Managing Emotions and Career Success

to you by the everyvery dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Normal is broken, common sense is weird, so we're here to help you transform your life from the Ramseay network in the Fairwinds Credit union studio. This is the Ramsay Show. I'm Dave Ramssey, your host, doctor John Daloneoney, Ramseay personality, number one best selling author, host of the doctor John Daloneoney showow, my co host today. Open phones here at tri eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two five Jackson, New York. Hi Jack. how are you I'm doing very well. How are you, Dave? Better than I deserve. How can we help today Oh, hope you can help me. My mother after dad died, went on a series of cruises And as you may or may not know, on cruise ships They have art auctions where basically you're buying overpriced art after you've had a few drinks and everything And my mother on a series of six cruises spent one point one million dollars on cruise ship ars You can't get into a house. There's so much cruise ship art. in the bedrooms and everything. My brother and I are trying to sell it at auctions and stuff We're only getting ten cents or twenty cents on the dollar. And I know you, good folks have seen it all. I thought maybe you could give me a suggestion or something This is a new one for me, Jack. Well done, brother. Wow. Wow That's why disturbing. Yeah So how many cruises I believe six or seven cruises and she kept it from the family. I mean, like you you guys guys didn't go inside of her house for six or eight months Oh no, we would go in and we saw some art there, but she had it in the garage And after time went on, it got worse and worse. So we did see some of it when we went into our house. And we said, okay, mom's spending five or six grand. She's worth a lot of money once I have a little fun Th then she just kept doing it and we kept trying to get her to stop, but she would just disappear and go on cruise ships and keep buying all this stuff Is she is she Is she broke now Good question. She has she's living comfortably as opposed to super comfortably. So she's getting by. She's not worried worried where next meal's coming from, but the little extras that's where, you know, she's struggling with. Yeah,'re not there's not another million dollars to buy art with No, thank goodness, No, there is not. Does she recognize she has a problem She did towards the very end And we had no idea she was spending that kind of money. Again, we thought it's not good, it's sloppy. but she saved all her life. She was a use the same tea bag twice type of person. And she just I think she lived with her parents, got married to my father who would have squashed it in two seconds. How long passed away How long after he passed did this go on started about I'd say, a year and a half to two years after he died So this was her Wicked weird way of grieving And I'm sorry. I you know, I've been on cruise ships. I've seen those art auctions. I purched precisely zero dollars and that stuff U I'm not an art critic. I don't know anything about art Nor would I know where to move it Um You know, what I would do is this It is do you do you Well, I get is she mentally incompetent or just was just dumb Oh I think she was just done. She had it's almost like her Because otherwise, I mean, like if she met with her medical doctor, he would say she was in her right mind. She was just grieving in a very inappropriate way Well, she was remarried at the time or to Ho, but he just didn't do want He just didn't do anything. He's kind of he's kind of not the type of guy that would tell her what to do. And keep in mind That was her money. My father, it was their money to get. Yeah, I got that. I got that But still. I mean, if you love somebody and they're doing something stupid, you stand between them and stupid But so Bozo has no backbone. All right The only thing that pops into my head and I have no idea is if I were you guys, I would get in touch U with the cruise line and try to work your way into the publicity side of the cruise line or the customer service side of the cruise line and say, um, you know, Here's what has happened on your cruise line. Was it all on one line U I think so. Yeah they two different but it's the same company down. And I would just say here's what's happened on the line. So we have a widow here that you all accidentally took extreme advantage of We're not saying there was malicious intent on the part of the creuise, but the cruise just took a million dollars from her for art that's not worth a million dollars And we're going to ask you to buy it back and put it on the cruise ship and to resell it. and make your money back as a PR decision Okay because you don't really want me telling the whole world on social media that your cruise line took a million dollars from a widow. and I'm getting ready to And I honestly don't think you guys did it on purpose, but I do think you need to do something about it because you should have had some kind of checks and balances in place because you've got widows and old people cruising with you every day. And if you guys are taking advantage of the other people at this level, Even if you don't mean to, you should stop it It's wrong. And so like if my company had done this accidentally, we would probably consider at least at some percentage, fifty percent or something, taking the inventory back in and trying to help the lady out because obviously she's out of control and we were contributing knowing it, but we were contributing if my company did that. or One thing about our company is we want people to be better off after they've been with us than before. And if we find out somebody was exponentially worse off, right? Yeah, we would try to help fix that. But and I do honestly, I You know, it's not like it's a gambling thing. So if it's a gambling and your name shows up on the watch list of problem gambler, they shut you down and keep you from gambling. But they don't have that for art auctions. especially on a cruise ship, right. so it' there's no way to there's no database to They should have been accessing to protect them. I mean, it's just a customer. they got millions of customers and this customer just liked art. And so our cruise ship art in particular But also wasn't well or healthy at the time. Yeah I'm going to ask for some mercy from thecy. Yeah. And I'm not going to do it with accusing you guys of having done something wrong, but I am going to say the net result is you caused something wrong to happen. and we're going to ask for some help Yeah If she it's a new wrinkle that she's remarried. If she wasn't married, I would Jack I would I would get with you and your siblings and sit down with mom and say, we would like to take ownership of your finances. We want to help out from here on out. And we'll make sure you got a roof over your head. We'll make sure this money is managed well It's complicated now that she's got a new spouse that they may want to co manage that together or whatever. but I would sit down and at least offer the help you can. I've never I mean, I've heard I've never heard this one. I'veen hundreds of thousands of dollars on shhopp network.ure, yeah. Sen They're sitting lonely. Yeah and just keep calling so they can talk to somebody and buying whatever stuff. They got a basement full of stuff they don't need. I've seen that multiple times over the years. The art auction on the cruise ship, this is the first one.ere's the one? thirty five years. You got to have a new one every day You know, when I became a dad, something flipped. Suddenly, it wasn't just about me and my wife anymore, It was what happens to my family if I'm not here tomorrow And things like that just hit different when you become a parent But I'll be honest, making a will feels heavy and complicated, and it's not exactly what I want to be doing with my time off. But here's the deal, being a parent means doing the hard stuff, especially stuff that protects your family. And that's why I use mama bear legal forms. No hassle, no lawyers, just a simple online tool that help me create a legit will in about twenty minutes So it's pretty much painless. pllus I added a notch to my dad belt right there between installing car seats and bedtime stories. Listen, being a dad never stops. and making a will is how you make sure your family's covered even when you're not there So get your will done today at mamaarleegalforms dot com and use the promo code Ramsey to save twenty percent off when you check out. Again, that's mama Bearleegalforms dot com promo code Ramsey Heidi's in San Antonio, Hi, Heidi, how are you Hi'm doing well. Thank you for taking my call. Sure, what's up Well, we are done with baby sts one, two, and six And we've been now with those for more than four years now, plus we have about a three month saved for an emergency fund For the last four years, we've been stuck and not able to save it all and don't really see any possibilities of moving on to step four. u our kids are out of the house, which is at least We don't have a payment in the world No. And you're stuck Yes, sir Where's all the money going Well, we don't have a mortgage, but you can call paying for our two kids private school mortgage because it is almost a fourth of our takeick on pay Well, that's where it is Yeah, that's where that is. and I mean, what is your household income monthly Annual leave him monthly. I don't care Well, annually, we have about just about one hundred thousand dollars. And twenty five thousand dollars is going to private schools which leaves seventy five thousand dollars with no payments. Correct. minus food and lights and property taxes Yeah, and a lot of gas, we live about thirty five minutes from anything. so we spend a lot of. Not that much gas. There's not seventy thousand dollars worth of gas. Yeah Where's it going for real? D all budget it out Yes, sir, we do. We did the FPU about ten years ago and so we're not using the app, but I do on our computer a monthly budget And we pretty much stick to it besides We have had some medical bills that we've had to pay U And yes, I would say probably over five hundred, six hundred dollars a month probablyrobably more than that we're paying towards medical things Ces out Yeah I am, I have lyes And also my husband, we've had all kinds of things I hadad to have surgery and missed out on two months of work this year So that that's this year What tellell me about the private schools 'Cause twenty five thousand dollars for two private school tuitions, either that's very inexpensive private schools or that's not the real number Is it more than twenty five thousand a year Well, we have a partial tuition grant. So right now We're paying about When I said a quarter of is it a quarter of our take home pay besides you whatever's taken out the paycheck, which includes some dental and that kind of thing. But we're paying right now hundred dollars a month for both of the girls to go And you have but because you've got some kind of a subsidy, is that? what you're saying? Oh, yes, sir. Yes sir. Okay. We have a little bit of a grantch. the math isn't math and for me. and it may be me But I can't make the numbers work A hundred thousand dollars is eight thousand three hundred dollars a month So you should be taking home R around seven thousand bucks, six thousand five hundred to seven thousand dollars not counting health insurance and not accounting for one K Putting money in four hundred one K No, sir, we're not.re Okay. What are you getting home with? six thousand five hundred, seven thousand U About six thousand six hundred. Okay. goodood guess, Dave. And ye. so minus four thousandteen hundred Yes, sir minus food and lights and car gasoline for a thirty five mile drive So let's say that's two thousand dollars a month There's still thousands of dollars missing in this discussion U Well, I can give you some of our biggest line items You know, we do tithes every month. We've got our we set aside for property taxes. We got our we do medical needs sharing ministry, which is that's about eight hundred dollars a month U So you you're not purchasing health insurance at work then. Correct. Okay No problem with any of that. That still doesn't get you there Yeah. Well, we can add in some of our other items. likeike you said, like electricity, homeowner's insurance. Internet, phone Like I said, we don't eat out I'm looking down our budget to see some of our bigger line items I mentioned the medical staff But why why have you m not I'm not debating it, but since the largest item in the budget so far is still what you started with and what you led with and that's private schools. Why have you made the decision for private schools and We really enjoy and value the education that our girls are getting at the school where they go And I totally support that, but could they each not earn seven hundred dollars a month Well, they're nine and thirteen. So Oh, I thought you said the kids were out of the house. I'm sorry. Oh no, no, no.. So so you value the education, the quality of the education or the content of the education? both. both at a very good school and