Final Game and Closing Advice

Well you came on uh it will have been one of a number of small events in your life, but you came on my radio show a while ago. I thought I'd done something. I do a show on radio too on Saturday. And you came in for that . And um you are like one of these people that uh what's the best way to describe it? People have such a deep affection for you. There was a we posted a video from the from the interview. Oh, did you? And it's where it went viral? I think it went I would describe it as viral. Yeah. It went viral. So basically it was it was Well I didn't affect it. So it was it was me telling you that I used to be a maths teacher and then you said, Oh, you were a maths teacher? I said, Yeah, before I went into comedy and then you went, You're in comedy right. So So that was that was a complete surprise to you. Right. So so that's fine, that's absolutely fine. And it was really funny in the moment. That's but that could could you have been offended at all. No, but it's very difficult to offend me. But um so that went viral. But then if you look at all the comments on the clip, people just adore you. They just absolutely adore you. It makes me cry when you say that. Hello, I'm Miriam Margles , and I'm going to be on the Romish show. Oh shut up Romesh I'm gonna do your intro Miriam now Oh, are you? If you don't like it I hate being introduced feel free to Well this is a good start then. That's how we're gonna I'm gonna introduce do you know how to pronounce my name? How do you pronounce your name? Margalize. Yeah, I'm gonna say that. Oh that's all right. Yeah. Okay , on your bike then. Okay, okay, good luck. Feel free to interrupt. My guest today is an award winning actor. Best selling actor Actress Well Actress That's what I've got on my passport. That's on your passport? Yep, check between my legs. Is that where you keep your passport? Well on occasion. Okay, my guest today is an award winning actress shake between her legs if you don't believe me, best selling author and bona fide national treasure. She started performing with the Cambridge Footlights before going on to build a remarkable career as one of Britain's finest character actors. Oh shit, sorry. One of Britain's finest character actresses. Check between her legs. Her theatre workers ranged from Romeo and Juliet to Olivier nominated solo show Dickens Women and Wicked the Musical. Her television work spans everything from Black Adder to Cool the Midwife, and she won a BAFTA for a role in the film The Age of Innocence, directed by Martin Scors ese . And of course, she's known to millions around the world as Professor Sprout in the generation-defining Harry Potter film series. It's Miriam Margley's OBE, everybody . What did you think of the intro apart from the gender issues? Actually, I thought it was pretty good because you got the important bits in. Yeah. Was there anything that we missed out that you I don't think I'll I'll think about it. I mean it went by so quickly. Yeah. I tried to rattle through it to avoid it more heckling. no it was good. Sometimes the things that you know were a croc of shit are b uh are better. Yeah, but then you wouldn't if I did an intro where I just m mentioned all the stuff that was a crock of shit, you wouldn't ? No. I wouldn't. No, I think you you did jolly well. Okay, great, great, great. Well it's lovely to see you again. Thank you. And we've actually got a gift for you here. Are they onions? Because that's the only thing people ever give me is onions . Um Um Are they onions? Or radishes or something? Why don't you just ta here As long as it's not a fart cushion. No, it's not a fart cushion. Not anymore . I should just say thank you. How long? No, no, no, no, no. I think you shoot from a book. Oh it's a book. Yes. Now that that's Is it your book? It's my book. Now I'll know that you are a comedian. Yeah, now you'll know who the fuck I am. I I I should have done my research. I think it was fine. No, I should, because it it's polite. And I think this is it's hard to write, isn't it? It's not an easy thing. Well if you read that, I don't make it look easy. I can tell you that for nothing. I found it difficult. I found the beginning bit easy. Did youn know't Ian'm a comedi? There is another gift in there which I'm less excited about you. Okay, let me have a look. We must be this with. Yeah. Oh, you can just leave it. I mean you can pretend you like it for now. Okay . Oh, are they pills? Yes. Seneco . Yeah this is prescribed. What is that ? I don't know what that is. It's uh I'll open it for you. Thank you. I think you're really gonna like it. It's an it's like an onion toy . An an onion toy. It's an onion key ring, look. Oh I do like that. Do you? Because it's practical. Yeah, there you go. You know, people give you things that you just want to pop them straight in the charity box. And that's an onion. That's an onion, yeah. You know what's the problem? An onion with sunglasses. Yeah . Well they're trying to give it some character that it it's got lots of character. Not an onion character, but it it's actually a bit like you, isn't it? , I'll put that down here. Don't forget to give it to me. I won't no I won't. So what are you going to ask me? What would you like me to ask you? Well I want you to show me in in all the variety and multiplicity of my character. Good luck mate. We've we've only really got just over an hour. I want to interview you. That's the thing. Yes, I I think you're interesting. You're sexy. I know you are. I mean I can feel it from here, and I'm eighty four and gay as I say, but but I can feel that there is, you know, an arousal happening. Happening. Right. Happening now. Yeah, no, sure. But it could potentially happen. It could. Yeah, okay. Don't let it. I won't let it no. Don't gamble with your happiness. Often I'm just chatting to people and I can feel them getting aro used. But you have to you have to push that down. I'm gonna curb it. I will . It's it's like cheesecake, you know, it's it's a moment on the lips and forever on the hips. Yeah. It's not worth it. It's not it's n the cheesecake is not worth the slice, is it? Or something. Yeah, okay. Exactly. Um well thank you for your advice. I can't help giving it to you. Yeah, I mean the show as they say. Yeah, no, I appreciate it. And I will I will I will bear that in mind. Now congratulations on your new documentary, Miriam Margali's Made Me Me. It's on iPlayer now. Well there are two people who really deserve congratulations for that. One of them is Simon Draper. Just outside. Who who is the the kind of only begetter of it because it was his idea And a man called Gwynne Jones who's the editor . And when you're making a film or anything, make sure you get a good editor. Right. Because they're the key. Cause this thing that it was on telly, um, it took two years. So there's two years worth of f filming that had to be condensed into an hour. And I dunno how he did it, but w I saw it with some anxiety . And I thought it was actually rather good. But