Renouncing Citizenship and Final Sleep

Quick question, when was the last time a display ad changed your mind Now think about the last time a friend told you about something they loved. Different feeling, right? That's how podcast advertising works. A host who's built real trust with their audience talks about your brand in their own words in their own voice. It doesn't interrupt the experience. It's part of it. With ACast, you can access the world's largest podcast marketplace Choose the right shows, the right audiences, the right format. Then watch the data tell you it worked. You're not buying impressions You're buying influence Learn more by visiting aast d. com slash advertise There are millions of them. Some might say too many? I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, businessiness, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters. We'll try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you doesterday yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guest got up to yesterday? Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max. No, the greatest and most interesting day of your life unless it was yesterday We don't want to know about it I'm Max Rushton, and I'm David O'Dar Hervey. Welcome to What did You Do yesterday Hello and welcome to Byid D You Yesday. My name Max Rushington, alongside me, David O'dohati. Hello David. Lovely little app. coming up today, Max. It M might be an old timer. It might be an old timer. We get to it eventually. We have just recorded it listeners. It's the hottest day In the history of London or in the history of May and London? In the history of May in London. It's the hotest day. Yeah, and that is important. We join David Mal. It's a bank holiday. I mean, there's not much else that needs to be said, but it's such a nice day of leisure Well, I mean, it's an attempted nice day of leisure would Yeah,'s a better way of putting it. His beautiful brain utterly undermines his attempt to have a nice, relaxing day. David Bal, you will know him from one or more of the many things that he does. Mer wise experience Fantasy foootball League, which was I loved that TV show so much that he did with Frank Skinner. He's got a podcast out. football, I'm not really into football podcast, but it's a radio show. I think it's on radio four And BBC Sounds is available as a podcast, BBC Sound. It's called sixty years of Hurt And it looks at the English identity through the football team We even get in an episode of that today while he's trapped in a confined space, That's all I'll say. Listen to that podcast and any other football podcast you like.. This is what David Badil did yesterday David Bidill, welcome to what did you do yesterday? Hi, Max. how are you? Very good. and I was thinking about this. Fantasy foootball League, if that hadn't have existed, then soccer AM wouldn't exist. And without soccer M existing, I wouldn't have had the working seasons where I wouldn't have met my wife and I wouldn't have moved here and I wouldn't have started this podcast with David O'Dotty. So like with all that in mind, I suppose I'd like to know what time you woke up yesterday morning Yeah Well I've now become a kind of god in your life. it's a weird go because basically what I provided for you was your career, the country you moved to and a podcast with David O'Doty. Yeah If I was the go of your life, that seems an odd third one to go for. I will give this man his love, his job And sitting around with David Ooy asking people what they did yesterday. I'm not saying it's the greatest b in my life right now, but I do really enjoy this little oasis in myesdayav. If they failed to collect the green bin and it really stinks and loads of flies come into your house is your first thought fucking David Badil. Yeah if he hadn't done that show, I wouldn have moved here and been in this, you know, it's never end I never say thank God for that. I say thank David Badil for that is what I say Can I just point out the green bin is the recycling bin. That's not gonna stink. That's just got wood and paper and carbon in it. The green for me is garden waste and the yellow is waste. Oh. I've made such a fool of myself. You have already. you idiot. What an idiot. You know what I did yesterday? I put out the bins. I actually did do that yesterday And clearly I did it all wrong. I clearly completely wrong been med this morning, they were cursing me. Let's start at the beginning, David. Can I just tell you about what I did yesterday? So here's one thing that went wrong. I mean, a number of things went wrong. I didn't, here's some of the things I didn't do. Check the time of this podcast. Okay. So I thought it was in about an hour And I was going to go to my office, I have an office about ten minutes away, where I have a much better audio and podcast setup Which is why I don't have a microphone or any of that. It's also really hot in the room that I am in my house. And that's also because all sorts of things are going on in my house. and so I had to go to this tiny room. so I'm sweating. And the other thing I was gonna do in the hour that I thought I had is think about what I did yesterday just so that I would have something to say, but that's all gone So we're just flying on this. So while Max says thank David Bil for everything good in his life, you're like, fuck Max Rushton ' you know trapped in a little room just yelling into a laptop. Yeah, I think I've given him enough in my life. Okay. How does it work? Tell me it work like this. Yeah. veryery strict with the brief And we begin At the start of the day, And we go through the entire day and we finish when you go to sleep. And the key here, David, is We're not really interested in what you normally do of a day. We just want to know what happened yesterday. We can draw our own conclusions. Your job is to just give us exactly what happened yesterday and I understand you haven't ten notes. I wrote nothing down. We hope your recall is strong enough and it's okay. We're not Paxsman. We'll lead you through it gently It would be funny if you were. It's like you decided to ask me fourteen times what did you have for breakfast? Richachel Lan wouldn't tell me what I for dinner. I did do it about ten times. So let's start at the beginning. What time did you wake up? Okay Be before we do that, can I just tell you one other thing? Yeah, of course. I don't know if anyone else has raised this. knownowing I was doing this podcast gave the day a strange meta quality Yeahall I couldn't quite Enjoy the day because I was thinking, is this something I'm going to bring up tomorrow? Is it worthy of it? This breakfast porridge? Is that something I'm going to talk about? And as a result, I'm constantly questioning the value of what I'm doing while I'm doing it. Are you suggesting that this podcast, what it does to a guest is it ruins one day of their life? Is that? Well, you know there's a sort of modern thing about liive in the moment. liive in the moment, just experience it, Z blah blah. This is the opposite of that because you're constantly within a wall and all you see is Max Rushian and David Odoy asking you questions. And that stops you just enjoying life. So yees, so I'm glad it's not what you did all year 'causeuse that would really screw me up. It's basically that quantum physics thing where in observing the act, you are changing the act. So that' happened. We're gonna bring your day down to a molecular, even an atomic level. Yeah. Okay, well, now you've mentioned quantum physics. I love quantum physics. I read about it all the time without understanding it I wrote a play which is about religion and quantum physics and that's also worth bringing up with this podcast because of course, in the block universe, yesterday doesn't really exist. Time doesn't really exist. Ohuck. whole concept is fuck. But it's on yesterday is now and tomorrow and forever Ract go out. What time So I sleep really badly and I'm presently on a really weird cocktail of I normally take just supplements to sleep But the doctors have now given me a new sleeping pill, which is called Dry Dorxon. And I mentioned it because hang on. he played two hundred times for Lyon Oans. Exactly. I mentioned it because it' is a bit of a name drop, but Miichaela Cole is a friend of mine and also has problems sleeping. I told her about it and she says, that's just a bloke, isn't it? 