Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

LinkedIn is pretty amazing at helping you grow your small business. We cannot stop your new clients from emailing you at 3 a.m. We can help you sell, market, and hire in one place. We cannot help you be in three places at once. And while we can't help you organize your calendar, LinkedIn can help you land more clients so you have a calendar to organize. Grow your small business on LinkedIn. Learn more at Link edIn.com slash small business. Hey, quick heads up to anyone in Quaid Army who enjoys stand-up comedy. I'm gonna be at Paramount Theater in Denver on May 8th. I'm gonna be at the Route 66 Casino Hotel in Albuquerque on May 9th. I'm going to be with my good friend Brooks Wheelan, who let's be honest, if you listen to the pod, you can tell Andy is growing a little bit jealous of. Uh it's a very fun time. We'd love to see you and now back to the pod or the ads. I don't know where they're gonna put this. Make way for the Queen Army . Say he 's the Quaid Army Hey everybody, welcome to the Lonely Island and Seth Myers podcast. Today it's just Seth and Yorm. Woo! More of me. This is a hat trick for us this week, Yorm. Yeah. I did a Q A with you in New York City for your fantastic film. It was a delight. It was so fun. Then you were on late night. Yeah. On wait, Thursday night. Yeah, I brought you over bur uh burrito. Then you brought a burrito out. We opened with a lot of burrito brain references that went well over ninety percent of my audience's head. Ten percent was super excited. Uh huh. Maybe less. Uh so we opened with a lot of burrito brain stuff. I also in one in the intro, I don't know if you noticed, I said you know him from the Lonely Island and Seth Myers podcast, which some people thought that was me trying to grab a little bit more credit for your your work than maybe I deserve Oh no, I loved it. I loved it. I did like that um after I gave you the burrito though, uh when we were talking on the off off minutes, you were like, What kind of burrito is this? I was like, This is a pretty bad bas ic, basic peanut and cheese. And then you just rejected it outright. Well, I took a bite of it during our interview and you recoiled. Yeah. Yeah. It's a low 'cause you said you'd bought it like hours and hours and hours ago. Well it's from Buddy's burritos in Brooklyn.. So well there you go Um you probably aren't familiar, not being in the late night world with the uh weekly New York magazine's vulture does uh who won late night this week. Did you know this was even a thing? I d I mean I did, but I I haven't thought about it like the way you you do. Uh just like that's why that I wait for it every week, like the way you wait for a Broadway review. Sure. Probably you don't think about it the same way. Anyway, our friends it's your Sardis. Our friend Beth Squires, who writes it every week. Uh we did not win late night, Yorm, but we did finish in the number two spot. Okay. That's good. Is that good? Is number two ? Is that good? Yeah. It's exceptionally good. Oh, sweet. But how many late nights are there? Like what are you competing against? Is it like eight . Don't make it don't remind everybody how how in a field we're up against. I mean it's Kimmel, it's Colbert, it's Daily Show, it's Fallon, it's uh Andy Cohen. Okay. Andy Cohen won this week. But I just want to say because you know, the last pod with uh you and Akiva started with a lot of shade thrown at Andy and I. Yeah, sorry. Uh for the fact that we're uh pretty voice . Yeah, we're just like oh no, you made us seem like elitists coastal elites. You said I did like that you caught yourself. You said that you guys are the guys uh you're you represent flyover country even though you I couldn't even even though you would never call it that. No you wouldn't I couldn't even think of like what was the middle of the country. Yeah. Like when I was talking about being corn fed. Yeah, it's sad. But I will just say that it was open uh the write-up of your appearance. Uh the two sweetest sweetie pies of the Lonely Island Seth Myers podcast. So just know from from where and why uh Mag is sitting, you and I are the ones who are, you know, keeping it real while the other two are the ones that are, you know. Well, get ready for an extra sweet episode of the Seth Mars Podcast. Here it comes, guys. Here it comes. Uh it was so much fun to have you on. It was so much fun to be in a movie theater with people who just saw your fantastic movie. Um, you know, again, obviously you and uh Keith talked about it at length last week, but I haven't had a chance on the pod after I've seen it to talk about how much I loved it and how great it is. And how I hope everybody will continue to give it a quump. Oh please quump it up because honestly like, like the I've been shilling so hard for it, but it's because like I'm like this opening weekend matters so much. I know. It's just it's such a shame to have to like sell it as hard as I ha I have been. But it's also been really fun. Like like and I was saying before you got on too, Seth, like every single QA that we've done, so many Quaid armies, it's been so fun with people like shouting it out. And the