Theme Song and Show Wrap Up

Lemonada Me and that's what our theme song sounds like if you're new here can we shout along to it . We don't have to, but we do kind of our thing. They're already shouting on the theme song, but we shout over it . Why do we do that by the way? I think you can't ask these questions years into something. Get our energy up . Yeah, yeah, it does feel present. Centers us. Yeah. I feel pumped. Because otherwise I'm thinking about whatever I want to think about. I think about Sam thing. Santa Samthang? I think about Santa Samthang . He's this guy in my neighborhood. Weirdo. No one's really named Santa. No, I know. You would think such a popular guy, Santa Claus. And yet no one names their kids my son Santa Claus. Hey, Santa. He's good. People love him. He has a great reputation. Yeah. He's never been negative predators. People name their children Jesus. Right. Yeah. Santa Claus. Come on, people. Hi everyone. Welcome to Freedom. Let's introduce ourselves. Great idea, Scott. Spoiler, what about you to my right? Who are you? My name is Expo yourself and I'm sitting here with someone to my right . Yes. Who are you though? I'm an actor and I'm a comedian and you know, we've been doing this podcast for six years. I think this is our six Christ. That's a long time. And yeah, I mean, do you want me to give my credits? Yeah, every single one. Start at the beginning. High school plays. You can find me on IMDB and you'll be able to learn all about it. And high school plays I didn't get into any of them . I've talked about this on the show. That's right. By the way, this is free to talk about things we've talked about on the show. This is an integral part of the company. Yeah . All right, and who was that who just said that? Hi there. My name is Paul F. Tomkins. My home website is IMDB. com Homepage when you go open your computer. I played the barkeep in Oliver Twist in my freshman year. Then I played Pawnee Bill in Anti Get Your Gun my sophomore year. And which one did the teacher kiss the student? Oh, that was South Pacific. I assayed the role of Luther Billis . Luther and watched my Italian teacher kiss a contemporary of mine. That's so she was a contemporary . Yeah, she was in my class. And years, years later, I still think about it and I don't understand why that was I'm sure she does too. You can't even say it was a different time. He was still a man and she was still a child. Yeah . Yeah . My name is Scott Ockerman, and let's see, carousel in the ninth grade. I played the star keeper. I was a jigger. That's right. Who's the villainous person who died? Yes, who got Billy Bigalo into a lot of trouble? That's right. And then he runs away. That's right. Never to be seen again. Never winds up in heaven up there with Billy Ordell. Yeah, that's true, maybe it's just not there . And the reason that the three of us started doing this podcast many years ago is we're all comedians . We all went on the comedy bang bang live tour back in what year was that even twenty We did every show together. We traveled around the country and to different countries. We went to Australia and Canada and England, although Lauren, you didn't go to England? I would have had a nasal surgery on my deviated septum that was causing slug like blood to leave my body from my nostril. Not enough blood to slug like. It was just, you know, I was scared to get on a plane and have that start happening. It's a big deal. Yeah. So we all struck up a friendship and we decided to do a podcast together. You're saying we didn't become friends until the tour? No, I think probably halfway through the tour. Wow . I think that's true We were already frightened. Deep in it though. No, I think we saw each other in our glasses. There's no turning back from that. I do believe night two of the tour we everything got real because backstage we were in the middle of two shows in Boston and backstage you just did start downloading my life problems onto it. You're like, look, this is gonna be a boring tour unless we really get to know each other and be real with each other Yeah, you can't remember this at all. I was going through a personal life change. Yes. Yes. Anyway, so things got real between us. We did. And we decided to do this. We stopped being played. Yes. Things started getting real. Yeah. And so what is this show, if you've never heard it before, it's just the three of us talking about stories from our life . Yeah, we share stories from the way past, the more recent past, and even things that are to come. We we can see the future. Well, I'm a bit of a soothsayer, they say. Stop saying sooth . We are typically we're appearing on the show as ourselves . We typically are in characters on other podcasts that some people I know is from. Laura and I do many characters. Scott does a version of himself, I guess. The more annoying version of myself than even that more annoying. Wow. I had that calibration different ly. Yeah. I was used honestly. And so yeah, it's just it's just silly. It's just silly. We have fun and then at the end of the show, we're gonna play what we call a three cher with Don't tell anyone it's actually a game. It is a game and sometimes we play a game. Sometimes we're playing a game . And then a lot of times there are references you might not get unless you listen back to . We're gonna tell all these stories again. Yeah, yeah.' Well get we're erasing the gas. We will tell all the stories again, but new injokes. We're not going to write any injokes from the previous six years. It's tough. It's tough, but we got to do it. We just did one just so that that's yeah,'s true . This is episode one hundred and eighty two for new listeners at events. What I like about that end joke is that never we never even explained we never explained it on this purely an injoke from our lives. Yeah . No one will ever know. No. No. Are you playing a game? That's the type of intro that we have that we'll never explain to you as a listener. And that's what's fun about friends. You don't need to understand it all to have a good time listening to the conversation. Does that sound good? I think it sounds great. So let's get into it. All right, so we're back. You know, we've had a brief hiatus. We haven't done an episode since September with each other. Do you remember? That's long. I sort of remember the last episode we did in September in September? Yeah. It was a time. Badiya ? What? Badiya, badia. Badiya. What are you doing? I don't know . He's just singing Badiya. Why are you singing baddya to you guys? I was just singing Bad a, of course. Body out of you. Oh the body out of you. Body out of you. Body out of you, that's why I went to college. This is the show. Turn my microphone off You just want your headphones off. You want your entire microphone off, please. Disconnect me from the show . Well unplugged me from