Final thoughts on the Irish crusty phenomenon

Hi Diva. It's Rachel. And Jordan, yeah, hi, quick question. Why are you not spending your Venmo balance? Yeah, we're concerned. You can like buy stuff with it. You love buying stuff and earn cash back on eligible purchases. You love purchasing eligible things. So the money your friend sent you yesterday, that's today's ramen or ride share or eye patches. The skincare kind, not the pyrokine. Spin with Vin Mo, then you can earn cash back with Vimoash. Zimoash Minnal terms and exclusions apply to one hundred dollars cash back for month as, terms at Voin.v Terms, Ide Verification required of VM . This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. That is funer . Whoa, that's good. This might be the drink of the summer. Okay, I like this one too. I'm happy with it, okay? Try it for yourself. Starbucks refreshers concentrates are coming home. Find them in the coffee aisle and make it yours. Jacob, before this episode starts, I want to talk to you about a little service called carvetical dot com 've heard of it. What is Carver? Carver . com is basically a vehicle report service. It takes records, nine hundred records, thirty different countries. It can tell you all sorts of things about a used car that you're buying, whether it's been an accident, it's accident history. It's Odoma report, all of that good stuff. Theft stuff as well, all of that good stuff. Okay. And the reason you might need carvertical. com is because if you're buying a car, the seller might forget to tell you something. I've heard about this down just quickly. If people were to use carvertical dot com and into screenwriter check out would anything happen? Yeah, they'd get twenty percent off this service. Right. And have you had any history of something like this happening to you? Well, I had a mate, right? My mate, he was buying a new car and he found this guy online and the guy was really nice and he was like, yeah, it's the perfect car. He's a family car. You put a couple of kids in the back. My mate has a look at the vehicle reports using carvertical. com . It's been in a front on collision. Yeah, seller had just forgotten to mention it. Now, sadly, my mate at the time did not know that if you go to carvertical dot com forward slash screen root and use the code screenwriter checkout, you're twenty percent off. I mean, Car Vertical is already on the price of a couple of coffees, but if it ended screenwriter checkout, it would get twenty percent off. Exactly. So he had a good deal with carvertical dot com anyway. But our listeners using the code screen rock. Using the code screen rock at carvertical. com will get an even better deal and for the price of a couple of coffees a month, they're going to get peace of mind that the car they're about to buy is Kosher. The thing is thousands of people listen to this podcast, the chances are some of you are probably in the market for a new car . Yes, it makes sense for you to spend not much money at all. You can get a discount on it now and to check the vehicle history, but by doing so, you also help support this podcast. So if you shopping for a car, go to carvehicle. com for us that screen rock get twenty percent off car Verical. Help us to help you. Carvertical dot com Bash No, no you don't love me and I know now. Certainly not as much as you love the screen rock, podcast. The podcast where we discuss the weirdest and worst content that's been rotten on our screens. And indeed I must shout out to all of you guys, people who listen on either Apple, YouTube, or Spotify. Thank you for so many nice reviews on Apple. They help us make money, but not as much help as we get in terms of making money from the Patreons. Free Mason pay three pound ninety nine a month. They can pay less than a pound every week. They get an extra episode just like this. They also get a film club episode once a month. They also get a rock bar once a month, a live show where they can call in and talk shit with us. There's an aluminati who pay fifty people more than that every single week. They get a free hat on their heads and access to two free weird group chat chat to Eugene Runs, our Twitter account by Jesus and a big link, big kiss, mah. If they've got time for it, by the way, big winter kiss. Only if they've got time to ladies and queer people. I know it's a busy month for you guys. Art is out, genitals slipping and sliding all over the place. It's pride and I'm proud of you. I am proud of how fucking sexy. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, yeah, we're proud of you because you're sexy fucking gay and women and you listen to this podcast and we like that . Jesus Christ. And I'm here as always with Jake Farrell. I have to say so we're in my house. We're recording back where it all began. Yes, your favorite podcast that's homeless and doesn't have a studio . What says things are going well like going back to where you started when you didn't have enough money. We're back at Mum and Dad. We're back at Mum and Dad's, which in this case is Jacob's house . It's Friday again. I'm background again de.er Well, it would have been Saturday before I didn't even have a day of work at that point. We would have been weekends. It was weekends and evenings . Yeah, it was it's a crazy thing. Yeah . It's like going back to your university halls, the deep nostalgia. Yeah , it's I mean, it's also I have to be honest with you the problem , not the problem. The problem I've got is my misses is here . Yeah she's downstairs. And in terms of subject matter for this week, that's not ideal. That's not ideal. But also Jake and I are both on our fourth or fifth day of quitting smoking. Yeah, quitting vaping. Vape free. I don't know how that's affected your relationship Well, I've been I've been tired and a bit grumpy, but overall, I'm in the good books because my misses wasn't a fan of the vapour. Oh right, okay. Well, my misses is ready to go to the shop and buy me one to try and get me back to where I was because we argued every day and I think on Wednesday I've also quit boozing. Yes. I was just gooning so hard over it. I've been goonering all over the place. I've been gooning my fucking eyeballs out to the point where we discussed this on Patreon this this week and is a different kind of gooning, but my misses I did end up in a dog house yesterday and she texts me. Should I find the exact text that she sent me? Yeah, let's put it let's enter into the record with full accuracy, I think. So yeah, yesterday morning I received as I was dropping my door off at school, this is a great thing to receive when you're in a school playground. No. OMG, you've left your cumpile of tissues on the mantle. OMG . OMG. So that was winding up, but then I did discuss this on the Patreon. Why were you jacking off in the living room? Dining room . Was it just a kind of like any port of storm kind of situation? Well, I mean it was, a weird evening. I think I've gone mental from like so I've just been out for like three weeks . Stag do and then just gooner stuff and then social events and drinking and working I literally haven't stopped drinking and smoking until this week. Right And I think my mental health just collapsed basically. Yeah, yeah. I've been feeling really down and dark about a lot of stuff. Yes. And then yeah, the evening the comp tissue evening, the compile, the evening that I created the compile on the mantle. Oh MG MG that evening , yeah . I think what happened was we were talking about some friends of ours who , you know, we talk abouted contrptaceion and stuff and the girl has just got a coil food . Right. And my misses, there's a feeling after you have a kid where as long as you're breastfeeding, you don't start ovulating again. Right. But she was like, you know, we're still very early into that, but she was like, Oh, I should think about co ail scene. And I didn't even think about it. I was just like, well, we don't have sex in a couple of weeks, so you know, I mean, we're not in dire need. And she was like, yeah, yeah. And then for some reason, as the evening went on, that just fucking like burned into my brain. I'm like, You don't have sex in a couple of weeks. Right. We haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. Could have sex now? Well, well, it was, I think a bit of that also, like as I say, mental health hasn't been great. You just haven't noticed yet you haven't been waking ? Well , I don't know if you could hear me. Basically, you know, put the kids down , did some tidying up. I guess half eight nine o'clock. I'm quitting boozing, but she had a night where she wouldn't mind saying that like, you know, we've got a b bottotletle of wine with dinner. I was like, Oh, sorry, not drinking so she got around a bottle of wine herself. Nice. So basically she ends up knacked in bed, the baby's down . And I just got in the bedroom and I was like, Can I talk too quickly? Never, never good. She's off pitch should have followed it. On mental health on the blink. And the whole thing is like, I've remembered that we haven't had sex in two weeks and three days. Yeah, sure. So I just crept up to her bed and I was like I judge you listed through a bed. I don't think you like me very much . God What time it is? nine o'clock Yeah . trying to sing half nine years. She's got gapping for four hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's incredible. I don't think you like me very much amazing. It's because I've all gooned it out. I've burnt through my serotonin celebrating Aston Winning League. Your dopamine is EBITDA vaping. And yeah, so then I got it in the headspace. And then I was like, and then I've got a mate of mine who and I