Marital Advice and Family Dilemmas

Welcome to season two of A Good Girl's Guide to Murder. Jamie Reynolds. She's supposed to testify against Max. And then he goes missing two days before the trial starts. Oh, nothing's to do with me. You're lying, Max. Do this again? That's the people I care about. Stop pushing people away. Why couldn't you just leave everything on? What if I'm not good enough? The new series of A Good Girls Guide to Murder. Watch on BBC iPlayer. Hello and welcome to the Thursday edition of the Romesh Ranganathan Show. Each Monday we chat about Monday's guest and answer listener questions. I'm joined by my mom Shanti Ranganathan. A moment for the outfit everybody! You look good. Do I just say? When I didn't know what noise we were doing. Oh okay. Do you want to go solo? What noise did you want to make? Good? Yeah. Uh what where'd you get what what made you go for this look today, man? Talk us through your outfit. Uh I show everything brown these days. Yeah. Uh anything. 'Cause she got to you. That shows, isn't it? Yeah, okay, and then we're gone. So you like everything brown? And uh I thought Go for the grey trouser. Matches the shoes. Matches the shoes. Yeah. Because I bought this recently. Yeah. I thought right, make The most of it. Yeah, they match it up. Match it up. Are you buying outfits specifically for the podcast? No, I don't. I buy it for myself and I wear it all the time. Okay, great. No, I don't buy it for podcast. But I have It's just you've n you're yet to repeat anything on the podcast, huh? I don't want to repeat because it's boring to see the same clothes. Yeah. So I I rather change it and to a different What are you trying to get at? I'm not trying to get anything. I'm just saying I'm yet to see you wear the same thing But you want me to wear the thing. No, I'm just it's an observation. I found it if I see the person the same clothing all the time, I get bored. Okay. I want everybody to look smart. Okay. So it's just content you're happy to repeat. All right. Okay. After chatting with comedian Aziz Anzari this week, it got me thinking about my relationship with my mother. And I want to give her her due. So today I'm going to be doing a mini interview with her and treating her like the VIP we all know she is. Mom gonna do a little intro now, is that okay? So I'm gonna treat you like the Monday guest now. Okay. Okay, ready? Okay. Yeah, great. My guest today is one of the funniest women on the planet, strong and talented with a wicked sense of humor. She has a devoted following of lore fans who refer to her as their queen. I may not always say it, as Bancho is my love language, but I'm proud to call her my mother. It's incredible. SHOTER NATO Uh Mom, how are you? I'm fine. Thank you, my son. Thanks so much for coming onto the podcast. You're welcome. Now Mom I know you don't watch the Monday episodes. I do now. I do. Which ones have you watched? The uh the the girl who has the OGSM all the time. Oh, Lisa wasn't on this. I'm not talking about with the long hair? Jamila Jamil? Yeah Jamila Jim. No Every time she sees a man she gets an orgasm. Yeah, that was because of the base of the thing Jamila Jamil you took. Have you watched any other ones? So many uh the The lady who's Professor Hanna fry. Hanna fry. Yeah. I loved it. Yeah. Because I've experimenting her things sometimes. Take a deep breath and lay it out and open it. It's happening. Yeah, okay. I must thank her. Okay. Yeah, I love that. Uh then the guy Jimmy What's his name with the book Big Caller the Comedian? Harry Hill. Harry Hill. Yeah, we didn't. I watch that. I'm every Monday you know, when I have time I'll sit and watch every day. Everything was good. I thoroughly enjoyed every Monday show as well. Mid me shanty. Mom, we're gonna ask you some questions. Now the listeners always say they prefer listening to you above anyone else. You're everyone's favourite. Okay, thank you, Mike. Nice to know that. Nice to know. Pardon? Nice to know that. Yeah, makes me happy. Okay. Alright, so you're gonna be my guest today. Okay. Uh and I'm gonna tell you about this week's guest. All right? Mm-hmm. This week our guest was Aziz Anzari. American comedian, actor, writer, and director. His parents are Indian. Time actually. His parents also act in a lot of his stuff, so he involved gets his parents in his stuff. And he loved your question. Would you like to see him talking about it? Yes, please. Okay. Do you have any tips? For America Romage once tried to do a gig at Greek Theatre in LA. But nobody wanted to buy tickets. Made me sad as well. I heard you always sell out. Any tips? Welcome. Thank you. Have a wonderful day. I love to watch your program one day. And uh I I hope it'll happen. Have a wonderful day so Wait sound like a dig at me at the end. I feel like it's really sweet and then she said she might watch your program one day, like it's really difficult to do. You can't catch someone to do that. That's the real deal. There you go, mum. So he liked your question. Oh, he did. And he makes movies. Does he? Yeah. Where does he get the money from? Well, you have to raise finance and You sort of get uh sometimes you get an angel investor if they believe in the project, they'll sort of put money in and then look at then often often it helps to attach a big name to sort of make it more viable on in the market. How does he in roll his parents? Uh well they pla they in his in his show