'use she thought I'd said Gary Borxant I said, No, it's a pill called Darry Dorxson it does sound like a cockney bloat. He comes over and gently hand jobs you to sleep every night. Do you remember sorry, this is a bit of a sidebar, but in Bullse eye, A young enough, either of you to remember Bullseye, the television Dts program? Y. Okay, So in Bullseye and we actually did this on Newman and Bdil in Pieces, the show that I did after Mary White House Experience I always thought as an insomniac that one person I would like to help me get to sleep is Tony. Now Tony was a bloke who used to stand by the dartbard and reassured men, mainly men that it was like they should relax, it's all fine, donon't worry about it. And we actually got him to stand by my bedside. de in pieces he wasn't there last night before last. So as a result, I woke up quite groggily round about, well my wife gets up early And she is a screenwriter and constantly working these days.ike it's a bank holiday yesterday, which by the way, is another issue. What did you do yesterday? It was a fucking bank holiday. So therefore I maybe did nothing as you meant to on a bank holiday. But anyway, I got up and Yeah it took me quite a long time to feel that I was compass mentist because I had all these sleeping pill stuff in my system then had breakfast. So let's should we start with that? timeim I reckon it was about the time I actually came down with the sleeping pills and putting my head in water to try and wake up and also it was really hot Oh so I tell you what I did, I've forgotten something I did. Okay I went outside to the balcony in my pants. So I have a balcony and it's got a lovely view outside the balcony and it's a nice day. So I thought I'll go outside but I was in my pants. and then I noticed that the balcony next door was opening their windows and someone was gonna to step out. and then I didn't know what the etiquette was Right Because it is my balcony. I think I'm allowed to be on it on my pants, but then if someone comes out and it's a woman and they look over You know, is it a sex crime? That's what I'm saying. with being there in my pants. I think you can be cancellled for being out in your underwear on your own balcony. Well there must be some sort of screen. I'm think. You know, you must be doing reasonably well. There's a wall, but it's a wall that goes up to I would say my belly button. So she could you were totally naked. She wouldn't know I think G was totally naked. Eactly. That wouldll be a problem, I think, because I haven't really spoken to these neighbourors. What we need the listeners to know is that this podcast, because this will live forever And you know in the future, maybe when there's a voyager type spacecraft goes out into the galaxy, this will be put on it as the one example of what humans could create.. The listener does need to know that it was possibly the warmest day of the year so far. So I feel going out in your pants is very weather dependent as in If it's a snowy day and you're standing there in your pants, its it takes on a creepier unless I'm like Vim Hoff. Yeah he is quite creepy. But unless I'm that's a sort of medical o whereby I love the cold, but I don't, so you're right. It would be creepy. And then also the other thing is the exact not that we'll ask you about it, but the location of the balcony is important. As in if it's Saint Peter's square in the Vatican city you come out in your pants, there's thousands of Catholics filling the square You know what I mean? And the pope that comes out on the one beside you while you're broggily standing there staring at them. That would be It would besolutely brilliant if the Pope came out in his pants one day on the Bibleom. It's like Sunday, how many millions of people are there. and he just thought, well, you know, what's wrong with this? I'm the pope. I'm infallible offee in the Sunday mirror. Yeah. I mean, an important question now and I wasn't planning to ask this, but what are the pants, David? Well, yeah, they're not skimpy. That's I think one thing in my favour. They big Beowy affair, are they? did you say Belly? I said Belly ye. Beowy Bellowy. They're dude Bellowy pants. I believe they're called briefs And they're sort of I can never wear box of shorts I don't know how much your leners want to get into the nitty gritty here, but I've alwayses I absolutely do. Well, I've always found box of shorts to be a little bit too swingy in the bollock area. And just as I was aware of doing what did you do yesterday in a sort of slightly overthinking way, I find with box of shorts, I'm over aware of my testicles the whole day Whereas if they're held by the brief then I'm okay. Esentallyally they look like cycling shorts, I guess. Wow. A jockey short. I would call that, I think. Okay. What colour are wearing for the neighbourors? Dark bllue, Dark blue. Okaykay. But I think David's point is correct. My uncertainty was, imagine I'm out there and just to say I overlook a very lovely park in London. that sounds like it's creepy again because it sounds like I've delibererally gotone out where there are millions of people. Any people in the park are a long way away. but I can see the trees and lakes and it's lovely. What happened as I was out there looking at the trees and the lakes and the people in the distance in my pants is I noticed the doors opening on the balcony next door. Yes. And I thought she's going to come out the woman who lives next door. and Davey iss absolutely right. I don't know if this's in my mind, but she won't know that I'm not naked. That'll be bad. So I went back in again awful first line for this neighbor that you've never met before is just so you know I'm wearing pants and then just to go back in again. That whole relationship is ruin. I actually did see her come out. she was naked. She was absolutely star. No see she a all sensible person was wearing just a kind of nice white I think it was bed clothes, but she was clearly not naked. And I just thought I've got a few seconds before she turns aroundound. I'm just gonna go back inside. It's too complicated. The whole situation is otherwise to explain You ask a question about dunking your head in water, David. Did you fill the sink and just go head down trough or just splash it, What was your tactics? Flannel. Fannel When I say dunking my head in water, that's a lie. It's not a big lie. I don't think I can be convicted for it. I basically wet a flannel with cold water. I sometimes think about doing it with hot water so that I can feel like I'm in first class on a plane It's supposed to be luxurious thing. a very hot flannel. I don't know why it is. Also you'd have had to have a glass of champagne. Yeah and it's early. So I just went for a cold flannel. I do this most mornings and I put it on my face. It makes me feel a bit woken up I also tend to have this is quite horrible, but quite a lot of sleep in my eyes in the morning. So I spend quite a lot of time getting rid of that. That can take up to seven or eight hours withith a shovel. take the shovel out of the bathroom cabinet. Yeah. I ask them the next door to do it sometimes. I'm basically sorting myself out from sleep for quite a long time It's mainly flannel based. I have about nine flannels. Wow. okay, that's good. Because basically once I've done one, I think like oh no, they're still sleep. I've got to do another flannel. I'm quite flannel heavy. How many flannels would you go through for your Mainly one. Yesterday it was one, sometimes it's two. Okay than. I have done a thing, okay of doing a cold flannel followed by a hot flannel Oh, that's nice. ye. Then I feel like, oh God, I'm right at the cutting edge of wellness there You could do a great Instagram reel. This is the L hack Cold Fannel hot flannel. Exactly. So we're now at breakfast. Enlighten this, David. I have a question here. because of the Donnie Darko that you took to get to sleep or whatever it was called, Dry Dorson. Does that now affect your appetite for a thing in the morning It doesn't. It it affects my sort of just general grogginess and one of the things I probably am thinking is I must have something to eat so that I can help myself snap out of it. As you may or not may not know is I am an enormous fan of unhealthy big English. Yes. Yeah, I do not. For a while when I was on tour, I was endlessly posting the pictures of the full English breakfast that I was having. And that as David will know from touring in Britain That's partly to do with if you tour in Britain, that's what you get when you come down at the Marriot It's there in various trays. and you're a much better man than I if you can resist it, basically. So every day I'm bloody having this incredibly unhealthy breakfast. And I thought I should chart it as a kind of chronicle of my physical decline. But then what happened was on the internet Full English breakfast police started getting very angry and saying The sausages are touching the eggs and the eggs are touching the beans and o my go, what sort of mushroom is that? It became impossible. I mean, not because of that, it's maybe health, but also just generally, I was warned off it. So even though that's the breakfast I want, that's the point. Every time I come down, I think I really want eggs and sausages and beans. I don't have it That is one of the very rare things I've done in my life against my desires I normally just do exactly what my body says, you want this. justust have it, David. But with full English breakfasts I don't I I do sometimes. but yesterday. Also you exposing yourself to your neighbors. you do control yourself with that. That's one of the other things that my b attpting to do myself to my neighbors. C I just made that very. What was a desire that I had to control It was just a mixer. So yesterday, I mean, I've had bacon I don't bacon sandwich day before, but anyway, I had porridge with some fruit puree that my daughter had made. High performance stuff this, Max, you know, because we've had cold flannel, hot flannel. Yeah. you know what I mean? We've had Greet the sun with a breath of fire on the balcony and now we're having just salt, water and oaths. Well and fruit puree. Fruit puree. Yeahah. And I think I' put some ground arbondments in it as well How would you rank the fruit puree of Aaddle junior? Very nice. Dlly is my daughter, she's twenty four and she really is kind of queen of the fridge, I would say Right?'s like there are notes on the fridge that say things like Dull with cabbage. Wow. that means she's made a doll with cabbage and anyone can have it, but the note is there to make it clear that Dolly made it and you know that's where it is. And I think there has been a note that says frruit puree on the little Tuppaware of that. And yeah, it was very, very nice. still didn't get me over the fact that my soul was crying