Flightless Bird Zone

Now, Henry. Hi. Obviously when this is a bit of an early early doors pomedoole for the listener. Okay. It can never be too soon now I. The beginning of the podcast is always slightly weird because we're never quite sure how it's going to begin Right. There's no accepted format I would say if we were writing down the format mayaybe for copporright purposes, we just put in brackets Aimeless Chat. Yeah Yeah. But my plan this week It's to say that's Henry You've got new headphones Well, he does, doesn't he? withith a double headband. He's got one headband over on his actual head and then a second headband going to the top of that headband It's like a sort of crown. You're picking up cigaretes Well, well, when I was searching for it online, the only box I ticked in terms of my sort of what I wanted was for it to look like a crown That was that was my only real stipulation Cr Mike, a crrown from the future. Let me guess how much your new headphones cost Now from the look at them I'm thinking that the brand name Is Cract, Well done. D't know that Is that good? Is it Ben Dcent Decent stuff. I'm going for fifty nine pounds. forty five. I'm going. Wha Th yourselves No, no, no, no. you've underestimated me or You've hugely overestimated your earphones. I overestimated my earphones. Can the internet see you coming a mile off, is I Th throughrough data patterns. you haven't you haven't punch through the triple fig ceiling have you, Henry Yeah yeah, they' trouble figuring Holy, mooly Okay. and you can forget about that timal point, mate. kick that whale over the fence that's in the long grass Well, hang on, it's a round pan They nery, you all need the decimal. We'll have to find it down in the grass. literally just kicked it in the long grass. Yeah. So bloody ages, F find a decimal point in there. N neighbors have to root around for it check it back. Yeah know, there is a small point But after three figures, yeah Ben I real this probably hurts you M than you're going to let on because Ben did actually recommend some headphones to me because I go to Ben for all my Technical recommendations a knife. I know. This is why Ben looks so tired all the time. How's the Beetamax working out for you Henry Absolutely. suuperb. The u Cor contrast on that Gremlins It is absolutely luring. Re Really fat pixels, aren't they? Big fat pixels. N never been fatter And the boys back on the oil ril loved it last night, isn't it Henry? Yeah. I got loads of WhatsApps from the boys you can actually, you you can hear a lot of the dialue very clearly over the noise of the actual mechanism. Brilliant But also you All you do is I find with the Be Mags, you just print out the scripts and you readong. it's been like subtitles, but but more M It's more viseral. I find if it gets really fuzzy, it's good just to hand the scripts around and sort of do it as a kind of play. But a lot of her time we'll do that instead. Beatamg, bringing families together. And obviously after a couple of pages often we'll decide to sack it off and do something else. So yeah, this is true. Henry emailed me, He said, Do you have any recommendations headphone wise I sent him a very strong recommendation. for one that costs less than a hundred pounds This one didn't cost that much more than one hundred pounds per there. but Basically, Ben, I took the recommendation. and I was ready to act on it. I then I find myself in a studio. It sounds GJ in Centre of London calling a voiceo Oh really And there was a sound technician in there who wasn't attending his headphones. It an nail down There was a sound technician there who somehow Lord any knows out' got his head stuck in his desk Certainly nothing to do with me, your honor U I' thinking is if there's plate of croissants out, And you can take those. then what's to stop you from taking anything else? Exactly, essentially the same thing. I mean, they're roughly the same shape I dont know I across honors their headphones. They're both broadly crab like. opening the bell But yeah, and I asked him what I wanted this because I find headphones very uncomfortable And it's hard to get a pair that makes you look like you're the viceroy of the planet Ulandor as well, isn't it? which is what I do look like, don't I? A few people would mentioned that in the Amazon review. that was a nice little bonus Although one guy there's always one, isn't it? On one guy Aazon, but one star, look at the vicer of the planet with Andor. I was hoping for more an ambassadorial position. you can't keep everyone happy. It's ridiculous I want to was a I headfint that's more gentle on the ear because I find that for the gimb a bit uncomfortable after a while. I mean, you know I don't want our listeners start feeling sorry for or anything because you know what we do, it's not It's not mining, is it? It's You know what I mean? It's not hefting huge logs around Is that? Yeah It does take its toll To be fair. ' ocasionally getsightly soorre is Iess all it is. So these open backed apparently. I don't know what that means, but I think you can see the back of your head if you turn around I I think all head headphones are open backed. Yeah, yeah, good point Maybe that's a problem with my But maybe wass a problem with my last one. They did have a sort of a helmety feel, didnn't they? The Dar Vader sort of mas adapted Darth Vader helmet. So what they are is these are designed for the the comfort and ease of the with the person wearing. So they've got a kind of slightly sued or soft suede light I'll just rub it here, holiday Do you how soft that is 's that's like the softest part of a of a goat or something, you know, whatever anal they've got. I'm' sure's from animal It might be. Gat' Fetlock. It's goat Fetlock soft They open back Tenry I believe so. Does that mean something to you Yeah, what does it mean It means in some ways they're not ideal for Recording a podcast. Cool. a good start? Yeah. ye. ye, sounds just Just invested quite a lot of these just over you onene of those feel good purchases that, you know, makes you feel a little bit like did a bit like your you are on top of the world just for a little bit, thenen just give me half they've been literally out the box half an hour But carry on. Not ideal for what I really wasn't sureet to sall the one. No they gone do tell me because yeah come on, to hit me.'s fine So I There's a kind of condition people get called open back headphones small gonad Where the more open back your headphones, the smaller your