Philosophy of Time and Entropy

Hello everyone. Can we start with an apology? Oh, I just want to apologize in advance I've got a bit of a sort of lurgy situation. I'm quite wheezy, I'm quite breressy And it's I will definitely cough if I laugh Yes. So on this podcast, I'll be fine stuff. Yeah. evenven though he's poorly, lovely bit of banter I think quite soon to the sort of pale, clammy sort of consumptive musician type There go go. There he goes. That's true It's a classic romantic archetype, isn't it? the banjo, the sort of aristocratic wasting away banjo maestro. Herrible, terrible very dangerously narrow gene pool that has led him to Chari Cate such beautiful music ye but just physically not ready for the world at Loud Even the softest virus. Yeah I cann bring him down. That's right Be he's only got one in three of the main internal organs, doesnn't it? is the gene p And thatans but that means's a lot of resence, a little space in there, which creates a lot of resonance for the banjo. Yeah. He's got the Hamsburg kidney and heart, hasn't he?'s Chomo That's right. So it both processes blood and does whatever does the kidney stuff Concentrates your urine That's you're almost there Mike. It's actually the spleen heart and kidney. alin his ownent Ornamental splein. I think everyone' sple is basically orramental, isn't it? It' in fashion? No, no. But you can whip it out,'t you're al right? Yeah, but then you need to be on a very strict regiment of medicines for the rest of your life Oh well, you know Because his kidney is combined with the spleen, he doesn't have as much pancreatic amyales going around, does he? Oh, lovely. someone Wow. o whichich means what that means is a lot of his internal spphiners end up getting deposits of enamel which turn into forms of inner teeth, don't they Iam prefer they prefer microstanachites, they' stagmites. Ubergens 'Cause it creates a grotto effect in the roack, isn't it? Especially that lovely blue algae you all have on the inside. Which clothes? I've got a full mother of pearlus Because they are thought of described as internal grottos. People often think that bigger place to propose. People think give it aice place to proose,n't they And you have to constantly tell people. No whereere's your Aqualunang? you go any aqualangg in an aquun and it's not going to work. But also instead of going to nativity plays, people think, oh if I get if I get if I can get a hard op of one of Ben's colronoscopies. it'll be Christmasy because because of the Gotto effect But it's not actually that Chrmasy is it in there b? Oh, it's really not Christmasy. No really it's far from Christmasy. Or it's Christmasy, but it's Christasy in the way that the original Hampsburgs had imagined Christmas should be. which was children being very, very very violently birched. no one has been good is no one's be good apart from the prince. ' it's a kingdom wide birchhing for everyone. Hand the little hand whittled wooden horse that your uncle made you over to the prince, please, and now got in the birch quue. And then you watch the prince wipe his ask for the duckling Yeah, and it's not clear where that originated, is it Yeah, that's why the original Andrax logo was going to be a the shit stained duckling, wasn't it? But they realized that was the Andrex duckling, forx duckling Then that changed to Shitstain Puppy, we've just gone with Clean Puppy Because the sus upstairs just weren't brave enough. They weren't brave enough for a truth bomb were they? But it's a little funny extra fact about those internal teeth that you have in your internal the The go around your internal sphinct has been Because are they stack types or stat mites? That's the thing that's tricky isn it depends which way around you are, doesn't it? It's completely relative. Okay case again guys again. So we will cut out all the coffin. Well, I think it's important for Vertee. for Vere. Verte For pod Vertee, which is what we try and do. Oh no. We're going to have to get him a more softer arress to sit on. But there are no softer arrresses O of the finest aris weavers in the kingdom. they can't make a softer arris. Sorry, what is an aris? I don't know. It might not be the right thing What is? What is it? Well, why that's why the courties are in such a kufuffle. There' such a kufuffle about the whole thing. our whole aris thing. They're not sure arris, isn't it? Well, they're not if they misheard you just said, I need a softer ass. It's possible you said that. People have been dispatched across the globe to find a softerter and softer arress. There is no such thing. There's no such thing There's a place in France called Aret, isn't they? Oh hang on, an Aris four piece Ratan rope style lounge set? Now it's talm That thing is sold in the range, Cany? Get on down kids. Was four fourty nine nine three nine nine. O We can't beat those prices. This listing is for a beautiful four piece wicker garden furniture set. It's available in grey rope wicker style The set includes a Tousit to Garden sover Two single garden chairs and a coffee table. Set up to four people on this Ratan garden set It's perfect for sitting comfortably on a nice day or night But nothing in between. Yeah dude Do not use it during dusk, twilight while evenven song is upon You fools. This is a non Vespartine sueite. Do not enjoy the dawn chorus from these seats That's when the sweet hunculi emerge from inside it, don't they? That's when they feed. So when you were sayingris, what were you your mad I was imaging some sort of soft furnishing, but what it actually is it's a rich tapestry typically hung on the walls of a room or used to conceal an alcove. It's just off the top of your head, is it? Yeah, it's just a t magic P pretty sure Okay come back to me. But I could see Ben sitting on tapestries if any of the three of us was gonna have it to be there. they're sort of quirk I could only really relax when Sas on are folded up Well I'd sitting a tapestry where people would be doing the embroidery of my life in real time, like a sort of real time Tapestry portrait. Yeah. So you can sit on your own aris Oh lovely stuff. Sometimes it's worth sticking sticking us isn't it because you get those long term . How are you spelling Aris? It's AWRAS. Oh yes. I associate it with consonsumptative Victorians for some reason They kind of think that' be in the background. Yes, or maybe I think of sort of wicker wheelchairs, that kind of stuff. Wicker wheelchairs No yeah I' L lever work a wheelchair the rug regardless of the temperature, very thick tars and blanket over the knees. Thick t magget and a small little parasol Mechanized parasol whichich opens up. Wheel me to the promenade questrechen, please? Yeah ye And you spend a lot time on the promenade Bring me my