's an odd website isn't there. I like it. I like to know where quotes come from. Well, a lot of them come from you. Wow. There's about a hundred quotes from you on there. No way. Yeah, way . And I found ones from you that rhyme and I've made a song out of them. Oh no , it's a poem slash rap it is now. So I'm going to I'm going to read out a bit and then if you want, you can spit some of it because I've seen you spit before. I'm a good rapper , but you only found out I was coming yesterday. Yeah. This is amazing, Alex. Yeah, busy . You come to the trumpet didn't I Growing up, I loved comedy. Even before I knew you could be a comedian. I'm proud to be Canadian, but I identify as a British mum. I'm very careful not to tell a joke just to get a reaction isolated incident have lateral lasting implications. Quite deep. I don't worry about whether or not people like me. Society wants happy families. I've little time for sincerity. I think it's better if people aren't getting on that they should divorce . You'll never make us suc cess of yourself when you're doing an impersonation of somebody else. Now the chorus . Many of us are quite stupid . I ' romck and roll I don't funny because I come from Canada, but I won't go back unless I'm terribly ill . I'm behind Can You West for American President one hundred percent . I got into comedy at exactly the right moment . Alice Levine has great unique style and beautiful red hair. The holidays are the worst time to travel and ICES are making things any easier. Just in Beavers, an Ice Chap. Skiing is ridiculous . I am nearly see through like a jellyfish. I highly recommend reading the book Confessions of a video Vixen . All I've ever wanted to be is a strong powerful black black woman, powerful blayer. Many of us are quite stupid . I like rock and roll . I smoke funny because I'm from Canada , but I won't go back unless I'm totally ill. Okay . Catherine, it's your turn now to round. Okay. Yeah, ready for please? Sort of, I just enjoyed you doing it so much. Okay . You think Trump cares if you leave? He wants power, not prosperity. The Kardashian family have earned their place. It's an American dynasty. I'm not anasty person . I'm an undisputed gangster. I love Lina Dunem. I love love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love her. It's not my place to tell anyone what kind of feminist she should be. I'm actually thrilled with the woman that I'm turning out to be posh people below my mind. They're good at everything, true survivalists. We don't have posh in Canada. It's just not thing that exists. Many of us are stupid . I am Rockin' Row I don't find 'cause I come from Canada but I won't go back unless I'm terminally ill unless I'm terminally ill unless I'm perfectly ill unless I'm terminal Wow. Rapping was excellent. Really good rapper. Yes, it was. I'm a good rapper. Thank you. But I mean, I'm a bad person. I'm learning from all those quotes. Which bit, the Cana West bit? Well, you know , the real problem with ISIS is that it makes my Christmas travel harder, according to me. I mean, it is a side effect of it. I like Alice Levine and her beautiful hair, but I feel that my skin is terrible and I look like a jellyfish we're exactly the same color . Yes, you are effectively calling Alice Laven a jellyfish. Yeah, but you know people have to listen to the song to know that. Thank you, Alex. Thank you, Catherine. Duncan Campbell drives really fast. He keeps his food cool in the fridge. He folds up his clothes when he neat all the time and he's never set foot on a bridge because Campbell's an igma a mystery man nobody can know Duncan's truth because Duncan does things in Duncan's own ways and he's got his own magic phone booth. Where he gets in the booth of thousands of numbers? The magic begins to happen. He can talk to a person who's miles away like York or Glasgow or Japan. Yes, Duncan'm gonna cab will keep his food in the fridge and can talk over very great distances. He has his own phone booth and his very own fridge, neither of which can be coincidences. Do you like music? I love music. Do you like playing games? Yes. Do you like charity shops? Yeah. Yeah, great because it's now time for a quick game called Lucky Dip from the Charity Ship 'cause the shop didn't rhyme. I bought three things from a charity ship. Okay. There's three items in it. You can put your hand and rummage around. They're all from a charity shop. If you nearly accurately identify them, you can keep them. So I don't pull them on, I just feel them. Yeah, and I see. Okay She's rummaging . All right, one thing feels quite rubbery. Yeah. Like it could either be a mas k or maybe some washing up gloves, but I don't know if no, I can do that. Shall I take that? Oh washing up gloves. Yeah. Yeah , you can get those in a charity shop. How much were they? I'll tell you . Wow. They're great washing up gloves, sometimes wash gloves are too big for me. Well, they are really good. But they have them in a small. I tell you why they get they are spontic silky ones. Ooh, large. eight and a half size, silky sensation on your skin. Seidigers Gafool Afruit, they're from Germany. What I like about them