Playing Mad Libs and Show Plugs

Lemonder. When twelve year old Jewel stumbles into a time machine, an unexpected journey begins Turns out, our planet looks different in the year twenty one hundred Cyclones, poison tides, and LGOs for breakfast But how do we get here Can we turn back the clock That's up to you Plate safe or risk it all as a member of the Midnight Rebellion available wherever you listen Are you looking for ways to make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one bestselling author of the Happiness project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier withith Gretchen Ruben podcast. My co host and happainess guuinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits Check out Happier withith Gretchen Ruben from Lemonada Media. Three. S I love getting out early.ed'reedom! That's fun guys. He put his feet up. Oh! I can get used to this. Sreedom! You had so much time to hang out. Oh my God, I had the best time. Wh How tan I am? Wow. Paul got here early and he also said all three freedoms are ro Were you just in the pool for the whole song? Yes. Yeah.. Paul, how early did you arrive to the house How How early did you arrive? putut it at ninety minutes. It's not exactly right. Door was locked. Door was locked What the fuck? Which you sent me an irritated text. Kock knock Who did do you know was irritated? Because I take everything every text is irritated. That's What were you doing at ten AM that you couldn't just do an episode with him I should have. And leave spaces for you to talk and part later. We should do one episode like that where one of us is scripted and the other is not.ike we never say who it is I think it'd be pretty clear Can you just hear the shuffling of papers thing? That would be actually clue do like that idea? Oh, thank you so much. You should script the whole episode and not tell people that it' scripted. Yes. I don't like that idea. That doesn't like work. Oh yeah, what if we just record one, write it all out, and then re record it, reading on a les I'm sorry that's high. But like hit a very stilted. We've done that No, do as best you can. I think I've done that several times with Robsubble and Tom Lynon You've done what That idea where they reenact the conversation they had on the first episode ofiting.ally just from a transcript? Fr a transcript I'm so sick of my idea being done already. I know Sim just did it. But what if what if we did it like we're reading court transcripts? Yeah Yeah And we say Paul. Yeah, we say our names before we say our lines We say our names before we say our lies. Yeah. you't laugh during your court transpt. Paul, you don't laugh during. Some people probably do laugh during a court transcript. Lawrence.' the funniest court transcript. Oh, there is the one. when that juggling guy jumped off. I gotta look at the crocodole's mouth and he farted on his way down. I gotta look at it. rememember that? There's a great one But I forget you're a true crime bff. I love well, because I watch Dateline I don't really anymore, you know, D you? I used to like Dline a lot and I don't know what changed, but Mike really doesn't care for that kind of true crime And so that's part of it. What kind does he like? Well, I don't think he's really into like the bite size husband killed wife storylines. Bite size? You know, like a sort of like like a he likes some more. he doesn't listen to What is it called True crime I just start almost real life He listens more to like last podcasts on the left, but they get into like stuff like that, but then they'll delve very deeply. Are you sure he doesn't just listen to like chess moves? He does do overver and over. He watches chessight Tu pon three. Literally I don't know what's going on He's very excited because one of his guys is in the World Cup. To of his guys Yeah, Wha is in what World Cup? Chess Oh is guys Magnet. No he would laugh because I don' Magnet. Magnet Magn. I than one name that I'd have to read out loud. I had dinner with Mike Castle last night. You did. How Mike castle and Joe Ger. We had a wonderful time. He said he had a great time. Yeah, it was really fun. I thought I was going text you and say you're gonna stand them up because you've been avoiding Joe's faceetimes every time. But That would have been epic. Yeah, would have been an ab Well I like fool around sometimes. I do. When a girl seduces me and tells me all of these from Donald Stterl and dirty things tellells me how much she wants to suck up fuck. Okays There's a really funny I'm raareant sometimes Did you enjoy the food? But that wasn't him, was it? No, that was someone reading it. You you know, I did enjoy the food. I herear. Okay. Can I say More on that later? Okay. Well, I fool around sometimes, I do. When a girl seduces me and tells me all of these hot stories. Why are you bring dir right now that you want to talk about? We talkking about the funniest corn. No, I' acting as if it's you doing that. So a girl seduces me and tells me all of these hot stories and dirty things and tells me how much she wants to suck on me and takes my shoes off. licks my feet and touches me. Someone wants to suck on me. S. take my shoes off and lick my feet. Say tennis, say yeah. When I'm in a limousine, she takes off No one herself Donald S Stterling's toes. The limo driver said, What is going on And she started sucking me on the way to mrterom's house. And I thank her I thank her for making me feel good. Stop saying she's sucking me Sir, the question was, is this your handwriting? I remember that? No, that's one remember that. What a freak I feel remissed because I don't think I've thanked enough of my sexual partners for the sex. from Yeah when you like once. Wh I think you should always say thank you for soking me. Everyone I've ever had sex with for getting me up here. I appreciate it. Didn't even help me getting up here. I just appreciate it I didn't so before. I'm saying it no Wait. So yes, I like I like the food It was very rich. I had a very rich a coaveateeller with a lamb raagu. Without naming this restaurant because I just don't feel like it. They do have a menu that's hand wrritten and the lighting is very dark. Now I find those to be issues. Okay, what's worse Dark handwritten menu or QR code menu A that point I'd rather have a cQR. I' sick of a I'm sick of cRs, but I'd rather that then read a shaky handwritten in the dark. I also went to a place the other day that didn't even say anything. They just sat you down. There was a little tiny thing on the table that if you weren't looking a shelf. Yeah, on a shelf. was c.QR ce was a little pp. It was just a little tiny thing that you could miss if you weren't looking for it And then no one ever came by for another ten minutes and it was like Oh, I guess here's they never said like there's the kid they need to say. becausecauseuse also cQR codes pre pandemic We're like somethingomething you had completely ignored And they Yeah they to enter a sweep state. Absolute last thing I'm gonna to do is point my phone out. I'm not doing that fking. Now it's like we're expected to do every fucking day And I don't I don't. But you know what I don't like is like I don't like looking at my phone when I'm with a friend So if I'm looking at the menu on the phone, it feels like it looking something else. then doing switch