Comforting Smells and Final Thoughts

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Make sure your ride is your ride with pin verification from Uber. One more way Uber is putting safety at every turn. Learn more on the Uber app. Study . Come together on a Windows eleven PC. And for a limited time, college students get of both worlds. Get the unreal college deal, everything you need to study and play with select Windows eleven PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft three hundred and sixty five premium, and a year of Xbox GamePass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at Windows. com slash student offer. Law supplies last ends june thirtieth, terms at aka dot ms slash college pc. How was I to know that having a nice laugh at your dog was an invitation to getting my arm? Mum we've just moved in. No, it'd been here eleven years Do you like what we've done with the place? You don't sit on the loo, you say, do you? You choose from having a shot . Welcome to this podcast that we called Wanging On with Graham and Maria . I'm Graham. That's my and as usual we'll be offering you, you know, help with life's dilemmas. Sometimes we actually do help not often, but sometimes yeah, yeah, yeah, it's questionable. Okay, here's the thing. I read a fact. Yeah . It said the average person apparently admits to telling two lies a day. Do you think that's true? I think you tell far more than that. One tells far more lies than that. Yes, I feel like admitting to two lies is already a lie. No, I think white lies are good. White lies are good. What's the when does it cross off? I mean, obviously, did you murder that man? No, is a bad lie. Well, yes, and that's not a white lie. No, that's quite a big lie. I think it's a big one. That's a mortal sin. Oh, here we go. 's no, I tell you what, I've got an example. Just recently, this is I'm sorry to be scatological again, but you know, no problem. I went what you're giving. My friend asked for supper the other day and it was just me and a couple of other people. And then I went to the loo before I left on my bike and the dogs came in after me and they were just about to have a fight and I accidentally did a number two and the dogs are having a fight and so I sorted them out. What you accident ally? Well sometimes you don't know that you wanted a number two . What did you do it on the floor? I was on the loo. I was on the loo and it was good. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, I didn't mean to. Some people don't like you doing a poo in their house. Well , I must say, I don't like doing a poo in someone else. No, I'd rather not, but this one obviously had its own thing going on . And then so and then I stopped it wanted to be free. Pretty long for independence. Move on. I stopped the dogs having a fight and then I forgot to flush the Loo and then I went put a dog in the bar on the bike, went home and then I thought flush the loo. I knew I hadn't done it. So I sent them a text saying I'm really sorry I had to go to the Lou and I forgot to flush it. I thought, Oh no, they'll understand. And they sent me a white lie back by saying it was all flushed , you're fine. Oh , that was very nice. Save my feelings. Yes. I mean, there's nothing really that bad about leaving . I'm not sure I'd have sent that text. Well, me. Yeah. I didn't want them to think that I was that rude. But you were You took a dump and didn't flush . The dogs are immaterial. We don't call it a dump. Okay . Let me say I did a number two in their loo , which is where you're meant to do number two's and it wasn't unfortunate. I should have waited till I got home , but I didn't realise I wanted to. Mum did you last tell a lie? Did I last tell a lie? I mean you tell them all the time, don't you? That's fine not to worry , you know? Yeah. They'd run out of tuna mayonnaise filling from a baked potato at lunchtime. Apparently that was fine. You said that it wasn't. What did you what would you say? I was livid? What should you have said? What would you rather have said if you were being honest? I said, Go and get some. Go , go . Go and make some. Go and catch a tuna , get it back here. Put some mayonnaise, not celer cream. Yeah. Mash up and then put it on my potatoes. Mash up. Thank you very much. Yeah. Yeah. Not a problem. Yeah. Yeah. I think the not a problem thing is very good, kind of passive aggressive when it's a very big problem . It's like, yeah, I'm afraid I've just killed your mother. Okay, never mind, not a problem. Not a problem it could happen to anyone. But I think telling small lies for are saving people's feelings is okay. Yes. And I'm now sad I told you the story about my poo . I'm feeling overshared both in their loud and here today it is a lot. I just the accident the accidental quality of the poo is the bit that I don't understand Well, see, you don't sit on the loo, you say, Do you? You too from having a shit ? I know . But when you're now, look what happened . I wasn't expecting that . When you're standing for a wee , you don't your bottom isn't activated. When you're standing for a wee , whereas if you're a girl and you sit on the loo, you have a wee . And then because you're on the loo, sometimes your bottom gets activated. That makes total sense . Activate bottom now . Uh All of this is way too revealing Maria, yeah, it's time to get all goodness. We'll get sucked into this week's first dilemma in a moment. There's a part of me that everyone sees. I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian. Apparently I know what funny is. Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny. OCD . I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal. But OCD is severe, often debilitating. It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented, unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety . General therapy can help with some things, but for OCD, it can actually make things worse. That's why I want to tell you about NoCD. No CD is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and covered by is insurance for over one hundred fifty five million Americans . Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD. If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to noscd to book a free fifteen minute call. They are here to help. If you've ever blasted Synth Beats from your boombox or burn CD's for your besties , this one's for you. As people get older, much like their music tastes, their health needs change. Agi one is the simple daily health drink designed to deliver over seventy five essential daily nutrients in pre and probiotics to support energy, digestion, and mood , so you can make the most out of every decade and dance break. Learn more at drinkag one. com This episode is brought to you by State Farm. 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Without warning it just appears you've seen the Without warning it just appeared in the middle of the table one day and when I asked him about it , he said he thought it was a nice addition and a gift . Now we must get all forts of poo out of our heads. It's a big porcelain duck. It's a mall. It's a porcelain duck. In the middle of the table . It's literally just a duck . I have no idea what he was thinking. I don't want to hurt his feelings and he has mentioned before that I can be a bit of a control freak when it comes to indoor furnishings. But what choice do I have? He really doesn't have an eye for this kind of thing at all. I don't want visiting friends and relatives to be greeted by such an eyesaw, what shall I do ? And that is from Anonymous. Anonymous, I'm really I'm kind of loving this because a mallard is a funny thing. Yes. And a mallard in the middle of the table that your husband bought because he feels that you're so controlling is quite kind of it's a passive aggressive , nay aggressive aggressive act that I that I'm sort of here for, really, because I think he's had no say in your furnishings around the house, your cushions, et cetera, and he wanted this mallard on the dining room table. Yes, he liked it. And I think the good thing is you now know that you were right not to give your husband any say in the rest of the house. Any money say in what you have in the house? Look, I think you don't this isn't a problem really. You leave the Malard where it is and you let him enjoy it. And when people are coming round , you've got to put things on the table. Yeah. There's no room for the house on the table. You've got to put the broccoli. So you've got to put the mallard somewhere else . Don't hide it. Don't put it in a cupboard. Otherwise it'll trigger him and he'll get all upset about the mallard. Put the mallard somewhere where people can see it but maybe not the center of the table. Yes. I think this is a game that your husband is playing and you need to be smarter about playing it back. By A ignoring the mallard , do not acknowledge the mallard , ignore the Mallard. Ignore the Mallard at all times and don't make it a problem because that's this is kind of what he wants. He wants a reaction to this. Or here's another thing . Why don't you put sticks and goog ly eyes on the mallard? Very much like that card there. Oh yes with a googly eyes with a googly eyes or change the mallard in some way, give it teeth or something like that and see if he notices . But also is the mallard. I feel like the mallard, if it's on the dining room table, does the top of it lift off? Is it a thing? Is it a serving thing? How big do you think this mallard is? Well, I imagined it was about the size of that. You're doing that with a yeah, I'm thinking like that, but I don't think it should lift everything that lifts off. Shouldn't it? No, why do you put it on the table? Because he's making a point. But those things