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Lemonder. But this episode is sponsored by Better Help You know what's weird about summer, besides that white party the Loch Ness monster throws every year? No, it's this. everyveryh year, I'm like, this is going to be the sumhere I relax. And then suddenly I'm somehow stressed in a different seasonal font There's all this pressure to maximize summer travel plans, activities, sunsets Sun sets Meanwhile, sometimes just want one quiet afternoon and maybe an iceed coffee the size of your head That's a lot of coffee gang Like is it the circumference of your head too? Like a sort of little barrel of ice coffee. Wow Fs up Anyway, therapy can help you figure out what you actually need and feel more comfortable setting boundaries around your time and energy. It's important, I speak from experience. You don't say yes to everything this summer. findind support in therapy. Sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com slash freedom. That's betterhlp dot com slash freedom When twelve year old Jewules stumbles into a time machine, an unexpected journey begins T turns out, our planet looks different in the year twenty one hundred Cyclones, poison tides, and alGOs for breakfast. But how do we get here Can we turn back the clock That's up to you Plate safe or risk it all as a member of the Midnight Rebellion. available wherever you listen Sa Theres a guy by the side of guy. Yeah. Who needed help? needed help and we just passed him. That was Yeah, we're in a car by the way. It was kind of cruel of us Hong Kong, we almost got hit by a back truck. And a semi just got on our ass. And I so you say the word h gave me a semi Oh guys f circle Dirty. And that's a Hald. And that is what a Herald is if you've been wondering.'s a Hald. that's a Bitcoin Hd And that's a Bcoin. Bome a Bitcoin Haralold everywhere I go Handing out Bcoins to everyone. I know. Here's a song that's stuck in my head and it's periodically stuck in my head and I don't like it and I have to purge it. Oh God, I have so many of those. And Lauren, you heard me sing this earlier. You did I did. It's a jingle for I think, a cracker that no longer exists. It might still exist. I don't know. But it goes like this. New Batter Cheddars, sour dough baked, dried in delicious tasting Batter Cheddars, the San Francisco style Snack thin Wow It sounds really seventies sounds. It's deious. I wantanna put it at late eighties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it does sound delicious, doesn't it?indy Yeah. b? It actually reminds me of a song that was a real earwm in my house that my nephew made up. Mac and cheese chatter chatter. Mac and cheese betteratter, better Oh, man, won't able to stoping. I swear to God. Oh, man, y' w't be able stoping.s Ch ch, ch.'re gonna be pretty peppplles baby but you're be saying this. Mac and cheese ch Ch chatter, Mac and cheese. Matter Matter Yeah it gets reallynoying becauseuse' be like Mac and cheese ten and ten and mac and cheese Y you No, you'll just start reaking into new versions Yeah No one has really taken up the offer that I put out there of a new version of the Oh no, oh, no song. I liked your version. Thank you. Let's hear it I think somebody should slap some music on it and it should be. Here's my question. Do you feel like you have to make it on TikTok just by itself where it can be like stitched over as audio. I think it could be stitched over as audio. One person did it and it's a fan account for the T Saryid't Watch podcasts where they just laid my audio a capella or acaulco, as I heard somebody say once over a scene from Jaws, which was funny. So let's hear I was like need music, hereere it goes. And so pisspigs Hear un audio. Piss pigs unite. Pissig This is your call. Everyone out there buy one keyboard I'm calling all piss pigs in the sound of by my voice. Here it goes. And you can use this. Everyone's tired of the other one Yeah the other What's this for, by the way? This is for, let's say you want to post a video where something is going wrong. And you know that song goes Oh no no. no Oh no D't go ahead Okay, so he's not spending much time online. I forgot.ott last couple years. Scott is online for only Six seconds a day. He literally go So he post my picture Like Mauren's picture. I did two things I do. So here it goes. You can use sllap some music ont this, justust slap it on. Someone out there who's good at this because, you know, a lot of our piss pigs are extremely talented musicians. That's true. The other half are extremely untalented musicians. One they're really talented ankers What if we found out up Beyonci was pissp Oh my goh. You a laugh on tour. Right? Yeah. You're in a tour bus. What else are you gonna to do You're a tour bus. you don't want talk to everyone all the time. You want to hear some fun convers. You're in the back of the vand with the gear. Yeah. And they know that bands listen to podcasts. They should And they shouldt know they to do. But they should they should because it's their duty. They should. All right, here we go. verybody quiet Oo Oo O no no no . I hold. You're holding back laughter. Now imagine like some strings on the Yeah. You know what I mean? No, it's obo. Really funny. Obo. Oh, it's a b. And you put that over like Oh. You put that over like a video of a cat that's like aboutbout to jump into a pool that doesn't know that it's there because it got scared by raccoon or something, you know? Yeah Th just one of these s Yeah. sureure. Just stuff like that just stuff like that happens K Catchs about to jump the pool. He doesn't know it's because he got scared by a raccoon. He's just going. Yeah. Comercials don't really have songs anymore other than for drugs Do we still get the song? Yeah, ' they have they go like, oz o I couldn't believe that. Yeah. I was sitting there going really. But then there's the Jardian one, which is no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, the little pill with the big fab. It says a little one less one less. One less one less I don't I thought that was for Jard and it might not be Oh o o. Also other commercials have used that tune the oO, it's magic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But if you what if you could keep any commercial from using the same song that you did? If I' the singer of if I'm the writer and owner of the song, o oh, oh, it's magic. Every commercial E commercial. you want