Charity Plans and Final Funeral Wishes

Right, Godddess Charlie, before we get into today's wake, I need to tell you about something that has absolutely brought me back to life. Fatface's new summer campaign in hot pursuit. Do you remember Maisie Adam revealing the surfing SU R F I NG acronym that fat face shop assistants used to use. I, for one will never forget it. Maisie Adam was sitting just there F from say hello to say goodbye, they've got it all covered and Honestly, with this new collection, I would happily let somebody surf me straight into a changing room. Lovely. All that sunny nostalgia? those good times vibes. Treres a summer holiday chic. Exactly goddess, Charlie, and I've already picked my favourites. The matching cords and those lightweight summer dresses perfect for wafting around on holiday pretending you're in a film. And we love Fatface is giving weathers whers awake listeners twenty percent code. Where there's a will twenty until the sixteenth of Treat yourself. You can shop the collection at fatface d. com with twenty percent off using the code Where there's a W twenty. Isn't that good? Where there's a W twenty Wait, Mel, why did you just say espresso? Well, it is espresso. It's espresso. There's no Mel. I can't do this for you. Oh please. what? Like when you said specifically instead of specifically, That was one time, okay? Yeah, sure, whenateever you say goodess. Anyway, what are you eating over there Oh this, o, it's just some blueberries in this delicious fagy total yogurt. Fagy. Yeah, well, that's right, isn't it? No, apparently it's pronounced fire We've been doing this wrong the entire time. Oh Okay, Fa. Anyway, it's unreal. It's thick, creamy and delicious. Oh I know, I love it too. Faya total yogurt is strained to remove the watery wh, which is why it's so fit. I absolutely love it. And it's naturally rich in protein with no added sugar. I've been having it for Bayak fast with hone, but you can use it in Sayet or savoui dishes. Eless possibilility smell And it's pronounced fiet for a reason. See we got there in the ends. Fer I'm thinking If Jesus is making the calls here. Yeah. I want to be ripped for Jesus He does seem Like a little bit guy. He's hunky you know, if he's making a call one or the other and he's like you were complete enough shit headad of a dad. but half decent abs through you go, right? And as I go, as she slaps me bum and goes, getet outt of here, Brodkin. Greetings, celestial overlords slash Overladies. Welcome to the podcast where your favourite celebrities plan for their own deaths and funerals. I don't know why I'm doing that voice, but it just came over me all of a sudden. Welcome to It's is You must be wondering which lost soul we've had blown in today little bit like a fart in He's a standu, a writer and arguably the world's most famous blagger He's the man who crashed ex Fact to live shows, showered fIFas set blatter with banknotes, interrupted a Donald Trump press conference with golf balls, and in a moment of pure British chaos Candadida sitting prime Minister her P forty five mid speech Public stus aside, he's a former doctor who swapped hospital wards for comedy clubs. Pving that laughter occasionally is the best medicine British comedy powerhouse of the sharpest variety. He's conquered live at the Apollo in front of his own smashit BBC series, leaving you wondering whether his brilliance is meticulously crafted or simply powered by a mischief engine that never switches off. Having built a career on sneaking into places he really shouldn't be, it's a relief to have him here by invitation for a change. It's the artist formerly known as Lee Nelson, the incredible . So' just start this, this is absolutely true by saying On my way in I was very excited that you're coming on the show. to be here. I thought how much I love words the Ending kin For real? For real. I'm talking nutkin As in kin As in Squirl nutkin. Okay. Ramikin. Yeah. the little that's a little a little Yeahcause so far I'm not gonna lie I hadn't heard of either of those two surnames.quirrel? I was thinking this they're not surnames. they're actual things. Squirrel Nutkin is sort of a surname. Right. Beatrix Potterate, the nauy red squirrel Steals the nuts. So in two seconds my lack of reading is being exposed. A gentle bit of banter has made Broadkin feel like a nana. No. No, no no, you didn me that. But I was a napkin. kin You really like napks or what's with the kid of the kin? J Ne of kin. Next of kin, Kith and kin. Yeah. merkin, ferin Fert and Fkin. I've never been into a Ferreton Firin, but that's brand p, isn' it? Okay? O of course I've been into one I must have been into. I just I don't know there's something very sweet about it. That's nots just lovely So