Looking Toward the Future and Parenthood

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Watch only onn Prime. my mom I in the hospital and I went on this lane with this adoption lady that they would find a family for me. Can you let us in to your mind and your thoughts It truly an inspiration. I was being set up to be the face for the Mormon Church and share my story of how inspiring in the miracles. Did you feel used? I started to realize that I was not only physically different, but also I was feeling trans. But then I remember telling my two older sisters, I think I lik boys and they both were justress like, well dh, but you can't do anything because the parents aren't okay with that. So I was said like, No, I'm not playing this game. You're not God. You don't get to damn me anywhere. He will do that at my last days, N you I was sexually assaulted and it happened several other times with other people my guardian wanting to cry. It really wasn't until when I first had met my husband that I realized there are good people out there. Being a trans woman in the United States of America today, do you have hope about the future Before we begin, hit follow and tap the bell icon. It allows us to continue bringing you this show that we all love. We can go anywhere in the world right now. I'm in LA And we'll bring you the most phenomenal guest And the only thing it cost you is to hit follow up and tap the bell icon. Can we begin? Yeah rzil . Okay. So you this is where you're born. Yeah All right Now Tell me about what you know about your birth parents and family So I don't know a whole lot. What I do know is that my mom was not expecting to have me. she had already had for other kids before me, I was thirteen years later down the road as a surprise And then found out that my birthdad also had another family off to the side goodoodness And so she's like, what do I do? Then when she found out that I had arms and legs, she just left me in the hospital because there was nothing else that she really could do at that time. At least in her mind And so when there was a family in Utah that was adopting another girl from Brazil But we were both coming on the same plane with the same adoption lady. hoping that they would find a family for me And so my adopted mom was like, oh my gosh, I would take that little boy in a second not even knowing what That was all going to entel. And then she went home and she just couldn't get me out of her head. And then she brought it up to my adopted dad and my dad was like No, are you crazy Like sit down, you're nine months pregnant with your eleventh child on a seminary teacher's income, there's no way that we can afford to adopt a child let alone, one with a physical disability. likeike what are we supposed to do for that little boy And she's like, I don't know I just feel like you need to pray about it also. And he's like, Okaykay, so he went to the Mormon church, went to the Mormon temple and he had a vision. of me and the baby that my mom my adopted mom was pregnant with and us growing up being best friends and him always being by my side to make sure that I would always have help. I ever needed doing things. So then he came home and he's like Okay, let's get this little boy in So they called the adoption agency and the adoption agency just laughed at her on the phone All right, I'm sorry Miss. Adams. That's not happening You have eleven children and you're on a sonary teacher income. No. So the following week, they had a meeting with board members. and They just stopped for a second and the whole room went silent. And someone's just like No, like this is the perfect family for this little boy. They already have eleven children and two loving parents that are wanting to be in this child's life and willing to do whatever it takes. This little boy has been in the hospital for the last nine months only attention from the nurses and doctors. He needs all the stimulation that he can get This family's perfect. Let's figure out a way to make it work. Wow, look at that. Everything was falling into place. Can we unpack there's a lot to unpacking that. And that is incredible Um, and some I think would say that that's a miracle. point that that happened. Do you consider that to be American. Oh, one hundred percent When you were born, You were born, Is it Hanhart syyndrome? Yeah. Okay. So what is Hanhart syyndrome So Hannah Heart Syndrome is a birth effect that affects one in one million people, especially here in the United States. It's very, very, very uncommon but it's a defect in the body where it can affect either the limbs or fingers or toes. or sometimes the jaw. and for my case, it affect all four limbs All right. and I didn't realize that H hard could also impact your jaw. Okay. So do you have any impact in your jaw? I had a cliff palet and that was the only thing. Okay, All right. so there was some impact. is it so one is it's rare to your point. There was some research that I was doing and I saw that There' there were only thirty incidents. Only thirty incidents of Hanhart's syndrome. between mid nineteen thirties all the way through to the nineteen nineties And so you could see how rare it is. okay. All I do know is that also when she found out that I was getting adopted, she chose to make it a close adoption So I have no idea who she actually is. and I've tried doing the tests and everything to see if I could find any sort of answer But I haven't gotten super close yet Okay. The closest I've gotten is just those nurses that helped me as a baby and have the photos of me. P I' holding me to the point where my he was starting to misshape because I was only getting attention when they'd come in to do their rounds There was a window outside my door That is what we've been told. There was a window that would face the hallway and I would be facing that way, just watching the nurses and the doctors and people walking down the hallway and that's why my head was starting to get Super whereere they formed? We Okay because you kept focus there because I would imagine you knew that When someone was coming in, you'd get some attention. rightight? And that's what we're all looking for Yeah as a child. For you to be able to go back and meet your birth mother. What do you believe the first thing you would Tell her or ask her. I don't know, I think I thought about that question a lot especially as of lately in my life Um I think I would have to pause and just take it in for a few minutes and just stare at each other And then I would just have to say to her, I forgive her And thank you, honestly because I have had a much better life than I think I would have ever had if I would have stayed in Brazil. of the family of adoption They had how many children They went on to have thirteen biological children of their own. Thirteen biological children Okaykay They're busy. Yeah.. By, That's two decades of being busy. Lally every other year she was pregnant popping out one. Wow Do they come do they go to Brazil? No, so that's the other crazy thing. So since the story did break National television and everything. The American Airlines heard about the storying And they just told my parents that they would fly me or my parents anywhere in the world to bring us together as a family. So my parents didn't even have to leave the United States to get me I was already brought to them about when they first saw you. was able to hold you what that experience was like. Yeah, that's even televice too. It was brought on by the news. The news came in and filmed it And they had all my aunts and uncles there. My grandparents from both sides of the family were there All my siblings were there And you can just see my mom starting to run up to the lady that had brought me to the United States to get ready to hold me, and she was already crying and just so excited to hold me. Okay, S see you then entered an incredibly loving family Their surname was or last name was the Adams The Adams. Yeah So of the Adams family, which is a St give me start out Oh my gosh. Okay, so the Adams familyight If it wasn't for the Adams family though, what do you suspect would have I honestly don't know because nobody's built like my mom. She saw a life for me that I couldn't even see for myself for the longest time. And we bumped heads for so many years because of it because she wanted me to be so independent. that I was like, arere you crazy? , No, I have dorm lengs. Why do I need to do this? And she's like, That's why you need to learn how to do it because there's not always going to be someone in the room to do it for you And I don't want you to have to just sit around waiting for someone to do it for you. You should be able to just do it yourself. Even if it takes you an extra five minutes to the point where now I go to her house. And I try to do something and she's like, Do you want me just do it for you? And I'm like, No You're the one that told me to do it myself. rightight away from me. Right, right. So you become so independent. All right. so now let's There are a few things that I'm going to surprise you with. Okay Ro. This is the first one. Okay. All right. G ready. I'm going to hold this. I want you to tell me if you could recall What is happening in this Yeah, that's our cute little photo from a familyunion. We just got done riding motorcycles My uncle had held me, I think on his lap with the helmet on and everything. And my mom was just waiting for us to be done And we had just gotten done, she took the photo with me So this is so how old are you