Eulogies and Eternal Purgatory

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So go make it one. Start your free trial at shhopify. co dot uk slash wake. Start your free trial at shhopify. co dot Uk slash wake That's shhopify. co. Uk slash wake Summer weekends are all about family, sunshine, and making memories together. Before everyone arrives, I stop on my local tootal wine and more to pick up a great bottle. mayaybe a favorite we already love or something new to enjoy the dinner on the patio With so many bottles to choose from, it's easy to discover something amazing. And with the lowest prices, it's easy to grab an extra bottle for the table. Not sure what to pick up. Their friendly guides are always there to help. Find what you love and love what you find only at Total Wine and More. Cbside pickup and delivery available in most areas. visit tootalwine d. com to learn more. Spiritits not sold in Virginia and North Carolina, Drink responsibly must be twenty one We used to do that with firework displays where very, very tight, I would say to the gang, We're not going to pay however much it was to get into the display. like three quiz We're for charity. We're gonna stay. Sorry, what? We're gonna sit on the roof of the car. Hang on. in the neighboring roads. Right And then you Park illegally Y Still see the fireworks do you think you're going to heaven? May I have your attention please Deathlings? I'm going give you one of these. Hello. I'm your host, Captain Mel Gerroichch. This is a podcast where your beloved celebrities meticulously plan their final moments. Welcome to P your arms and fingers on lips please, there's another sinful soul waiting to be shoveled into the afterlife He's a TV presenter, a writer and alarmingly enthusiastic historian Basically what you'd get if a zealous history textbook suddenly grew legs and sprinted down a muddy battlefield shouting facts at strangers He's fronted major BBC history documentaries, co founded the hugely popular history platform History hit, and hosts its flagship podcast chatting to experts about everything from ancient empires to modern warfare. He's exactly the person you'd want on your pub quiz team and at the dinner table. He talks about history, but now afraid he is history. It's the marvevelous They were perky. That was very perky. Wonderful. I've heard that in my dreams. How for you dad? Yes, just that's what I think imagine celestial angels seem might never happen in real life though, so this is big exciting for me. Wow we It is, there something very It's not morbid, is it? Noope, it's not morbid. It's uplifting. It's uplifting. I find intensely flattering to my giant ego. so that's nice, so we're off to a great start It's so nice to see you Dan. I'm sorry you've died. I'm sorry I've died too, but it's nice to be here because you are one of the best broadcirl I've ever worked with. And so I always every time I've been on a show with you, I've learned a lot. and you're one of those rare people that's fabulously funny and kind and informative, brilliant. Dan, I'm I'm a little bit speechless. Oh wow. And pardon me once more that was just the beginning. No Dan. It's really lovely to see you And what's lovely about doing a podcast, as I'm sure you know, we're going to come onto History hit a little bit later But It's really nice to actually just sit down with somebody for an hour. Yeah I know because I came on your show, it was like two minutes. Mbe maybe that's me,be it's like other people's. It's nice to have a chat,n't it? Yeah, It's lovely. It's gorgeous. While I just recover from those compliments, let's see what these guys want to sell you. Coming up soon did the Valderman detox. No meat, no wheat, no caffeine, no alcohol. No sugs.. After the month, I went to a rotisserie And like Henry VIIh,, I atat two whole chickens. Chris Charlie, I've just popped from what feels like an eternity of admin. Classic. What's on the to do list? Oh, Mounting a celestial bookshelf, sorting my earthly storage unit and emotionally processing a flat pack. Malt, it sounds like you need Task, rabbit. Task, rabbit. Is that a celestial creature? Even better. It's an app that connects you with skilled local taskers who can help with everything from furniture assembly and home repairs to moving and garden jobs. So someone else can bravely face the Allen Ky. Exactly. You choose your tasker based on their rates, availability, skills and reviews, so you know who's coming and what they can do Well, listeners, get ahead of your to do list. Get ahead of your to do list with ten pounds off your first task at taskrabbit. co. uk or on the Taskrabbit app using promo code WTaW. Taskers across the UK book up fast, especially for same day tasks. Get ten pounds off your first task right now with promo code WtaW at taskraabbit. co d. uk or with the Task Rbbit app Taskrabbit. cood Uk code WT AW Terms and conditions apply. Task Grabbit. Less doom, more dum This summer, Prime Video takes you back before legally blonde, before law school and into the world of Elle Woods in high school. Set in nineteen ninety five, this Gemini vegetarian knows exactly who she is until her family moves from Belair to Seattle. Packed with iconic fashion, nineties nostalgia, and a throwback soundtrack, Elle proves one thing Law school was hard. High school was harder. From the world of legally blonde, watch L, a new original series only on Prime videoide. Watch now. Dan Yeah.s so great to see you. It's good to be here. In some ways. I'm a bit sad about being dead. Oh dad struck down in the prime of life. I know. We'll get on to the kind of wars and wherefs in a bit. But for the moment I'm imagining you're a can do kind of a guy You are Yes, I hope so. you