Advice for Those Struggling in Silence

Welcome to the porn reboot podcast where you get practical tips to gaining control over your porn or sex addiction. We help ambitious men end their out of control sexual behavior with pornography, sex and masturbation so that you can maximize your life, perform at your potential, and remain in control in the driver's seat, which is where you have to be in order to gain and maintain the success you want it. I'm your host JK Mmazy, certified sex and porn addiction recovery Cach. Welcome to the episode Bothers, anyone can talk the talk, but not everyone can walk the walk. And that's why here at Porn Reboot where we do walk the walk I'll be sharing every few episodes some snippets of success stories and testimonials from brothers who are in our implementation intensive and in our free groups, and they're going to be sharing some of the results they've been getting. so that this can further inspire you to take action on all the different tips and techniques that you learn while listening to the Born Reboot podcast. Enjoy. What is going on Reboot team? Chris coming at you with yet another testimonial from a brother and the struggle coming to us from our exclusive reboot implementation program. We're going to get to know him a little bit. We're going to get to know his journey and Yeah, we're going to really dive into it today. I like this guy a lot man. I always say this, but I really do. He's really coming along. He asks great questions and he puts in great efforts and he's starting to reap what he's sown up until this point and it's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason. It's only the beginning. So it's a really exciting time From my observation anyway, after working with him for a few months now in his reboot, we're gonna to get to know him a little bit Hackedon, how are you doing today? I'm doing pretty good, Chris. Thank you for all that, by the way. but How are you done I'm good, man. I'm good and I meant every word. and let's, you know Before we dive into anything like Uber specific as far as where you're at now, how you're feeling now and your reboot, I kind of want to know from the very, very beginning, how did you discover the program to start out with? The way that I discovered the program is I mean, actually, I guess through the YouTube channel. I don't think I' ever like explained this before, but like back when and back in like high school, I would like watch his videos, JK' videos and like this goes all the way back to like sophomore year for me in high school. And I remember I thought they were all really interesting. and I was like, I remember he was really cryptic about how he would explain things like he would talk about the program. And he would never mention the price. I remember that. He never like He always mentioned there was a system And I I thought that was pretty cool until I eventually found I mean, I wasn't eighteen at the time yet So skip forward a couple years. I joined the army. I went into training and then By the time I got out, I was eighteen and nine months old. And then I realized that, you know, I need to join this join this program because you know, I just had my biggest street going for me where it was like nine months, no porn or anything like that. so Yeah, I found out that I I needed this program so I end up usings all the money that I made out of training and then I just joined the program after that and those doesn' it. Yeah. That's really interesting because most of the gentlemen that I speak to on a call like this, you know, they're all, you know maybe well into their twenties and you know, When they first discovered the program for the first time, but you were Like you said, still in high school, which is really, really interesting. Obviously, you know, share as much as you're comfortable with sharing, but like, you know What was going on at the time that made you curious about seeking help? I mean, well, okay, so to back up I've been dealing with like a compulsive behavior with pornography for like, I suppose since I was like thirteen years old. so I mean at that point it was only like What? Three or four years compulsive. so I mean Like I mean, I was like, it seems like I was fresh into it all. And I like every time that I like revealed my age to the group it was like, dude, you're nineteen years old. You have like so much ahead of you. I don't know I don't even know how you got into this group And I mean, yeah, I guess that makes sense, but I don't know, like I for I was going to say it, but like, yeah, that was just I mean, I was like obviously struggling in high school with this problem and like, you know, I was basically a trial re rebooter where I'd like, you know go search for answers online and then come up with something new, doesn't work. to try something new again a week later. I was just basically like that until I eventually got out of my training and broke my longest streak or whatever. that's about it. No, I totally hear where you're coming from. I had a very similar approach just in the sense of, you know, try this particular method for a week or two and you know, such and such method over here And then, you know, through deep dive on the internet, perhaps out of a place of desperation, like there's got to be something out there. and curious, you know When you discovered, you know, maybe JK on the YouTube pro the YouTube channel and all that