Audiobook Game and Final Sign Off

Lemonder. But this episode is sponsored by Better Help You know what's weird about summer, besides that white party the Loch Ness monster throws every year? No, it's this. everyveryh year, I'm like, this is going to be the sumhere I relax. And then suddenly I'm somehow stressed in a different seasonal font There's all this pressure to maximize summer travel plans, activities, sunsets Sun sets Meanwhile, sometimes just want one quiet afternoon and maybe an iceed coffee the size of your head That's a lot of coffee gang Like is it the circumference of your head too? Like a sort of little barrel of ice coffee. Wow Fs up Anyway, therapy can help you figure out what you actually need and feel more comfortable setting boundaries around your time and energy. It's important, I speak from experience. You don't say yes to everything this summer. findind support in therapy. Sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com slash freedom. That's betterhlp dot com slash freedom When twelve year old Jewules stumbles into a time machine, an unexpected journey begins T turns out, our planet looks different in the year twenty one hundred Cyclones, poison tides, and alGOs for breakfast. But how do we get here Can we turn back the clock That's up to you Plate safe or risk it all as a member of the Midnight Rebellion. available wherever you listen S He Juni is busting out all over all over the meadows and the hills And the scup and the the de the one it's like something and I'm junior and my aunt is even luniar. Oh no. That's a rough rhym. It's a rough rough ryme. That shows some bad songs What show is' got some good ones? Carousel. Scott, of course. I wonder what you think he'll think of me. I guess he'll call me the old man. I bet he'll think I can lick any other fellow's father. Well I can That's called soliloquy Gorgeous. It's like a ten minute song where he assumes he's going to have a boy. He's been surprised with the news that his girlfriend is knocked up. This is Billy Bigilo, of course He's the Carney rousedbout and domestic abuser. Yes. And that is the hero of our tale. Yes. he dies Yeah, he dies. And finds I'm not quite sure how, but he changes his heart Yeah great end of it. Yeahah. Congrats. You're dead. But he's surprised to find he's going to be a father, asssumes that it's going to be a boy and sings about it's an eight minute song, let's say. Yeah. approximately's too long for a song. Six and a half of the minutes are about what he's going to do with this boy. And what the boy is not going to fall victim to And then suddenly, he goes, wait a minute What if he Is a she? And then he starts going My little girl pink and white as pe and creep is she. Now this said, I would sing that to Emmy when she was a baby. I would sing that, Edel Weiss, like all these songs just try, you know, bouncing her up and down, you know, trying to get her to sleep and stuff like that. And from one. And it is a gorgeous song Uh But, you know, it really is only the back part of. And this is where he decides to become a better person, by the way, when he realizes it must it could be a girl, so he better change his ways. So men who have daughters? Hold on a second He doesn't change his ways No. He just gets killed. tries to get money from him roob someone. Yeah and gets killed. What are you gonna say about us You only understand women's plight if you have a daughter yourself or a wife or wife or a mother. Yeah you're willing to really look at that Yeah, But you can't just know that You can't just know that stuff's bad unless you have a daughter. Yeah. that's why I don't think Sv. Anyway, he goes up to hang. I know that and it's a big problem I have with you. Why? Sv iss great? Not all stuff is c. Wh why meet to one thing in this world today that's not great? I don't want to say any of the words. You're stumped.. You're stumped. So Bill up. Billy goes up to heaven. He meets up. He meets the star maker, which is the role I played when I was fourteen. Wow. He's hanging up stars on a clothesline. He's God Let's just say it But they call him the starmaker. very, very like available. He's like a Simon oowl figure. Yeah, he's like pointing out the members of one direction, saying you guys should work together. Yeah. Well, as I said before, like we talked about back. Skurs and Ghost said Skurs and Go. Skur and go kind of Sking Go. Skurs and Ghost said that Skursingo Skuring Skurzinger, Schrzinger. Scainger. ask AI Is it funny if shes got the name singer in her name kindind of Zinger, really inger I'm a singer I'm a singer in the club. I like to sing you the song. I like to sing a little song like this. has a song. You're the pentlean. So then he's up in heaven and he's like, Hey, what happened to my girlfriend with all the baby and all that? And so Starmaker takes him down to Eth and his little girl is graduating like Oh, sorry, sometimes past. Oh, but yeah, sorry. I I'm just God. I can't like go backwards in time and show you everything else. But let me show you her graduation. The most boring day by the way, graduation For any parent Yeah. I'm imagining. It's you have to watch five hundred other people Wednesday.. And but that this is where they have At least Ocerman, you could be out of there right away. Oh yeah. Later is what I'll say. Later ran into a train. Oh no But but this is where you have the Gorgeous gorgeous song When you walk through a storm moold your head up high And don't be afraid of the dark. A the end of the ro storm in the gold and sky and the sweet silver song of the light dark Walk on through the