Embarrassing Stories and Final Legacy

But what I've never had is Bath of it. where I lie in the bath And then when I want to drink some justust sort of Oh I just go like that. it And also I need to point out because because it's it's out of n the nice temperature with my foot then I can let some more chowder in. Chowder taps. Yeah. Sowder taps. Oh my Godd, this is apps b? No, it's beautiful. Greetings, my dearest loves. I'm Mel Geedroichch, and this is the podcast where delightful celebrities cheerfully plan their own deaths and funerals Welcome to So way stone Cld delight we have today. He's a stand up, he's a writer, a musical tinkkerer, and the proud owner of a piano so tiny that it looks like it belongs in a kinder egg. He's also an Irish comedian of the finest, most whimsical variety, the kind you can wander on to QI. eight out of ten cats does count down, or would I lie to you and leave you wondering was that standup or a beautifully rambing voicemail And of course, he and I are were recently trapped in an escape room together, so being sealed in this tiny studio with him again feels comfortingly familiar Luckily, he's not skating around on the floor on a load of lube. It is the dead good Theyity was quite jolly, wasn't it? Yeah, that was good. Thank you for having me. Deathmel has ever You know, a lot of the puns have been done as in Deathmail. Sells good. Yeah. Deathmel's really good. Is okay. We'll get that in next time. We'll weave it in seamlessly Now I'm glad the Rathboness got your name right because I know that you've come here in a cab and something slightly untoward happened with that cab receipt U it's a new spelling. It's not like I don't think Odoheri is that difficult, but I know it has an apostery. It's got punctuations. It's like O clock Yes. You know, it is one of my distant cousins four o'lock Capital D as well.'s not a small D or is it a small D? Sure, it's DOD, which is actually death on delivery. isn't it? For hospital when you're wheeled in on the gurney, you have a thing on your toe ye. I'm say that's really fits does doesn't it? Yeah veryy on brand. Yeah very on brand. I'd never had David David O and then P apostrophe O H R T Y. So David O I don't I'm not even sure how it seems like a sort of like a Samone name or something. you know, where you have a few apostrophes in it. So that's how I will be known from now on. David Petry poetry sort of like poetry David poetry David O pooetry Now listen up, hold the gold. We're going to come right back to all this after these people have tried to sell you something. Coming up my Deathlings The opposite of it glove is another hand that holds the first hand perfectly and that's what my glove is like to my sweet anuse. America's turning two hundred and fifty this year. So why don't you celebrate with tootal wine and more For a milestone like this, you want to make sure there is something for everyone Total wine has the largest selection. find great beer, wine and spirits for every guest and every kind of celebration. Th big moments add up, so it's good knowing you're getting the lowest prices and If you need a recommendation The total wine team can help Get ready for America's two hundred and fiftieth birthday, shop total wine and more today and get everything you need at the lowest prices. When sppirits are not sold in Virginia and North Carolina, drrink responsibly be twenty one. Study and play. Come together on a Windows eleven PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the unreal college deal, everything you need to study and play with select Windows eleven PC's, eligible students get a year of Microsoft three hundred sixty five Pmium A year of Xbox Game passass ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows. com slash student offer. Lawupplies last ends june thirtieth turns at aka. mS slash college PC Now before we go any further, David Ddoi A'm actually obliged to do this. It's a joy to do this I'm not going say I'm obliged to do this. I think I know what you're about to say. Yeah, is there anything that you closest I've actually come to death and certainly the last few months was making a TV show with you in Belgium where everything had been covered in lube and involved me slipping out of it the whole time. It It's very funny.'s extra. It has not seen David Odosi yet in the way out Please can I guide you towards Dav and you? Yeah The new rebranded channel. Yes. D and you, Dav and you. Takaking it over Yes. There's some extraordinary, as well as verbal stuff, of course. There's some extraordinary physical comedy courtesy of this man here I'm not going to give away too much, but there's a smoking chimney pot and a nut meugging inst. Oh yeah, my plums. where I l the use of my plums. It's called The Way Out. Way Out. Yeah. And it's on now, I think, isn't it? It is Kind of on now. Lovely plug L littleittle bit of a mutual plugging there. That soundsude M Listen You're a good man. You're a good man. Yeah. ye. Thank you. You know you are? Oh I see as regards judgment. Do know where I'm heading? The finger very much on the stam deck. hovering above this. Hving