Sleeping Habits and Travel Comfort

ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hello, American podcast. listeners,'s Max Rston here from the Guardian Football We week, which I think you should give a listen. It is good. It comes out three times a week and the podcast delivers you analysis, news, both the good and the bad from the beautiful game, and maybe even the occasional laugh. He's angry about everything. He doesn't have a great poker face I would like to play cards with Runol Fernando You can listen to the Guardian Football Weekly wherever you get your podcasts. Hopefully see you soon ACast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACast. com There are millions of them. Some might say too many? I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, businessiness, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? T afraid of being censored by the man Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters. We'll try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday? yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. What we're interested in is what the guest got up to yesterday, Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max. Noope, the greatest and most interesting day of your life unless it was yesterday We don't want to know about it I'm Max Rushton and I'm David O'Dar Hervey. Welcome to What did You Do yesterday. Hello and welcome to what What D did D you Yesday? My name is Max Rusen, alongside me, David O'Doertty. welcome, David Ben Elton, Max. He wrote the young ones like we're just about to do this. Normally we would record the intro after. so we know what's happened, but we haven't done that now and this is very exciting because I would say Ben Elton is pushing on the national treasure door Like Black addder, certainly And then the Friday night live shows on channel four they sort of introduced me to stand upp comedy as we know it. In particular, he introduced an Irish standup call Kevin McAar I mean, it's just it's such a huge seminole. The young ones absolute I still remember so many bits. They come to my mind of that show Yes, we do have a bloody video iss like when Vivian, the chord won't reach The video and sohilian goes outside and pushes the whole house to D. What al life because that's only he's sixteen novels, I believe. stuff like We will Rock you Are you shissing me I mean, if you put it alongside our combined achievements It's fair to say he has contributed perhaps, perhaps more to show business. Yeah. I'm intrigued to find out what he did yesterday. We are doing this chat to coincide with the Paperback release of his autobiography, What have I done? And that is a name with some resonance considering some of the absolute losers we've had on this podcast. But alsoso if he just writes it about what he did yesterday we would have an issue And I'm specifically quite interested to know how much in his autobiography and in his yesterday, he reflects on how he looks not completely unlike my cousin Stuart If he is trying to rip off This podcast, I'm going straight to the back, the index and I'm seeing about washing information about temperature What' spin Cycle. And I'll put it to him during this podcast. Maybe if the potential arises, I'll put it to him and I will come down at him like a ton of bricks., let's find out. Here is what Ben Elton did yesterday. H Elton, welcome to what did you do yesterday? Thank you very much for having me on. and I've just learnnted that this is the last non visual podcast and I strongly approve podcasts should be listened to. When we discovered how large David's head was, we couldn't actually put it on We couldn't put it on video. There aren't Screens big enough, apart from the only place it can be broadcast is Times Square. So it is going out live on Times Square right now. Maybe an IiMax, you know, that one at W downown at W Yes, That's a good idea. Th D. It'd be like the Megalodon shark. One of my comedy heroes is now slamming the sides of my head. I' not. I mean, that's your man. That's your man, Max H think you look lovely I think the fear is though that this podcast then gets so big and we sign some mega deal that they make us retrospectively make video podcasts and we have to get Ben back pay him a huge sum of money to mime along with his own We literally have to learn off my heart what we said. Let's keep it for the radio guys. I love that Okay, Ben, what time did you wake up yesterday, please? I mean, I wouldn't know exactly, but I tend to wake up relatively early. It's sort of let's say six AM. And one of the reasons I think I'm more likely to wake up early now is because I'm currently on a is it a regime or a regimen? Basically I have to take a pill each day for The new development in my life is age. I had never really noticed it before, but I suddenly started to get things and one of them was sub acute thyroiditis, which is basically a sorrible sore throat and sort of tiredness. But anyway, I'm on this pill. but boringly, not like the normal take it with food. is you can't have coffee or tea within forty five minutes. they say that what you do with this pill I get the minute you wake up. Now for me all my life. getet up, put the curl on. I mean within minutes there's a cup of tea and I take one up to soopie and I've now got in the habit of waking up, taking a pill and then trying to go back to sleep again We are, Ben. We have to be very specific about yesterday. This is the key. So yesterday, it's six AM Pill goes in and then you stare at the clock. It's like it's making this sort of deafening grandfather clock just tit. Even worse than that, he stares at a teasmaid and he's waiting for its time to shine. I'm the teasmaid in our house. Let me tell you, I'm away a lot, but misses Elton has had a cup of tea brought to her in bed every morning of our marriage for thirty two years doesn't know she's born. does she miss I'm not here, She rings out there, Where's my tea? So no, I'm a teesmid. I might go back to sleep. I might get up. too be honest, I can't remember yesday. I'm gonna to say I went back to sleep for half an hour, got a fifteen minutute. because the first thing I tend to do in the morning is look at emails and then look at the news, you know, I can start out without a cup of tea. And what I do is once the forty five minutes is up I stick the cet on and I do two things. I make cup of tea and I have decaf tea. R. So I recommend strongly. I'll tell you why Because I was drinking like five pints of teer day at least you know writing. And you know as you get older, your blood pressure. So another pill I'm on is the blood pressure pills You know, the doctorsort mentioned caffe and I discovered that for me anyway, Dcaf tea tastes exactly the same as not Dcaf tea and I never got a buzz off it anyway. Do you want all this? it sounds very boring. Yeah In many ways This isn't enough detail, Ben. That's what I'm exing. Okay, well, so I make a cup of decaf tea and simultaneously, I do something which three years ago I would have laughed at if anyone had said I do I make myself a big plunge a pot of coffee. Now all my life, I've wondered what it is about coffee. People go, Oh Godd, I need a coffee. I cast the other day with had a coffee. I drink too much coffee. And back in the eighties, people did it like all day but into the night. Like you know, you'd go out to dinner and we could because we were very successful, very young, my group of mates, my cohort. and everyone would have coffee at the end of the evening I mean, that was what people did. They played strong black coffee and they'd have cigarettes. and I never understood the lure of it, never liked coffee. I'd always have another beer. I said, whyy are you having coffee? never had a drink Anyway, about three years ago, just sort of overnight I started to love it and I only have it in the morning, but I actually look forward. It's clearly a physical not an addiction. I can certainly do without it, but it's certainly a physical thing because I actually look forward to those two cups of coffee. and I made myself a plunger. I mean, you know, that's not decaf And I have it with again, A I going on too much here? No no no. Okay, so liquidy start to the day. I do wonder, if you have two cups of very caffeinated plunger coffee, does that in many ways take away from the point of having the decaffe? Are you drinking them both at the same time? Oh, no, no, no, no, I drink a cup of tea while I'm waiting for the coffee to brew because My son said to me, he said, Well, you know, there's nothing wrong with having a couple of cups of coffee a day, but he'd read You should let yourself wake up first. Apparently there's a reason if you let kind of caffeine do your start upp. Oh yeah. There's a reason it's not good. You need to sort of, I don't know, let your body see the sun or something, realize it's morning, I don't know, but anyway. And quite often I'll have the tea with a bit of honey. That's something my wife introduced me to. When I had the thyroiditis Because I gave up sweetening drinks, you know, decades ago But when the thyroiditis was actually hurt in my throat, my wife said, Well, why don didn't have a bit of honey in your tea? and it