Early Career and Blind Date Disasters

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a fifty page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online makes sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responssees set upp required compatibility and availability varies eighteen pllus Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. We are joined by a very, very funny guy and thank God Netflix got their shit together And they are putting out the Adam Ray showh starting june nineteenth on Netflix. It's Adam Ray, everybody. Yes, sir. Not drinking this time. No. And at a balld cap. Yeah. L last time I was here. Pretty Were you toasty last time? Remember dr I was doing st that And we went to the strip club That fucking That the when I sometimes the highlights of that come on like they they're reposted Yeah. And every a lot of times when you know, if you're scrolling, you see yourself, scll, I flip it away percent. That one I always watch because I remember how hard it drrinkable soups, Tom. And specifically the line about carrot top H you go. stop fucking around props. And I laugh so fucking hard. I laugh like it was the first time. That was so fucking funny., ye, that was a blast. That was I was so nervous for that too. I don't think. Really? Oh yeah. dude. Dude, Well, dude, you I, you know, there's a handful of pods, even like the first time I Uh went on Marin's pod or Joe's pod or you Yeah. likeike there's just a handful of pods that you know, and to each his own, but you put them up on this pedestal and you're like So being in Marin's basement, I was like Whoa, this is where it happens. sameame with Rogan Sing. I'm like, that's fucking. Yeah, yeah. But you know, werewolf or it's a werewolf, right? Yeah. Yeahah, it's a werewolf. Yeah. And uh And so and same thing, seeing like your guys a student like and the backdrop and everything. So it's just and you just know how many people are watching it and you cant I'm sure like Again, probably pretty comparable to like people going on late night shows when they really m like knowing how many people are watching And and and it was also like the fil stuff was kind of just doing that. So I was like, And I just wanted to crush it for you guys because you were happy beyond You crush And and I remember just like, so it was almost nervous energy of just like plowing. Have you had it yet? and you'll know what I'm talking about though because When you go in, especially with the goal of comedy, like when you're going in to do Phil or a character like you're going in like, I'm going to do comedy. I'm here to make you laugh. Right. Have you ever, have you had you don't have to get into if you don't want to, but have you had someone who's like resistant to it? like in other words. Oh yeah, old managers. We shot them out? Where was my old manager cam A Tucker. remember when you said donon't do characters U yeah, there's only one Doug Roser manag. you' know he is, but he's a great guy. Really But yeah I mean, so you're saying like somebody that just says Yeah, you know, like if when you go like sometimes look, you can be yourself, not even in character, like you're going to do radio. Oh yeah. And you're like, you know, you're like, I got a story and you see the person is like not recept they're not open They don't want to laugh. likeike' they're shut down But I figure like with characters, You have to be on the other end of it, you have to be like wanting to participate Oh totally character. Yeah, you know. Yeah, we I mean, we never had with the Pil stuff anybody truly put up a a wall. I mean, the only people that ever really I jokingly resistant were' and this probably won't be a surprise to anybody. If there if I were to name two comics that did the Dror Phil Lve show that were like either actively broke the fourth wall or kind of like or straight up like almost to the point where they said my because that was my only prerequisite. I was like, you know, I didn't like to give anybody heads up. I gave Bobby a little bit of a heads upp because he was such a fucking mess Bobby Lee, But then end up being know does But then does what he does and crush, but but they were so I always would say just treat me as Phil. likeike just don't so that I can like Don't it at some point be like. Come on Adam. What are you doing de? Yeah. Yeah. But two comics got, you know, to the goal line on that And if I were to say, who do you think? I mean are they grumpy? Are they grumpy? Yeah on the grumpier side Mark one N Mark Marin. No, no Mar Marin actually I mean, great. I mean, at one point he told a story about how he got cut out of D three mightighty Ducks. and I go, if I got cut out of the third mightighty Ducks, I'd take that shit to the grave. I go, That might be the most embarrassing fgus story I've ever heard, Mark M. Yeah. He was he came to play, but they are two white guys. One of them is bald, one of them has hair One of them's older, one of them' younger. O of them's a Rast guy, onene of them's from Boston. Wait, Ross U no You said bald roasts. I just went to the onene of them fucking, you know, fuck Bill Yeah, of course. He's grumpy. Yeah. And he he u He What do he say? He goes, he said something where he kind of like raased me and then the crowd like, you know, we're just we're always on team Phil. So it was like if you did come out like that, people were like, fucking not cool not cool. And so he goes, He goes, Oh, come on, really? It's fucking you feel bad for faith, doctor Phil. He goes, that's underneath all that makeup. It's just a sad clown whichich was very funny. I mean I you know, come on, man, you got to have to sk and it's also It was making me laugh. and that's that might have been the episode where my mustache would always get pretty loose. and so I'd say, you know, you're going to make my mustache fall off. And then Jeselnk Oh Jasalk said I go, So how do you put together an hour? You know, that's, you know, every year you do another set of jokes. you you out there grinding and winding and figure out, you know, put one foot in front of the other. You're waking up with the sun, you're going to bed with the moon. and you just figure out I got another set of bits to do. How do you do that? He goes, He goes, well, it's, you know, it's you just get out there and you do it when you, um, you know, it's It's just, uh, you know, you write all the time. It's not like I could just, you know, I could do it the easy way and just, you know, And then he says that back and by the way, so then again And I also you have to go into like talk show hold Most and you're good at this too where it's like You never you don't want to make people look bad or feel bad. R. And I don't want the crowd to think like Oh shit, like this one's getting weird. L should be being fun. So I kind of like, you know, smirk and smile and kind of like let everyone know like, all right, like I'm, you know and then u And I kind of paused and I was like, you know, I hear you, you know, I go, but there's not just one way to eat a reeses, you know? And I go you know, I go because look,, you know, I could do what you're doing, you know,ong jokes, dead baby jokes, but been there done that, you know, but you know, good on you, keep doing what you're doing. There's an audience for, you know. And then we kind of fishbumped or whatever. and that kind of like, But that was early on, he was kind of But he also didn't know what it was going to be. So I think that was almost like a defense mechanism of him like needing to come at me to make himself comfortable, not knowing that like, I'm not doing that to anybody. Yeah. And so then I kind of went out of my way after that to tell people like, I'm not going to set up to fail. I'm not going like try to make this a bad experience which Yeah, you know, should have been Well, there is like with I think with certain people, not with you, but there' certain people who You do if they invite you to something, your immediate first feeling is fear. You're like motherfucker. Yeah. because you know, you don't know what they're like. They're kind of unpredictable, but you don't give off that kind of energy. I just want to have some goofse and and get, you know maybe get some fun clips out of it. and also just it's a live show. like you just want to have some fun exactly. All right, throw those on for second because it's the opening clip. I can't wait We will talk about it. We'll get into your show here you go lose the door, I don't want another man holding the door for me. Why? Bro, I don't even let my wife on top of me have sex becausecause to me that's gay Okay, close the door. I'll open it myself, Thank on bring any one muin to this. No bing to fuck a st Wellel, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Sgura tal Sura rist Welcome to your mom's house. It's a long intro. love I get on. Yes, that's the right fucking add it. Yeah, that's the norm McDonald way We did one time have a ten minute intro song reced. Yes, and we just. Oh wa, I think I did see that. There's a long.. People go, This is so fucking long We'll make it longer. Yeah. Oh my God. By the way, fear not everyone. Christine and I have been recording separate episodes. great. Yes. She's been back on the road. Yeah. She's also mom of the year. She's volunteering at the school So cool. It's very crazy. I would never do that. Really? Of course not. You like that's what moms are for. Dads Dads aren't there. Yeah. also, how much time do you want to spend around the other dads? Oh my God. I'm assuming not a lot. Especially if you're used to hang out comedians, then you meet like a normal dad. It's a big drop off. Phill. Also I will be I can now announce this because this is being recorded in advance. Yeah. I'm flying to LA today to announce a deal that we have with Fox. So I will be producing three new shows for them. So I am I'm out a lot. We're covering for each other. Wow. feear not. we will return to record some episodes together in the near futureode. Mzle dude. Wow. Thank you Fx. Yeah. than you Fx. It's good for YMH stududios. It's good for the audience. This is going to be things that I think our fans will be very excited