are. When you get to the Parly Gates or equivalent thereof. Yes I'm imagining you'll kind of take it byy the collars You'll see St. Pete or whoever and you'll just have a very good straight talking kind of from the hip. I'm in Let's go Pe. Open up those gates. Obviously, because I'm relatively quite a nice guy. Give it in the long story of humanity. Yes. I have not once set fire to someone's thatch, enslave their wife and daughters. I've not once climbed over the beach with a shining spear tip and thrust it into the entrails of my enemy. I've not once ridden across the greatreat Asian steppe driving my enemy before me I haven't really killed many animals. I mean, relatively, I'm qu objectively speaking, quite a nice guy. And you haven't invaded a country Oh, hang on. No,tt justt no I have not invaded anyone. S like no Sedan, I think. I think so. I think so. Yes, by the standards of my time, I might be terribly flawed. But I mean, I think we need to accept that we're living in quite of a peaceful, benign age, although you know people have stressed about what they see on the telly and stuff. But on the whole I have I say, never committed any of those grotesqu crimes against humanity. What's the worst thing you've ever done Dan Well listen, obviously the wor anser air travel Who knows, so hey, I travel around lot. so so no thes the wor thing I've done. I think Well, I think part kind of that's I don't know the worst thing I've ever done that I choose to talk about. think about electric airopplanes.ove I'm into it.. I listen, well, I ingest lots of dad content on the social media. Electric airplanes come a lot. Wind wind speeds in various plac. I' in very interested in the wind, even plac where I'm not at at the time. like interesting high winds in Indonesia at the moment Me and my son look at a lot of weather apps, which is classic.. So yes, electric airplanes for some reason is in my algo. I'm excited about electric airopplanes. They're saying, I think that an electric airopplane at the moment can do four hundred miles. believe that. Well U whyy not?ust. Yeah, we can go to the moon, but now for the miles that' lucky. I don't believe it, mate 's your exper What's your expertise in? Well, it just worries me this time I'm just thinking about a car battery and the size of that compared to the chassis of the car To get an airplane up in the air and fly you four hundred miles wouldouldn't the battery have to be like the size of a small country? Possibly, but let's get Boing on the blow. We've got a big problem here. We need answers. Airbus, may spot to the floor. No, this is my plan for a policy plan for a better Britain. is that we just all the regional airports have got electric airplanes going flying all over. lookook it's hard we've learned how to build extra railways in this country. That's been a bit of a thing.. So let's go Bodmin to Cardiff car you know to bang, let's fly everywhere on electric planes. J'ust very low. For sure. loads of little sh hops. Let's get people moveving around the country. Let's get this thing going. Yes, that's my plan. Would you ever think about going into politics? No, no. Dinitely definitely definitely. No, because I think actually what politics needs less O confident posh bloes for square jewels who don't really know what they're talking about. but say it with like I've just done, say it with great emphasis and certainty, right? I think we need area specialists If I went into politics, a really seriously problem, I would just sit there dreaming about like how to invade France and build I'd be like how to build big buildings to myself. But I'm a problem. No, you're not a problem because I think politicians need to have They need to have history. They need to have proper knowledge of what's gone before. Well, that's true. And you've got help. I've got that bit I other flaw. I've got other flaws which would make me which would disqualify me H T us's the reality. You're going straight through those gates, man because he's humble Sorry, I'm just talking to the viewers. If youve see me do that a little bit, just I'm just bringing in the Dathlings as well. bring them.'s very exactly, very humble. as well as everything else. He's very humble. Right, good. now. This I'm sure is a specialist subject S all of us You can literally have whatever you want it going to be I' Patreot I mean, I' wiling. But and then you know, a little sushi starter I can't resist yeah, I think. I think you're the first person we've ever had who's just sat down and said Beef Wellington. Really? Yeah What's wrong with people? Can you cook a beef Wellington down?'s not. No. That's why I'm ordering for my last meal. Never Never have out what you can have in, you know what I'm saying? I've never tried. I fish fingers for your last meal like this So yeah, no I'm getting something complicated. Yeah And I'm going beef Wellingon with all the trimmings and Are we talking a puff pastry or a short pastry? I like the short pastry. Yeah, I think it's gott to be short, hasn't it? Yeah, Oh, ye I think so. And how is the beef done on the inside? I'm quite rare, please. Okay, Okaykay. so that is quite tricky to cook Well, that's why'm cooking it out.. Wh's gonna cook if you' in an ideal world? Well, who's really making it happen at the moment in the world of bakery meats? So I will name somebody Yeah that will be so ruddy out of date. Right I spend my time talking about people who have been deadfrieses, so this is that cutting edge. Who Chefs these days I was going to say Jean Christoph Nvelli. Yeah. I mean, he was in the nineties. Okay. And he had some ups and downs, but I think he's okay. Good. Angela Hartnett Al good. Let's do her. Always good. Be I think everyone's got a bef