he did a show Master of None. Uhhuh. And his parents played his parents in that. Oh, okay. And then his dad played his dad I don't think his mum was in I watched Good Fortune. His mum's not in that, I don't think. Um so yeah, he puts his parents in it. All right. That's that's so nice of him. Yeah. Now, uh Mum, uh I mean it might put you in his next film. Are you kidding? Why would he put me in the wrong thing? Well he's I've I'm just saying, he's put his parents in, you're Funny, aren't you? I don't know what to say. Okay. You put me in your film, okay? I cannot get funding for any film I've decided to put together. Okay. If there are if there is anybody in there uh out there even in my who's got five million pounds spare for an idea that I've got about a guy's relationship with his rubber duck. Get in touch. Podcast at hrangabee dot com. We'd love to hear from you. Now, mum, I know a uh a lot about you, but the listeners love you and they'd like to know a bit more. So I'm gonna interview you. We're gonna do a quick fire round to get to know you a little bit better. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay. Describe your childhood in Sri Lanka using only three words. Discipline? And uh I miss my father? Okay. Next question. But no It's three words. Discipline? My father. My father. Discipline my father. Discipl Now you're wasting the time. So he's very strict with me. Okay. And I lost my dad when I was three, so I miss him so much. Oh, okay. Okay. That's what I was trying to say. Okay. Three words I c I can't describe. Okay, but you can okay, so discipline. Okay. Miss your father. We'll count that as one word and then what's your third one? Third one. Uh I miss my home. Well you're at home, aren't you? 'Cause No, Sri Lankan. Do you miss Sri Lanka? don't miss Sri Lanka, I miss my home because I that's where I grew up. What if we lifted that and moved it to Crawley? It's impossible. I tried to sell it? One of my cousin husband. It's trying to nick it. Giving the buyers a lot of trouble. You want the truth? That's what I'm telling you. It's not how the interviews normally go. No give a bit of con we should explain this though if you're happy to talk about. Three words. Yeah, but it uh this you've you've raised an interesting story that we need to talk about. Okay. Okay, so Mum's house in Sri Lanka, which Ben and I w Well, Ben, you weren't there actually, you ducked out of that episode, but when we did Asian Provocateur We went back to your h I went back to your house. Why Ben didn't come? Because he said I he he d directed the first two, hadn't he? And then you couldn't be bothered to do the third one. So he went back home. I did one two I directed one, two and six, but I series produced all of it, yeah. So I still have to. Well, we didn't hear much from you during ep three. Yeah. Anyway. It's happening to a lot of people in Sri Lanka. Well, I don't think this specific thing's happening. So Mum's trying to sell that house. Trying to sell that house. Yeah. Your cousin is living in the case. I never met him in my life. But Mum's cousin's husband is trying to stop the sale of the house. So Mum sold the house and then he moved into the house, locked all the doors and then wouldn't let the new people in. And now he's trying to say that the house is his, right? Mum's never met him. I never met him in my life. I think we need to go over there and fuck this guy up. Take legal measures maybe. We've tried to take legal measures, it's not working. They are saying he has got so much influence there. Yeah. The papers he he's they've printed out and recorded. All Life. Yeah. We need to fuck him up. Should we put like a team together? That's a great that's a great idea. Why don't we have like uh One guy that can drive but doesn't like flying. Um One guy that orchestrates the whole thing and like likes smoking cigars. Uh, one guy that's really good looking. Um, I just like a just a really handsome guy. Then one guy that's a little bit crazy, but he's really good at flying, he's like a really amazing pilot. And then a woman. But what he is doing I don't agree with. It's it's horrible. No. You don't try and nick somebody else's House. It's sin. That guy should know that. Um I if we were if we were the A team, who would each of us be? Is anyone afraid of flying? No I'm not afraid of flying. No. Do you like flying shit? Character wise. I'd probably be Mr T, wouldn't I? Yeah. Would you? No? You've been Mr. T. Where do you think the similarities are? I know I think that stands for beta. No, okay, well maybe not. Maybe I'd be one of the other people. What would you really be is that who you adenify with? I always thought when I watched it, that's how I sort wanted to be. I don't know if that I know, but look, I I thought you didn't want to talk about you blackening up as a child. Will, you'd be like Murdoch. Muldock is a stupid man, isn't he? Oh. Uh-huh. He's not stupid. Well why does he behave like that? He's really good at stuff, but you know, he's like his own he's Lauren to himself. He's a maverick, like Will. Joni'd probably be Hannibal. Hide face. So it would be BA. Oh yeah you would be yeah we chose beer I thought we'd been vetoed. No Uh okay. Mum, what was your favourite childhood hobby? Jan Cine? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. You could have been a dance actor, couldn't you? Actor dancer. Yes, but I didn't have the opening. I asked my mum to send me to India to all that to properly do I didn't have anybody to take me. Come with me and bring me back. 