because of him, not because of me. I mean okay . Well I think it was really good and I'm sure it's good because of him. Did you see it? Yes. But I I think Did you know that it I was coming in when you saw it? Yeah. Oh good. Okay. Um but you know when you came onto the radio show and we had the comments, a lot of people were saying I don't know whether Miriam knows why and how she's so entertaining. Right? I don't quite understand why I've suddenly become successful. That I don't. I was always talented. And I and I I can become other people. But why I'm suddenly so popular I I truly don't quite get it. Have you tried to put your finger on it at all? Well how much time have you spent thinking about why that is a lot of time I'm just saying thank you. You know, in in the taxi here today there was a sweet guy, and we ended up you know, and I I gave a a little video to his to his wife on his telephone. And I think why you know most of his passengers probably don't have to do that. So I I'm I'm surprised, interested, pleased, grateful but I think it's not good to think about it too much because otherwise I'll get kind of up my own bum. Do you do you think it's partly because th this really does come across in the documentary is that first of all I think it's the way it's done, the way Simon's done it and sort of the the nature of how it's filmed is a amazing. You know, it's kinda it's him just it really f you know, it's this sounds like a this is not an insult. It's unpolished, isn't it? In terms of and I'm sure a lot of polishing happened in the edit, but what I mean is he's grabbing he comes into your flat, he's getting everything. You're talking about your bra, you know, he brings you the you know all. Well it just happened that that day I knew that I was going to be filmed, but I didn't know it was going to be on television. I thought it was you know, just in a little s situation like this in a podcast studio. But I did have that new bra on and it did the the did me the world of good. Well you said lifted and separated. It did. And I'm not wearing it today. Well I I haven't I wasn't making any comment about that. I need several people to put it on for me, you see. And So is that r usual for bras that they require a m a a number of people Well the problem is that I've got a a bad shoulder. I've had it for a long time actually, because I didn't know how to fall and I had to fall in a play for six months about forty years ago. And it's it meant I've got um I don't know, it's the rotator cuff, doesn't quite cuff or rotate or whatever it should do. So I can't put my hands behind my back. Right. And when you probably know this, but when you put on a bra or take it off, you have to reach behind your back. Yes. I can manage with an apron because it's lower down. Got ya. But a bra is a little bit and you have to sort of arrange your tits into it. No, I know. And you I need help, basically. No, I get it. So my lodgers do bra duty. Right. But I didn't I hadn't got them with me today, so I had to do it myself. I mean look, I d I d you know Thank you. But the trouble is you have to look down to see the document. Whereas when they're up it's better. But anyway. Yeah. Y you said you were anxious about watching the documentary. Um, but you are somebody that's kind of you're just incredibly honest and uh you know, and I I know authentic is a bit of a buzzword, but that is what you are. So what what made you feel anxious about this documentary then? I suppose because um first of all I didn't know it was g going to be a documentary. So and also I thought that people would say Am I allowed to swim Oh yeah. And it wasn't a a puff piece for me. It w it was something different which turned out to show me as I as I think I am, as I hope I am, um, and actually uh a modest person aware of And I just didn't want people to think who the fuck does she think she is? So I thought that might be a possible result of that. But so far it hasn't been. And people have just been very warm and and friendly about it. So I'm pleased. 're naturally very funny Well he is a dear man. That is true. He's a he's a sweetheart and we've known each other quite a long time. But he's a director. Yeah. You know. I think he's become a friend now. Well w you know, I mean I ordered him about a bit. W I didn't realise I was, but I sort of said you know, can you give me that? And he could have taken offense, but he didn't. He he was lovely. And and we really are genuinely friends, I think. Did you feel completely comfortable when you watch the final thing? I I felt embarrassed because I was in a screening room with a lot of people in a hotel just last week I think it was. And I I found that a bit nerve-wracking because you know you want to you want to look good and all that, and I just thought, oh God, you you fat cow, you ugly, wrinkled, pimply you know, um and th but that's very superficial, of course. But women are like that, you know, we like to look Men are like that too . Actually that's true. Yeah. That is true. Uh anyway, a very nice thing is that we're going to the Sheffield Documentary Festival. Congratulations. On your fucking niece, mate. You'd like that. I mean it it's it's it's it's really an honour to be asked. It is an honour, yeah, I've never been asked. And uh have you been asked Ben? Ben you direct documentaries? No, never been asked. Your time will come, young man. A lot of people are saying his best years are behind him creatively Well I I'm thrilled because that is special. Yeah, that's very special. For your for your peers to to to want to hear y what you've got to say about something is really lovely. So that that is a a plus. Um you said you don't want to be seen as a a farty old lady. Well uh You don't want to be reductive. It's a bit late for that, isn't it? Because I am a farty old lady. And actually that's probably the only thing people really know about me. But everybody farts. I don't know why, even Celia Imory uh has suddenly taken into her head or bottom to far Well it's everybody's. It's just uh I was asked to be on traitors. Right, right . I don't like um those eliminating things. Oh the challenges. Yeah, I don't like that. Oh, do you mean the round table where they talk about banks? Well I hadn't't actually I haven seen the programme. Okay, fine. But um I don't I don't like uh what's that other thing where you go to a jungle? Oh I'm a celebrity. Yeah. Yeah. Well I was asked to be on that um Yeah. And finding out about each other. Yeah. That's interesting. But then w were you not thinking about like sort of capitalizing on your on your sort of the spike in your popularity? Well I'm happy to make money. And um I'm actually I I'm writing a book at the moment. Right. It's quite a clever title, don't you think? What a clever title. So what's the uh what's the book about? The thing is that I f I find life terribly sad and difficult at the moment. I think the world is in a shit state. Yeah, agreed. And I can't write a book and not reflect that and say something about it. And