it? Yeah Sure, you want it. Have you thought about this? I just cold calling product. I'm like your products are Oh brille. Oh youll Oh o It' P still a going concern. Are they still a show Pd?ope so I other champagne problems. For some reason, I really was into the idea of Pl when I was a kid The advertising worked on me. Yeah. Oh really. What was yeah? I don't remember why it would work or It was just like it was targeted. I don't remember where the commercial was. I just remember I liked the name. I liked the color Yeah I liked what it promised. Yeah. And of course, PT, you would get bouncing and bing plus Plus for me. Why would anyone buy just PT if there was pert plus? Yeah, I mean, come on How would you ever get a big mac again you could get get a big mac? How would buy One hamburger would be fifty fivemburgs? you haur fifty five hamburgs? would you have H dogsty five fries? I remember avoiding. the shame of Someone seeing that I had shampoo and conditioner in one Because Ive heard what? they How old were you? Well in my like early twenties. Yeah, becausecause then you're like you recently learned that you're supposed to have two and you're like, oh girls are gonna to think I'm Exactly, because those all happier Even taking showers. A girl. No, but it's so guy. It's so guy to Your bed's out on the floor are you marriedampoo and condition in one Bed on the floor. Yeah Tilet with a ring, pants on the ground. Tub with a ring Yeah It was, but I heard a woman shaming like making fun of herother dude And I was like, o oh I bet you so many guys have changed things from that moment Yeah they just hear a woman say to their their friend like, this guy had a fucking matress on the floor and he's like gotta to bed. G gotta get to bed. Never thought of it, tell. Gta get bed Yeah Yeah, Mike had how hard is the floor Get one bed. Mike had a what on the floor? Mattress on the floor. What? when When we started dating. Really? Just a mattress, a stone. I think it was a mattress on a box spring or it was yeah. Yeah, yeah, but it was but how worse. I mean, yeah Doember And then I made him get a home bed. I like picked it out And then yeah, and you pig out how important box springs were. Yeah. Like you had to have a box. I mean, I feel like I still But honestly can I just say he was in his twenties and ye. every guy. That's true. But I know. He's still in his twenties, Cradle, Robert.. How you? I had a phouton Oh, that's really bad. Did youall also have a worse than a mess or something?. I to to bed. Did you also have a grreay leather couch? that you couldn't sleep on because it's like you'd slide off all night. My friend It was somehow very deep but completely uncomfortable, right?ike one of my best friends in college who was a bit older than me, like just a few years, but at that time it made a big difference. He had a phouton that folded down. It was like on a metal frame. Yeah Yeah And in a studio because it was his couch as well as his bed.. But he was never starving for Pushet. How many did he have How many pushish? I lifetime. I think you're five right now. Yeah. We should thank everyone who's ever had sex with us. Back to your previous point. You know what? Yes, let's get that out of the way in the first segment. I think men should think And women should do whatever they want regarding that. I don't think women should thank everyone. I think women should thank us. I don't think so. I'd appreciate I mean if how about wait forinking. Howbout if it was good If it was good. Yeah, if it was good. If if it's not good, I'll I'll take a lie. man should thank everyone So they have to lie to you. So everyone a lie. Thank you for everything Yeah. I'll take a lie. probably they can lie Okay. I need to thank you. I don't think Yeah, I mean, I don't need it for every single time.. I just need it for the aggregate, like the total. I'm going to stay out of it You can go try to get those. What if I did a high fidelity where I like tracked down my old girlfriend? Could you just say all I want is a thank you. I want to say thank you for having sex with me An And you wouldd like to say So gross So gross. the idea of say. Gross gross, gross, gross gross. So gross A What's going on with you guys Since the last time we talk Yeah at home. I need to know what's going at home. Now now Lauren, you've u Oh, well, I have a little bit of a story. Yeah I. My brother and sister in law and then their two kids visited us recently.. And no I made you know, I planned a lot of fun activities for us We went to We went to Universal Studios. We did Mario. We did super Nintendo Land. here goes no, no, no, no. But I got a lot tips and I can share them if youips. Have you been in Nintendoland? I have not I heard it heard of Nint a lot of sound How have you missed it? It's like Instagram was just inundating me with Nintendoand. I'm missing shit. I thought. I heard it was a lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Wait, a tale told by an idiot? Yes. Okay, I disagree. It was really fun. That's my review of Nintendoand. I just heard you Tale told by an idiot. I heard you had to wait al long like three hours So here's the tip. This was like multiple people here the. Multiple people told me that.ust the tip. And and I was trying to avoid it, but my nephews had been talking about it for a long time. so they were really excited to go. and I was like, we have to go to Nintendo. We have to ride on the ridees. Thankfully That's the most important thing at Universal for that. Thankfully, our nephew did not care one way or the other. I mean, it was my idea initially because It was seemed easier than Disney, which ultimately it was I usually take them to Disney don't they talking like that?. Anyways We everyone said, get the early pass. So okay, right off the bat you're there for an hour. Right off the bat the ticket The tickets are based are not one solid price. It's every day they vary slightly. So it's why pick a popular day it's more expensive. Oh, come on. And then on universalendolland It should be universal basic ticket price. It should be. And then Springsteeen suddenly? thirty dollars Sdenly per person to get into early access all right I'm going, Th these tickets are about to eat rival Disneyland prices And there's not and there's not much to do Yeah And then we get there we got everybody up at the crack of dawn. the buto wakes up at seven. We were out of the house by six thirty. We were