you just you just like the Yeah You're a word person. Yeah. And actually, this is also true. sometometimes in our family, if we want to say something in a sweet way, it is a bit na, but bear with me, we'll go, Oh, do you want to come for lunchy kids Nice. or ye, I'll meet you in the publicanss. That sounds we were talking about where you live, that does sound quite Sort of trendy West London. Thank you very much. Let's go for a pub lunch again I don't think you'd get away with that in Croyden But there it's lovely My mum's nickname for me, Mopkin. That's so Beatrix Potter. Is that? That is so sweet. Mopkin I can't say with any certainty, but I'm o no. I don't think there's a character in Bitrickpotter called Mopkin But there might well be. And it would be a little mouse. Yeah. coming out of a little duster or something That's what people always say, A you a mouse? coming out of a duster to me. I've As I get arrested after another stunt. Is that a mouse coming out of a duster. There is a mouse coming out of the duster in bitsbot a corner of it its's moopin. But so it was I just I wanted to share that. That's really nice. Thankk you Thank you. I'm scared to even pronounce your surname. In case I get it wrong So I'm just Ged Rw youin, we'll do. Right. Gw you. Host kin. Host kin. off Deathykins. Of Deathy Kids. Now we're going to go to some advertis now so they can try and sell you something and we'll be back very soon again. Stakens. Coming up. Well, first of all, It's going to be massive as you said It's going be big. It's going to be it's going to set new records. Forget Oasis at Nbworth Yeah. Brodkin in heaven. Yeah. Brodkin in eternity. I can see the artwork for it now. I'm popping out the cloud, Golden mic God's there giving it the old selfie fingers M Charlie I've been thinking, right? When I joined this podcast it was already, obviously a glorious chaotic death soaked machine But you, you guys had to put together the bones of the show as T were with all the what ifs. Oh Mal, the what ifs can almost bury you. And yet you made the leap and thank the spectral gods you did because it turned out to be one of the best decisions of your ownndead little lives, am I right? Yep, but I'll tell you what, everything feels better when you're part of a team people around you who know what they're doing. And that team feeling can be achieved at Shopify. Yes, Shopify. The commerce platform behind millions of businesses from giants like Deathwish Coffee and Gyms Shark too people kind of just starting out with a dream and a dodgy microphone. And imagine having hundreds of ready to use templates to build a beautiful online shop. Plus the AI tools. Shopify can write product descriptions, page headlines, even enhance your product photos. And o baby the marketing. Shopify helps you get the word out with email campaigns and social posts all in one place No more, Wh tab is the one making the noise? And if you get stuck Their award winning, award winning twenty forty seven support is always there. S Detathlings. It's time to turn those what ifs into Shopify today. Sign up for your one pound per month trial at shopify. co d. uk slash wake. Go to shhopify dot coot uk slash wake. That's shhopify. co d. u slash wake Gest Charlie, I've just popped back from what feels like an eternity of admin. Classic. What's on the to do list? Oh, Mounting a celestial bookshelf, sorting my earthly storage unit and emotionally processing a flat pack. Malt, it sounds like you need task, Rbbit. Rubit Is that a celestial creature? Even better. It's an app that connects you with skilled local taskers who can help with everything from furniture assembly and home repairs to moving and garden jobs. So someone else can bravely face the Allen key. Exactly. You choose your tasker based on their rates, availability, skills and reviews So you know who's coming and what they can do. Well, listeners, get ahead of your to do list. Get ahead of your to do list with ten pounds off your first task at taskRbbit. co. uk or on the Task Rbbit app using promo code WTaW Taskers across the UK book up fast, especially for same day tasks ten pounds off your first task right now with promo code WTAW at Task Rbbit cod. Uk or with the Task Rbbit app Taskrabbit. co UK code WT aW terms and conditions apply. Taskrabbit. Less doom, more dum The place where you have to sort of take accountability for your earthly deeds Are there a few in there you think that'll get you through the Parly Gates and into eternity You eternity, that's good We want eternity. I just need to be clear on the rules here. Do you want eternity? Do you want it? I mean, look, I mean I've got an ego, who doesn't want to carry on going want to be in cast up in the sky in a few million