Sports and Childhood Memories

Lemonder. When twelve year old Jewel stumbles into a time machine, an unexpected journey begins Turns out, our planet looks different in the year twenty one hundred Cyclones, poison tides, and LGOs for breakfast But how do we get here Can we turn back the clock That's up to you Plate safe or risk it all as a member of the Midnight Rebellion available wherever you listen Are you looking for ways to make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one bestselling author of the Happiness project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier withith Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co host and happainess guuinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits Check out Happier W with Gretchen Ruben from Lemonada Media. Thos Freedom Freedom. Th! Th up, Th them, threeedom. Three them. Threedom. Three them. Th them. Th It's called freedom, and you heard it say a bunch. And that's why we said it because that's what it's called. We wouldn't have called it that if we. We wouldn't have said it if we didn't call it that. Did we say it three times? We do say it three times. Yeah Be freedom appeared in the mirror I me under the table. No is. So when freedom appears in the mirror. Yeah, what are you supposed to say? You say hi, freedom He girl L Barbie, we are freedom and we say hi to freedom.. Do we have to say it backwards three times to make it disappear? Three times R Yeah, you messed up. Say it three times. Say it three times fast. Three times Three times imesoo What is that? Nothing. Nothing, nothing at all. You're fing tbles, baby. You're ftingblesables b. need fruity pimple shirt. I Pimes. We need fruity pimple shirts. We need fruity pimple shirts You're pretty petles, baby He's pretty peddles, baby It is the perfect. No, it should be literally You as Barney, you as Fred. I about Barney? Well, you're blonde, quote unquote. And a blonde Fred and a brunette Barney. What about a red head velvet? That's how we don't get sued. And then who am I? I guess Stupid? Oh, great. Pebbles. Yeahah. ere else would you be?'re right I was maybe the dinosaur. L Scott. Bina should be Fred. I'll be Wilma. And it will be pebbles And I'll see if Food.. Can someone draw that and we'll make it a shirt Yeah, and j. You'll get a cut of the proceeds, I'm sure. Yeah, twenty dollars or so, I think. Yeah, we'll one' sure. For seven hundred and fifty dollars. All we got hell is one It'll be like Wu Tang. make one really expensive t shirt. We are like Wu Tang In a lot of ways. Yeah. We're nothing to fuck with Sir. I mean, that's a given some of us are dead That's right, this used to be fiveive dom And the Fifon If Well, dirty threeed them. Let's just say it now. if one of you guys dies, we'll continue doing the show. Yes. But I die, shows over That's too That's true. It's weird. Yeah. Yeah Yeah It It'd be too much of a you'd party. Beuse you could just do your other CB show Huh? You know, the little show you do or you do a little talk back about. Will you gift us the show to do whatever We want with it to manipulate your voice, do whatever we want. In perpetuity throughout the known universe? Yeah, for a hundred dollars right now Okay. Paul, do you have a hundred dollars? No Oh shit. I can't scrape it together. Let's call the bank.oooo boop. Hello, bank. Yeah.' Scott Paul. sorry, I cann't hear there' two people' Sotton Paul. We're very excited We need a dollar. Scott Pul Yeah, let me pull up your file. D do. Okay. The fly just came out of my computer. Oh no, Brun Wait fly the ring I was a long fly with long hair just crawlled out of my computer And I guess I'm gonna die in seven Ds D's n. off course. Oh shit. We gotcha. You want one hundred, what now? Dollll. Okay, You mean doll hairs no No just actual US currency. We're trying to buy you know, Lauren? Yeah, of course. We're trying to buy her likeness forever. Okay, I think it's worth a little more than that. It tell her rights that she gave us. Okay, that's her fault. But women don't know their worth. and I'm always saying that. Boy, that's true. Do you a call? Yeah Pooep bop, b. Hello,ura. Oh, I'm sorry,oth. you got the phone? Yeah. Okay. I'll hang up Hi, is this Lauren? Yeah. Hi, this is B a bank. Hi bank. Look, I heard from your buddy. Lauren, who is it? You're willing to sell Shut up bank For Sh a bank Sh a bank. You Willing to sell your likeness Yeah a b. dollars. What's that bank? sorry. I just heard from Scott and Paul that you were gonna sell them your likeness for a hundred dollars in perpetuity. Yeah, you think that's too much? Should I say fifty? Too low, sweetie. You could at least get five hundred. Really? thousandousand. point Can I have that I will give it to you Okay, and I'll sign the contract with them Kind of in an earlyorway. All It's me, Mike. who looks like Mike is put some for me. Make, what is it? I'm on the teleaphone.? I got this script idea. Citizen Kade Who Citizen game? Who wants to see a movie about a citizen Aren't they all about citizens? Exactly, Bake. I gotta go. C live Bab b, I'm back to on the phone with her. Hey. It's h. So I just spent with her Paul and Scott. I'm Scott. I know what you meant. I just spoke on the phone with her and I'm going to give her five hundred thousand point million dollars. You're gonna give her that? And I'll sign the contracts with you guys here to get her likeness, but my name's going to be on and I'm gonna stamp it with my notary stamp We'll be all good. Isn that a conflict of interest you being a notary and a bank? Yikes. Hold on a second. you're missing the headline here which is that Lauren's getting paid. We don't even have to pay her for the likeness. What So we just own it. We just own it for everything. And we can make mies? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Let's do it. What do we want her to? Yeah, I was her. Let test off the t. It sounds like you guys are gonna just have a personal conversation. Oh, I s you hung up. No, I ran away, but I came back ' my phone was off the hook and I heard you were still talking. Oh, hey, well joke. Is that your call waiting? That was me hanging up. Oh ait a minute Let's let's test out the technology to have Laurence say something really weird. Okay Okay, type in, type in something is it? Okay and press send and Luren will say it. I like to put more food in my mouth I. Hey, what are you guys doing? Oh Hi Hi Lura. computer stuff. Yeah, men' computers. computers. Why did it sound like my voice was coming out of that computer? We were watching what are your videos? Oh! What are your funny, funny videos? L like my funny videos. Yeah. That's so videos. You're known for things like the latest Jurassic You're pregnant right? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.' watching your pregnancy video. Funy funny videos I love going viral. U What did you come to see us about So I wanted to pitch a little something. Oh. So I recently acquired a lot of cash and I was planning on opening a water park. And I'm wondering if you guys wanted to be investors Well let me talk to Paul about it. Do you mind hanging out here one second? I can hang out. Do you have any water? She obviously wants water. I mean d Maybe that's good enough. Okay, let's find out. Okay. Hey, u we probably could give you a gallon of t. Yeah That' more something like a hundred thousand to two hundred thousand dollars apiece. Dollars Dollars and water different Yeah.'t forget it. I water I just won't do it What if why could What? She just said buy C eyes. Oh my God, that sound her. I basically hung up on you. Oh my Godd. All right, okay. Yeah. what if we what if we say You can use our hose Andes we will pay the water bill exchange for a cut of the profits. Okay, let's say, okay Hey, Lauren, we go. We go A nightmareuh. where were you dreaming? This Tracula was trying to do some crazy stuff at a movie theater and it was like biting it a movie. He was like getting in front the screen and going like, a What wasas it a vampire movie? I don't know, it was like a dream. I don't care If was a vampire baby that was. It was a dream. It's going away. I don't even know what it was. Okay okay It was just a dream. dream, dream. she still dream here because still she's been dreaming this whole time And we're back Hey, Lauren, where were you you just fell asleep during our Freedom Podject? I did. Yeahes. It crazy. I dreamt you guys were gonna use my