life. September, you know we've had a lot of oh, you had a story that you wanted to tell me anything . I've been saving this Drove me bananas because you and I went to the Bluey House. Yes,. okay So let's rewind. To say what this is, rewind ? After the first of the year, now Lauren this is three to rewind Lauren and I Lauren and I have children. Yeah . Not together. Not together they know of. We announced though on Lauren's topics quite a few episodes back. We announced the fact that my wife and I had a child , which we've been trying for a while. Well, and I have a Lauren's topic. Yes. You have Lauren's topic off over that important sentence. Yeah, well, it's time for Lauren's topic. This is one of our most cherished segments. This is a topic where we only talk about whether I'm having a baby or someone else in the room . I am having a baby. Yay . This spring. I like to leave it vague for the strangers of the world, and then you'll just see when it pops out . Oh, really? We're gonna see the video of it.. Yeah Yeah. I'll post that on my live. Has any baby ever popped out? I don't know, but my daughter does say baby's gonna pop out. I will say we're gonna catch it. My friend , his wife was pregnant for the first time and as far as he knows . These secrets you're afraid of . And she said to him, Oh, I feel like I'm having contractions. And he said, Oh, okay, well let's drive to the hospital. They like Mosy 's very calm. Mosy to the car, nothing really weird was happening. It was about a twenty minute drive. They drove twenty minutes. They arrived, they walked into the door. She had the baby immediately. Wow. Just like so lucky the hobby of the hospital like practically, yeah, she just went Oh, I think and then they wait . It was like a TV show where like where you get cut off in the writing and you just you don't keep talking like, oh I sink then. the And baby comes out. I was like, I guess I can't finish my sentence. Like she was gonna say, I think I'm having the baby, but it's like, yes, you know shows where like they write it where it's like, you're like, no, no, no, I'm trying to explain. And then the person just talks over you, so you don't get it out and you're like, if you just kept talking, they would have to hear your explanation . That would make sense. And then you'd say it's the cheapest way because the drama is essentially people keeping secrets from each other. And so it's the cheapest way when someone when a character is like, Hey, I want to tell you this thing and then someone interrupts. I'm always frustrated 'cause I'm like, it's so cheap. Well, it's circle back at least. Yeah. Hold on a second. What are the secrets they're keeping from each other and like eight is enough . Well, there's nine of them. I don't know if you knew that. That's not a drama. What would you classify it as? Isn't eight is enough? Oh, not the just the ten of us . By the way, this is a big part of om fainre ised Paul and I know ing shows from the seventies. That's right. And Laura knowing shows from the nineties eighties, I think. I guess eighties, 'cause we're not that far apart. We should paint in the eighties though. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you'd think. Family matters, Erkle. Yeah, obviously. Did I did I did I? It's funny because that is a that's an area where I didn't watch family matters, but of course I knew what it was. It was back in three channel days. These were matters big hit regarding this particular family. Yes, and I felt like, oh, that's none of my business. These are family matters. Take me out of it. I'm not in their family. Yeah, they are family matters . Thank you. You gave me such a platform to say that. So anyway, Lauren, I don't have had a chance to say to you, congratulations. Oh, thanks. So you did ignore me when we saw it there every time since this has happened . But that's so it's called Paul, have you said it? I don't know if I've actually said congratulations. I've expressed my excitement.. Well, thanks And happiness for you. That's great. Why are you withholding with your congratulations? I think that's a sacred thing. And I don't think you should just like spread it around like water. So you don't think this deserves it. That's fine. It's on the line. It's on the line. And what do you consider to be congratulation worthy? Graduating from school ? This congratulations. Oh, you got me. Oh no. Okay, so I did say to my congratulations. Okay, good. Okay, that doesn't make sense. Commulations to you as well . But so that way that's happening, by the way, in the middle of this, in the middle of our episode. So we'll just , you know, one week you're gonna hear Lauren's have the baby and we're not m goingent toion it for a while that's true because we're going to be banking the episodes ahead of time . Yeah. Yeah . What if it happens during a recording like we get trapped in here, like on a sitcom? Oh, that would be really bad. Yeah. That actually I wouldn't like that. Who would you prefer to deliver the baby? Meir Scott? Cool up . But no, what I'm imagining is there's an earthquake and all the exits and entrances are blocked. Yeah. I'll just do it myself. Look at me Not even in a mirror? What if I just pop out my hand and I turn my head? That's fine. And wait for it to pop out. Yeah . So we went with the blue. Give us a little backstory on this. So Bluey Bluey . If you're if you're not watching children's TV lately, Bluey is an Australian cartoon about a dog named Bluey. Well, she's a sheep dog. What is it? She's a dog. Sheep. No, I don't need I don't see , you know, breed. Yeah, so she's got it's her mom dad's very open minded and they have it's a very cute show. It's a very good show. It actually is good for adults. Adults one of the rare ones that it's like is it? I have actually not heard that. Adults love it . Many people I know who do not have children enjoy Bluey. Yes. Wow. I actually think that some of it might go over kids' heads a little bit. They do a lot of things to nod to adults , which is always very sweet. It's like there will often be like little storylines about the parents where you're like, Oh , it's so touching that there . Cool getting a divorce . Culophries at every time I cry a lot watching the show. Meanwhile, I sit there angry and stern. A little touch with my emotions. A little trivia about Bluey. Really? There was a real Bluey. Really? Yes. Bluey seventh june, nineteen ten to fourteenth, November in nineteen thirty nine was a female Australian cattle dog . She freed last dog. What? Yeah, nineteen nineteen ninety two. Well, here's the thing. No, nineteen ten . She held the Guinness World Record. It doesn't make any sense. She held the Guinness World Record as the oldest dog . We were really we really teed you up for that. Dog. This is what he said. It can't be that long. She won the Guinness Record. You