over to Instagram. I start liking Ixting people Yeah Did you put ear buds in? Yeah. Jim Kabasel in his intros for that movie he just did Kabasel. Kabazel! We're gonna do it! We're gonna QR it U he's like, okay, I know is posession of the Christ. He's like, you wonder how to get involved and help out? I know this is weird I know it's weird to do in a theater, but just take out your phone pointointed at this QR code down here at the bottom. I know it's a strange thing to do, but you can it's okay to do it. look strange What Where is this happening? You know that a movie theater? Yeah, the movie you just put out, the Q movie I don't know.ut out aQuon movie? Yeah. Oo, Booyil boy. Is this real? Yeah, Boyil boy. And I made like a hundred million dollars or something. Is this real? Yes. did he do this with his one friend, Mil Gibson? I don't know what this is It's a movie aboutwood. A documentary No, it' it's a fictional movie about and pardon me if I get any of these details wrong, pardon me. I'll excuse you. It's about a it's about a real life person Wh in the movie, he goes around saving children from child trafficking. Oh and in real life, the person didn't do any of that.. but it's a Qanon movie that's meant to traumatize people to child trafficking so much that they get involved in Q andon, essentially. Yeah. And they just start shooting people all over the place Eactly. But anyway, But in real life, he did not save children But he did traffic children. Yes. Something like that.es. Nice. The guy whoed was the biggest investor in this world Allegedly. P who Sure. People had in plain sight happens all the time. I' hiding in plain sight right now and you guys are looking right at. Well I told you You know Mike I started watching recently which is almost a true crime doc was this sort of Doc you series about glee and the sort of like the curse of the cast. The curse of the cast of Glee. Has more than one person died? Yes. Yeah. How many? Three? Three That is a curse. Yeah. What it a curse. I didn't wantan to I had dinner with him last night. Oh, of course you did. Yeah. And how was that? It was very good Joey Ger. The food was very rich. We had free times. Food was very rich. Afterwards went to see a show You did. he came home. Yes. Chrismith Very funny. You think did this show called Acting for a timeime suchuch as this. I post and I really wantan to see this. That guy's really funny. This show is Wall to all laughs and I was laughing so like deep laughing so much that I almost threw up That's the best ever. Because of the dinner. And I was like, what do I do here Because I it wasn how funny it was. No, it was funny, but usually I can find things funny without Fny But I was really like, what do I do here because I am still enjoying the show. Yeah. is there a way I can curb this feeling?? So tragedy plus time equals comedy. Yeah Comedy plus dinner equals vomit. Yeah W makes sense. So tragedy plus time plus dinner equals vomit. Paul, youre fall asleep Wake up wake up wake up wake up They we couple Boy It was going Oh my go. Am I still asleep?ere your friends from your train? the talking. You look like Scott look You only know is from your train because you can only imagine us looking like someone you know. Yeah. Who else do you know? I love to look like them. Who else do I know? C you know any question I name Janie M. Name a hundred people you know? No, I don't know him. I don't love him.. You're awake, What Pul? Oh, Pul H,' right passion of the Christ.. I to sai your soul. singing. Passion of the Christ. on I' again. No stop doing that. do one of those Who is Normal? She's the gray cat from Garfield. Is she? I didn't know Normal had a gender. Normal's his girlfriend. Gonna to look up Normals J What what are you talking about Lauren. G it, get the facts going. Normal is the cutest cat that Garfield iss jealous male Normal is a small gray male male T Let me see with thick eyelashes. see the picture. There's no picture. this is words. There's no picture. Do you want a picture? this is words? Goog Google didn't serve up a picture ofop develment. Garfield has been converted to words. I'm sorry, that looks like a romantic the popular comic strip will from now on just be Jim Davis writing down what he thinks happens to Garfield. And not funny either. Just in aatteral facts normal a male cat who has long eyelashes. Wait, wait, wait wait.' spreaders are This is the live read Garfield comics. This is huge This is huge What has Dick Some fans have mistaken normal for a female kitten because of his eyelash. There's one right here. His seemingly feminine personality and the feminine sounding tone of his voice on Garfield in Fs. Okay. How many signs do we need? Hold on. Jim Davis often gives younger characters eyelashes, including Garfield himself in the Garfield segment of Garfield, his nine lives and Orson at the beginning of the US. accres comic strip. Okay. The Garfield segment of Garfield. The Latin American dub of Garfield and Friends, this is maybe what you were watching Normal renamed Telma and his gender changed to female. After season one, Telma was changed back to normal. Despite this, Normal's gender only changed back to male near the end of the series. Okay. The interesting thing there is the reason why, not the timeline. Why did they change? Why do they change it back Because the eyelash should Becauseuse people were just like who is like they a guy. They were like That's Telma. Okay. ye. That's telma. It's not normal. I think it should be illegal foral for normal to change to telma. Normal also and vice versa. D' normal. To me, normal is a woman's name It's a beautiful name. It's stunning. I love it. alm you alm named Holly Normal. I almost did, but then I learned in the future that it was actually a boy cat and I thought that might go I just didn't. And then you memory wiped yourself until right now? Yeah. But am so fluid nowadays, I think Normal could be Normal could be whatever he wants to be or she or they. Well, yeah, but I think, you know What it is is as a child when I'm watching a show, they're showing a long eyelash cat that looks female. A a child I'm watching a show I see a longong Isish cat his house? It's a female Yeah There is a long Reddit thread, Normalss gender debate. Well, Google solved it in one fell swoop. But what do they say on? Do that. Google solves it. says,' swoo see what comes up. Keep the conversation civil though and no down voting. oting should be They're allowed to down vote You can just say it's a bad opinion I refuse to believe Normal is a boy. Boy, this is there's a lot of things. I'm getting on there later. The six most m gendered characters on TV. When was this written Okay, this is three months ago, the six most misgeendndered characters on TV, okay? Okay. Oh, only six months ago. Who do you think is in there Bluey Bueo do you what do you think Bluey is Bluey is female but it's very easy to call bluey male because blue is a dog. Blue is a male color. It's a blue dog. Yeah. It's just easy. Okay, Tails in Sonic the Hedgehog Is a woman sure I don't know I don't tell you what it is? I don't know Don Draper. People just make the mistake. but''m saying it's Don Draper. Don Drappper Okay is her full name, Don Droopper. Dawn Dripper, Daon Dripper Why what? Go on? Why does that sound anymore like