is they're not yellow, like the listener might expect. Cream. They're just cream. Would you like to dip in the charity ship again? Someone might have murdered with these and then just put them in the chair shop was a good way to hide the evidence. Yeah, okay. Okay dip . Can you guess what this is? Ooh, ooh. This has some rubbery bits, and then it also has some sort of Velcro bits. Maybe like a workout glove, another glove? No, well, it is sort of a glove. You can get it out, but you've not got it. Oh, what do you think that? Oh, it's like a lens cover. Yeah, sort of. It's ouch that hurt. A dog boot. It helps to keep injured pores clean and dry. For small dogs, you've got a small dog, have me? I have yeah. Oh, this is a boot for that's a really smart. Yeah. Product. You enjoying the game? I love the game. Yeah. Everyone enjoying the game. It's very good. Okay, final dip in the chair in the charity. Finally it's also quite rubbery. Yeah, they're weirdly. This was charity shop mainly sells rubber items. Rubber theme. I'll get this. Oh no. I think you like this one. Yeah, this is, I think, very on brand Oh , I'm trying to like unfold it in a way. Oh, it looks like something inflatable. It is inflatable? Shape wise, the shape would help. It's spiky and round. A pineapple? Yes. It's an employable pineapple drink holder. Oh for the bath. I love that for the bath. I think okay. Or anything with water . There we go. Well, that's the end of that game. That's a great game. Yeah. I mean, it's just something, isn't it? It's just good. I'm not sure about the music. I like the music. Okay, it was whimsical. It was perfect for, you know, daytime TV, relaxing. Mark, sorry. Had a nice sense of fun, I thought.. Yeah Ben, what do you think of the music? Lovely. Yeah, Willip Awful . Oh, oh, Catherine, what are you up to? Are you having a busy summer? Do you have a favorite thing that you do . I'm having a busy summer. It's a bit of a departure from what I normally do, which is just tour and be around other people. I'm just writing a sitcom so I just stay alone and stare at the wall. It's good. Do you need a theme tune? Yes. I do actually. Is it Crimcold? The Duchess . And what sort of vibe is the Duchess? Well, she is a disruptive Canadian lady living in London and a lot of the other moms in school in are posh. She's a bit hip hop. And if you were to compare the Duchess's skin to an animal, well, it's not gonna be like a jellyfish because when I'm glammed up, they paint me a whole new color, usually like some sort of orange . But there's a song Are we allowed to sing? Yes. You can do whatever you want. Okay , so there's a young lady called Bad Bobby, and she got in trouble for slagging off her mom and trying to fight people in a Jeremy Kyle style show in the US. And then she got a record deal and she's only a child, but she like the doll like Barbie, but it's like bad Barbie. And then yeah. And then she has a lot of great music. And I think she's probably a real danger to society, but the song that I think describes my relationship with my daughter is one of her songs. It's called Bestie and it's like, that's my mother fucking besty. Go best friend, that's my best friend. That's my main bitch, that's my fucking best friend. If you got a problem, then we got a problem. If she got a problem, then you got a problem. And it's like all this rapping. And I just feel that the duchess is meant to be about, you know, my relationship with my daughter, and then everything else is fiction, but this relationship is real, and it's hip hop. And there's a lot of fashion in the show, Alex. It sounds like I saw a show, Katherine. Good. I like fashion and I like swearing. Naughty song . Very bad Barbie, indeed. She's like thirteen years old, I'm not lying. That makes it worse. Well, look, I want to talk to you about things we've noticed in music if that's all right. Okay , and I think this will help you in your writing process. There's a beatle song where if you add a word then the song suddenly makes sense. You add the word hell to this song. Here we go . Well Desmond does not follow in the marketplace . Marty is a singer in a band . Desmond says to Molly Gal e says this one she takes in by the hand the help of the hell goes on bloody hell goes on life goes on Oh bloody hell so yeah see what we did? Do you think that's what the beaters were trying to say? That's our theory. Yeah. Oh bloody hell, they just missed out there. Yeah, he couldn't have sung that sixties, exactly. Good bit. That's a good bit isn't it? Very good. What do you think in the live show? I have a conspiracy theory now. Thanks to you. There's also some songs which we were listening to, and then we all got the minibus got to the venue and so we turned the radio off and stopped at an inoportune time. Can we play two songs? Okay, this is when a song changes meaning when you stop it too early . Do you know this song? Yeah song Whoa you like to think it carry him to the st uff. Oh yeah . It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough. You know, you gotta have to face it. You're a dick. Then we got the dick. Makes the Bowd Barbie song, that one a bit. It's a good