'Cause I was too young. Yeah. Uh so my mother Somebody has told her that She might find somebody there and settle. So my m mum got frightened. So your mum got worried that you're gonna fall in love with somebody in India. Didn't they and settle down there, so Uh why did you move to the UK? I married your dead. Why did he move to the UK? He was studying accountancy in Derby. He paused. Please He's a A CMB? Yeah, yeah. Because yeah, but he did the part three in Sri Lanka to finish your four and five. parents sent him here. So he Lived in Derby and finished off it. But then why did he stay? The problem started in Sri Lanka, so we decided not to go. Okay. Uh, what were your initial thoughts of the UK? I got my freedom, I could do whatever I want to do, I can test the way I want to dress. Uh nobody's Oh my head to said don't do this. Restricted. But I enjoy the freedom in UK. Oh okay. So more freedom than in Sri Lanka. Yeah. Yeah. How did you meet your husband, slash my dad? Um, no. No. I love him at the beginning. I I went to his uh brother's wedding. Yeah. K his name and I was Serving all that. People who come there and I was dressed up and looking fair. Every day Every time I turn around, Dad was standing there and staring at me. So Then the f f foring day they came and asked We w like your daughter. My parents came, yeah. And said to your mom. Mom. Mom took me on the side and said Uh this is the They're asking if you say no, I I will I will also say no. If you like him If you say yes. Did you like him? I didn't like him. I did like him. I I like the way he Well Banner at that time he was very young. I twenty three. So He was cute at that there, because I w he wasn't drinking like mad. All right. No, I'm I it's a good thing. Yeah. So I said yes. Um, okay. Uh, what did you do for work when we were growing up? I worked in place called Delta Flow. Uh before I have children. I worked there then I got pregnant with you. Then soon after you were born, I gave up the job. Then I didn't work for a while. Mm-hmm. Then all the problems started to come. I had to face so many things. I would say it's poverty. It cause no food eat. No place to live, everything we completely lost. Yeah. And I decided to go to work. We were staying in the bed and breakfast for a while, weren't we? No, the funny thing is he moved us to his girlfriend's house. But yes, we were we were moved into that we didn't realise at the time. They got a Then we moved into her ho the house that she owned. She owned. But we didn't know that they were They were yeah, they were banging. Yeah. No don't want me to say that? No, uh I don't mind. Okay. So so then we move into that house. Hub then her that house was repossessed. Yeah, we were we were double repossessed. We went down two leagues. Yeah. Then they put us in holy in bed and breakfast. And at that time Dad was in prison. Yeah. Because he got involved with Huh? And uh they were doing some money. Yeah. And uh the C I Ds they were following and got hold of there and It was w it it was a really fun time then, wasn't it? And then fun time and And then you start you started working as a clean, didn't you? I wor as a cleaner I started because I couldn't get a job. Uh early morning I I w worked in uh As a clean I f get up at five o'clock, go and do the clean, the office and Think line it? Then I go to Royal Mail as a casual. Uh in the evening. Uh so like that I made money on to feed you. And when was it you started uh moving into selling weed? I never did that. Okay, good. Just wanted to get that on the record. What's the best country or place you've ever travelled to? Singapore militia. Mali? Australia. Now I lore like Australian. Yeah. That's right. I would say I think it might be less to do with the place. More to do with the company. Uh, what's your favorite meal of all time? Veal. Uh veal. Uh crab curry. Crab curry. Curry you get out of it, isn't it? Yeah, hot rice. Hot rice. Yeah. Yeah. Crab curry though. I mean I don't eat any of that stuff anyway, but It's a lot of effort, isn't it? For me. For me it's f frozen crab. No, I'm not talking about making it, I'm talking about eating it. You gotta crack the bastard open, do you I mean it. It's so tasty. It sounds like fucking episode of the Transformers is on in the background. Imagine the you know how much you will enjoy. You know, that's the bit my dad used to do to suck the bit out of the legs. Disgusting. Wh Yeah. And R used to go to work on that leg, man. What? They're like that. Mm. So we can the Rasam, yeah, very nice. Rasam is a kind of uh Spicy gravy. Gravy. Mm. Delicious. Why they drink it? Because it's Digest your help to digest your food. It's an ask most of them after meal they drink that So Korean so many things goes in there, you boil it with tomatoes. drink it. It it's it's a health reason that they drink it. Okay. What's been your best celeb encounter and why? I didn't understand the question. Who's been your favourite celebrity that you've met? And why? Yeah. Mm. could say Jamie or Nap. Jesus. Really? Because there's something in him and the father. When I came to record something, the way they treated me. And uh the way that he's poor. I'm I'm not saying I fancy him. No, I didn't say that. But that's your favourite out of all of the celebrities you've ever met. Yeah. Now