really was lovely And I still love it. and it is a really nice thing honey and tea very quickly to finish the liquid detail because this is another thing I've become an evangelist for is the oat milk I'm not dairy intolerant in any way and I still have skim milk in my tea and on my cereal. but O melt in coffin. I tell you what I do You froth it up. like you get the barista oat milk, you know, the slightly richer one. and you give it a frothhing and you shake it up and it's like creamy and beautiful. So that's my cup of coffee It s Fill the coffee with frothy oat milk and shaken The greatest of respect to probablybably the most influential British comedy writer of the last forty years. Does it not shoot through you like the flying Scotsman? And the next three hours are spent furiously scrolling on your phone as you sit on the loooo Well, I try not to take my phone to the looou because I mean, I know it's tempting but it's something we told our kids to, you know, they've been in the I think the boys were watching porn. I mean, you basically you try and shop let kids disappear in the toilets with the phone and Soone tried to lead by example. but I can, yes, it can happen. I think I'm pretty resistant to stimulants. I'm quite a steady character physiologically. I sometometimes I might think, Oh but doesn't I don't really notice. people say, I've had a cuple of coill all jitters. I don't notice it. I love the. I mean, anyone who knows me, I mean, I do love a drink, I try and temper it. you know These days we have nights when we don't drink For thirty years, I never ever went twenty four hours without a drink No I do now, but I still love it. But I'm a very good drinker. I don't get overly pierced. I can drink a lot and not become a problem. you know, I mean, I've known people who do So yeah, I don't think I respond hugely to stimulants. The coffee doesn't really do much to me. Max's it be amazing if Ben reveals now that after the decaf tea and the pot of coffee, he drinks half a bottle of gin. and again just maintaining, it's never been a problem. It's just a bit of fun I know. Well I have a theory about how booze this You know, I think the government should get off our fucking backs about. I do not want to be ticked off with a label every time I have a drink. Oh my God you shouldn't be doing this, you know. It's really bad for you. Longevity is not the ultimate goal in life. I think the ultimate goal is a degree of happiness and be a little relaxed about yourself Clearly booze can be a problem for some people. My theory on too much booze is never mind the health effects. I don't want know as that famous quote, No pleasure on earth is worth giving up. for an extra two years in a nursing home in Western Superman. That's a very good quote, not mine. I don't know who said it, but it's absolutely true. Now if you drink a teaspoonful of sherry a day You don't pay your tax and you go and attack policeman and you can't give that teaspoon up. You're an alcoholic. If you drink as I did for many years, at least a bottle of wine a day, but I paid my tax. I was Good with my friends, laaw abiding, and I've got a hell of a lot of work done. sixty novels, count them, seven number ones I don't know whether I could have given it up or not because I didn't want to. but I never considered myself to have any sort of drinking problem Now Ben, to the matter in hand. As far as I can work out, it's six fifty AM and you've had a cup of tea And you've drunk that tea staring at a plunder of coffee. I look at the emails. I don't get a lot of emails because I'm not and I'm not on any social media whatsoever. Okay good My time is my own and I know what would happen if I was on social media. I'd be on it all day, I suppose, like people are. because it is addictive. I can see that And I don't want to get sluged off upve been heckled and sluged off all my life. The last thing I want to do is is open a direct channel to my palm of my hand. I've got bad things to doward palm of my hand in the morning. An get out of here. shhut up. We could be our first ever wank Who would have thought it been? We've had a couple of bonks, but we have yet apart from Dar O' Briant, who said he did it frenetically for the whole day. No I don't wake in the morning. I pretend not to. Anyway, so I've looked a couple of emails and normally I'll reply to that later because I am much better in the morning creatively. I used to be good all day, but now I've definitely discovered I I run out of sort of creative steam as the day goes by. I sometimes have a little sleep in the afternoon these days. I never used to do that when I was. I don't waste too much time. I think I'll reply to that, Oh, it's just like boring. it's something the bank wants me to do or whatever. you know, boring emails. It might be a nice one. Do me emails, start reading the papers every day I look at the news. I'm a little bit of a news junkie. I don't listen to the news much. I might occasionally catch today or whatever, but on the whole, I read the Guardian and the Times. I bit the bullet a few months ago and I subscribed. I finally decided The Times is a good paper and I you know, it's not all good, but it's quite interesting. You've got to get a bit of balance. You can't just read the Guardian So I used to kind of look around for my other Nots of lefty stuff anyway. I pay Murdoch and I read So every day I read the Gardian in the Times and I enjoy that and I do that with the tea and the coffee. Right. So yesterday, I think In the times, Nigel Farage had written a an article about What was wrong with society? Did you read that a bit? I didn't notice it, but I wouldn't read it. I don't remember noticing that I have no interest in reading an article. I mean, I think I understand Nigel Farage well enough. It's not like I'm immune to the voices of the right. I think that we all know that's a big mistake. One of the problems of the world is that everybody's siloed and it's said that liberally minded people failed to understand the pain that was happening or that sort of thing, and it's all true But I think I get Nigel Farraage. I don't need to read an article. Ned. Ben, what is the essence of Nigel Farage? Is he just like a golf club bore? because he was so boring, kind of like a taxi driver Because you know you're getting out in fifteen minutes. You don't really engage. so you just let him keep going And then the problem is twenty years later, he causes Brexit and founds a political party that could take over the government. Yeah, I think we have to be very beware. unfortunately, the patriarchy still exists. People in general seem to find sort of bluff Probably slightly boozey sort of Hil feellllow well met people Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't mind having a drink. Boris Johnson, you know, I could see he's a bit of a twap but you know, you'd never drink with him whereereas you never would with Ed Milliband or Kiia Skarmer. I mean, that is a true thing and it's terrifying because nobody would have wanted to drink with Clement Atley. There's a very famous Churchill quote, an empty taxi drew up outside Downing Street and Clement Atley got out. And he was basically saying this is a man who's basically kind of boring. But that man introduced the National Health Service, the single most significant piece of peacetime legislation. And well, you could argue suffrage, but anyway, let's not make a top ten. Yeah. What the NHS And he did it two years after the Second World War. I mean, unbelievable. We do not want Politicians who are personally interesting. I mean, obviously, I don't find Farage personally interesting, but I can see that he's got a little bit of what Trump's got, which is There's a kind of attractiveness to confident People go, I don't pay my tax, who would? And I just that makes me so angry because I know people are going, well, you know, I wouldn't either. Yes, you would. you would pay your tax because you know that's where your health comes from. I hate to be a stickler Ben, but I don't believe Clement Atley introduced the NHS yesterday. So I have to get you That's my fault. I'm sorry, Ben. This is what he does. This is what M You have made a bit of a strait jacket for your otherwise interesting chat Anyway, have you ever said yourself, Max? whyy do we fucking say this about yesterday? Let's just Anyway, let's keep going. Okay. so it's about we about half seven. You've read the papers, you've had two coffes. Is that an h I'd say we're nine. Yeah, I've gott to say you're probably right. I can spend two hours on it and I shouldn't probably. But like you know, I like it and I'm more relaxed about work than I used to be. I'm less driven I never felt I was driven, but I've always been passionate. Oh I should mention by now I will have rung my wife. This is yesterday and the reason that being because she hasn't had her cup of tea in the last few weeks because I am in Britain And she is in Australia. A piece of advice I give to any young people starting out in life is if you can avoid it Don't fall in love with someone from the other side of the world. Oh Yeah. I'm in Melbourne. I'm in a shed in Melbourne. Get out of here, Max, I love Melbourne. One of my