we see the way the seniors turn out when they leave the school. and and they have a really good portraures of the scene are there The thing you have to own is you're making a values based decision. on We want our kids to maybe look like this kind of senior someday And we want to have no retirement we won't have no savings I mean, at some point there's a math problem and it's it's a very uncomfortable decision to look at, hey, we don't want to buy insurance through our business. We want to do this ministry sharing program. Okay, That's a choice you can make. All of these things here are choices We want to drive an F two hundred fifty instead of a Prius. L all these things are choices. We want to live way out in the country because we like that life instead of selling our house and maybe moving closer town. All of these things at some point Medical iss not a choice. food It sounds like it's not choice, aren't extravagant. But these other things are choices. And I'm still not finding it all. I'm not either. but you have to balance we're choosing this over this I think Dave one of the illusions is Um, I should be able to do everything I want D Regardless of how muchoney I've got in front of me and It's just not the way it works. It's just it's just not I say this with in all of the great.an you imagine ra she would be If they had two car payments, a student loan and a mastercard payment like most people. Correct. ye. bankrupt Yeah,'d be over. it'd be over. And they make a hundred thousand dollars a year. Right. See, that's what doesn't compute. ye There's something there's something off Um, so uh Yeah. I think you guys are making it you are making choices, but there's also Some kind of a mystery here in the budget. And I would want you to sit down with your spouse and the two of you look at this budget very, very carefully and say, okay, we're starting with eight thousand three hundred and thirty three dollars a month. That's one hundred thousand dollars a year, minus taxes. We're getting home with six thousand six hundred. And then after we pay property tax and lights and water and food and transportation, here's what we have left. And here's what we're choosing to do with what we have left And is that what we want to choose? Is that what we want to choose? And and that's what you've got to decide So I don't hear extravagance. No. I just can't fill up all the thousand dollars holes I have in the math while I'm working with you here I can't get there. I got six thousand six hundred minus fourteen hundred minus property taxes minus, you know, food and lights and water And minus eight hundred minus the tithe of sixty six hundred and sixty bucks And u you know, and so or maybe your're tithing on the gross eighty three eight hundred and thirty bucks. Okay, either one Still not there It's still not down to zer And I don't hear massive amounts of waste or something. I just don't know what it's going to And Usually when I'm having these discussions, I can keep talking and all of a sudden a twelve hundred dollars car payment appears and I know what's going on. But I've not found that in this discussion. I can't not I'm sorry I wasn't able to be more help But that's the thoughts I have on what you guys are facing, Heidi I would dig further into it And then as John said, consciously make the choices of system. 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The everyvery dollar app will make you accountable for every dollar every month and you'll place those dollars with personal coaching, customized plans, exactly where they need to be placed on the baby steps to get you out of debt the fastest. and into wealth The fastest Download it for free on the App Store or Google Play every dollar Jordan is in Houston. Hey, Jordan, how are you I'm doing well. How are you guys doing? Better than I deserve. How can we help? So Me and my wife we got married a year and a half ago, and her parents very generously paid for the wedding but a kind of a piece of fine print that I was unaware of when The offer to do that was that any dollar that we spent above what they had allotted we would back to them. and so and I was essentially uninolved with the planning of the wedding and wasn't aware of that. And so Pretty quickly after we got married, we got a bill sent to us for a few thousand dollars that You know, they've told us, Hey, there's no interest on it. pay it back when you can But as we're starting to we recently purchased a car in cash from a member of my family, which has kind of resurfaced this conversation with my wife of What's our plan for paying this off? And her parents have had a lot of conversations with her about it, but never with me. And so I was just going to ask for help how to move forward with this You said it was in the fine print. So did your wife know U need Did know. Okay, then pay it off Stop the conversation here off. today Okay Like you' it's costing you all mental calories. It's going to cost your relationship and Like I consider all day in Pontificate like man, it was not cool to get a bill from your But that was that was the handshake agreement they made with their daughter. How much is it? Yeah How much did she How much did your wife go over budget on your wedding A little over four thousand dollars. Okay, and you've paid how much so far A few hundred, maybe five hundred. And what's your household income one hundred and forty thousand. Okay, write them a check today. Your wife made her parents a promise. And lesson learned We don't do any deals that we don't both know about ever, particularly with your freaking parents who are Pharisees Got it. No more money deals with your parents, honey. ever word becausecause this is this is awkward, strange, weird. But She did the deal write the check. And it may be her parents are struggling and they stretched and did whatever. and they're just weird Four grand. Who sends a bill their kid for four grand I mean I know. I'm trying to be generous. I'm not We've had three of them get married and the budgets were horrendous and they stuck to their budgets. and we laid out the budget ahead of time. We agreed to fund it. and if it went over that, they came out of their pocket with it. We didn't come out of our pocket. They didn't go over. They stuck to the budget. It was generous. They had a great wedding. We had big parties. We love doing it. I love big parties I love weddings and babies and Grandkids and all the things that happen when you have weddings, it's all awesome. Go do all of it parents. Seriously. And kids, don't make a deal like this and not tell your spouse, your fiance, Oh, I promised my dad forty thousand dollars back. Oops, I forgot to tell you. Thank God is only four. Right ight And you make one hundred and forty grand, right the check today Yeah Say sorry it took so long. Not worth it. It'll never happen again. And I promise you it'll never happen again because we will do no more money deals with you people ever. because you didn't bother to include me and you should have in that discussion. That's the parent. That's on the parents. You you think so I think it's on the. Absolutely. they should have included her. I promise you, if I'm looking at Rachel Cruz going if you go over this, you got to pay. I'm going to look at Winston and say andh, by the way, she's going to be your problem. That's fair. It's gonna be Yalls P man up, right I did tell him that, but it wasn't about money. Yeah Winon, she's going to be your problem now He reminds me of that c. Yeah, sometimes Winst's sitt on fr porion and he's like, man, it's my problem ' see Dr.or Delonei. Randy's in Shreport. What's up, Randy? Do good, doing good. How are you, Dave? Better than I deserve. What's up Okay, so it' give you kind of a backdrop. So I retired last year in March at the age of sixty three And my mother passed away in May of that same year. Oh. And she willed She willed her farm. too me and my sisters, there are no other names within that whel other than my sisters and m Um, So now, I'm just beginning to get on social security. She's been on social security for a long time And with the earnings cap and IrmA and everything else How do we can we secure the farm in a trust so we don't get hit with capital Zain tee Are you going to sell it U More than likely, yes. Well, your basis in the property is its market value at the time your mother passed away one year ago Okay. Okay. So what was the farm worth America Okay, so m Parter was recently reappraised by the county. No the county do at the time she What do you think? What do you think the farm is really worth? The countounty is a tax assessment. That's not an actual value. That's a just assessment for taxes. It's not an appraisal. What do you think if you were going to put it on the market, what would you put it on the market for probably around one male Okay, wasas it worth more than a million last year when she passed Probably not. Probably not. Yeah Probably wasnt it wasn't worth seven hundred thousand and went up three hundred in one year, right Yeah, actually the appraisal went from three hundred thousand to seven hundred thousand in one year. That's the tax assessment It's not the real estate market. That is not a real appraisal Hear me Your tax assessor does not give you accurate values, Zillow does not give you accurate values. You have to get an actual appraisal on the property. And and you could do that based on a year ago. So here's the thing. let's pretend for a second that the farm a year ago was worth a million dollars and the farm today is worth a million dollars. and you sell it for a million dollars. You have zero taxes. You've had no gain because your basis in the property for purposes of calculating capital gains and the gain is over the the amount over the basis, your basis is the value, the market value, not the tax assessor, not Zillow, the real appraisal at the time of death And it's only been one year And it's a farm in Louisiana. It's probably not gone up in value hardly at all in one year Maybe a little bit, but not much. And if it did, it's probably going to get eaten up with saing selling cost anyway. So you need to see your tax professional and if you don't have one, just go to Ramsysolutions. com What I would do is sell it and I would claim that it was sold for market value and there was zero game. If you're ever audited, you'd have to go back and have an appraisal done at the time of death and compare that to the actual sale price to prove that there was no actual gain But I don't think you have any gain If you had one hundred thousand dollars gain, it's only fifteen thousand dollars worth of taxes ot that big a deal. And this is news to me. I'm glad you're teaching me this. So if she had sold that farm right before she passed, she would have had to pay taxes, capital gains on all the growth from when she got it. Exactly But if she held ono and passed its it's called a stepped up basis. Okay. So you when you inherit a capital asset, stock, property, anything else The basis goes from mom's old basis to zero, which was all the way up to market value basis. And so if you sell a stock You know grandpa left me a million dollars in exxon stock and he had only twenty thousand dollars in it. You pay zero tax if you sell it within a few months of grandpa's death. 