don't think she's good. I don't think this is good feminism that he used to do this. He had a thing. And 'cause I think deep down, I wanted her to have sex with me. I think what you know, thinking you could express yourself If I was articulate emotionally , I would have been like, I don't think you like me and I think I would think that you like me if you have sex with me now. I think that's the kind of somewhat meaning. This isn't a threat, that's the psycho game I'm playing in my head. Sure. If I tell her she doesn't like me, maybe she'll show that she likes me by fucking my cock , right? I think they might have just summed up like three million years of male psycho psy. It's sort of male dog psychology of rope. Like I'm like tell us she doesn't like me, then she has to prove she liked me. What's the best way to prove she likes me? Blow job. I think that's what I was doing in my head. Right. But my mate and he's a bit mad. He's the one who came on the stag do who had the stag drama . There's a guy who came on the Stag do and he had some stag drama of his own a year or so prior where oh yeah he booked his brother's stag too. Yeah. And this is a guy who sort of grew up with us and really sort of he's got like a sort of good job in construction now. Lovely guy. For his brother Stag, he went way too far, made a Google D oc that had hour by hourly appointments of the bars they had to go to with QR code with the Google Map link for exact bars. People didn't stick to that. He got really upset. Him and his brother and his dad nearly had a fight on a beach on his brother's st ag that he was the best man for. After that, he rushed to Lisbon Airport, flew back to Stanstead in a strop, phoned dismisses from Stanstead at like half eleven at night was like, I've left a stag. I hate my dad. I hate my brother. She was like, What the fuck are you doing? And she made him fly back. Really? Tell me that. No, he stayed at Stanstead for another three hours until the next flight to Lisbon . So he just took a break, basically. He just took a time out. I wish I could have done that. this guy where he's a bit mad, he had a film with one of his exes where he coined the term protest wanks . Okay . So basically , oh I don't know if this is alright . Again, we're not saying this is good, but this is male psychology. It was an ex of his who was Northern Irish actually . He'd try it on with her . And if he wasn't in the mood , if she wasn't in the mood , he'd have a wink in the bed. Okay, you're all right . So he'd be like, look, I've got a I've got to deal with this somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you don't mind, I'm just gonna do this here. Right. And they were renting a room in a shared house at times so there's nowhere else he could have done it. Yeah, we'd definitely have to bleed this name . Oh yeah. And by the way, it's not like an unconsensual kind of horrible attack Oh for God's sake, stopping. It's like, yeah, well I think there was an element of me being like, I'm going to do a protest wind, but obviously, you know, I can't do it with a baby in the room. So the room it is. Dining room is, yeah, that was the port. That was your port stop. That's very interesting that that's where your mental health kind of goes because it's like I've just been like spending my entire wages on Panini sticker book stickers . Again, I think you've mentioned that in the post. I think on the post. Interestingly for me. You've basically you've quit vaping and developed autism . I've got Yeah I know you're poisoned Emma. What do you want? Do you want stinky vaping boyfriend or do you want do you want expensive habit autistic boyfriend? I fucking fist pump yesterday because I got the shiny sticker of the Austria badge . It's not good. I don't know what that means. But also it's like I don't know . Like we should sit Emma and Lana down and be like, pick your poison. Do you want OMG come pile on the mantle piece? Or do you want he's pumping his fist? 'Cause he got the shiny Austria path. Yeah. Austria was it. Yeah. Australia, is that a bit nazi ? And I was I was shining is it? I was pumping my fist because of one very pump. Was it show us the exact hand just I always think it's fascinating as well that it's like you want when I have mental health, I think I go to a place of self worth where I think I want her to not like me. She's still got her whole youth ahead of her. She can still get out, do you know what I mean? Are you want her to leave you? That's yeah, that would be ideal for me. Leave me with my stickers. I mean, obviously I know that would be bad for me, but I just feel guilty . I think that's quite righteous. What do you mean? There's something like you basically you look at your life and your brain and you go, this is a sinking ship . And to go to the sort of Titanic thing , you're very much like, I'll drown. You take the wood. Exactly. Where's the bell? Exactly. I want a blow job . Yeah. You're protest wanking, I'm protest paded in the spare room. If we're characters from the Titanic , Jake is noble jack sinking to his death, freezing in the cold water as it flood floods his lungs. Yeah. I'm Billy Zane. Yeah, well, maybe Billy's aid or maybe just one of the kind of violin players. I'm on the boat. I'm fucking tugging myself. Do you look at anyone on the Titanic wire like the life boats as that were as many women and children? As they were being like winched down, do you reckon someone's going to be having a tug now? Well, I always see that pompei guy. Yeah, yeah. I always think that's quite as the original mid cldleass. Yeah, yeah, exactly Pompeii if you don't know, there's a guy that's perfectly frozen in hand In Pompeii and he's very, very obviously jacking it. And like, you can't stress enough what that would have been to that person. They had no scientific knowledge of tectonic plates or volcanoes or whatever. He literally thought that the gods were ending the world. That's what he would have been thinking at that point. He wasn't thinking, this is a very scary but natural phenom enon that's to do with the geology of the Earth. He was thinking whoever it wasn't Zeus was it? He's a Greek one. Like the king of the gods the king of the gods is killing me yeah, it's time to get out. It's time to have a wait. I mean is that I've never been an asphyxi ver I've never turned the gas off No, no. I've never I've never been a throttle kind of fella. Yeah it'.s very And close to being a fixie guy, which is a guy that would cycle around shortage on a fixed gear. I suspect there's crossover. I think there's crossover between you care that much about bikes, you want your gas turnoff while you're having off. But I don't know whether I don't know whether it's the physical sensation liking to be choked , or is it a Oh my god I'm gonna die if it's that maybe it may be the kind of the lava coming at you, the magma coming down the hill. Sure. Maybe that's the ultimate fixie. Right? That's the ultimate fixie toss . That guy just everything around him turning to ash and dust but going, yeah, this is the ultimate de likeath wank. This is as good as it gets for that guy. I had another mental health tell the other day, not just coming in the dining room, but I 'm the Champions League final. Yes. And again, watched it with Horat ia Gould of Finn V. History and Boys Girl and Wild Pod fame . Quite and actually it does , I mean, you know, we're doing well with this, but Finn Versus History is the biggest patreon podcast in the UK as the people from Patreon never tire of telling us Yeah and it's like could you be a bit more like them? Yeah , we're trying. I get recognized a bit fucking though he can't move really yeah, God it',s like walking around with Jesus. You know , we basically we booked this we where we went and it's it's the most like fucking middle class like we went to the Camden Hells Brewery Beer Hall. Fantastic to watch the Champions League final. My pal, bless him. He actually did this. I don't know if you remember, he did this on the stag. He just like took control. He's an amazing guy, my friend Joe, the ultimate optimist and just finds energy. I think he's got some of the worst ADHD known to man, but what it means is that on the morning of a stag do when he can't fidget his hands quick enough, he just starts booking tables for Champions League . So we had like this long table of twenty five for us and loads of people . And then next to us saw on the table a booking, like a reservation. Laurent , times twenty four French name . We were all looking at that going. They're sure not blyooked French for an Arsenal PSG Champions League final theme would be in contradiction of some laws if you turned down someone's booking on the basis of their nationality . Okay , in terms of what happened, it would have absolutely been the best for theirself . We're not doing this for us. We're doing this they turn up and it's kind of parents with kids. I'd say the kids are sort of right maybe nine or ten One or two of the parents in Arsenal shirts and I got chance to one guy who's from Marseille who I really got on with , right ? But the rest of them PSG . Yeah . And I'm just my jaws on the fucking floor. I cannot believe that these people have done this to themselves and me . But most importantly the game starts, asked on score in six minutes. We're jumping in front of the children's faces. Are you kidding? Are you cupping your ear? I mean , what's quite good in this situation? This is always my thing in public because it's slightly upset in a second. I never want to be the worst cun and what was great is that next the table next to us, I was like, Oh, brilliant, your actual arsenal. Right. So it's