in this Oho, I wantan to say I'm probably six or seven Okay, you're six or seven. All right. So at six or seven, we can begin to remember and recollect certain things that are happening. So When you think back to that time You're now Living in Salt Lake City, Utah Can you describe what you remember L to feel like and be like att a younger age, I was always struggling with the fact that I was being pushed Her. than all my other siblings to do things to make sure that I would be able to be independent And there was always that Very tough love pressure. to make sure that I was still putting in the work and doing what needed to be done to be able to be independently successful at the end of the day before I could lay my head down So even at six or seven You felt a pressure from your parents So was that pressure? What was what they what were they pushing you to do I think their biggest pressure was just to be physically independent for the most part. So every day we would wake up as a family at five or six AM and we would read the scriptures. And then it was time to do our chores before we'd go to school and before we'd have breakfast And my chore was to go up and down the stairs twenty times in twenty minutes And if I didn't, then I would get a luxure And the whole reason why I had to do this was because that was my way of giving back to my family of making sure that I was staying physically in shape. for them for when they'd have to live to me and everything. And then also being able to just go into the next level of the home by myself as well. Wow I would imagine you struggle quite a bit Tefly. doing that Um, so so How? Were you able to do that Soorry I would lay down on my stomach to go down the stairs originally because I was too scared to go on my back down the stairs and see what was in front of me for some reason. I always had a big fear and that's what my mom and I would fight about Was how was going to go down the stairs and not get scared or fall or anything. And so when I first started going down, I would go down on my stomach and I would just slide down the stairs and then I'd be able to stop myself with my butt depending on how I would angle it around the edge of the stair for the next stair to drop. And then to go up the stairs, I'd go up with she would make me do both sides So for ten stairs, I would go up on the left side. For the other ten sides, I wouldd go up on the right side So it sounds like you would often not be able to do it within the twenty minutes Um And I would imagine you would fall Lite a few times in there. So when that would happen, what was the consequence? It was the lecture There was always a lecture, but also I need to take accountability for some of my own part in it too becausecause I hated it so much that I would lie and say, because there were times that she wouldn't watch me do it And those would be my hallay moments because then I could just lie and say that I did do it But then she'd like, well, yesterday You were under two minutes. so how did you do it today and you're over two minutes. I'm like, I don't know And so then I get myself into even more trouble. I see it. See it, okay. I would have done the same thing though Yeah, because if, you know, to not have to be able to do it So the the if you got into trouble. It was a lecture And the lecture was was what I don't even know. I honestly feel like I've blocked out a lot of those Memmories just because I really did not like my parents at that time What were you going through emotionally because I would imagine your thought was this is unfair Right So, so how are you feeling? that age. I think mentally and emotionally, I think that's around the age that I started to realize that I was not only physically different But also, I was adopted And I wasn't like their other kids I didn't look like them. I didn't talk like them I wasn't the same color as them And so all of that sort of coming in, but then you're also in school So I'd have to go to school and hear all the things that people would say about me So if it wasn't coming from my brothers, it was coming from someone at school saying something to me that would also get in my head. Are you open to talking about you were hearing. I mean, my brothers are brothers and they would just tease me all the time and be like, you know you're adopted, right And'm like obviously yeah, and But then they would just make horrible jokes about my birth mom. And then they'd be like, and that's why mom and dad and had to get you Okay, Well, that's not true but as a little kid, you internalize that and you think that it is true And then at school ob. similar, different. I would get made fun of for either having a big fat wheelchair or I would get made fun of for wearing the same because everybody thought that I wore the same black pants to school But at the start of the school year, we'd go to the DI at the thrift storing And we would buy all the black soccer pants that came in from last season. and just buy them all because they were the only pants that I could actually put on by myself because they had the elastic wasate to them. and since I was walking around at recess I'd rip holes in them super fast And so since they were only two dollars hair and I was like, okay, buy twenty of them and then rip as many holes as you want, but people at school would just see it as just the same block pair and be like, you, that's so gross that you wear the same block pair. It's not the same. So then finally, I think in fifth third sixth grade, we started adding like colors of red and blue into the shorts Yeah' it to me it's so talked to so many guests here who will recollect being bullied in school and the reasons Very Always the most ridiculous things. Who could you talk to about these things I honestly don't think I ever talk to anyone about it really I honestly internalized it all and kept it more to myself just because we had a big family And I felt like I was already taking So much of my parents time for them to make sure that I was physically independent that I felt guilty and trying to go to them. or anybody else about my mental or emotional. state of mind of what was going on that I just feel like I would just talk to myself evenven just going up down the stairs I'd have phong conversations with my head about where I was at and then getting ready I'd have conversations with myself in the mirror. Can you let us in to your mind and to your thoughts. So during that time What were those conversations that you were having with yourself A lot of them weren't nice. I think a lot of them were just me saying, I hate my parents so much. I don't understand why they're so hard on me I don't get why they push me harder than they push any of their own kids I just don't understand it. I don't feel like this is fair. then it wasn't until the seventh and eighth grade. And I was like, U No, I actually don't want my mom with me in the bathroom and I don't want my brother in the bathroom with me. I want to be able to go to the bathroom by myself And now when you reflect back Right? because you're in such a I feel healthy state right now. is how do you believe not having A safe space emotionally How do you believe that impacted you as a child I think it heavily apogyed me. I remember being I think it was sixth grade We had the counselor come in, I think every other Friday And they would do classes The sixth grade. And one day it was a writing prompt to write about What would happen if you went missing Who do you think would find you first or who would be the most worried and in my head since there was so much going on at home with being physically independent and then my siblings and everything that they were doing I wrote in my journal I don't think anyone would be nervous or anybody would be worried And then I remember my counselor, I think, he saw it And he pulled me out of class one day. And he's like, Are you okay And I was like, Yeahah, I'm fine whyy? And he's like, Well, what you wrote in your book? I just don't know if that's true. And it's like, that's I feel, and that's how I see the world right now is like, well is there anything that I can do? what's going on And even then I still didn't feel comfortable opening up and just brushed it off. No I'm fine I'm fine I' fine How long Do you believe you were living through that level of trauma I'd say probably until I was twenty three which is when I came out as strs I didn't think you were going to say that. I think just because of the way that I grew up within the religion and the pressure of my parents, it wasn't ress the pressure the independence from my parents either. it was the pressure to be great anywhere and everywhere that I was because I was a prime example. of what an inspirational story should be And so my parents always wanted me Whenever I left the home to make sure that I was a prime example of being copying and putting on a front of being a child of God. and being a good example for the church and my younger siblings. And laada dad da da And so also fighting the internal of being gay. where Billing trans and suppressing those feelings for so many years. I It wasn't until I was twenty three that I finally just said, I'm done Goodness, goodness So then we have to talk about, you know, year seven through through through twenty three. When 'causeuse I feel like you're coming out was this process Um, and it started with sexuality. Roughly what age was it for you I knew in the second grade You knew in the second grade. You were early. Yeah, early early