rain, Walk on through the rain. Let your dreams be talked And blow was God Godone with in your heart And you ever was God your W Now what do you think about that Isn't that the greatest musical ever I don't know why, because I've seen you guys do a lot of stuff, but for some reason that made me more uncomfortable than Lauren put her face in her jacket. I didn't like that and I didn't I like it It's beautiful. It was lovely. It was lovely. Thank you. There was something about it that gave me Yeah reverse chills? Yeah. Barf. Like indentations into your skin I think it's called the Ik. Oh give you the. no, you guys us you won't date us any the first time you got the. No it's great. So this guy's redemption is he gets to see his little girl graduate and he kind of nods and goes, Hey, shit works out. But while he was on Eth, he was a piece of shit. Yeah It's a weird story. That's his legacy. And that's carousel Yeah And it has nothing to do with the carousel? Well, he works on the carousel. Like I guess I guess that was a job twenties or whatever was like, hey, let me put you on this horse. And the season go round and round and. It was a car of a barker was his carn? I think work he literally worked the carousel, probably getting people to go on the carousel. That's what it was. Now of course, I ass sayed the role of Jigger in our high school production. He was even worse. He's the guy who gets Billy Bigilow into trouble. Absolute and gets away. Yeah He gets away with it, although I can only imagine he comes to an unseemly end. Billy Bick probably. We don't we never see it. I would love to see a show just about him. Oh one thousand percent. And what he does after. Just see pictures of Jigger? Yes for sure It great name. It opens with a great name. It opens with the line. That was a close one Let me change my name real quick And of course, I got to say the line, you wobbly hipped old slut. Oh yeah, that's a good one. Y. Well, that's a really good one. A wobbly hipped old slut like you But we've talked about, of course, the song. This was a real nice clam bake. We're really glad we came. Ges on for so long. The vills we at were good. You bet the company was the same. Our hearts are full, our bellies are full and we are feeling f and doneone This was a real nice clam b and we all had a real nice time Was that worse? That was better. It was better. I'm just stressed. Now, are you soilar? I'm so stressed. what you guys are doing? Are you st? Have you ever listened to a podcast where two men tell the entire story of carousel backwards? singing every song. Now, are you familiar with the Jerry Lewis teelephon? Does that mean anything to you? yeah Roughly. He was on Labor Day every or the Labor Day weekend. Yeah because Labor day it was. Yeah. What it three days? I think that's just o okay. I don't know. how would close it. he would close it by singing You'll never walk alone I was how you knew it was definitely over there. We hit our goal. We raised so much money for muscular dystrophy. and now I'm going to sing this song. Oh, twenty one and a half hours So not twenty four. But it would be over three days, No.y Why not twenty fourays?cis to the last few. I know it is Well it would air from Sunday evening through late Monday afternoon. Yeah, because of course there's a few hours where you have to show the American flag on TV. Okay. And the news probably has to come off. B Are you do you remember that from being a kid? No, we've talked about this. o, sorry. I amm so sorry. Well I only say that because normally I would say what do you mean? but then I actually do know what you mean. we've talked about Because you do remember it. Because I do remember you talking hand do it. But you don't remember No we never they never put the flag on with music on TV in my memory Why would they do that? To indoctrinate you? Yeah, there's no other reason. Yeah Well's we end our broadcast day with the national anthem. It's the same thing as like starting baseball games with it. There's no reason for it. I hate it. It's unifying You were the first person to Nel during it, weren't you? I laid down ay, you were a little sleepy and you went to sleep. I laid down, I put my I folded my hands behind my head and I was like And o, he really doesn't care I was yeah.. Your eyes were wide open though, just I put an extra hat on. Yeah. my existing hat? Yeah. did I tell you about the time when I was we were going out somewhere and Emmy put a hat on me. And then we went out, we got in the car and we're driving along and Colef suddenly looks at me and goes, Why do you have two hats on? And I didn't realize I was already wearing a hat and she put a hat on me. And now she constantly says Dad, you have two hats and laughs whether you have two hats or whether I have yeah, she just like to almost like remember when you had two hats on. It's fun. When I was in Austin flying home, this man came through the TSA, you know, whatever the security line, and he had on a Camo Baseball caps. Camouflage, by the way, for the listener huh? Yeah, if you're not familiar.wo cowboy hats stacked on top of that presumably because he didn't have a bag that would fiddle them, But then he was wearing three hats in the airport. I see that a lot. Yeah. Really? yeah Especially with cowboy hats. What's the thing you acquire cowboy hats on the trip Yes am I gonna do? Yeah. J just to wear them all. It It's honestly, I love hats You're wearing eight right now Pase not saying that. It undermines the next point I'm about to. Okay. So love hats but. You're only wearing one wink. I don't think I could make it Okayay