actually told me that the other day that's right that I yet, I didn't remember. This is part of the part fre ofedom. Yeah. Is that remember ing what other people say she was surpassed well me. She was surpassed by Bobby from Portugal in twenty twenty three who also recently passed away. Although there is a I don't know if Fred Guinness knows this , but there's a lot of controversy whether that is Fred Guinness. Never mind. That's a different show, but anyway, there's a lot of controversy as to whether that is a reality. I heard that Bobby might not have been that old Bobby. So that's why it's kind of a munch housing situation . Do you know what that means? Well, like I do know that with that story with a young person had a dog who was old by proxy . Lauren said that with such do you mean that's been really soaking up a lot of gypsy rose data recently you mean regular syndrome that she was younger than she was. Right. So I just was kind of playing off of that that her age. This dog's age was a mystery given the parents who were saying, Oh, she's old, she's old. The whole time she was young. How does this fit in with mysterious case some to tell you, Grace? I have to catch up. There was an update on that I haven't caught up on. Yeah, it's horrible by the way. That whole situation is so dark. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I don't want to explain it. It rhymes though, so it sounds whimsical. Yeah, you can Google that if you care. Okay. Bluey . Blueyer sweet. And they had a pop up house, which I think is still a thing. It's moving to Chicago soon. It's kind of going all over the place. Yeah, it's going all over the US and maybe because it felt like people from Australia were there like guiding it. Yeah, a couple of the people in charge seemed like I didn't catch that. But it's basically an immersive experience where you go into Bluey's house. They bring the house from the cartoon to life and it's, you know, there's a kitchen and a television room and playhouses and bedrooms and all this kind of stuff. And then when you walk in , well first of all, when we walked in, they put you in the gift shop, which I was like, oh god, because it was it was everything . I couldn't believe we made it out of there. What I didn't realize is they don't, you don't end in the gift. I thought that was a huge mistake because I was kind of like, oh, we'll get to this at the end. Yes. And then we it just plops you out into the street because you don't want to be the middle of traffic stuff right when you're gonna walk around and do that. I don't know. So whatever. Yeah. So we never went back in to buy anything. But when you so when we walked in, you said, I said, How was your Christmas? And you said, I actually have a story about that. And I said, great and you were like, I'm not gonna tell you right now. I want to tell you on the show. I was like, When are we doing this show? I don't know. And I was like, So I just don't get to hear a story now. And then that was it. That was it. Yeah. So you've been in suspense this whole time, but let's talk about blue. You're very withholding . And he used to like you with your congratulations . Well, that's I've established why I am that way. But you used it as a means to control us. Yeah. I was under your thumb for that whole. So are you only doing this season of Threedom? Because you wanted to hear this story . I need to know what it is, but I'm glad I'm doing it because I need money. We went into Blue's house. What? To buy candy. Okay, there's so many touchs on my candy. Oh my god. I never touched the hand. I said they had the mamasb were asc Sott tells you a mamba. It's not like someone put that away . So Blue Bluey . Let's talk about the blue experience because you go in the house and they say, Oh, Bluey and Bingo are playing hide and seek, you have to find , go in their house. And you're supposed to be there for forty five minutes or so. Like that's your time stream. And there is no sign of them, okay? No, there is a sign of those little cartoons. Yeah, they keep popping up like in a cupboard in like screens and they'll be like, Haha and if you catch a glimpse of 'em, then they go away. To me, that didn't count because fucked up. My child never saw that. No, your child was very upset she wanted to find Bluey immediately. She was focused on the task, but he said, You could find out to find them. And she likes hide and seek. She's like, let's go find them. And then she's like, Where are they? And she was having fun, but then she would go , We have to find them. Where are they? It's a forty five minute thing too, and they're not prepared to have Bluey come out to see you until the end of it. So she was getting a little frustrated. five minutes is a long, I mean how quite a few times blue comes out. There's slides forty five minutes for solid solid. That's too long. I actually agree. I felt that you should get to end it when you want to end it. I didn't think that right. That's set up. Yeah, that's ridiculous. Because I was like , everyone was on a bored at a certain point. Like and she really just wanted to find them. It was on a fifteen minute though rotation where they take people out after forty five minutes and then every fifteen minutes, a new group comes in. And then they revealed in a private room , where you take pictures and stuff like that. Which was very cute. Yeah . The whole thing was she had a great time. It was stressful a little bit. My child emerald was didn't she knows what Bluey is . She really loves the theme song and that's like she'll watch it maybe but not knowing what's happening, but she loves the theme song . So I think she was just happy to be in a place where there were slides and there were like places to play and stuff like that. They have like dance contests and stuff like that. Like it's certainly there's a lot going on. I stayed away from that. But I do think that Holly, why are you so ashamed of your dancing? I just was like, you're cooking. You know, it just felt COVID. 