The Sean Bean Lounge Finale

Three, two, son. EasyJet's Big Aar and Sale ends tonight. With up to £400 off package holidays and up to 20% off flights. Book now at easyjet.com. Get out there. Selected dates and flights, sailing 5th of May. Holidays minimum spend enough for protected T C supply. Speak ye muses of Banta. Speak to us so that we may relay your tail. Oh, who are you talking to? Yeah. I'm just trying to summon the muses of of chat for one last for one last episode. This series. That's right, it's the end of the series. It's the end of the series. We got there together, people. We did it. And think about some of those highlights. Who could forget? The b Yeah. Um there was a when we talked briefly about Francois Mitterrand probably. Ah the Mitterrand section. It was eye opening, wasn't it? And eye watering. And eye watering at the same time. Which will happen if something is eye opening for long enough. Eventually. And who can forget our big interview. Oh yeah. Special guests. Our special guest. Panjan Dundan. Panjan Dondan. The king of Andora. Well, it's synth band. Yeah, I don't think his team understood the podcast. I think 'cause I think he'd thought we were gonna be more of a stadium gig. We were wrapped up in the PR for a big Netflix deal, I think, is what at the moment. I think they're going across. Yeah, they're going they're bunching out sort of documentaries, mm dramas. Right. Uh lifestyle magazine shows. He's doing a Megan Markle basically, isn't he? Okay, yeah. He's the new they're trying it they're trying it again. But because he's obsessed with synth, he's just every interpretation of every idea, he's can I use my synth band? Can I use my synth band? Yeah, which he's been warned about. He's been warned about several times. He just replies in synth now. So you'll give him a give him a verbal warning on the and he'll he'll just reply. He's trying to become fulf, isn't he? Just the first sense monarchy. Because the monarchy has to change, isn't it? And it has to evolve for the modern era. Like music has. Originally it was banjo's, wasn't it? Then we evolved to something better. Banjo, yes, was the first instrument. But that's why you know, yeah, as you say, the monarchy has to has to evolve. Prince Charles, of course, isn't able to use a synth keyboard because of his um sausage fingers. He can work a theremin, though. He can work. He can work it light and smooth. All stand for the king. Entering the Regal Zone. With the heads. On with the show. Listen not to the knaves and the shopkeepers. Bring me more advice. The Regal Zone. He can get s signs out of a thermometer that no one else can without the depth the depth and density of those fingers. Yeah. He can make a therapin sound non sci fi. Not a therapin. Who will one day rule the earth. I'm sorry, but as we said, Mike, monarchies have to evolve. And then maybe you're the one being blinked if you think that an AI think that the future of the Windsor isn't AI terapins. You're not willing to declare fealty. Robot terrapin. You're gonna be in big trouble, my friend. But it turns out actually, open AI finding that predicting terrapin behaviors is almost like it's the last unconquered territory of AI. It's incredibly hard 'Cause you can write poetry, you can make decent films, you can you can you know you can do almost everything where I but but guessing which way a terrapin's gonna get off a rock. They're completely irrational, aren't they? They're only completely irrational animal. So irrational. Yeah. Um the factually saying is it's kill. Kill. Kill kill anything that's i relatively quite easy to kill. Yeah. Given that I'm a terrapin. Kill. Kill. Especially things like algae. And anemones. And anemones. I remember it being a big thing in the nineties where Lots of people were buying terrapins because of the success of The teenage ninja turtles. Are you wearing this? But were they genuinely flushing them down the sewers or they were sick of them more? They were feeding them pizza. Yeah. They were trying to team them up with an evil rat. Yeah. But he wasn't evil, he was a good rat. They were living under the tutelage of the good rat. You're right. I've forgotten he was a good rat. It's so unusual for a rat to be portrayed as good in culture. Hang on, was Shredder the good rat. Or was Shredder the the arch nemesis? No, Shredder was the well, Shredder was the What's the word? Capo Dell something? The sort of second in command to the consiglieri. Okay, right, yeah. Oh, to cr to Cran, who is just a brain with a face. Of course I was trying to work out what remember what a species Krang the yeah, he was just a brain, wasn't he? Brain in a jar. Ahead of his time. Anyway, lots of people bought topins in the nineties, got bored of them and then just would empty them into a local pond. And then the topins would literally kill every living thing within that pond. Yeah. 'Cause if you ever look at a terrapin and and and look study its behaviour. All terrapins look like essentially a futuristic sort of omnilord from a distant putrid evil galaxy. Yeah. That has come to Earth. And if that terapin then experiences rejection. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause the the irony of the terrapin though is that it's it's it's absolutely puny. has almost no physical power, but it has all the evil of a of of a of a sort of megatronic beast from an evil galaxy. It's about will, isn't it? It's about if you've ever seen a like a barbrawl or a pump fight on the street, you know, on a on a Friday night, it it's often it's about will. It's nothing to do with size. And also Terrapins, they don't respect the sort of eaten rules of boxing, do they? They slider up your trousers and they pince a movement around your go now. That's how they Yeah. There is no cage. Yeah. There is no umpire. Yeah. Absolutely not. There's no tapping out. There's no tapping out. There's no below the belt, above the belt. It's up your trousers. It's belts are off. Belts belts off from the can well, they can unbuckle the belt from the inside. And then they what fleet of them will then Travel up your anus. Terapins and um they then quickly disperse amongst your own internal organs and um by the end of the afternoon you'll be being piloted from the inside. By um an evil squadron of Terrapins. And now your family won't notice anything's different initially, will they? No. They'll just notice that you're you're late to dinner or You'll be late to dinner. There'll be little things like that. You're only want to eat algae. On a on a Sunday Sunday walk. So at Barbecues, for example. Is Roger okay? Yeah, no, it's just fine. He just um he just seems um he's just k killing the entire contents of a of our pond. Yeah, we don't have a tough week. He's had a tough week. If you look at Terrapin they're going they they they Mm. They sort of scream, but they're gonna it's almost like a sort soundless screen. If you look at their faces. They look quite imperial to me when they're sort of sitting on a rock. And they sort of look down on everything else, don't they? They look kind of quite Quite still and imperious. Well that's because they've been lords of at at least eight galaxies in the past. They've come to Earth They miscalculated how things work, yeah. And they had to do it. They basically miscalculated how big things are. Yeah, it was scale. It was an issue of scale. Yeah. Who whoever it was who was in the office It was a huge issue of scale. Some desk officer somewhere, t desk officer terrapin just Just for forgot to carry the thread. Well it was a ter it was a terrapin turn. It was a terrapin turn. Yeah. Decimal in the wrong place. Yeah. Absolute disaster. So it's one pond at a time for now, isn't it? Yeah. But long game wise. Oh look at them. But they sort of see each pond as a galaxy. That they are the That's right, yeah. The Lord Protector of Yeah. Well they protect through destroying, don't they? That's their that's their motto. Yeah, by by eating swan eggs. Yeah. How do you feel about the end of the series? It's uh It's it feels to me, 'cause it it feels like it's no accident that we're recording it the day before Artemis Two comes to earth