about to see in the very and we're doing them all this year Pretty crazy.ude it was only a matter of time til you expanded your like creative endeavors. I mean, bad thoughts, so funny, dude. Thank you so much. deeep into the second season. And please, if you have not yet watched bad thoughtoughts, also a YM student. Hit number five today I heard. We hit number five. Huge We're moving up. Usually you debut higher and you go down. We debuted down here and we're going up. So That's pretty exciting very excit We have some serious competition though We have the fucking Stranger Th thing guysu new show. Dude, is it cake? is it cakes? It's always you always gota conser. The R roast is still trending Oh fuck dude, fucking. Rross Well, if you saw you can only imagine why it's still so fucking popular This the George Floyd jokes were just fine. easy. Kevin loved him. cheheck the internet Then Yeah. Your mother is doing standup in Chicago, Illinois september eighteenth and nineteenth. Get your tickets at Christinapeach. comot Welcome to the Mystery Boys. I'm Kiry' Trez White Clausmus, Dunstan Rudeu. We're here to gape your fourth eye FBI Atlas. JFK's doctor. Amaz. Hitler's doctor. MK Ultra. Adrina Krum. Elser Crowley. you ain't heard the mystery boys get the bottom. I didn't see one dick in those catacombs and I looked everywhere. Well, this is the show, guys. I hope that your mom's house is happy. Guys. If your lady, fella, or whoever sends you an eggplant emoji after dark They are ready for better sex and you should be too That's where BlueCue comes in. They've been on a mission for years to get you bricked up Build your confidence and help you actually perform better in the bedroom. With their new arousal formula, Blue chew gold is helping millions of men have better sex in twenty twenty six. while most E M onlyn focus on blood flow Blue chu Gld furthers it by combining two ingredients. for mental arousal and connection So you're not just physically ready, you're actually in the mood. Look at me right now I'm ready I'm in a good mood Why LuCu Don't let your mind get in the way of a good time. disiscover your options at bluche. com. We got a special deal for our listeners right now When you buy two months of Blueew gold, you get the third four free Promo code YM H. That's promo code YH visit BlueCu. com for more details and important safety information. and we thank BlueCu for sponsoring the podcast. Before we started this podcast, there were moments where I wondered if anyone would actually want to listen to us in our brown talkal No matter what you're starting, the doubts will always creep in, but that doesn't have to stop you from turning your idea into a business Shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses around the world and ten percent of all e commerce in the US from household names and brands like ours here at YMH. Not only is our merch store powered by Shopify, I turn to them When I started Christina P Cosmedics and I wouldn't have it any other way. Shopify helps you build an online store that matches your brand style and tackle all the important tasks in one place. And did I mention that it's the driving force behind that iconic shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world? It's why Shopify has the best checkout conversions on the market which means less carts getting abandoned and more sales for you It's time to turn those what ifs into With Shopify today. Sign up for your one dollar per month trial today at shopify dot com slash YmH. go to shhopify. com slash yMH. That's shhopify d. com slash like my favorite thing is For more than a decade Whenever I'm around Tony, if I ever run into him anytime in the last fifteen years and I go, how's it going? he goes Amazing, Unbelievable. E We're really doing it, Tom. I'm like, okay, lookook at what you've built. this facility, the infrastructure, Austin, is the new comedy Mecca Rock and roll. W it Rick Ricking or I just saw Rick of thepisode. He goes, He goes, you know, you know, I wish I could do a Rick, but he was just so fucking. he was like, he's like, yeah, he goes Tony Ces and he goes, gotta move down to Auston Rick. He goes, It's like LA, but with a little bit of rock and roll He's the best he really does take a page from WWE. Yes. Yeah. that's that's for. I also When anyone ased me like Tony's, you know, flare confidence, if you want to call it arrogance, whatever. I've just known him since we were. door guys at the store I did phones and he was, I think, an actual door guy And so I wasn't out in the mix is much more behind the scenes, but answering phones and And, you know, uh and listening to, you know, like, u Tommy the old booker, know scream the N word because Freddie Lockhart cancels the Hoya spot. you know, just the classic stories from in the Walls. Yeah. And Tony just, I've just known him for so long. So even then he was had this sense of one hundred percent. So so when people were like, I just don't take it seriously because I know him from so far back that I don't Yeah, maybe it's grown with his accomplishments, but I just still know that I'm so silly with him. He used to say this to. he's like We'd be so jokey in the parking lot of the store and he's like No one brings thisatom me, but I'm only silly when we're like we just we're just goofy. and so So I don't when I see him being so polarizing you know, whether it's here or, you know at the roast or at the fucking Madison Square Garden, wherever, it almost doesn't even like phe me because I'm like, I don't know. I don't I think he I feel like it's Not an act because he's it's a deliberate move to do what he's doing. And I think he likes the But I also think he doesn't want to be hated No one does, dude. Yeah No one does. If you're in comedy, you want to be you want to be loved. is not a part of walking out. you want you like the Yeah. That's why he's walking out, you know, just Now he wants to make me laugh. Yeah, for sure. everyveryone does. So so it's I think he really is like going for the jokes and like You know, we're just And not to beat a dead horse. I feel like this has been a topic everywhere even my stepdad was like, you see the Kvin Hor Rse. I'm Geor, you didn't watch it, but you just want me my take on it. Yeah Go back to the garden. But he He's he's gardening. He's eighty two. He, um So I yeah, it Too many opportunities to like break down and and see why jokes were made for the it's, I don't know. it's Maybe I'm such a simplistic u you know, taking such an easy approach to it, but I'm just like, I don't know. they went for the they went for what they thought was the funniest joke. I think that's kind of where it begins and ends and not there's people who their thing is I'll go further. Like that's part of their thing. Like Tony and Chelsea like ye, there might be some real S real underne there. But also they were still making jokes. Yeah. And maybe yeah, maybe because there's a little bit of I actually don't like this person underneath Yeah. You gota some of the jokes teetered a little bit more on just like name calling stuff like that So if that's where you want to maybe gripe about it, sure. but They still had plenty of jokes and then and then if you were going to comedy police it and break down the accuracy of them and Oh, she said they were at the Riyad. they weren't even there. All right. I was so like I mean, I guess because we're used to it, but like I was so unphazed by the controversy. I was like, these are These are like racial comedy controversy. No. What are we doing? What are we doing? It's like And you're talking about silly Rast jokes that go too far. They're supposed to go too far I know dude. it doesn't I will say this though, for all the shit that like You know, Once you get to a certain level of popularity, peopleople talk shit about you? Yeah For Tony, I will say this, if you are a younger comedian coming up I would encourage you to look at How this guy was unwavering in his belief that this show was the show. Yeah. And I'm telling you, it when I look back, I remember being in LA. And he would be like, Do you want to come do this show? I was like, what is the show? He's like, you know, it was in the main room. Yeah. That guy never missed a Monday No m Consistency is Kingm. holidays. And he was like, no, this show is growing. And it was like it was a little showmen. It was a little showan. did it when it was in the belly room And he he fucking never ever ever missed a And like that's something to celebrate about a person is their belief in themselves. Dude How many How many being consistent? I love that you said that. You know how many people I'm sure we both know's gay and he's gay and that helps a lot because you have a crutch and you have a you have a gimmick, you know, Yeah. It's like, you know, like Brad is short. Tony's gay. like, you know, you got people in wheelchairs they also how many What other show takes people with speech impediments or that can't even speak or that are trans or that mentally ill. I mean it's m wild. It's like not and doesn't I would understand all the the flack and hate if it was like Oh, he's having these people on to like chastise and ridicule them and be like, look at this fucking h. I just did one last week. Okay great I'm sure it's out now, but by this time. It was Tony, myself and Cheryl Underwood. Whoa and I have never laughed I've done that show, I don't know, a dozen times or something over the years I've never laughed harder than I have on this particular from the bucket bs Bcket pulls from the commentary. Tony's quick retorts for. Every. It was the whole thing. It was for me The most perfect and fun episode I've ever done of that show. Awesome. Yeah. I don't wantan to do it again. It was too good. It's never gonna li. I get that.. I get so fun It was so fun. And by the way, I will be sending in field pieces while I'm out. So u in LA. Yeah and on set and from these different things. And I think they're going to be really perfect. for the your mom's house audience, things that they will really enjoy um, things that are on On brand, as we like to say. That opening clip was very onbrand. Dude, how great was that guy? Unbelievable? I love how the guy was like, What's the problem? You need to not you need to. I sound like any mom with a kid and show business. you What sounds like a good idea. You need to. My mom, since I got going, you need to get Steven Spielberg D less to you. Okaykay Uh, she, um Uh She would agree that your plethora of clips that feature guys on the other end of the camera, the fucking fucking guys don't hold the door for me. Yeah, dude, but but I've heard so many of those guys in the clips and it's like I would love to see all those guys together. I don't know if they're road tripp or they live in a house, but like this guy already, I wna know dude where he's from, where he's going. Ain't no good door for me. Why?, I don't even let my wife on top of me that s Okay. I love, I love. how the guy instead of art he realizes he recognizes how Fucking stupid this guy's logic is and just You know, because he's not worth arguing with. No, I don't have to let my wife on top of me ' because that's gay. Yeah this guy right Yeahose the door openself. a H a g man. