Kitchen Clinginess and Final Thoughts

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I'll just put a torch onto this cellophane and then we'll hide in the fireplace. No one could be expected to give advice on that. I think she made the whole thing up. Just to make us look like fools. Yeah. And she succeeded. Look out. It's another survey of Wanging On with Graham and Maria. I am Graham. That's Maria. We give so so so advice. That's all you need to know. Maria, you look rather uh, I'm Maria McCurling. Yes, I've been away, Graham. Where have you been? And you might be able to guess from my outfit where I have been. The Blue Peter Studio? A funeral ? A really fun funeral? Putting the fun into funeral? I have been in Seville. Oh, where the oranges come from. Flamen co as well. Oh really? I bought this obviously in Seville. Oh did you? In a after I'd been to the flamenco. Did you really go to a flamenco school? Yeah. Well I went we went to see Flamen co and then we talked to them afterwards like sad people. Tell us how you can do some flamenco. Oh gosh, your feet move so fast. It must be telling you the feet. They're very clicky, those heels that you Yeah, no, you have to do this when you're flamenco. This is part of it. I won't do the feet, obviously. They're going like mad under the table. You pick the apple, you eat the apple, then you throw it away. There we go. This is our flamenco clapping. Flamenco clapping. Very good. Beautiful and you have been away somewhere too. I was in Italy, Maria. Oh, lovely. Did you do island hopping? Well, we did a little bit of mammal. Bucket list. Bucket list. Oh yes. I have always wanted to go to Capri or Capri , as they say, in the Italy. Whilst wearing some cap ri pants. Yes. And I sort of wish I'd left that list in the bucket. Uh no no I uh I mean listen, I'm a spoiled brat. I've been to other islands. That was my problem. If you've never been to an island before, uh I think you'd really enjoy it. Well also I think the capri of the nineteen fifties slash sixties is very different to capri now. I mean I've been and I found it very disappointing too. Yeah. I mean I think I we did it kind of wrong. Was it Gor Vidal that lived in Capri? I don't think so. Positano r r r the one big Ravello or one of those. Oh, Ravello, yes. I think if you were in Naples and which is so kind of rough and busy and urban. Which is where you were. Well, no. We did it the other way around. Oh, okay. I think if you went from Naples to Capri , then Capri would be lovely. It'd be amazing. You're 'cause it's such a little sleepy place and da da da. But to go f the other way around, not good. And also, when you were there, did they make you do the blue grotto? No, because I didn't kind of like do anything to do with tourists. Okay, well all I I hope the Italian Tourism Board aren't lining up to uh advertise on this podcast because uh they're about to drop out. The blue grotto, right? So everyone says all the guidebooks say if you do one thing, if you do one thing on cap ri, it's visit the blue grotto. So morons, we go, oh, for one thing, we bet ter do it. So we did it nice. We got a nice boat to take it was going to take us a tour all around the island. There's not much else to do. No, no. And uh shopping. I mean, I really felt sorry for the guy driving the boat, because it's boring enough doing this once. You've got to you've got to do it several times a day. Everyone's gotta make a living, right? Anyway, uh so first stop on our tour, woo-hoo, blue grotto. Lovely. So we get there, and it's just a cliff and you've got a decant from your nice boat into these rowing boats, but you're getting in with strangers because other people from other boats are getting on, right? Yeah. And there's about there's about 12 of these little rowing boats. And you get on with these kind of, you know, from central casting Italian tourist rowing guys. And uh we ended up in a boat with a a nice family and uh anyway, blue grotto, okay, where is it? I can't see it anywhere and there's just a cliff. Uh and then the rowing boats are heading towards the cliff. That's odd. I wonder wh where where it must be is there a corner that I can't see? No, no. As you get to the cliff, there is a th a hole. It is the size of a fireplace. I'm not exaggerating. Big enough to see you coming. W and then you've all you've all gotta like hunker down. Oh, while you go through it. And the honestly, the rock is shaving your head. You're touching a strange family that you don't want to touch. You've never met them before. And then when you get inside, the water's blue. End of fucking story. What do you want from these people? Well, I'd I like to say, don't bother doing it if you've ever seen blue water before. I've seen blue water before. But wasn't that exciting going underneath ? No. Okay. It was honestly it was terrifying and not worth you know if it had been amazing, yeah. Uh then you've got to go, oh, well that was worth it. And how big is it once you get into the grotto? Big big cave. Yeah. It's big, yeah, it's big