thought about this more than maybe anyone else. How do you visualize the Ply gates? literally gates made of pearl. Yeah. I am so literal Yeah like that. The afterlife for me is literally billions and billions of people that have lived and are.. I know it is ludicrous. St Pete with the long beard like Ey top.. all of that. Okay, ye. yeah. about for you. My parents, you need a code to get into there a little bit. There's about ten houses And houses It's the fact that hang on, they're still alive. I'm not talking about the afterlife. Yes, of course. I'm talking about their place in Dublin Okay. And it has these black gates.s that they close sort of like this. And then when they close they go G gong. So I do imagine a bit of that to it Hopefully, I'm getting in so I will hear the gu gong as it shuts behind me. Like Like with an Airbnb thing with a little the little box od numbers Do you think now Stain. Peter has to distinguish between people who are there to be judged and people who've just someone's Airbnb their spot in heaven for the weekend and they've got the This should be the code I hate that business, don't you? trying to line them all up. It's a first world problem. Yes, ye. So Googag Gong. I know exactly what you mean. It's a judder, isn't it? Yeah Yeah.'s bloody judder beforeo Yeah Have you done enough to get through the Ggag Gong? And well here comes the tricky part really and it does come back to that I've done my best. Yeah I wasn't It's a surprise for me that this is here in a way. Yeah because I was just expecting vast nothingness. Yeah. So what are you? Yeah, while I am Like I this is unbelievable. Wow. I do also think I don't think I was too bad while I had the chance. And in a way you gave me the reason for me to think It wasn't going to happen. Talking to St. Pete here. Yes, Yes. And I'm talking to you on behalf of the management. Sort, thanks. So it's kind of your fault. O was it was a thing that you gave to me that meant that I didn't think this was going to happen. So I am happy to be here now, but I'm also like likeike this. ye Do you think if Saint Peter, you're looking for a reason that I should be let in. Yes And is that allowed? comeome I would imagine the transportation system beyond is bicycles Bicycles are 've been in an obsession for a long time and I used to work in a bike shop So if nothing else, I'll be able to carry out repairs. I meanes I know but get it gets quite complicated now, which is do the b does anything wrong ever happen to the bikes? Yeah. Are there still punctures in heaven? I think if you want there to be. Yeah, okay I think if you want there to be, there can be. I love the idea of people going around on bikes in heaven. It makes total sense in a place. Yeah. huge. And normally I would have an Allum key or something in my pocket that I could just show as well. get. What's the best bike you ever rode when you were alive Oh, what I would say We may come back to this come back. So I got a bike for my fourteenth birthday and I'm an extraordinarily shaped man in that I have a six foot one mother and a five foot five father who have begat this eighty percent torso maybe with little legs like an ewalk that just sort of come like really at Al Messi that coming down the bottom. So I actually still fit my bike from when I was fourteen and it was sitting in the shed for a long time and then I fixed it up to a state of absolute perfection Yeahah. it's nostalgic because it's the same saddle as well, whatever way like thirty years of Ars on that has made it a glove is the wrong word, but What's the opposite of a glove. Don't do that action by of a glove. I don't know. a sock Ios this for a glove? Oh no, something really uncomfortable. No A pommel. No, I would say it's like the opposite of a glove is another hand that holds the first hand perfectly. And that's what my glove is like to my sweet anoouse. U listen, I think your chances are pretty blooming good. for Ga gung for the gates. Thank you. I just yeah. and I think there's a confidence there's a confidence there. I think you'll be able to, you know. I mean, I didn't think I think he'll be kind. Existed, but now I desperately want to go in.. Thanks for letting me in. All right, love. Okay, now last. So my favorite food is chowder Okay And I'm talking sort of West of Ireland type creamy chowder. Not one of these sort of French bisque ones where you pull out a snoot of a crab or whatever. I want the one where there's just everyone is gangs all here. Yeah basically. Yeah. who's in there? We're talking White fish. So we've got whatever whatever we want maybe card mus m Then we want mussels, then we wanted a little bit of smoked fish. Yeah, had it. Then we want some surprise little bits of potato and some veg as well. The whole shebang. But this is where it gets tricky I I've eaten many a bowl of it? Y. I've even had it in one restaurant in bread in a bread. Thank ye. I was gonna ask that What I've never had is Bath of it I lie in the bath. And then when I want to drink some, Just sort of Oh. I just go like that. it And also I need to play down because because