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I will have a g. It's a straight man who likes breast and vagina. How scared does this guy have cock? I mean, he's scared that he'll love it. Yeah. I think he's a little petrified Yeah He also has had a couple moments. in the past couple years, months that have made him think like, oh, maybe like I think a friend You know, convinceced him to get a facial. Yeah And he was like, fuck I fuck and loved it. It was amazing. It was unbelievable. It was amazing. it feels good. And this was a guy who used to make the jokes where like if he had ain't that kind of facial. Yeah, yeah. hisis name's not Brad. Yeah. Well, it was who did it, but he didn't put his comb on my face. It was a little bit of creaman. right It was a woman. She basically wanted to jerk me off.. Yeah, exactly. He's always overcompensating to make anything that sounds yeah That's so crazy to have that mentality. Anny, do you let a guy open the door for you Yeah, you did it the other day. Hey And you let it happen. You were like, shut the fuckking door. I'm not a fake. Now me now let me ask you this. If you opened it with your carck, that would be different. That's am. Dude that's funny. S somebody said that to me once. I I was doing the stair stepper to twenty four hour fitness years ago, the story gets better and I was on and I was by the way, this particular day I had I was next to I don't want to say when porn really took off, but You know, did porn really take up don we go back to the beginning point. When was the first Chy fuck? Dude David Adenborough needs to do a whole like Not like where are they now porn stars, but just a real historical mayaybe it's a Ken Berurnstock. Yeah. Ken let's get Ken and Dave in a room And maybe this could be one of the Fx shows, get at broded Remember when Natell did, what was the porn show he did on showtime? Oh, Dave's old porn. Great. Yes, but I'm but Maybe let's, you know, revamp it and have a little more current content Yeah because some of that stuff was tough to watch. But But so there's a porn star that I hadd seen on a video. I'm going to say this is so this is pre, you know, u What is this twenty? I'm gonna say twenty ten twenty eleven. I'm still working at Universal Studios Um, and, uh, And I'm at the twenty four off fitness and a girl, no joke that I had been watching is on the machine next to me. Bad skin or it looks good. Looks pretty great. Okaykay This time of year always brings up memories of when summer felt much simpler and sweeter Whether that makes you think of days spent on a lake or setting off fireworks and risking the loss of limbs with your friends on the fourth of July, those iconic moments call for an iconic drink. And that drink is America's own Mountain Dom. Hailing from the hills of Tennessee, its citrus kick is the perfect companion whatever adventures your own personal wet, hot American summer may entail Whether I'm hanging out on the beach or taking my boys out on the boat, there's never a bad time to pop aop on a mountain de. It's been that way since two brothers had a dream back in nineteen forty eight Times may have changed That same great taste of the mountains remains the same Whether you're celebrating this the fourth ofuly around the grill at the beach or right in your living room, sipping on a mountain Doo is the best way to kick off a dam. time I mean, what's more refreshing ice cold mountain deew on a summer day Nothing. Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew in American Original. tasting great since forty eight. Look for American Dew Limited timeime packaging or find it in stores near you at mountainndew d. com that's mountainew dot com Warmer temperatures means spring is approaching and it's time to get out there and light one up with the fellas. Whether you prefer the patio, the porch, the backyard, fire pit, anything is better than huddling up in your garage like you've been doing all winter. Sit in a wheelchair, light up Pair it with a cocktail, That's the whole thing. That's why you got into cigars. Whether you're new to cigars or a seasoned aficionado So GAars International makes enjoying them easy, approachable, and fun. With the largest assortment available. your favorites are always ready to ship Cigars International offers unbeatable deals and discounts, making it easy to stock up on your favorites or try something new without breaking the bank And cigars International now offers free shipping every day, no minimums, no excuses Use my code YMH at checkout for twenty percent off your order of fifty dollars or more Visit wWW dot cigarsinternational dot com slash ymh and the discount will automatically apply. Some exclusions may apply I'm starstruck. Yeah Tom Hanks could have been one more down and I would have not even seen him do Yeah And that made me feel sad, confused sure as to where my priorities were as far as seeing famous people, famous people. I mean, it was I couldn't believe it was almost like seeing your teacher at the mall, you know. I was like, shouldouldn't you be? inside, you know blowing people Yeah. But here she was trying to get in shape for the summer And maybe for other things for other things for sure. And so I u u But so anyway, so so I get off and I was telling a friend of mine later that night at open M's that I was doing the stair stepper and she goes, Jesus Christ so fucking gay And I go, I wasn't doing it exactly you I go I wasn't doing it like this Yeah. and And she was like, even just the fact that you told me you do that makes me like that's so gross that a gl man like does the stair stepper like that's the gayest fucking machine. Jes. Yeah. and it fuck fucked me over for a couple weeks. I mean, the stair stepper is great I feel like yeah, I don't know. It definitely gave me a complex as far as like what how what women I was like, fuck, what are other things I'm doing that I viewed as pretty Pre prettyty normal heterosexual that that are fucking guys giving me. Yeah know That's Super. That's an obvious one. Yeah. Um The u This is also something that was in the bank that I wanted to show you, just to get your take on. I feel like this is a possible cl. Everyone that we play on the show is a possible Adam Ray character, by the way. Bro, the amount of people I now get messaging me people from videos that they're like, hereere's your next character or Sometimes people would even just comment on things like I have to roll over in bed every other night now and like, you know, pull my wife's eyes up just to make sure it's not Aam Brad' full makeake up. Oh. And I just remind when you were saying the porn person was on the at the gym I lived in Hollywood many years ago Yeah two apartments down was a star. Wow. And when at first time, you know I'm like, twenty two years old. Yeah. So I'm well versed in the topic at the time. Yeah yeah. And I just do like I'm like double tpeed. I'm like, oh my God 'cause I justved to LA. I'm like, I live in L.A And someone who I've stroked it to M times, two apartments down, like this is going to lead to us shooting one. I'm going to be in a movie. That's final. Hey, everyveryone starts somewhere. They start somewhere. You know what's so funny? It's just LA. truly is filled with people that are in porn that are about to be porn. Yeah just got out of porn. All the alsoso I think there's all there's little people, there's There's people trying to be in the business, There's people that are just like you know, deciding that this might be their last year and then they're moving back to Omaha. It's really wild and I know you've been out of there for a while, but like Do you get where do you find where do you get that replacement energy in Austin? Or you just so now like in your own in your zone and you got enough fuel Because like I still enjoy I still use it as fuel to the fire being around the energy of L.A, but I'm sure at some point the energy of L.A is amazing. Yeah. porn energy is not something that I miss at all. I also feel like detached and removed from it. I definitely was look at it as like a time where like I used to drink, you know, like that kind of thing. That's how it feels to me Also, I remember that this particular person Mor is like bad skin. I remememberered like that was one of those things where you're like, oh, shit. Yeah. L you have a whole other face on when you do this stuff. the levels of it.' been taggered My favorite story of like, like I'm saying in a general sense of that world is when they go, I moved to LA to become an actress This is what you're doing. I have pursuing acting. Yeah. They're like, it's still movies. Yeah. and you're like,, that's f. That's a spin. It's still movies. Yeah. I would love to hear the story of someone who came for porn And then, uh which by the way would be a great title for their dog. came for porn. came for porn. Yeah. a couple of meetings with that. And then they it didn't work out the way they planned. Yeah Or they did so well that they're like I think it's time, you know, like like, you know, they're meeting up with a friend and they're