as well. You know? feels similarly dramatic these two things coming into land. Very much so, 'cause we have figuratively at least been around the dark side of the moon. Episode five was a I didn't know up from down, left from right. It was it was very, very dark, wasn't it? We're a similar age to to to the crew. I think broadly speaking, which is a so a sobering thought. What do you mean collectively, you had them together? No. No How old is an astronaut normally? Yeah, I think they're all in like the Well um we're an age I think they're all around my age, specifically and Henry's age. Yeah, but any quite as young as you, Ben. Are you saying that there's still time for me to become a national? The mid late forties, I think. Oh, I've got time. Bonjour. You've still got time. I think you do have to squeeze in about fifty thousand hours of Centrifugal Falls, just in one of those spinny things. Yeah, at aviation time and and at least fifty carrier assisted landings. Carry a pigeon, isn't it? Doesn't matter. Does never specify. Not specify. Yeah, otherwise it makes it too narrow. Yeah. You may need to falsify if you sort of engineering degree. Um certificates and things. Okay. Well I've got time now. Yeah, you've got to be sort of um That's the thing that they don't tell kids, isn't it? When a kid says wanna be an astronaut the amount of engineering data I think they've all between them, like a a lot of them have spent at some point quite a long time either very deep under the sea or in in the South Pole, for example. Yeah, right. That kind of stuff. Right, so last week we talked we mentioned the Ryan Gosling space film. Yeah. I've now seen the Ryan Gosling Space film. I'm jealous. Yes. I wish to see it. The setup of that is that on the spaceship those three people there's the pilot who like flies it. There's someone else. Yeah. And then there's a scientist. The idea being the scientist like doesn't really know how to fly it. Right. He's just a scient like he does the scientists. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Is that what happens on Artemis too with like some of them better that things and other things. There is a assigned pilot, but I think three of the four of them are are fantastically experienced pilots. I think So so the skill set is sort of It's a military almost slash Most of them are ex military. Okay, so they're ex military. They like naval pilots because they have to they have these very tricky landings and maneuvers. But they've they've also been taught how to take really good photographs with a dig with a digital camera. They're really good with that kind of stuff. They've had an afternoon at Jessups. They can go they can grow crest anywhere. They've been trained that if if the worst thing comes to the worst, which is just spinning off into the infinity of space. Mm-hmm. Can you be sanguine? Can you be sanguine about it? But also can you grow crest inside a helmet using only a tongue. Yeah. And the steam from one of your cuffs. And a single crest seed. Cause if you can do that, if you can manipulate the crest seed. From the inside, because you can't get your hands into your helmet. Thick it to the inside of your helmet. Plough it with your eyelids. Yeah. Plough it through a few times. With your eyelashes. Yeah. The eyelash obviously well, it's basically the same concept, isn't it, as um As a hoe. A trowel, yeah. And then you can gob on it. They teach you to Gob out the sidey amount to to to moisturize it. And then as you say, Mike, if they can channel the guts up through the space suit, that creates a kind of um Fatality vent. Thank you, Mike. That's what I was reaching for. And then you can grow crest inside the helmet and then As it grows down towards your face, you can chew you can chew bits of it off. At least uh at least while you're floating in a space, you can eat your greens. So you can eat your greens. Great comfort for these kinds of people. That obviously gets your bowels working. So then obviously you can um you can defecate and again you can channel that up. If you if you've got muscle enough back, you can channel that up the space, up through your neck aperture, into the helmet again. Don't forget the amount of engineering uh degrees and qualifications these guys have all got, they would then be able to construct a Japanese style luxury toilet within the seat of their own. That's right. On the move. If they've trained their their arse muscles. Well enough they can secrete three different kinds of fecal matter, can't they? Fertiliser. Fertilizer for the for the uh for the remaining crest seed. Satellite phone. Sadlight phone to stay in touch with loved ones. And probably just a uh puzzle book or something like that. And like a yeah, because then I've got some quiet times coming up ahead. And then a sort of nest quick. And a rich internally brood savoury nest quick. And that's what it takes. And that's what it takes. Can I proffer a slightly Bonjour opinion about the Artemis Two stuff. Are you gonna nay say one of mankind's greatest achievements? The only bit of positive news that's been that thing. Can I say I've been actually Quietly nurturing a potential naysay but I thought it's too hot for the pod. Oh so what I do is I um I visit a um a disused quarry in Suffolk. And I go down there and I just whisper it. I whisper the chalk. So but but now that you're s you're potentially having ha having an assay, then maybe I am I might have the guts to join you. Well I think you need to go first. Okay, okay, here's how we're gonna do it. Mm-hmm. We're both gonna say Okay. Ben if you sign off on this comment. The Artemis mission. Yeah, obviously it's really brilliant in everything. But at the same time it's uh also weirdly a little bit and then we're both gonna say one word. Okay. Okay. Is that does that fit with your thinking? I can I can put it that way, yeah. Okay, here's the sentence. Obviously it's really great about the Artemis mission and everything. What with it being the most amazing achievement of humankind so far in the world of science. Mm-hmm. Although I'd say even an average perm by Philip Larkin's better than all that. Per perm, did you say? Yeah. I suppose it is hard to make a living out of out of verse, isn't it? And Pip Pip Larkin You never burn your scalp with a Pip Larkin, did you? So um and that. But at the same time, despite what an amazing achievement it was and uplifting everything. Oddly, how found some of it. But weirdly sort of. Horny Boring Absolute. Who's going first, then? I don't think it's boring, actually. No, it's not. Trick you into the I don't think it's horny either. Mine was specifically about When they released the photographs they've been taking. Yeah. And it's like the one where like you can see the moon and also you can see like the crescent of the earth and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, a dead rock. A dead rock with nothing on it, no life, nothing. Dead rock. Another bit of physics because it had to, because of the laws of physics. That thing. The moon. Yeah. Wh which other people call the moon, yeah. An atmospheric Yeah. No, my My thing was like, Oh, but yeah, yeah, but we've done these photos before, haven't we? We've seen this view, we've We've seen these ones. We've not seen the dark side of them. No. Although satellites probably have, haven't they? But we've not seen the dark side of the moon, because the moon spins so that the face is always facing the earth. Have they f have they photographed the dark side of the moon? They have, yeah, they've been round it. They're around it. There was a yeah, like forty minutes where they had no comms. Yeah, but ain't it too dark. Well that's when you use your flash, isn't it? The sun is But what I'm talking about is those ones where it's like a kind of artsy looking shot of the kind of appearing in space and everything. I love all that. Yeah but we've we've got photos that already, Mike. Yeah, but it's a yeah, I mean I I g I get that, yeah. Like we have we have sort of done this Go to Mars and I'll be impressed. Yeah, go to Mars and meet someone. But it's the furthest that anyone's been, isn't it? No one's been that far. By