What was the moment like when you finally said, you know what? L, I like what I hear If I'm going to do this, like let's do this. L what was the moment like when you finally said, let's do it? Well, I'd say that the moment that happened was, I think, okay, I was filling out the the implementation like thing or not the call. the like implementation. There's the little form you gott to fill out before you actually join the group And I remember, I think the first time I filled it out, I only filled it out like halfway. And then GT went inad and gave me a call because I put my phone number and whatnot and I think like he saw that it was half submitted. And I told him how I was feeling about things and he kind of did persuade me a little bit, which I'm glad he ended up doing But like I think it was when I realized that I was kind of I might get stuck in the same cycle that I was stuck in like high school. Like JK was already pretty convincing with everything. Like the reason I even got pulled into the YouTube channel is because he was really convincing with like the system and explaining how like, you know, you actually need coping skills and whatnot. And I always thought that was interesting Yeah, I mean I suppose I had a call GT that changed it all, I suppose Yeah, shout out to GT. You know, GT was my reboot strategist when I was first starting out as well. So I completely know What a type of conversation is like, like all your various, Is this really going to work type of thoughts? likeike you is this worth it type of thing? And it's interesting to say that because again, I've literally been in that pair of shoes and now that I sort of see it on the other side, if you will, every single person that you find in the elevator Recovery family has been affected by, you know compulsive behaviors in one form or another You know, we're not just guys that Kn a lot about it. But we're also people that have been there You know, whether you have like myself or Areustus who have literally been in the same program you're in, Gallic. people that have rebooted like people that have actually put in the work. so It's a matter of not just talking the talk, but having walked the walk and continuing to walk the walk, you know So we got you. and and all that has to say, I completely know what you may have felt at that time. And I appreciate you sharing that because I think it's common for guys to, you know, approach a group like this after trying various methods on your own, like this just going to be another quick fix, likeike is this actually going to work But here you are now You know, I'd love to hear about, you know, the types of things you've learned and where you're at right now. Let me just start here. I mean How has the private community, like the private Facebook group been for you so far. What type of value have you received from the private community? I suppose I've always had like a problem with like isolation and of course like trying to like, Hide. parts of myself, you know, because of shame and whatnot And Facebook group and the group in general has just, I mean, I'm still working on it, but I think it's done wonders for the isolation and like the avoidance of like shame. becausecause I have to actually put myself out there. Like if you look in the group, you'll see all these guys that are like making progress and like being extremely open. Like there's people some of these guys are like admitting things that I would have trouble aditting. I'm like, Damn,ud that guy's really strong for that. And I mean, I think it's impressive and I think it actually like it motivates me to want to not hide myself because it makes it so there's the vision of others being being in my same shoes. Like it really just like kind of connects me or like, I suppose just allows me to not have that one sided mindset of shame, you know I completely know what you mean You know, the Facebook community Like you said, it's guys sharing things that perhaps they may not have otherwise shared with just anybody you know, an exclusive Really special group. It's a group of gentlemen that get it, you know, not just on a sense of like, yeah, me too, bro, I've struggled with such and such too. We're all in this program because we're all actively trying to do something about our situation. It's not like it's some, you know, thread on Reddit or something like that, you know, or no Fab forum or whatever. It's like's a we're very, very intentional and that whole thing about isolation, like you said, you know, it's exclusive enough where it's like if someone doesn't share for a while will notice. It's like, yeo, we're haaxeding that. But but To your point, shout out to you, man, because Yeah, it's like when you do share it to the group, it's like you show up. Like you've got things to say, you know And that sense of presence and accountability you know, it's really inspiring to see. And sort of speaking of that, what's your experience been like having accountability partners from the program? I think it's been it's so much different than like how I would go about like, well, I mean, the program in general is just so much different than like I ever would have w things like if I hadn't been in the group Like it's it's almost like My accountability partners is kind of live in the background of my head now. Like I can kind of see like, I don't know, is that kind of strange? but like I completely know what you