donkeys and never a word from Gretchen Oh no, just the smallest nod of a head Nothing, just the smallest gesture because I know her deep secret. She's secretly German I wouldon't tell anyone Gretching Von Husenoffer, I promise you. Yeah. She's from the storied von Hausenboffeer family. who were thrown out of the castle after World War I. And you've built her Schnitzel Palace, though haven't you under undernderground Schitzel Palace And every night she wheels you back to the doors of York. Your small little one up, two down three across in Bloomsbury fromr the seaside, it's quite a long way. Yeah she's Brawny. She' Brawny right. It's not an issue for Gression I saw a thing the other day was there was some billionaire was saying that they were going to put all their money into trying to cure the common cold and about how if they did so, it would kind of revolutionize humankind. I agree with that. I mean, I think it blows my mind that there isn't more effort going into the common cold Yeah, because it doesn't really kill many people It just irritates doesn't? It just ruins so many weeks. You know, I think the problem is with colds is So right now right now I don't have a cold. And Ben does have a cold. Yes Right now, I'm in a state of my life where not only do I not give a shit about colds. I didn't even I've forgotten about colds. So so this is an interesting moment we're in because Benzs finding a bit jarring has Ben is this sort of intrusive idea doesn't belong in I'm finding it a little bit jaring and intrusive But also it's reminding me of the fact which is that Why find it happs with colds is? It's only when I have a cold And I'm like, oh my God Holds are terrible Yeah we need to we need to deal with cult as a society I'm hating having a cold. The other thing I always say to myself is, Henry, you've got to make sure that you're more grateful Nxt time you don't have a cold because it's so good to not have a cold. But I can't hold on to that feeling when I don't have a cold. It's only when I have a cold And it had the same thing with mouth ulcers When you know when you've got a mouth ulcer, you had a dream of the time when you could be blithely gambling around without a single ulcer in your goob. Eating a tomato? Eating sort of vinegad discos downowning a bottle of Balsamico de Modena Wout I care in the world W I care in the world And yet, as soon as you don't have them much, you've got to remember We don't have a coal to be grateful. but the fact is I don't have one right now and I just don't give a shit. And I'm even talking to Ben and he's clearly gone and I don't care. It's doing nothing for you. completely unoved. completely unmoved. And this is the problem this is one of the problems with either humanity or me. I don't think it's limited to you. I think I think I' a pretty wide problem. But people say that about anything good, good times. And like childhood people say, Oh, they don't realise almost the best time of their life. And no one'm taking it for granted. But isn't that part of the joy is you taking it for granted That's part why these times are good Because you're notinking about how you're feeling. Therefore, you can't appreciate the thing that's can appreci'ing it. You could imagine meeting an eight year old who is like, hi My name's Peter, and I really appreciate today. Yeah I have my health and I'm grateful for it. that's how chilling that would be I'm just brimming with energy. you guys need a break, but I'm gonna play for another solid three hours if you don't mind because I'm just loving life. It'll be sickening It would be. Also, I love getting into the outdoors. It's fantastic for a mental health to play with very, very small versions of cars. So that's what I advocate And do you know what I should put less pressure on myself to colour within the lines Alth, sorry, what was that actually you said? My older brother Timothy is being allowed to wear trainers out today, which are new trainers, whereas I'm not allowed to wear my trainers out because I shot myself on them earlier. I want to wear my trainers just because he's weing, then I'm going to war to wear his rainers. I've got to wear his trainers. Let me wear his trainers the mask will always slick with the young p eventually Eventually. But that's all fun and gave him some little shit yourself. until B brother Sebastian gets what he deems unfair treatment. Yeah Be that's the trouble it'll always fall down around something to do with them pping qu. But that was actually loosely based on something which did happen to some real children that I know Wh shut the shoes. I'm not sure if Ive got all the details right. I mean that is a wrap on the day, isn't it? when you sh his your shoes? sh shoes his shoes It' like do over Sh. We were fine with him shitting his t shirt. We were fine with him shitting his Napoleon hat. He shot the car even. We shot the car, We were fine with that. He shot that fountain. That was bord He shot that nice German guy who was giving us a bicycle tour of Muni. We got fine with that Oh they bun you, with your combined with your comb your combi spleen pancreas kidneys you actually you can Hars You can piss your ears, can't you No, but we're actually making serious point here, I think which is oh God, this this also happened to me when I had I had really, really bad toothache. I couldn't open my mouth properly for a while I remember was sitting in Costa watching a man eating a crossant as the anecdotes built up inside you with no release It was anictoe pressure. was it was an addict pressure it was I mean, the government puts out a code orange warning There's a very strong likelihood of living anic and in an explosion I just nearly cried because I was like this guy can eat a crossal. and I was I'm never going to not cry We need to cross off from now on or at least if know, if ever get to cross off on again to appreciate it. I've got I've got to hold. Ireciate the simplest of draw mo. How simple and wonderful this guy is This guy's life was Sat in Costa. Eating a custal It was me wasnt it? It was you. That was the first surprise and then second surprise was, What's that smell? I looked at. He completely shut his shoes. Didn't stop him with a cross on did it? Knife and fork The Hamsburg way That's right, they always chop up their turds with a knife and fork into small cubes. don't they? which they put into a ceremonial flute using a fish fork and a grafruit knife. That's right Yeah, but we're not wide that way Mie And maybe there's a reason. you know what I mean? Maybe there's Maybe because if we were why that way, we wouldn't get anything to I mean I mean, as three, for example, we wouldn't get this sort crucial piece of work done right now We were just bounding about being grateful