like, we were everybody. Wha, how did Holly feel about it? She was fine ' my c her cousins were there. so It's exciting, though. She's exc. Time, what is that And we If your toddler is was like, it's six thirty. Yes What's going I said half hour. Meanwhile, mine is like six thirty AM like pounding on the crib like get me, get me to sleep in So we got there really early. It was still dark Ding donong. Hello. we're here for Nintendoand. But there was barely anyone there. And we got on the ride. The ride still was like a forty minute wait. Still forty minutes. we get early. And then the second we got off the ride it was a one hundred sixty minute wait. Yeah. So we really got to do it. There we also ate at the Toad Stool Cafe. They pack so many people in there and there's nothing to do, so they have to wait for three hours to everything. Now the tooadstool caafe, some of the food might be poisonous. is that correct? Right Yeahah ye. And some might give you hallucinations Yeah And you have to really study before Sp makes you Yeah. Did you was it fun though? It was a fun ride. It was. It was really fun. It's very VR based and like you have to kind of play a game with your eyes and stuff I was like bopping my head all over the place. like got idiot, I'm sure I. But I did reach the number of points that was I had to reach some. And then what did you get return for giving those fucking nothing. Oh, by the way, you also have to buy the kids forty dollarars wristbands that play all the games and the section. they they don't have the wrist band they can't play the games. So then it ends up you're spending so much money and they're forty. like This is it forty? This is crazy. And it's useless when you leave the place. It looks like a Mario thing. It's like, that's cool, but it's not a watch. So it to be a watch. I'll go to a public park for free. Well, look, they can and I'll feed the pigeons. I don't know if I always say like we' doess next. I'm like, I'll do I' do more. I went to a place where I could have a million adventures called The public library. That's right Yeah And Mario's in there too. Yeah, there's a lot of books about Mario. And we also had a beach day, and that was really fun ' I I never see the ocean, do you? I I want to try to do Only when we go to South Carolina. Yeah. Yeah. I pass on ye, if I'm on vacation, I see the ocean. but I passed on the beach day this time when my nephew was there but he ended up Waking up and not going because he drank milkshakes every day he was here and didn't feel good that morning. Oh my God. How many L more than one milkshake a day Occasionally, to a day. Do it do you have a milkshake maker? Like you've done it in the ble? No, he would he would just get ice cream out of the freezer and put it in a glass and pour milk on it. Well, that's not a milkshake. That's gonna give you a stomach ae That's hilarious.'re different blending it. Kids are so funny like that. It wass like, that's delicious. He's done It does sound delicious to me. I need it to be blended up a little bit. Ice cream and milk. Yeah there's not. There's nothing else inolved. Goddamn kids. so funny. Eggs. I know. But we had a great time. It was always so fun. It's so fun to see the kids all together. Did you go to the water worldorld Stun spepectacular? not. But they did get to ride Jurassic, which was only like a five minute wait because everyone was at Marioland. The new Jurassic I have not been on. I The old one I loved. Yeah Are you in the new one U My picture is in the movie, but I Oh yes. I remember. But I'm not in the ride, but I did feel a little dorky standing right outside of it, waiting for them to come out. Waiting to be reckgned. It just felt a little bit like I should move from the sign But then you were trying to see come out of the ride because they go down a water partark. so a picture of them which was funny.. And did and no one noticed you. One person did, but it was for another movie Oh. And then they asked me if I knew Adam Sander and so they named their son after him I have to go We we named our daughter as the wrong Missy. U Well, that's a lot of fun. so you had a good visit. It was so nice. I appreciate the effort, you know, it takes a lot to fly with the kids. It sure does. Yeah It sure does. M U yeah, we had a good time with the nephew He went to Raging Waters without us. I feel like I'm too old for Raging Waters, even though What did he go with? He went with Kulp's sister. Oh okay And It sounded like he like got on a bus. Yeah. Yeah. Santemas. little hobo bindle. But but I am too old to go on it probably Raging waters well't I don't think I're gonna to have. I don't think we're gonna have fun there. I doubt I will.'s a bunch of water slid. waterers slides. Oh, it's a water park. It's a water park. I've been there so many times and I love it Oh, really? And I just feel like I was kind of like, I just don't think I can do it. I feel like I could do it if I somehow had the park al to myself. Yeah. that's how I felt too. When I think about rent it out just yout want to stand inine with a bunch of kids . the too. But if I was rich, that's what I would do. Yeah, ye. closer. first thing I would do and rent out raging water. Instead of water, the bl it would be chocolate bill. That is honestly, it's not that much different than how billionaires are. I was thinking about that today like All the shit that they don't do that would be beneficial. It's so annoying. It's like, I'm gonna build rockets. It was already so awesome. If I had a billion dollars to. If I had a billion dollars, I would rent Rging Waters. Well, sure, that would be one doll. It's like a thousand dollars and you're done. My one luxury thing. It has to be more than a thousand dollars. I'm sure it. It's got to beite How much For one day one day, eleven hundred dollars.'s No, it's gott to be, I'd say twenty thousand do I haven't been on a waters slide since I was a kid. Gg me Gooel me. But I one thing I remember about them and I assume a place like Rging Waters is better than my local, you know, little pool, open pool with water water slides kind of thing that I would go to as a kid. It wasn't a water park, it was a place with slides. R those ridges in the slide Looks Yeah gonna slice the obstacle a bit on your back. You know that connects all the tubes. That's the feeling I have in my body when I yeah ye. thinkink of that. And hopefully there's enough water, but