Agents and gig stories

Coming up on this week's socially distanced sports bar part two Bar I said what the fuck you do the bar isn't it? The bar actually you mean the subscription sports b ar? Yeah . What are you doing here? I say it's my birthday. The bar though . I'd have to go and give it a give me auntie Betty kiss and I don't ya? . As she was like fucking skeletal, there was nothing there . The Earth is the fucking earth in it, right? Because it's Earth. What I'm saying is this made of earth. People say it contains chemicals made. Yes, so do you, Toso everything contains chemicals . That's what the building blocks of life are. Yes. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's what oil is. That's what fucking plastic is, right? Everything's so if I burn something, it goes in the air Yeah at some point it'll be a tree or something Hey everybody welcome to part two of this week's socially distanced sports bar. It is a live episode . So with these live episodes, what we do is we split them ording to first half, second half. So this is part two, which means the second half of the show. There will if we're any good at our jobs, which sometimes we are, sometimes we aren't, but if we are any good as live performers, there will be some back references to things that happened in the first half, because that sounds better as a show. So if it sounds better as a show doing it in that order , what might make sense is if you go and listen to part one first, I think . So why aren't you going to do that if you haven't done it already? If you have already, hi, this is part two. This is going to be good. So this was the second half of the performance. What are we doing? What are we doing in the break? I think Mike had a pizza. There was definitely a pizza in the corner of the changing room. We had a photographer with us who was taking photographs while we were the dressing room as well . I had the grottiest shower. No offense to the lyric theater in Commander because I later found what were the good showers upstairs, but we had a changing room that was downstairs. I had a shower in a room that looked like it hadn't been used for showering for a long time . I worried about getting some sort of disease from it. But it was a function it worked as a shower , but the good showers were upstairs as it turns out. So if you ever go to the lyric theatre and you perform in there, there are nice showers. They're just not the ones that are right there the bottom floor. They're the ones that would buy the green room. I've learned I learned a lesson. That was before the show. I didn't share it half time. I'm not a maniac . Anyway , we loved this show. It was a really, really enjoyable one. El went to the pub afterwards to meet his mates. I drove home, I'm not sure what Mike did. I think he drove home, but I'm not one hundred percent sure. It was very very enjoyable. This is the second half of it. I hope you enjoy Bonnet Bonnet guests here, ladies and gentlemen, friends, please give a warm welcome to Wellers James. My pub is Steph Crew it's a second off the show We got told by friend of house that we'd lost an awful lot of you to the pub because I never thought I'd get to say this the cinema where I saw Jurassic Park and Duma Dummer as a kid you have drunk dry . Yeah . Did you all sneak over the road for a beer? No did you It's quick guy I know. I mean, to be honest, believe it or not , the lyric wasn't really designed for seven hundred people on Gak from Ireland . Enjoy it. They enjoyed a nice night. I think they're a pretty nice night. Now so we had a nice afternoon with the son of it. I did a charity gig in the Hallowell once. What a nice guy . Do I talk about it though? There's a charity in the Hallowell, which theatre is part of Trint College in town. Good money for it? No Get out. Well, they did a wagon, did you did a waggon? twenty five grand will do it for charities. Yeah, yeah . But it was a very wrenching virtual event and I did stand up at it but the bar worse there But the bar was drunk dry nice it was drunk dry before I'd gone on and she saw is k aidney research. The woman who was organizing said, I'm going to call another interval. There was someone on the phone and she was on the phone to her husband. She'd like, yeah, I'm at the char at the event in the Harley Well, they fucking drunk the bar dry. If you bring a box of wine to the car park, I'll drink it in the car . I thought you can't even attend a charity event without getting your husband to bring you a box of wine from the house . Well, my birthday was last week so thank you very much. Thank you very much. On the Friday when Washington will play rugby, nice Saturday. Kelly unbeknownst to me have booked us a romantic night away. Oh yeah in Moist oma. Aye . Hey, where? Just outside of Shamana. My sigma . There's a golf hotel and spa there. Yeah . She doesn't golf. I don't particularly spa So we went very nice. I got to say very lovely place . So when I got there, we arrived, put the stuff in the room, walked down to the ground to have a swim and a block coming change your sweat . Bah . I went, all right ? B Bah . I said what the fuck you do ? Bah a minute the bar. I should do the sports bar. Yeah, a bar . Why are you doing here? I said it's my birthday. The bar though. I said fucking up . And he wasn't simple yeah. He's having a bit of a Johnny Mar moment. I felt, you know. Yeah . He wasn't all there. So but I then you reassured him, though, and well yeah, I had enough selfie and child aren on our house. Yeah, made friends. He came over for dinner. In the night he came over for dinner. And McKellen were there and we saw him and they were all very nice. She was lovely, his w wifeife. She was his and she had an affair obviously right. But so loud. Why so she busy? I'm gonna