Pathways to Self Acceptance and Happiness

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Pete opens up about being an outgoing loner and how losing his nan forced him to confront the pain he had spent years shutting down We're in a day and age, and I've heard you speak about this right about this where we are in a loneliness epidemic in particular men h, you know, in the research I was doing for this is have twenty seven percent of men say they have no close friends You have many men saying that they have no one that they feel as if they can turn to to support them. And what's interesting is that you have those stats. Then you have Pete Wicks over here who has said that you are what an outgoing loner, is that it an outgoing loaner. Yeah, you know, But yet you still have the friendship circles. Yeah. and that's that's critically important, I think, to our success and our mental health. Yeah, massively there's the pate that is on TV, which is still pate and it's still me. I've always done everything as me wrong or whatever else, but then there's the very private may that My friends know and the people who know me, not on a camera know and that is So I mean, read a The difference between those two people, despite the fact that they're kind of the same is that the one that is offs screen is softfter as shit the impression that I gave across while I was in our hard, miserable couldn't really affect me type thing because it became a lot easier for people to hate that person than it did for people to hate the kind of real me that was a bit more vulnerable. So the real peak is vulnerable real peace vulnerable, you know I wrote the book last year and that was kind of a cathartic experience for me, but it wasn't a self helpt book and it wasn't giving advice to people because I don't know what I'm fucking talking about It's my experiences that are maybe relatable to people and the amount of people that messagage me just saying it help because someone else explain how I feel And all I did was explain how I feel I tryed to put becausecause I think that the biggest problem with men is that we feel things And it's not just men, it's not gender specific, but I think men probably struggle more with it is that we feel things, but we don't really understand why we feel it how we can look past that. So we tend to just bury stuff We don't want to talk to anyone about it We don't really want to do anything about it and just hope it goes away. And when it doesn't go to the way, it becomes a fucking huge problem, right? Aually if you dealt with it You know, we bite size pieces, we may not not have got to a point where, you know, maouse suicide rates in the UK are fucking astronomical, right? N one source of death. for men under the age of fifty suicide and what a horrific and said statistic days. Number one is people taking their own life, right That's not through disease, that's people taking their own life. And, you know, with my mum and everything else' a touchy subject for me I don't know what the answer to mental health is. I don't think you know a lot of people do because there isn't a one size fits all because we all think differently, we all feel differently. Mental health can be such a lonely place. your head can become a prison Um, But there were so many different things out there It's about finding the right thing for you You know, people talk about therapy and that is amazing. Thraappy has helped so many people that I know It doesn't always work for everyone, right There are other different things that you can look at. and I think the one people that the one thing people need to do before they start working on themselves is work out that they do need help and admit that I need to And I never did that. I said, I'll do everything on my own. I'll do everything on my own. And when I lost my then, I realized I needed help. And I still don't know what that is I've accepted the fact I need something because otherwise Th thingsings are going to get bad And I think that's the first thing that people have to start doing. And you know, the book wasn't about telling people what to do. it was about going takeake a minute. Wk out. Do you need help And if you do, C you get it? You know? Yes. I kind of have felt lost for years. Probably twenty years of doing this and doing my best at everything I can, but not knowing really what I'm doing or where I'm doing it or why I'm doing it notot really understanding everything and being confused one thing I would really love if Tab is a bit of pace of mind And I think with that peace of mind It's a struggle Yes, Sarum That's what the horizon is for me is peace of mind whatever that looks like, but doing it my way. Yes. As long as you're doing the work and you're surrounding yourself people who love you. then it's going to happen for you is no doubt. It will. It's just it's a matter of time and everyone's time horizon is different on this Um, one thing that That's always struck me about you is that You are Vulnerable. people that you Respect And what I truly appreciated about this conversation, and it's interesting because I've seen you in so many different lights where you're super comical. like people to realize how funudny you are. like you're bad fudny, you know, super comical. Sometimes you could be very like you're quick, witted as well. You're super sharp So you're very good at u you know, fact in the day we yeah, we deflecting, right? or we home like different jokes, right? But you're great at all these things. But what I have seen here today is I think att least for me that I want to see more of And this is you being honest and open about all of these places of your life and saying, you know what? I don't have it all figured out and I'm still going through the pain I do need help But I want to go back because you just said something that I have not I heard you say, mayaybe I've heard this you said this before, but So you're saying that when you're