out for eggs and beans and sausages and bacon. And it will always do that. I live with that It's a curse But is growing older and I'm not for a moment suggesting any of us are old not just the act of resisting these urges a lot of the time. you know, particularly when I had very fun twenties and thirties Like if I go and do a comedy festival, even one like Edinburgh, which I have done since I was a child, I can't just live the same life that I lived and end up at a student party at four thirty AM with three cans of gulch in a bag, you know That's completely true. I would say the hardest thing I'd say food has always been the hardest thing for me because I like food more than I like drink and drugs and almost anything else. And I also because you have to, you don't have to have Gulsch, right? You don't have to go out all night. That's not their tagline. theirir advertising tagline. Also, David went in a very uncertain way. He wast too sure of the science of what I said sure maybe you do need Bush to survive. But my point is you definitely need food. you don't need alcohol, but food can so quickly spiral. Yeah. You just think I'm going have some food and then next thing you know, you've eaten an enormous amount of cake. and biscuits and bacon for breakfast, all of those things. and then you you know, you're fat and also like can't think straight because you've eaten so much. And that is a problem for me. so I generally try not to do that. Okay, so we've had our porridge and our fruit puree. Are we approaching what nine o'clock? whereere we eight o'clock at nine o'clock? No, I think it's about ten by now. ten o'clock, okay. It's a bank holiday, right? to justify, David, it's your life. You can live it as you want to live it. I say something else, which again Both of you will probably know is that like for me one of the key reasons for doing the comedian for being a comedian for doing a job where I could be a writer or a comedian was so that I could get up late. That was sort of one of the key things because A I was an insomnac from when I was a kid It's on met from when I was six. Wow. I gradually thought, how can I have a job where I don't have to get up? Yeah? And' over a long period of time. It's not when I was six. How can I have a job where I don't have to get up early in the morning because I won't have slept properly at night? And then I realized, okay, I'll do comedy, which is nuts at some level because then what happens is you go to bed later and later and later. sleeping after a gig,'s really hard or whatever. but you can get up if you want at one PM. Now I don't do that anymore, but I did do that for a very long time. My body clock was probably completely set wrong. It might be set right for Australia, Max. if I lived in Britain. see what I mean? Yeah Yeah. off course I still get up quite late is my point What I've managed to do is turn quite prime timee radio shows into overnight shows by moving here.'ve It's been really successful for taking shows that are on at really good times of the day and ruining them and ruining your social life. What time is your show on? Hawesby Jacobs, who you know very well. I do their Wednesday. I sitting for them on a Wednesday. So that's midnight till three sometimes. ten till one now. It's lunchtim in London or it's afternoon in London. Why are you in Australia Great quest. I married an Australian David And then she lived in London for ten years and then she was like, shouldhould we go there? And I got the job hosting the Champions League for Australian TV. Then I didn't get that contract renew so I had to start this podcast with David Adani to pay for the shed. That's why got a shed. you're not coming back of your shed. That's it. You put wood down. You're right. It's actually on a concrete slab, it's that permanent. When you ask that question and he does that speech, it's the saddest origin story. You know Every other podcast has we were always impassionate about food. so we wanted to ask people about their dream meals, but this one involves the Champions League and a contract not being renewed. And now we're asking you about your fucking porridge. And the shed. Don't forget, it also involves a shed. A the shed.. That's the glamorous part of it Right, It's ten o'clock. you're fed It's Fank holiday. Darius Kabuchci has worn off Yeah and you are now ready for the day. Yeah. So I don't remember most of what happened now. I've thought about I think I basically just sat in the garden. I've got a nice garden and I went and sat at the bottom of it. I've got a hammock there So perhaps I should talk about that I can tell you another thing, I don't want to make this whole thing about mortality and getting old, but one thing that is harder and harder to do as you get old is getting in and out of a hammock. Oh my God. I mean it's so difficult. I'm only here really by the skin of my teeth. Honestly, there was a point in time where I thought, well, should I just stay in that sleep in the hamock? It is after all the time for bed It was very difficult. So just to be clear, you've eaten the porridge Yeah. notothing has happened between that and you walkking into the end of the garden. to attem your first attempt, it's like the high jump, your first attempt at the hammock entry. There's nothing I might have answered a few emails, but I think we can gloss over the c for the big of any interest whatsoever. I look, it's a very hot day. It's a hottest day of the year. It is in fact the hottest day in May ever in Britain due to climate change And I am dealing with that and the terrible apocalyptic anxiety it creates by going to sit in the hammock. Well I say sit, going to roll vaguely into a hammock. But I would say it takes me almost as long to get in and out of the hammock as I am in the hammock So David spes a lot of time and has really deconstructed getting into a bath on this podcast. So I wouldd like you to do the same. You're facing the hammock, talkal us through How you enter the hammock? What's your approach? Let me just say, if we're going to talk about getting into a bath, later in the day and I don't want to cut forward too much, I get into I have a barrel of water in my garden I bought that barrel. It's essentially a dust bin painted on the outside to look like a sort of barrel of oak and beer and whatever. And I use that as a kind of cold tub because I have a sauna in my house, but yesterday, I did go in the barrel. We'll get to the barrel. Okay, this is exciting. That's really difficult to get in that of. Okay. Let's just stop the bgcasts. Max, how are you imagining you get into a hammock? Have you ever gotten into a hammock I've slept in my favorite hammock It's my favorite hammock. That's a podcast. C comeome on, let's do that. Who's hosting my favourite hammock? I'm interesting that you have a favourite hammock, Max. I mean, I like the hammock, I've got the garden, but if another hammock appeared down there, I'd be fing it. You have to be loyal to your hammock.. I slept, I once tralled to the northern tip of South America which is a place called Caba dea Vlla and Punte Gallinas in Colombia. And there, you sleep in a hammock under the stars. That's my favorite hammock. And my entry would be and it was I was a younger man, but my entry would be very much the hammock is behind me and I would putut my hands either side and just hitch up, land on my bottom. Magine like you'd sit on a swing Because if you think about it's like a biging, then I just I'd swivel and lie down So that's the problem. As I may have said earlier, I eat a lot. Okaym not massively overweight, but I'm definitely overweight. And this hammock is a double hammock. No one wants to get in it with me, but it is a double hammock. Wow. As I get in it Next thing, you know, I'm sitting on the ground in the hammock. You like the swing it's not for me. It's essentially just me sitting on the ground with material Yeah under. It's become a rug. It's now's become a rug. Exactly. It's my favourite rug. That's the point in which that's a different podcast. Let's be. sort of moving my feet, swinging my feet over so that I'm in the hammock, the hammock has to come up at the same time. otherwise you are just lying on a prayer mat on the floor. That's quite hard because the hammock starts to sort of roll as you're doing that and it can tip you out on the other side And it has done in the past. It didn't yesterday. that's why it's takaking me a long time because I can't just sit on the ground for a bit and then be chucked out the other side, which is not a great leisure activity. It's not up there with your North American experience. No It's like a cash point rejecting your card. The hammock just feelalss, David Padill and goes, thank you Exactly. I was recently. What's your favorite habit David? please don't cut across one of my great hammock anecdotes. my hamecdotes. I was in Portsmouth with nothing to do in the day. so went to Is it called HMS Victory? I think it was one of Nelson's flagships that still mooored there. And what you got to see was the great class difference on the ship Nelson had basically Georgian sitting rooms where people would bring him, you know fondant fancies. And then the ordinary sailors on the gun deck cannon directly beneath them and a hammock over the cannon.ight. So There must have been a lot more of an appreciation of hammock sleeping because presumably they were at sea for a long time And I was curious as to how they would have got into their hammocks because the hammock is above the gun. It's interesting that because I think my hammock has an element of gun to it in the way that it throws me out of itself. Maybe it's paying homage in a very kind of you know old man way, you know, a sort of dribbling I don't know if this is sort of thing you would have, but I did a bit of material about how on's orgasm changes as one gets older afterfter a while, it becomes like Santa climbing out of a very old Santa climbing back out of a chimney.s sort of how my hammock would throw me out, notot like the canon on HMS's victory, but just sort I just sort of fall out of it in a slightly sad way. It was the day that I learned the ass monkeys, that saying for cold weather freeze the balls off a brass monkey refers to the cannon bowls were stored on these brass things that held cannon ballls. and in cold weather brass contracts or the cannon ball contracts such that the balls would roll off down the deck. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay. So that was I associated that with hammocks as well How were your balls every bring it back to yesterday. I hate to like diminish your endeavors for trying to get into a double hammock at the end of your garden compared to trying to get into a tiny hammock in a storm in the mid Atlantic a Cannon. Do you successfully manageed to get into the hammock? Yes, I am in the hammock. Then there's quite a long period where I'm sort of thinking why am I in the hammock? Like Be it's quite hard to do anything in a hammock. Like even of course it is I brought my laptop with me under the pretext that I was going do some work, but it's really hard to rest it, even on my expanded stomach, quuite hard to rest it on her. So then So the hammock that I have, which by the way is covered in leaves because it just gets covered in leaves. I can't be bothered to clean it. So you have to imagine me in a sort of quite it's quite beautiful in a way, a sort of bed of leaves in the hammock. It's a bnkeical idea. Behind me there are two Tiny, tiny very shit matching pillows. The hammock is a rainbow color. And these matching pillows are rainbow color. and I basically have to adjust them to support my net so that I can look at the laptop. Yeah. Okay. The point I'm making is it's such a in a Jewish word, a Magilla Meaning business, like thing that takes too long. It's such a Magilla to get in the hammock and get set up. You just think, well, I'm going to get out of the hammock now, that's going to take another half an hour. The whole thing has been a waste of time for five minutes of relaxation. This is why your hammock appearance with the laptop work from home hammock on Dragons Den is one of the most embarrassing pieces of television where it took you six minutes to get into it. And then the laptop just shot out the other side. Yeah and they all said they were out while I was trying to get in the hammock That. I'm worried because we're half an hour in. We're not going to get through the day. and we've got my barrel to come. Yeah don't worry. Don't worry, we'll get there. Okay. Rosin Nooben episode was five hours long,. I don't know if you're in H. We'll whip through this in half an hour. Don't worry check our emails eventually in the hammerock The porridge goes down. This sounds like a lovely day Yeah, it was fine. I got in the hammmer. It didn't throw me out. I was there for a little while, probably about forty five minutes to an hour. I think my wife came down to the bottom of the garden for a brief period, which is nice because she doesn't do that often I think she doesn't like to see me in the hammock. Yeah. I think she thinks this demonstrates who I've married in not a good way. Do you think you don't it's not a complimentary look for you? Once you're ensconced in the hammock, it's not showing your best side. I think for a man of my age and girth, there are certain situations that don't suit you and most of them are life, I'm sorry one hundred percent of them are life. but worse particularly within life, yeah, the hammock doesn't show me off to my best advantage. I do have a photograph of me in a hammock when I was a teenager and I look much better then, although it's the eighties and I have the biggest hair anyone's ever had I'm may be being held up by material and hairspray in that picture I still look better than I do now. And we don't like to get too deep on this podcast, but maybe you're just trying to recap every time you're going interesting the hammock, you're trying to recapture that moment and your lost youth. I think that's true. I think actually I associate hammocks in slightly weird way with like their yes, this is the ultimate kind of bohemian luxury item But then they're not because they're just an incredible effort. Yeah ch away from the hammock. I totally done it. We've doneking. We've covered hammocks in more detail than in all previous episodes combined. I wouldn't be surprised if hamocks come back in David's whole life is hammocks deterred,. I think it took me longer to get out the hammet. All right to get in the hammet Okay, That thing where you're on the floor again Yeah and your arse is actually touching the ground. Yeah. You're touching the grass. You know what people go on about on the internet sometimes they say, go go and touch some grass where people have been like on their computers for too long. That's a sort of meme. So go out and touch I was touching grass with my bottom Th the cloth of the hammock, twice. because Basically, you have to imagine I'm really sitting with my knees up and my arms down and material on either side of me. And at that point it feels quite hard to move, right? It sort of feels like you're in a conceptual arie. Yeah. And you have to ring up to the house or even worse you don't have your phones, you have to email your wife up the house What do you have to imagine it's like my arse has cloth wings at that point. It feels to me like you're either on a rug or in a sack and at no point are you actually in a hammock, right? Like you've never successfully been lying Horizontal No I You are airborne at some point. Yeah, I am airborne. I'm just saying that getting in and, especially getting out, there was a point where I just felt like, you know, I just can't move. But then I did. I got up. Now that's again can't quite remember what happened at this point. I think probably I had lunch. I mean I' missed out a bit, but I think I had lunch, which I can tell you what it was. it was two types of pickled herring Yeah. And I know, it's a bit stereotypical, but I like a pickled herring. And my daughter had made and labeled, I think, some potato salad. And I spent a long time thinking about shall I have the pickled herring with some brown of rye bread, which is the classical with potato salad. When I've been in Sweden, I've been in Sweden quite a lot, they have herring with potato salad there. That's the thing And I thought I could pretend I'm in Sweden if I have this So I had one type of herring that is herring in sort of wine and one type of herring that's just herring with dill and potato salad couple of things. I mean, if you really wanted to pretend you're in Sweden, you would take the herring saun. I mean that would be the ultimate. Oh, yes. That's well spotted, except I actually did I wrote an article for the Sunday Times about saunas in, well, this was in Finland. I was in Helsinki, but in Scandinavia. And I went to many, many different types of sauna and none of them had food in the sauna. Okay Okay, it's a good point. I hadn't thought that. But it would be an interesting idea, Max Could you take raw food into the sauna? and gradually slow cook it. But would you take your veg to a steam room? because that's sort of more sensible way to ye. well, maybe in the spa, you visit different rooms Broccoli in the steam room, your fish or your steak in your very high know smoke sauna. And then you broil a chicky whole ch the jacuzzi. Yeah Eactly. And then you don't have to actually use a stove at any point. It's a way of combining wellness and anti wellness in one go. Do you think it takes away from the jacuzi experience if someone poaching a whole chicken in the jacuzzi next time. Yeah Would they have it in a little net or would it just flow? I mean it sounds quite nice to me now you say it, but that might be because you've used the phrase whole chicken and that's enough for me. but I don't really have to think about where it's come from. Do I sense a tension here where you're D daughter looks out the window, sees you floundering like C three PO when the ewalks catch him in the net in the hammock and then makes healthy meals, puts them in the fridge with labels on them, and you come in and instead deep fry a Marsbar and have it with some pickled herring. I didn't deep fry a Marsbar. I although that's another thing. You've actually landed on another thing, which is I canan't have a meal Breakfast I can, but the other two meals I have to have some dessert after I've had them. like every fucking meal There's a point where I think, well, I've had a meal and I don't need to have something sweet afters oh, no, I'm now having something sweet. Yeah. And I will root about for anything. I mean, sometimes my daughter has made some quite healthy vegan ice cream. I'll have that, but I'll generally add chocolate to it. Sometimes I'm literally rooting about in bags and boxes in my house for Haribas from two thousand seven. I. They're absolutely fine. Haribs are like when they find Egyptian honey and you can still eat it. If you find a loose harabo, David, would you at Yes. Personally, I don't even think I would consider it to be food. I would think, o that's something that fell off a bicycle, you know, part of a brake or something