Dilemma One: Overly Attached Boyfriend

Hey guys, we're back today with Toby and we've got a cute date night organised and we're going to get into all of this speaking of weddings we set out our save the day. We did never never, be in debt to a witch or a gangster. Which isn't good. Shut up . Okay , I'm back. Guys, Toby's back on the park. I'm a regular . He's a regular and we also have new nicknames Len . So I'm called Len and so Toby, but mainly it's just me and I'm like , it's actually based really on Len is one of my favorite nicknames that's now developed from Rick to Len and Len is because of this country. I'm one of one of the characters who's a hoarder old man with cereal in his beard and like loads of stuff on his top. He's called Len. And now I'm Len . No, this is called Len . And it's pronounced than N's. It's Len n Well beyond the call on the phone there's other people in the background and you're uncertainty , hi Lenn can you do this? I'm like people can actually think that's my name. I'm in a relationship with Mandalore Lennon. It doesn't sound very feminine or I know but, it's just the context of Len is fantastic. So anyone who hasn't watched this country, I severely urge you to watch it. Me too. It's also one of those things we tried to get Toby's parents to watch. It's real hit and that world hit and miss. I think your parents wouldn't get it. No neither. But you know what? The first time I watched it, I was like , kind of funny but not that funny. The more you watch it, the more it marinades. It does really marinade, needs some time. It sort of introduces you into another sense of humor. It's fantastic.. I feel Anyway, so Leah back with Lenn on the podcast, which is exciting. Len wasn't very well last night. Bless Len . I came home. So I was filming yesterday and had a I said yes to the job and normally like be normal filming hours right between like eight AM to six o'clock latest . They were like, Oh the last shot we're going to be doing in a car and obviously it's going to be dark and I was like normally this time of year doesn't it get dark till about nine thirty . I would say later . Yeah. And then they're like, Oh yeah, yeah, the car shops will be ten thirty at night and that's like our second last shot and we'll bepp wraing it at midnight. So I got back home at about half like quarter to one in the morning . I took all me sleeps. I was passed out. I murmured when you came in there. Yeah, that's a little tiny little noise came from you and then I cleaned my teeth and got to bed and you were hit at four AM by it's like clockwork every night Melissa starts sneezing at three in the morning like, back to back five, sneezes. Blessed. Oh, it was really not a good way. And then your hip gave way on the walk gear going on . Falling apart. You're marrying a broken morning. We sent out our save the date. We did yesterday. That was a good step in the admin. Can't change it now. As long as we're happy with it, that's the end thing. That's true. It's like you can't, like, wear a wedding dress, right? Like once you've made a decision, you've just stopped looking at other stuff 'cause you can think oh maybe that's better, maybe that's better. Decision paralysis. You've got a thing so yeah. That kind of makes sense. Decision paralysis. I need to find out, I start looking for a suit. Maybe six months? I've technically got one, but I feel like it'd be nice to have a I think you get a nice one that's fun . One that I can wear again. One that you can wear again, but also like maybe that has like a coincide or something. I don't know. So no one sees it. Like a mural of me, just pull on the inside. Well, like some really funky pattern. I don't know. What do people do? That's like a special wedding suit for it. I don't know, maybe get your initials on it, isn't that nice? So boring for me Like the date and initials and then it's still got a memory, but then you can also wear it to other weddings. Anyway, that is the Wedmin update. That is the Wedman update. We're also surrounded by like a really cute date night situation in the studio today. At least we hadn't had a date night in a while. You were mentioned to take me out on Friday, but I heard you voicing someone saying you're free in the weekend now, right? You said Friday night you're out with the girls. No, that's tonight. Wait, no, Friday you said you were doing something. You got your facial? Seeing out at five, but that doesn't mean I'm going out five. Oh dude . I've got the guys to organise our date night because a Gosh . Okay, so Len no today , this is a paint and sip situation that we put in front of us here. Oh , lovely. As you can see, absolutely. Just so everyone listening. I'm going to describe it. We've got these cute little canvases , some like sort of cute drink in a champagne flute situation, bright romantical. And then we've got nine colours and we're going to do portraits of one another. You're okay with that? Absolutely. I'm feeling like mine might be more abstract because I don't take any offense to my portrait because I'm not particularly talented paintbrush. So incistenons cies not my fault. Okay . Should we try our drinky fat? Absolutely gasp for bed. This is a cute date night. We should actually probably do this. Look, this is it done. I know that cheers. In that artist, in that artist , Judika Master Delicious. Gonna get myself a nice big flat brush. I'm gonna get myself a sort of sort of more narrow one. Lovely. And then maybe just another one for good measure. Shit . What's that? The old macerator . Right. So I like to start off with a fine brush just because my attention to detail. And my portraits is quite important . Okay . I am saw Gigi Hadid do this really she got this really cool piece of art from someone and it's inspired me. So I'm really thrilled that I now have a campaign. Now there you go. So I can just sort of project what's on my mind. Perfect. Well, I didn't tell you this earlier, but yeah the chat was with painting. Met Joe Jonas yesterday. Joonas quite iconic that you met Jonas. What was he like there? He was a lovely guy. He was very polite very I mean, I literally said about two words to them, but he was very professional, very good at his job and a real yeah, just a nice guy. Real catch. Really? It was very sweet with space time as kid. Aw I know . So yeah, that was nice. And he's a sofa so his baby mum is Sophie Tana. So she obviously lives in the UK . Is she English? Yeah, she's a London girl. I've seen her in Laborat Grove before. When used to live there, and she used to pass us quite a few times and I'd go to that Sophie Tan you go who every time. Same with that Aaron Teller Johnson used to always see him around. Yes . In old Leila. Great people watching. Let me tell you guys. I'm off to a flying starter here. Are you? Mine's looking really quite weird, but stay with me guys stay with me. Do you ever remember at school when you were doing art class and you had the timed you had to draw something under timed conditions? No. And you'd like at the start of it, you'd put in loads of detail and it would be incredible. And then they'd be like, right, you've got two minutes left and then you had to finish the legs. And it was like people have like then realized they've had the same experience and put photos of it online and it's like a really beautiful horse's head and body and then just like stick legs . That was me. My time management wasn't ever very good. But it's like any exam at school when you're like my God have creative writing which as a dyslexic person was virt likeually imp ossible . And I would honestly like create the story in my mind and I was like, this is the best story ever and I'd come to write it down and it would just be so shit and I'd try and concentrate so hard on the first like introduction part and then it 'll be like the end of the end of the exam and I would be like literally like no story there. That would almost panic me so much. A timer on a wall is panic . I'm glad that we'd never have to do an exam ever again on. Toby . I think about this all the time. Like me and my friend Mills were yes it weren't three people and there was these two girls obviously at Union they were talking about dissertation I just thought that is my idea of he ll. However, would have loved the uni experience? Yeah, and like I don't know the stories about going out and like the drama with like your friends and like boys and I don't know, it just sounds like so fun and I missed out on that obviously just Well, me and you both yeah . So how are you getting on over there? Oh, to be honest, I'm worried about the time. You've got quite broad shoulders in mind, I apologize. Oh, I haven't actually drawn anything to do with you yet. Should we talk about Ruby's engagement? Oh my god , that came out of nowhere. Very nonchalant engagement. I love it. I know. She sort of just like, you just called her for a birthday capture. He called me and I was like, This is weird. I wasn't gonna call her because I was human she was so busy on her birthday morning. And I was like, Sweet Angel just wants to chat on her birthday . And we had Facetime like a few days before . And boom, there it was. Obviously, we've had her on the pods actually since then. So yeah, yeah. I've really fucked this up already learned. Mine's mine's pretty good. What is it? Oh I'm joe. I've also completely done it wrong. Oh no I haven't. We're okay, we're okay, we're okay, we're okay. Right, I'm now gonna mix some colours . So these are gonna be the colours that I think represent you, Len . Whoa is my Am I really horrible on yours? It's not good . It's not good . It might cause some offense, but that is not my fault. What's your favorite date you've had me with. There's been a lot, I guess. Maybe one of my favorite ones was one of our early ones when we went to Eno. That was so yeah, that was nice. That was like fun . You know, I really liked the weekend that we had together when we got back together in Somerset where I used to live and we went and we stayed in the Shepherd Hut. We didn't stay in the Shepherd Hut. We watched . We watched the film in the Shepherd's Hut. We stayed at Bavington. And we watched the film in the Shepherds and then we cooked. I love how in your memory it's that we stayed in the shepherds. I thought we did. There's no bird's Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, we watched the film of a little farmer when it was real. That was lovely. I also nice, you're right. That was fun vibes. There's been we've had a lot of nice ones we've gone to like the Pigs ear and we had it before Christmas. You're right. We went to Pigs ear in Chelsea. And like just the normal daylights like that we used to have. Yeah, just like a low key and then we'd get a lime scooter home. Which was the we did one recently like that, but the annoying thing we used to go to this lovely restaurant called Chikama. Oh yeah. That was so close to us and that was like our go to date spot and we'd walk there , have some fun, maybe go to another pub on the way back . Wouldn't we? Every time. Yeah, it was and then line home, but now Chikama's turned into Botagra and you just cannot get in there for love or money. So now I like local date night spots gone a bit skewer where do we go? We need to like rediscover a new spot. Yeah, a new can I also