Love and the Broken Heart

Lemonour You made it weird with me Holes. What's happening weird? What's happening everybody? It's Friday, may twenty second, it's twenty twenty six. You are alive That's right. Before the next thought appears, you are present and aware. and that nonconceptual presence awareness is what you are show. Welcome to the Dynamic. This is a I know I always say it, but man There's people I don't know if we'll always do guest ones, but we'll always do these ones because it's just a joy to sit down with you. and that was very vulnerable and it's very there were some te emotional and beautiful, but also laughs and bits I just love this one. I'm so these are my favorite episodes. Everybody knows that. Yeah. And when fans say that they're their favorite episodes, it always touches my heart. So I' glad you're here To see if these are your favorite episodes. Yes, thank you for listening U this Sunday, by the way, on YouTube, we're doing the live premiere of I amm Not for Eone, which was on A streamer, I won't mention which Tun No hard feelings. they lease their specials now. So we got it back. And then we're uploading it on YouTube for freezies, obviously for freezies. And but I'm going to be live commenting The premier U for I am not for everyone. On Sunday on Sunday five. Oh, thank you. That's what I was wondering at at five And then we have some tour dates coming up. I won't list them all, but come see me on the road. It's Pethomes dot com And my other special silly, silly fun boy just hit eight hundred thousand In a month, which I'm very, very proud of. Re I should say I'm really, really grateful for you guys for checking it out and check it out again. The jokes are still funny. Yeah sure they'll be less funny. You'll notice something you didn't notice the first time Um Thank you for being here. That's it. Oh, and spells to cast on your parents is available for pre order wherever you get your podcasts. I'm just kidding, it's a book. Thank you for being here, everybody. Valerie, thank you for this. Everybody, I hope you enjoy it. Go ahead, my love. Get into it Study and play. Come together on a window eleven PC. And for a limited time, college students get of both worlds Get the unreal college deal, everything you need to study and play with select Windows eleven PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft three hundred sixty five premium and a year of Xbox GamePass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows dot com slash student offer. Law Supplies last ends june thirtieth turns at aka dot mS slash college Pc Hello, Hello This is just a little slice of manity. Just a little of humanity? I don't mean them seal type motherfuckers, Manateities. Oh gos. Thank you, my manity. This is my manatee. What's his name? Hugh. H figure figred out We zoom right in on their face figure. Figred it out figred outig through gritted teeth. Hue Manity. So happy to be here It's Friday. It's Friday. How do you feel about Friday and Jen Um, I have a I have a real pizza. What's your favorite day I finish what you're saying. I' how you feel about Friday? I would say Friday is my favorite day. Really? because Um My kid is in school, so I do get some time. U o, you know, But then you're from a butt crack with pain the bota. but also Thats gross fluff. She doesn't have anything after school, so I get more time with her than I get on the other days, but not as much as like a Friday or Satunday. You mean a Saturday or Sunday? A Saturday or Sunday, yeah. And then get that. That's great Also what I was going to say is I have a huge Pavalovian pizza association with Friday because in general, we do a pizza movie night. Obviously that's what everybody does love Friday. The pizza is the exercise everyone can commit to You know what I mean? Like we all benefit from habits. Like you should have a habit. Like a ritual. And a ritual. Y. Church, come on Look with respect, church, you stink. Yeah. you stink. Y stink. You stink. What the hell Chch so boring. What the hell What the he? What the hell? What the hell? That's our Tim Robinson press Which I'd like you to step out because we were talking about why is Tim Robinson saying what the hell so funny, Valerie U because this is the clip Wait, is this am I supposed to be saying something that I' already said? Yeah Because we you said this. I'll say it. We say what the fuck. The whole world up updated what fuck Yeah, so the now the It's like a throwback. So he's going in like nineteen ninety seven. and we grew up, even two thousand seven. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. No By then we were what the fuck? Yeah, you're right. I'd like to see like a Gregorian calendar that marks when we went because what the fuck used to be like too much. Like when Quin Tarantino and All those reservoir dogs were out there just That That was like I can't usually do like a John early kind of joke. Yeah. I feel like that's a Joh Ely. I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't really my style. That's what I liked. My style. My style. My style. Oh My style. My I'm not Okay. We're going All of those But when all of those Rervoir dogs were doing all the dirty talk Yeah, by the naughty words. I've been laughing more like that. likeike the laugh that you got For me just then was like a I can't let's see if I can recreate it like It's like yeah, you've upgraded. No why? I love it. I don't like it. I'll tell you why I like it. Okay. Because the most authentic valerie sound is like a o If I can L a fake. It's like I uploaded that. That video of me interviewing Rupert, the video Rupert Spyro did the podcast this week. It'll be out in a couple weeks and I'm thrilled. Yeah. I was just I'm just still so elated from that. We'll talk a little bit about not the interview, but that But when I interviewed him on YouTube, which you can see, I make some dumb joke and I'm like L this like Yeah. That's how it sounds to me. I'm sure to most people it sounds like, you know, but to me, I'm like, what is this fakeness Yeah, you? So a laugh and I know we've talked about this a billion, but I find it fascinating. A true laugh when you like slow it down sounds like A gorilla having an orgasm No, no, no, it's worse. If you heard it, you'd be humiliated you haven't heard me make this I thought I made this point too many times. No.' They did this thing, I don't know if it was NPR or just an NPR kind of thing where they recorded real laughs and they slow them down and it sounds like orgasm. It sound like in a way that would make you blush. It's sort of like wow it's like it's like Fucking. And then they slow down fake laughs and fake laughs sound like Wow. I love this. And it's like so when you laugh, you're whatever. Yeah, I'm reminded of like, if I jump on you Like you're the one that's like wrestle. Yes. And I'll like get on you. Yeah.. But I do it a little too whatever. like I just hit a spot. Yeah. and you'll go And it I mean, I wish everyone knew that How bright that is. I mean, it really is like It's like I'm gonna try to do it Yeah, that's right But what it is is it's like a Harry Potter shoppy S H O PPE where you go in and we don't sell I that's just pronounced. I know, but I want people to know that it's like an old timy shop with an e. Yeah. Like the store next to us sells like saltw Taffy and we're a shop that sells Little jars of the most authentic sounds of the world? Yes, yes Well, this is the thing. it does mean it makes me laugh hearing you talk about it and also like feel very vulnerable. like wow, he really Marriage really is letting somebody