if suddenly it's dry, then you go You're like a skateboard going over a sidewalk. Exactly, Paul. And if you step on a Back crack, you bake your mother, buy back c. Well, I don't an to that. Step out a crack, break your mother's Nick, backack pus. That can happen It can happen. Well, if you do a real nasty fall, you can break them all at once. Step on my mother's back. Aate what you. Step on your mother's back, break my pussy. All right, we have to sink a bque This episode is sponsored by Better Help Oh, I always forget this summer is somehow both relaxing and incredibly chaotic at the same time Like in my mind, summer is me sitting peacefully outside with a drink and a light breeze But in reality It's me sweating while trying to coordinate seventeen different schedules and pretending that's fun There's this weird pressure to have a good summer, to make memories, be social, travel, sayay yes to everything, Enjoy every sunny day. and suddenly you're exhausted by July And I think sometimes we forget that taking care of yourself is also a productive use of summer. Therapy can help you better understand what you need, set healthier boundaries, and stop feeling like you have to do absolutely everything, which honestly feels like a valuable skill year round, but especially in summer, when everybody suddenly wants plans all the time BetterHelp has over thirty thousand licensed therapists worldwide and has served more than six million people globally. They match you with a therapist based on your preferences, and if the fit isn't right, you can switch therapists at any time You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy Sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp dot com slash freedom. That's betterter HLp d. com slash freedom Here's a little trivia about summer. Summer always changes the way I want to dress. Now that sounds like it's tricky about me but it's not The second gets worm out, I want to stop wearing anything complicated or uncomfortable. I just want pieces that are light, easy. 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He's always saying like, o, I was able to bring my own phone and number, activate it with EM in minutes, and avoid the whole painful wireless store experience entirely. Oh, I'm still getting reliable coverage except now my phone bills have financially ruined my mood once a month. And I'm like, o, man, I thought we were friends. Why are you talking to me like that Jealous If you like your money, Mint moobile is for you Sop plans and mintMobile d. com slash freedom. That's mintMobile d. com slash freedom front payment of forty five dollars for three month, five gigabyte plan required, equivalent to fifty dollars a month. New customer offer for first three months only and full price plan options available. taxes and fees extra, CMint mobile for details And we're back and I don't I don't see any I looked up renting raging waters and all I see are locker rentals Well, how much did that cost? Well, because it if I to runnt a locker raging water. That's five dollars. That's we could do that. You and you could do that. Absolutely. I'm looking for a storage space right now. I feel like Yeah, it must be kind of hard with going to a water park with the phone these days where you're like, I want to video it but I go on the ride. But then I get my phone to somebody while I go to my guess phone are water Basically all Phones are waterproof now. Is that true? Sort of. why that they did the o iPhone jack the way they did it Yeah, put it in the toilet. That's why they did the headphone jack the way they did it. square rectangle 'a water can't get in a square rectangle. Water goes in round. Circles. L waterater goes in round. 'ause like no tub have like, well, only like some weird tub, but most tubs don't have like a rectangular round is round. Yeah The hole is round. Yeah. Do you sometimubes have a rectangular? I just imagine some fancy modern bullshit that has a, you know, rectangulareran. You probably have it. Yeah, I got all I have are rectangular drains. Hey, the street has them Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. It stays down It all down there. Yeah, pennywise. That's where he lives. It the clown. Have you guys seen him l? No, whatan is in big? Yeah I feels good. Yes, there's a big face I've seen pound foolish. What's that? brother brother.. Oh You guys got me and that wasn't right. He fucking God. That wasn't It was not right it you want to know what's happening with me at home? Yeah. Yeah. what's happening with you at home? Nothing really. Hey during the hurricane did it hit you hard? That's a great question. We spent the entire day watching Vander pump rle. As hurricanes intended It was kind of exciting in the. Okay, if you don't know, California was hit by its first tropical storm. It was scary And it's scary what happened in certain areas. But once we sort of realized it wasn't going to be that crazy in our area. you could just enjoy a rainy day a little bit because we never get rain like that's yourre kind of and I'm being like a LA cliche. I'm not saying we needed it or something. It was very weird and it was scary, and there was an earthquake in the middle of. wild. You't were able to huddle up with your family or loved one and watch a movie. So we live in three separate areas. The three of us. We don't live together. We don't live together in k anymore. Everybody think No, yes. D We used to live together Did in one mattress. That's why we started the show. Yeah. We had a double king size mattress on the floor But so we live in three totally separate areas. I feel like we had three different experiences. Yeah. So Paul because there's two things, the rain level and the earth hit and the floor So Paul, how is your rain level Rain level was in the morning when it was supposed to be, you know, your I thought I'm going to wake up to torrential downpour And it was a soundless drizzle right And Janie was on high alert all day first and around. She was like, what if we have to get on the roof Well. Oh sorry won't happen. I don't think it's going to happen. Yeah. But I think we'll have plenty of warning Yeah. if that should Yeah once you get one inch, you can start to think about that again,. But we are close to the river. Yeah But it was I did not I didn't think anything was going to happen, but it is like because there's so much talk about it. and of course, the news loves to do it. We