favorite cities. Oh It's great. but my biggest mistake was marrying an Australian. that's what I did Because I wanted to sp copy you. That's why I did it then. But is it still a good marriage? Is Mrs. Max still in the picture? going very well. I mean, she's putting two kids to sleep And I'm chatting to you If you don't mind me saying, I wouldn't advise you to say my biggest mistake is marrying an Australian. What you say is if by any chance it happens that you fall equally in love with two women and one of them lives in Barnsley and the other one lives in Perth. I was the one who lives in Barnsley. If as I did, you happen to fall in love with a woman who lives in Perth, well, then you've got a lifetime of you know, of sorting that out. And at the moment, sadly because as we all get older, there are a lot of health issues in Sophie's family. My family, my beloved family, I love her family, all my in laws and everything We were going to pivot our life a bit more back to the UK. We pivoted to Oz while the kids had their teenage years We were in the UK for their younger years. anyyway, the truth of the matter is she has to be there more than, you know, So I'm here working, doing this promotion And she's in us. So I obviously I ring her every day or twice a day. so I will have rung some of you by now over a cup of coffee I' then gone back to the newspapers and we're around about probably nine nineh yet. You haven't had any breakfast yet, Ben? No I haven't. I wondered whether you'd ask me that. Well, I was obviously going to get there I take health as seriously as somebody who loves a drink and loves chips and Yorkshire pudding and roasts. So I'm quite careful about s husbanding my fun So in the day, I try not to eat too much and I also try to put off eating because I believe there is quite a big thing to be said for leaving a long gap between the thing last thing you eat in the evening and the first thing you eat the following day. If you can I mean, I' the previous night you had had seventeen Neworkshire puddings and two bowls. I mean I could have I didn't. I didn't because that's another part of my new regimen in that I try and chalk up what we call AFDs now AFDs means alcohol free day. Yes. And the reason for this is becauseopfhie and I are both We both like a drink, She loves her champne soda w and everything else. So you know, the couples who both do something you know, you enable each other. In fact, Sophie calls me her babler So we realized after many years, you know, we've got to try and do So now we say no, let's go for an AFD. So try and do two or three of those a week. I'm so glad that AFD was an alcohol free day and not the alternative for Deutschlland. And suddenly this was going to turn into a far right party political broadcast. Just for three days a week, we're fully AFD and the rest of the time we're pretty Pretty centrist. You've done the gag, but it genuinely happened. I went over to Germany to direct a production of Weel Rocki and Stuckart a year ago. They were very, very lovely and they I have wonderful experiences in Germany. I'm kind of half German as much as my father was born in Germany. They laid on drinks for her director when I first arrived Of course they brought me a lovely beer, which I would have loved to have had. and I said No, I can't today, I'mFD. I'm not kidding you. I said that their fac is like it was literally I saying, can't ever drink on national Font. You know, that's what it was. Anyway, so I quickly explained and it was a foolish mistake to make. I have no breakfast yet and the reason I'm putting it off is because yesterday We haven't got there yet. Shall we get there when we get there? I'm big on the chronology. What happens after the papers then Ben? Yeah, well yesterday, this obviously all my days are relatively varied in I don't have what you might call a regular job. I try and write each day, You know, I might not do any writing and I might have an interview and yesterday I did have an interview yesterday at ten AM. So here we can get back on timetable. At ten AM yesterday, I did an interview with The Times, a very good interviewer, a woman called Cessie Browning. I think and anyway, I did an interview effectively promotion for the book, of course. What you get is you give them an interview, and then you get an italic at bottom Ben Alton's biography is out It's a very good one. It was one of those themed ones. which is something like what I know or whatever. but it's really just an interview and they kind of put the question anyway I enjoyed it I don't always, but it was a Zoom interview, so it was great. I didn't have to make much bestistir myself And she was terrific. So I did an interview for an hour between ten and eleven. Yesterday after which I went to the gym, right now. I started exercising quite early on in my mid twenties and the reason was I knew already that my tastes were ing and generally unhealthy. I love beer att the time I was tootally dedicated beer man. I've since become much more of a white person, but for decades I was a beer drinker And as I say, I like burger and chips, I like fish, know, I like a pizza. So anyway, I started exercising. and at first, it's absolutely horrible. It's so boring. Anyone who's the first time you get on a treadmill, I used to do a routine. You know, Einstein said all time is relative and it's dependent. Time travels at a different sort of relative speed, subjective speed, depending on where you are in the universe and et ccetera. And if you're on a treadmill, it literally stands still Be you you're watching it I must have done twenty minutes, you've done two minutes. Anyway, slowly but surely you get used to it And I came to love exercise. I came to love the feeling of having done a proper workout so that I could really enjoy a big roast or whatever. I love and all my life, if I know I'm going to have a lovelyat treat, or, we're going out to dinner tonight. We're gonna go to a favourite restaurant. I make sure I had a nice run beforehand so I was really and then I have lots, I have lots of You know, I ate loads. At least thirty years I've exerciseed quite hard for an hour a day. I'm lucky. I've got my own cross trainer at home, low impact, no impact on your knees. so running, I will go jogging, but it's not good for your knees. and it's great you get on a cross trainer, you know It's like cross country skiing, except without the mountains, the fun, the glue vine, the apreay. but anyway Very recently, my regime changed because I got a lecture And I'm going to drop a big one here from Dame Emma Thompson. Wha, who said Ben you She said you've got a power lift. That's what she said. Emma Thompson. You've got to just clean and jerk all day every day. chalk on your hands. We know Emmaan jerk E jerk and clean is the way I tend to go. But anyway, she said because I actually was visiting her and her onene of us been Greg Wise in Scotland and We went for a lucky long walk And they were going to do me a big barbecue in the evening because it was my birthday actually, and I was away. Sophie was in Australia. It's only out a day. I decided I go for a run The first half of the walk, I'll just do it as a run And Emma said this is ridiculous. We've had a three hour walk and now you want to run half of it in forty five minutes. You've got to understand you're sixty seven. Your heart is sixty seven today and you are pushing it hard. And you need to think about this because you might feel great, but you don't know. You might be scarring your heart whatever I did the run because I wanted to really enjoy the coughing and gorging of the evening. But then I googled it. and I Googled this question. I hate AI, I hate all technology, but we all use it. And I Googled a complicated question and it is amazing. I said, is it better for a man of sixty seven to exercise hard exercise every day or every other day? And it came back really clear every other day, one hundred percent, you need to recover. you don't feel you do, but anyway. Now I'm telling you this story. if my wife listenens to this podcast ever furious because she's been telling me this for years. He said, Oh Emma tells you quite annoyed that I give Emma credit not really, but because she's been telling me for years. So now I exercise every other day. It's only gone on for two weeks and I miss it. I would like to do it every day. I got into Becauseuse I have to fill my days. I'm a writer and it's sometimes quite hard to fill your days And that hour, you know, doing exercise or getting to a gym or whatever that might take up a whole two hours and You felt you'd really achieved something and you know at the end of it, you felt invigorated. So I miss it, but now I do it every other day. Anyway, so I'm not going to do it today. But yesterday, I witched the jib back about twelve to this re., well, hang on a second Yeah. twoo things. One, had you had a heart attack and died on the Emma Thompson's drive? What a murder mystery. Yeah That would be huge there. Really big story. I don't know if it would have been a mystery. I think she probably would have called the police and told him what happened. But anyway, could have been a suspect, could then we don't know. I would have