'Cause I 'm not you're like a ballerina. I'm a beautiful dancer. Prima Ballerina. Yeah, but I didn't swan that time. You've done all the major roles before you were twenty one. Well, of course it have you to . But being pregnant in this tight space with a bunch of little germs and then it was dancing Yeah, I was like, I'm just gonna move over here. Because then there were points where everyone was kind of corraled into one room and it was like, you could just go to a different room and be alone. So it was like, that's great. So in any case, it was the room was up. It sounds when you say everyone was corralled into this little room Very grim. No, it was it was loud. It was like they were blasting music and doing like crazy crazy sound contest. If you were five, perfect. Yeah, it was a little overwhelming for the they were stacking like, you know, all these foam things into statues and stuff like and then knocking them over. It was work. Yeah, it was just a ton of stuff. It was a little stressful to me. No, it's a lot of job. I definitely was like I was like, I see that Monday through Friday. Yeah, I don't need to. I was like , I always where I worked for sure like when I was starting out. Right. Like I would be like, this would be my pre babysitting years. It would be part of it, by the way, it would be part of this. Babysitting and then movie star. So inaccur ate. But well, it's not that inaccurate. I also was in commercials. And would you still do them? Yeah, I still do them from time to time when they pay well. . But the activity of leading the kids through this, it would have been a side job I would have had for sure where I would have because it seemed pretty fun and easy for as far if you're a performer and it's like, I bet it paid pretty decently. But at the end of it at the end of it, we go into a room and there's Bluey and Bingo, I think. And we all took a picture . What was that? What was that big ? Blueya I recognized and there was a brown one . But we also took a picture with them and was Holly excited at that point? I think she was, but she was also really confused because they're big . They're bigger than they should be. And they're human s.uspect She was looking at them kind of like, huh, but then she was excited. But in the picture, she's not smiling. Yes, in the picture, my child is also not smiling. Yeah . But then cut to two weeks later, she went to a child's birthday party the other day, yesterday where there was a giant m Elo. And she's only been watching Sesame Street for one calendar week and she it blew her mind and she ran up and hugged Elmo. Unlike what she did with Blue, she was a little reticent about Bluey. She just hugged Elmo and would not let him go.. That's so cute Yeah, very cute. So in any case, that tees us up for this story, but we have to take a break. Wow. Just really quickly. Yeah , do you think that she was more responsive to Elmo because he seems less powerful than Bluey . Yeah, I think power dynamics were definitely a play er. Louis is more in control of herself, right? Right. Yeah. Elmo seems like a child. The bluey that you meet is hard . Yes, shining hard shading to the touch. Where I think Elma 's not like plushy, it's like no, it's like a foam kind of . It's so big round. Maybe almost fashioned out of cardboard or something. It was it was and then applied with paint. You know, it just wasn't squishy, it wasn't huggy. Yeah. Yeah, meanwhile it's just like pure fluff. Yeah, yeah, pure fluff. Okay, we have to take a break. When we come back to this exciting story of what happened, what happened to me on Christmas Eve. Wow . I really have no idea what it is. Yeah , you'll be blown away. We're gonna take a break. We'll be right back one more freedom. Bye. Hey, I don't know about you because I'm not a creep . I mind my own business. I'm not peeping through your windows, I'm not installing cameras on the grounds of your home . Oh wait, the reason I say it is, I don't know about you, but I really enjoy keeping my money. And for years, I just accepted that my phone bill was going to be weirdly expensive for no reason. 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It's funny that that little rat in that story , in that song is saying I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, like implying that it was the Mommy's idea. Well , I think he's trying to say like Mommy was cheating on Daddy. There's the other side of the equation is Santa Claus is cheating on Mrs. He's cooking and he's cooking your dad. He's cooking your dad. Cooking He's cooking your dad. He's cooking your dad . Is that the title? Okay, so this so we haven't seen each other Oh by the way, Ludley's here's the episodes of titles So we haven't seen each other as a group since September Wow and we're on the tent? No, I'm sorry we went to dinner. And we had a holiday party at your house. That's right. We have the holiday party. So we've seen each other a bunch in your life. Twice is a bunch to you. Twice is more than here's a bunch of bananas, two bananas. Who can eat more than two bananas? I'm sorry, don't you not see people a bunch usually and two is a lot . This is a lot of times to see someone between then and then agreed, I think . Okay, so here's what I said. I also saw you a blue . That's right. So in between what I was in there. In between was I in the costume? That would be spong. Weird. We're fucking imagine if I took off the head and it was spalge . I would heal the back smoke comes out . I don't even know what my reaction. Hello my friends . What a great man, I got a great art climb. I gotta figure out how to do that to do that now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We know so many people have kids now. Yeah You would know someone in the group, so just do it whenever you can, and I'm sure you'll know. Anytime there's a child terrified children If there's ever a child's birthday party, just ever is, yeah . I mean, Holly's is probably coming up . I mean in the summer. Sure . Definitely come by his bluey. Christmas is coming up. Yeah . And Lauren will think that Mike hired him and Mike will think you hired him. Oh , it's like when Jesus it's like when Joseph and Mary lost our Lord in the temple. That's right, yeah. I always think about that. I thought it was with you. What happened on the eve of Christmas? Okay , so Christmas Day , we had a we were gonna have a lot of it. We're just skipping right over that story. Well , no, this is still this is still Christmas. I'm saying whatever. I'm having fun. I understand, and I'm not . It's tough. Sometimes we get contentious textbook freedom. So on Christmas day, we were supposed to have a lot of people over, a lot of family, a lot of friends. Like two , yeah, a bunch, two people . And so Kulop tends to go , I don't want to say overboard, but she does a lot when on these holidays. Thanks to Benjamin. Sure. Yeah. And use her goldenhawn movie. She's a great host. She's a great host . She is indeed. She knows what the people want. She really and she really enjoys it. She really enjoys it, but she doesn't farm out a lot of this to other people or even like order food. You guys have a live in farmer. That's right . He's so bored . But it's worth it for us. Yeah. You just have him out of the year. You just have him out there in the dell yep . Dude, you're getting a dell is what we said to him when we hired him. And he was like, oh, it's perfect. I heard he wants wife. He's like, I love that reference. Farmer wants a wife. Farmer wants a wife. Matt right? Farmer wants Matt, River wants Matt right . Maybe that's the title. That's my big disappointment. What's gonna attract Le Rong friend? You know what? Good . They should be