weren't watching the news all day, but we were getting alerts and shit like that And So we were kind of like, Janie more so than I was, but sort of like, is this going be bad? What's like waiting for the indication that it's going be bad? And then it was just a rainy day, which I did once I kind of settled into N guys. Yeah, but we had some tree damage that was pretty crazy. we're gonna to get to you. Okay. So so Paul, water level, not not anything different than a normal rainy day. Not really no. I have not yet looked in the garage where we do have a leak. Oh no. That's going to be a dt. gototta look in that garage. It's hard to you're too scare. It's gonna make it Bum me It's like, I know it's in there. I know there's a bunch of water against that wall. Yeah. Okay Do I really have to go look at it right now? There's nothing I can do. Yeah. Now Lauren you water level It was raining hard. I heard that you have some tree damage. We have tree damage. So T damage. There was a point when I was just kind of Cutting around the house. And saw it in a quarter of eye in the window and I thought, oh, its aloneost fle at the window, but then I looked out and there was nothing out there And then puttering Yeah, what's putszing Now that's not a thing Okay. And then a little bit later I realized that it was actually a huge tree branch that had fallen and it was on the ground, but I didn't notice it when I looked out the window. Hs. Yeah. on the ground R on the road. And then throughout the day, big, huge branches were falling and they all fell right into the path so it wasn't dangerous. Right? Like was none of them were the like above the house or anything like that No, I don't Not that I'm aware of.. But everyone wass like, whyy is this happening to you Because it's not that windy Yeah And then my landscape person came to clean it up today, thankfully. and it was huge.' like they were like six feet long. Yeah, you sent pictures and they were like, I'd say six feet long. Yeah. Yeah. They were huge branches and really heavy. He said that I have to trim the trees and he's going to do it. More often, I'm not going to do it becausecause they're really heavy old burn. But this is a really interesting tree that has a lot of flower. like it's like flowery leaves and it's always filled with bees. Like at this time of year, there's hundreds of bees. In the morning, it's like you just hear like the whole yard is humming with bees. it' sort of thick to flower. I was a little bit okay with Losing a lot of the lower hanging parts thated with bees. That's right, girl. Even though it's a shady spot, and then now I can see that there's other branches bending and snapping. so he's gonna to come get it because he's like it's dangerous. If it bands, it it gets dangerous. Yeah. If it breaks, it's on the ground. Yeah. But you know, the good thing is the bees probably weren't in there because of the rain and they all got away. Oh thank God. I know. Do bees know when it's going to rain? they're like, seeee you later They probably hide a little bit. Yeah. They hide. And so how was yours? If you're that small the rank could really fuck you up. Yeah, probably like one drop. you drown Boying. take a draw Everyone' up job job a job job We were if you fies We were being attacked by dragonflies the other day and I was like attacked. Youed We were in the pool and they just were like constantly I think they were trying to figure out how to get above the fence because you know how they fly pretty low to the ground And they just were they somehow got in and then we were like, how the fuck do we get out? And they just were around us. So we were like It's like a What's that word ash twenty two. What of those things that fly and film people Go drones. drones. Drones. which is another term for bees So true, Bie. There are bees who are drones. Yeah, That's awesome. And there are bees who are queens. Awesome. There are beans who are queens and they slay. Bees are queens. Yes, bees. You slay, bees. Is there such a thing as a queen bean?? Like a pair like mister Beans Like a black bean? Yeah Oh you're both what's that not kind of be a queen bean. I'm thinking of like if there's in every can of beans, there's there's one queeneen bean. It's the one who knows it's the most important. They should do that because it's like other beans protected. Cracker jacks are so fun and they got to be so popular because of the prize.' so fun. You would buy more beans if you like were able to get the quQeen bee. You know what I think is fair to say, crracker jacks not enough peanuts Mix it up a bit. And that's why they say at the ball game buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. because I know the cracker Jacks. I have enough peanut. What's the last time you a crackerack Not that long ago I really I I had a g recently, but I'm like, you know, these toys are just, they're just tattoos and stickers now. Yeah G me a toy. They need a refresh. Give me a bugle. Yeah. Put us in charge of the crracker jacks. rollers I say putut us in charge of them You'll have roller skates inside the bottom of the box and your sails will go through the roof.. And so did you drown during the hurricane? So our rain level was practically nothing And then I think I was texting you like, we're not getting anything. And then at a certain point it came down kind of hard and for about maybe an hour. And that was it. And it honestly rained harder earlier in the year. Oh my go. yeah, like the bin Oh that was insane. I had so many leaks. know that was disappointed. But then the earthquake happened and What was your earthquake experience What' quick experience was Janie is in a chair I am on a couch. She's not on that roof yet. We she's not you' on the roof because she's poised. She's standing on thech to climb. She's standing on the roof going, Is that all you got?ays it is that Ta. So we feel the house shaking And then we, of course, we even though we know One of us will look at the other say, is this an earthquake? Yeah. Be of course it is. It could be a weather related thing where it's like your house is blowing down. Oh, marsh gas Why are you trying? You youre calling me that? Why are you trying? A weather balloon Um And so it's like One of those ones where it was it was kind of rolling for a while? Re Really. And you're thinking, what do we do now? I certainly don' I don't think I've ever moved properly during one. No. I I never