really know you But makes me laugh every time I do that. L Yeah, like ' because it's so authentic. This is why I like being startled. Like when somebody jumps up jumps out at me, it's so funny because I'm like something real happens. Yes. and I'm so surprised by the things that I say. I'm surpred it happened Um Yes or two days ago, I was in the showers at of the Korean Spa with my friend Melissa And this there's like dividerss like baby brridger' lyric in the showers of the Korean sa Melissa came to me Melissa came to me. And I've done my bit where like sometimes a guy is on a Poebe Briderish song. It's like Melissa came to me. I'm like, who the fuck is this guy? Yeah, you're really like having a love affair. I thought we were having a thing. Yeah, yeah, she was singing to you and then now there's some other guy your can on a string. I've felt that way. I've felt jealous of every like folk singer girl They're your wife. Yeah, yeah. They're yours. Yeah. They put their voice O something you own. We also do both share this where it's not something that either one of us is proud of by it Both I can't remember even how we discovered it, but it was one of those great moments where I think I shared it and you were like, I totally know exactly what you mean or vice versa.V. whereere if somebody is talking about like this new person that they are absolutely in love with, like if a man is doing that, I'll feel jealous even if I have no interest in this man and I'm gonna to happily married situation. Yeah I'm just like Yeah if that's happening. Yeah, no, I know you mean. I've I see a friend ofine. I'll see Nicole Byer who is a black woman something and I'll be like, whyy didn't they book me? Yeah? And I can say that with full confidence knowing that I think Nicole's similar to me in that way. I think all comedians are kind of similar. likeike what are they There's just the slightest. You're like, I just want everybody to want me only. What you were saying though, you're in the Korean spa. Yeah, and she she came up So I was facing the shower and she was behind me. They're dividers. so she was in the shower next to me But then she came out from her divider and came up behind me and was not trying to scare me, but she was like, I think what we're like whispered. and I was like,. And just doing like an authentic startled sound and a scream in a quiet place. It made me laugh so hard. I love I know you hate I envy the laugh that you have. I envy you know what I have a hard time doing, believe it or not I I hope that, believe it or not is earned But I don't really like being laughed at. Like I'll give you an example. I was your mom was here And u Pregnant p Pgnant puse. We were sitting at the table and I said to Lila And you know, I love mentioning how I've been swimming. It's been almost a year of swimming every day. rememember? I was looking at my body, The thing that sucks about working out As opposed to not working out. I've said this for years. When you don't work out, you're like, you look your body body Well, no,, you look at your body and you're like, well, I don't work out Yeah. And now I do work out every day. Yeah. and I look at my body and I'm like This is as good as I can do. I know. And I love my body. I don't want anyone to even think about their bodies that way. I don't really think about my body that way, but I do look in the mirror and I'm like This is what daily effort, like let's be real but let's let's be real. Summer squash P How Squat Smer S. you do that and I'll do the whistles becausecause it's hard to do both. Summer squash. I canid it. Summer That' hard I did great. I don't think I nailed it I is that the rabbit from Winnie the Pooh? He's not a rabbit, but Oh, there's it's the be the beaver or the badgereer or the beaver. gopher? Gopher? Yeahah. Some thwart Oh, you're right. Anyway, Uh was o, the joke that you made. I was like I swam every day. I got that idea from Mr. Rogers amongst others. I was like, I love Mr. Rogers. I love that he swam every day. There's something just sort of optically about it that's right. It's like flowing with resistance. It's not like just Well it's and dropping It's like fucking so many ways a million ways. Well And like one of them is that you are so big Nothing picks me up. So like and Lking in yoga is just so hard on big body Tudging it around. Yeah. And when this is you're weightless, you you know, when a fucking fit person throws on a giant backpack and they're like, whoof. I'm like, that's me all day. I'm carrying. I'm carrying that weight with guts. It Gut's an ass and I can't put it down Yeah. But yeah, so I don't want to bore people with why I love swimming because I do feel like I love boring people about why I love swimming It's just to serve the punchline. I'm looking at my body. I think you're there and I go Yeah, I was. This is this is as good as I can do. This is daily, daily effort. Yeah And you go Um, I'm doing what Mr. Rogers does, Wh don't I look like Captain America Look at who you're copying Just like that's a swimmer's bot. It's just kind of like a healthy, relatively healthy, but like, let's be real, mister Rogers looked no shade. Yeah. He looked a little weak.onny. He looked weak. lookonny. If you ped pushed mister Robert, If you pushed mister Barber, if you pushed mister Robber, I think he would go farther than you expected. Yeah. You would be like, Oh thought Be my hero had girth. Like I thought just your own self worth would weigh you down. Yeah. but he would go far and you'd apologize. So anyway, this is also the disappointing thing about go ahead. No go ahead. Just about aging that I'm finding as well is that it's like I think you and I, there are people who are just they're genetically more inclined to be muscular facts and to like, you know, obviously, like so much of it is genetics and you hire similar in this way. But then getting older also is like you have to do like Double what you would do in your twenties. Y To get the same results. I swim forty minutes, C couldn't wait to tell everybody. I swim forty minutes every day and I look like I don't do anything I mean, I don't think that's true. You look like Nor I don't want to say normal. Na Efron. You look like Nora Efron. I do kind of look more like than Chris Evans. I look more like Nora Efron Yeah. You know, what's funny is when you talk about how some people and I believe no I'm certain The cat's out of the bag in the scientific community that there are certain bodies that are genetically predisposed to be certain ways, of course. Yes And I do feel like the naturally fit looking people. the people that just kind of came out of the womb with biceps and gesticles. Okay God, I hated that There's a corollary here. say people like me, things went my way in my career. I'm so grateful. This isn't me just being like It's actually quite the opposite. I'm saying there is like a right place, right time, right community, right parents, right self love worths, right opportunity, right all these things lined up for me. And then what I've been fascinated with lately peopleople that are successful in any field will often look back and be like, well, it's because of this, this and this. when really you were just kind of born in a sense with abs. And you see what I'm saying? Yeahike the born fit people are like Like it really, if I'm being devilishly delicious, sometimes like A skinny, muscly person will have a heart attack. I don't want anyone to have a heart attack, but you're like, rightight, 'use you're not doing shit. Yeah. You're not doing shit. Right. All you eat is Rby