likeness in perpetuity. Why would we do that? That would be nuts. Yeah. We're not gonna do anything like that. No. We don't know how Tpe this city Okay ye H's me, Lores. Excuse me. I love racism. What Are you sure I didn't say raising ns Oh just sorryother was typ Auto correct. It always autoorrects to racism Really weird. Why is Do you think Goober's made that happen Big Goober. Like Goober compomuter technicians? Goober, Goober computer technicians. Goober teechn Commissions. The Born commommission made this happen ber If you had to eat one movie theater candy for the rest of your life, what would it be? Oh, I got there's two in mind. Yeah ye. Number two milk duts I don't even know that of them. love milk duds. Wait, they'realted. I thought they were peanuts and chocolate. You're thin of whoppers, J? I'm think of whoppers. What are milk duds? Milk duds are chocolate and camel and they're very Oh, I thought was peanuts. chewy very che. Not peanuts? No, that's scoobers. Oh o, but then what's a Raisin that is raisin that Risin is a raisin. Okay, hold on. I never really explored all those when I was a kid. I would always get bunch of crunch And I would get I'd get a oh yeah, Nest. Yeah. Nestleie Crunch. or sour candy. Nest But nowadays I know, that's what I would get though. Well also my mother entitled to do that. My mother would sneak the candy in. That was the one one un Christian thing she would allow her Christian Well I was always really. don't take that candy in the movie theatre d d you gotta render u Cecal what is Cecil in? That means concept It was a one Christian f she would do she would take that kandy in the movie theater It was a big one Christian thing that's called mama Bum bum That's s. That's a really good song. There's no way around that. And's we joke around a lot on here. No, no, we're always kidding. Oh that. That's a hit. was It's a hit, right? That's a hit. That's a number one with a numberer. Yes. they abuse at number one. Speaking of number one. Yeah, Junior Mths Oh thoseose are really good, but you know, I can't eat them. I can't eat a whole box of at once. I'm going to give What you eat or what But did you ever get nervous when you brought stuff in the movie theater and then you like you had to like like open your pop and you'd be like And you' like, o they know how can acc come. You thought like a police officer was going to come in and escort you to jail. My friend and I we did this a few times where he would He would buy a ticket and then open the side door and let me in. And then that's real dirty. And then we got caught once and they were like, Do you have your ticket stubs and because he had the one He was like, oh, I have mine. I was like, oh, I lost mine, but because we had one, they were like couldn' k us up but they're like, we're watching you. Yeah I can't figure out how this could have worked, but We never did it again though. so it did work. You without the ticket stuff, you can stay I don't even remember what movie was Probably That's actually weird you don't remember I remember the theatater, I don't remember what movie Orange What was theater? Orange County Apple six. Buayna Park eight the Orange County Apple six Doesn't it sound real? It does sound real. Would you guys of things ever? Um I've suck into movies. I Well, you know the famous story when we went to see ous We say we were going to see mr. Bean, but we saw saw dor. Bean. S I remember sneaking in with a young lady to see the mr. Pan. We didn't intend to sneak in, but there was nobody there at the box office. W So we just like walked in. We were very early And then we were sitting there we werere like, we just I guess movies are free now, everywhere. And then we heard somebody come in and we We like hid on the the disgusting floor of the movie theater. And it was worth it to you. It seemed worth it too. We were like in our early twenties. Yeah. it seemed like we had to do that. Yeah. the two dollars you were saving was important. Yeah. Oh, back then it was a quarner, right But oh, I I also snuck into concert one time U I got there early and said I was reviewing it for the city paper. Wow, what was the was the concert? It was the Pogues. And you just didn't have a ticket. You couldn't haveet. And you had no relationships to the paper None. And the guy at the door didn't care. H G didid not care. It's a good lie because who gives a shit? There's no way the guy believed me. He was like, okay. Really? Yeah I don't because he cared. How old were you? But begin in my early twin, right? Yeah. And you're like, Hi sir. I'm reviewing this show for the local star. And he's like U okay. No no' probably have a ticket St with the press Yeah, I don't think they just give. why would a one off show from a band right? Why would they have such the paper? Why are you reviewing it? Wh I'm sure it's good. I'm sure he's like twenty three too. The pooges came up. The lights went down. Everything was amazing and electric at the Alamo That was when I discovered that the Pogues had a mosh pit element to their shows.. And you're like, I'm just a little reporter. Yeah. Freedom of the press You were embedded. J a little report Were you pushed around it Oh, yeah, and I got out of it imedi. Yeah, youre really good Yeah. I was like, Yeah, this is not my scenat. Right. I'm gonna to go back toit at the bar My God, wait, I just u got my mom sent some old papers to me, like old uh What kind of papers, papers. Old writings of mine. Oh boy. Ranging from age seven to college, there's just like a variety of things in this box. Could you tell which was which Yeah. My writing has remained the same since I was a child I wrote some good stories when I was in second grade. That was my real writing. did my writing Period. The next paragraph and you'll find out Well so my college papers, I like glanced at one. And I was like,h, I sound smart. Like I was like, those were the good old days when I would like try to use vocabulary or something. And then we got stoned and read the papers and they're not, I mean, it wasn't smart. It was hilarious. It was like so funny. I'm clearlyace. Yeah I'm like I' I analyzing a poem for eight pages. I'm like, yeah, there's bullh in here. I remember the things I wrote when I was in high school and college and they're terrible. Yeah. Like like why do they make you write things when you're so young and you can't write brutal. I remember when we started to have to type things U when I was in high school, you you didn't write like write out your esss or whatever anymore. you had to save them. And My mom my mom had an electric typewriter and she had Different Font heads, you know? Yeah. there was one that was like a capital, all capitals and then the actual capital letters would be a little bit bigger, but it all capitals. And remember a teacher of mine had a problem with. Yeah they're like this is not professional. Yeah. it's like, where are you fucking? Oh Well, a lot of the notes on my papers were like Please see how to actually cite this properly. And I'm like, I don't H do you understand how uncool you sound right now? I understand how much I don't care about siting this bomom lear I mean mean When I was in elementary they They typed everything like the officials You TV show element. Yeah. Abbott Elementary Abbott Elementary should meet the show elementary What over Elementary Abot Elementary or just Abott elementary Elementary And the strike. I bet El Mary's got Elementary, Abbott elementary. Abbott elementaries Yeah. Yeah. ye. But they they would send everything out in those cursive typewriter stuff. Did you that? Yeah, that's That was crazy. Thats be was like a real church bulletin type font. ye. Yeah It's a pretty font. No one So when you when you changed it out, did you have to just pull off all the letters and put other letters? how did you do that No it's like a it would be like a. It's aud. it'sress yeah and you press a button and the ball changes. Oh. And then it was an electric typewriter, dear. It was not I didn't know thatar. I missed what that meant. I wasn't sitting there in smoking my camels with my whiskey by by side Electriciting the big sleep. I actually don't think I know the difference you to plug one in But what does it do? It does it for you? It has yeah, you just tell it to type. Okay. a tyer Tpe me a paper' a font Somehow James Joyce. But my God actually you don't what you it is this it is this