and the water's blue. Uh and then all the guys in the rowing boat start singing Valari. Oh my goodness. Like it couldn't be more annoying. And also I'd love to have seen your face at that point. Seething. Seething. And also, and also, here's the really bad bit about going to the blue grotto is one way in , yeah, one way out. You've got to do it again uh to get back to your nice boat, to go on with your boring . All you were having to do was lean back. No, no, no. No, Maria, you don't understand. I don't understand. Seriously , the h the whole rowing boat with six people and a man rowing are going through a fireplace. Santa couldn't have made it through this hole. And it's all day, every day, every tourist that goes to Capri does it. How someone hasn't been killed, I do not know. Killed from leaning back. Well, just being hit on the head with a wall. Well, do they not say the Valare people don't don't get up while we're going through? They do you'd be very but like honestly, God , you know, I'm not I'm not the most flexible man. Uh you know, yoga yoga is not my friend. I could barely get into the position I need to do. I have a question. How long are you in the prune position while you go under the rock. Too long. No, how long? Well thirty seconds. No, he makes you do it and then because when as you get to the hole, suddenly the w the waves start coming up and everyone goes, Oh you can't go in now because you're definitely gonna die. Yeah, you're definitely gonna die. So then they have to wait for the wave to come down and then he's to quickly go and he has to hang onto these chains and pull the boat in. For a wave worth. Yeah. You were having to lie down for a wave. No, no, no, no. You're down for a lot longer because you've got to be ready for the wave. It's awful. I can't tell you. Does anybody think Graham is being a bit of a wuss? No, no. If any honest or God, if anyone's ever done this, they will be shouting at their device now, going, Yes, finally, someone has spoken for all the morons who paid good money to go into the blue grotto. Is it that expensive? Well, it's not free. No. I mean, really, they should be paying me. You are such a good tourist. They should throw euros at you as you go in. You are a very good tourist. Anything else that you did in Capri that was interesting? Nice restaurants at least. Actually, there's a nice cable car. Okay. That's good. And there was a very nice restaurant where you kind of ate in a kind of lemon grove. It was gorgeous. So no. And and overall, can I just say we had the loveliest, loveliest time? How long were you away? Uh a day. No, we were most of that was lying down to get under. Yeah. I could have squeezed myself into a fireplace at home. It was That's what you do most nights though, isn't it Yeah, yeah. Shall we? Shall we recreate the the m the special magic of the new Goto? I'll just put a torch onto this cellophane and then we'll hide in the fireplace. Just awful. Uh-huh. Maria. Yeah. Guess what? Is it time for to do some things? It will be in a moment. For me to do some reading. Yeah, first dilemma coming up. Maria Maria, I have such exciting news. What is it, Graham? Well, you know the way our show at the Edinburgh Festival at the King's Theatre sold out. Yes, I know. Well yes, what? What? We're putting another one on sale. Yes, it's gonna be in Matinee. There's a new show announced the afternoon. It's also the seventh of August. It's at the King's Theatre. So er you know, get on board. That's very exciting. Exactly that. Head to guildabaloon.co dot UK and book your tickets . Maria, look alive! It's problem time. There we are. Oh, the first time. This is this is the great bit. This is the great bit. I love this bit when anything's possible. And also, it stopped you talking about the blue grotto. Oh, you think. I fear it will come back. Dear Graham and Maria, I'm writing to you with the dilemma of a colleague who never makes any attempt, ooh, to cover her mouth when she coughs. We work in a small office with windows that don't open. That's surely against the law. And a fully in office culture, so there's no escape. She is frequently sick but sees coming into the office while in throes of a fever as a badge of honour, and seems completely unaware that when she's sick, it tends to run through our office like wildfire. When I say she doesn't cover her mouth, I mean she will sit at her desk, both hands on the keyboard, and just hack away without a care in the world. She's also been known to wipe her runny nose with her bare hand, and since I started working here a year ago, I can count at least three times I've been knocked out by a virus that can be traced back to her, including a nasty case of COVID that had me housebound for two weeks. In other situations, my instinct would be to mention it in a lighthearted way that is half in joke, whole in earnest. But she's a prettly character at the best of times, and absolutely would not respond well to that approach. She is more senior than me, and has never particularly warmed to me. Before