walky. This is just your fucking born in chassis. I know. And now you add a fucking reminder that you're just as fucking Look, I I heard fat is back and I'm saying, you're just as fat as I am. Yeah. the fucking bitch. Actually fat is not back. Fat is back, I heard. It was back. it gone And then now we're in heroin chic again Oh no, I thought the word fat was Oh well, it's my understanding that no you can' we can't speak for a whole community, and certainly not one so large. I do not sign up on this. I meant there's a large number of them. If you took that another, listen You can't speak for a whole community. It's a person by person basis, but I've heard that some people online are like, donon't call me heavy, donon't call me overweight, bitch, I'm fat like that. This is this is what and I might be wrong. This is sort of I think the angle is that That is not shouldn't be a bad word because it's not a bad thing So it's like the idea is like if our and this is a perfect example, my Our friend just shared that their kid got called fat And she the response that that You should have is. I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can dieet. That's what we said in the eighties. I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can diet That was the line. My God. Oh, I'm fat.. But you ugly. I can diet it. I know. I'm gonna keep saying. It' insane. It insane. come from? That was what we said. Yeah. I may be fat, but you're ugly That was like what can you imagine? I mean if's And our school said that, it would be in the local newspaper. Oh, one hundred percent. It would be like Oh highi, are you kidding me at our little precious school? It would be like it would break the community. It would break the community. Y. It would be before that happened and after that happened. Yes. and in Boston we called that every day. I know It's a lot of there's been a lot of progress in this way. Iture has. But that's it. It's like It's like, okay, you were called fat you know, how did that make you feel? And like and then also just like this is come on, I'm from the eighties. I'm from the eighties. No no. No. You have a daughter. You have a job? Yeah I got a great It kind of mean j I know running I'ming it one hundred percent intentionally. Oh You have a daughter that That matter. real silver bullet. This really matters. That was a cz light you just threw at me. It really matters. I mean, I'm telling you are it's insane how how quickly it like I've seen it happen in in families where the They are very body positive externally, but internally, they feel very negatively about their bodies or they have biases against smaller fitter bodies against. I mean sorry, for smaller fitter bodies and their daughter very early on started talking about how she was fat. and they're like, whereere is this coming from? We never talk like that. And it's like, these kids know how you actually feel. It's funny, can I interject not interject? Yeah kindind of go sideways with that First of all, the reason why I'm making those jokes, it's like It's like they're just so easy It's like a day off It's not cruelty as much as it's just like, o, easy It's a room filled balloons. They're not good balloons arere bad laazy. Yeah, yeah, no You are the only person that can talk to me like that. I don't mean that like a tough guy. I'm just like, it doesn't hurt my feelings at all. yeah, ' I love you. No, I know.. I actually think that's a miracle. Like it doesn't flare up any alarms. I actually I go like, I think you're right. It is lazy. Yeah. Go ahead. I was gonna say, you had a heavy joke? No, no, no Be this would be a really funny moment for one I love it. I love it. I love it. I don't know. I love it. I don't know. I'm not attractive. What are you fucking nuts? I don't know if it's attractive. Baby. Have you been in the world? No Have you when you hear a laugh The reason we do fake laughs is because they're so great. and then you hear a real one. It's like, oh, this is what started the trend. Yeah. It's like when you have sex, it's like, oh, this is why we have pornography. It's like because tast a real thing. This was so good. We were like No we like Make it Oh, but it happens so rarely. Just do it. Just do it, donon't wait. Just do it That will never be as funny as it just was. No, it was perfect. It immediately raised an alarm. I was like, Oh, I could do a bit about that, but I was like, no, it'll never be as funny as the guy that invented pornography. It was like, Well' just do it on Tuesday. Yeah At eleven. But it happens so f. When it happens J just do it. Just do it. Do it, get together and do it. But what if we don't feel like it? Just do it anyway do it. We' film it Anyway, what I'm saying is authenticity is just the greatest thing. Yeah. And there's no AI tangent here. I'm just saying like I think we're in a time, as I've said, a million, that like a real laugh, real sex, real media. You know how fucking close I am Wh I swear? You know how close I am to giving in and just being a physical media person, like I'm starting to be like my brother, who's been physical media for like way before it was cool, was like he was right Yeah. Matt McCarthy is right. Yeah. Why are we renting these things from these companies It's just another Scale So you wantan to watch Top Gun Maverick? Great. fourteenars ninety nineents a month. Yeah What U used to pay for the office once. You rememember when the office come jump jumping streamers or Madmen was on Netflix and then it was on iTunes. I bought it on DVD. Then I subscribed to Netflix, and then it moved to iTunes and I bought it again. Right? That's fucking nut. Well, they know what they're doing. They know we can talk out the other side of my butt and be like, brilliant Yeah You just sold me the same thing three over more probably Be you're controlling how I can watch it. And the physical media people are like, Nah, be kind. rewind And be kind to yourself and I own it Why rent will you can own? Yeah I I don't know. I don't know. We do have a drawer still full of DVD DV. I know we have Marvelous Ms Maasil from the award season. And it's always like sold in a giant perfume bottle. There's DVD's in. Oh my Godd. we have that Marvelous Miss Maazil campaign was huge. It made an imprint on our lives and we didn't even watch the show. I haven't seen it, and I'm not trying to throw shade on that show in particular, but it's my understanding that like award seasons and stuff, they don't happen by accent Oh like people are pushing It's so much work. When I see who gets, I guess this is a little caty, but when I see who gets nominated for like B standup I'm like, Ohh this is like this is a thing. Yeah That I. I do want to say everyone that was nominated for Best Stup deserved it. Deserved it. These are great specials, but I'm like, yeah, there's a reason you're not gonna see Name here, Pete Holmes. No that is so funny because I'm not out there on the campaign trail Pete would love to see you out there on the campaign trail. Give it a go. What are you gonna a cold call The Academy Hi fuck out of here. thoseose people had great spectcialuals. I'm just jealous. Shut the fuck up. Anyway, I will say that particular it was the season one of Mar Marvelous movies Marvel And it was like one of the last times it was physical media for screeners. Yeah. And it came in like this thing that looked like a tube I rememberbe L like a hat box. Yes. and it also came with several, like I would say ten even, seven to ten Posters Yeah like fifties looking ad posters Yeah, which are very cool and I've kept because I'm like, I