like, like, hey, are you going to be in Big Cx five? You know, by the way, That's the title I could think of right now Big Cx five. I mean, but you know what? it's probably out there. Yeah. And you going to be in we're gonna to fuck now seven? Yeah. Yeah. and then the guy goes U Actually, Eric, I got an audition for CSI on Friday And you go Yeah, I'm u, I'm stepping out of the business, man. I'm Take my shot, no pun intended. but I'm going to jump into the world of acting. I'm over at WME now. So yeah, working with Bruce, you know Bruce? Yeah, you talking reps all the survivor guys. So I'm gonna try to see what happens. we did a blow bang together last week. That's the old me, man.'s old olds the old Biff. Do they know what you did? looked theape ain't going anywhere, but neither is my drive to be successful in a business. I got nothing to do with it. It's on the internet, Hey man everythingthing's on the intern. I could show you a video of a woman getting attacked by penguins if you got two days. I would go get plastic surgery so that people don't recognize you. man. I'm going I think it's going to help actually. I think I think people are going to see what I did and go, that guy's now doing that He's now with the rock No They're not. Well you sound like one of my many haters that I've already got on the internet. so you keep doing what you're doing and you're the gaping guy You were in Gary gape. Yeah. That's what they know you for for gaping, man. Well, now they're gonna to know me as the voice of the dog in Airbud twelve. But it is a weird thing. Don't you feel like today like There's always a stigma attached to that world. I think so. But I do feel like Today is like of all times the time where you could pivot out of that and just be like, I do this now. I think so. Yeah. I think people have a short attention span. and don't really it just depends on it's almost like, u you know, a new streamer dropping and it's like, you know, what's their first what's their hit show that's going to make people immediately like tune in? So I feel like if you're a porn star and you immediately get in some big Ryan Gosling movie and you're like the lead female actress and everyone's like, dude there's a porn star in that gosling movie. But then you crush it or Does it just depend on how much work you've il prior to that. I don't that probably plays a ro people can see. But you know what's funny is that everybody ultimately still just wants to be in like a legit movie. But it doesn't matter if you're like a streamer, TikToker, There are porn stars out there that everyone's that are probably like complaining about the dialogue Yeah. And they're like, dude, Ill this fuck her butt And he's like The words don't make any sense, Tom. Yeah. there's gotta be. Well that makes me so happy actually You know, shout out to Dave Ael for the Dave's littleort Tot. But that was the thing about that early era stuff. Yeah, they made they made a movie. Right. They used to make like storylines Yeah, have the performances. Yeah. And then it would just be like you were almost watching a real movie that just had graphic sex scenes. That all shifted That all shifted away. Yeah. I mean it was kind of like you you get lost in a in an actual story tootally That's where it was in the seventies, eighties. Yeah. I've seen one I don't think I've told a story before. I've seen one porn live ever And I was u plus one to this set visit with a comedian Wow If you were to guess one comedian that do you believe? Close. Okay. Drop about two feet And he's a comedian. he's a smaller of smaller stature. Okay four foot four, some would say is the exact height which is dwarf size Oh, Brad. Yes. I'm sorry. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Brad, when I knew him, he knew all the porn stars, all the swingers. Do you ever go sorry to pivot, Do you ever go on Twitter and you end up on some U porn or sex personss And then it's just it's always just followed by and it'll be like the same comic. You're like, dude you follow Yeah. It's like Brad William, Stehen A. Smith. Yeah. It's like you're like, dude, you're following everybody. Yeah. You're following everybody. Yeah. So Brad goes, do you want to go see this porn? And I was like, U Where is it? I have a Passover Seder at my aunt Siry's house at five In Vaneyes, he goes, It's in Chatsworth. I go, pretty close. Pretty close. I'll meet you there. I'll have a story for Passover. Oh, I did And I mean, just cut to the end, my auntly was like, what did you do today? Where whereere were you coming from? I was like, Well, have you ever seen two women squirt at the same time Past the Koogle. No, so we walk in and there's a guy in a like, you in a house, in an office? Great question We're talking nineteen eighty strip mall. It looks like an office building where It looks like maybe there's an editing bay and it's all like it looks like a motel almost. L just kind of a motel meet Strip mall. and there's probably an old Quiznose Marquee on one end and there's, you know, a rub and tug and a baseball card shop. It's like just all sorts of things that feel like they're facades for other shady shit going on. Maybe a psychic booth And then this little just three hundred nine or whatever it was. We knock on the door. This guy looks like Billy Bob Thornton opens the door Wered a mesh tank top and And and you know, just starter jacket and he's just scratch his balls. He's like, Brad, what's up man? Come on in, Hey, who's your friend? He, comeome on Hey, you al see some crazy stuff? And I was like, Yeah, I mean, I'd be bummed if I didn't see, you know? And we walk in after after meeting the host and he takes us back. we walk back to this room and there's two gals on like a child's floaty U and they are doing a webcamp scene. And there's I would think that maybe there's like a big crew. There's one fucking perv with a cam and then the girls with their webcam and no one else in this little room. There's no like crew, there's no boom guy. It's not it's not I was thinking big glamors boogie nights. No, dude, it's just guy shooting, girls squirting and then a fucking Jew in a midget. And we walk in And we stand there and I go, what do we do? And he goes, I don't know, just act supportive. I go. Suppive. Yeah, like what do you mean? Becauseuse he knew the girls. And so then at one point, the guy goes, he goes, you guys need anything, water snacks. I'm like fine man, just trying to figure out where I belong here. And then, dude Like without even batting and Iy, they both just like ready, ready and then they just both start squirting and like The waters just kind of cross like, do you remember when the kid in free Willie was like doing that and the whale like jumped over him? L So that's kind of what was happening and the water was like, it felt like it was going over us and I was like, whoa, like Hollywood's crazy. And this webcam guysy is doing this and Brad just starts clapping so that I start clapping because he was like, I don't know what to do. It'sither just start joking off. Yeah, you need to like show them that you that you are encouraging. And then they finish And they stand up and they both just give Brad the biggest hug or they're just like buggg naked and they come up to me and I was like Yeah And then I put my hand out of first because like we can just do this. We just met, you know, you're covered in squirt And u, and then u and then we go out to the lobby And they're, like you said, like They just looked like they've been doing it a while, man. Yeah. And like the skin was and no judgment, but like they just It just looked like And then they were complaining about the scene. and one of them was like scratching and itching and sniffing and she was like, I can't do The next scene and the guy, the host was like, Well, it's Brian. It's Brian. He flew in for this. And she was like, I just like it burns down there And he was like, you gotta fuckin And she was like, but it burns. And then he was like, fucking And then she's sitting down and checking her email. And that's what really was like threw me off because I was like, I just saw her Squirt in unison. now she's just chicken. She gets female. Yeah. They are just like us That story is brought to you by Nate Bargoti's community, the Breadwingner It's available in theaters nationwide. Oh Go see Nate and bring the family. Um, yeah, that's that's pretty And then did she do the scene? Did she do the next scene We didn't stick I had to go I had Fall. I truly bounced out. I go the guy go, you're believing. I go, I gott to pass over state. He goes Everybody's got a statater Brad stayed. Oh yeah there. W you kidding me? I got support. Yeah. he that was just like the opening act. You saw the feature in the headline. You feel like you you you could Do something with this W bnd down here at the Walmart parking lot? Yeah know for Backwards, Brenda. Yeahep. I to come here get some fishhing worms. Yeah I do a little mug bang a little sn G a little talk Today's sponsors Adam and Eve. com. Do you like to nut? Yeah. I sure hell do. And if you don't Nut Maybe it's because you don't know how H T nut. T nut. And adam and Eve d. com can help you with that. Go cheheck out their website. They got a sale going on right now. They might I think I do believe they even carry a manual that teaches you how to net. Does Adam and Eve actually just hire regular people Yeah There is a wasted opportunity if they don't grab this gal of the parking lot. They need to throw her into a van and take her right to the Adam and Eve headquarters. Freeplug. I mean, she just was like, do you not know how to nut? Do dont know how to net? Yeah. Do you want to you to? they send you a pamphlet on powder nut . It's always, dude, not all heroes wear capes Brenda Brenda also, why do the people Why do Brenda's always look like Brenda's? They absolutely always do look like And a waffle She's wearing waffle house merch. like she's just got on American flag covered seat in the car and her story was I'm in a Walmart parking lot. I paking fishing wire. I'm gonna do a mutt bang. She got a whole day plan. and then I got a nut What do you think it's seven