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You get a high yield savings account, a no fee checking account, and the Ramseay B weird debit card. Go to fairwinds. org slash Ramsay to learn more and make the switch today. That's fairwinds. org slash Ramseay, inssured by the NCUA Jane is in North Carolina. Hi, Jane. how are you try again. Hey, Jane, how are you I'm doing good. Hi Good. What's up? What's up Hey, so my question today is how do you decide when it's worth spending money to improve your quality of life versus staying in a situation that helps you reach your financial goals faster So my boyfriend and I are credit deb our credit card debt free. We've been working on that for a while, and now we're trying to save for our future And we currently live at his mother's beach house Originally, we were supposed to stay there for free while we paid off debt and saved But his father passed away and we started paying the mortgage instead The payment is pretty reasonable. We could probably pay about the same to rent elsewhere, but the problem is is it's a revolving door. It constant family is coming down to visit. It does not feel like home and I'm over it and So to move out to a rental, we have to spend thousands on deposits, moving costs, which feels like setting our goals back But so financially, it's smarter to stve, but emotionally, I r want out You sound like someone that's married, but you're not. Yeah Yeah marriage, it's really tough. We've been in a very like debt paying off debt mindset. We don't need to be doing anything. We aren't married Yeah, like this is a weird thing. you've locked yourself in a cage but the lock is on the inside Yeah We don't need to be paying off debt. You need to be paying off your debt. He needs to be paying off his debt And you don't need to be putting up with his family and his drama and like You give what I'm say, We aren't married You have a roomm mate Yeah. And his family And his family coll All the time morally, you have a roommate Yeah Yeah you know, we're moving towards marriage. It's just it's hard to spe It's hard to even comprehend a wedding or like a ring or anything when we have been like, you know, we just paid off thirty thousand dollars in debt And we have our one thousand dollars saved, which just we don't You don't understand, honey, You're not married. You don't have anything. Here's the other side of this. You have a b you have a you're paying off debt with your roommate You are so vulnerable and and so unaware of how vulnerable you are in this situation That's it. He just pulls up stakes and leaves. You know what you are? screwed Yeah Or if he says, this is my family's house, I'm never going to leave. I don't care how feel or babe. Yeah, get out And you're screwed. You've been paying off his credit card debt calling it we. You ain't know we. You've been paying down his family's beach house Mortgage you have no he So okay, and this is the way we set it up. So he pays for all of our living expenses including the mortgage and All of that and I pay the debt His de. his dead You're paying your roommate's debt while he pays his mother's mortgage. You are so exposed right now. That's what I'm trying to say A you really very And you really think I've lost my mind when you have What do you recommend that I do? I recommend y'all quit acting like a wee unless you get married this weekend I'm dead serious. You are so vulnerable, honey. You're scaring me to death for you. If you were my niece, I'd come get you out of that house. and tell you to put Bozo on the street till he puts a ring on it M You are so vulnerable. You think about how much money of his debt have you paid off Well, I'd say we were about like fifty fifty. We had about thirty thousand like fifteen you know, rough numbers. fifteen of that being mine, fifteen of that being him. and he puts you on the street. You know what you get Nothing, honey Zero. Yeah zero.. You catching? this is this is vulnerable. And listen Dave and I would not have jobs if everyone's magical plans always worked out Yeah. You know what I mean? And so I don't want to wish y'all allll. I hope it all works out. I hope he marrires you this weekend. that'd be awesome. But I only have a job because it never works out like that Or that's not true. It sometimes does, but it often doesn't. Yeah. All the times that it doesn't is why we get to do what we do, which is sad for us. Yeah. and people that we love like you, we're scared for you And so u Yeah. So what you all need to do is you need to have different housing arrangements and you need to separate E thing in your lives until you're married. because you are completely vulnerable So You think I should remove out? Yes.. Here's why. you started this call by saying, I can't do this anymore. Yeah. And guess what? He didn't call. You did. Yeah Like you calling and telling two guys to care about you. Hey, I'm not okay And the man who says, I want to spend my life with you, we'll just do it later. doesn't have that same care for you, That's a flag for me. That's a big red flag for me And I, you know, so Even if you're going to shack up folks Keep everything separate. Don't sign leases together. Don't buy cars together don't pay each other's bills. I mean, just decide who's gonna to buy the mustard. That's it. You know, okay, the lunch meets mine, the muster jurers. will'll share that. okay, But I mean, but everything, you know, do not get on these deals together because the number of times someone has called in here and said, o, well, you know, I can't find my old boyfriend that I used to live with after I bought him a car and I'm on the note. and the notes in my name and the carars in my name, but I can't find him or the car. where I paid off all of his debt then He left me How dod I get that money back? I got pregnant and he didn't like that. So he left me with a kid Oh, that one we get all the time Right. Yeah You are so vulnerable. Yeah Y'all are just acting like you're married. You're not married but so legally and relationally, you're not prepared to be married, but you're paying his debt I mean, this when you just say this out loud, it sounds Cay cray. R And and to answer your bigger question, multiple times and me and my wife Working to get out of debt We took steps backwards for not debt wise, but we did say, hey, we need to move to this place and here's what that cost is going to be. and here's what the ROI on that move is going to be. We did actually do that twice And so I didn't see that as a step back. I took that I saw that as a necessary move to get us where we wanted to go. R. So sometimes that's part of it.. So this the speechusted if you were married and you called with the exact same call, the speech chusted didn't turn out like as promised. Yeah because sadly, he lost his dad. Yeah And so now your mom your mother in law, your future, mother in law Uh, maybe. is in trouble and probably needs to sell the beach house, right becausecause you guys aren't gonna to pay the payment anymore. And and so she's going to have to and and then all the other people who are coming and visiting all the time are going to have to and all that stuff. But you the deal changed and so the deal changed. deal changed. Yeah. So I had a roommate in college named Jeff. We're friends to this day. I talked to him last weekend Um I never paid any of his debt And I like Jeff. Yeah He's a good guy. I mean, I'm still like forty years later, we still talk. I like Jeff But I never paid any of his debt This is the rule. Don't pay Jeff' deebt. That's the rule On your fortieth anniversary of tootal money makeovers be a new chapter called Don't pay Jeff deb. That's it. That's what we're going to call it. and poor Jeff's going gonna get thrown under the bus, but I'll call him I'll call him and tell him to watch for the bus it's coming. Yeah bloom blom. Yeah. So bus tracks. I had friends and roommates in college that helped me out when I was in a hard spot who might cover the rent for a few months, who might be like, dude, I'll Don't hay me back for dinner tonight That's called being a friend We never got into, Hey, dude, I'm going to buy you a car and I'll just put my name on the noteP you drive it. Just pay me back later. You pay the rent and I'll pay for your car. Yeah, yeah. We don't have those discussions with your roommate because you're vulnerable That's why But when you're married The law says everything is combined. and morally, legally, spiritually, everything's combined hours, we, we, we, we, wee wee. But when you're not married, there's no weei. Yeah. That's not it's not happening. You're not French It's not we. We we. It's not French. Okaykay? You're not married So you guys are getting yourselves in so much trouble, all of you out here doing this. And I know I'm pissing all of you off because youall always write all these eight meal to me. Don't tell me I need to be married. Well, then don't listen to the show Because I'm going to tell you to be married because it's the best way you end up with a strong net worth and a high quality of life. You live longer, your life is better. kids have a better outcomes. Everybody involved wins Let me tell you what I get asked all the time. When Should I get? Term life insurance. How much do I need? Is it affordable? Those are the right questions to be asking. So let's take a quick review. The fact is term life isn't a baby step. So if anyone is dependent on your income, you need to have ten to twelve times your income in life insurance now, and most people are surprised by how affordable term life really is Even if you're not in perfect health. Look, I understand the hesitation since most insurance companies make it more of a hassle than it needs to be. Not Xander insurance. They're not an insurance company. They're broker that works for you. That means they'll shop and compare the top term life companies to find the most competitive options on the coverage for your Family For almost thirty years. I've recommended Xander for straight answers competitive rates and coverage that actually protects your family. Call eight hundred three five six forty two eighty two or go to Zander d. com for a quick and easy quote. That's Zander dot comot Welcome back to the Ramsy showhow in the Fair Winds Credit Union studio. doctor John Deloneoney, Ramsy personality is my co host. Karen is with us in Orlando. Hi, Karen. How are you Hey, I'm great. Thank you for taking my call. I'm just going to dive right in. My mom's been in skilled nursing and she's going to need to go into a nursing home and she doesn't have any assets other than a fully paid for home I'm working with an attorney for Medicaid eligibility, and in Florida, certain types of property are not counted towards Medicaid eligibility, including her home. And attorneys have some really unique creative options to protect that asset My mom has asked me not to let the system take her money and I should do what is best for myself, husband and little boys. And at the same time, she doesn't have an opinion on what avenue to do for her assets I would love to hear your perspective on if I should sell her home to pay for her care. or do what she ask which is Medicaid and I use the asset to do what is best for my family. then It's the latter, I'm not really sure what would be best from a Ramseay perspective. Well, you need to understand that Medicaid is welfare It is nursing home in this case provided by the welfare system for people that are poor M And if you go visit a Medicaid provided nursing home and you go visit a different nursing home that you might buy with cash, you will see a different experience Just like if you go visit subsidized housing and welfare, or you go visit a private residence, you will experience something different. Okay. I understand. This is the DMV. of nursing homes. And so if you can't do anything but be on the street and it's the only way she can get carried because she's poor, that's fine But it was my mom I would use her house money to take care of her at a higher quality of care. Okay even even if it goes against what she's ld me to do. Well She she's under the illusion that the system is taking her money It's not. If you go to a restaurant, And you buy a meal and you give them money, the system didn't take your money. If you go to a nursing home and you give them money to take care of you, the system didn't take your money, you bought a service The system and she's also under the illusion that her quality of care at Medicaid is the same level as it is in private care and it's just not. M Is the difference in welfare or not? And so if you go visit these nursing homes, I think you'll come to the same conclusion. Okay, okay, I got it. How much is the house worth The House of Worth about After realaltor and closing fees, we will show net about two hundred fifty thousand Okay That's not going to go along the way. How's her health? Well she's seventy five. So she's an average health her challenges in mobility, so she'd probably outlive that Mhm. Is this all she has Yeah, this is this is all she has Yeah. So you know, the average nursing hom stay Once someone goes into full care, it's two and a half years That's the average, which means that some go longer and some go less, obviously, right And so a lot of people are there six months and they're gone U but their, but it's also in that case, their last stop and their health was already on the decline more than hers that brings the average down. You follow me. So , you know, you probably have a three or a four year exposure, something like that And so that means you've got a maximum of a seventy thousand dollars spend per year I understand. Yeah. So go go shopping and look at this. The good news is you're in Florida and there is a wide array of options It's almost overwhelming. Yeah overwhelming. Is she in need of full time live and care Yes, where she is at right now, there's she needs two people to assist with even transferring from a bed to a wheelchair or from a wheelhair to the toiletight So it's interesting that somehow And this is just something for you to consider philosophically, and you can mix this in the bucket with my answer But somehow in your mom's mind and in a lot of people's mind in America The nursing home, when I go into a nursing home, they steal my money Mhm Like it's the system took my money. was the phraser mom used. Don't let the system take it all Okay, as if Nursing home care would just appear at the end of a rainbow somehow magically without paying for it And so it's you know, its it's like any other service. If you want your car to be worked on, you pay the mechanic If you want someone to provide care in your home or you know, clean your home for you, your maid service, you pay them And but the and no one looks at those people and says the system took my money But if you own a nursing home, you're evil and you're taking old people's money. Dave, I This is just a Just aloney. I have a nagging fear in my spirit. I'm hearing more of these calls where there is this reckoning