at the moment I like Kathy and Wyatt? Catherine Ryan. Yes. Why do you like her so much? I see something in her. And uh she's wonderful. Right. She's really wonderful, yeah. Uh what is your motto you live by? Be good to people. If I can help within my power, I will help them. And um now I'm becoming really, really spiritual. I go to the temple, I'll come back, I say so many mantras. Told by my grandfather. Um End of my life I want to be good. And d uh other thing is All the money you paid me. You paid for the house, you paid for my kitchen. I like to return that. before I die. Otherwise I had to have an other birth in in ne in earth. And I had to pa pay it. So I'm praying to God I should earn some money Pay everything back. A long motto. Mom, give it up for shanty on the. Uh Mom, you don't have to pay me back. Martin, you say it, but you have got three boys. You worked hard. I have seen. I it made me ha unhappy that The things you have to do to make that money. It's like Mum, I'm a generational talent, it's fine. Okay, we're now gonna be Michel, is it? Well I'm just you know stating facts. What? John's got a little tree. Got something for you. No, this can't be. This can't be what I think. It is what I think it is. Oh my god. This is so exciting. Congratulations. On your hundred thousand subscribers. Oh my god, guys! We've got the fucking fuck my fuck look! You made me so happy and everybody's gonna be used that said we're never gonna get this. Fuck y'all! But also really positive still. Oh my god. But this anybody that thought we weren't gonna make to this point suck a dick, motherfuckers, have a look at the plaque. And thanks for all the support. Okay. Most people have been really, really positive and actually willing us on to get there. Thanks for your support, but anybody that didn't support us How's that? Fuck you. Stick that in your crawl. Fucking c No. It's a real positive moment and we've possibly loving it. Recognize your team. Thank you so much. Oh, that's the light No no no no Uh No, that's amazing. Very exciting. Thank you. Can you take it out of the plant you can take it out and let's put it back in the box. Really? Keep it out where should we put it? Why don't you put it on the box? That'd be cool. Stop it here. Waar How good is that? I know. How happy. We're not keeping that though. So heavy, huh? It's a bit garish. Yeah. It's a bit on the nose, isn't it? It looks nice, but you can't have that in the background, I find that. This episode is brought to you by Virgin Red. Now the team had a question for me this week. What is it? Um, so Rom, I recently went to a gig. Well done. Thank you. With friends or alone? Alone. Tiny venue. The whole room was going absolutely berserk. It was an epic night. Uh and I thought When did you last actually do something like that? Not watch it on a screen. Actually go and be there in the room with someone and you know feel like yeah, this is it. Uh well, when I went to go see Nas live. I was so close to not going, but then I decided to I thought look look, when are you next gonna do this? I don't know. I went It's one of the best nights of my life. So there you go. Uh, a lot of the best ones aren't solo either. You take some with you, a friend, a partner, family, and uh you know, you you it's all about making memories, guys. Every single experience I've actually done, I remember everyone. The screen stuff kind of goes into a blur, but when you're actually there, those are the moments that stick with you. Virgin Red has epic experiences as rewards, gig events, afternoon tea, things you just never book yourself. You earn virgin points from everyday spending and redeem them on something you'll actually talk about. It's not asking you to become someone who goes, it's just making it easier to go. Epic rewards from Virgin and brands you love. Ready to dive in? Become a member and start unlocking rewards that make life feel a little more epic. Do you want to go to a gig with me? Now we're gonna move on to some listener questions. Last week we're the incredible fan favorite email special. Mm. O Um please say even more emails and voice notes have been flooding in. They're brilliant. Ha ha ha. Very brilliant. And now we're actually reading them. We appreciate you! A reminder that you can always text almost up. On seven seven three one six two three three five five, or you can email podcast at hangamee.com First up, we have got a voice note. From Eve, sorry. I'm Eve, I'm from Nottingham and last summer I was struck by lightning. Um, I think it must have bounced off some trees first and then it passed through my umbrella. And I saw the lightning jump from the umbrella onto my finger and I felt a small electric shock, but no worse than a usual kind of electric shock. Um, but because it didn't really hurt, I just carried on with my day. I went for a swim. before I told anyone. But then when I told my friends, they made me go to the hospital and as predicted, I was absolutely fine. But yeah, best to get checked out. Um But I was just wondering if you think that this makes me lucky or unlucky, because me and my friends debate this quite often. I think I was unlucky to have been struck in the first place, but they always say that I'm lucky that I didn't die or get any injuries and I was also wondering on a day to day basis in both your lives if you tend to be lucky or unlucky, ignoring The look if you would say it's look, that