mean, But but tell me about that becauseuse I mean with accountability, you know, you like say anything like it doesn't even have to just be about like, oh, I just use porn today or whatever, but like say any like kind of happens. You like just immediately the way that I do is I just immediately tell them and it's like It just it kind of just brings me out of the current situation that I'm in say I might be in a bad mood or scrolled on social media for too long and I'll come to the group and I'll be like, Hey guys, I just did this And it'll kind of just pull me out of that situation of like the feelings that I'm currently feeling, you know? It like I don't know and like the visibility for it is like also kind of makes me realize like this is me crossing my boundaries and I need to stop and change up what I'm doing if it continues, you know? But otherther than that, accountability also makes it like Like we are my group personally, like we share our wins together and like Like at the end of every night, we'll share wins We'll share our morning routines and I think it like it builds like kind of a group cohesion for everything that we're working on together, you know. It feels like a solidified group Very cool. Thats that's really, really great. And I love that you guys are focusing on the wins. It's like, yeah, there's a slip up, like you said, it's not a matter of like you blew it, you know, you're back to day one or this or that. It's just like All right, what happened, you know? Like what were you feeling? What led to that? What tools you have to put things in perspective. so actually kind of segue into what have been some of the tools to, you know, help you out so far. Some of the tools that like I've really come to like specific tools like the dialog tool and that rational rational behavior like tool Like all the tools, there's An incredible amount of value you can get out of them if you use them. I remember in my first ninet days, I was using like the feelings exercise. I mean, I ke I kept using it and I like I started having the belief that it wasn't helping as much as it used to And I think that was because I realized that mostost of my feelings are like, K kind of a result of my beliefs. So that's why the rational rational checklist started to like take precedence over like the feelings exercise. if that makes sense, you know? Like I don't know. I still I still like do one every day for my morning routine, but I just don't do them as much as I as like often as I had No, that definitely the dialogue in the rational rat Rational, rational exercise Those are two my favorite. And I mean, there's some other tools. like I mean, I guess accountability is really a tool too. Yeah. absolutely I want to pause you for just a second because you said something that kind of like tickled my ear, I was like, oh, You said run about me one more time how when you were realizing like certain feelings were coming out of certain beliefs. Can you talk a little bit about that? Like when whenever I woke up in the morning, I would either be feeling numb or like just feeling calm And it I kind of got into like a routine of just feeling those two emotions every morning. And eventually, well, I mean, I told the group and one of the brothers said that he does his morning routine like thirty minutes after he wakes up when you can actually have time to do something like shower and That was what I started doing with like my feelings exercise. I kind of, I think I just like stopped getting valued. And you know how everybody's like I mean, how in the first ninety days you kind of just have to try every tool? to understand whether or not you are a good fit for it, I suppose, you know How some brothers will choose tools over others. At this point, I've been I've been in the group for like one hundred and eighty days, so or like over one hundred and eighty days. So like I decided that like the feelings exercise wasn't one that like I got as much value out of because like I would like recognize an emotion and I wouldn't feel like The rational rational exercise like helps me identify both identify it and identify like the belief behind it and whatnot. Does that answer your question or? No, it was an interesting phrase that you used because it brought me back to specific moments in my dialoging and using feelings exercises in a lot of the ways that I would document my feelings sort of sprouted from the way I just believed certain things, you know, certain things I believed about myself or my job or my situation, whatever it was. And I noticed the more progress I made in my reboot, the feelings toward my or whatever it was. It's like I could be tired but not have it like not have that necessarily be a bad thing. You know, it's like I could be dressed, but have at least the confidence in knowing that I had the accountability partners to lean on or the tools to at least kind of like keep things in perspective or I had the go to routines of self care to wind down in a healthy way and chill out, you know So I the way you said that kind of like, you know, spark something. I was like, yeah, I've been there too. I know what that's like. So I thank you for saying that. Yeah. No, that's awesome, man. kind of also a segue, one of the things that also sort of helped me and I would love to hear how it's helped you was Working with the coaches in the program. I'm curious as to what your experience has been