at the airport wearing a bunch of hats at the same time. Are you that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Because the monkeys that I have to walk through because all the monkeys would take them. Yeah. ' I have to walk through the the b with two I mean the surving memb through the air. go the surving memory, go to the trees. If I'mking through the airport wearing two cowboy hats, one on top of the other I don't think once they get through the a. on top of a baseball he put him back on after he got through the line. I guy's a lonic. watched and waited. Yeah, they leave m. And I was really just, I was thinking if that were I You know, in a way, I admire it The lack of se IDGAF of it all. Yes. Don't you put it on like you take your bag extender holder. you just put your hats on that, right? It's not gonna work like that 'Cause that's also the handle. Don't you know, on the handle don't you think they should make retractable side things your h cboy Yeah hang You you could a dry a shirt on it? No I should ye. Yeah, yeah Yeah. Yeahah they should youah. Yeahah should. Don't you think there should a tray where you can eat a meal off of it? . My bag, honestly, it goes through TSI checkoints. It's so clean. I eat an omelet off. It's disgusting But don't you remember, did weready talk about this how they put batteries in a away luggage and then like that day airport was like youaking out of a battery, We've talked about this like the last two weeks. But it is always so funny. I don't know if that was something that we talked about privately. No, no, no, no. I talked about. It's hilarious. and unless you're me and the first time the person goes, you can't take that on the plane. You have to literally they known as tools And all of your shits at it, and you have to literally rip it out of the pop No, it just pops. No. this did not. They were like the whole thing has to come out And they like the mechanism that everything had to come out they were like, you otherwise you can't take this and we're at the airport and we don't have any other bags. and I had to like find a way to pry it out of the thing. The swagger with which A said, Oh my. We've solved it for you. Yeah. It would have been cool. You're welcome, anyw wayay. you know, there so I'm always tempted to buy new luggage ' there's so many beautiful designs rolled out every day. I would wear it New colors I just can't bring myself to do it. I just go, The bags work. The. I mean, know I know that exactly. I like I would love to have a beautiful shiny color new bag blah blah, blah.. And then I just go, Or I just roll this one and throw it on a fuck I How often do I see it? I mean, it just doesn't matter. Yeah, doesn't matter. I do see se use luggage. Yeah. Wow. Yeah to throw it away after every air. Imaging Jerry Lewis again, there was a rumor that he never wore the same pair of socks twice. When I saw him speak Uh That is true, but he also would change socks like eight times a day And would just get a new package of socks, go through it every single day, every couple of hours because he loved the feeling of putting on new socks. And so every couple of hours he I mean, I do too, It's a little much. All day long. All day long just putting on new socks. That's crazy That's not well I'm glad that guy's dead For that reason only. Yeah, 'cause you're a huge fan. Otherwise Not so much of his work. J his person personality. Yeah. Did I tell you when I saw him speak Oh yeah. He basically the moderator was a huge fan of his and had read his book and on him. said his book was the most important book that he'd ever read about filmmaking and asked him three questions and every question Jerry Lewis. I think because he couldn't hear him, but he was just like, what Well, That's a stupid question. The nextext question It's the worst kind of response. And then after three questions, he goes, You know what? I'm tired of listening to you. Let's just take questions from the audience. 'causeuse he couldn't hear I don't know. It was I also think that's just his temperament. You think he's an ass cheek? He was an ass? Maybe he was an ass chek. He was an ass chek. abe was an.uch an a cheek. We should start that. This is how slang is born. This's done, baby. All right, call everyone who's being a jerk to you an ass cheek. Yeah. No A chek. You're an as. You have to pronounce it that way you can't use it on us. And then if no Google how to pronounce us chic A is As chek been pronounced? As chek. we have to signate Summer's here and I'm already thinking about getting out of town. Booking something fun, maybe a little beach trip, but I don't want that familiar anxiety of wondering, can I actually afford this? So I've been trying to get my money organized in a way where I can just enjoy the plan instead of stress checking my bank app every five minutes. Now Monarch is the personal finance app that tracks everything. accccounts, investments, savings goals, and spending. You get your first year of Monarch Core for half off, just fifty bucks promo code freedom. Now, what I like is that it doesn't just show me where I spent my money. It also shows me patterns I would have missed, like realizing my little food delivery habit quietly pushed my monthly savings rate down more than I expected. The Sanke diagram makes it painfully obvious where everything's going and the AI weeekly recap flagged a spending spike before it turned into a problem It's honestly like having a financial advisor in your pocket. I can ask, canan I afford this vacation without touching savings and actually get clarity. Even splitting bills is easier. Just scan a receipt and it's done Most apps look backward, Monarch helps me look forward. Use code threereedom at monarch d. com to get your first year of monarch core half off at just fifty bucks. That's fifty percent off your first year at monarch. com with code threereedom This episode is brought to you by Pesti. 