happening I'm seventy one. I'm seventy two Umm, eighty one I'm staring down the barrel of ten years, twenty years to go. and I got nowhere tove. Or in this case, I've got family members who They don't want me to move into their back bedroom, but there's no another option. It's either that or a we' use up two hundred fifty thousand dollars for it Yeah. Yeah, whichich we're going to do. Yeah. But's a it's a I just thought this would thing would happen and it's not Well, it's u You know If you got a million dollars in our mutual fund, all of a sudden the problem goes away. otherwards is what you're saying. becausecause you've been investing in your four hundred one K for the last twenty five years. That exact moment. Yeah. just so that you can retire and not have to have your daughter have this heart wrenching decision. Okay, am I going to burn through the two hundred fifty and she's still alive? That's what's running through her mind right now? Absolutely. And so, you know, and so if I do seventy a year, I got three and a half years And then we got to look at what we're going to do. Now you may have to go to Medicaid because you' broke but um, That's what and Yeah, you're right. the um If you're twenty two and you're listening to this call, This is why you get out of debt and invest money Yeah. so that you've got options in these situations. You know, we've gone so far. I never even thought about it that much. Um because in our world, it's almost like assumed that at some point you're going to spend some time in a nursing home You know, you kind of think about that And I never thought about it one way or the other. you know, but now that I'm getting old, it's starting to come to me. know I'm sixty five. So what do I do? And so Sharon and I, we just figured it out. We don't have to go ire, bringing I got a pile of money Yeah. So I'm just gonna hire like a medical butler live with me Move in the spare bedroom I got a spare bedroom. I got already got one of those beds that leans up, you know? So that's just for the snoring. But the you know, I mean, so all I got to do is have a really like a twenty four hour schedule and have a nurse. And so if Sharon's out of it, I'm just going put somebody in the house and take care of her and I'll be there too. I don't have to care for her by myself and lift her when I'm not able or vice versa, you know, that kind of stuff. I don't have to deal with all that. I'll just hire somebody, J just put a butler in there We'll just turn the place into Downton Abbey, you know and Um Rring a little bell, you know, I mean, why not? It It's actually gonna I've actually run the budget out it's cheaper than a nursing home. Yeah. And I can buy medical equipment too. You can buy it. it's for sale. I mean, what do I need? Just put me one of those little drip things in there. I can put it in there, you know? can just sell it's just turn the Ramsy house into a little little nursing home. Sellll it on Facebook Marketplace. Yeah Why not? Here's what nobody warns you about. You're behind on payments, you signed up with some debt settlement company, you're making your monthly payments to them. And then one morning, a process server knocks on your door. Surprise, you just got sued by a creditor. 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If missed private student loan payments are keeping you from making progress toward your goals, Yrefi may be able to help you explore refinancing with a low fixed rate and a payment you can manage. Visit whyrefi dot com slash Ramsey That's the letter Y R fY dot com slash Ramsey might not be in all states. Today's question comes from Carissa in Washington Charissa writes, my husband and I have been married for ten years. I earn ninety thousand dollars a year and he makes about fifty thousand dollars a year. We have joint bank accounts and we owe less than two hundred and twenty grand on our mortgage I want to put our extra money into a savings account to prepare for a future family But he spends thousands of dollars each month on fast food He has a binge eating disorder and ADHD. If we can't agree on a food budget and he's unable to make changes regarding how much he spends on eating out, is this justification for splitting up our bank accounts? I love him dearly, but fear that contributing my paycheck towards his eating out every meal enables him to make poor choices and takes away from planning for our future Um I guess we Dave where I would start with this is u the words she writes, he is unable to make changes That's where I would pause. And I would say he's unable or unwilling to go get the help he needs to make the changes. And that to me is the big red flag Um But yeah, if you have somebody in your family who is who is for any number of reasons is out of control. pututting your family at risk or harm. yes, you have to protect yourself and have to protect your family But that's because That's not because we're going to separate the accounts so I can act like this doesn't happen. No. No, it's separating the accounts because I'm getting ready to divorce you. Yeah. O I've got to protect myself and protect each other By the way, if he truly has is has disorders and emotional or psychological dysregulation and he Um Qote unquote you say can't control himself, but is unwilling to go do the work he needs to do He's going to start racking up debt It's going it's you taking the money away is not just going to stop this problem There'll be other ways he's going to go get it unless he goes and gets the help that he needs. That's the real question here is So separating your accounts to not deal with your husband's problems is not a plan or to try to get him to do something different. Yeah. No. No. inststead Deal with the problems. Right. I'm going to force you to deal with these problems. It's a condition of us staying together R Be you can't continue to do cocaine and be my husband. Yeah, in this case, I'm not gonna to watch my husband. I can't sit here and watch you die. And so I love you enough to say Let's go invest in the help you need But yeah, you've got to keep yourself safe and you got to help him Have an opportunity make choices Okay, I gott to be honest. and you can call me out on this for my lack of compassion, okay? Correct. But I do believe that there are binge eating disorders. Yep. I'm positive if that occurs. This is the first time I've ever heard of a binge eating fast food disorder. Yeah, I don't she was calling BS. Yeah, yeah yeah. I I'm calling old boy wants to go by and get him some chick fillet every freaking day. every morning and every afternoon and on the way home and a big slurp or whatever he's getting and he just refuses to stop doing whatever the flip he wants to do. and she's calling it a disorder May That's my name. Maybe. No, bingeating disorder is very, very real. one hundred percent. Oh, completely real. Binge eating fast food disorder That's a nuance I've not run into. Yeah. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt she may have just said this is where he spends thousands of dollars, but thousandousands? Yeah, that's a lot of money. That's a lot of chick filet. Yeah. It's a lot, a lot, a lot of fast food. It's A lot of cheesus chicken. I can't get I mean, it's expensive, but I can't. And Chrisa, talking about a big. If you're talking about thousands plural of dollars on. Um cheap and expensive processed food, I would sit down and want to know I'd want a detailed accounting of the money 'use this makes me wonder is theres other stuff going on? Something else is happening?. Is there other things going on? Does he have other struggles? Is he struggling with other addictions that you don't know about? That's a ton of money A lot of money. Yeah. I mean G, I come out there, I mean, I don't go to fast food, but I come out I do go Chick Filt, but I mean it's you come out there going, wow, there's a lot And I went to the new one over here. What's the burger place the and out. Yeah they just moved their headquarters across across the road from us over here and so they've got one of their stops over. So we went over and got one of those because they're like famous for all you California people are freaking out. It so. It is good. But I can't imagine spending thousands. Yeah, That's a lot thousandousands with an S. That's some You must be as big as a house Yeah Stop, what Well, how could you eat that much and not get that big? Well, that's what she's saying Okay, All right, I don't know. Okay, this is I'm I told you, I don't know anything about this. It just feels weird. All right. So either either way Yes, but either' overstating this disorder and it's just immaturity and an old boy doing whatever he wants to do and it's bowing up Yeah or He's actually got all of these disorder things going on and and that's very possible. We're not saying that's not happening. It's just I never run into this one Um But either way, you got to deal with him and the way to deal with him is to help him and not to segregate the money off and hope that's going to fix it C correct Because if you push somebody that's in your home and in your life over to the side, they're going to deteriorate. And they're already struggling with. They're not going to get better. No, yeah, yeah Because if they could get better, they would have already gotten better by themselves. That's why I say he's got to go get the help he needs. Exactly. Yeah, exactly All right, Buck is in Nashville. Hi Buck. How are you Hey guysays I I am twenty two years old. You just on the last call you said, if you're twenty two, listen up So just wanted to say that. but I am in the I'm in the military. I'm deploying And my wife has decided she'd like to go to grad school in Europe and I think it's a great idea and I just want to get your ideas on the best way for us to pay for it You deploying to Europe, I take it No. she's not going with me. I'm deployed to a Not Europe. I a recently book, I decided that I want to get a thousand acre hunting ranch for me and my friends and my family. The only problem is I don't have that much money Okay, I think I do have that much. I do have enough money. I just want to see the best way to Wh to pull the money from? Okay. How much will grad school in Europe cost? thirty thousand dollars Okay, and what is she studying It'll be diplomacy. from a very high Palby University. What is she wanted to work for the state Department Yeah, okay And to be able to say you graduated with your masters from Cambridge or whatever is a big deal. Okay. I'm with you. I made that up. You didn't say that. But the All right. And so you have the thirty thousand dollars Yeahes, so I just graduated college last year. I have one hundred and thirty in a brokerage account Okay, S you write a check and pay for it? And then what I could so I also have a car That's worth twenty five thousand. I own it And I think we might just sell it since we're both going to be gone. We don't need it. Okay, That'd be okay And then my My u Roth has been maxed for the last , we don't need to touch that. We have the money between the car and the brokerage account to pay for this easily So she's going to be in grad school how long One year And you're going to be deployed, how long twelve months where Can you say No, I can't. Okay And I'll be My paycheck will be for the next twelve months, it'll be one hundred thousand dollars untaxed comombat zone I mean, sound was pretty cut and dry. What's the question? You have the money. She wants to do it. You're going to be separated anyway. This is her desire apparently has value It adds value to do it there according to her. and I don't doubt that actually the way you're describing it Why would what's the question I guess, is it Is it smart to pull money from a brokerage that has made almost thirty percent per year the last Deade What's your other option I guess I have the car to sell. Yeah, sell it, you know sell it anyway. Or I could cash I could just cash flow it.er All of that's okay. Yeah Anything's okay. You're overthinking it. But before you borrow any money We definitely cash out brokerage, car. any of that, it's fine Hey guys, healthcare is one of the biggest stress points in your budget. It's confusing and most of the time it feels completely out of your control But there is a better way to handle it. Christian healthcare ministries isn't health insurance. It's a health cost sharing ministry where Christians share each other's medical bills And it's not a new idea. 