ear. God. Okay. because so second grade, you're how old in second grade? You're eight years old. Eight years old. Okay. Okay, All right, okay. I get it So So Did you know? in the second grade I always loved being around my sisters because it was feminine and it felt safe where with my brothers, it was tough and there were problems and it was chaos and I couldn't stand that with them And I never connected with them or wanted to do anything that they were doing I always wanted to be with my younger sisters doing what they were doing because I felt more connected and relatable to them And so Even at school, I was always friends with girls I maybe had like two Hi, friends if that I remember having conversations with my two older sisters at one point and just telling them I think I like boreys And they both were dressed like D But then they're but you can't do anything because the parents aren't okay with that And they like, Well, yeah, no die. I'm just going to keep the secret And so I'd always confide in them in like my little crushes that I had But I would never get to fully dive into it the way that my other sisters would get to or my other brothers would get to with their straight Hetero relationships and everything your family were Mormon. Yes. R right. So this is Church of Latter Day Saints. What would you say the position was though of the religion for queer relationships gay relationships. what was what was the church's stance? Be because I never fully I've heard many things, but what was their stance It was you were damning yourself to hell. And anyone you bring into that, you're also damning into hell is what my parents taught me And my daught would always say to me Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. But now it's Autumnmbrille. so try again It sure is Avid Rio Yeah And so because you were told this You were very I would imagine you were fearful. I don't want to put words in your mouth, whereere you scared to to talk to them about it I don't think I was really ever scared because I feel like within our home, It really wasn't a secret I think if anything, they tried so hard to be oblivious to it and not believe it themselves. But all my siblings know that I was gang. or that I was trans. they would always call me a girl They would always call me game They would always talk about my relationships that I had had undercover and and everything It was mainly my parents that just They knew but they didn't want to know. and they didn't want me acting on it, especially if I was going be living in their home Okay Now you said that they were aware of relationships. So you were having relationships with men U that they were aware of Yeah, I got caught I think in seventh grade. having a boyfriend and my parents Never no, no, no, no Okay, you got a lecture. Oh ye But what about the community? because it's predominantly Mormon is the community For the most part, I kept it under wraps with my community How would do things in the dark so to speak where people outside weren't gonna to see it unless someone knew the person that I was dating Th then they would now but it's not like I was out playing my relationship openly and proudly I feel like for the longest time I was being set up to be the face. for the Mormon Church, they'd helped me go to all the use camps, all the fiire sides, all the Young men, young women. Things, reallylease sighty things and be a speaker. and share my story have How inspiring in the miracles, not to say that none of that's true or anything But as a kid, it's a lot to put that pressure on but then I have to go back to school and still be bullied for just being different. and by my own siblings in the same home. that also were like, you're not that special. You're just like everybody else So you can get up on that stage, you can do your h spel But when you come home, you're just like us. So don't think that you're above us or anything because you're not which I never really thought I was either. Right As a kid, it's a lot of pressure be put on a stage on a pedestal. plane but then to go home and still deal with things tremendous amount. And I didn't even realize that at that young age that you were you know, on put on a on a speaking circuit so to speak Um, I have to ask I hope this is not offensive Did you feel Ued Do you want to speak on that? because that the way that I'm hearing the story is You were being used S showcase good will of the church in essence And I don't want to be disrespectful to the Mormon Church or to my parents becausecause honestly, they're a big reason of who I am today And I am very thankful for both of them And those things But I feel like they did a lot of damage too behind the scenes that a lot of people don't see or understand. There's nothing inspiring about me. This is just my life It just happens to be different And yes, there are really inspiring parts and yes, there are a lot of miracles and everything And I do see that and I do feel that But I just don't see myself that way. We've talked about some of the bad, right in terms of how you felt your identity What was the good that was happening to you during that time. I had a lot of really cool experiences That I am really grateful for becausecause of having a disability, it gave me a lot of chances to do things. that kids my age or my siblings didn't get to do I was constantly getting free gifts. I was constantly getting invited to events for free I was constantly getting invited to front row. things And I mean, sometimes my siblings were reaping the rewards of that. Also, which was nice because then we could share those experiences. Yes. and they didn't feel as left out. But I know for my brother who's the same age as me For the longest time He felt like he was living within my shadow And I for the longest time, I mean, even still to this day, I feel bad about that because he really was a really, really, really good brother to mean And he was the only brother that would stand up for me. And he was the only brother that was there when other kids were being mean to me where he'd go to parties so that I could go to the parties and not feel left out. And so there were a lot of really good things. by thingsings that I was feeling mentally and emotionally, internally going on U yeah, I could see that there was a real love you know, that you had for for your brother. Um, and I can see the light in the shade, right that they came with early life for you I'm curious about because I was reading about Even you learning to swim And and I was a matter of fact, I'll tell you what was happening. He says I was reading about you learning to swim And I was sitting next to my wife And My wife said I was her mother probably never would have learned to swim And that's why I was saying, there's nobody built like my mom because she saw what I was physically mentally emotionally, spiritually capable of doing despite what everyone said to her and the things that were said or the feelings that were said towards her and how she treated me She still made sure that I am the person I am today. Yeah ye So it How did your pares teach you to swim Honestly, we showed up the pool one day and my dad just threw me in And he's like, Tase, swim. And I just sink to the bottom And then finally, after a minute, he jumps in after me. he's like, Kill, if you want to go to the pool You're going to have to learn how to swim And so we spent probably two and a half years going to the pool every summer And We started with learning how to flow and making sure that I could roll myself over underwater and everything O when I would jump in water, I'd have to make sure that I was Ready to come up with my face first instead of my butt first so that then I could get aired And then we learned how to propel myself through the water. And so my dad just taught me how to swim kind of like a dolphin, just up and down, up and down, up and down f love in action. You know, I I am Honestly, Brial, I don't know how I feel about that good or like it's one of those and I'm saying it where I see The result of it U mayaybe I'm just not built that way parent to just throw my child. in the water knowing They're going to sink. As it and and and and But I can see your appreciation Definitely for it U And at the end of this conversation My wife then pulls up a video love you swimming Honestly, you're a better swimmer than me. You know, a much better swimmer And so The result is there You know, the result is there During this time period I understand that you were a dancer Yes All right. so tell me about you N. coming dancer So it all started in the seventh grade. I was once again, just trying to find my own independence My own voice And so one day I saw a flyer of them promoting that there was a talent show audition. has I I'll do the talalent S showow Audition And then in my head because I used to talk to myself all the time. I was like, but what am I gonna do for the Tlev show? And I was like, oh, Ill just st And so then I choreographed a dance in my head T What song was it Apologize. Okay Okay. Yeah Ephant I had my cousin go with me and I did the audition. And then I got donead And I went home and I told my mom And she's like What did you do And I wass like, I danced and she's like No really what did you do though? And I was like, I dance. And she's like, okay, show me this dance then So I show her the dance. And she's just sitting there and And like, what? And she's like, that was the worst thing I've ever say Wow I was like, what really And she's like, Yeahah, we need to clean