Body Image and Wearing Makeup

Welcome to Unfuck Your Brain. I'm your host Cara Loenthl, master certified coach and founder of the School of New Feminist Thoughts I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. Let's go And welcome to this week's coaching Hotline episode where I Answer real questions from real listeners and coach you from afar If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck yourourbrain d. com forward slash coaching hotline, all one word orr text your email to plus one three four seven. nine, nine, seven, one, seven, eight four And when you get prompted for the code word It's coaching Hotline, All one worked Let's get into this week's questions Two interesting questions today First one Hey Kara, you talk a lot about confidence, of course, which is what brought me to your work But I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about humility What do you think humility looks like? What role do you think it can play in managing your mind Do you find it to be a useful concept at all? Thank you This is a great question So yes, I do think that humility is a useful concept when it's used correctly and appropriately, which I don't think that's how most women use it So I think most women use humility as a cover for insecurity So rather than tell the truth, which is that they don't believe they deserve to have the life they want, they don't believe that they are good enough the life they want, they don't believe that they have enough value. They call that being humble I don't think that's what humility is I think humility is the opposite of hierarchy So I think humility is about understanding that As a human to human to human to human, we are all equal. I am not more worthy any other human alive. I do not have more intrinsic value or intrinsic worth than any human alive notothing that can be added to my life externally, no amount of accomplishments, no amount of money I make, no matter what kinds of relationships I have, none of that can make me better or more worthy or more valuable than another person So to me, that's what humility is about. It is sort of the opposite of like a quote unquote, big head, but it's like to me, it has nothing to do with confidence The opposite of confidence is insecurity opppposite of humility is hierarchy ome people say the opposite of humility is pride, but I don't think that's true because I think if you look Men are encouraged to be proud of themselves all the time And when I talk about teaching women to be proud of themselves, I mean to be proud of their ability to do hard things and create results they didn't think they could and grow and evolve and blow their own mind, not to be proud that like they possess this object and that makes them better than other people, right? And so that kind of pride might be the opposite of humility, but I don't think that pride is the right word. I think it's hierarchy. I think humility is the opposite of hierarchy Humility means understanding that we're all just humans and none of us is more worthy or deserving or valuable than anyone else. We're all equally worthy and deserving. Infinitely so So I think that is humility. And the other thing that comes to mind I think is related in a way, which is like I always want to remain humble about everything out there that I don't know. So it's kind of similar, right It's like not being Maybe arrogant is the right word, but it's more just like I want to always Be transparent and honest and real about the fact that I don't know everything in the world. right? How could I? More will always be revealed, more will always be happening. I can control certain things in my life and about me and how I show up and react. I can't control the world, right So again, it's sort of like if hierarchy is the opposite of humility, I think maybe another opposite of humility is likeike a false sense of omnipotence believing you know everything belieelieving you can control everything Belving you can control other people and the weather and what happens in the stock market and like all these things outside of you believing that you are like the teacher and not the student I always want to be the teacher and the student There's always more I can learn. My own practice is always deepening. I'm never at the end of that road So it's interesting, actually, it kind of just goes back to hierarchy. I'm sort of thinking this through as I answer this question. There's hierarchy of like value, thinking you're more valuable than someone else And there's sort of hierarchy of knowledge in the sense of I do think like I know more about certain topics than some other people might because I've studied them But I don't ever believe I know everything about a topic. I don't believe I've reached the pinnacle of knowledge ever that I know everything, that there's nothing left to learn that I have it all figured out So it is sort of it's almost like a hierarchy of knowledge. Like that's the opposite. to me. humility is saying Here's what I know to the best of my ability. It's like recognizing my own limited vantage point, my own limited human mind. Like my mission is to stretch my own limited human mind far as I can but knowing that I'm never going to reach the limit No other human alive ever is either. Nobody ever will, probably So I think in those context, humility is a useful concept because it's really about quality and open mindedness It is not a useful conceptqu when it' to cover for insecurity, lack of belief in yourself lack of believing you need to be more deserving or more worthy or something else, right? Anytime that humility has to do with like