like so far with the coaching calls. Like most of my classes have been when the coaching calls were So I would only be I mean, I'd only just like submit questions to like, say, Milan I mean The only coach that I' really like asked questions so far And I mean, I think that it's very useful. I think it's definitely one of those things. You get out with the more you put in Oh ye especially with coaches because I mean, I've only asked him a lot a couple of questions and I think his answers have been like absolutely useful to me. reallyally submitted like a couple questions over the course of like a couple weeks. but imagine if I had like really honed in and like used each one of his coaching calls every week. I mean, but it is definitely one of those things that you get out the more that you put in and like I haven't been able to put in very much during the semester, but yeah Well, I appreciate you saying that. You certainly get out what you put in. ands so true There's a question that I love to ask on a call like this and With what you've learned and with what you've experienced so far I to throw a scenario at you, like let's imagine for a moment someomeone you know, someone who trusts you confides in you about having their own struggles with sexually compulsive behaviors, right and similar you know, in a similar way that you and I know about up until this point, he's been just struggling in silence, really not knowing Wh to talk to, where to turn and kind of on the fence as far as what the next move is, right? Yeah, kind of knowing what you know now and having experienced what you have so far. Is there anything that you would share with this particular person. I mean, I absolutely tell them that I've been there before. Like I mean, based on what you said, like, you know, suffering and silence, I mean, that phrase really resonates with me. It's important for them to understand that like they are not the only one that has gone through that They're not the only one who will go through that And I mean As far as what the next steps would be, I mean, I'd just be like I've been there before You want to know how, like I help myself with my compulsive behavior. I mean, I'd probably I wouldn't try to like sell them the group, but I'd be like, Hey man, I mean, I think she should probably Check this out probably tell them about the coping mechanisms and accountability and whatnot Who knows? I might even end up being their accountability partner if they're close enough I'd absolutely try to like help them understand that they're not alone because I wish someone would have been able to do that for me or like I guess before I joined the program. That's really, really cool, man And if this conversation makes it to the YouTube channel or the podcasts Odds are similar to the way you found this program. This is probably somebody Wh either has a history of compulsive behaviors or currently is struggling right now. so since they're Wing or listening. again, if this makes it to the, you know, podcast or channel Is there anything you'd like to share with them directly? I'd probably say you're not alone I mean, just to like piggyback off of understand There's people out there who've Absolutely been there That's just something that really resonates with me. so I'd kind of like to resonate with someone else trouble with this problem. Not alone. It sounds so simple, but I know that that is something that is S somethingomething that resonates with me. You can hear it a hundred times, but It's well worth a reminder every single time The more personal something feels, the more universal it actually is particularly with a world like this. I've been there, you know, Hackson has been there and proof that there is hope So Hackson, thank you for shhining some light on the fact that hope exists, the that ope exists, I'm proud of you and your progress so far. And like I said at the beginning of the call, this is just the beginning. This is great, dude. thank you so much for your insight and your time I'm JK, your brother in this struggle. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Porn Reboot podcast. I'll speak to you later on in the week. If you found this episode helpful, here are four ways I can help you with your out of control sexual behavior for free. The first way is to grab a free copy of my book, Confessions of a porn addict, Seven Secrets of porn Freeemen at elevatedrecovery. org or visit the link in the description below this episode. The second way is if you're not sure where to start, but you'd like to learn more about my team and I If you'd like to spend time with like minded professionals and business owners who are controlling their behavior, then join our free and confidential group, the Porn Reboot Group on Facebook. There's a link to join in the description below this episode. The third way is if you need help right now because you have a burning issue, your behavior with pornography is hurting you Mentally or emotionally, you're about to lose your relationship, you want to live up to your potential, be an authentic man and free yourself from shame, guilt, and underachieving. then click on the link in the description below this episode that says free coaching call. And the fourth way is to leave us a five star review if you enjoy this podcast so that we can reach more men who are struggling in silence and bring back the lessons we learn from coaching them to freedom