Final Thoughts on Musical Theater

Lemonada You ain't you make me You made it weird. Yes, you did it weird. You made it weird. With Pete Holmes. What's happening weirdies? Wow, you almost put no pause between your keep it crispy and what's happening weirdies. I know. That'll be hard for Katie. Sorry, Katie. No, no, no. She can do it. Oh, sorry. This was a fun one. I start out by saying let's have fun and then we do. We do. And there's no non-dual talk. If no deep. There's one guy sitting on a cushion that just turned it off. He's meditating. This is his meditation. Um it's my practice. His practice is to like tolerate this podcast. Yeah. Like just allow it. And he's enlightened. Uh we're so glad you're here. This is We Made It Weird, where the Friday episodes where Valerie and I catch up. And I love it. I also want to say like the first half I'm not gonna break it down by chapters, but I'm gonna say in the second half we talk about uh Mormon Saturday Night Live, which was very fun. So don't don't skip out. Listen to the whole thing. Just listen to the whole thing. You're here already if you only have time for half put on two X and go insane. Oh my god we should try to listen to us on two X no this is not somebody uh this is a.5 podcast. I was with a friend who did you ever have you ever listened to the Emerald podc ast? Emerald? The Emerald is what it's called. Oh, the precious stone? Yes. Exactly. Anyway, somebody put that on a friend of mine on a road trip and the other friend had also listened to that podcast, but she was like, I listened to this on 2x and this guy sounds so differently. And it was the slowest talking person I've ever heard in my life. And I was like, wow, this is what two X is for. It's for people like this. It is what 2X is for. But this is not that podcast. No. We're so glad you're here. Only a couple things to plug. Go to Petehomes.com for my tour. Go to YouTube .com for silly silly fun boy. We're almost at 800. Oh. 800K. May 27th is the next Largo. Shang Wang is gonna do that one. Oh, that'll be fun. It's gonna be awesome. Oh, we're also gonna drop uh silly no, I am not for everyone. So silly silly fun boy is the new special . But on Sat on Sunday, May 24th, uh we're gonna do a live premiere at 10 a.m. Pacific of I Am Not For Everyone, which was on a streamer that shall not be named. But uh it's now gonna be on YouTube for free, and I'm gonna be there commenting and streaming with y'all. So that'll be on Sunday, May 2 4th, just to get all my specials on YouTube. Why not? Why not? And then May 27th is Largo. Then we have Aspen, Denver, and all sorts. Who cares? And then Spells to Cast on Your Parents is available now. It's my children's book. The name says it all. It's a super silly fun time. Get it for your kids or get it for someone you know who has kids or just get it and read it. Read it like a like you would read an academic textbook. Yeah, there's no shame in that. Just get a kid's book for yourself. No shame. So we're so glad you're here. Thank you, everybody. Uh, Valerie. Get into it . Amazon Health AI presents painful thoughts . Find it, I searched the internet for answers to my cold sore problem. Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history. But I can never unsee that. Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Healthcare just got less Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi, everybody. You just want to what? I just want to have fun. I know I say this sometimes. This is one of those episodes where I go like Oh, you don't want to be deep? No, we should be. I love that I have a copy of my book to clearly read a highlighted passage. It's called Clear Your Heart. No, it's called Clear in Your Heart. I love that you dropped a very key word. Clear your heart is not a book I would read. It's a self-help book. Yeah. Clear my brother gave me a book. I love my brother so much. And I actually really love the work that my brother has done, like, you know, on him on his what do you say? Psychology? Yeah. Which is an incredibly brilliant and wise person. But he gave me a book called Do the Work or No How to Do the Work. Uh-huh. Because we were talking about it and he's like, I could send it to you and what are you gonna be like? Nah . Nah. Especially a book called How to Do the Work. Yeah, yeah. But it's you we we watch television every day. Instead of doing work. Instead of doing the work. No, but our T V is framed by books on a bookshelf. And the one that I always see is how to do the work. And I'm not even Well, there's a lot of things at play. One of them is that my brother and I we love talking, but I if I send him a book, I'm pretty sure he doesn't read it and it kinda goes both ways. Yeah. But he didn't send me Who was telling us wasn't it maybe Ad Adam Our Driver, not to be confused with Adam Driver. Adam our driver? Our driver in Utah. The guy who is driving. I'm like, we don't have a driver. No, no, no. But have we talked about that yet? No, we gotta talk about that. What that's so fun. I know. I told you I just wanna have it. So Well look, let me slide Clear in Your Heart by John Wheeler. No, you can read that that's fun for you. That's your kind of fun. As I've said a million times, being interested in non-duality is like being a NASCAR fan. A NASCAR fan in Manhattan. And this is a name drop, but when I was starting comedy in New York with Nate Bargatsze, he felt that. He would talk about that. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very sweetly. Just like nobody here likes NASCAR. Like nobody here is even interested. And he went from everyone being interested to literally know . He was just like, What is this? But I think he found some people.. Yeah You can find anybody in Manhattan. Oh yeah. That's the good thing about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um but You just want to have fun. We just want to have fun. He was telling us that No Adam, our driver. I'm like an AI. You know how you can confuse an AI by being like three plums and then I gave you two dirty plums. How many plums do you have? And I'm like, well, it's like three plums. Two. The dirty. Like you can confuse me by another noun. Yeah. That's all it takes. I was kind of confused there for a minute, too. I have that brain too. You're really nice. Um, thank you. You're nice to me. Thank you. I like to be I like to be nice to you. I like you. Hmm. Uh I told you right before we started recording that I was laying in bed doing the math of how long I thought you could live so that I can die with you. Yeah, 'cause we're ten years apart. Yeah, but we won't always be. Cryogen ics. Well You freeze my ass for ten years, we're the same. Oh my god, freeze your ass for ten years, have a million affairs. What? What ? You have a million affairs? Yeah. For ten years. Yeah, that would be pretty exciting for you. And then and then grow old with you. No, I love you as mo as much as a person can. Yeah. Love a person. Mm-hmm . Like if you were frozen for ten years and you were just like go live. I I don't know though. I don't know. On one hand You'd be frozen. No, no, no. Yeah, you're gonna go and do it. Oh yeah. Oh, if I were for a year and I am one of the ways that I'm very old school. I know. Is that I'm like sex makes you fall in love with people. Like it's one of the ways that like you just physiologically bond with somebody. Yeah. And I know I said like I'm just owning it. I'm 47 and I am like a real knot in my backyard. I don't want these kids drag racing. I don't want kids doing wheelies through tra ffic on their e-bikes. And I'm also like pretty ready to either keep it to myself or very gently imply that like sex is a lovely and normal thing. And you kind of, you know, it It does make everything complicated at the very least. I love this AM vibe we have today. Yeah. I like it. I like it too. Um my friend Lisa and I always talk about this too because we both feel both ways, which I think you would too, where you're just like it feels insane that you can have a connection with someone like a friend. Mm-hmm. And then and also be attracted to them . And like you can just get to a certain point. Is this you and Lisa? No, no, no. This is like an you know, other people. Like if I were Hello, Val. And yeah, just hypothetically. I'm just running some bits. Pete says you're very good at bits. You wanna help me with some of these ? What's up with Kermit? Everybody knows he's got ping pong ball eyes. Why's he got those ping pong balls? You know what? About Kermit's eyes. So is it like did Jim Henson ever like go like d oh we lost the bowl, don't worry, I'll go dismantle Kermit. Is that is that anything? Uh-huh. Why is it humid in here ? Why is it vaginal humid? It's so moist. And all I can muster is a nod. So those of you that haven't listened to every one of these 250 episodes, that's Brett Goldstein, my friend, and your secret crush. Not secret . That's why it's okay, because I'm not keeping it a secret. I agree. The people that I'm and I'm only in the five percent attracted or crushed on anybody, I would never I don't even joke about it. But you're like ninety eight percent. Like you have to talk about it. Well it's like somebody with like a arrow in their arm. Yeah, that's it. You have to