AM two? your guest as good as. I think she starts the day early. I think she wakes up. she's like, f' f husband J like Where are you going? You're fucking f. I go down and get the fish mine I'm talking a nut in the parking. Make up a video. You're always on your goddamn TikTok You ain't got some more than but six followers. Adam and A ain't got gonna send you for free products Maybe that maybe that was the thinking. like when you hear, oh, people get sent free shit. Yeah like f. Also, I think she I think I would like to assume that she does have a non supportive husband and that's what like pushed her like this is her r Richest story. You think you're going to go on TikTok' be doing those fous streamers. You don't even look like one of those hot asss on the fans mils. You got some fucking weird asss American flag cover on your seat. You got that fucking waffle house hat that you stole from the Waffle house. They're gonna find out T take us' boat to de because I was eating with you too. And now you're out here driving to Walmart. We don't have enough money to buy anything at Walmart let alone fishing w. I don't even have fishing boat Youre can go down and fish where you gonna stand on the quk and put your pole in the water. We don't we can't I I'm allergic to fish. whereere you can bring it home and just stare at it, raise it. You going raise a fish and teach it to talk. We can't eat the motherfucker. Well, guess what? I'm going to go down there and bust the nut. You can stay here act all how you going to act, but I'm going to go teach people how to nut. You got nut in the park, you n in the park and then cut through. I mean, man, she needs to start She needs to start doing the the Kill Tony model and just posting videos. She could probably she could fucking Definitely. She got a bucket pool Oh my Godd.. Ignorance is bliss. She doesn't even know how funny she is too. She's brillant about this. She doesn't. How many Iorgeab E Mzy hepod Parersw you. I' Shake to S Nish cassadi. Lor poolonchi insensibly digers. I as v isor incapacit Tunchi. Y changes com with stress Alininka song Sony Hgar PodinZinkaR Mask contratamental eadu, epoo headedos frequency. Okay. so I know that that was not English. That was my high school yearbook quote. That is a Is a Brazilian Portuguese, she is in Um, Portugal actually. But what was crazy is that this This came up on the feed And you're like, okay, I don't speak Portuguese But she is a specific to her And the viewers took note and it's just interesting when the comments get Well we like roasts C o. Oh impressive She's fluent in both Portuguese and Buga well. Well, she has a notable The forehead is what stands out. It does Her eyes picked her to talk about headaches. That was a deliberate. She's talking about pain pain specialist. wow. So these are Portuguese haters or trolls. Yeah I think it's actually English speakers who have no idea what she's saying They just saw her and they're like, I'm a fucking shit dude And it's one thing, her dreams look like an IiMAax theater U Anyone else see Chaka from Land of the Lost? Oh my go. Oh wow. this guy so far is leading the pack. Yep. G She's got a lot on her mind. Classic. Wow, Bazzy House on. Bazzy, Bazzy coing She can remember what happened tomorrow That's pretty great. Dude, see now this is the type of stuff that is should be celebrated. Like this is where Rin and roasting is like this is what it this is what it is and you would hope that she reads that and doesn't I feel also sometimes, dude I read these comments and you're like, this is funnier than anything I've heard a professional one thousand personic say. She can remember what happened to me. That's brilliant. That's so good. is so fun And it's Puerto Rican d. Hulkmash. Yeah. I mean, so basically AI wrote that, but still, who says they can't be funny A sniper's dream. That's incredibly's so on point. Josh Childs, that's a real guy. Yeah. that's on point. That's really clever. Oh my God. That'd be like if you were on the dayest and you were doing a roast And the person had a huge head, you saying like a sniper's dream is such a clever fun. you're not saying you once And this is where I think people and it's hard to go back to it, but like then make a to a meal out of something. Yeah They're not saying You should shoot that bititch in the forehead. No, no. 'am everybody as many my people like to say a sniper's dream with a head like like, you know, Yeah if throwing it in there. And I guess it does help. Yeah, like you should Yeah fill it in with the words to really You know, hit it over Bill with the forehead of a sniper's dr. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Yeah. I they were Jeff Ross was trying to get me on this last roast as doctor Phil, which I thought would have been awesome. I would like to, I've only ever done one roast Jelly Roll had some surprise birthday roast that Tony and Bertt And Whitney and I went down and did a Nashville Zanies And that was the only one I've ever done is myself. And it was a lot of fun. I'm like, man, I'm just so comfy with other stuff on when I'm KT roasting or doing whatever to where I'm like, oh man, I would have like you could not have put a joke if I was as doror Vel, you couldn' have put a joke in front of me that I wouldn't have said. Yeah. which Well that's the thing is that it gives you a longer, right? like more comfort to go. I think it's I think it to each his own. I feel yeah, like there iss a weird Like that's why You know, I hadn't hung out with you and Bertt like that yet. So it made me if I'd gone on as myself, I definitely wouldn't have been as comfy because I would have been just more in my head. Yeah. but because and it's not like I'm hiding behind it. It's still me. Yeah It's still my like filter and whatever I'm doing, but I just did feel like I could I I don't know, just just yeah, I guess hide a little bit behind it or shoot from the hip a little bit more aggressively because I'm somebody that's known for maybe doing that. And you guys are I think expecting that more so. Whereas if I come in and it's first time hanging and I'm saying some wild shit. o Let me see here. I got some there we go. All right This is Um, horrible or hilarious? Oh, great. So we just show it to you and you tell me how you re. I get to decide. You decide. Exactly. But he better do but he better not do what they just did like he trying to get imagJ that That's why he's doing What's he doing This! Oh God Dam, dude. Yeah, I just thought he just fellt that's Jesus Yeah, that's And the booth is getting dark He just threw that there fuck man. I mean, that's obviously horrible. is it? Horrible. That was horrible. I mean, the fall is h The fall was America's Fnestome videideos esque But then you zoom in and yeah, that's a He's in real pain. That part's funny, but what we're seeing Jus And then his buddy started to help him up and he was like, Wh, Iin'tucking g. I can get up my ey. Yeah. Don't fuck pick me up. Pick me up, dude, That's horrible I mean, that's like that's the wrisist version of your your ph. Yeah, that's fucking. Oh my go. Jesus, dude I can already tell she's gonna be hilarious. This gonna be good Yeah Oh! That for sure broke his toe. He's like, Oh, fuck man. That's definitely gonna fall again. That's definitely gonna fall again. That's the whole thing Oh Oh, yes G dude. That was great. That's a classic. That's very good. Where is he just like a pet boys just waiting for his car? We essentially just watched what's it called? like the threeree stooges. A thousand more. That's it. Yeah. Hit him in the foot it back, distract him. Yeah, and then hit him again Yeah Dfinitely hilarious. Put it in the classic fold. We're never this one thing I do love about this country, we will never be too good for Nut shots, headshots foot jobs farts, farts It's just never, well, just getting so s off byft pair ofs. Yeah. The I once said like there was was I was in an elevator. somewhere in the valley and a fat kid was in there with his dad and ripped the biggest fart. And I just started crying laughing. I don't know if you've ever gone from zero to sixty with a laugh to where you're not even expecting to laugh. Yeah because it's just youre you're soere. I literally and usually it's like a slow build and a crescendo of like laaughing so hard that you cry. I started crying and then started laughing. Yeah because it was so funny. Did k laugh Oh yeah, the kid was losing his mind because he saw me laughing. and it was I wish I still kept in touch with a kid to let him know how much joy as brings me to think about this. Yeah. Beause what put it over the top is he walked in and he was already an adorable little fat kid, like his hair and are we talking nine, ten. Okay. Prime age to fart in public and have it be funny And his hair is like, you know, underneath his hat and his jacket didn't fit. He looks like Chris Farley meets Roseanne and he just like just like webled, wobbled in and his dad was just like, you know, on his phone. And u And we're just standing there and it probably couldn't have been longer than like three seconds and just And then it just dragged on for a while and I just started laughing. And then when I looked down, he was looking up me going Like with this face of like, you're welcome. Like like, wasn't that crazy? I was so funny. That's great. And I was like, dude, if I get to a point in my life where I don't find farts funny, like I just that's a rp man. can you can take me out. Yeah. Farts are always fun. T takeake the snipers that's going to work on the forehead gal and just if you can't. If you find no humor in a fart in especially a real life. It's one thing if you're like, I get it, like If you are not amused by like the entertainment fart. Yes. But if you're like in life can't find any humor in a fart, now you've dosted it,. Devil's advocate if you're on a plane, and that can be very upset. But that's just the smell hitting you. Totally, yeah. Well I think that's it' sound versus smell. That's what we're talking about. That's exactly right. It can be rude as shit someone just keeps pound and farts in the you speak up? would I have not like