a little bit. By a little bit. A little bit. The other side of the moon. Polo's been running the side of the moon. No, but it's the furthest human being that's the first time. But Apollo thirteen went round the moon, didn't it? Did Apollo thirteen go around the moon? Bangkok is the furthest I've been. Right. Do you find that interesting? No, but I've been further away than that. Where from, though? I've been to Adelaide. He started in Melbourne, uh and So I've just looked it up. Apollo thirteen did go around the moon. Okay, okay. But they're the right old Whoopsie. Yeah, and I think they actually went around the moon because of the whoopsie. But um 'cause they used it as a slingshot, didn't they, to come back. Wasn't that the thing? They used the gravitational something. Anyway. They went a bit further, but they have but have you not been standing out in the in in the dark at night, gazing up at the the night sky, wondering where they might be? Basically, in in London, Mike, there's a thing called culture. So So it's not so much sort of marvelling at just sort of lights in the sky and stuff? It's more like The heft of human thought. I actually find that more amazing. No, I I did find the whole thing quite amazing. It was literally my only problem was with the idea that people were amazed by the photographs because the photographs look the same as the other photographs that were taken. But I did enjoy the sort of videos of them inside the little spaceship and all that. I I got excited about it. Having a great time. Hate to be the old Grinch. Yeah. No, no, no, I no, I I do I do think it's amazing. I have kind of enjoyed although I've been surprised at myself, I'm being really honest. I've had a little voice in me going, Well actually finding this bit more exciting than than you than you feel that you want to be. Oh you discovered you're dead inside. I found my own dark surface of the moon. The dark in the atmosphereless. Sort of yeah. Poison surface of my own inner planet. No, I I feel the same way because I was like Should this be like my moon landing? Do you know what I mean, like? I remember talking to my dad about him watching that and put someone on the street buying a television so people could watch it. Yeah. You know, all that. And then it doesn't feel like that, does it? I think the thing that that would have that's a hard act to follow. That would have blown everyone's trousers off. It's like inventing the sausage. They've invented the sausage and now what they're saying is, yeah, but we've taken a sausage and we've taken it further away. We've curled one round itself. Yeah. And we've used we've gone we've put someone on that sausage and they've taken a photo of the other side of the meatball. No, I think I think it's like it is magical and wonderful, but it is just four people in a very small You know what I think the problem is? I think it's it's modern media because I made the mistake of going on the live feed. You think they put a put Mr Beast up there? 'Cause they tried Casey Perry. It never seemed to be that interesting. They should have put Mr. Beast up there. Okay. There's four astronauts. They're in a spaceship. They've all got their hand in a blanc. As soon as one of them takes it out of a blanc, they get released into the infinite vacuum of space. But if you keep your hand in the blanc long enough, you get twenty thousand dollars every fifteen seconds. You think the dark side of the mood's dead looking. Have you looked at my eyes? Look at my eyes when I do that smile. I was about to say he's he's got the sort of the dead eyes that that you only ever see really on a terrapin. He's got terrapin eyes. He's been work so hard that there must be so many people cash cowing that man. Surely by now. There's there' there just people just working him to death. Have they worked out why he's got dead eyes? Are you aware of the dead eyes thing, Mike? I know what you mean, but I I I don't I feel like that's not his fa I I I reckon that's the entourage. I blame the entourage. They just need to give him a few weekends off or something. So Mike, you're trying to make us sympathize with with Mr. B. Is that your big that's your big new thing? Yeah. So if you'd like to donate to Mr Beast We'll be giving out a number at the end of the show. Back in the sixties, obviously, you didn't have live feeds. I I've tapped into the live feed. And it is just four people, but it's like being on a on a really, really long long train journey, but there's no buffet car or whatever. Yeah. Artemis, you know, how you feel about Artemis. It it's a mirror, maybe. You know what I mean? how you feel about it, maybe you said something about yourself. I think Mike's reaction The Artemis mission. Or Strug Wonder. Yeah. Oh, simpleton. No, no, no, no. Uh well, I just think it it it it suggests a deeply, deeply Psychologically healthy person. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Oh a person who's You're saying I'm tedious company, aren't you? All of these things are subtext, my yes. The fun of it for me and for the listeners in is in you being subtly undermined. Constantly. Yes. It's the first thing I think of when I w wake up every day. Yes. How can I undermine Mike? No But I just think it's deep psych deeply psycholog psychologically healthy. So I think 'cause what I've been feeling is I sort of want to find it exciting, but it's just not getting my blood going for some reason. 'Cause they're going around the moon, they're seeing the other side of the moon. If you think about it, it sort of it is mind blowing. But like space is mind blow it. 'Cause I also wonder is it all so mind blowing that actually it's safer to just make it boring in your own head? If I really thought about the fact that we lived in a i in an You know, they say it's not infinite, but it's ver just just slightly less than shy. Just shy. That's the latest thinking is. Imagine an infinite universe just slightly smaller than that, isn't it? But it's constantly getting big. Constantly getting bigger, but into what? Mike, don't think about it. You can't handle that. We've lost Mike. Yes, that's his sausage meat coming out of his left nostril. That means he he's self-terminated. It's time for a plug. Ooooooooo. Um yeah, so I'd like to do a bit of a plug, please. Here we ruddy go. Here we ready go. I'd like to plug myself because I'm doing a tour. Yeah. Oh my God, he's gone solo. Yes, I'm doing a tour. Um, so it's a solo Henry Packer comedy show. It's called Pencil Case. Which I like a lot. 'Cause it was the illustration enter in work in progress phase. Now it's pencil case. So I've been working proging it for the last year. Um it's been a lot of fun. I'm really enjoying it. Yeah. It was originally called Illustrate anator. Which um I didn't mind, but um It's a nice word to say, but it's a hard word to read. Got a lot of I got a lot of dead faces. I got a lot of people just looking at me with dead faces when I said the name from the boys and girls in corporate. Yeah, they they absolutely hated it. Yeah. So no, it was it was a hard name to spell, people get spelling it wrong and Even there came a point where I didn't really know if there was a correct sp uh can there be a correct spelling of a word that doesn't exist. It so it became unclear whether it ever could be spelt right. You're I mean you're hoping that a lot of people attending will be moved afterwards to get the name of the show tattooed on themselves. Exactly. So you do need to make sure there's a sort of rock solid spelling there. Yes. Because what I've been working on is a sort of uh a a micro injection sort of um imbued rubber stamp system where you can tattoo someone in one go. Yes. Which was I was gonna be offering that after the gig sharp rubber stamp. It's a hot sharp rubber stamp. With millions of microneedles. With millions of white hot microneedles. Red hot just won't do it. And the California Highway Patrol's been using that to stop uh speeding vehicles, haven't they? That's right. It's very, very that's where it's tested. Yeah. Yeah, so the technology has been tested in a law in in a law enforcement setting. In California. So those are