you suggest the inevitable, it's a small company of about fifteen people, so we don't have an HR department that I can rope in to do my dirty work. I'm at a loss. What is my next move? And this is from Maladide in Malta. Nice to hear from Malta. See, you couldn't you had to cover your hand then. I have cover your mouth. Yeah, I think it's a kind of instinct, isn't it, when you're coughing to Yeah. I mean it doesn't stop the germs from going i everywhere, by the way. Here's the thing, Maladit. I it's like this letter has been written as a gotcha , you know. Oh yeah, I remember gotcha. Yeah. But like, you know, but why don't you open the window? No, the windows don't open. Uh why not go to HR? No, you can't go to HR. Why don't you make a joke about no, she's really prickly. And doesn't like me anyway. I think that is the key here, that she does not like Maladide. Yeah. And I think Maladide is a quite cross about that. So is trying to find something . Because people cough. I mean, I don't particularly ever notice people coughing necessarily. Do you? Well you probably can't hear them over your coughing. That's your problem . I live in a world of my own. Yes. Coughing . What about Malade ? How many people? Ten in the office. Why don't you, Maladeed, wear a mask, which are easily available now since the bad COVID? Oh, yeah. So wear a mask. And if people say, Why are you wearing a mask? You can say, I've already had three viruses this year, and so I'm trying to protect myself against that. Um and maybe typhoid typhoid Mary over there at the keyboard. And then maybe you could encourage some other colleagues to join you in your mask wearing until the only person not wearing a mask in the office is Typhoid Mary And as you think Well I think you you say oh she doesn't cover her mouth but as you say th really that's just a thing of politeness, isn't it? I don't think covering your mouth stops any germs? I don't think it stops germs at all. Because what you do is you go, uh- uh . Then you throw them over there like that. A bit like flamenco. My gift to you. Pick the apple, eat the apple. Pick the germ. Throw it away. Eat the ger m. Throw the germ away. So you know, I feel that you're focusing an awful lot on this coughing situation, and I think it is more to do with the fact that she does not like you and she's more senior. And I think the trouble is , Maladide, is you've let this get onto your skin now. So a bit like the disease you're going to get, uh, it's going to be hard to shake. Yeah. Because you've allowed it to annoy you. So now even if she was covering her mouth, you'd still be at your keyboard seething. Oh listen to her. Listen to her. Because it's like being when you're on a train or on a plane and you you you tune into the coughing or you tune into the cry ing, uh, then it's all you can hear. It's so true. But it doesn't, you know, she does what did she do? Oh, she wiped her nose with her hand and you know I don't think you can blame her for COVID, by the way. I think you know COVID was quite a big thing. I don't know if you noticed Maladit, but the whole world shut down during COVID. Well, patient zero was in Malta. There's a lot of fuss about that laboratory in China. It was Malta. Yeah. Shall we see if anybody has a solution for typhoid Mary? Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go. I think we've been especially hopeless on this one, Graham. Well no, I feel like it it we said as much as you can because there's there I don't think there is a solution solution. Like I think the wangers are either going to be, you know, jokey, uh, oh you must kill her. Yeah, or they're gonna be uh just get on with your life. Ah, interesting. Oh. Not what you said. Um Dahlia says, I'm so I'm sorry, now I've now I've just been talking about coughing. I can't stop coughing. Dear Graham and Maria. Oh my goodness. I'm so suggestible. That's why I'm such a good actor. You've never coughed before. I know that's true. If you're a new listener, please listen to some earlier episodes. Dahlia says, I'm so sorry, but I think the real problem person here might actually be you. It sounds like the fact that she doesn't like you has turned you into a full-time detective. Analysing her every move like it's a crime scene. Honestly, who has the time to monitor someone else's sneezes and nose wiping habits that closely . And viruses can be traced back to her. How exactly? You're in an office with 15 people, and you're absolutely certain not a single one of them could be quietly spreading germs without symptoms. That's a bold level of confidence. Ask yourself this: Am I happy in this job or just needing someone or something to blame? Well, Dahlia. She's not wrong. What do you do for a living, Dahlia? But psychology should be up there somewhere. But I think Maladide should ask herself that question. I love the name Maladeed. It's good, isn't it? Yeah. Should we hire her and put her out of her misery? And then just cough a lot . Well, I don't need to try. She'd want to go back to the office. Send me back to