Playing classical music to fruit

I've seen your hairy arse in my jock strapping . I've got pubes in my mesh and I 'd come from you. If you went on that show, there was a level of self-loathing. It was off the charts. You know, I want you to turn me into somebody else. I have a dilemma I hope you can help me with. Have you listened to this podcast? Greetings bangers and welcome to this b ank holiday edition of So So Advice, dished out uh by myself, Graeme Norton, and that lady there, Maria McCurlin. I am Maria McCurlin. Indeed, this is correct. Uh because our listeners are so international Yeah. Uh many people wouldn't know what a bank holiday is. Do you? It means you don't have to go to work. Well it I don't understand what they are anymore. Because it used to be the banks were shut. Yeah. That's w literally what it was. Well, they are shut. Are they? Yeah. On a bank holiday. Who goes to the bank? Do you see there's a clue? Who goes to the bank? There's a clue in the title. No, but like the bank can be shut every day. Nobody knows. Nobody has a bank anymore anyway. Because they're all closed all the time. Yeah. We have to do it all online. It's like a year long bank holiday. And online the bank is open. Yeah, online. They don't have a bank bank holiday. Do you know what I've been doing this week? I've no idea . Trying to open a bank. Yes, exactly. I've been trying to stop doing resting bitch face. Well, do you have resting bitch face? Well, I I saw myself in something. Um I don't normally look at myself in things, but I did see myself something. And when my face is in repose, komsa . Yeah, repose . Interesting bitch face. And so now I've been practicing when my face is in repose. You know, I when'm listening, I've been practicing going like this . That's frightening. I mean Do you remember that film of Anthony Hopkins called Magic? Where there was a killer ventriloquus dummy. Yes. Yeah. That's what you looked like. I look like that ventriloquist dummy. Chucky. Was it Chucky? No, that's Chucky is another one. But you see you've got a beard which is good 'cause it hides any sort of jowlage when your face is not animated. I mean you know, when your animated face is it's all fine. But to let it all drop, which it does at a certain age, unless you're Chris Jenner. I get she looks amazing. I saw her up close. No, she really does look good. How did you see her up clothes? Uh because she was on the show when Kim Kardashian was on. And uh she I saw I went into the dressing room and she was there and she did not look weird. She looks kind of just great for a 'cause we've got a letter from her for this week's Am I Weird, which is odd, because you're saying something great. And I'm going no. I'm going no you're not. So because she's seventy something. What age is she? Seventy. More. Two? Three? Maybe. But does she doesn't look the sound of tiny fingers googling? Maybe she um I mean she doesn't look weird. I think she does look good. Up close, she looked much better than I thought she would. Wow. I thought she looked all stretched and weird. I'm gonna book him for a facelift then. Hers was a hundred thousand dollars. No, I won't book him for that one. Seventy bangle seven. Yep. I won't book him for Chris Jenner's one though. I might go to somewhere in Thailand. Oh really? Or I might go to somewhere in Rye. There's a new place that's just opened. Apparently he used to be a seamster. He used to make clothes, but now he's doing facelift. I can't wait to see the results. I'm going for lapels on my chin . I think that will hide all future dowage. But do you find do you find go going back to my thing, do you find when your face is in repose, do you feel it sort of sagging? Well no. What I really annoys me is when I'm out with the dog or anything and and people go, smile. Oh. And it's like, what why? Why why would I like I would Welcome to the lady world. Like I would look like a a m half wit if I was walking around smiling. What's that about? Well you see that I mean probably when we were younger our face in repose didn't look quite so horrifying as it does now. But I mean women get that all the time. Smile in love, it might never happen. And I always say yes both of my parents have been killed in a car accident. I always think it has happened. You've spoken to me. What do you say to people when they say smile? Uh nothing. I just snarl at them. Oh. Can you show me that? That looks a bit poppyish. Don't do that . But I think that yes, Chris Jenner might have the right idea. Well Nicki Glazer says people treat you better if you look better. Well uh but the thing but Nicki Glazer will you know, she'll never be Chris Jenner. Well she might be when she's seventy. Well no but she'll have to do an awful lot of work to you know, because she's got that long face and the long nose and everything. Why the long face? Yeah why the long face . She's so funny, but you know, they're now re-examining all those reality shows from years ago. Are they? You know, they did the whole deep dive into uh America's X Top Model. Yeah, yeah. And I think there's a documentary, it's either out or it's coming out about the swan. Uh do you remember that one? Yes. Where they