called Stephen Fry as a sort of detective, you know what I mean? Yeah N Edwardson would have been a suspect then because he had a two by four of wood and just happened to be chopping in a nearby field. T Lauri could have been house in it. so he could tri to bring you back to life. Celebrity murder. It would be good, wouldn't it? I mean, it'd be bad than celebrity traitors because with the real with me actually dead. I mean, there's celebrity Yeah. They've killed Ben Elton. So I need a bit more information about what you do at the gym. Well, when I'm home, as you know, Ive got a cross trainer, What I do for my regimen? Yeah, what was yesterday? I'm not interested in the regimen, I just want yesterday I'm very firm max. I'm finding this straight jacket slightly irritating, but I'll grow along with it. Oh, I know I can tell As always, I start with the plank. So I do a five minute plank, five minutes on my elbows, which is much harder than with arm extended. And then I do one on the left for a minute. Bill Bailey told me to do this. I'm slapping in a lot of names here. then I do one on the right. The Bill Bailey five minute Pank. This is extremely., he doesn't do five minutes in the twenty seconds, We were together get and I hadn't been for a run and he said, Well, why don't we have a session? And he took me through some squats and things like that. He's not hugely fit but it was kind of a fun thing to do. We're having a lot what you do. And he said, you should do a side playank You should go in one arm So I do five on the front and then one on each side. I do that at home, I mean in my little flat that I'm renting. Then I ran to the gym, which is only ten minutes away. heck in and if there's no hulking brots on the sort of muscle machines, I don't lift weight or any. I like those machines that have got arms that you can adjust the weight and then you just push or pull. If they're free, two or three of them will be three. I'll do ten, fifteen or whatever. I'll do some muscles with the arms on the machines The thing about gys is there's this convention, which I didn't realize, but I find it deeply frustrating, which is that because most people, particularly hulking brutes, but some ladies do a series of them. So they go hard for like, you know, fifteen seconds, then you got to rest for like two minutes Yeah. Well when I first started going to public gyms, which I didn't normally I used to just go for a run and It used to drive me crazy. There'd be these blokes sitting on all the machines staring at their phones. I really wanted to say like because I don't do any of that r. I just go hard, move to the next machine, go hard, move to the machine, go hard' it I don't do any of that. I just have one go on each. takes me forty five seconds and that's it I want to say, can I just pop in? just do forty five seconds because you're going be here for I didn't because somebody explained to me that's sort of allowed, you know, basically once you've got the machine. So really, you go to a gym There's very little going on. Everybody's sing a machine staring at their phone and then there' suddenly be a burst of activity So I'll use the machine anyway, that's got that off me chest. I love Max that Ben Elton is secretly absolutely ripped. He's like Groundskeeper Willie or RFK junr. Occasionally you get a glimpse at his splendid torso. I've got a bit of a tummet. It's genetic, but I am fit and I' am a sort of relatively ight weaight for my size, but I'm not ripped or anything like that. am I am interested. as I said, I don't think longevity is a wonderful ambition or I want tona live as long as possible. But I want to live well as long as possible. O course. So I do exercise, but no, I'm not ripped, I cann't assure you. Iiggy pop. There's an age where you don't want tona have a six pack bent and I'm not saying you're there. I'm not saying you're men with vein muscles, dont or or deed old ladies In fact, one time my wife who' Sophie's quite tough on me and one time when I was playing pop in We will Rock you, I wear a t shirt and they did photo session and I folded my arms And you know, I said, I'm not ripped. There are biceps there. Wow. And she said you look like you're proud of your arms. Don't do that. I wasn't, but I'm not and I'm not ripped anyway. So I do the whatever machines are available, I'll do forty five seconds on any of them. Don't need the legs or anything like that. because I'm about to do my main thing. The thing I do is time on a cross trainer. Got it. And yesterday I did forty six minutes on a relatively low ish but high enough to get up a proper sweat and a bit of a high heartbeat, you know, up and, you know, you can program them. So I do a kind of hills and, you know, ups and downs I normally listen to pop music, but I might have listened yesterday. I think I did listen to the Restist Politics US, which I quite enjoy because at the moment, obviously American politics is a kind of grim fascination. You know, it's almost like sort of horror porn, isn't it? You just can't believe what he said this morning and you know eter, et cetera. And It's quite interesting with those podcasts, isn't it? with that and Pod Save of America, which is It's good for their business if Trump is there being a maniac because then I'm going lots of people tune in and then then when you get like four years, the Democrats, you're like, o, I don't need to listen any US. politics for four years and then I can go back to it because he's going to do every other term for the rest of our lives now. All And does anybody when you're cross training, is anybody going Next you going I think that's Ben E hills. They're all young. Nobody under fourty knows who I am and it's winnowing out quickly. There was it's really something quite strange. It sort of fame happened in my day. Fame happened overnight. There was only three channels. if you were on one of them. Yeah, everybody knew who you were. It was astonishing. I mean, I'd done to every single person in the country. It wasn't just me, it was weether everyone. if you were on the telly, you were famous I mean, you didn't make so much, you couldn't sel it. It wasn't like that. Pe stayed at home in those days and there was no real live circuit or anything like that.. So yeah, I became famous overnight and for about twenty five years, I remained kind of semi ubiquitous. I mean, onene of the reasons I irritated so many people, particularly journalists and writers was because I never shut up, so I was always doing something, so I was always around the And I remain very well known. Anyway, they about the end of the century I went to the BBC and said I'd love, I've just done a tour. I'd love to do another standup show on and telly. And they basically said No And I said, but my last show got eight million viewers on BBC too. Yeahah, but you know, there comes a moment when you kind of go out of fashion. You can't fight it. Lots of comics Mile, the BBC and never every blow, but it just happens, it happens to everybody. happen to Mban Whites. Also, around about that time, I stopped being recognized so much. and that it's funny. It just comes and goes almost as quickly. And I get recognized very rarely these days. I mean, I don't look like I used to look You know, I mean I don't know. I Look, for me, it's not that you've always been a ubiquitous, but you made such maybe because I work in comedy. you made such a huge impression And so many of those routines are still in my mind. And speaking to you now doing this, it's just that's Ben Elton and I want to shout double seat or a little bit of politics or whatever. What would people shout at you? What would be the number one tiny catchphrase. I mean, double seat was the most famous routine I ever did and a little bit of politics. I mean you know, I found myself defined by what I suppose I could rather grandly call my social conscience because I wasn't in politics, but I always felt the need to put something of what I felt into my routine. Yeah. but not all I used to say I could do, you know, an hour about, you know my inadequate knob. and then I do one mention of Thatcher and I'm a Thatcher bashing comic. That really was how it was in those days. No, honestly, people don't recognize. I mean, look fame was never a problem. If you don't, I once met George Michael on a tube train. It's about nineteen eighty eight. He couldn't have been more famous and I was pretty bloody f. I mean, in the UK, I was very famous. of course he was a global. Imagine being on the seat next to the was sitting there and you go, Ohh, Ben out and George Michael, what tube train is this? It was very discreet Be if you keep your head down, I mean, obviously for him, I think it was a risk because I mean he was just so famous. someone like boy George couldn't have got away with it because unless he was in full civies, you know, and I don't know if he ever was. I don't know him. But all I'm saying is his fame is a bit of a myth. If you want to be famous and you want to be hassled, that can you can arrange that very, very quickly. want to not be famous in that sense. On the whole, keep your head down. I've always used public transport all my life. I regularly use the tube