normally you take it by the neck and then inside you can put your duck stew or whatever. I believe there are such things, but she hasn't mentioned this at all. So I'm going on what we've got, Grim. Okay . Yeah. So I'm thinking a complete mallard without a removable top. It's just a large ceremony. A large duck on the dining room table. I think you're right, you ignore it or even admire it. You kind of go . And admiring it is really pushing the boat, isn't it? Also because then you might go, Oh, you like it, do you? You like it, do you? Oh, then there'll be a whole family of my lords. Yeah, or a stuffed polar bear in the hall Like, oh, a donkey in a somprero When you lift it sail, cigarettes come out. Now that is kitchen. Come on, I like one of those. I'd like one of those too. I don't think they make them anymore. No, I don't think so. People don't smoke of course. Yes, I think ignore , don't hide it, but it doesn't need to sit in the table when people come over because the table is full of all the delicious things . And once you've made your point about not icing the mallard or being in anywh offereended by it, I think then one day when you're cleaning the table you can smash it by accident. He'll never believe that. Well, after a while he'll get bored with it as well. He wanted a reaction to this mallard and he's not going to get it and then you smash it and then go Oh can you get another mallard like that? Because I really liked it. No, no, here's what you do. You slather it in olive oil and then kind of, oh, can you just pick up that mallard ? And then him drop it . Good. Clever that right? Yeah . Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you 're so sorry . No dead mallards on your hand. No, I was just making it look shiny and even attractive than it is was Listen, it sounds like a serious case for the Wang Gang. You think so? Let's unleash them. They have never disappointed us yet. Okay, Teresa and Mark says, have you got a cat? If not, borrow one or get one so you can blame it for accidentally breaking the mallard. Cats do that. What with porcelain? Yeah, I think cats can tell if something is alive or not. No,, no no, it just, you know, cats . Okay. Like to push things off the table. Yeah, yeah, particularly a big porcelain mallard. Yeah, it'd be lovely. Well, that's a good idea, Tresa and Mark. I like these people responding together . They've discussed it, haven't they? Also, I like right now all she has is a porcelain mallard. Soon she'll love a cat , a whole living cat . Maybe you can buy a porcelain cat to join the mallard on the table until you have an entire table filled with porcelain. Luke says I think this is what we call a first world problem. Well, yes, would your husband really be that upset if you voiced your objection to the ornament? What do you think? Tell him in a jovial way and see how he re acts. If you're looking for a meat in the middle solution, your best option is to suggest moving it to another perhaps hidden part of the house to avoid any feelings getting hurt. Then let him forget about it and get rid of it. Yes, I mean, you could come back for a holiday and it might be gone. Yeah. This is a game though that I think Luke has missed. This is a game that the husband is playing because she's so controlling with the soft furnishings. I wonder what Rachel has to say. Oh, and she's going to tell us. Oh my goodness, in our ears. Yeah . What you can do is when friends come over, you can say absolutely state that, oh, look, my husband, whatever his name is, bought this duck . And this is, this is his duck, he bought it and whatever. So that way they know it's not your and your taste. It's your husband's taste. Now that is also quite passive aggressive because what I like about it is you're saying look at this beautiful duck that Bob bought and you let the friends go sweet and Bob gets to go, oh, nobody likes my duck. Unless the friends all go, good job, Bob. Yeah. Well, maybe you tell your friends before hand can you really praise the Mallard? I'm making this game go on and on. Leave it up for the Mallard. Who else have you got? Clara says, Oh, how awful for visitors to see such an eyes ore. This listener might need to get off his or her high horse and maybe think about introducing an even more hideous statue, perhaps a ceramic chicken. A sense of humor might live up what sounds like a pretty dull marriage. Oh my goodness. Clara really went for it. Hora is really dissing. Pretiche from Cambridge says. I hate to ruffle feathers , but your dilemma does rather confirm your husband's suspicion that you, might be a decor dictator of sorts . I doubt your friends give a duck , porcelain or otherwise about what's perched on your dining room table. That said, if you continue to despise the piece after a couple of months , simply rotate it out with something more your style. Call it a seasonal curation