response, I mean, you we were talking about the way you say righteous kill. Yes. I do feel like you throw it off. It changes all the time. It's like uh oh righteous kill. And then somebody shouts it out again. You're like, oh yeah, righteous kill. Yeah. I I would say that on a sol itary one I try to say it the way you would say. And a good day to you Yeah. That is the way I try to res earch kill. Yeah, we got plenty of it. You could tell there was a lot of Quaid Army uh in the house that night. So that was uh that was a lot of fun. I will say though, you know, talking about like getting out there and uh flogging work that one you want people to see, but two you're proud of. The same night you were on the show, uh, Charlize Theron was on the show, and you know, she produced this movie she's in right now called Apex. Yes. Um Saw This. You're talking about the stunt that they did in Times Square, right? Oh no, I was just saying, like having seen the movie, and I kind of saw her movie, I saw your movie, and I get the I don't know, instinct to go out and try to get people to see it because they're really fun movies. Like they're both of them. Yeah. They're like action-packed, they're thrillers. Uh yours is very funny. Everybody in them is great. And so I don't know. I just highly recommend both. I also just think that like and maybe this is because I've had such a wonderful time going around the country and actually being in like really cool theaters and duh. But like the communal aspect of it, and I kept being like, I guess theaters are back. Like people are gone. Obviously, it's a very uh you know, like uh prescribed uh experience that I'm having. But it's so like great post-pandemic to like be in theaters with This was a very funny comment in the YouTube section last week. And I read the comments before I listened to the episode. Okay . And so somebody wrote, if there isn't a ten minute block of this pod discussing theater rakes, I'm gonna snap . Yeah. Yeah. There was and uh it was it was uh it was delightful. Um shit. Sorry about that guys. This you m you actually mentioned this line when we were doing the QA about a Juliet Lewis line in the movie, but there was a comment, uh saw this movie on opening day for that quump bump and had a question about Allegra yelling, you're a motherfucking titty sucking two-ball bitch. Does this mean that this movie takes place in the universe that the style boys exist in? Or is it our universe where the movie Popstar exists, which means she probably saw it at one of the prison movie nights. This was a line that she just is like improvised. She improvises, yeah. Yeah. And I was I was shocked that she said it. And I thought it was just like, oh, this is like just must be across the country in third grade. Everybody like, did you have this, Seth, growing up? Did people say that? No, that's not one I had. Okay. It was a West Coast thing then. Yeah. It had nothing to do with style style boys. She just said it and I was fucking thrilled what she did. Uh oh, you did um m multiple burns. Uh you had a comment early on where you said I always hate it. Oh no. Talking about movies. I always hate it when the sound doesn't look good. Did I say it? So that was uh uh that's kind of a very jackalish uh No, I don't know I don't think so. That's uh you guys I,'m still on drugs. Like just like you know, I'm on eighteen hundred now, Gavin Penn . I don't have any real excuses . Uh there were a lot of comments in the YouTube section of your interview where you talked about a lot about uh painkillers and like just people being like, hey man, just like look out . So uh I do I do wanna stress to everybody that when we talk about that, uh uh Yorm takes this very seriously. Yeah. Uh hey, I did not know this because I you know I don't I'm not like into the gossip mags. I'm not into the like the private life of uh our nation's celebrities. Oh uh Cueto got married. Oh my gosh. That's a that's shocking. Congratulations, Cueto. Yeah, congratulations to Quato indeed. Quato got married at intimate uh but also star studded. You feel like one of us would have made the cut, but uh I'm gonna say I'm a little surprised that all four of us weren't invited. I'm just relieved for Keeve based on all the uh sort of non-work related uh meals Liz was having with Quaid that he's now off the market. Thank God. Oh my god, yeah, that was far too close. Uh but just real congratulations to Quato and his wife Claudia, his new wife Claudia, and to their intimate star studied it was in Australia. So I wouldn't yeah, yeah, thank yeah, I wouldn't admit it. Uh I liked a picture that they had a giant mac and cheese cake, you know.? One would think Yeah. I mean maybe that's why they didn't invite one of us, is they were worried we would try to we would try to push mac and cheese as a part as a part of the wedding. Uh oh, a lot of people said that maybe Andy and I didn't join last week's pod 'cause we were so jealous at how good your movie was and we didn't sit there and have to listen to you get praise. I want to assure people uh we're both very happy and proud of you for how good your movie was. I don't think that that's a problem. Although I will say