they turned somebody from a they would do extreme makeover. They would do like plastic surgery and everything, but they couldn't see a mirror for three months or something till everything was right, and then they came in so, we did their makeup, style, their head And then all their family were there. Yeah, put them in a dress, they'd lost the weight and everything. And and then their family were there, and then they would the mirror would turn around. And you always saw in their eye a flicker of disappointment. Oh no. Because they were still themselves. Oh Grim, you are dark today. They looked they looked so much better, but they were still recogniz able. Oh, for goodness sake. Well, no, because if you went on that show, there was a level of self-loathing that you couldn't it was off the charts. You know, I want you to turn me into somebody else . And then when the mirror came round, it's like, oh, I do look amazing, but I'm not someone else. I think this should be your next novel. Do you think you're very impassioned about it. I am. I meanna because I mean I'm very shallow, so I always think, oh yeah, they look much better than they did. Oh no no. I think when you wa when as a viewer, you kind of think, wow, they've they've really turned you around, you look so much better. But you could just always tell in their little heart, they were a bit sad. But they still kind of recognize themselves. Oh, are they de doing a deep dive into that then in as much as it was? Are now being revisited and we're all going, oh that's aw ful. We knew it was awful at the time. Yeah. Like I don't know why we're all now clutching our pearls, kind of going, oh that's terrible. Who made that? We did. We watched it. We loved it. I never watched that. No, I didn't. But we knew that it was in the world and we knew that it was bonkers and it shouldn't have ever happened. But I mean, we've had we had our own versions of those things, didn't we? We had our own people, you know, pulling at your fat and telling you to wear this and or what not to wear, was that. Yeah, and also ten years younger, how old making people stand in a shopping centre like that, resting bitch face. Ninety. And getting people to pass, yeah. How old do you think she is? Mm eighty-two. And then afterwards obviously, lovely, look at me, how old am I? Eighty-two . Do you see that that face cream was banned? Well no, the advertising was banned. The one where they said it made you look five years younger. Right. And their research, the the the company uh sort of came back with, no, our research was totally thorough. And the research was they got a lot of people to use it. Yeah. And then at the end, you know, after two months or something, they asked them, How much younger do you think you look? Oh, and they all said And the average was five years. I was like, I'm not sure that's scientifically proven. I think it should have said it this is guaranteed to make you look five years younger than Dick Van Dyke who's a hundred. Yeah. They just forgot the last bit. One of those scratch things where you the end of the sentence is covered up and then you cook on the cover with a with a penny. But you see, there's no such thing as bad publicity. So I think if I were the PR for that company, I'd think great, people are noticing us. And also I now know that people who used it thought they looked five years younger. Yeah. Because it was free. Thing in their eye still said, I'm still me. Yes. I'm five years younger. Now I've got longer to live as this person . Oh no. Oh my god. I've got longer to live. You are dark, Graham Norton. People think you're a laugh a minute, but you're dark. Oh I am. Hey, we've got a bulging in tray, so it's time to start ripping envelopes. That's next. I say Bria. Yeah. Be a good egg and read us a letter. I'm doing not a resting bitch face. No, you look lovely. You look so alert. Really engaged. I've got pins up here from pins up here and toothpicks in my mouth. Okay. Dear Graham and Maria. My partner and I travel frequently for work and leisure. Right. And during those times, his mother kindly comes to stay and look after our dog. At first, she would do a bit of light housework, which we appreciated and didn't mind. However, over time, this has escalated in ways that now feel intrusive. Oh great. On several occasions I've come home to find that she's gone through my personal belongings, specifically emptying my underwear drawer, ironing, neatly folding everything, and putting it back . As a gay couple, we naturally have a mix of everyday underwear as well as more intimate items , such as a jock strap or underwear with some mesh. Oh sweet Jesus And I find it quite embarrassing knowing she has handled these. It feels like a clear invasion of privacy. I've previously tried to set boundaries in a gentle way, mentioning that I'd prefer it if she didn't tidy as things aren't always put back where they belong. Despite this, the issue with my underwear has now happened around four to five times, which is a step too far. I mean who even irons underwe ar and folds it up neatly? It's insanity. My partner tends to laugh it off, really. But for me, this has become a real problem. His mother