like that. It would need to be very identifiable as a haribo for me to then eat it. Well, they're always identifiable surely, because they're green and red unlike parts of a bicycle. And I think like a cockroach they can survive a nuclear war't They're not going to disfigure. Unlike you two, I live in the EU where they've bloody taken the Haribo away from us. and they just' have these lettuce dumplings in bags and that's all we can have for the old days. It is true that they'll like Egyptian honey, or at least certainly in terms of the fact that I will eat them But they do get stale and harder and chewier to eat if they're past about fifteen years old But if you keep going, it's like the door opens, the taste door opens and about an hour later because they're obviously hard to eat so you have to keep going. Their true Haribo spirit will emerge. like a Haribo Semelier. This is an okay star mix from nineteen ninety four. Yeah, like people knew Bil for his writing and performing And then his Nobel Prize came late in life for his work on ancient haribs how to eat them. I am very obsessed with them. I wrote a novel in fact, in one of my novels, which is my big attempt to write an American kind of literary novel called The Death of E L Gld, which came out in twenty ten, I think. There's a seven page disquisition eulogied about sour sweets I am obsessed with sour sweets. I'm never happier really than when I get a sort of veryery, very sour sweet in my mouth. So we have lunched and because it was quite close to breakfast, I imagine you're really prepped now for a bank holiday afternoon of intense achievement So what happens next? Well there was something need to say that, which was it's not that long after breakfast, you said. Now that is an issue for me, especially on a day like yesterday where I didn't have to get up early, didn't have breakfast If I have breakfast fairly late at maybe half nine, ten o'clock Get to lunchtim and I'm not that hungry, but I will still have quite a big lunch. But of course, it's lunchtime. I'm with you. Exactly. exactly. In a way I don't understand how a Zempic works because the idea that you're full has never stopped me eating. I agree with you. Once it's after midday, I might it must be lunchtime. That's what depresses me about the idea of a zempic, which I have thought about Which is like oh what so like it'll get to mealt timee and I won't really be bothered to eat. What's the point in life if you get to meal times and you're not bothered to eat. That's what I look forward to. I totally agree that the day is completely punctuated by what's for breakfast. And like me and Jamie are like, well, if you have eggs for breakfast then eggs are off the table for lunch. It's all it's a planning. You're always constant thinking headad, well, if I go porridge for breakfast, that means eggs are on the table for lunch. And then then you're really total open book for dinner. could about anything. I think porridge and then eggs for lunch is a bit too breakfasty Do you think so? And then I have hashash Brown's for dinner? Yeah Cereyo's for dinner. and I'm done. It sounds to me like you can't get past breakfast in your life. I do like breakfast. It has to be said. Okay, what's happening, David I think we should move on to what became a central issue in the day, which is so I do have a sauna in a shed in the garden and I recently bought because I thought right I need something to dunk myself in when I'm out on the sauner a barrel. Now what you're supposed to get if you have one of these things is lovely designed, I don't know ice bath thing, but I couldn't be bothered and they're very expensive. So instead I bought It's quite hard to describe, but it's meant to look like and it does look like from a distance, a sort of barrel like you might see in Shrek Like Shrek's about to go to a alehouse. Got it. And him and Donkey see the alehouse in distance and outside it there are these lovely big wooden barrels that contain mead. I fire tuck in my mind. I thought that's fire tuck. I'm going' a stowway on a ship. Yes. You're one of the Mark's brothers and they bring on the four barrels Y The line is, how did you know there were four of them because they were singing barbershop So it's those kind of barrels. Presressure when you bought it, did it say from a distance looks like a barrel? Be well, I'll tell you what it doesn't look like Inside it doesn't look like a barrel, it looks like a dust bin. That's the thing that's slightly depressing about it because when you're inside it doesn't have lovely wood On the inside getting wet in a sort of lovely way, but sort of resisting the no, it's basically whatever dust bin plastic is. Yeahast it. I mean, don't know what it is. polyurethane, I'm gonna say, it's that. The official term is dust the scientific term' dustbin plastic. It's black dust bin plastic on the inside, right? World gas production would be very different if it was measured in dust bins. You know what I mean? It look like the straets of Hormz are shut and therefore one point five million dustbins of oil aren't being moved today So since I got the dust bin barrel, I've hardly used it because a it's quite hard to fill You have to get a hose, you have to attach the hose, you have to let it obviously the tap go for quite a long time to fill it up When I did it before, I obviously then couldn't be bothered to like do it again for ages, so the water became stagnant. And my wife said, please don't go in that, you'll get sepsis. Can I suggest, David? canan I suggest no one listening is surprised that your from a distance oak barrel actual dust bin has been rarely used. I'm gonna say this Im is surprised by this news My God, I have a question here because This day so far, and I say this with love, has been one of the most half assed attempts at high performance wellness I've ever known in my life. Did you buy this fake barrel with the intention of I'll fill it with ice every morning and stunk myself into creativity Absolutely. That is what I thought. I thought I will fill it with ice and ice of water, it will be cold flannel, hot flannel. It'll be an amazing way of waking myself up. We is a step up from hot flannel, cold flannel, isn't it? You'll see it isn't because I haven't even begun how rubbish it is.. So I did fill it with water, I think on Saturday and did use it yesterday, but here's the problem It's really hard to get in because you have to imagine it's slightly too high, right? Not to sit in, but too high to get in 's a whole podcast where me trying to gain things. God. Anyway, which is how I g it now. There's a small step that comes with the dustbin barrel that is part of the dust bin barrel. alsoso decided the same way. It's a small step that I've got next to it. Then I've got a stool that is not part of it, doesn't come with it but a small kitchen stool that I put inside the barrel, inside the water so that when I get the barrel, I can put my foot on that. othertherwise I'm terrified that the whole thing's gonna come crashing down. Yeah I'm going to die and be covered in rank water So I put that in the stool and then I found on the step And I get in the barrel. Yesterday, I did that. I thought this will be fine. I could do it. The step was so fucking hot that I started screaming and hopping and found it really difficult to get in the barrel while I was screaming and hopping. But then I did. I managed to get in it Then what I do originally I thought, well, I'll sit on the stool, but then there's not enough, you can't really get in the water Okay So now what I do is I have to behind me, listeners you have to imagine that I'm putting my arm behind me, get the stool out Put the stool on the hot step, then you can relax. But come on. You are now you know that you can catch a mouse by if you just put a sort of a piece of wood, a ramp going up into a laundry basket and a piece of peanut butter in the bottom of the laundry basket, the mouse will just go up the ramp, see inside, jump in to eat it, and is now one hundred percent trapped in the flat walled laundry basket, you have effectively lobstered yourself into this pot. Are you wondering that correct Trapped Correct. I am trapped. By the way, I would have said cheese, not peanut butter. By the way, we've missed out that I have three cats and I fed them. Ieding the way my daughter fed them. And they're looking at me actually, often when I'm in the barrel. They're often looking at me thinking, I don't understand why anyone would want to do that. That seems like a really weird thing to want to do. But yes, I'm sort of trapped in it like a lobster If there's any kind of emergency, I can't get out of that barrel quickly. You'd have to almost throw your weight to flip it over and then possibly roll down the garden towards the hammock. I would although one thing about the when it's full of water and me, it's possibly the heaviest thing on earth. there is a reason why firemen don't all, you know, spend most of the day at the fire station in these barrels. barres. So that when the call comes that they're all just complete paralyzed I can't get out. Yeah And also well, I'm interested in this fire brigade because maybe they thought, well, we'll take the barrels of water with us And that's how we'll put out the fire. Oh no, they're too heavy. Oh, that's so stupid about. I mean, it's so heavy, it's unbelievable. It's like to come back to physics, it's like a sort of singularity, like the density of a black hole. att the center of it, there's the densest thing in the universe and it might be me in the bowel. Is it just your head poking out? How far