just quickly whilst we're talking about Lime scootering home settle something that the noise the, startup noise of a lime. Oh my god, this is something that Toby and I talk about. We argue about this every time. Every time we get to know what you think the noise is dan da da. It's not, right? It's dan dan dant . No, it goes up at the end. It is not go up at the end. Up at the end. It goes down . Sometimes you can find some really rank things in the basket of a line bike. I had a smoon off bottle in there that was finished that themes r Iattling around and I just didn't want to touch it. So it was like every time I went over a speed bump it would like fly out the basket. Oh God I've had like an old McDonald's bag . I've yeah, I've had nothing like really bad. One of my friends had a turd in it. Which isn't good. Shut up Oh no, this photographer that I follow. And always funny things happen to him. He's always got something to put in his story and one of them was like, he had a poo in the line. Obviously he didn't get on the line, but there was a poop in the box. What a human poo? Yeah, well, yeah, like a dump. Sorry, how would one even do that? Like scramble, sit in the basket. I almost don't believe that. That's ridiculous. Did you see a photo? Yeah, you photo on the story. Grim. But yes going off topic that I'd say yeah that those little date nights when we just have a really nice chill dinner the turbus. On one of our early dates you took me to a yeah salsa dancing bar salsa which for you is incredible because you are an amazing dancer . For me who hasn't got any rhythm or coordination, it was a terrifying first date or like early date because I felt very much on the back foot. You are good at break dancing. though. That is true They're really good. Like actually . I'm really good for about four seconds. I've got one little routine that is fantastic, and then after that it goes to shit. Right, a nightmare day for me, just so you know, not that you have a plan dates anyway, which is fine. You're not a plan . I'm not a planner okay. We just got managed to scramble together a dinner. It's an activity date. It's a hate it mini golf . Yeah . But then like there's so many people like my sister and her husband like love an activity date. I had a few and my friend Ali loves an activity date . Yeah . I'm I also think eating on an early on in a date is quite tough. Like first date, if so on obviously luckily more often than not the guy's the one that organized the date organizes the date. So I wouldn't organize to go for dinner on a first date, but yeah eat on a first date that's hard . I just that nervousness gets to you and then you can't, you've got an appetite. So then food, like eating food seems like a challenge and then you got to worry about food going on your face. Oh god, I know what in your teeth. When we were quite early on date, actually no maybe, not that early on dating. How many months dating or maybe it was like a years? We went for dinner . It must have been months. I had the like hugest bit of tribe in between my front teeth. It was massive and you didn't say anything to me until I'd like gone to the loo or like looked in the mirror or something like hours after and I was like, We ate hours ago. Why is this? And you were like, Oh, I just thought it was quite sweet. And I was like, what? So then there's revenge the next day he went to the Per Tree Cafe for some breakfast and Toby had shit loads of mayonnaise around his mouth and I had mayonnaise around my mouth and I walked up to get water from the bar like from the little coffee area . Through the whole place with mayonnaise all around my mouth, Melissa didn't do anything only until I sat back down. It was quite severe as well. Not real nice. Fucking embarrassing. What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for me? Other than propose. Ooh , we're not you're not that romantic. I'm not really . Do you think I am? Not really. Maybe we should work on that. No, maybe we should. I feel like we're very good at showing love in the ways that we w showanna love, but romantic. I made you a photo album one year for your birthday. Okay, you filled up two pages up and the rest of the book and you didn't stick them down, they're loose in the book and you were like, I'm gonna fill out the rest of the book. It's sat empty ever since you came into it . I know . That isn't good. Rick is I know. So no, neither of us are really that romantic. But the most romantic thing I think I've done for you is the note you wrote me off the that was really lovely. Yeah . I swear I've done something else you did all nice. Haven't? Oh, I made you the ring yeah but that wasn't off your own back. That was like you that was like an activity that Bronty King had arranged for her girls. That was no that was you were like, oh, I'll have to make something I'll make less arrangement. No, that's that was the one in Women's Body. I mean, the one the Sophrightie Bmiring . Oh yeah. That was sweet. You didn't make me that, yes. She made it. Yeah , yeah, which is probably better because if I'd made it, it wouldn't look very good just like my drawing right now. Guys, mine is really cool. I'm not gonna lie, like, I'm gonna put this up in the house. Do you think? It's gonna go up in the bathroom. I reckon I could do a couple rip offs of this and you know, sell it on Etsy. Up and coming artists. Etsy is phenomenal. It's really what have you discovered on there then So there's been a lot of chat around witches on Etsy and so I was like listening to my podcast. Yeah about these Etsy witches so I was like what else could they do? They do all sorts. Yeah, I know. But then apparently