after McGruber though, after the screening that I did of McGruber for SNL that we did at the Soho House in in uh Manhattan, that was the nicest comment that I got was that Andy looked at me and angrily was like I made me really jealous. And I was like, wow. That was uh by far the highest praise you can get from a friend. So um a lot of our international viewers are upset that um your movie is not opened international yet. Oh a lot of international Quaid's are uh looking forward to it. Okay. Uh we established uh two weeks ago that British members of Quaid Army are called quids . I heard from a few British listeners that they I can't wait to have somebody yell quid army . Uh two comments based on that. Someone said who's a quid got a quelp to get a UK release And then I'm interested to see I don't know if this is if an Australian person wrote this or uh someone who has uh maybe a a negative take on Australian people, but it is like music, so I'm just gonna read it. So if Americans are quads in the UK are quids, does that mean Aussies are quants ? Like you don't have to bleep that . Oh my god, I love it. There's more there's one new slang word that we're gonna add to our uh our dictionary. Job. J A W B has been suggested as a faster way to say Jeremy Allen Whitebody . Job. I gotta work on that job. Yorm got that job. Where's Yorm? He's in the gym getting that job. Oh, great. Thank you guys. That's uh that'll be that'll be easier for to talk to my wife. Support comes from Willie's remedy. Hey Yorm. Hi. You know what Willie I'm talking about? I know exactly what you're talking about, Seth. Big time. Sing one line from his song. Oh, I'm Willie Nielsen, and this is the song I'm singing. Right? Yeah, you got it. Hey, if you're tired of waking up hungover, worrying about what happened last night, now you can have fun and relax without any of the regrets with Willie's. Yes, that Willie, Willie's THC infused social tonic, finally an alcohol alternative that actually works with an uplifting, euphoric buzz you can really feel without any of the negative side effects. A lot of alcoholic alternatives promise great feeling, but don't deliver on the buzz. With Willie's, you feel relaxed and euphoric, and only 15 -ish minutes. That's a good timeline for you, right? Oh, I think it's even less, honestly. And you do not need much of it. It's like it's a nice little mixer. Yes. Uh I've had I've had both bottles. I'm sure you've tried it as well, Seth, and it's great. I do, and I I've enjoyed it. I've found the buzz delightful. Yeah. And uh the absence of hangovers even more delightful. Oh as you age, man, the like Willy's Willie's it up. Cause uh yeah, like the alternative is whe Also as you age, it's very nice to have a low calorie, low sugar alcohol alternative that actually works. Because I'll tell you this, sometimes there'll be a night where if I'm not drinking, I'll have a mocktail and that has so much sugar, it's like almost worse than a hangover. How are you gonna job it up? You know what I mean? Jeremy White Body Jeremy L and White Body. Yeah. Willie's sold out three times in the first six months with over 50,000 happy customers, and they just restocked Willie's ships directly to your doorstep in over 40 states. Order now at drinkwillies.com and use code island for 20% off your first order plus free shipping on orders over $95 and enjoy life in the high country . So we're gonna do some QA stuff today. But it was very interesting because we got two stories uh that were sent in. One's unique to you and one's unique to me. Okay. And we'll do yours first and then we get to mine. I'm just gonna say that mine is a recent story that I actually had before the story was sent to me via Jeff, our producer. I had this in my notes to address with you. Something happened that I wanted to talk about and then an incredible like stroke of luck. The other side of this interaction wrote a story in. So great. Very happy about that. But also this was one other thing, it was pulled out by multiple people that there was a real wait, what do they call it a snorm no sorry yeah a snorm which is a your a yorm snort oh I did it here's the here's an honest one this is not a forced one this was at twenty nine fifty five. You watch on you can can we hear it real quick, Jeff? Yeah, I got you. Jesus Christ. You have you had that cued up. I had a queued up. We got that. So I want to get one of those little keyboards where I can press that button. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds good. Um two suggestions for how to say hit us in the titus to our British listeners. Yeah. One was uh striketh mine bre cal, so that seemed a little overworked. Okay. I don't know about that. And then uh the other one was uh Punt Us in the Uh Yep. Really good. Maybe we'll set that up. I think you can do polls in the YouTube comments. So maybe under the YouTube comments um Jeff we can have a poll for whether people prefer whether our British whether our quids like strike us mine brasticles or punt us in my I mean like Seth, you and I getting to actually hang out IRL the other night did make me really wanna. I was like, fuck, we really gotta like tour the podcast, like do the live, you know, that's like all those other podcasts, do that shit. And that really makes me want to go to England. So in addition to it being almost impossible for us to get together for just this Zoom podcast, like let's make it a goal to like go to England altogether. Well, let's do a li I mean, doing a live Lonely Island pod in England. I mean that that's how we do it. Fantastically. Um probably at Wembley. Yeah. The O two. Yeah. Straight to O two. Um all right. There's uh three sort of longer um mail that I wanna go through today. Okay. The first one's from Laura. And uh this is really fun. Uh Laura, hey buddies. Today I had the great honor of reaching out to an old friend to inform her that you were playing her I think I might have killed the president fan video on the pod. Oh. Needless to say, she was shocked and thrilled that her creation was resurrected when Erin uploaded that video two decades ago. We were both part of a lively live journal community of what I assume was mostly fellow college aid Lonely Island fangirls. I sincerely hope you guys realize just how much pure joy brings us longtime Quaid's and SNL fans to be able to hear your recollections on the pods every week. It is worth the countless hours you've spent trying to coordinate schedules and recording viewer ads, I promise. Oh nice, Viore getting a comment. Yeah. That's a little extra for their ad scratch to get comment and it'll end up. Uh for a split second at the end of this episode, I thought my own twenty year old Magnum Opus might make an appearance as well, but alas it did not And I feel like we should just maybe try to watch that now. Yeah. Let's do it. Oh my god. This is gonna be crazy. The rhythm of the streets, streets, streets. Perfecto ! I knew this cat named Arnie, he wore sandals and socks. When he came to the party, he would make sure it rocked . He would lay his arms around and do the Arnie dance. Leaving every motherfucker with folk in their pants. I mean it really is amazing that you guys made enough work that a fan could just cut that work together to make a video for a song you didn't make a video for. It's amazing how much stuff I had forgotten that we did. It's really it's very I mean this is Cal Penn showing up in this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. And by by the way, great footage of uh Artie flailing his arms around. He did a lot of floppy dancing back in the day too. It is definitely a reminder that uh you wrote Artie Party based on images about Andy that had pre-existed. Yeah. The writing of the song. Yeah, just his Muppet nature was uh Yeah. It's very hard for Andy to take offense at the song Artie Party when It's very good. Thank you, Laura. It's very good. That's very fun. Check that out, everybody. One point four a million views on YouTube. Pretty good. Um oh this is Laura's final comment. Um when I met my husband in two thousand nine and he found out I was a diehard SNL fan, he tried to impress me by letting me know that Adam Sandberg was part of a comedy group called Lonely Island. I sighed and shook my head. But uh they've been watching SNL together every week and indoctrinating their eight year old. So Laura, thank you for that. Thank you for your arty party uh video that everybody should watch online. Damn clicks, it's 1.4 million, which I mean it's I think means it's crushing booger man. Give it that quamp. Come on, give me that quamp. Oh yeah, like we can quamp. You can quump outside of the actual Lonely Island. Yeah. Quump it up. Uh fantastic. Uh was that the was that the story that you wanted to do or is are this separate from okay, gotcha. All right, ready? Here's the story. Okay. It's from Teresa. You ready? I'm so ready. I can't wait. Teresa, hi. Hi, Lonely Island and Seth, but mostly Yorma. I'm sure Yorma has absolutely no recollection of this, but back in two thousand eight, he very graciously agreed to talk to me and a group of my high school friends about his experience on SNL while visiting his in-laws in the bay for Thanksgiving. U theh only thing I'll say so far is I had no idea that's where you were from. All right, here we go. Yorma's mother in law was my art teacher growing up and a good friend of my mom. Okay. Might I might remember this now. Oh yes, definitely. I know now I know what we're talking about. Uh between them they decided it would be sweet for Yorma to chat with a handful of theater kids, SNL obsessives from the local East Bay Catholic high school. And you were wonderful. You talked thoughtfully about comedy and writing, answered all our painfully earnest questions, and then delivered the absolute pièce de resistance by saying, Do you guys want to see the first cut of a short that hasn't aired yet? Now, I have no idea why you had to cut that earlier if you broke any rules by showing it to us. But you pulled out your laptop and showed us not just any shirt, but what I now recognize as Criterion Collection shoe-in, jizz in my pants. Wow. Okay. Which in retrospect was an absolutely wild judgment call. A group of Catholic high schoolers, your mother in law and my mom all gathered around a laptop in your in-law's home watching an unreleased Lonely Island short about