think these are cool. I might like hang these up Is that where we got those? Yeah. Those are great. Aren't those great? Those are really nice. There' t so much effort inice marvelous Miss Mazil. What's interesting one of the things that's interesting about being alive, especially at forty seven and this ties into how I had Rupert on my podcast this week is there are still things. Like when you see something you actually want or like, it could be a movie, it could be a song, it could be an object Isn't there just such a Oh, thank God. Yeah. You're just sort of like I knew I was alive. Yes, you know what I mean? I knew I liked like it feels Like we just saw the drama, the Robert Pattinson Zendaya movie. Yeah. I have a Zendagraph of who likes that movie, and it's just a circle and it writes me in it and it writes me in it. I have no notes on that I have a Zen diagram of who likes that movie and it's a circle And it writes me in it That movie is phenom. So good. What What was I going say though I was talking about how I'm not good at laughing at myself, but we went somehow we got to the drama. Oh Oh When When Rupert did my podcast or when you see a really well made poster or Kate Boler, her book, Joyful anyyway, just came out. and she just did my podcast. And one of the reasons was she sent out this incredible It was very cool. Gift box to you know, podcast peeopless That it was like a miniature. She designed it. You open the box and it came with like a little sofa, it came a little chandelier, a little book. light stand was a little. There was a frame, like a golden like are all these pictures on the wall and one of them is a view They're personalally. So it's a picture of me with a golden frame on it. and me and Lilah got glue out. I don't think we did it properly. We just super glued it. But like we made this little doll set basically And then I wanted have Kate on the podcast, but that did sort of nudge it over the line and she knows it. that's why you do it. Yeah. They give you like this experience and Marvelous and Mmazal is like, let's give them these posters. they're more likely to watch it Hey, it's Julie Louie Dreyfist from Wiser than Me, etcetera. J popping in with a little reality check. Food waste shouldn't exist. There is no reason that our leftovers should end up in a landfill, but that's the final destination for about a third of the food we grow Our ancestors would be confused. They use their food scraps as compost, or as animal feed, or in weird soups, all the stuff we did before garbage was invented Composting is hard work. Living with a bucket of rotten food on your counter is gross. 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Right now, you can save up to thirty percent on mattresses and up to thirty five percent on everything else when you go to casper. comot onene last time that C PR. com and save up to thirty percent on the mattress you deserve In fact, I'll never forget, I don't think it worked, but my professor Mark Steick told a story about a guy who is sending a screenplay I was back in the day when They didn't just have AI read it, and it has a hallucination. it's like, I think this is about jello pudding pops taking over the world. No, it's not. It's called. Tars of our passion. Oh, sorry, it's about lesbian jello pudding b I think I could go to the bathroom. I don't think you need me here Have I been going? Go ahead. Oh my God. Keep going. Was it mentioning of pudd pupss that to? Yeah, it was a long. Yeah, it was. Poofy pups Anyway, he sent Let's say Warner Brothers or other places, the script in a giant box with one of those wicker chairs, you know, those wicker chairs that almost look like teacups. Yeah and a cigar And like a little table. Wow. And it said on the note said, open box, remove chair, smoke cigar, read script. Wow. was like It's pretty brilliant. I don't think it worked. No, it doesn't. Do these executives just go. Yeah. Nothing to disrupt our orgy.. No, no, not native. No,ot native.., you're right. I know I was trying to go for Staint Dann. I accident came out tell. Well, it also makes me think of arrested development when Tobias sends his hisis like packet or whatever, is like headshot and it's like it's filled with glitter And the person going through it is like so annoyed. That is So perfect. And there's those things that are right on the line of perfect and Bush League like if someone sent me that, I would burn it on principle. Yeah. But I also if people and it does happen, it used to happen Oh People would send something to our house and it's just like an instant It's not it's not with hate, but you're just like, you can't go guessing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes. Same with email. I've said that a million times. People guess my email. If they don't open with, sorry for guessing your email Yeah, sorry, what an invasion?. Well, not even that. justust like acknowledge it because I'm like reading it and I'm like, do I know a guy named Sen McDuck? Anyway, I think I would remember that. Somehow we've gone a place that's boring. All I want to say is that it's not boring, you know what I' say? I am not good at laughing at myself. I don't think this is true. Please make your argument and then I'll tear it down. It really depends Well, that's a good point because if you do it, I fucking love it Your mother was in town and with all love and respect to her This isn't even about her because the joke was in bounds. I just noticed that it like really irked me. Yeah. I flexed my muscle. remember we're talking about swimming. so my muscles are bigger. Breg. And I couldn't wait to show Lila my muscle. I'm such a fucking fruit that. You start realizing Well, that's what this podcast is. It was like, talk about your life Realize you're a fruit bat. Like that's what it And I don't mean fruity. That's not what'm saying I'm saying like, realize you're dingus. I'm talking to Lila and I go, showhow me your muscle and she goes, showow me your muscle. I'm changing the story. I just changed it In real time, I just changed Revisionous history too make it so she asked, she didn't. No. I showed her my muscle pretty again And she pinched it. So I'm flexing my bicep. she pinches it And it hurt. And I went o. and it was totally When when Lila pinches me, which she often does or bites me, which she often does, I'll let out like a very clean and authentic, like I won't try and suppress it at all and ow. because I'm trying to teach her peopleople are real and they have feelings, right. So it was in that spirit that I went like, o, and your mom had a field day. I mean, it was very funny. the way that it went. I say 'cause you were like, feel it Oh ro It was when you Aziz? That's like an aziz thing. Oh Yeah.'s like that's how his character was in Parks and Rec constantly where he was like, ow my fingies. That makes fun. Anyway I By the way, that's fine. I don't know why my fingies bugged me, but ye When you do it, Absolutely a zero out of a thousand. I would say you would even laugh. I would You would like it. But for some reason. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, but what is that? It's me going like we haven't gotten. there's a threshold that you cross. Well and some people's thresholds are at zero. It's like I think youome to the party I think you because like another thing that really bothers you is when people say like butom or like Harhar or whatever Liza and Jazz and I just had a huge thing about that where people go hard to h, hard, hard. Yeah I hate it. Well, if I love them, we've talked about this before, I go just so you know that's like in the clown community, that's one of our slurs. Yeah. And we've covered that before, but I mean that I mean that. peoplee should know. Yeah, people should know. And I think to anyone, it's not nice. So that's not a good example. but I guess what I'm saying is If somebody has already proved to you that they know you, they see you, they're on your side, you like when they roast you or laugh at you because it's showing that they know you. Yes when that hasn't happened yet in the relationship and they make a joke that actually kind of shows that they don't know you. That's the offense. Right. So it's not that you don't laugh at yourself. It's that you only laugh at yourself when you know you're safe to laugh at yourself with the person. It's true. And then there was the other joke this is weird, but your mom made where remember, I've always wanted to have a subzero fridge and sub zero fridges are incredibly expensive. And by the way, as I'm saying this We watched some movie, what was it, The Martin Short documentary? Yes. whereere they reference a subzero fridge? Yes. Which is what murders in the builduilding is, by the way. Murders in the builduilding is like apartments that have subzero fridges. whichich I am I tease you for being on Instagram. and you buy some fucking scale or something. bitch not you. I'm the same. Except I watch television and I go, Subzero fridge. That's the fridge that lets you know your food is cold and you've made it. Yes. again. And it has been for since the nineties.. would like to see when I got it was some not Nor Efron who is Nancy Myers Nancy Myers. Yeah. it got me Yeah. tootally got me. And I was like, I'm going to get one of those. And then our fridge broke and I was like in a very good mood, dangerous combo. Yeah. bought one And then you told your mom how much it cost, why I'm not mad at it, but why And then she I'm sure she asked. probablyro. And then something came up about money And your mom was like, well, you just bought a fridge. And I was living so mad. You told me that you could I smiled. I even smiled, but my nose flared your nostrils in this way that if I could control that, I'd be the greatest actor in the world. If I could do that on command because it it's not Anybody can act a grenade going off But can you act that you just swallowed a grenade and it went off in your belly and Totally so mad. This is But who knew that was my button? But again, if you had done it and you said that, I'd be like, That's right, baby, I'm the king of the fridge. L I wouldn't even mind. Yeah. What's my deal with you and your mom? I know. I love her. I love her. I Ustand, but I get why that's touchy. This is, okay, let's put a pin in the mom thing because I have something to say there. And I just wanted to say this is such an interesting thing that my acting teacher I can't I feel like Iot talk about acting without it being obnoxious. But a great thing that she says about it is that like people specifically men love to overact being angry It's like a and you remember there was that thing going around with Adam Driver from Marriage Story, which I actually loved that movie and I loved him in that movie where he's like really going fucking off like acting hard in a acting hard hard Yeah And like and I think it became sort of like a punchline. I loved that movie and when I saw it in real time, it didn't bother me. but I know what she means. And she's like, it's not interesting to see somebody act mad. It's interesting to see somebody trying not to be mad. Because when we're angry That's the thing we're trying to to feel that Adam Driver is somewhere buying ove cigarettes I don' know what he's doing. But he just went, h. Like I bet I really just I feel like like in Lena's book, she says that She fell for like the genius spell. like he's genius. I'm still under that spell and I'm like, I'm sure he and Noah Bomback had a huge conversation about how exciting and fresh it would be to do it That all actors always act like they don't want to be mad. And he's like, No, I'm mad. Haven't you ever felt that way? You know what I mean? I'm sure it was a deliberate choice But I yeah, I do think that there's I'm I'm like I don't believe that all actors are trying to act not mad. Like watch any David Mamoth Th Oh They powerful enemy today, my friend. No, I love it. No I know. But like they are going full for. No, I don't think they are. Well, not always. You're right. there I love David Manmet and I do think, but I guess that's not a great example. I'm like watch like Wall Street Like I know what you're trying to know And I don't know Wall Street well enough to This is great. You made your point. Yes. Okaykay. I'm just like Ed Haris and Glen Gary Glen Ross. I'm like he's,' trying to keep it at. And actually, David Mahan is a bad example because people we've talked about this, the thing that it's like just say the words. Yeah. anyyway. Men be likened to act mad. That's what I'm trying to say. And I just watched a great video where it was like, the Oscar often goes to most acting, not best acting. And I was like, that's true. That's so true. Isn't that true? That's so good. And they weren't even saying like all Sean Penn in Yeah. What was it This is a terrible time it's happening over there One battle after another. Yeah He he was like his performance was amazing. Those are the ones that get the Oscars. It's most acting. This is simple. What is it? Simple Dan Oh Simple Jack. Simple I'm not saying that was a simple jack performance. I'm saying actors sometimes go for the simple jack. Yeah and they don't get it. Like the other sister Where was the love for the other sister? It's like the accademy was like, We're on to you. You know what I mean? Yeah We're not falling for that one again. We know what you're doing. Pacino did blind. Tom Hanks did. Whatever that was. Whatever that was, that's what they say. Yeah. And then by the time the other sister came out, we werere like, nice try Giovanni Um going back to moms, there is something about moms and this is like, you know, This has been coming up because Lila I signed up for a camping the school camping trip. Iing this up. Should I not? No, you can. Well, I'm not gonna we don't have to talk long about it. I just am saying I this is where my brain went. Here, let me do that again. O Yeah. That's all I mean. So she is doing like a class camping trip. They're gonna do one night She's seven. She still sleeps in our room. I'm like, well, she's not gonna sleep in a tent without us in a like forty five minutes away from us. I let me know when you want me to interrodject. And I so I I like But she told us we didn't want us to go And I've been feeling very conflicted about this U because I'm like, I want to support her independence, but also I know that nighttime feels different to kids. You know what you did last night When I was Uh reading her books I turn the light off because she was she brought up the camping trip. There's a real thing. And I think it's more interesting even to the people that don't have kids It's a moment in your life that happened when you told your parents, I'm ready to go into into the dark, into the cave, into the scary thing, into the school trip, into the whatever it is, into the overnight camp. like something's happening And Lila is adamant and I turned the lights off and I went, baby, I know you always feel like you want to go on this camping trip alone, but like just like let's turn the lights off. and I did. And I looked out the window at the trees and I was like Look just look out there. like, you'll