Malta. I thought she coughed a lot, but it wasn't like this John from Amsterdam. We get a lot of traction in Amsterdam, Graham. Well he probably lives on the barge with George John from Amsterdam says, Introduce what I like to call the Outbreak Protocol. A lighthearted, entirely unofficial office initiative, a few printed signs in shared spaces. Cover your cough, your colleagues, thank you. Tissues, tactical, not just decorative. Be a hero, stay home if you're ill. No names, no accusations, just vibes. Let her slowly realize she is the plot. What do we think to that? Well John, you do know there's only like ten to fifteen people in this office. They might notice Maladied is the one sticking up the signs. Well, Maladide has to go in over the cover of weekend when she's putting tissues around and face masks and puts the signs up then. And say, oh look, these have just appeared on Monday morning. If somebody put up a sign saying tissues, tactical, not just decorative, you go, what the fuck is that? Yeah, what does that mean? What? Alright, yeah, fine. Hey, uh Jason, we don't know where Jason lives, but my god he's got a phone. There's no point in front ing this lady directly if she's prickly defensive and doesn't like you. This is a genuine health and safety issue and you need to escalate it to whoever runs your office. UK workplace guidance is quite clear that people with respiratory symptoms should stay home if unwell, and that coughs and sneezes should be covered with tissues. Employers have a duty to maintain a safe workspace including ventilation and infection control. I'd also keep a log of dates that she comes in ill and dates when others consequently become sick and also any time you've raised it with management. In the meantime, take obvious precautions, hand sanitizer, masks and keep antibacterial wipes handy for shared surfaces. Alternatively look for another job in an office with n icer people and ventilation. Thanks, Jason. Well, someone's read the manual. Uh Safety Workplace Initiative. Do Malta have these things in place? I think what would be good to find who's in charge of this office or this building and say, can we get the motherfucking windows open? Yeah. Cause in a minute it's gonna be really hot. Yeah. Just get a brick and smash them Sorry, I overreacted . I like that. Cough, cough, cough. Smas h Oh me. What am I like? I lost the run of myself there for a moment. I broke all the windows. I'm a silly I mean don't you think uh that would make me feel slightly culture phobic from not going to get I feel like that was part of the gotcha where maladide Maladide wanted us not to be able to solve her problem. I see. I think she kind of likes enjoy she 's enjoying living in this hell of her own creation. I think Maladide works in an office on her own. I think Maladide nailed the window shut in order to tell us they couldn't be opened. This is part of Maladide's fantasy. No . They went out the window s before they were closed. Yeah, that's why we had to lock them. I don't even think she's called malady either. Of I am lying. It's an anagram of know your mom . No your mum. I love that saying. Luke in Wicklow. Oh yes. You know Luke. He says maybe start telling stories about a child in your life that does the same thing. Regularly coming to work and talk about this kid that coughs without covering their mouth. How innocent it is when a child does it, but how ridiculous it is for an adult to do the same. Keep it up until she has a moment of introspection. That's more annoying than coughing. That is. I mean, that is su it's a difficult one because it should be so easy to solve. Yes. And listen, I think the Wangers, in their terrible advice, has all they've done is highlight the fact there is no solution to this. So Maladeed either needs to just zen, zone out, because you know, whatever diseases are in the office or in the office, you know, everything's as dirty as everything else. Germs are germs. You know, you're gonna get sick, you're not gonna get sick. The coughing is annoying. This woman doesn't like you. Uh so either you put up with all of that or you get another job. Also, if she doesn't like you and you say she's prickly, if you say to her, Oh, I'm sorry, P Barbara, do you mind covering your mouth when you cough 'cause I've had three viruses. She doesn't like you already. How bad can it be? And that then you've at least taken the bull by the horns and said something to her. But you know what? What? If that this woman tomorrow started covering her mouth when she coughed, Maladita's still going to hate her. That's true. She's still gonna hate her every time she c sheough coughs, even if s at the mouth. It's in her now. The actual disease she's caught is loathing of this woman. Yeah, I think so. Bad case of loathing. A bad case of loathing. Fear loathing in Malta. No antibiotics are gonna work that out, are they? No, no, they are not. Uh Wangers in the comment section below. Uh have your say. Uh what do you think Maladied should or shouldn't do? More pressing problems