for all our. Enjoying the moment and said, here we are hard at work Guys, can I just say appppreciate you A really put me off you actually Yeah, ye Thatounds gross. It's a shame because I enjoyed having contact working with you. I think myself amongst your friends, but That's all has have changed now, hasn't it? It's a shame So this is me officially resigning live from Any future contact with Ben Pridge. get seventh of the c. I but that's the. say that's think that's the reason that no one solving the cold is what I think it only bothers you while it's happening. It then goes youget you forget about it until the next time. And of course, that's exactly the point in which as a scientist, you'd being up with your blueprints for how to solve a cold. It could be, for example, is it about internally tiling the nose There'll be a solution. Yeah. What's the you know, what's outside the box here, people? What we Yeah What haven't we tried? F feels like an eighties thing, I felt like that was that was a sort of classic trope cliche of Cilling the common cold, you know A rocket ship to Mars I was It was one of the things on the list. One of the things on the list are back in the day, but I don't feel like I've heard of anyone thinking about curing the common cold for years. But it's because of this thing if it happens, then at that point at which you would be coming up with the blueprints, you've got you can't because you've got a cold. but you're like sooner this coldsld, I'm going fix cold. I'm going put some work into it. The cold goes away then you forget about it, and you're ont to the next thing in your life. Is it because Dror Benelin died Yes. Sweet Dror Benolin. Sweet Dror Benolyin I mean, He made a small step in the right direction, didn't he with his famous Juice Itunny isn't? Think about coold as well is there's all these products, lock it It's a big industry. Well, now you're getting to it, Henry, it's a big industry. If we could cure the cold, we can't milk the cold. milk, it's money bearing tes. You see mucus, I see milky milky money. lockets, I presume But we all buy these products. I don't know now I don't use any of these things. No I scoren them I roar dog a cold D you Not even your basic sort of little parasetamol If no I should do, I think. but for some reason I feel like there's say no but about raw doogging and cold. There isn't I think I get what you're saying because these products do exist and people do buy them. I buy them quite a quite a lot knowing that they don't It's like a mutual lie. We all know There's nothing you can do about a cold. Most of them, if they have anything act in them, will just be some parasetyamol, but they'll also be they'll say it's plus plus plus plus plus. and that'll just mean there's a bit of caffeine in it or a bit of lemon juice or something And I watch their charging you seventeen pounds Sometimes with painkillers, there's one where they'll claim can target pain And it's like And then on the adt there'll be like someone holding their knee and then the kneeel turn red.'s like, that's not how pills work. You can't no No That's going be working generally, isn't it No, not on a normal with your anatomy, absolutely.. If you shake it down the right flume, then yeah, it's going come down the right spot. you've got brass apertures, haven't you? and you're not sure if they're genetic or if they're install, it's so hard to tell, isn't it? a lot of them Yes. It's a bit like a sort of cathedral organ in the lower half, isn't it? yeah, because by the time it gets down to your feet, they're completely one hundred percent brass. There's no question about that. Its some point between your feet and your neck. It gets a lot more gooey Well well, it's gooy because you've got to grease the bellows. Bellllow Weasels are hard at work And you have to pay the Bllo Weasels, don't you?? Yes, and just to be clear, Bellow Weasels is a nickname for their convict's Yeah who refused to fight the Serbians. So they were court martials and became Bllow Weasels. Yes. They' been convicted of cowardice and or loitering But also someone sometimes it's something that they're trying to help, obviously the prisons are really under stress at the moment, but sometimes instead of custodial sentence, a young offender will get like six weeks as a bellow weasel R there And actually, you've made some real good connections with someone and you stay in touch, don't you? I send them abuse, yeah I send them abusive postcards and I got h of there You can't show kindness to a Bllllow Weza it'll take a mile. I't care if you've nowve grown up to be one of Andrey Burnham's children. You're still a bellow Weasel to me. I'll always be a bellow Weasel Okay, so let's sit on the bean machine. Yes, please Let's do it. Oh This week's topic as sent in by Luke Hello, Luke, thank you. fromr Bolton via Breman. Very good. Is the Roman Empire A Holy mooly, Holy Roman Empire yees, well Yeah. Now I wonder whether Luke has been inspired by. Do you remember there was a bit of discourse, a bit of online discourse? Maybe you didn't becauseuse you' l sort of termidly online than I am There's an idea that All men I sort of constantly thinking about the Roman Empire Right. If you ask a man what they're thinking about, it'll be that. And I can't remember who Benjin, can say that's absolute total boocks. And if you keep talking about that, I'm going to surround your village and lay waste to your chances of having future agriculture by burning down a lot of your crops. And also I might actually install a decent sewage system teacher It's the most pass ag form of invasion ever ever created. It's basically barging in some weere tidying it up a lot. Yeah renovating, pututting everything in places wait where are my turds? Al' in a sewage system. So this led to the phrase A kind of phrase that happens online which is people say that's my Roman Empire It'll be something else. So that they're constantly thinking about. Yeah. So maybe it's Andy Bernam or. H fly fishing. That's that's my Roman empire. Oh, right I didn't I haven't picked up on that at all really? No. That's not the same as the hill that I'll die on No No no. No, that's just another example of the phrase, isn't it? But it so. There are different phrases aren't there? There are different phrases. That's a good point and worth making So like an earworm but a brainworm. Yes, but I don't think about the Royan Empire barely ever No The Roman Empire is definitely not my Roman Empire. No Yes, Ben. Okay. You think about the Roman Empire But every time you're shaped by it, you're shaped by legacy. Every time You have a crap Every time you wash your hands, every time you turn right on a road, every time you launch a trevchet Every time you worship Adrodite