years. Yeah If you were to go through the Purly gate Yes and hit the Old Eeternity. Yes. Result Result. Would you actually because I always think it might be quite tiring I sort of think, let's do our deeds on Eth. It's great. I'm trying and enjoy every minute of the day, well, not every minute of the day, but I try and enjoy myself, you know. Love my work, all that stuff Won't it be nice to have a bit of a rest Or do you see attorney as carrying on what you're doing now U I'll be honest, haven' I feel like a post sort of footballer being interviewed after a game, you know Yeah haven't thought about the next game just concentrating on this one. and lets let's get a result here and then we'll think about the find the ones with there each day as it comes. I haven't thought about what I do in eternity. I mean I don't feel that will be a probleblem in terms of your thinking boards, notothing to do just be But there's so many There'll be a lot of lovely people to meet. Yeah, that's I do get through. No one's horrible up there. That's true. The nicest society ever Well, it's not thatco right, is it? some humuman nature, someone's going to think, hang on if everyone's lovely and everyone's trusting What if I start lying And then there'll be another set of Purly gates where only the I don't know Oh I like that. Right. So various hoops. Yeah. Maybe a few pranks should be played in the old um heavens in the heavens W there for it If you're there forever, something's got to give, right? A F prankins? A few prankins, Wh bloody not? Yeah. Come on bl. This is God here. Yeah, either hiding behind a cloud or something. I have reversed the clothing rule. Everyone has to take their clothes off Good good voice. Thank you. And we'll put some reverb on it in the edit. nice. Do you think you deserve to get through the Purly gates? No I mean Well it's all relative, isn't it? It depends what the scale. I don't know where the pearly gates are. let's take the top Is it like the money thing the top one percent. one percent or is it like are they erring on the side of getting you through Because I mean, in the history of human beings I guess I'm not bad, right I'm a bloke So in the past that would have probably meant murder, rape and pillage, just general standard bloke thing for most civilizations throughout history. So I hardly done any of that I'm just a really good guy. So listen, no never yeah, never I've never murdered anyone. N done any of those things. G murder. good pillaging. G Yeah, I' not ex none of the bad stuff. That's good stuff. Look at that. seeee how polite we are. I can't even say the aw wor which is which because it's so dis back in the day, you know, I mean get out there, you Norwegians, get out there do your business. That was encouraged. So I think by standards across time Yeah for elite. But in modern society Bastard. I don't believe that Well I don't believe that, Simon Thank you. I volunteered I was thinking about, you know, what I would say, I volunteered Um when I was at school, wanted to be a doctor, and I volunteered at an old age people's home. That's good That's very good. Yes. But then I remembered it was only because the The other The other two volunteers were really fit Really? You just wanted to be among them. I wanted to be among them. And good results U yeah, a few months of flirting. Cheeky snog. months. Nice. Yeah it was pretty good, pretty. Didn't talk to one old person justust flirted. Great.. that's good. I think you sound like a kind of all round good guy say I think I don't think you're going to have a problem And I say that I don't know. I'm not the big G. so you know In some ways I am the big Edroich. notot the big The big You're the junior G. The junior. notot the OG. Exactly, exactly. Now, important food. I stop Now knowing that it could go either way at the Purlely Gates, I'm not definite in one camp or the other and I am gunning for eternity despite the potential worry about boredom U I was gonna to go for something Healthy something light Nisema salad. Oh really? I'm thinking if Jesus is making the calls here. Yeah. I want to be ripped for Jesus because he does seem like a little bit gay. He's hunky. And you know, if he's making callool one way or the other and he's likeh you were complete and utter shithead of a dad. but Half decent abs through you go, right? And as I go,m as he slaps me bum and goes, getet out of here, Brodkin I listen, I'm all for this. I don't think we've ever had anyone who said they wanted anything light their last supper and I applaud you for that. Thank you. Just a salad swaz. I suppose there's a bit of carb in there, a bit of potatoes. I'd maybe put the dbels in my pocket and once I'm through stopuff them, let things go a little bit. So no