premature ejaculation. Scolding you in disbelief, Yorma, while you remain completely unflustered and visibly proud of your work as you should have been . I think about that afternoon a lot. Now, this is very Okay. Just warn you. Okay. I've had the ability to prepare because I read it earlier. Right. Uh I think about that afternoon a lot because it's also such a vivid memory of my mom who passed away from breast cancer a few years later. She was a deeply funny woman in her own right, and even asked your mother-in-law to send you her SNL sketch ideas until she was informed that she could theoretically sue Yorma if you ever if you ever use them . At which point she was told to chill out and stop. Uh she always called you Yorm long before the rest of the world knew that was what true Quades called you. SNL and the Lonely Islands still make me think of my mom in the best way, grieving or really clarified for me how important comedy is, not just as escapism, but as something that genuinely helps people survive hard things. We're living through a heavy moment in the world, and the work you all do to bring joy, absurdity, and relief really matters. So thank you for that afternoon and for the laughs and for unknowingly being part of one of my favorite memories of my mom. And your if I'm burrito braining and it wasn't Jizz in my pants that you showed us, please don't correct me. I've been carrying this version around for nearly two decades and it's going great. Later dudes, Teresa. And yes, and her mom from jump called me Yorm, which I really appreciated. That's fantastic. And was that just 'cause she had hurt other people? I d no. I think she just felt comfortable with me, which is w made me really happy. Uh like I have no problem with people call me Yorm from if if they feel comfortable and I it makes me feel very comfortable. Well it's interesting because um oh there was one other thing I wrote because while you were on my show, we were talking about uh how you like your name you've sort of become a Yorma. Like that you become the personality of the name you have. I I think you really do. I think it's made me a much weirder person. And someone said just for us, it's nominative determinism is uh the term for what we were discussing with did not have the name for nominative determinism I I will say like naming my son Wiley I was a little nervous because I was like are we are we just like setting him up for like doing keg stands all the time? Mm-hmm. Like it was wild like you know, it's like I don't know it just sounds like a wild man kind of thing. Yeah. Could just be sly though. Wait, S Seth, do you know what other names your parents were debating calling you? I only know if I was a girl I was gonna be Amanda. Okay, gotcha. I also will tell you that every single person until I reached SNL, like all through uh like college, sh starting college, and then in Amsterdam and then in Chicago, everybody calls me Souf, which was my nickname. And that always felt like I've always internally since I got that nickname felt more like a Souf than a Seth. Oh, I like Soup. For what that for what that counts. Yeah, that's a that's a good vibe. Yeah. My two names like what I was gonna either be called Nick or Santos. Those are the two other names. And then my middle name is is Christopher, which like my parents gave me to fall back on in case my name was too weird. And then in high school, I don't know if I've told this story, but in high school, when I was fourteen, I came home and I was like, You guys know how much it costs to change your middle name? And they were like, What? I was like, It's four hundred dollars. And they were like, You tried to change your middle name? And I was like, Yeah, I went to like City Hall. And they were like, What'd you try to to change it? And I was like, Mc Duck. And they were like, you were gonna change your so clearly I didn't need anything to pull back on . Yorma McDuck Taconi? Yeah. Yeah. Me and Marie , we were debating naming it like that was gonna be our middle name . When we got married, we were thinking about calling it. Uh yeah. You guys would have been a good couple for like, you know, not she took your name or you took her name but just like we changed it to McDuck. Wait, did I tell you this story set ? Probably not. So I've been gonna I've been connected. You know like the vibe of Connecticut is that like there's a lot of people who have those like really nice house signs that are like wood carved that say like you know the family name or whatever. And I told Mario, I was like I was like, we should get one of those family name things. She was like, fuck, no, no fucking way. And then I was like, Oh no no no, it's gonna say the McTurds and she was like, Oh that's fine Which I was like you know like when when you're like oh I'm clearly in the right relationship I feel like that's uh I don't know if Alexei would jump at uh McTurds. McTurrits. Well here's here's how it backfired because it is on the the front of our house. Oh you did it. Oh yeah, yeah, I don't fuck around, dude. Yeah. Uh like so so one, all of our neighbors thought we moved, or then they were like really nervous. They were like, is that their