goneads become did ticker terms and conditionsull meet It had an unusual set of illustrations on it. I thought I looked at them and I thought they look a bit sciencey for me. This is not into that. it'll just be some. What it is is it means that When the sound plays There's nothing stopping it from kind of going out into the outside world a bit. And there's less separation between you and the outside world. So But there's a bit more bleed that comes out of them So we might pick that up on your microphone. it's probably absolutely fine because we're not doing getting anything But bleed going outwards or inwards from them. Bleed bleeding is generally out, isn't this thing bleeding out So people next to you could probably hear it more so. How would you hear that? bleed out then be back into the mic Okay, so not ide at all I can report having now been wearing them for the first time for a little bit that Not a A actually quite as comfortable as I was My ears are feeling quite hot. It makes me look like an important political figure from From a sort of seventies space set erotic film. I've just arrived from the Sxmodon system. I'd like to speak to Earth's most beautiful female. Yeah, with just incredibly low cuts. just everything's just There's just nipp nipples and chest air everywhere I'm sure that's been made I I'm sure. Am I imagining that there were nineteen seventies? No,'t make sense it's got to be. Many millennia ago. My civilization decided to focus all of its technical energy on pleasure Okay, Bean machine time. thanks to everyone who sent in their suggestions for things we can talk about. They've all been entered into the Bean machine It's running, beauty' purring this week It really isn't tip top condition Lovely Like a metron that clicking, I love that sort of oiled click sound It makes when you really know it's humming. and that kind of deep that exhaust kind of . You've had a you quite throowat you unfitted Yes, it's from an old Harley Davison. You know what? it's got that classic feel to it And I noticed you were drinking engine oil before we That recordings with Pepsi Max. That's right And it's lovely food. and obviously that just seeps straight out through you, doesn't it Bees, but it's keeping the machine oiled. It's keeping everything glistening and And fizzy. And fizzy It's lovely. It's a lovely way to spend a Sunday, isn't it Mike, Maybe me and you Tinkering about tinkering Ben just getting under Ben and tinkering away with it getting under Ben, maybe strapping pulling him apart and putting him back together again. Yeah. and just looking at those, maybe just even lining up the components, you know, just But don't forget to sedate me. We've fallen into that trap before Don't worry yeah, do think. Yeah Oh that howling. That howling. I horry? It was Once he never forgot. Well apparently three aviaries in the area had to shut down on that day. because of howling got the The owls are put out there and their internal, their spatial div, you know, their spatial awareness Obviously a lot of it x exactlyonar sonar They wereirlpooling, weren't they? The owls started well pooling, didn't they? Well the heads were going all around to spinnings sp the heads spinning spinning spinning and slowly lowering into there down into their thorax That's right, it's screwing in essentially. It's something that owls do in an extreme emergency, isn't it? Screw their head right down inside the body. You can screw the head also they look like a feathered cup iss like a feather cup and often in that time. You know, the crocodile, whatever it is, will, you know, because it's ob comes from It's ancient evolutionary technique back from the days when one thousand crocodiles lived side by side and when crocodiles screamed. Well they They When crocodiles could stillream obviously're larynx now, because Crociles were upright, weren't two They had two arms, two legs and wing They were upright winged beasts that would swe around. scream. They would swoop around screaming because they looked absolutely terrifying and as soon as they saw one of their kin, they would scream because they did look oppositely imaginous as A crocodile stood up with wings, swely like Dracula, like a scaly sort of scaly Dracula. site. But yes, so when an owl screws its head down like that the only way to Well if you've got the right technique. But you're really only train a trained aviarist. do this? Or just anyone in Halfords? or anyone in Halfords Although a lot of people in the shop floor these days actually can they Can they unscrew now's head actually Well I've lost count of the times I'veone into a Timpsons and said you anything with this? they look at you blankly and they say, I' cut you a keybe. Yeah can't touch that, but I basically if pressed correctly, it will just pop straight back out the head doesn't actually have to screw back. Well they say's myth though, don't they? A the popping back out Yeah. Well I've never seen it done Normally you got to get me the lathe. the lad in reverse and get them out that way. Yeah. And also it'sfty it's lefty loosey isn't it It's rightitey tiny Lucy,y tiny. Midley Diddy. Middlely dididdly. That's thing that people forget is middlely dididly, which is you pop it topop back out they say And the O.' never seen it. I'm just saying've never seen it day f right now. It could be an ban myth, I don't yeah Write in and let us know the owl, of course Vs very od for the because it's basically while it's been screwed in, it's been essentially able to look at its own internal organs and just see the it's the closest you can get to being back in the womom, isn't it? When time it's time for us to leave our metaphorical thoracic womb of chat. go out into the slightly more Unpredictable world of the Bean machine Please Okay so this week's topic sent in by Ryan Thank you, Ryan. Thank you. Is. Zombies Hm Zomb I feel like you two probably have more expertise with the zombies, I feel like you probably hover up more zombie stuff than I do I think there's something very, very dark at the center of zombie films, which is Or not maybe not the original ones, but these days I think There was something in there. about Obviously you can't you're not allowed to murder a person, right? I that justing That's, I think, illegal in every country on eararth, right? I think so It's a safe assumption. Anyway, safe assumption. You probably can't murder any. It' a safe working assumption But obviously, in a zombie world You can cave in the head of an