pudding I'm not a puddingy guy. Really? Yeah. what's the last pudding you ate? O. Iice cream, Ia ice cream. Okay, what sort Um pre It's simple on the ice cream front. Chocolate, is that? That's fine. Yeah not There's a lot of flavours. Yeah back in the day. H you tried threech Mchi balls The this is the fine art of PR rebranding Let's take ice cream Let's wrap it in some plastic chewy crap L timees Let's charge four times the price. Yes. And we're all that're great. not It it's not ice cream tiny ice cream, but the Japanese, all right? So obviously they're all getting imported. Everyone's going to Japan at the moment. haveave you found this? Is that right? Oh Japan all the young uns, my sort kids Bk buy mochis. br bring them back. They probably survive the plastic coating. They probably would My so kids are twenty two, twenty four and a lot of their mates are saving up like Billio, God bless them to ruded to Japan. Japan's having a moment, as they say. Have you done Japan? haveave you been? I haven't I like the food. The Japanese food suits me It u and the toilets, I hear they're great. They extrae But I mean, you don't even touch paper. You don't touch paper, which is amazing. Yeah Will they bloody think of next? I know. do your stand up in Japan U you're going to say in a toilet. Of course I would. I'll do anyway. That's a pleasure going around in this tour that's coming up I dont know we're going to talk about it later, but I'm obviously going all around the UK, but there's dates in Australia, dates in Sweden, I've done Greece and it's Cyprus's pleasure to be to travel I'll do a gig in heaven I can say to Jesus, listen. give you a good deal There's a lot of people in there And I don't want to you know, I know you've got a system, but Jesus, let's know Even Mother Tresers Start uil you wubble and think, let's fuck this place up. So do me I'll gig for you. it's a bit like being on a cruise ship. I took my mum on a cruise ship once. only is where we heaven or We ernity or Japan. But we're sort of we're everywhere. It was actually really heavenly Yeah for the first three days. then I did get a bit cabin favor anyway. But then you get entertainment on the cruise ship. Yes, I did that. Have you done that? I've done the entertainment on a virgin cruise. And that must be a really nice gig rightite because people are kind of desperate for something to do. desperate I waited until we were How would see for months. Nothing. I said hold off I you want a show every night. Don't do that. Let's do night forty five with one show. No, is great. I mean, it's not my cup of tea. Yeah. I'm like seeing the same people like part of the joy of living in London, isn't it? Yeah? No one knows you exist.. and I like that. I like knowing that if I were to drop dead, Normally find out about it for weeks until someone That's not strictly true. Okay, my family of course they would would, but if someone lives by themselves in London, you cant avoid. Yeah. Do you think doing a gig in heaven would be a kin? Another word with kin. Yes. I love the word a kin. That's a nice word Do you think it would be akin to doing a cruise ship gig? Well first of all It's going be massive as you. It's going be big. It's going to be it's going to set new records. Forget Oasis at Nebworth. Yeah. Broodkin in Heaven. Yeah. Brodkin in eternity. I can see the artwork for it now. I'm popping out the cloud, Golden mic Gods there giving it the old selfie fingers. Um, but the I think the challenge is going to be obviously when you do stand up you know, you There's a certain set of There's a certain amount of knowledge you know the audience has, so you can build on that. Yeah. you know, if you want to take the mick out of Putin, people know what he is Ukraine I'm dealing with a lot of people from the past and I don't know.'s youror How's your tudor material? Tudor material? I haven't done it for a long time. Rush up the isn't it? You know when you're cooking a broth? Yes. You know, when you get gangree on your foot when you're eleven So there are going to be some maybe there can be different sets. G Yes, very good. yes, very good. Also, people died really young my God a lot of my stuff is fourteen plus. So you' half of heaven because everyone is a kid ra It's just I've just realized it turn pack with kids. Kids entertainment, mate, you're gonna have to slightly steer your material. Let's hope I die The four Um Mr. Tumble because otherwise smashed them's going there's going to be nothing left. Justin will literally he'll be all over at M. I could nick his act as well because they wouldn't know about we're working something out here C I have a cup please? Obviously. Good. I want you to be my heaven agent. I'll be your heaven agent any day Later in the show. Yeah, so where did you end up after that? which in a police cell in Manchester? in Manchester. There they were like. just before we put you in the cells. All right, we have a selfie that was funny. I can't say that but that was funny U great Yeah it's great. Yeahah. 