submerged are you in the bowel? This is a good question. I mean, there's something very cartoon in it. When I was a teenager, I went out with this woman and this woman's sister had a key ring And it was a sort of naughty key ring. It was a man, a little man and he had a barrel around him. He was naked, a bit like I looked like I was in the balcony. And when you pull the barrel down, his cock came out of sort of erection. There's a funny story attached to that. which I've never told before on anything, never told it it'd stand up. So I was at their house once and Monique, the sister of Jeanine, my girlfriend, had left her jacket at a club And she was quite young and her dad who was a very bruisy bloke kind of he was an amateur boxer, very cocky bloke, said, I'll sort this out And he called the club and said, right, okay, my daughter's left her jacket there. Can you look for it? Is this a denim jacket? B blah. No, no, what's your name? Sally? Can you go look for a denim jacket? Yeah? blah blah blah. And then he sald forward he went, what? Well, I don't know how to identify. Yeah, it's probably something. Yeah, yeah keys. Yeah, you have some keys in it. What? What are you say? And then he went inrely around and he actually said the phrase Mad with his cocks, you know. And I laughed, laughed, laughed I looked at M who clearly never told her dad that she had this keyroom. And it was just one of the best things that's ever happened. Anyway, my barrel is a bit like that. You has to be very strong to lift it up to expose yourself to the people watching on the balcony By the way, I'm wearing not my pants now, I'm wearing disposable sauna pants What? Oh, it ssound like a nappy. So two disposable pants are a nappy, right? Soough Because I like to be sexy. They're not white. come on. We're in a sexy black nappy in a bin. Yeah it's a black nappy in a bin. exactly. Just out aside to DOD. David Bad's in a barrel a black nappy at the end of his garden.ot at the end of my garden. All right. barrel is at the The Hmock's at the end of the garden. The brel is at the front of the garden near where the saauner is on a deck that we've built for the barrel. We reach another circular physics moment here because I mean, we're all intrigued. We're all on tentrs to find out how you get out of it. But at the moment, I'm imagining the only option is you have to drink all of the water in it. But then the problem is the nappy then because you have to excrete that then starts just circular economy itself I tell you something so I'm in the barrel I tried to get my son Not to join me in the barrel because I's not off room but I kept on saying to him, do you want to have a go? And my son is incredibly cool. He's twenty one. I just kept saying, no, no, obviously not. And then I thought they were still in the kitchen, which is nearby, but they just left. And my wife had turned the radio on. and here's the point for me doing this podcast. My radio show came on. So the radio show that I'm doing, the podcast, the rio I'm doing at the moment which is called sixty yearsars of Hurt and is about Englishness and football and traces whatever Englishness might be through the history of the England men's football team over the last sixty years. It came on the radiar because it's repeated on Monday afternoons So I thought Oh, I haven't actually listened to it back on the radio. I'm gonna stay in the barrel. Yeah just listen to my own radio show. So that's an interesting thing, isn't it Be because I'm an absolute clown at some level in the barrel. see I feel very silly. I like it in the barrel because I want the water. but I feel like a total idiot. I'm always aware I bought this stupid thing. I'm using it, I feel like a fool, but my radio show is on. Yeah, That's a good thing, right? So it's a kind of weird low status, high status thing going on. It's like, okay, you think I'm an idiot, but I'm on the radio So that's good for half an hour I'm there with the water up to my chin listening to myself going on about football. It's nice because you know we live in a world of infinite choice where if you have your phone, you're constantly distracted and all the rest. Yet this is like literally immersion therapy for listening to your own radio show.'re forced to listen to the entire program and hear it probably in a new way. That's true. In fact, I spotted something wrong with it and then wrote an annoying note to the producer after I came out of the I was still dripping as I wrote the note. Another thing I was doing, I think, not while the radio show was on, is playing chess on my phone in the barrel Yes, in the barrel Yes, because I do that wherever I go, but also definitely in the barrel, which is a bit of a problem because like if the moves get too exciting or whatever or too complicated, I might drop the phone in the barrel. Yeah. And that would be terrible because it's an extra layer of jeopardy and presumably the person you're playing against or the computer is not in a barrel. So it's not really an even, it's not fair And as you go on barrel mode, where you can only play against people who are also in a barrel. In the way that all of our parents were paranoid about electrical devices falling into baths, like that really seemed to be a big fear of the seventies. Mainly toasters, but yes. or hair dryers. Is there any danger, I wonder to dropping an iPhone into a barrel. Will you be like slowly sauteed? buy it as it cooks. No, although. I'd got in the barrel this is another point you've managed to raise here. I'd got in the barrel before the radio show came on and thought I know what I'll do. I'll play chess But when I reached over to my phone, which was on the stool on top of the step, you know why there's a stool in the step? Yeah, of course. The phone had a temperature gauge on it and was showing the phone has gotten too hot and needs to cool down Yeah, whichich meant that I had to I didn't know where to put it because I thought I could try on the water. H you ever tried that Sometimes when my phone gets too hot, I think, C I just rest it on the top of some water to cool it down? Well actually immerse it in the water is risky, isn't it? Just hold it just on the top of the water. What you need is your own little barrel phone barrel This is my dragon in. For all the people who have a barrel, their phone is too old. You need phone barrel and then you need Rice barrel. So once you've put your phone in the phone barrel, then you put it straight in the rice barrel, then you wait for it to reset and then you can play chess. That's brilliant. Thank you. Sorry, you need to dry the rice then afterwards so you can eat it. So the tiny barrels each one this side is a single grape David Badil, how do you get out of the barrel? Great question By the time I'm immersed in the barrel The stool is on the step next to me. So I have to get hold of that Put it behind me then get on the step Yeah out to the stool and then throw my legs, which are At the top of my legs obviously are some disposable sauna pants. So anyone watching this, it's very full of jeopardy for them and then get my foot out onto the step and then I just stand dripping by the barrel for a while. Actually, I did do that because the whole point of the fucking barrel on a hot day when you're not in the sauner is like I'm gonna Ejoy the feeling. you know when you're in a hot place and you go swimming. Yeah. I don't love swimming to be honest, but I like getting out and feeling the water dry on me from the sun. Yeah. But In my back garden, I don't have a lounger and I wasn't going to brave the hammock again, not when I've come out the barrel. Yeah. So I just stood in the back garden with the s of me thinking This isn't as nice as where I you know on the holiday. but it's the best I could do. I enjoyed that every time the woman from next door who David hastoidited that morning looks down, it's kind of like a seventies sitcom where he's always his sauna pants are sliding down or his ars is sticking out the bottom of a hammock. This a sort of o, I'm sorry, Vicor Well but do it every single time Yes, well, actually on that note, I normally have a sauna late at night And I have every so often gone in naked to the sauna part why I got the saun of pants because I thought I shouldn't probably go naked into the saun and when even in my own back garden. but I briefly was doing that. Unfortunately, I forgot that we have a security light fitted. So that's why I got the soer pants because I was literally outside in my own back garden in the middle of the night thinking this is fine. It's dark. now we'ere see me fuck. All the lights have come on Okay, we're out of the barrel. We've sent an email to producer going there was something wrong with this show. You're fired. Sorry, do you do that email in a polite way? Hi, David Baddil here, Re sorry, but I just he this. It wasn't like you fucking. Well if you really want to know, I mean and we don't have to I do need to go, but it was specifically about the fact that we were talking about mavericks about the English thing. I've got a theory that know basically that England tends to suppress maverick behaviour as a nation, but also within what they pick, who they pick for England. And this was particularly prevalent during the b. Yeah went to the nineteen seventies, Stan Bol', Tony Curry, Rodney Marsh was on the show, Peter Osgood, all these people. And then my theory is abs slightly changed after nineteen eighty six when Maradonna completely demonstrated that you need a maverick to win anything. You need a maverick genius. And then we decided to go with Gaza, which went