unlimited number of human beings. Interesting. Because they've become zombies. Y And so it's kind of a weird fantasy of Not that I have fancies' murdering anyone, but I feel like There's something about you are now allowed to hack someone's face off that is somehow attractive to human beings. A world been where you could basically attacked my neck with a spade And I'd be doing you a favor. Picularly a favour. You'd been turned into a hellish zombie. Not only would you be allowed to hack my neck off with a babe but actually you'd have you'd have to be a very choice. got the most community spirited thing to do. It would be the equivalent Tod of bringing donoughuts into work Do I mean in terms of doing something nice And sometimes when someone brings donoughut into work I don't like it, because I'm like, Ohh great, I'm now gonna to eat ten donuts. Lgitim mean, like Yeah I wouldn't have bought those. I wasn't planning on eating ten doughuts. Yeah. But that lack of restraint would be converted from eating confectionery to to blood lust. stoving. Yeah, exactly. You'd able to convert eal restraints into stoving It's a fair point I think zombies are something which like You know you either sort of accept it as a premise for something or you just really don't. I mean, like Certainly my mum W they not There's just no way she'd be interested in a zombie film. It's just like it just wouldn't even make any, you know, they'd it's a complete non starter. You I mean? Because she wouldn't enjoy it or because she she wouldn't be willing to make the the leap you completely reject the premise. Well what if the zombies were in give me address and it was set in the Georia era. Keep talking Yeah that's So it's kind of like Emma Thompson Yeah zombie is hopelessly in love with Colin Furth Zombie. Yeah, Colin the Further Zombie. And the noise they make is like this, it's like K like Prince Charles. All stand for the king. We're entering the Regal zone. Regal zone Reone. Off with the head. O with the show Listen not to the whores and the shopkeepers Bring me more adviser, the Regal Zone They They make the Prince Charles sound. they make the posh noise which Ph people of a certain age make in between all words, isn't it I said the thing is You have some more pattern blur like they buuzzing. Eessentially they're buzzing, aren't they? they be like but they're always going they're like a sort broken set bagpipes. like there's always air It's just leaking. There's always it's leaking all times and sometimes they can harness it into a word. Yeah ye. The main thing is at the end the posh air has to come out And they don't breathe in do they at all? They don't breathe in. It's always coming out. Well, the way the aristocracy of Britain works is you're filled up with all the air you need just after being born, aren't you But in they pump it in They pump in Austro Hungarian air pressurized Austro Hungarian. Austro Hungarian air from the sort of mid eighteenth century. a Prussian battle from Prussian whichich was saved at the time, isn't it in a huge Zeelin type sort of balloon? Yeah they' buried zeppelin and they buried a Zeppelin somewherese in Yeahlsburg. It's noble, triumphant Yeah from a great battle pumped into your birth which is why aristocratic children do tend to have a sort of sort of chubby rosy cheeks, shiny sort of pressure. Is the pressure?'sah,. the huge atmpheric pressure inside. massive atmospheric pressure that they're holding in them. Post people tend to be that much taller as well, obviously because again, it's a pressure effect. And it's why, of course, in the old days, aristocrats used to do jousting because obviously if you lose a joust and you get jousted, you just burst. It's absolutely spectac. You'd bur a jle, and and then you'd fly off like a balloon, wouldn't you? you'd fly off. It's also why if they ever smoke a cigarette they will explode is why they sayav the pipes. Which I mean is the same reason why occasionally a juke will be used as a flotation device by the RNLI. That's right Exactly Obviously that's why the Posh men tend to wear very heavy brogues So' toold on to the tassels, Grab his tassels There are tassels bgues, you can grab onto it in the sea. Yeah that's the reason why they do a lot of horse riding is well. they're not really actually riding the horse. They've just accidentally started floating about two yards above the surface. they have to conceptualize. Yeah, exactly they need to disguise the fact. Well, I know certainly u Boris Johnson's full of hot air.. That's what I would like to say No the old Wind bag? That could be the that could be the coup d de Gras. You han't Prime Minister. It's been a tough week for him, but I reckon that might have clinch it. mightight clinch it I tell you what is this government's zombie, isn't it Alt be amently But zombies, it's like like sci fi as well with my My mumbers can't tolerate. anything with a door that opens like this is you like that Well, shes got good to boots If it's not a revolving door, she's not interested. That's why all the doors in the Pack of F family home are revolving doors.. It's got to be revolving G's gott to be revolving And a lot of the yeah, a lot of the local sort thieves and robbers You use the phrase it's like there's a revolving door on that number thirty five, get down that. liter is one. No anything yet do yes. You mean Yeahah, that she does struggble with but it was quite futuristic, isn't it, Bos? I mean M strip lighting ing Cardless payments Futuristic sort of green breakfast drinks.. And in the background, just generally everywhere just the ambition to make of the human being immoral. whichich is quite a fgetic idea. Is a mission statement? Well, it's all implied, isn't it? If you moisturize enough, your skin might never age Eventually some of that almosturise the inside of you as well. Yeah. Quite utopian place boots, isn' it? It is actually quite qu it is quite spac shippy. It's quite like Welcome P these drops into your eyes and they will stay wet You know We can print out photographs for you We also offer a meal deal. For those listing outside of the United Kingdom Boots is Chemist but it also sells sandwiches. It's a place where your average Brit I would say shops in boots about two or three times a day. No matter how How little interest do you have in boots? You just keep on finding yourself back in boots? I mean It's like a sort of nightmares.' like it's like that that film Mento It's like meento. It's like meento, my life. It's