disappointed. So we go to sleep on the night before Christmas Eve., Ooh the 'T nasight before Christmas? ' Yes. All through the house, not a creature was stirring and even a mouse. Cool up is just made all through the house not a creature. Chimneys would carry even a mouse . Something like that. You know it by ours like that. Yeah, it's good So the night before Cool Up has made a big, huge to do list of what she has to do on Christmas Eve. Wow, and it's like to the every half hour of like, I need to put this in the oven at this point. You wanna see why I don't cook? Yeah, yeah. It's so confusing. Plus I'm horrible at it. Plus I had no desire . You really made a case . So we go to we go to sleep at four in the morning, cool up wakes up me and says I hear jingle bells . He's close. Close. She says why is the room spinning ? What's happening? Why is the room spinning? Oh no . And I think she's having a dream. Yeah . And so I'm like, It's okay, honey, it's okay. And she's like, No, no, the room's spinning. What's happening? And I'm like, Oh, something actually is wrong . I wake up, we turn on the light. I'm like, What's I ask her to describe what's happening? She's like, The entire room is spinning around me right now . I like look up on the internet symptoms and Vertigo comes up and I'm like , this sounds like Vertigo to me like you have an inner ear problem Vertigo essentially is like it's the same reason you get car sickness . You have in your inner ear you have like a gyroscope and if your eyes are not seeing what your ears are experiencing. It's why you get sick on the Harry Potter ride or whatever. I do get sick on that. I went on that one time and I was like, this is the most nauseating ride. And they ride with my arms crowned ? No , not since like the first week it was open. Every single person who went on it threw up. Oh my god Okay, what ? I'm hovered the picture just reading a magazine. You're just bored? Yeah . So it's awesome. I go on it every week. So she 's away with you . I think it's cool . So I look it up and I say, I think it's Vertigo . I'm looking at the sym ptoms and I see one of the symptoms is or one of the things that can happen with vertigo is having a stroke. Oh God. And I'm like, I think it's just Vertigo. I think if you close your eyes and go back to sleep, you'll be better . So she goes back to sleep and then at eight in the or at seven in the morning I wake up with a baby and I'm taking care of the baby and about nine in the mor ning, she comes downstairs and I say, How are you feeling? And she says, I think we should go to the urgent care . On Christmas. Christmas Eve. Oh , okay. Yeah. So I say, okay , I'm trying to figure out what we do with the baby. We call Kool Up Sister who's able to come over. You know, that's really great. So we get into the car. I'm like, how are you right now? She's like, It still is spinning . So I find an urgent care down the street. We go to it, we park , I lead her inside. I sit her down in the waiting room. I go up to the front desk. Sorry at this point , what is she experiencing? She's like kind of crying and is has her eyes closed. Is it still like everything's spinning for her? Yes. Okay . So I say let's go I check in and I say, Hey, I tell the symptoms and they say, okay, well are you a Kaiser member? And I say, No, and they go, Well, you can't be here. I swear to God system. Obviously, it's not, I mean, everyone knows, but it's just many things are like this. Yeah. So they say go to the ER down the street and they show me a map . And I say, okay. So I go back to Coolup and I say, Hey, we have to go to a different place. That's all I say to her. She goes, okay. And so I lead her back to the car , and then we find the ER, but they don't have parking . So I need to drop her off. Great for an ER . It's so insane. So I need to drop her off. So I say, here, honey, go inside, you know, this is the ER, go inside and sit down. I'll find parking and I'll be back. Parking is three blocks away. What? So I like do they do they have a lot that is full or they just don't have a dedicated space for people? No the directions to the parking like there are signs that say parking this way and then they don't follow up and say which way you're supposed to turn after that. So I went, I made a right and it was a left. To a closer lot That's so annoying. So anyway, I run back in and I sit down with Kulup and she says , What are we doing here ? Oh my gosh . And I start to freak out and I'm like, We're here for your Vertigo, honey . And she's crying and I go, Did you check in? And she goes, No . And so I like, I'm freaking out, and I'm flipping out thinking like something's wrong something's wrong because she doesn't know where she is. So I go to the front desk and I explain the situation thinking that they'll rush someone in. They're like, okay, we'll fill out these forms. This is my experience. I literally was bleeding out and sitting in the ER by myself and no one cared. It's crazy. Yeah, fucking nobody helps you. So I'm like, can't we like, oh by the way, I'm behind someone who's taking a million years and I'm like trying to get the person 's attention like this is an emergency, but I guess everything's an emergency in the emergency room. Yeah, but it's like have some urgency. Yeah. So anyway, I fill it out I'm like fuck so I fill it out super quick and I give it back and then he needs to make a call to Kaiser. They're like, did she ever come in when her address was such and such? Which would have been in literally nineteen ninety nine. Oh my God. I'm like, maybe that was twenty five years ago you know , they call verify like what does that even have to do with anything ? No, they verify her identity and they go, okay, we verified her identity. Okay. And then they verify with her license. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, then they make a call to the person and thankfully with urgency and the person comes right out. Okay . Take her into the other room and start examining her and asking her questions and one of the questions they ask, they say, How old are you, honey ? And she says , forty one . And I'm like, She's forty three . and it's so scary . And they're like, okay, we're gonna we're gonna take you and get you checked out because you're too young to be this confused about things . No, that's rude. If you're older, we'd give you some time . So they rush her into the emergency room, team of doctors comes in , starts asking her questions and And the doctor kind of shuts everything down and just says like this is just Vertigo. Like we don't need to do the MRIs. And he goes, this is just Vertigo. I know you're worried that you're having a stroke. If you wouldn't know if you were having you wouldn't know that you'd be worried you're having a stroke. You would just have a stroke and not know it. Okay. That's