all plus points for it. The trouble is it was tracking with Gen Z as being too similar to cattle branding. And there's a there's still a lot of that. They will not shut up about cattle browning. They just don't like it. Um So with that in mind pencil case is a lot easier to tattoo, you're right, in a traditional tattoo parlor. But this is very exciting. I'm excited about this tool. Thank you very much. Well it's UK. It's it's a UK tour. So I'm I'm I'm definitely going to some places that I've never been to. Starting in September, yes? Yes, so starting in September, um hang on, how come how come Mike's got the details? Let's just um Let's do full disclosure now. Mike's my tour manager. So Mike loves the road so much that when he's not doing his own tour, he wants to be driving me around. Places like in complete silence. Yeah. Yeah, we'll both just be Bolt up, right? Eyes lock to the right, weren't we? Tumberge Wells, Manchester, Birmingham, Liverpool, Norwich, Northhampton, London, Guildford, Bristol, Exeter, Plymouth, Leeds, Lancaster, Newcastle, Leicester, Cardiff, and more. There's more to come, I believe. Glasgow and others coming? There's there's more to come. There's so yes, there's um There's I've got some things I'm supposed to say. Hello, I'm Henry Packer. I've done that one. Yeah. Um, um so I'm supposed to say um Yes, Liverpool and Leeds. Those are booked, but they're only going on sale in May for some reason. And Brighton, Glasgow, and Edinburgh dates are going to be announced soon. Nice. Um So Also Thursday. I've been told that Thursday's crucial. Th this Thursday. Well that's the thing. I've never had a strong sense of Thursday. Well I can't help you, because this Thursday is not any Thursday, this Thursday will be Saint George's Day. Oh of course twenty third of April. Shakespeare's birthday and death day. Is it really? Yeah, is it? So that's when the tickets go on sale, is that what you're saying? Pre sale. Right. So So obviously the concept of pre sale is in itself quite Quite hard for someone like me to Yes. To compute. Let alone try and sort of, you know Involve others in Have you got a mailing list? Uh great question, Mike. W w certainly the patrons, those who are patronning for Three Bean Salad can get in on the the twenty four hour pre sale window, can't they? That's right. So if you're a patron, tomorrow and I mean that literally although no no no I don't. It depends when you're listening to it. Thursday the twenty third of april twenty twenty six. St George's Day. So on that day um that glorious day. That glorious, glorious day. Yeah, but you don't have to be celebrating some obviously there may be some people who are not particularly into celebrating the England. It doesn't I don't even have a Cardiff date, that doesn't mean exactly that's gonna be It could be catastrophic for the country. I'm not linking myself to St. George at all. That's a coincidence. That's an unfortunate coincidence. In fact, screw St George. If I had it my way The um dragon would have eaten his ass for breakfast. Well sorry, you've just lost Tumid Wells, Henry. The most attritional piece of marketing ever on record. I think that's it. Sorry sorry about this. This is going on. If you're a patron, you'll you will have received an email. Tomorrow No No No You Yesterday in relation to Thursday. Depending on which day you're listening to this. Cause you know that not everyone assembles at the same time to listen to this necessarily, Henry. No, they don't know like a sort of coronation or an oath of service or something like that. No. Good point. Essentially, on Thursday the twenty third of April at ten A. Patrons will be able to buy tickets using the link that Ben will have sent them the day before. Okay, so Yes. So pre pre sale is Thursday the twenty third of April. Uh everyone else th Friday the twenty third of April at ten A. tickets will go on sale. No, Henry, Friday is not the twenty-third of April. Friday's the day near enough. It was much easier when we just had three categories yesterday, soon, and right about now. Basically a lot of this is happening soon. So just definitively, let's say Okay, yeah. Thursday this week, which is the twenty third. And St George's Day is the day with the Patreon pre sale, then it will go on general sale on Friday, the twenty fourth of April. Yes. Which is the day after St George's Day. Yes. Thank you, Ben, which is what I've been trying to say for the last twenty minutes, it feels like. Um also I feel like we haven't the one thing we haven't covered is like What's the tool? So is it like songs and poems? Yeah, so it's song exactly that songs and poems, yeah. No, seriously w what what are you doing? So so yeah, so it well it's um So it's a kind of um mixture it's a sort of weird hybrid of stand up and and illustration somehow. So I dr I draw on stage. It's very yeah, it's good fun. I've been enjoying the uh work in progresses. So I'm ready to take it mega and take it to the country. Roll up, roll up. Roll up, roll up. Details at henrypacker.com. That's henryp.com. I'll see you there. I also have a little plug. I'd like to plug um my friend Carl Chappell is an artist. And He has a exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art in Mahantlet. And it's worth mentioning because it will be on at the same time as Mahenth Comedy Festival. It's it's already on now, it's started, but it will be going on until So if you're going to my Hunt Comedy Festival and maybe coming to see us, I think we're sold out. You can go and see Carl's paintings. Wonderful man, wonderful artist. Yeah. Great idea. I think I think There's a portrait of old B in the example. Oh wow. There could be one of Old MW as well. Oh food for the song. I'm still waiting for the call. Stand in wonder. And you went for full Habsburg glory, I'm assuming, Ben, did you for the I went in full regalia, yeah. I'm full regalia. And I'm a ceiling mosaic. And then you want a bunch of so you got the ha Hanoverian regalia. Mm-hmm. Well no, I've got the Habsburg regalia and then a Hanoverian cannonball is coming towards me. Yes, and you're standing atop a a pile of slaughtered walloons. That's right. But yeah, get yourself down there. That'll be excellent. Yeah, so that's at the Museum of Modern Art, which is in or next to or part of the Tabernacle. Go go go. Let's send the B machine. Yeah. This week's topic. Yes, please. Andrew. Not that one. We don't know, it might be. Well we don't know actually. From Bremen and Dorset. Rendors it. Hm. Nice. Mm. Oh What's your favorite smell? The smell of space. You know what you know space does have a smell, they say. Does it? Yes. I have heard that, but I don't know how they know. And you know what it is? It's slightly metallic. Yeah, it's it's awful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like a sort of metallic burning. It's a burning in it's kind of my vision of the universe, which is Ah We shouldn't be here. This is very bad. We shouldn't be here. There's nothing. But it's bad nothing. It's not good nothing like when you've got a free Saturday afternoon. No. It's not that it's bad nothing. But I don't know how they know that. I don't know how they like has someone just like bottled a bit and had a sniff when they brought it back down. put it under the bath water and opened it and then But I mean how did they do it? I think it's something to do with when you're in the airlock, Mike. I've looked yeah, I've look I've looked it up so it says that when astronauts repressurise the airlock and remove their helmets. There is a pungent lingering scent on their suits and tools. Okay. But it isn't it everyone. And does it say what the smell is, Ben? It says And this is incredible 'cause this sounds right up my street. It smells like Seed steak or hot meat. Brilliant. Well there are four things it smells of. Seed steak. Mm-hmm. Burning metal. Mm-hmm. And fried walnuts. Can I say, we've just invented the three bean salad male sense range. Those are all those are all great male sense. Smell Max with three bean salad today. You'll smell out of this world. I'll go for the burn at the chop and uh cooked almonds, please. Uh thank you. Tell you