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Selected stores and seventy five seal bottles, six pounds above whales seven pounds above sububject to availability and twenty ninth June exces forif five Scotland Astz E express, exce Azd dot com's glom store I gott to go about pranking someone, haven't I? Let's do it. let's have fun.ase I thought Kim Jong un nice. ' that needs takaking a down a peg or two. What would you do to him? I don't know. I thought something simple. somethingomething visual. you want it to work for the Asian market. Yeah Trousers down. I'm thinking pantsing. An old school pantsing. Yeah humiliate the guy Although I'm imagining does he wear an elasticated trouser or does he wear a a zip or. Well I could tug so hard, I feel like You'd whip through the I'd whip through anything. The button. Yeah. And that might be our dy actually. He's got some sort of anti pantcing poison dart that comes out of his backside Tking about this even makes me a bit nervous. I think possibly something may come both of our way after discussing this. But no, a nice, a clean a clean Wf. Yeahes. Straight down. I think that sounds like Yeah, a good, a good way to go. So Woof with the trousers And then poisoned dart. pooisoned dart. And then I guess that might thisp a revolution Ac Revolution And then I'm into the Ply gates, I assume trying some bad things, but listen You made Kim Jong un look like a wally basasher in you go brothers. Yeah, love it. I love it. and Now, Deathlings. I hope you're listening or are viewing Astukelely Carefully because it's all about you now, o yeah not Simon, this is an email from Ruby in Little Hampton, lovely, which already sounds like a novel. I know. She was called Ruby in Little Hampton. Yeah. quite seventies. Yeah. I love it One day Ruby wanted to go to the playground note. Okay, I wanted to share a memory that came to mind about my late cousin, Levi.. When we were younger, around ages six and seven, we used to play in my grandmother's shed, pretending it was a castle No internet back then Um where we were princess we were princes and princesses One day we decided to up the stakes and turn it into a dungeon scenario. Oh dear. Just when we thought Ruby, I know It was a nice little girl. I She's going to change it into a dungeon scenario. I the princess will be locked inside awaiting rescue while Levi stayed outside as the would be here. And they say kids don have an imagination fully committing to the bit. I was locked in until things took an unexpected turn when Levi dropped the only ke down the drain. This is sounding now like a genuine kids movie plot. This is is great. Ruby Start writing this up And I would start asking some questions about Levi who happened to be hovering his hand over a drain just when he Okay sorry Ruby, I've accidentally shoved it down this drain. I'm going have to spend the day without you, but you're definitely my best mate. I've locked you in at the first opportunity. What followed was less fairy tale rescue. and more of full blown chaos I was screaming from inside the shed when Levi shouted for help outside. We need some music on this. Well we will sort that out in the edit.k O an hour before I was finally freed. Sary ary we said Scaary you in the shed. Let's She wasn't it she would In an hour in a shed though. an hour is an hour in a shed. An hour is that scary? Why' an hour I'm not sure Levi. nowhere to be seen Lied down hanging out with his other mates down the shops. Yeah, so what happened? My uncle ended up smashing a nearby window Doesn't even sound like it was in the shed. No a nearby car window and stealing the car to call the climbing through and kicking the door open. So it must be the window shed, right? I mean, I'm no expert, but couldn't he have just kicked the door open? Yes. He smashed the window. And smashing a nearby window isn't going to help you in the shed. Maybe he was just expelling some rage. my angry uncles started beating up passerb, right At the time, it was obviously a very stressful situation and let's remind ourselves six and ten U But now it's one of those memories that always makes me laugh when I think of leavever. Have you ever been locked in anywhere, Simon? Uh prison. Prison I called my uncle. He smashed a nearby windows. The nearby prison window my to my solicitor who started writing angry letters. Yeah, so a few police cells after some posts Um, no yeah, no pillaging. Was the was the vibe if you ended up in a cell