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That's pEs ti e d. com slash threeem for an extra ten percent off This episode is sponsored by Better Help Oh, I always forget this summer is somehow both relaxing and incredibly chaotic at the same time Like in my mind, summer is me sitting peacefully outside with a drink and a light breeze But in reality It's me sweating while trying to coordinate seventeen different schedules and pretending that's fun There's this weird pressure to have a good summer, to make memories, be social, travel, sayay yes to everything, Enjoy every sunny day. and suddenly you're exhausted by July And I think sometimes we forget that taking care of yourself is also a productive use of summer. Therapy can help you better understand what you need, set healthier boundaries, and stop feeling like you have to do absolutely everything, which honestly feels like a valuable skill year round, but especially in summer, when everybody suddenly wants plans all the time BetterHelp has over thirty thousand licensed therapists worldwide and has served more than six million people globally. They match you with a therapist based on your preferences and if the fit isn't right You can switch therapists at any time You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy Sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com slash freedom. That's betterter HLp dot com slash freedom And we're back with more carousel talk Can you believe it? use I don't even know what this is.? Do you know who Rogers and Hammerstein are? Yes. I know I've heard of the show, what? Blue Man Group? Blue Moon Group. Itree littleittle Ethan Hawk. He's super tiny. Oh Oh, that's all that movie' about. It It's about Richard Rogers' former partner that he wrote a million. Oh, I'm very excited to see that I keep forgetting about it. you ever watch? I love Ethan Hawk.'s lowown by the way. Obviously I say because I watch because I love so much but no, I never watched that. I keep't forgetting. It's so good. It's really enjoyable. I need to watch the lowdown. The fact is I'm like full up of Ethan Hawk content that I just haven't I have to watch. got it Yeah. This is like my dream and yet I doing not Have I been on the down load That's any of you. Private quest. That' an open question for weekends on the DL. Wekend's at the DO. I don't know idea was DL Hug Hugle people start saying on the DL. he must have been so excited like I can use that. I don't know if he would want tobe it was interesting that this Black comedian would have a show Yes, I know. Fased on his initials, but also a phrase in the Back community that m secretly gay But he embraced it and I love that about him. And he would do it on the weekends. Yeah That's the great thing about the weekends. All bets are off. All bets The Weknd. Of course in England they call him the week. Yeah, The Wek. Man when his movie came out, How are you doing this week When his movie came out, there was a big like God installation thing on the corner on Hollywood and Cool Up and I walked by it and they were begging people to come in in No and would. What was this movie He did a movie with Jenna Arteeica that is more of his like HBO You can't beg people to go see a movie right now. No, it wasn't see a movie. It was just go la wander around Wander around this thing and no one would. Maybe take a picture of Instagram, please. Oh Yeah sad I don't wow, I don't I don't that does not ring a bell at all. Yeah But you know what? we don't feel sorry for anyone in j business because we have it worse That's right. Hey have you ever worse than us? Hurry up tomorrow was the movie. Hurry up tomorrow? No has a psychological thriller. Oh back in. Hurry up tomorrow. I'm scared of the dark. Is that what it is? L let's get please, mrter Sunshine. It's mister Sun Son, Mr. Golden Son, Please shine down on me. What the fucks from Miss Rachel. We love m. unless you side with the people is right Rachel notot to be whatever, but Miss Rachel didn't make that song up. I know the song since I was little I know, but she doest a public domain song. Miss. Rachel is four littles, so Well, she what does that tell you? singing it for my former self. But you said you were little, so Okay. Okay, You're making fool of yourself right now. I'll back down. I'll back down. Oh, the anti Tom patty. Yeah. I'm kind of the anti toom petty. And I say I like same trees. I say I'm anti p pe. Because I don't like toilet paper. I'm opposite of Tom Petty. What do you use instead of toilet paper? I can't remember You can't remember. Yeah. I can't remember either. I remember it was yarn or something. just It was yarn That was a moment in time. that's really hard to flush. Yeah It caused a lot of problems. You tried unw' worth it. I end up going organic and I use lettuce That makes sense. pllus it's so cool in your skin. It's cooling. It soothes any redness in your asshole. And it's so absorbent. Yeah By the way, speaking of yarn, a great children's book out there is called Extra Yarn I don't know if youveow, I can't wait to check that out, you fucky fuck you. No I actually will. But suggestion. Oh, sounds good, idiots. I actually will chuck. I enjoy that one, but it's probably well no, I think We finally joined the library. Oh good