Ddripp. Oh, it's a beautiful woman's name.llo, Dwnripper. The Voyage of the Dodripper. You' close, Blue in Blues's clues is I don't know. Oh is it facted a girl puppy? It doesn't have like facts about it underne. Dot have to rel list? It doesn't even list which gender it is. It's a bad article. Spot in TNG. No one knows what that is. The cat of Data. Oh sure. Oh yeah, that cat is often misgeendered Sweetie bird Beuty bird is fo At the end of the day, Tweety Bird is a male canary. And I did And I just just did. But what happens before the end of the day? I just did that Bluey from Bluey. Wha! Thank you. Blouie's gender is never addressed, but make no mistake. Blouie is a girl. and so is her sister addressed? Well I often say. I often will say, o, oh get bl. She needs to who's over there, blah blah blah and go Gnder Does Holly know and does Holly say, Mom, I hate you? No, you know, I don't think she is on that level yet. Are you worried about that when she's gonna be like thirteen or old? Wellthough that would hurt my feelings a lot But you know It's going be like how many am indoors. How many times have you told your parents you hate them actually don't think that I ever did? I don't know that I ever said I hate you I don't think. I wasn't really punished in a way where sting at them would make sense. Did you ever let them know I think I let them. You should tell them. their deathbeds, ye, if I hate you. Yeah I've always wanted to tell you, I've never really said it, but I know we don't talk about this much. feelings. I despise you. Goodbye. I think if you parent write, they'll never say it. Yeah. Interesting theory.. Yeah. If you do it perfectly, you just gotta do a perfect game. Should be good. Yeah. How hard could it be because you just remember the things that you didn't like about being a kid and you're like, well, I will never do those. Exactly. And then your child will have no problem. And nothing you do could be annoying to them I mean, you know, can you picture a day when Emmy's screaming at you and saying, give me the fucking case of the car dad? I'm not gonna let her dve. Like Martin Luther King did. He did. I see a day. When Emmy is yelling. Is that his second most famous quote? give me the fucking c of the car dad? D say, C you see the day Yeah it'll be crazy. Guys, I have to tell you where reality recap? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I've got some updates over there. We just finished season four of Vander Pump Rules. My God, you're doing it. God, you're really crankingem out. For people, I can't remember if I've talked about this or not W you talk about season four? I can't remember the last time we recorded. Me neither. And we may not have been watching it then Friends urged us to oK. So here's what we know about present day Vanderpunong All we know is There's a scandal It's referred to as sccandaval. So we have an idea of one person that's involved. You really missed all of the up missed We had no idea. Well, I didn't know who are, but I know a lot of what happened. You think scandals in general will eventually be called sccandavals? Yeah, absolutely. becausecause this one's so p. It's easier to say. So we don't know what the scandal is. We want to keep it that way. We're excited that we don't know. I to keep it that way, dude I want to give that way do. I don't know what the scandem all is. It want to give you that way do. Yeah, nobody, nobody tell him. So we are watching the show. We have a few people here's my you have sus he talks me before you talk There's people you were. I was trying to get him back on track. interrupting you because you were interrupting I was on track. No, no, no, you're doing great But you have friends who've watched it who are guiding you a little or telling you're check're literally what I was about to say. But I know, but I'm going to ask you something You because some people might want to know what scandaval is so you can look for the signs Like mister Rogers said. So is that something that look for the helper?in. No no we are That's exactly what we're doing. So you're trying to figure out what it is. Yes. but you don't want to know because because some people might think if you knew the details, that's more fun because then you can watch No, no, we want see the subtle We want to feel the full impact of it. Okay ye. Yeah all we know is like for longime watchers of the show Are you are you putting guesses in into like sealed envelopes. You know what? Yeah, of course we are, but we're mailing we actually don't. We have not discussed what we think it is. And we don't really like as we're watching the show, we don't say I wonder if it has to do with that. We We are just I think that Janie's probably doing the same thing I am, which is wondering internally like Does this have to? There's been like a few things where' like, is this the beginning of it And then we have but of course, we have no idea because it's But it's also a long time ago. yeah, ye for. I'm sorry that you know the famous quote. That's a Bitcoin. Already? That I don't mind looking forward to. I don't know that. I fucking hate that guy so much. He's truly terrible U And it's weird that we're okay. so we've been binging this show. And I don't think you're supposed to watch reality TV this way because it feels disgusting It feels disgusting that we are into it and then we keep watching it. It feels disgusting to discuss the characters Motives when they're doing something as if it's all real life It feels bad. Yeah. And it feels bad that we are sucked into it Yeah. So so deeply. I find sorry that. I find it very. thank you, but we're still good sorry you're going. We're still good. I know I know the early seasons from what I hear are all about people who work at the same place, which I think is fine. Then it becomes like none of them work there anymore. They're all influencers. And then it becomes the friend group in quotes. All right. Even though none of them' told me too much. O have I really? Well, yeah Yeah, I think you are saying you when you go and then it becomes and then it becomes Well, no, no, what I'm trying to is itomes. what I'm trying to say is like this is every reality show these days is like they start out const They called and this is all of the Housewives is They call themselves the friend group when it's they don't know They're not a friend group. They are people who' been put together on a TV show and they've been told they have al started themselves Even now in at the end of season four where they are all still working in the same place except for like one two people, I think don't work there anymore Um They're using the term friend group, right. A really funny thing of the one they're trying to kick me mononster. sorry. kick each other? I'm not kicking her. I'm kickings her. He' like listen't's He goes, Listen to Paul say think' so stupid. The one steroid monster named Jax who said I'm the number one guy. stop acting like you're the one guy in this group. I'm the number one guy in this group. Which is a really funny way to think about yourself. Yeah who's number one gp Hot Well to me D. Giving main character energy. All right, we have to take a break. Hey, I don't know about you because I'm not a creep. I mind my own business. peeping through yourindows and not installing cameras