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The right insurance acts as a shield around your loved ones and your wallet. Our free insurance coverage checkup helps you figure out if you've got the right coverage or if you're getting ripped off with a bunch of the garbage that's out there. It'll help you put a personalized action plan in place with clear steps. Ramsy solutions. com slash checkup and take the free coverage check upp Ramsy solutions. com slash Check up. Matthew is in Tampa. Hi, Matthew. How are you Hey, I'm doing all right. How are you guys doing? Better than we deserve. What's up So I'll just get right to it. Somewhat recently, my wife informed me that we would be getting a divorce and it Yeah. how' long you' been married going on six years. What happened Um, It kindind of a layered question. it kind of came out of the blue for me see has been kind of unhappy for some time and we've gone back and forth trying to figure it out and I really thought that we did have it figured it out. You know, was checking in to make sure if we need to go back to a counselor or the f the other answer was always no, and then One day it's just, hey, I'm I'm done Wow. So surely. That hurts. What? I'm sorry, that hurts. Um So how can we help today? So my question is when we first got married, we purchased a house with cash using inheritance of hers now that things are kind of coming to a close I'm trying to understand what the U kind of moral settlement to ask for would be consonsidering I didn't contribute financially to the house itself now Every bill since everything I've covered,t she hasn't worked for some years now She's been going to school and I've supported her through that But I just basically because of the metethod that we used to buy the house, I'm just curious What's the most honoring way to hur, myself and God for me to proceed as we try to figure out a settlement? In a lot of states, they will return her inheritance to her and then split the overage with you And that would be fairly normal So what you pay for the house when you bought it? five hundred originally. Okay. So she'd get the five hundred back. And then what will it sell for now probablyrobably seven hundred forty. Okay And so there's two hundred and forty thousand, so one hundred and twenty thousand H minus expenses. would be that would be normal I did have a consult with an attorney who said that you know the remainder of her inheritance would be entirely blocked off. I would never dream of going for that anyhow Um but it But she said that the house having been in both of our names the entire time. it would that would be an even split. Like I said, some states, I don't know Florida. Now, you know, but that's, you know And you also you also didn't ask what the legal was, you ask what the moral thing was I would return if it's me, I would return to her what she brought in And whatever you spent on her schooling or her sitting on the couch watching Oprah Um all these years or whatever, that's just part of being married that didn't work. So I personally I'd take one hundred and twenty out of the house, let her take one hundred twenty out of the house and her five hundred goes back to her if it was me and if she's got other inheritance money laying over the side that lawers already said, that's going to her anyway. Um In return though, like if you got a big four hundred one k I have about ninety five thousand. I would ask that she leave that alone But she doesn't have to by law But u But but if the attorney says by law in Florida, you're due half of this five hundred portion on the house then obviously you've got some negotiating points, right Sure, but you know, I would never dream of going for half of the value of the house Um, you know, kind of No I wouldn't unless she went for half of my four hundred one K. course Okay, That's what I mean by negotiating. I hear what you're saying. So I'll give you your five hundred back and half of the value above that. You leave my four hundred one k alone. I'll leave your balance of your inheritance alone and we go on our way. that work? U And you know, that makes a lot of sense and that was my initial gut reaction. Essentially the holdu was, you know based on her decision, do I need to moveve towns is that fair, but but I hear what you're saying, Dave. Let me throw something I'm trying to think if she called me and asked me the same question I think I would have a different response to her, which is, hey,re you're bailing on your husband When y'all got together Y'all's money bought this house. like yes, you brought this money into into the marriage, but you y'all bought a house, you put both your names on it. I don't know. I don't have the same hang upp, I guess. I'm not gonna to hang up about it. You just asked me what You know, what You were the way you pososeed the question I heard in the words. I'm trying to be gracious And I'm trying to be thoughtful. She brought this money in. What would be fair, what would be moral is what you ask, not what's legal, not what's hardcore negotiating and what can I get Um and what should I demand or anything like that? I doesn't sound like it's a extremely contentious. I'm just not that sort of person Okay, are you saying it is contentious, but you're just not being contentious There certainly have been some contentious conversations regarding the money itself U I just refuse to take part in that Okay Well, I mean, We obviously based on the law, if we want to Dance You could go after that half and she could go at half of that five hundred and she could go after half of your four hundred one k And that's, you know, because it's a balance sheet issue at that point. Everything's on the table and your attorney's telling you her her other inheritance is off the table. Okay, that's fine. then I'm going to go h half in order to get my four hundred one K released. If we got to dance, we'll dance, but if you want to just say, what what could we end up with that would feel fair that feels fair. It's not killing me if you end up splitting on the house I'm not dying over it, but it, you know, it wasn't money you brought to the table And I wouldn't take half of it as an offset for her Having been at home or going to school while you were married, that's just part of you were being married and marriage didn't work So I'm that's just off. that's just, you know, you're not we're not splitting the food cost You provided all the food too Yeah, she wasn't working. You know, you provide the gasoline for all the cars for five years or six years, but she because she wasn't working. But that's not the You know, I think that's just part of being married and that water down the drink. And I always tell focus in the situation to also calculate and this is not a quantitative number so much as calculate a soul tax. Like if this woman's broken your heart over and over again and you thought things were great, She led you to believe they were great. then she sat down and said, I quit. I'm leaving Um Part of me would say, I got a good job, I've got a good life. I want nothing more to do with you then. and Leave me my retirement. I'm out here. Have a good life. And part of me, there's a soul tax too. There's a cost to your spirit. for fighting for this stuff. Yeah, But if she wants the house, she's gott to write me one hundred twenty thousand dollars check and leave my four hundred one k alone. Yeah. Or we're going to sell the house and you get five hundred plus one hundred twenty and I get one hundred twenty and you need leave my four hundred one K alone. There you go I'll come after all of it and make you leave my four hundred one K aline. Right You know, so that I can be nice to you Yeah. This is you know you If we have to dance, I can punch to make you dance. I don't want to. That's not what I'm trying to do here, because I'm not contentious. Yeah. I like that. That's good I think that's solid. But the thing that's hard to remember and Matthew, you're doing a pretty good job at it. For you folks out there When there's a divorce, there's always high emotion, always a drama Always all this stuff When it comes to the financial part of the transaction of a divorce, a divorce turns your life into a business transaction. You're just gonna sit down and go one for you, one for me. One for you, two for me. One for you, three for me, five for the kids, six for the marriage, whatever alimony, whatever. And there's just just its just becomes a numbers transaction. And then you got all the emotions and all the broken hearted and the rage. But just like business, the more you let emotions get in business decisions, the messier they get When I started, I had great ideas and I knew how to serve people, but I didn't have systems in place yet. At that time, I saw books out of the trunk of my car. It was a lot harder to start a business back then. Shopify makes it easier. Shopify is the business platform powering millions of businesses and about ten percent of all e commerce in the United States. If you've got a product or even just an idea, Shopify makes it simple to get moving. You can build a storefront, write product descriptions, and even improve your product photos all in one place. You don't need ten different systems taped together. Shopify handles everything you need to make sales from payments to marketing and analytics. Plus that purple shop pay button is one of the best converting checkouts on the planet for fewer abandoned carts. And if you get stuck, Shopify offers twenty for seven support. So if you've been sitting on the sidelines, it's time to turn those ideas into. Sign up for your one dollar per month trial at shopify dot com slash Ramsey. That's shopify dot com slash Ramsey. Shopify dot com slash Ramsey Is with us Pet' in Boston. How are you, Pete Hi, Dave, this is pretty cool Good to have you, sir. How can we help?. Thank you. I worked for a company, a semiconductor company outside of Boston and I bought their stock through employee stock purchase program Um And fast forward a little bit I got laid off about two years ago, so I don't really have any emotional attachment to the company However on Since I worked for the company skyrocketed That's just kind of the nature of the stock market today. My question is I'm asking what you would do pod sell this stock off to minimize my capital gains taxes, but alsoso to diversify my portfolio a little bit because it's made Stock ownership has made up about forty percent of my overall net worth That's that's dangerous We call we call spreading the money around diversification. I'm sure you've heard of that And money' like manure, it grows things when it's spread around left in one pile it stinks And so that's what we're trying to do here. We're trying to spread it around a little bit because you've got too much risk associated with that one company It might go to the moon. and it might go in the ditch. And and as such forty percent of your net worth does. So that scares me If I'm you U So yes, I would begin divesting. You said you've been gone for two years Yes, sir. Okay. so all of it is going to be on long term capital gain. And so do you what's the value of the portfolio of stock today? the whole pile As of today, it's about one hundred seventy thousand. Cool, good for you. I'm so happy for you And do you know what your basis is in it? Have you called and asked for them to calculate that? Yeah. so Every six months, they would give you a different basis that you'd buy the stock at. and it ranges anywhere between seventy nine doll from when I first bought it to around two hundred and sixty four when I got laid off. But the total basis in the total portfolio is a single number of all of those averages Do you know what that number is I just did a rough calculation if I were to estimate it's around one hundred and eighty dollars And there's how many shares two hundred and sixty Okay. So two hundred sixty times one hundred eighty is what That's your tot. Okay. so that's the thing. So that's what I want to do is that. and then the difference in that and one hundred seventy, one hundred seventy thousand is your gain. It's about forty seven thousand. Okay So we'll call it fifty thousand because we don't know. You actually can call the company that's handling the stock So you've got that stock sitting somewhere, right? Yes. You can call them. they'll tell you what the basis is or send them an email, they'll send it to you Okay because they've got it on file anythingything over that basis is going to be taxed at fifteen percent. So if it's fifty thousand is your basis, then you've got one hundred twenty thousand dollars gain. and so your taxes are going to be about seventeen thousand buckars That's how you do it. fifteen percent of your good Okay. And that's not a big deal So give given that that's the number And it's probably going to be very close to that number. okay? because I think you're probably pretty close on your basis Um And so given that the whole, you know, we can take one hundred seventy thousand dollars out of a risky position by paying seventeen thousand I'm paying the seventeen thousandars straight up, and I'm going to cash it all in. I'm going to put it in mutual funds or put it on my debts or wherever I am in the baby steps. And will get completely out of the stock Yeah, it You know In the past three months, the stock has pretty much tripled, so Well I mean if you want to play single stocks then then I'm not your guy It's not sitting now It's sitt at the blackjack table, dude and you're like, Yeahah, but the last three hands I've won You're right, you did. No I'm definitely the kind of person that puts my money into a mutual fund, which I have separate from this single stock portfolio and you know, it may triple again after you sell it But it might triple down. If you don't if you don't sell it. So I don't know What it'll