can be quite sensitive, so I'm wary of causing offence, but at the same time, I feel strongly that this boundary needs to be respected. How can I address this firmly but tactfully without creating tension in the family? Please help. I need your wanging on wisdom. Yours in neatly ironed tighty white is Paul. Paul Ugh give over yourself. I mean she's she's handled your mesh and your thong now.. Yeah So what what new is there? I mean put m new put butt plugs in there, put kind of crazy vibrators in there. If you want to kind of shock her. She's not sh shocked by this. She knows you're a gay couple, you've got mesh underpants. Ugh. . Yeah Um she can't iron the mesh underpants because it will be a little bit if you were listening to this mother-in-law, it will shrivel. Burn the mesh. You've said to her you want her not to do tidying of things. Um and she hasn't really paid any attention. She's looking after your dog. She's doing you a favor. Do you want to break anything for the fact that she's going through underwear? I mean she I don't think she cares. I think, you know, when people do things like that, it's out of love and a bit of nosiness. Yes. Nat, which is kind of fair enough. You're not in your house. She's not going through your posts. She's not looking at your emails. She knows what's in your underwear drawer now. So what else is there to reveal? Nothing. You could, of course, lock your underwear away if you want to be that pedantic about it. I mean, look, it's I get the embarrassment thing, but as you said, it's happened now. She's seen it. If she was embarrassed, she's been embarrassed. If you're embarrassed, you've been embarrassed. Now it's done. Um look the point is, if you didn't want this to happen, you'd pay someone to look after your dog and stay in your house. Yeah. She's doing you a favor, and the cost , the price of that service is that someone's been through your mesh underwear. Uh and also have a word with yourself, Paul. Really? Yeah, you admitted that. Yeah. If you've got underwear you don't want people to see, maybe no one should see it. And even if you if you pay someone to look after your dog, there's no guarantee that they won't be looking at your mesh underwear. I think Maria's right. Uh Paul, you've just got you I I you've just got to get over this. Can you make a joke out of it? No, well I just don't know. Can you say to her, don't try on that mesh underwear now? Betty. I'm calling her Betty. Yeah. I've seen your hairy arse of my jock strap, Betty. I've got pubes in my mesh and I oh it's come from you. The gray Um I j uh look, I I uh Paul, I think this mother in all yes, it is annoying. There is there is a level of annoyance when people do things you rather they d you know if you ask someone to wash your windows and then you come in and discover they've also looked through your underwear. Or they've they've alphabetised alphabetized all your books. That's annoying. I only asked you to wash the windows. But uh there it happened. So you asked this woman to look after your dog, she's ironed your underwear. So uh but uh yes, I so I totally get that it's annoying. It is annoying. Life is about compromise, great. And and also the fact that uh there's there's got to be some g ive and take. You know, she's doing you an amazing favor. And tidying up and doing the washing and doing all of that, which you'd pay a cleaner for. Yeah. Paul and the partner, I mean, they travel so often. They're always away. That dog doesn't know what's what. No. The dog the the dog thinks it's owned by an old lady in mesh underwear . Have a sniff of that . Old lady in mesh underwear. That's a good title for a book, Graham. You're trying to undermine my writing career. You can have old lady in mesh underwear, but secretly she knows she's still her . Behind the eyes. I feel so sexy when I wear these pants. Until I look in the mirror and realize it's still me. I'd like to iron me . This has got legs, Graham. This has got legs. Um so look, Paul, I feel your irritation. I think locking your underwear away makes you seem crazy. Yeah. But you know, if there are dildos or porn or something you don't want you to find, y hide those, lock those away. That's not hard to do. You know, just do that. And then you're covered. And at some point, look at yourself in the mirror and kind of go, should I really be wearing a jock strap or mesh underwear? And uh I think you'll find the answer is no I think you what you need to do, Paul, is take note from, you know, your mother-in-law's son, who you live with, and he says, laugh it off. Yeah. I'm with I'm with you. Have Wangers been involved in this? What do you all think? Oh they'll love this.. They'll love it Well whiff of underwear, they're all They're all over this. Ross in Edinburgh says Buy an adult toy the size of Nelson's column and leave it in the drawer . If she finds that, chances are she'll never go near it again. No, you're wrong if she finds that. I think pretty much she should find it. Because it won't fit in a drawer. the window. Kathy in Ireland uh is going to talk to us. I think there's no way you're gonna be able to do it tactfully. She's not taking any hints. Your boyfriend is gonna