next. This episode is brought to you by TV licensing. And Maria, I have to say, on BBC I player, have you been watching Young Offenders at all? Have you ever watched Young Offenders? I have, actually. I love Young Offenders. I know there's something very compelling about it, isn't it? Also, what's so clever about it is because, you know, not to cast aspersions because God knows we aren't, but they're not really young offenders anymore. But they've managed to keep it going. You know, 'cause you gotta think, oh come on, really? But they' theyve've done such a great job of moving the story forward. And they between series, they make these big brave jumps. You know the way sometimes in American sitcoms, they'll like kill off a character or they'll just won't be, will they, won't they? They'll actually let them go out and stuff. And I feel like often in in uh British or Irish shows they don't do that. And Young Offenders does. I really like it. I quite like to be in Young Offend ers actually. Oh well . It's all filmed in Cork. Oh is it now? So you could just you could go to Cork and just shoplift. I don't think you even go to prison for shoplifting anymore. But you'd still be an offender, wouldn't you? What about if I go to Cork and break into your house? Oh no, that would be ideal. That would be perfect. And not for the first time . Maria, what are you watching? I'm very excited, Graeme, that Taskmaster is back. And I'm thinking that by saying it now on this multi-platform podcast, that they might get me onto it. I think you'd be very good at it. I do too. Well we you'd be very funny at it. Oh yes I think that's the that's the aim, isn't it? I don't want to necessarily win it. Well I think some of those challenges, winning them is losing it life . Because you shouldn't be able to figure out no how to move, you know, a thousand peas just using, you know, a straw or something. Yeah. Yeah. Y you just shouldn't. Yeah. Apparently they make you film loads of challenges that never get shown. Oh no that,'s annoying. Yeah. I don't want to do it now. Well, the great thing is, a TV license covers you to watch over 400 channels. Get out of here. And everything on BBCi Player. Oh my goodness. I know. To find out more, go to T VL.co.uk slash pod . Very nicely done. Thank you. Maria. Yeah. Go on. Oh yes. Letter number two. This is the one. We're gonna solve this one. She's been a bit rubbish of late. No, but Maladine, she tricked us by by writing in with a very difficult one. I know. Stupid Malady coughing person in the office. That was far too hard. No one could be expected to give advice on that. I think she made the whole thing up. Just to make us look like fools. Yeah. And she succeeded. Okay. This is this is gonna be a good one . This is the one. We're gonna ace this Graham. Oh yeah. Dear Graham and Maria, I need a sanity check. Oops, wrong people . Why? Do you know where you can buy one? I need a sanity check. Am I being unreasonable? My husband, our two kids, and I are staying at my mother-in-law's holiday home in France for three weeks. The original plan was that she and her partner would cross over with us for the final week. Ferry booked over a thousand pounds spent getting there. Everything planned around that. Now, with zero discussion, she's decided she's coming for weeks two and three and bringing her bikey dog. This means we'll all be crammed into one room, that's me, my husband, our two-year-old, and our three-month-old, while they have the other room. I'll also be on constant alert with the dog around the baby, and they'll basically be no family only time on what was meant to be our holiday. I suggested maybe booking somewhere else for the part of the trip, but my husband thinks that would be awkward. I'm honestly fuming, but trying not to cause a massive issue or put him in the middle. So tell me, am I overreacting and being an ungrateful so-and-so, or is this a bit much? And that's from Gwynneth in real North Wales. I'm gonna call it Gwynneth. I think I think you are being a bit unreasonable because let's be honest, you've got a two-year-old and a three-month-old child. You and your husband, Gwynneth, in Rill, might want to pop out for a little romantic meal, a little bit of downtime on your own, whilst your in-laws have the children. With a very bicey dog. I think the bitey dog is a different issue. I th you know, I mean I think that she's sort of Gwynneth is making more problems. What it is is that she doesn't want the mother-in-law to be there for two weeks rather than one. Well that's the thing. I don't know . You're going for three weeks. So the the che I, you know, I I d I assumed the w without consultation, they were gonna be with her the whole time or something. But she's only increased it by one week. Yeah. So you were already going to be in a room with your two little kids uh for one of those weeks. So now it's just one extra week. You'll have the first week all by yourselves and have a nice time. Realize how much you're looking forward to the mother-in-law coming so they can