Holding Grudges and Letting Go

Y ye what'd you want? Beakle jaws, steers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, Whate' prefer. Just kidding every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome to the Wolf and Owl email spepecial. full disclosure, we're recording a straight after Hotchhip challenge. The main episode where we did a hots chip challenge. although we didn't do the fullotship challenge. we ate probably what I a bit of between pieces here But by the way, my respect for you is fucking. You were incredible. I was incredible actually. It was one of the coolest things I've ever seen you do. It's a low bar But You're all right? That' literally mate It's like, you know, like a bird. Yeah. What is a bird eats, it needs a shit Do you really feel like you like do you feel like you could shit right now? Yeah, like a fucking fy big shit. I mean bits I'm loathed to make two episodes in a row where that becomes a main part of content. I'm literally in absolute pace such acid reflux. I can't stop I still feel like I'm just sat there for the h like that Okay, she a weekend at Bernie's. Oh It's not nice when it moves into your stomach, is it? No? My tongue, my esophagus, everything it's ruffled everything in my body It's And you've not even having milk I'm trying to delay as long as possible. Okay, shouldall we do some emails Hello Wolf for now. I'm the confident Capppy barro. For the past months I've developed a terrible habit of waving at people I don't recognise justust in case I do know them. I feel like I' going to be going into these almost drunk This is actually the closest I'veelt to being in drunk in quite a while. It started as a polite halfwave, but now it's a full arm commitment. Last week I waved at a stranger in a car, then panicked and waved again to make it look intentional The question is how do I stop this before I'm known as a local manac? C do I fully commit and start public facing role like mayor How do you pronounce that word? Mayor Mayor. Yeah, I say Mor. What really? That's my natural I deliberately changed it then. But normally I say mayor Fucking how to k in now. Really It's good that it's taking two episodes. I've literally been doing. Okay, I mean, firstly I'm going to say now I actually think what you're doing is a beautiful thing And I think actually if I saw someone wave at me, I've actually by the way I always when I see someone waving, you know, when someone waves And you think they're waving at you?. Is it kick came him in there? Yeah There we go How come it's taken so long now L a sleepper so It's really a fucking bad idea to have come straight and done' this, but I will wave back. I love the thought of it We're living in a world where you wave strangers and that people people just a bit more friendly. It's burning inside me. It's so fucking molten, right Insane I'm just all I can think is yeah, anyway I think you should keep on waving I think you should keep on waving And I think it's a beautiful thing. I think what you're doing is really delicious and decent And I think the more we as society come together and be nice Um And I do think committing to it and actually maybe if you feel this way inclined, being a mayor or a mayor and someone front facing could actually be the one thing that we're lacking with like someone in politics who's really good at Do not anticipate this. I think I've got another email in me before everything explodes I genuinely feel like the Death star And like Luke Skywalker is just flown into that little hole The device, please. It's fucking churning in my stomach'A Mine's stuck here H. Aid inside. Yeah, it does. It feels like you've drunk acid. Battery acid Are you looking for support in your weight management journey? Zetbounds terzepatide may be able to help. 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Law Supplies last ends june thirtieth, terms at aka. ms slash collllege PC Okay. Can we just ask something? I just want to and I hate to do this, but How many people have died, having these? Why do you think you're gonna die? Oh, I just feel awful Stong go G G What do you think of W? I don't think you're doing anything wrong I think it's fine to waver people And I think you just own it and make it your thing. and, you know Waving's fine. And also like a lot of the time, if they don't they don't recognize you. A lot of the time my inclination has only waved at me and I didn't know them. I would just either wave back or just go shit. I don't remember that person where I know that person. I would never assume that that person's in the wrong. Yeah I would always assume that I'm in the wrong. So I don't think there's any negative, beautiful I think what you're doing is incredible and you should be Gosh. Dear Wolf for now. I am the suspicious sloth. I'm in several WhatsApp groups with friends, family and work Every family every single one has a second secret group without me. The evidence is thin, but compelling delayed replies, inside jokes I don't understand And people saying, we've already discussed this when we definitely haven't been there. My question is how do I make peace to the idea There's a second group? Or should I start with my Wh shouldh I start my own without them Sorry, that's this is a lot of this is down to the hot chip and this is actually quite a Um Fuckking know, this was insane Jakar stunt Giving people fucking advice about their lives' both potentially fucking exxploding. Look I'm going to be quite honest And I'm going to cut to the point here because For once I've got no fucking flowers in me Um If you think this is happening There's very little you can do about it. Certainly don't start your own group without them Let let me finish, please I don't know if I've got much more left in me. I'm dying The point is this There's very little you can do in a sense of controlling people are doing behind your back or You and as someone who spends a lot of my life worrying about these things, it's very hypocritical of me to say don't worry about