do but a single stock is Infinitely more risky. than a mutual fund with niney to two hundred stocks in it because you spread your risk around. and and so on. So I don't, you know, I didn't buy SpaceX for that reason. It might end up being a good investment. I don't have I haven't invested in Apple, which has been a wonderful stock But um But I don't buy single stocks. I don't like the risk And so I've got enough risk in my life without that. So I'm good And if I make a little less than some of the guys that are players Well, so be it, because I'm not a player I'm a guy that builds wealth. There's a difference play I'm trying to get rich N not not impress somebody on the internet And so that's the thing. And so that that's what I buy. I buy things in very predictable environments Sickeningly boring And so I don't play single stocks. You know, the first the worst one I've ever had was a lady came into the for coaching thirty years ago when we first started doing counseling and coaching. And she had just retired seventy years old And she worked for a huge company that we all know the name of. And um She had one hundred percent of her four hundred one K in company stock. And it was one point seven million and, um at the high point And she retired and the stock went down hundredundreds of thousands of dollars in four months becausecause that company got in the tank. they got in trouble And um I mean, and she was just, I'll never forget just sitting there with her and she's seventy years old. She's just crying. Yeah I mean, she had lost seven hundred thousand dollars three Dude, I had friends and family growing up in Houston that worked for that little company called Enron. Yeah. and they woke up with zero Yeah Exacthing. Exactly. And they were notorious for their incredibly generous stock buying program. Yeah, right It's just it's to, you know, there are Obviously good companies and we want to be in those, but the way I'll be in them is with the whole batch of them. A singular thing. I just don't do karate kids. stand on one leg and hope I can kick. You know, I just not doing it And so it's it's that's the that's what you're doing. It's very dangerous. And I have had to learn this. Like just messing around like if if I go to Las Vegas and I have some silly fun at a table. I can't get mad. I can't I just have to hold loosely. I'm playing with House Money And if I could I could have made more, great. But I'm leaving with what I got and I'm happy with what I got and I'm going to walk away. so If you do sell this brother, which I hope you do today Never look at the price again Be you're only going to make yourself nuts. Yeah You're going make yourself feel superior if it goes down, you're going to make yourself feel bananas about what I could have had. The reality is here's what you have I'm going to be grateful for the gain that it made. It's awesome. I got extra money, and I'm good to go. And it does remind us of a lesson we teach around here very often called cost analysis Yeah. And that is if you had one hundred seventy thousand dollars in the middle of the table stacked in cash in Benjamin's, would you go buy this stock Well went up three times in the last three months If you had one hundred sev thousand dollars in the midd of theable wouldould you goy stock No it's just too much risk, then sell it. Sell it. That's the thing No, I wouldn't. Yes, I would. If yes, you would, then Keep it You know, that's what you're going to do But, you know, I don't do that stuff and that's why Um you know, its why I'm okay. I't count no crypto or draft Kings to bring me through. You know to be okay. I don't have to swing for the fence on every swing. I'm good with triples. I'm good with singles. I'm good with doubles. The team that hits a single every time somebody goes up to plate wins every world series everyvery single time every time I remember a football coach said that If I get for three three three yards on every play. then we w every we win every game. Yep. hundred fish. It's boring Now we' win every game. ground and pound, baby. Yeah Welcome to the Ramseay showow in the Fair Winds Credit Union stududio. I'm Dave Ramseay, your host. Thank you for joining us. doctor John Deloneoney, Ramseay personality. Number one best selling author is my co host today. Derek's in Chicago. Hi, Derek, How are you Hi, Dave, how you doing? Better than I deserve. How can we help Yeah, so I'm an engineer and my wife is a veterinarian. We recently became debt free by paying off over one hundred twenty thousand dollars in student loans in the last eleven months. Way to go Yeah, thank you. Thankk you. So we have aspirations of starting a veterinary clinic in the next one to three years. Cool and we would love to just get your advice on what we should be doing now to prepare for starting this business Excellent Love it. Wh to it go Well, I'm pretty sure you could do that for one hundred and twenty K And you did that in eleventh March. Yeah, yeah. Okaykay But but let's break it down and think about how I would go about it from day one The thing I have learned in business are the three rules. And the three rules are it's going to take twice as long as you think, cost twice as much as you think, and you're not the exception And I run into that inside Ramsseay all the time with something we're doing that's new and different that we've never done before. It's harder than we thought It's going to cost more than we thought and Turns out we're not smart enough to beat that. We gott to go do it anyway So what I would do in your situation is I would first admit that what you think this is going to look like When you actually open the clinic, is wrong. But we're gonna try anyway Okay, but be ready for some ideas you have about this and your wife has about how this is going to feel, how it's going to look The way the wallpaper is going to be in the waiting room or whatever is going to be different an. she has it in her emotions. So be prepared for your dream to be reformed and pruned as you go along It's almost like young people leave their parents' house and they think they should buy a house the exact same size as their parents left, you know what I mean? so it's like, hey, I got to buy you actually got to buy a nine hundred square foot starter house and over the over time grow into this amazing thing that you'll want. So what I'd do it then with that in mind is I would lay down what I think my square footage is that I need what the location is going to look like and I would start talking about what the rent is going to look like to open the practice Then I would start talking about the equipment And I have a strong recommendation that you buy U slightly used equipment from the last veterinarian that didn't do a good job and went broke Because they didn't do what we're talking about doing Okay. because Uh one hundred percent of the equipment she's going to use And the equipment I'm using to speak into called a microphone right now is obsolete in eighteen months after you buy it Yeah. An eighteen month old technology item is a doorstop. There are no thirty year old X ray machines except in third worldld countries Okay. You follow me So the X ray machine, the MRI machine, the things she thinks it's going to save puppies' lives or whatever it is and some u salesman with equipment is going to get you so far off kilter on what you've spent that you will never ROI. So the rule we use on equipment purchases around here is minimal, functal, functional minimal functional. what what's the least that will get the job done? And then we might go two notches above that. We don't want the best and brightest. We don't want the shiniest unless it's just two dollars or something But most of the best and brightest in your world is two hundred thousand dollars and you're trying to save the life of a cat. No Ally Okay No And so you just got to be wise about their equipment purchases. And and then look at your staffing And so what's it going to take us? And how long is it going to take us to get some business built up, get some new clients and so forth And those are your costs. are the number of days that you burn money until you make money. That's cost one, your set upp is cost two, your rent is cost three, your staff is cost four. And you lay those things down and then that's going to tell you how much you need to save. But I think you could probably get it. I'm just w guess, I'm not a veterinarian. I love veterinarians and we do a lot of work with them. A bunch of them are being coached in entreree leadership. U But my guess is if you went minimal functional, you can do a whole lot for one hundred and fifty grand to get this thing off the ground Yeah, that seems pretty consistent with what I've seen. Can I ask you a question about how to sayve for this because we kind of We're kind of investing in our Roth IRAs and doing some investing through our work. But should we stop our investing in Roth IRAs and just kind of pile cash in like a high yield savings? If it's the only way you can get there in three years, but I think you might be able to do both Okay basased on the fact that you paid off one hundred and twenty eleven months while putting nothing in retirement. We need one hundred and fifty, but we got three years, not eleven months Okay. So, you know, you probably can do both. If you want to tighten the timeline up and say I want to be ready in one year. And I want to save one hundred fifty grand, and you want to hold on, push pause to get the business open and pay cash for it in one year, that's fine. I would not do that for three years. No. I would not do zero investing for three years while I say for this, but I would for one Okay, there's a high likelihood that with the start of this clinic there would also be a move. And so another part of that equation is potentially know saving up to a house wherever we move or things like that. If you own a house now? There's a lot of different No, we rent it currently. Okay Wellll then decide which is which We want to move and buy house or we want to move and start a clinic You might not be able to do both. You might have to choose for now I buy the house out of the money you make on the clinic Be aware of of scope Yeah S scope creep Because man. the next logical is well, what if we just built our own And what if we just bought our own place and that might ROI? We'll put a business on the back of it and that will also help pay for it. And there's a new AI machine that says they can do laser MRIs through you know what I'm saying? L it's so easy to sit down and all this thing becomes a million dollar project without even sneezing Yeah, it's really easy. just just start it as raw and make it make money and when it makes money grow the business and grow the equipment list with the money you make Not with anything else. What she What does she make now as a veterinarian? She's she's only one year in and so she makes one hundred and fifteen. Okay. I mean, if she's got a two year old practice and' successful, she'll make two hundred Okay. Yeah, we have we have aspirations to start this this little practice and grow it a healthy business and then start to duplicate that over a region that we want to live in. And so well we have high high hopes and dreams for this but we want to first thing is getting the first thing is get the home office straight. Yeah Yeah. I if I'm you, I'm probably going to go hold hog on this and say I'm going to I'm gonna take one more year off of investing. I'm gonna to save enough. I'm gonna move and I'm going to rent and I'm going to open the clinic and get the clinic profitable. and then I'm gonna talk about buying. and then I'm going grow the clinic and grow the clinic and grow the clinic. and she'll be making a quarter million dollars pretty quick in that world and it'll be worth the investment. And it's a great field she's in. It's a great field. Just start small. Yeah. Not only do we love animals around Ramsay, but You know, it's just you guys just have the ability to make a lot of money. And veterinarians, all of them I work with, they're just really smart. Yeah, they're smart and they're great people. Yeah. I just don't run into any of their jerks. Hey, what's up guys? It's Jade Warshaw. Listen, summer spending adds up so fast between vacations and road trips and camp fees and events. And all the extra gas and grocery runs, money can get tight before you know it. To really get your money under control and keep it that way, you're gonna need a plan. And that's what you'll get with the every dollar budget app It helps you track your spending, free up cash to put toward debt and savings, and it's the simplest way to make a plan for your money before the month begins. So no more wondering where your money's going, you're telling it where to go. Download every dollar in the App Store or Google Play and start for free today You're thinking about conducting one of the largest purchases that people make like a house. You should have a pro in your corner Not someone who got their license three weeks ago that you met at church No, you want a real estate agent that gets a lot of houses sold pereriod And you want