song. Swearing. And then finally a song by Jarvis Cocker. Here we go. Joe Cocker out. Joe Cocker, here we go. You I was trying to remember that song the other day actually. It's a beautiful song. It's a beautiful song. Did you know that version? No . People often ask me who's the best there is , who's the greatest person of them all ? I tell them it's not anyone called John or Peter Fran or Josephine or Peter Check or Paul ? No , the greatest person of them all is Emily . It's true. She's better than Meg Ryan and she's much better than you. Yes, Emily, Holmes has always been the very best there is and Emily always be the greatest . And while I'm here I've got to say the best person in the band is willing The Lanky Veggie bassist Stop does it stop stop . I gather you were listening to the last episode because you're an avid listener of the podcast. And you heard Craig Davis trying to win a Rolls Royce. I did hear that. Is this a Rolls Royce again? Yes, Rolls Royce again. It's the person at the end of the series who's rolled their royals for the longest, wins the Rolls Royce. Look out. Cardi B, one of my favorite pop artists has trained me for this because when she says okay she says ok I mean that's amazing really. Yeah. Well in every situation. Yes. Would you like fries with that? Oak. Really impressive. She's in a Pepsi commercial where they say, have you got any Coke? And the waiter says, is Pepsi okay? You know, that famous is Pepsi OK? And Cardi B says, okay , is Pepsi Ok? And it's like this whole thing, it's a real tagline . Oh , I can't roll my oak. , you're messing with a French person, no, I can do it. What does that mean? Chapala Francis? Yeah, I went to a French school because my parents were me waseting kind it of like bullying they just sent me to a French school. Neither of them speaks any French. In Canada? Yeah, French, Canada, but they were not French because they're Irish, and they were like, let's fuck with a three year old today. And then they just sent me and I remember coming home like, what's going on out there? I thought the whole world spoke French, but eventually I learned and this is why I'm gonna be good at the finally it'll be finally worth it. Yeah. Okay. Also Carly Be's doing the podcast in a month. I would die Oh okay, we 're going to OK, so all you've got to do what you've got to do? Okay, all you gotta do is roll your arms for the longest possible time while saying a Roy of my choice. And the person who rolls Roy's the longest wins. Your Roy is a Roy who had a Labrador retriever named Trigs . You know who that is? No, I'll give you more clues. The dog died in twenty ten, was once described as football's biggest canine celebrity because she featured an advert foride G dougs and was involved in a police investigation when Roy had an argument with a neighbour. This Roy was a dominating central midfielder and noted for his aggressive and highly competitive style of play. He could be a mister Man. It's Mr Wait, do I need to know this man's name? Yes . How am I gonna know a football person's name? I'll give you a lot of clues. You had a dog called Trag. Roquin, Roquin. Oh, I should have known that because my dad really likes him. Your dad's name, he sent you to the French school. Yeah. Now I hear about Roiquina C. Okay . Okay, so good luck. Roikin. I didn't do that one that one? eighteen point three seconds. You know what it was? I could still hold my breath, but that stopped. Can you do? I can't do it at all. Maybe if I try and Cardi B octave, I'm gonna give one more go just for fun. Oh , thanks for funny You don't need to give me a car . I'll take any mid sized family vehicle. I like hearing 's name said like this. I think they should always do it from now on. I'll do it higher. Are you ready? I can't do it right No, you're not regular at this? No, I'm not. No. Are you good at other things? I hadn't considered the stamina. I didn't know anyone asked me this. So thank you. Now I have something to work on at home. Yeah, yeah. When you're writing a sitcom, you can the Horn section podcast like a room full of musicians and a comedian doing a semi prepared session for forty five minutes usually with a guest Before Rolls Royce, we had a feature Catherine called SAB in which people could win a SAB and Rob Deering won that. Unfortunately, we've heard that SAB haven't delivered the car yet. Oh , so what we're going to do? We're going to I thought we could read out all the SAB slogans from over the years in the hope that they might then give us gone boost like five years ago. Well, there's seven years ago twenty twelve . But I've discovered on Wikipedia there's a section for SAB slogans and they're pretty good. Okay, so I thought we could set them to music. So can we enter some Swedish music please? So these are genuine slogans from SAB and I like them all. Here we go. Number one, the Swedish car with aircraft quality Make you buy them . Good thing, Katherine . Go swift, go safe, go sab. Lovely. The most intelligent cars ever built a sa u will surrender its own life to save yours. It's all genuine . Welcome to a state of independence . Born from jets. Move your mind . People