have to grow a pair and stand up to his man and tell her like seriously, I'm not five and I'm getting secondhand embarrassment. Like I literally hide things in my meeker store. The woman needs to get herself a little like Okay. He needs to grow a pet that will fit into the mesh underwear. The other thing it you could do , Paul, is put things like lacy panties in your uh underwear drawer and see what she makes of that. Like el you know, escalate the situation. This all takes effort though, you know, putting a dildo the size of Nelson's column. I mean, it's like , do you really care that much? Or seal some of her underwear and put it in your drawer. Oh my god. And then she'll go, oh my God. Yeah. Her heart will chill. Leave a little note, maybe, in the underwear drawer saying, Hello. Yeah. This makes it be hard to touch them again. Yeah. Don't smell this because you might be shocked . Every time she looks after your dog Paul. Do something amusing, like put an amusing thing in the drawer, you know, chocolate mousse or something so that we I don't know. Um you know, make it I'm not sure how amusing that would be. What could you put in how mousing that would be? What could you put in that would make her laugh? A mirror? Dave in Brighton says, oh dear, mumma's a sniffer. My God . No, seriously, she can't be that sensitive if she's being so insensitive with your very personal items. I'd buy a nice new chest of drawers that have locks and keep your intimate bits where she can't get her creepy old hands on them. If you're worried that that's too obvious, perhaps still lock your bits away and leave some decoy underscat about the place, so she still feels like she's violating you when she's actually not. I mean, this has escalated. Violation, really but also now I'm thinking, why is she in the door? Like, is she 'cause doing your washing, I understand. I'm looking after the dog. There's a laundry basket, da da da . I'll do that and I'll iron everything in there. But is she going to the drawer and getting everything out and then ironing it? Like, is she retrospectively ironing everything? Look, let's be honest. She's having a nose-about. Oh, yeah, no, big time. That's what she's doing. That's all she's doing. She's having a nose-about. And it is, I mean, I can, I can see that there's a controlling element of that. Yeah. It's like, you know, you can run but you can't hide. I am still your mother, support partner , and you know, I know everything about you type of thing. There is a but who cares? Yes, I d I think it's very hard to care. If this woman wants to shock herself, let her. There you you know, she's she's not doing any harm. Wendy says to get the amount of help you're getting here, there's always a trade-off. This is yours. And to be honest, it could be worse. I wouldn't bother trying to stop her. She's already seen everything now, so put it out of your mind. If you really can't, you'll have to start paying for the pet care. Now that's exactly what you said, yes. I mean the trade off is it shouldn't be a trade off, really, but um you're not paying this lady anything, so she could do whatever I mean she could have a poo and put it in your drawer. She could do that., yes I don't know why I said that. Yeah, she really could. Yes. Next time, come home. Thank her. Thank you so much for not doing a big turd in my knicker drawer. That's so kind of you. Creep through the mesh I find like straining mozzarella . I mean that's what you could put in the drawer. So I'm thinking about putting more amusing things in. You could put a fake poo in there one week. And then you could put a severed hand in the next, you know, pretend severed hand. Yeah, no, not a real one. No. That would be wrong. Yeah, yeah. Some might have a heart attack. And the dog will run off with him.. Oh my goodness Yeah. Look, this may split the wangers. So uh I say wangers. Why not uh feel free to leave comments below if you're watching this on YouTube? Uh let's have a heated debate. I mean, people could be talking about us should they iron their underwear, should they not iron. Do you iron your underwear? No. Does anyone iron a underwater napkins? That's it. Oh my goodness, you iron napkins. You have people around you see. I don't do that. Well yeah, y I think napkins you need to iron, nothing else. Yeah. Nothing. Never been invited to your new house, by the way. Well, because it's good. To see We're trying to keep it nice. To see and ironed napkin. And also you know how I like to go through your drawers. Of course. And on iron things. And steal bits of mesh. We barely have time to take a breath uh before another dilemma presents. Ooh. Kiddie! A great story, like Monsters Inc., stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story. From the return of the award-winning hit series Rivals . Welcome to the naughtyest show on television. To the unmissable crime drama High Potential. Gotta dead body, gotta go. A lifetime of great stories awaits. This spring on Disney Plus. 18 Plus subscription required. T's and Cs apply. Sents itself . Wangers rejoice. You can watch us on your TV. Hooray! If you have a smart telly, you can go to YouTube or Spotify and search for Wanging On. Yeah, it's great. You can find our full episodes. All of them. So you can binge them all, or you can watch us weekly, like a normal person. This is the brave new world of visualised podcasting., Maria Mm-hmm. I am all over it. Streamwanging on on your smart telly now . Maria, Maria. Yes. Grab another email. Oh, okay. Yeah, go on, quick. This is it. This is it. This is dilemma number two. Okay, dear Graham and Maria, I'm really enjoying your podcast. Thank you. Mmm . I have a dilemma I hope you can help me with. I own a small software company. Have you listened to this podcast? Check the address on this one . Oh, tire of a CEO. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh dear, yeah. We're in podcast central. There's a little mix mix up in the mailbags. We never know what we're gonna get. Anyway, I own a small software company with about 40 total employees. Recently, the wife of one of our star employees friended every employee in the firm on Facebook, including me. We thought she was just being friendly, but it turns out she had a few things she had to get off her chest. Wow. Over a period of two weeks, oh my goodness, she proceeded to machine gun us all with posts about her adulterous husband, clearly wanting us all to know he had cheated. Fabulous. Of course, the chatter circulated like smoke through a room, and some employees have put two and two together and figured out that the mistress is also an employee at our firm. This is genius . It's gold. I just love this. It's podcast gold. I know. I'm still waiting for the problem. I I know, right? So far, it's a great day in the office. This revelation has damaged the chemistry of our team and sown a lot of division. Two of our leads have come to me separately and asked me to step in and establish a policy that would put a stop to the affair. I don't think it's my place and my instinct is just to let it blow over. Do I have a responsibility to speak to either the cheetah or his mistress? Name names at a bare minimum should I let them know that everyone else on the team knows exactly what is going on? They know. As a side note, not much has changed since the days of the Scarlet Letter. People seem to cast more shade on the mistress, single lady, than they do on the cheating husband. Now that's interesting, isn't it? And never happens. Aren't they both equally to blame? Thanks again for a great podcast. It's a highlight of my week from Brian in the US. Now Brian, this has been a highlight for us. It really has. I wish all letters were of this standard. I do too. Brian, I just I I think you're right, you can't play the moral high ground here. But it is I mean, I'm sure everyone in your office is going, thank goodness something exciting has happened. I was so bored of working for a small software company. With forty employees, all of whom. I mean everybody knows everything now. The wife has played a blinder in she has thrown him and the mistress under the bus. I don't know where she can go to next. Well, the the marriage can't survive this, can it? I mean I feel like she as you know, every there is the smell of bridges burning. Yeah. Uh very strongly. I I I think Brian , you need to acknowledge that everyone knows everyone's seen these messages. Everyone is on the Facebook. Everyone has seen the messages. So I think you could acknowledge that. I think the person you need to talk to is the Yeah. Because it's his wife who has done this. And she is the one who's involved the office. I sort of think if people want to have an affair, let them. You know, it's so long as they're still making soft ware in a small company. Uh it's it's it's not affecting their software production. No. But I think yes, what you do is because she has it she's in pain, the wife is in pain, she doesn't know what to do , she has decided that this is a good idea. I would question that. I mean she'll regret it. She will regret it. But for right now, it's making her feel better. Yeah. But I think what you need to do is you need to get the man in um and say, look, this has happened, what's going on? What do you think we should do about it? How can we ameliorate this? How can we stop it going any further, etc.? And then I think you need to get your team of 40 together and say, we're just going to address the elephant in the room, you know. I call her Cheryl. No, you can't see that anymore. Stephen here. Stephen here, as everybody knows, you know, is in a bit of a pickle with his wife right now. That's terrible, isn't it? Safe in a bit of a pickle. No, don't say that. Um Stephen here. Uh you know, we're all embarrassed for him and for his wife and for Lindsay. Yeah. Poor Lindsay. Poor Lindsay. She's single . She's not gonna be anything other than single with him, I don't think. And also you kinda like d okay. I don't we can't blame uh Lindsay. No, we can't blame Lindsay. But I do think if you're looking for someone to date, cast your eye . Further than the office. Yeah, beyond the photocopier. Men are very lazy. No, no, it's her. She's the lazy one. Well, they're both lazy because it's like he's having an affair. So he's just thinking, oh th they're somebody. But she is I think you know, presumably looking for