contributes to your success. Eve, thank you so much. First of all, we're glad you're all right, aren't we, Mum? Yeah. Um Thank you for your message. That's a great question, isn't it? Is she Is she lucky to have not been harmed by the lightning or unlucky to have been hit by the lightning in the first place, Mum, what do you think? I mean nothing happened to us. She should be grateful to God. I know, but she could have just had her day without being hit at all, couldn't she? Everything happened for a reason. What do you think that the reason for that might be? Just re goal is reminding you. Think about it. How do you like that in your finger? It's I would have said something, but I'm trying to be nice to you. What were you gonna say? Fuck off. You can say that. You can say stuff like that. Yeah. Uh I will never I I don't get angry with you. I love you with all my heart. Yeah. So when people say Oh he's been horrible to Mom. It hurts me. Yeah. Fu man. Oh yeah. Um Eevee, I don't uh in un do you think you're lucky or unlucky? Me? Yeah. I'm so Lucky. What makes you say that? I went through all the trouble. And I had so many help uh during that period. I never expected uh that, but it's a long story, one experience. Um I don't know whether you want to know. Uh or it'll be boring for you. Yeah, it probably be boring. Okay, should we go to the next question? Yeah. So he was. No I They put Lad into prison. Mm. So they put him in I don't know. L So Ford Open Prison. Huh? Ford Open Prison is. Ford Open Prison. And uh I um my that day I have to go and see him because you will get the invitation. He will send it to me by post. Then I go and visit him. I went alone to our near I mean first day when I was driving there I was so nervous because I didn't know When I went there and I saw him I uh Whatever he needed, I gave it to him with the lim lim watching. Driving back, my car broke down. That morning one of my friend I don't know what he thought. He said, take my A card. In case something happened because you are driving alone. Came back. There's both both boys are at school. Car broke down. So the no mobile phone at that time. So Uh. Ninety six, ninety seven, something like that. So I went uh w started working old farmers there. And uh um this guy Asian gentlemen, I have to thank him. He was driving opposite side. saw me walking and he turned the car around the roundabout and came, Where where do you think you're going? I said, My car broke down, it's all smoke coming and uh He said, No, don't go to the farmers. They m they'll have a gun and things. They might shoot you. You know. You're going to see so many I'll wait until we call the A from So I used a card. He waited with me, he took me to the phone booth to call A He said, until the truck come because it's the old medical car, the tow truck. I'll wait with you until you get into the truck. I won't leave you. And then he put me in the truck. and uh then tried to do the make it one of the guy and drop the car. I got the taxi. Uh went on. and went in a taxi and picked him up. Why that happened, I think, is God was trying to help me through somebody else. Otherwise if I didn't say that guy so I I took his number, I rang him. He said, You don't have to thank me, you don't have to give me anything. I didn't want you to walk around like that I I must have been Forty, forty one, my age. Uh so I cried that night. My God what would have happened? The children were no phone. I can't contact anybody to go and pick them up. Little things. So many other things happen to me, so I become Uh, can I ask you a question? If I'm just presenting the argument that Eve is presenting. If God Work through that guy who helped you out. Why isn't God responsible for the car breaking down in the first place? He's trying to teach me a lesson. Well what lesson? Maybe I wasn't praying the way I used to pray. Right. I I used to be everything I say something, um praying, praying. With all the trouble I wasn't praying and uh He said. Trying to tell me that I am with you. Do the right things and everything will be okay. It's right. What I thought it came into my mind. You should listen to your heart in the morning. Okay. It is true. He helped me through Okay. Difficult period and uh You became a comedian, without you, I couldn't have survived. I couldn't have had that house. No, I'm glad we've got uh we we're film we've do we can we close up a moment, do you wanna say that again? J say the words without you, I couldn't have had that house. Without you, my son, I couldn't have had that house. And then Will, can you add some effects and stuff and make it sound dramatic? You know what I would what I'm thinking is, you know at the end when he says my name is Maximus Aurelius whatever. Can you give it that kind of gravitas? Perfect. Don't put it in the Sri Lankan kitchen again, alright? Should get some get some shots of Shanti like just brushing the leaves. That's a great idea. Can you just brush those can you clu can you brush brush those leaves then? Um I mean you went through how did we feel? When we were in bed and breakfast. Yeah, horrible. No food to eat. It is horrible. No food, darling. No no I don't even have fifty pence in my purse. Yeah, but but that Yeah, fine. No, I agree, I agree. It was bad. Bad, very bad. Yeah, very bad. But then but well, first of all I'd say people have gone through worse than that. The other thing I'd say is That it's