I have. I've never done the right thing They used to say go into the doorway and now I think now they say don't go in the don't go in the doorway. But I I used to get under a table. am you? That's tonadoes U I Ohh wait, what did the alert say? Be the alert was alert The alert was of funny to me. It was like shake dropping rolling Grab your ass kiss and goodby U I feel like my response with earthquake always is I just am sitting there going, kind of how long is this going to go on Yeah Lift your head up a little bit and go like And then is this same thing I need to pay attention to do? And then right at the point where I start to get worried, like it's still going, it stops, right And but then I always reflect on I don't know what to do. Here's what the emergency alert said. Earthquake detected. Drop, cover, hold on Protect yourself. USGS shake alert. Drop, cover hold of them. None of those are really helping me. No. Drop, sure Sure. coover cover with what What? My arms? Yeah, I guess. Yes Why am I supposed to fold my arms L like I'm gonna get up and fold my arms right now. And shake my head and go, Uhh, eararthquake It' technically better to have a broken arm? pos It technically better to have a broken arm than a broken head Okay, so it's technically better to have a broken arm than a broken head? Yeah. That's the why you put your arms around. I don't think that's technical. Yeah. I think That's a fact. Absolutely, it's better Do want you hear I was during the earthquake Dly, it's better to be alive than dead I guess I do. I was napping and I didn't know anything I didnt know about it. But my phone was doing a lot of vibrating and it was like going because I didn' put it on sleep mode and it was like going cra And then there was I still awake A lot of vibrate and then a one long where I was like, it was one of those alerts about the flood again. Oh yeah. And then like when I woke up and saw fifty texts from her like, Did you feel bad? And I was like, no,'t I don't think we would haveve I don't Mike didn't feel it. Mike Did I feel bad? Did feel bad? Would you like to feel this Ergles text me that.. We didn't feel it at all. Paul saying earthquake was the only on a text chain was the only indication that we had of an earthquake. Yeah Yeah. Yeah yeah. And I'm glad to bring you that news. Yeah. That's great. I love to get news like that. Yeah we had a very quiet day The concert We were calling it the hurrquake and that We were having fun. That's so the funny how everyone did that The concert we were going to that night got postponed very very thankfully because of the Hollywood Bowl, they were like rain or shine. That's crazy. But you can't bring in umbrellas. is the other thing Rin or shine can't bring an umbrella.' right there inun in a fucking poncho Wh Who would you see that is worth that? I honestly can't think of anybody that I would want that would be worth it to sit there in a fucking raincoat or whatever att thisage in life? No. I'm not doing that I would say if I was twenty one. I will say it started raining during it. When I did Bonoru, maybe They let us they put us in these VIP sections for to see a bunch of people. and we saw Tom Petty and it started raining in the middle of Tom Petty. and it was but it wasn't like hard, so it was fun Yeah. But and it let it, you know, stopped about Do twenty minutes in? Do you think that's what killed He was doing the concert in the rin and fell. time he got rain. fell and he died of his wound. Well, that was five years before he actually it was a body dumb. After that. No. Why didn't they keep using him? How are you the one who knows that? Yeah Yeah, why did the body devil have to die 'ause it's just like beggred belief. Filled the body double. It was just too long. It was just too long was like belief. Beggard belief What? Beggar? Beggred belief Yeahah. It beggred belief. It beggred belief. So people were not strong not continuing to believe it. I'm just trying to understand this phrase. It's Laggard. it's like You're playing ridiculous. Playing with the devil Oh my go! Play it with the devil! I just sing but I didn't know it was. I Devil Oh beautiful hymn to our mightighty Lord, the devil.! We're gonna summon What if you imagine if the devil was real? he was hereny I would have to laugh. He'd be like, I'm just red. H I'm naked, too. I'm red. I have a taail. I never been drawn with clothes. Do you like my little machian beard? I'm gonna get you, you're gonna have a bad time with me. I'm tempting you to do things Why don't you steal that candy bar? Why don'dt you eat that candy bar Oh yeah We saw friends when we were in South Carolina shhout out to my friend Elise. D,,,. So no one you have friends. No No, so you so here's so here's what's happened. So you so you so you so look here Well you sh up. Snow C we do another dayand was gonna be this way C. U So more songs should have clap clap, clap clap in them. I agree. There's a bunch. What do? likeike what? Come on, you know this under pressure people will have claps No, I don't mean just having claps. I mean that' specific claps. under a pressure by. That's what you should have said So now I'm tripping out of a whole fantasy. So like we didn't start the fire would' be like B blam bl bl Yeah, I'm trying to leave another one, but I can't, but I know there are more. It's's it is astonishing how many people have done updated versions of We didn't Start the Fire or personalized versions of We didn't Start the fire. I don't know what the personalized vers. I know Fallout boy just did the new Yes, the new version I didn't know this. There are if you go to YouTube, there are many, many versions of We didnn't Start the Fire where people have've either updated it or They have made it about like their're graduating class or it's. They get married and you know, they may ide We like the idea. Whatate. You like the idea. But we did not hate You should thank you for the sex. We went on andate. I'm doing it to be. Did you hear my line? You should thank you for the sex. We went to the cinnapplelex. So things for the sex. And then we go to the cinapplex, this guy had d d and I had raisin. B che for sex going to the cinapplex. chck Yeah. So youreites a few bad shs. You get pity sex out of that. A bad for you. Px p sex, we would do this in a then you take then you take me before the sex. Bad sex Pitt sex. Two different types of sex. Is is a bad jack? Bad jacks, pitt sex. P