what, it's a big weekend for me, going on a stag to in uh Brazil with the boys. This guy's gonna go with gunpowder. It's gonna be a mega weekend. So so what are they gonna be seared steak melted down bicycle. Sear steak, burning metal, spent gunpowder or fried walnuts. I wonder if it's men that described it. To me, those are all very male the kind of words that people use when they're describing male sens you. And also that certain American men might be more familiar with than others. Yes. A lot of people wouldn't know what spent gunpowder smells like. And obviously in America on uh the fourth of July everyone's eaten fried walnuts. Fried walnuts. Yeah, you don't cook 'em until the metal's burnin' hot. It's gotta be burnt metal. So you know what burnt metal smells like. Well, male scents are all like tobacco. Yeah. But so generally it's for it's for my dad or something. When you're buying a small present, that's and you're in a shop. And maybe it's Christmas Eve or something and you're a bit stressed. And then the person in the shop is trying to help you, they're saying things like So does he prefer more of a sort of gunpowder smell or is he more of a kind of said steak? Some grease? What what's he into? Or is he more of a shy horse hoof? Also they're all telling me that the that the space is trying to kill you. It's trying to sear you. It's trying to fry you. It's trying to shoot you. It's managed it with metal. It's managed to burn metal. How do you think you're gonna do? It just beat up on metal. It beat up on metal and walnuts. And walnuts. You think you'd have them metal or walnuts, do you think? Dream on. So I'm reading here about um apparently in deep space. It is theorised that different parts of the universe have different smells depending on what's going on. So in the centre of the galaxy at Sagittarius B two. That contains large amounts of ethylformate, which is the chemical that gives raspberry their flavour. Ooh. So we're into sort of like teenage choices for vapes. It's got a Raspberry Center. Raspber ice. That's a different smell then. That's not in the dad's eau de toilette section of the shop. No no. The dad might be secretly buying the raspber shower gel protecting it for his daughter, but then actually using it at home. Yeah. But that's different to your y your colognes, your deodorants, isn't it? Yeah, so interesting, so it becomes more teenage vapor. The closer to the centre of the universe becomes more tangent. Centre of the galaxy. So I assume if that's our galaxy, which is the Milky Way, is that right? Yeah. So we're talking things like what's a rhubarb crumble, what else we got? Well, so that that chemical gives raspberries their flavour and rum its smell. So it's like a really fruity little lovely cocktail. Fiesta fiesta. Yeah. Apparently so there's something called molecular clouds. I don't know what they are, but they contain benzonotrial. I tell you what molecular clouds is it's the name of our new Eau de Toilette range for men. Oh yes. Molecular clouds. By three bean salad. By three bean salad. Molecular clouds by Thrapian Salad. The new masculine fragrant range. Now introducing Bits of tank smell. The inside of a half. Do you like the smell in in a halfers? Do you know what I mean by that? It's got a kind of rubbery. Yeah. Is it tires I'm smelling? If you could get that into an eau de toilette. So molecular clouds is not what they are, but they can contain Benzolitrile which smells like bitter almonds. Lovely. This is great. Uh and comets. Yeah. Or the planet Venus Are rich in hydrogen sulfide, meaning they would smell like rotten eggs. Yeah. Okay, that's bad. Yeah. But Venus looks like it stinks, doesn't it? Venus. Every time you see a picture of Venus d it doesn't look It's funny how how little Venus captures the human imagination. Yeah. Given that it's about the same size as Mars is about as about as far away, I think. It's really nasty though, isn't it? Everyone's up on about Mars the whole time and then no one talks about Venus. It's in the wrong direction, crucially. What do you mean? It's closer to the sun, isn't it, surely? I see, so we can't go there 'cause it's too hot. Is that what you're saying? I mean, I might be wrong, I've been wrong before, but I I have a feeling that's that's part of the deal. And it's completely just noxious, toxic. Yeah, but it's amazing, isn't it? When you can see it in the night sky. It's so beautiful, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. It's a tiny dot that's a tiny bit yellow. How is that beautiful? One. Detail from a constable painting of like the hind legs of a squirrel is more beautiful than that can ever be. Is space. Less than a vacuum or a bit more than a vacuum, or roughly the same. In terms of how much there's there. Yeah, because what what are the molecules of like The burned walnut smell. What are they being What are they born upon? Do you know what I mean? Like I've no idea. Yeah, it suggests that something Thing about. Get in touch. Have have we got a space on it to space questions. Yeah. Come on. Lead us out of ignorance, please. 'Cause the sun's burning, right, the whole time. Where's all the smoke going? The rumour is that there's a great big flu round the back. Okay. Got big extract fan. Do you do you cologne review? Oh, good question. After shaved. I do cologne in fact. Do you? Do you want me to get them out? Yes. Please. Yeah. Here we go. Okay. Are you a clowner, Mike? No, I've n I've I haven't I haven't been since my teenaged years. I did it as a teenager because I thought you you were supposed to. And then I worked out I don't have to do this actually. Yeah, yeah. I think that's a classic teenage thing, isn't it? 'Cause you're trying to be a grown up. So y you you quickly try and take on all the accoutrements of being a grown up. Yes. O de toilette. Quiff. Cuban heels. Mortgage. Mortgage. You quickly take on the masculine coding of the time. It's the one area we can all agree the markup. we've maybe discussed this before, the markup in colognes on Eau de Twitter's work is the most egregious It is c it it genuinely is cat piss. They don't even try and pretend it's it and they're name it's cat piss. Can I just do this on my own if I make a bit of white spirit from the garage and mix it with some Dijon mustard will but not the one with the little bits in, probably not the whole grain. As long as it's not whole grain, you're fine. That's the one thing you have to know. Make sure the mustard isn't whole grain. And that you're basically a party. Once you know that. Molecular clouds presents the first whole grain perfume. It's egregious markups in the world of perfume. And the other thing with the world of perfume in it's Which is I think it's a world that you get introduced to every time you go on holiday 'cause you go through the you go through the gauntlet. You go through the gauntlet of of the duty free smell zone. Huge gauntlet. There's so many things and need in life. And the there's so much space is given to these items. But I really I love going to the airport and and putting one on. But I always just pick the maddest looking one I can and then often it'll like ruin the flight for me and anyone sitting next to me. Oh, like in a sculpted bottle, like a Jean Paul Gautier. Yeah, yeah. Just something that looks stupid and a stupid name and I'll just spray it on and it's always a bit wrong and There was one where I had to literally go and wash in the airport before I got on a plane, because I was like, I can't. Do this. 