on the grounds of your home Oh the reason I say it is, I don't know about you, but I really enjoy keeping my money. And for years, I just accepted that my phone bill was going to be weirdly expensive for no reason. Every month it was like, okay, here's your bill, plus mysterious fees, plus charges me to hope you don't ask about. And I'd be like, I guess that's phones Idiot Eventually I was like have to be this way And that's why Mint moobile makes so much sense to me They exist to stop people from overpaying for wireless just because that'souse's always been. Mint Mobile offers premium wireless plans, starting at just fifteen bucks a month and all plans come with high speed data plus Unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest five G network Now look My dear friend Matt, Aadaka He's got a Mint mobile plan. And this guy's rubbing in my face every time I see him He's always saying like, o, I was able to bring my own phone and number, activate it with ESM in minutes, and avoid the whole painful wireless store experience entirely. Oh, I'm still getting reliable coverage except now my phone bills have financially ruin my mood once a month. And I'm like, okay, man, I thought we were friends. Why are you talking to me like that Jealous. If you like your money, Mint mobile is for you shhop plans and mintMobile d. com slash freedom. That's mintMobile d. com slash freedom A front payment of forty five dollars for three month five gigabyte plan required, equivalent to fifteen dollars a month. New customer offer for first three months only and full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra, CMint mobile for details Here's a little trivia about summer. suummer always changes the way I want to dress. Now that sounds like it's try about me, but it's not. The second thing gets warm out, I wantan to stop wearing anything complicated or uncomfortable. I just want pieces that are light, easy And somehow make it look like I have my life together And that's why I've been loving Quince lately. They have really beautiful elevated basics, linen, organic cotton, washable silk, all those fabrics that immediately feel nicer the second you put them on Now Quince has been a friend to me. They've been a sponsor I've gone there Gotten things That are great rightight now. they got some linen stuff that I am excited to be taking with me on tour this summer because I want to be comfortable, but I also want to look sharp So I got a, um It's it's a sort of linen Sit more casual though, less structured. It's a navy blue. It's so comfortable and breathable and it looks great I'm so excited to be wearing it around They've got one hundred percent European linen pants, dresses and tops, starting at just do thirty two dollars. Their denim is also incredibly soft, like me. And their organic cotton sweaters are perfect for those weird summer nights where it suddenly drops twenty degrees for no reason. Also like me. And the thing that's wild is that everything at Quintince is priced fifty percent to eighty percent less than summer luxury brands because they work directly with ethical factories And they cut out my arched enemy, the middleman They also now have home goods, kitchen items betting all these elevated everyday essentials that make your life feel slightly more put together, as I referenced earlier, Thsis statement proven. Elevate your summer wardrobe. go to quintince dot com slash freedom for free shipping on your order and three hundred sixty five day returns Now available in Canada too That's QuiNcE dot com slash freedom for free shipping and three hundred and sixty five day returns. Qince d. com slash freedom. And we're live on Match dayay as Doug reaches for a buffalo wing He's got it. Oh and he's gone for a can of beepsy too. What a finish There's no doubt about it. it just tastes better. Match days deserve Betssy And we're back And u I wanted to say I went to a doodger game the other day. Paul. Fans of baseball will be interested in this. I'm one. I went to doodger game recently. Really Which one Oh Num They played How many games have the Dodgers play? They played the year. They play two hundred seventy five games a year. Is that how many of It what? How many like how many total Have they kept track of that? The Dodgers have played I think it's half a billion games. Is it true? If you'rerent If you're counting Brooklyn, This this curre team. No, Lauren. I gotta look it up How many games have the Dodgers One No, I just want to say play And then it says this season, no, I just want to in history. In history, yes. Hey Luren What are you doing? I not I noticed something in my shoe. I don't think there's any Ln is taking her shoe off. She's rooting around in it. 'use I kind of noticice there's this piece of fabric in there. one hundred and forty seasons. Theres There's no information regarding this. No one has ever counted this. We could be the first one That's impop. No one's ever count. Somebody out there has a thing where they count them. That's their thing. Yes. wit wait Okay. people are freaks.. Their record is eleven thousand three hundred ten to nine thousand eight hundred and eighty nine. so that means that there's about twenty thousand games So which one did you go to? like twenty thousand three? That' probably twenty thousand tell you something like that So so I go to them play the game and then they' like, when w want the b basos. We w on the b I didn't know what going on at all. I literally was like What's that stickler hold? I couldn't understand the fucking score sign. I was likes It's is It's too complicated now. I was looking for just the score when I was there. Oh I was like, where And there's so much information on it now. But it didn't used to be like that becauseuse I was like, I remember going to games growing up and not being confused. I would come out. he would take the card off, put another card on But the score was always pretty prominent in the old days where and then there were a few things above it. Now it's a ton of info that you're just trying So many numbers. And also don't get me started of the ads. I can't even I like when all the LED screens like switch over to one ad and it's for Forest laawn The cemetery? The cemetery. Well, in case people don't know, but also that's crazy You I don't need an ad for a cemetery. I'll a baskball game. Once I'm there, I'm very close. Everyone's going figure out where they need to go and that's going on. Do you think I would bet baseball is the sport with the oldest fan base Probably, I don't know But I mean, you have to be like old and rich. We're talking main, we're talking maines. We're talking based. No, but you have to be rich but most people aren't rich until they're old. Well there's generational wealth. Sure. Fr those old rich people at the polo game. That's exactly right. So there must be a lot of young people there. Who's playing? I mean, those are the people playing. It's rich it's literally a richmount. How old is the average Holo fan forty seven Col magazine offers that The average polo fan is. How old is the average baseball fan? thirty five to forty four. That makes sense twenty sorry, twenty five to thirty four. twenty five to thirty four MLB has the oldest fans among the major sports with the average age of fifty seven. That's whatating before you know