address it. That's true. I guess that's true. But I also do that for the health of our relationship. Just like to keep it in I think a secret crush is dangerous. I think a public crush crush is but none of mine you're talking to a person who has to write down their friends. Oh, oh, you're saying Like I can't even remember who I have a crush on. Oh right . I w I I mean I'd I'd love to do that. I'd love for you to have a crush. I but to be fair, it's not like I get although maybe this is worse. I also am not attracted to that many people. Like I I don't get a lot of crushes. Well yeah I know and and Brett's uh you know different from me, but enough like me that I'm like, I get it. Yeah, totally. But I love I love it's a dream boat. Yeah. It's you get it. Dead last so I was like, it's because it's dreamboat. Yeah, yeah. Um but what I was doing , if you're listening, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we're going to be so much more than that. I know. And Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson, I'm sorry. Yeah. I do have a crush on him too. Well, I know there's that, but the we both have like talent admiration of Matt and get a lot of like inspiration like watching him on podcasts and stuff. I'm just like he's just it's like it gives me a lot of life listening to somebody who's so lit up about stuff. So I have I have a talent thing. Yeah for Matt. So apologies to Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson as well. What are we apologizing for? Crushes and talent crushes. I think that that's something that makes people feel good. Is it not? I guess that you and me. Yeah. If I was listening to Brett's podcast and he's like, You know who's a piece of ass, it's Pete Holmes. The only reason I listen to Brett's podcast is to just see if he says that about me. There's one girl, her name is Vaughn I shouldn't say it. Let's call her Chiny . No, it's too obvious. Call her homes. That's not true. I do like I I like that podcast. Can you not mention other podcasts? Do you know what it's like out there that's what you get jealous of yeah that's so funny that's so the the feeling I got was stronger for you mentioning another podcast. That is I know you . So that was we've been recording for nine minutes. That was a nine minute setup. Yeah. To in my opinion, a perfect joke. Also though, to like this similarly when you said when you were doing the bit about me helping Brett with bits, that crossed a line for me. I'm like, look, I might give him a smooch or something, but I would never help him with his bits. That's our thing. Yeah. No, I get that. That's really sweet. Yeah. Really, really sweet. Okay. Can I enter will you keep a pen in what you're about to say? Yes. Because we saw Nick Swartzon the other day. Oh yeah. Literally yesterday. And it was so fun. Yeah, he's so great. And it made me miss hanging out with comedians. Uh Gareth Liv Gareth Reynolds, who's one of the funniest people ever, lives here, but I texted him to hang out. This is this is Pete'sy man tring to have a guy friend. Yes. Trying to have a friend. Yeah, Pete's and I don't mean that in no disrespect. I love Conan to death, but his podcast, Conan O'Brien, Needs a Friend. That's that's funny gag. This is this shit is real. Yeah, yeah. You want intimacy. You don't want just like dinner. Bit dinners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Bit dinners, that's fine. But this is like Pete Holmes needs a friend, and then in parentheses, like for real. And the worst part is I don't think I need a friend. So it's like dangerous. I'm like a guy who only eats like drinks tab. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm alive. Yeah. And you're like, but you need water. Water. And I'm like, no, I don't. So like I don't even believe in the conceit of this show. But anyway, I texted Gareth to hang out. For those of you who don't know, he's Isosceles Isosceles. One of the funniest bits of all time. Yep. What kind of triangles is these I think about it all the time. I thought I'll be isosceles. I just can't believe that a human brain thought of that. And that a Dorito is an isosceles triangle was like the coup de gra. I don't know a coup de gras is, but it made me when somebody pulls up a term that you haven't heard since the eighth grade in his in look I am a little defensive because it's such a great bit. I did I was the one who brought up. For my there's a lot of fucking dandruff nerds that know the word isosceles that you could be on a boat and just remember when dandruff was like the go al. Oh my god, dandruff was such a big thing in our lives. Was that dehydration? We figured it out. No, because I'm not doing anything differently than I did then. But we never had dandruff. Oh, you're right. Dandruff is for nerds. Okay, I'm kidding. That was that was a funny take. That was a funny take. The kids I knew in high school that had just the season for the flakes that don't melt, that was a head and shoulders commercial. Uh they were uh if I'm gonna be real, you don't you don't have to clip this and keep me off SNL, but they were a lot of Asian nerds I knew. They weren't all Asian, but they had the dark hair helps the spot. Which means maybe I have it. I just have strawberry blonde flakes. Yeah, everybody has a teensy bit of it. But like that was but that I mean it was also just in the zeitgeist as like a joke's I guess because maybe it was really happening more in the nineties. I thought what we were eating I bet it was what we were eating. I bet it was dehydration. I didn't have a glass of water till n like nineteen ninety nine. Yeah. I also it was like imagine? Yeah, like our low quality soaps, probably too. We just didn't know what the fuck we were doing. Yeah. Nobody knew what the fuck. Remember Nogzima? Like no shade, uh Noxima. But like what we were washing our faces with. Just frying when you smelled like it smelled like what cooked the Joker like Jack Nicholson fell in a vat of Nagazima. Oh my god it was so chemical Accutane is still a thing people still do it but like every they were handing that out like candy and it's like sounds like you just want ac ne but more accurately. Acne . You just you still want it, but you're like I want it in clusters of my choosing. Accutane. That's Accutenet. That's awful. But um we're just gonna sit in it for a minute. No, I'm just No, I loved it. I have the Nick Schwartzon joke queued up. All I was gonna say was Accutane like would make teenagers like suicidal. Like it was it was a no-joke drug. Bro, bro. It was insane. Bro, I'm so glad I didn't get smashed by acne. But some of my dear friends did. Uh-huh. And like remember like it also used to just be illegal to show commercials where you touch a zit with like a ionized metal and it goes away in fifteen minutes? Like that's that's what it claimed. We bought that shit. I know. For four payments in nineteen ninety-five. We wait six to eight weeks. You get it. You touch your zit. Now you're just a fucking dork pointing out your zits. I guess I don't know what this is. What are you saying this is? What was it called? Yeah, you would have bought this. I would have. Based on Leela and I were playing yesterday two days ago in the sink, and she found like a red light you shine at pimples. And I was like, bro, get off the gram. JK, JK. The red light has been proven to work . The red light I have the red light mask too and I've never used it. You know who else has that red light mask? Everybody , everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody. I almost bought one because diary of a CEO is like I listen to my girl when she talks about skincare. Yeah. AI is gonna kill us all. But first, this mask. Yeah, that's my diary of a CEO commercial. Okay, wait, but there's a lot of cooks in the fire. What is the ionized metal thing? It was this it looked like tweezers that were closed. Okay. That's pretty good actually. Great. Now we're gonna wrap the metal part of the twee za in like a white plastic. Uh-huh. So now it's just a white plastic handle and at the tip is like some tweezer looking things, but they're closed. And it had a battery in it. And the ad was just like, it's negative charge and positive charge. And the problem with zits is that they're negative charge and this floods it with po whatever it is. Whoa. And you and both I only got zits zits. I only got pimples. Let's pimp zits is tits, by the way. Zits is tits. Pimples is boobs. Yep. A hundred percent. And I got pimples. Yeah. I didn't get zits. And I'm not like barking people into my baseball milk jug game at a carnival. Though I'm sorry, but those are the tits zits people . She had zits on a tits. I still did uh Rachney, we used to call it. Is that real? Yeah. I didn't know zit zit tits. Not zit tits, but like on the chest . Yeah, rachney. You know you'd get bottom. That's a really cute way to put it. Rachney. I never liked Backney. I never liked Backney and Arachne, which is Middle Eastern Acne. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Is that anything? No. I love I love your honesty. So anyway, it was I don't think you'd mind. It was Ern. Ern and I were best friends and we had acne and we bought it. I think we might have even pooled our resources. This is something the good part of what this is is we you have to wait six to eight weeks for this thing. Mm-hmm. And the h that's actually the best part. Between sending in the cash on delivery or the money order or the you get a check, I don't know what we did. A hundred percent. You mail it. First of all, it takes two weeks for them to get the payment from you. Tom Hanks in the postman, I'm sorry, Kevin Costner in the postman is is a horse delivering your check to this company. And then they And then you have to look that horse in the mouth. You're very good. And then they mail it six so that's why it took six to eight weeks. And believe me, that was eight weeks. And you got it. And the best part was laying in bed being like, We'll see who's laughing when I'm ionizing all my coat. Eytverhing is different. When everything's different. I've had this so you're gonna go to school absolutely clear skinned. And and you know what for me it was too it was being clear skinned but I've always been like a I still am like a proselytizer and a sharer of wares and I couldn't wait to tell a tell one Ivan Poon buddy. I mean you can use ours. I don't care. Yeah. We could get the whole school cle ar in fifteen minutes. I'm so enthralled though. So tell me what the experience was like . I believe Earn was sent to Urn's house and he was poking his zits with it. Ugh zits . And absol ut obviously absolutely nothing happened. Does it did it hurt? Did it like electric cube? No. Okay. No. I tried it too. It did nothing. Yeah. Uh the modern equivalent, and I'm not I'm gonna put a clock on myself here. I'm gonna give myself forty seconds to talk about this. Uh nefarious. What is the word diabolical? The thing that is diabolical today is apps. My daughter will be like Leela, our daughter will say will say, Can I play that whole game? There's a game called holes.io or whatever. And it is fun. It's a fun game. You are a whole and you swallow buildings and cars and stuff. And it's free. Every app is free. Every app says the three letters that I dread get. Yeah. Show me the price. Show me the price. Because then you know it's quality. Even if it was thirty dollars, I would have bought it. But it's not. It's free. And that means every s forty-five seconds, uh it's not just an ad for another game comes. You have to play it. And I'm pretty savvy. I'm not like a ding-dong when it comes to phones. I know how to like minimize things. I know how to close things. I know where the little hard to find X is. I can't find shit. I'm like, I guess I guess I just have to play this game. I do. I win. It sucks. I hate playing this game because it forced me to do it. So I have this real liberty complex. I'm like, I'm playing holes. I'm look- there's no home screen for holes. There's no settings. There's no there's nothing to push that you can say upgrade to ad free. There's nothing. So then I give it back to Leela. She goes, Dada, this is 40 seconds later, Dada, did it again. She hands it back to me. It makes you play again. And then it goes to the app store for that game. And it says get. And you I'm like, no. And I close it. Goes back to the game. I'm play like the game I don't want to play. I play that. App screen. App screen. App screen. I did that for five minutes. The worst I was I get really triggered by this. It there was no way around it. The only way to do it was to download another game. That was the only way it was. I did look, I double checked too with my chat GPT and stuff. Yeah, we did. And by the way, all the and we went on YouTube, it was like, here's how to do it. It all hinges on a menu screen. There is no menu screen. I was like, this is I don't use this word a lot. It's insidious. It's actually insidious. And fuck you, holes.io . Fuck you. Really? I wouldn't say fuck you to a lot of people. But I would fuck you in all your fucking holes. Fuck you . Fuck you. I would say to the good natured dork who sold his soul, who signed the deal, yeah, that made his good game just a casino of of sales. Yeah. Of fucking do you know the children that are playing this that are downloading shit that we don't even know what the fuck is going on? I would walk up to that thick glasses motherfucker. I'd say fuck you, you fucking dandruff piece of fuck. Okay, Archie. I hope she hears this. This is righteous anger. Let us buy your game. This is America. Yeah. I'm not in some fucking I am too worked up. You're really worked up. I'm really worked up. But I th there is something about America. It's like we have better business bureau. I don't know what they do. We have like there's supposed to be checks and balances with the government, but with us with this too. There isn't. It's just buy get this game for everything is free. Tetris is free. Same shit. It's not as bad. But it runs an ad and it takes you to the app store to buy another thing. And if you give that to a kid, they're just pressing buy and you and you're just buying shit. Yeah. It is a carnival. It's a carnival game. And the thing is is like the games that kids play, it happens more, which is that's right. So evil. Because I play solitaire and it happens at at once every time you finish a game. Yeah. You have to do a lot of X and you can close out of them. Yeah. But for kids, it's like it knows it can get kids to buy all the shit. And download more fucking spyware, spamware, all the shit on your phone clogging it up. Yeah. And they don't know any better. Where is the presidential candidate that's gonna run on this? 'Cause I will be his killer mic. I'm so did you see that the new toys Did you get that reference? That was a great reference. Bernie Sanders. You're missing a. B birdird , you're missing a really, really good visual joke. I pointed out that he says really . And now I'm I'm three percent on the bottom. We're talking about the band show. You're missing a great visual joke. That wasn't that wasn't that that was almost native American. I'm not gonna do it. It was native Canadian. It was native Canadian. They were Americans too. Yeah, that's true . Element, our friends, have two new flavors. This is one of them: Pink Lemonade. My newest obsession. I start every day with a packet of Pink Lemonade Element in a big old glass of water, and I love it. It floods my body with optimum hydration, which isn't just water, it's water plus electrolytes, and that's what element is. It's sodium, potassium, and magnesium in the perfect di aled-in ratio to flood every cell, fighting away brain fog, fatigue, cramps, all that nasty stuff that happens when your body doesn't have what it needs. And so many so-called healthy hydration drinks have as much sugar as a can of coke. It's ridiculous that it's sold in like health stores. It's not a health product at all. Ellen fixes that. It is five calories. 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Go ahead. Um, okay, wait. Walking. I got the Nick Swartz in joke. You got Nick Swartzon, so you should do that. I'm going, I'm going correct And I'm sorry if I got everybody worked up, but like we gotta Apple, this shit is under your banner. Fucking Steve Jobs he's not doing anything. He Oh, I was g saying I'm glad that the new toy story is about tablets. It is? That's the new villain is the tablet. Well, I think color me aroused. I honestly think that's going to be the first. I was like watching the trailer through my child's eyes. There's a trailer? Yes. It looks great. Big week for trailers. Matt Johnson's Tony. Oh yeah. Trailer. Yeah. The Anthony Bur Bourdain. Yeah. It looks incredible. More I'm such a s fucking dork. I know. Went right to the views. But I'm like you have a crush. It's a talent crush . I know. It's cute. Talent crushes. This is just Salieri and Mozart. And yes, I'm Mozart. I'm just kidding. Um, but um oh it's like I was like I think this is going to work on my kid but then I also kind of got a little bit sad because she I think it will be challenging to her. You know when you love something and then it's like you get the like, you know, info on it, like if we were to watch a documentary about Shatter, I'm like the guy. Like, you know how Lucy in Peanuts set up a the therapist booth yes for five cents yeah I'm five cents ruin something you love what do you got bacon sugar yeah alcohol, weed, anything. Mm-hmm. I I've been ruined. Yeah. If the if the the plebeians, what is it? The Philistines, you don't have to burn down the library anymore. Remember w in the dark ages, you just have to kill me. Because I'm a whole library of just like sugar is actually Yeah. By the way, please don't kill me. I love the idea that somebody heard his started polishing a knife and then he said . You were just uh yeah, speaking metaphorically. Um so but I think she is so into her toys. Like j okay, this is a perfect example. This morning I got Bo a stuffed giraffe toy. Bo is our giant dog. And she saw it and I said, Do you want to give it in the Target bag? And I said, Do you want to give this to Bo? He'll be so happy. And in the time it took for her to take that giraffe out of the bag and just walk to the back door. She had named it. She was cutting its tag off and saying this will only hurt for a second. She had built an entire relationship with this giraffe to the point that when she gave it to our dog and he like