go back and over at now . Just telling he's so bad like he's freaking full as I am so full now. I couldn't eat a thing. I'm so full I am laying full as an egg. Yeah , I go back for the vait . And this is supposed to be a spar hotel, right? So she booked me for my birthday. On the way up there, I'm not locking a Shremella Hook affiliate or that area, right? And yet we're driving the lane to get there, right? There's two nature wells on eBikes . Like the milk train man all in black ballaclaves right zipping past us and then we put it in the car park. Sure there's a space over there. I said, yeah I can see it. So I parked over there between a pl aster 's van and then a big rental van with ladders on the roof. Yeah. And I just thought to myself, this isn't Augusta. No Do you know what? But it was lovely because of that. Do you know what, though? One of my favorite things about Wales is I don't think we're very good at five star rubbish like a federamide. As and gracious we don't do a federamite staying at my st el in Swansea when he was having breakfast, Kelly went up to when Cali dressed you in a bit of sausage . You don't get that at the door just though, do you? No get up the rich with a high trusty with a bit of saucer. Pools look quite nice, right? Yeah. But all the sort of utilized like the maintenance doors have been left open Just see like bottles of bleach bro bog rolls, mops. So I got up and shut the door. That's what you're doing. I said, Well, I'm trying to relax Babe. Yeah. I'm not trying to be fucking I'm not surely Bassy. But I don't want to see a shitty mop and I'm in the fucking It's like the Celtic with a great disrespect, Stefan. The Celtic Manor is a five star hotel that is full of people from Newport. Yes It should immediately drop it by two stars. Love straight away . Christmas dobs of the Celtic Manor are hilarious. Oh, yeah. The roughest people in Wales, in Wales's nicest hotel . Some of the minibuses coming from there are psych . Oh my god that should be a BBC Wales documentary . Christmas take man there Christmas the Calvin. We stick name the Wales in it and put fucking Derek Brockway in it. I'm sure you'd get it away. I'd watch it. I've just been told I'm not sure how true this is and we can blink it up, but oh God, no, no . Is it political? No really. Good. BBC Wales just found a load of money on casualty. You can now listen to us on BBC Sounds. Yeah. Carry on with your story . Which is already made in Wales, yes. They spent a lot of extra money on it, apparently , allegedly. Because from now on it's going to be set in Wales as well . So I just thought nothing's changed. Yeah . It's like in neighbors when Cheryl would just be played by a completely different person for six months. I think I was I think it's going to be the same I don't know if it was going to be the same cast. So fictitious place has moved to a real place This would be like giving Amadale more money to move Amadale farm somewhere. To like Portalley. Yeah . Well, there's not Commander Farm anymore, is it just called Amadale? Yeah. I see Amymar. Well, that's thirty five years . Yeah, that did change a long time ago. I've never met an Amadale fan. Oh, no one is the Pae people are like Cory. I met those people like Yeah, she got their break on Emmadale. The guy with the sidebirds. Emos. Like Emos, Barley. No, he did. When he got the old fucking else? No. Right, there we go. I went. But he didn't do anything. End of quiz. I went. Break me go the next thing. So Ross Kemp . Before he danced before Ross Kemp's on sk on gangs? Ross Kemp was in Emidi. Emida What playing a gangster? I'm playing an exact soldier. I just fuck a cow. I just saw you out with some red diesel make don't you forget . Ross kept on cows . Ross kept in a cow . No, he's an ex army soldier who I saw who goes back to Arada to findle his real mum get that adoption. Is that a script idea, Vad? Is that real? That's real. It's a fee dream. Jazz of my other script idea the Ross Kemp goes back to Everdale as an ex soldier trying to track down his mouth. Are you fucking m?atted I mean, I've seen I've seen Mammouth . It's less far fetched than that. Shall I go? I mean, that is true Just frozen at times. Yeah, that's what we were trying to get there. The first series ride a horse into a pub. The commissioner came back and said, We're not sure why the horse in the pub. I said, Why not? Bit of far fetched . He said two things. One is he's been a suspended animation for forty five years . Secondly, that actually happened . Yeah . That is a true story. Yeah. Vic got rested, rode a horse into a pub. Did he? Well, his mate did. He fancied the girls . His mate fancied a girl. So then Vic used to liked riding horses . So they went up to Finny Mountain and bought a horse for the he went drug. Mystery story . So the girls down at a pub called the Giles, what was it that pizza at ? The Butcher's in Canter, not the one in Landaff. Yeah, yeah. Right. So her dad owned that place . So they went to Cavilli Mountain, bought a horse from a farmer and then rode it down Cavilli Mountain, into Cardiff and into the pub at lunchtime on a Sunday to give it to her for a birthday present . That's not true. True story . And the horse's name, which by the way, originally, so in Mammoth, I've changed the horse's name to Applejack. If the original horse's name is Dickie Wink . Which is a better name ? Dickie Wink. I think you made the right decision. I like Dicky Wink. I'm sure you do. Right. Do you want to go first again this half? The answer is lined up. This has got to go first because this sort of person quite simply does not exist anymore. And when I grew up and I just spent all my holidays up in either at my nan's in Mertha or my nan in Barry , not only did these people exist , but I saw them all the