what they are. Learn to separate facts from fict. You just heard three different takes. What hell those were the top three responses? tell the responses are every age of an adult MLB as the oldest you happen. U The average possible And doing N doing. Okay. NBA forty. Oh yeah that thing that that John Qinon' or whatever that not him, but the guy from the notot him. the guy from the eighties who's like Oh And this unsolved mystery didn't happen. Is that we' talking about when it's like it's all Keith, whatever is it? No. No, it's J Freakes.. Oh yeah. Beyond beyond belief, factor fiction. I always love that. I've se that there's like a super cut super cut of. Yeah.'s great It's just so funny when it's like A mee NBA is forty two NHL is forty nine. NFL is fifty. MLB fifty seven. Yeah, I called it. You did call it. Wow. Thank you. And Polo forty seven According to Polo M,'s a young man' sport. It's almost our birthdays. It is almost. I' right I' never of my story. We're September babies. have have a story I was at a baseball game. O does thenen what happened? What I want to say I didn't know we were allowed to say I never got to my story. Well, same, I never got to my store but reality TV. who I let so many go. I didn't realize Well, you'll be interested in this st. We're staying away. It's not even a story.. That's what I call Oinoco Flow. And that's what I call. There was a compations see What I call Ornoo Flow? It was just that song. Volume seventy This person doesn't know about the repeat button They think they have a compilation, but they don't. It's like, I get this compilation of this one song and it's just a CD s. I think it's the thing repeat. No, that's what I call Oo compe She loves it so much. She a T shirt. This is the backack of twelve tracks of Oinoo. I feel like now that's what I call series is disingenuous because you would feel like the first volume It's like, now, that's what I call music. But who's Right Well, exactly. becausecause they're not odd. arere these supposed to be who's doing it 'use I mean, I feel like now that's I call started with like It's now So you're at the baseball. And then what happened? So I'm at the baseball. Al always doing is going, what happened? What happened I'm at the baseball game and I'm sitting in my seat. like Oh my little boy. Okay you could spare sub details. Yeah, got. wereere you wearing jeans and a t shirt? I'm watching the game with my eyes, occasionally blinking Great, I'm happy for you. Then what? Who are you with? I was wet Okay, this is all unnecessary detail I was with Okay, so we so Cool up was supposed to buy five tickets And she ended upkay only buying four. th her on the bus. Yeah the one who was supposed to buy the tickets y And we and luckily I was like, Hey, where are we sitting the night before? And she goes, Ohh let me look at the tickets. othertherwise we would have all all five of us would have arrived Oh no at the at the place But stayed home. So her sister stayed home our nephew It was our nephew and Kulp's mother No Coolop and I. Okay, the four of us. four four Core four and this comes into play because I much like baseball. That's not necessary information. I bought the But this is a side story. I bought the what do you call? Oh hot dogs No, that you know the fifty fifty take on the fifty fifty. sureure. How does that mean Uh where they keep half the money and they give half the money to whoever wins It's like an instant lottery where everybody bues the team who wins. I'm like, why would they get the money? Oh ye, no he's hilarious No you pay you raised an additional twenty five thousand dollars for theers. You pay ten dollars and you get five tickets and then o. Uh, that the The team keeps five dollars and whoever wins gets the the other half. The pot the pot. Yes, exactly. So I was like, If I won, I was going to split it up and then I realized, oh, that would be unfair to the sister who was gonna come who didn't have the ticket. So I was like, all right, I'll split this five ways. Yeah, But thosed of you winning are' comical. But then I started to think like decision worthy of King Solomon himself. But then I start to think, she should cool up and I take one for herself. Only oneair. I would say Yeah. you're a house. Yeah Anyway, I had had twentylit it five ways. Well, it was fifty two thousand dollars or something like that. So I was like, Oh split it five ways. But it would make more sense for you to keep one And split four ways though at fifty two, thenen you're talking tw what is that? No, I think te. anyway, got it So so I'm I order from a concessions person Hot dooglease. One of the no they sell hot dogs? By Hodger' game? No by hand. Walking around I don't think they do. Walking around Hot I don't think so. They only sell used to. I don't station do anymore.. Yeah, you have to go get a hot dog, but I think you can get your peanuts. Hot dogs don' come to you. you go to them In Russia then you're going like I need relish, I need It feelels like they used to. Yes, they did used to. Yeah. Those were good days. Th those were the the good old days I'd love to have a hot dog at the Dodger's game right now What if I'd have some hot dogs upstairs. What what if I callul and I upstairs? Wrestle. while you eat a hot dog Sure Youre saying I want to eat a hotug, I watch a sport.y are Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. so then we have a t. this was a tangent. So what was the main? So the main is that I there's a concessions gentleman who you talked with us before Wh has the It was a delicious tangent. I would say if you get four tangents By the way, I fucking That has to be over now. what? shhared placease Hold on. I went to a restaurant the other day for the first time And and they're like, have you ever dined with this before? And I'm like, here we go. And of course they're talking about Tapis and he's like, okay, this is Chef Andreas who revolutionizeed the top us in America and All of these I would. All of these are meant to be of course to be shared and they recommend one One appetizer per person plus one plate and then two mains plus a plate and it's like, and I look down at the prices and everything is like forty nine dollars. full pr That crazy. They' sharing prices the fuck at it. I do have a place that I'm enjoying lately that is a shared plate.. But you don't to blow up the sp. I'm gonna to blow it up. I'll just but you'll tell us. Yeah off mic But I've been enjoying. I go there with two people about once a month. We're actually switching our location next month We li the same things. You know what I mean? So it's very easy. If you're going, I also went to the same place with two people where one had different dietary restrictions and that messed up the whole situation. I'll eat anything. I'll eat Shit, I'll it d. Don'tat grapefuit mother fucker. I know, we always say that. neverone what's weird is We can have grapefrouit because of both Cool up and I are both on a statin, which is a cholesterol drug and it inhibits the enzyme in your your body Or else it getatchs the hose again. Yes. So but it's pretty common, I think, but what's weird is everyone you go to a restaurant, they all say like, do you have any dietary restrictions? we both say, o grapefruit. And everyone looks like we're crazy. Like that you both are like, no