be out there. We won't we won't be I wasn't trying to scare. I was just like we won't be there. You'll be out in that and we won't be there And she's like, that just made me more excited And I was like My side of this, I was gonna to say my dad's side of this is like, this might be the moment to let her do it, like to go like Be, I think as brave as I think you are Yes, Okaykay. I mean, yeah, I have that feeling. I know you do, but I'm also worried. And Im and I also not just like parenting baby. But also the I see the argument for like, yeah, so there is a chance that she my biggest fear is that she will be scared, but too embarrassed to say that she's scared because she's with all of her classmates So she's just gonna quietly suffer in like the world's longest night. Speaking of which, not to compound this, but we've always talked about how seven is the age where they leave the garden, which is biblical language for like they lose their innocence. L maybe they break a bone or they have a betrayal or something or a grandparent dies or whatever it might be, and they're just like Oh. And like is I've been watching Leila and I'm like, she really feels like she's still in the garden to me. Yeah. I don't know. There's certain ways where she she I see her leaving it I know what you mean be an argument for like, yeah, that is a possibility. and if that happens, that's also valuable. Like in the like we can't keep our kid from suffering. we just have to like help them through it and to like build resilience Anyway, I didn't even mean to get into all of that, but I was like, okay, she wants to go alone because she wants to sleep in a tent with one of her friends. I'm like best friends with her best friend's mom. so I was like, I've got it The mom and I will sleep in a tent and two kids can sleep in a tent. and like I figured it out. So I excitedly told her that I like cracked a way that we could do this And she started crying and was like, I don't want you to go. I don't want you there. And I was like you'll like, you know, I'll give you your independent One of the worst things of life. You think you're bringing someone a cake and then they let you. Yeah. And then she was like finally it came down to her saying If somebody has to go, then I want Daddy to go, not you And I was like It was like a dart just like in my stomach. And I was like, but then I tried to like not have an ego about it. And I was like, okay Well help me understand that. L, Do I embarrass you? So I did introduce the idea of like, do I embarrass you? Yeah. But And she was like, yes. And I was like, o God. but I didn't, you know, and I was like Okay, what do I do that embarrasses you? And she brought up a time that I did library in her class, like the library I volunteered to walk the kids to the library. and she asked me to say a word and I like sounded it out like the way the teacher does, like I was like, you know, U didn You know, whatever. And she was like really embarrassed by that And she had told me that and I said, than you so much for telling me that I won't ever do that again. I'll try to remember, you know, Yeah. Anyway, so we just had this like talk about it and then I just really spiraled because I was like You know, I just remember feeling embarrassed by my mom And I love my mom very much But like that is just something that I really was hoping I could get out of. is like Lila Yeah. I don't We know why Having been here with you this whole time, I'm like, you're not an embarrassing mom And but it's completely true. It not me saying that I am friends with so many, I am an embarrassing person. In fact, that's what I was excited to interject with. When I pick Leila up I grab her friends and I hold them an inch from my face and I say, whereere's my money? That's my bit with the kids And like Lela is at the age where she she should and could be like or roll her eyes or whatever. Yeah. And But I think that's what it is is that you are still really fun and the kids, her friends all like you. I think her friends feel neutral about me. So you get to go because because her friends like you. We're starting the transition where the friends start to have more and more authority than we do. So like what they think about each of us is actually kind of more important to her than what she thinks about each of us. Right. But yeah, so you know, obviously, I'm like, this is just one instance. I don't know if like if I really embarrass her, she's really digging her heels in. L we had a whole conversation about it last night again. If I had to predict where it's going, she's going alone I know And but she was like Yeah, she was like, was like I said I just I realized because she would get worked up every time I said Can you tell me why I embarrass you And and she was or what I do that embarrasses you? And she'd just be like, everything I' like getting really worked up. And I thought this was a good moment. I was like Oh, baby, I'm not asking you so that you prove to me that I'm embarrassing. I believe you that I'm embarrassing. I'm asking you so that you can tell me what it is so that I can change because I don't w to not ever get to be around you. Rning for reelection I'm sorry landslide. But this is the feeling. So this and I might like champion. Thank you for saying that I actually feel like I absolute champion That was A plus and to know that Parenting is so often Diagnosing or recognizing like they're saying this because they feel this. They think I don't believe them. Yeah. It was amazing Well, thank you and I feel emotional saying this, but I feel like that's the feeling that I had was I was like, I'm not saying this is true, but I was just like Oh, it doesn't matter. Like a girl will always feel embarrassed by her mom or like it's so tricky not to be like gender normative, but like Everybody told me when I was pregnant, when I was pregnant that like They're like, oh, moms and daughters, that relationship is just so fraght and I was just like, no way. like I'm not if Im I'm good at loving. like I'm good at this. I'm gonna be close with my kid. And there's like times like this where I'm just like, oh my God, does it not matter what I do? Like there's always going to be something in between us because like, We're a mother and a daughter and there's like No There's nothing I can do to not be embarrassing. I't know what it is. I knowope I know that true. I kind of hate when people say catastrophizing, but So often when we're having a parenting feeling the solution is going like this isn't the the whole story. This was this is one moment. Yeah. You know what I mean? you want to name it. You're right. Give it the name of a war. in the year and the duration on all this stuff. And it's like No, you're deal you're navigating something that's really tricky and you're navigating it really beautifully. Thank you, my love. And I don't know, look, I hold two things at once. I really believe Lila and I'm also like, It's complicated. You have these two grown up people asking you to articulate your feeling Yeah. when even a lot of grownups can't most grownups can't do that. Yeah. And you're right. That's why you picked up on like I said embarrassing. So we're like building this story and that's great. We're trying to help her build a story Yeah. But I really think that she just feels The movie is Lila goes alone Yeah she does get scared and then you come walking out of the woods and she runs towards you. Yeah. And you guys hug and it's You guys had a hard put down last night. Yeah Be because of some stuff Like she wanted a smart watchatch or whatever. But it wasn't even that. She let out a lot of cries because I think, oh my God, I'm gonna cry. I think we're both feeling the like sadness of her notot wanting me to go Like I think she feels it too. I think there's like a It'sase of her not wanting you to go yeah. Yeah, I think there is an individuation that's happening That's like natural and healthy and good where she's like, I don't want my mommy there Like I don't Well, like there's no rule, there's a rule no stuffies too. You can't bring stuffies Yeah. which it' sort of like a kind of bullshit I'm pushing back on. I told her I was going to defend that one. But But that's the spirit of this little adventure Yeah these kids fun fact. Did you know that helping old dolphins is actually leading to breakthroughs in human health? That's what C fifteen from Fatty fifteen is all about. It's the first essential fatty acid to be discovered in more than ninety years And It's all about supporting long term health and healthy aging. 