started shaking it and running around, she was like crying a little bit. Oh my god. And I was like and I said, look at how like Bo, our real life stuffy who is alive is so happy. Oh I heard you saying that. And she was like and she was like, but giraffe, you know I had that big. And so she has that so much with her toys that I I'm like nervous to present the idea and and trust you know what in in Pixar I trust that they'll handle it well but the idea that like her toys are feeling neglected by her iPad. She's gonna that's gonna hit hard, I think. Wait, not by her iPad, because of her iPad. Well the iPad in Toy Story, the iPad is alive and is the villa in that the toys are like being neglected because now Bonnie has not by it. Yes, but in Toy Story all of the toys are alive including the iPad. But the toys aren't wanting the iPad to play with them. Yes. Okay, I see what you're saying. I'm glad I should have a child died on that hill. It was worth it. There's some people listening that are like, get her. Get her. Like they're fucking that was their wrestling. They're like, yes, Val, I know that they're person ified. Yeah. But I also know that the toys don't want to be played with by the iPad. Okay, sure. By the way, I know what you mean, but like Leela 's you know, I uh Lord knows we're pulling some boners as a parent. Like there's there's some stuff we're doing wrong. She's not an iPad fiend. No What do you mean? I mean she's a screen fiend a little bit. She watches a lot , but she's not an iPad fiend. What what are we doing? But she's this is like I did that interview for Wired and th it was about my screen time and they uh it was about like tech use and they were like, What's your screen time? And I couldn't wait. I it was like the best day of my life.. Yeah I got to tell somebody my low ass screen time. And I guess they didn't believe it because then they emailed me and they said, No, uh, we need your screen time for like across all your devices, including your computer. And I was like, What? You just move the goalposts. Yeah. Screen time means phone. Yeah. And not my Zooms. I have like three Zooms in a day and now I have three four hours of screen time. Yes. That's screen time? It is a little bit different than comparing it to Leela because she's either watching on the bigger screen or she's watching on her eye technique. Disagree. Those are the same . Disagree. The thing we're talking about, the what is the word? Insidious holes.io . That's iPod You mean games? Games, apps, bullshit. She barely does that. She doesn't do that. You're right . But she That's different. It's a different level of engagement. I guess, but She's a Cinephile . You just will never see her clearly. And I love that. I uh see me clearly. She loves I love why I just watched Goat with Leela this morning. That's right. This morning. On a Friday morning. Who gives a shit, bro? We're fucking smoking it. We're smokin' Up Life. That's tru.e And we watched and it was great. I thought it was Chris Rock. It wasn't. It was the kid from Stranger Things. no, isn't it Steph Curry? Steph Curry's in it. Oh, okay. But the lead goat sounds a little bit to my ear like Chris. And it was this guy, this child, younger person. That is crazy. They're like forty years apart in age. I I was like, How did Chris sound so young? I thought he was pitching up his voice. Oh, okay. Um anyway, that was a snooze. Was it? I love everything we say. I'm gonna listen to this one. I can tell it's a good one. Well, okay, we gotta go backwards. Uh I just wanted to say that when we watch it's active. We were sitting together, we're talking about what's happening. We're talking about the art. We're talking about the voice actors. Yeah. Patton Oswald is the coach. And I go, that's Remy. And she's like, I recognize that. I love it. Anyway, you're right. You and Leela can do no wrong. Yeah. It's nice. That's nice. Are we at the Schwarzen thing? Yeah. Okay. Do you remember what it was? Well, yeah, uh it there's a couple things here though. Gareth Reynolds who I want to be friends with. Yes. I texted him. And what was really funny and Gareth, no no shade here, he just assumed I was asking him to do the podcast. I've been chasing him to come back on the podcast. Oh I was like, I'll be back. Then we'll pot it up. And I said, You show bizphony. I I was looking to hang out with you. Mm-hmm. And then like two Frankensteins at the beach, going like, What? How do we friend? What he rolls the ball to me crudely. I go, ball, and roll it back. We pan away, slowly back away, sunset, everyone's crying. But uh I was like, let's hang out. And he was like, How's the first week of June? That's in a that's in that's in three weeks . And we're scheduling it. Like ain't no but that's what you do. I schedule Yes. This is what being a friend is. Don't can we try it again? without the two I'm sorry. I'm trying to learn your ways. From I'm not actually upset. I just can't I wouldn't have guessed that you were planning things. Oh my god, const I just planned something for well, I guess that's a week from now. But like I especially with friends who are not in town all the time. Yeah. I think what you see is the friends that are in town that I see every day. Yes. That is more spur of the moment. But even that where like I, you know Yeah, you're right. You plan hikes and stuff. Yeah, it's like Jill texted me today and said, Do you want to go to this weight class? And I said, I can't go to this one, but I'll see it, I'll do it with you on Monday. Like we're there's always like little planning things that happen. Remember we were talking about that, I was like I I I was acknowledging that there might be something kind of midlifey about this experiment. Even though I wouldn't call it a crisis . It's a midlife DEF CON 1. Isn't DEF CON 5 the worst? I think it's I just think it's informed by being midlife. I'm just sort of going like, okay, I've lived forgive and forget, but like I love my life. What a great fucking life. There's one kind of folder that you like a manila and you open and there's just dust in it. You're like, Yeah. It's like my friendship folder. Yeah. Other than you know, , my comedian friends which are like, you know, we've talked about this, Neil Brennan. I'll talk to Neil once or twice a month, but it's real connection. We really connect and we really bond and we really love each other. Yeah. But you know, a phone call. I feel like Will Hunting, where he's like, Do you uh Robin Williams is like, Do you have any friends, Will? Who are your friends? And he's like, I got a lot of fucking friends. Kant , fucking Icebox. What's icebox? I oh oh I was thinking you were I didn't realize you said like can't. I cause I say can't. So I I thought you were like naming like Boston type like s nicknames of friends. Like can't like cunt? No, just like any you know how like there's I think there's an even like a Matt Damon um or maybe it's been affleck SNL sketch where he's like naming his friends and it's all like one of them is like squeeze box or ice box or something. So it's like just naming like the Boston type nicknames. I didn't philosophy. Everybody's go to Sully. Okay, yeah. Sully back in. Yeah. Okay, so uh but he's saying people that he reads. Yeah. And he goes, Well, you can't you can't really have relationship with them, Will not without smelling salts and a space heater which I don't even know what that means. I guess you like trip out in front of a space heater. I guess so. But uh it might not be smelling salts. Anyway, okay, where were we ? Plans. Yeah, so you're trying to get away. And then so Gareth okay, so Gareth, I'll hang out with Gareth in three weeks. But then I saw Nick Schwartz and and really what we saw him in town and I was just so happy to see another community, as were you. It's fun to see funny people. And we talked to him for a while. And he told that story that specifically made me go, like , he said this. Do you remember? He goes, This is a funny joke if you're a comedian. And he told a like a famous road story. We were talking about how weather affects the mood. Yeah. And how like we're in such a sunny place and everybody's so happy. Yeah. Minneapolis and talking about how, you know, when I was in Minneapolis, I was asking somebody if they ever thought about living in California or if they ever would, and they were like, No, there's earthquakes. And I was like, you guys have a winter every year. Yeah. I've been here for twenty some plus years. You can deal with it. Like you guys have a natural disaster that recurs annually for months. And it's a given that it will happen. It will happen. Yeah. Look, uh which is fine. It maybe you really are afraid of earthquakes, that's fine. I'm just saying we were talking about the places there there were well, that was a COVID thing. Like places where there was less sunlight, they could track COVID would spike harder. Yeah. Different things like that. Yeah. Anyway, sunlight and people's well being very linked. And we were talking about that and then he was like there's this famous story about this comedian who's touring up through Canada and like back down through the Midwest in like Febru ary and like halfway through the run he goes, he just killed himself. And we