like, okay, all the things that I want to do . We're gonna do it so I don't have to do it. Yeah. Amazing. So I sort of jump up and down a bit. These guys are genuinely celebrating the sliding in front of the legs. No, actual neside. One of them did an ease. It was fucking gray. And like we started a fucking chant about stop the ferries, which feels just about okay. It's just about stop the boat's not great, but when it's about stopping the ferries because they're French . Okay. So and but then and the thing is like the parents the parents shouldn't have put the kids there. The bar shouldn't have put the kids there. Yeah, I'm really sure that's a thing. PSG get a penalty. Yeah. And to be fair to the kids, they've had to go through new slides. They stand on the table. They're giving it back. And they've got flags. They're waving PSG flags. Oh my good god. The kunts who are sort of like, you know, the worst part of my part of my personality dragged out of my soul and created in human form. Yeah. Your horcrux is on the next table. My horcruxes they start throwing things at the kids , at the kids. Jesus Christ . I mean, what they're throwing is peanuts. It's literally the peanut gallery . What's that? That's like a common phrase of like the cheap seats used to be called the peanut gallery and you'd buy peanuts at the theater and if you hated it, you'd chuck it. And let's bear in my bite and I did some research there is, really a expensive quote unquote international school for French speakers in that area. So that bear in mind that if it helps with everyone enjoying this , these would have been rich French people and the horcruxes would have been scaffolders. Yeah, in my experience , it doesn't matter to English people, whether French people are rich, poor or in the middle. No, we didn't check the class spectrum before we threw the pinnacle. They threw the pinnacles. I didn't throw anything. English people don't mind hating the French, whether they're fucking Marie Antoinet te or a fucking beggar from the Hunch Battle Ronochrada. Well, we now are disgusting the French. Okay. Win or lose. They set fire to something. I love the French. Yeah, they're fantastic. What was quite good is people as these lads are throwing peanuts actual kids one of the dads turned around, one of the French dads was like, stop throwing peanuts. One of the lads goes, sorry Mate, we ain't got any fucking baguettes quite good. It's quite good. Anyway, let's start an episode. Ladies and gentlemen, on the subject of British and alliances with countries nearby Yeah Check the count's name. This week we are talking about Kalta McLean Goa Because I'm telling you Jake, you're going on holiday soon. Answer me two questions. Will you be using sunscreen and have you used travel insurance for your holiday? Factor fifty and fully comprehensive yes. I think both of those things are gay, but here's where I'm happy to use protection when I'm online baby. I've been using Surfshark VPN. We've been talking to you about this for a little while now. Surfshark VPN does two things which I really like. First of all, they've got a they've got a feature on there called CleanWare. CleanWear. Yeah, it stops like malicious websites like doing stuff. It stops you getting tracked, it stops, you know, like annoying pop ups coming. Also, the whole point of a VPN is basically like a little secure tunnel that means no one can see what you're doing if you want to look at some centered content. No one knows you're doing it. No one knows where you're logging on from. It makes me feel safe when I'm online. And the other thing is, I'm away for a bit of the World Cup , and I need to be seeing the tactical analysis at half time. And I can't do that because I don't speak French. And also the French people will just be talking about having affairs and their favourite type of cheese. I need to hear about Declan Rice's positioning. You need Meka Richards, do you need Allen Shirley, come on and Gary Yeah, baby. That's my Micah Richards impression. Look, the other thing is price discrimination. I know we talk about these VPNs quite a lot. You might be like, Oh, just number . I don't know whether you used it when booking your holiday. I didn't use it on my flights from my holiday and I should have done because I got price discriminated against. I genuinely tried doing on a normal browser. Remember that I had Surfshark, did it using Surfshark? I saved two hundred fifty pounds on my honeymoon. It pays for the VPN itself. Go to surfshark dot com forward slash screen rock and do know what you get four extra months. Four extra months. Four extra months, or at checkout, just enter screen rock Surfshark VPN. Surfshark VPN protect your online privacy . Or a get on this . Happy to nice to be back on an internet free. Yeah, this feels sort of old school screenrock, doesn't it? We're back in the spare room. We're in the spare room. It feels old school in a variety of. old setting Yes. It's and it's just sort of like it's not , you know , the leader of the free world. It's it's not a celebrity who's gone mad. Yes. It's just TikTok shit. TikTok shit. It's TikTok sh ipe man. Kayla McClean , an Irishman who is sort of doing it's sort of live laugh love for homeless people . Yeah. It's Lveive Lo L forove Krusties. Yeah, it's Live Life Love for Krusties. It's diary of a CEO for people who stay at the festival until the Tuesday. Yes. It's the high performance podcast for people that pretend to like Birdworth. For people that aren't doing any performance basically for, people that aren't it's low performance. It's the low performance. And ironically, these kind of people as you'll see from Kelta when we get to the videos, they wear incredibly high performance clothing. That's true. They could go on a mountaineering expedition tomorrow and at best they go for a wander through Eping Forest. Do you know what? I wonder if you could do like nowadays in terms of the kind of like zone two hipster obsession outdoor wearar. out we I wonder if you could sort of draw a sort of chart, some kind of graph where on one axis it's like how much money spent on outer wear . And on the other axis, it's like how low their steps per day is. I think the people that spend the most time sat in a spare room designing logos are the ones spending six hundred pounds on a north face. Why one hundred percent? Where o actually moves? Exactly. It's just like fuck it, whatever. I think the axis is actually like yeah, how indoorsy your job is versus how outdoorsy your clothing is. Yeah, yeah. Like you could honestly be wearing like a pair of cotton shorts and you'd be fine, but you've got on a seven hundred pound Japanese rain jacket that would keep you warm in an avalanche . I mean I've done it. I like them by the way, I'm as guilty of this shit as anyone. Like I've bought a north face fucking I really wanted the Hector Bellerin North. I think Hector Bellerin was once pictured. Okay in a comment. I was going to say did he do a line but he was just pictured and he didn't do a line with them. He didn't do it. He didn't design , it wouldn't be surprised. It was like a yellow and black sort of north face puffer and I remember buying that in lockdown when it wasn't possible to go outside . And I remember like on the label it was like a mountain ready. And I remember thinking to myself, yeah, I might walk up to the balcony tonight. Might walk up to the balcony of my block of flats tonight. That's my mountain. My mountain is the mental health mountain that's caused me to wank in my kitchen all the time . Count to So this guy and it's just a sort of classic like talk to camera ship. Yeah, and it's sort of like hey, this is pop ped up on my explore a few times. What's going on here? And you have a little click. Kaylter is talking to Camera. There's some very careful decisions have been made about the visuals. The aesthetic the aesthetic of the background of him talking to camera. But in terms of what he's actually saying , I don't want to be harsh on this guy so I really like him but it's just a lot of talking and not saying anything . Yeah . And like I do find this stuff. I get fucking angry with this stuff. See, now this is what I think is interesting. You hate it. Well, I hate no. So this is the antithesis of what you enjoy. I get angry with him for two reasons. One is I don't like it when people think they're clever than me. And this guy's now and that's the thing for you, isn't it? Yeah, he's telling you something he thinks you don't know. Exactly. yeah There's nothing worse. It's happened quite a lot on the stag actually, being told something that obviously I know as if I don't know it. When did that happen on the stage? Oh, just numerous times, places to go in London, things to think, books to read. I think I need to take advice off you . What are you talking about? I take advice off Dominic Sandbrook. I don't take advice of people on this fucking stack . But that's why there was one guy who at one point did so much cocaine and he stayed in a bar for four hours masturbating. I'm not taking advice off of you who spend most of the weekend lecturing people on how to hydrate themselves properly using electroly tes. Yeah. I've got advice for your bodybuilding. By the way, I did so much chemical last night I couldn't get an erection for five hours. Oh great. Yeah, where do I sign up? Your PT plans or what? A man with a nosebleed reminding you to take some electrolytes because your sodium levels might be low. Yeah. I've got a six pack while my penis has fallen off . Great Can we do one on one PT sessions? I'd like my penis to fall off, please. At one point he said, I did so much ketamine, my penis felt like ice