grapefrit. It's like it's a little specific. No grape f And how common is it in a dish, etc But I think it's a common drug that But now a lot of people people people don't know this because I'm saying, I never heard of that til right now But now But the things you don't know it could fill a fucking book. Hey N He. Goodbye. I in my car Look Okay, my dad's allerged to citrus. so my whole life, I've been aware of that. But grapefruit only, Dab in your I'm just saying that if you work in the restaurant business, I think it would be a common thing people would go like, oh, I't grapefruit because a lot of people are on this stet this also on other drugs? It's not like grapefuit is not allowed to be used in cooking Like it's not no, they had the last restaurant we were at they had O grapefruit thing and they were like, Oh, yeah, well, there's a dessert that has grapefruit in it. Other than that, we don't you know. But most of the time we get like grapefruit way So Yeah, I always kind of want to be the person who like eats a half grafuit at breakfast, but I just really can't I used to Yeah. T the sugar on it. You know, sometimes I would. Yeah. Okay, so you're at wreling and you're eating a grapefruit. What happened then? So I or listener. I order an ice cream sandwich from the j Oh, that's fun. I gonna to get dipping do the ice cream in the future? I fucking love dipping do.y. I love the way they feel in my mouth. At what point are they the ice cream of the past? I love the way they feel in my mouth they'remost canceled. They're almost done. They're almost done. Yeahah. Like you know, you like the day they you'll see a dipppidot station. It's not functioning, you know, it's that kind of stuff. I think they took it out of the Universal City AMC I don't I really, if I were to go the movies and they had Dippnd Dots, I'd be so happy. They tore down my uncle's house to make room for a Dippnd Dots factory. What? Wow. And now that place is abandoned. Oh no. It was such a cute back in Yeah, he should. It would be fun to live at a factory. o Oh my god,especially a Dipp and Dots factory. Itould could be really silly. ye. It could be really silly. Yeah becauseuse mean if there's any dippp and dots left over, he could roll around on them or like or maybe he'd trip and fall and like, you know, kind of slip. Oh I trip Dippp andot So I order an ice cream sandwich. It's more like tripidots. And I two minutes later. Shit, damn. Two minutes later Tripnds. So And I've never been more thankful, but you've never been more thankful than what you're going to say U But but I pay for it using a car card by the way. And I went through and you're like Oh God. No, but but now one ninety nine cents. Cool up still doesn't know. No, it's probably four dollars. Let's be realistic No, it was more I think it was more six. a fuckking cream barrl Yeah probably six go crazy. I could see it being ten bucks. I can see it being They jack the price. B inflation has just gotten out of control But they they now it says like tip, you know, like and percentage so I'm always Well like tip and dot. Yep. I'm always not for this reason, but I'm always like, yes, of course, tip And I've never been more thankful because he hands me the card back and he goes In front of God and everyone he goes, Oh, by the way, I'm a pisspig. Wh He's listening right now He's listening now, Hello to him. Hello. What kind of ice cream did this story get derailed a million He's like. Okay wait. what kind of ice cream bar was it I don't know. Was it like, classic ice cream sandwich? Yeah, I think it was a. It was an ice cream sandwich, dear. He said ice cream sandwich at the beginning. Vanilla chocolate Yeah, classic. Okay game I just feel like he was there he didn't rememember. But I just started laughing and, you know Cool up and her family also were laughing because of the first becausecause they didn't know what it meant. Well now, I also have started to feel like, okay, I used to only get recognized within like one square block over there like over by Ameiba Records, you know, basasically any business in that area really recognize that. I listen the podcast. But now I'm starting to feel like I'm recognized everywhere, they just have never had anything to say to me until now. Right Saying I'm a pisspig is a really concise way to say hello. It's a thing people are dying to say. Yeah. They want to say they are one. Yes. I meet them frequently at dynasty type right and I'm always happy to be a piss pig. It's true me too. gentlemen at work, I thought that was very funny to be' in front of the the way I'm a piss pig Yeah, it made me laugh. There was a funny thing I had This big other day that was like, I don't mean to sound brag that someone recognized, but this was I was at one of those happppy returns places at FedEx or whatever where you can like return something that you bought online from any store, but then it's like you take it without a box and you just take it happ. Yes. Okay. And then the lady was like, we're just having a normal interaction. And then she's like, I can say this because I just quit. I'm a fan or whatever. And I was like I love that. She's like I'm out of in the middle of your conversation just so she could say that. Yeah, It'd be worth it. By the way, Paul, what you said reminded me, then another person as he was walking by, I feel like I contributed. As he was walking by went. Let's go piss pig. Oh no What? That's next level. That's too you start a group chant and nobody knows what means and then people start brawling. it's to be do you consider piss to be a curse word I think piss pig is it sounds really derative It sound Yeahound It's going to be yelling at a I just think punches could thrown. Yeah, while they're looking care. Be careful. Yeah Yeah. Anyway, so two interactions at the baseball game. I absolutely love it. Can I talk about the rowdy screening Oh, I'd love to hear about this. I saw one story that looked fun. Yes, it was really a lot of fun. So is Scott Scott. Scott hasn't seen, Mama Mia. Yes. Mama Mia two. Here we go again. Mama Mia two. Did a rowdy screening at the Dynasty Typewriter Theatater. Paul was our special guest Save the role of Andrew Lloyd Weber. That's right. I love to put on a multi layered costume in the dead of summer.. Didn't she wear literally hours before the hurricane? Yeah. That's right Oh my God, you're right. A hurricane flats Yeah. But can't. there were him a canant. There were two great chants that happened. A character is revealed to be pregnant And people started chanting Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant And then mere seconds later Another character was revealed to be pregnant. I don't remember about that movie. And then the chant went up, also pregnant. That's really It was really funny. So it's Amanda C. Fred's character is is as well as Lilers, but yes, Lily the other one. Lily Her mom, Marary Street is the Lily James. It's the past. Before we go to a break It was really fun. It was back and forth between the past. I forgot. I've only seen that one. It was very fun. Before we go to a break,e too, by the way.. What's your the new Fraser theme song Y'all know how this goes. Oh no. Hey, baby, I' hear the blues of col. sals and scrambble Is he lying in bed? Was he always been singing? Maybe I seem a bit confused. This fking