like, hang, I'm in boots again. How did I get it? A minute ago I was doing a podcast, okay? I better buy some toothpaste and then leave boots. Okay, I better book myself for a yellow fever vaccine I. Okay I'm gonna go home now. That was weird.it hang on, I'm in boots again. What the hell I was just I just literally just left boots because I'm in boots She's asking if I've got a boots reward card. I'm saying no again She's saying that she's putting the points on the receipt. and if I want to put them on my boots card when I finally get one, I can cash in the receipt. and we know I never done that. to get the hell out of here through those electric sliding doors and never come back Got, I'm out in the fresh air and back in boots again, I'm in the toothbrush section rranging bubble boss on a shelf. I'm working in boots now. I ever agreree to this I think they change the layout every day so that you can never find anything. and it's a way to keep the society just on edge. Well in boots, you feel like maybe if you zoomed out, there'd be these huge giant scientists watching you and you were like the rats in the Oh yes, in the m. Just like that And you're just kind of being you're part of the experiment, but you don't realize it until once you reach a certain level of understanding, you become a regional manager. The way I work in boots now is I know, okay, I'm looking for eye drops, right? I'm just going to walk around boots and just hope I eventually run into the eye drops I just there's no target. There's no target. It's there's no point I I just walk around and around just here' the brownish emotions bouncing all around exactly. The trouble is because I'm a human I'm not actually random. so I could go on forever and never come across them because my brain will be thinking he should probably turn left here Well, they say, don't they in boots? you if you keep turning left You will eventually get out. That's the only way you can do it. Yeah. So whenever you come to a turning, just turn left and you will eventually find your way Or you can shoot your way at. I you what, actually, I did actually sign up for it I beenically my whole life, I have been thinking every time I get to the tail I thinking I should get the rewards card I should go The the boots rewards card c becauseuse they offer you every's called the boots advantageard. sorry the B boot Avantage card And you know what I always se it and I've even got a system now to speed up that bit of the transaction because What happens is they say So you buy your stuff and then the person behind the till says Do you have a boots advantage card? This is the fourth erua salk you've bought this week And bearing in mind, you've As far as as we understand it at boots, you'll have a maximum of two feet If if your Vookas have managed to burn through two socks already this week It might be time to come in for our extxtreme Varua magma sluffing experience. So they say, have you got a B advantage card? If you just say no, They say, would you like one? So you have to say, no, and I don't want one No but what I do is I say something which doesn't actually make grammatical sense if you had to write take the minutes of the interaction And u Basically I say So they said, would if you' got an advantage card and I say, no, thank you it's doing both phrases things at once You know what I mean? Very clever. Very, very cle the taper. Do No, thank you. So they say, haveave you been B addvantage card? And and I say, no, thank you. becausecause to stop them saying, do you want one? So I'm sort of doing two things I'm doing two sentences in one incredibly rude. You feel quite pleased with yourself when you've done this little Jedi mind trick? swelling s you feel a bit superiority? Because they stand there looking bamboozle going, hang a minute. what's you just done with language? Be he's And by that point, I'm out the electric doors, I'm down the high street and I'm into the next boots along. By that point's that you know, if you won't see me for dust, I'm in another boots. mean? I'm long gone, mate. I'm in boots down at Hammet, andm down in the big boots. You've got boot advantage, haven't you I have, of course knew it because unlike Henry I knew it because that's the phase comes, is' it Henry is very literally too big for his boots.actly That's phrase. He thinks he's better than boots. He thinks he's bigger than boots. Well, you know what? I think what happens with me, the reason I don't get the advantage card is I always think to myself, you know what, Henry You could get the advantage card, but If I'm right about you, Henry you're not going to be messing around in boots for too much longer. That's a thing, Henry yet all you're waiting for is the right wind. And when the right wind comes It's all gonna come together. And you w't be buying yourself intense moisturizer for crack. dry feet. That'll all just flake away. That'll all just flake away So I think I feel like, you know, by buying the addvantage card, I'm sort of, you know, I'm sort of admitting that this is this is this is real. this is this is me. this is it. You're kind of giving in to the idea of mortality by getting a Eactly. boots exactly. Be becausecause reallyad in boots, you're buying stuff that kind of staves off you would indevitable decay Yeah, you know, your feet getting gnarulled and old Yeah Your acid reflux kicking in as your internal stomach sphincter gets flabby Y tue your tongue drying out and eventually just crumbling like like the tablets on which the Ten commandments were written. Yeah. I was going to say like a crunchy, like inside of a crunchy, but yeah. But you know recently actually, I did actually think I think this I've now reached the point where I'm accepting things about my life. You know, I think probably I will need pharmaceuticals Yeahi That's just going to carry on and you're starting to like a good deal. I'm starting to like a good deal I'm starting to think I spend so much time in boots The advantage card J it's it's becoming a no brainer. so But it's the admin I've always feared. but you know what, I've got one step closer, as I said I said to the woman So she said to me I b I boughtght myuff so it's ey drops, it's thery, it's the dry heel st And she said, you know like she usually does Have you got an advage guard I said No Please, please No, please. No, please. And she pressed the little button underneath her desk. She pressed the little button underneath her desk As the security guard dragged