what is it to me with witches that you want to use if you use a spell, then it's gonna it's like a you owe them something . That scares me. It's like getting involved with a gangst er. Yeah, you like forever in debt. You're in debt to someone. Well, I be in debt to a witch or a gangster. There's a question on this thing, which is, would we get a prenup? Oh shit. What was that one of the cards? Yeah , I'd love that. I don't think prenups hold up in the UK, so I don't really think that's a point. I like the idea that a prenup basically actually makes you more secure, I think because there's less fear istic. There's less more relationships that have prenups actually mean that they last longer. They end up less in divorce. Less divorce. Because I don't understand how I think because no fear around what happens if you were to break up can often put a pressure on the relationship? Whereas if you know where you are , yeah, then you're not scared of what would happen if it went wrong, so you've got less pressure to make it go right, which actually means that you are better in the relationship. I've just given you eyes We're gonna bother. Okay, let's reveal our paintings. Oh man. Lovely. Why have I got a bob? I don't know . Quite broad jurors. You know what? That's reminding me of salad fingers? I don't know why . My link is oh my god, I look like oh my god, I look at the character from rug rats and nice big chin as well. I know. Well let's not get fucking started on features being warped because also why can't you just draw my mold? That's such an easy thing to pick that's what I look like. You're right. You can add that in. There we go. I don't think I've ever been more out of proportion. No, I know. I tell you what this all stands for and you haven't asked much about it . So the pink represents me with the green flowers. Lovely because it's good for healing. And then the brown represents you because with the pink flower, just because it represents the earth . Thank you very much. And then you're in the middle. That's lovely in my eyes. My idea was that I was gonna do like different col floreowders for like the flowers that you got gives me a little stretch. I have. That's really I should have done your cheekbones and on your teeth. And I've done your oh yeah I've just done your ears too. Yeah, that's I have to say you have got a nap for it. Well that,'s the end of Sip and Pain. I've thoroughly enjoyed that. Did you ? I did. Thank you so much for arranging. It's a pleasure. It's my circumferencing creativity Okay, we're going to do some dilemmas now you ready? Ready as I'll ever be? Put your advice hat on. Okay dilemma one, hey, I love the pod so I thought I'd write in my dilemma. I'm finishing my A libels and excited for summer with my friends , but I feel like one girl in my group, let's call her lily , is really overly focused on her boyfriend. At sixth form, we usually sit together as just girls, but her boyfriend is always there to do that is just so annoying. There's nothing worse than someone just doesn't quite get their hint. He's quite nice but Cheyen doesn't talk to the boys in our group. So he's constantly with the girls Oh no that makes me sad actually Now I feel bad what I just said there have been awkward moments like when I was made to stand for a long time while everyone else sat down at the pub because Lily said a seat was safe for him, even though he wasn't there yet. He's also in our girls group chat, which makes it so hard to talk about personal and girly things, sorry. That's rogue. What? What a girl's group chat then if he's in it. That's weird. Probably she's like, can you? That's like a that's like a GBF. Have yeah, have some independence away from me. Like you're not you're not one of the girls. You're my boyfriend . It's a different name. We're going on a girl's holiday no . But he's the only boyfriend coming too, so it's not even a girl's holiday now. No one says anything because we feel bad since he doesn't have any friends. I'm worried it means Elie won't have time to spend with us. What should I do? I mean, this guy needs to get in. I don't understand how he doesn't feel awkward tagging along with all the girls. Fine if it's every now and then you are like being kind and like girls group chats that's the group chat on the holiday is a step too far. Go on your own holiday with your boyfriend, but don't involve them in the girls trip . That's that I think is just the whole dynamic. But it's also just a bit of a It's it's a bit like off putting, isn't it? It's icky. Yeah. I would be like, Where's that's like a girl constantly coming on the loud holiday and the lad just being very sweet, but like it's a loud holiday. Like it's not intended for the girlfriends to come or the boyfriend. Yeah, that would I think that how do they broach this? Bless him because if he's struggling to make some pals, that's that's really sad . That is. So include him in some stuff, but I think that this is too far. You got to encourage him also. You gotta maybe if you if he's not allowed to come on these holidays and he's not in the group chat, maybe that'll encourage him to go and make some more friends to use his time because he's obvious ly using it as like a safety net. Oh, I'll just go and holiday with them or if you're like really sorry for the girls. She feels comfortable doing that. I know. I would feel really fucking like conscious. You even feel bad sometimes when I invite you to the pub and there's another girl I'm say likeing no, No, no,, I'm invading boy time. I like don't I know I'm not, but like I'd prefer not to actually I'm like unless the girlfriend's going then I'll go but it just