babysit . I think the bitey dog is an issue that is separate and it's it's doable. You know, you keep the children and the bitey dog separate. The bitey dog is on a lead, the bitey dog gets taken out for a walk. There are ways around bitey dogs. And also, you know, you're not saying the mother in law is reckless. You're just saying they have a slightly snippy dog. Yeah. You know, it's a And you're right to be worried with small children because small children do that with their hands and bitey dogs go num ber it's a baby and a toddler. So yeah, it's it it is you know you do worry for a dog around those people. But I I I just think you're getting a free accommodation. And also it's her house, so she can do what she wants, really. I mean just be glad she's not coming for three weeks. I think you're just annoyed because you've planned on having o only to deal with her for a week and now you're having to deal with her for two weeks. But I think you have to just think of it, it don't look a gift horse in the mouth. This is a free holiday. Yes, you spent a thousand pounds on the ferry, but how much would it have cost if you were going and booking a holiday home in France? I uh the other thing I would say is look, that middle week, the unexpected week, I we've got you know, just uh do a bit of Googling before you go, find some nice day trips. Do there's probably a cave, some fucking blue grotto you go see. Oh he's brought it back up. Yeah, see I knew I would. And then you'll go home and like your mother in law. Well alright. That's a bit about that story that I like the most. Because I can just imagine you and John O's faces when you're in the middle of a blue thing and you're going, Oh what now ? I thought this couldn't get any worse. I was wrong. Anyway, Gwynneth in real in North Wales. Um I do think that you might just have to suck this up. I know it's kind of annoyed you. And also I think the thing is families are different. So Gwynneth, you know, grew up in one sort of family. She's married a man who's a different sort of family where they think spending time together is a lovely idea. Yeah. You know, this mother-in-law thinks, oh great, we've got uh actually if I rig if I jig it around, I can do another week with my uh son and my grandkids and that awful woman married married that Gwynneth. Oh such a misery. Oh. Can you bear another week with her? Oh, it's worth it for the grandkids. Yeah. We'll bring the savage dog to keep her away. I just think you know that's the sort of family they are Gwynneth. The And I think your husband is right, you can't book you know time away. A it will cost you more money. Just think of this as you know a money -saving exercise, if you like. And also free babysitting. No, but I think you can do day trips. Yeah, of course. You don't have to be in each other's pockets the whole time. Yeah. Unless mother-in-law hears yous' your going , oh we'll come. Yeah yeah. No, there's clearly issues with Gwynneth and her mother in law, but that's you know, plus a change. That is the way it's meant to be. I'm not saying my mother in law is, you know, fill in the blanks. But no, your mum. You could say that in France, plus à change. Plus sa change. You from round here, Gwynny? No, I'm from Worth North Wales. Oh that's so good. Oh, there won't there won't be letters or comments. I can say it in Welsh as well. Um shall we see what the people have said? Go on. I think we were very good with that problem because we said you don't have a problem. We said that last time as well, by the way. Yeah. I think w I think we've I think what we've done is we we've now evolved to a different level where we don't see anything as a problem. Which may be the end of this podcast. People just keep riding in and we go, I don't know what you're complaining about. And people will start saying, I don't think those two care, you know. I I feeling that they're not actually giving it any attention at all. You're like, so what it's a holida y . Okay, should we dog Um Owen says what you've described is not a holiday. This is a hostage situation with better weather. Oh Owen, stay for a week, be gracious about it, and then book somewhere nearby for the rest of the trip. Frame it as we thought it would be nice to explore a bit, rather than we're escaping your dog and your complete disregard for our plans . Everyone saves face, you get your holiday back, and the baby remains unbitten. Win, win, win. Thanks, Owen. I feel like I think the the husband's right. If you do that, it's a real it's a slap in the face. Yeah. And also you then have spending all the money you saved. So what's the point? Uh Alex is in Marlowe. Let's hear from her. As a woman with two small children, what you just described is not a holiday. It sounds absolutely miserable. So whilst your mother in law's offer has you know is is generous to share her house, she hasn't really thought it through, but she's probably from the generation where she slept in a drawer as a baby , so doesn't see the problem. I absolutely would be putting my