Wellington. if that' sort of signature everyone needs to be. Very Berry. Berry. Berry's Wellington is absolutely amazing. That's the ultimate British mash upp, isn't it? Yeah it's a British dish named after our greatest military commander. land commander. And by Britain's greatest national treasure. Yeah chef of the moment. Right, okay. It's Berry's Beef Wellington. I wouldn't necessarily put her on sushi Okay, you know,'ll get someone else the sush You know, I'm actually mad of every simple taste I get te' loas. I'm happy to just get a little box from Iitsu. You know what? I had a delicious dinner out the other evening in Paddington Station. Quite right. In Iitsu. Yeah. I bet you and I Yeahah, we spend a lot of time in stations, don't we?bsolutely. It was really bloody. knowally And I cannot abide food snobberry. I cannot abide wine snobberry. The best glass of wine is the one that's there in your hand that someone' just given you The best bit of sushi is one that's just there. You got good fellowship around you. I like People watching. I like People sourcing fish from just whatever. Yeah It'sickly sourced. Yes. Bring it on. Wine pairing. That I mean, what wine pairing? Wine wine flight. Oh my goodness. We were in Greece and the team were in Greece and you go into the place and he said, I don't want to see the menu Bring me what you've got today bring me a flagon, a cararafe of whatever wine you've gone out the back and got off the local farm. I'm not gonna look at your wine list. What do I know about your wine list? B is abomination I know what you mean about not choosing in a restaurant. It's a lovely thing, isn't it? Beautiful. When when someone just says, coo comes to you exactly and comes to table and says there you go. This is what we've got.. Oh, I love that. loveve that. Dan, very strong. Now pudding, Dan, do you like puddings I've got a strange thing about puddings, which is that I once went on a sort of insane di to get in the back of a fighter jet because I was too heavy for the ejector seat. And They told me were like, ty I know it probably about three days notice. Someone from the one show r me up being, B by the way you have to be ninety eight kilogos., was like one hundred four kilos time. and I really life kil was Big life ambition to go in the back of a I put superersonic fight to jet and I, I cannot believe to. So I't anything for four d. I went mad. I went full empit before it wasemp for four days and lost its weight. And then then I developed a kind of obsession with sugar. And so I like puddings now. that is endured Since then Wednesday? That was like fifteen years ago So I've got a hold on it now, but I went slightly crazy for a few years after that few Yeah know I really respect and appreciate now the challenges people have through because I went through this and I became obsessed. I was always like scrabbing my skin. So yeah, I developed a bit of a sort of, you know it was a gentle food thing which really helped me respect the fact what a lot of people go through. Sorry, I still can't believe you had to lose six kids No, it was wild. It was a crazy experience. I did the Carol Vorderman detox. whichich is a month, Dan, a month of It's not like what you did. but I was, you know, I'd had two kids in quite quick succession. and you know, I was piling a bit of the old LBs on. I thought, right, I've got to take this, take this in hand. H. Thank you very very much Anyway, did the Volderman detox? No meat, no wheat, no caffeine, no alcohol. No sugs.. After the month. I went to a rotisserie And like Henry VIh, I ate two whole chickens. literally I literally sat down opposite my poor husband who was literally just like that. I had two and I couldn't speak. I was it was disgusting. And it turns out the best thing for you is just a well bced Meration. Moderate lifestyle Moderation. Yeah. Anyway, now dear Dan, I'm afraid we must move on to this death death. Dear death. What happened? Most realistically, according to my wife and sort family, the death is most likely to be at dawn climbing up to the castle on the on the ridge line above the sort of You know, the place we've gone on holiday to have a relaxing holiday. and I lead everyone, comeome on out of b up there and it's bit hot.il This is famili yeah, bit hot. And It's very kind of very British in a way and that sort of savage you know masochism we have. Either falling off some sort of ridge line or just having a sort of giant cerebral or heart event, I think probably. then just ' dropping down under a castle.p dropping down at the castles and thinking actually, do you know? with my family overlooking the Serulean seea as the sun comes up. Psibly in Cornwall in Scotland or. And and that's I'm pretty sure that's how it happens. What's your favourite castle down You can't ask a man that, you know? It's too difficult for. I'm signing. You know, I tell you what, there's a castle in Corthu It parked on a hilltop and it is just the most astonishing sort of position you've ever seen. And is It's just like a fairy te. It's like on a huge big rock sticking out of the sea And it is it pointed?oed and there's a little teeny little path leading up to it. Oh it's got everything in. I think it's got Anglo Castro, I think that one. Anyway, so you know, it's hard. I get a bit disappointed We've done many of those trips on a castle trip where there's kind of nothing to see Well, so I know you've got to use your imagination. take weirdly is the best b place of a castle is actually from the neighboring hilltop. So you think, let's go walk up to c car and you get there it' suddenlyess magical because it's tumble down you don't real know. And there's some rubbish portter cabins inside it. So we like bit downt I