it's difficult then to believe that there is somebody looking after you and you're in those s circumstances. So that's tricky. But in terms of like whether you're lucky or not, I mean I I do f it's weird because I do feel I do feel very lucky because of You know Like Ch the children are healthy, Lisa's great. I'm happy You know, jobs great, you know, all of those things. live near you know, all of the there's so many great things. So you do feel lucky in that way. But I do think that um a lot of like whether you're lucky or not is down to interpretation. Like you know, sometimes You know, something goes against you and then you start to focus on that or or or become obsessed with this, you know. You know y y you could s I think two people can have the same experiences and one person believes they're lucky and one person believes they're unlucky. I think it a lot of it is down to in my opinion. It's down to your interpretation of circumstances and stuff like that. I don't really believe Even though I feel like are you are you trying to say that you don't believe in God? I'm not saying I'm talking about luck, Mum. Luck, luck. I'm talking about luck. I don't know if I believe I I I think that It's up to you how you interpret things. Even if you even when We were in the bed and breakfast. Yeah. And we were like a terrible time. Crying yourself to sleep every night, I remember. And uh Red goes in and stay there. Yeah, yeah. Fine. So so that feels Unlucky. But We had enough to eat. We always had enough to eat. We had light, we had each other. Yeah. So in that way, uh the another interpretation of that is we're very lucky to be in a situation where we got through you know, so What I'm saying is that is very much down to How you decide to interpret that s circ circumstance. We never You know, there's lots of stuff that went our way. But you don't think about that, you think about all the negative things. Some of the my friends, they never had any problem. Lovely husband. They look after the wife and everything. Why it doesn't happen to others. But you don't know but I I would say you don't know what the you don't know if they're happy. You don't know what else is going on, you know, you We don't know what everyone's going through. But what I'm saying is I I just don't believe in bad luck and good luck and all that kind of thing. Uh shall we go to question two? Keep it light, please. Hi Ramesh and Shanti. I absolutely love the podcast. Shanti, you are a legend. And Romish needs to be nicer to you. I'm after a bit of marital advice. So my husband and I have been together for seven years. We've been married for five. And we have two small children, a three and a half year old and a two year old. We Clash about the chores constantly. So I'm looking for some advice. He feels that because he works full time, he can come home in the evening, have a meal cooked for him, and go to bed and that's it. Correct. The things like washing, hoovering, cleaning, getting the school bags ready, all of that. comes under me. Yeah. Now I do also work, but I'm a dog walker. So I work about four hours a day. And then I do school pickup and drop off. And so he feels that my job is a part time job, therefore it is my job to do all the chores. However, I feel if he is going to wear the clothes and make them dirty, he should co contribute to washing them. Please can you give me your thoughts? Who is right, who is wrong, and also a way to stop this conflict because it's becoming a contest as to who does the most and who contributes the most. And yeah, I just need to be a happy wife and have a happy life again. Thank you from Kelly. Mm. Kelly, thank you so much for your voice note. It's a very stressful situation. Mom, what do you think? Darling, I feel for you uh uh because I feel for you I didn't say it in that big I love yeah it's classic. I do love her because exactly the same life I had. Yeah. He goes pick up the briefcase and he goes to work. Yeah. After work, five o'clock he goes to the clubs. And he comes back. Should we try and focus on Kelly's situation? I'm trying that's when I'm Okay Amy. You can't you can't send them. That's the way they are going to be. So Uh don't Worry too much. Talk to him nicely, whether you can change him. If he doesn't change Divorce. Jesus Christ. It's true. Why you have to have a miserable life? Uh uh look, I don't I d I mean divorce him is uh quite an extreme step, but but I didn't want to relieve him. No. Because I grew up without a father. Yeah. But I want you to and Lineage to have a father. Yeah. If you don't have a father figure in your family somebody else will take over. So Okay. Kelly I think from your voice notes. Your situation has become untenable. You like you sound really stressed out about it. Sounds like you're doing what you feel is more than your fair share. And I'm guessing, but we're not hearing from your husband. he's not being particularly receptive to your concerns. The truth is, is if you're not happy, something has to change. And so you cannot continue as you are. You can't, because you're not happy. So I You know, there has to be some sort of compromise. So I think If I in your position and I'm somebody that's been guilty of not doing enough around the house. Um And it's it has been a bone of contention at my house in the past. I think what you need to do is actually I would think about Itemizing what it is that has to be done. And