so as not to hurt your husband's feelings. I mean someone's decor needs to be pretty sensational ly bad before you really notice it . Do I mean, how often have you left someone's house going, Oh my god what was that? You don't like you just got to think that's what they live with. Yeah that's their stuff. And also really you, come to see them rather than their house. Or it's the big mallard. Or the big mallard. But you know, the only time that I ever really noticed is when people haven't done anything with their house. Yes, if there's not a picture on the wall , yes. Like there's a sofa and a coffee table and a television and that's it. I kind of think, wow, this is a bit dull. Yeah, it's a bit have you just moved in? No one's been here eleven years. Do you like what we've done with the place Nothing . Yeah . There's also that thing when you go to somebody's house that , you know, when people have moved in somewhere and you do that thing I've kind of like, Oh God , this will be good when you get rid of that. No, we just put that in. Oh yeah , that's always yeah. Yeah . When that you only do that, you want to do that once. Yeah. Hideous stone fireplace. It's got to go. It's very dated, isn't it? I remember being shown round a house Cape Town, my sister, we love going to see houses . And so there was this kind of house on the hill in Cape Town overlooked the sea and we thought well have looked at it. So we went off. It was an open house on the Sunday. And so we went and the estate agent said, Oh, Mark will show you round . So we follow Mark and the deck we really pissed ourselves. It was a very funny house. The decker was absolutely up. Oh no, Mark was the only one. Mark was the only the only told us at the very end . And you laughed openly in front of Mark. Oh, pointing and laughing. Expecting him to join in because he was the estate agent. Why didn't he say this is my house? Well, you wouldn't, wouldn't you after that? After these two shits of so lution after the first room where you've openly dissed everything , he should have then said, Oh, by the way, this is my house. So he was moving out. Maybe he thought it was terrible too. You're a bad person . Well, I wouldn't have done it if I'd known. No I know, I know. I blame my sister. I blame her too . Well, anonymous, thank you very much for sharing your distressing dilemma. And if you'd like to be on the receiving end of advice just like that from Maria and myself and the Wangers, you can send your problem into the podcast. Our inbox is waiting for you. It's wanging on at listen.co. UK and nothing's off limits. We really will tackle anything, even a big porcelain mallard. In fact, we'll tackle another dilemma in the blink of an hour . So Tonbia two has come home to Disney plus. Let's go. Get ready for a new case. We're gonna crack this case and prove we're victorious partners of all the time. New friends. You are Gary Desnake. And your last name GS. Dream team . Hit new habitats. Zutopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home. You're clearly we're gonna add Zutopia too. Now available on Disney plus rated PG. Experience a membership that backs what you're building with American Express Business Platinum. Enjoy complimentary access to the American Express Global Lounge collection and apply to find out your welcome offer, which could be as high as three hundred thousand membership rewards points . American Express Business Platinum There's nothing like it. Terms apply. Welcome offers vary and you may not be eligible for an offer. Learn more at American Express dot com slash business platinum . 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Yes. I asked this friend what he's going to do and he said he's still going to proceed with the plan . He'll just put dog food down in the morning and leave the back door open all day and he's asked me not to say anything. He'll be so angry if I speak up but I don't want to become complicit in his lies. I also don't want anything to happen to my friend's dog and I don't want to fall out with my friends if they find out I knew. Should I tell them what I know or keep out of it? Oh, that's from Geraldine in London. This is a difficult one because actually, you know, regardless of him making money on the Airbnb and them being furious . There's a dog who's got health issues at the bottom of this. And having meals put down and the back door left open is not good enough for a dog that's sick. I think Geraldine or indeed any dog . The person you need to deal with I think is the guy who's doing the dog sitting and just talk him out of it because it's a terrible idea. Yeah . I mean, if he gets away with it it,'s been three weeks of everyone just going, Oh dear God dear God, you know , that's not fair on the dog's not fair on the dog, but it's not fair on Geraldine. It's not fair on the people who let him stay. I just think this guy