it's it's out of the nice temperature with my foot then I can let some more chowder in. Chowder attaps. Yeah. Sowder exams. Oh my God, this is apps. It Isn too? No, it's beautiful. Well What's the flow light? doeses it come out really fast? I mean it just is it dribbling out? No, well it's a nice flow. The problem is it's got the bits in it. So it's not going to be a pretty sight as it comes down the chute. Yes. You know it's going to look Yeah. like someone's throwing up. Yeah a little bit Now This is this is where we get really Treicky I want that, but for me, a chowder should always be accompanied by a brown bread.. L a proper thick brown bread. A doorstop with butter on the top of it Okay, so what I want I'm salivating. So I'm in the bath. And this is this is tricky. Okaykay. So I've had I might come back for more in a second. That was the t the tap the fucet. Yeah. and I then roll Maybe the bath tips to the side onto a piece of brown bread that is also six foot one long And so I'm able just to eat little bit of butter like that and then like I can eat it the way like Rats. chew through cement. You know what I mean? just And then cut you the bath tilts you back. Yeah, back again. You can use your hands if you want to. you don't want to. keep those by the ye, or over the edge of the bath. Well whatever. Are you operating? Would you be operating the machinery? Okay, yeah, yeah. No, I'll be backstage just, you know Yeah. So I'll be like likeike that and the bread will tilt me back into the bath And we'll go like that for a little while. We won't be well afterwards because it's ye, I think I've always had fantasies about large quantities But like, I mean there like a swimming pool of creme brulee. I've thought about that a lot I think it's when you're on holidays and you dive into the pool the thought of your fingertips touching it. thinking it's cement. but then you go right through into it. And well that's a bad example because while I love creme bruleet The problem with cramb brule is I once tried to make it and realized it's just scrambled eggs. But no, you definitely need the little fire thing. And I didn't have that. So I just tried to bung it under a really hot grill Absolutely didn't work. Like a total shit show. was it? Was it for a special occasion U No, I think it was a pandemic. It was an occasion of two years of sadness broken up occasionally with exotic fail meals The low point in our house during the pandemic talking about food stuffs was a blindfolded Chuckne me tasting. Oh yeah Like we had eight different chutneys in the cupboard and we thought, way blindfold and actually we looked forward to it for days We look forward to days because nothing else was happening. Right ye. We were building it up. We were absolutely. and actually and I look back and think bleak days. Yeah, there's a sign only three days t and you get to tell ch. And my main memory, so I moved to an island to Ale Island A Mayo with Granny, where Granny had lived with Jim and Anne, my parents who were eighty two, eighty three And I bought a brara with her online But she didn't She's a believer in the sloggy corporation who make the more of the Civil engineering, the sexy. Yeah. And I said she said I need a new one. And I said, they'll have a website. She they will not have a website. And of course they have a website. And she knows all the measurements. Oh she does So we're entering it's like the matrix There's just thousands of numbers cascading. And then she has this adorable idea. She said, it's going take them a month to make it like they' all in Dusledorf just when the order comes in And we' it's three day express delivery moment. We're in the EU. And I remember when it arrived just taking it almost like flying at like a kite. over the cottage And then the funniest part of it was for the next year Every time I'd look at the internet, there was a bra An ad for a bra. Yeah. It'd be a story about Donald Trump or something. And it would just break in the middle and be like, Do you need another b do that for your mum though. Because that could be sort of embarrassing? No No way. lovely. Yeah ye. That's really lovely Later in the show So it's like, do do do do D do. You never touched dud. Yeah, it's just all wrong. M Charlie, I've been thinking, right? When I joined this podcast it was already, obviously a glorious chaotic death soaked machine But you, you guys had to put together the bones of the show astwer with all the what ifs. Oh Mal, the what ifs can almost bury you. And yet you made the leap and thank the spectral gods you did because it turned out to be one of the best decisions of your ownndead little lives, am I right? Yep, but I'll tell you what, everything feels better when you're part of a team people around you who know what they're doing. and that team feeling can be achieved at Shopify. Yes, Shopify. The commerce platform behind millions of businesses from giants like Deathwish Coffee and Gyms Shark too people kind of just starting out with a dream and a dodgy microphone. And imagine having hundreds of ready to use templates to build a beautiful online shop. pllus the AI tools. Shopify can write product descriptions, page headlines, even enhance your product photos. And o baby the marketing. Shopify helps you get the word out with email campaigns and social posts all in one place No more, which tab is the one making the noise? 