me kicking and screaming into the stockroom for absolutely working over Do you ever think about the fact that Had you got an advantage card Maybe twenty years ago when you first started going to boot Yeah. the number of points will have accrued So this time you could have bought Harry a jump jet. How does it work with the points? Do you get is it just cold hard cash you get like in a briefcase or is it is it is it just boots, boots sort of Boot point. I think it's old Spanish as Scudos. o. I'll come back aroundound though. I'll come around. Or bullion. You can choose I mean, a zombie looks like someone who's never been to a boot. That's a great point It be quite good ad for bs, wouldn't So young couple and one of them is having to hck the other one's head off with a with set of shears, garden shears We're just about to do that when they suddenly see there's a There's a great new deal going on. exfoliants. They need a hard sluffing.. She's sluffed down a zombie A hard sluuffing and a glass of barocca. Yeah put around. I feel good as you'll find something that looks great. This still just goes and walks around very slowly but they look made an aristocrat. Yeah I've got what I think would be a great scene from a zombie film, which I don't think's been done Okay which is Your cycling Yeah, sorry, who's like Well itit the hero So who who are you casting? Oh, Well, obviously, default Plemens. Okay Jess my fault displemments, displments So he's there's a zomie apocalypse on he's cycling Um for me to be doesn't have much in zombie movies Eactly. That's why it's different and good He basically gets a punk I think this is brilliant. He gets a puncture Now The zombies are coming You can see them on the horizon We're coming towards him. He's got to fix his puncture What and cycle off before they get to him. Is that the whole scene? That's the whole scene. So basically that's not a good idea but wait, becauseuse he's putting immagine how tense it is. You got got to take the you got to unclamp the wheel, take it off. Gott to fill a bucket with water. Got to fill a bucket with water. You've got to stick the thing in see if' and then label it with a bit of chalk label it with a bit of chk. the chol doesn't Put your vulcanizising glue on, put your vulcait for it to get tacky And and then you're cutting everything into O on the horizon Getting closer. And then he discovers doesn't actually have any sort of repair little plaster bits anyway. he's got to do use something else. Do doesn't have plaster bits. But he remembers he does have a plaster on his on the heel of his foot because he's got dry skin problem Obviously, Plems won't have to act that because Famousy dry feet. Famousy dry feet hisis method will drives for youo in advance He driwves for you in advance Do you want me foot out You's get the pastroy first Still that on the bike. Why you're down there, you think, you know what I might as well tighten the chain. it needs doing anyway Howact does that time He's having a bit a night putting the wheel back in though, the tie back in because he' particularly because it's a bit fiddly anyway, and he's wearing nice new pair ofcinos that he doesn't want to get oil all over him does he? Be he's going out foright he's going out for a date tonight J just because Just because it' zomie apocypse doesn' mean know, society is carrying on going to a degree,. Oh if people stopped dating, then the zombies have truly won. Exactly They're getting closer now And then So we are by home Hen U getting closer Mhm and adjust the the height of his seat as well because he's grown.s gots slight taller throughout this ordeal Okay Is Is it a growth spur? Fear affects people in different ways, I suppose? Yeah And then he's u and then did literally literally the zombies would you know, the way it works is they has to be literally inches from him. before he jumped on the bike and then shoots off I've got another scen for your movie actually, So Clemons, this is earlier in the day. Clemments is jet washing his drive. Yeah This is a bicycle still. no it's a driveway a car driveway. yeah. ye. ye He' jet wasashing next,'s got a bit sort of Green, you know, but algeer. So he starts jetwashing it and obviously when you jet wasash you can see You know, which bits youve watchhed, which bits you haven't? So he's just starting and he's probably in about a quarter of the drive Heo What's coming over the horizon unbelievable Yeah And he finished jet wasashing his helbow' on pase cover Sorry, I think It was Hollywood on the phone here So that was Zombies. Thank you, Ryan, comprehensively dealt with? We took that topic and we stoved its head in with a fire extinguisher, didn't we? We did, didn't remove the brain and reopen the gates of hell. Enjoy Time for your emails. Now we've got lots of emails There's a real big pile of bollickings if you want to Oh really? Rrumsocking box heaving, is it? Is it straight under the strain ball bag is straining. How have we managed to create that? What have we done? Are they all related to the same transgression. No different different bockings I mean, some of them are the Balkings that won't go away The perennial bullicking. I think we do need to draw a line under at some point. Yeah. What have we got fresh bullicking wise you on a fresh one. particularly on a fresh one if's aimed at Henry. Okay. okay o L that moment of anticipation where we know that the Bllocks have been drawn back. I'm just waiting for them to be released and to slam into my forehead Is it metaporical there? on that metaphorical nineteen eightyies executive toy that that's what B that's how Bll games work, isn't it metaphorically Unfortunately, Mike, I'm just going through the Balkings. Yeah And they all seem to be for old u Mickey Wzniak. Wh there No Excellent. But I'm such a good boy ee through that shit, Mike? No Well we're done. Accessing listener ballicking Bolic and loading M all. Mocking loaded. This is from Ceb Hi ho beans The gentest Alics for you all. Now, he's saying this is for us all I don't agree I think this bockking is for Mike really. Okay I guess me and Henry didn't pick you up on this, so we are complicit in this issue, but this is very much a Mickey Wars neck accounter.. sit back and enjoy the ballking As dads I'm not dad Henry's not a dad Well, Henry's the dad to a cat. Yeah. As Dans, you gleefully told us that NASA spent millions of dollars creating a space pen to work out of orbit, while those clever Soviets simply used a pencil As an annoying