Finding Confidence and Self-Acceptance

Yeah ye what'd you want? Beakle jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whateers prefer? Just kidding every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Hi guys Welcome to a special Listener questestions episode of the podcastking how So again. Yeah. Okay. Hey guys, welcome. Hey guys. Hello and welcome to a special Listener questions episode of the podcast that you're listening to which is the wolf and O O. So what is a listeners' episode Rob? Was it mean? tellell the viewers stroke listeners? Yeah, it is the email app U This is our first email. Boom. Oh, it's anonymous. This is anonymous. G First off I'm a thank you so much for the message first of all to the person. Oh, thank you for wriding in. Yeah First off, I'm a big fan of the pod, and although I was late to the party, it's qu'itely become my favorite I'm hoping you can give me some advice on an issue I'm having with my father in law Well, we don't know the problem is. Well and f in laws diff you know it's going be Not always. o. Sometimes they can be delicious human beings. My wife and I both in our mid forties. I have two daughters aged twelve and fourteen from a previous marriage. And my wife and I have a three year old son And we'll be adding another daughter in the spring. Congratulations I'm not a typical male I don't care about sports, but my father was a massive sports fan and raised five sons who all played hockey. Wow, that's going to be difficult, isn't it For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters Trimphia offers self injection or intravenous infusion from the start Trimmphia is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self inject trmphia, proper training is required Trmphia is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease, and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis, serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections or lower ability to fight them, and liver problems may occur. Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection flu like symptoms or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Trmphia today. Call one eight hundred five two six seven seven thirty six to learn more. orr visit trmpharadio d. com Let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of turns out, it's more common than you'd think Pyrony's disisease, or PD for short PedD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve or a bump during an erection and for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lower self esteem, and even withdraw from sexual activity and physical intimacy Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about PD The actual cause of PD isn't always known In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity The good news is PD is treatable If you notice a curve with a bump trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it walk you through your options, including non surgical treatment To learn more about Pironi's disease, visit talkaboutpD d. com Like goingound there is going be tricky, right? Well, if they're talking about hockey it's a long dayang. Well No, what I'm saying is theyre all sporty sporty alphas. Yeah. and then you turn up as a bit of a kind of nonsport. By the way, can I just say I don't necessarily I think hockey iss a really great sport. think's brilliant but I don't think it's necessarily an alpha alpha Like if they were rugby players for example, can you're in for a long time. But being sporty lends itself to alphanness, doesn't it? Yeah, if you're good good at sports. Yeah. but also you can get alphaass aren't good at sports Yeah, true, But if you're good at sports, if you're good sports, you'll have ack have a cocky you're more alpha adjacent Because you've always better coordinated all that shit. But also you've always been sort of high social state as well. Yeah. If somebody kicks a ball to you in the park, you don't shit yourself. No, there's a point you're trying to make. Yeah My son has quite long and slightly curly hair, which I love On a recent visit, my father in law began commenting that it was too long and needed cutting because he's a boy. He sn't said this again while my son was on a video call I'm not okay with negative comments about my children's appearance when they can hear it. I'm not okay with People's comments about my children's appearance regardless. Yeah also. I'm personally offended my own hair is long and I'm deeply uncomfortable with his casual sexism especially with another daughter on the way I don't know how to handle this, how to even broach the subject with my wife Please look into your sweet, sweet souls and give me some advice How do you draw boundaries of Seno M I mean, I think this is I think he's over the father in law's over that the mark massively here I think number one, I would arguably say the great one of the greatest sportsmen that we've had in this country has had some very H stop you to them man, D' bec him I think having long hair is not a sign of like I think it's a cool thing, right?. I think the fact is like individualism should be