it because it's a constant thing I worry about Like most people, I think we all worry about what other people are saying, what other people are doing behind their backs The truth is this, you've got to try and make an inner piece with it set up another group and you know where you talk about other people or you're being u you know, mean or You know, whatever about other people will not make you feel any better because that's not who you are as a person If that is them doing that, let that be on them. let them be let them be the sort of people who are mean and We are disingenuous enough to have a group that is been horrible about you and I would arguably say one things that, you know, that I've learnted in time is One of the best releases I've ever had is actually going I had a lot of friends that I was friends with coming into my early forties that I was like these people are quite toxic and they're not making me feel any better about myself and they're actually making detracting from me feeling a better version of me or a happy version of me And some of that came down to bullying of other people or being mean about other people. and I thought, actually that's not who I want to be So I stepped away from those people and since doing that, I feel I feel a better better version of myself. I don't feel like I necessarily have that Um, side of me in my life. so I would say, um Yeah, like my thoughts are with you. But keep doing what you're doing BU and let them be the toxic ones. Sorry if this has been a bit muffled. I'd love to he for the length of the answer if Yan hada Hodship. That wass about forty five minutes I would say Um You got two choices oK Do need to go do you want to take a break while I'm doing my bit No, I feel like I should be here right now You've got two choices. One ask I've done I've asked before I've said is there a second grade Have you really? Yeah, that's fucking And they said no the culter isn't, and then it was a bit embarrassing. But then you've asked and then if there is a second grp they might think twice about or they just think Hef can thinks of himself Wh? now you think little of yourself. No, but if you're like D How did you say it in what sense? Did you say I'ming to think there might a No, I said it on the group Really? I think so. or maybe I'll message one person But I. I mean, I respect that Anyway, u You've got two choices. One is ask the question Horrible thing as well, by the way. What? Just start up a second. We don't know for definite there is a second. No, I'm just saying in general because that is a thing, right? Yeah, definitely. that people start up a group about something. Yeah, there's like three wol for now groups I in one. Yeah. But and the other thing you can do and I think this this is like the best way of tackling it is to accept that there might be a second group and be fine with it. You know there may well be a secrout where they're discussing things That is their choice and as Tom says, if they decide to be like that, they decide to be like that You need to find comfort in the discomfort You know, people behave how they behave If you spend your life trying to Be in control of what everyone's doing and how people treat you it just will lead to frustration. So The other question I would ask you is if you're the sort of, if you think these are the sort of people that are creating a second group behind your back Are they the sort of people you want to be giving a lot of your time to You know, I think, you know, if I had a group, you know, with a group of friends, I'd like to think I'd only associate with people that wouldn't do that to me You know And so if you are in a position What's going on here? I'm actually I actually started to build up some momentum in. He, you' kidding me what? I'm just literally just thinking where I can get some ice cream from Is cream a good thing for this Yes. o. Sugar and ice. Okay and cream. Okay now I get you. So And what I would say is you know, think about who you're a you know, think about who you're giving your time and energy to Because if they're the sort of people that you suspect might be doing a second group They're probably not for you. Exactly. veryer well said. Thank you. 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I feel like literally I'm like I feel like I've got Satan having a party inside of my gut. But it's just Fucking dance around these stupid old hooves Hello Wolf for now. I'm the overthinking Oter. Every time I send a message I reread it at least twelve times, spot a problem that doesn't exist and then spend the rest of the day convinced I've ruined a relationship I once edited a message three times just to remove an exclamation mark because it felt too needy My question is should I stop caring what people think or should I simply stop communicating with other humans altogether Literally this could be me writing into it. I don't think so grammatically, it was all. All right No been gone I mean, I do this all the time. I do it on a professional and a personal basis. in everyone I interact with, including this wonderful gentleman who's one the most kindind, nourishing human being Not Not today. You've got a prick element today and I was hoping that would fucking hotit would trip you up a bit It's actually backfired and made me more needy and pathetic than I was when we started off this fucking podcast Oh. It's given me the needle. I'm in so much pain. My voice just started to go. Oh. Yeah, it's absolutely brutalised me Um, God U I struggle with this all the time So and I don't really know an answer to it because I sent three texts today and an email and all of them I'm sort of thinking I shouldn't have sent or I should have said something different. I should worded something different. I mean literally we've done episodes on the fact that probablyably shouldn't be allowed a phone Let me say this is that For the most part, people read them and do not ever in any sense that you're being anything but kind or genuine or decent. and most