then I'm going on a tour, and this is the bit that is really exciting, and this is where I'll make the money. Uh and that's what I am interested in capitalizing on. So I'm going round something like thirty-four cities, I think. Right. And I'm going to talk on a stage and people will ask me questions. Well they they don't ask me about about about serious things very often. Okay. But I'm gonna make them. Okay. How do how do you do that? I'll ask them about them. Okay, got ya. And then they'll be serious.ly More serious. But what sort of things do they ask you? Well they ask me uh you know, who was my best fuck or or um something like that. They ask you that. Audience members will say who Miriam who is your they put it on a iPad. They don't update the case. But they'll write the words they'll write the words who's your best fuck. Yeah. And would you answer those questions? You will answer every question. So what's your answer to who's your best fuck then? Well I think I would have to say my partner because I haven't fucked lots and lots of people. Okay. I'm not like you Do I give do I do I do I Do I give you the impression that I fuck lots of people? Yeah. Do I? Yeah. That's that's not true. I'm glad I give off that vibe. Why are you glad? Because it's you know It's not the best vibe to give up Oh shit no. But no it's not I'm sorry, I'm glad, I'm indifferent. Uh no no but it's You're a liar as well, isn't it? Fucking h Um no, I I think uh I I came late to sex. You came early. That's true, many times. Well that that's I've heard that a lot. And now the funny thing is, it seems to me so far in the distance that I can barely remember actual fucks. Right. When you say actual fucks you mean like the individual fucks. The individual moment of joy, of discovery, of exquisite joy and pain and thrills and all that. Yeah. I think it's a jolly good thing. Fucking Yes. But it's not the most important thing to me anymore. No. I think it was at one time, but not anymore. Right. Okay. So your partner is the answer. Now we're talking about um we you're talking about making money. Is this true? Three hundred and twenty thousand pounds from cameo . Well i it's actually more now. Okay. And um thankfully the Odious Niggle has withdrawn from Cameo. Who is the Odious Niggle? Mr Ferro Mr. Garrige. Oh I see. I said uh I did question time with him. Yes, he's been on that a lot. He has, isn't he? It's quite controversial how much he's been on it actually. What what was your reaction your immediate reaction to him on that Well we got into it a little bit and then because uh it was around the time of of Brexit and I had just been on to the vote leave kind of website, you know, their campaign website. And I remember there was a picture of uh an im immigration officer asleep at his desk, and then there were lots of kind of cultural stereotype like this caricature of cultural stereotypes sneaking into the country next to him. And so I I had just seen that that day, and so I was like thoroughly like pissed off. And so he and I sort of got into it a little bit because I d I you know I I just felt like they were they you know uh is I'm saying an obvious thing. They were demonizing immigrants in order to put their argument across. And I and uh using stereotypes and they're coming to steal everything and all of that kind of stuff. Very much kind of a diet coke version of the kind of rhetoric we're seeing now. You know, that that was that was it was being smuggled at that stage. Now it's uh it's it's much more openly being said and you know and so it's got it's got much more dangerous now than it than it was. But yeah, we got into it a little bit. But but then to be honest with you, Miriam, after quite so I was sat, it's all politicians apart from me, and they're all going at it, and to be honest with you, all of the politicians, all of the other MPs and other guests were having a go at Nigel. The thing that shocked me the most is as soon as it finished, they were all so chummy. I c I couldn't get my head round it. So it was like it felt like it was a a bit of you know, I guess they have to get on, but I was surprised that people that were so uh opposed in their views were just, you know. I think they went out for a drink afterwards. Probably. Well , I think that's partly what's wrong with the world, that people don't care enough inside, deeply care, about how there is exclus ion, separation , bridges , borders, wars. What's happened to the English? Maybe we were always like that. I don't know. I I h hopeope not, because I love being English, principally because of the language. Yeah. The language it's it we have the best language. You think so? Oh, without a doubt. Well we've colonized everybody else's, you know, that's why. You all the Indian words we have like bungalow and I mean wah jodpers yes It's fabulous. Yeah, yeah. Um so you've m so you've made more than three hundred and twenty thousand pounds? Yes. Um as of now I've made I think five hundred and seventy thousand at the last count . Which was five hundred and seventy thousand pounds from Cameron. Yes, that was but that's not I mean that's the whole shebang since I joined Cameo. But is that but then are you having to do it all the time are you doing all the time like how many hours a day are you spending on cameo? Well I try not to spend more than a couple of hours on it. A day. A day. Okay. Because uh you know, there's life's for living. And uh but people are asking one of the things I notice is that the cameos now are asking for advice and for what they call pep talks rather than happy birthday. You know, or So people ask you people ask for you to give them advice on something. I know. And it's difficult because they don't give you enough information to know that you're telling them useful stuff. Yeah. But um I'm very grateful to Cameo, I I have to be honest, because it means that I can spend rather more freely than I than I would have done otherwise. But uh Nigel Farage was on cameo. Yeah. And I don't think that's right. I don't think a politician should be doing that. No. I really don't. I'm not a politician. I'm not standing for office. I've just got my hand out for This episode is brought to you by Expedia and Visit Scotland. Start your story in Scotland. Experience the pool of wide untamed landscapes and fresh cuisine that feels rooted in place. Discover castles steeped in legend and feel the genuine warmth from locals you meet in a place that will stay with you long after you leave. Start planning your own Scottish holiday. Today at expedia.co.uk slash visit scotland We We've got a question from my mother actually. Yes. It's on voice notes, so let's hear it let's hear it now. I don't know what this question is Hi Meram. This is Romatius Mum here . What's the best and worst part of being in your 80s. I'm not there yet, but you are an inspiration. Have a wonderful day. Love to meet you. And I watch all your program . Love you so much. Bye . That's nice, isn't it? That's lovely. What is your mum ? Shanti. Shanti . Shanti . Uh Shanti , thank you for that lovely message. I'm I'm very flattered that that you like what I what I have to offer. So let me answer the question. Um the the worst thing about being eighty is my uh weak pelvic floor. I piss myself all the time, and everywhere I go, I always take spare knickers um because you never know. Um and that's honestly the truth. I I don't like it and I don't say it to be funny. I say it 'cause it's true and it's a bloody nuisance. But um if I'd done pelvic floor exercises, maybe I wouldn't be so pissy. But that's the worst thing. So darling Shanti , do your pelvic where do I look at do your pelvic floor exercises . Okay? Thank you . And the best thing about being 80, and I'm going to be 85 in six weeks. Um the best thing I think is not not being afraid to meet people, not being afraid to go into a room and um just be . Sometimes that's because people know who I am and they're sort of star struck because they think I'm a star. But I it gives me confidence. I I feel more empowered, I believe is the word now, to um to to be and just to to go into a room and talk to people, which is what I love doing. And by the way , may I congratulate you on the son that that sits beside me at the moment. He's not without fault, of course, neither am I, but he is a a generous, gentle, well brought up young man, and I know that's because of you . Oh that's so lovely. Oh Mumma loved that. Um do you think that you know you, talked about getting more comfortable about walking into a room and when you arrived here you know I g uh i you're y you know, you're being Miriam Marglis, there's no you know, you're just in. Do you think that's because I mean you said it's because you're in your eighties is that because you're in your eighties or because you're because of your celebrity? What what do you which one do you think it is? I I don't honestly know. Um because I think I've always been um a show off. Um and because my my friends, those who are still alive at at from school days, um they tell me that I was always a bit like that. But I think it does the fact that people might have, you know, might have seen me or know who I am already means that when I speak to them, they're not going to be frightened or or think I'm going to hurt them or something. So that is nice. And I tell you honestly, Ramash, when I go on stage , I d I d I really do get a buzz from the affection that I feel comes over. Now of course now I'm going to I've said that. People say, well fuck her, we're not gonna do that, you know. But i i it is it is a very wonderful thing when you come on stage to feel that people want to see you. Yeah. And that that is lovely. What sort of audience is it is it like a c a complete cross section of different papers? It is. But when they put something on Facebook, sometimes they put Oh I can't stand her. She's vile . Or um she's very marmite, isn't she? Which means that some people really don't like it, and some people do. Marm very marmite too. You know, what isn't marmite? Exactly. Look at the royal family. The royal family's marmite. Some people love them, some people don't. That that's you're alive. When you're alive , that's it. You can't you can't be totally loved and popular. But I always wonder why are they on my page if they if they don't like me. Well d do you think it's a good thing to 'cause one of the things you said to I think you said it to Sally Phillips in the documentary when you're doing the podcast. She's a class act. You said You said when you were younger that you felt like you were very important. Right? And that and that as you're getting older, actually you're only I think I think what you exact you said was something along the lines of you're only as important as the happiness you bring to the world and you are trying to accept that you're not as important as you used to think you are, right? How Had this massive jump in the in the nation's affection. People really love you. And then you look at the comments, and you are, you know, social media, it gives you a direct channel of what people think about you. That is quite dangerous if you're trying to to turn down the ego whatever you want to call it that's quite difficult it's quite a difficult thing to do when you're so so in tune with what or connected to what people are saying about you. Do you find that relationship difficult? Is that hard for you to to to balance? I don't think it's difficult because I'm not stupid. That's a fair point. I think you you just accept the good bits but acknowledge that you are not perfect and that is true. I am not . But I think I'm a damn sight more perfect than Nigel Diddles, you know . I mean I want to make people happy, I want to tell the truth. I I do what mummy taught me, which was do the right thing. She always said that . And she said, You know what the right thing is, do it. Well, why doesn't that orange fiend over the over the pond why doesn't he do the right thing? Yeah. Well he thinks he is doing the right thing in fairness to him. Aaron Powell Well I I don't know what to say about him. I I I am lost for words where he's concerned. I do think he's evil. Scary, evil. And if he decides one day to put his finger on the nuclear button, think what that could mean to the world. No, I I want I want to to be honest, do the right thing, and I take life seriously. I'm a serious person. I'm not just a sort of funny little wobbly thing . I mean I I care about the world. I want people to be happy. And when I s when I see somebody's written something horrible about me, what you know what I usually do is I go and look up their profile and sometimes I think well I don't have to worry about them That's very tempting to do that. There's a quote in your book, Miriam's Full English. It's a very clever title. And the quote says, I believe in fairness and fun, free love and free speech, and all of them are under threat . do you do you do what makes you say that? Because of the change in the atmosphere the public atmosphere in England that people are being encouraged to blame immigrants, asylum seekers for all the wrongs that have happened. Nobody looks to themselves to think Now why did that happen? It ''ss there a lack of compassion of understanding . I remember the war, I I was born during the war in 41, and I can remember that people were friendlier then, just less scared . It's never going to be like that again. I know that. But we've got to be kind er . We really have to be kinder to each other. And that's what I want to see. Not a kind of woolly acceptance of everything, but when you see someone's in distress , that it should call out in you a humanity . And I'm not politically wise. I I make the stupid statements quite often actually. But I am human. And if somebody extends to me humanity or shows me their vulnerability , I want to do something about it. I haven't lost my humanity, and I don't want people to lose theirs. And England has always been a little bit um you know, I I I referenced that punch cartoon, which I think was in