all had a good laugh. That's very dark. And he just goes, and that's a that's a great joke if you're a comedian. And I was like, look, I'm not saying it's exclusive to comedians. I think there are a lot of people that have an appreciation for very dark stuff like that. But it did make me go like, oh I'm gonna text Gareth. I could see him saying something like that to me. That's what made you so wait. Hang on, the bottom of the thing. That's what made me go. What comedians live near me? Oh yeah. And maybe I could try and be like you said this. You said instead of starting fresh, which I have a couple fresh fires. Yeah. You were like, why not just try and deepen something that you already have? Yes. And then I started thinking about like watching Nirvana the Bay and the show, the movie, and and how they like play Super Nintendo. And that's like their go-to sign of male friendship. It's people you watch movies with and people we play Super Nintendo with. And then that got me unpacking like when I was a kid, I played video games by myself. Yeah. But see this is Well that's I find that to be such a key. Yeah. Where I'm like, go ahead. No, you're right. But I do think that is this that's a real good secret to fostering friendships is finding some it's just like when you're a kid, but just finding a a mutual thing that you like to do. And then that becomes your person that you do that with. Right. So it's like even like Jill one, of my closest friends , she and I would hang out. We have a lot of overlap. We would hang out anyway. But the thing is, is like there's only so many hours in a day. There's only so many hours where your kid isn't with you, that like you kind of have to multitask. We can't just sit and have coffee for two hours every day. So we hike or we exercise together. I know. So that we're taking care of two of the things we have to do or you know, taking care of the thing. It's so funny how sensitive I am on this and I go, okay, then I'm out. But but see, but that's what I'm saying is you can find something that you enjoy to like doing with a friend so that it doesn't feel like such a like uh and now I have to try to make time for this two hour lunch or like trying to be funny. What do I like to do? Well that's the thing is and so that's why I think there it is a little bit more difficult is like s a lot of the other dads here are like going on long hikes together or mountain biking or s 'cause it's oh hi. So a lot of the dads here like to be like outside. But you would do a hike, you like h ikes, but it's not a big yeah, I know. I just can't I you know what comes up for me when you said this like the problem and we'll move on from this because we've talked about this a lot . There's a Pete that likes hiking and he shows up for about 15 seconds every day. There's a 15-second window where you can ask me to go on a hike and I'll say yes. And that's what's so hard. And that's why I don't like planning. I don't know which Pete we're planning for. Yeah. And that's why I really stick to the th ings that I always like. And a lot of those things are, you know, stand up . You know, I don't always say that's what I but that's what I was gonna say. That is the original point of me saying that is that's why I think it is okay for you to be friends with comedians because you like doing bits, they have the same sort of neuro spicy features as you, so they understand. Because that's the other thing is I'm like you can be in different moods. Like I made this point, I think last week, again, going back to Jill, the reason I can be close with I can be I already mentioned her earlier. Like nobody cloedck that okay. Um that that she is the same as me when it comes to like I'm gonna make a plan and then around if I make a plan for seven thirty around five PM I'm gonna really be like wishing I hadn't made that plan 'cause I'm starting to wind down. And she's the same. So it's a easy person for me to be like, I'm not doing it. I'm not going out today. And she's like, Great. Yeah to rest like she so all of that is to say like find somebody with the same neuroses as you so that you don't feel like you're being judged or that you have to have a version of yourself. Yeah. Specifically, that version has to come out when you're with this person. I see. Um also Yeah, but also I do think probably the hardest thing for you with finding friends is that you want to talk about non-dual stuff and you just gotta find we gotta find you somebody who wants to talk about that. Is that true? Well Tatiana my my friend built exclusively almost on that. Absolutely. So I can be very close with somebody if that's all they want to talk about. Yeah, that's just Gungies, Michael Michael Gunger. You do have friends like that, but you seem to be wanting a friend in town. That seems to be what I think Tatiana lives in San Francisco. Gungies lives in fucking whatever that shit lives. Nevada City, yeah. Whatever that shit. I'm just kidding. I love Nevada City. I just couldn't remember the name of it, so I got defensive and then I made it stupid because I can't be stupid. Yeah. Uh yeah, I know. Okay. Okay. Moving on. All right. Nobody cares. I mean we all care. I actually kind of remembered the two threads that I had, which never happens on this podcast. We always just abandon ship, especially what's but I'm Yeah, that's right. I have d uh not much regard for my own threads. Yeah. But go ahead. Okay, this is one little short thing that now doesn't feel worth it. But it took a lot of That's how I felt about the Nick Swordchen joke. It d that wasn't great. And then he killed himself. That didn't seem that great. And I had to deal with that. And then he killed himself. And then I was just standing there. You could hear like a drip from the ceiling. In your defense, I la I and I will uh She told it better. No, I laughed way harder when he told it. I think there was a little part of me when you were about to tell it that I was like, is this okay? It's a very dark joke. Yeah, it's dark. It's gallows humor. Um anyway. I uh when I was a kid, I wonder if you relate to this or if you have anything like this. You know, when you're a kid, you just don't know that much. You don't have that many associations. You haven't seen that many things. Yes. So I r vividly remember I must have been pretty young. You mentioned Kermit's eyeballs in the in the voice of Brett Goldstein. Val help me. So so uh boyfriend Brett. Um boy Boyfriend. Boyfriend . We hit friend. Boy . Girlfriend. Boyfriend. It's different. Uh which one is which ? If you say if you emphasize friend. You're British. Ah. Um so when I was a kid, I remember seeing Kermit's eyes, and you know how his pee can you picture the shape of his pupils? It's a line with a circle coming half up. It's a sunrise. I remember thinking that looked like the tags that are on toys to help you hang stop it. Say less. You got it? You already got it. Yes. So that they could hang them in the store. Yes. And the collectors, I think, have a term for that because they want that piece in there. That's like real Oh cool. Real premium. They should call it a Kermit's eye. And the Kermit's eye is is it it in or out, mate? Um, I'll be your mate. Okay. Anyways. Wow. So then the other thing was which led to this and is now relevant because you have that impression was the like freezing your you for ten years and and sex being attached. Okay. And then Lisa and I always talking about how you could have a friend and be attracted to them. And then there is just a certain line, and it's kind of different for everyone, but there's especially like if our genitals merge, that will ruin our lives. Like for so many people, it's like if you're married or in a monogamous relationship and that happens with someone else. This is why men and women can't be friends. Sex always gets in the way. But isn't it like can't you get both in the position of like that is absurd that just that one thing could ruin lives and also it does. I hear that. Like with it. And it happens. And it does. There's a there's a slice of cake so delicious that people don't see their kids anymore. Yes, exactly. Like, oh no. Exactly. I didn't have a bit about that. I can't find that bit. There was a bit where I was like, I wouldn't cheat on my wife, but I will like pizza's my thing. Yeah. And I'll eat like a sneaky pizza, but like that's better. Pizza doesn't call the house . Is that is Pete home? Who's this? Put 'em on. Yeah. You hear the sound of molding cheese . Put 'em on. Fucking pizza. But then that gotta find that bit. But to go back to your like it complicates everything, even that. So like even taking like cheating out of the way, it's like the second that happens where now I'm I care if you call me most of the time. You know, like it's like, well, you put your penis in my vagina. So now I really need you to call me the next day. And like we need, I need to know where this is going. And we need to be, you know. Like it is so weird that something that like just I'm just watching my mom's dog like humping my daughter's arm constantly and it's like there is an argument to be to Yeah, the bonobos argument. Yeah, exactly. But I don't mean the clothing line. But I'm not to be clear, I'm not making that argument. I'm