a bit more because she is single. She thinks she's having a relationship. She's not. But anyway, that's beside the point. Brian, talk to the man because it it is his wife who's involved everybody. So you need to address that. And I guess you do just put out a kind of internal uh memo, kind of you know know, I you've all you're gonna say I know you've all seen uh things on Facebook. Uh just so you know, I've spoken to name of man. Steven. And uh he's happy to talk to anyone. Because people have come to B rian to say that new rules need to be put in place, that people can't stoop each other in the office. Um they probably do it. I think you're so lazy. Given that given that people spend, you know, four Your desk isn't very busy because your production is down this week. I think that's how Brian says, you know, I have noticed that the production is down of late. I think that's because everyone is too busy thinking about Stephen and Lindsay. None of your business. Trunk out Dumbo. Can we get on with the work in hand? I feel like we've enjoyed this problem too much. We haven't really given any advice. I don't know what advice I would give. Well, we well, I think talking to the man is your first point of call. I don't think you need to talk to the lady because she's done I mean, she's not blameless, she's having an affair with a married man, but uh she Everyone seems to be blaming her in the office though. It's Scarlet Letter all over again. Oh yes. Why? Because Brian's a very modern man. Brian isn't them all. I want to see the Facebook messages. I d I love it. I love it. Yeah. It's almost like and I I I as I say, this poor woman who, as you say, is in pain right now, is lashing out. She will live to regret doing this. Uh but for now, how fabulous for everyone in the office. Also there might be children involved, so it's not so funny anymore, is it really? Oh thanks for taking my joy . Can't I have a nice time? You can't because when you look in your eyes, you're still you . All right, let's go. Uh big gay Darren in Brazil. I wondered where he was. I miss him. He says if I were in your position, I would call a meeting with the cheating husband, the mistress and all the employees that the wife friend did on Facebook. Ooh. In that meeting, I would say that everyone knows about the affair between the two lovebirds. That's step number one. I would make it clear then that office romances are a no-no and that it's in their hands to rectify the situation. Also tell the cheating husband that although you totally understand his wife's anger, he should advise her not to contact his colleagues, then finalise the meeting, leaving all explosive information with them and hope that they sort it all out. Good luck. Big gay Darren, I don't really think that's a progressed things at all. Well and also like the only okay, in terms of the offers, what you could do is just say to everyone, look, we just need to stop this situation. Let's knock it on the head. Could everyone please unfriend Douda 's wife and block her? Yeah. And then that's that's, you know , she's now screaming in the car park, which is better probably. Nobody actually needs to call them screaming in the car park. Nobody needs to say you know, this is what's happened. Everybody knows exactly what's happened. Yeah. And it actually it's up to the guy that is having an affair to kind of calm things down. And also I think uh to bring in a rule, oh, there can't be any relationship with the office, it's not a software company. It's not like who cares? Let them sh ag. You know, it it's not like they're, you know, uh you know, in the the civil service or something or you know I think you do have to tell the guy who's having an affair, go and sort yourself out and sort out your wife. I mean that sounds awful, but I mean this has gone too public now. Yeah, get a hit man. Okay. Die, that's D-A-I, says I say so the wife. She's been messaging members of staff directly and repeatedly to cause distress. It's harassment. Ugh. Your staff didn't ask to know this information. If the situation has resulted in a loss of sales, sue for that too. Tell the husband and alleged mistress that everybody knows it's up to them if they want to stick it out or leave, but let them know how the situation has affected the team and tell them both off for being a cliche . An affair in the office is so passe. True that. I mean it is stupid. Like and also just having an affair is stupid. Yeah. Stupid man. Um now, Sheila, she used to live in Australia. Now she's in New Zealand. She gets about. I know, she sent us a voice note. I would ask your staff to please block this toxic woman. What goes on between her and her husband is nobody's business but theirs. Secondly, I would discreetly talk to the husband and tell him to wind his neck in and sort out his love life as it is affecting your working environment. I'm I mean, I think you're being a bit harsh on the lady whose Facebook m everyone. Well no, she is Billy Bonkerous. I mean she's she's she's crazy with anger and grief and all those things. Even though I know that Stephen, the affair the man who's having the affair is one of your top employees, but you could just sack them