time . And I think my nan had this exact coat and I'm pretty sure both of my nams had this exact headscarf. Yeah , here we go. Alright wrestling I love wrestling . Especially big daddy Oh that great ? Yes, he's great his body . Oh is lovely I'm watch him all night . You sit there at home, huh? I watch wrestling, I watch football. I like sports. Do you see their shouting? Come on. Oh , I get excited excited . Most things was like that. With belly and shoulders Now look here, madam , you stand there, respectable in your nice garf and work and making dinner how long? Fancy all these gentlemen with their belly and shoulders Yes, it's graceful. No, it didn't, it's looked like you really like. no . I like all sport, football, wrestling. Suppose Big Daddy came up now and did this to me yes. We're back Wow . I love it. Wow . We've both worked as comedians out, right? Yeah . It must have been a piece of pissing . People would laugh at absolutely. And I piss themselves That's the funniest thing she's ever seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah sixties and centuries humor is it's so unfunny. It's quite surreal yeah yeah oh yeah I bet you do yeah yeah he goes with a cottony drawer . People are like, they're like we can also say goodbye. I was gonna say, we also wrestling has mentioned a lot because she's mentioned football. She likes sports. Oh yeah, it counts as a clip. Let's be honest. She likes shagging, doesn't she? That's all I got from that clip. Yeah. I'm going to be on Telly on Saturday night. She's talking about how much I love getting bombed. She probably does not shack. She said bum or bomb. Bom wasn't mum Fair placed you . What I love about ? Oh, granny anal. What I love about which granny's house we go to on Sunday? Granny ? Well, I love a barn. Two nans I love a bonnet is how in vain she is. Yeah. Because she obviously she didn't have a shift from work . Am I'm at lunch hour. Yeah. But she didn't think that they would end up online. She didn't think it would be five years later, people would still be watching. Yeah . So she's willing to do that to Esther Runson. And there's two ants like behind her, who are like teenagers. And because it's the eighties, they look really ill. Well, I say it was seventies. I'd say seventies. It's nineteen eighty three in it. Is it really like me? Well, it's been up north, aren't they? Yeah, up north. Yeah, yeah, wow. Well, go? I would just say it's not as cosmopolitan as the Southeast. Yeah. No, but nineteen eighty three would still look like the seventies anyway. Depends not if you're looking on Mammy Vice . No. Fair point? But she directed but she's in Blackburn or something. Yeah , yeah. You know, you're not back . What? You know, you're not on Mammy Vice. I love Mammy. Mammy Vice is one of the best television roads ever made with the finest finis of it, oneode of the finest final episodes of what happens in the I mean, spoiler alert, obviously, but what happens in the final episode of Miami Fice? They solve all crimes. There's no cocaine left anywhere in the world . I'll never see that. We never seen Mum before. I was very young for my eyes hard. Don Johnson's so cool in that. Don Johnson's so I wanted I was so bad when I looked at Johnson. What does he live? I don't know who he is. I don't know who Don Johnson is. No . Well, Don Jesse, genuinely you have no idea who lies. I mean, I'm not saying that Mike's references are old, but I'm forty five and Steph is forty seven Neither of us have heard of Don what before. yeah It is one of the greatest shows ever score. Excuse me, maybe what's your date to Birth Grey , a fantastic year . Yeah, so John Johnson is a detective in Miami playing playing Selly Crockett. Ricardo Tubbs played by what's his name? Can't remember his name? Michael Tobas? Yes, Paul used for Liverpool. Yeah . An arsenal. That guy. No. Are they there? For the golden on field, in nineteen eighty to nine. Yeah. The vice cuffs in Miami in the eighties. But Don Johnson always had like a cool white jacket for the sleeves pushed up, nice cool shirt. In what world is that cool ? He had the sleeves pushed up on his head. Like a gas fixter alright . I am cooking registered to what are you ? No, but the sleeves pushed up with your cuffs outside the jacket Philip Collins. Yeah, but Philip Collins had shit jackets, like Sunny Crockett are cool jackets. Okay, with matching like peg trousers. What? They won't shoes Yes, exactly. You know what I mean? Peg trousers were what peg trousers. You keep doing that . Linen trousers that are bigger at the top and then they sort of they pleat at the top and then they go down. Oh yes and then no socks and then like a fair of espadrilles . Yeah, fucking mega . And what did he do? He was a vice cop probably undercover. Okay, driving around the Ferrari in a job really. Would he be able to find a photo of him and stick it on the screen? I can only imagine that hard to imagine I can like it gone. I can only imagine the Miami Police Department was fabricously well funded. Yeah . That's a cover company Ferrari. Yeah, they did a Ferrari. Perfectly cool. But he was cool, nice. Yeah. Oh, yeah, man. Well, if January sleep, well, I suppose I suppose the British version was Burgerac . That's it . Now you're talking my language in the language obviously Morse wasn't cool . No, it's not meant to be. He's not meant to be Louis wasn't cool. Louis isn't he wasn't . No , what? This goes back to sports . It was seen as uncool to show off . Yeah. If you were a copper in solved crimes, you were copper a in Bernie, ripping around the place of your jacket, sleeves pushed up in a Ferrari. Yeah. People think you're a normal . Yeah . Yeah. Yeah, that's the professionals at a bit of that. Oh yeah, professionals. Well, fairplay, I'll give you that. Yeah. The