ball Right? So that you hit and the ball moves around And it moves around. So instead of individual keys instead of these this thing I'm limming these for Lauren. inststead of these things Oh the ball has the letters on it. Ys arms on a ball. and it sends an imaginine ar an electrical impurse. You can. that'sse Yes Cubert. Cubert. essentially Cubert. Yeah. I'm interested actually. I don't know that I've ever played with one of those. Well, who are you Tom Hanks? you don't have to. I like to have a little typewriter set up in my office with just a hundred different typewriters that I think are cool I would love to have the space where I could dedicate a room to useless things that I just like to look at. I know. I told you about my friend in college you had, o my God. We all had two bedroom apartments and he had the m Oh yeah. to only have one bedroom and in the other bedroom he had J just a typewriter and a desk for all of his poems. It's honestly so. It just seems so cool. Did he sell these poems for one dollar? on the show we like. Yeah, we like it. We like that show. Can you if you were to type something in like final or not final drap, but like word or something, could you do the cursive font Do they still have that anymore? Oh yeah yeah. Yeah I like the curse of font. It was just recently I'm big into fun. We were taught. I love fun. Really? What's your favorite font? You' FF Oh my go I love a branded printed double shadow. Oh. That's stun. Have you ever thought of cing a Paol of Tompkins font Yeah, just like based on my handwriting and it looks like shit No, but I mean, could you could create one that is actually unique I feel like trying to that would break my brain. H Let's do it. So your brain, I want my brain. I want your brains. I think you could do it. I j your brain B brain is natural, brain is fun. We were talking Mike and I were just talking about how Microsoft Word is now a subscription based What? Get theb. That's not fair. Pages And then Yeah, we use pag. but then I also My computer broke that I had funnier, funnier die final draft on That was weird I used to have funnier tie on it. I can't access it anymore. I used to go to see the landlord videoiew whenever I wanted. I my old laptop ' I had a funnier die on I had final draft with then I got a new computer and then I had to like get it again because the code didn't fucking work. Im like this is bull. How many times I have to pay hundreds of dollars to use this That fucking final draft code is like that is like a key to a treasure map. You have to protect it at all. I know. But the Microsoft thing bothers me so much because Microsoft, you have several different passwords for different Microsoft things. Right. Right? Or you have to keep changing it. It's so frustrating so that I will be doing a live show and then like I want to access this document so I can make notes before you know the show starts And then it's like, that's wrong password. and like, well, which pass I can't remember which password I'm supposed to put in for this. I'm really What are your's the same as the as the fucking, you know Xbox password. Yeah You know, it's like too many. What's your Xbox password? It is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven nine X. . It'd be better if you just made it one one one, one, one She wouldn't have to move them Ab about six, nine, six nine six nine six nine.oy I like that X, X, X I heard it twenty. And then like the security question is what's your favorite thing? And then you like, oh yeah, six nine, six, nine, six nine. I heard a story on another podcast called Election Profit Makers, which is we don't talk about other podcasts on this show Oh, okay. All right, go ahead. Bruno. We don't talk about podcasts? No No. you meant Sasha Barr C. We don't talk about Tre what What in that movie were you? When I hear Bruno? the first thing I think of is the famous Sasha Barron Color character that everyone loves. It was a podcast Tos by to white man Everybody know today' one million and ten. We have to take a break when we come back, we'll hear about this podcast. If you'd like to know more, continue listening. Okay Hey, I don't know about you because I'm not a creep I mind me own business. m peeeping through your windows, I'm not installing cameras on the grounds of your home. Oh the reason I say it is, I don't know about you, but I really enjoy keeping my money And for years, I just accepted that my phone bill was going to be weirdly expensive for no reason Everyth it was like, okay, here's your bill, plus mysterious fees, plus charges for me to hope you don't ask about. And I'd be like, I guess that's phones Idiot Eventually I was like have to be this way And that's why Mint mobile makes so much sense to me They exist to stop people from overpaying for wireless just because that's h's always been MintMobile offers premium wireless plans, starting at just fifteen bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data plus Unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest five G network Now look My dear friend, Matt Apadaka He's got a Mint mobile plan. And this guy's rubbing it in my face every time I see him. He's always saying like, o, I was able to bring my own phone and number, activated with ESM in minutes and avoid the whole painful wireless store experience entirely. Oh, I'm still getting reliable coverage except now my phone blls have financially ruin my mood once a month. And I'm like, okay, man, I thought we were friends. Why are you talking to me like that I'm so jealous If you like your money, Mint mobile is for you shop plans at mintMobile. com slash freedom. That's mintMobile. com slash freedom. r payment of forty five dollars for three month, five gigabyte plan required, equivalent to fifty dollars a month. New customer offer for first three months only and full priceed plan options available. Taxes and fees extra, C Mint moobile for details. Here's a little trivia about summer Summer always changes the way I want to dress. Now that sounds like it's try about me, but it's not. The second it gets warm out, I want to stop wearing anything complicated or uncomfortable. I just want pieces that are light easy, and somehow make it look like I have my life together And that's why I've been loving Quince lately. They have really beautiful elevated basics, linen, organic cotton, washable silk, all those fabrics that immediately feel nicer the second you put them on Now Quince has been a friend to me They've been a sponsor I've gone there I've gotten things that are great rightight now. they got some linen stuff that I'm excited to be taking with me on tour this summer because I want to be comfortable, but I also want to look sharp So I got a um It's it's a sort of linen suit. more casual though, less structured. It's a navy blue. It's so comfortable and breathable and it looks great I'm so excited to be wearing it around. They've got one hundred percent European linen pants, dresses and tops, starting at just thirty two dollars. Their denim is also incredibly soft, like me. And their organic cotton sweaters are perfect for those weird summer nights where it suddenly drops twenty degrees for no reason Also like me. And the thing that's wild is that everything at Quintince is priced fifty to eighty percent less. than summer luxury brands because they work directly with ethical factories And they cut out my arched enemy, the middleman They also now have home goods, kitchen items, betting all these elevated everyday essentials that make your life feel slightly more put together, as I referenced earlier. Thsis statement proven. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quintince dot com slash freedom for free shipping on your order and three hundred sixty five day returns. Now available in Canada too That's QuNcE d. com slash freedom for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five day returns. Qince d. com slash freedom. Studies and play. Come together on a windows eleven PC. And for a limited time, college students get. of both worlds. Get the unreal college deal, everything you need to study and play with select Windows eleven PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft three hundred and sixty five premium, and a year of Xbox GamePass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows dot com slash student offffer. Law Supplies last ends june thirtieth, terms at aka dot mS slash college Pc And we're back And Paul before we left was going to tell us about another podcast which you could be listening to instead Or you could listen to Paul talk about behind a paywall though. Okay. And you are willing to pay. I'm willing to pay. Th Th are two friends of mine, they're very funny. David Reeeese and John Kimbeall, the also show called election prorofit makers And David was telling a story about some job that he had where there was some piece of equipment or technology that required a password The guy that He knew the password left, he left the job And then David, I think took over the job and he had to get in this thing. he couldn't find the password. And he had to write to the guy and say, hey, what's the password for this? thing And the password was sex. No. That's so funny to have to say that. And that's And he said the guy had no like it's, you know, it's, but it's like he was just like, joke SX A That's so dumb. I mean, good idea. Great idea.. Y what, you're always thinking about it. never forget. Our house wi Fi password. Your house wife?i? Wi Fi? Our house w Fi. Now you're just looking for holes. You h I can help I' fell into a crazy place. But it's it's Fart Fart, which makes us laugh and we always like when it's a friend, it always makes us laugh to say. But then when like me or or someone I work with has to say it over the phone to a technician or whatever I always try disguise it by saying, okay, it's FA RTF. A. RTF. And then usually they'll type it and then go, You guys are fun You know what? I'm not gonna to charge you a one thousand dollars for A. R was US H E R R A Y M O F R T F. F A R T F A have haamburg te. Youamberurg studo held like to have bun studio, friendr haveun m have coee have coffee.id you have napkins h Does he ask for refrigeer? I don't know That's funny if he That is finey. It would be if he did, but I don't know he did. I don't know if he did. If only A Dmy seeason four asked for fifty five napkins. Who was this? I' adviceing God, Joe Pesi. Because Sineade died, there's a lot of articles about J Jy Well, he comes up a lot because why? He was the host the following week ofanalology there would if I was there I would have smacked her. I have I have to admit something I've read five of those articles I don't know why, but I've read it as Joe Piscopo each time. And I've just been imagining Joe but probably because becausecause he played Frankina because it's always by Sinatra. Sinatra also said this and I I guess I've been conflating it the whole time. Frank Sinatra said something about it. Yeah. He was like, I would have slapped her or whatever. The hells are hun with her. I know. What do you care? I know. I know. I hate. Everyone just loved the Pope. They loved the Catholic. They were great slapping women I was praying for him. You passed out, praying him. you loved so much. What? years later it came to pass You always pray about the pope. I hear you every night. I do always pray about the Pope. Yeah. But Paul, tell the story, please of what happened two nights ago, wasas it when you were talking C Talking in you sleep? I hear. The secrets that you I very rarely talk in my sleep, but it has happened a handful of times over the years. and every time it happens, I'm not like somebody that He talks to my sleep like mumbles, and then I continue I don't say your passwords in your sleep. Do you ' sex, sex, sex, se, sex, sex, sex sex. He's talking about his passwords.. He's talking about his passwords. Go type it in. Read his email. I'm going to bank d. com immediately. Sex. It's just three letters and that's your whole password. Yeah for everything. It's like, it says you need more and you're like, Trust me. put you figure it out If it put zags, the computer goes, that one works. Yeah. By the way, it's getting too confusing with everything you have to add to passwords now, right It's Too much Too much. Like you gott to put this in, you gotta put now. I'm used to it now No, but see, here's the thing I feel like I started using like Googles, like H, strong pass just now using Google. Oh my go And I let them do the password C and I save it or something 'use but a lot I used to write them all down because I always forget my password.ure. And then I started doing that and I'm like, well,'ll just let the computer remember it. But then my computer died and I had to do this on the new computer. it doesn't remember. It didn't remember I U usually rememers yeah. Not all. I don't know, or whatever I had I've had them saved on the website.osed to rem individual website. Exactly. It's supposed to remember in the cloud. but then like if it remembers it in Chrome, R, then it won't necessarily remember on your phone Exactly. Anyay It's a nightmare. For me personally, I don't want you to speak And I struggle. I struggle with passwords. And Mike always thinks I'm annoying because I don't know what they are for anything, okay? The end. What I like to do I am into like the special characters and all that stuff because I come up with a little phrase or something for Places that I use a lot. Yeah so that I can remember them. Yeah. Okay. And so I'll type that out using the characters and all that shit, reepplacing letters with numbers. sorry And so I have like a certain system that I use and' just incumbent upon me to remember the phrase. Some of them like Microsoft, which I've had to change so many times Uh, it will it will feature like U an expression of rage at the website. It will feature an expression. Your password is like how upset you. Oh, you're like a piece of shit website Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. P have shit website that describes my penis. There was one, I think it was like a Twitter. There was like it was like for CVS or something like that where password, and I remember I had to like Go into my passwords and show it and everything And the the password was Please God. Yeah. My mom does a unique password for every single thing. And it's something unique to that. So if it's like Instagram, which I don't think she has, but it'll be like, we love to take pictures nineteen twenty twenty three or whateverot that far from what I do. But she can't remember any of them, so she has to write them down in a notebook And then like I've seen her do this like flip through the pages of the notebook. No this I have that I have that notebook. I have that fucking notebook And then I misplace it and then I go, I can't find my notebook. And then whenever I change the password, so I can't find the notebook, so I'll just make a new password. Then I don't write it in the notebook. Then the notebook's useless. It's like it's av notebook should be all. This is a thing that we in my home regular Does the notebook have a special place where it's supposed to go? No. That's what you need to the write. You need a notebook place You're right. Okay Nook always goes here. That's a good idea. Underneath underneath. And you know what the notebook needs, a really good pencil with a good eraser attached to it because it never has a pen. then I go f or it's. Yeah, exactly. There you go. It's a real nightmare. If you're buying something for Lauren for Christmas It's this notowbook and a pen and it's attached I already have it and a safe. But you need a little pencil I got a pencil. I just need.y don't you take? I need a golf pencil. Those't have erasers, motherfucker. Here's a question. I need a pencil with a really good eraser. I big pl. I have a pencil that has an old eraser that's like basically rubbing a piece of plastic down it. Yeah. Why don't you take pictures of all the pages and then you'll have a backup Be then it goes to the cloud and someones gonna have the clou and see it But then by then all your websites will be hacked anyway Why don't you instead taking the photograph, draw the page with all the passwords Okay Yeah into a poster into wallpaper. and just hang. All your passwords hidden in wallpaper. You wallpaper with your hidden passwords. It looks like paisle's. Do people out there struggle with this? I wan to know. Tell me in the it's f Okay. No, of course they do. Yeah. And if they don't, fuck you. Yeah Here's my story. Yeah, it'sabit true. about a girl that I want to do. So far so good. So when I do talk in my sleep, which is very rare, I don't I will talk at conversational volume and I will wake myself up. Wow. And so I'm waking up hearing myself say the