to go change of plan . Or if you still want your money, say to your ex oh, do you mind staying in this house? I look you after the dog as we originally agreed? Yeah, but maybe they had it no exactly acronym passing. You don't know, but I feel like I just think Geraldine can't let this happen , but it's the dog city guy who needs to pull the plug. Yes. I don't think he's got a dog, has he the dog city guy? He doesn't understand that dogs cannot be left, especially a dog with health issues cannot be left and just, you know, wander out into the backyard. They've got to have exercise, they need company, all of those things . And that's just not fair. And I'm sure the people that are going to Australia might have another friend who can actually be there physically. I know your friend wants to make money on Airbnb, but this is not the moment. I don't think. No, is circumstances have changed. So you need to talk to him. Don't say anything to the friends that are going away for three weeks. I mean, you might have said something to them if he sticks his heels in and goes, don't be stupid, the dog will be fine. I think you have to say, Mate, you can't do that. I can't let you do that. And if that's what you're going to do, I'm going to have to tell them. Yeah, I will have to rat you out because it's just it's all. I mean, I remember I was in Ireland during the summer and I was driving along and it was, you know, that kind of monsoon rain was absolutely just absolute. And there was a dog just at the side of the road. And I just, well, that dog doesn't look happy to be there. And so I pulled in, opened the door, and the dog just jumped in the car so happy. And anyway, it had a number on the caller, so I called the number . And the lady went I went, oh, do you have a dog? Answer, yeah. You don't anymore, I do.. Yes Well, yeah, it's gone now . You have a dog? It lives with me now . And bless her, it wasn't her dog. It was her in law's dog . And she went, Oh, but it had one of those you know those collars that shock it. Oh my god if they go past their boundary yeah of course but it didn't know the boundary so it obviously just got shocked and then kept walking hello and so I said, do Wh youere live? She gave me directions and I drove and she said, Oh, the back door is open. Dah dah. And I just thought that's crazy. Like you can't leave someone else's dog in your garden hoping that an invisible fence is going to keep it in. And did you find it the next day as well? No, no, you know what? Afterwards, I kept looking out for it, but no it was never there So I think she kind of locked it in. She put it down. Yeah, no. But I think it's that thing of people volunteer to dog sit fully aware of what it entails. Yeah . You can't just let a dog out with it will leave the back door open, it'll be fine. I think you can do things like that with cats, can't you? You can kind of have an automatic cat feed er thing . And they 're an outdoor cat . And they don't care about kind of people. Also, Geraldine lives in London, so presumably his friend lives in London. I'm not sure he should leave a door open all day in London. No, I don't think it's the safest . So they'll come back to a dead dog and their house ransacked . It's not great. Have a nice holiday . Well , sorry you don't have a dog anymore or most of a house or any of your belongings. Yeah, I mean, I think because we're both dog owners, we kind of feel quite strongly about this thing. No, but anyone, I mean, if even if you're not a dog owner, you should figure it out. Well, this friend hasn't. Because he wants the money. I know. And it's so stupid of him because no amount of money is worth the fallout from this going wrong. Wangers, let's hear from them. Yeah, I think they will have the answer to this. Will they? I hope so. Rebecca says overthinking things much unless you're in a position to pop by and check on the dog during the day, you should stay out of it as the proposed plan sounds okay to me Rebecca she doesn't have a dog. Ross says tricky one more friends Ross says tricky one the melbitt . Melbay is involved . What's she done? She's doing nothing since girl. She got her on all day . Ross says tricky one. I said Melby tricky one , the well being of the dog comes first, but you but you're just sexing my dog up now. They'll start having sex with your arm. Look, you see, that's foreplay. I wasn't How was I to know that having a nice laugh with your dog was an invitation to get my arm pumped ? He's still got his bits. Has he? Yeah. Really? Yeah. That dog does not seem like a fully function ing man . Well, that's rude. Okay , gone. Okay, Ross says tricky one, the well being of the dog comes first, but you don't want to get in the middle of it. I try to engineer a situation like a lunch or a ketchup where you get them all together and hopefully it becomes obvious that the partner is absent and the