interesting. I love that tip. Yeah . So you never can say I'm having a stroke it's real. Isn't there something about toast? That's all you're allowed. Because it smell like toast? You can't say I think that means if not, you're not aggressive . I do smell toast. I think about you don't know anything about what's happening to you . So he's shutting everything down and saying, though, why were you so confused? And Coolup says, No, no, you don't understand. I wondered where we were because I wondered why we left the other place . Okay, so she wasn't that confused. She goes, I know I was in the R, I just wondered why we left the previous place and why we were at this place. And she just couldn't communicate because she was feeling so sick. And I she was lying about her age. Well, I say I'm guessing I'm like forty one . Buy it . No, I say, well what was the deal with the age ? Two weeks prior , she and her best friends had decided to start lying about their age . Oh my god where they then went around every time they would see each other and surprise pop quiz each other of how old are you? What year were you born? Oh my god. What year did you graduate? Are you allowed to tell this story? I think so . So you let it check before this I think this is evolving an important ruse in her life. So she was legitimately like she announced that she won't like it, but that's gonna work any future. She legitimately for the previous two weeks had constantly been asked how, old are you and she had to answer quickly? forty one, forty one . That's so silly . So everything calmed down. They did take an MRI just to be sure. I was gonna say you should still do that. Yeah, everything . I don't like when they're like, Nah, let's not look at this further. No, they just the speed and alacrity with which they were like trying to do it, everything slowed down. Okay. She still like they gave her some something called antivert, which is antivertigo pills and stuff. And it's been getting sounds pretty shot up. Just give me a lift. Do you want some? Do you have vertigo? I like pills. I'm like the antivert. I love feeling normal. I'll avert. I'll antivert . Let me take some Vert first and then some antivert mevert right now. Oh man, I'm furting so hard . So yeah, that was and she was worried about all the preparations and I was saying like , do you think she was having like a panic and not like a I don't know if vertical can be a panic attack but the amount of stress of the thing she had to do. I asked her are you particularly stressed and in my head I'm thinking like yeah it's Christmas Eve and she has all this stuff to do . She might say no because it's like fun, but it's like you actually are thinking about forty things and yeah. But also, you know, it can it can be like if you have like an inner ear cold or something like that, it can it can do it. It's actually way more common than I think people would think. Okay, ask me you're the doctor. Ask me if I'm particularly stressed. Are you particularly stressed? Always ask me , Lauren, are you particularly stressed? No . Mother funny ask me that. What if the doctor was like, and are you interested if I'm particularly stressed? Nobody ever turns it back on me and I just wish someone would say, How are you today? What if every time you had to go into the doctor every time, you went to the doct or you had to do the same examination on the doctor out of courtesy. it was so cute. She went to the doctor and we were very prepared because she got like a doctor k it that she really likes and whatever. And so she was like kind of excited. And then she brought her stethoscope to the doctor. And then the doctor told the doctor, take a deep breath and like, it was just very ador.able She didn't tell me to take a deep breath when she checked my heart. Oh yeah, really? Yeah. And she said she would not she would not say it when she was she wouldn't say it. But she did have a special posture. She was standing with her hand on her hip sort of leaning towards him. And then yeah, at the doctor, she also loves if you say how old are you she says five and she's two and a half but she does she's like her age too. Yeah . Cause a lot of complications quiz with other toddlers . I mean, we went to the doctor the other day, got shots, was fine with it. Yeah, I didn't even clinch. No, it was happening, I think. So fast. Handing her, putting her into the weight thing to get her weight, she freaked out. Is it cold? No, I think it was just like us letting her go. It was holding. Cool up? Yeah, this is a cool up, yeah. After the MRI. They put her in the weight bolt . All right, we have to do the breath . We'll be right back. With a free . Welcome back. Hey everyone, we're back. It's still freedom and we are going to play a three char acter. That's right. People love when we do this and we love doing it. We love it. We can do it. And we can do it. And we can do it and we will. Yeah, we can. We can and we're not forced to do this. It's just that we can't. No one else is here. It's just the three of us. Yeah, there aren't rifles pointed at. We could change this whole last part right now and we're not. Yeah, this room is well lit and comfortable and we have plenty of food and water. There aren't like laser dots on our temples or laser dots this is an old favorite. Oh, we should play that . No. I love that game. Next episode, how about that? This is called, well, here's the thing. There's two games that we play. One very similar. One is called Pitch Sites. Well, no, for the new listener, we play three tracks countless games . That's true. I did not mean to imply that we only play two games and they're basically the same. I do want that to be 'cause it sounded like that . And they might not know. Good catch, Lauren. It could be anything. You can submit a game to us. You have an idea of the game through write to us at freedom USA at gmail dot com. Yeah, and let us know what feature you want us to play. Then you know what? If you want, if you ever want to leave us a voicemail, ask for some advice or something , you can call us at Hag Caims eight. Do you explain that? Not after the end of the after all after everything is done. After we turned off the recording When you said that, did you expect us to say at the same time? No. Okay. That was my delivery of it every single time. I want to give him his moment, let him shine. Yes. I always think ohm late. Thank you. Hag claims eight OMLE, but I mean, that's the other, that's our extension. Yeah, Hagla's eight, extension, oh I'm late. Yeah. Yeah . Yeah. Gameway. Anyway, we're going to play Switched or Pitchet , which is one of the three trips that we play. And what this is is two of us play network network execut ives . Parody of the Beatles two of us . You didn't have to explain that. That's like one of the most earworlds. You want Earls after every