praised. I think if that's where they want their son to have his hair. I think the son turned around and said, I want long hair and fair enough. but I think the idea of someone criticizing and making asspersions just because whichich feels like that's what's happening here with the father in law. Um I alsoso think like I'd probably make a joke of this because I'm guessing I don't know the guy, but He's not called that this, you know, the father in law and I got Maybe I'll take tips on hockey Pro probablyablyont be taking st startar advice from you, old mate until make a joke about it. No sorry, you are a father in Iw and I'll try out. Okay, fine. Yeah U I was just saying to Catherine that where do you called Katherine Whatas that my last? That's my last name Well, it's quite a common name, isn't it? Okay. All right. Well would do you want?ain character, Alice. Right, fine I was just saying to Alice that u I think little Andrew's hair is possibly a bit long Looks a bit messy, doesn' it? Oh, that's weird. I was just saying to Melanie I will take your advice about sports, but maybe not in style considering the shoes you're wearing. Lell. Why did we have to do role playay for you to just repeat what you said in the example? Oh just how we've gone to all that time we've set it up now You asked for a different wife's name and you just said exactly the same fucking thing. Yeah but my point was just how to say it in a way. We've said exactly the same. What donon't say it in an aggressive way, but have a joke with it Because that actually I thought that sounded quite aggressive. Okay, let me do it again. right. Well, might take some sport advice off your neck, but probably not some style advice L Why are you saying lou out loud Just because it You't laugh out loud after your own joke ight Well you don't have to do any of it. those aren't the only options. What I'd say is you need to be very careful because the f there's an alpha house he's going into, right? You don't want to antagonize, but also you have to stand your ground because essentially what's happening here And I don't know a lot about this family. I know what's being written here. Genuinely, you don't know a lot. but it's a very alpha like house and you kind of have to meet that with it with what it needs for them, you know I've been in situations with alphas And straight away now, Bay. You actually have got an alf for way. No, don't. You've got an alfw way about you the on the baaterist of baiters. You're not that bater. Who did you p baitater, I mean you May, Really? Yeah Iot't about that never But I'd say like for example, when I used to be on building ses there was like real alphanist there. Yeah. Like you have to sometimes Give it a little bit just so you're not feeling like you're getting palmed off. And I think if they're making jokes about his hair and and his son's hair, I think he's kind of got a stand his ground a little bit. And I think when he talk, I actually think like, I think in a sense he needs to if that's upset him I think he should be saying that to his father in law rather than going to his wife and saying, I'm not happy with this. puts her in a situation. and I don't think you have to be aggressive I think you can say look, hey, man, that's That's what you know, my son son likes his hair like that. rather than because also that happens a lot in with in laws in a sense. and people what people tend to do is they'll make a conversation about something without actually directly saying it. you know, insteads whatever his feelings are, he'll just make this sort of roundabout way like a bit like I'm do now U But I think you have to kind of stay the ground. I mean, I'm quite Without getting any more of the details, I just think this is none of the father in law's fucking business Yeah, but you have to you have but my point is in this situation, if if he doesn't say something and stand his ground like and say what he feels in this situation I feel that that's just going to what this come another thing and another thing because actually the way that this is written and how you know That's all we've judge. This seems like a really decent human being. seems like a ned man. Yeah who has but also has a moral compass and he has his own beliefs in how he goes forward as a human being. And he's quite stuck to it, you know, he believes it knows and I think actually with your father and law, I think it's a far better thing to come across and go, No, that's not how I think it should be rather than Yeah trying to youah, I think you sometimes gott to be firm I agree. I totally agree to think it's great advice I think it's great advice. I sort of think like We had a Not a similar situation to this. We had a bit of a situation years ago with my mum where way said to our Theo, ye, our eldest when he was a little kid He'd got like we we see star charts do you do those? Rewards charts? Yeah Yeah, you got thatah. Anyway, eventually got loads of stars. And we said he can choose he would like dressing up so he can choose a costume from the Disney store. that was near us at the time We thought He