foot down and saying we're staying somewhere else because it's just not going to be enjoyable and you'll be resentful and miserable the entire time and come back way more stressed than when you left. Now see I I mean I hope Alex's mother-in-law isn't listening to this because really what Alex is saying is she hates her mother. Yeah. Well for anybody who says she's slept in a drawer as a baby. I mean I could hear a small child speaking from a drawer. Yeah. In the chest of drawers. In the back of Let me Mummy. Mummy, I won't do it again, Mummy. We don't have children. I think this is what's interesting. But you know, but I I have a mother-in-law and I'm thinking, wow, I am really lucky. I really get on with my mother-in-law. Uh clearly, people don't. Yeah, I think when children are involved, and then people mother-in-laws often want you to do things the way they did them, and you have other ideas about your children, and I think that is a source of kind of conflict. And also you can pretend that this house is neutral. It's not. It belongs to your mother in law. She is letting you stay there. Yeah. Uh which is you know, you y don't be ungrateful. I mean I hear lots of people with children saying, you know or the mother in law's actually saying uh mother's saying, well of course we didn't do it like that in our day, but she won't have it. No. She lets them just sit in the high chair and throw food all over the kitchen. In my day we had them in a street jacket and we fed them . Wasn't it better? Oh everybody liked it. Nobody grew up with a problem then, did they? Should we see what um oh anonymous mother in law says go, oh this is an actual mother-in-law. Yeah she,'s a real thing. Yes, you are unreasonable in capital letters and an ungrateful so-and-so. She is a mother-in-law to say so-and-so . Speaking from the perspective of a mother in law, I would propose kindness. Be kind to your mother in law. All she wants is to spend time with you and all the family. She won't be around forever. Oh, that old chessnut . No None of us will. No, guess what? Not with that dog . She won't be around forever. Establish ground rules, read the dog to reduce any conflict. Try and grow a fertile relationship . Harmony, I promise you, is better than discord for all of you. I mean that's true. Yes, I d I think by trying to kind of book another holiday , you are declaring war. You are, you are. And it won't end well. So I I think you know, this is annoying, it's unplanned, it's only one extra week, and I think easier, and it certainly in the long term to just suck it up and be nice, smile, kind of go, thank you. Thank you for this lovely holiday. I never eat eggs done that way, but now you've made them I will of course eat them. Raw. Thank you. With the slimy bits in it. Yes, I don't quite know how they're this wet, but uh they are giving me the ick, but I will eat them. I love seeing those videos of babies heaving when they get some fed some food and they I think he likes it. See you coming out . We've got another one. Tracy Kruegersdorp. How would you pronounce that? Uh hang on Kruger. Oh, it's Kruger National Park. So be uh Krugersdorp. Krugersdorp. Dorp. Krugersdorp in South Africa says, I understand this is frustrating and you were looking forward to family time, but it is her holiday home and you are staying there for free. You will be in beautiful France and a bedroom is just for sleeping at the end of the day. With regards to the dog, definitely be up front with your mother-in-law about your concerns and ask her to leash him around the children. This is happening now, and you need to try to make the most of it. Remember that most men never ever really leave the teet. So you don't want to make it awkward. Alienate your husband and cause drama for years to come. I don't think we needed the bit about leaving the teat. I must say I didn't expect to hear the word teat today . But now we have. Yeah. Thanks. I might try and get a teeth. Teat. Ugh teat. It's not nice, is it? No, it's very veterinarian. It is. Yeah. She's got an infected teeth. Oh I'll have to archress. I have to put petroleum jelly on it . Nobody goes to the doctors and says, I've got an infected teeth. It's hard as a rock . But I'm very pleased that I've heard the word teet today. And so many times. Gwynneth, whatever you decide, I hope you manage to have a nice holiday somewhere. Gwyneth got in touch with her dilemma by emailing us, wanging on at listen.co.uk . Uh you could send your dilemma there too. It's also where to address your Am I Weirds. Here comes the jingle. Um My Weird. Love it more and more. Do you? It's Ireland's Your Vision Entry for this year. I look forward to that. Today's Am I Weird, Graham, comes from Jamie, who says, Hi Graham and Maria. I met my partner seven years ago. He's Greek and I'm English. When we met, I realized that he loves to stand side by side whenever we're in the kitchen. If I'm cooking, he will stand close enough for us both to brush arms, tasting the food I am cooking for the duration. I would prefer not