who test drive SAB usually buy one. It's a pity other cars aren't built this way. We don't make compromised. We make salmon. SAB It's what a car should be. Beyond the conventional The Command Performance car. Well built sweet . Find your own road stop. There we go. Wow. Orn't it? No, I feel like they'll be back in business. Yeah . Joe Leonard is a man and that's the way it is . But if you change one letter of that silly name of his , Joe Leonard would not be a man. He'd be a different mammal a legend of the jungle a sleek and spotted animal . Yes what? The end in Lennard's land with something like a peace . He'd not be Lennard anymore . No longer a man would he be Joe Leopard would emerge from his den. Joe Leopard, a really cool guy . Joe Leopard. I think you should change your name now. Why won't you, Joe? Why ? Why ? Why? Why ? Well, this is a special podcast today , Katherine, for the first time ever. Well maybe third or fourth time ever, but we have a second special guest. Wow, which is a surprise for you I know, but I think you have worked with him before. I hope you like him. Are you genuinely quite excited? Yeah, good. Well, it's just have to wait for a second for the special guest. The special guest didn't realize he was on at that moment. The special guest is going to come out any second now . Yeah, here we go. Lake. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's wrong? Yeah . Well, Katherine, the special guest has just arrived. He's probably gonna check his mic because he's quite an unusual voice. You want to check your mic? The special guest is here and there's none other than Henry Hoover. We will sing Henry's introductory song. Feel free to join in with a chorus. Here we go . Did little , Henry Hoover, Did Little Little Henry Hoover. No fat Kyle is smart of the hoover carpets, rugs and silence. Did little , Henry Hoover Henry Enormous Nose is less of a nose. It's more of a corrugated dust sucking hose. Dust sucked hose . But if you want a spotless carpet, stronger cleaners are on the market. Mike Dyson Dustbuster Douglas, Avanda Hooverfield and Electrolux Lewis. I couldn't give a tussome Henry Hoover. Spin me round out quite a mover. Force my nose is a little card me. I couldn't give it a toss it's quite cathartic. Hello , Henry looked at. This is Henry's debut on the podcast, weirdly. How has it been this long? He's a celebration. Yeah, he's actually looking at you with his eyes, which is pretty don't turn your head, Henry. How are you, Henry? Fine, thank you, Al an. Alex. What I thought we did, we have a feature called Musicians of Curious where the musicians interview the guests. And I thought Henry, you could interview the guest. Do you play any instruments, Henry? Yep, what'd you play? Trumpet, okay, so the way this works is that normally the musician, in this case, the hoover will play a couple of notes on his trumpet, and they'll ask you a question starting with, I was just wondering, and then he'll play his instrument underneath your entertaining answer. Okay, that sounds going well there be three questions. Are you ready Henry ? Yep . Okay, well here we go I was wondering, Catherine. I was just wondering When did you last do the hoovering ? Oh , Henry, I love your trumpet, play your trumpet Henry quietly. Okay . Yep . Henry, I love hoovering and I most recently hoovered just yesterday. I got a current carpet moth problem and I'm trying to resolve it and I'm really grateful that Hoover's exists for that. I think this is going to work as a chat. Your next question, please. That sounds like something I could help you with. I think I need a What kind of hoover did you use? Henry can't hear anything I've been saying unfortunately. I have a really powerful play with instrument, Henry? Troubles, I can't hear anything anyway . Do you know, I forget the brand ? I have a Bisil Carpet Cleaner, which is like shampoo and wet. And then I have a pet hoover, but it's not you . I forget the brand, but it's like great and it is not Dyson. It is nice. No. It's a shark, Katherine. It might be the shark pet. Someone tweeted me and said, Get rid of your dyson. I really could. These dyson cordless things for the kitchen, just forget about it. segment. A final question, please, Henry. What would be your dream pet ? And play your instrument, please. Henry, I have a pony and I have a cat and I have two deceased rabbits and I have three dogs and I'm about to get another dog. So my dream pet honestly would be a fish because hoovering as fun as it is, I do a lot of it and I don't want to do any further hoo vering. I'm at my hoovering max. Had? Fair enough . Not hat with the deceased rabbits? Yeah, hat. I don't keep their bodies around. One of them was like eaten by a fox. And then the other one I brought its deceased body to the vet and I made the veterinarian tell my daughter it was dead because I couldn't do it. So I was like, oh, he will be fine. Let's take him to the vet. And then we got on the bus with a dad rabbit. Music , we got on the bus with a dead rabbit and you couldn't tell that it was dead. It wasn't bloody or anything. And then lots of people just kept asking to pet the rabbit, asking