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The most famous band to have come out of there would be Fontaines, DC Very cool Trend Ver cool band. Trendo. I'll occasionally do my Wackadoo stand upp comedy there, but it's very much a rock venue As in side of stage is all old cymbolals. You know what I mean? Broken drums Yes Yeah,esash Bs It's cool. Yeah, it's welll cool. Now to exit to get to the dressing room You there's a door here and you open And whatever the opposite of health and safety gone mad The door opens onto a stairs, a really steep stairs suchuch that lovely every timely I've ever played it Yeah Youve fallen I nearly So it's a full twenty foot staircase. It's a sort of an inspector Clzo. Y type scenario. Absolutely Sub blloodyutely. And because You know, if your gig goes well, there's an element of euphoria walking on air like so it's here. the venue' small. Yeah. you're like, thanks everyone. open this door and then So what I want is to go that way. Not yet. I a bit I've a bit more do Tumbly, tumbly. Yeah. Oh no it is yeah, the Oh dos, I don't like to think of you tumbling down the sts. But but you've had an amazing gig., but they're still applauding. They' stillud. The reason that no one hears any of it is because There's cheering. I am so happy because of the gig. Yeah Tumble tumble tumb. And is it a full ar over tit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. with at the end. abbsolutely. there was it was instantaneous the whole thing In fact, the audience might even want an encore. Yes. Okay? Yeah. So let me add this to it. They're applauding and they're doing, you know, in France, when they do rhythmic applauding for an encore a loo Bble B Bab Bble so there in fact, the gig has gone so well They're annoyed that I haven't. So eventually the audience nominates someone to go and see where he is. And o L M. So I'm then and I guess this is the start of the funeral. I'm just sort of dragged by the ankles back up the stairs. Right, I'm into this. Placed on stage. We're going straight from Death into funeral. This is the first, I believe, certainly during my tenure of whether's a Wheel is awake straight from death into This is absolute marvelous. So I'm imagining it's sort of cohole type scenario the door. Yeah. And I'm also imagining it like in the Blues Bothers, when you see the penguin at the top of those stairs. Is that that kind of steep Yeah it's absolutely that. E if you want to think of it even more cinematically, there might be a single shard of moonlight comes in When the audience nominate the person to see Wh I haven't come back Yeah. They even though it's an indoor venue somehow's a hole the roof. some mo shing of light. Yeah. Yeah. And so you're dragged and I'm dragged back on stage. Yeah. Okay. And I'm actually sat because I play a novelty keyboard. I'm sat back on the chair that I did the gig on And, you know, immediately is there a doctor in the house He's gone and the audience, that's my first applause. I don' It feels for your pulse and there's just a little bit of prawn a little ye. A little bit of prawn there' slightly thinking,, don't know about that, but anyway, yeah, he fell out the stairs but was also having a massive cholesterol event as he fell down the stairs from having had a bath in a chowder Now my funeral I've thought about this. Yeah, do We all think of your funeral, no, not in that way, but you know, it's good to ye, goodood to be upront. What you're telling me is a lot of people have been thinking about my funeral. Interesting. Yeah. The here's what I want I'm leaning on. I enjoy history. Yeah and I'm leaning on a Dublin's Viking Oh, this is good. This is strong. So I'm seeing were burning. Yeah. We're burning but Boy Bernie, Bernie Boy Wha, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's too standard. There was a bicycle mentioned earlier in this. cast slash video. eents posossibly I IMax. There's an IiMAax version of this is there This three People in threeD glasses waiting for something to happen tab The so that bike So is a Do' a hill? comoming down from Dame Street Temple bar withith a good run at the Liffy, okay? This this is tricky now. Okay. I u Dressed M Aes Stephen Roach from the nineteen ninety seven tour de France, the only Irishman ever to win the tour. managed to buy some of the gear on eBay in recent times. H you. Yeah. So we have the bike there. but this is one tiny twist And this is also a musical element to it.. The novelty keyboard Yes that has made my career. Yeah is placed down. You know the way the pro cyclists often have the food in the pocket placed in the pouch Absolutely. It's in the pouch And the demo is playing Loud Now with the keyboards that I play You've got three options of a demo And giveive me them please. you wouldn't mind. Let's just have a little a little