cream. Great . Great. I want a corneto penis. But let me tell you exactly what you're doing wrong with your squat. Exactly, yeah. Just a bit more inversion on the knees with the squat if you wouldn't mind. It wasn'tt even called Eo. It's like a mister Whippy without the fucking cone. Yeah, there's nothing stiff. There's nothing rigid there. The other but I think the thing I dislike, well, I don't dislike about him . I think fair play to him but I get angry about is what we're talking? Nine hundred thousand followers? nine hundred fifty thousand eight hundred K on Instagram and I think about half a million TikTok . Right, which is like a , that's kind of like brand lifestyle brandy money, right? You're fine. Oh yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. I mean, in terms of the aesthetic, again, if you haven't seen it, we'll show clip in a moment. It's outdoorsy. It's woodlandy. You know, he's an island. I don't know exactly where an island is, but it feels rural rather than sit he's away. Yeah. And yeah, I mean , he's got some very nice north face coats . And he's and he's not, like you said, he's saying a lot of words, but he's not saying any words that have many meanings. I mean, I mean it's sort of broadly motivational look after yourself , you know, you're enough, that 's as I say, it's live life love stuff. It's mumsy stuff. It's it's like it's the kind of , you know, if you were to if you were to age him to the age of fifty and give him a sort of Bob Hairka, yes. He's been a rock choir. Yeah. Yeah. Well , it's sort of like a half a bottle of prosecco and have a weep in the kitchen whilst reading your plaque that says, you know, you've done your best, that's all right. Yeah, and it's like the part that makes me angry is that like he can whack that camera up. He can get four jackets ready and he could knock out about thirty videos. He could do the next you could do his content for the next six months in like two hours. The videos are like fifteen seconds long, some of them. We are we're in your sp are room. We've got lights here . You've got notes, but that's on us. That's on us. That's our fault. I know, but I'm just saying, I wish I picked the wrong thing. What is it? But this is it. We didn't pick this. This is just us. Yeah, that's true. This is borderline problematic, overly cynical cultural commentary because we think we're clever. That's us. Yeah, that's our personality. That's our fault. He and I've done my research on him. He's a former drug addict. Is he? Yeah. Whoa, fairly. And now that we're gone through everything, come out the other side . It's like, here's the things I kind of learned about myself along the way. And like if I'm gonna I like I guess I'm going to sort of backgaze a little bit because it's like he quit hard drugs and made maybe borderline cringey videos in a nice coat. Yeah . I quit lost Mary's and made a cump pile on the mantle piece . What's the fucking piece? Let me have a quick look for the bell while you talk for so bit es. I can't critic ize him when his response to quitting, I mean, he doesn't specify what drugs, but I assume he's been pretty heavy. Yeah, yeah. He's quite a successful social media career. Yes. I'm coming on the mantle piece, man man . I'm doing a protest wink . Yeah, you're doing the sex version of Bobby Sands in your living room whilst he's talking in front of his car about learning from your past mistakes . I mean to anyone that's gone through the journey of sobriety, again having I can hear the bell but I can't see it . Thank you. That's a delayed bell for that comment about Wanking Lost Marys' . The all power to those people have now four days clean and sober, clean and serene from jewel pods . I think I can speak with some authority on the ravages of addiction and fair play to those people and like you say there's a what's the it's like not nominative determinism. What is it where it's like the kind of the tool fits the task to a certain extent? What' youd mean? Like , you like say , we can't make tasteful, short pithy videos with wisdom in it. We have to do an hour about protest wanking and people denying the Holocaust on minibuses. And big deal this is suicidal beavers and butthead. This does not say can be I hate myself. Yeah . If we'd been out if we'd have been at Pompeii, we wouldn't have started wanking, we would have pulled out the mics. Yeah, we've pulled out the mics and done sort of borderline problematic comedy about the lava. About the lava? Lava looks bitch . Same color as your hair All right. As the pirate customer I told you about my medspell. As the pyroclastic flow kind of came down came down the mountain side , we'd have been there again. I don't think volcanoes should have. I could have got more flowers in the volcano if I wanted to. I just wanted w toanna I've quit smoking . Was Kelta would have stood on a rock put a lapel mic on a twig and been like, here's what I've learned about my life from dying in a volcano is that I did my best. And a load of fit Irish women with stick poke tattoos and like mild mental health problems would have been like I love you killed her. You're beautiful. I wish I could be in love with you. You're so nice girls. What we would have got is six kunts in flat pack hats and a coffee subscription be like. It's kind of funny. Yeah . Can you get Bo on the live show? No, fuck off, leave me alone . I know you're about to die in the piraclestic flow, but you reckon you can get beef up on a live show . Carl said you were really big John. Have you seen Big Johns layers wheel? What do you reckon ? My girlfriend doesn't talk to you at all. It's not like your book so much . I might do a compile like yours. Picture of a comp . This looks good. I'm about to die in a pyroclastic life. Yeah, let's watch some of the big man . Starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times. Your to do list may feel endless with new tasks and l,ists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything as a built in business partner can be a game changer. For millions of businesses, that tool is Shopify. 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Go to shopify dot com slash realm that's shopify . com slash realm . The biggest tournament in soccer is finally here and I've already started planning my watch parties. My go to move before kickoff is stopping at Total Wine and More to grab drinks for the whole crew. Wine, beer, selzers, maybe even a few ready to drink options, everything we need for a full day of matches. Total wine makes it so easy because I can grab everything in one stop. Get match day ready with Total Wine and More today, so you're set from kick off to the final whistle. Spirits are not sold in Virginia and North Carolina, drink responsibly must be twenty one. it's kind of it's tough to know where to start with them because they're all kind of the same. Maybe we'll start with another one if you don't mind one that's sort of more like classic chaoter ? Yeah, so this is it 's a lot of sort of like I'm gonna be unapologetically earnest for a second and like a lot of you guys aren't gonna like that, but if this resonates with one of you, then I hope that helps. It's that kind of like I'm willing to be vulnerable for a moment and a lot of people won't like that and I don't really care . Like and a little bit of like you wouldn't have thought such wise words could come from a guy in a beanie, would you? There's a bit of that. Yeah , yeah. I'm very suspicious of stuff like that. It feels very much to me like a kind of like English class where someone's like, you know who's the best rapper, don't you? Mr William Shakespeare. Like there's a bit of that to it where it's like everything all of these signifiers are so collapsed now , there is no version of that. Do you know what I mean? It's like Jay Cumfrey's telling you how to live your life and also like Bugsy Malone's going on the modern wisdom podcast with Chris Williams. It's like there's no lame . I think Bugsy Malone is the funniest kind of like one of the things I sort of when I was like looking at this Kelly McLean guy, I was like it's quite funny that like where we are as a society we're so desperate for any kind of like wisdom, motivation , help. God, how do I cope with life? Like I mean, like Kayla, I've watched some of his YouTubes . He did a video of like how to do van life as in like living in a van. Yeah . And sort of three minutes in, he's like, by the way, I don't actually live in a van. I live in a car, but I think I'll get there one day. Yeah . Same difference. He lives in a car. They got wheels, don't they? , by the way, not criticizing the guy. We hear like, like the fact that as a society, eight hundred thousand people have subscribed to be like I need to regularly know how the guy living in a car copes better than I do. Yes. It says a lot about us that we're looking at that, but then I think Bugsy Malone, the Manchester rapper . There's something like come from a council estate. I grew up on Berry New Road and now I'm here with Chris Williamson talking about how I made it. And he had a really good impression. It's like . How did you make it? Did rapping in it? It's like, yeah. I was good at it. It's like yeah, yeah, yeah, you were. It's like somehow that just got me out of there. It's like somehow you really get you really good at repertoire noble very new road is that No, no, like that's helpful. Exactly . That's the kind of flaw. I've got my old trainer brand. It's like, yeah, of course . You're the best. Sorry, sorry, like , what like, if anything , if you took like some privately educated boarding school kid s. And he was to sit in front of Chris Williams and be like, I