something like 1884, when the when when there are two guys sitting on a fence and somebody goes past and one says to the other, who's he? And he says, A stranger, and the other fellow says, Eve off a brick at him. And that apparently is a well-known attitude of some people. If if you're a stranger, I hate you, I fear you, I want to kill you. Well we've got to change that. How how come you 'cause you as you said you're in your eighties, eighty five in six weeks' time. May the eighteenth, May the eighteenth. So if anybody wants to you know send a card. Send a card or not a bomb. Not a card. No, not a bomb. Let's be clear, in case anybody was thinking it would be a good idea to send a bomb, Miriam's not open she's absolutely not open to that. Um but a lot of people as they get older move the other way. You know, you y y you know, become less tolerant and become you know, I guess I I I guess I'm oversimplifying, but swing to the right slightly, I guess. Wha w why do you think you that hasn't happened to you? I don't know. I I was properly brought up. I read books . I see I see people's pain. I mean look on television in the news every day we get buildings blown up, kids with their with their bones sticking through their flesh from uh starvation. How can we not be reached by the sadness of the world? So that's what I think keeps me caring. I don't I don't want to be someone who says stuff all that. I'm you know, like that chap who who makes Hoover's Dyson. Oh yeah. Ugh . The hand drawers are quite good though. If you if you were to if you were if we were looking at a full are you a fan of full English by the way? Um Um yes, but uh I don't like too many fried things because it makes me burp. Right. And the other thing too. Yes. But you big fan of a hash brown Not anymore. No, I didn't think so. That's why I asked. Do you hate hash browns? I don't think that's why not like why do you not like them anymore? Usually because the fat that they're cooked in is old old fat. Okay. And I you know I'm old fat. I don't want to eat it. Yeah. But if they said we've got fresh fat, you'd be up for a fash brown. Fresh fat, yes. Fresh fat. Okay, great. Um so uh what what do you um when you go out and do your your tours and stuff like that, is that now, is that the thing that gives you the biggest buzz? Because I I I'm a sta I don't know if you're where I'm a comedian. But but I I uh I think the thing I mean it's probably different for me than it is for you, but an audien when you say something that gets the whole room rocking, I don't think there's much of a there's many other buzzes like that in life. Is that is that what kind of what your experience of that is? Yes, I think to feel an audience with you and that that you're sharing in their pleasure, that's the best. of all Um now look, let's talk about uh one of the things I wanted to do when I was talking to talking to you is cover the multiplicity of your career. You know, don't don't just want to talk about cameo, don't want to just talk about your documentary, all that's great. Don't want to talk about your book, which has a very clever title. Acting. Now you're a incredibly sorry, you're an incredibly accomplished actress, aren't you? Were you always destined to be a performer? Was that the only thing you wanted to do when you were growing up? Yes, yes. A natural show off. Yeah. You know, came out of the womb dancing sort of thing. Yeah. Uh with lots of black hair already. I'm going to give you such a treat, I'm going to fart Oh thank you. And you know there we are . Thank you so much for the first time. Do you always know when they're gonna come? I have a couple of seconds warning. Okay. And then will you always announce? I think it's only decent to announce. But will you announce in any uh any context? Like if you're in a library, would you say? Um if people were near me I might. Have you thought about monetizing it ? No. Do you are you aware that some people sell them in a jar? Oh that's ridiculous. It's true. Well I'm not selling my farts and that's that. Fair enough. Well thank you for the gift. Um so you always wanted to be an actress. Uh uh do you remember what when you first made the I mean you people like us that go into and bubble I'm not saying that I'm on the same level as you, but people like us that get into entertainment, we are shell offs. There's a narcissism there, right? But why was it acting in particular that you wanted to Well I mummy Mummy was uh somebody who wanted to act and n decent Jewish girls didn't do that then. So she put all her longing and vic arious delight in into my achievements . And I have a natural enjoyment of words and as I said And I think when I was at school we were well taught, we had terrific teachers and I I d just found that I could make people laugh and so I enjoyed it. It's it's and I think when you become someone else, when you go into a character , that is a fascinating experience . And it's something that takes rehearsal time and that you you share it with with the the others on stage with you. So I don't really like one person shows. I've done one which has been very successful. But it's very lonely. Yeah . And I I don't I don't want to do any people keep sending me one person shows as if the stage is, you know, too small for m for anyone else to be on it once I'm on it. But that's not that's not what I want. I don't think that I can remember lines long enough now to do to do a show, but I loved when I became another person . I remember in in Australia I did a play called I'll Eat You Last, which was about an American woman agent called Sue Mengers, who was Barbara Stre isen's agent at one time. And that really was my becoming completely another person . And that that pleased me. I thought I have let Miriam go. I'm not Miriam anymore . And that was a an achievement. And and is it is it theatre acting in particular that you love or is it TV and film is that up there with it or I mean they're different disciplines. I love you, the audience. That's what I love . That I I've tried to describe it and I think I I've called it it's um it's a golden thread. I'm holding one end, you're holding the other. Yeah. And it's utterly delicious. It's joyous. Um and you were part of footlights, weren't you That was not joyous. What It was a long time ago, and I think it shows me in a very bad light that I bear so much rage and irritation when I recall it. But women weren't allowed to join Footlights in the days when I was there. And the very brilliant young men who were the Footlights were also mean-spirited and jealous of anybody who took their light. They were immensely competitive with each other. And I had a real run-in with the boys in the Footlights Review that I was in, which was in nineteen sixty-two, which was called Double Tak e. Trevor Nunn directed it , who was a sweetie actually , and um John Clees and Graham Chapman were particularly venomous. Towards you? Yeah. I in what way? What were they doing Well the the thing they did that was m that was the most hurtful was