feels however you invade invading . My favorite . No, we just we live close to that's always by default. It's not like it's ever planned. And then the girls be walking to parties and I'll just join the walk, you know? Yeah. I don't actually go into parties but I'll come with the walk. You should though. I should. There is quite a lot of guys in there doing it. It's good for the nervous system. Bad for the diameter. Listen, if it was me, I would chat to the other girls and be like, let's just make another group chat , Just girls. You're the admin, you add every one and you say, right for the next holiday you have to deal with this one. You just have to deal with it, get on with it. The next holiday on the next things that gets planned, this is girls only . And then maybe create another group chat with all the girls and all the boys . So it's like you are doing both things, you're not excluding him and then it maybe gives him the opportunity to merge a bit more with the other guys and hopefully form some friendships. Yeah, because obviously a lot of genders is fine, but like sometimes when you want it to be just the girlies like I so get that . Yeah, it's just from like a relationship point of view you don't want you want to have the two separation the separation of the two things like girls' time and time with your boyfriend. Other half. So I would say you got to draw a line in the sand and be like, sorry, dude, you ain't coming. Does she I mean like also have so many questions about this? Like does she ask , hey guys, is it okay if John comes along? Or is it just always assumed now because he's in the group chats everything ? I imagine it's assumed that John will be there . Did the girls love him? Like or is it just the girls having a good time? Do people like really love him being there? Like I know, it's just it's just it's just if they broke up like what the fuck would he do? Yeah, John's fucked. That's not good. And like she, I think Lily needs to see that that's not in his best interest just hanging out with her and her friends because he'll have nobody if they break up . But anyway, that's Scottish. I think we both agree on that that one it's got . I think it just needs to be nicked in the blood before it becomes. Okay, please tell us what happens. Okay, dilemma two. Yeah. Dilemma two, let's go. Hey, Toby, Melissa, I need your help. So I've been on five dates with this guy Mountain Hinge. They've honestly been five amazing dates and he's such a great guy. He's funny, he's hot, he's twenty six, and I'm twenty four. However, I got to the point now where I'm starting to catch feelings. I don't want to fully commit just yet, so I'm going to go on a date with another guy I was also talking to unhinge so I can test my feelings. I told my friend group I was going on a date with a different guy and half of them thought I was crazy and the other half thought it was a smart move. The date with guy number two is booked for this weekend y. number Gu one has no idea . My question is, am I being smart or am I being stupid? And if the date with guy two goes well, do I even tell guy one? Would love to know your thoughts as I know you guys met online. It's so weird I was actually talking about this yesterday. This guy that I met yesterday who's a videographer who saw this guy who was on set Oh my gosh going off. This happens when we're at home and it's like there's no else around. I'm like stopping getting nervous. It's just us This guy that I was working with yesterday is shooting the girl, she's a model and he's filming the girl that I had planned to go on a date with you and I had gone on our first date and I voice noted her saying really sorry but I don,'t want to go on the d ate anymore because I've met someone that I had a really good relations, like really good spot with and I'm going on a date with her and I don't feel like I'm spared going to date. Which is like which is so nice for me but also like a voice note any night Anyway , that's really nice. My point being that in that situation, I knew that you and I had a lot more a spark and then so the advice you're going to say is Mark but my caveat to that is that if it does go well and you end up being in a relationship together like it's always you want to look back like I went on that other day and my bad no well there's that but then also if you do go on the other day and it doesn't go well at, least you've kind of like ruled it out. Ruled it out and you've scratched the itch. Yes . And then you can go into that relationship knowing, yeah, I tried other dates. And actually, I had such a better time with this guy. I'm so clear on that this is the sort of person I want to date. Yeah. Or you want to date with the other person and it kind of goes kind of good, kind of bad, but like you can then make more of a decision. I see what you're saying. My personal sorry I feel like to give some round up bow advice. I think if you go for a lunchtime date with somebody and it's really light and be like if you feel the need to ever have to tell him, you don't have to fucking tell him. If you don't kiss this guy, you actually don't need to tell him till a few months in and be like, look, I already had this lunch date in with this guy like arranged. We were two weeks into dating, but I already had this arranged. I just thought, you know what? I didn't know where we stood. I did it. Obviously nothing happened. We're like, I think that's and if you end up really liking this guy, then I guess that also then answers your question. Okay, that's the end . Well, some good dynamics there. But painting done. Thanks, Lennon. Pleasure. Thank you too. Love you. Love me too