Sweeney. I wouldn't say sweetie at this low. I mean, Dennis Waterman looked like he was constantly about to take out the bins . How was that man ? I'm not knocking the bloke, but how was he like a sex object for about fifteen years . He's a sex object in the Sweeney . Yeah. And I mind her. Minder he's like a sex object . Crumpin' left right and center. His work not mate . I remember my teacher, we had a horrible teacher in Barry Boy's comprehensive school . Oh, there's a nice picture of is that Miami Vice? Is that? Right. So which one's doctor? I would so I would love to see him shoot himself in his own foot . John's in the white. Don't sit in the ground. Shanny Crockett is in the white and Ricciardo Tebs is in the blue. They don't they don't look like they do all of the paperwork that's involved in modern day police sin . Like Tavi Powers police's headquarters in Hanticaus . I can't imagine this Yeah . See the pull. Yeah . Yes, that's a little pull . Oh yeah . I'm gonna send the patrol car to Buryport now, will I ? Yeah Kids get off in ferryy side . This is gonna let you over the warning right but don't deal anymore cooked honestly goodnight I got my eye on you and I know your mother and your father, okay ? I'll give you a fucking cali cart an a minute . You were involved in a bad crowd with those people from Sleepy, okay ? Who else was in it? Why wasn't it? Phil Collins in in this? He was definitely the eighties. He was in the Ice as a guy. Phil Collins is in it and boy George Boy George Washington . I think I've seen I think the one episode of Miami Vice I have seen is the one where Phil Collins is in it and he doesn't even have his suit rolled up. He actually has a short sleeved suit. Ooh , that's a bad look. Yeah. It's a very I found an exercise book where I drew my ideal outfit Well I was like thirteen . ninety five. Absolutely staggering that you failed your A level. And my ID and outfit, it's a picture of I've drawn myself as well. But I've got hair like Lamar from Kazugou . Wow Spiky on the top and really long with a back. Yeah. And then a white leather jacket with a black shirt, sleeves pushed up, obviously. Yeah, black leather pleated trousers. Leather pleats. Ideal and white cowboy boots. Did you have that money? Did you have that ? So Mr. PS school assembly . Yeah. And not, by the way, if this is good on TV, they say this this contains language, which may not be appropriate to a modern audience, right? And I mean, is this going out in order? Oh, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. It is being broadcast at least and these people are here. Yeah, this has on beat. Well, this is one of the reasons and I'm here. This is one of the reasons why I hate Sarapius, right? Right, right He was given a service about to be condemned. Satisfied was hot. Kids he just it was the long hot summer ' eighty four, right? Right. We had a soon assembly where he said, I don't want to see any of you, with your sleeves pushed up like those nancy boys on top of the pops. . And I thought, fuck you mate. And I went and bought. I went and bought Frankie goes to Hollywood two tribes on twelve inch. It's a fucking nature . Yeah . Yeah . Yeah . Look because obviously Holly Johnson was outwardly gay. Do we should do? We should do it as a hoffee pod clip . Do a Which DJ sna thepped record? Mike Mike Reeds yeah, we should do we should find Mike Reed snapping in the record s. I'm not sure number one didn't it? This bloody filth on radio one. You see what was smashing nice you the too pk ofie itce? Yeah, yeah. I have in my hand a copy of Paul McCartney's frog chorus in which he says the words bum, bum, boom, bum, bum . When I trust you bum, mister McCartney are playing your filth on my radio station . This is Frankie Johns Hollywood . Or something like that Yeah Yeah, well I just love it. I just and that for me was my nan and all her . My auntie Betty looked even looked like that. Auntie Betty would come to my nan's house in Berry on Saturday, right? Millennial. And Betty would come, I call her Auntie Betty , she wasn't related. But she'd come over there . She fucking stunk a fat. She said she smoked she smoked non star and I have like her face looked like one of those wineskins you buy in fucking spain and I'm like just tanned dry fucking leather face . Non stop smoking. Mike , Ay, she's a much cherished family friend and bee you just named her. six hundred and fifty people here. Hair and a tight perm. Hair and a tight perm, head scarf on one of those coats stinking a fags. And being the eightiesies or the sevent when I first started. Yeah. I'd have to go and give me antipetic kiss or she? Yeah . And she was like fucking skeletal. There was nothing there Yeah, I was made to kiss all my relatives. Yeah, yeah. Yeah . Yeah, you round your uncle. We know what that is . Sorry, Nestor . Yeah , but that doesn't happen if you that shouldn't happen. It doesn't happen no, no. But also you surely wouldn't get leather faced neighbors . Leatherfaced chains smoking my kids. I'll give you anti dollars I guess one. Yeah, I would never make my kids. My son is neighbors. My son is just going No. They just dropped a parcel around Amazon. Give 'em a cab. Give 'em my kids. Go on. Go on. Well, she might she might give me fifteen pieces . She'd be telling me that Service was playing bingo. And give her a kiss for a call. Yeah . Go down to bed Fucking horrific elderly relatives sentiment shoes, stockings. Why don't fucking old women wear fucking trousers occasionally? Yeah. She saw horrible fucking bunched up like surgical stockings. But that is funny older women when we were little kids had a very funny attitude towards trousers . Which obviously now has died out and everyone wears trousers. Yeah, it's good. Purpose personally when I was