Every time we go into contest against a hippotamus. In an amphitheatre. Yeah Every single rudy time. Every single ruddy time that you fight a hippopotamus to the death, Benjamin. bothoth of you doing it because of the Roman Empire That's true. and indeed the very language we're speaking now on this podcast So true Is it true? doesnn't it? It's a bit of it isn't it Is it? Well yeah, I guess we've guess Lett's in the mix It' in the mix. What would I speak now sort of, you know modern version of O German and oldld French There's a lot of Latin in there French, but isn't it? And some Japanese loan words and some Japanese loan wors. exactly karaoke or Tokyo. It's basically Basically those three Yeah Tokyo of course is a Japanese word for Tokyo, which which we've completely pounded, haven't we? we actually C type do exact the same thing as they do just speelt differently? Yeah, it's true because we don't call Moscow what it's really called. That's true. That's a good point. Oh I sorry, that was accidental. I didn't Well, are you right about Tokyo then? I think you are. But are you It's hard for to say because I don't know what was saying about Tkyo. Yes, do Japanese people call Tokyo Toyo? I think so Moscow iss called Moskvaow or something y It's so strange to me that we do that Yes, why are we making our own version? Why are we making our own versions of other people's place names Flames? Yeah, I'm gonna stick with that. Flameses. Like what Like Varsarva no, we'll call that Warsaw or Moscvar, which is not particularly complicated, butll know we'll call that Moscow instead Even the ones that are easy, peasy. Ry Rome's a mad one. Rome, butt I's called it Roma. Yeah. Yeah. bllown your mind. You have blown mind, but then you can be someone that goes to those places and calls them by their actual name and then you're the dickhead on you. You go where did to go on holiday? and I went to Moscva thenen you're basically a Rory Stewart, in fact. He sort of gets away with it. Yes, and there's places where we don't bother to do that as well, right Wagadogu Exactly. Yeah, but to me And But we don't even call Paris properly. No, we spell it right bloody mindedly mispronounce it And then they call London Londre, which is what London's called Yes, good point. I done the same thing. Could this become the hill that we die on? But I can't look out what side of the argument I favouour to be or if there even is an argument. Be you could say that maybe we should do we should Englishize every National Capital Q quite an imperial brooch There might be some pushback What would I could do to become sovereign nations , just called it Waguster or something I think I'd be more in favor of the non imperiial approach B of giving it a go with with the local names making that Beuse usually they're more fun to say aren't they They first sound a bit more interesting. Oh great, Mike's gone woke Nice one, mate Nice one, mate Yeah. I mean Munchen is more fun to say than Munich, isn't it? Munchen? Yeah, it is, that's true. There's lots of placems where you can wrap your goob around it, have a bit of fun with it. Nice one And you're going to get him a hat made of avocado as well. How's that gonna to work? The traditional Bavarian avocado pat. Here we go I definitely thought about it a lot as a kid But it felt like it was a big part of like being a kid. That's a good point. It was a very large chunk of like history and there would be lots of kind of novel set in. In Roman times And of course, inevitably school visits go to go and see a Roman villa as in a three inch high wall. a pualversew where there was once a pot. And someone's saying you're just going to take our word for it. There was once a fresco v pinis here, just. Yes, shout out to fishborn fishborne So my local one is kindly on and there's a Roman baths there still up and running No But visib identifiably baths? how ruined are we talking? Identifiably baths because you can see the sort of mosaic floors of the pool, basically That's quite nice. Which is really, really good, isn't it? Yeah. And they have and it's the direction of the penises and which tells you which way to swim. up one lane following those penises there These people can't handle clockwise or only clockwise. they can't hand a little sign at the end of theane Pe get conf They't have clocks by they, might, do they? Oh wow So there wasn't probleomise So they have sund dials Yeah, surely Did you know something that apparently it's a fact that human beings tend to go antilockwise if you put them in situation. What situation Henry's, please go anti cllockwise. Henry's a massive psychological experiment clock It's called Henry's get together, I'll give everyone A quid. getet together next Thursday at Travagga Square. You't have you don't have to move until Mike's there. so just h hang hang fast. And then we're going to go clockwise to make a point Jimberry and I could call it a Jimbery Everyone gets a meet and greet with Mike at the end But Michel be in qu a bad mood becausecause I've proved him wrong But it swings and roundabs isn't it? hang on Where have you heard this and what do you mean? I've just su something online Because you've also contradicted yourself with the last minute. He sounded clockwise at the beginning and then he said clockwise H. So which one do you think it is now Well was I was doing that was for the southern heemisphere listeners. Shout out. shout out to all of you. Obviously, it goes all the way around down there Big shout out to some hemsrong. is different down there, isn't it? Everything else goes the other way around as well This is beneath you, Henry. I that is saying something, isn't it? And apparently people will say if you think of like the Olympics or athletics or just generally where there's an option, people will tend to go anti clockwise. Hang on, When people are in the Olympics, they're not tending to go anti cllockwise That's very much the rules, isn't it? It's very much the track Yeah. Oh ye. And also youself you're really fucking yourself over. If you go anti cllockwise in the one hundred meters, you really you've lost the race before you've started because you've got so much further to go around to which to finish. you're going to be a talking point, okay' going be on the lelecture. But also you' have to punch your way through the pole vault and various other events which will happen simultaneously A Asia. You could get a discus in your gallet You might well get it because you' got it I guess that's a good point though. Why is it that in aathletics you do run aroundound at antilockquises, That's corct. So that's not because of attending. I think it's another symptom. of this O our tendency Of our tendency, which is But that choice choices tend to go into