you want a high octane high protein. If you want a Ramsy trusted real estate agent that we have vetted for their professionalism, their effectiveness, the amount of volume they do, and so on. they follow the Ramsseay plan You can connect with a Ramsay trusted agent who has your best interest at heart for free at Ramsysutions d. com slash agent or click the link in the description if you're on YouTube or podcast. Dave is in Chicago. Hi, Dave, how are you Hi, David and John, I hope you all are well. We are. How can we help I have a question in reference to long term care I'm currently sixty two and I started working with a fiduciary earlier this year. Um to assist me with some of my investing and increasing my investing, but One of the products that She talked about her one of the investing opportunities, so to speak, that she talked about at my age was a long term contin anuity that would guarantee a certain income during up to seven years of of timeim if I was ever unable to work. My plan is to retire when I'm seventy, so I've got eight years to retirement. and anyway. What's the size of obick? Well, right now, I have approximately three hundred and seventy five in a traditional IRA outside of my four hundred one K I have about eighty thousand in my four hundred one K because I didn' ant in service roll over into the IRA outside of my four hundred one K U then u Back up to eighty eighty thousand in my four hundred one k I've got eighty thousand in a high yield savings account and I've got seventy thousand in my checking account Okay So somewhere around five or six hundred thousand total. Gotcha. Okay goodood for you. So I'm hoping And I just started investing in my four one K and stuff probably been ne sixty two years ago Yes, I'm sixty two. Okay. Um And the average nursing hom stay is two and the average nursing home stay is two and a half years Oh, okay. And the average cost is one hundred thousand a year Okay So your exposure is two to three hundred thousand dollars Okay, arere you married? So that's not. No, I'm single. Don't own a home. I stay with my parents. I help't take care of them because they're both eighty five and don't get around too well. So I stay with them. And My only other expense really is just my daily expenses plus I rent an office for work. outside of my home Damn that. costs me about five hundred a month So really I don't have many expensive. So if you leave the six hundred alone and it's invested in market rates And let's say it doesn't even do as good as market rates and it only makes ten percent It will double in seven years. at sixty nine, you would have one point two Okay, great That's without adding anything to sixteen percent. And so I'm going to self insure through my nursing home needs. If you want to buy a nursing home policy, you can. They generally only cover about two years. No, I would never Combine them with an investment or with an annuity under any circumstances. a hundred percent of the time it's a bad product Don't like your investment advisor. All right Okay, That's what I thought and I appreciate that thing about the investment I currently put I currently put sixteen percent plus my eleven thousand two hundred that I can put in upntil sixty three for Katchup contribution. Right So I'm hoping that I'm going to actually be over that one point two, hopefully. Yeah, you will be because you're adding to it. I'm talking about just doubling what you've got without adding anything to it But yeah, you'll be way over that. You should be, you know, one point six or so Oh good, good. So I'm pretty well covered for my retirement. Assuming you're not putting this in something other than mutual funds. If you're putting in good gross stock mutual funds and you're averaging market rates of return is what I'm going with I don't know what this advis this supposed fiduciary this sells insurance crap that you've got here. I'm worried about that, but Walk me through your disdain for annuities. Okay, I It comes from two sources, okay? Number one, there's two types of annuities There's a fixed annuity, which is not what he's talking about A fixed annuity is simply a savings account with a life insurance company that has really bad terms.. Never, under any circumstances, do that, run Variable annuity is fine. A variable annuity is a mutual fund inside of an annuity So it's going to grow without taxes on it until you cash it out, just like a four hundred one K traditional. It's a tax deferred growth and annuity That's what itives. It gives you tax deferred growth. They also have a couple of other features. You can name a beficiies. so it goes outside of probate. It's nice that way. And some of them will give gu most of them these days will give guaranteed minimums on the rate of return and a guaranteed return of princial if the market goes down, mostost of which, if you leave it alone the seven years that they require ninety nine percent of the times in the stock market' history you would have gotten that anyway. So it's it's a false guarantee, but it's real. It's a real guarantee. It's not needed If you just left it alone, you'd be fine. Same thing. You're paying annuity fee as a commission and you're paying the mutual fund fees notot just the mutual fund fees. If you just bought mutual funds, you wouldn't have the fee And so they're okay The variable nuudity is because you're in good mutual funds and you've got a couple of other little features that are nice. They're not the end of the world. But unless you have your house paid off, everything paid off and you're scared to death of risk, And this is all after retirement investing And it's only an annuity. It's not tied to long term care. It's not tied to other crap, which is was. Then it's okay. What's the business move for somebody to try to sell you an annuity attached to They make more money. The bundling, it just becomes a real the math is horrendous. Gotcha. If you bought the two things separately, you'd come out light years better. Gotcha. The insurance company, when insurance company, the only thing that insurance companies bundle together that end up being to your favor is homeowners and car. Right? Hom andado, yeah. Yeah. But if they bundle savings inside of an insurance policy Like whole life in the universal, a hundred percent sucks Anytime they start putting stuff together, it's for their benefit, not yours. gototcha. Run Okay, Run away. Then the second thing is the only way you can sell a mutual fund if you're a life insurance agent You're not licensed to sell securities is you can sell a variable annuity. because it's got mutual funds inside of it. but your life insurance licensed. Gotcha. And so most of the time when I hear someone pitching that my financial advisor is selling me want me to get a variable annuity. It's almost always a life insurance agent, not a financial advisor. and they call themselves We're fincial We're fiduciaries.. We're financial advisors. No, you're not. You're freaking life insurance agent. Yeah. That's all you are. You just don't have a securities license. This is the only way you can sell a semi decent product And so instead of going to get a securities license and being a real financial advisor, you're just over there with the whale with Pacific Life. Got it, you know, you got a little splash going, right? And there we go. And it's just bull crap. It's just bu, you know, New York life ial Pacific life. These are all whole life life insurance companies that sell variable annuities and call themselves fiduciaries. They're not fiduciaries. They're life insurance agents And their're old whole life agents is what they are. They used to sell cash value and some of them have gone to indexed to universal or indexed to annuities or crap, you know, just go buy an index fund or sit down with a real advisor like a smmart invvestor Pro and they'll sit down and show you and you don't have the fees. Yeah. You don' have you only got half the fees that you would have had otherwise. You have fees, but not one anywhere near as high. and they're not going to sell you crap by trying to bundle your. long term care insurance for nursing home, with your investments. Can you think of a possible reason that that's even logical It's not. I mean, they is like the Sesame Street. None of these things is like the other. you know That's my disdain for it is it comes from knowing how the business works inside the dugout how baseball works inside the dugout and it pisses me off. But the actual product itself, the variable annuity as a standalone, I am not against them in most circumstances. I'm against how they come up And who sells them most of the time? The problem with online investing advice, you hear so many different opinions and you're left wondering if you're even doing it right. And that's why we created investing Eessentials. Join me and Dave Ramsay at this two night virtual event to learn Dave's playbook for investing and wealth planning We'll break down four hundred one Ks, mutual funds, passing on wealth, and more. So join us september first and second, ticket start at one hundred ninety nine bucks. You can get yours today at Ramseyslutions dot com slash events or just click the link in the show notes Hugh is with us in Wichita, Kansas. Hi, Hugh, how are you Dave, I'm just about as fine as frogs here. How are you doing today? Just the same, sir. How can we help Yes, sir. So I was listening to the show a while back and heard doror Done talking about some of the research he's been doing on married couples and everything and how they tend to do a little bit better, be a little bit more wealthy And that got the thinking. I lost my wife in December. Oh my Godd. And I'm sorry. Yes, sir. How long were you married? U twenty years. I was long good. we were married So what was your name, brother? summer She' pretty awesome She was great. She was the best. So sorry, mana Yeah, I appreciate it. But you know, I just I'm not looking to go out and do anything, but I'm just kind of curious. you know what for somebody in my situation, what's that kind of mean? I mean And I No just stuck where I'm at or or what? So anyway, I just was kind of curious. Did you lose the marriage advantage when you lost her? Is that what you're asking Yeah, I guess that's mical questions. How how old are you? I'm forty six. Okay. And how are you doing financially and in your career in health wise My health is fine financially, we're well I'm finishing up baby tip two U gettinget ready to start on three. And career wise, I'm doing pretty good Okay so I can tell you, brother If I was to look back and have lost my wife of twenty four years in December I don't know that I would still know what day it is It Yeah, you know what I mean? It definitely it definitely sucks You know, we've got four kids And honestly, if it wasn't for them, I don't know where I'd be at I have one that's nineteen, one that's seventeen, one that's fifteen. And then one that's twelve and our twelve year old is special needs. So I This is going to sound strange, but My guess is in eighteen months and twenty four months is when you'll start to not see the pain won't just go away or anything like that No matter what nonsense people tell you. But you're still in the thick of the black fog Grief right now And you're you're such a good man and you got four kids, like you don't have an option other than to get up and to plow through the next day What I want to challenge you on is spending is a little time right now on big existential. What does it all mean questions? because Um That's like asking, it's like being in the dark, lost in a forest and thinking about Um, what's the meaning of life? Like what we need to do is get back to the road. You know what I'm saying Yeah And so The marriage advantage right now is you have four amazing kids that have a picture of this amazing woman named Summer And y'all built something together. Y'all' got this legacy that's going to outlast both of you And anythingything beyond honoring her and getting up the next day and doing the next right thing for us a long time. That's where that's where you to spend yourergy. Is that make sense So her the marriage advantage is a series of averages over a large set of data, over a long period of time. overver a long period of time And so If you're not married today because you lost your wife six months ago you are not at a distinct disadvantage Okay, But the marriage advantage points out that over the scope of life, those that are married over a forty year, fifty year period of time are live longer report better life satisfaction and happiness They report higher levels of wealth, way higher levels of wealth Over a long period of time, that's the marriage advantage. There's a whole set of data and a whole set of research, a bunch of research projects that back all of that up Also, there's a piece of data that says this. If you are nineteen years old, and your parents got divorced and you marry someone whose parents got divorced You are much higher likelihood statistically to get divorced Zan two than two nineteen year olds whose parents stayed together If you get married, right? But that doesn't mean that just