go get it from the library. How many times Iking I? How many times I've been talking about wanting to do that? And Mike mentioned it to another mom and she was like, it takes two seconds. And he was like, Yeahah, We've been talking about doing it for so long. I waited at the counter longer than it took to Oh yeah I did I got my library card again recently. It's great. It's great because we have a library in our neighborhood and I walked up there and I could not believe how much it took me back. Like libraries just smell the same. I know Yeah. and it book Oh my go. it was. It's great. It just feels good. Yeah, it does. It really does. Heartbreak feels good in a place like this. And Emmy feels great about checking out books and she's always in a place like that in a place like that. She's always excited that night of like, what do you want to read? And she's like, one of my new library books? Yeah. Yeah. is it. Very exciting stuff. You do know Nicole Kidman did that ad for free Do you encourage people to go back to the movies Wow. I mean, how did they swing that Was it her idea? It might have been. Honestly, it has made her more popular. We get people to do charity. I think she's killing it with everything she's doing. I got no problem with calliman. Yeah. Anway isn't great And it's great. goodood shit. Heartbreak feels good in a place like this. And it became eciconic because they are onic. Yeah I want to go to the movie. Guess what? They are. She She hits that R at the end of it, even though Where she's from, because she does everything else in the Australian accent and then she goes Why? because they are Yeah becausecause if' somehere to go. they I may have told you, it's too sinister that. I may have told you about my friend, Dan Cutforth. God, I pray that you have England, Dan He is from England And along with John Cooley C Isn't that his name Jon F Cle. John Ford Cole. Yeah, okay I'm thinking of Cleie High. Always No matter what. his wife My former manager Julie would say that she would sometimes hear him on the phone like she's making reservation or something And he would have to spell his name And then he would get to the R. he here and go Mhm Hm R It's hard. They are It's hard to know if you just go into it and just say are, even thoughs are our instincts C U T F O R T H Yeah. Do you guys think okay, we all recognize that we are relatively privileged people? Yes, I grew up Son of poor farming folk But we are relatively privileged people Do you think if you were born are all relatively privileged people with so much to give. Do you think that If you were born in pirate times, you would have been a pirate or you would have been someone who had been plundered by p plundered by pers. I would have been plundered Is that because of your personality or my personality, I think. I think like a b hook I wonder this guy. I think based on Yeah, it's kind it' kind of like a vibe Yeah, like a vibe. It's hard to guess. I guess u probablyrob were you know further generations back might have been more piry, whereas, you know, it gets cushier for generations for the pushi So yeah mayaybe they'd be plundered. So I think it's kind of a mixed bag. probablyrobably for all families. I don't know if I would want to do that for a job because it's there's so much involved with it. P. First is the dram meane that you have to What if you're Well, I don't have motion sickness, so you don't. Why do you not have motion sickness? I don't know, but I don't I don't have problems in the car. I don' have problems on boats. You can re the car or what? I can read in the car. I could eat that this Eat shit. You don't have a wa I don't I've been getting nauseous. It's making me almost sick to say it as the plane lands. It's a little bit of takeoff and landings. That's the mumpiest part of this. starting to but I I used to not even like I'm like now I'm starting to have a problem. Are you still able to curl up in your seat and just go to sleep and plane? Yes, I' go to sep. env that about you. I'm not as lithe as I was. I can't feel like a time where I could just get completely ortable you used to you're what they based in Oceananss eleven, the person who rolls himself up and contorts himself into thectually, Iis job was to The one in the eleven was based on me. Oh yeah, right. But not the other. The one and eleven. It wasn't two ones. U But I' finding I will fall asleep easily. I can do that, whatever, but I'm finding that There's this moment where I start to be like, I have to just focus on breathing or I'm gonna fucking throw up. No. It's terrible. in the last few times I've flown, I really don't want it to become a regular thing because it's really unpleasant And then I can't wait to get off the plane at the end. It's like then that's tortous at the end when you're like. Do you think it's because you've had children and they've destroyed your insight Inner ear? Probably Yeah I think everything's pushed around in places it's not supposed to be and stuff. yeah. I was of course, scared little boy and everything scared me. And so my first plane trip, I was just just really aching with desirear I blew ball sting the entire time. No, I was I was really aching with desire is a nicer way to say that. I was in the lead up to it, my first plane ride, I was just, you know, wondering if I was gonna throw up the entire time. Wow And I think I did have planainsickness. I mean, my dad would take me up in helicopters a lot and I would always get planain sick and thosees and stuff. What your dad would No, your dad would take me at a helicopter a lot. Really? Yeah I didn't