cllockwiseit Why have we chosen? exactly? That was my next questionx, which is the main use of the clock clockwise directions. Yeah I don't know why it's clocked yeah, clocks Clocks definitely do go clockwise. that's not even a debating point But also we read left to right, right? whichich feels clockwise to me. Not if you're Japanese Not in a Japanese, Not in Arabic And not if you're my friend, Tom, shout out to Tom told me about this brilliant for his graphic novel that he'd read that was really amazing and weird and freaky and had a just like narratory was really confusing. and then And I looked at it and told him you've been reading it the wrong way Shout out to Tom Get our new home Open minded Tom. Optimistic . Yeah, exactly So who what are we saying? Are we saying that the big people who choose which way they're going run around? Be is it always anti clockwise in the Olympics? I feel like it ist? Yes. It is. Yeah basically ust a guy on Instagram was saying, I don't know if that means it may not be true. I can't really think of any other examples where people go aroundound and round Ben her Hmm. Which way did they go around in that? Who was a Roman, by the way? I think they go clockwise in Benhur There you go. I'm going to put my a nckle on on the line there So Henry's right according to the internet. Thank you. otherther examples of this this is a nice one Mosh pits Naturally swirl anti clockwise Today They go in a kind of spiral. So weapons create a whirlpool. They create a whirlpool that you get you motch r around, round, roundound, round round aroundound until you get to the middle. and get sucked into the depths where you get sucked into the depth. And then you meet Metamica. And then you meet Metallica, who at an underground cavern just below the center of the stage, just below the There'll be a little underground covering Manical ro all in there And you think you're at a metallica concert, but that's actually actors. Metallica themselves are in that a little cavern underneath the mosh b bit And they died twenty five years ago So it's just you the dead bodies of Metallica. Which is the most metal thing you can imagine. So metal And you'd be like, I can't wait I can tell my friends about this. Now I just need to look for the exit compart. There must be some exit street. It's a one way hatch. I'm afraid. that's one wayool. True metal Yeah It doesn't have an exit, does it? D youo another example? Yes, please. Yeah. This one again is the one where humans have like decided to do this bo They're playagueing on our natural tendency. Supermarkets are traditionally designed to herd you around the store from right to left. That's not true in the one I go to Which is a little where you're going left to right ab So which way are you going in forward Okay It would make sense. Is there a reason why if it's true So the reasons are threefold because most people are right handed. so you sort of lead with your right and the right takes you Oh no, that's the opposite No, that's one of the things. Yeah exactly yes you said People tend to be right handed and right footed and right footed. If you lead off with your stronger right the stronger right one, ye, you pivot you pivot to the exactly tos pivotting. Yeah ye to the left. The next one is that because our heart is positioned slightly to the left. Left of the body, yes, internal cavity, ye, the pump ye. pump It's pumping y Yeah. So your left side is heavier the left sideesw all listing slightly to the left That's what it says, ourur center Our central gravity is slightly shifted, Which none of us notice because all buildings are are built shifting slightly to right aren't they? Everything else in the landscape, municipal landscapes something stadiums, train stations, office buildings, everything It has a compensatory list. Yes. And most people have got a slightly larger compensatory buttress left leg as well, don't they? That's Which helps re adjust it. And all spirit levels have that built into them, don't they So they have spirit levels also slightly less to one side to comprom Also, it's because the brain's right hemisphere controls the left side of the body and processes spatial awareness I don't understand how that would make a difference. but But on the other hand, people can just writeuff the internet,n'tly? All I know is they couldn't vanquish the Scots. Tue, the picks picked Well com to the picted That's a good question People don't talk about the picks much No, mayaybe if we were in Scotland we'd know all about the pigs. Yeah Are you a picked, Emelin? I tell you what? So I do remember from school the Romans, I thought the Romans were very, very cool. In those situations Always Much preferred. Basically, I just supported the Roman. The Romans are excellent They're really well organized. I love their outfits. They're all wearing the same costume Yeah. And they're up against these like hairy pelt wearing guys and who I just I just like always kind of slightly more support not making any progress. They making any progress. They worship like a big like cow skull or something whereas the Romans have already got a complex sort of soappera essentially, with their gods godesses, haven't? Theyve al they've already invented television, essentially. Yeah. ye. They've got great yarns Great yars. They're gonna to sort your potholes out like that. Like that Weirdly, I then took the same thing into my the way I watched Star Wars as a kid which is I knew that I wasm supposed to support the rebels, but basically the stormtroopers in the Dal Vader and the Dar It was all p. They were quite cool. You like Epire. You likek the design? What was it? Was it the Mon Senne of the Deathar? I mean, the Mison Sen didn't do any harm, I. And also just the cavalcade of sort of British Shakespearean actors. Yes playing, you know, Y grandmff Tarkins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah So I'm not really a Star Wars guy. I think I've seen I've seen like the new ones and maybe two of the old ones. I'mm not a good Star Wars person. No, but that's not in a cool way, which isn't it? not I'm not saying I'm cool No. No, no exactly. a lot of people think, Oh is that because you're cool? It's not that, is it? No, no, no. No, no Just just for clarity. J just because one isn't into Star Wars doesn't mean that one is cool, there isn't. No. Because the time that I would be watching Star Wars, I was brass rubbing in Norman churches. So that's important to make that point, thank you. But the question I have is On the empire side, which I understand does have a certain kind of coolness about it. Yeah A there any women involved Do they have any women there? That' a very good point. No, no, in the original Star Wars ones, in the badies, there's no woms. There's