say somethinges like the parthon, you want to be looking at the parthon from An another place in Athens as sun goes down with a nice drink in a rooftop bar. like, wow, that is the coolest thing ever seen. We used to do that with firework displays. where very, very tight, I would say to the gang, We're not going to pay however much it was to get into the display. like three quiz We get for charity. Were stick. Sorry, what? We're going to sit on the roof of the car hang on in the neighbouring road Right and then parks illegally Y Still see the fireworks there think do you think you're going to heaven Wh have you done this to yourself? I won't go to heaven because of my tightness. I am l ginginarily tight. Oh yes, clearly You' saving three quids sitting on the roof for car in a double yellow line. I thought and you've got some trees in the way and it's like the kids like, I wish we could see the Katherine wheel now it's rubbish, not worth it. Just look big the bigckets all right And you sort of hear bits of the music accompanying sort of coming through the rain and the wind. I've never actually told anyone that. Well, you're the first person. You can see why. Apart from the family. But I made it fun. I said, lookook come on guys, we can have some chips. We we sit on the roof. That' so nice.ite Its bitck. A those werecain's oven chips or did youy didid you stoop to buy chip chips out? Always made Always Theyre bit cold A the old tin foil In a toppper. Yeah, that's really soggy. A tpper sweating chips The stupidest death do you think? Oh my go, I've got I could' that inc There' an American Civil War General who I love his name. I can't remember who who said is this tueous They couldn't hit an elephant this disc So there was couldn't h an elephant at this distance and he got shot as he was saying it The Stuart family I always get this The Stuart family in Scotland, all of them had the most extraordinary deaths. the run of them from like one to five. One of them loved cannon and he wass like, let's see how this cannon works. then it blew them up. The cannon blew up as he was fighting bloc them. There are some incredibly stupid deaths. We think God it was Edmund Erinside, I think might have been killed on the That's the old. That's the one that Game of Thrones I think was inspired by you know, there are endless streets. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yes. I feel quite bad that the grand Dukes of Lithuania My dad was alf Lithuanianans so've got Lithuanian s heritage. and used to tell us a story. The Grand Dukes of Lithuania sort of thirteenth century, twelve, thirteenth century, when they died The wives had to go with them. Yes And that presumably has happened a hell of lot. We, of course. I mean, Chinchuwandi, the first Emperor of China, was buried with his concubines, servants in his great, by the way, unexcavated sort of pyramid in China, which is the most amazing Known archaeological site on the planet, which has never been excavated. So we know it's in there, we're pretty sure it's in there. This extraordinary tomb of the firstirst Emperor two thousand years ago, Yeahah. And around that tomb there are all sorts of people who wanted with him in the afterlife that were killed. Yeah particularly. Would you ever be tempted to sort of take anything like that on? Oh would I be tempted? Come getet in there, That's the big one. Come on I can see you doing it downan Yeah. That maybe that's how I die. I open thatem one of the old crossbows, allegedly they' like weapons that are sort of positioned at the entrance. Take a crossbow bolt to the chest, opening. I'm gonna change the way I die. That's cool die. Take a crossbow bolt to the chest whilst ingesting lot of mercury. Oh no That's complicated. It's a bit complicated, let's go with Sashcro So unlikeed Unlike. Although Chinese Communist by, call me. Yeah, no, absolutely. Now, dear Deathlings, this is all about you This is your Now Dan, if you look in the bouquet, which is just there, there's probably a little something on a piece of paper. T take it out? Yeah, do take it out. if you wouldn't mind Just giving that a shifty and reading out Our amazing viewers slash listeners, The Deaflings are so good e keep them coming guys. You know what to do. Dan, if you will. Heayel and fabulous guest. Do they know I was coming or they to say that everyone? O. All this talk of dream funerals and perfectly created wakes has made me desperate to throw myself an absolutely iconic party. Yes, ideally I'm still alive and can enjoy it. Sadly I need help. Apparently, my friends think I throw objectively awful parties. What? No. What? This was news to me because I genuinely believe an evening featuring a dangerously early start, yes. Always good. Yes. It shouldn't be an evening. It shouldould be an afternoon. Warm prosecco? No. No buffet food, which I agree. Dpends what it is. One deeply understood part misunderstood party game Yes, I call like that. Background music that's too quiet to dance super too loud to talk over. And everyone politelya even by nine PM was exactly what Grown womomen wanted. I'm with you on the timings, by the way. Tightly beautiful. It turns out, it's not. So I'm asking for your wisdom. What's the best or worst party you've ever thrown or attended? I will learn from this, or at the very least, stop pretending supermarket hummus Coucil's hosting. Thanks. Jade in Surrery. Jade in exing harsh in theself. I'm again the old prosecco, the warm proroseco. I think you I think that was I can see that. you had a serious.id't like that. Yeah. Get your sink, Jade, get your sink and get some ice bags. They're about two quid. And C I actually bought one at the weekend Chuck those in. bit of water as well. People