people to give you know something someone said to me is most people scarcely even read it, they just run their eyes over it and just go, you know it's ping saying back or whatever. So I would say don't stop communicating with other humans advice You're you're a good person who clearly worries about what other people think And that's we look at that as a bad thing sometimes. Bachet probably makes you quite a good person to haveving other people's lives that you're constantly trying to be the best version of yourself. So go forth and, you know, if you do find a way of of making that Less of a problem of dealing with that. email in because I'm struggling with it myself along with this hot chip is now, I think just getting towards my carine Thank you so much for your email overthinking Otter I would say to you that Are you are you putting it on? No No, I'm not I didn't expect it to be internally quite supporting If I'm going of you Like I thought like, oh yeah, I have a bit of a burning mouth for a bit and then you know in a day's time it'll fucking hurt. I didn't expect it to seemingly go rush through my organs and destroy every one of them. I've never had a food that's made my kidneys hurt before Every bit of me is wincing. I can feel it going. The one thing I would say is it's one of the few times I've experienced where I think I can feel where it is in my body which is unnerving, I would say And it just feels like Bernie It's actually almost a good wayd just seeing how your metabolism is work. Yeah, yeah, it's a good idea Um Overththinginking Otter, it's first of all, be kind to yourself about this thing with the messages This is a totally You know,, it seems like it's impinging on your lifestyle because you're overthinking and worrying about these messages. But don't be horrible to yourself about it. It's totally understandable. You know we all want to be it's a sign of your caring and you wanting to maintain relationships that you are struggling in this way. I do have some practical advice. I think you should sort of train yourself to think about your messages less And what I mean by that is I would make it a challenge when you wake up more whenever you want to do it, You could do it right now of sending someone a text but being carefree about it and just clicking send and not thinking about it And just have a go at doing that with one text message And then the next day can try to do it with a couple basasically sort of desensitize yourself. to being a bit more carefree about your text messaging. I think that's the best way to do it. sometometimes If something causes you discomfort Aually the best thing to do is to sit in the discomfort and accept it you know, and actually get used to it Well actually generly feels like advice for what we'ing going? That's stretched though. That's what I'm trying to do is you have to accept bodies on fire. Can I just say the all I'm thinking as you're talking is If I gave you my bank card Could you take everyone out from the studio to the pub for a quick afternoon beer? and then I can use your toilet in pieace? Why whyy don't you just go to a toilet down the road? Why do you have to evacuate the whole fucking office O the of the options, why is that the one you go for And also you're sort of raising like the embarrassment factor of that J It's a niceingir. Yeah' wass to whiz down the pub. Yeah yeah. Don't come back to the office for two or three weeks Deere all for now. I own the pty petty pigeon. If someone mildly annoys me, I store it away like evidence in a case file and revisit it years later I don't confront them. I just quietly remember In twenty eighteen, a friend ate my chips without asking and I still think about it at least once a month Jia feels like knowge the things that I do My question is, is this a personality floor I should work on or is this actually just having an excellent memory Literally this feels like me writing in in all three circumstances. Okay, Tom, what's your advice I mean I hold ono shit Quite alone. doesn't sound like you're gonna today. It's very U I uh And also I don't really enjoy confrontation So I let things eat away at me slowly. Not that chip at. Yeah, very much like the chip eats away at me. This actually this chip is almost like a symbol for my whole personality Oh ye I would say pretty pigeon that u We all just have to try and let things go All, Tree, you guys Fuc you know hes like you teing him up Come on, try and to avoid hot chip shitting innuendo. Okay U, what is the pettiest thing So I've held on to loads of petty things Uh, you know, going like going to the pub with people who've never brought around U like even though you've been to my heart is racing Look fr a marathon Good for my body working, right? shouldh I take over? Yeah I think you're gonna have to sit. Okay, All right, will it Um 's not a personality flaw, it's a personality quirk. And lots of people have this thing. I know lots of people have this sense of righteousness and so when they feel that they've been wrongs, they cling onto it. Actually, the truth is is if you do any reading about this it's slightly, I don't want to offend you, but it because I'm guilty of this and Tom's guilty it as well. It's actually a sign of ego where you feel like you've got to defend your position and somebody's wronged you and you just hold ont to it for a very long time. Unlike the way Thom is holding onto himself here So what I would do is I would genuinely think on couple of these instances and try and Recognize the feeling that you're having, that you're having a feeling of resentment and u and annoyance about it and just recognize those as feelings and then let them go. I think that you have to try and practice Chilling yourself out about it. Carrying grievances about stuff that's been done to you in the past is like picking up a load of heavy rocks and then spending the rest of your life carrying them you are it's well within your ability to just put them down. to let them go like a loose stool. You know?