not even like u There's not even like mother figures or concubines or any of that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? Darth Vader hasn't got a harm or anything like that None of that iss going on None of that. And all the soldiers, they're all cloned from a single blow, aren't they? I mean it's literally just It's just landance. It's just a bunch of lands It's a good point It's weird is't? But The reels have got women including very senior women And also aliens and stuff. I again, the you didn't see any aliens working in the emmpire Yeah, yeah. yeah So So overall, I realize that the rebels represent a better, a better way of life But I think it was what as a kid. think I think kids are quite prone to sort of fisistic thinking probably. No. Yeah Yeah, yeah, it's just like that everyone's wearing the same costume. You're all in rows, you're all following a sort of violent male figurehead And the rebels the rebels are all a bit like, oh yeah, I'm wearing a sort of thing made of fur, Oh I'm a bit unshaven. I live in a tree and I'm like four foot tall. It's kind of furry Lally, my best friend's a sort of massive lobster bloke,t? I'm quite sure what he is, but I've known him in too long to asku now he's got a clippy clippiness of lobsters, but he's also got these very, very sort of moist tendrils that just P bit more crayfish more crayfish li so It's not clear if he is himself a combie species or if I mean, I've not even asked him if he's male female or if he has genitals, or it's possible he's a form of fungus actually. But we' in a sleepover soon so I'm going need to think about some of this stuff Is good It's what he needs in terms of feeding him and keeping him Iing to keep him moist So look, the Roman Empire, great helmets Lovely little le leather dress things, leather skirts. Gay helmets and good to have helmets denoting rank. I think maybe there should be more of that in society where we signal very clearly to people what we're doing with hats Yes. You know, if you want something signaled, whether it's your occupation, or your romantic status, mood, whatever it may be, I think there should be the option to have very ornate T to make it very clear what's going on. Back then you could just re a crowd, couldn't you? You could look at the crowd and be like, oh, that guy's got a fanembo feather, I'll leave him alone. Exactly. Yeah, so plumage, we're talking plumage. crranial plumage. I think so. As a way of denoting status, rank Yeah, maybe whether you're single or not So we'd be wearing the podcaster's trricorn, Golden Beaver standard. cararry around with because also ye, I think carrying standards. that's another useful way to clatify yourself. Yeah yeah. Yeah. And eagles, just more more eagles. more golden eagles, more gold eagles waving into things. I think I'm wrong, but is there there's like a Roman motif which is a pelican that's bleeding and then it's children are drinking the blood com out of the pelican, Is that a thing? More of that. I like it.'t ye it's good I'm on board. I'm following that if you see that standard in the crowd, I'm following that standard. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, for kids I think get onto ruck soacks, get onto T shirts,. In the alphabet, B should be Bleeding plly hful bleeding pelk. I've got like a primary school memory. Would the standard bearer sometimes wear like a bear's head on their head Someone was doing that. I don't know if that was the standard bear or if it was because there are also people going around with complex trumpets and stuff. Ben I think I think you're getting mixed up because someone, I wasn't there someone at your primary school that went around wearing big bears's head. It was a head teacher, wasn't it? Mrter Robinson? ye Yeah. mrter. Miss Robinson And was this the same guy who was trying to introduce bllack fres into South Wales? Was it that guy? specifically into South Wales schools, and that was the problem, wasn't it on my toes. K on my toes. I did very well in myass. one. Dt wantna brain. And a lot of those who survived went on to get Well podcastters see some of these become podcasts, isn't they? say? So his mantle was very much in the herd, wasn't it? His offsted thin the herd rating was quite high. You were the highest in the country, yeah And he went actually if you end up finning the whole herd. Well, his dream really had the the whole herd would be thinned and then you'd be left with a school that was just him as headmaster and then eleven bears And then essentially he's just a bear master. That's what he wantedidn't happen. Yeah. But shout out to the guy. I mean, also, I want to make this very clear, no one should ever listen to that cassette of the sound of him being torn apart by the bez. Because like all people that claim to have a special relationship with a species of animal. As soon as those animals get hungry, that'scial relationship's end. But that's the way the relationship always ends. And sometimes it's quicker than other you know, but it could be twenty five years. But if you claim to be a terrorist twenty five year morning I That's a bad way they go. That b. That's how terpins do it. They mn you, but they keep you fed, they keep you fed and alive. So they can just gradually nibble you to death from to your wounds, all right Well, they'll put algae. They'll put sustaining algae onto your wounds and give it a little bit more. And you'll be weighed down by the well the queen terrapin Well this torso. there's no wayere you can move it if it's terpin sun a torso Maybe the army's trying to recruit at the moment. Maybe they do a better job if they if there was a bit more of an option to go in as a bearhead guy or Yeah, standard bearer. They've they'veone in have youve seen these adverts, they're recruising, I think probably for the first time in a long time Bea I think someone's realized we've only got four soldiers and that might not be enough If it kicks off But they've gone World Cup same as every advertiser in the world, they've gone worldor Cu Oh I heard these, but they are quite I think they're quite good. I've seen the ad It's Harry came with a Bazooker, isn't it? Yeah the ad. Yes. And they must be kicking themselves because they've got Harry Maguire in the Chinook firing machine gun. but he didn't actually make the squad. He' make the squad embarassing for the army And that's why he didn't make the squad because he was spend days on in on a shoot But that's what Harry Caine says in the Ady goes, and at the end of the day, I've blown up a village and shoots it I haven't seen the tele yet. I've only seen the bus side posters, which I think are quite good All right, that's the one where it's Declan Rice. He's been blown in half and it says it's a