this up now. And I was like, o, okay, but it's ' my mom had a background to dance to. So she definitely knew what she was talking about And it really was not the qu. All right, so she would telling the truth. Yeah, she was telling the truth. That's the one thing that I do love about my mom. She said to me You don't want people to applause you just because you're handicapped You want them to stand up and applause you because you actually put in the effort and it's good You should never just get a stand innovation because you're disabled That's ridiculous andide Okay, you're right. I don't want to be applaused just because disabled that's not what I want And so We choreraph a whole new dance To Cody Simpson. unfo Be o no, it was Grison Chance actually. Okay You had a crush on Cody Simpson. Oh, you did. att the time. Yes. You know you know Cody Simpson saw in that exact. I know I saw you had a He was that exact. I know. right there. I have the fattdest question on Ch I mean, I still do, sorry to my husband, but I do But it was to G and chance, unfriend you And I get done with a dance And I had gotten a standing novation from everyone All my siblings were there, my parents were there And you can see in the YouTube video at the very start My mom knowing that I had really bad stage fight and that I was super scared to go out And then I was probably going to forget the dance And so you can see my mom running to the front of all the kids and everything to make sure that she's right there in the very, very front sitting on the ground and you can kind of see her head. doing the dance with M to make sure that I don't miss anything. And when I got it done, just seeing her face made everything worth it to me because in that moment I knew that she was proud of me because I actually put in the work like she said When you think about the relationship with your mom How would you defefine it now You know, especially reflecting back I think now she is honestly one of the best people on this earth Regardless of her tough love and everything She as a person So let alone have thirteen biological children of our own and to have an adopted one with a disability And a husband that didn't make that much money, she somehow made it work and made every child feel loved and seen in some sort of way capacity And what do you believe here? mother thinks of you I don't know, I hope she's proud of me becauseuse I do feel like I did go off the beaten path of what they really wanted for me. because I know that they really, really, really wanted me to be that spokesperson And then for me to go gunsts for it all the way to do what I wanted I think was a huge slop in the face for them at some point You know, how we could find out What your lot thinks? I have right here. A letter. Oh I have not Yet read. Okay That is written by your mom Yeah, well Can I read it today Okay We're going to discover this right now. together. my guardian wanting to cry. S Dear Brielle E before you came to be part of our family God began to whisper to me of the things that you could accomplish I know that he wanted you to become the very best that you could be And he did not want you limited by what I thought you could be As always, God is far wiser than any human and I am thankful for the gift God gave me of allowing me be part of your life even with all of the whisperings and ideas They came to me over the years. of how to help you You have blown my expectations out of the water You've created a beautiful life full of love and happiness and continued growth. You are so inspiring to me. You don't let anyone or anything hold you back If you think you can do it, then you do You don't give up You just keep trying until you reach your goal You can do more without arms and legs that many people in this world can do with them. But I think My favorite thing about you is how you handle the constant criticism you face You see what others do not, you are willing to look past that criticism to see the pain, the hurt and the suffering that others are going through or have gone through in their lives as a reason for they their lashing out and you are generous in your forgiveness. el you are brave. brave enough to face it head on and keep going when people judge you harshly I knew This too was a journey of overcoming both mentally and emotionally And your attitude has been the same with these challenges as it has been with your physical ones If you think you can do it, do You just keep trying until you succeed I had no idea that social media was even going to be a thing when you came to me and only eight months old I had no idea that millions of people would watch you. be inspired by you and learn from you every single day. keepe working at becoming the very best you can be. keepe helping the world be a better place Keep inspiring me I love you. Goodness That was That was beautiful You know, it was beautiful. and to me articulates very well How But she mean to her Our sponsor Huel sent me something new to try. They're light ramen noodles. I've seen healthy noodles advertised before, but it usually signals that you're about to eat something that tastes like compromise But Huel is a brand I love and drink a lot. So if anyone was going to make healthy noodles that I'd enjoy, it's going to be them Let's get into this does smell great Hold on. genuinely It's good. It's light s still filling somehow and each pot has under two hundred and thirty calories with twenty five grams of protein, vitamin C, B twelve, iron, magnesium, high fiber, and twenty six vitamins and minerals The best part is that there's no effort. I mean, literally, no effort. You boil water, wait a few minutes ready to eat. And for two pound fifty in this economy Fair playay Hule If you want to try for yourself, use code WNTT for ten pounds off at UK. hule d. com slash WNTT New customers only, minimum spend required offer valid for thirty days now at You said it was twenty one. that you came out I came out Publy publicly. Okay. So even that decision. canan we talk about that U must have been challenging You were also a practicing Mormon at that time. L How were you able to get to that place where you were able to come out Well flash forord a year before that when I was nineteen. I was still going to church because I was living with my parents And The way that the church was working when I was still going You would have Sunday school? And then you'd have f and testimony meeting in Sacraments. And then you wouldd have young men's, young women's reallyle studing. but u I had just gone to my two classes. I had already gone to Sunday school and I had already gone to sacrament meeting So for me, I was like, I've done my time It's time for me to go because if I go into young men's They're trying to tell me, I need to go serve a mission or I need to get ready to go to the young single adults ward and find me a wife and get married And I knew that that's not what I wanted. That's not what I was going to do I wasn't going to trap someone into a marriage, let alone have a family with them and create even more problems not only for myself But for them, let alone children. So I was like, no, I'm not playing this game I'll go do my time and then I'm leaving O my mind She sees me leaving And she's like, whereere are you going And I was like, home And she gets up close and she whispers in my ear and she's like I think you should pray about it And I lost it. I still left And then on my way home I sent her a text and I was like, I'm gay I've always been gay. You know I've been gay I'm done hiding it If you want a relationship with me after I move out, That is up to you But here from this moment on If we don't have a relationship, it's because you chose not to have one with me because you don't like that I'm gay You taught me my entire life to be myself and to be true to myself. But the second I try and do that You try to double down and tell me that I'm damning myself to hell. Also, you're not God You don't get to d on me anywhere He will do that at my last days. Nacho Live la, love you. C I go home And it's T in the house. and she comes home, she's sobbing and next morning she comes into my room. and she's still been sobbing. And she says, canan we talk And I was like, Yeahah, sure. And she's like, I just want to say I'm sorry And I was like It's okay. and she's like, no, it's not okay. I don't know how I could have been so oblivious to the way that I'd been making you feel all these years putting this pressure on you to be someone that you're not. I want you to know that if you decide to marry a man I want to be at your wedding if you decide to have a family with a man I want to be the grandmother of those children. If you decide to live your life gay and proud I still want to be in your life. Please do not kick me out. I love you and I'm sorry Clean slate from then on My dad comes in ten to fifteen minutes later, pretty much the same spill from my dad He doesn't understand it but he wants to understand me. moving forward. He gave a speech at my wedding. It drove half of my siblings crazy because they're like, how was he giving a speech at your wedding wom for so long He was so against you being gay and I was like, it's not about that It's the fact that he was even willing to come to the wedding letone speak at the wedding. Yeah. What do you think caused parernts to make Such a quick U turn on their stance I think a part of them was probably worried that I was going to get onto some stage and say that my parents no longer support me and that that