what the rabbit's name was Anne deprabbit. The deceased rabbit and it started getting stiff. What was his name? Oh, Anthony. And Anthony. And I wouldn't tell my daughter, I just didn't have the balls to do it. So we got to the vet. I'd called the vet in advance to tell them we were on the way and they were trying to do all this admin like when's it bunny's birthday? And I was like, listen, I can tell you what day it died. And I just couldn't say it in front of my daughters. We got there and she rushed in with Anthony. And the vet said , I'm sorry. His heart's not beating anymore. And it's cold and stiff . Yeah . I'm gonna buy you are a fish? Henry Henry Uber . Well, actually he's going to sing you a little song about an animal if that's all right. Do you mind doing that song Henry about the animal? I'd love to. Okay. What's your song about Henry? Oh, I'm glad you asked. It's about Why are you touching your face while you're talking? I'm putting some moisturizer. Okay while I'm performing on my face. Okay. And what's the song about? My face. Yes, what's the song about? The song is about the most divisive issue which is currently tearing this country apart there are rows over dinner tables every night and there are ugly scenes no one can agree. Okay which is which of the Coot and the Morehen? Nobody knows which one's the Coot and which ones are more hen? Right Off you go then Where the beak on the front of its head is bright red, that's a more hell . Okay . Off you go, Henry. Thank you, Henry. Did a little Henry , did a little Henry Hoover. Well, that was a nice moment, wasn't it? This podcast is funded by some of you . Thanks to all of you for listening and sharing and special thanks to those who've donated on Patreon. It wouldn't happen without you because our wives and girlfriends would be even more cross with us because of the money situation . Catherine, it's time for a quick game of Hey, I've heard all those things before. Of course I have. It's a simple game where you all play some music, I say let Iter says. some sounds and you stop playing if you haven't heard the sounds. Okay. So the last person playing is a person who's heard all the sounds. Does that make sense? Sure. I didn't explain it that way. Have we got an instrument that Katherine could play what instrument you did play Katherine? I can sort of play the piano? Okay, John, we actually got two pianos over there, but not, you know? Do you want to go and sit next to the pianist? Sure. I don't remember how to play anything . It doesn't matter, you just play any sort of groove can't throw in there anything join in 's really good to me The first one you played was great. Yeah, but I don't remember how it goes. It's like kicking around this bit bit . No, 'cause I just need the bit. The other bit . Sorry . And then it goes . What's that? How do I do that? Is it Day and then okay I'll try my best ready. Okay good luck everyone Ben you want to start the rhythm first and then Welcome to Hey, I've heard all those things before. Of course I have. Ryan on keys and a brand new saxophonist, so stop playing if you haven't heard the sound of a waiter dropping loads of stuff . We've all heard it. We've all enjoyed it. A woodpecker . A Boris Becker. Have you one heard Boris Becker speaking? On the tally is fine. They're also playing . The inside of a police car stop playing if you haven't heard the inside of a police car . You all been inside a police car? We've lost the saxophonist. When were you in the police car ? I got pulled over when I didn't have any insurance on my car and I sat in the back of the police car buying some new insurance . Idiot A whale or a dolphin in real life . Have we lost you, Catherine? I never heard the inside of a police car. Good for you. That's a good thing . But it was lovely piano play ing . Okay , a one man band in real life . A celebrity called Richard in real life . What celebrity mark? Osborne. Opera. Who's been to the opera? When did you go out in? The Dolphin and Whale one? Oh, that's a sad thing. A hip hop gig Still trumpets, still guitar, still bass. Uh thetic anesthetist counting down You all been under a priest who has to sing bits but isn't regular singing something really frightening What have you heard that's really frightening Joe? Like noises in the night when you're in a really frightening Yeah one of your own bones s napping? None of you ? No. I smashed my cartilage on my nose once. On purpose . Yeah . I quite often do that. Hold on everyone. So it's a drawer between Willoip Je and Mark. We didn't have a marching band in a storm. Members of the royal family swearing some animals are confident Donkey O'Brien Adams on the phone next and well done everybody Our Gold Yes, please Oh. , thank you . Wow , it's even better than I thought anything could possibly be . It's a horn section podcast a powerful listen Hey Catherine, have you ever been on desert island disks? No. Well, when you're on it, because you will be, please could you pick one of our songs as one of your songs because that will help our careers. Which one would you like to pick? How about this one? We've written a song called The Song that