to have a clingy supervisor eating in my ear the entire time. Whenever I've said this to him, he says I'm the problem and that I'm rejecting him. Am I weird? P.S. When I visited his family in Greece, his dad does exactly this to his lovely mum at every single meal. Full stop in between those words. PPS, I've suggested he get a glass of wine and sit on a chair in the kitchen so we can still talk. And he said, I don't want to talk to your back. P P S , I do love him very much. I think that's not so much an am I weird as a problem. Well no, I think it's a is he weird. I think really they've written in in order to say, you've married a weird one. Or you're with a weird one. Look, his family do it in Greece, so it's clearly something that he's learnt. Growing up at his mother's knee, just holding on to her while she makes the meatballs or the souflaki. Listen to you. I think you've let this happen for seven years. Too late now. Yeah. I mean, the only thing I think is uh, you know, we don't know what your kitchen is like. But if there's a very tiny No no but i It's like the blue grotto. Uh a chair in the kitchen. So sit in the chair. Yeah. Is there any way that you could, you know, angle yourself so your food prep can happen facing him. Yeah. If you know what I mean. Like essentially what I'm saying is like a kitchen island would do the trick. I I hear you. But you need quite a big kitchen for an island. I hear the geography of that. What about this? I've gone back to islands again. I'm obsessed . And put a blue light in the middle of it. Um what about this? You do the cooking one night and he does the cooking the next night. And when he does the cooking, you don't stand next to him. You sit in the chair, you lead by example with a nice glass of wine, leaning back to get under the cake. But also could he 'cause he but that will annoy him as well. Why? Because he won't want to talk looking at some tiles. He'll want to talk looking at her. So he'll turn around and then he'll cut himself and bleed to death. Oh. Oh dear. It's a win-win. That's ended terribly. Poor Jamie. None of us knew that would happen. I know. I I don't think you're weird, Jamie. I do think that you can train your husband not to stand by you. I can I can feel that. It's kinda quite annoying to have someone on your shoulder and really too close, like invading the space. It's wildly annoying, but it I think it's old dog new tricks. I mean he's been doing it for seven years now . He grew up with this was a thing. So I think Jamie, you love him very much. PPS. You love him very much. And chew in your ear. That's the bit that really have a massive row and divorce. Which is better than killing him. Brushing her arm. After seven years if you still want to brush someone's arm, something is wrong. Yeah. Back off, weirdo . And stop breathing. I've got a knife. I'm chopping the vegetables and you're too nearly um Yeah, I look I think you've got you're you aren't weird, that's for sure, Jamie. Uh your husband is possibly a bit weird, but I think too late to do anything about it. I like the fact that his dad does it with the mum as well. So he's learnt it, he's learned behaviour, and you're right. It may be too too late. Well, do you know what you could do, Jamie? You could learn a bit of the old Greek and uh ask the mother how she copes. Because she's been doing it for a lot longer than seven years. Maybe she doesn't mind it. Maybe she feels it's part of the family thing, family dynamic that daddy stands here and you know, and watches me. I don't know With no trousers on Like does the father think she's trying to poison him? I think it's just a nice kind of affectionate, you know, cooking is love and all of that. And also if you grew up in a house, you know, like one of those galley kitchens. Yeah. You know You're obsessed with the size of his kitchen. Well, because that's the problem. Right. You know, because if he grew up in a in a small house with a small kitchen, then dad and mom would have to be kind of side by side by the thing. You know? They would. There's no worse to go. And just liking your assumption of the small hut. They might live in a boat. They might live in a boat. What about when he when you next do a barbecue have that and have a branding iron in the fire. When he gets too close, you just go Well you've really solved that problem. Well you were gonna kill him a minute ago. No, he's gonna kill himself. I'm just accidentally. Accidentally . As Jamie Veris or Russell up something uh delicious, we conclude this episode of Wanging Off. And we also make it clear as if we need to that we are definitely not experts. And if you do need expert, and don't take it seriously at all, if you need genuine help with any of life's problems, please seek it out from the proper channels. There's a link in our Instagram bio , and we are at Wanging On. Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a platform media production, and do you know what? Yeah, we'll be back next week to do it all again. We'll see you then. Goodbye. Woohoo!