both. I'm not sure you can sack people because they've got a bonker's wife who's messaging around Facebook. But you can say it's affecting productivity. Maybe maybe you have to do a letter of warning first. I feel like it's a bonding exercise for the whole office. I mean, it it mean it is genius. Everyone's gonna be so excited about this. What about having- Oh, I got another message. Like we if you open your Facebook and you see the little one on messages you go, Oh, she's back Yeah Oh I mean we don't know Brian hasn't told us whether or not people have replied to the wife at all. And also there are some killjoys in the office who are complaining about it. Yeah. Will in Dublin says Whoa Hold your horses. You're the boss, not the morality police. Don't go hauling them in and scolding them like teenagers. Are they adults? Yes. Is this ill-advised? Yes. Is it illegal? No. Their private lives are none of your business. If this unsavory situation is affecting morale or creating upset for your team, I think it's reasonable to remind everyone generally about expectations around professionalism, respect, and keeping personal matters out of the office. Outside of that, this is not your rodeo. As for the double standard, you're probably not wrong. But that's not something you can correct from your desk either. I like where Will is coming from here. I I I think if if you address it in kind of very general terms about you know keeping everything professional please don't bring your personal life into work yeah and then call the man in and just go you've got to do something about your wife on Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. It's not fair it's not fair on everybody to be. Mabey write to Markcker Zuberg. Uh because he he probably would want to solve this for you. He'd want to remove her. He's very hands-on. Is he? Oh he's so hands-on. He's so caring. He really is. I'm I'm sensing irony there. Alistair in Kilbrichan. You'll say it again. Kilbrachan. Kilbar chan. Okay. Kilbrichan. All right. I think all all four residents are now offended. I feel like Moira Rose doing her burglar. Alistair in Kilbra can. I'm so sorry. Anyway, Alistair says there are three certainties in life. Death, taxes, and workplace shagging. Woo-hoo! We won't want to go to Kill Barkin now. Yeah, exactly. Unless this relationship is a conflict of interest to the business or there's a power imbalance in their roles, then stay the hell out of it. A non-fraternization policy makes you a dictator, so your leads need to simmer down. This might be the first public relationship thanks to the wife and her keyboard, but it may not be the first one to occur. The wife clearly knew what she was doing. Unfriend her, let them deal with the mess. It's likely the husband is aware, everyone knows, but maybe check in on him as a good boss would, despite your desire to Nathaniel Hawthorne him. There's a nice literary reference. Yeah. Yeah, well done. Alistair and Colbark and I. What is Nathaniel Hawthorne? He wrote the Scarlet Letter. Very good. A broad mix of advice there, and if you want to be the receiving end of that sort of Today's on my weird comes courtesy of Cheryl in Somerset and she says Hi Graham and Maria. Dare I confess to something rather silly and strange that I've started doing over the past year. I've started playing Beethoven to my banana before I can eat it . As long as my banana has absorbed some of those lovely vibes, I'm happy. I find that I don't have a need to play adolfe to my apple before I eat it or Corelli No. But I think uh yeah, work this into an act and go on Britain's got talent. You might get a golden buzzer. I think it's very unlikely. Corelli to my cherry. Uh I Amanda Holden would be on her feet. That conf etti would be coming cluttering down on all of your bananas. Um do whatever floats your boat, I would say, Cheryl in Somerset, um, with your bananas and your life as No She look, Cheryl has made eating bananas a little more interesting than it was, and good luck to you, lady. But don't expect anyone to be interested, I would say. If you want to do this, do it least of all us. I think if you're gonna send something to Am I Weird, send something that's really weird. I think what you're doing, Cheryl in some set, is holding back on us. Oh. Yes. Sh sh this is this is uh her distraction. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I'm playing Beethoven to bananas. Don't look at my collection of dead flies over here. Don't don't look at my dead mother-in-law in the corner . Decorated for Christmas. Come on banana, let's listen to Beethoven again. Mother in law join in Yes. I'm playing Beethoven to bananas, look. Uh well, uh I'm saying not weird. Um, I'm saying I don't care. Oh, fair enough. Well, that musical banana brings us to the end of this edition of Wanging On. In case this needs pointing out, Graham and I are not experts. And if you do need genuine help, you should always take it out from the proper channels. There's a link in our Instagram bio with more information at Wanging On with Graham Maria is a platform media production, and before you know, we'll be back in your eyes and ears with another edition. Goodbye. Goodbye.