'Cause you went with Yves Saint Laurent Acred. The first perfume made only out of dead fish heads. Rotten Badger. And the urine of President Mitterrand's grandson. And he does not. Uh give us permission to use it. It's so expensive. It's it's danger money. It's fucking fury. But honestly, it is like he is pissing jam. It is unbelievable. It is like he's pissing jam directly onto the toast. That is your nose. That's the other weird thing about the world of perfume is it's really expensive. Also they sell it to you by giving it bit of it to you for free. So you can always get some for free. You could essentially you could if you just worked into your daily routine, there's no reason to actually pay for perfume. All you have to do is go to an international airport every day. Shaving the security cue. budget airlines, you get yourself those tickets might be more like what, seventy, eighty quid a day you're potentially paying? For the flights. Which you don't use. And obviously then transport to Gatwick, which can be quite expensive. If you get through security and you decide you don't want to get on the plane. I assume that's a big problem, is it? Do you have to go through like a special corridor or nothing? You just come straight back out again. But how? You can't walk back through security. Think it's probably quite easy, isn't it? No. I think, Ben, what you're talking about is the lost generation. People that go into that airport and want to come out and change their mind, we never see them again. We never see them again. There's no way to legally process them. No, exactly. When you're in the Gatwick departures lounge, you're you're no longer within British jurisdiction, are you? It's international law. Is that right? It's Frankie and Bennies are in charge. Yeah. Legally speaking. Frankie's and Benny's again. Frankie and Benny's uh is uh is an Italian restaurant chain that you're getting uh Yeah, they'll do you a sort of big toasted sandwich and a side fries. Yeah. And I'll guarantee I'll come out in less than ten minutes so you don't miss your flight. Exactly. But it'll taste like shit. But for some reason they've not managed to really be successful as a chain outside of airports. No, no, they'll be on retail parks. You don't you don't live in retail park world, Henry, that's the difference. Yeah, okay. Me and Mike understand the world of retail parks and uh and leisure sort of areas. Places of good parking. Yeah. The main thing is Are we gonna be able to park reliably? Yes, fine. Can I bowl and have a calzone? Yes. Exactly. Yes. And that's why when you look up to the stars and think about the Artemis mission, it does fill you with wonder. It's all parking. It's all parking free. It's a parking free zone. Completely unrestricted. What does that smell like? What does completely unrestricted parking smell like? Burnt walnuts. I've got my fragrants. Yes, please. So I I really like I really like wearing them. Where do you putt them if you're not w so you're not sure you're quite v very bearded at the moment. I'm very bearded at the moment. So are you are you spraying them into the beard? Where are they going, the fragrances? Hang on, mate. These aren't just after shaves, then. No, no, no. Are you do you think people spray fragrants onto their f chin? Is that But I I'm thinking of aftershaves, I suppose. But you you these are kind of these are atomized Yeah, this is just like perfume in a bottle, basically. Okay, okay. And it's just it's it's purely just on the anus, just five squirts on the anus. Brisk. Enlivening burn. The first one wakes you up. The first spray wakes up. The second spraps you around the face. The third spray makes you pass out again. And the fifth spray is just because it's a part of the sponsorship deal, isn't it? It's five sprays. And I'm off is it that's what you that's your little um it's five time sprays, isn't it, on a mechanical lid. So it's it's gotta be it's five times. No choice. Just quickly 'cause we' people we're getting bit mixed up about this, so I can clarify it for everyone. People get mixed up between the difference between eau de toilette. After shave. Eau de parfum. Eau de parfum and eau de cologne. So so the difference is all about cat pest ratios, isn't it? It's how dehydrated the cat was. Yeah. It was very clear in EU legislation, isn't it? Yeah. So if the cat has so you could only make eau de parfum if the cat's been on a four day bender. Yeah, and falling asleep in a sun in a sun drenched garden. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas your after shave, that's a that's a cat that's um quite yeah, very well hydrated, yeah, living its best life. Yeah. But it does create a blander a blander scent at the end of the day. So I've received these as gifts mainly. Uh, this is the one I wear most of the time. This is my go to. Oh aqua de parma. Oh the ham that's the choice of the ham specialist. Cause you can dress a ham with that at the same time. Well getting the water out of a dried palma ham. I mean it's so it's incredibly expensive, isn't it? Process. You feed it to the cat and the cat pisses out the Aqua to Palmer. So it's a cat that's entirely fed on Palmer ham. Yeah. Yeah. And that's that's your day to day, is it? That's your That's my most frequent, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And um is that and is that under all three pits? The human being is the any is yeah any mammal that has three pits, doesn't it? Left arm, right arm, and central leg pit. So is it just one in each of the three pits? Yeah, and then five on the anus. We've got a special applicator for that, haven't you? Yeah. I've got this over on special occasions. Okay. Uh we're in special occasions, are we now? Chanelette Paris no less. Paris itself. I don't I don't wear that one very often. Why is that one special? Is that it it smells very floral. And so it's it kind of announces itself. It's not very um. I I don't I don't really under like you understand this world. Do you ever have that thing? I I will occasionally I don't know what the name of the perfume is. Once every five years I'll walk past someone And they will be wearing the the perfume that my first ever girlfriend wore. Oh. I I'm the same. Right. I'm the same, yeah. Because she was having an affair with me at the time. Which is terrible because she would have been fourteen and you'd been twenty four, I think. That's why I'm not brought up to now. But I thought I could I could reach such a strong Bound to benefit from it that felt it was worth it. This time. And sometimes that that will send me into a kind of strange uh reverie. Yeah. And she'll probably have the same kind of thing if she ever stumbles across an old um an old emu corpse. It'll send her straight back. I've got the same thing, Ben, which is um and I know the I know the perfume. Right. It's Miyake. Oh yeah. My my my first girlfriend Properly water semi accura which is a very, very specific smell. It's quite watermelony. Right. Which is why you've probably seen me weeping when when eating melons. And it's such a cheerful looking fruit, isn't it? It literally shaped like a smile, isn't it? You do, you associate people with those smells. And actually my mum smelled like various perfumes that as a kid. You know. Th there are certain smells I associate with with my mum. I remember the word of perfume, you know, when you're a kid. It's such a sort of foreign world. the world of like it's such a grown up thing, is it goes back to what you were saying, Mike, about as a teenager. Yeah, my dad used to wear old spice. Oh really? That's the classic. Yeah. Um so oh I this is an amazing thing about the power of smell. This is quite a few years ago. So you're distancing yourself from yourself. Always wise. Think of me as Hanrak Pacri. So if yeah for the for the for the dragon, you can do Henry? And every morning They put on old spies. That that smell penetrated the entire building. It was incredible. You could hear the spray and then I was a floor up. I was one floor up. It penetrated the whole house. This incredibly pungent smell of old spice. And eventually, um this is the reason I didn't want to um Tell the story. Yeah. But we um we well we we well we murdered him. And we um we we but we chemically disintegrated his body. Which is why that the um Metropolitan police have got you know have never been able to um Well you dissolved him in the bath of old spice, didn't you? Luckily came It was a very, very rare incident of the motive of the crime being the same as the method of disposal of the body. Which is very, very confusing. But we have had the people from um People from twenty four hours in police custody. Please. And they they have been tracking us. But but so far they've not got enough to um to put us out on the um on channel four. Or rusty. Or