would crush and ruin the whole image and everything that we had built all these years That's so incredibly sad to me. is why I hear you saying is that a inative of your identity And And maybe it wasn't. I don't know. True. but that's how it came off. True. I mean, this is your story, Brio You know, and it it's what you remember through your experience And that's that to me is what that that's that's that's what I'm what I'm feeling. You know in the moment Is that how you felt in the moment? Definitely in the moment. Now No. Okay. Now I know one one hundred percent. They fully love me They accept mean They loved my marriage and they love where I met in life, regardless the stage, the publicity, and to social media, they could care less They just want to see me happing. But but no, with you then telling them then was it a year later that you then publicly. came out And you came out on was it you said Facebook Everything Every across across social media So I know a concern that your parents had at least, is that if you were to come out, it would negatively impact your motivational speaking career No, I was still fine. It was up until COVD O thing that is really sitting with me is eararlier in the conversation, you said, I don't even consider myself Motivational So You were giving these motivational but you didn't believe that you yourself were motivational. I would black out the second the curtains would open or I'd have to go out on stage and I would just see what I was trained to do. And then I would get off the stage and I would start hyperventilating But then I'd have to turn it right back on to do the ming grades And there was one time I was here in California in San Diego with my dad And we had just got done doing a big conference it was in front of ten thousand people And I was doing my meet and greet and this guy comes up. in anyy whispers in my ear And he says, I feel like there's something you're not being honest about. And I was like Oh But he ws Okay And then he's like, I just don't feel like you're being yourself. And I feel like you're lying about something And I was like The mask is slipping They know, they know And that was before I'd even come out publicly. Right Right. So that instant right there already runs public speaking for me because I was like, my mask is already slipping It's only a matter of time before they actually see him. Yeah alsoso too is so this was you said that happened when you were what eighteen, nineteen? So that's before you've come out Also, before you come out What do you consider your identity to be? Be I say that our identity is the story that we tell about ourselves And I feel like many of us right around that eighteen, nineteen, we're really trying to Figure that out What was your identity at that age Who were you if I were to meet you teeen I sitss up Tomm me hoot Who are you? What would you have said I probably would have given you the fakest persona myself I possibly could protect myself at that time. and made you believe the whole story C I for a long time would look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day and not even know who I was looking at I didn't even like who I was or who I was putting on to being I don't even know what I was putting on at that time because I just didn't even know I just was doing what I was told and what I was trying to do. I saw photos of you. roughly at that age You always had a massive smile on your face Was that a lie And my brother Landon would call me out for it all the time and be like, your smile is so fake You look so fake when you smile. But it's because I was performing And so what you were trained to So who was it that had trained you? It was between Your parents in the church. Okay. All right. And then also and I'm so I'm just so fascinated by the motivational speaker you not believe in your motivationational. What were you saying on stage? What was your Spiel I would tell my beginning story And I would come out on stage in the very beginning, I'd come out and I'd fall over on stage and the audience would Oh my gosh. And then I would say sometimes in life, we fall down But we have to decide to get back up. And then I would stand up and in the audience would And then I'd go into my story of how my mom got me And then I would talk about the bullying in junior high and that In life it's hard. But we' got to figure out who we are And that's where dance came in for me And then I wear Do a dance that my Tal was written for me by somebody else too. And you gave the same talk Over and over over How many times did you think you gave that talk dozen million times Like if I really sit down, I could literally do it my thoughts I had right now And see he said it was written for you Did your father write that for you? My dad wrote it with another person. see And now I understand even more when you said that you would block out because you know you're getting ready to go into this feel that you don't want to give, that you have to give I didn't realize that you're dancing on stage. didid it feel humiliating? at all to go through. to go through that. The talking part, yes, doing the dance, no because that was one hundred percent mean And that's what I loved and that's what I wanted at the time. And I fought to get that into the speech and everything and make it more engaging and a chance for me to kind of take a break from being at the Poppit and something that I can actually speak to but through moveoodment see And that allowed you to tap into a passion. so you were Dancing for thousands. down. And I really really thought that I was gonna be doing it till the day I died Pretty much I'd watch sixty five year old men. get out on stage and do their spill And I would see them two months before and it was the same speech. I'm like, is this really what I have to live for I don't want to keep doing this Please please something take this out so I don't have to keep doing it And then the pandemic happened and I was like Perfect. Let's find something else for me to do But then oddly enough, I did get on social media And it wasn't to be motivational. and prove anything or do anything. It was literally just having fun I never wanted to be an influencer. I still don't claim myself as an influencer It was literally just pulling on my phone one day My sister had been hounding me And this was back when TikTok was called Music LY. And so I was like, yeah, I'll post some stupid video on there, I guess So I posted one. it was Halloween night And then I think by midnight The video had had a million views has a Wow That's weird, That's crazy. Wow. ye. And so then I was like, let's keep doing the dancing videos. So I kept doing dancing videos And then I had met my husband And so I did little cringy content with him when we were dating and then I decided, I love makeup I started doing makeup for dance Why don't I just do a little get ready with me video? And I would only show from the chest up. in these get ready me videos, you would have to watch my other video to know that I have no arms legs. But if you're just saying this one Get ready with this video. I don't show at the very beginning because I had arms and legs intentionally Just randomly. Just randomly. Okay that's what all these other influencers were doing was just going straight into the makeup. They didn't have like a hook or a grab or anything at the time. I see. And so I just went into doing it and all the comments were like, why aren't you using your hands? Why aren't you using your hands And I'm like, oh, it's because I didn't show in the beginning that I don't have hands orph so why don't we try doing that with a video I do that and it took off ri you should brag on this it? Really has taken off to a whole other level So how in terms of viewership and following and reach What are your what's your content getting now I now have nine million followers across all social media platforms I get videos well over a million. I just did one for a brand and I got over a hundred and thirty million views which is insane, say Absolutely insane And it's just a video of me washing my hair I'm not trying to be motivational or inspiring, but people just see it. And they find it motivating and inspiring, which is nice because I'm In a way, I guess I am still a motivational speaker in a way. but I'm doing it on my terms and in my way and I'm not having to do all the speaking and telling a story that was written by somebody else For myself. There you go There you go You've written the story? No Um, how does it feel to know that you're content is resonating and connecting with so many people Honestly, that's why I keep doing it. I love the messages that I get from other people within the disability community and or the LGBTQ plus community or parents have a child within one of those communities wanting to understand and finding acceptance for their child or within themselves later on in life and For me, that's what pushes me to keep making the content that I make No matter how cringy or how funny or stupid It may be, and I love doing that type of content because it's resonating with those people So so I would imagine there must be a makeup line in this. Not for me, no. No. No. I feel like the makeup community is so oversaturated. Okay that what is there that I'm gonna come out with that's so you need And amazing. A lot of people say, well, why don't you come out with something for accessibility I could do that. That would only fit a very small, small, small market. and what I may find accessible for me, isn't accessible for the next person. So I don't know. What I would love is a makeup collaboration where I come out with like a palette or a lip shade or an eyelash. and have my name tied to something like that or be the phase of a beauty campaign There you go. That's my end goal. There you go. There you go. All right, that's it. let's put that on the vision board. Yes. All right, all right. I believe that's going to happen. I hope so. literally be a dream come true. I put it on my vision board every year. so. Oh, do you? I do Have you ever noticed how many of your friends are sitting on great business ideas? It's usually nothing to do with thinking their idea isn't good enough and everything to do with the execution side feeling a bit too techn. But with our show's sponsor Shopify, so much of the technical side is taken care of for you. It enables you to set up your own online store without a developer. 