might choose, you know, willill he choose Captain America? Yeah, willill he choose Ironman He chose minini Mouse, right? By the way, Star icon Style absolute style icon. I said to Lisa Well, I just it wasn't I just not yeah, If you want many mouse, get min mouse. anyyw It triggered my momum She became slightly panicked Yeah, because she just like She was like, whyy is he wearing? I don't know? And so then I had to like say to Mum First of all, it just doesn't. It just doesn't matter So I had to like have a chat with her about because she sort of started to express a bit of concern in front of them And then I'm just like, I don't want this to stop. I don't want him to think that this is a thing. Do you know what I mean? So I just kind of had to had to sort of, I wasn't firm with momum, but I just sort of said, Mum I had a serious conversation with her. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but I think as well with that situation as well, not I think Beautiful about kids at that age. just It's just they like that thing. there's no judgment and they're not thinking about a wider picture And I think for as long as in this world you can have that air about you where You look at things you know with a bit of wonder or you just you're completely being yourself and you're not falling into a norm. and this is just how I feel and this is what I'm going to do That's kind of a beautiful thing. I think anonymous, you're well within your rights to say to your father in law I think you can be firm about it And I think you can say donon't appreciate. First of all It's up to us how we have Yeah. it's up to him actually, how he has his hair Secondly U don't think is appropriate for you to make comments like that. And leave it at that. We doesn't have to start a war, but what I think is if you try and joke your way out of it or be light about it, it might continue to be a thing. I think actually there is some value. in being quiet. straight straight down the line about it, you know here? And you also have to wonder like do all five of his boys want to play hockey he was here D they did they want to be do they just compromise them head? Yeah, musicians or something. Yeah. playay the guitar That was their dream. Well, the harmonica, What you sometimes realize goo back to the last episode. the phone where we probably start on the clarinet and when I was summing up about Mart and the Dg, there's a lot there actually to unpack In what way? Well about like looking for things and thinking. Please don't do a callback to that Right? It was difficult enough to sort of comment on it in the moment. let alone referencing in another episode ight, Thankk you so much anonymous. Good luck with it Some things work better together like NARSA's Soft Mat compleomplete Concealer and Radiant Creamy cononcealer Soft Mat compleplete Concealer erases and blurs imperfections with full coverage Then, radiant creamy concealer evens and brightens with a luxurious texture and radiant finish Two concealers, onene flawless look Perfect for a no foundation base. Nars, better together O visit Sephora to shop now Let's talk about Pironi's disease. PD It's not widely talked about. And some men may feel reluctant to bring it up but it's more common than you'd think PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis, causing a curve or a bump during an erection that for some men, may lead to pain during intimacy and impact mental health A trusted urology specialist can help diagnose PD and walk you through your options, including non surgical treatment. Visit talkaboutpD. com Dear Wolf and Ow I just thought I'd drop a note to say how moved I was. to see the Owl reunited with Dylan on a TV while a while ago Well' quite a. Oh,, okay. this is the talk about the McIntyre, thing Beautiful I don't usually watch Michael McIntyre's show, but happen to catch it. and so far I've rewatched this bit about a dozen times. Romas, your reaction is beautiful and you are obviously genuinely choked up to see him So much, it made me cry, wow Would love to know a bit about what happened afterwards if you're happy to share. loveove the weeping wildebeest. Dave Yeah. Beautiful. Did you watch it t? I've seen a clip of it, Yeah kid that you went to school with, right? Yeah So this is the me this is the ro of me. D say your first kiss was on there as well. Not first Who said it was my first kiss? I just assume that's what it was. Why did you assume it was my first kiss? I just assume that the way it was that was a No it wasnt my first. It wasn't my first kiss. Oh okay. Second. Second kiss ight Anyway, so we did this thing called Remember me where they bring out you go ono the show They bring up people for the past and you have to say if you're remember. it was a your second kiss. Yeah. There was a sound man. sound manan who'd just done a little prank yeah. Yeah. By the way, can I just say this is I know you fucking tain a bit, but that was a really bad prank to pull on you on the sense that Of all the people I've worked with you're one of the most genuine people to anyone they come across, you no, you