because yourre both of your parents got divorced that one hundred percent of the time you're going to be the same statistic. It's not determined it it's correlative. It's not causal, right? Exactly. It doesn't cause that to happen. And so you know, but so what behaviors are, you know, what do you have to solve for in that? Well you solve for the things that somemer brought to the table And you keep living your life that way. and then you've still got that portion of the marriage advantage Plus, you don't really have a choice You're here And so you've got a, you know, you're solving for I'm not going to be the average. right. I'm going to be the one that beats the average and causes the average to come up And that's what those two nineteen year olds with divorce parents proved. We're going to have to do different things. The statistics are if you've been marri if you've known each other for three weeks and you get married You know, ninety percent of those marriages don't last You do meet people that were married that knew each other three weeks and were married forty years. And they got up every day and decided. Yeah. And they just so they beat the odds So to speak. the main, if you distill all the way down the marriage advantage two people Do a thing over time together, us to ride or die gives you margin. It gives you the ability that when one of you can only carry twenty percent, the other person's carrying eighty. It is two people pulling in the same direction. And that's what you did for twenty years. And that's what've that's what the hole in your life is.'s exactly. That's what you miss. That doesn't mean you're quote deterministically doomed R at all, notot even close. That's the point of this. So D, we're sorry for your loss, broother. Yeah. Very sorry. very sorry. you're going make it. You know, you're you're not going to miss out on the marriage advantage. You've already had the advantage. But again, spend the least amount of time thinking about those big things stuff. Yeah. Honor your wife, wrrite her a letter every day Get get up into the next right thing for your kids, you're a good man Anna's in Los Angeles. Hi Anna, how are you Hi, I'm G. Good day, Deave. What's up Yes. just a little background. I'm from Silicon Valley and work in a healthcare industry. I'm fifty four years old, plan to retire in two years, married I have two kids that just graduated from college. And my question is Is it a smart idea to buy term rentals for tax purposes Just because this year, our combined salaries will be around seven hundred and fifty K And we only the only short term rentals that create a tax advantage are those that lose money Okay. So your depreciation the on the property your depreciation schedule is larger than your income, which it would not be on a short term rental So the bonus depreciation and the cost segregation won't help at all. No, If you actually lose money, then you save money. But if you want to do that, just give it to a charity, it's the same write off Okay. Don't lose money to save on taxes If somebody's telling you to do that, get away from them Dumb No, and short term rentals are a nightmare, Anna I mean, you're talking about buying Airbnbs to save on taxes while you're making all this money because you're smart people. And now you just turn turned yourself into a hotel mid Beause every time somebody screws up the sheets over there at your Airbnb, you're over there changing the sheets. Yeah, find something that you and your spouse really believe in and donate to that Yeah, much easier Don't go losing money and turn yourself into a hotel maid when you're making a million dollars a year, just to call just to say, you know, I'm in the short term rental business. Oh God Gross Yeah, there's talk about high maintenance pain in the butt to operate Airbnb. I mean it's like running a Motel six Can you imagine Leave the light on? No. yeah. The lights off. Killing me, Tom. light's off. Hom Budette. you remember him Oh yeah We'll leave the light on. We'llave light on for you. Yeah. That's ' becausecause we don't know how to turn it off. We have a lock box on the front door. We'll leave the light on for you Hey, George Cambell here. We often talk about how being normal sucks when it comes to your money. But guess what? Normal isn't so great when it comes to your job either. Normal is staying in a job you hate, dreading Mondays and working for people you don't even like. Sound familiar Well, the good news is you can break free from normal because Ramsy Solutions is hiring. and we refuse to settle for the ordinary. In fact, we are anything but normal and we are proud of it. And right now we're hiring for technology, sales, marketing, writing, copy editing, and creative roles. So head over to Ramsayslutions dot com slash careers and apply today of the todayay probs twenty five twenty one. If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat. If he is thirsty, give him water to drink Ben Franklin said, love your enemies, for they tell us your fa for they tell you your faults N heard that one. That's good. Maria's in Atlanta. Hi, Maria. how are you Hi Dave. This is Maria. How are you doing? Better than I deserve. What's up? Okay, so I read your book and I'm planning to save one thousand dollars in four one K And I've already included it in my budget And I also need to take about two hundred and sixty two taken out of my paycheck every month for medical and all that stuff because I'm a civil engineer And I recently graduated with my masters in engineering And I'm also planning to live rice and beans. And then I have an electric car. So you know my charging is going to be budgeted to like forty dollars per month If I can't make that, then I'm going to have to take the bus How can we help you, Huoney? Yeah What's going on? Okay. My situation is that I'm a civil engineer and I recently graduated with my master's degree. I've been fired at nine different civil engineering jobs since I graduated with my BS and back in twenty seventeen Why do you keep getting laid off? What's happening I have this I was immature, you know O time, I realized that It's like corporate. so corporate is very strict stringent, like kind of like military style U because I work in like different projects, government projects and all that stuff And they want you to stay calm under pressure. And I wasn't able to do that at the nine different jobs Um so that's why I got laid off or like let go. fired So have you done the work on emotional regulation? because it sounds I mean, it sounds like like if you went and got a degree as a nurse and every time you saw blood or had to put a needle on somebody's arm, you passed out That's that's a critical part of that job, right So a critical part of your job is staying calm and regulated. Right. So if you It may be that you've reached a point where you say, I don't I Either A canan't make the leap to do this thing or Um I don't have it in me to go put in the work to go learn these skills of emotional regulation so that I can do job. Have you sought some professional help like a therapist to help you Yes, I've gotten therapy help and I've also joined the union at my last job. and realize that it's the corporate system and within that corporate system, you have to basically make it through in order to to make it through the cororate world. Yeah, but corporate is just like this Amorphous word. just don't use that word anymore Think of it this way If I agree to do a job for a company and I shake hands with them and they say, we'll give you this amount of money for this job A, they have to believe I can do the job both in temperament and in skill and in social ability. likeike I'm a person that other people can work with. And then I got to show up every day to do that job. It's not about corporate. It's not about everyvery job on planet Earth, whether you're a lawn person or you're working for a company with ten thousand employees is going to say, here's the job And there's a social component. Here's how we do this job here And then I get to choose as the employee whether I do that or I've got to go get some additional training so that I can meet these needs You know what I'm saying It's not this this thing called corporate out there It's When I sign up to do any job anywhere at any time, I'm signing up for a particular culture, a particular vision, a particular set of values, and a particular job skill Yeah. how long did you see a therapist I started seeing a therapist back in twenty twenty twenty three right after COVID And because I wasoy unemployed for about a year and a half during COVID So it's not a problem for me to get another job. The issue is me keeping a job Yeah, that's what we're talking about. Yeah How long did you meet with a therapist from twenty three to what now T know. And how often do you meet with them I meet with him weekly. Okay, is he is he explaining for you how to maintain your composure and your calm in the middle of working on an engineering project with other people I didn't realize that up until now because I've been seeing I also saw, you know different therapists because I couldn't afford it So I kept switching therapists. So I want you to sit down with your therapist after you've been seeing the same person for a couple years. I want you to sayve these words I would like to run some scenarios Do some role playing in here so that I can practice And a good therapist will walk alongside you, set you up in situations, And then we'll practice whatever we got to practice for these social interactions. so that you can improve a skill set. Just going in therapy and talking about it over and over and over again isn't going to help you. At this point, we need some real skills that we can practice in the real world. And So continue putting that work in. There's an old book that came out years ago called EQ And the author makes the point in the book that that's called emotional quotient that the ability to manage your emotions and manage and interact with relationships positively is high is a higher indicator of success than IQ than intelligence. Yeah. So the ability to play well with others is a bigger deal, but the your ability to do that he measured on EQ And so if your EQ is low and your IQ is high, you're very smart, but you're horrible with relationships and regulating managing to keep your emotions under control and pressure then you're going to struggle in any career. cororrect. There's not a career that keeps you from doing that. Even being seventeen years old working in the lunch rush at Burger King, it got overwhelming, right? And everybody has to keep their cool. So any job anywhere is going to have those inflections stress points. Yeah. And so working on your EQ makes you maintain your employment, which gives you the income then to start talking about getting the electric car charged getting your budget going, getting your four hundred and one K going, getting your emergency fund in place and all of those things But you know, getting and keeping a job is dependent upon you managing your behavior differently than you have in the last nine jobs. Right. And it sounds like you're putting the work in, but let's get real tactical now and start practicing Social exchanges. Hey Doc, I want you to I want to I want to play pretend how this is going to feelight And then see if you can get your gets you to lose your cool. Yeah And then walk with you if you lose your cool in therapist office, then you can learn how to not lose your cool. That's right Yeah And u and get and get back in control. That's good suggestion. Very good Yeah, there is a And that's why You know, at the core of that is why Getting a degree, getting a four year degree as a promise of success is a lie, correct. Because if your EQ sucks and you got a four year degree. And you graduated thank you Laude or Magnna Cumb Laude, either one You're still going to suck at your job. That's right. You're not going to be able pull it off because you always have to do this with people. A lesson somebody taught me of all places a casting agent back when I was twenty one years old in Los Angeles told me this wisdom and it stuck with me when I was twenty one years old. They said There's about ten people in this town. This is back when Hollywood was buzzing, you know in the late nineties. There's about ten people in this town. They can run rough shot over everybody kind of get away with it because they're super mega ultr stars He said, but most casting decisions are made on this question, Do I want to spend the next three months with that person Do I want to spend the next two months with that person all day, having dinner with them, waking up in the morning in the makeup trailer And most decisions are made because there's a lot of talented people. Most decisions are made. Is this a good person I want to be around?. And that stuck with me like Do you play well with other people? Be a good person to hang around. Yeah That puts us sour of the Ramsay show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace. And that's to walk daily with the Prince of Pace. Christ Jesus Your package says deliivever but delivered where exactly