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So if you haven't already, hit subscribe and I'll see you for the next one I'd love to talk about your fully coming out. So from what I understand is that the process was you first identifying being gay then it moved. it was a slower process. than it was non binary Right? But can you walk me through that process But in particular, Oh your family and community responded to you in each of those steps I always knew I was some form of a girl I'm not saying God made a mistake on my body. I'm not saying any of that because I don't believe that for myself I think he put me in a body purposely knowing the trials and tribulations that I go to to make me more stronger. where I am today That being said, I knew that for those around me They didn't think or feel that way about gay people, non binary people or trans people So for me, in my way, I had to tell myself I'm gonna be myself at some point I have to string all these people along for these different stages so they can get used to. and ready for me to be my actual self So you methodically everyone on this all those in your community on this journey with you And what was the reaction? at each phase of that at each stop of the journey Cing out as gay with my parents was rough because I first came out to them when I was thirteen and I had gotughtten caught having a boyfriend And then it was being told to keep it hushash, stop acting on it And then it was coming out as non binary as twenty ill And then at twenty three. I fully came out as transs And I had already come out to my husband before we had even gotten married and telling him that I had feelings. that I was trans and everything but making sure that he was okay with it and he didn't feel like he was getting trapped because a lot of people online like speculate, and think that it was after the fact that I waited til we got married that then I could just T them pull the wool over his eyes So that's not what happened And that's the dumb thing about social media is that people think that they know everything. And so for my husband He was calling me Sheherarn at home but then in public and around other family members, He was still calling me. He and all this other stuff. So it was kind of a mind trick on him sometimes. Where am I? Whom am I around Interesting. so he was doing that to protect you among your family and friends So he knew. so he knew So then How did Fully when you said, look I'm a trans woman. to your parents C at such a difficult time with you coming out as gay What was their reaction Funny thing is is that when I came out as trans Like I said, I had told Adam the year before But when it came to telling everyone, I ripped that bandaid off so quick and I did everyone at once. And so I made a post. on Instagram TikTok And it was some sound that was going viral at the time And it was like, this is the story of a boy and then the sound like scratches out And then it's like this is a story of a girl And then it's kn transitioning And it blew up instantly within my family group child. And publiclyaim. My DM's, news articles had already started posting about it like ten minutes after I had posted. Whoa, I was not expecting that, but o And honestly I think since I had cured everyone up for that moment, They hadd already seen my content leading up to it. I was already wearing wigs and dresses. Okay. It was just a matter of time for me to just the obvious of what's actually there having that reaction That's much different than the reaction that you got earlier in life. so that was That was welcome. Yeah, everybody was more so wondering what I was going to do with my body If I was going to get surgeries done, if I was gonna start hormones, If I was going to grow my hair out, if I was going to do this or this, now I've been on hormones for almost three years And I will say being on those, cleared my mind. in a way that I can't even Explain. Oh well, than I feel So more myself conffidently It's insane. And when I don't take it, I go right back into feeling the way that I did before I ever came out as trans And how would you describe the difference of feeling for you When I'm on it, I'm so much more happier a more cool C collective I feel safe I feel confidence When I'm off of it, I get stuck in my head really easily. I get more depressed more angry and more s. So u, hormones have been a life changer for you Just a heads up, this next part includes discussion of sexual assault If you or someone you know needs support, we've included resources in the show notes Please take care while watching about you were dating history because It's one is you're smiling. I'm like my husband Yeah. I mean, this is where we have to tread carefully. Your husband is in the building. rightight If we could go back to the very beginning when you begin, when you began to you know, we all experiment when we're younger What was that like for you in the seventh grade I had a boyfriend, And was he the great onein? No. then I went from that boyfriend then anotherother boyfriend and then I realized I don't Want a boyfriend in person because I'm nervous about being hurt physically. I'd rather be hurt mentally and emotionally by them rather than physically. Can you expand on that So I have been sexually abused before in my life And I told myself, I never wanted it to happen again And so that's why I moved to dating on nine exclusively and only online I heard you talk about an assault that happened. Was the assault that you're talking about It happened? the seventh or eighth grade or this is a different assault different time. This is a different. So I didn't realize that you were assaulted uh, in a young age. Um So when you moved online, this O another this is what when you met with someone Is this when this particular So you moved online to be safe and you weren't safe. at all Are you open to talking about that? Young moment. I mean, you don't have to give give us the details, but just what happened in terms of how you went from Having a relationship with someone online so quickly being within physical proximity to the So I had made relationships online after being sexually assaulted in the seventh grade by one of my friends. at their house And so after that moment, I was like, yeah, I don't ever want to be. anyywhere near a man physically again And so I moved everything to online We were getting ready to move St. George I was a Junior in high school Looking more back at the story and it definitely was an appropriate relationship. This man was a little bit older And I had just thought it was going to be an online relationship he was like, it's fine, It's cool. When he found out that I was moving to a city, he's like, we should meet up And I was like, u No, I don't think so And then he's like, No we should And I was stupid and naive and I went and met up with them, and that's when it all happened againgain And then it wasn't the last time it happened several other times with other people And so I was always on and off again with online relationships. I mean, that's why I met my husband through Tinder because I was doing on and off again relationships people online to try and protect myself. when These assaults that happen and I didn't realize this has happened multiple times. to you U Did you talk to anyone Did you confide in anyone Yeah, I would either call like one of my friends or talk to one of my sisters about it, but then I would swear them to secrecy and you can't tell anyone. The one that you heard about on a different podcast. I told my mom about I think a few months after it happened And I even told her like you can't say or do anything. Like what's been done is done I just want to move past it And she's like, okay those assaults that I can see how that level of trauma then would push you far away any type of dating, any type of relationship U would then made you go back on because it was a dating app. Right. What made you then go back on to to the dating apps. I would have maybe it's just the The search for love Now honestly, I was just searching for someone iffere And that was gonna to treat me different. And it really wasn't until I had gone on my first date with my husband that I realized that There are good people out there And so when I first had met my husband, it was hard for me to accept his kindness and his patience and his love point where after two weeks of dating each other consistently I was the one where I was like, I need a break from you And he's like, what did I do something wrong? And I was like, No It's not you, it's me I need to go. do some soul searching with myself on why I