and If you don't mind talking about this, was the vibe like, o, here he is Broadkinson again. Was it more like that? Yeah as well the first they didn't know I was the beginning pranks and then one of the first ones I did where I ended up in the nick was warming up with the Manchester City team and that was an Everton match and the Liverpool police Fnally they're famous for their sense of humour of the scousers but always seems to leave them at the opportunities that you want it to be there is like So they put me in and they were not happy. they were not happy. and they let me go at four in the morning and the pouring rain Well they knew I couldn't get about to. So that was and then after a while it was like the P forty five oneon Teresa May. Yeah. so where did you end up after that? which in a police cell in Manchester in Manchester There they were like Just before we Put you in the cells. right, we have a selfie that was funny. I can't say that but that was funny Um Yeah, it's great. Yeah. You always know they like you when they loosen your handcuffs. Is that al right for you? so I've got to do that. sorry M, I' got to arrest you. It's the law on that, but I want to make you as comfortable as I can within the parameter of the law. Did they feed you Um well, u They always, you know, The stuff they've got is Wwards Syal Sereious. some good corn flakes. Oh But it is ruined by the fact there's a a shitter in your room. I mean, I loved the cereal. If I was to leave a review four stars for the food, I'm losing one star because the fact there was an open toilet that has its fl. But it's a flushable shitter, isn't it? It's a flushable shit.'s not just a bucket. It's not just a bucket. Okay. I haven't know, that would No lid Easn Europe. No lid. No ruddy lid because Gu, excuse me I think the lid's missing from the toilet And there's no hand towels. Thank you I don't know whether there's a make up my room sign that I can put No one's been for a few hours, the sheets are getting. There's no turnown service. Exactly. Yeah It's pretty grothy. In fact nothing makes you want to be in prison less than being in prison. Yeah I've never I've never been arsted. so I literally the thought of it Yeah it makes me I can't deal with it at I just can't deal with it. It makes me so frightened. Yes. Have you been in since that event Thesa Mayell was the last one. was the last one. Yeah. ye. You're very brave, Broaders brave the way you break the law. No, it's brave though. Well,'s thank you. Well it it's auer it's'soody and that is the biggest right blloody thing. Right. And'm not I'm not hurting anyone. No. Apart from Thesa May's career, I'm not hurting anyone Did she didid she crack even a smile? to throat by the sounds of Inl that. she was coughing the. It was a mark of just how how she had lost her grip on power. peopleeople are like, donon't you feel bad Si for like being a bit mean to us.s like she's the most powerful woman in the country. I'm meant to feel bad for taking the mick out of her. Well I'm punching down now am I? The clown against the leader of the country Um So yeah, that had some I remember another locked it locked in. It actually wasn't me. this is another kid' story. So we were we went back to my house, Mam B Ross Ladeaw U name strong name name strrong name. The only thing that would make it better Roskin. I was thinking of Lade Lwin, but yes. both both R R L that's the ultimate meel name. So And forgotten the keys I think went sweet shop parents were at work and there was a little crack of the window up on the first what is it ground at first Ruby's uncle? Thats yeah exactly. one really could have done with Ruby's uncles's. Not a crack in the window like a smash, like a crack like an actual window open, you know, like, o Oh yeah, yeah yeah flap. you know, the flap. Yes. a it's a bit job Yeah So I don't know how the sequence of events happened, but Ros ended up being the one to climb up so propped up the garage door, he climbed up, I don't know what we I don't know how old we are. I don't know. And you do one of thosetyot You post yourself in. Yes, but it was imagine a rectangular window like thoseose the standard windows, right u with the the flap a flap common hinge at the top Yeah with the top. So he managed to get up there like it's quite high. I mean in hindsight, stupidly high and then he hooked himself up And then he was almost there, like G him Ross Go on, Ross But then he sort of his belly got stuck on the frame and he swung round and head bututted the inside of the window, smashed open. He was there just pivoting with like sort of human seesaw with broken glass. I was like, Okay, u did you leave Did you I love him? Yeah. I was like, Levi, I'm just gonna go out with my mate, Levi