do. it was bad, wasn't it? But look like a real piece of shit. No, but that isn't you. Michael. I can I say there's a lot of people? No,, I mean. There's a lot of people they could have played that one that I with. But I think you H Cordon. going to go through nice and something not as brave as you I'm a weak coward who'll just genuinely just Yeah. So so this person comes on and it is a really beautiful moment Yes. and it's like at first I didn't rec and I did' I remember Dylan, His name is Dylan. C cool name B. His name still is Dyan. Yeah, eighties, nineties, that's a cool name. I was shock I didn't know as any Dylan's living in the UK at that point. what point in the eighties and nineties? Yeah. Yeah. It was like just an little name there Anyway I remember hanging out with Dylan, but I didn't equate the person that I was seeing in front of me with Dylan. Yeah because he, you know was obviously what thirty five four years later Yeah So I just didn't clock it, and then suddenly it came to me. so I had this moment of Like it was cool, man. It's like the kid that I used to hang out with all the time,? Yeah. We used to like you know, get a little bamboo stick and go fishing in the river and then we'd like what's? We'd kick cans around and sometimes we'd play like the ukulele together. your child is essentially Huckleberry fit. We're a dog on a string and sometimes we'd get on the old river boat and head on down and Annoy some of the localers wider than a mile. you and out J. It was nice it was really nice. So hold up so what I think all of us are interested in is what happened after the show. So he came up to me afterwards. So I went over and said hello to the m. It a beautiful Yeah moment. and he' s not the sound man Yeah imagine he was busy in himself and also felt very sort of like vulnerable after having been uses a bit of a prank that's how these things work. Neil, can you do a prank on romish? I don't really want to be on camera. Come on mate. Yeah be frowned upon if you don't do it. Anyway, he said to me, u I sat up with them and I said, thanks a lot. You chat to both of them, they And um He said Just showing you now I've got a lot better at guessing But let's talk about I supped to do a joke there. And then I just regreted that it was such an obvious thing to say 's going to go enough about it Dylan. Anyway Um Yeah, I had a chat with Sonya. Yeah How did ch that with Dylan? Sonya, by the way, massive eighties and nineties. Son just sort become extinct And then Dylan said to me that was cool, wasn't it? I said, Yeahah it was really cool. And he said Well let me know if you want to keep in touch I justent fuckle No, I can reveal exclusively on the W for now. Dylan and I going out for lunch. Wow. We're going to have a little like reconvene. That's like just really books. Did you get to know much about what Dylan's been up to because obviously he knows Not really. I mean I've we've had a Did you talk about Dylan in your books? No What do you mean? whats that mean? What's that react? Well, you play them more time when yourre kids Yeah. But I mean like you sort of tell interesting stories in your book, don't you?get I hope this isn't hope you have lunch before this episode. Dylan, I don't he's going to take this in a bad way, but me and Dylan going down the park to play footall' a fuck about Yeahah, that's kind of I mean No, I mean that's part of the problem with these books. That's why So many of they were so fucking boring Yeah''m struggling with with my I've got like sixty two pages about me going to the park playing with various peoples. Yeah exactly sh So I get to the good bits people writ in books their lives. Yeah, but you've written like five biographies now. No, two Yeah. And Dylan think poor Dylan. You w be nice actually, this is what you should do is you should have book from like the moment you didn't you stop seeing each other all the time from where Dylan's life went and then where your life went and then the reconvene And then it's like this beautiful book about yours and Dylan's sort of relationship. could be turned into a stage play That sounds What we call in the business Unsellable. Okay Re ready for another email. Yeah Hello By the way, if Dinam wants you can come in here we could have quite offf for dinner when he came in here. That is a sort of special thing that we get del in. We've never had a guest on. We should talk about this? Are we ever to have a guest on? I'd love to have guests on. I what different? What sort of guest would you have I think if I'd love to hear on Rag just for the fact I'd be quite forful What would okay, so imagine Terary when he comes on the podcast, what do we do with him? We have a laugh with him. Like what how? Crent affairs? ask him some questions. What could you mean current affairs? What do you know about current affairs? Nothing really. Okay What would we actually do with them? That's the problem, is it's all very well I know you and Tieria are mates. Oh they're not really mates. Well, you text each other, right going back to last episode. When's the last time of the text interaction