know that? I didn't know he was your dad until recently. What would he do with you up in these helicopters? P you just watch me get sick? So the first page of my memoir is about how Paul, this guy Paul would be flown by this guy Scott's dad in. And he was called Scott's dad in it? Oh my. It's your memoir? Yeah. J's just the first page is kind of like my memory of hearing about that. I'm gonna start out with something that happened to some other people U But I I think I think it was always a big fear with me up until like, you know, I started flying regularly and then it was like it's got to be pretty bumpy for me to although although man, some of those Two years ago, some of those flights, we took the one back from England, they remember being just terrible. That was a miserable flight. It was so I I don't know what We were like crammed Crammed in there. It was terrible I remember I got a video of Suggest McKennna was across the aisle for me And then in front of her was somebody like shoes and socks off bar foot like up on the in front of her. That is just disgusting. L who could possibly think that's not disgusting? I don't understand what you're doing. Yeah, ye. What are you doing? Yeah. It is In what context is this wouldould you also do that That That would be fine. Like arere you at a doctor's office, you take your shove and put your foot up on a chic You' there's in a podiatrist's office, yes. Okay But there's like no, I can't think of any other place that that would be acceptable and it's also not acceptable on the plane. It is very weird to me because I don't have I taken my shoes off on a plane? Yeahah. oc. Shoes off, if you want keepep socks on. Put shoes back on to go to the bathroom. Yes. The shoes, technically shoes are more disgusting than being in socks. But bare fooot Barefoot diss That's for the park That's for when you're be in it. one of those people who was a no shoe person. I town with no shoes. There are certain things to with no shoes. There are certain things I have no problem with the idea of the social contracts. like we don't do that because Other people are a consideration. And when people can't do that, it's really wild to me. Like it's like, no, the world just exists, this is my world. I always I have the desire to kind of do Like do you just not think that's gross Do you just like you think that's fine I'm just wondering Yeah. I want to hear the pathology. If you did it, I wouldn't care. Yeah. That's what they would say. Yeah. I know that it's annoying kind of person. They're going to have anning response. Yeah, ye ye for sure. I do explain rules to Amy today. J Oh no. Well because someone was you know how occasionally when there's like a lot of traffic and there's The do they call it the chicken lane or whatever, but you know, where there's the never heard of that. The the middle lane that can fit one car inside. and people are going through it in order to go into a left hand turn lane. Do you know what I'm saying? What do you mean can fit one car inside? You know how sometimes there's just a yellow line and It's thin. All lanes can fit just one car. But you know, you're not supposed to drive in it. It's not a full lane for a car. No between between traff is going one way and the other way and then there's there's a a big like double yellow that is that fits one car size. And you I go I. I just was in the chicken lane this morning. Yes I was trying to make a left and it's taking too long with all the cars coming from that. So I just go over into that wait my turn. Puls to do up. No Paul wants to I want to keep making sure he understands what I'm talking about I do. Thank you. And Scott to you I do beg your pardon I accept your apology, but I Butget sounded. I forgive that but I never forget. But you sounded stupid at first because because I said a word chicken lane all cars fit one fit one car. Okay I accept that. soundupid ocion.' neverard chickenan before. I've never heard that but now now I know. It's like B pock and I canard because it's a lane you can pull into your fucking chicken. making a left hand turn if you're clear on the left Y but then you have to wait for cars passass anyyway. so a guy was u Sometimes people go into the chicken lane in order to get to the left hand turn lane But the chicken lane is not connected to that because they want to go around a whole bunch of cars. Well, and then they're going to cross a double line that you're actually not supposed to cross. Right? Meanwhile, I'm trying to make a left the streets that I'm at and I'm basically going to run into this guy who's Barrelings full, full barrel I mean.ry. And I said like something probablyrob inappropriate to say in front of my daughter, but she said, whyy did you say that? And then I had to explain the concept of rules and how we should follow rules because it's unsafe not to follow rules And and I think she got it It Well, you know, you know how got problem sol. You know how like there's a double yellow line and then it dips out a little bit to accommodate for the left turn lane I do know someone who got a ticket for crossing You basically don't want to go, you can't dip over that until you get your turn to dip in.. You can't crossow even just to go straight into the left. People did it all the time and I've done it too But that she got a ticket doing that. Yes. So that's what this gentleman was doing. He's gott to make sure there's cops around. Yeah. that's what was. He was like, there's no cops around. Let me ram into this iot Yeah We were driving in Iceland where they have There'ertainly a device Yeah