don't do that. Hach two O. Bit of water with the ice. Yes, because otherwise you're smas bottles into ice and then the bottom, you know yeah, it needs to be a looser a looser configuration. and then get the prosexian Sorry for the use of proseceptive. P partarty, Dan, what is it for you? I have strong views on this, which is what I don't like is a party it It's in the diary flight six months and in our wonderful British way you get there and it's June it's May it's June and it is ing, eating, honking down everything. And we're all trying to be happy and there's a sort of sad ittle little canop. someone's gone to like the shops at the last minute and bought a little thing for the garden. And then it's like the sort of, you know you know that s of slippery damp thing you get on the back the patio terrace and it's just sort of brown and greay and it's rain, it's sludgy.ort of plankton. Plankton. Pankton. It just comes out. And then you're all there and then you're in the house throughout the house and're all trying to be happy Sack it off the best party impromptu. Weather forecast like it. Three or four days out, high pressure system, gentle winds from the east. This one's here to stay. and then call up people aren't available es't matter too bad It doesn't. You're ls of friends invite the ones' come. Bets like the wine, the best friends are the ones that actually turn up and then you just have and it's outdoors windows open. there is so in we have a Canadian, I'm half Canadian and in Canada, you get your canoe, upturned canoe, fill it with ice and water Beers beers and prosexy sexy sexy Prsexy in the icy canoe. that's everything you need. And then la that. Barbecue that canoe Yes, in the canoe and then you're just in British Sommer'say That's the party. That's the party. Start as early as you can, finish as l as again can. Yeah becauseuse it's lovely to have a good old sleep after the party. Oh my God. thing down that finishes at nine PM these day God. Heaven. Do you know what I mean? Heaven? It's like a theatre show with no interval. That's just the best, isn't it? No, that's a real joy. There's nothing nothing good can happen. to a middle aged dude after about ten o'clock at night. Let's drink and be merry and then let's wrap it. let's play with the outside and let's go to bed. Yeah, your. That's a party. Come on, Dan. Thankk you very much, Jade from sorry. Listen, that was an absolute masterclass in how to throw a party, Jade. So I hope you've taken note Right, listeners, viewers. If you want to get email read out on the podcast by one of our fantastic guests, like the amazing Dan Snow, the email address is meel at deathpodcast. coot uk Coming up soon This is one of the best funerals I've ever heard about. Yeahah. Bs out's all the dead bes Good sleep is everything That's why Oie's science backack supportpp is made with a blend of melatonin and Ldianine for both kiddles and grownups So when your mind won't switch off, you've got something that can help E racing thoughts and restless nights won't stand a chance Find Ollie sleep solutions for the whole family at Ollie. com That's o llY. com This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom sccrolling? Smart move. Another smart move Getting help from one of State Farm's nineteen thousand local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto Bundling, J another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state Yeah ould it be an imp ief Well, it would have to be reasonably imp prompt because people don't know you're gonna to die, do they There's another thing And I think it's probably due to the fact that Depending on where you live, but you know at time of recording, we're here in London in the southeast of England, and it's pretty overpopulated. So when people die, there's often quite a long wait. right. For the funeral. Yeah. Dnding I mean, obviously, you Muslims want to bury within twenty four hours, similarly the Jewish faith Often there's a bit of a bloomming weight.ious. How'd you feel about that Let's get this done. Get it done Let's just keep it, let's keep it in the family. let's let's justust dispose the body I'm obviously beice to send out sea Vikings starm and I love the sea I've got salt water in my veins So let's that would be great downam. I can see that. That'd be lovely. I mean it'd be nice. And my kids would take great pleasure in setting fire to a nice clinker built wooden boat Pushed out But and then let's get in the garden and hope his decent weather. If you're climbing up the castle, suggest it's a little warm spell. Yes, that's good Yeah. So then let's roughly speaking, funeral, same rules as the party, I think, Mr. Brightsiding off the bed Very nice. That's very. I mean, in terms of who's going to be there Do you want the great and good to be there? No I think I gosh. Fam and pal. Fam and fam and fam. Fam and fam and fam, isn't it? I'm big I've got a big family. That's why sometimes I think I'm not the best friend because I've just got such a giant family. I'm one of six. I've got cousins coming out with the Wazoo. So I've sort of got quite a lot of people a lot of people to get through. What's the aesthetic of the funeral? Oh, the aesthetic is is there a dress code? No, there's not shorts and t shirts and everyone on the beach and everyone enjoying the send off and getting rid of me, nice. Any sort of Viking twist to what people are looking? Do we want a couple of cororned helmets? Wellist I know you're just doing that to upset me because as you know, there is no evidence in the archeological record of helns on helmets, as you well know It's one of the great myths of history, and the fact that Pole wasn't very short. they're two great myths of history. average