last name? It's the McTurds? And then and then all of Wiley's friends up in Connecticut started calling me Mr. McTurd. And that's when it it backfired a little bit on me, because I didn't expect people to call me Mr. McTurd. I cannot believe you did not think half a move ahead . It's not even a half a move. It's like a quarter move. You pulled a prank on yourself and it went great. You know what? I'll I'll put this in the show notes. Okay, good. The McTurd's. Support comes from hymns. Hey Yorm. Hi, Seth. You got better things to do than sit in a doctor's office talking about your hairline. Like for example, you need to be sitting in a doctor's office talking about why you still haven't got that vasectomy. Mmm. Yes, that thing, yep. Yeah, that's right. So since you can't be talking to a doctor about hairline, uh that's why HIMS offers access to expert backed hair loss treatments entirely online. Now you arm, you and I aren't there yet. I will say when you were on my show, uh we were accused of wiggery. Oh. What's that mean? People thought we were wearing wigs. Oh . We just got we just like got hair that is I know for men our age, you can't believe it, but I think that's a nice compliment. Wiggery. Great. 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Tomorrow morning is knocking. Stock your fridge now. How about a creamy mocha frapuccino drink? Or a sweet vanilla? Smooth caramel, maybe, or white chocolate mocha. Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks rapper drinks wherever you buy your groceries. All right. So here was what I was going to tell you, and then I'm going to read our uh we got a really nice note. So I was on the train Friday. I picked the boys up to school, take the subway, go to Grand Central, get on the train. Beautiful day. And uh I got my one son has a friend on the train, so he's off with his friend. Uh I'm chatting with that kid's dad. Axel's watching an iPad. And we all kind of I mean it's's dad fault, full dad's fault here. Classic. Kind of zoned out and it we realized we were at our stop. Right. Now again, this is a train, you know, you don't they're not gonna wait for you to get off or anything. And so immediately my kids and again, I own this dad's fault, but they're not helpful. Axel's like folding up the iPad and then he's like, actually you get it, and then he runs to the door. I put my iPad in my backpack and then I put my backpack on, the iPad falls out because I didn't zip it. Yeah. So I pick up an iPad and I'm just like super flustered. And actually a guy reaches over and like hands me the iPad. And I take it and I go, Thanks, man. And then he goes, uh, Quaid Army. Now this guy's been sitting across from me for a while and it's just like very funny like in this moment. And I'm like, righteous kill. And then I go to walk out and then my son's like, I'll carry my own backpack. And I'm like, fuck your backpacks. And again, now this is too long to be at a station on a commuter rail. So now I'm doubling back to get the backpacks. I pick up both kids' backpacks. A thousand coins fall out of one of my kids' backpacks. Like I don't even know where he got the coins. Like it seems like more coins than a kid could possibly have. But like like the amount of coins falling at a rate of somebody hitting a jackpot at a Vegas casino. Like you can't believe it, you aren't . And then this this guy who now has like quit armied me is like makes eye contact me looking and I've just like lost the plot. I'm like so I'm so stressed. And then I just kind of run out. And I was gonna come on and apologize, basically say that like I deserve a demotion in Quaid Army for how badly uh I behave. And then as luck would have it, uh this dude actually wrote his take on it. So that that's my take. So uh uh here we go. Okay. Uh from Theodore. Uh first things first, I need to apologize to Seth. I was the Quaid on the train this Friday. I feel like I unintentionally threw him off his rhythm. First of all, Theodore, you did not. That was off my rhythm on my own.. Yeah I'm not one to bother people in the entertainment industry. I'm a lifelong New Yorker who believes in the credo. You leave people alone. Uh plus I'm in my fifties and too neurotic. You and me both, buddy. Yet I had in my mind that the only people I would say something to were Conan O'Brien and any of the people associated with Loneland Podcast. I genuinely enjoy the podcast. Your varied friendships and warmth orders to each other comes across through on the show. I figured I would run into Yorma because we live in the same neighborhood in Brooklyn. His house is just a couple of towns over from my house in Connecticut. Plus , I also fell from 17 feet onto cement and shattered my leg at my ankle. So I figured we must share some cosmic goo. Yeah. Um, anyway, this brings me to Friday. For the first hour and 20 minutes, I did not realize Seth was sitting cross from me. I just thought it was some annoying guy who decided to bring a freaking buffet on the train like it was his favorite strong. Uh this is also true. I feed my kids on the train, Yorum. They I have to get pizza from two different places. And it's true. I have so much food and he was he's right, uh