rusty. Yeah. It's easy old fashioned way of saying it, yeah. Travel the Stay-Line way means all of this. It's closer than you think. Book Stanaline to Ireland and enjoy a bring it-all holiday that's packed full of everything summer's made for. Start your holiday on board from 155 pounds single car and driver. Book today at standaline.co. Let's read some emails. Yes, please. You send an email. Skift things. To the postmasters that came before. Postmaster. Anything for me? Just some old shit. Send an email This represents progress. Micah. Sweet horse. Beautiful horse. Our email addresses three bean salad pod at gmail.com. And a couple of weeks ago I asked about I was interested in if we had any world record holders. Yeah. Yeah. Boy do we have someone. We had a we had a Paralympian, didn't we? We were looking for Olympians and then it sort of moved into other boundaries, didn't it? Well our Paralympian broke the world record in qualifying and then didn't get a medal in space. It was a tough lesson. Yeah, it's hard. The world records we've had through I would say are probably less impressive than that, but I'm not gonna, you know, put judgment on any of these. I think if you've got a word record, you've got a word record. Yeah. Okay. What we've got. This is John from Middlesbrough. Hello John. I hold the title Of the world's longest delivery order. Really? So does that mean the the the most food ordered or the longest it took to arrive? Last summer I cycled from London to Zagreb in Croatia. Wow. With the full neon teal kit, including jacket and thermal rucksack. What now this has got the stink of Publicity stamp. Yes. Bot. Maybe the whole email's just been written by a bot. I'm smelling bot. Is anyone else getting bot? What does this sound bot? Uh John says, On my thirty day solo journey, traversing eleven countries and camping in a small tent every night. I entertain myself by re listening to over one hundred episodes of Lukewarm Banda from the Beans. Oh, John. John, what a way to ruin what otherwise would have been a spectacular journey. Despite the number of daunting uphill battles, mercilessly fighting sweat dripping into my eyes and countless moments where I considered quitting. There ain't no bot on earth that can do this. I persevered on and made it through Henry's birthday card anecdote. He's not a bot. That's the new test for are you a bot. Well it's it's terrapin psychology and the switcheroo. Yeah, can you pull up your barages in. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage the old switcheroo. Okay, yeah, I see what you're saying, yeah. You're saying that what I thought were you trying to say that Oh he's gone the other What he's gone the other way around! He means that Oh that's what he meant What he said before more than that Now he's gone the other way around for that Oh god It's the old switcheroo By the way we don't send badges and but frankly we don't use the post that often anymore. Always like to add that caveat to that. But with that in mind, your badge is in the post. To Zagreb. Get on your bike. Back you go. Reckon that was true then, maybe. It's true. It's but it sounds like exactly the sort of thing like it must be like delivery sponsored or something, surely. Yeah. Okay. And that's why we haven't mentioned which brand of baked beans it was. It could have been any of them, couldn't it? I did say it was Heinz. Oh, more foli. Tom from Aspie de la Zouche. Email. Lovely. Hello, Beans. Hello. Not quite Olympic all world record level, but I did once bonjo myself to English champion in Olympic weightlifting. How we manage that. But through some sort of technicality, that means, does it? Well let's see. Uh Olympic weightlifting being a weight class sport means that athletes are divided by their respective weight classes. I was entered at one of the middle to heavier weight classes. Two weeks before the competition, they announced the athletes who are competing. And I noticed that there were no entries in the weight class above mine. One swift email to the organizers to change my entry. And a couple of weeks of enjoying life, I competed weighing naught point six kilograms above the minimum required for my new weight class. This is fantastic. This is glorious. Yeah. I was successful in making my lift and being the only entry in the class got the honor of being English champion for a year. That is absolutely sensational. Pyrrh, but still. It's a bonjuk victory though. 'Cause it's a bit like me saying I won every event at last year's Honorpics. Which is the um Sports event that you can only enter if you may. Uh he said uh I got to shake hands with a mayor of some kind. Very good. And get a lovely gold medal. Brilliant. I'm forever gloating in the sweetest of default victories. Yours, Tom from us be losing. That's a great default victory. 'Cause it's not just default, you've you worked towards the default. Yeah, and people normally do that for sort of artistic plaudits and Oscars and all that kind of stuff. You've got a gold medal out of it. You got you gone. Well done. Also, it's impressive to um to shake hands with the mayor. And if anyone else anyone wonders how you do that, you just you you treat the hoof as essentially it's just one big knuckle. So you just hold on to it, you shake it up and down. Yeah. You're doing this old pun of like a Why not? Why not I think because we're hoping people will come back for the next series is why not? Oh I didn't know that was part of the Oh if that's a priority then do c do cut the found then. Sorry. And we've had an email from Chris from near Diamond Harbor. Ooh. Chris. Play the jingle. Diamond arise and diamonds in the sea. Come with us and meet the families of Diamond Harbor. Well I hope they're better. They they had a bit of um Yeah, they had some more aquatic disasters. Yeah. Uh, Kia orabines, as an adolescent, I grew a nipple adjacent chest hair fourteen centimeters long. That's we're back in the good stuff zone. Well done. Uh, three centimetres longer than anything I could find on Google. I never did submit it to the prudes at Guinness, but to my knowledge it remains unbeaten. And I like the attitude. You don't need you don't need like the Yeah. That's good stuff. I wonder what ever happened to the hair. Has he preserved it? Is it framed? We've got an email from John. But not just any John. No. John Major, that's right. John Major finally reached out. We've left enough crumbs, haven't we? We have. They keep leading to Mackinro, but never to Major. It's actually not John Major, I'm sorry. It's from John Robbins. The third John The third John. Uh, dear beans, John Robbins here, long time bean consumer, sometime voice note contributor. That's true. True. I wanted to thank you for being the soundtrack to my training for the twenty twenty six London Marathon. Of course, yes. For nearly a year now, you three have been my only companions on my weekly long runs. Wow. At times the task has felt thoroughly beyond me. I've trudged countless hundreds of miles through rain, mud and snow thinking, how on earth can anyone be expected to do this? The human body simply isn't built for this kind of boredom, fatigue, and pain. Hello. Ah, here we go. On many occasions I've thought I can go no further. That subjecting myself to this kind of torture is neither healthy, nor creatively, spiritually or mentally fulfilling. Endless dead ends. Wrong turns and cul de sacs have pushed me to the very limits. I can enjoy this is just a master of work of what I can tell you. You've gone round the horn The presser gathered on the pier. Just bring her home. All the time my body's screaming for me to stop. There have been moments where I've had to put my mind to those who have endured worse in order just to get through each side. He's gone too far. He's gone beyond the cape. He's gone too far. People who've experienced war, for example, or those who have had back to back norovirus. I've even studied the teachings of the Buddha to better train my mind to accept suffering. All suffering is craving, he once said. And so I try with every step to avoid the deep craving I have for this hell to end. The marathon training hasn't been