just so fascinated that I can It's it reminds me of another bit I had where I was like having a penis is weird. It's weird being attached to something that can get you arrested. Yeah. Like you take boobs out, everybody's like, hooray. That's an exaggeration. But like my my wiener comes out jail.. I know It's my body. I know. Which is it? Body shame? I that's talk about body shame. I know. You can't have that out, sir. That is so writing that down. It's so complicated. It isn't it wild. Like this is where we really get a look at the unique predicament of being a human being where we are animal and and so ul and psyche all mixed in one thing. Kings and donkeys. And we're trying to you know, if we're healthy, we're trying to get all of our parts, you know, alive and repres ented, but it can't be too much. Like we have to be Well, I'll agree with I one of the reasons I have no close female friends I mean I know I mentioned Tatiana, but I only see her at the Rupert retreat. And Jamie Lee I would consider a friend of mine, but I never see her. Yeah. Uh and that's not dragging either of us. It's just how our lives are. Ariella. I love Ariella. Yeah, that's probably your closest That's my close thank you. See, this is why I have to write them down. Yeah. But Ariella, we always hang out as couples for the most part. Yeah, but she w is the one friend that you would probably hang out with on your own. I like that. I'm glad you kinda broke my argument and I'm glad. Yeah. Because I would go to lunch with Ariella. Yeah. I just think she's and she'll love this. Yeah. I just think she's exceptional. I think she's really very funny and smart and fun. Yeah, and capable, which is something that you need for a female friend. She's incr I'm dead. I'm dead, just even at the word capable. Yeah. Like that I'm like, I don't worry about Ariella. Ariella worries about me. Like I'm just like she's together. She's got her shit together. Savings and plan Bs and She's really smart and really capable. Working she's in demand. Different companies want her. She's really kind of aloof in that cool way. Where she's like, I might leave. I might leave. Yeah. I'm like, you work at anthropic. And she's like, I'm out of here. That's a fake example. Yeah. But uh yeah . I was gonna say though, and I don't know why this isn't true with Ariela, because I do have more of a sister vibe with her. Yeah. But you have to either remove the the sex thing, meaning one of the reasons , and this is funnier before you Brad and Ariella, I was like, I'll never be close friends with a woman. I'll never go to lunch and dinner. I'll never hang out and watch a movie. Yeah. I never will. Never . Because and uh here's the joke reason, but there's some truth to it. We're not gonna just do this the whole way. Yeah. What? We're just gonna smell sandwiches together Eat the sandwich. Go all the way. Yeah. You love each other. Go all the way. I mean There's this thing that you could do. Okay, so that's the thing. That's why I like dudes I don't I don't want look, I'm not trying to be i i'm from the 80s there's a way that you make where you're like ew i'm not saying ew no no saying that's not my orientation yeah and that is so that is why i will i i ice plunge in hot tub with with Sam and we've done drugs and like cuddled, you know what I mean? Like, great. That's that's as far as we'll ever go. Yeah. But I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that with a girl. And and I I like this about me. I am pretty all or nothing. And I don't want this like halfway half measure thing. But see, I love and I love the half measure. Like I love the tension of it. So that's what it comes down to is like, you know , You love smelling sandwiches. I love smelling sandwiches. I wanna fuck up sandwiches. I want to eat a s I wanna fuck up sandwiches too. I know, but I can't tolerate feeling but it all comes back to this. Okay. No sandwich. This is You're just in a room with a s by the way, women are not sandwiches. That's not what I'm saying I'm talking about. Well I'm talking about is men as sandwiches. We're talking about sandwiches. I know, but men aren't sandwiches either, and I need to be well heard on that . Okay, but your little buns look like a burger. Okay. I would love to bite my own butt. I know. Um but I but uh oh this, is a perfect example. So I had of how we're different uh in the same exact way. This is exactly smelling sandwiches. I had co ck the Trader Joe's chocolate covered almonds in our pantry. This is smelling sandwiches. And I love those things so much. And look, I have a food addiction. Like if a pizza is in a room, I can't think about anything else. That's right. Um, even if I've had like four seconds. That's how I think the American government is with war. I don't mean to be political, but it's pizza. Like that helps me understand. Like why do we just keep starting wars? I just love pizza. Like whoever the Secretary of Defense is. Uh is it Rumsfeld? Keep going. That was the last time you checked. Condoleezza Rice. I haven't checked since Rumsfeld I'm giving a speech in Congress. But ever s standing ovation. I don't even know who you people are. Gondolisa, are you there? Um anyway, I um have the I g I like to get that the almonds and I like to um during my afternoon crash where I really want some dopamine and I really am going low energy, I like to take a couple of those all those chocolate covered almonds and just like have them around two o'clock. I know. And the image in my mind as you're saying this is the incredible Hulk, not Bruce Banner, the the full Hulk. Yeah. Ripping phone books in half and smashing sinks in a public restroom. It actually upsets me. Yeah. And I'm a little full of it today. I feel I feel I've been feeling pretty great for the past couple weeks. Who cares? I shouldn't have put a clock on it because then that makes me go, like, is it gonna go away? I'm just saying that's been a very nice pocket and I love it. Yeah. Uh I like this about me, and one of the things that Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson talked about on Stavros's podcast, which I do recommend, I thought it was a great episode., Re reallyally funny. Really? Really? Really, really. One of the really, really uh Matt talks about playing board games or something with his friends and that he'll eat three large pizzas. Yeah. Over the course of five four or five hours. But he'll just eat and he goes easily. Easily. Easily. Four thousand, five thousand calories. Easily. Oh. Easily. That's pretty good. Oh , it's good. Easily. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh and you'll say something like you enjoy Oh I don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy it. See I thought you were gonna say that you don't enjoy it because I don't like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll answer and pr uh forecast where he thought it was gonna go. Yeah, you got a big ol' Oh man, I spilled coffee on my white shirt. Sorry, bro. I can never wear white. Anyway, the reason I mentioned being f feeling myself and all that is like I like that I'm the kind of person that will fuck up pizzas like Maddie J. Yeah and can't un it like actually sort of upsets my you know how the worst thing you can be in my family and the lore of my family, my mom, dad, and brother and me was the worst thing you could be was boring. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No one in my family is boring. That's for sure. For fuck and I I I'm really feeling a lot of love for my family when I say that. Like we all ace that test. We're all a little nuts, but we're all none of us are and I don't like this word, it's a mean word, but none of us are duds. Yeah. And if you're just gonna be like, I I have two, you're not this way, obviously. But like I remember hearing Larry David, who's like a health nut. I I imagine in like a Woody Allen sort of fear of death way. Mm-hmm . And he's very, very strict about what he eats. And he goes an indulging snack for him is eight cashews. Oh my god. And I'm like , you know, you'll extend your life . And for what? Yeah. It's like you have more pieces of paper in the book. But what the fuck is written on them? Eight cashews? Yeah. Chapter 90. Yeah. Yeah. I mean totally. I yeah, and I th and I I like that about you too. I wanna be clear. Oh I know I have I'm attracted to that. And I'm not even I'm I'm attracted to that in people. Like I like voracious people. Yeah . So Spring is here, which is exciting. Windows open, fresh air, longer days. It's beautiful. And then the bugs show up. We uh made pancakes as a family the other day. I thought that was cute. Uh what wasn't so cute is we didn't clean up right away. Well in, fact, it took a day, or maybe a day and a half to clean up. And when we woke up, the whole kitchen was taken over by like a planet of ants, like a whole civilization of ants taking over the house. It's like they had leadership. I think they had inf rastructure. Here's the thing: one bug turns into hundreds real fast if you don't deal with it, which is why I love Pesty. 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That's P-E-S-T-I-E.com slash weird for an extra 10% Amazon Health AI presents painful thoughts. I um I can't stop scratching my downtown. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but I'm not itching to go downtown and tell a receptionist I'm here to talk about my downtown some things you'd rather type than say out loud. There's no question too embarrassing for Amazon Health AI. Chat your symptoms and get virtual care twenty-four seven. Healthcare just got less painful. Hey, it's Julie Louis Dreyfus from Wiser Than Me, etc. Just popping in with a little reality check. Food waste shouldn't exist. There is no reason that our leftovers should end up in a landfill, but that's the final destination for about a third of the food we grow. Our ancestors would be confused. They used their food scraps as compost, or as animal feed, or in weird soups, all the stuff we did before garbage was invented. But composting is hard work. Living with a bucket of rotten food on your counter is gross. 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I I I wouldn't change a thing about you, obviously, but like yeah, I I even like that we're together and that you had to say to me, Can you stop eating all my almonds? And I'm just like, why? do you have them We did that with a chocolate bar. Yeah, same thing. You were taking little nibbles, and I just take it out, I open it up. Yeah. And I leave it on the counter, and I'm like, that'll be gone in 30 seconds. Because I love it that like it's just the form that my food addiction takes is that I I want to savor it. I'm I'm already playing the tape out to when it's gone and I feel sad. So I'm just trying to make it last as long as possible. Yeah, I get it. Like so it's it's the same route. It's not like I'm healthier. I'm not eight cashewsing it. I'm like having a level. No, no. You are not eight cash using it. I just wrote down eight cashews. I'm like, that's gotta be a bit . You know what's great? I've um I've we've been kicking it. Mm-hmm. That's part of what's been so great. Mm-hmm. You've been really kicking it. Really kicking it. A lot of days where there's like nothing going on, and I've been Dracula dead and loving it. Mm-hmm. And I also notice like I'm sort of the rest meter so full that I have to be careful. Like two days two days ago I was like years and years ago, Rich Summer from Mad Men and I talked about maybe doing a madmen podcast but obviously that logistically that's very difficult for both of us but I'm so rested I was like that's how I know I'm rested when I'm like I should I should tell Rich we should do like we should do it. Yeah. Because like but what I've learned and this is almost over, but it's a s real snooze, is like you just have to embrace that you're just in a recovery pattern. Yeah. But don't make no no big moves when you're in the recovery pattern because I am very close to giving my life to almost anything. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like do you want to host the new fear factor and I'll be like move over in Oxville. You do but it's also the opposite, because I you s said this many times where you like make the agreement you agree to do something while you're up and then you fall through when you're down. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And as I get older I'm like the the one that's sort of replacing that is it's not mine, but if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no. Yeah. And then I I add to that though, I go, but there's so many things that I go, yes, and then I do them. And that we we don't have to go on and on, but I did Studio C, which is we jokingly called it Latter day Latter day Night Live, because it's Salt Lake City, it's BYU T V, and it's it's exactly like SNL. And Rain Wilson did it, and a bunch of other great people who did it, but Rain told me that he was like, You should do it. It sounds crazy, but you should do it. Yeah, because it's so fun. It's so fun. And I went, and that wasn't I wouldn't say that was a hell yes. Yeah. And that's a good example. I was like, it was a yes. It wasn't like if I had a hundred billion dollars, pa pa that would ruin our lives. Like it's so great to have a need to work. And I was like, okay, yeah, I'll do that. And then I get there and it was just a joy from start to finish. And Leela got to see me. So it's just like SNL, they write these sketches for you, you're the host, you don't do a monologue, you just do four, five sketches, you rehearse them on one rehearsal day, they're all great. All the writers and all the performers are all like to p tier, hilarious, funny, and also just like really good people. The showrunner Jake and I like really hit it off. Yeah. And like he felt like a family member. Well it's funny, it was funny. There were a couple people there that looked like looked like you. Like you looked like they could have been a whole mess. Well I've always joked that like when I go to Utah I feel like Muhammad Ali when he went to Africa, which all uh the reason I stopped saying that is it it sounds racist. Like even as I say it it sounds racist. I just meant Muhammad Ali, for those who don't know, when he went to Africa, had like an emotional experience. He was like, Oh my god, this is where I'm from. That's all I mean. I I go to Utah and I'm like, these wh ites are my whites. Like they're so fucking I don't know. They just look like me. I guess they look like me. It's that simple. And then my dad didanestcry.com, and it turns out we have a ton of Mormons in our in our blood. So I'm like, which is great, because if I ever want to do a deep dive with the LDS ancest ry app , we'll be covered. Yeah. Because the record keeping is second to none. So anyway, long story short, loved everybody. I want to name check as many as I can, but um Alita, Naomi, Jason. Now I'm going to feel bad if I forget somebody. Garrett. Everybody was great. If I forgot somebody, everybody was great. I forgot some people. The LDS officers . Claire? See, I can't remember if it's Claire. Claire. Who got sick? Wasn't it Claire who got sick? Yeah. But she was so funny. Anyway, what was great about it, we were doing these sketches and yes, they are family friendly. And during rehearsals, I was swearing a little bit and joking around and Jake was like, it's fine , but just know the crowd will turn on you. Like I've seen it happen. Wow. Like if you say ass 'cause one of the lines was like, I'm back to regular hot Pete Holmes. And I and I went back to regular hot ace Pete Holmes. Even ace. Wow. Don't say it. Wow. You'll lose them. And then we do it, and it was very much like performing at my old Christian college. Like it was in a similar size theater and it was like kids, a lot, not a lot of kids, but there were some kids. And Jake told me the audience isn't children. It's like a lot. It's millions and millions of people watch this. And it's not children. They have the metrics. Anyway, what I got to do was these sketches that Leela could watch me do. Yeah. And it's funny you said that because at one point we cause we watched the dress rehearsal. That's right. And at one point she leaned over and she was like, Is this show for kids? It's so even she doesn't know. Yeah. It isn't it is a is No, no, no. Some of the sketches more Yeah. Shareable. Well that's what's great. It's like family friendly. Everybody can enjoy it. Everybody wins. And she loved it. And it was so fun. She kept quoting parts of it. And a after every because it was the dress rehearsal, which was so much I think so much better for her to sit through than the performance because we got to like take little breaks after each step. And I could check in, I could wave at her in the middle of the show. Yeah, and a during the sketch or after the sketch, she would run down and you would like let her hang out on the set and take pictures and touch stuff and they had a little like log ride thing for one of the sketches where they pulled you in a log ride and they and then she got to ride in it. She got to ride in it, and it was so sweet. They're just pulling her around a log. It was so sweet. It was so fun. And I I can't wait to do it again. Mm-hmm. And I loved it. And it was awesome. And it was great to have you guys there. The thing that I wanted to say was there was this one sketch. There were three that were light lifts that I just didn't think twice about. The writing was there and it was easy . And then there was this one sketch, and I it won't ruin it, to step it out a little. I play a billionaire with eclectic taste. And they ran the script by me and I had some pitches and stuff, which actually made me even more beholden to making it work. But the joke is I'm a billionaire, I'm dating this woman, this other couple is meeting me for the first time at a restaurant. And I'm just weird. I order weird stuff. I like weird stuff. I everything I say is weird. And we did dress rehearsal and I'm in the this ridiculous bald cap where it's like patchy bald and then I have a toupee on top of it. I'm wearing a like a like a jacket. With a cape. And it looks like on the fresh prints where Will turned his prep school jacket inside out. It's like that like red wallpaper. And has a cape and I have a I have literally have a to p hat and a cane. And we did the dress and look, everybody was tired by that point, but it didn't do well. Like I was doing it and I was like, oh