he's right to be uh to be offended by that. This fucking guy, yeah. Uh think of all the germs floating around on a commuter train. Yeah, but I don't, I don't. I got it. When you're a dad, you gotta dad it up. Then he wrote there was a woman two seats ahead of us who sounded like she was gonna die of consumption. Do you remember? Dude, I totally do. This woman coughs so bad, Yorm the, guy sitting behind her, stood up and offered her water . Uh between her and your feast for the ages, I almost switched cars. I actually texted my wife to complain about this situation unfolding around me. Then I w recognized it was Seth. This is our text exchange. Me, the annoying food guy turns out to be Seth Myers. By the way, for all the kind things Theodore says, like it is really hammering home this like back of the head guilt that maybe everybody was like that's too much food to have on the train. And now I know from Theodore it is. Uh the really annoying food guy turns out to be Seth Meyer's wife. Really? Yes. I'm thinking of saying something. Quaid army. Wife. the W fuhatck are you talking about? Me. Total recall stuff. Wife. The movie question mark? Me. It's the name of the character from the movie. Wife. And this is something you're supposed to say? Question mark? Me. Look, we're getting off topic. Should I say something or Jim, his eyes got real bad. Uh then he realized why my eyes got real big. Seth had almost forgotten a bag, and then when he went to grab it, pennies and nickels went everywhere . I looked out the window. I think I might have locked eyes with Seth and not in a good way. Totally not. I did not uh lock eyes with the good Theodore. I think I need to apologize for making his disembarkment more challenging. Lastly, the old guy sitting in front grabbed all the change for himself. I don't think I've ever in my life had uh like a movie of myself from somebody else's point of view. I I relayed so perfectly. I've mentioned this so many times, people like I would love if on your deathbed you got to hear everything that has been talked about you from stra strangers. Just like look at that dipshit. I mean uh I'm really gotta I gotta I gotta firstly I gotta figure out how to not not fully strong the train . That's great. I mean here's the thing, you're a dad, it's really hard to be a dad. Like it's hard to be a dad and it's uh it's hard to feed your kids. There's the other thing, which is I feel like my wife thinks the train is like this super chill two hours. Like I just like them on an iPad with like headphones and a spl itter, fighting about what they want to watch. Neither of them will like eat their own fucking pizza. I'm feeding it to them like they're birds. Yeah. Sucks. Oh man. Like uh like they're just zombies. Like you know what what's a a good a little cheat code for parents out there. Carrots, I feel like, are very easy. You just just pop them in their hands. And there's something about a carrot, like when they're watching TV, they just eat carrots. I don't know. At least my kids do. Um I'm gonna get the line wrong. But I went, Alexei and I went and saw this play called Fallen Angels in Broadway. And it's an old or you just mean it's a Broadway's classy bro. That's classy. Broadway is classy. Um , but we went because uh Rose Byrne is gonna be on my show and she's in this production and Kelly O'Hara is in this production. Nice and we heard it was really funny. It was so fucking funny. Oh. I mean, written almost a hundred years ago. And I I love that about comedy that like when something's like a hundred years old and you're like is equally funny to anything that is been written today. I often think about like there had to be like really sarcastic people back in the day. Like Jesus' era. There had to be like pretty sarcastic people around too, right? Like it's not like sarcasm was like invented It is a hundred years ago, nineteen twenty-five it was written. And it is um it's so funny. Rose and Kelly are so funny and they get progressively drunker over the course of this one act play. And this is what made me think of it. They are trying every time the maid comes out to serve them, they try to change the subject because they think the maid is eavesdropping. So they just have to come up with things to say to kill time while she's clearing the plate. And one of them says, I've heard the worst part of parenting is the children . That is as funny now. You know what's really funny about that is that like that we would do that for Har at. I remember like like entering a scene with like when we were doing the high five bit where like it's just Rico, Danny McGrath's character just high fiving us over and over and over again. But that sort of thing of like entering a conversation where you're like, What was going on before this? Same thing. Well that was uh I I mean, uh not to bring it back to your movie, but there's that great moment where you hear a line and then there's a flashback to explain why Tim's character would say that Tim Olifant's character. And do you know that that was actually Tim's idea? I only know it from uh was it last week's podcast did you say it or did I hear you say it on uh I probably said it a lot. Um