with Ter and Row? About year ago probably. Oh, I'll tell you when he won the or he got to the final at the Olympics, with the Fingch team. Okay had a bit of Chhead. H Yeah. What did you sign? Just congratulations my friend. with your blood. Yeah He By the way, can I say he he has instigated chat with me? Yeah, you diderm me that. And you were actually mates with Cerry on mate mate. Yeah, we got on. But you've got his phone number I mean, that's pretty amazing here. Isn't it? Yeah, it's a pretty cool thing Yeah. He's really like him. He's very he's very genuine. He'd be great on there If what? How? We could get Dlon on, then we get him on the next So it's like we both bring a friend to work type thing Oh, you really are Okay Here's our next email Hello wolfl Cat and swwan. I hope you're all well. My name's Peaceful Pelican. I just want to startop by thankking you for your pod I use it as a coping technique for anxiety, which has been getting out of hand. I work in healthcare I need to read this with a different time What the Yeah you've come really up cry. Cheesy there. Sorry, peaceful Pell. Cerry Wogan My name's I can't. My name is peaceful Pal. Okayine. My name I wanted to start by thanking you I just want to start by thanking you for your pod. I can't read now. what's happens to me? I use it as a I use it as a coping technique for my anxiety which has been getting out of hand Is that right? Yeah,es s. I work in healthcare and struggle. I work in healthcare and struggle I work in healthcare and struggle with shift work and general life stresses I know you guys speak openly about mental health and it really helps me realize I'm not alone I've recently turned twenty seven and' feeling very lost. I've got a lovely boyfriend. Half my friends have kids and are moving on with their lives and others still like to go out and party Apart from the gym, I have no hobbies. Did you feel a certain way when you're around this age? Please don't ever change. Tom's laugh and Rom's dry humour is contagiously funny. Huge fan Well done for having a great laugh. Yeah. so I do actually find myself do you know you are genly one of the people who makes me laugh. so I don't realise how much I laugh at you. until I ever listen back to his podcast. Why you listening back to the podcast? No we have to listen back for the a. I know do that. I always pretend I had it.ight Kaanold says, you laugh so much you're like a giddy school id ring loy. I don't I think you might be around me but not at me. I think most of what makes you laugh is stuff that youve said. It it's not It's your reactions though Yeah now dial thing. If I'm doing something, one of my favorite things in life is I'm doing something then And you do your stony face thing, but I know that you But this you think I'm doing a thing. That's just my face It's so sweet and funny It's one of the things that makes me happy. Genuinely, sometimes o, I'm bad, if I'm feeling a bit sad and depressed, I'll think of one of the conversations we've had in our friendship and it will make me chuckle It's one of the sweetest and saddest things you've ever said. A day I get so much elevation from this R. You know, this relationship brrotherhood. What's your advice And so number one, I think I think the misconception can I just say firstly at twenty seven I was partying all the time and I was going to pubs all the time And I was very, very lonely. Just a bit. No, but Well not partying Just just on the I think the idea that if you're going out and you're drinking and you're being around people at the time that you're not lonely That's I look back at that time and still you know a lot of friends I remember quite a few people having Christenings and weddings that I wasn't invited to because I'd be a bit of a liability if I did turn up Um So I felt very much like I think in a similar sort of and I didn't actually have any any outside interests other than drinking and just being out and that was my only thing. So I think wherever you're at at that age, I think twenty seven, late twenties getting into your thirties. It's kind of a weird place because you are always no matter where you're at There's always going to be seem many people around you who've got their shit together more than you have and that's where the people you know I'd have been looking at someone who was going to the gym all the time at that point and that been their direction got with envy thinking I f they they've got, you know, They're shoot together. They're going out there doing that. play toistort stereotype even more now with the way the modern world with social media and stuff is you actually you feel like you should be doing stuff that people not just people around you because that circle can be quite small, but actually the larger world you're looking at and going, o maybe I should be doing this, maybe I should be doing that. Maybe my shit isn't together I think you tru need to actually feel number one, not lonely and not like feeling that you're missing out, you actually need to go, What are the things that I need to fulfill myself without looking around at other