that they stopped speaking to me off stage. Right so that I it's called being sent to Coventry. Well it was c do you know that expression? Yes, I heard that expression, yeah. Um and that's what they did. And it it wounded me terribly. And I wasn't invited to the cast party. So I complained and um I went to the cast party. But I've never really forgiven them. I think I think John and Graham were really brilliant young men, but they lacked that thing which is the human part of the gene. And their comedy was soulless ul ultimately and I'm I'm glad he's old and f unfunny Did you did you did you speak to them years on at all or was that the end? Um I remember when um the king was sixty and he was Prince Charles then there was a uh a performance that lots of people came and did their did their turn, and I was one of them who was asked to perform and John was the um master of ceremonies and he decided to play it in a wheelchair, uh probably because he thinks that sixty was very old then and he pretended that he didn't know who I was or how to pronounce my name when it was his job to announce me. And he said, Oh, uh now wait a minute um Miriam Miriam Mug gogg m yeah. And he thought that was funny. And I didn't. So did you sell it what did you say something to him? I said, Oh come on, John, you know my name. Fair enough. That was all I said, and then I did whatever I had to do. But I thought that showed a nasty little man, a puny little man. Fair enough. Um I think we're very honest there. Now let's talk a little bit about TV and film. Blackadder is my what 's gorgeous, isn't it? It's my favourite sit car. It's unbelievable. Like my just so insanely funny. Um What was what was your experience like on that show? Gorgeous. Yeah. I loved it. They were all heavenly. I mean they were real grown up men, you know. They they weren't and they were public schoolboys, just like the other lot, but they had heart and humour and and sweetness. I love them all. I still love them. I s I'm still you know, I know Stephen, I know Hugh. They're they're d and Tony. Tony Robinson. Sir. Yes. Sir . Whoa. No, he's I mean I I love him. Was it was it 'cause it's obviously it's very precisely written. Did you have to were you sticking exactly to the lines? Was there like was it loose or how it was a long time ago and I can't exactly remember what it was like rehearsing. It was just it was joyous. It was fun. It was it was happy it was happiness. It it wasn't s it was stressful because we had to get it right. And and Rowan was was really anxious. I mean he was very stressed . But um I loved it and I still think it's one of the most brilliant things that's ever been on television anywhere. It's an incredible show. And I was in three of the series. I I I was The Spanish Infanta , which was great fun, with Jim Broadbent, who's a genius. And oh you should interview him. He's a bloody genius. And um and then I and then I was Lady White Adder, which I think is almost my favourite of the of the parts that I had. And then I was Queen Victoria again with with Jim Broadbent mm playing Prince Albert. No, it's incredible. It's incredible. So I w I've been very, very fortunate. Do people still talk to about Black Out or something? Yes, all the time. All the time. Especially blokes. And blokes think th that I can remember the the lines, you know, it's forty years ago. Yeah. Do you ever watch it back now? How can you watch it back? Well you can you can watch I mean it's uh Is it on it's not on television? You can watch it online, I'm pretty sure. No, I haven't. I don't I don't I don't watch comedy. I don't like it much. Except for That must be why you didn't . Yes, I'm sure it was. No, there are some good things. I love that thing uh something country. This country. This country. Oh that was brilliant. Yeah, it was really good, yeah. Really brilliant. Yeah. And I liked some of the uh of Ruth Jones's stuff with Oh, Gavin and Stasis.. Yes Some of that. Not all of it, but some of it. Um No, it's hard to be funny on television. Oh, there's that Australian thing about the dog . Call him from accounts? Yes. Colin from Accounts. Oh Bliss . Absolute bliss. Yeah, so there you do know some comedy. Harry Potter . What was that like to work on? I mean that is that that is w the thing about being in Harry Potter is that is an indelible mark on so many people's It is, yes. You know, memories you know, that is you're now stuck in people's, you know, it's life experience, you know, because it's such a big part of people's lives. I didn't realise that. Because I uh when people said on cameo they say, you know, we're having a a Harry Potter themed wedding. And I would say, well, I think it's time you let that go. I mean but that you can't let go bits of your childhood. And I didn't realize that because it wasn't my childhood. I was in my fifties or sixties when I did that. Um and I I think it's terrific. I think it's wonderful. I've let it go. You know, it's not it wasn't the most important job for me. Was it not important for you at the time, even It was important um in terms of career. Yeah. But it didn't impinge on me the way you know, working with Donald Donald Syndon, for examp le, when I did um She Stoops to Conquer. By the way, if David Essex watches this, I'm really I'm really keen to to see him again. I don't know how to get in touch with him, but he's Um D Dave, should we just do a d direct um I mean you can just do down the camera. Dave, it's Miriam. Do please get in touch with me. I'm nearly eighty five and I don't want to die before before seeing you again, so I love you and I think you're wonderful . Fingers crossed. Let's see what happens. And it's out there. Have you said it publicly before that you're trying to get in touch with David Essex? I don't think I have actually. Maybe it's gonna happen. Let's hope. Yeah, fingers crossed. So you've worked you've worked with some you've worked with enormous names, like, you know legendary legendary set of actors and people that you've worked with. Who who's uh who's your favourite? Would you do you have a favourite? Well I do. I I love Eileen Atkins who is a dame and she's probably m most known from um the Robert Altman film. Um was it called Downton Abbey? No. Something maybe it was called Downton Abbey. And um uh Martin Clun's uh uh series and she played the old lady in it. Gosford Park. Gosford Park, that's it. Great well Yes. I knew it was the name of something. Um I I just think she's the best actress that I've ever seen Right. So that's such a thrill. She's quite old now. But I I just love her and uh I've known Dame Maggie, whom I loved also, Dame Judy, I know her a bit. Um and she's you know these are the people who enrich our lives. What do you you know that when you talk about the people that you think are really good actors and actresses, do you think that is can that be learned or does some people just uh are you just given some sort of does the universe just give you some extra thing that puts you to that level? I think you're born with a