son, however, I have to tell you this is a myth NASA originally did use pencils the same as Soviet Russia, but due to their potential flammability and flakiness eventually decided against them. A private company put their own money into developing a space pen, which they then sold to NASA and then a year later to the Soviets as well. Sorry, can just say, if you can't use a pencil without accidentally setting fiire to it, you shouldn't get involved in the space race. I've never once seen a pencil on fire in my life That's maybe twenty minutes, isn't it that they can add to the astronaut training program? Yeah It's a quick thing K your penil. A you doing it? Let's what Let me just see what you're doing? you do it first I'll see what it is that why you're setting fire at the menon every time Yeah, you see, there's your problem You're holding the light to the tip of the pencil. You need to doing that s just easy to try with Mike, stop trying to wrigle out with this bllking. I've been propagating urban myths. That's the charge. With every backing, Mike, there are two options. You can either take the bllacking with grrace. Bking accepted A bl getting accepted Yeah Maybe I'll jinginkle that peny or you can bollock back. Reflecto Bllock. Are going to take it or you going to will I will accept the bllock. I mean it does smack of the sort of thing that probably is nonsense and that I might propagate Do we know the provenence of the Bllocker? The provenance of this Bllocker is a man called Sem. Don't know anything about him But it's not the only person who boock this for this. Also the Sper Dragon Cfe bockist for this. Oh my Godd, I mean, there are great There are greatest allies. I'll accept just from Becauseuse if it was just another middle aged man than middle aged men, you know I mean, I know this because I am one. they go about and they say things that either they know not to be true or they have a feeling possib aren't true and they just say that they're true and they say them with a degree of assertiveness that, you know But if the if the Soup Dragon Cfe of leept in on it, then I'll fully accept the bolicking I can't promise I'm not going to keep propagating that fact at Barbecues, but I will accept the bllking. becauseause it's your number one aneco, isn't itike? You' got anything else. you know, comeome on, the quiver is empty Because So I read you the one from Seb, there was a few emails on this very topic. Senna. I read you that one because He put it in a gentle way. It was a gentle bollocking, which is what we want The Sup Dragon Cfe, however, Stepevenen from the Suouper Dragon Cfe startarted his email and I didn't want to read you this mic. I wanted to shield you from this O, level of bllocking, but he writes Hello beans This one you're gonna to get multiolocked for. Dolbey surround super high definition bllockking, high maxound quality megab bolockking The Russans did not use a penil in his face So Mike's already punched drunk from that first bller game. he's now got a metal dragons's bollock I still feel like we don't know what so what did they all use? Be I thought one the first person said the word of mouth It was was it all word of mouth that it was up there rumor. When it was an oral tradition of there, wasn't it? you'd write epic poems and read them to the next person who joined you on the space station and they would pass. It would just be an epic poem about how to repair a solar panel. Chaucer style. I don't know about you, Ev Geny, but I've had it on the grape vine that the u The airlock in sector fourteen needs Some of its rivets really realigning. otherwise the Well my support system might go down Probably nothing to it. it' just something I heard They used Henry the Fischher sppace pen, which was a space pen that we discussed. the Russians did Yeah, and NASA. But if we believe the Soup Dragon cafe. Yeah, I'm well willing to believe the Soup Dragon Cfe. Okay. But Bolockking accepted. Bolocking accepted The thing is it's such a wonderful story though, isn't it? And in a way, isn't that more important Okay, Mike, are you ready for your second bllking of the day? Okay. All I'm softened up now Hello Beans. this is from Becca She writes in my mind, this will be one of many borrking emails regarding the location of the clown egg register. Last weeight we talked about the clown egg register. Mike's other his second best anecdote. Yeah. She says, I know I was screaming and wailing every time the word Paris passed unquestioned under Mike's glorious moustache. It's not in Paris, it's in blloody Dalston. Austin Dalston the hell's it doing there? That's where it is. It was also someone else sent an about this and it was previously housed at Wookkee Hole caves In Somerset, in Somerset Well recent I've been there. I a great day for the kids. It's great to I've been there as well spend I mean, that's again, it's a perfect place for sort of middle aged man who talks bullocks all the time to. decide on the spot which one is a static type, which one's a static mite and stick to it for the rest of the day probably get it wrong and confuses children for life. Are you accepting that ball looking mic Well yeah, I'm a bit I'm alarmed. I ye. well accepted, of course. B I can exemcepted. Rebecca sounds like, you know, she's got a head screwed on and everything, but I'm baffled In my head, I just assigned it it seemed appropriate, I think, to assign this better put this in fin way in Paris seems like a better fit. So you're saying it should be there Yeah, I'm saying it shouldn't be. I'm saying should absolutely be in Paris. It should definitely be in Paris posossibly Barcelona Paris seems right to me Iree Henry, would you like a bocking? Yeah, I wouldn't mind one actually. I feel like it's starting to get a bit cruel watching this happen to Mike I'm just starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the whole thing and wondering whether I should just side laugh Hello beans. this is from Joe. A light bulking is necessary The podcast of exxercise was the second time Henry has suggested that chalk iceices are stored in the fridge. This is madness. Yourre sincerely Joseph Oh, the one there, that's ab's absolutely f fair that's a fair blocking blocking accepted. Bocking accepted All I would say is that Um, I would certainly say in the United Kingdom The freezer is a sort subset of the fridge And therefore, when I say fridge, I could mean the eggshelf, I could mean The veg draws And I can mean the freezer art of the