jacks go. And you take me for the . I care. And I say what the heck? tryrying to like historical reference And then this water the heck. Wait, what comesakes? Oh so. So had we had lunch with friends at their home and Our friend Elise made us this she made like a gumbo and she made this this amazing cornbread that was like the best cornbread I've ever had. w. And then for dessert, she made this peanut butter mousse cake that was delicious Wow, that sounds so good.. w. my wife. That's my kind of dessert. She had some leftover Um Hershey's bars. I left over. Yeah Yeah because the recipe called for it and you like you shave U like you grate chocolate on top of the thing. Right. And so she ops up a Hershey bar, classic Hershey bar.. Like with the little squares, you know what I mean? S rectangle. of it the little rectangles you'll right. Like mine sm like my draam. I apologize. It like your draam And so there was some left overver and She gave she would give she gave a let over to her husband who ate the rest of the Hershey bar And then she said, You know, like One time, I saw him just like eating Just like a whole Hershey bar likeike a whole thing. and she's wrong like this was very strange. Yeah. It's like, why they sell them? She saids like, Who es a whole candy bar? And I was like, I most people., you're looking at. whoo has two thumbs and he's one? d candy. especially. It's very barely there. It's a very thin chocolate. It it's, you know, it's not like a dark, thick dark chocolate or something where you'd have a darkate kind of It's not a dark. No I have to say it's like one percent c Yeah. I was like I's probably find a real chocolate. Growing up you would, you know, like, how much did they cost mayaybe twenty five, thirty cents something like that? I thought you werere gonna say dollars and I was like, what? Sometimes you're paying one hundred fifty dollars for No, but you would save up allowance and stuff. I still think about like how crazy it is to that you would eat a whole one They're so giant and you're so little for a kid to eat up for a kid to eat. You know what I mean?'orri. But like, how little are you that it's so giant? You would have to be very small. Hershey bars aren't huge. Hershey bars are kind of Hershey bars aren't huge well of ay. What do you think? a slim and petite. Sander. What has more massks? A three musketeers' bar or a herssey bar U Oh well, I think it's a's of fluffy marshmallow. I guess I would say with u I would say h she has more mas. It feels like in my mind The Hershey barars is heavier than the. That's how I feel, but I wonder what weight is. I had a real phase with three musketeers in fifth grade but that was like, I wanted that all the time plus Dr. Pepper. Now that is not nougat, but it is whippeds so whipped. mayaybe it's a whipped nougat. It's like almost a marshmallowy center. What are your classic nougat candy bars? Ngget Sneakers has a Ngget R does have This is a layer of ngat. Three Musketeers has ngat. Okay. But we're already saying that Uh I have well, I was looking up your answer. So don't ch in C hurt my feel. Oh, we went too far by. Dad sex, bank checks. everybody do thex. Everybody do the flex. Solo plex Um Okay, the weight of a Hershey's candy bar? Bad checks, wait, bad checks wait, wait, wait bad ches w, wait, wait wait, bad checks wait, No, wait, wait Bad checks. Bad checks wait, wait wait What no So so wait bad so you got to no waitit wait wait wait wait wait wait waitititad checks, Waity secks hit me in the solar plx Wait, wait! Ballistic ever versus X Yeah. Remember? Ballistic X versusver Okay, so the weight of a Herses This is yeah twenty four grams. This is with almond pieces. Standard bar O with almonds, it changes the weight It changes the look of it too. And the taste No, think' I think they're both the exact same.. Okay. That's weird. It's not posible. The the weight is one point five five ounces. One point five five o. O point five five o. Now a three musketeers of her Three musketeers One point three five Nine two No so much water set That's you believe it. so So technically you're eating more with the three musketeers, but it doesn't feel like it to me. No, it doesn't, it doesn't. It doesn't because it's fluffier. yeah, one hundred percent. What were you ago two candy bars when you were a kid? Threeusketers of mree Musketers was I had a phase, but I I loved them all. M andems, snickers, twixs, andem Pana butter twicks, And then with the butter then And then with the invention of the take five, everything really took off for me. Sure sure, sure sure. U I recent Oh Re has been burg upps, sorry. I recently had Take five Iice cream from Jenny's. Oh Jenny By Jenny's. That's try to be next level. Jenny's is crushing it guys. Take five ice cream. Jenny' is slaying like a badass. Okay, I want that. Say your own I know what I' get why Jennyies isn't sending me like boxes of ice cream like they do with a lot of people.. What's going on with Jenn'ies these days? They're not sending us boxes of ice cream for free. Don't you get boxes of ice cream? money. Yeah I got one box from them. But I want boxes and boxes. I've never gotten any and I feel jealous. I will say that I have gotten two boxes. There you go. Jenny's, I want my second box and then I want A lot of boxes after that. But what about Lauren's first box? Jenny's Jenny's? I want Lauren's first box box. This isn't working out how I thought it w wit wait, wait We gota take a break, but do it one more time I want I want a know that your song. Oh, okay. Bad cheacks, C on Bad Chuck's lazy sex hit me in the solar plags, take me to the ciner plags. Thank me for this out. All right, we'll be And we're live on Matchdayay as Doug reaches for a buffalo wing He's got it. Oh and he's gone for a can of Pepsy too. What a finish! There's no doubt about it. It just tastes better. Match days deserve Pepsy. Study and play. Come together on a Windows eleven PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the unreal college deal, everything you need to study and play with select Windows eleven PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft three hundred sixty five Pmium, and a year of Xbox GamePass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller Lear more at windows d. com slash student offer. Law S supppplies last ends june thirtieth turns at aka. mS slash college PC. And we're back and Paul, you had you have a threeacher. Uh I