size, average size British propaganda They could they kept say very short.. Is that true? That was true. He was I mean wasn't tall guy but he was average for the site, aer at the time. same height as roughly as I think as Nelson or Yes, we're by the sea. If people want to wear funny things than biking things, they can, which is great. I fully pelt. Yes. The horns and helmet, then Is that a Vaggenarian? Vagian thing? And that's exet design, costume design, late nineteenth century, yeah, totally. I mean, it's a bloody great bit of design. Great bit of design, Isn't it? Plats, helmet horns bang That's so good. Yes, I mean, that's literally iconic Yeah. What's the best funeral in history, do you think that you have come across? funeral history, good?' all read about Well, the Duke Won funeral was, I mean, it was the biggest, we think the biggest funeral in British history up to Princess Diana in that the streets were absolutely packed as this cortege went. Nelson's funeral. I mean, you know, hero he came up, they sailed up the Thames And then he was covered his coffin was covered in the flag, the battle standard of theictous Victr, which he died. And as he was low to the ground, the sailors tore up the flags. they could each have a part and keep being that meento of that day. amazing. The churchill famous the funeral was He went down the thames as well He organized his own funeral. He organized his own funeral And He he went down the Thames as well, probably because he wanted to be out E Ailson. and it was all of the cranes and the docks. they all bowed their heads. Oh my. Thats very cool. Oh that's amazing. And then he went to go buried at Benham because he was part of the Morbrus dyasty and made sure he didn't go from Paddington, which is the normal thing to He went from Waterloo, just so Charles dee Gool had to go through Waterloo They changed at reading, I think it was. So yeah, they organized it deliberately. Lovely knowledge, they changed it at reading. Yeah. Well get these things right. It good fun. I love that Right, good. food at the funeral. It barbecue. Let's go barbecue. We're gonna be a beach aren't we?. the beach. actually I live on the beach. that That's why I'm talking I should have made that clear. So I live in in the new forest, right next to the beach. I had my honeymoon theread Well,'s be friend. Where did you go? Got. So we went to Um it was near Limmington. Oh yeah, there you go I was four and a half months Prag is down, so I wasn't feeling quite at my best I was a bit grump. shot gun shotgun. It really, no, it really was old school. old school Polish dad. spepe of imp prompt you. It was. There they go. It was four weeks in the planning.. Dad. Yep, literally. Part of me was thinking, slightly humimpph. You know, couldn't we go to Maui or whatever? But no, Do you know what I mean fourour days in the new forest, it was beautiful.autiful. And we went to Butuckler' Butucklerss Hard to see Nelson's where Nelson built the ships.. So good. Why would you want to go anywhere else G? No. importantortant point. Do you know what I'm saying? Exactly. Good. Now we've sort we've sorted out the funeral I think we've done some good death minutute actually. it's good Now I think I know the answer to this If you're on a viking ship downan, which I'm really keen on Not in that sounds a bit weird of me, but I just think it really, I think you that's you Totally to be on the burning Viking ship. You're going to be cremated, right? It's going to be crereatated. So I'm going to be cremated, I'm going burn and then slowly the waves will extinguish it as the ship slips below the surface. Do we have music Is there music? I suppose there could be music there's yes, why not? let's blast the music out and Do go infero? Do beerno. I mean, I'm someone, I've got heteronormative music taste for a guy of my generation. I mean, I just love a bit of oasis. L love it. I mean, look you' laughing at me, but it's true I'mar a bad. I love you I've imagine the most obvious nineties bangers you could ever Calm on. bit bit of underworld. Come on, now we're talking. we are talking. Let's have a ninety small filler or two. Yes And that's when I was, you know, it's like it's Pristy and I love that. And So I would love But if I wanted to sort of connect with my wonderful dad, he loved Sibelus, we used to listen to that on the boat. There's a little bit of classical music, Finlandia booming out. you know, this is, you know, this is it's romantic stuff. So some of that. So and then as the boat slips beneath the waves, and I become fish food. That's those are the those are the notes echoing across the silent sea. It fantastic This is one of the best funerals I've ever heard about yeah. Bs out to all the dead people Dan importance. This is important on the old Death Min is a bit overused, isn't it? On the minin front. This is important Yeah, the will What have we got? Wh's it going to? I don't own very many things. Yeah a lot of things sameome. Yeah. So I've got I've got lots of books And I've got lots of lots of I've got a boat like a dinghy or two, a love bit of dinghy sayiling. So I've got like a little rib And so those the books and the ribs, I think would go to my kids because the two most important things in my life are loving and learning and thinking and novels and all that. I don'd want them to have it. And boats as well. I can fight over the little rubber ducky boat. I would love to say I'm gonna give my special sword that I found in archaeological dig to someone. But yeah I don't accept that. I always make sure stays where it is and goes to a museum or collection. So yeah, alas, alas but I think I feel quite clean I feel quite don't an encumbrance. Yeah, purge col. Even sometimes