game of two halves, right? That's right And there's another one, isn't it? which is Jed Spence. And he' he's sort of lying over a sort of rock and he's got a tank the whole barrel of the tank ism stuck up his arms. justust like in a football match. just like a football match. He's beatating his death and he goes It's a funny old game That's like he's saying So they have they've got yeahite quite have a campaign, isn't it? Yeah I guess I heard like a radio ad for the armywar Again, it like there's loads of these radio ads at the moment, which are all just World Cup themed And they found like the for words that both apply to the Amy and So it's like this. kit Mhm. Yeah Yeah, ye, right, Yeahah. Defense Defense counterattack. Yeah. and then they've got you're already doing it Anyway. That's the Roman Empire, the Roman Empire, thank you. Ray Let's reademails He send an email Lets give thanks to the postmasters that came before Postmaster. Anything for me? Just some old shit. Then you send an email This represents progress Shewing a horse. Give me your horse pace. Beautiful horse We've had a lot of emails from physicists. Oh, about Henry's time book. Brilliant I'm still reading that book. So Henry tried to explain all of time to us last week. Yeah Yeah. I think you did quite a good job. Yeah. We've asked people to email in. So I've had a number of these and I need to choose who to read out I'm going to go based on seniority in the world of universities Okay. o So I'm going to read out this email from Emily Karashi Hest Dear Beans, I'm a philosopher based at the University of Cambridge Cass. Imagine being able to start an email with the words I'm a philosopher Well, okay There are two types of people that can start sentence, I'm philosopher. One is philosophers and two is dick headads. I'm not saying that's the case for this I'm sure this isn't the case, but you know what I mean cause also because you know, you can meet someone in public go ases, well, thing things as I' am a bit of a philosopher actually. Yes, Yes, yeses. 'm a philosophered at the University of Cambrid And my PhD was on the philosophy of time I enjoyed this thinging to you Pontificate about all things temporal Henry explained Ralli's view really well Oh I do have to issue a light and gentle boacking to Ben, however. Yes Sorry, sorry, sorry. I revealed my true self there, sorry I find it really hard to read actually. Mike, will you read this out Yeah. Okay, so because my throat is giving out, Mike is going takeake over email reading duties. Okay from Emily, the philosopher I Debans I'm ailopher bas at University of Cambridge my PhD was on the Philosophy of T time I enjoyed listening to you, Pomavigate about all things quick I've torpt sry Mike it's so funny when Mike reads, it's a totally different vibe. You've turned her into a sort of Machiavellian like really odd I love it, but it's just like she's become a different person. That's how I imagine all Cambridge professors Yes Back of Ellion. Yeah, capable of extraordinarily complex evil plans Yes. Yeah. And one eye is always really open really wide and the other ey's eyess sort of really crunched up closed for some reason all the time like that. Okay Caram. Henry explained Revelli's view really well. I do have to issue a light and gentle bllacking to Ben, however F foollowing Einstein's theories of special and general relativity I' can going try that again Followin as easy as it looks. what Benjamin does. I'm just going what I can't say out now. Can I say, I think it's actually time to give Benjamin some credit Ben or steady on. And I think I think Mikea will get behind you with this actually, Mike. He's going to get bigger his boots. You can read an email Yeah I can't support that. I think you're for trouble you're after trouble Ey you give him an inch? Following Einstein's theories of special and general relativity and the phenomenon of time dilation that they reveal It may well be the case that time doesn't actually pass, even though it seems like it does from our perspective If time objectively passes, then it's reasonable to expect that it passes at the same rate for all observers. But according to relelativity, observers can actually experience different durations between events depending on the speed they are travelling proximities to a gravitational field I won't go into all the potentially boring details But just because it seems to us that time passes That doesn't mean it actually does may actually be the case that we are all living in a four dimensional block universe Why all times and all places exist And there is no inherent temporal direction or passage Also my partner's family is from Real and I can confirm that the second law of thermodynamics, that entropy or disorder always increases, is a good explanation for why it's such a shitole. You were right, she wasn't achiavellian. It's sticking in the tail. It was the perfect performance from Dctor Emily there Wow Slimy Wow, that is top draw stuff, isn't it Pilosophy of time, Philosophy of time high end stuff is time end. So I'm still reading that book. And what that email reminds me of is that This is odd sort of feeling you get with these When you're reading books like this or wrestling with these ideas like I am at the moment ise that'sll I'msting with such huge ideas at the moment, reading this book Qionions like, do I understand that sentence? Q Questions like, if I keep rereading the same paragraph and over and over again, have I in a way stopped time myself You're your own block universe. A I my own blocked universe? I've certainly felt time slow down at certain points. I remember when Henry was telling us his anecdote about trying to find a card for his niece. Well that was actually registered in the large Hadron Kaleidovan. They picked up signals of a quantum time reversal. was happening in the podosphere above the UK Wed normally now play the Patreon jingle but Anna emails, says Love the pod and often find myself idly singing the songs, which my three year old daughter has now absorbed This has become a problem as follows Anytime I say it's time to For example, it's time to go to sleep, brush teeth, get dressed, etcetera. I get the response. No It's time to pay the ferryman find Hilarious. It is also very excited about puffins All the best Anna from Cornwall And we've got a version of the Patreon jingle Sent in on I believe it's being sung by her three year old daughter. So very good H It p ber then Patreanne Pat me on p me on Pat meanne Pat me on It's time to go to bed! It' way to b then! It's time to go to sleep. Wh don't you go Inded of very me me. We are even about puffies Oh, thank you. A, superb, very good Superb, lovely singing voice. loveovely stuff. That's excellent. Something