taster of each. Mozart is it called Rondo Alatur, that one. Lovely Bizarrely that's the Casio PSS two hundred sixty Sorry the Yamaha PS the Yamaha PSS one forty Its demo tune is Billy Joel's donon'to changing. Dad Be it have one hundred and forty different instruments. It goes like it'll play for an hour. And what's funny is when you get onto like machine gun and those it's like So why would didn't play as a machine It's got all the sounds. So trumpet must be good. Yeah That's nice. That would be quite celestial. Yeah well. V. Yeah with respect to the wrap bones. Yes. Yes. I'm again, you unfortunately are the one that has to do this. I'm gaffa taped to this bike to the bike Okay. so hands on the bars feet on the pedles. Now this is because this is all polyester It's quite easy to set on fire. Yeah You're gonna got like a cris, aren't you? Yeah, So the audience from the gig come out and they're lining I think it might be Eustace Street in Temaarus, what it's called is a cobbled street ' got me up the far end of us and they're applauding As I you hoosh me, Bubs slace. Well I was going to say, do we need stabilizers? And is that a bit Yeah, you know, that for a cyclist like yourself that yes, sorry. But how are you going to stay Yeah. Stable stabilizers No, but I'm thinking how are you gonna to stay gravity justust be the sheer speed of it. The gravity will do it love and also the fact that there is a hill. Yeah. Okay What I'm really looking forward to on this is so they applaud as the burning man shoots down Eustace Street There's a wall over the river Liffy runs through the center of the Dublin. Yeah. So this is right where the Vike where Viking Dublin was as well. So it's incredibly appropriate. Yeah. I smack front wheel into the low wall. Yeah And then I spiral out lit the Liffy Yeah into the middle of the river is absolutely key. I love this. There's a it's a lot to it. Oh, it's doable. Yeah, I think it's doable. It's with the audience running down. Yes yeah, they're cheering, but also there's a somburn it will be difficult for people not to be entertained by it. Yeah. but I do want them to see it primarily as a, you know, contemplative moment. What's the third piece music? You've got your Mzart, you've got your Billy Joel What's the third one on the demo? I'm just thinking of the sound of all this. Yeah. I'm not sure about Buddy Joel to be honest. Don't go change it. So my friend Michael has invented this is my gift to you and the M people who love this I Greatest card travel game of all time changing me with you in famous songs. So for example, that Billy Joel song becomes this deranged I won't go changing try to please you Oh you know what I mean? Okay. o. She loves you becomes like you love me yeah like yeah, all these song All carpenter's songs are deranged just about. The third piece of music, however, is It's another keyboard that occasionally bring out called the Casio Wrap manan which is What It's a bit too novelty for my o plete. It's got a shiv circle on the end They failed to secure the rights to loads of famous tunes from the history of hip hop or the nineteen ninety one history of hip hop. Right. So they're all one or two notes off. Right Which makes them hilariously. Like there's the one that's called Uh You'll never touch this or which is you can. So it's like do do do do D do. You never touched it d Yeah, it's just all wrong Soase give me some more examples. I love that Just literally listen to that for the next four hours. That's so good. There's one and it's So it's it's like wild thingang don't Bom, bom, bom, bom bom bomp That one Yeah. but one or two notes off And it's c a wild object home Yeah. So wild object, you make my heart project. Yeah. Yeah. so someone I'm pretty sure someone went to li Saurus. Ohaurus. Yeah. Maybe someone in where where was this the casiokib Japan. So Yeahah. so someone went What's like things A object. Oh I bang. We got it. That's so good That is really strong. Yeah, that is how If it's not too much effort, that's how I'd like to go. I'm going to choose the bit of music please and it's got to be Don't touch this. W the version, was it again? Boo boo boo boo Boo, B! C't touch that. You'll getta trouble if you touch that That's what I want as you bowl down the cobbled streets. it's a beautiful, beautiful thing. I'm loving your funeral already Coming soon. Can I be alive again now? No it's that a fart? No Yeah. if someone tells me that I can't be alive No. It was the Reggie Peron Cerry of football. Do it again Okay, well I think it was a funuck. And we're live on Match dayay as Doug reaches for a buffalo wing. He's got it. Oh and he's gone for a can of Pepsy too. What a finish. There's no doubt about it. It just tastes better. Matchdays deserve Pepsy. Good sleep is everything. That's why Ollie's science back support is made with a blend of melatonin and LDanine for both kiddles and grownups. So when your mind won't switch off, you've got something that can help Your racing thoughts and restless nights won't stand a chance. Find Ollie sleep solutions for the whole family at Ollie. com That's olLY. com