her word, but I got you begged. But I don't know what to do with those salads and scrambledggs. Fraser has re entered the build. no Yeah. What do you I don't think they should say that at the end. I think it should just be the colin again Well, this is for the teaser trailer. I know, but not that's not the theme It is, but I think he's saying Frasier has re entered the building to be like I understand. I'm coming back. but I'm saying I don't think you understand. I think just re reccording the theme is fun enough. Fun enough? Fough. It it fun, it's enough. Yes,ough. I think's a hat on a hat. Although I have to say a hat on a hat would look cool. This is the if you put in comy hat on a comedy hat you're saying it's a hat on a hat. You're saying that's too far to go I don't know how it's funny? It's funny. So why do not want to do that? Can you imagine being a comic farce ike Fraasier? Yeah, like Fraasier. and entering if there's a hat on your hat, the audience would die like. that audience they' lose their m. If my hat gets cold, it needs a hat. Yeah. And I'm not trying to be funny. I just want my hat to be warm. Yes, It's little kid like. if my hat gets cold It happened. What if that happenens it's cold. Now I need to know about how Fraasier himself ended up singing the song because When in the reality of the showot a singer. No, he's not known to me as a singer. So when did the neeither Fraser nor Kelsey G mean Kelsey Gramar? you mean I mean both but I'm saying. So in the reality of the show there's There's a prequel episode that discusses how he actually came to sing the song. Well, in the reality of the show, where's the song coming from? Can the people hear it? Because usually it would be over It's over the end credits Well the every episode of size Yeah every episode there's like a little there's a little silent vignette that's happening. Every episode of Frasier ens the thirty minutes before he just happens to sing that song. So wh whatever the thirty minutes before he sings that song is that's an episode. because Ibr your episodes are in real time. The song episodes is b. The song has nothing to do with the premise No So then it's like, okay The actor is singing a random song about toss salad and scrambled eggs, which by the way, I enjoy the song, okay? I'll be Oh, you're would. I mean, the first in line to see a concert. that's what I call. Yeah tossed out and scrambled eggs every single track. But my feeling is when did they go, Kelsey, do you wan to sing it? Like when does that happen in the producer?body asked him? Well, he goes, I have a great idea for a song. What' what's going on? I could see that happening. Did he write it or did someone else write it? G Goog me G G Googal Frazier S song. Jared Letto from Bruce Miller The st show. Look, here's a whole article, the story behind the Frasier theme song to sound sc. all of our questions. I it's an oral history. Look, we have to take a break. I'll read the article and try to encapsulate it. Do you hear that Sounds like breakfast is ready becausecause Quakers coming in hot with morning nutrition one hundred percent whole grain oats and a good source of fiber to fuel the rhythm of your morning and kick startart your day. And that sounds absolutely delicious. Fuel to start whatever's next. Quaker, offfficial sponsor of FIFA World Cup twenty six Ray Ban Meta glasses take the friction out of travel. moveove through the world with your hands free and your head up. Hey Meta, where's the nearest metro station? Closest metro to you is Union Square, about three blocks away. Hey Meta, text mom, I'm getting on the train now. Sending message. Juggle your itinerary, take calls, and listen to music with open a audio. No digging for your phone, no stopping for a map. Just you and your glasses Ray Ban Meta, Iiconic sttyle, meets Meta AI, available at Walmart and other authorized retailers. Okay, we're back And this is what the composer Bruce Miller essentially says is they want something jazzy, eclectic, but they need to avoid Any references to specifics of Frasier. so stay away from words about psychiatry or radio shows, the name Frasier Anything. So Don Eddy. He wrote the music Anniils Mhm Death on Nile with the Nush champ paine. So they were just like the Nile. Here's what it's about. It's about don't say anything about that. Don't say anything about that. So he wrote the lyrics and then he's like, could happen. sorry, he wrote the music Then he needed lyrics, so he called his friend Darrel Finnesssey. who's really talented and really smart or was For this. This is the assignment that broke him I can't mention psychiatry at all. But And then he wrote a song and he was like, I'm a little girl with hearts for eyes. And they were like, that works too. You didn't mention any of the things. like, it could be anything I live in a fire hydrant He called back with the idea of tossed salads and scrambled eggs And the guy wrote the music is was like, what are you talking about? He goes, Well, these are things that are mixed up like Frasier's patience H. So he's calling people crazy. Yeah. He's also not a psychiatrist anymore He's a radi host. He's an entertainer. Yeah, he gives adice. He's basically doing Crie's p.. Does he Exactly. Does he oke moment Does he only do the show or does he also treat patients No, he doesn't have a practice anymore. Niles has a practice. Okay, but Frasier is exclusively a radio host. Practice makes perfect. So anyway, they made they made that That'd be a good that'd be a good title for a. good titleirtual virtual psychiatrist. O lawyers guy who wrote the song And chars. And their last name is perfect practice makes perfect. Okay yes you believe they're they And this is a new show with a great guy Skylar Aston, but great guy Oh yeah, what is that one? So H me Todd. They're still doing shows where they're like putting a characters that was happening. Yeah in Yeah that were coming like Grace underfire wasn't a fire idea. but yeah they do a lot of those. The only way you can name a show soelp me Todd is if it has a theme song like The Nanny or something like that. And there's an actual chorus of So help me Todd Every night I pray to my God T I s He's an actual god in this scenario. And it's like, you could still say so holy God, but it's like, no we're try to differentiate it's time. Yeah makes me want to swallow a uranium rod. so my to. So to answer your question, Paul, H The guy who wrote the song wanted Mel Touret to sing it. And the producers wanted Kelsey to sing it. Sure. Told you producers I told you producers. Will you say that when the strike is over? T producers. I producers w I think I assumed it was Kelsey's idea to sing it. It probably was the producers where I could sing it Well, what if I even known it car a tune Once If mail says no, I could sing it. Can we do it a feher Yeah. you said you had one. or are you lying If you'd like to send us to the facher, you can write to Threedom USA at gmail. com This bure is called Madlibbs. And I you know, Mike and I bought this on a whim when we were on a little trip recently. How much it cost Let's find out U four hundred and ninety nineents. So you'reang. So you're able to just spend four doars ninety nineents on a whim? I can just throw it and not even care. How much did mad libs cost when we were kids twenty