have a problem with you treating me so kindly because I'm so used to guys being so disrespectful and disgusting and rude to me. So I just I don't know how to process this right now. And then what did you do?id you just give it space. I tried to give it space, but then I told my mom and my sister in law that I had done that And they both were like, Are you stupid You finally have a man that wants to be around you and you're gonna to tell him, you want space. Now he's coming over to dinner tonight And I was like, o Okay And so then he was there Was it about what he was saying doing that made you feel like Green light No red light G Oh, this is good. Ohh no, no, this is not good For starters, it was the fact that He wanted to take me on an actual date Other men would want to they would say it was a date. but it was really just a ride in their car. and then try and get freaky Deeking in the back seat or the front seat of their car where with Adam, it was, no, let's go get coffee out in public in the open. L I want people to see that I'm on a date with you own And then we can see what happens after that. So I was thinking, it's just gonna to be coffee then She's I No, like I'd love to beet more of your family Since I was living with my brother, my sister in law and all their kids And then my sister was like, you should stay over for dinner And sayss like, you don't want to do that to him. please stop. No. donon't scare him away yet. Wow. But he was like, yeah, no, I'd love to. And so then he came in and he was already playing with my nieces and nephews, which was big to me. But most of these people you were dating previously They wouldn't even want to go on a date Do you think that there was a level of fetishizing? Definitely. Yeah, yeah. How Soon did you believe you were in love with Adam I think I said I loved him after Three or four months of dating. H you ever experienced A love like that before in your life No. So I think also for me to really, truly love it, it probably took a year But I knew that I was in love with him by four months. Okay. at what point Dead the relationship progress to talk of marriage I think it was probably K then Mths and And it was more me, but it's because it's Utah. Everybody's married aroundround our age. I mean, Adam was twenty Seven when we got married. So for him in Utah standards, he was a very, very, very late bloomer. We got engaged nine months. Anonymous. okay. Yeah. for for anyone watching two has gone through severe Tum in previous relationships and they feel as if they can't trust. It's something that they cannot do What was it about Adam and your relationship with Adam that allowed you Trust again, what's the lesson that you have there I think for instance I started wearing makeup a lot more when Adam and I started dating And one day I had done like a really bold look. And Adam straight up said to me, I don't like that look And I was like, oh, well, that's too bad because this is my makeup and this is my face and my body and I'm going to do my makeup how I want notot to please you own And then he goes, Ohh Yeah, you're right. If that's what makes you feel happy and confident, then I'm okay with that Right there in that moment, I knew that he was going to always have my back even if you didn't agree with me in the moment He would somehow get on board with me It's greatace deribria It also tells me too about his willingness to adapt just and listen. all in that one moment. Definitely. I mean, even from our first date U When we had gotten to the coffee shop, it was a coffee shop where you play games. And he just instantly said, I'm not going to do anything for you. You just tell me what you need so that you're comfortable. And I was like, perfect, I don't want you to just do it for me. So I love that. And he had already come pre thought, preware free ready Yes Sometimes people say their wedding day is one of the greatest days of their life How was it for you I Not gonna lie. I kind of blacked out halfway through the wedding, not because I was drunk or anything. I didn't drink anything I didn't take anything either. I was sober and But I blocked out on just being so nervous that the day was going go well And it went perfectly well. Yeah you and Adam, you've been together for how long now? We've been together for six years Coming up on five years of marriage. All right, coming up on five years of marriage , and I understand that There could be another Wedding in the cards. Yes, we're actually doing another one in three weeks. Okay, so you're doing another wedding. Y in three weeks. and why are you doing Another wedding. We are doing one because I transitioned two years into our other marriage, I should say. Yes. So ye, so was what are you going to call it? It was it your other marriage or Not even our other marriage. But the first time we got married. The first time I hadn't become my full self where I am now. Okay. And so we had always talked about redoing our wedding photos and we kind of were just gonna to do it adjusted two of a super low key and then I had said something online And someone's like, No, you've got to do like the whole thing. We want to see everything I think you need to walk down the aisle again You need to get your necklace. so So you're getting it all again? So we're doing it all again. All right, I like it. All the you're inviting everyone else back Yeahep Everyone's coming back? Yep. Everyone's coming back. Okay, All right. I love it. It's literally gonna to be deja vu, but me in a dress this time. I love it. And it sounds like you probably won't black out this time. No. Now this time, everything's gonna go smoothly that I don't even need to worry. Yes, yes Do you know what I have for you An letter or a phot hope. Re ready for this? Yes know letter. Oh yah dear This is a letter from I don't know Perfect And I have not read this letter yet. Okay. so we were going to hear about it together It's like the color of my office that he painted. Oh wow, look at that. Yeah. lookook at that All right Really here we go Okay Brio Falling in love with you. was the best experience of my life The second best has been watching the world Fall in love with you too I'm so lucky to be part of your life and feel even luckier to spend the rest of it together You've changed my life simply by showing me what real strength looks like Not the loud kind, but the everyday kind the strength to be vulnerable, to reinvent yourself, to keep loving people after being misunderstood and walk into rooms exactly as you are without apologizing for it I think one of the most beautiful things about you through your actions, social media posts, you give people permission to believe there's still space for them in this world whether they're different, insecure, struggling or trying to figure themselves out They see you and feel Just imagine how much more strongly You've done that for me in person as your husband. I've watched you choose courage over a fear again and again and I've been part hardest moments. you didn't share with the world You taught me what authenticity really looks like that changing your mind and growing isn't abandoning or rejecting your past It's accepting it part of who you are Endlessly proud of the life and the impact you've had on so many people But more than anything I'm grateful that I get to experience that quieter those quieter moments with you The laughter at home late night reality TV boring daily routines nobody else sees. Those are my favorite parts of you The impact you've had on my life is impossible to fully explain You've made me a better partner, a better listener, and a better person You've taught me to laugh louder care less about what other people think and live more honestly endlessly proud of you And no matter how many people know your name always feel lucky have Pull you I love you That's his nickname Did you give that to him? to him U How did he go up with rat boy? Because I call our dogs rat girls And he's always with them. so we' would always say rap girls and rap boy And he's just my rap boy him. He's just your rap boy. Yeah. All right What would you think of that letter P was really cute. I love them so much. Yes. Yes I see it's interesting he mentioned there how many people you touch in the world do you feel like this is what you were put on earth to do Techlan I mean, going back to the Mormon church, We get a thing called a patriarchical blessing. It's something that you have to be somewhat worthy to receive and wanting and willing to receive and you go and get it by a man You've never met He doesn't know you. you don't know him And he lays his hands on your head and says a blessing that come straight from God And in mine Within the first few paragraphs, it says that I full willingly knew. What life I had signed up for beforefore I came down to this earth. knowing all of the things that I would have to deal with in this body and I still suggest, because I was willing So currently you a practicing I feel like church is wherever you are and whatever you make church to be What point in your life do you then walk away from Mormon faith I walked away at nineteen I'll still go if my parents are giving a talk or A niece or a nephew is getting baptized. or if there's a wedding It's not that I have a problem with the church. I feel like the church has a problem with me. And so I have just distanced my cell for my safety. And for my own standpoint, that it doesn't create conflict You live in Salt Lake City currently. And you u You're everywhere in terms of social