I've been saying a lot of the same thing for last year. I can't believe how many of these screenings you've done. You've done an incredible job. Yeah thank you. Um but there you go. Uh you know, it's just Yoram and I hanging out. Yeah. Finally. Got rid of the rivrav, the Finally. I was uh, you know, again, I said it when I about time it's it was also really uh just kind of fun to see you in person eight months after your fall, see how robust you're It it was so it's so crazy because the the movie actually came out it came out yesterday and that was exactly eight months since since my fall, which is yeah. And then and then throwing out the pitch yesterday. You've been texting with Lauren Michaels based solely on uh the way he's sitting on the Lauren documentary and poster. Yeah. Uh everybody Google the documentary uh the Lauren poster and you texted him, is that how you used to really sit? Yeah. I did. I was trying to annoy him. And then we met in the hotel lobby to go to your screening and I saw the poster was on the wall, so I sat underneath the poster exactly the way he's sitting in the poster. Can we put this in the show notes? And then you texted it to Lauren and said you just came across me sitting like that. I think Lauren appreciated it. I think Lauren does too. I should know Lauren is r is responding to these texts. Oh yeah Dryly, but with uh I think appreciation. Yeah, he's he's a very dry. No, you never get a L O L from Uh You threw out the first pitch at the bets game. Yeah, yeah. I didn't I didn't do it well. Did you see it? No. I was I would just check it. I don't know I I wouldn't call it a pitch, but it it was more of a lob. But I really w I was more committed to the uh celebration afterwards and I wish I had gone on for like a n full minute of celebrating how great I thought I had done. Yeah. But it was really fun. It was uh my whole family came and it was a good time. Did they uh do they play anything on like the screen, the jumbotron, like to be like Yorm work or anything? No, no, they like they played Turtleneck and Chain as my walk-up music because they refused to play Dick in a Box, which I didn't really understand because it would have been nice. Um I was gonna do the walk-up music for DS I guess because Diaz doesn't pitch for them anymore and they're having a bad season, they were like, That might not be the best vibes . Not as a reminder . Yeah. Yeah. Uh well, so Nihonis really wasn't a Q and A, it was sort of three great stories and uh and we appreciate all of them. And uh we appreciate Andy and Keith, even though they're not they're the third and fourth sweetest sweetie pies on the pod. By the way, while this has been going on, Keith has been texting the chat that that he thinks's fucking bullshit. Oh, can we talk about what Keith's doing though and how happy it makes me? Because I think Keith's camping. And I just love picturing Keith's camping. Keith has a dog, which is also hilarious to me. Right. Like very funny. He was calling it Liz's dog for a long time. I think he still does. And then the other thing there's just certain things that Kiev does and I'm like, yes. Uh it was like seeing pictures of Kieve at Liz's like family's like Christmas celebrations where he's wearing he's wearing a a Santa hat and being forced to like sing Christmas carols. And just oh it makes me so happy thinking about like just uh so great. Yeah, they're the Kakowskis are like real salt of the earth, like Americana people. They're not your you fucking Bay Area weirdos where it's like not a butt of communists. You're like the Santa Claus is the kleptocracy . Um oh I the one thing I also I'm just looking at the uh uh one other thing on the chain that went off on the uh should we call our podcast chain the turtleneck and chain? Ooh, that's great. Yeah, the turtleneck and um I got a box sent to my office. Okay. It was addressed to Seth Quaid . So that's how I knew. That's how we knew. And it was just a bottle of sparkling apple juice, which I thought was really nice. That's great. That's great. Oh man. So whoever that was from, uh just know it was uh it was received and uh it delighted us. Um all right, Yorm, uh lovely to see you again. Seeing you in person was a delight. And we're gonna we're just one day closer to the four of us getting together in person. Oh my god. Having a proper meal. And going to England. All right. Enjoy camping, Keith. Enjoy whatever bullshit you're on, Andy. I asked him for a voice note about um whether he got the B today. I will assume the fact that we did not receive one means that he is failing. And love you, Yorm. Love you too, Seth. Jokes on you, Seth, you piece of human dog shit. Because I came in at the eleventh hour right before release of the pot to let you know I did not get Queen Bee. But I'm also not done yet, so I still might get it. It's one of those really unsatisfying chime ins . But anyways, I wonder what you guys talked about on this app. I wouldn't know because I don't listen to podcasts. Alright. Uh shout out shout out Quaid Army and uh I love you guys. Do you want to try ? Oh yeah. Take it away, Arnold. Nope, wait, wait, wait. Well later, Arnold. Later, Arnold. Later Queens