called out people citizens I've done the whole like Jesus Christ. Yeah that's I've done that. Yeah. Yeah. whichich also takes a lot. Yeah, because, you know that's. I know a guy just did it like as he was sitting down next to me, like a few weeks ago where like he turned and sat and then like waed and I go, o my fucking God, like that So I wanted him to know that I'm like it's not you, it's someone right here, bro. R right It's not as rude as shit Boy Foreign carnivals are all o Fuck. Did you see it? No, I look down. Oh hit God. Watch this guy holy. That guy right there that works there W Did it knock him out? I mean, pretty yeah, pretty spless. Yeahep Holy dear God, onn the side of the dome. Where is this That's Phoenix We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Dude that Yeah, you're right. Foreign Carnivals That ride doesn' It's a lane on Instagram. You start looking at foreign really bro and it's always disaster. because you're saying this is the kid that works the machine. He works out. You can tell he's like, he's like hop fifty five thousand times. Yeah, he's just like, He's working See, he's like looks like he's working there Oh If he's not working there, he was like waiting to get on, I guess. I don't know, but that was Horrendous. How about this one? That was really, really fucked up by the way guys. Oh, this gonna be bad. This is gonna be bad after you're getting thrown off So o He's not the same, ever, ever, ever.'s ever. That's a back wrap Oh He's that's forever different. Dude that reminds me John Knx almost died from getting kicked up. Do you ever see that clip? Yeah from the movie where he like that's, I mean, they've done some crazy shit, but that was when I saw that, I was like, why is anyone ever getting on a what is this Pony horse Yeah, or the bull ride. I've seen by the way, full thrashing down and they're like what? Yeah, dude. It's so on ebom's worldorld or what? No, no on Instagram Jesus. Instagram has straight up murders too, you know? What? Yeah, you didn't know that? No I'll change your algorithm. No se I know my algorithms' right now. Is it nice? Do have a nice one? Well, we're my wife, I guess I again can say us now. she's nine weeks pregnant. So Hey. Cratulations. Thank you brother. Congratulations. That's fucking awesome. If if nobody clapped. it was actually one. It was pretty. This is your sixister But first that I know of. Okay, great. ye, great. Yeah, first, u So it's all baby stuff right now It's fucking awesome Yeah I'm pumped. You don't want me to send you videos. No, 'cause right now it's like, it might be a nice balance to be like, look at this baby shit. and then you're like, this guy get fucking thrashed by a booy U dude, this says that this is interesting. It says the guy's fine because he wasn't injured because of the mud, like the soft It kind of sever the fall, huh? Yeah, becausecause if it's a hard ground south of the fall, and you have a two thousand pounds layand on you, but he just kind of went into the mud I don't know if that's true. Sometimes these guys mix sh it up So Well, thank God it's not the guy in Washington State who was doing this who died from fucking the horse. Mis.ister Hs, mister Handans. Yeahah. That was his name. Well, that's the video Yeah You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, mr. Hands. It was in Inam Claw, Washington. Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah. I can't believe I would assume you didn't know that story. So for people that don't know the famous story This guy and his circle of friends like to have like to be penetrated by horses. Sure. He had done it We all have our hobbies. Everyone has a kink. Everyone's got a kink. He had done it several times with a horse that was not there O theyually there's Kenneth Mr. Han's opinion Um The horse that he was used to doing this with. was not there Okay So there's a video that you can see it happening with. That's not the horse that killed him So this is like in Grizzly man. D ever see that documentary? Exactly. Remember he was like friends with all the bears and the bear that killed him and his girlfriend was a bear that they hadn't met yet This is exactly the same thing. So if you've seen the famous video, which is he to hear the sounds in that video. the sounds of the grizzly man. No, no, no, this. There's a video of this? Yes. Not of his death, but of him doing it with another horse. No. Yes. And the sounds he makes are I've never heard a human being make a similar sound because he's getting penetrated by the horse Exactly So you can't penetrate a horse, right? You could try, but it's a lot easier for. We'll take word for it So the video that exists by the way, to the bride and groom. This is the weirdest wedding speech ever. You can join a fuckle horse.at. By the way, congrats on on the pregnancy. Oh thank. The video is absolutely horrific, okay?. It Like I said, sounds you've never heard before. Is there any sort of pleasure being derived or is it sound like all like this guy's getting off on the paine? You can't tell, I don't think you can tell that he's enjoying this. It sounds like someone' being tortured. Oh God, But he loved it. So he goes back and he wants to do this again. this is what he's into. The horse that he is accustomed to doing this with is not there. There's racing. I don't know where he's at. I'll Met someone else onn a date or something. There's another horse in the stable that he's not familiar with, but he's got a fix he needs. And the horse's nickname is bigig Dick No, no joke. stop. I swear to you. pull it up on Wikipedia. I'm sure you could see it or Google it That bigig dick wasn't there their H human killer was right next to. Han killer was right next to him That horse penetrates him, perforates his colon. and he dies shortly thereafter. ye Yeah Um Great guy. Kenneth was a great guy. You know that was by the way, like U This was not beastity wasn't I was just talking about this with a buddy, theastiality in Seattle. Yeah cllassy. ye. then it was after Washington state made beastiality a classy felony punishable by up to five years behind bars A And since was amendments of the amendment was the skin of socialist. Washington state made it a classy felmy because of this Wh whichich means prior to this it was legal Hey man, I know. do you do you. I means there was a group of guys at a bar shortly after that they were just like You hear about fucking tinion? I Ruin the fun for us. Now what we was supposed to do on Tuesdays? I used to do a joke about this that u that because like They made it illegal because of this that I would no longer tour in Washington until it came like you have to stand up for something. you know my God. like They just did why doing him, you know? And it's like, what about the rest of us that aren't fucking crossing the line? Yeah dying He' having our fun. He's like the kid that got the cops called on the party and ruined the fun for everybody. For everyone else. And it's like, o none of us can fuck it We can't just because he Got fucked a little too hard. little hard S pick the wrong guy He yeah, he really big dick. This is like a it's crazy joke story. I know. It's really, really crazy. And think about like having to tell 'causeuse he had a family, right I don't remember if he had a family. I know he had a wife. Did he? I'm almost positive. I thought his mother was still alive So somebody though had to like Authorities came to some family member's house and were like Are you Kenneth opinions Sificant other mother? Yes. happen? What's going on I've seen an accident? I'm just timeed to get some fishing where I have a nut. What's going on with Kenneth Well, you're going need to sit down, Brenda because Um, something' happened to them. It involved one of the horses. Oh my God, did he lose a race Not exactly. He hasn't been racing horses. Well get thrown from a horse? kindind of Ever heard of the word Perforated Uhh. Well His colon now looks like a snickers bar Oh my God here Be previously married a woman and had children with her, which means there are young pinions out there living with this cloud. What happened to your dad? Yeah.'s the's how Oh, you're shifting I don't know what you're saying happen in your dad it's not the story. Yeah, you don't tell the story. And do you change your name? because are you the Yeah, for sure. Or do or Or my family changed the laws in this state. Totally. And do all your friends call you big dick? and like kind of like You know, poke fun, take a little le. And then like a woman se this she goes Why do they call you big dick? You have like a total normal dick? Oh. You're like, well, it's about my dad. Wait, your dad had a big dick? Not Exactly. Can I just finish, please? Yeah. Let me get it one God. God, you are so You like horses? Yeah No. Yeah, that's an uncomfortable conversation. Oak Harbor too. Yeahah, there's it's always in Gig Harbor. I was in a free throw competition in the fifth grade in Gig Harbor. Oh look you and Kenneth may have crossed pasted us. Oh we probably did. Holy. Oh God U wait one small world. All right, please one Look at this guy, just taking sparks to the face bro. What the fuck? You know how you thought you were a man when you walked in here today? Yeah. You're not. I know. Dude. Nobody here is. What do you have to do prior to this to be able to just withstand Like they always got a shield. Yeah, No not this guy He's like, those are fucking gay. Don'told door open for me. I don't care if sparks taking my face. Did you think somebody dared him You know wear your fucking' shield again today, Mat No. the sparks just Take charge. Take out my fucking face Jesus. Maybe you just do this job so much that I mean, I don't know, he obviously hasn't even flinched or looked up. so maybe he's just like waiting for those things just to like slowly melt his existence. Dude, I wanted to ask you, like this to me, what you describe as your new show coming out. Yeah is such a no brainer. Oh, thanks. I mean, it's like you've been killing it with these with these characters U for how long has this been now? Like a it feels like it's well I've been doing standup almost twenty but