Nanapath, that's when you realized I do need help And I'm going to connect it back to an early part of the conversation is Why did you realize you need to help because I have never felt so alone And I think I've probably spent you know a lot of my life being surrounded by people. surrounded by people does not mean you're not loonely, right U But the one thing that I could rely on and the one thing that was a safety net for me was my n And then when that's kind of when you have kind of the rug pulled from underneath you You just laid on the bed floor and it's it's It just made me think that E the reliance that I had on her being a safety net I have to be my own safety net at some point but also I have to allow other people becausecause I think initially when she died, I went straight into to shut down And I don't think I've grieved or processed it still. because I shut down because I needed to. Um You know, even over the past couple of months, I amm probably sadder than I ever have been about it. That's because I'm starting to open up rather than just shing it Um and and And a lot of that has come down to me changing the way I look at things and becoming more vulnerable. And actually the more vulnerable become, the more you open yourself up to feelings that you've repressed for quiite some time And I I, you know, It's tough because, you know, people lose grandparents, you know, it's, you know, one thing I fucking hate is pitty parties about anything U, it's It's it's a It's not the worst thing in the world to happen You know, any one, but it's the worst thing in the world that's ever happened to me So You know, there isn't whileir digging with grief grief is a completely unique experience for everyone and I don't think I've grieved or process it properly, but Um, I am I I'm starting to now you know, three ges on And that's a very weird feeling But I think that's because I'm in a better position now than it was three years ago to be able to deal with it in a way that is going to be so detrimental as what it would have been three years ago I protected myself And now I'm stronger than I was then And I would argue you probably have more people around you now offering to help I mean, I've been so fortunate to have amazing people around me that have always offered help and I've always bowed them away And that's a really selfish thing to do I think it was aly Um, a way of defending myself from actually haveving emotions because without emotions and feeling numb seem like a safer bet. and actuallyually all you're doing is ostracizing yourself from the people that that love you and you're deflect in away people's love and how are you ever going to feel loved if you don't allow it in? They've being allowed in. You know what's also interesting about not feeling enough or having low self worth, which is not filly enough is that what we end up doing is we end up then becoming the perfectionist end up becoming the people pleaser We end up doing all of these things and you know why we do it No why we do it becausecause we get the validation from the public And it's a bit of a charade that we play with the public because we say, look how immaculately dressed I am. So therefore Don't donon't look inside Because what's outside is good You know, look at me on all these television shows doing all this, right? Look how I help Don't look inside Just don't look inside And I think the beauty is you're saying, you know what? you can you can look inside now or you you can begin to Yeah You can have a sneake pee. You have a sneake pee. Yeahah, have sneak pee. No. in the car actually coming over here I was talking to to my guys and I was like I find So What I'm so sad about. is that when you have someone Always been your safety zone and they're no longer there for you Then who do you? think you have I think you have no one So you become even more self reliant And if you're someone who's already started, self reliant And this is you, right? self reliant. then what does that do to your relationships? What does that do to your lifestyle? And I have some thoughts around this throughout this Megan, the press, the press saying that he's you wrote it in your book, all these things. He's this, this, this, that, right It feels like your nan was that was the person you would always go back to Yeah, hundred percent And she knew that you were enough She knew that you were not. This is the this is the part that I wanted to get to is that Even at this point where you sit on the cou. Do you feel like you're enough Um I think I am since I lost my name L reflected a lot on all different parts of my life and Part of the reason for doing that is because I felt like I was stagnated in a position where I was still lost and I was still confused and had been you know since I was probably twelve for all sorts of different reasons, which is why I've done so many different things and whatever else. and actually it got to the point where I thoughtw when I lost my nat I I I don't I have no one it's just going to be me and I don't want that Um, And part and parcel of doing the book and kind of where I am now is the fact that I don't feel like'ough Um And it's about understanding why I don't feel like'm enough and kind of understanding myself better and trying to work that out and I still haven't managed to do that I still haven't managed to work out why I feel that way Um And I still haven't managed to work out what will make me feel like I over am. But it's a process process that you know, I'm kind of in the middle of, but I've done so many things wrong and I've let so many people down Um I don't know how to make that bough Saru Yeah have something that I believe. I don't know if I've ever written letter one outside of my wife. By this letter And part is for you re on another occasion. I want you to read this letter. bottom piece of it It' r it now. Yes This episode is brought to you by Prime. Session is in session, and this summer, Prime Originals have everything you want. steamy romances, irresistible love stories, and the book to screen favorites you've already read twice. have Off campus, E, Every year after, the loveve hypothesis, stirling Point, and more Slow burns, second chances, Chemistry you can feel through the screen. Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on Prime This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. That is fire. Whoa, that's good. This might be the drink of the summer. Okay, I like this one too. I'm not with you, okay? Try it for yourself. Starbucks refreshher concentrates are coming home. Find them in the coffee aisle and make it yours. You want me to read that button but? Yes. I honor her by being kind to myself when I fall short patient as I grow of who I am with W muffs In this way I keep her love alive I'm enough just as I am. Do you know what this is The reason the reason why I wrote this for you is because Your nan loved you regardless This is what you said. She loved you regardless It didn't matter the success Didn't matter the headline It didn't matter what people said She loved you because of you. And in particular, what I've noticed about you And I think that we all need to as just human beings, we need to talk more about how we feel about others particular will we talk about masculinity Today, we have to talk more about men expressing their emotions to each other And one thing that I do want to say, I want to make sure that this is loud and clear is that I love you I truly love you and I've observed you for so many years And I see that what you do for everyone else is that you are kind everyone You are supportive with everyone And you are patient. everyveryone the exception of one person ind, you are supportive and you are Patient everyone. But here from these some of these reality shows, right that we've done together. and Yeah Remember, we were in Dominican Republic bought you like fifty shots. Yeah I think we drank half of them. Yeah, we did. did. We did It was the one night that you said to me that you were going to drink Yeah Yeah. Yes. ye ye. fifty shots. Yeah Yeah, you did drink. Yeah. Yeah. we went for it. we did. And I remember looking around because I'm you know, super people watcher. andm looking around I'm like What do people love about him And it is because that you know, you are supportive, kind and patient Reardless of the person's class, of their race, of their ethnicity, of their gender You were always that person. That's what people love about you. That's what I love about you And so when I think about Youour nan. she loved about you And she saw that early. She saw that before everyone else. And so Could you honor her One way is the route that you're talking about and that is I need to figure out why I didn't do all these things in the past. I say screw that I say instead, just say every day I'm going to be patient supportortive in kindin And if you do that, honoring her to the highest And that is what is going to allow you to be able to moveved from a place of not feeling enough or worthy to a place of You know what I am in So this is an affirmation. that I would ask for you to do every day for the next thirty days. minimum It's hard. to do this. I've done this exact thing It's very hard You could do it 'cause I know you're overachchiever, so you could do it all the way up to ninety days when you do this, what you do is you begin to literally program yourself because question I have And this is hard for me to ask it because I believe I know the answer. but I think we need to start at this place is that todayod Are you happy I don't feel like you are either You're pleasant Right? You come, you smile, right? What are you I don't know if I don't believe you are. you're right. You're not. But where does happiness come from There's all types of formulas around happiness, but most people say it's a forty ten, fifty rule, right forortty of it is genetic So I'm Jamaican. Jamaicans are not happy. So even though everyone that you always see the Jamaicans smiling, No go to Kingston. You'll see we're not we're not happy. So it's like, but so forty percent of it is genetic ten percent of it is circumstantial Okay, do do I have money in my account? You know, am I going home to sleep in house? Like, you know, do I have those things? Do I relatively have health That's the ten percent. the fifty percent, the greatest percentage is what we control And how we control that is by doing the work This is the work these exercises us to understand and appreciate who we are in why we are And so this for me is critically, critically important for you crritically important I am I've never done anything about that before never done affirmations or anything like that. but I said to at the start of this that I would be honest with them and d a hundred and for the first time in my life I think you know if I say, I'm going to do something, I'll do it. Yes Th then I will do that Yes I will do that Yes I don't know what, you know, I'm quite skeptical about a lot of things as you know. but I would do that because because I trust you And, you know, you said it to me and, you know, without this becoming some sort of weird loving I love you as a person as well, you know Over over the past however many years that we've kind of known each other, you've always been someone that I've always felt easy or found it easy to talk to for different reasons and people saw little bits on sllebs go dating and then ag going see us sitting here and of course you've nearly made me cry because you're a fucking prek U But aside from that, we've spoken many times off camera Um and So I will do that for you I will do that for myself. Okay. Thankk you Date, smartly All right I feel it And if you want to hear the full unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the We need to talkal page. Drop a like, leave a comment, and hit subscribe. 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