quite sinister about a three year old. singing the word patreon is That's good,. It's the way society's going, There's something we can do to stop it. So thank you to everyone who signed up at our Patreon. Yeah, thank you.. You can sign up at different tiers. If you sign up at the Sean Bean tier You get a shout out from Mike in the Shan Bean Lounge, where Mike was only last night. That's certainly true. And it was an interesting one, wasn't it? Becauseuse it was the Cricket as contontraception workshop Correct. Thank you, Benjamin And here's my report It was the Cricketus Contraception workorshop last night at the Shaambean Lounge, which opened with a presentation by Bob Hobnob, Stehan Kraus, and Jim Locke on the theoretical principles of contraception using a game of cricket as a poorly thought through analogy, in which a cricket ball was cast as a sperm, and both gloves of the wicket keeper as a single fallopian tube. The first hand to shoot up belonged to Clarkin, who wanted to know what the stumps represented. Kristin Bonnali Person helpfully suggested the cervix to murmurs of approval, but these quickly turned to murmurs of perplexity Ben Gladwell introduced the thorny issue of the Bales. Vicki Tilhill and Stuart Borghne both wanted to know if the ball ended up being caught by the wiki in this analogy, whether this was a clean catch from a dot ball, or if the batter had snicked it for a clear out, and if the latter who was actually pregnant? Thrillhoe declared the problem should be approached from first principles, working from the assumption that a caught out batter represented a condom with a hole in it, or the leg of a pair of lower Denner stockings. This immediately prompted a heated side debate on the nature of the second batter. withith Pete Morland suggesting it represented latex safe lubricants, Douglas Tiberius arguing for supplementary hormonal contraception, Henry Shepd having batter two as a cervical sponge laced with spermicidal jelly, and Josephine Hansen suggesting it should symbolize a lambs skin condom for couples with cavally attitudes to birth control Meanwhile, Stephanie Murray and Nick had set up a working party to focus on the nature of the bowler's delivery, with Lizasta pointing out a decent leg spin could find the ball not in the hands of the wicket keeper but the hands of the second slip, and David Millner making the same point d a medium paced off spin R silly Mid on. Leing BLVE Bird to ask if the ball ended up in these positions, was that the equivalent of a bit of sperm ending up on someone's tummy or something? And if so, perhaps these deliveries were contraceptively mot. Huta Demitineere urged caution here, pointing out that babies lived in their mother's tummies's early doors, so perhaps that was a body part not to be flippant about. In the end, Ed Dobinson and Duncan concluded the best delivery for the analogy to function would be a fast Yorker, or all six balls of the over beinging lz down the pitch at the same time Christina Smith then interjected with the proposal that a streaker encroaching the field from deep extra cover represented an unexpected intrusion from a second degree relative. Poppy Watson wanted to know if that meant stopping play for an early tea, or whether the Bowl's End Umpire would intercept the streaker, leading full souls, who'd assumed that umpire represented a pregnancy test, asking if it actually represented a car sticker reading If the Hyand ees are rocin ome a knocking. Seeking clarity on all of the above, Melissa left to kidnap two village green cricket teams with the intention of constructing the analogy live, and while we waited, Connor Irwin looked up contraception advice in the Wisdon Cricketus Almanac and found just one word Astinence. Thanks all. Okay, that's the show. We'll finish off with the version of our Seam tune onene of you has been kind enough to make and send This is from Adam who says Deer beans You know that thing where people put their fingers in their cheek and make a popping noise I covered the three bean salad theme in this haallllowed medium. Please enjoy this strenuous test of your own quality control, Wm must Regards Adam. Thank you, Adam. That skill is one of those skills that certain people have at school andertain certain people don't along with the proper loud whistle Yeah withith fingers in your mouth couldither you do that? There was a period where I could do it but I could only able to do it with one hand. Oh really That as good as I could do. That's pretty good.. I could never do I've got none of these skills. I can do none. So let's listen. So there's that There's the popp in your mouth thing. There's that thing with your hand where you go wicked and doyucky, flucky. Yeah. I could never really do that. C cracking the knuckles. Cacking the knuckles Throwing something and Dia Alo Well Diabolo was one of the ones if you had no natural skill but you put in about a year of hello. A year of work. So all your personal relationships are suffering, your academic work is suffering, your personal physical health are suffering, but you just put a year in solid Diabolao work Just to impress Mr. Robinson But he's all impressed because you're not up. So goodbye everyone. hereere's the mouth popping theme tune. Thank you Adam. Thanks very much. Thanks for listening everyone Goodbye. Yeah Oh ye those amazing. Oh it's good stuff. for got high notes. incredibleerms of Crol over pitch. very well tuned cheeks veryery tight mouth popper I mean, he's tightan, he could slip into dire straightits, for example, easily. And imagine his cheeks must they'll be so good, slow cooked Oh yes because they' got such muscularips they got Yeah, that braise them slowly. I Th think they'd be well sort of marbled with O with fatty strands as well. Yeah. I would w so Yeah Put that in a brioche burn Pickl in it A little bit of sort of sort of red berry gravy. Oh my go you talking Some ILL onlyol as. Adam, please report for Duty. We're eating your cheeks I I it Adam's cheks could be massive in East London. It would have about two months where all anyone who was anyone was eating was Adam's cheeks. Yeah whole Sunday supplements dedicated to to the scene. But then the fact The fad passes. Once Jay R is the cheeks, you know. Once Jay Ren is eating the cheeakes, they're cool anymore, the new cycle moves on and Adam is simply left as a man with no cheeks. Yeah, once, five guys are doing a cheek burger. and it's Yeah It it's into the mainstreet. And N Aam's got no cheeks left. He's got no cheeks. He's trying to forornly sell his bum cheeks to any butchers who' take interest, but no one's no one's No one's interested. No one's interested It's a tragic tale, but that's capitalism And that's the moral of today's show. Goodbye