everythingthing's made about it Yeah It's a land of ice. And the road of ice. The people are made of ice Now I always heard that Iceland's green and greenland's ice That is largely You're gonna punch me Yeah,' take my bings on They got your earings out Um Greenland is a barren land, a land that bears no grain Okay. U So oneland up therear inland al there's no green. I think that that's from that's from a sea shanty. That's nice Thank you. F Greenland Whale Fisheries Anyways, any they have these roads that are just single roads, but you can pass people But you have to like know what you're doing because cars are coming from So it's just two lanes going opposite ways And so if it's absolutely clear and you can see like dead ahead. like o for a long time, it's clear. You can pass somebody. But People get in accidents because they don't I think they don't realize is we saw like a car fucking flipped over like off a bridge. because it happen apparently it happens it happens fairly often. Take your time and do it app properly, please. Do it properly, please. We'll speick up a hitchiker in Iceland. We'd never done that before. Oh real D. Did he murder you? She sexist did not murder us. Well, I'm more likely to pick up a hitchiacker. Shearly embezzled from us. She' female. White col collor crime. She did a white collor crime on us in the car. Well, this has been driving Tips with the Threedom boys, Demsre and boys. I hope you're ready to get out there on the road and not be afraid. If you're listen to us while you're driving, we hope you've been Following all the rules. Also, you're not gonna like the next segment because we are including a lot of sirens and porn hogs. Yep. We do need to take a break though. when we come back, something exciting is going to happen. so you don't want to skip this. Okay, bye Hey, I don't know about you because I'm not a creep I mind my own business. meeping through your windows, I'm not installing cameras on the grounds of your home Oh the reason I say it is, I don't know about you, but I really enjoy keeping my money. And for years, I just accepted that my phone bill was going to be weirdly expensive for no reason Every month it was like, okay, here's your bill, plus mysterious fees, plus charges for me to hope you don't ask about. And I'd be like, I guess that's phones Idiot Eventually I was like haveave to be this way And that's why Mint mobile makes so much sense to me They exist to stop people from overpaying for wireless just because thiss h's always been MintMobile offers premium wireless plans, starting at just fifteen bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data plus Unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest five G network Now look. My dear friend, Matt Apadaka He's got a Mint mobile plan. 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Tell us that's the truth. Oh my Godd. No one's picked me yet either. I know That's part of the problem. It's time for a goddamn freature Yeah, God has damned these. And so we're afraid to do them usually because they're cursed by God himself, like that fig tree He was angry He does a lot of stuff. in the New Testament, I'm talking about O JC Yeah, he's never sinned but he was . Yeah, That's why he's only just all right with me Yeah Jesus is just all right with me. I'm putting my head inside. J I hate this. Oh yeah. Jesus is just all right with me. Jesus is just all right. Who's saying this song? It's from a musical. It was It's from a musical, isn't it I don't think it is. I think it's seventies song. mayaybe it's it was the Doobies. yeah. The Doobies, which Doobie youb be? Which Doobie you be? We are going to play a game called Audiobook. This was submitted by Cartoons Underscore plural. whatever platform originally existed when we took these And I guess we played it before because it's in our freedom Games used file. Oh there we go. That's the proof. You don't want to end up there. Now how do we play this goddamn game? Okay, well this says askk computer for a genre and topic. Now I don't know what the fuck that means. How am I supposed to ask my computer computer for genre topic? I just typed topic. I just typed in, canan I get a genre and topic for a book? and it just lists like four types of genres that books are. All right, so let's do a genre. Okay, so I need a topic. Yeah, sci fi We'll say sci fii. Okay. Like as you said I'm reading a sci fi book, Nobbody would say, what's the topic What's the topic covering Yeah, it's gonna be, you know it's going to be about lasers or whatever. Anyway, today be One person is the narrator of the audioobook, the other two voice all of the characters. not the other two We have played this. I remember this. Oh good. Okay. This is similar to the movie trailer game, which we also done. We all ye. Anyway, we're gonna do this. Who's the narrator? U first? Why don't you pick a genre Oh we pick sry. sci fi. Oh sci fi? Yeah Wh why don't you pick a tit Okay. G that may determine the topic. And then you'll be the you'll be be the narrator Okay. great. All right. The title of the book is The very curious person who is hiding in my spaceship. Great title. Well, they're curious. And we begin Do know chapter one? We'll just jump right into the action.ure. ye. Chapter one is just all about the training set upp and oh yeah, training gettingetting measured for the spacesuit, Got it. Yeah Press the blast off button I heard the noise ofes. Should not be the first person? No, the first person is great We're just It's not like' just cars big s. You which is in third person. But no do. It's a second person, isn' it? Oh, is