little. Skirts. It was skirts and tights in the summer . Skirts tights and shoes . Tons of fags, perm , leather face Those sort of coats like double breasted it was a game coats right nice. And the man would be wearing a shirt and tie in a grey cardigan with a leather patches on the elbows. Smoking a pipe? Smoking a pipe? Yeah,, yeah stinkin' of a pipe. Yeah. Yeah, their neighbors, Rose and Roy , Roy smoked a pipe. He stunk a pipe all the time . Rose chain smokes. He stunk a fangs all the time. They got their house painted twice a fucking either . It's like living in an astery . Right. I am going to choose a clip to change the mood a little bit. The room because I'm good at that. That's my forte, I would say. That's my vibe killer. Yeah, yeah . So this is Women's Six Nations ongoing at the moment. This is nice. And this is a clip of a player who plays in the settlement for Wales and she's made her debut during the Six Nations . And this is her story of how her family came to settle in Wales. This is Jenna DeVira. My parents met in Saudi Arabia. They were born in the Philippines and moved there to find better work. And my dad one day went to Dubai on a little trip and he saw a job advert saying that there are jobs in the UK and his knowledge of the UK predominantly surrounds just London . So he saw all these places which he assumed to be streets in London . He saw Oxfordshire, one of which was Commandershire. When he landed in London, he throe, he got on the bus and collapsed. Three hours goes by, four hours like that. After we could obviously read London on the sign s, but then he said that the word started to jumble up a little bit. It started popping up and that's how it ended up being Welsh born internationally. Rugby, I would say played a pivotal role in the way I can connect both my worlds as a Filipino and as a Welsh person . My parents obviously didn't know anything about rugby, but the way that I've integrated myself in the sport and how they've also invested in the sport has given them a community . And I can remember my mum making noodles and spring rolls for some of the parents of my teammates and to have that sort of dual identity through rugby has been amazing . The community and the friends and the family that I've built through it is absolutely incredible. Oh , I just love it . I love the story. Yeah . And I love just picturing her dad on the bus. Oh , poor king owl. Poor bastard letting a big fucking episy of places . Oh my God, he must have got off. He must have been on station road in Schlefie thought Oh Oh fuck . I remember I went through Flashi train station last week. I was visiting Mamadad. I remember telling Mamadad when I was eleven that, clefty train station needed a lick of paint . No one has thought to do it in the in the last thirty five years . Oh my god, you know what, th?ough The times we're living in at the moment and I'll sure you go through history that these things are cyclical, right? Yeah . So let's pick on a name. I wasn't going to get political, but let's say someone like fucking Rupert Lowe, for instance, right? Yeah., how Yeah yeah how can anyone anyone in their right mind think that that young woman coming to Wales and playing for Wales and bringing all that Filipino culture and all the other culture and then putting that back into Wales and then taking the Welsh stuff back with her to her family . In what way does that detract from anybody's fucking life? Yeah . And it's just yeah, thank you, right ? And I think I mean bringing flavor to the people from Netflix . Bring in spice. Yeah tastes taste and flavor. Food tastes Monkey, right? Monkey's from Croissants, which is just down the road from Flavi's five miles away. The favorite meal was a thing called Barathe , which was okay, oh, we got some fans in. Mas dry bread crumbled into a cup of tea . Her spring roll would have blown her fucking mind But you know what? We're not a million miles away from well, that hotel where they had all the protests and stuff. They ship people in flight in Tospecs. Yeah . So The thing is, when you walk what sells fucking advertising space and what gets clicks is rage and people get angry about shit, right? That's why we've done so well, Mark yeah . But it's easy to think that Britain is fucking I'm going to say Britain, I'm in the UK, right? It's full of fucking knuckle dragging racists who fucking who ain't everybody. Yeah, it's not true, right? If I think of obviously those people are out there. Yeah, right. They're the fucking minority. And we can't forget they're the fucking minority. You only start thinking they're the majority, then you start to fucking came into their fucking what they what they want and what they what they perceive their version of fucking being British or Welsh or English or fucking Scottish or Northern Irish is right.? Fuck them There's much more of them than us. So there's much more of us than . We do so well. But there's much more of us than them. And I watch these every fucking night. I should stop watching them. You' sore fucking fucked to it. I see these fucking tossers walking around the place just thinking fuck you, mate. There's no I went to, you know , I question time should have more I fuck you . We should fuck you. I need someone to go fuck you fucking knob , right? And then when you get kicked out of the press conference, the next book journalist goes, No, you know what, Mike is right, you are a fucking knob and just keep doing it . Fucking knobs I would be what I did at last four seed there. I met a couple of you wouldn't be a nicer block. You were so gentle, right? And he came from, I think it was from Syria or some place where there was a lot of shit going on. And his daughter . I'm an ideas man. I'm just saying, right? His daughter was sweet and I was there because