people What the things that bring me joy and the gym brings you joy and you enjoy working out. that's a great thing and look at other things you can do just day to day, just to think they're the small things You're in a loving relationship. That's a great thing. you're in a happy place. And I think it's then just looking at other little things that you can add to what you've got that's already a stable place and a stable sort of life in which you built for yourself, rather than just looking and I'm combable with this, I think most people are. I cont see looking at other people thinking I should do this barreish shit and For me now I'm like not actually let me look at what I'm doing and realize that you're the main player in your life. On you can change that and everyone else is just concentrating on their shit, let them do that and you just stick to what you're doing. build on what you've already got because it's a pretty solid foundation Romski. That is I don't know if I can do anything with that Great advice. sometimes. Really, really good man. Well, thank you very much, Jes. How the way you read the email, really? Oh fuck on. And also I feel an empathy with this person Yeah. Just do you. U Just do you I was gonna get a tatoo. I'm gonna get aatoo. I might get that just a ye. Just a ye. yeah Why he just get JDY Dividend people. We'll say what? I don't know U Thank you so much for your email and thank you so much listen to the podcast. very swet.,n't it very sweet about the podcast? Yeah, very lovely. I sort of could only reiterate what Tom said. I mean, he said you've not got any hobbies, but you go to the gym, but going to the gym is that's a good thing getting out and about. U I do agree with Tom in terms of There is this perception of what we're supposed to be doing whatever age. I mean, and either settling down or going out and partying and all of that. And the truth is, I think you've just got You just got to do what you want to do. Do you know what I mean? And If you're feeling lonely and They you know, in your twenties, if you are looking to sort of get more hobbies and look for opportunities to make friends you can be more proactive about it and sort of look at things that you might be interested in and maybe turn up to like Even a class or something like that, right? You know what I mean? And sort of there's often Um We'd like groups and stuff to meet up to do whatever, like even, whether it's, dont know a run club or a painting group or whatever, that will have like a social ecosystem around it And so You can very quickly find yourself like, you know, making friends in that way. But I, you know, part of the problem that you've got or part of the problem that you're facing is that you are suffering from Life Fomo And that is that you're looking at what everybody else is doing And you're thinking they must be having a really amazing time or They're doing it better and I'm not doing it right. There is no doing it right or doing it wrong. There is no your space if you bere doing it You, like Tom said, as the tattoo will confirm Just do you. So whatever your choices are, that's absolutely fine And you need to try and find a way to stop beating yourself up for not doing what you perceive everybody else to be doing. There's nothing wrong in that, you know. And so You know, the truth is when you get to your forties, like Tom and myself One of the greatest gifts that being in your fories gives you is that you stop doing what you think people perceive that you should be doing. You just do what you want to do. You become a bit more comfortable in your own skin. Tom and I never get anxious about what people think of us We never wored just had a whole stit lunch where I meltled down completely. She console me in a restaurant. No we have blips We have blips love joking, but in all seriousness, like I think you know I think as well you got a gau on it now. Yeah, you just got twenty seven. You've gott to do what you want to do, man and not worry about it. You know, you absolve yourself with the worry of perception of what you're supposed to be doing. That would be my best my biggest bit of advice to here Okay, that's it. that's all for this email episode. Re good email. Thank you so much for all of your messages And Wolf actually, I'll let Tommy give you the email address. Hi guys. So it is Wolf Opod at gmailot com Send your emails, queries, funny photos. this is a visual format now so we can really get down no no, no, no, no. I don't want to get into thing we just going And thanks to Lucy who sent us this picture of a cat that's got us seven to a bit of a pickle. I don't want to come. No no, but if it's like it was like my mate Neil's birthday and I made him a wolf and our cake. that Yeah something like, o, that would be fine. but not like Or funny videos of you doing a rom impression or like doing me doing a city walk Everything you've got. Oh amm I making you laugh again Oh no, that's right. You've just set yourself off into a little giggle fest. Giggle fest fucking kill me. Thank you so much for listening to the world. See you next time. Be