sentence and it's Jarring and we're And so the other night I I work Both Janie and myself up sayaying this exactly like this His name was Jesus Christ and everybody loved him except the Romans. That's crazy. I was dreaming when I was doing an Androlid Weber bit for somebody and that was the end of the bit and I don't what makes your brain do this? I don't know. made me say it out loud. It's so funny that It's an actual funy. It's. Yeahike it's like, how is that I feel like I've had dreams where I say something really funny in my dream and I'm like laughing. I'm like, that was so funny. I laugh him I sleep a bunch. Yeah. But I don't remember usually. I've had had girlfriends tell me that I laugh in my sleve. You've had sex? As no we just sep together. So they laugh during sex, then you laugh when you fall asleep? No That's right. I laugh thinking about them laughing. But when so I asked so this girlfriend I had told me that I left my sleeep and I said, what does it sound like and chilling. She said Oh Jeez. Yeah Christ. It was horrible. Oh my go. Oh my. I have woken myself up laughing though. like It's like full on laughing at. That's fun. It's a lot of fun. Yeah.' it's so disoriented. It's so sae now. Okay. I am as My name's Paula Chumpkin. H Wait, what did I just say? U I thought I was talking. I just woke myself up. What did I just say You didn't say anything. I heard no. I heard Paul say his name was Paul F Tomkins when I was asleep That's what I Guys, I pretended to be asleep. I wasn't really asleep. What? And Lauren, you said, my name is Paulph Tompkins. That's cor. To what end? Now you just said snores. I said snore, snore, snore,norr. Yeah. Oh, I think I was dreaming about snoring so I was saying snore snor snore. imagine. Snore nor sore. How do you like it? How do you like it?nor snor sor. I do Do you? Yeah, regularly the re Frequently Yeah. Starreaks Uh no. I think I At most we'll go like Every once in a while Yeah. When I was pregnant, I snored really bad Wow baby. You always say that was the baby. I think it was. Do you think it's gonna get b back more And yeah, back inside and then like it's just everything was pressed up on everything. It's just, you know I slar I don't snore often But I go I will go through Like a phase of snoring for like a few weeks or something Yeah. You're just like. Yeah, she doesn't snore likeike he's just going through a phase.'s So her She's calling people up while asleep saying L look, if you hear Paul snoring, he's just going through a phase. He's not the little things he does from time to time. My older brother used to snore like we shared a room and he snore Really? It was That's really annoying. And I had a friend stay over in my house who snored So loudly. it was hilarious. You could hear it in the from the g. Yep. Wow. Yeah there yeah Snoring, I mean, you can't help it, so why do we have it? Oh my go, one time What's it doing for us? My friend Evolution doesn't exist because what? Obviously if it did, we would eliminate snoring. Although, or is it something to scare away animals That's probably what it is. What about your friend? My friend dipper, the famed rapper. dipper. Big dipper. Not the constellation. We Yeah, we grew up together and we In high school, we were having a Ced sleepover with a bunch of theater kids. It was like one big room in my friend's house and we all were sleeping on the floor. And he was snoring so loud and I reached over and slapped him on the chest really hard because I was an idiot teenager, you know, just I'm like, Shut up. And it hurt him so bad. He was like Oh W. I was like, I'm so sorry I didn't know what I was doing, you know, I was just like It's a thing of like, where you were just like, you know You didn't realize your own strength. Yeah yeah.Cause you're waking up out of a sleep. I didn' think it was gonna hurt him. Yeah. It was more like just like stop. and then like he was like, that actually really hurt. You hit him like a fucking sooz alarm. feels it to this day. Yeah, he's really upset with me. I try to get him to talk about it. Oh over and over and over again No I had a woman that I lived with that snored. prettyretty You had a woman that you lived with? Your mom. If you know what I'm talking about Boinkter aine Colly And it was it was definitely one of those things where it was like waking me up in the night. that that's how loud it was where you And it would, you know, be like just kind of like Yeah, a jove or a sake or whatever Well, like, Mike has a really hard time falling asleep, so whenever he snores, I don't want to He's too exited He just loves to play. Yeah, he's m for more. yeah But I just don't wantan to ruin the sleep that he's in and wake him up out of it, even momentarily. Do you mean to do it? He'll have a hard time going back to sleep. Yeah, I could call you, you come over, you kind of whisper in his face. That'd be really exciting. He'll whisper in his face. G If he just woke up and saw you doing that, it would be weird. Well, let's plan that. Okay As a surprise. When's you going to sleep next? Tonight. U Paul, are you free tonight? I got no plans I got no plan. I was in my twenties living downtown of Philadelphia. I had some roommates, cats in the belly etera etera,eta.. What was the one that the woman across Toys Ts, hold on. I I didn't remember before I gotta remember all the for our next not obvious is the problem. Okay. Is it about toys? It is aboutys It's toys for boys. sort of about it It implies a certain type of toy And it's an expression that's not really a common expression. Like a spinning top Kauai T Do you think toy time implies toys Yeah. How about toy stores? If I were to pass it, I'd be like I think they might sell toys. Makes me think of toys. That implies toys. I mean I'm inferring toys. Jack's in the Belfy. Oh Wait, was this one with Jack in the box? Jack's in the Belfrey. No What's the toy against the toy. It doesn't imply a specific toy, but a type of toy. type of toy. wooden blocks blocks Legos, Legos Stops say whatever I'm saying. I wantan to say it loud. What Legos are a toy. that's a type of to. Okay, o. Its a brand. Sheres No Balls. Ball D's Dballs toys.cn. Come on. Come onhe. How What does it start with? The The this The toy. What letter does it start with It doesn't. It's not a real toy. It's not a specific toy. The game is a genre The games people. It refers to a genre of toy Oh, what merry mortals we be. Oh my go. Just give. Just tell me one more thing What is what is the name Oh I'll tell you. Is that what you want? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I can could go on forever The last wound up Horrible Terrible. It is terrible. And this and this woman worked there. Oh my God, I remember I sent you guys this woman works there guys. How dare she? The one that I sent you like that, like one of those names. Yeah, whereere I was like, is this what this is supposed to be? It's Okay, so it's the word Lauren texted us a business the other day. The word double dash. O, letter O. Salon Double O salon. Soou double O sooul the Untouchable song? Yeah But do you think it's Dou zer seven? Yeah Yeah Double o s Double o spelled out Salon. The only way this makes sense is if it's like at an address like zer zero something. Like dz zero seven. I doubt it is because I feel like I feel like That's not an excuse for you to pick up your phone. No, it's on, it's not it's not that's not the address. Okay So double or maybe oh, what if the person who owns it has two O's in their name? Like it's Oprah Umfree O country Can you think of another name that starts with bo free Olive Okay, How about one that's alll of Oliv? A little more commment H more common than olive? It is getting common, but let's Cment. Oh no, that starts at the sea. Almond. Almen. Alm. Tuton commen. Dar dooms comon, Tent Totent. Whenever I hear A reference to Commen, I think of him saying, look around from that one commercial From a commercial. Okay Yes Didn't he was in some didnn't he win an Academy Award for a song where he's just like, this sucks. wait, you did something sucks you did something at the last woundup, and then what happened we just got distracted the hey of the name. Yeah Yeah, I wasn't telling a story about the No, you were too I just wasn't. You were telling us story about when you were so living in Fhil. I had a bunch of roommates and we would like we hung out all the time, we drank beer