into that's the sort of theory on the show Yeah, we have commentary of Maradona putting the ball in the net with his hand And then I was very insistent on that. I really wanted to hear Barry Davis' commentary of the second goal Because it's so English. Barry Davis says, he does ordinary commentary. He's got Brego, He won't need him, blah blah blah blah. And then he scores and Barry Davis says, you have to say that's magnificent. Yeah ye. And I think that's so English because there's no way that if Gary Lineaker had put the ball in the net with his hand and then scored a brilliant goal, the Argent timee commentator would have just been spitting blood, right? You wouldn have been saying, Oh, how wonderful. you have to say that's wonderful, blah blah. Anyway, I wrote to my producer to say At no point do I say that that's the second goal. Right? I just start talking about that goal and we assume everyone knows what I'm talking about and I'm not sure radio four audiences do. And Barry Davis the greatest of all time. he's fabulous. We've done that email. I'm sensing it's mid afternoon. So what happens between now and Obviously dinner time which you will aren regardless of how hungry are So I don't know how much like you had Ben Elton on the other day and Ben Elton probably had a day where he worked quite hard because he works quite hard. And I sometimes work quite hard, but most of the time I'm thinking, how can I maximize my pleasure? And I think people listening will think David Badil is like a very, very shit aristocrat He's like trying to live the life of a sort of seventeenth century bohemian of leisure, a liiberine, but he cannt quite do it. And this happens again. I basically go and play tennis with my son. Now it was too hot play tennis when we meant to play tennis, which was at three o'clock. And so David Lloyd, which is a local sports centre, we cancellled our outdoor call and we went at five o'clock played on the indoor court, right? Now, I would say yesterday I sweated more on the indoor core of David Lloyd, which she's not than I ever have in my sauna. And you know what there wasn't There was no big barrel of water for me to get into There wasn a swimming bool. but obviously I didn't want to get that because it wasn't a barrel. Yeah, so it's real French open vibes, you know, where they lose half a stone during each match. Yes, exactly. Do you hold your game together? Do you remain lendel like ice cool despite the heat? No, I get very angry and start shouting lot There's quite a lot of people looking over children, looking over the swearing and the self castigation that goes on throughout my tennis. I mean I don't know if this is that interesting, but I've got a weird thing going on with my arm. Now you might think this is just tennis elbow, which is quite a funny disease anyway, isn't it? Yeah there's a disease named after a sport Be I think you can have tennis elbow without playing tennis, which seems mad. I mean, maybe if we cameame for tennis, it's possible. Almost definitely tennis elbow if I looked up would have a sort of Latin name whatever, nothing to do with tennis, but it appears to be linked to tennis. But it's not to do with that. I had an injection, a blood test, a routine blood test Bloke doing the blood test recognize me as talkking to me about football Endlessly, endndlessly saying,, you know, I support Nigeria, but I really like England and this and that on and on and on, you know, whenever that happens, I am always polite. I'm often interested anyway, but I'm thinking like, mate, it's really hurting. The needo opinion it's really the amount of blood you're taking while you're going It seems to be a barrel full. He was getting really irr and he rang toks sp it's like banging the table. it's like banging your arm this And another thing they called us boters. Yeah. We basically was a man doing a sort of, I would say a seven minute rant about football, I mean quite a friendly rant and it was a lovely bloke, but he was just endlessly taking blood far too much br. I think does he want to just keep the conversation going. And ever since then my arm has hurt quite a lot. And it hurt yesterday when I was playing tennis as a result of. So I was swearing, I was hot I was sweating and my arm hurt. What was the school Chren clutching copies of the hugely successful parent agency children's book series you've written are standing at the side of court as you slam your racket off the ground. You piece of shit. Yes Yes. No, that's true. I think it went to a tie brereak Once set all and then we went to a tie brereaker and then my son won seven four. I think by that time, two things had happened. One was I'd got quite hungry So I wasn't focused. because the thing about tennis is, which I'm not particularly good at, is I have to completely focus and watch the ball into the strings and I can't do it because I'm always thinking about something else and food is a big one. And the other thing was this podcast. Right. Be I remember thinking halfway through the game Now, am I going be talking about this? whichich I am, it turns out I am, right? But the minute I started thinking, am I going to be talking about this? I was shit at tennis. Do you know what I mean? Becauseuse I wasn't in the zone. We've done an episode with your son before this one and he't bother him at all. He was I toyed with my dad and then I beat him in the tie brereak. Yeah. So what do we have for dinner then? Well, so On the ride home My son also likes food. My son is a chef or what he was a chef. He's now given up being a chef, but he was a chef at a place called Morrow for about a year. He's a brilliant cook. Yeah. But he decided And it's very quick to get me to agree to this. Let's pick something up on the way back. So we spent a long time discussing fish and chips KFC, pizza, blah blah blah and then driving around Everywhere was shut. I mean, not KFC, but we decided against KFC because it was Bang holiday Monday There was sort of an Indian restaurant that looked like that's a place that's open at four AM every day. Obviously it's open. And it was shut and I've never seen that before. It was a very hot day, so maybe everyone was in their barrels But either way, in the end, I just started saying to him in a slightly pleading way, Ezra, That's my son, can you just cook? Be I know it will be fantastic when he cooks. And he was gotot it his head, No we're going to get some fantastic takeaway.ight So that became a source of tension all the way back. But eventually we went to a pizza place and it was so full. I said it's going to take us about an hour to get fed here. And also we were very sweaty. So I said, let's go home. and we had prawns and rice. I bought some quuite big prawns. you'll know about this because you're in Australia, but you know my waste is just massive prawns And a barrel of prawners. But Australians I think think that British prawns are just tiny little shrimp but actually you can now get quite big ones, although to be fair, these were Argentinian. Got it. And Ezra made them into a kind of paella with rice and the whole family. The whole family ate in the garden. my daughter is a vegan and my wife is vegetarian, so they had my daughter had made tofu with some kind of cabbage. She always makes some kind of cabbage with soy sauce And yeah, it was lovely. Incredibly, I don't have and it all went wrong and I shitted it up funny story to go with dinner. I couldn't get in the chair. They could' sat on a chair and it was really easy to get on and off. Yeah, I didn't the clown the situation How does this evening wind down then? It's been a high stress day filled with these Beautiful set pieces I've got to say. Yes, There was one more but difficult moment which was to do with the bins, which we did talk about right at the start here. Now obviously when I say the bins, I don't mean the barrel. when the bin thing happens, which is obviously every Monday night, I put the bins out. When I say I, I mean my family do and I have to be forced to help. But yes, the bins do come out. I don't think, oh wait a minute, that's a bin, isn't it? Is is itreen bin yellow, bin b orragg Al bin day. It's water bin, stagnant water bin. The actual bins and That's a very regimented procedure, M my daughter regimendents it again. She does the food waste and my son tends to take out the recycling because if it's heavy, he's the strongest. so he takes that out But then I find sometimes like what's my role here And I reckon my role is wheeling them out from the front of the house to a bit where the bin men can get them more easily. Yeah You're the finisher, you know, you're brought on on the bench. It's controversial. They've not started the deal, but you know, bring him on with twenty minutes to go and he can make an impact Yeah. I'm literally sitting on the sofa and someone says like you've done nothing again, dad and I'm like, no, no I'm going to go up there. I'm going to actually do the wheeling out of the bids. But here's what went wrong. somethingomething did go wrong. I get there. I get a hold of it And you know this arm is a bit dodgy. It's my tennis elbow arm. I try and pull it. It basically immediately gets weak and hurts and it falls over and all the recycling goes out on ofo the pavement. So I then to put that back and somehow with my left arm get it back up again because obviously I played tennis and so the tennis elbow was worse. Green bean elbow is what some cultures call it actually Green be elbow. It was a terrible case of green beiller elow And actually I think the green bein hit me on the elbow as it came down. possibly also