seven like twenty years, but then character stuff I'd say shit man, I don't know probably I mean, even in college, I was like You know, I mean I went on the show bllind Date twice. U with wigs really? There might be a clip of one of them on YouTube, I think. But I went on me and my Stoner acting school roommates were sitting around and we were watching it and they were like, M should try to get on this? So I went to this wig shop I applied and got on and I went to oh shit yeah That's a fucin Yeah, this ye. and so they the oh my God, blind date disaster. Jesus Christ, they put me in the disasters. So that's so that's a I bought that at Cititywalk when I was working at Universal. It's like one of those bucket hats with the hair. And this girl from Chico State and she she got so I was like this stonery guy and she the producers gave her scissors and she tried to cut my hair and she wanted to They had us drink Manishhevit's wine and had me give her a Hebrew lesson in the park Just really leaning into Did you go to like did you right? I was like, all right, Did you go to Slash the relaxation spa That sounds familiar. Like that with hot tubs? We might have, yeah Yeah, Iither. Wait, we did it at the very end, I think. I worked there for a week when I first got to L a place where we went to it was a fuckub. It was a fuck tub. Yeah. And I got to LA And I was like, I need I need to get some m money And I saw spa. So I was like, o I work at a spa. you know, you thinkinking like a nice sure. And I go there. and the guy is Tall guy older white hair ownwner of funk tubs. Yeah, he's but he's he's like a You would never suspect like a white beard, white horseshoe, you know, like older gentleman So he makes popcorn Looks like he makes popcorn He hangs out he mentioned he'd gone to the Playboy manion a bunch. and I was like, cool. and He takes us through tra. It a great opening. Me and my friend go there together. Uh Chuck and I go there and we're like we're putting it together. as this is I do this training.'s like you come in here. tellells us like you put these things in the hot tub. All right? this first then this, How can this look like we'reids Clean up, You clean up the fucking comp. It's a well oiled machine. You're like Yeah And they're like what? It's like Ps off the plugs. Oh, the big thing was You never take a party to their room unless both parties are prep. so people will come and be like, I want to go in that room. and like, is the other person here? No, you have to wait here in the lobby It a restaurant becausecause then it's about the Booking of the time So like if they go in there and the other person's not there yet, they might be like, yeah, but he wasn't here yet or she wasn't here yet. Oh So he like makes sure that everybody is rules it fuck tub. L of Slash it was called. Slash the relaxation spot. I love that There it is. Is it' still a red. Oh, it's almost like it closed. Okay I know it didn't That place was around for you and they filmed Bind date there. It looks Yeah it looks like the mansion grotto, right that they used to have. Yeah. And it was like the Barcelona room. Yes, it's very familiar. So we actually went to So it's like a motel six hot tub And we were My whole thing was I wanted we didn't make it there. She got too fucked up and they had to take her home. Wow because they would shove booze in you guys, right? We drank so much, we did triple shots at teequila. and then we actually I was featured on E's one hundred and one bad dating moments because at one point we went to a bar and she just like herer feet Goofied out from under her and she fucking' Looney tunes spilled and hit the deck. Sord. Like that guy with the bl. and I just stood there and went, Wha, who. And like I got blown up in the comments, dude being like, this piece of shit 'causeuse I just go, o, that look bad. And you might have brain And then we get to the end and My whole thing was just to have a goof on this. b I brought like a Batman suit because in my head I was like, we're gonna to get to the hot tub And I'm like we'll be sitting in a hot tub and it'll be a wide shot of her and me in a batman Batman suit sitting in the hot tub And then and then they'll cut to a close up and I'll be sitting there with my drink and I'll go They said bring a bathing suit. I heard Batman's suit Yeah, this was I mean, I was very funny. It was two thousand four. and And so she was too fucked up to get there and they kicked her out. So I went back and I went to his wig shop on La Sienga and I had this long like Antonio Bandera's wig in a ponytail and and a little bit more scruff and they had a limo pick you up. Yeah, Right. I mean, it was blind date. was like, you know, this is Roger Lodge.. I mean this is a hot show. hot show. Yeah. the thought bubles people were retty much fucking on the show. Yeah. And I mean they were going to fuck tubs and they were they sure were. They were everything was on the table. And this guy picks me up and I'm like in this is again, I think junior or college because at one point one of my roommates was like, dude, you should just go in character on every dating show. That's such a good idea. And I was like kind of into it at a point. And again All of this stems from trying to make my friends laugh. Yeah. And that's like I and that's been the driving force for anything I'm trying to do And so so I get in the limo and the guy goes, How you doing, man? I go, Oh, you know,m just trying to meet the love of my life, you know, And I'm just immediately looks in the rear for mirror like, who did I just pick up? And I got these sunglasses on this and this wig and And I goes tough out there, man. It's tough man. You got all sorts of women. you got fat women, you know, but big black women. I go, but I just I like the fat fucking ass, man And he goes, Yeahah, yeah, well, there's some out there for everybody, you know? And then they dropped me off and the producer was the same producer that did this episode. And I walk out in full again, gone to a wig shop at eight thirty in the morning because they pick you up at like ten to have it like fitted. I paid an extra one hundred bucks for them to like put on the wig cap and everything so I could like really, you know pull this off and I walk up and the guy's on the phone and he just looks over and goes, Oh Jesus. Yeah. No, it's Adam, the wig guy. Yeah, I know he's doing it again. He's doing it again. So they're already like there no. And I walk up and he goes P ph he goes, What are you doing man? I go I go what? He goes, What what the fuck? What is this? I go He goes you're not trying to find love? I go, dude, I'm trying to I'm trying to meet somebody. lookook, if they like me for this guy, then they're going I know they're going to like me for who's underneath. He goes What the fuck are you talking about? Nonsense. And he goes he goes, takeake it off. You're not doing this. and I go is have a goof He,ude're not doing a goof. We're try to make show here. He goes, you got to take shit. I'm sorry either you'reaking off or we're not shooting today. And I was like, I still can be funny. And then I go, all right, I go, fuck. all right. And then I take it off and I go, well I can I drink? And there's like ten AM and he goes, Yeahah, I go He goes, The the other girls doesn't drink though. I go, perfect. I'm getting hammered. So I just got hammered and she was a total prude and like it just became a thing of like You know, we were in the car on the drive out and she like at one point was like, that had to be a disaster date, right? It was awful. She called me out for at one point, I was just fucking with her. She was like, what do you wantan to do? I go, I want to open like a C chef Boyardie like twenty four hour like restaurant. And she was like, what? I go, You've never had Beferoni? She goes, No, I go missing out I mean, I was just and then, you know, it was it was bad, but But yeah, so I mean, the character stuff has been since then and the last couple of years, I guess it's been a nice Oh my God, bump. But also it's You know, and it's but as you're I'm saying as somebody like watching you ascend and do all these these characters and people, you kind of go like, yeah, these are There's another thing here Yeah. And you think of like the natural thing is to think of like shows and things like that. Do we have a sizzle? Yeah Yeahah Yeah up I sent you a little the Adam Ray show. So this is one of the characters. So, it's me it's me or the characters interviewing All sorts of people. let decisions exciting I don't like my nick But also I'd start if I had, would you say I don't like my dick? My neick. Oh my neick.. Oh my neck. But I'm also not a fan of my dick. I'm a fan of my dick. but I thought your dick's fine. I'm talking to you, S. This whole I'm interviewing you, but we're talking about my penis right. Dick. would I was surprised. I said my dick. It's not perfect And it's not even because it goes, it's kind of like a are you talking about your penis or your neck now? I'm talking about my penis. Okay, whyy are we shouting? Oh. a fipp it? I have aura. Yeah aura That's for women to get pregnant. What do you know? Stepite. Emily, do you know Hitler's last name? Let's do this What is it Okay, that. All right. What is this first? Tix more weeks of work Great. Let's take a stab Hitler It's great if the Pope is like my favoriteong. But again, I don't do voices, but if the Pope is like my favorite song is everyvery Morning by Sugar Ray I think it tal every morning there's a halo hanging around the corner of my girlfriend's proones bed. Hello this have aid of bonus I is't ain if I can do it for a weekend or a one night s Cn't understand G it'll lets slide on the ghost thing. their periods are attached to the moon. The crystals don't help. Crystals, yes. There was Verteries in retro Gatorade, I don't know. Song that you like to bangerang to. Sure. I'll go first.. Hanson Zoombob, Beyonce' single ladies, Creed's onene last breath. Nice. How about Wandering stars by Portisad? That's a nice look. Yeah. She'll appreciate it. She still will Wallace do. They all run for. They do. You know that when you go to Australia. not at all this happen, I get it. I hear you. Yeah, but I don't Yeah, ' I guess you can't transfer the other way. That's the room though. That is the room they did. We are the world. The Cillship was really fun. They were all I thought I thought I'd beay around longer. Well, notothing lasts forever What a transition. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Id love the NBN NBC theme song. So Anyway, What? You know what I was saying? Yeah No. Oh, your debut. Oh yeah. Yeah you didn't remember. I thought you were setting up a bit I thought you were. See, that's what a geriatric experience is. Oh yeah Bro. Yeah, we be silly. Congratulations. Thanks, Broother. Yeah. that is. I mean, this is one of many things I want to be doing, but it's a fun. justust getting to be on the platform in a way that'sm getting to, you know control what I want to do is cool. And it's out june nineteenth, june nineteenth. Well, the episodes all drop at once. I'm but think drop a few at the beginning and then it'll be weekly That's so much because I think I'm trying to dropping a few out of the gate feels like the move just to show the diversity of it all and so and also there's just so much shit. So it's like there's to just drop one thing and have and since the show is more it's not just I want to show right out of the gate that there's like variety so that people maybe have a reason to come back and not just see one. Like if you just posted one of those, you would have no idea that there's other stuff That's true When you I want to ask you this, when you do, because obviously like everyone knew Phil and the referennce. And then you started to break into like other characters Yeah When you debut a new one, do you when you're starting one, is there tremendous anxiety? Oh yeah. I'm here right now because I'm doing I did one bucket poll of this guy Randolph Davies. I don't know if you've seen this You can find it on somewhere on Instagram, but on my EE maybe or YouTube. but If you type in Rayenolph Davave's like sex stories maybe, like wait, let me right wait do one of the shorts. So I did this Tony, they were doing two They were doing two kill Tonys in a night, and Tony was like, Do you want to come back and do another character? And I was like, yeah, but I didn't have a lot on me. And My makeup gout didn't bring other prosthetics. She's like, I could do a goate te. So I went to the store and got this cowboy hat, She got the wig. And I late night at the comedy store, when Jeff Scott was there, RIP and would you know play us up and down I If I was up at like twelve forty five or one AM, I was like, I can't do more jokes at this point. The people that are there have seen everything and there's usually only eight people there. Yeah. So I had this long haaired wig and the shitty goat te and this cowboy hat. So I was like, I'll go there with Jeff and pretend be this guy from the road And we'll just fuck around do some songs. He would kind of just accompany me. I'd tell stories from the road And it was just a fun way to like use the stage for something creative and also You know, I would sometimes work out jokes from me through the guy just to kind of like fuck around. So I was like, all right, I have a version of a guy could do. And Tony's like, arere you going to come over? W, We got to start this show And I was like, all right, I think I'm going to come over. this lookskay. And he's like, what's the guy' name if you do come? becausecause I wasn't Ty yet and I go, his name' is Randolph Davies. So Tony didn't even know what I was going to do. Darno Darno Rowllings. And he'll just introdce you as Randol. So he gets the call that he's that I'm coming over and then he pulls me out of the bucket. Dono Raollinings didn't know this was me until after the show And a lot of people have this. So then so in my head I was like, all right, I'll do this old school weather guy. All I know is his name. He's fifty five. He was a roadie for the countounting crows for thirty years. and then I'll just kind of shoot from the hip And this character people loved it so much that I was like, oh, I should do a full like DH one storytellers concert with this guy. So I put two shows on sale at the Mothership that are this Thursday. Sold out about two days. and then I got with the Kill Tony Band. I wrote about ten songs and I came here early to like rehearse. so we're doing First time, just going to do it twice where I'm going to do like You know, I mean, the whole show is deal, there's stories and there's songs and there's fake sponsors and there's You know, it's creating the show from the ground U, which is fun, but yeah, dude, full of anxiy. I'm amazing. We went to late night, We went to this bar called, I think, Seaboys or something. And the band was playing a gig and Carlos and John Deez just were like, J come, let's work out some of the songs. So I went and we worked out like four of the songs just to kind of do it in front of a crowd so that we're not doing it. The whole show will be like any fil show. You prep, you get it set and it takes a. And then you just do it live once and you go, let's just let it rip. And I kind of like that. Let's see this Yeah Go's have foot. She had cervical cancer for about a month. What was that like? Can you describe that to? The sex was unbelievable. Yeah. Because she thought, you know, she thought this was a repp, you know? So we got to do everything, you know. She beat it Dat it Shout out to Jill Now. Absolutely incredible. And the pregnant women, you said women, plural Randolph Davies. I did, didn't I? Yeah, you did What's that like? I've never been with a pregnant woman. Is there something that you've noticed that's different than a pregnant woman than a woman that isn't pregnant? I mean, look, that's, you know That's like asking someone to explain the plot of Indiana Jones in the last Crusade You know what I'm saying? You wna know, but you don't have time Thats fucking fence hasast to be. So I did a whole like I mean whole set some stories whereorever and people so then I was just like, I don't know. Again, it's how the filing started. It was just like, you know, I wanted to do a live character show. and this reminds me of what was her name on HBO Oh, Tracy Elman. M. Yeah. she was fucking amazing. Unreal. Unreal. That's so great. It's just a little, I mean, and you know, I'm There's nothing better than also showing something like tricking someone who knows you? Oh totally. I showed my sister before it came out before Bad Thoughts, seeason two came out I was over and I was like, oh, watch this one And she's watching and I'm a woman with corn rose, like Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like washing it for like To u two minutes like I it. Patricia, I on a real Patricia, the TSA agent And she just goes Wait, is that you? And I go, yeah, she wass like, Jesus I'm like, she's watching me for like a few minutes. Wow. It's my sibling. Yeah,'s that one. That But that's so fun to like you be like, oh I really trick this. Yeah, it's the coolest. and it' it's just another little like I don't know, I mean, I'm always, you know, obviously there's plenty of of challenges in stand upp and which I'm still, you know It's funny when people are like, oh, so do you just do the characters stuff and And I was like, No, I'm doing standup all the time all the time. I'm on the it's my first theater tour started this year and amazing. All on sale Aamaycomy d. com goingo to Australia for the first time to do twelve sold out shows. We're going to do three fills down there because we're down there and they love American comedy and I have to. then my theater tours all the way through fall and then I'll shoot special in October and Uh so yeah, but this the character stuff is just like, I don't know. I've never been able, it's probably ADHD or HPB, but I'm always like, I just can't do like one thing Yeah. And I mean, look, we're all like Jewe, you're about to do fucking nineteen things with Fx. It's like, Doing a bunch of things is not required in our business, but like againgain, for me personally the excitement and like I'm like, what am I what box is I checking? Like the fun factor, like am I challenging myself? L The nerves that I have felt going into this and putting it together. like even talking to my wife last night, I was just like, it's just fucking ambitious. Like I'm not You know, yeah, I can sing well enough, but like to do a fucking show and we're trying to make the songs I mean, the Kill Tony Band, they are fucking at the top of their game. They're amazing. So some of these songs are fucking wild. And I sang about ten into my phone and with these melodies and then they've make made them even better And like they're all into it because it's something cool and different for them and they're like for like dude. And Colos was like dude, I talked to Zachack Brown and I was like, I was telling Jelly that we're going to open for him next year And so getting it Just the idea of like having it be fun and trying something that could You know, you know at a certain point too, like I know it's not going to bomb like because I just know I have enough confidence to be able to and I'm setting up enough bits throughout the show to to have it be fun, but like Yeah, like what a cool thing if it does become cool and then we run it back and then we like make the songs even better. and then like fucking Joelly Rs like, Yeahah, come do some fucking stadium dates. like What a funny like that's just like I don't know. Well, look, dude, well deserved All your success. Cgratulations on it. Seriously, I just love seeing someone just work hard and get good things. It's awesome the man. Oh check out the Jackass movie, june twenty sixth. I'm about four bits in that. Nothing went up my ass, but I was around a lot of stuff for people that did. We're all gonna check that out. and check out Adam Rayoow, june nineteenth on Netflix. Thanks, baby. Thanks again for coming in. love you. We'll see you guys love you too. guys next wee. Bye For a man to be okay with his female l his asss doinguring sex see can And you got to be honest D hell your ass leep up what you cury