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You can do anything. so people can see your thing, feel your thing, love your thing. The next thing you know, it's a thing. Canva, the thing that makes anything a thing Right, exactly. And even this is so this is really helping me. I really see it clearly. I hope this is an interesting podcast because I'm sorry, we just got nominated for a potty. Be That's what's happening is that Oh my Godd, like all a sudden I'm seeing it so clearly. It's like so primal. It's like, my kid is seven. She's leaving the garden. And a big part like the garden might as well be called the womb. Wh the bush. Like yeah, gross. But it's like where the beaver summer spot C. But it is like and it's like a rite of passage. like it's an actual primal. like she's going into the wilderness withithout me. And I'm saying like, you're not ready and she's saying I am ready. And that's why I said my dad perspective as she's gonna to go. That's like the dad. it's not. It's I see what you see. Yeah m I'm worried as well. And you go like, I think this is normal. I think we're right on schedule for her to go and like what I hold in my head is the thrill when she comes back and it how proud she'll be. And I really think she can do it. And it's like, if there's even a chance she can do it, we should let her. But you have a trauma about like being left alone. Yes. And I have a nighttime trauma. Yeah. Like I've spent so many nights terrified. I feel like so last night when I was putting her down, she started crying because she wants a smart watch. And I said like, no But really it was one of those things where you're like, that's not what this is. She's letting out a lot of cries. And she cried for a long time. And I do feel proud of this. Like I just didn't I just said like, yeah, you got to let some sads out. And she wasn't pushing me away. She was like holding me. like she wanted me and like And then I just like rubbed her body and sang to her for like a long time while she cried And I like And I knew that I knew enough at that moment to be like, she just needs to cry But I didn't put it together until just now that like We were mourning. We're mourning. We're both mourning the same thing. We're mourning that she has to leave And that like, oh God, it's too much. And that like she and it's like healthy and it's appropriate, but she's like gotta leave my She's gott to leave my bedroom. Well this you know, I mentioned the book, Iron John a lot, but they talk about men and their mothers and mothers that don't let the boys leave or, you know, even unconsciously. The boys will erupt in Like a period of cruelty. Yeah. And that actually happened with me and my mom We refer to it as a period in our lives where with no visible exit. from her bosom basically. Yeah. I had to become mean to her. Right. And she she talks about it as this is not gonna happen. Yeah. It No, no it's not gonna to happen is because you' I'm letting her go. yeah Yeah That's because you're doing it now But like there's no avoiding it. There's either it's like the lottery. You can do it in monthly payments or one lump sum. Me and my mom, and I'm not proud of this. I don't defend it. I'm just saying it's what happened. L I really was like still in her I guess you could say her shadow. I was like the only way to do this is to blow both of us up. Right. And I didn't like it either. Of course. But you know, it so painful Well, it's painful for both people and it's correct. Like that's the thing is like I want to say to her like You know, even though this is sad, this is right. and it's also very exciting. It's not just sad. It's exciting. it is exciting. And that's what look, I'm just trying to relate to what you're saying. When we took Lila to Little League, I felt a terror. Yeah. And there were kids Everybody was pairing up, I could cry First day at Little League E everyone's pairing up. Lila literally didn't have a partner. Everyone seemed to know each other. By the way, that's not true. Yeah. This was me looking through the lens of life how you perceived it. All these kids know each other Lela doesn't know. they all know how to play. Leila doesn't know how to play. So I was playing catch with her. It broke my heart. I just couldn't tolerate her even though she would have I can't even say because I don't believe it, but I think I have the feeling that in reality she would have been fine. She would have been fine. I was like, I think she had had a practice before that one And that you weren't at that I was at. So I was like, she can do this.. But the urge to pick her up and get her the fuck out of there was was a ten out of ten. And and you helped me through that. So this isn't a mom thing and this isn't a failure and it's it's and it's just something I'm really happy. L I was talking to a dad the other day about like times Lel' had to go to the ER when she was a baby, I would be the calm one and you'd be the more emotionally involved one. And that doesn't mean over involved. Yeah. And meant one of us uh forfeited their right to feel panic because somebody had to be stoic. Yeah. In that case, you were the stoic. there have been times forf. And in this case, I'm being the stoic one Yeah. and there have been times when we're both stoic and there have been times when we're both a little panickic. But it feels nice to watch what's happening. I feel sad a lot ing you have to negotiate Lila's pushing away And there is kind of like a caveman simplicity where I'm just sort of like, she will go She will love it She will be okay. Yeah And you've done that for me, You've done. She will go. She will love it, She will be okay And to meet Little League. is a thousand times worse than a sleepover becausecause that's because tra trauma. And I'm like, I have She'll be with her friends. And there'll be other moms there. When we knew that Jill was going, I was like, okay, so if you have a problem, go to Jill. I had like a real Not bad tunnel vision, a real like oversimplified view of it. All your friends will be there It'll be so fun You're going to sleep with your friend. If you have a problem You can go to Jill. you know this mom. Yeah. So you have a You have a and when I say embarrassing, I mean notot coddling. yeah. Non, you know what I mean by coddling. And that's a really good point too is even the embarrassing thing could be more like She would be embarrassed Like I, you know, my fear is that she'll be scared and she'll be embarrassed U too say she's scared, I think what's way more likely is if I went, she would be more embarrassed to like come into my