honestly don't know how I did it, Chris. Like I started rapping. Oh, he said Fred to get on, is he? But like that, that's like gave you an accident. Accidental. If you was to get like some privately educated kids, yeah, yeah. And be like, sorry, how did you get a rap career? Right. And I honestly don't know how did it, Chris. Like, I was rapping in the dormitories and everyone fucking hated it.. Yeah I did it at the end of your ball fucking hated it. I was using the N word liberally . I was using the N word Chris. I went to a stage in Kennington. I use it, do you know how many times I got stabbed Chr,istopher? It was unbelievable. But I stayed true to myself. I kept doing my rap and now here I am with Santan Dave. Like that's that's a boy who blowed them up. Yeah, that's an unbelievable motivation story for a rapper . When you're buggsy Malone , you know, like a black hench guy from a rough area. I just don't know how I made it in rup. It's like I do . By extension , it's like the guy who's like a drug addict living in his car being like, I live off grid and I don't do things normally. It's like, yeah, I reckon. Yeah. I don't have a normal life. I don't think in the way that society never made it. It took a lot of hard work, you know? It wasn't easy. It fucking was. I'm sorry. I did it. It was easy. , no, I'm sorry that I ended up as a drug dealer. It's like, I know I'm sorry. I could have guessed all of it. I could have guessed. Yeah, is that all right? No, I think I think he's had he had a very difficult life in some ways. Bugsy Malone. So the most difficult part of his life is he survived a really bad car crash. Do you know why he had a really bad car crash? No, because he was driving like a kun. When you get these sort of motivational progress? Not at all how I sort of really sure I want Bugsy Malone after me. Oh yeah. Don't get me wrong. We need to worry about Kaylon McLean coming after us after this. We do not think Bugsy Mones be like, if you said what? I think he can still be a very stupid. Like how did you overcome the hurdles that you set? I think some of those hurdles are probably baked into your life when you don't have many other opportunities. I do think though that cache of living that life gives you a credibility as a rapper that is helpful. I don't necessarily think that like sell was he a drug dealer? Did he sell drugs? I mean, he says so in his songs. Right. So I could think I could say that then. Yeah, more like hypothetically were he to be. I'd imagine that boxes on rolled. Right. It's not shoeboxes, I don't think . But like , it might be a very stressful situation solution . Selling the screen rock podcast solutions. Yeah, they're code currently. But you know what I mean? I think there's like I would distinguish between that situation can be very stressful and horrible and might make you not be able to sleep. And that is hard, whether it's your personal responsibility for getting into it or not is a different matter. Right. That is horrible and might not be that fun . I think then when you go into a record label meeting , that can be helpful. Do you know what I mean? Of course. That pays off then because if you're a good rapper and you're like your name's Harry and you went to Eaton or whatever. Yeah, then great. I don't know how you're going to have to really knuckle down. You're gonna need some five AM alarms. You're gonna have to really like, I'm sorry, there are some obstacles in the way of your rap career. I would like you to pack some packs and potions, please. Yeah . But then my name's Boggy. I grew up on the street of Bernie New Road. It's like contract . Would you like a deal with JD to make traders well? Wouldn't mind it. Done . Done . Wouldn't mind it. You're sure I could find the term. Your bugs seem alone impression, which is very good. It's also kind of reminds me of they've been doing it on football cliches, which is the impression of the kind of slightly out of breath var ref going after review . After review, I was born on Berry New Road . Booksy Malone has been shown to do a uncautious challenge no one's fucking with me . So how can I got stopped in Bugsy Malay? How have we touched in a this poor cut in Ireland would have had to drive his car or use some wifi at a costa to try and check what the fucker have said he looked like? People might say boxing malan impressions. People might say that these meaningless, pointless digressions are a sign of bad podcast discipline. We do this when there's a chance that someone might listen to the episode because someone says to them, Go and listen, they did a podcast about you . And then after twenty five minutes, Jacob's still doing impressions with Bugsy alone and they go fuck this. I'm not listening to this Bullocks. Anyway, Galta, here is, I think what's he talking about this one? It's not politics in this one. It's politics. it's a gate like he's not talking about politics. Yeah, this isn't like all of these things, there'll be one where the headline is, here's my take on politics. Yeah . Can you handle it? And it's not about politics. So if you're listening rather than watching kind, of three hundred pound pair of vocally wrapper around sunglasses one of those kind of, is it like an Arctorix beanie hat? Fluffy fleece. I'm not exactly sure if it's from septum piercing and moustache. I never talk about my political beliefs and it's for a very good reason. It's because it's made up of ultra left wing ideologies and ultra right wing ideologies that are somehow mashed together in perfect harmony called normal human common logic. And everybody else that knows exactly what I mean knows exactly what I mean. And everybody that just got really angry because of what I just said, it's probably because your political views are part of an aesthetic rather than a moral code , which is the reason that we can't all just get along and live in a better, more peaceful planet. I know you hate what I just said and I'm sorry, but it's true . Lot of that on the stag , lot of that on the stake. Really? Yeah . Which should be. Yeah. Like, I know you hate what I just said. No I don't, I don't care about it. I don't care about it one bit . I don't have any interest in what you just said actually . It's very it's very tumbler . It is a bit. There's a lot of there's a big mishmash of stuff going on here because like you say, that is very tumbler. It's kind of emo girl. He's dressed like a like a guy , yeah, who 's a graphic designer. He also there's a lot of monster energy stuff, which is also kind of quite yeah. That's quite counter the Layton Stone graphic designer vibe. They don't like monster energy. They like island. Ire This is monster is healthy out there. It's one of your five of days. This is Ireland . There's more to Ireland than this yeah Well Okay, yeah , so I 'm in love with an Irish woman My mum is Irish but I don't have a huge I wouldn't say I had much connection to Ireland or Irish culture prior to falling in love with my beautiful fiance . I have experienced Irish crusty culture firsthand. Now , there are a lot of distinctions that have to be made. Right. Urban Island, completely different to Rural Island. Right. Completely different to Rural . And also than the difference between rural and urban here. Yeah, yeah, I'd say so. I'd say there's a stronger connection to like London someone from London and someone from the Cotswolds there won't be that huge a culture difference as there is in Ireland to someone who grew up in Dublin and someone who grew up that way my miss is from County Mayo. would you say was that there's like more towns basically in England? There's more in between . There's still like a lot of in between in Ireland but I think when you go rural in Ireland . It is fucking . I mean, like my misses was explaining this to me. They've got their own N word . And it almost sounds the same . Okay. People who are too and obviously there's culture as well, but it's like people who are really fucking their boggers . They call them boggers. They call them boggers. Wow. And I was like what distinguishes a bogger? She was a hair? What distinguishes it? What do we mean by that? I've heard it . Like family obsessed with land , farming backgrounds , Mike Rice basically Mike wouldn't be a bogger, but like real kind of like you know , I'd say there's some kind of hint at inbreeding. Kind of actually live in a caravan outside the farmhouse. Maybe the farmhouse. Very, very simplistic, very old fashioned in their views . Boggers . And she was like she pointed out some sort of friends of her family who she would like, they'd be boggers. They'd call them buggers. I was like, oh sweet, I'll have a laugh with them and telling me some bunker. No never say it 's not the Edward. No never say it. They can say it about themselves, but you never say it . So that would be say some fucking snooty Dublin came to the country for a weekend. Oh my god and they said that in a bar my god there's fucking talk they're dead they're fucking okay good to know but like there's a real in those kind of like deep rural Irish communities. From my limited experience, by the way, I don't want to be the English guy Louis through it. I wasn't blaming. Do you know what I mean? I'm sure there'll be Irish people listen to this being like, you're talking fucking shit, mate. I apologize. It's just from my limited experience , there is this kind of, in the rural areas, a real kind of keenness for sort of alternative counter culturally stuff. Thinking outside the box. Yeah. Don't let the matrix hold you in. And it is a bit kind of free party Bristol C X monster energy. There's some like dreadlocks . White guy dreadlocks there's a lot of sort of it's hippy shit. Yeah, yeah. But it's like there's where the hippie shit crosses over with like American gun land shin. Yeah , yeah. Because don't fence me in. Don't tell me what to do, the government. Actually don't think that the vaccine works. I think they're eating a lot of ginger works. Yeah , I'm going to do that actually. Yeah. There's a bit of that. And what if you were to apply that to Kaltur , some of his staff, yes , it's kind of like soft hippie roganisms . Yeah, you're wow. That isn't one . Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's supposed to be Roganism. Like it kind of is that it's kind of like and what's quite interesting there? he' Whens like my political beliefs is like hard left stuff and he's like, yeah, I know yeah , you don't have a job. And there's that. And he's like and hard, right wing stuff. And listening to that, I'm being like, I don't think you've got any hard right here. Yeah, someone who does have some save the high street hard right wing beliefs, you don't know what you're talking about. Well also he says the words he uses are ultra left wing and ultra right wing. I really hope he doesn't have any ultra right wing tent. I mean, like or ultra left wing to be I don't I mean what do we mean by ultra left wing? Like collectivized farming? I don't know what ultra right wing is I mean he's chasing box but I mean this is our friends to kill a French child last week. Like, I've got ultra right wing. Like against the French. Yeah, I threatened to shove a fucking bag up a French father's arm. Yeah, you want to stop the boats, the ferries from . Oh, yes, yes. But like, I do think there is a slight and it's not ultra right wing, but there's a slight hyperfocus on the individual that he does. There's so much wisdom here. This is great. There is isn't there? I agree. Like I don't know if I've got clips of it because a lot of people have said intense personal sovereignty . Well put, intense personal sovereignty. There's a lot of like Dun is better than perfect and he'll do videos where he's like, Hey, you know that idea that you've been having for the last few years and you haven't done anything about it's dead unless you do something about it. There is it's almost kind of like personal entrepreneurship that he kind of sells within a lot of his stuff. It's like and that is very rogue. Yes, that is very, it's all on your map. Yeah. If you're never gonna you're gonna master it is kind of that. Yes. In terms of like the Irish kind of like somewhat crusty alternative stuff. Again, I experienced it through my misses . Her ex looked like this. Okay . Well, one of her ex's. It fucking amazes me that I don't get on better with my in laws because I look at the where I come in the list of her exes and I'm like, Come . Oh right . You're like you're a sensible guy in that list. You're a conventional man. You're a man of morals. I've got a job. Well, bitter sticks, but tough sell at the moment. Say that when you're supporting Alan Davis, not when you're sat in your spare room talking rubbish talking about boggers. Yeah. You got job, no in theory. Yeah the line it come where I fall on the line, I think our first one was proper Irish Crusty. Okay . It was a lot of those H and M tracksuit bottoms. Okay He used to go to free parties. He listened to Sy Trans Nice. I think the only proper job he ever had was working for a hot sauce company selling bottles of hot sauce . There was I mean oboxide but I think the sauce was called crazy bastard They're all into condiments these people. They love condiments and it's probably like no, No mummy, mammy. He's doing well. He's got a job at crazy bastards . He's selling crazy bastard out the back of a transit van. I think it's with conduit conductors. It's like that. Entrepreneurial spirit is like can you sell something ? And condiments are a thing you can make and sell . And you can also be like, No, no, this condiment's got honey in the hot sauce or something like that. And guess what? It's got pineapple in it it? Yeah,'s that. This Chutney's got good vibes in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm selling out the back of my transit fan at a Sy Trance Race. So he was he was this guy's crazy bastard. And it was monster energy and it was a lot of drugs, I think. Salaman trainers. And then the one no, but not , not that. Oh, okay. Low, low. Okay, track your bottom stuck into socks. Yeah, turn your, turn your dial of expense down. It's low budget. Fake one turns . Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah . And then after that , I mean there's no software poo, this the boyfriend that came for me was a masturbation addict who tried to convert her to Islam . Just remind you how we started today's episode . We haven't done the Muslim bit yet, but I think we're pretty much on there on the other part, aren't we? No kettle is black, all right? That kettle . Mr. Pot over here would like to say Mr. Pot would like to talk about a kettle. By the yeah, okay, but I'm an honest wank addict . I'm Jacob Ole and I'm an honest wank addict. He genuinely had an addiction to cam girls. Okay, that's a different color found. I mean , it's proper like a cam girl's the ones where it's like live jasmine. com god I shouldn't know the URL that 's like the Andrew Kettle I know that URL it's not the specific thing but it's like it's like the Andrew Tate stuff, right ? Where they're just there, but there's probably so I mean, to be honest with you, I know more about cam girls than those who Andrew Tate. So I can tell their names, but I can't tell you how Andrew Tate Makes. I was about to say he has a stable of cam girls. Yeah, so I mean it's kind of have a live session with Sash a. Sasha's in a room somewhere looking down the camera you have to pay fifty quids, but it's probably a guy typing to you. Well, Sasha's not doing that type. Yeah, I don't know. Sasha was always pretty honest with me. No , I've never done it, but yeah, yeah. And what is Giza was doing? He was like , I find this so crazy, but I guess this is maybe what makes sense about it actually 'cause the Giza didn't drink or take drugs or anything. Okay . So he's quite a strict Muslim in some ways. Yeah, yeah, and I'm ninety nine percent sure that she would have had to change her name, my misses . As in for them to get married, she would have had to convert fully to Islam and change her name to Fatima. Right. Meanwhile, this guy was giving Sasha three hundred quids. Jesus not Jesus, famously. It seemed to yeah, yeah, Allah. And I don't think he'd loved this. I don't think Allah would have smiled. This must have been heram. This is heram. Cambles areel her'sam har.m This is my point, but I wonder if it's when your life is so hal f, you have to have something harm. I don't know if that's the right formulation, but I'll go with it. Yeah, do you see what I'm saying? When you're in such a conservative when you're trying so hard to live conservatively via guidelines. It's back to tectonic plate stuff. You break. Yeah. Yeah. Pompeii Pompei's exploding somewhere and it's exploding all over Sasha and the cam girls. His name wasn't Pompeii . But it's better off. You'd be better off having a couple of pints every now and again. This is it. Yeah, yeah. I don't have to do Sasha and the camgirls because I just come in the dining room. Clip that, Ryan. Delete the rest of the episode. Just put that out. That's the lesson. That's the lesson. Microdose in the dining room, then you don't have to overdose on Sasha. You on the high performance podcast, Jake Cumfrier going , what do you say is a secret to your success? Well, actually, Jake piles. Oh MG, gumpiles in the dining room. I microdice gumpiles in the dining room, so I don't have to use cam girls. All right, I'm going to end the episode. There's so much for coming. No, this guy, this is how she and this is how she didn't end up marrying this guy and converting to Islam, becoming fatima. It's because she found that on his lap top he'd saved all the conversations with the camera. He was essentially like sexting with them. Right. And he'd like screenshot it and saved it. What for his own personal use to be like, oh, that was a nice day. Yeah, I guess so. Rather than giving Sasha Free hundred quid, I'll just read an old one. That was his Panini Sickers. He was looking through, going , God, Portugal, I've almost finished the Portugal page. Look at that picture of Nuno Mendes . Fantastic . But then when you say Fatima as well, by the way, had she picked out a name she'd picked out a name in advance ? , yeah, I guess I don't know. That was the name. That was the name . That was the name she was going to go for I guess she gets to pick it. I don't know but then you never know, right? Yeah. But so then I come along and I'm like, well, maybe they're gonna you know , I'm not perfect but I'll go with that yeah but you know what I mean like maybe maybe I but then I think it's the hippiest stuff where I fall down because I can't really do reckon they would they would be more they would be they would be more like my mother in law is not hippie. No , no bit . But your father in law, do you reckon there would be more like a natural connection there if you were a bit less high street and Yeah, one hundred that's the problem is I like football and I care about how you want you want to teach your kids now. Yes . You want your kids out of the house playing in the park? That's why no. I mean the French people. I mean , French Kentish town . No, yeah, I do think that's a massive obstacle and I struggled to go along with the hippie shit. I mean, I mean, like it's a lot of animal welfare stuff, which you know he's sorry. He said it's a lot of animal welfare so I've never seen heard someone say like so condescending about animal welfare it's like you're talking about homeopathy or something completely failed. Like really? I mean , I have to say that that's much more my misses than father. I mean, the fucking I've literally got a tattoo on my shoulder of and I did this for a laugh of a dead p igeon because the first date we ever went on were we're at Hamster's Lido swimpool . I'm sort of I'm in decent shape back then I'm flexing I want to have sex. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking about the dining room, yeah. Well, I'm hoping to get out the dining room. I'm hoping that tonight you're in a kennel in the dining room. Yeah. You're hoping to get up to the big boy bed. That's it. And rather than p aile of tissues, it's a cervic where I can sheets wet That's gotta be the first mention of cervix on the podcast. There has to be. It won't be the last. And then basically the whole date gets derailed because there's a pigeon, it's a hot day . There's a pigeon dying like near the pool. Who cares? Yeah, so yeah, exactly come on man. That's what the erection. Yeah , I can't be fucking at We're at Hamstead Lider. We can have a Calipo . So she makes me alert the lifeguard . Yeah . This poor cunt man, he's got about two hundred kids nearly drowning. The guy's like fourteen and I'm like, Hello, could you help a bird? And he's like, I'm not talking about Alana, talking about that picture. All right, can you say, help me out with a bird? What do you know about cervix? Because I'm trying to get in one? No, but I'm sort of I'm like I'm like hello , not to be a cunt about it. I know you're busy. There's a bird and it wasn't even like there was there was no certainty that the bird was dying. It just hadn't moved in a while, yeah. This is how well doesn't see me watching Super Sunday. She should have the paramedics out . It's how good my first date chat is going. She's watched the bird for long enough, to know that . She's just drifting away in her mind. Think about the bird. It'll stop soon. Here's the thing with the bait shops and the barber shops, I don't think they're legit . I've actually checked on company house. A lot of them are on there as some kind of place that would need specialist workers would. you Why need a special ist worker to sell a vapor? I think they're using it as a way to get visas for people maybe she shouldn't be in this country the whole time. She's just watching a pigeon be like, he looks fatigued That was her thing. She was like, The bird looks tired, it's a hot day. I'm worried that the bird is too tired to fly. So I have to then repeat this to a lifeguard who's like, I'm like, What the fuck are you talking about? Show up . I go back and by the way, I'm not focusing on the bird. I go back to her and I'm like, he can't help. He's not gonna get the bird a diet coke, right? Sorry . And she's like, she's like, Well, it's got worse now. I was like, What do you mean? She's like, Well, I went to the toilet. Right. I've come back. Yes. And the bird's gone and I'm like sweet probably flown away. Problem solved . Then she goes, I don't think that's it. She points to and I think she did a bit of profiling here. There was an older guy working at the swim pool who had a skinhead and tattoos I. And was like , right, she's like, look, what's in his hands? He's pushing a wheelie bin. She's like, I think he's put the bird in the bin. It's where it needs to go. I had to go and ask him. Put the bird in a bin. Have you put a bird in a bin mate? I'm trying to have sex with that woman and she thinks there's a pigeon in your bin. Let's have a look What if there is but obviously there was a Then we find the bird and it's just sort of like it's managed to get into the shade but it,'s yeah, it's dying I think it's fucked a life. I've got an erection. I don't care, right? Basically, she makes us call and it's so funny because I was talking to I went another comedian and I was telling them this story and they were like I have this as well right basically there's a phone number you can call. It's not the RSPCB, that's kind of dead now. There's no there's no Royal Society for looking after birds. That's gone. I don't think's that true. We've gone. Austeria happened, man, we've got to focus on starving kids. No one gives a fuck about birds. But there is a phone number you can call. Basically there's this bloke, right? The bird man . Right. And you phone him and you go can you come and help a bird? Yeah . Right? In our case, we're at a swimpool. A bird's too hot. Yeah. The lifeguard won't bring it a diet of coke. It's not in a bin, but it's hot. We thought it was a bit of a bid. Would you help a bird? Yes. What this guy will then do . And I know this because I've practiced it with someone else a mate of mine who's had exactly the same thing happen to them is he'll give you a long spill about the lack of funding for people who help birds. There aren't enough us to help the birds, but it's great that someone like you who clearly cares about birds has phoned me because you care about birds. And then the person on the other end of the phone will go, yeah, I care about birds. There's one dying in front of me and they'll go, yes, you care about birds. And they'll go, look, I can't help you or this bird today . But what he'll say is would you mind if I called you back in the future, if I find a dying bird? And then obviously it's always a woman will go, Oh my god, of course I'd never obvious,ly societ y has let this bird in front of me die, but I'd never let a bird die and go, you wouldn't, would you? My girlfriend , every single week gets miscalled from miscalls from this guy where he's now set up a web of women with mental health problems in London who phoned about dying birds and now he's trying to assemble his own army of bird saviors. Right. So we could get it now. It's not actually that's quite a clever idea actually for like dying seagull in Camden, where are you? Right. He'll just send that and then call, cool, cool, cool. Like it's fucking what is he hoping you might do? You might drive and help the seagull. Wow. He has no intention of leaving his fucking house, this fat cum. He has no intention of ever helping a bird. How did you get this guy's number? Did you google bird help? I don't know, I googled, I've got an erection once cervix in London bird dying and this number comes up. I'll lay you through Jake Farrell . Right. That's amazing. Because that would make sense for me to the RSPB, which you say is stock ed definitely had that If they were like, Oh, yeah, like we should ring this and then the number will come up and like they'll get through and they go, well, there was actually there is no service. But if you give us three pounds a month, like because that's an interesting pay ing thing to leave us alone. But he just keeps calling you. He keeps calling. That's absolutely. And then it was, I think it was Sarah Pasco, I was talking to you and she was like, I have exactly that thing. Absolutely mentioned. It's like an animal head, Sarah Pasco. Yeah. Books about how much she loves animals. Yeah. And I'm sure it was like for her or Lily Phillips, not the porn star comedian. One of them was the same experience. I've had exactly the same dead bird North London. Dead bird yeah, dead birth, North London, woman with mild mental health problems, horny husband. I mean, maybe I can set up the South London version. Like actually, this is really important you told me because my wife is the like British upper class version of the Irish like Don't Let Anything Die thing. Krusty? Yeah, just like, you know how the British upper class is, they give way more money to Donkey Sanctuars and yeah than they do. So I know this because I used to be a charity cold caller. Right, right . Yeah. And so I mean they've got fucking like they got three cats, three dogs, they got turtles. They all fucking sorts of things running around. Yeah. And I vote for the conservative God forbidden we help any humans, but let's make sure my cat has got premium whiskers cat fish. And actually now he comes to mention it. Maybe Nigel has got some good ideas. Maybe Kemmy's not going far enough. No, I don't need a refugee, but make sure the dog has got the most expensive dog. Exactly. And like every time we go for a walk, sometimes in the country or when we're on holiday, she's touching horses, she's touching sheep, she's touching cows, she thinks they all belong to her. And this is that is a commonality. And I've actually never met it's a gendered thing as well. It mainly seems to be the ladies. He love. Like saving birds that need to be dead. Oh, there's a cat and the underpass . So what? What's that got to do with me? I'm in the underpass. I'm wanking in my living room. Yeah , it's a dining room. But yeah, like exactly. But I guess that's kind of my thing about the whole the animal element of the Irish crusty mentality. Right. What about people? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? People got a rich. Literally no one has got a house in Dublin. Let's sort that out . Then we'll sort the donkeys out. God, this might be the lowest we've talked about a subject. Let's watch some more. Let's watch Wanna know the real story of how Oasis made Britain mad for it, how friends turned us on to coffee culture and super layered hair. The secrets of N irvana, trainspotting, gay hookups, Diana's revenge dress, and what it was really like to be a spice girl plunged back into the decade when the world fell for cool britannia, bumpster jeans, and lemon hooch with Talk nineties to me. Listen now wherever you get your podcast and if you use Spotify, you can watch the whole show too. That's Talk Nighties to me out every Monday . I can't use theme tune? Oh god, what now? The podcast that's been keeping politics addicts sane since twenty sixteen has had a lick of paint. We've got a new sound and a new feel and we're recording closer to release time, so we're even more up to date on the stories that matter. But we're sticking to the same job, one that's even more important as the stakes get higher in British politics. Exploring the big stories, dispelling the bullshit, and doing it all with a sense of humor. You need one these days. That's oh god what now with me Andrew Harrison and the absolute eight team of politics punditry. Get it every Tuesday and Friday on your favourite podcast apps . It's got a stick. I don't know. Like yeah, this is we'll play this one. It's kind of more of the same. I genuinely believe that this is the most important thing that you will ever hear me say and I don't say that lightly because I come on here a lot and I share a lot of my phone. I think they're all lingering because there are lessons that I have learned that I'm trying to share to see if they can help somebody else. A knife on it. But if you ever listen to a single thing that I say, it should be this. I think it's applicable to every person, every situation, every goal , everything you ever want to do in life, and it all boils down to one single skill that I have learned over and over again through some very tough lessons . And it is learning to do things before you are ready. Learning to do things specifically because you are not yet ready doesn't make any sense. If you tell yourself you need more time or more information or the right day is coming or wait until it feels right, all of those are just reasons it's never gonna happen . Learning to do something specifically because it really does not feel like you're ready yet is how everything in my life has ever gotten done and every great thing I've ever seen achieved was achieved that way. that way. Right. Spoken like a man living in his car. And it's nonsense. It's meaningless nonsense. And it's quite calculated because he's doing that thing that they do on reels where he's delaying the piece of information that you want to use on the real phone. You've lear itn soed many times. What's the lesson? Right. Right, okay, doesn't mean it. I mean, if you don't mind, because this is a trend there are men in Ireland in the countryside you might remember we covered this about fifty episodes ago, a man called Stuart Mackey. Yes, it's exactly the same thing. Yeah. Performatively earnest, Irish men doing a lot of talking, not really saying anything flavor. This guy's an elf flavor. The other guy's an outdoorsman flavor. You see Stewart doing a very similar kind of thing. Don't give up . You're not allowed because there's a bit of toothpaste you need to squeeze out because the cat, it needs you to feed it. There are still too many books in your to be read pile. Don't give up today because you don't want to give your mother another reason to cry. Another reason to cry is so funny. So your father won't wonder why he didn't see the signs . Suicide prevention reharman solution to a temporary pain . But the world will keep spinning and people will keep breathing and living. And if you find that you don't give up , the small sparks and the threads of hope will guide you. Help you get up and take a shower, move forward , and they will help you to reach out and tell someone Yeah, I mean again, you get my point similar vibe fucking an Irish guy being performatively earnest in front of a camera not really saying much and that thing you said earlier of like this desperation on our part to be told what to think by someone or to be to be given guidance. And I think that is a symptom of like I want to be too earnest, but like particularly for maybe for the younger generations like, it's fucking mental. It's like, am I ever gonna own a house? Like am I ever maybe I've got a job, like the rate of unemployment for young people off the scale . And it's like, I'll just cast around for anywhere. Could be the guy in the salamon trainers and the north face coat. Could be the guy that looks like an elf who's kind of like wearing a tabard or shock t shirt because they speak in a kind of lyrical Irish way it sounds quite nice . Yeah I think it's that like fetish maybe there's a fetishization of the Irish in there as kind of like magical mystical people. Do you know what I mean? Yeah , not just not just a normal. They're not just normal people . It's like everyone else they're community with the fairies. That's it. Yeah , yeah, yeah, they're they've done some riddles with some dwarves and they 've learned wisdom. They've been kind enough to impart it upon us lousy westerners. It was a remember that . And it was kind of it was really endearing and they didn't mean anything by it but I definitely think there was an element of that with my granddaughter my dad's side spoke with strong a very Dublin accent. Yeah . And he was an amazing man. He was a lovely man. But he was just a normal man. But I think my grandparents on my mum's side who were like from here, actually from Caladi Road, were always just like, well, he's so wild, isn't he? Yeah, it's like nice . But then they know that we do that. Right? My father Irish dog My father in law does this all the time. Yeah. He knows that he can speak slowly with a slightly breathy way of speaking and say anything. I remember like the first time that like I was going to meet him. And I remember my missy's best mate was like, Oh my god, you're gonna meet Lana's father, Pat. He's so philosophical. He's so wise. I was like, What's he gonna tell me? He told me that my body type is a pitter rather than a vata and that makes me quite slow . The fuck is a pitter rather than a vatar? I think it's I don't know, it's some Indian kind of food like a chopra like chapers and stuff. That's it, yeah. And it's that sort of thing. No, this guy's fucking bullish . He spent a long, yeah, I mean , you know, Alana's dad spent a long time. He like I'd be talking. He didn't give a fuck what I was saying. And halfway through like he'd hear like a doorbell going and go, we'd I think that was a C flat. Like he just cats . You like right yeah, cheers for the wind. My fucking veins would be popping out the side of my head man. I would be fucking doing one. But I think the Irish know they're doing it. They're having a song. I think they know that they can do it. I think they know that they can , we can make a hundred thousand followers exactly. Brand deal with Patagonia . And in the same way that whenever there is a terror attack committed by a person of Islamic heritage, there is too much. It's the Muslim's fault . I'm not saying that just because Stuart Mackey and the other fellow Caitlin just 'cause I'm not saying it's Irish people's fault that's good. And I'm not saying all Irish people are this in the same way that not all Muslim people are terrorists. Right. I would like community leaders in the Irish community to a little bit louder against stuff like this . In the same way , you know, maybe maybe the Amar's could speak up a little bit louder against John Don't actually make that that connection the joke Why the editorio should start speaking up . We are asking for Paul Mescal, Mike and Vittorio to come out against magical Irish people . We will be holding a rally on White Hall demanding that community leaders speak more loudly. We would like the Mary Wallopers . We would like the other bands that everyone likes now. We would like Bollers . We would like kneecap statement . Yeah . Look, I mean, is there anything else we need to say? I mean, it's sort of Rory Stewart for Stoners. It's just fucking bollocks. What else do I say? This is one of my favorite bits of the podcast when you get out all of the gags and like ideas you've written just in a flow at the end. Rory Stewart for Sonas that I think he's literally done a video on YouTube about how to live in a van, but he actually lives in a car. Yeah, I mean, what else might another gripe about my father in law he keeps drinking fucking nettle tea and every time that he knows I want to go he offers me nettle tea this is very nettle tea It's Nettle. Look, I think he's a nice guy. He's obviously been for an awful lot. He has got some wisdom to dispel. I don't think he's dispelling all of it. I think he's holding a lot of it back and just sort of saying Bolocks for Click. I think he looks lovely. I think his clothes are lovely. I'll say he's lost an awful lot of weight. Has he? Yeah. Fair play being so free from what I can tell . And I have to say actually , as someone who try'ings to overcome an addiction , I'm not losing weight at the moment. I'm eating like a gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm already thinking about what I'm going to do to Jo Lean, big Joe on the way back to Walk to Fenstre Park. Look, Calton McLean, I think that as we said at the start, I wouldn't mind his social media life rather than mine. Absolutely . I think his message is about just like just goin for it, being yourself, thinking outside the box. I'm up for that. When he says stuff like I'm actually ultra right wing, that's when I start thinking Oh yeah , fuels click bait you're not actually as clever as he thought. And actually in terms of I don't know if it's a huge like overcoming of a hurdle when your background is semi homeless Irish guy and your thing is telling little tales in the same way Bugsy Malone You know, it's hard for me. Confirming you're all Bugsy Malone please kill him, not me . We'll see you next week up the Rutters Because I'm telling you