thinking well of yourself, like having basic self love and respect, I don't think it's helpful And I do think it's a quality that's like associated with Women, like women are supposed to be humble R And we don't really hear that as much about men. Like successful men are not criticized for touting their own success. Buten successful women are often criticized for that Great question. I hadn't really thought about humility itself as a concept in this way before, so those was useful for me, too If you've been dreaming or secretly thinking about becoming a coach But you're not sure how it works or how to coach a range of people effectively, or if coaching is even a real job. Or if you're already certified, but you still feel a little shaky in sessions, especially if something sensitive comes up My life coaching certification, the Socratic coaching method, was built for you We teach evidence based coaching tools that combine radical inquiry and working with the emotions in the body to create lasting change. 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So there's no reason for wearing makeup. It's totally a personal decision everyone gets to decide I personally don't wear much makeup in my daily life. I wear makeu in photos because the way that photo technology works. If you don't wear makeup, you can't see your features often. like in professional photos or video. you will look washed out, your features won't stand out. So I wear makeup in photos so that I look mostly like myself without makeup on. like the best way I can say it. But I do occasionally like to wear a bright lipstick and it's just because I think it's fun It's not because I think my lips and their normal state aren't good enough So it's just like wearing clothes I think my naked body looks great, and I think my body looks great in clothes and different kinds of clothes make it look different kind of ways So there's no should. Its sort of something about this question seems to imply like We're supposed to wear makeup or we should wear makeup, but no. I mean, of course not. if you don't want to, don't But I think that if you have learned to love how you look you still often like wear something other than a burlap sack, even though that would technically just cover your body enough to go out in public, right? Because clothing and makeup. I mean, I think if you look anthropologically like humans for millennia have been interested in decorating their bodies and using I think people use clothes and makeup to communicate their own aesthetics, their own style, their own creativity, right? These are all things that humans have always done in all societies, right have decorated themselves, have had special outfits for special ceremonies or special rituals or rites of passage, I think that like aesthetics and that visual sense are really built into humans. and even if you look at animals, right? it's like Heeacocks will display a beautiful tale when mating. like it's very evolutionary, very biology based in the beginning. I absolutely don't think anyone needs to wear makeup or should wear makeup if they don't want to. and persononally don't wear a lot of make upp dated day because I just can't really be bothered. That was true before I did my body image journey afterwards, right? which is sort of part of my point almost. It's like there are people wearing makeup because they haven't done the work to love their skin and face the way it is and that work is worth doing. Th for some of us like I just wasn't that into makeup. and so I just still am not that into makeup and that hasn't changed. And someone else might be suuper into makeu before doing the work and after or not and then yes or it was and then isn't, like there's no consistent pattern it has to follow It's not a useful question to ask shouldould I wear makeup or not It is a useful question to ask what are my thoughts about wearing makeup What kind of feeling do I have about wearing makeup? What am I trying to do by wearing makeup? So the question is never, should I take this action or not The same action can feel amazing or can feel terrible, depending on what you're thinking and feeling Wearing makeup can feel amazing when you're thinking, I love my face, and it's beautiful without makeup and then it's beautiful in thiss very different way with makeup and I love them both. And it can feel terrible if you're thinking my skin is horrible and no one will look at me if I'm not wearing makeup and I won't look professional, no one will take me seriously and I'll die alone Right? Same action, totally different thought and feeling. Always, the question is What I want to think about this? How do I want to feel about it Be we get into what action am I going to take. All right Interesting Group of questions this week I will talk to y you'all next week Whether you're dreaming about becoming a coach or just secretly thinking about it, or if you're already certified, but you worry you're not saying the right things in sessions or clients aren't having the breakthroughs you'd hoped for, that I have got an exciting announcement for you. We are officially opening enrollment for our next cohort of the Socratic Coaching metethod certification This seven month certification program includes intensive training and plenty of space for practice and integration. We've got coach practicome calls, live coaching feedback sessions, and more To learn more, visit socraticoaching dot com or text your email to one three four seven nine nine seven one seven eight four and the code word is coach training, all one word. We will send you the link to join straight to your phone