books downan Yeah Jilly Coopers probably go couldn't they realistically? Yeah Yeah. but yes, I do occasionally have to get it a bit a sad after to get around. Do you find that hard? Very hard. Getting rid of bs's V very hard. ye. Yeahow wants know they make rooms even just like even if they read, they make rooms for cozy, they're good for the sound. Actually, they're really good for your books. Yes. I like a friend's done this. and it it's not like a big grand staircase. It's just a normal staircase. She's shelved it on one side I love that. And over doorways as well. It's always so nice, isn't it? Really nice. V nice Yeah That's a nice one. Jade in Surrey, when you're not giving your impromptu party, you might look at that as well. Bit a books shelf over the doors. Okay comeome for the party advice, Leave with the interior design. We're a abroad church Talking of which This wor At the hill, the sun's shining. toowwards the castle Did you leave your family with Pissy I that We're almost there. C on. Just aroundound the corner whichich is classic The classic dad saw a shout. But that's rather lovely. We're almost there. We're almost there. Yeah. Oh, Dan. I think that's really philosophical. Well thank you for that's very kind of you say I had't thought that, but yes, you're right, maybe it is that's the essence of life. It is. We're almost there. Keep going go there. It's not as far as you think, come on keep Yeah. Oh I think that' absolutely wonderful.. I think that's lovely. You're feeling tired of beingre tired of' be all right How young were your kids when you made them walk quite long distances. Well, very young, I think,s a pull little thing. It's character building It's character building. and also and everyone says me, Ohh, I can't get my kid to go to the museum. I say, Well my kids't to the museum they want toat arrows and watch to tell, of course they' The point ofarent is you to a lot stuff you don't want to. I don't gab in theidd ofight J,y happ If I don't partularly, I want to walk up this castle. but if you need something to do, K you off your screen, so walk up the castle. Do your kids listen to your podcast? No. My kids don't interuact with my content really. I don't know. just it's just not we didn't It's not our family culture. I think it's we, I think. I think that's healthy I think My kids are actually just totally uninterested.interested they should be Beuse they got their own things going on. Fo listening. Sometimes' talking someone weird on the. who cares, right? They they're too busy doing their thing. I agree. So your kids aren't listening to the podcast, but lots and lots of people are. Hey of course History here. Massive History. Oh wow we. It's so clever. Well it's very thanking. It's such a great idea and you love doing it. We used to go to commissioning editors, We used to crawl upstairs in the BBC O somewhere. G, G Absolute global rock star of a person. And yet you had to go and sort of beg for your next you know, show. Monstrous. So now now what we're all doing and it's YouTube, it's subscription video, all the things, audio. and you go, Oh, we're going to go to Greece and make a program on the Odysy. And it's going to be on Instagram and YouTube and audio And you just go and do it with a great team that you built up. And how big is your team? We' got fifty people sitting in a cool office in Shordditch all these d having good times. They're all on there laptops. Isn't that great though? Doing work bl And then we go off on tri to China and we win Poland last week. So it's great and we make all this content, we put it all these platforms. I'm dreamy I can't tell you how luck I am fifty people Aazing. Your Christmas parties must be fun. Well, I imprompt you the Christmas, but actually the summer parties. We've got a bit of if I say this it iss going to come to it, but we come down to my house and we're on the beach. And we and four years in a row, it's been insane British weather, like heat wave crazy. Right let's not blaming No When is it? When's the part July this year Friday I think it's third F July. And I'm very worried because it can't go on. And I put those kids and it's finishes at six, you bet it finish six PM Those kids are a bus back to London,? We're like, Oh, what a shame have to go. Bye. And that bus is like Mad Max. The stories that come out of that bus are appalling. I bet. Appalling. honestly shocking But that's not my problem And me and wife do a little clear up and then we sit there have a little Final glass of rose about seven hundred thirty and think might turn I've been dring it's eleven. It's heaven. And I'm so and I love them all. and we've all stayed together for ages and we've producce this podcasts Dan Snow History at and, you know the one that I do, but it' also anyway, we're part of a team full time and we support each other. I'm so proud of it. Dan, Iichel. I'm so happy for you, then. of anyone I know literally in the business of show This is you deserve all the good things. No, it's the truth. It's the ruddy truth Beautiful, uplifting. it can be done Coming up soon. It was a bit like going to the Bob Dylen gig. I was like, o, but actually when I went to the Bob Dylingig, it was one of the best gigs I've been. When you went to Hman Victory, I was blown away This summer, serve up the cookout classics, craft Mo and dressing, toss green salads with delicious ranch dressing or zesty Italian Serve smooth, craably creamy potato salads with mayo. We all know it's not a cookout without craft. If we knew more about our sleep, What would we do differently Would we go to bed at a consistent time or take steps to reduce interruptions to our sleep with Sleep score Apple Watch measures your bedtime