straightforward either. Oh wow those. Very very good. I mean Years in the game. Yeah. Ye switcherooing it up up and down the the up and down the UK. And so many failed switcheroos you have to go through to get to that point. Young people don't know. They come up to me and they say Henry Will to switcheroo like you. I say probably not. Did did you well like John Robbins said ten years switch around? And it opens up thought. That's why switch ruling is actually a form of um self improvement, isn't it? Which you can subscribe to. The ultimate mindfulness. The ultimate mindfulness. When you're in the midst of a switcheroo, you're in control of logic in a way. Yes but you can get lost. That's the thing. That's why it takes it takes training. You can often forget which end of the thread you're holding. But those people who do get lost in the switcheroo. Sometimes you'll see them sad. Side figures with thousand yards stairs. Wondering the South Bank. Wondering the South Bank aimers, though. Um before going back to the House of Commons to have lunch 'cause that's where they work. Oh, wow. Yeah. So that's satirical switch ro that's sort of satiro which not something that's beyond John Yeah. John Talk me. If if you yeah, I mean I'm happy for John's reach out to me if he wants to chat about Satyros and how to get into them. Um, uh he writes If any bean of like to contribute to my unholy quest, I'm raising money for standing together against domestic violence. you can head to justgiving.com forward slash page forward slash John Robbins to donate. Or as long as they are over sixteen and have Bill Player's permission, they can text Robins Ten. That's R O B I N S one zero two seven zero two five five. which they'll be charged ten pounds plus their standard message rate. That's Robins ten to seven zero two five five. Nice. Fantastic. Link in the show notes, I'm gonna say. I don't know how to do that. I'm gonna assume that Ben will sort that out. Tell them and I'm gonna do this. Just press here to subscribe. I'm just pointing my hand up the other man. It's doubly available for those or most people who just who just listen. Yeah. Anyway, best of luck, John. And uh yeah, I hope you raise loads of money and I hop you your nipples don't entirely come off. Yeah. Yeah. It's a heroic thing. And link in the bio. What's up the mic said. Link in the bio. No bio in the link in the bio. Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. And give us three chilies, maybe, if you think we want to. If we want. It's time The Ferry Man. Patriot. Patriot. Patreon dot com. Four slash free salad. Thank you to everyone who signed up at our Patreon. Yes, thank you, thank you. As this is the end of the series, there will be no more um episodes for the next month of May? Mm-hmm. It will be May. However Over on Patreon there will be a weekly episode. So if you want to keep listening to the Beans through May, come and join Patreon and get a weekly episode. And if you sign up at the Sean Bean Tier. You got a shout out from Mike from the Sean Bean Land, where Mike was last night. I was, yes. And it was um an interesting one, wasn't it? Because it was uh try and bring Roger Moore back from the dead using a small amount of genetic material found on an old shirt of his, isn't it? Night. Wasn't it? It was, yes. Thank you, Ben. It's my report. It was try and bring Roger Moore back from the dead using a small amount of genetic material found on an old shirt of his night last night at the Shornbean Lounge. The old shirt of Roger Moore's having been sourced by Nina Jackson, who was able to provide documents with proof of provenance thanks to the forgery skills of Imogen Cassidy, Amy Zed, and Terry Harcourt. And who is also able to avoid difficult questions over the suspected origins of the shirt by first making the Shorn Bean grave digger crew of Harry Epic? Kerry, aka Ratmus Gary, Moyles, Cowdloy, Alex McKee, Mitch Lever, and Jacob DeSilva sign NDAs, then locking them in a chest freezer and sinking it to the bottom of the North Sea to be on the safe side. Phil R, Sebastian Stevenson, James Alderford, and Tozer extracted the first sample of DNA from the shirt collar, spliced it with one of Jeff Haynes' best eggs, but unfortunately what hatched out was a clone of Roger Moore's highly affectionate pet goat Mickey Sler, the goat clone newly named Dazzle Pig. has now been adopted by Matthews, Stan Broley, Callum Toms, and Lori Unarchive Me James Tilbury, and is providing backing vocals for their Black Eyed P's tribute band. Matthew Sherrett, Jackie Murphy, Joanne Norfolk, and Jonah then had a go, but their DNA extraction technique was evidently sloppy. as they only succeeded in producing clones of themselves. These clones have been plastinated and are now being used as mannequins at the Sean Bean Winter Swimwear Exhibition Centre, showing designs by Theodore Elfing, Ellen Norem, and Robin exclamation Mark Smiley Face. Toby Gibson, Faye Blackwell, Camille Richter, and Jacob. Then had a poppet sourcing genetic material using the very, very small and very, very clean spoons of Callum Stewart. The samples were brought to a simmer by Jackie McGee and Hayes, strained by Rybine Salad, and Sam Holly, spun by Laloon Odyssey and Andrew Jackson, masticated to a soft paste by Johannes von. Carnell and Mark Richardson, given worming tablets by Alexander Johnson and Jim Ritchie, who themselves were dewormed by Domie Fraser and Kenny Graham. The resulting matter was sculpted into a Roger Moore shape and placed on the lightning rod at the top of the Sean Bean spire. No storm seemed imminent, however, so Hannah Couch. M and Beth and Sopa Phillips brought it down again and appling salts and car batteries. The creature came to life immediately. While it had all the physical attributes of a Roger Moore, it had none of the light touch. In a state of atavistic frenzy, it seduced Philip Rotherforth and slaughtered Marcus Euh Hansen, Lee Henry, and Alex Falstead, before stealing Eleanor Cooper's Hyundai I 10 and disappearing over the horizon. For the sake of ticking boxes, John Rose Adams, Adam Bruske. Devlin were sent out after it, but are not expected to return. Ever tenacious, the Bean Loungers kept at it, and one final piece of genetic material was found at the edge of the left cuff by ancient Britain and Jilly using Sean Bean's painted nanoscope, and this was incubated in premium gut health yogurts. Soon, Bobby Brownbean, and Inner Charlotte. In one final bid to reanimate Roger Moore, target hosed off the yogurt, and a being had indeed formed, but a series of tests by Rebecca Meller and Jessica Dodd demonstrated this was in fact a Christopher Walken clone reprising his role as Max Zorrin in the film A View to a Kill. At that moment, Sean Bean tuned in on Zoom, fully expecting to see a fresh Roger Moore. So to avoid disappointment and reprisals, Pete did it. Decent impression of Roger Moore defending his status as a tax exile. Thanks all. Okay, that's the end of the series. Let's finish off with a theme tune sent in by one of Ulot. Thank you to everyone who's sent in a theme tune and I would encourage you to do so. Doesn't have to be fancy. Just your own version. James says This version is in the style of an inspirational space moment, where the wonders of the universe are laid bare. Perfect. Picture this. In the end times, as prophesied. All Sean Bean lounges are beamed to the three bean space pyramid. In search of a new planet to call home. After centuries of travel, generations of lounge members have been mulched into a paste based biofuel. For the semi mechanized Ben, Mike and Henry. out of the giant window that all good spaceships have at the front. Perfect bean shaped planet appears. With two bean shaped moons in close orbit. The sun crests the horizon. Dazzling light fills the bridge with hope for the future. The attached is the same track that might play at that time. Thank you, James from Dover. Wow beautiful. Thank you. And thank you all for listening to this series. Thank you for listening. See you soon back in June. Cheerio. See you in June. Bye. Has anyone yet been to space? That's pointing where does space where does space begin?