tents. Y. She would be embarrassed to come toent. Sorry. When I went to college, I brought my grandma's cat pillow with me And we've talked about this. It' so cute. It was like a reading pillow, like a pillow, a giant firm pillow that my grandma had made a furry Hello Kitty style White cat pillowcase with a tail And two eyes and a bow. like a pink bow And this was I in a little spectry, maybe. That's just me being defensive. I'm not I'm not a fool. It's a diagnosis. I did think This is the pillow I lean on when I read or when I want to prop myself up. It's my good pillow. Sure it's a kitty kitty. but like I brought it with me to college And looking back Maybe my brother tried, but like somebody should have said Kie, I love you. Let's go get you another pillow. Yeah. because the And when I say appropriate doesnesn't make it nice, but the ridicule was my tribe, people my age going, we're not doing that anymore. And and sophomore I think freshman year I brought at home and didn't bring it back with me. And that was sad. I liked that pillow. Yeah. There actually is, as I think there always is a hidden compliment whichich is that Lila sees you as soft, safe, nurturing,, sweet, like a stuffed animal. And she wants to sleep on the ground. Yeah. You're right, 'cause when I finally could get her to say, I was like, can you tell me something that I do that's embarrassing? She's like, you're always kissing and hugging on me She means you make me feel like my in case of Mommy Bak glass is here. And you said, doesn't Daddy kiss and hug you? And she caused And was like, no. ye. And that's not true. It's not true. what she means and I'm not saying you should do this. I punch Lila as much as I kiss her Yeah. And that's an exaggeration.ot punch, but yeah, you rough rough. No, no, no, I do mean punch like fake punches. sure. Everybody knows I mean fakech O of course. like little like box, I do it with all the kids. There was a kid at the farmer's market yesterday that I don't even know his name. I don't even know his name. But he always attacks me and he started like biting at me and I just started kicking him. Kicking is the most extreme word for this. lightly pushing him with my foot I don't even know this kid's parents. His dad is there and he goes, that's what he needs. And we were like, Fuck, yeah, I didn't even hesitate. If the dad was like, what are you doing? I'd be like, My joke becausecause I was the boy must learn. Yeah. This's a joke cat pillow, the boy must learn and it doesn't mean There's there's something Beautiful, you hold this place in Lila's heart. That's why in the movie She is scared and you show up and she runs to you That's one ending of this movie. But the better ending is She is going to sleep. she's almost asleep And she wakes up just for a moment and she realizes that she's not afraid. Yeah and that she did it. Which is of course what I runs home to you. Yeah,' kid I want. Wait to go home and tell her safest home that she was brave in the most controlled way.. That's what Disneyland is, let's feel fear in a controlled way. Camping is let's feel fear in a controlled way. So much parenting is like, how can I scare you in a safe way because I need to get you resesilient. There is something so beautiful about this like going back to the mother daughter thing I think this is one of my favorite things about Lady Bird, which is one of my favorite movies is, you know, her and her mom are like having they're having this exact thing the entire time. She wants to go away and like go to college. and all she talks about is leaving And her mom is like, They're fighting because her mom basically is so sad about that. Like that's what's underneath is she's wanting to hold her. And then so there's the tension of that the entire time is that she's trying to individuate and the mom is like trying to cling. And then she has sex with Timothy Chalamay and finds out that he like What I can't even remember. It's like he's not a virgin or he like pretended to be a virgin or something. I can't remember it, but it doesn't go well And then she goes in the car and like starts crying and her and her mom have like this very sweet moment where the mom's comforting her. That's what I'm saying mom, look, not all moms Everybody can do it their own way. I'm just saying one archetype of them mom is like the space station And she's the little Spaceman Spiff Sucer that goes and goes off, does a little journey and then comes back Yeah And it's that's the That's why we love things like what was it It's not the curse, but The toxic feminine, you are that is you know, I'm not saying that. Yeah. saying we love the stories of Hansel and Greta, like I will feed you sweets and I will eat you. Yeah. or it's what is bow There's Bo where she the short film and the pictures are short. Oh, Bao, I love B. She eats him. I love Bow. This is the story, this is like everywhere. eat the baby. Yeah. I don't even that's just that's just so Youngian and hard to talk about. Moms want to eat baby. I don't so it's not literal, but there's something there It was, um I'm even forgetting her name. It's the mom Uh, and they daughter she told her daughter she was sick Oh, yeah, fucking. It's things like that mount Mch Mch Joey King's in. Joey King is who I was trying to remember. the wonderful Joey King Yeah. So anyway, that show, the reason I think we're perversely and I don't mean wrongly, I just mean sort of like darkly interested in that is because we're like, right, it exists. and you see it the other way I don't know if Jessica Simpson's dad was really this. I just vaguely have a sense that we know there's a way that dads can go fuckking wrong. Yeah Right The Jackson five, Joe Jackson, like this sort of thing, but with a girl, it's Jessica' I don't know I don't mean to put any dad down. Everybody's doing their best. I'm just saying, are they? Yes, but their best is of and awful Yeah Yeah, I think this was a good conversation. and I really I honor your vulnerability and I think it's a beautiful gift you're giving people. It's such a trip, man, to like love somebody so much and be like, My job is to like I mean, like from the beginning, like from being from conception I'm meant to like make a soft space. and protect you and like keep you nourished and cared for and hold you and to be like now, my job is to like Do that and also start letting you go. Like if I do this right you won't feel My armms around you. you'll know that they're there but like you won't feel held back by it. But then if we do an x ray of Lila energetically, your arms are constantly wrapped around her heart Yeah. And don't think that I'm not feeling emotion when I say that U, Wha That's a good good good cry there. They're gonna to say good episode. That's the soci path I am. Oh this is good podcasting. I know. No not good podcasting, good for people to hear and share because we're back to real laughs Well and it and I do have is authentic is what. Yeah, yeah. o yeah, I hear you. Yeah I mean, I hope it's interesting to people without kids because it's like you had mom. You had this relationship with your mom. No Ebody alive. Yeah. was in some s, even if you didn't have mom and dad, it's like you were in some family system. Yeah There was there was a mixture of holding on and letting go. Yeah. and everybody was trying to get that right. It's also the message of life. It's like this we all, I mean, ideally you're in love with life and eventually you have to let it go. Yeah. Like this is This is the exercise is like letting allow not being so unattached that you can't fall in love