throughout the eighties, buses I mean, yeah, occasionally, a but people are always nice Yeah. You know, sometimes they'd want to talk politics, particularly in the eighties and ninet, you know I never had a horrible encounter in the street, never. And the only time it was a risk in our early days was school time because kids have a much less of a filter. Yeah. So if you were on a tube at four thirty and some bunch of school kids got on then you really did have to make sure you stayered away from them. But I'd go on a tube with Rick mail all the time And unless he wanted to, which often he did, he didn't attract attention. If he did, he'd go and everyone would turn around and. I suppose people didn't approach you and still that because As you are now Txt out just flexing your biceps. Yeah is. I shouldn't have told you about my regimen. I amm not a health freak I'm not obsessive, but I like to drink and I like to eat and I don't want to die I want to do it for as long as I can I do love that, you know, some people when we spoke to Gary Linaker and he has maintained his exact weight from when he was English's highest scoring goal scorer. And he's motivated by thoughts of the nineteen ninety World Cup and what could have happened. And Ben is motivated by just a single Yorkshire pudding, justust a picture on the wall over there. I love to eat hungry. I really do. So we're back from the gym. It must be breakfast time now, Ben. You'll fade away. I'm guessing it's eleven, thirty, twelve or somethingay. I don't always leave itntil this late, but on this occasion I did. I think maybe I'd had a been out for dinner, I think with my daughter the night before. So, you know, I mean I've eaten late anyway. so get back get back to this flat that I'm renting in Con' beautiful. It's lovely You know, you think God, if you were a young person because it's all buzzing out there, but I'm trying to clock up AFDs. I'm living on my own in a flat in covenvent garden and I'm trying to clock up AF's. anyyway. I'm not succeeding that well, but you know moderate. So yesterday, I would have had what I normally have, which is, you know, I would have got back from a gym out of an orange bow a blue light blue alpen. That's what I. Because the non sugar one isn't because I'm desperately avoiding sugar. I eat lots of chocolate and I love sweet things more as I get older, never used to, but as I get older, I Well, I'll tell you something, I have to resist the Greggs Belgium bun Iiced white icing, thick, thick icing with a little cherry on top. I mean, I'm not a big Greg's aficena, but those Belgian buns insane and I quite often get myself one for a treat at the end of the night. Anyway, yesterday I had a large bowl of low sugar alpin because It's so sweet with all the currants. God knows what the traditional red one is like. I've never tried And that was really nice. and that was breakfast and Alpin was used as a threat on us when we were children. I don't always eat it. I like that one. I'm not the biggest moie one. Obviously that granola that people have is lovely when I'm in hotels, you know, stick that on some yogurt with some fruit. But of course basically what you're eating is is cracknel nut brittle, you know, you're eating whatite effectively a toffee sweet, it's so sugared, you know, I do love a bit of granola, you. Are we thinking about an afternoon of writing now, Ben? Well, you must be a clairvoyant. It's amazing. I have no more appointments now till the evening and I'm in this weird situation of being alone in this And yeah, I tried to do some writing yesterday. I spent the afternoon As ever, all my life as a writer is trying to keep going at it You know, don't refresh the Gardian page. I've got a few things that I treat myself to as I'm trying to write, right? I'll look at all the front pages. If you go on the Sky News page you can see all the front pages of the British newspapers. It's depressing. It's a sort of diversion. Sometimes I might look at a mail online, just because I can't be bothered with my own company any longer trying to run. It's always been a struggle and that's one of the reasons I knew right from the beginning not to get on any social media because I've always struggled as all rights a struggle to stay at the page, to keep at it. It's work. It's like any an athlete struggles to get up and do those practice runs, you know, but you have to do it. It's work So yeah, I spent the afternoon I'm trying to write a play. Oh yeah, I'm not going to tell you anything more about it because a lifelong habit has been to avoid talking about work which has yet to see fruition because so much of it doesn't I have written far more than the public have been made available to the public. far more I have numerous projects that I have never seen a light a day. And the last thing you want to do when doing an interview is find somebody who says, Now two years ago, you were talking about this wonderful musical you're going to write with with Bob Dyler, notot that that's true, but you know what happened to that? Well, he read the script, thought he was shitt and it died M It's death of a salesman too wor ide replay that's ever existed. What happened to Lady Macbeth? That's what I again So can I ask How far in I'm not going to ask you anything about the playback how far into the play are we? likeike are you is this early stages or you Yeah, it's early stages, but I've written a lot. I write faster and quicker than than most people. My agent has always said, you think because if people have asked me, you know, to do something, they'll get it like three days later. I find Motivation very helpful It's much harder to write without somebody wanting to see it. Right. And does anyone have motivation for this I have been prodded to do this. and I find I need more of a prod now. I find generating original ideas, which frankly, I've spent my life, do it? I mean, I think all my novels are completely different from each other. You know I mean, I've come up with a lot of original ideas. plays, novels, musicals, And I think I can still do it, but think I'd find it harder. I can't deny that. And so when somebody says, I had an idea or this is going on and this is one of those occasions. But I've always written very quickly. The only way I can think is to write. The only way I can develop piece of work, a story or a character is to commit it to the page, to explore it. I can't do that in the vacuum of my mind and it is a bit of a vacuum until I start working. You know, there's a famous, I mean, I've said this before and I know it's a misquote. Stephven Fry always tells me you get that quote wrong, but Ian Foster said something like How can I tell you what I think until I've heard what I have to say? Wow. And for me, that's true. My thoughts aren't my thoughts and principlple. they're all an improvisation. I find out who I am through either talking or writing. I don't meditate. I've never been to therapy, although that's talking, obviously. So I write quickly. So I'm a long way in And maybe I haven't even begun because obviously you go back And then you work on it again, but you've got to get going. Any writer out there Don't read your first paragraph again until you've written at least twenty five more paragraphs, two hundred and fifty more paragraphs. Don't look back until you're so far in, you've kind of started to find where you want to go I saw an old interview with Rick Mail talking about the young ones. and the way it was explained was that there was a discussion as to what the general idea was. And like the next day you turned in a script, a pilot script Would you work at that sort of speed? Yeah, I wrote about ten or fifteen plays at university. I wrote my first play when I was fifteen. I have an ongoing desire, some say compulsion. I think that sounds dysfunctional. I don't do it if I don't want to do it. I want to do it And I often don't do it. But yeah, that was a very fortunate night. I met Rick and Nepub, Rick and Lisa and talked about the idea and I went home and I wrote the pilot deemolition. Yeah, the first episode of the Young Oes and pretty much word for word is that was what we b. The rest of the other eleven episodes were more painful, more difficult, it was a group effort and that could be challenging. I've often done that. I remember I didn't used to go into rehearsals because they just annoyed me so much. Not in terms of the actors, they were all great, but look, I talk about it in the book. I didn't find everything that went into the young ones as funny as I felt should be, but that's another matter. Everyone has their own opinions. It was a smash hit I'm never ever, ever going to be anything but massively grateful for my chance to play a role in it. It was still pretty funny. I would say. I know and lots of bits I think of shit other people as my favorite bit. So there you go. But I do remember, you know, I went in one time and they had a real problem. there wass a hole in the middle of it. and I remember they all went for lunch. People just go to the pub in those days. I mean, literally BBC people went to the pub at lunchtime. I'm not kidding it You know, people that have one or two pints and I would just go