no . And it's me. It's hard to explain. It's like the joke is me. Jake even said he was like, this is a heavy lift. Like it's all on you. Yeah. And I lost sleep over that. You and I talked about it. You directed me big time. We were like literally having conversations about the pitch of my voice. Like, should it be higher? And you're like, I think it should be higher. And this, I hope, for the comedy fans or just people interested in things will be interesting. I was doing it kind of like a hello hi wonderful media. And I was like if you do that big of a voice, the audience unconscious ly knows you're stuck in that character. Right. And they unconsciously want to watch you fail. Mm-hmm. Like they don't know it. But there's nothing funnier than watching a guy that's like, well, wonderful table, four legs. And it's not working. The funniest thing that can happen is watch this guy sweat. So we pitched up the voice, made it more like my voice, which I thought was brilliant because it was like, no, this isn't that different from my voice. So if this doesn't work, I can just be me. Like I'm I'm savable. Also though, and I didn't think about this until after because we didn't watch we we just recently watched the Martin Short documentary, which is so good, I highly recommend it. Which it talk about someone who can commit to a character. And he says even when he's playing all these ridiculous characters, he always finds something human about them. True, yeah. And true to connect to. So that that's also what you're doing by making it similar to your voice. It's funny that you said that because it wasn't in the script , but I went out and I'm wearing this ridiculous outfit. I have this cane and this top hat, neither of which I want. They're both cumbersome, they're just awful. So the first thing you don't you haven't seen this yet, I just threw the cane. Yeah, I love it. Which I thought was like really important to be like, this guy doesn't care about canes. Also, I'm a Enneagram for. I love showing off. I love being weird. And my he reminded this character reminded me of my mom a little bit too, this sort of like I don't drink like she won't drink well vodka. She's like Titas , Titas Martini. Like she loves specialness. So I tried to find some truth in this guy. I gave my top hat to Jason and I was like, that's for you. I realiz ed it I told Belila about this. I walk out and I'm all walk walking wacky. Like it's a wacky walkout. Then I turn and I went, Shasta . Like which is the dumbest. But I was like, we gotta go hard. Hard. Wait, why what's shasta? I think it's a type of soda. Oh yes. But I just went shasta . And it got this laugh and I realized in the script this character never says his name. So the first thing I did, I went up to them, the other couple, and I went, hi, I'm Philip, but I spell it with the number seven. And they don't know I'm gonna say that, so they're kind of, you know, they're enjoying it. I mean the cast members . And then I said the thing that unlocked the whole thing for me, which is have I shocked you? Yeah. As I went, I spell it with the number seven. Have I shocked you? And have I shocked you became this is boring, or it's almost over. That became the sketch. I just kept doing the weird things that were in the script. Writers did a great job. And then I would go, Have I shocked you? Because that's what rich people are doing. That's what they want. Do they have a giraffe? Have I shocked you? Yes. Yeah. And then I think I said it five or six times. Again, it was my anchor. And this is the lesson that everybody can relate to. That's get, I'm done micromanaging that sketch. I remembered the feeling when it went well and it went really well. I really enjoyed it. I went, oh right, there is no feeling like this without the fear. There's a whole room and a whole tier of feeling, good feeling, joyful feeling, that is only unlocked when you go. I think this is gonna tank. Yeah. And you go out and you and you turn and you go shasta and you're like, if they don't laugh at shasta , we're toast. We're toast. And then afterwards in the afterglow of Were you ordering? No , bro. It was just it makes no sense . Because this guy says Shasta instead of hello . And that is the Martin Short of it. That was me being like, I know what is I say party on to people. I I love it's not that that's weird, but I don't wanna say what people say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So once I figured out that I'll be excited to share it when it comes out. I love it. I mean, I it sounds great and you're very talented. It was so fun. Yeah. I can't wait to see it. Anyway, yeah, that was Latter day Night Live. Latter day Night Live. Uh and Leela, the oh the thing about like the fear makes it better. Um Leela our daughter is about to she's she just finished tech week. She's in hundred and one performance weekend. Or yeah, so she has four shows this weekend of 101 Dalmatians. She's lucky and a boxer. So not to brag, but she has two parts. Two dogs. She woke up this morning because tonight's her first performance, and she was like, the first thing she said was, Oh, I'm so scared. Yeah. And I said, Everything worth doing is scary. That's right. And I've been saying a lot to her, and this is something we all need to remember. I go, the the fear is part of the fun. A hundred percent, yeah. And and Rob Bell has one percent. He has that same thing where he goes, butterflies are good. Yeah. And it uh it doesn't mean you're gonna like them, meaning in your stomach. It doesn't mean you're gonna like it, but y I had that weekend was a reminder like if I thought that sketch was gonna crush and it crushed nothing. If I think it's gonna t ank and it does well , everything. Yeah. And Leela's nervous and I'm like, good. Good. The only thing I've made this point a million, so I'll make it real fast. The reason why stand-up comics are so close and why we're so defensive of our of what we do is because there's so much fear and pain paid into it. Literally, you could take the amount of time I've been anxious, afraid, nervous, uh about my job. It would be weeks of my life if you if you compounded it. It would be weeks and weeks and weeks of my life. And that's why when I meet Andrew Santino, you're immediately it's like meeting somebody who shares this very specific micro trauma that you just spaced out over ten years. Yeah, it's like when dogs see each other. Exactly . I always go to pirates, but I'm just like, yeah. Yeah. They recognize something in each other. That's right. Yeah, it makes I mean it makes so much sense to me. And even like the teensy bit of acting that I've been dipping my toe in. I watch Val's short film and it's so good. Yeah. She's still working on it, but it's so good. Yeah, right. But that was like I felt so nervous to show you that so much more than anything else that I've like written or directed because I 'm a good sign. Because it's it's su so vulnerable to act. I know. And so yeah, but that's what I told Leela too. And I I just said all you have to do is take everything one thing at a time today and then by the time you're on that stage, you'll know exactly what to do. Yeah. But it's uh I yeah, it's cool. I'm I'm so it makes me so happy to see our kid. And obviously it makes me happy that it's performing and that it's theater, something that I love. Mm-hmm. But I know we lucked out. We lucked out. But just even if it was soccer or even if it becomes something like that. Yeah. Just seeing her have the the process of being so lit up after rehearsals that she can't sleep three, four hour rehearsals. She's so excited. I said this weekend we're gonna have a party. This is such this is maybe cringe parenting, but I was like, Lee, you found your thing and I was like it's so hard to find your thing yeah and this isn't the last final reference to Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson but he talks about looking for things that animate him and I was like right I can r get into that rut of like what can I do what should I do what are people asking me to do yeah and he like literally is like n looking for that feeling that Leela gets when she goes to theater rehearsal. That was also a great thing in the Martin Short documentary where he says if you are shooting something and you're having a miserable time and it does well in the box office . Where's the success actually? Like because you were miserable the whole time. Yeah. And then he's like, if you done something and it showed footage of Captain Ron. He's like, that was the a blast to do. Yeah. And it doesn't do well. Like that's your success because this is your life. It's funny, Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson adamantly makes the opposite the opposite opposite point. Yeah. Because he's like, I'm miserable the whole time. Yeah, yeah. And I'm not trying to host a party and we're all sweating it out and grinding it out and doubtful and not sure. And he goes, I just want to make something I'm proud of the rest of my life. And I love Martin Short. And no, I'm not even going to finish that thought because I don't even know what it was. I'm just saying, like, I see both sides. I see both sides too. And I do think probably somewhere in between is right