that in second person? Yeah. No, it's good. I'd like first person is good because you can have we can hear your inner thoughts reacting to what we talk about. But then I'm a character It's okay Y I think I think it should be third person Let's do third person. G, press the blast off button. Oh She heard the noise again. It's right in there. comoming from the cabinet sounded different this time M Gutal Can someone stop with that noise She walked to the cabinet Press her ear to the door Who would to fuck me in that noise Hey, who's in there From inside she heard Who's in there? I'll say to good? What do you mean whoo's in there? You're the one who's in somewhere? She opened the cabinet door, only to find a creature. U. Kick Ouch, why would you do something like that to me She shook her head sadly at the creature. I'm gonna have to kill your ass It's always So I mean Philadelphia? It' It's always a shame when a creature doesn't know how to take a kick. She grabed the creature by the collar. Get over yeah. Ouch my collar So you wear collars too. Wherever you from? I guess we're not so different after all. Maybe you're just wearing a collar and the rest ofue is goo. They took a moment to smile. My name is Mike Wakowski. I'm from LsterSc. Wait a second. I'm my biggest fan. You've seen my movie? Am about a hundred times. I got kids, you know? Pas'tly A meteor struck the hull Ouch, my hole U Is that what you call your back? Yeah. How does meteor get in our spaceship? The captain rushed the controls. bob and said, whyy would you say that? The ship lurched forward and then into hyperspace. Oh no, I get hyperspace sickness. don't throw up at me or I'll have to kick you again. I'm gonna rph. he said Yeah. What kind of aneglectic goo is this? The vomit looked weird. It was green, but also glowy U This isn't vomit at all. Is this gonna make me sick? This is a space parasite that's attached itself to me. Hm. Thank God you were here Just then, everyone's dad walked in. Hey Dad? What are you doing here? We have the same dad. Oh my Godd, we're brother and sister This is weird ' I started to get attracted to you. You're a Wakkowski. Oh dad. My father looked back and forth between his two diverse children. Convince, I love you the capaptain blanched I don't know what that means, but I'm doing it you're the captain? Yeah, I'm the captain. I'm the captain now. No. I'm blanching The alien shook his head sadly. A boy, I wish I had one of our magic doors with us. so we could get out of here and into someone's nightmares. Suddenly a door opened Oh, I do have one of my doors. Sully Sy Soullenberger the airlock had been breached. They began to be sucked into the inky blackness of outer space. Oh my gosh This blackness is so inky. Their fingers were clawing onto the floor. I being sucked into this. It's not my time yet. No Not like this. The carpet began to peel away Okay, fine. I just laid this down. I'm giving in I'm giving into it Oh my gosh. Dad threw himself in front of the breeach. I'll get in front of this breeach. Wh Why did I say wooooh? I don't know. But that was the sound that I heard, so I said it I actually just went through the wrong door. Another person just anered me. My name was Sully I've gone now Why can I still hear you Because I'm omniscient We found God on this space Exploration Just like Star Trek five They stared at each other in silence for what felt like ten full minutes Then finally, the captain spoke to know The original captain answered from outside the spacecraft That's why I'm the captain now because our original capaptain's outside. Anyway, we hope you were having a great trip We' here on the spaceship and we need you to put your shoes and socks back on if you've taken them off and We're going to be touching down on the planet Quintar forty six very soon, chapter three The spaceport at Quintar thirty six was full Sorry, I meant Quintar thirty six, not forty six. So I mean, I'm gonna be honest. I meant to go to forty six. We're here at thirty six We're ten planets over That's a shame on me That's. we hope you can find safe passassage over to QuintarR forty six and we'll see you next time you fly. We know we have several choices when it comes to space exploration and we appreciate you choosing us in the control tower. They answered Okay I'm sorry, wasas I talking to you or not to our passeners? I didn't know you were talking to us, but we did hear you. We did register what you said. I pressed the wrong button then. To be fully honest. It sounds like the people on your spaceship don't really care what you talk about. I mean, they're on the wrong planet, so they're pretty pissed. I gotta admit. theirir voices faded to static as the ship dropped out of the atmosphere and plunged to its destruction The and That's right. It was a three chapter book. Wow. I don't know that we got our money's worth on that. foot. Yeah I expected to do the whole thing. The twenty chters. That was great That was great. That was perfect. It was great. I think everyone learned something too. And it was perfect. And you can do it. It was word. Anyone can do it. We did it perfectly And that's just what it is. How we on time? Did we do an episode Should we do some more stuff Proably shoot the shit for another five minutes What do we got? What do we got guys? What's it's look, this is I think I got the date wrong on our last episode. apologize for that, but you know what? This is june eleventh. Okay. Wow, that's wild. That's wild to think. Well, if I have something coming up, I will post about it on my Instagram. I may or may not, you know TVD. Yeah