consistency, interruptions, and sleep duration Every morning it combines these factors into an easy to understand score from one to one hundred So you'll know how to take the quality of your sleep from okay to Very high. Know your sleep score with Apple Watch. iPhone eleven or later required Now damn I'm imagining on the old, maybe not on the shores as the Viking ship sort of hoves out of view with all its flames. I think probably it would be at the funeral, but it's lovely to have somebody having a little chat about you, isn't it? I'm one of those strange people I've met other people at. I love being the centre for attention but I don't like it to be formal I like going to someone else's party and being sort of fabulous. Well I hate my own parties. and I have heard I think there's a sort of particular term like psychotic narcissism or something that I'm probably but like so I never have my own birthday parties and never have I don't like my own things. So I am a bit uncomfortable by this bit. Okay. But at the same time, it's nice, I'll be dead, so why not someone say some things? Yeah, when you're not there Absolutely love it. below the smoke.ow the smoke. Listen, we've got somebody blowing some smoke and here it is Dearly beloved. gathered here to Eulichize My good friend and gainful employer, Mr. Dansow. He was a man who was Neither short on stature Nor on chat And as a result, he took up most of the space in any room he was in Both physically and metaphorically Ultimately, friends, we can be happy that he died as he lived on a boat somewhere talking about how something was a fantastic piece of kit. And he went all over the world to let other people know ere fantastic pieces of kit may be found. He's left of us all a legacy that we can't hope but fill because ultimately he's got a good seven inches on me. So that was the wonderful Eleanor Yarger, who is a historian and very funny podcast, who host part of our team. And also I like the idea she just thinks I go in the world talking about Battleshipips and fifteen inch guns and shera tanks. She's a medievalist, of course, she lives on a different plane, you know Which century is she in? Oh, I mean, she's just deeply in the fourteenth century. What she doesn't know about the fourth century, doesn't know It' so cool Great eulogy, great, great eulogy piece of kit you've ever come across? I know that's a hard question. Well, the best pieceve ever come across is you couldn't look beyond Nels's Fagship Patreon myict tree, you go and see in Portsmouth. I w' to see.. I mean, it's the best thing Unbelievable Unbelievable. I don't know why everyone in it's the best thing I've ever seen. And I'm not gonna to lie to you Dan. was I did want to go and see it. I know this one. see this? I did he this before. I did, but my husband was like, Oh go, it's got to go this's going to be amazing. and I was slightly like It was a bit like going to the Bob Dylan gig. I was like, o. But actually when I went to the Bob Dyling gig, it was one of the best gigs I've ever been. And when you went to HMS Victory, I was blown away It was extraordinary. so it's a hundred gun battleship from two hundred years ago, built laid down two hundred fifty years ago. the most complicated object on planet Earth at the time. Extraordinary. Unbelievable. Now we have one more thing to do today. Okay. you know, in keeping with the slight tightness of of the host. Yeah But Oh my. Look at this little badger. now. Look at this. In a weird way, Dan You're not allowed to look Okay. but we are, that's the joy of this I'd like to say thank you so, so much for coming on Weetathererss Will' Wake It's been lovely. It's been so nice. It's been so nice to work with again. Thank you very much for having me. Man. You're so welcome I'm going to ask you to spin the old wheel, which will determine where you're going to end up for all eternity. Didn't see that coming. I know. This way are you happy with a clockwise Any way any way you ready want. Gosh. seearching for the little bit. That was a slow spin, but that's fine. No, it's good. keepeep it there. Here we go Thank for your sins. Thank you so much for watching slash listening to this podcast. There are loads and loads more in the archive. The Revere Richard Cooles to name but one just plucked him out. Vicki Ppperdine, Bridget Christie, All the greats You know where to find them. and Listen, this is really exciting Dan because this does not very often at all. In fact, in my tenure here, I think it's only actually happened once before Purgatory Dan How do we feel I feel Reasonably relaxed about being purgatory? Yes Because I'm not deep down, not sure it exists. So I'll take my chances. Okay Is there a Viking form of purgatory? No, the Vikings Vikings had a tough one, which is the men to go to the feasting hall. As long as you die with fighting on the battlefield the get get you. Yeah the women just seem to sort of just get so I mean, it's not a super attractive afterlife for them. really. Okay. But I'd like to think I would be deep down, I'd like to be feasting in Valhalla with heroes from the past The thing is about purgatory, I always think, is that it will happen. You've just gott to wait for it. Yeah, you have to be torured a bit, don't you? It's not super fun. Are tortured? Well I thought it was just like reading and waiting. Okay, well I can read Which to me sounds absolutely blissful. So there we go, B of purgatory, Dan, and then you'll be feasting in Balhalla. All is good with the world Join us again next time. I can actually hear Dan Snow's stomach rumbling from here. So it is time. to literally wrap things up and the feasting will happen, I promise you. See you next time And just like that, another life Well and truly