subject of the breakup is raised. This would hopefully lead to them all having a discussion about the dog sitting arrangements. I mean she is how has that not come up? How do the people going to Australia not know that the guy's broken up with his kids? Because they're not that good of friends . Maybe they don't want to know. Maybe they just they want to turn my eye because it's a solution to their problem. Yeah. But the problem here is that the man who's looking after the dog just wants to make some money. Yeah. And you probably make quite a lot in three weeks on Airbnb. In London, yeah. In London. Yeah. Why don't you leave the dog in the Airbnb? Let those people look after it. Hey, this is part of the deal, I'm afraid. Alex says, Why not accidentally mention in passing that they've split up and then profusely apologise to your friend that you've dobbed him in? Failing that, innocently suggest to your friends that they contact both of their house sitters to make sure they've got their cupboard stocked with their favourite biscuits for the stay. Hopefully the truth will out. David from Preston says I would advise your friend to be honest with them so they can make an informed decision and say that you don't feel comfortable with the secret, but you feel he should be the one to tell them. Yes. If he loses the dog sitting gig , but he's still keen to make the Airbnb money suggest he can come and stay with you , then your friend gets his money but your other friends aren't being lied to. Wait, but the dog is still on its own. Well, no they get somebody else to look after the dog. I mean that according to this, the dog would be entirely violated. He wouldn't even have not even three meals, the two meals are there. Yeah, not even that. I just feel like this friend needs to fess up. Otherwise awful is going to happen . And you know, Geraldine will be in the firing line because she knew she knew what had gone on. Geraldine, thank you so much for emailing in with your dilemma. Just time to wrap up proceedings with today's Am I Weird? Who have you got? We have Joe in Wales who says this. Hi Graham and Maria. Am I weird? I have a tea caddy with PG tips loose tea hidden in the back of a cupboard. When I'm feeling sad, cross or premenstrual , I open the tin to sniff the tea. I've been doing this since I was five. I spend a good ten minutes with my nose stuck in the caddy. Oh lucky Joe. I think that's kind of sweet. I wish I had something that you could just Yeah, yeah, you know, obviously tea from a caddy reminds you of something from your childhood that comforts you and calms you when you're premenstrual or stressed or whatever. And I think that's a good thing. Do you have a favorite smell? Do you do have an equivalent that a Joe T smell? No , but I do think that if they could if they could bottle the smell of newborn babies . Really? Oh, that's lovely. That's kind of like biscuiti Is it really ? Don't you think little babies smell nice? I don't know. I'm sure they have some rare it smell of newborn baby . Yeah. I collect them. Placenta by Calvin Clan. Stop it . Stop it. Well, oh, maybe a puppy. You know how puppies smell biscuit ? A little biscuity smell too . What is that? Is that just a little bit of wi caught in their fur? I don't know I think, again, it's something to make everybody fall in love with them. I think there's, you know, something that oxytocin. Oxycotin? Oxygon , fentanyl. No, it's one of the smoothest things that make us that's why people like dogs No, it's a kind of feel good thing that makes you dopamine. That's what. I remember sitting in the back of the car holding warm chips wrapped in paper. Yeah. Like if I could do that whenever I felt stressed. Well, you can then you've got to go get them to that. I mean, Joe's so lucky. She just has to go to the back of the cupboard, where I do I know it's weird that she 's hidden the caddy. Well, because she's obviously a little bit ashamed of this thing and I don't think you need to be ashamed at all. I think you should be lucky. Rejoice. Yeah . And I would actually put a little bit of loose tea in like one of those lavender bags and I would carry it with you in your handbag and then on the tube or on a train or on a bus when you feel stressed, stuck in traffic. You just go yeah., I Oh won't know no that 's not loose tea, then, is it? That's not a tea bag. That's really just a homemade tea bag . She's reinvented the tea bag . She taken to work. I've made my own None of your shop bought muck here. There's the loose . Like Christie Yalsom. Yeah , exactly. I'm sewing myself. Baby Christmas . Homemade tea bags . Yes Yes . I don't think you're weird at all. I would like to do it with coffee beans. You know that lovely thing when you open a thing of coffee beans and it's oh that little pop. Oh and the smell. Oh it's lovely. I like you. I don't think you're weird. I rather like