song? That was a parody of Fett. I hope so parody of. I'm doing parodies of my own songs now. Yeah, it's just like the wells run dry. Let's say hat. That is hat, parity of fat, parity of bad by it should be layers. I wear a hat, a hat, on my head. You know it. I think he should do that. What about bat ? No , no because of newcomers, Batman. It's a bat because I'm Bat I'm Bat. I'm Batman . Okay, so two of us are network executives playing playing network executives. We're not actually network. Don't send us your ideas for shows. We just got fired pretending we haven't yet. Get it twisted . And then a person comes in or one of us could be a network executive and it's a team. Which do you rather play? I think two of us are network executives. And then I think that's usually the way we do it. And then the third person comes in, we tell them the title of an existing show . We've used, I think, family matters, we've talked about family matter s. We have yeah. Then the person you're welcome to rewind and listen for yourself. We did talk about it. The person pitching the show has to switch the words in that show's title. Usually they'll do the opposite . So family would be like enemy enemies. Enemy and then matters would be indifferent . I think the opposite of family is friends and you guys said enemies . But say it's say it's it's their choice. So say it's enemies indifference and then they have to pitch a sitcom or a television show to the two network executives with that title and then at the end they have, to sing the theme song for that show. Righteous, truly righteous explanation. Wow. I love it. All right, so who wants to do one? I want to be an executive. I'll be an executive. All right, then I'll be the other thing that's left. Yes, yes. And what is my title? Yes, we have to give him a title. Let's see. Your title is blossom . . No, I'm going to report you. Fine, go ahead. I'm going to see you take care. No, I'll report you back. I'll say you got something worse. Nothing on me. Oh yeah. Yeah. What about these pictures? Oh my god, how did you get those? I'm sorry, am I early? What? Oh, you're' lreate l.ate. You We want to win on this. What do you think of these pictures? Stop sharing law . So I posed with this , it's Elmo, but it's it was my boyfriend. This is not supposed to be. You're dating Elmo. He's not really Elmo. It's a costume. Is this what this is? This is not Elmo. Oh my god. Oh hi, anyway. Oh hi anyway. Your Phil. Hi anyway, welcome. What's that? Your Phil? I sure am. Okay . My name's Deb. Hi Deb. It's nice to meet you. My name's Dube. Hi Dub, nice to meet you. Sure. Can I be filled just for the purpose of Hey, if you want to legally change your name? If you legally change it in the next six months, I'll allow that you did that. I have the paperwork ready to go. I just have to fill in the new name. Do you need a witness to notarize it? Or can I get a witness? I don't know if that's Well, a witness is not the same as a notary, dude . But you could be the witness, I could be the notary. Deb Youb couldie be a registered notary dude , which I am. Have you ever seen my little stamps? Okay. , we don't have all the time in the world because we're torture each other for different things . So I need to know what your call. Oh my gosh. That's HR. Hi Puffin stuff . Yeah, hi HR puffin stuff. Yeah, I want to report Deb. Can I talk to them? Yeah, here we go. My passion. Wait, why are they calling you? Why are you doing this ? Because I'm in love with you . Yeah , I've been willing to say it for so long and she's just cheating on Elmo with HR I'm getting a text from somebody who's HR. I'm in the middle of a pitch. I need to get this guy out of here. You never believe the boring person I'm on the phone with right now. I'll call you back, okay? Interesting . I love you . Click. All right. Okay. Why do you say click when you hang up the phone? You just everyone in the movie? Because that's your favorite movie. I do love how the remote kind of changes what is going on. Kind of yeah That's part of the one problem with that movie. It didn't change it enough. It just kind of changed. It was like, yeah, pausing it for a second. Okay, can you please do please pitch your pitch your looking for we're giving them we have so many slots on team much money to do this. We need just whatever bullshit you have, we don't really care. It doesn't even have to be good, just pinch. Yeah. Oh no, that's what I mean. I suspected this was how things worked. Hello sharks. What I have for you today is a situation comedy. How did He know we were sharks? And it's called Myfin. Oh Seed . Seed ? Yes . And seed is about the inner life of a seed in an apple. Oh . And you know, like it's animated? Yes, it's not animated , but it is in the style of a Pixar movie where we see the interior life of inanimate objects . This is a live action show. It's ninety minutes long . ninety minutes. That's an unusual time. It's the first ninety minute comedy. Wow. Well, I mean, I guess movies are ninety minutes for a TV show, I mean . Okay. I'll give them a No so far we have a ninety minute slot. We have about four hours that we have to fill this is perfect every night. This is perfect because I have many other ideas. The better, where you have other ideas ? Yeah, well, let me get through this one first. Well, I kind of feel like we got it. Yeah, I get it. I get no , I get seed. Oh no, no, no, no. No, there's more to it. There's more to it. Does Seed go to school? Seed does go to school with Seed's twin brother, Seed two . Because there's two seeds in the apple. Oh, there are only two seeds in the show noise . That's like if you had a twin named Phil Two . I do. That's inspired by my life. Oh, really? So you are a twin. Start with that. I a'm twin and I wish I was an apple. Okay . Yeah, human life is too hard. Apple. Yeah, you're all in red. Yeah. You're wearing a big puffy coat that looks round. Yeah, with a long thin hat you were an apple , you'd be dead by now . That's what the sign near my apartment says. That's when I first started thinking, yes, you're right. I wish I was an apple. So seed and seed two , they go to school, they together, they go on dates together, double dates with other people with each other, but yes. Okay. Yeah. Do they go out with twins? I always thought that was a little complicated. They do. And I'll save you the trouble . Yes, they do pretend to be each other. Oh good. The other twins also pretend to be each other. So they're dating girlfriends. That's good. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, that's a situation. Is you're exactly right. It's crazy. And that's what makes this show different. It's crazy. Is that part is that part of the actual show? Or is that off camera? All that happens. We haven't decided yet because a lot of a big chunk of the show will be off camera. Okay. Okay, the screen is so dark Can you just pause on your questions for a second because I want to know if there's a theme song ? Oh my god, of course there is. Good because we only do shows with theme songs. It's kind of essential or trying to bring back the theme song. A lot of people have skipped that part now. Yeah, so I know. And I miss that . I miss that a theme song that would tell you everything that the show was about exactly . even Or just like , you know, visuals like Survivor used to just be that was beautiful. He sang the song originally. I could tell. I thought he was liping into a recording. No, it's his voice. But yeah, we want to bring that at any time. Did you give me just a little more of that surprise? He always does this . It's okay to do that. I can't quite tell. Hey, sure you sing her . Yeah, I wrote it. It's all gimbish . Oh, even better . Anyway, what's your theme song? Do you want to hear this? It goes a little something like this. Okay Types like these , it's almost like a fuck. I wish I came out of a big tree truck. I got to go around life with my best friend who looks just like me 'm an apple and I'm going to say that I'm not actually an apple, I'm just a seed . In my opinion , everybody's got what they need Apple seed , apple seed . There's too much in this world that is greed. Everybody has to get along better than they do. I bet apple seed and about you , so that was the extended version that we'd find on Spotify but no, that's the short version. Yeah , I just feel like ninety minutes, Deb. The song is a full fifteen minutes long. Really? Yeah. So it's longer than stairway to heaven. Oh yeah. And is there anything on the screen during that ? There is a picture of an apple and then one picture of one apple. One picture of one apple. Then that apple magically splits into and then you see the two seeds in there . Then you zoom in on the seeds and they say too close, too close. And then the camera zooms back out. Apple closes again. Then you heard a hove screen voice say, I'm gonna give her another try and you have to really listen close because the theme song is playing the whole time. Yeah. So the cameras start zooming in again. You hear why you have to listen close ? Well because it's if you want to hear that yeah you can turn the subtitles how do you know you want to hear it? No, no, no, no, join the subtitles on. How do you visit will not have subtitles? It doesn't have subtitles. No, I have a serious question. How do you know you want to hear it if you don't know that it's happening? No, you can hear something , but you can't decipher what it is unless you're listening closely because a theme song is loud. I think you should have a disclaimer that says if you want to hear what the sort of subtle things are you need to turn it up or pay attention. Should it should that come before the theme song? I think it should be said in the middle but loud . Okay , so how about if we added something in? I like this idea, Deb. And how about if we added something in and said , You may have missed some stuff, why don't you rewind? That's pretty good, yeah. You may have missed some stuff. Why don't you rewind? Yeah. Is that at the end or that's no it's right after Dev said the disclaimer we begin? So am I gonna say the disclaimer? Would you like to? I'd love to. Can we love to have you do it? Can you sing a bit of the song and I'll just do the disclaimer over there? Absolutely . Everybody knows if you swallow it. If you want to hear all the things that are happening beneath this, you need to turn it up really loudly. Pay close attention . Everybody's going to see that your nuts. That makes me want to grab the remote and just rewind. Yeah. Right? Yeah. That makes the show last long. How much are I gonna get paid for that? I mean, you're the executive so you determine what we have in the budget. Let's take a look at a million can go towards that. Oh, factor in your blackmail. Oh yeah, yeah. We can give you like a bunch of advice. Are you blackmailing us or we're blackmailing? I could if you like. Yeah, sure. Yeah, let me hear, here's some pictures of me. Thank you. Oh, wait, those are me. Oh , okay. I mean, the Omo costume. You guys realize you have the exact you have the exact same naked body . We try. We're always checking in with each other every morning to say like it. Hey, are your muscles a little bit bigger? Mole is your stuff everything. Yes. Everything is exactly the same . We can get a tailor to come in and take our measurements. They're always exactly the same. Yeah, we're working on getting our heads to be the same. Yeah. I cut my hair like his dream. Yeah. Yeah . And that's time . Rep play switch it and pitch it and pitch a sit song. They're the same game kind of kind of, although we'll play pitch songs. Sit song can just do rounds of singing. That's right, yes. That's true. Row, roll, roll your boat readily down the street, your boat cherried by your street show ing shirts . Now, is opinionation a word? No . I loved it though. Who was it? We all did. Who were you doing in that? doctor John? doctor John of Yes, yes. doctor John was blossom. Leon Redbone was mister Belvedere. Was he really? I didn't know that. Streaks on the channel . Never met her before. Girls. Kicker drop door no one glares sometimes no one gla res well glares I don't know things yet turn around and no one's there according to our new arrival Life is more than mere survival and we just might live a good yet D dill 'cause I have huge news. No one glared. That's what I said. Oh, okay. Oh, wait, and no one's spared. Did you say that? Didn't say that? Okay. Wait, no one's spared for what? The wrath of Kong. But sometimes things get turned around and no one's spared. Oh, I said no one's there . Yeah . I think no one was there for my fingertip. That's heavy. I remember there was an episode of Mr. Belvedere where the older son lost his virginity. That's hot show it. Some dude who I never saw anything . No, I know exactly what he looks like. He had the cool eighties haircut. He's sort of wait, Mr. Tim sort of floppy block eighties haircut . He looks sort of like a Jamie Kennedy type of dude. Definitely. Yeah, yeah. I have to go. Yeah, we all have to go. We all have to go. This is great. But you know, we wanted to tell you if you want to reach out to us, again, you can reach out to us at three DM US What is it three three to email follow us on the socials freedom USA and if you want to call us it's hag claims eight . It's an easy way to remember hag then the word claims and then the number eight. What do hags want to do? Did we find out that that didn't actually work? Probably. No, that was Haala in poo. All right . No, this one works fine. You just dial into your phone, just hag, and then what hags want to do? They want to claim things and how many of them eight? Eight always eight.