media. What Do you Aspire. for the next chapter of your life I would love to be a parent at some point My dream. I would also love to write a book by the time I'm thirty twenty seven right now. so Thomas Take him Yes Yeah, I know I say I don't like being a mivutionational speaker, but I do want to keep being visible enough that people are still learning and seeing and feeling something when they see me so that then when maybe someone else who looks like me comes into their path, they can be a more thoughtful So here's what I find to be so so interesting about Your story Right and you is that You are someone who The world. I feel as if world the world as it currently structured. It's not structured for Deinitely Um And you've come in and you've said do you know what I'm going to make a way I'm going to create a way Right And by creating a way become incredibly inspiring to many people Do you see that then? as motivational Definitely. Y. Okay So you do see I definitely would see it. I just don't want to believe it sometimes for myself Why is that I don't know, I think it's just because to me, it's just my life feel like I'm just doing what anybody else hopefully would do if they were in my situation, I've You know, I've been outside of the States now for the U S for eight years. but I mean, I was born here. I family here. I keep coming back Um When you think about even the political climate, Now being a trans woman in the United States of America today What do you believe Tmorrow will look like for you Honestly, that's a really scary question because I don't know. I just have to have faith in knowing. that there's people around me that are willing to help stand up. and what's right because what's going on in the world is not right for anyone No matter what community you're in, it's not right for anyone It's not safe, it's not enjoyable. Nobody is winning. and everyone is suffering and together we have to stand up together no matter what you believe about the other person We all need to step in together. Otherwise nobody's going to win I remember growing up and in New York And I remember Being in fear of different things. U and it was when we moved from the city of New York, to Long Island was when I was first confronted with what I would call a very severe level of racism And it was the first time that I became Farful. of being somewhere because of My race Um, and As I got older, I thought, you know what That's the past That's like that that won't happen. L thingsings will just get better R And for a while, it felt to me, felt like things were getting better and If I could go back and tell myself of what today the day and age that we live in what people are experiencing I wouldn't have believed it becausecause to me, it feels like Not only have we not progressed, but we have regressed in so many areas And so Do you have any level of hope about the future Definitely I feel like anytime in life, you have to hit rock bottom in order to go up. And I feel like right now as society We're heading Opyon. So I think it's just a matter of time before things hopefully start going back up I hope so because I want to bring children into this world and I don't want to bring them into something that's going on right now What would you say T anyone who is currently struggling with gender identity I would just say, I hope you have someone around you that you can confide in because it's not something you should take on your own And it's not something you should have to ever go through alone either And if not that there are places out there that are willing and accepting and ready to hear what you have to say and what you're going through and be there for you So it's about who you're surrounding yourself with you feel I was emotionally safe with And you're not alone. I know you get in your head and you think that you're the only one that feels this way. that you're not. there's so many other people who have or will or dead feel the way that you have felt in this very moment. there are people around. ready to help You just have to look and find and do you feel like you are now becoming a voice R. have already become ome of voice, but almost a voice of refuge and safety for many I hope so. My DMs are always open too. so if you ever W to reach out to me personally? please Reach out. Right. see You're responding to them all I try it to for the most part Gosh. Oh my gosh I would imagine that feels incredibly rewarding. to know that. You are a source people do reach out to you where they may not be able to reach out to anyone else The last question, everyone gets this one is You think about How many incredible conversations you've had? in your life which conversation stands out the most. Wh was it with And what did you learn Probably I have to stay with my husband feel like we have lots of good conversations because we spend so much time together I think one of our most recent ones that has been really eye opening for me would probably be the one that we have pretty often actually And that's what We always talk about if one of us dies What would we do And I think my favorite thing that he says that he would do if I were to die before him, as he would turn me into a necklace and into a diamond necklace and wear me with him. every day of his life moving forward I think my lesson would probably be just to keep living a pful relationship with him where our love never fades And moments never go dual and we keep having hard conversations even when we don't want to becausecause in the end, it just makes us stronger I think that's a great lesson. you know, is it's, um, it's one of those where U I have and I've I've written about how the tough conversations help to increase quality of our life. and I believe it's because of what you just said And I always look at the strength of a relationship based on couplees willingness to have hard conversations And almost always, the couples who were able to have harder conversations are stronger And I can see that you and Adam, you have, I mean, clearly, have some very challenging conversations and that shows me why your relationship is so strong And your love is so strong I will end on the one note that you probably don't want me to say at all And that is How inspiring You are and um, I think that As you said, deep down. You know it, you feel it. but you don't want to acknowledge it. But I think it's important for you to acknowledge it because in that way you walk in your truth And I think that you were just mere presence changes lives And I my hope for you. is that you're able have that conversation with your birth mom. Right and you're able to extend her that grace that that you open this conversation with and and to me, Immediately, when you said that, it showed me your level of maturity because I think some people can look at that and say, you know I would tell her A, B, C, whatever it may be. fact that you would immediately tell her Not only do I forgive you, but I'm appppreciative I'm thankful shows you how evolved You are Right. So you're incredibly, incredibly special. and you have to continue to I think, share your voice and your presence with the world Sure. Yeah ri thanks so much. Thank you for being here. Yeah.es. I've learned quite a bit. Thanks. Quite a bit. One of the things I've learned is I need to learn to swim better. you don't want to see me swimming. I'm likeah you don't want to see it. R incredible incredible human being. I know she doesn't want to be titled as inspirational or motivational or aspirational or instructional I see her all of the above and more I think it goes back to the conversation we had with Dr. Emir Levin where he talked about attachment style and how secure partners heal us I can see that's You know, I would suspect A lot of that happened with Briele's relationship with Adam. where she was healed through his love And when I say his love, like, his consistency. He drove her from Salt Lake City ten hours here, specifically for this conversation You're about to jump in a car tomorrow. and drive ten hours back He did that for her. Love is an action I would only hook up with Married Straightmen. I had a folder boobs on my phone because it was the only way to protect myself. I didn't want to be gay. By any means, you go from the NFL to the bachelorette. How does that happen? Please welcome Clton Underwood. I always jokeed that I was bred not born. Like my mom was an all American volleyball player. my dad was an all American football player, but the NFL want to talk about their wins, they want to talk about stats, they want to talk about jersey sailed, like they don't want to talk about somebody's sexuality. All of the coaches in my life at some point said something homophobic Was your father one of those people? Oh yeah, I was. But the bachelor was at like an all time high. I was so naive of like what this show is gonna do to my life. I just needed to get out of there. What happened The scary part is I had somebody following me and taking pictures and then that's when the blackmail happened. So it became much easier for me to take more pills to not have to look that direction. Was of using painkiller drugs every day? I was taking Xanax during breakfast lunch and dinner Meeting Jordan, getting married, having a kid, all of those things change you. But you were on celebrity traaders. Yes. And what I understand is that you literally received death threats. What I would say is that is fifteen versions of me ago. These blatant lies have to stop. Would you do another reality TV show