his daughter was in Welsh school, right? And he said to me when he came to Wales and he's waiting to hear about his asylum application. It hadn't gone through and it was looking at fifty fifty. But he said he was in splot, one of the roughest parts of Carter , proper working class where I used to teach, right? And he's saying, people have been so kind to me. And we're in this community center, you know, they give me their time, they've helped me out with stuff. My neighbors would come around and see if I'm okay, all this sort of stuff. He said this little girl was only four years of age. She went to the Welsh language primary school. Yeah. He said, They've been so kind to me in Wales. I want my daughter to learn Welsh . And he was he was going to adult learning classes to learn Welsh himself as well as learning Eng lish, right? And then we found out and if you watch on, it's probably on the S four C, whatever the fucking is click whatever it's called . Right ? It's just these wonderful insightful moments broken up with Oh fuckin away' . Forget what you're fuckin'. We found out before it went out to broadcast, after we finished recording that it had been accepted, that he was actually his application for asylum had gone through. You know, and he was such a sweet man I just thought, this is the reality of it. My wife teaches in a really fucking tough school in a really tough part of the card, right? Yeah. You don't know where it is. Never been there. I don't know what her name is Person ality's good person, right? Seems lovely. When they say things like living in five star luxury in these hotels. Are you fucking mental? We've already established. I've got five star luxury in the show . This is a bunch of piss people can I interest you in some sausage? The reality is there's some fucking poor mother and their kids usually in one room of a hotel like the coffee corner somewhere, right? Trying to make meals with a fucking cattle and a toaster, living on a fucking pitness. That's the reality of it. Yes. Fucking tossers anyway. And there we go. And if you'd like to vote for Mike, he is snack . Yeah, I'd be a good puzzle. Weird, weird because them, you know, I sort of on some policies, you're incredibly liberal and then you're recycling policies . Yeah . He said it again. He just built it over himself as you've said that. That's what you can imagiously pick. Would you form a coalition with the Green Party? No. No, I recycle . Burning things in your garden is not recycling. Mate . Mate Everything who had nine thirty nine is the first time you go mate. Everything on earth . Everything on Earth is on Earth. Yes. All right, okay . Yeah, yeah. So if edibles kicked in, no, what do you mean? I mean, if I set fire to something, I'm not animal Mega . The Earth is the fucking earth is in it, right? This is Earth. What I'm saying is made of Earth. People say it contains chemicals made. Yes, so do you, Toso. Everything contains chemicals . That's what the building blocks of life are. Yes, yeah, right? Yeah. That's what oil is. That's what fucking plastic is. Right? Everything's. So if I burn something, it goes in the air . Yeah. And at some point it'll be a tree or something What an amazing piece of science . Oh magic mic It'll be a tree or something, wouldn't it? It's true though . Your PhD viver is gonna be fucking special. Oh my god It'll be a tree or something isn't it? Yeah, yeah, it will be just why I'm burning it 'cause it'll be a tree. Well, they say we're made of Stardust, but guess what? We predate stars. The elements in our body predate stars by billions of years. Who says we're made of Stardust? You know, the song we have stars Yeah . That's what we're thinking about. All I'm saying is there's elements in our body, right? Yes. They've got plastic birds in your garden. Well, they can only be made not only from the center of a star, but a star so massive that it becomes a supernovae, right? And then chucks that shit out of space . And then at some point we end up with that in our body, right? There's part ofs in in you you, and everybody here, right? There's bits of things that only could be made in the middle of a fucking massive star. I swear to me burned a few bin bags is going to make a big difference . What's so interesting that no point did you think to go? None of these people have been to your house. No, I'm sure some of them have. But no point did you think go, yeah, don't burn my garden. You've just doubled down and we're all made of stars cour Ise burned shit. See you in Strasbourg, isn't it? , what's your clip for the second half? Oh , I love jet skiing . I love jet skiing and I love people who jet ski and I would love to give jet skiing a go. Let's look at the kind of person I'm sure is a really top guy doing a bit of jet skiing . Wow . Put it into order. I think he water's skiing. Yes. I don't think it is Jet Which is Jet ski. Jet is when you're on like a motor bike. Wait for no, you're sitting on a motorbike on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. What's he doing there? Wait for it Start on wakeboarding. That's the one. Wakeboard is when you skimming it across the world and you stand on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's water skiing on one ski . Or is it one of them ones that's got the propeller under the water and you stand on the board? No, no , it's not like a snowboard, but on water. He's on a hoverboard, he is. He's fucking flying. What is that? I don't know. Was it water board? No waterbo.ard Watch this . Yeah, where are you getting? Google waterboard videos. I remember going to that lyric theater and Alice showed us all the clip of someone being waterboarded, it was fucking mega. Fucking mega like that. Do you remember the writer and journalist, Christopher Inch I