five cents or something. Be you'd get them through the scholastic like Scholastic book club. Yeah. I loved it. Dynamite magazine, Dynamite. So I thought it'd be really fun. Did you poster a werewolf? During the hurricane, I did I did one to war Kula Yeah. I got my free prescription glasses. During the hurricane, I did one with cool upp on our text thread, which I don't know if you were paying attention to becauseuse it wass probably really annoying. It was so funny because I was trying to, I was like cleaning something up around the house It here H'siss. I have a problem. Every morning I have to clean up. Every morning I clean up all my ps.ay it with a hot rag. Constant buzzing. Cstant buzzing. And it's not important at all. I know it's not. The adjective. All I had seen was you say wantanna do a mad liib and And I was like I guess that mad liib's happening. Yeah. Okay, so who wants to go first? Okay, I'll go. So then will just will each person will hold the paper and control it for the other person, okay So I'm not gonna to tell you what it's called. So paper control. Vverb U u get shake. Yeah, have fun with it. Are we arere we alternating? Do number 'cause it's gonna to be his mad liib and then Oh. two thousand five adjective Briny Ajective noun Aoose Adject. Um sloth like Plural noun M Kazoos This is gonna be crazy. Narnia Aject tube. Um Bloody Cluralone Barnacles person in the room Scott verb no animal plural. Um b's Vverb ending in ING I'm gonna say it, fucking. High five in. Tpe of food plural Mashed potatoes Nown two servings of mash potato I consider mashed potatoes to be singular It's got usess in the end No Now, can you eat one mashed potato? Yeah, I can. I could. Can you mook me? Potato Sorry, mashed potato Pagic tip Um Adive It would be really wasteful to make one mashed potato. get all the milk. What if it's all you have? That's true. crumbly noun. From U Dream No Um Berry Okay. Too many wors. We're done Madalbs the title is. Madlbs. happenapping by Paul F. Tomkins. Haing Run, donon't shake to join two thousand five of your closest friends at the greatest briny outdoor musical experience of our Burpeie generation. This once in a caboose event is guaranteed to provide a slot like weekend filled with music, peace, love and kazoos in the picturesque setting of Narnia B Fans such as the bloody Barnacles, Scott and the Bats The fucking mashed potatoes. And many more will be rocking the mashed potato all night long. This crumbly happening will take place rain or crumb. so dream accordingly it's sure to be a legendary Berry Wow, That's good takes me back. I know. Who wants to control? do You do, Scott Okay Okay All those are prescription yellows Yeah, That's fun. it Did you I use this marker. It's just chunky wonky. J yeah, use it. You can use any mark. You don't have to use that. It's Chunky wonky. It's tr. It's chunky. It's chunky Monkey. Is everyone loving this When he picks the pen think's going on. They're all the same. Just scribble it. I'm just trying to find one with a better point. That one looks good. Thank you. Thank you, dear. Okay, it's Scott's turn. Go for it. All right, Scott, give me an adjective M Gosh, so many in the world How about one? Raty. Okay, adjective Brady Person in room Bul. Oh. I the tras. plural noun Um, You'reidence. You're going have to go a little faster Well you're just trying to control my game. Okay okay play it as slow as you want Catdy. Oh my God adverb That's what's happening. Ending in LY. All right, right Sweaterily adjective. Could I say Baddty already Noope, Baddy plural noun H waves. Verb now Uh. Laflet. a plural noun cardboards Type of liquid asine. Try to give them the next one while you're writing that one. It doesn't help it along. Electric vehicle Adjective Daddy. Um, adjective Turpulent addverb Wonderfully Flural nou Nobs pllural noun Burglar alarms. plural now. This is too much. It's too quick for me. U forty five RPM records. Now. rigerator U, person in room Not me mean mean mean. Loren. Adjective Fetching Okay, mister Darcy. All right. Oh it's done. Oh boy, here we go. It has a lot of pressure. What's the title? World Peace and other Promises by Scott Alkerman Copright two thousand nine by penguin randomousells. Oh, you got published. Oh, nice. Our school voting for this year's ratty president. Let's listen in as the Bratty candidate Paul makes his final campaign speech. My fellow Tents, I know the catey changes you want and sweatily deserve. If elected, I promise to put an end to batty homework and pop waves I will expand the lunch menu to include leaflet burgers and cheese stuffed cardboards. I will fill every drinking fountain with chocolate gasoline. I will see to it that the only acceptable exercise in gym class is dodge electric vehicle. Oheez. Finally, for every corpulent student in detention, I wonderfully swear to make video knobs comic burglar alarms and wides screen Fuck is that? Let me see You don't know what you said. Wides screen. I can't re I can't remember why he said. Where is it? U wides screen Yeah, he's putting go glasses. Up Rimers? Yeah. Up Rimipppers. Oh, RPM records. RPM records. forty five RPM records. Available in the detention refrigerator. So remember, a vote for Lauren today is a vote for a fetching school tomorrow. Why is it a different person? I don't know I would I would elect him. Okay, I love it Great job You know it's my turn. All right, Lauren, are you ready? Yeah. Oh my gosh Here we go. I'm gonna need an adjective Mm seexy G need another adjective. Corn. Gonna need another adjective. I need to go in my car You is getting you crazy. Loose. Plural noun. U but This plural now. This is old school Math lis. Tes. Tes. I got in trouble for doing this when I was a young kid. Yeah, I should think so. adjective Um, breast breasticles Vestacles Wait, that's adjective. We have those now. adjective. Okay. I put it I'll switch these. Okay, adjective adjective m smmooth smmooth. Okaykay. U verb ending in ING. Um, Pogo sticking. Pogo sticking. Okay, a noun Um Butole Article of Cothing plural Boxer briefs our briefs U Nn did not? U tit Plural nn. Dicks. This is like your origin story. Type of liquid. I wonder. This how you discovered comedy. Furbndian ING Sucking Tagic Tiff Tasty And down. Marital bed. Maral bed. Marital.ar Marital bed Okay, here we go Okay This is called Happy campers When life gets too sexy, there's no better antidote than to forget the horny grind and go camping with some loose friends. With the moon and butts twinkling overhead and the sound of titties chirping in the woods, sitting around the campfire and singing a smooth chorus or two of she'll be coming round the Bsticles Or I've been Pgo sticking on the railroad is a great way to restore peace to your inner butthole. Or if you choose, you can scare the boxer briefs off of everyone with tit stories. You can also just sit quietly toasting dicks. and sipping mugs of steaming piss before snuggling into your sucking bag Yes, there's nothing better than the tasty outdoors to guarantee a good night's marital bed. Nice. We did it.ice. So that's how you do mad with. That's howad as a prereature. Now look We also, in addition to accepting emails from you, if you want to phone call us, then we take a phone call and you and leave us the voicemail. We get our number, Hag claims eight