Introducing Taco Bell's new jalapeno citrus salsa with bright citrus, real red jalapenos, guailo chiles. Usually, you add sauce to the food, but when the sauce is this good, the food is just there to get the sauce to your mouth. That rolled quesadilla, not a rolled quesadilla anymore Now it's a sauce shovel. Taco Bell's Jalapeno citrus salsa, Get it with any item on the Cantina chicken menu. while it's here. T participate in US Taco Bell locations for a limited time only while supplies last, contact store for availability. Now Deathlings, I know that you've got a big say in what we're about to do next and I thank you for that And here we are This is an email from Kish instains bracket Massive.ight. Love the podcast. Thank you. Thank you. And felt it was finally time to write in with my own story of death by embarrassment. Okay, here we go. Buckle up. It happened years ago, but still haunts me. Okay. I once told someone I was trying to impress that I could play the guitar Which was both bold and delusional. Oh, this is good. The guitar, I feel with the piano, you could just clomp your hands on it and say it'sazz like a jazz piece or whatever. B. She handed me a guitar out of nowhere. Oh, I love that. just ding and smiled and said, go on then Oh that's my idea of hell. And that's when my soul left my body. Oh my goodness. I launched into a battered rendition of Wonderwall. Well, this person has some chops, but that is the first tune you learn now, I think Is it Wonderwall? Yeah these days. Yes. because how does it start??ange It used to be howouse the Rising sun. Okay Norwegian was When we were kids, H Rise andston's very easy, but wonder what today was gonna be the jinginginging ding d turn you've turned it into that Yeahon it. Okay, that would' have been amazing. That's a hand togetherer Jing jing jing jing, jing jing. o into a bad rendition of Wonderwall while she desperately scanned the room for exits. Oh no To this day, whenever I hear the opening strum of that song, I get trauma flashbacks. sppoiler alerts. We didn't hook up Cheers Kish I have the opposite taail And it involves a considerable celebrity name drow Great, We love that. We love that on the pods. I have so few of these talails it to me are any good. No the year is two thousand two. Okay. and It's my second Edinburgh fringe. Right. And the show's not going well. so I'll go and see whatever losers. There's a sketch do in after me. This is gonna be terrible. It's Jermaine Clement from Flight of the Concoureow And Taiko Waititi now the Blooming Oscar director director, husband of Rita Aura. There you go. And they it's one of the greatest shows I've ever seen. There follows They are Up for a lotgh Every night. Taka stands up in the bar while there's a hundred people going into another show there And does this thing where He says He picks someone and says guys, we're all here because we're David's best friends because it's David's birthday And I think he said he didn't want this, but we're all going sing it. this is a hundred strangers who are all about to go into a gig And I would have to stand up on the chair and every single person thought every other person was there for this fake birthday So one night there were some students in and Taia told them that I was DJ Destiny, like some famous DJ Aa was like They said we're having a party later and Tike is like, oh, yeah, we're going. I So I tag along. And there's a there's someone DJing there at a house party because words gone aroundound I' DJ destity He would slightly flub a mix and he would just look over at me and shake his head and be like, you're throwing me off my game or whatever. And I They were like, would you get up I spin So I said, no No, but I had some Dutch slash Carlsburg Crage eventually came on and there was a drumm and bass track on. Okay here, like like that. The only record that I knew was G to hit the Ea the Michael C forgetting we're not a lover Yeah. no no Michael McDonald. Monald Oh I love a bit So I have that ceued up here. Okaykay? And in the only DJ trick I know at the time and it's a high risk mover. I push the fader all the way over and just ripped the drumming bass thing back, so it goes like and then slam it over and it goes Ge like straight into the track. and you just all these DJs who aroundound part are just like,, that's how you do it.. And I just sort of announced my retirement from it. Like it's sorry to kish, but it's basically if you had just played classical Gaz, bling bl, blink, bling, blink, bling, blink, blip, blink bling Not knowing how to play the guitar. That is in Absolutely incredible Oh that's so good. Now, little addendum U little no, I was about to say deadendum. That's just silly. Not going to say that Middle addendum The w and the wakeer. You're leaving stuff. Booty to somebody. what is it and who's it going to My main legacy is that the word word is nineteen bicycles But I want them all to be writtden. I don't want any of these to be hung up in a wall They're all great. I have them in really nice working order. Who's going to ride them Uh so I've been to many of these events