do, yeah, yes, I do He was like, Waterboarding can't be that bad. We keep hearing this an instrument of torture. Can't be that bad. So he volunteered to get water ported and after about two seconds, he was like, Stop play a second horrible . I'm gonna die . Yeah, it's pretty nasty Who was the one who was the atheist? It was his brother one of Peter Hitchens. No, Christopher Hitch wasin thes atheist. Peter Hitchins was his brother. Who got water boarded? Christopher Hitchins go water. Is he the atheist? Yes. He's in God now, Danny. Yeah . Yes, 'cause he's died, so Dunno when that might not. Don't know when I loves him. Yeah, he's born he Stardust, isn't he? He's a thing . Yeah. Well, that's eternal life, isn't it? Yeah . Like he's inside of something now is Eternal Life. Yeah . Because energy cannot be created on a street. These guys are really West Walian, my mom. There's nothing new under the sun, Mike. Every single fucking element in the universe was created during the Big Bang, right? Not a single one has disappeared since then and not a sm notingle some oneone that' to be added since then . Right? Unless you look at Very good . Fair play, f lee. Wow All right, Stephen Ork, Steven Organ . Oh , I do . He's I do play football, I came to be fair He's dead . He's a bin bag. He could be a bin bag actually . Low and note, it's a bin bag in the sky. That's them part of that rich tapestry of life . All those bits you could back as a wheelchair, don't know . The elements inside your body . Yeah, we got iron in you . Yes . Yeah , yeah, yeah . Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't feel scientifically rigorous. I don't think I don't think you've done a lots of research. Yeah . But a lot of theories . Yeah , the theories without the research. I do quite a bit of research. What I like, right? Is you're live on stage we're doing a podcast and you've made a plastic ring for your finger out of the lid from the bottle while you're talking . Absolutely absolute man a cockring he's not made a cockring . Absolute man and you can't get it off. I phone my agent the other day. I had fantastic customer service, right? From Blue Diamond Garden Center, right? They don't sponsor me. I'm driving back, not sponsored this either. I phone Andy , right? I'm in the car, Hansfree . I said, He said, What's up, mate? I said, Pal, I just had the best customer service I've ever seen. I said, I just went to the garden centre. I said, They couldn't do enough to help me. I said, Then the one fellow said you know if I can't get the stuff there should be another place that we would have it even though it was not to do with their chain. I bought a few other bits and bobs there. They loaded the car for me. I said the woman on the tills couldn't be more helpful. It was absol futelyantastic. I've never a customer service like it. You went, Is that the phone call? This is my thoughts because I'm thinking Andy's not your wife. Why are you telling him this? Oh he's busy trying to book you on to TV shows. You know what? Who agents do ? They take fifty percent gross commission for your earnings based on the work that they find you. Yeah, yeah. Why are you calling him about good service you've had at a garden centre he will never use? He doesn't even live locally to me because when I got bad customer service, I tell him . So you also phone Andy a Berchester when a company's annoyed you, you'll phone Andy. Yeah, always. You must be the most infuriating client . He's a mateine. Doesn't just speak to my mate? No, he's your agent. You can also be friendly with me your employee. Yeah . Technically. Well, then she's able to chat with the boss and do so nice to me ? Do you not worry sometimes that these phone calls might interrupt him trying to get you great work to do anything? I've seen what he does in the day . I've seen what most agents do in a day. The actress fuck all Why do you have one then? Because it doesn't more than . You could be like, Hugh Grant for years just pretended to be his own agent. He got frustrated with agents. Oh yeah, and you would get people to phone up. Really? Yeah, and he go , you know, such as such as secretary Steve Steve Grant Secretary Steve Grant speaking C B grant. And he would pretend to be his own agent or then negotiate his own fee. Yeah. When I was about fourteen and I was in a band. We wanted to gig in Ferry side rugby club and Tad said, I'll call him up, pretend to be your agent. And I said, Well, you went yet, join me to do an American accent. And I was like , no, not really that. Not really . 'Cause your American accent is rubbish. He's like, Oh, it'd be good, it'd be good. It'd be good. Hey . So I gather you won a guitar band to play in Ferrisona rugby club on Friday . Well it's Schwagle Band . I hope you got enough dollar, I mean pounds, pair a pound sterling . Like, please, please hold them dad Oh my god . Oh, yeah, you gigs up . We did do Ferry side Rugby club, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and Fanda Laurby Club. Incest capital of the world Didn't move out, did you? Now not the world, Wales . I read swimming in Wales online once I said they were really but I actually find that quite hard to believe because they're a pole. Sunday law is quite a nice quite a nice town to walk around Sawish. Sunday law. Oh yeah. Someone told me once this says Capital of Wales and I find it hard to believe. Anyone in from Frunday Long ? Really ? Congratulations you too for it's that another big day . I tell you what it is nice Frunday Where? You weren't very port earlier. What's that beach by Burryport? Oh buddyboard . What's the beach in Burport? Oh buddy bought . There's a long beach just called the Skylon coast or something . What is that? Kemce Dan . Yeah, Kemce Dan is nice. Oh, beautiful man. Yeah, Kenya. That's