Sitting down with your husband and having a real chat. what it is you want him to do. Because at the moment, when you have these things that just in my opinion this is when you have these things that just roll on. They're never actually really tackled because Your husband will start to fall in the trap of thinking, Oh, Kelly's just going on again about this and da da da da. And and you're just arguing about it and it becomes an ongoing thing. It can that can grow bigger and bigger and bigger and it can become a situation where it becomes it can become At the very extreme relationship ending. So I think communication is the key. So I think you need to sit down. I think always in these situations You have to in my opinion, you have to have the hard conversation. So you don't sugarcoat it for the benefit of sparing anyone's feelings. You can straight down the line, you don't have to say it in an angry way, you don't have to shout, you just calmly say, I am not happy. with this situation and this is why. And this, in order for me to feel comfortable. I need you to do, what I would like you to do. Now he will come back to you and say, Well, I don't want to do that and then you'll there'll be a bit of back and forth and you arrive at a a compromise, a solution that will make you happy. You've been listened to He's taken on more have to try and accept his points of view in return and get to a point where you find an equilibrium because at the moment it doesn't work. And so If you're anything where you're continuing to be unhappy, it's like if somebody if your partner does a one off thing, I think that's all right. Do you know what I mean? Like if somebody does one off thing to piss you off, you're gonna annoyed by that. Don't do it again and then you guys carry on and you forgive or whatever. This is much more serious than that. This is an ongoing the running of the relationship. Is not good. So it just needs to change. I if I was you I'd have that conversation today. Today, right now. Right now. Well after the end of the episode it was that. Like finish the same. She should be happy in her life. God has helped us to be happy and ha be nice to people. She shouldn't suffer like that all doing the housework and suffer. No. But you know, we're not having a husband. She could be an absolute fucking nightmare. Anyway, thank you so much for your voice, no Kelly. Just kidding. Okay, it's an email, everyone, from Kamal. Hi Romesh, Auntishanti, Ben and F fucking What? And John and John. Where's? What about Will? Wow. It's fun. It's weird, isn't it? By being inclusive, you've actually offended someone. That's the lesson. Don't bother addressing them at all. I'm Kamal, the thirty eight year old South African Indian living in New Zealand. Oh, it's so sick, isn't it? We're getting emails from New Zealand. My family moved here over twenty years ago, but most of my extended family are still back in South Africa. Here's the issue, I go back to visit them all the time, at least once a year, sometimes more! I th I was trying to give it a bit of pep. But in all that time they've only come to visit me in New Zealand once. Every time I suggest it, I get the classic line, Well come when you get married. Well now I'm engaged. I'm getting married next year. Congratulations, Kamal, that's nice, isn't it? So they've run out of excuses, but this is where it gets tricky. My nanny is now pushing for the wedding to be in South Africa, saying your family is here, meanwhile all my close friends in the life I've built are in New Zealand. So I feel a bit stuck. I don't want the only time to visit to be for a wedding. I spent years and a lot of money flying back. I like them to make the effort too. And I'd also like to travel elsewhere for a change. So my question is How do I convince my South African family to visit me more often, not just for big events, and how do I handle the wedding location pressure? Cheers. Wow. It's a difficult situation. Very difficult situation. Yeah. It's a wedding is a it's a beautiful ceremony. Mm. Uh so they're asking her to come to South Africa to Have the reading is? Yeah. Impossible now. Impossible? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's impossi why is it impossible? Um They ha it's already expensive, wedding. Yeah. And uh The all their friends are in New Zealand. To go to South Africa, they all have to by the ticker Spend money. Wherever they are going to stay. Heads up. So They should understand come to a mutual decision. Somewhere in the middle. No but then if I don't agree with that, 'cause then everybody's gotta travel. Like that's that's annoying. They can't afford to buy the ticket and go to South A South Africa from New Zealand. Yeah. But what um you're saying goes but I'm just saying that everyone has to travel then. Don't Why everybody? Because if you're doing it in between, then everyone from New Zealand has a trouble, and everyone from South Africa has a trouble. Solution. Uh uh I well, I've got a suggestion, it's not a solution, but Kamal, first of all I think your family being unreasonable. Uh I think you should have the wedding in New Zealand and they have to like it or London. New Zealand is a lovely, lovely place. Well it sounds like they don't want to travel there. But I I think They your family You've made decisions to live in New Zealand, you want to get married in New Zealand. They need to come to New Zealand. I I think you