that have gone on very long and It's fine. but what I want for mine is to three pints. The official from a from a beverage intake point of view Yeah is you've to go when you need to wee. Okay. Okay Okay. This is what I'm imposing on the whole thing. Oh, that's good. Is this to kick the bar bill down a bit? I feel the best part of it is that initial first couple of drinks. Hell yeah, especially after the spinny into the lfy. However, Mal, I want So I've put a line down the center of the room. Yeah. and on this side, we all remember great things I've done. but on this side, you can speak ill of me. Oh, that's clever. I want to be remembered properly. the reality. madeade terrible mistakes and things and then the nineteen bikes will be placed outside of that So people can get home safely on. Oh. Oh my God, that's so nice. So like a Santandaya bike. A bit like that. But without the bloody price. And much higher quality, much beautiful bicycles. You' worried about what happens to the bike after some, you know Fairly well oiled people don't tottering off on them I did a show years ago where I fixed the audience's bikes live on stage. Come on. I think I knew that. I think I knew that It was absolutely flipping Marvelous. And you chat to them while you Yeah because people might be reluctant to talk about their own lives. but if you've ask anyone about their bike be a beloved bike. Yeah It always be I bought it off a none or you know, whatever. So good these things can all be repaired is what I'm saying. Now the tricky part about that show was It's possibly just the people who come to my comedy werere so mean You got in for like a full price ticket was a tenner But then it was a fiver in if you brought a broken bike So people were literally fishing bikes out of the canal, bringing them in just to get the fiver. Everyone with a bike Yeah. Everyone, three hundred people with the bike. Yeah. Oh my God. comes a twenty eight hour show Trying to fix all these bikes yeah That's so good I love that. Very, very strong. now can't wait for this It was was Presumably, these are gonna happen on the way down towards the Liffy in the kind of Viking bike style. Oh yeah. Or maybe not. No maybe not I think it's gonna have to be Oh downstairs. Yeah when I'm down the stairs. So then maybe do I have one line that I say to the person from the audience who drags me up by the ankles? Or have you gone already I'd like come with a punchline. Do you leave a of thating? Yeah, that would be punchline My first ever per joke was who are the most decent people in the hospital. This is a very Irish joke. the ultrasound people Something like that likeike I can't I like the idea of more of the spontaneous death Yeah. and if I had to impart some ome wisdom. Yeah What I would like to see is if it's a teetel with my so my last words are pump up your tires. How was everyone I know with a bike spy. they're so spongy And you go so slowly they' spongy slowly. And when you had your when when you have your bike serviced It's like Riding Yeah. but like twenty miles an hour faster is it? Yeah. So So loads of people of my age are kind of like, oh, I used to cycle, but now I'm finding it's too hard. That's because your bike is a heap And the main culprit there is tyire sponginess. Would you pump the tyres every time you ride it or is that a big? No, that's too much. That's too much. But if I am going to have a headstone of any kind. Yeah, I'll just have a pump grranit Is a granite pump possible with the correct list carved in granite of the various PSI pounds per square inch. So last word Yeah G Do you what you could have on the gravestone which is in the shape of the pump. How about this? Oh nice. T Y R ED. Yeah. Really good. H that Grace, thank you Davy, thank you so much for coming on the show I've really enjoyed thinking about this slightly moreorbid details. but you know, I hope I haven't tried to project this perfect life. It's this or this perfect ending. It's all a mess. And so let's have a good messy chowder stanking Could you imagine if chowdery meat does go into the lify, sharks will soon be attracted by the bisque B Big old stock cube floating in the river That's really good and slightly charred as well because of the fire. Oh yeah, Delicious actually. People will be walking by being like, shouldh we get dinner? Yeah Sh we get some food And like they do because they obviously die at green, don't they for St Patrick's Day. it'll be a sort of river Im seeing a river of chowder, I'm seeingm a miracle happening On that night when you go over there'll be a River of chowdery Chard beautifulness. Oh, that's lovely It's great. It's absolutely marvelous. Thank you very, very much indeed. David O'Docerty, it's always a rady pleasure to see you, and we will see much more of you on the way out on Dave and you U and hope to see you in person again soon It's been a joy. Thank you. Can I be alive again now Oh no was that a fart? No But yeah, if someone tells me that I can't be alive No, It was the Reggie Peron chair your foot me. again Okay. well I think it was a fun. Anyway, before we wrap things up