some cardboard hit the elbow as well. Like I don't think anyone saw me, but I your neighbor did. Y neighbor did and you were just in your pants. She was like here he guys again. Yeah my neighbor she seen me possibly naked in the barrel nappies and then picking up What looks to her like I'm rooting through garden outside the house. She's calling the police by now, isn't she? I feel like clearly the bloke doesn't live there. How does an insomnac go to sleep So we watched Telly, there was a bit of a I fight about that because there's a show on at the moment, which is very good called DTF, which I believe is a rude acronym, DTF St. Louis and we watched that but the fight was about the fact that my son and I and we're all watching it and he has to go to work tomorrow and we were too late by now. By the time we'd had dinner out, we'd done the bins, it was too late. he was going to go to bed. And we had a problem there because I said I really want to watch the next episode And he said, Well, I'm go to bed. And I said, Well, I can watch it without you. And he said, No, you can't do that because like I'm not going to watch it on my own. Oh right yeah. because he's a gen Z person, he doesn't watch Telly on his own. Right? Yeah. So we had a terrible standoff and eventually said, all right, all right, I'll watch it. Anyway, to answer the question I take a whole bunch of supplements and a sleeping pill and I sleep with a blindfold on. I sleep with a sort of odd tooth moould thing because of sleep apnea. so I have to teeth mold in my mouth and these have only recently come back from Bulgaria. Okay, veryer recently they've come back from Bulgaria because I left them in Bulgaria. They were backpacking. They were all right to see. you were went to Bulgaria to renounce American citizenship. Really? Basically, I'm an American citiz Well, I'm not anymore. I was born in America And it's a nightmare being an American citizen unless you live in America because you have to file taxes in two countries. America is the only country where wherever you live, you still have to file American accounts. That means you have to have two accountants and spend a lot of time sorting out costs a fortune. And I've always thought, oh, but I might go and live America. I finally realized no, I'm not Certainly not at the moment, so fuck it. but to renounce Americ's citizenship You have to get to an immigration lawyer and the immigration lawyer will say, yes, in London, it will take you about two years because there's people trying to do it. You have to go to the embassy. takes a long time However, Bulgaria, they can fit you in tomorrow So I went to Bulgaria and did renounce American citizenship in Bulgaria. loveovely. had a lovely couple of days on my own in Sfia. That's a city, not a woman. The only problem was when I came out, I'd lost my teeth, not my actual teeth, my teeth that I put in of a night because I have sleep apnea and these teeth molds, they put your jaw a little bit forward Yeah. when you wear them that apparently stops you snoring so badly So I left them and I had to contact the hotel in Bulgaria to ship them back to me. And the whole time I'm thinking some poor person has to pick up these things that have been in my mouth that are in the bedroom that I stayed in and sort of like gingerly put them into some plastic go of go, ship these to some person in London at it's disgusting. So I'm imagining that as a synopsis So you can't sleep because they haven't arrived yet. The woman comes out on the balcony and you're in this flat spin where you're like, I needed to go to Soophia to announce my American citizenship and I left my teeth and it's just she's taking a head. Now've drunk. this tramp is weved in next door So to asksw your question, I wear a blindfold. I wear wristbands. If you look them up, they're mainly for nausea, but I have decided they help you sleep Relexology wristbands. I've got a little sort of knob on them. And I wear four of them. four. I'm really coming across as mental and a blindfold. and I take a whole lot of supplements and a sleeping pill And then the most important thing to me is so we have three cats. I don't know if you know I did a show called Catman, David Catman on channel four because I'm obsessed with cats and Zelda who is the most angry Really very angry, slightly semi feral one of our cats because she used to live with my dad. And my dad got dementia and when he got dementia, she's still living by dad, but the carers basically just fed her in the garden, right? because they couldn't be doing with an animal in the house. And then when my dad died, she came back and it really wasn't like Long Lost Family I don't know you've seen that show. Oh yeah,be. It wasn't like that. in the cafe and hung.less I'veissed an episode of Long Lost Family where the mum chased the daughter out her cupboard and hissed at her ucnage. Vicky Campbell's a guy, it's all right, guys, you'll be fine. They hate each other. And so as a result, the three cats who here then live downstairs and Zelda tends to sleep upstairs to stop fighting.. Even though she's very, very angry and quite snappy at humans, not my wife who she really loves. I mean, it's very depressing for me She loves my wife. kind of tolerate to me. but What I want and this is the answer to the question is the cat to be near me because that helps me sleep. That's a bit like Tony from Bullseye. Unfortunately, Zelda really doesn't want that. Zelda doess not like Tony from Bullseye. And so if I try and move Zelda from my wife's sleeping form to my insomnac one, she will scratch me And that goes on most of the night. In one. Well one hundred No. We need you to doze and then the day is officially over. So what time would you say you Well I'm listening to an audioobook, which I put onu point seven. It's Eleanor Bron reading The House of Mirth presently by Edith Warton. Fna Bronn is going and then as I got off the train, that helps me to sleep for some reason. And so I listened to I don't know, it felt to me like about twenty minutes of that. And then I don't remember after that. So I must have gotone to sleep quite quickly by my standards. I teend this particular sleeping people Darry Dorxson It's particularly designed to stop you waking in the night. and that has been my main problem is I would wake up at three o'clock and be aware. And it still happens with with Gary withith Gary Bannister. If you take a Gary Bannister, you're up all night, but Danny Maddoxs will send you straight to sleep. But last night, I didn't. I got to sleep and I woke up and I can finally say This podcast is out it Thank you very much, David Vidill, for telling us what you did yesterday. Thank you So there we are, David Delals yesterday. I must admit L said, I think we've covered hammocks. Yeah. We've covered hammocks And I think we were halfway through hammocked chaps the first time he raised the possibility of us being all hammocked out And then that's not even the best thing he can't get in and out of.. Then he's got it's almost like he's bought a giant barrel just to have some content for yesterday. a man standing. J you imagine if you look next door and David Badil's head is poking out of a barrel of a sort of slightly ornate wheelie bin. Is that David What he doing what he said I been? I do love the comedy slapstick moment of the first time he uses his new sauna late at night and he comes out naked into the garden at the fluorescent security lights all just each one makes a gg gong g sad. It has got some mother who havenven vibes today, doesnn't it? Like at some point if he'd roll down a hill in a bath, you know mean like I can see that and then I got in a bath and roll down a hill This is just what happened. It's maybe because a lot of the time when we talk to people In fact, Max, we've had people in the past who say, oh no, I can't do it. I had such a dud day yesterday. nothing happened. I think they need to listen to this. But also, there's a couple of things. One is he said, literally nothing happened yesterday. Yeah. And then he went on to tell us that, you know, had this day. Imagine if he has a day where something happens Yeah And also a big fan of maybe I won't come across in the edit but like we record for quite a long time and David's like, actually I've really got to be going on But then he's a completeist. So then he couldn't, then he'd say, let me tell you about how I renounnce my US citizenship in Bulgaria. I'm like, We're trying to end the pod and you won't stop Oh Gee, I'm delighted because you know, as I said at the top of the app, you know, like fantasy football was like a really seminal thing for me as a viewer and like a big impact on my career, definitely. If it had been shit, I'd have been arering, be it was great. Imagine how it feels then to just hear about your idol being trapped in various things If you've ever been trapped in anything or for any other reason would like to get in touch with us, this is how you would go about that. G in touch with the show you can email us at What didid You do YesterdayPod at gmail dot comot Follow us on Instagram at Yesterday Pod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform And if you didn't, please don't Another episode that just confirms that I'm in it for life. I love doing this. you know, It's not that there's times I don't think I love doing this, but then I really loved doing that Cut max. If you enjoy this podcast, we do we're going on a new listener drive. That's what I'm calling. Yeah, a good idea. We also do one during the week. We're now at the end of the episode where we talk about our own yesterday