need to let go of ownership of the How old is it then, Ma? I've got no idea. She's too old, I don't think she'll be able to travel. But I think Kamal would have said that if it was an issue if they'd be too old. I think they're just unwilling. Yeah. So I I think You have the wedding in New Zealand. That's I would stop thinking about having it in South Africa like now. It's your wedding after the wedding they can go and visit them. Yeah. It's your it's your wedding you do w have your wedding where you want it to be, and your family just have to deal with it. That's that's what I think. And then with regards to them visiting I I I don't think you can convince I I think What you can do is you can say to your family, I'd love you to visit m us more. And then that's all you can do. You can't control other people. I think so much of our misery and and discomfort is by expecting things from people that they're not willing to do. The easiest thing to stop expecting. And I know it's not great, you want them to come and visit you more. But the truth is is it the other thing is is you are Through your behavior. you are encouraging them not not to bother to come to New Zealand because if you're gonna go to South Africa every time Then why do they need to come to New Zealand? They can just they'll see you because you're gonna be there. I think if you d if you I think You've done a lot of bending over backwards and I know it's your family and you should love them and family's important. But you have your m you have your wedding in New Zealand. If they want to come, they can come. And then if you want to go on holiday somewhere else, you go on holiday somewhere else. And and you can say to them, Look, I would love you to come and visit me more. And that is all you can do. Right. That is literally all you can do. You cannot take ownership. how they respond to that request. I I think when you expect things of people that they are not going to deliver, it just makes you unhappy. I I think you just go, This is what I'd like. And then see what they do. But I think it's I think Kamal's family being unreasonable. I'm sure they're nice people, I'm sure they're lovely. And you sa come on, you sound really lovely as well, 'cause even despite all of that. You're like, I want I'm I'm maybe you know, you're actually thinking about acquiescing to having the wedding in South Africa. I don't think you should. I think you should do what you want to do. Life's too short. Is he a willing? Exactly. Enjoy. Hurt the helps. Thank you so much for your email. That's all we got time for. Thank you for your messages this week. We've covered a lot of bases. Can people tell when I'm switching to AutoCoin script? No. Most people don't even know we have one. Thank you for all your messages this week. We covered a lot of bases. We're back on Monday with another exciting guest. Mom, do you want to say bye? Bye nine, everybody, everyone, thank you so much supporting us. I love you with all my heart. Ton of Gooch, motherfuckers Before before we sign off, do you want to um try just a more natural one just for just to help you out. Thank you! What happened there? I sort of started to channel the next door neighbor in uh Friday night dinner for some reason. What's his name? His dog's called Wilson. Jim. Jim. Hmm. That's Micah Makata. Anyway, thank you for your message this week. We've covered a lot of bases. We'll be back on Monday with another exciting guest. We'll see you then. Lick some balls, you dumb bitch ass motherfuckers! Suck it! But what would it sound like if you did like a nice one? Great. Yeah, just soothing. Yeah, it's something like that, you're so much like that. Yeah. We've had a lot of things. Not everybody's motherfuckers. Some people are nice. Nice, so nice. Okay, could you shut the fuck up a little bit, too? Okay, okay, okay, okay. We've had a lot of life's messages. Lice. We've had uh We've had a lot of nice messages on this week's episode. A lot of different topics covered. A lot of different advice given. And as always, on Monday we'll be seeing you again. Another exciting guest. You know we do our best to bring a variety of guests to you that will help you through your commute or when you're sitting at home and having a listen and we appreciate each and every one. See you next time. Suck it in doing so well. Yo, thanks for watching and listening to the Romish Rang and Nathan show. Sup y'all. It's genuinely lovely that so many of you keep coming back, but I'm hearing rumors, nay, hearsay, and conjecture. that some of you haven't subscribed yet. If you haven't, now's the time. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss episodes. We've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. Mondays are big guest conversations where we talk about what they're up to and have a laugh. And Thursdays are me and my mum Shanti. answer your questions and family dilemmas, as well as burning off any self-esteem I've got knocking about. We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest, and then Mom will be back to give some great advice on Thursday, playing fast and loose with the word great. If you've got a problem, a story or a family dilemma, send it to podcast.rangaby.com, voice note, or text us on 07731-623355. That's 07731-623-355. We love getting you involved and you might hear yourself on a future episode. Plus, it means less content for us to generate. See you next time!