straight to sleep now. Even then I was averse to drinking at lunchtime So I sat in her her room for an hour and I remember writing The scene where they all go to the launderette and Vivian socks follow him down the road Yeah that' the whole launderette scene. When I'm inspired, I move quite qu And of course, when you're young, you've got a lot of energy. I was so anxious to I wrote far too much in the eighties. I mean frankly, A L lot of it was good and a lot of it was not as good as it could have been You know, Filthy is another one, happay families, all the routines Black Adder I wr co wrote three episod seres of the Black Adder. I was very busy, but I've always written fast and if I'm inspired to do it, I get on with it. So yesterday How many hours did you write for and how many thousands of words did you write? I don't know about thousands. I'm writing dialogue I tried to stay focused for four hours, which meant I was actually focused for two hours. I mean, that's as it is. I can remember when I was young, you know, you get up long before the internet, you go on stick morning TV out and You find yourself watching, Oh, you know, I'll have a cup of tea and I'll give myself five minutes of morning TV. Every writer knows that life is a battle against destruction, which is why the internet is so dangerous. I used do a routine about homework, you know, all the stuff that you know, if you just did it, your life would be so much better instead on a Sunday night instead of just writing a bloody essay, you watch songs of praise, which was more painful than writing an essay, but for some reason, you know, because it didn't require any effort, you know, I'm like that. so Anyway, I spend the afternoon trying to write on my computer. And did you have a moment going, Yeah, that's a good bit Yesterday. I mean, I don't tend to, you know, punch the earir moments are rare and rarer as you get older But I definitely have a facility for writing funny things. I mean, you know, it's pointless to deny that. Lots of talented people go't get their brakes. I got the brakes and so my talent has been allowed to shine I am well aware of my privilege and I'm not just being I really am because I audition people lots for plays and musicals. and I know how many very talented people don't get jobs every day because I've been the bastard not giving them those jobs. And sometimes you think I could have cast three people and I can only cast one and the other two are th it failed again. am I really any good And I actually sometimes write not many direct, but I write and say, lookook, you really must understand You really were, but it just in the end, you got one job. But I'm lucky. I did get a chance for my talent to shine. and yeah, I probably wrote a few good lines yesterday, but I'll rewrite them tomorrow. You go round and round. And remind us the title of that play again, Ben? I'm not. I don't talk about work it isn't finish So Ben, what are we We're about four o'clock now four or five o'clock? Now we're probably five, five so nine at five or even six. I mean after I'd had the I mean, honestly, I don't really remember Well, I know that I was going out at about six. Because I was having dinner with Richard Curtis. there we go. here we go. And now we know he's just have you only had your blue Alpin? I know. it's gonna to sound like I'm some kind of monk. I'm really not. I'll have had a few rice cakes. Maybe I might have put a bit of honey on one of them, but yeah we are now looking forward, Ben to this incredible feast. You have set yourself up to drink and feast at the feet of Richard Curtis. You may feel that's the nature of our relationship. I mean he is undoubtedly a natural bornhemaster, but I don't quite feel at his feet to be honest. No. We've shared a lifelong friendship. We've never worked together since the Black. Well, we actually have We nearly wrote something together and did quite a lot of prep work and still talk about it. but you know, so far asn't happen' Basically, Richard and I, we don't really move in the same circles at all. So Richard and my friendship has been very much one and when I know Ema, of course I know Emma, that's his wife and he knows Sophie. But on the whole, we tend to meet the two of us once every year or two years, whatever Once a year at least, I think And last night was one of those occasions and Richard always gives Rich is the advar, he chooses the venue, etcetera. And it was a Nandos Nandos say Nandos And Nandos is lovely. And I mean it could easily have been, you know, Richard famously did a very good joke, which I totally agreed with, which is he did one of those back of the metro, whatever, where it's favorite London eating places. I think he had to list ten and he listed ten different London Pizza Expresses because everybody, including me laughs at Pizza Express. I can't deny there's something special. I mean, I've had many very, very good pizzas even in Italy, but Pizza Express are very specific. I love them. I can't deny my kids love them. We love going out. familyamily trip at Pizza Express is one of the joys and my son's always orderered too when they were telling, Oh can I have an extra pizza for pudding? And Sophie'd say, No, it's gross and I'd say, Ohbody wants a certain pizzer instead of a with a g cake, never a second pizza. That was a brief bit of friction, but we all got through it as a family. What I find fascinating is that in the same way for a lot of people, I live in Dublin And sort of Roddy Doyle wrote the Dublin that is still in a lot of people's minds, whereby everyone's auditioning to a to be in a band, Eone's dad runs a chip fan that goes around football matches. You know what I mean? someomehow that tapped into something. sameame with Curtis. when I go to London, even though I spend a lot of time there We were talking about this on the podcast recently, Max. If I'm in a tube station, I still half expect to see Hugh Grant sort of bumbling his way through trying to give broken flowers to some beautiful American or whatever. He is my London. Yeah. I mean, of course it's Sweden, it's nice and it's positive and it's uplifting. But I remember Richard quite frustrated. doesn't often show his anger. He's a very, very, very gives off a b nine five, but there's definitely a lot of steel there. I mean, as I remember once my agent Phil McIyre said, Be, you don't get to be the first Australian to be head boy at Harold without having a bit fucking nerve to you. And he you know, he invented comic relief. He made it up, you know, he's a powerful force despite very gentle patritionian sort of vibe and I remember him getting quite angry at the idea because obviously he's like me, he's received quite a lot of criticism for his style and you know Lots of people love a Richard Curtis movie, a nice lovely warm Rom Com with lots of great jokes, but lots of people sneer at her And I remember him saying, God, I agreed with him. He said, you know, it is actually so much easier to do a tough edgy scene about drug addicts killing each other or a horrible world. It's actually easier. If you can fire guns and inject needles, you've got a lot of focus already. but if you're trying to get people's attention with a gentle smile and a little tear and a feeling of emotion, you know, apparently that's easy. And Iember he doesn't often get it, but he's so right. I mean I remember feel the same way about we were Rocky, which was sort of beyond Cas again You know Laughs aren't easy. There are stupid laughs, there are bigoted laughs, there are laughs that massage a udice and they're not real laughs. Real laughs, actual genuine laughs are not easy. They never are. They should appear easy. The last thing you want is the sort of laugh Harold Pintter gets with people going, Oh, I thought that was very abusing. Oh, that was very dry. A real laugh is one nobody's thinking about at all because you've laughed at it before you even realize you've heard it, Which incidentally is how it got written Yeah. Woody Allen spoke for all writers when he said, When I write a joke, I'm hearing it for the first time That moment of inspiration where something amusing happens, you can never analyze it Of course is why some critics find it also so contemptible because it seems to be so easy. So it's like Paul McCartney's yesterday. Most rock critics will tell you that's the worst song ever written, you know, because it appeals directly to the emotions. it defies intellectual analysis. It is simply beautiful Well, the same goes for a goodood laugh or a scene in a Richard Curtis movie where you can't help but tear up. And if you're an idiot you'll go, o go, I felt so stupid. I was even crying. Why That's his skill, his talent is ext anyway. So I mean, there was that scene in loveove actuallyually where Martin McCutchon shoots up and then goes on that murder. You know takes out the AK forty seven. And Curtis was the originally directed all of adolescence but then they b that and went for the single camera thing Richard actually, you know, as you know, a lifetime in comic relief, Richard is no stranger to the wickedness and the sadness and the pain in this world. He knows about it more than most people because his commitment