U and he was just sort of swinging. Like almost one of those psychatrists. Oh yes. Newton'sadle Newt's Cadle Newt's Cadle. human Newton's crradle. It's like swinging. I was like, oh shit, this is gone badly This is gone badly. So then ran across the road And obviously we should have done this in the first place, but your kids, I was like, they're builders. Wh Well we weren't that level, we were a big ladder level. A B bigig ladder. Should have asked in the first place, but pride comes before a fall. You don't to admit when you're twelve that you've lock yourself out of the house and that your mate' gonna to smash his head and if he tries to climb in So we got climbed that called an ambulance And that's a nice site for your parents to come out to of your kids may pivoting onn a window having had his head smash in one of the windows. your m an ambulance and loads of builders and just panic Does your family still remind you about that? Is that one of those stories that No, I think there's been so many over time that this just buried in that they would laugh You haven't got my momum on the line now, have you? did That would be funkin I can phone her now and see if she remembers some Oh listeners slash viewers, if you want to get your mail read out on the podcast by one of our fantastic guests, like the almighty Simon Brodkin, the email address is, as always, mail at deathpodcast. co. Uk. I look forward to getting them. Yeah, you're welcome This one probably interests me the least because like Yeah I'm an ego guy and Frank lead It's if I'm not there yeah, what's the but I've thought about it a little bit. Yeah. I don't know. Um I wondered if I could be of some use to the community And u Like you want some sort of Pay, don't you through the Arsenal style time of recording. Arsenal had a parade yesterday, may twenty sixth. Yes, hopefully that's just now in the annals of history and it's laughable el still have another parade No, they had a big parade so we're talking similar. Yeah withith me Zelas, what are they called? Yeah Zelas? Yeah yeah yeah Voov Zeas. they' had one of them since the World Cup in South Africa. Are they still going? Yeah. Any instrument, I'll do anything. Flares. Flares, the lot of flres I want there to be like a police presence Isces Motorcades, let's do it U I mean, maybe that's the only realistic way I can do that is if I join in with the FA cuped. celebrations of some team. FSFA Cup and there's a coffin at the back with Simon Brodkin. It just want the crowds teagnolog just dragging along Um, and then I don't know what could I do. I thought I could maybe be then turned into a speed hump or fill in a p hole or some use to the community you're so going to heaven if I have my way C I just suggest something This is the first thing I thought of when I knew that you were coming on as our beloved guest today. Dont make the whole thing a prank and you haven't really died. Nice. So you have a funeral Everyone's really sad Yeah and it's quite a somber affair. Yeah Tan Bosh Nice. My second funeral is going to be. no one's going to do that. We know what he's up to criedolf wouldt Imagine crying funeral Wolf That would be fun. So what stage taught me that this is your prank, this is your creation I'm happy, you know. Yeah, but teamwk I' thrown it in. you're producing this. Yeah. So what happens? So what point? Well, I reckon you do it. Like the day? Well A year later. I reckon you've done your I reckon you've done your tour Which at the time of recording is going out september twentyth, seepptember twentyent secondthh. you're on the road. It' unleash tour, unleash. And you're all over the country. All all over the UK, go to signbrodkin d. com. Amazing. This isn't a prank. is this is real. Deathling. do you know what to do? Simbrodkin. comot all the ds are up there ' done the tour. you want to get that in the bag. Yes great Soon after the tour your own death. Right. Love it. Ultimate prank. And you've also got, I don't know, some big company like Amazon or Netflix or whatever. Amazon could do next day delivery somethingomething like that reach out to them. U and they could they could secretly televise it. they've got loads of cameras everywhere, you don't tell anyone and that is a bloody great show. such a far when people are disappointed. No, that's great Yeah. it was just a f. Good to see you Si, really happy and not dead. Yes. W. Yeah. Pre tool would be better publicity. Pre We've got a lot to organise and's happening quite soon September what have we got a few? We've got time. I've got four months. People get run over all the time. Yeah, we could do that. I could cycle somewhere Listen, I don't want to foist my own ideas. That is not how this show works. I like them. I love