everyone should pick when they're on desert island disks because it will actually help you survive. Okay. Okay, so we're going to sing that to you now. All the lyrics are based on advice given by Paul Hart , a former Royal Navy Lieutenant commander who wrote an article about survival for the Guardian. So here we go . Same . It's been same as last time. I think I'm sorry. Okay, ready ? One, two, three . First of all, stay positive, optimistic, don't despair . Then make sure there aren't any current risks . There could be hazards all around so make sure you assess the ground and don't waste time thinking about your disks . Well, if you sustained an injury when you got cast away . You must get that wound sorted out at once . If Gangrene sits in, that's you done. It's not a nice disease . You'll be dead in days, let alone weeks or month s it was quite long. I'm guessing you were travelling by boat or by plane, which might have been smashed up on the shore . Go back and search the wreckage for any survival aids like shelter, beds or clothes or tools or more like a knife would be very very useful here. So worth checking out the pockets of the dead Yes, this is grim, but don't be grim, you've got to get yourself stuck in and just be pleased that you're alive . Instead, now the chorus. O desert island , desert island. You won't have time to listen to music O desert Island desert island. I'm giving you great advice please use it All right we're getting close to the ramp. Too cores. It's too versatile for me and then a ramp You must know you need water . If you want to survive , a few days without H two O will kill you I'll help you to locate fresh water before it's too late. Then she'll do a rap to teach you to distill too . So first if there's vegetation there'll be water close by to look out for a cactus or a tree . A thunderstorm is handy if you can collect the rain and here's how you can purify the sea , or all wa week fighters in the sun and dig a hole with a stick. When you see most of your carpeting quick, lay a bit of clear plastic around on top of the cup, create a sea with the sea and get those gallops filled right up. Place a rock in the plastic. Now you just got to wait. I don't get the summer soil water, evaporates. Plus, we'll drop the steam and start condensational drip in the cup. That's your thirsty taste sensation, baby. Get your head down and your ass up. You gotta find that water quick, baby. Get it Oh desert , desert island you won't have time to listen to your music Oh island desert island I'm giving you advice . Please use it. Take me to the bridge. Now build a shelter off the ground so you avoid the snakes. It needs a roof to grab some leaves and do your best to thatch . You need to keep warm too , so it's time to make a fire. So look around and hopefully find a lighter or a match. Last bit , then forage for food that isn't great poisonous ory yuck . There's normally a KFC nearby . Then text your friends to stay you're stuck and need some help real soon or just ask a friendly pass,er by desert island, desert island. You won't have time for music. Island, desert island. I've got some great advice please use it . Yeah Yeah The rapping was good. That's really good. Thank you. Alex, this is really smart because you guys will all get loads of plays on Spotify as well because they'll have to keep looping it to follow the instructions. I imagine everyone's gonna pick it for now and you'd be mad not to. I'm going to pick it. I promise you that. Thank you, Katherine. Ed could you play the piece of music that Catherine was trying to play as I thank everybody. It's a great song. Oh, the first song. No, yeah . No, I don't know. Okay , it's not a good thing Yeah, see, that's what I'm trying to do. Well, there we go. This is the music that Kathem didn't play, but thank you for listening, everyone. Enjoy this wonderful piano music. Thanks to Joe Porter and everyone at the pool here at Mil oco for recording, that's Ben and Jamie. Thanks to the band. That's Ben, Joe Mark, Will, Henry , and all the other members of the band, and mainly thanks to our best guest ever by Miles, Catherine Brown. Do stick around there maybe. It's Seram a. Some bonus content Looks in the snow and I smile they won't wash away That's your shadow getting in passengers . Yes, there'll be a bonus song from the pianist in a second, but meanwhile, goodbye, stay safe . I'll see you next time How do we go naturally? No way to date my So if you want to feature in the podcast, do go to Patreon where you can donate some money as little as one dollar a month , as much as a million dollars a month. The more you give, the more of a mention you'll get. We'll make you little dingles or long songs. Just let us know what you want and we'll do it. You can also buy our album or Bandcamp . And thank you for any contributions. Also you don't have to do anything it's free . If you do donate, they do take the money out of your bank account every month, so you might want to stop it or keep doing it. We're very grateful for anything. Willip that is some super guitar . This is just to say oh shucks . 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