all the time And so one night we were up listening to music L Pfect s most song Fily. Weere listening to this song? Dean Lou. That's how it went when I first saw you. Nothing.ry So. I'm obsessed with how I keep doing this What When I first saw you I was wonder if that was the song that you were listening to, was like that. If that sounded like what it was like It was sound closer to what Scott was doing. So it was like Ban air there ban airir. You guys are closer than you know. clloser than you know.. It was the song Road House Blues by the band The Doors. Oh. L your eyes on the ro. My favorite band of all time keepep eyes on the roone, hands upon the wheel. And so we're listening, we're all drunk. and I say to my friend Sewn, my friend and roommate Sean, I say, Tomorrow, I want you to me up with this song and hand me a beer And of course, I forgot all about that. Great. And the next morning All I'm awoken by the loud sounds of the song And I wake up to see the bottom of a beer bottle right in my face.. And did you have any idea? you what the sm what was doing. I was so mad. He was like, you told me to do this. And I was like, Wow. I got you got me there. And did you remember telling him to do it? Yeah, when he said that. Okay,. I was backad. And did you drink the beer? Does that song? I don't think I drank the beer? Iro probablyably should I. A song Does it go like this? When I first saw you that's I first saw you. I w to take a pak Introducing Taco Bell's new jalapeno citrus salsa with bright citrus real red jalapenos, guailo chiles. Usually, you add sauce to the food, but when the sauce is this good, the food is just there to get the sauce to your mouth. That rolled quesadilla, not a rolled quesadilla anymore Now it's a sauce shovel. Taco Bell's jalapeno citrus salsa. Get it with any item on the canantina chicken menu. while it's here. I partarticipate in U.S Taco Bell locations for a limited time only while supplies last, contact store for availability. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move Another smart move getting help from one of State Farm's nineteen thousand local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling, J another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state We're back, We're back. and this is Sweden, by the way, I'm Paul. My name is Lauren Now, you'll figure it out Really byy the end, Yep Absolutely. I know you will. Okay I feel like it starts with the W Recently on your what What? What Yes Reently in his packas, you heard his name.re you go through it But Gorthroobry are you Gorthroob I'm Gorthrod. My name is Gorro B. I like to p My name is Bre. I like to p. On Scott Has' scene, you were trying to place the phrase Iise the pew that you could I knew that you could from what? from Billy Crystal, Billy Crystal. Wait, I was trying to place it. What was happening? You were like, I can't why I can't Remember where this comes from What was It was, of course, his jazman character. Yeah, no, I know everything about the Billy Crystal the, but why were we talking about the phrase I knew that you could? I don't fucking know, dude. That's not the important part of I know when my parents fight. The funny part is the minute you said, I knew that you could, I went, Ohh, Billy Cryst. And we can't remember the That's right so str Ierest I was like, he's got to know this is canan you dig, right? I knew that you could Well, next time text me while I'm doing the episode like. Oh no. Oh no, Lur trarapped in a jar. I here pump some holes in the top of the jar. So she can breathe. I'm trapped in a jar. I just wanted to say we should hear some listener voicemails. Oh know somebody else who used to be able to do that thing talk their mouths, yes, Th then they were arrested for their participation in the january sixth upprising. No All right. It wasn't like right after. Oh right. L at the Inurct I to come I actuallyually never really try to say many different things like that. It's really good. Try say every word. Would you always say the same thing? I' say st positiveitive. If you could see Lauren right now, I'll post a video. Here's what she's doing She's drooling like a mania. There's snot com straight to Sn is coming down her nose. Snot is coming down. Why is that in there? Jeh wre Te W that part of the song? whyy does he put that in the scit on Jary six That was not the anruction. I something about this. I know I've brought it enough. CBD B CBD infused Gummy. All right, here we go. These are we're gonna play voicemails. Yeah. ' like if you'd like to call us, ask us for advice, give us a conversational prompt You can call us at Hag cllim. Names eight. This is Katie. It's great Okay from Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'm wondering when was the last time you were so hungry to eat something like a monster I went on a long bike ride once and we stopped to get bacon cheeseburgers and malts and I ate them so fast you could barely see. Oh my God bye On a long bike ride, Mike. Yeah, then you just diarrhea the whole way home I would If I did that, I would lay down for a week. I'd live in the park. Sleeping would be great. Yeah I will say this, speaking of eating like a monster, first of all, I do that E lot. I eat very three times a day. I eat very fast. I eat fast too. I'm always done before Janie any, I kind of embarrassing. And a lot of times I hear people talk about it and they say, like, o, that's because I grew up in a large family and you were always worried that people were gonna take food. No, that didn't happen to me I just eat fast. Why do you eat fast? I don't know Do you think it was a large family I've always assumed that, but maybe not. Maybe I just wanted to get done with dinner so I could watch TV.. I used to have to like my parents would not let me watch TV until likeike all the peas or all the spinach or something were done. And I remember there were quite a few nights where I just sat there an hour and I was into the like wonderful world of Disney in the other room and me just sitting there crying and going, I don't want to eat it.. I would have that too about like a cold meatball on my plate. and I'm like, no. I would love a cold meatball, right? I never want to e But you know I actually do love cold meatball. Yeah The pediatrician just told me about something I don't know if this is like a common thing like way to describe this with kids eating She said, you provide the what and the when u like of the food what food it will be and when you'll be served. And the kid provides the whether and the how much, whether they will eat it at all and how much they will eat it. If they don't eat it you move along and then they'll be hungry. She said, when the kids are hungry, they eat, so she'll be fine. I'm like 'Ca I definitely get into a bartering system with like if you I'll give you these five. a light, then I'll do this. No, Lauren. I know, isn't that awful? Now she's in charge. Yep. She bosses me around. She made you do this podcast. Yeah want going to quit. Yeah, But H Holly loves the show. I remember being at a friend's house and his stepfather made me not the stepfather No, thank God. No, this guy was superid Terryo quick. He was just an asshole Um I they serve baked beans. I've always hated baked beans I do to this day. make you too. I just it grow. It' just a musical fruit And I would not I didn't want to eat them and he said you have to sit there until Oh that's It someone who wasn't your parents? It wasn't even my friend's parent. Oh my Lord. That's crazy. This guy was a true asshole. a maniac. He was a real asshole. and his mother my friend's mother eventually did divorce him and then found this great g For that? what he did he with a pig gun. Enough of those was happening. You don't cross my son's friend I tried to do the last time I ate like a monster. Do you have a story is every day U I mean, every day I go to bed feeling bad about what I atat. Does that count? One thing that I cannot help but eat like a monster is popcorn. I can eat popcorn not make a mess. Yeah. And I don't I feel like I get that taste of it. And I just want that salt Yeah It tastes so good. I canump salt down your throat. I love it so much Would you? Yeah Do you think they will kill me I mean if you are you a slug? If I just if I lean back, open my open my throat, you just disolved I think it would kill you. You would stop being able to breathe, you choke on it, you would be able to swallow You would die Oh my go, it's like But let's try. Videos of people doing that the cinnamon challenge. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. And they always think they can do it. They always think they can do it.. I know. There's know this is. You eat like a spoonfulull of cinnamon powder. Yeah. And then like you just try to close your mouth, but then people just go like like spit it off. It just can'tap. Why can't you do it? You just like can't swallow. too much. It's just crazy. I could do it All right, let's go get it. Okay here. Oh my God C' an idiot U What about yeah, I don't have an easter. I don't really have a crazy one. I feel like I just,, her hse wasn't crazy. She like went I and madee a couple of cheeseburgs. But I mean, nothing's standing out to me as like a time where I was like, I had to scarf down a ton of food. I feel like, you know, if I get home from a long drive, I'm like I gotta just eat some. I was in the desert for a little without any food or water. a horse was no name. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Oh I named it by the end Oh That's the least you could do. Here's what I like about the desert. You can remember your name. Yeah. And the reason is very simple. There ain't no one for to give you no pain Thatving so much Wonderful fact. Okay, this is from wonderful. I will say also restaurants If it's like one of those shared plate things, which everything is now Yeah Tapas. It's always too much dined with us before. It's always too much food. Stop. You're gonna tell me about Tapas. I don't care. No, I've been going to a place lately, which I'm not gonna to name here That is a tapist style and it's like a perfect amount every time. I have to say everyveryone gets a bite Everyone gets a little ye. Oember before we went into the woods, we went to a really nice restaurant, which I can't remember the name of. we had a waiter who was a server who was very like business like and we liked it. It was obviously a character He was putting on a voice in a way like of like, oh, I'm Mr. prorofessional, you know, but we liked we enjoyed that about him. Okay, so please help you so much with what you are looking to orderder. Well, let me tell you about our restaurant, you know, just like very business like But I'll tell you, we asked like what the good amount was and he took it very seriously and calculated it in his head and was like, well, This is the right amount and it was perfect. Wow. See, every time we do that, here's what I feel like happens every time. They want you to order more because it's to boost their chance. W Yes. And it's because it's like way too much food. And also the prices are not reflecting sharing prices. Yeah. prices top for individual entrees. look at the menu and go Ething that we want. Everything so cheap here. Oh guess what? you have to order eighteen things. Get the fuck. G get out of here Yeah But anytim. so we'll we'll, you know, you have to have a long discussion with the rest of your table like Do like this like this you finally reach a consensus and you say we're going to have one of these, one of these, one of these, one of these. And then somebody will always say, is that enough? And then the server will go, I get like two more things. They do that too. But I feel like my roule is like why don do' we get all of that? doing. And we'll add if we need more. I would. Exactly. Yeah. So you know what they're nice? They'll say, you can always get more if you want. Yeah. But you know what they do, they take the menus away Yeah And then then you're like never ha Yes. if I want more, I don't know, do you have a birthday cake? and they won't give it back to you either. Yeah. They're like, oh, so now you want some more stuff? Yeah. Even though I told you should have gotten two more things All right, this next vice video. this is beenen Hi guys, this is Ben. I'm a fifiss pig from Michigan I am in my room. play adult Rg League soccer right now I was just wondering . Did you guys enjoy or were you best at if anything growing up I is Did we enjoy or what were we best at? So if you're really good at something that implies you don't enjoy. I was great at football, but I didn't like playing it. I had to quit before I got drafted. Yeah Is that the draft? the NL draft is even if you don't want to do it, they draft Yeah. If you are actively playing football, that's it. Oh my God. I mean, I liked I like playing basketball. I'm not good at it, but I like it. It's fun. Lauren has just sank three threes while she said that I was like I say I sank down in my chair like losing confidence just talking about it. But I never was good at sports group. I never wanted to play sports. I was on the basketball team in fifth grade. and then that was it. And then I did of course, the women's comedy basketball Lagueour year, which I was briefly on until my doctor told me my jaw would break if I hit it with a basketball because I got my wisdom teeth removed in or no twies. And they were holding everything together. And it was a very thin bone in my jaw and they took them out. and then he was like if you G got hit in the face with the baskow. could break your jaw. And I was like, well, I already have been, so I probably shouldn't do that. Jesus whichich team were you on The Kimmy dribblers. That's right I used to like when I would say for the first ten years of me doing comedy, it felt like Every three months, every like youd hear a word like, hey, we're going to go down to the park. do kickball And then like everyone would chill up. Yeah, like Nick Sordson would come like everyone would kinballs fun. I feel like I remember that happening in New York, but I don't remember hearing about it so much. One last thing about my teeth making make sense. Yes. Because I waitedakesense. The removed, they had grown into the bone. Oh no. That's why. Oh no. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no ball What if we did a kickball team? I'm already out of it.'. I'm busy If you cant hit the face with a kickball, no problem. Yeah. Lget about I feel like the last time I did it I know Dave Ferguson was there, birthday boy. And I was and I was playing first base and he gave me pointers and I felt embarrassed because I was a forty year old man and he was giving me like like all pointers. He's like, o, he's like, okay, when you play first base, you should probably like, you know, keep one foot on the base like And kind you should know?. Well, it's like I'm a forty year old man and not that I playing virgin and a virgin And he gave me four of that virgin. It's a really interesting combo. So keep your foot on it I was not youarried You were married at forty. Married at forty. Yeah. I was not good at sports. I was on the thirty eight baby I was on the baseball team in eighth grade I don't think I ever even swung at a ball at the plate much less got it hit. and I played right field and I had a perfect fielding record. The one ball that was hit to me, I caught Oh nice, yes. but I was good at I was good at games games, like running bases or flashlight tag or things like that.. I was good at stuff like that I was on Little League obviously, I've told you about obbviously, you know, played right played right feel because I was so bad. boy bigig u You know, line drive right into my balls in my cup I don't remember that story. Oh okay Ied that everyone laughed. I'm grateful to hear. Everyone laugh. they would only allow me to check swing. I couldn't really swing. What's check It would only allow you to check swing. My coach because it was like, well, you can't sw, you obviously can't hit it. Just do a light sw. So just do it it's basically like doing a bunch or whatever. And so anytime I come to the plate Everyone would go Everyone move up, everyone moved up. Wow. This is just emasculade, but once I hit a triple and it was just dang! nice work. And everyone was like, we went in too close. We went too close I gave you the wrong advice. Everyone moved back No, that's too far back. You're out of the stadium now. Someone find that ball. And they weren't yelling. They were just talking like that. It seemems like a common them J become thing in your life. People are not afraid to not spare your feelings. Oh there's all People just say the thing outright. I don't know whether I'm overly sensitive or just whether, you know, and just remembering like perceived