to comic really, look, I mean, you can argue about charity till the end of time. and I'm ambivalent in some ways, but we all get involved because in the long run, what else are you going to do? His commitment goes right down to understanding why despite the fact that we need political solutions to the problems, you still have to try and lend a helping hand. And so he knows a lot about the stuff that Tarantino or Irin Welsh or whatever, great artists incidentally would explore. But he chooses to accentuate the positive in life And it isn't easy. Now here's a thing, Ben. I met my wife on a volcano in Nicaragua and then I followed her around the world in a sort of stalking slash romantic way. if I put up a few notes, if you send them to Richard and we could split the money I think it could be a hit for him I think it'd be a good one, but he's not really I don't think he's doing it anymore. He doesn't seem to Yeah, anyway, you'll have to talk to him about whether he's going to make it. Well when he does this, you know, because we're getting him on in an hour to find out how he enjoyed the dinner on the same day. Where's Richard Curtis taking you for dinner, Ben It was a kind of tie, modernish tie in Bellsize Park In some ways I unleashed, I had not only half a crispy duck with pancakes and sauce and everything, the plum sauce, but I also had the crispy beef. as well. What a crispy dinner. why I didn't it was have a drink. Oh right, it's an AFD. And this was a shocking ch of events because Richard has never been a big drinker. ever. I remember him saying to me years ago when we were doing the black areas, Oh, Benjy, you and your pop Because I'd always say, you know, I was on the pop last night orver, you and your pop Every other time we've ever had dinner, you know, he's had two small glasses and I've had five large glasses or whatever. But I thought last night, because I'm trying I thought, Well, Richard really doesn't drink. I mean, he'll have a glass of wine, but he doesn't really drink. So and we always have such great fun and marvelous chats. so I'll have an AFD. so I did. So I had a lot of lovely food. but I drank two Double zero Lagers. They're not as good are they? I mean, they just there's something about the aftertaste. They're getting better. They are getting better, but there's just something No, they're really getting better. There's a few, I'm not going to tell you the ones that are much celebrated and often stocked that I think are crap. but there are very very good ones. Well I'm not going to go well, all right There are some good ones. It's so much better if you get a beer buzz. I mean, there's nothing like it or for me now a shample, I've really started to love a dry martini. Hugh Laurie really introduced me to him buzz you get gos. the buzz you get. These are my I know and everyone think, how many names are you going gonna drop? These are people I knew before they were famous. I do have some friends who are famous but a lot of my friends in London are the friends I made in when I was twenty one, twenty two years old. I've got a couple of old university buddies, but the rest of them I made in the years when you're going out. And also working so closely together, right? So those bonds are just so real I guess. I met Richard in nineteen eighty three and then we were having dinner last night. These are my old friends. Anyway, oh my god, starting the evening with dry martini, but you know, you can't do that all the time and try not to have more than two. It will fuck up the evening, believe me. Who ate more pancakes or who had the last pancake on the little Turny ball? Richard knows that I didn't want to share. I wanted to order one each. I'm a bit Sophie finds it very unattractive, but I am definitely somebody who likes to order their own food Well should we share a few things? And I go, no, I want to order what I want to eat. I don't want to order kind of vaguely what we can all put up with. I've done some routines about this. I won't do them now. Because I'm fortunate, you know, and knobgogs have been very kind to me. There's money in the bank. I will say, lookook, I will order M for you. You know, instead of you having six of my chips, I will order you chips, you can eat six of yours and leave the rest and I'll probably end up eating ' them. So I'm more than happy to buy as much food as everybody wants. but on the whole, I don't really like these sharing plates. I like the water. I I will. I'm not as pathetic as Sophie thinks I am. I don't mind. And Richard said, Oh Benjie, for goodness sake. So we did saw a share it. We had a full half, we had a lot of other stuff And I probably add a bit more, but he knows how to get involved. Let me tell you. He knows how to get involved. For instance, I said, well, you have that last punkake because I think I've had more. And he didn't say, Oh, I don't know. No, you should have it. No, he just had it. He was right in. He's a slight enough guy in the Aan. He is, I think, watching his wight. and I said do some more exercise, but anyway, I shouldall decline to speak more for Richard. You won't tell us what his plank duration. What's he doing a two minute hand I don't think he does a plank every day or even every other day as I now do. Ben, sometimes when you catch up with someone once a year, I mean, I would have a lot of my comedy friends say people Id know from Edinburgh. I would see them. but there is some pressure on the hangout then if you only see them once a year, do you just pick up where things fell off or is there so some many you've spent so much time within the past? You just fall into it. It's the latter. I mean, all my most of my friend I mean, the last sort of new friend I made, I suppose was David, Mitchell and Victoria when we started Upsside Cow and that's ten or twelve years ago I call him my newest old friend because that's how he feels that's how it feels when we meet. Yeah. Richard and I, we've known each other and we occasionally correspond as well. We exchange emails mainly about pop music. Richard sends me things Obviously both went and saw the Dylan biography, so we' exchange a little email about that. We both love p music. and so popular culture, particularly music is something we talk about. He's much, much better than I am. but I know in my silos, I know my stuff. Yeah, we fall into it very easy. I mean, most of my friends, you know, ten years probably wouldn't make any difference time do you head back from dinner then probably nine hundred thirty. We walked He had a bike an electric butike I'm not entirely approving. I think if you're going to have a bike a cycle, but come on Richard, do some fitness. He pushed his bike with me back to Bellses Park tube station and I went south on the tube and he went Ns. on his's by effortlessly And presumably as whenever Richard Curtis leaves a restaurant, the snow starts falling. that what He must have to live with this. must have live with this. But Ben, you also need to know that just before we started talking to you, we did imagine that if the cable for your computer couldn't meet the plug socket in the wall, you would simply go outside and push the whole wall closer to the computer socket. Is that a reference to the young ones? Yeah, it isere.' Vivian going? Yes, we have got a bloody video Ireushing the whole house towards the plug because it wouldn't reach I do remember. I don't watch my old stuff. People all c likeack at it to me and I have no idea. I never watch my old stuff. I don't read my old novels. Why would you? It's not like a thing. It's just I don't feel All I do is get irritated with the things that irritated me the first time around. I listened to this podcast back Cstantly on a twenty four seven loop until I know them all verbatim. Okay, so what time are we getting into to our? I probably got that flat about ten and I know exactly what I did. Everyone's talking about we can't say channel five here. they want you to say five. Oh yeah five. I know this. Marina told me on her podcast. I mean, it didn't tell me directly, but told world Marina Iidden Richard O They like to be known as five They were talking about how incredibly this five that everyone thought was a bit weird and naf in the Brit Pock day. it was in, you know, the Spice Girls famously kicked it off in ' ninety eight or so. And you know, there was this feeling it's a bit naF. it's the arhole end. you know, youve got BBC two at one end they o the other end of the five year youve got Channel five. Well, it's clearly not true because they have become the home of British television drama. They were introduced play for today, which is incredible initiative. Oh my goodness, I'd like to write one if anyone's listening. I think they're amazing. And I've only just started to catch up. I watched the Hue, the very sad I can't say it was an enjoyable watch, the one about, you know, the news reader, the Welsh news reader watch it. But I watched it because I've read about Mar incclusive's performance, which is stunning. I mean, it's an incredible performance. So I've watched that And I watched one they've got called Number one fan. And look, it's pretty. I mean, it's not over subtle the writing, but it's