do have is it three time already? It is holy shit, you imagine. I can't believe. I honestly can't This is once speaking of singing We haven't done this in a while. I think we only did it once and I can't believe that we only did it once. You don't have to craz This is a threeure that is called I have bad tunes for you I have tunes for you. This is where One person comes up with some bad news that has to be delivered. Okay. Another person comes up with a song that everybody knows And the u and the remaining person has to deliver the bad news to the toun that's all. Okay. I vaguely remember this I vaguely remember this. And I'm gonna say right now, we didn't start the fires off the table. Dam. That's the only time we can think of right now Who would like to be the first deliverer of the musical Bad newews Oh sh. I would. Laurn. Yes. Scott, would you prefer to come up with the song or with the bad news? I'll come up with the bad news. All right? Are you I shall come up with. Are you text me or tell me right now I text you because I think that's fun. Yeah, I think that's fun for the listener right? Text the bad news. I'll text the bad news. I'll text the song. Okay, and your name, by the way, so I can find it in my text. I think you have me saved as bitch, I hate Okay, I am Texting the bad news. Okay to Lauren and she has Received the bad news and now God all, I have texted a song song and it is delivered quietly. Okay. Who am I telling it to Both of us, I guess Hey over one person. Hey, hey guy Heillos U I'm really glad I caught you before you brought to out to work. I'm thinking maybe you should Thank you. I'm thinking maybe you should stay home. I don't know if you should be conducting a train with the news G forward staying home? Well, I just don't want you to be in charge of conducting a train with the news I'm about to tell. But but but but but but but's my life. It work chew. Well, let me just try to tell you what happened. Maybe it'd be softer in a song I have news for you. I'm gonna share I'm gonna share I'm gonna share. I have some news for you. I'm gonna share I'll tell you now. Your uncle was riding on a roller coaster. He went down and He jumped out to try to stop it with his arm because he wanted to be like Superman and the roller coaster ran over him. It broke his clavicle in three spots In three spots. in three spots, it broke his clavle in three spots And the rest of his body How do you feel? T two two go Oh I'm glad we got a new new. Yeah. All right, great. I like it. Okay, I'll go next. Okay. All right So Paul, you're going to text me the thing that's wrong. Yeah and I'll send you the song This is exciting This is too exciting almost I almost don't want to do this because it's too exciting Yeah, let's quit guys are the most silent texts Oh my gosh. The song has been sent. The song is sent. I have received the song And now I got to receive that bad news that I'm gonna to deliver to the tune that Lawn sent me exactly. If you can If I dare do it which I think I just love. Delivered Okay Hi guys. Hi. Hi. Oh, you're one Okay ye. That's right. I'm Mly. Well, u You don't know who I am. Who are you I'm The local anchor Man Fr N. That's right. That is what a local anchoran is from And When I'm not on camera, I go around delivering news Wow. Ls to people. Do do they playay you This occas if you like the job that I did, you can tip me afterwards. We'll see. So I have some news for you. Do you Oh. I'd like to deliver it me? Yes. I like that. Well, one thing I don't get to do on the news is I don't get to sing because songs are copyrighted and on the news you can't I don don't care Is that your Tommyee Jones impression Yeah,. Pretty good, prettyrety good. Thank Thank you. Wan I hear it again? Okay I don't care. It's perfect. You do the face too. Yeah. incredible I don't care. thirird time, not as good. I dontt care. All right, well I'm gonna sing you this news and I hope that Afterwards, if you find it in your heart Give me a few bucks, you know Let's hear it press Pants. You are he to me Last night you were cooking and one of you left the oven on Then it called f. And it burned your house to the ground But that's not the bad news. There's more to come Your baseball cards are gone. Yes, that's right. Y house burned right down to the studs. Your baseball cards are gone. No What happened? I'm upset Wh your voice is gone? Oh no I said I have a normal voice. I'm alive on my own. Oh no! You split into two. leftide, right side. I'm going to bring evil upon the world Am my cards are gone? No. Wait, what's worse? The card A my baseball cards are gone Okay All right. Now it goes to p. Now it comes to me. I romanticerong. Ns I'm texting the song I've texted the song Great song Ooh, that was the, by the way, the first song I ever slow danance to. That really? Yeah. Oh, time after time. Not the song you just texted. No. U Yeah, that's the first time I ever slow danceced to and there was a lot of like h how far how low can my hands go here? Oh And you know what The butt. You went all the way down? I went all the way down. You were giving the green light? Well, I didn't go all the way down to the shoes Itn' beny if that's how low you wanted to go. Oo sort of touch the back of your foot. Y heels. In the shoe, over the shoe. Okay, ready? Okay Hi there Hey. I'm sorry to Wait. I I had to tell you something. What? I love you. Oh That's very nice. Okay, okay don't don't don't come on, we're work. But come come on Thank I work here I I I want to have have sex. Okay, this is This actually reinforces my actually this actually reinforces my decision. I have some bad news for you No, I w good news. Oh, I know and that's what I want to give you, but I can away. I w good news. Right good news, good news You can't do a one person chance, it's ridiculous. I did just did. Bch. They look There know. I know. Come on. This be be back. I know. I know. I know, I say bitchula because I'm Freddy Kruger, but I am your boss and I need you to stop calling me that. Okay. Just kidding. Just kidding bitch I I have some bad news and I think the only way I can deliver it and not burst into tears It's by delivering it in song Oh well okay Here we go Dear employeys I gathered here today to tell you about this thing call Y Job And How it's not gonna be what you thought it was gonna be becausecause your job is different now becausecause In this company You're on your own, meaning you're fired