slightes But I don't think so. L you're not very good. I think no, I think kids were like were bad at that genuinely like willilling to Well, kids suck, of course. Kids will tell you, but I mean adults. No I' Well, that wasn't very good. I'd mean coaches. Well, yeah. I'd mean coaches in Little League like the town asshole was my coach. So He stands in the middle of the town square just being like, I'm an asshle. What do you want me to do this? hear you fuck here I was like, you want tona be the liily coach? He's like, sure I'm not busy bitch. And I remember he lived around the corner from the church we went to and we would have to pass this house every Sunday and I would like look at the house and Yeah. That is such a Wh you peer into his house, I hope I don't see him. I hope I don't see him. Ohit past mean person's house is such a thing you kid. Yeah. It's such a visceral feeling. I've been reading old Nancy comics from the fifties. just you gott the new ones are great. No new ones are great. they are actually. Oh my? Olivia James't, They're great. What your hat now, Paul But I was roasting him. and then I thly was roasted. I roasted. I didn't expect it to go that way. It's just so funny, like all the things that were important in the fifties that aren't important anymore, there's like so many strips about people looking through a knot hole at a baseball game so they didn't have to pay for it And then like And then like reading reading They always shout at baseball games. They go Rbber, robber, robber, robber To the To the unp Robber. Yeah, robber, robber, robber. ' And that's like a it's in so many of the strips that it's like it ceiling It means like you bad ro Yeah bed call. Robber, robber Robber. And it's just people going, Robber, rober,bber. Let's bring it back The word robber isn't used very much. No. it's not No. because people yeah, it's like Burglar. Do you know what killed it Cops in Robberson's? Yeah, That movie not a cop You're a Roberson. That's not l in it, but we used to say that all the time Amazing Well, no, okay, the trailer for cops and Robberinsonons. What is that? It's a Chevy Chase movie cvy. And he pulls Chevy Chase close to mes. You're not a cop. And then we would always say, ' we saw this trailer so many times, we would always say, you're a robber What was the plot of Cops and Robertsonons? I think they were under they had to be undercover in Yeah probably. Yeah, it was the Robersonons. Who knows The Je thought he was a cop? just because of his proximity to cops he was like, I'm like you knew was a Rbererson. I'll tell that much. he knew Okay, here's this is Colette Here we go And go, Coleette. Goint goingo freedom gang, Collette from Porthopolis AK Cincinnati here, first Hllor onecome tag. Tag is defined in the dictionary as a witch, especially one in the form of an ugly old woman. That said. Would you rather claim one hag or have eight hags claim you Now this is a topic we o Oh It's a topic we haven't gotten into. We haven't gotten into this topic yet about whether We would rather have one hack claim us O we haven't explored this. I know. So I think it's a really clever question. Did we talk about this on a previous? I think I told my story about when I claimed a hag, but I'm not If I have, you'll know. but would I rather claim a hag or have eight hags claim me? No, I don't want a hag running around in my kitchen. But if you're claimed by eight haags, you don't have a kitchen You're in there with that I kind of think I would like eight hags to claim me. Yeah. what are they gonna do with you? Maybe they'll make me a hag Yeah, right? They'll make you a hag. I guess I'd rather be claimed by eight hags than have one Rck claim one I don't knowah it'll make you a hag. I think I'd rather be claimed by eight hags than claim one hag. Because who knows? they might claim you for a fun purpose. Yeah or it might be a maternity tas or.. There is the idea of a hag running around your house like That's like your time. Yeah, and you have to claim them. It's like it would be fun for the first twelve wait, Are we saying that if you claim the hag then the hag is running around your house? Yeah. O are we saying the hag is running around your house, you have to claim them.cause if I claim her, I w want to control you're responsible for her. So I think I'd like to put her in like an AU. Its not just for Easter, an AU. Yeah Yeahah, put her in like the little house in the back. Yeah. And then I have to buy her in an apartment. I wantan to treat her right ' I feel like She's gum on. I actually disrespected. I w to get her a hair blowout every week everyvery week. a I only want to make a blow Jonath Lutely. J. Remember Jonath Do you ever watch this reality show? No Jonathan Hill, Jonathan his his JBN. Oh wait sister his sister created the pussy g dog. Yes, that guy, I did watch that show. had a reality show and it was so funny. And it was called Blowout, right? Yeah, it was called Blowout. That's right. And this is back when reality TV was still new so you'd watch anything that was reality. Yeah. And it was all just about him giving blowouts to everyone in Beverly Hills And meanwhile, he has a line of like hair goop And it's not wait, let me look c who this is. I just remember him calling his mom and crying and going like, M, M, we got into aephora. Oh we got into Sephora. Oh yeah, Jonathan Anton up here Anton I remember this. Oh my God. O, it's aephora That's amazing. A you still with us? I hope so. It gave me so much. It seems like pleasure years I forgot all about that show. I watched every episode. I know.. Janie and I started watching Vander Pump Rules from the beginning. Whoa, I watched this season. that's what everyone tells me to do, but I'm just like we had friends telling us like this will be An enriching experience for you. Interesting He is a bitcoin. A W. That's a bit coin. I can't wait to get to it. I know In the open in the first episode we do see a man shave his forehead, which I've never seen I mean, support everyone who does whatever they do. Yeah, whatever you need to do feel good about your. But I've never heard of that. I didn't know it was necessary. I also think waxing feels it be more effective in that situation. Yeah You should give a consultation about that I've been watching I Lazards. Imzards every once in a while. Cul up and I take lasers. like Tyler Perry. C up and we take turns feeding at night after the bathime, we take turns feeding and reading the story and putting to bed, right? And And you're talkking about your dogs? you left.ait So so sometimes looked at a key word I know So I thought you could up with take turns, giving each other back each other's math, reading stories Okay it was the wores was the worst of times. Would it be? Would you like to have someone read you a short story? Yeah, why not? I wouldn't mind if someone literally tucked me into bed and I'm all cozy and warm and like put a nice rag on my head and ready that. My mom made me read her the stories becausecause I was such a good reader that she was like, you read the story. sounds a trick, You related John Grishenter Pople pulled her down and attacked her It was forcible, Rit. If they made a grown up story that was the length of a children's book. Yeah That's a smart idea. And he's like, he read it to me. And then he' just like, great, interesting. But anyway, so what sererial killers? reccently Recently, every time she has to do it, She'll come downstairs and I'm watching doctor Pimple Popper. Dude, you're watching this. That show's for women. Wh Wh? Women seem look, this is just my experience that women seem to be more into is gendered. Well you like' noting it's geered. By the way the big issue of course, is that it's often not pimples, it's gigantic grosss and g. Yeah. myimple It should be. I'd like to see once in a while a pimple. Just a pimple. J one just likes been simimple. Just really a really bad one and you go in and it's like Oh, that'll go away in like two days Pop it, honey. You know what you gott to do? You gott to watch Dr. Siscrutcher because that guy squeezes little pimples. Yeahee, I was gonna Oh he squeezes pimples. I was gonna to say it's dor. Simpleimple who just does pimples. Doctor Simple. All I do is pimples. big ones eith in just a little blackhes. That's so gross. Why don't you go fuck yourself? Just every just every comment just say pimples, please. Yeah Can I see a pimple