good writing. It's compelling. It draws you along. I found it really quite compelling. I mean, you know, it's simple ish drama. I mean, you're not delving into any great emotional truths there, but it was good diverting fun. I watched the last episode of that last night. And I resisted the Gregs Belgiian bun that was in my fridge. And so how much were you thinking about the bun? I wasn't was full. I bought it in case I wasn't full because you know, if you're not drinking a nice stet at the end of the evening, I think I did I actually did have a of those lind doors. I don't much like them' bit rich, but I got given a box. I would have to get the gregs. I would have to not just put it in the bin, but put ashes on top of it where I to try not toat you know, I would have to pulverize it into dust. I don't know what they put in it. I don't know. I mean probably some horrible forever chemicals who knows? And what you know Ben is it's in the fridge now Isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah yes. right there right now. So we'll have to do a whole other episode tomorrow to find out if you eat it today. So do we turn in then do we go to bed then Yeah, I think I probably was in bed by eleven, something like that. Yeah. Is there any trick to getting Ben Elton to sleep? I sleep pretty well. I always wake up in the nightl you know, there's the wee thing as you get older, but I'm pretty good on that. But I do often wake up and then my find mind might be racing and what I do g in them small hours of the morning two, three o'clock been asleep for three or four hours, that's when you tend to wake up, partarticularly if you've had a few drinks. That is one of the bores about drinking. Do wake up as it kind of wears off And then I often go and sleep in a chair. This is an old man, more recent thing that's developed in my you know, I'm sixty seven. I'm clearly changing. My love of sweet things is definitely. I remember it happening to my father. Eating chocolate and having chocolate in the fridge in next soet something. I never did. It wasn't interesting You know, crrispy, I'm going to have a sn of of soing savory I've definitely got a sweeter tooth as I've got older, no question. And another thing I do I find great comfort in going I've got one of those airline pillows and I'll change the environment I mean, obviously I'm on my own at the moment, but you know, Sf understand you, o, you know, she try not to wake her up and often I don' But I'll creep off and I'll go to my study or in this case the kind of living area of this little flat And I've made sure that sort a nest is ready. When I go to bed each night, I tend to make sure pillows for my sort of arms. if there is this beautifot arms on the chair, I'll make sure that my airline pillow is there for my neck and that's there. and s to put my feet on. I mean, as I say, at homes, I've got it all set up in my study, there's my easy chair. And yeah, I often creep off and I sleep in I don't move. I might go sleep three or four hours and that's why I sleep well on planes even Rere though it might be even if I'm in the back with everyone else. you know, Panelton in economy. don I don't like it. So if you know I had the most wonderful holiday, we went to Egypt, flew from London I don't know four or five hours or something like that. and I can sleep sitting up right in because we're tend to, you know, on what is relatively short, you go economy sort of seems a bit stupid, you know, We're talking many number of thousands of pounds for effectively, what, I don't know, a free glass of beer or something. But yeah, I mean on long or flights I'm not going lie you. I' definitely definitely turn left on the plate. But anyway, so that's it. Yeahah, so I'll go and get myself snugly and that happened this morning and the small hours, if it's still the day we're talking about And I snuggled down in a chair and slept in without moving an inch for four or five hours, four hours, I suppose. It reminds me of something like Admiral Nelson would do, you know when he misses the sea. He'd be like hardy set up a chair there like It's an easy chair. It's not like an economy I can sleep in an economy seat on a plane if I've got my neck cushion. othertherwise your head's lolling just too much. Yeah. I never have the guts to put the thing back, you know I just know it's so horrible for the person behind Or see, I would ask, I like to turn around and say, do you mind? because they can't say no. But I think there's a kind of concertina etiquette as almost everyone's doing. My God had a horrible experience. you know, it was a tall bloke. Yeah, he was six foot, but he had his back, but he was kicking a seat. I'm a tall man, you know, it was a bit weird. On the whole, I think they shouldn't have a, you know, and I think they should have solid seats because they cause so many fights. People are about to have their dinner And the thing jerks back. We're all considerate. We would never jerk it back. and we're going to do it, we' do it gently and these I've had that when the fuck literally my wind's fallen over because somebody's just bang their seat back.. I tell you Nigel Farage, where hes sitting in front of you in economy and the od of this for very long He would smash it straight back and just go dick off. Yeah And Johnson and Trump. I'm sorry, For all his faults, I don't think Starmer would. I think you probably would frankly, I don't think T Theresa May would either. So you know, let's not be political about it. Let's be balan. I think Cameron would. Maybe he wouldn't. I don't know about. I think a little bit of politics is a perfect way to add this. Bad Allton, thank you very much for telling us what you did yesterday. All right, well, thank you, David, Thankk you, Max. All the best Who knew Ben Elton was ripped to shit Who knew it popping out of that te. It's like Cul Hogan, doesnn't it? you know? And then to top it all off dinner with Richard Curtz. I mean, it's what you want. If we had scripted that day. Yeah, with like iconic Obviously Ben has done incredible work now over forty years. but eighties, nineties iconic person. who's he going to go for dinner with? Maybe Tony Hadley from Spand out Ballet even better. Richard Curtis. comeome on. He's just finished this. He's now sitting in his covent garden apartment staring at that Greg's Belgian bun, thinking, actually, this was the Zenith. This podcast was the Zeniith. It wasn't the First World War last episode of Blackder where comedy met tragedy maybe more keenly than in any piece of television ever This was it. And in fact, what he didn't mention was all throughout the dinner Curtis kept being like, Ben, you're doing this tomorrow. Could you have a word with them and try and get me up? And Ben El was like, that's embarrassing. Richard, seriously. I don't think I could just be like, C you get my maid on? For the table, it's wellth saying just before we recorded. He did say so is it just It just you just do yesterter. Like is that Just yesterday, you do that You do yesterday. What a fascinating insight into writing as well. Yeah, because quite often your mates are wanging on a back comp've been like three years and this is the guy now I'm like, okay, I'm tuned into this stuff now 'cause I'm obviously just about to embark on my sitcom Max. which some could say it self indulging, but now I know how to do it And I love his nesting chair. I love that he sets up a little nest. That is I am so ready. Okay, I'm twenty years away from that forty seven But I am so ready to build my own little nest. I think it's imagining the not quite gone to bed yet, Ben Elton, just fluffing the pillows for it. Like should the need for it arise? And maybe he's talking to it as he inflates the travel cushion, the sort of shaped like a magnet cushion He blows that up Aaddy said, I might be seeing you later. You know, it's a wholesome moment great day and dinner with Richard Curtis. This is exactly what you want Dinner with Richard Curtis, perfect. And I agree with him. like you would say it to him, but people are so sniffy about I mean, I went on a stag du, I organized a stag duent And I told everyone to, you know, bring hiking boots and then we just went to a spa. Like that's, you know, that's sort of my friends. But like All you want the day after the first night of a stag do is just been bags and a rum com. It's what you want. fifteen, mid twenty something men, someomeone saying should we get on it No, let's just watch Let's just watch love actually. Yeah, there was a funny moment where Ben was being kind of defensive of his mate and being like, it's really hard to write those films like he was trying to justify it. and all I could see was your little face just being like, they're the ultimate films, Ben I don't like Rambo. I don't like first Blood part two. I like Notting and yesterday or whatever that one was called. Just one more thing, Ben Elton and George Michael on the two C. By's book, and thank you,en. if you'd like to get in touch, here's how To get in touch with the show, you can email us at What did You do YesterdayPod at gmail d. comot Follow us on Instagram at Yesterday Pod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't