the idea of the speed humpack. I think that's brilliant. Yeah. So you end up forever more somewhere in North London, are you saying? And people and still having that relationship with me where some people love me and some people hate me like fucking speed and others like, isn't it a great idea? sllowing the traffic down fucking driving at twenty five. I love it I absolutely love it Later in the show, could there be some kind of prank Sorry, I'm just thinking of frranchise you to do this right. agent, My heavenly agent. I was only joking ot leaves you around the back of the gravestone. Yes.ot dot dot. Nice. Or was I, question mark. Nice, the mystery D done it bloody gab This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result, less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at accccenture dot com slash Spotify. Uk Breaking news. The weaight is over now Waiting for summer over Waiting while charging your electric car Ultra fast over Turn up summer Eergy. Discover charging in minutes all across Europe. and for even more summer energy, stream the new Ionity remix by Elderbrook on Spotify now Ionity, charge faster, Enjoy more we are So Willie Kins, what are you leaving and to whom will you leave it Wakei kins What's not going to happen What's to happen then? So you always want to look good, don't you? It's all about the PR game. Yeah. you know, like Mochi Balls. Yes. The whale, I think I've got a give everything away Yeah to a charity. Nice, reallyally nice. Good for upstairs. good for upstairs. Good for PR People be like, what about the kids? you know, and they'll be like, yeah, but the kids going to learn so much from this. Like it's actually a really good thing that he's done. Yeah. They' want to give them the leg up, blah blah, blah and something so Re clean, really clear, something. somethinghing African that normally goes down well. Nice something animally Nice. I don't know. maybe elephants as hippopotamuses Hungry hippos char The Hungry Hippos African Foundation. And also if it is the Hungry Hippos Foundation, you might get a nice little sideline with the actual game of Hungry Hippos. They might give you a few That already thinking merch t. That is why I want you to be my agent in heaven. Always I'm there for you. I know that. You know that. Now at your weight I imagine will be very teary ull full of friends, full of fam. Yes. It's always nice to have somebody sort of remember you and say a few words, am I right? Yeahah, I mean awake Amjun Um, which u U with mean wakes. wakes is like a sort of everyone gets pissed up And would you you'd have shiver you'd do the full shiver thing. Shiver. This is good knowledge. Yeah ye. So I think that means seven in Hebrew, right, which is the seven nights of mourning. So people come And it's very like, you know You class it when people go, you know religion can actually be a force for good And it's just a lovely thing And that's one of the times it is nice. So whereas what the sort of more traditional Christian w is just to go get pissed Let's fucked up. Let's get destroyed. Say a few nice things about someone and then have a headache in the morning.. Well, it's an alternative and maybe there could be a combo, a seven night wake Let's go, right? Let's go a Christian Judeo be weak. Nauy ninety style. I don't know what Ny ninet Islam's got to off I'm sure she'll have something Oh they'll put something in the pot and the Buddist will inventendu everyight We'll invent a new way of doing post death, inclusive. you get the best bits everyveryone's religion. Love it. Like the bits, you know, when you're in the bigig brother house And they go and let's see your best bits or strictly whatever. Right. There we go. wouldould be a combo. Aain, again, I'm thinking business as well. I'm thinking We're going toit we're going to We're going to own the we're going to own the rights to it. I love it and sell it back to everyvery major religion. in the world. This is This is good. This is big. It's bloody big last wor. I was only joking That's nice That's really nice on the tombstone. on the tombstone, I think, yeah. I was only joking. Could there be some kind of pranks Sorry, I'm just thinking of franchise you to do this franch. agent, My heavenly agent. I was only joking ot leaves you around the back of the gravestone. Yesot dot dot. Nice. Or was I question mark. Nice, the mystery done it bloody. It's a bit more expensive because it requires a stoneemason to obviously put it. Any money I give to that, the hippos don't get, I don't care about the hippos and they never seem that hungry. Yeah, good. Okay. good. We've worked it out. Done. Brilliant. Now, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's been so much fun Back at U It's so fun. Now