fridge The Christmas cards on top of the fridge. It be Christmas st to in the frid It could be the place where the old peas go to die under the fridge. you're sayingking accepted, but you're also going for a sort of semantic defence. Well this is a very curious bollicking accepted, Henry. Okay The fridge, the refrigeration device Yeah. There's a word refrigeration. That is the scientific principle that is going on in there. ye. It's about using super low tempper chemicals I keep moving because I feel like you're already getting at me Iot shot around narrow electric tubes, which are encased in the metal which creates subzero temps and that cools down the sub. Now the same technology is being used in the fridge and the freezer. That's why there is a word refrigeration. There is not a word refrireezeration. There's the word phasing, isn't it time Okay. I'm going to say a sentence to you I currently have a Hit cat h in my car. Now. What this bloke is saying is Riddle me this. Riddle What this bloke is saying is, Henry, no, you don't have a kit carat in your car You have a kit cat in your glove compartment Well, sorry. And I think I know who I'm not going to be sharing thisit cat with Bye wheel up the window and I drive off. So this is Henry, this is aulking accepted It's a bolockake except that it's turned into one eighting piece of contrressition there for a me. Okay, but if you must Sorry Yeah Oh putut me in jail and throw away the key And then yeah Sorow the keyM into a River. H as I would call it One of the waterways of Britain What? No, that doesn't make any sense. I think Henry, you've lost both the factual argument and the moral argument. No. But I would say is and No, that's sorry,'s notllocking accepted. It started off as an accepted. The scales fell from myes halway through. It's a one hundred eighty degree reflecto Boock. Reflecto Bllock right back at you and actually all that power you put into that bllking has reversed back on you and you are now flailing around with this massive set of your own bollocks repeatedly bouncing me on the nooggin on the sns. bouncing you on the sns. Iium is he American I dont I don't think there's a way of knowing. I don't think he gives that information. Be I think in America you've got the freezer because in America you have the large, as we've talked about before, the cathedral doors double Frredah Yeah, and where you can actually walk in you can walk into it look to look for things. We do get your point, Henry. Yeah, and people sometimes. And then in the back room you've got a freezer where you can obviously in America, byy huge barrels of ice screaming stuff, or can you can shoot someone and put their body in there And In that situation, You might think of the freezer in the fridge as twoparate things, whereereas in Britain we have the fridge we have the fridge freezer. It's not called the freezer fridge So fridge freezer off for short fridge. Bocking rejected, let's move on If you'll bock me, then I'll bock you Wow. Yeah. That's an emotion. was like getting that was like the finest QC It wasn't it? Felt Gish me that felt did feelel Grisham me, it had pedican briefitt it all over it, didn't it? Well There are more Bllock Kings in the quiver, but I think we'll leave them for next week. We willll notice that the Bllock Kkingings were administered to Michael and Henry. Interesting that the person reading the Bulkkingings didn' didn't read out Curious, isn't it? I think' tos him. That's interesting isn't it? Yeah. Just what to think about. Henry's razor sharp analytical legal mind is still Wearring away that I can't stop it Let's move on to the other emails to get over H. For now Okay, two final emails and for this we enter The flightless bird zone. Oh. Flightless bird zone Hace This is from Anna from Australia. Do you live in a landown under Yeah Thanks, Henry. Are we to keep that in? Abs Absolutely. Dear beans. I have a story about a sexy slash terrifying flightless bird. I visited a zoo that had an Australian exhibit in which harmless animals like wallab bees and emmus roamed free, interacting with human visitors A large and amorous emu called George took a shining to me George was about my height and weight. but unlike me, had giant tons on a beak He got all up in my personal space, fixed me with his prehistoric gaze, and started to bob up and down rhythmically attempting to rub his chest against mine I tried backing away slowly He advanced Oh Things took a really sinister turn when I accidentally dropped my handbag Without breaking eye contact, George slid his massive spiky foot through the strap Oh my god At a stroke, I had lost access to my phone, wallet and passport Oh it's horrifying and inconvenient Isn't it? What's going on? Those two things solf can go together, don't they? Yeah Eventually, I escaped by leaping vertically onto a nearby trampoline So it' zigzags for crocodiles and ono the neous trampplained Rinius. So it's gone from being horrifying and inconvenient to tense and fun M Isn't it which is qu a fun way to escape birumping. And good for you, good viewer, good for you low back. I flagged down some passing zookeepers who were amused. Their comments were That's George and well It is that time of year. She writes. Anyway, I thought this story was consistent with your flightless bird thesis Anna from Australia. Thank you, Anna. Thanks Anna, who's clearly survived and somehow gained access to means writing the message, which is a relief. Yeah. I don't quite feel I know how the story ends No, did the zookeepers Shoot the Emi to chase your emage H didid she shoot the zookeepers That's asserting her authority and The Eu backed off. Is now quueen of the emUus? Exactly. Also, she did describe herself as basically looking exactly like an emu except for the beacon talons. So why I'm picturing is an emu with a human face and human feet? Probably in flip flops or as they call them thongs m on Thongs. It's good I really like it when we manage to connect on a deeper level with our foreign listeners and I think you've really You've done that there, Henry. You've made them feel at home The fact is, You know I don't want to get on the so box here, but We're all the same, aren't we all over the world? Everyone's the same, essentially. Well, we're different in terms of individual personalities We've all got different ws for flip flops, exactly And the finally male still within the fontless birdzone It's from Meg. Not the Meg, I hope This email has thrilled me no end. I am