gigantic talent. You can improve. You could you can nourish and respect your gift. But if you don't have it to start with, you're not going to get it. It it 's there. And what Dame Eileen has that I will never have is econom y . She can do it playing very small and I'm afraid I play That's not a bad thing though, is it? Well, it's not it's just what I've got. I give what I've got. But she has a defin ition and a focus. I just don't have that. Hmm. And have you tried to have you consciously thought about refining or honing or I mean obviously you're incredibly talented, but how much thought you given? Of course you are. It's undeniable , isn't it? So how much thought have you given to to try and push it, or do you ever think I wish I was better at this or I wish I could do this? How much of that has entered your kind of thoughts? I think I I you you do of course think about it a lot. Where I think that I am really brilliant is vocally. Right. I think that I can do things on a microphone and read words in a way that illuminates and defin es them. And I'm particularly good with Mr Dickens because he built big too, but he built true. His characters are based on truth. I don't think they're caricatures . But I do think about the things that I'm not so good at . And of course I was never trained, I didn't go to drama school. I thought I could manage without. Well, in the end I managed without, but it took a very long time. So do you wish you had gone in a way? I d I don't think I do because it I would have perhaps lost something that is Miriam and I would have become Radha ish or Lambda-ish uh Because y you do. I'm I'm not unhappy with the Miriam that that is that sits here before you. Nor should you be. I mean it's a great Miriam. Congratulations on being the Miriam that you're you're being. Thank you. Who would be the most surprising person that you've worked with that would surprise us the most? The most surprising Well , I became incredibly fond of Bobby George , who is who was um a world darts player.. Yeah And there is a humanity in him and a and a a comic touch that I I just adore. How did you cross paths with Bobby George? Because we did a documentary together. Right. Uh travelling round India. Yeah. And I wouldn't have expected to be so fond of him because he's n he's not educated. He's big and and he he cares about darts, and I don't care about darts particularly. There was a a humanity. And he's a he was he's a Tory. Well I mean I I always thought that's an ultra immediate red flag for you. Yes. Norm ing, I'm very cherry of Tories. But I've met I met John Major and I thought he was Something about him. Yeah, just I I respected him. And I have to respect these grand old Tories who tell it like it is, who say that Brexit was a terrible mistake. And it was . It really was. It it has affected my life because I can't go and live in the house that I bought , the first house I ever bought in Italy, which is where Heather and I wanted to end our lives together. Now I'm gonna have to do something about that. I'm either going to have to become Dutch or Italian. So I I don't get that. But no, Bobby Bobby George is a really fine person. Um what what is the you know, you've done so many things. You are in your pomp, you know, uh very well loved. What what is the thing that you want people to associate you with the most? Is there something that you're proudest of that you want people to talk about with regards to you? Is it Blackadder, for example, or is it something else? Well, I uh i it m i it's funny because I'm being asked to provide my own obituary really. Yeah, I mean I don't want to say it like that. Well, I mean, you know, we uh I'm nearer to death than you are probably. Um no, I would like to think that people will remember the work I did on Charles Dickens. Right because he is the great Englishman, he is the great English writer, I think as great as Shakespeare. And I've done very good work on Dickens. And um I'd like to people remember me that way. So kind of seriously. I uh uh because I don't want to cheapen myself and just be, as I say, kind of farty and all that. You can't. Sure. But that's that's a small aspect of A small aspect. Of of the Margali's ev not Yeah, I'm I'm uh uh look, I'm me. Yeah. And that's what I'm offering you. Yeah. And that's great. It's a great offer. Um is there anything that you'd still like to do that you haven't done? Have you got any I want to go to Africa, the real Africa, and see my elephants. Because I've adopted three elephants and a rhino . And I I''veve n never actually been to the real Africa. I've been to North Africa and South Africa. But I haven't been to, you know, M Mali or Ghana or or Ethiopia. I Ethiopia's great. Ghana's great. I'd love to go there. I mean they're all great, but I mean those are the two that I've been to. I know India you see a bit. I've been to Goa. I haven't been to Sri Lanka. Right. And I'm hoping that to go. I really want to go there. Okay. I've mentioned the yes to a couple of people and I think I think it might happen. I'm hoping next year. Okay. Well good luck with that. Um Thank you. We are playing a game we're gonna play a little game with you now, Miriam. Oh fuck. Um it's cross crossed. It's a game. A game. But it's not you still you just sit there. It's it there's no you don't have to do anything apart from what you're doing now. The game's called misquoted . Yes I'm gonna read out five things that you may or may not have said, and you just have to tell me whether you think you said them or not. It's misquoted. Right. So Phil have I explained the rules properly? Yes, yes, I think. There's no prize and there's no forfeit either. So really the stakes couldn't be lower. That's good. I like that. Alright. Low stakes. Here's your first one. Good luck. I'm a grand dame and a gooner . I don't think I would have said that. You didn't. Because the language is a little common. Oh. But I am a supporter of of our stuff. Yes, but you wouldn't guna. I wouldn't. No. I say I'm a supporter of Arsenal. I'm a supporter of Arsenal. Arsenal fan? Is that too common? Yeah. Okay, fine. Yeah. I should have worn the scarf, but I wore You're a big Arsenal fan, aren't you? I am. Uh Did you watch Wha wha I mean, what do you think about how we're doing? Well I'm a bit uh di disappointed. I think Arteta made a mistake in not using some of the you know, the the established tea rather than the new ones. Right. But I understand why he did it. And I think one mustn't run away when the going gets tough. Uh that so you said false and you were correct. Well done. You're one for one. I wasn't really interested in men, and I'm still not. I'm not interested in their souls because very few men have souls. When you find one that has , it's worth it. Most of them are so trivial. I did say that. Mm most very few men have souls . I think that that's harsh and a bit a bit gli b. And I don't like being glib, but I am sometimes. Um I think that that that men are sometimes afraid to be serious. Right. I I'll I'll amend