a hidden gem, that is. Yeah, a lot of hidden gems around you. Yeah, we said botanical garden . Well we went down there. We go to see Maiden, Nathley, Garrett. Walk down through the by that, there's like a campsite there, isn't there? Oh yeah. Through the woods. Suddenly, you're on this yeah . Is it? Oh, Penbra h. What a fantastic beach? Yeah, being down to Pendine. Empty no one there. Being de Pendine? Not since I brought the land speed record . Yeah. I' myd make first drive iness Lon on Pendyny like four hundred and fifty miles an hour. Take your second gear . Yeah Who's your shooting at Donald Campbell? Slow down fuck in' how scary that would be to be over there . Yeah let's just stop Panacea or the back fuck a wolf . It's buried in the sound at the Blue Bird School of Motory Fucking maniac . So you want to sing a song or not tonight? Yeah I can sing a song. I do want to relax either way. What should we sing? Should I sing a song? What? Tonalclipse to the heart, I think you said . I think you might wear a Tonalclipse the heart. I do sing that well. Not on the drifters . The Venger bus bath tune . I don't know what it's just the Venger Buser come in, he's coming. Yeah . Cheeky girls. Oh gee z. Awful. What was their one? What was their big kids? We are the cheeky girl. Oh, of course it was. Yeah, yeah. Touch touch my bum. Yeah . Can you imagine, right? If you're one of the cheeky girls . I mean, Chishy' thought life couldnt get Imagine you're the cheek girl Lembit Opick did she go out with now Jesse thought life couldn't get any worse. Yeah yeah oh he's picked your sister Jesse couldn't get life couldn't get any worse. You got a Lembito pick . I think it's worse than the other one, which Lembit went nah. Do you think that he was doing the picking? I like to think that yeah, well yeah , I think he was. Yes.. Yeah End it to pick. What happened to him? Bray score and scramble. Don't know. Did he get cancelled? Did he get cancelled? We're not sure. I don't know. I can't remember. Yeah, let's leave it. Sing it. Yeah. 'Cause politicians let's do a garlic. So come on . Let's do Amelie . What ? It's fine . Let's do Carol Laugh, right ? Let's do so much of Billy Joel, you meant let's do Calan Lan . No, I love Billy Joel, I've seen Billy Joel online, but I mean, Callan Lane, where did Camarth then , right? I mean, yeah. You are a Welsh speaker, famously. I'm Dusky Kimanak. I'm a yeah, it's Diane. Yeah. Yeah . Dulio, Emily Milliam, my rest of our ecosystem. Diane? That's you, Nestor . Where's Nestor? Nestor. She's fucked off the base. Hi . Oh, she played five mides. Hi, Nestor. See now? Oh lovely. Heavy tabloids have . Okay , best to ll think he did get cancelled, do you know? He didn't? So? Oh good news is Lemonopic is not getting cancelled for that . I don't think so. He hasn't been an MP for a long time, is he? What's he doing now? then I'll delve into it. We'll talk about it backstage. It's fine. We'll delve into Limpin Opix career after Kalon Lamb. Yeah . Fucking sports podcast is I think we're finished. This is another sports section on BBC Saturdsport Fuckers. I'll take Calanon and then Could you want to see? Thank you so much for coming. It's the last one of this tour . So yeah , yeah . I know people come from everywhere from Ireland, all from the Wales, from over the Bridge, over Eng inland. Thank you so much for coming down. Thanks for supporting the podcast. Actually, your continued support means a lot to the three of us . E ba, on that note, you know , I'm gonna do Colon Lamb . And don't burn bin bags, it's a bad idea. Okay, yeah. Yeah, she surely wors Worst song ever. Right ? Here we are, ready ? This was the voice that was the talk of the South Wales club scene between two thousand one and late two thousand two . Ladies and gentlemen, Tom Voglax from the East. You didn't use You didn't put you didn't do car lan in the club episode did you? Did you? After the meet, Raffle, yeah It depends where you're playing. You do it like Poddambi football, let me get away with it. Yeah. You do it like Monken National Conservative Club. Not a chance. Don't bother. No . No, and I've done it for I'm telling you France. It is Muchton Nash isn't . You play Mukton Nash Conservative Club twice and you're getting Both on the way to go. There's a massive frame photograph of Margaret Thatcher. I thought, They're not gonna like me much . Right . Carl Lam. Don't come right. I don't get rack. Right , dear . Sit it down as well. Send it up there . Sit down. Look at that. That's so easily solved. Well, no, it's quite nice a sin. I feel like Valdunka. So the Valdunkan effect, yeah. Like to keep it fresh with the Valdunican song. Sang this is David UN. What? I've sang this song with David UN. And what? Sing le. Best of order please I used to throw first. Like Jimmy lyrics, best of order playings. Singer ling, Mike, sing first came in. You require one hundred voice . Yes Would the owner of the Ford Best Registration Plate J four nine one KFC Please move it. You're in front of the fire escape. Thank you . There we are Joey Jean, Walter anyway . Petty Booth tried to do a rugy league. I got that there go. The man has seven voices . Stress out to use the phone . Got a law. Who did we know he was having right now in a long time. Do we need to phone anyone? I'm doing now doing. Okay, sorry, good. Good. You're shoving a ruled bunch of piss heads I would say that all again Middle in my boy friend I will not Golden God is alone is fall al ive , come alive by your own test ing if one car need Thank you very much everybody . Say journey back home so you're back to Ireland . Good morning, governess Sloci . We never've done one in Kamada before. Thank you so much for coming out. It means to all fall up to the three of us. Thank you very much for coming good day