a birdkeeper at a zoo up north where I work with a secretary bird So the way she said that does make it sound like it's a seecretary There's no accident. ack so And he is, in fact, one of the nicest and wholesome birds I work with and his legs are indeed Very sexy He has never shown any aggression and likes to make little nests out of straw. He sounds great. I have lovingly named him Bean In honor of you three. Oh comeome on. So somewhere in the north of England There is a Secretary Bird called Bean Oh yeah, that is lovely And that Myur dear friends. is why this podcast has the ultimate piece of merch Well a live secretary bd.. Lve secretary bird. available on the Patreon by the end of the day. It's costing us an absolute fortune. It's almost impossible to administer legally signed up And we are offering Secretary birds as merch. They come in one of those cardboard cylinders you get posters in Yeah, so they're not crinkled. They're not crinkled and in there is everything they need to get by for a couple of weeks in transit. so there's There's three remain lettuces Rading material snake for them to toy with it and eventually kill it Or befriend it. depending on temperament, we can't guarantee it's got the same temperament as been, of course The gentle bean and especially C certainly when we're stuffing them into that They've never seen that placid. Theyve got toa take that out on someone at the other end. Yes Wow. Well That's great news. I'm thrilled about that I was really pleased. That's amazing. That's brill I mean, she doesn't tell us exactly which zoo it is. I'd like to know, I'd like to visit Bean. I'd like to caress Bean, I'd like to take Bean in my arms. Nurse bein. Nurse bein But it suckle at my teet could have a photo have been. Can she give us a photo have been We'll put it on Twitter Yes, do send us a photo of beenan And So thanks everyone for your emails. If you want to email us, it is three bean salad pod at gmail. com Okay, let's talk about yesterday guys. Obviously, if you join the Patreon, there are various tiers you can join patreon.ot com forward the last three bean salad get every free episodes, you can get bonus episodes But if you join at the top tier, the Shan Bean tier, you get access to the Shan Bein lounge and we were there yesterday We had a bit of a day trip, didn't we with some of the Sean Beiners? It was Great fun. We did. Yeah, the Donkey Sanctuary G kartting obstacle course experience. That's it. We all met up at the lounge. That was Nick Co Nick Cox had that idea which I thought was it was was a rock solid because it was it was going to be Ben Palton's birthday at some point the next Yeah and he wanted to to celebrate that But he didn't have he's just so embarrassed I think that he doesn't know the day because he's supposed to know and he's forgot So he's his plan, Nick told me this is to sort of to make it look as if he's celebrating Ben Palden's birthday. everyvery day for the next year until Ben Palden reacts in it such a way that suggest actually is his birthday and then at that point complete the birthday celebration, you what I mean? So he does about sixty, seventy percent of a birthday That's right. And Lockkey Holly and Detta Hannan and hero with Joe Bean Cooper III have Obviously riged Ben up to series of measuring devices to, you know, test, you know heart rate and breathing rate and levels ofbuliance and excitement and sweat to see if they can get a measure on that. And they send all that. and James Fitzmorris rinters all the data. So he was happy as Larry doing that Oh me yeah You know on the little minib bus on the way down there all I mean, James Fitzy, Fits Morris, loves a donkey, doesn't he So he was very excited about the whole thing. Yeah it was an odd thing because there was a moment where Joel Chao Ken Q took me to one side and he said Ben He's weeping. And there he was and he'd buried his head into the s the soft side of a donkey and he was weeping the into the fur Joel said, I think I know why this is Was it becausecause Chris Ballard had told him that Crying into a donkey is the way to train it That's right, That's right. And he was trying to make the donkey do his bidding. And ultimately get him to charge Aron Flyint. see Let see of course because Aaron Flint had brought his Is Donkey Matador costume with him, course I mean he's always wring that thing. Yeah. I know it's his birthday, but you you know, it's not It's not fair to charge a donkey at someone? No plus, and obviously beans, beans the musical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot, the more you tooo, the better you feel beans, beans for every meal Beans, beans, as we call beans, beans just wanted a race. We were there to go cart. to Donkey Goka and u And thankfully, we all snapped out of it and got on with it at that point. and We hit the track, didn't we? All of us. We certainly did, and those donkeys are much faster than they look, aren't they? Well, they've all had new tyres, haven't they? Yeah you could yeah, they were quite spruf st start, weren't they And I think Sam Dunstill had been supercharging a few of them as well. the way the way Locky Holly was doing wheeliess were there dononkey. I've never seen that before. No, I've never seen that was pretty spectacular. It was brilliant. And of course all ended with that Ten dononkey pile up, which Very lucky that there were no major injuries from that. That's true. And apart from Harryood Jelly Bin Cup with the thirty both his legs, but But yeah, you can't make an omelet without breaking some legs as ye that onlyy says. Yeah Well, that's written actually, isn't it? That's embsed in front door of the Sean Bean lounge is that phrase, that ra phrase. It's the motto So than and thanks all the Patreons. Yes, thank you Now let's work out which theme tune we're gonna to see out the show with. Thank you for everyone who sent in a version of our theme tune. Yeah, brilliant. Chaps you can choose between Piano centric electronic version written in SP tuplets. Wow. Lovely Wesn Lay back modern jazz Violin Yeah One of my favorite genres Jelly Weinbach I think I honked my way all over the choices last time Henry, so if you've got a particular ning laaid back modern jazz, please. This is by Chris Hazzel. He says Hello Beans, I thought the team tune could do with a bit of a laid back modern jazz styling. Hope you approve. Thanks, Chris. Thank you, Alice. Well, thank you, Chris And thank you to everyone for listening For him Goodbye. Cheer out bye