it. Okay. that's different that's quite different to they don't have souls, isn't it? Yes. I'd allow it to be different. Yeah, no, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Sorry, I didn't mean to antagonise you. Uh okay, here's one next one. I'm in my Ozempic era . Well I certainly didn't say that . What no you didn't say that. What's your what's your Ozempic take? Nil . I've never taken a Zempic. Do you have an opinion on it on people Yes, I don't think you should take medicines that are not des igned for what is wrong with you. A Zemp ic is, I believe, something that diabetics take. Yes. Well, if you're not diabetic, you shouldn't take it. Right. That's your opinion. And I know how awful it is to be fat, because I've been fat all my life. And it's amazing that you haven't mentioned that. And thank you for not mention ing it because it's embarrassing. I'm I wouldn't just so you know, I would have not never brought it up and I certainly can't didn't even know how to react when you said it. Well, I'm embarrassed by it and and uh Why are you embarrassed by it though? Because it's fucking horrible. Have great belly and and you know, be overweight. It's not a b but we're just conditioned to we're just but people are conditioned to think it's horrible. It's not horrible, is it? I think it is horrible because it's not healthy. And I should n't have been in you know I shouldn't be in a wheelchair uh and with a walker but it's because I'm too fat and I didn't exercise etc etc . But um I uh i I wouldn't take a Zempic. I think that is not good. Okay. And I wouldn't have a t a tummy tuck or a what they do what they they do something inside you a liposuction. And you mean a gastric band? Oh the gastric band , yeah. That's a good name for a for a musical outfit, isn't it, actually? Gastric band. Gastric band. Yeah. Is there one? Is there one called gastric band? Probably. It will I mean I don't know for for a fact, but I imagine there is. I think that would be quite a good title. Yeah. But you'd never have a gastric band. Never. Never. Never have operations you don't need . Okay. That's good good advice. It is good advice. Yeah. Uh Ben, what's your take on Osempic and stuff like that? I I totally agree. I wouldn't don't don't agree with it. Ben's doubled . He had a What do you mean doubled? He had a bit he had a bit he tried some. You are you on it now? No No, not now.. He wasn't. You took it. Yes he did, yeah. You should darling. Honestly. Sorry, Miriam. It's not uh you mustn't do that. Um I won't. I tottered and I could feel she was tottering too. And I thought we finished. Oh, it was so embarrassing. That really was a moment of horror. Because I wanted to show respect because I love that lady. I mean she's terrific. And they're very happy together. And I I wanted to curtsy. But you see when you when you're eighty five and you got not very good legs and all the rest of it, and I thought I'd do it without the stick foolish. So I did what I thought was a curtsy, but it turned into a totter. And then I realized that I was going to fall. And so she put out her hand and I clutched it and I pulled her towards me. And there was a moment when it could have been a sort of lesbian embrace . Except that would have curdled her blood. And ultimately I regained my composure and I didn't pull her to the ground. But it could have been a very ugly moment. Yeah, and a fantastic photo opportunity. Well well dodged. Now you were a as you said you were a massive fan of the royals. You've been quite outspoken about the crown. Are you not a you're not a fan? I don't think that people's actual lives who are still alive should should be written about and and um made into an entertainment. I found that very upsetting. And Amy Roberts who is the um designer of all the clothes. I love her. And I I found it very difficult not to watch because I know how good she is. But I I just can't accept it. No. It's cruel. Fair enough. Now we've got one left. You've got all four right so far. But again, there's no stakes. Did you or did you not say this? It's for children. If your balls have dropped You did say that. Do you know what you were talking about? I th uh I was talking about Harry Potter. You were adult Harry Potter fans Yes. And I I I explain to you why I feel like that, but I forget it's part of their childhood. Yeah. So I I rescinded it. I was wrong to say that. Um Miriam, you got all five correct. Well done. Great work. Well I know who I am, obviously. Can you feel anything at all? Oh no, I've accidentally there we go. Um do you feel anything at all in your victory? Yes, I know myself. Yeah. And that that I think is not a bad thing. It's healthy. That's good. Um now we've come to the end of the podcast. Um you've been marvelous. Have I? Yeah.. Absolutely So you think you think you've got enough material too? We've got more than enough. We've got lots of it. Well they always I mean I'm not in the edit, but we have definitely got more than enough. Good. Uh now we we like to end the podcast on a big moment. So my question is quite difficult one. Would you could you share the best piece of advice you've ever received or the best piece of advice you've ever given? Or even a good one . Well, I think uh th the best piece of advice uh is the one that I that I give, but I mean many people have given it. I I I know it in in Latin, which is carpe diem which which means seize the day and it means do it now don't wait have the courage to pursue what you want . Go after it now . Okay. But that you don't include that sort of s shagging in that, do you? You see that's what men do . Very good example. Sorry. I was just doing a callback to what you said to me right at the beginning. But I I'm a prick. Okay. Please give it up for Miriam Margalize everybody! You're not a pro thank you so much for watching this episode of the Roman Schwanger Nathan show. I've been told that some of you are watching this, enjoying it, wallowing in it, but you still haven't subscribed. That's mad behavior you're gonna miss episodes very silly so follow and subscribe to the Romish Ranganathan show on YouTube Spotify Apple or wherever you get your podcast we drop new episodes every Monday and Thursday on Monday, I'm here with amazing guests talking about their career, what they're up to, having a laugh with them, and then on Thursdays I'm joined by my mum, widely regarded as the audience's favourite Ranganathan. We answer your questions, your stories, and your family dilemmas. So I'll see you on Thursday when I'm back here with my mum, Shanti . Send your questions and stories to podcast at rangabe.com, voice note or text on 07731-623-355. We genuinely love hearing from you and there's a good chance you hear yourself on the show. See you next time. Oh shut up, Romish . Inspired by jet engine silences . The Dyson Hoshjet Purifier powerfully purifies the entire room, quietly, capturing pollen, allergens and pet dander , removing odors and harmful gases such as NO2. 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