Family Dynamics and Viral Clips

Well, welcome . Welcome to your mom's house . Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House . Christine's on the road this week. She's doing shows , stand up comedy shows. And so she's not here today, but sitting in, we're very excited to have for the first time here. You can see tickets. You can get tickets. You can see them onto her right now on the on the loose tour. Ricky's on the loose. Ricky's on the loose at Rick Glasman dot com slash tour. It's Rick Glaspin everybody . Look at that. Yeah, it is a hot room. It's a hot room, dude. We're getting some laughs beforehand. Yeah, man. They know the fucking deal. Wow. Is that a thing? Is that a thing that you have? We have presh meetings. I'm like, You don't fucking laugh, you don't fucking work here. Yeah . See , he knows. Are they miced up? They're I mean, they can get they can put the mic's on. They put the mics on. Yeah, it's going on, brother. You're killing. They know, they know. I've never met her and I was sad that she wasn't going to be here today. Yeah , she left this morning for Dallas. Do gigs there. She's at yeah, bring it home dude. I'm off. Oh, I was that was the picturing her standing up and leaning over to me. And you're just going to cover her nipples. Yeah. Yeah. Pinching her nipples. That's good. She liked that a lot. Yeah. Big nipple fan. Yeah. Are you a nipple guy? I'm a guy. I don't I'm not saying like, hey, you want to go on a date, let me see your nipples. Yeah, but how about your nipp les? How about them? Do you like them touched, played with? Yeah, caressed, sucked, all that stuff. It's not something that I say like suck my nipples , but like if they're kissing me and they suck my nipples and by the you know who I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. Then I'm like, oh, this is nice. Nice. Yeah, but it's not necessary. And I don't whatever, we get a little sexual on here. Sure. I feel very similar about my balls. It's nice but I',m not I don't need that. You don't demand it. No, no. Do you have any demands? Yeah, they don't put their phone on my bed. Yeah , right . And are you like, are you, you know, tie people up or you something like this? Are you into that? Most people that don't want a woman to put their phone on their bed aren't also the same people that tie people up. I don't know. I don't know that there's an actual Venn diagram for that. I think so. You think so? I think no phone on the bed. Why's no phone? 'Cause you don't want the distraction. Unless they're family. That's true. Does that make sense? That does make sense. Because of Vendiesel. Yep . Yeah . Because of Vendiesel I know What's the phone reason? Phones are dirty as shit. They're just filled Oh clean. I'm one of those people that has bed clothes ind,oor clor clothothes, outdoes. So you don't like her after the shower. I mean, after the gym, right? You take a shower. No, that's not necessarily the case. No. I actually think that's hot. I'm not like now we're getting somewhere. That's human dirty . That's sweating. That's that's that's your body. Fair bones. Yeah, phones are how often do you clean your phone? I and free plug, by the way, shout out to phone soap . Do you know phone soap? I don't know if it's on the shark tank. It's a thing that you could put your phone, your keys or whatever in. You close it for ten minutes, it's ultraviolet light. And you got one? Oh, I've had one for years. And it really you do it daily? Whenever I go home, I put my phone in there and another , that's a that's a good this is a good point to make. It also I lock it's locking your phone up. So I put my phone put in there and it's ten minutes when you have ten minutes away from it. I don't need it until I need it. And this is why everyone needs Asian friends too, because you go in and saying this for Asian people's homes and they're like, take your fucking shoes off, you white ghost and you do and you realize it really is so sanitary. You don't want to bring the filth of the world into your home and so many crackers just walk through their homes with their shoes on after they're out in society and you're like, you white fucking pig. Do you realize what your floors are like now? Why is it always like white? There's a lot of non Asian other colors . What do you mean? It's not it's not just Asians and whites. But I'm talking to the most important groups, Asians and whites. And the whites are usually I think whites are usually the dirtiest. Do you did my podcast once it was a while ago? It was so fun. Do you remember the name of my podcast? Something take your shoes off . White guy ? TYSOWG ? Dude , what a moment . I mean, this is the clip . You think so? I don't know. It feels something. It feels like something. That sounds like have you been lifelong take your shoes off Yeah, but my family isn't. I'll tell you another thing that I have I'm annoyed by when somebody comes into your home, right? I just had this. Someone comes into the house and they go, do I have to take my shoes off? Like the they question it like weighted. They're like, do I? And I'm like, well, I just did. Yeah, but then I go yeah, and you can tell they're kind of like all right, like they're bothered by it. It's like, dude, you saw me do it and you just asked as long as I'm not if I see that you're bothered by wanting to adopt one of my rules, I'll let you deal with your bother. Really? I'm fine. I'm very good at not taking other people's feelings as my responsibility. Well, that's very evolved of you. Thank you. Very evolved. Thank you because I know what makes me safe. Take your shoes off. I have friends that are boots guys. Maybe that's a common thing around here. It's boots, it's like the roller blades. I don't know how tough it is to take off a bo ot usually, let's be honest , white . Yeah . Yeah . Yeah . There is something about a white comedian in his boots and his boots. I think boots are kind of they're being phased out. A guy in his twenties. No . It's a new leather jacket. It's a guy. It's a guy. Yeah, no, it's a guy like they found, oh, this makes me hot. Yeah. Boots make me hot. Maybe they make me a little taller. They give the lift for sure. Yeah, if you're five, seven and you find boots. Five seven. No, no, you're five nine when you have boots. That's what I'm saying. They're like, Hey, I'm no longer. Yeah, you fucking white piece of shit fucking cuck. Yeah , yeah. Yeah. You white fucking asshole . Yeah, yeah. You miserable white fucking bitch crap. Why can't you be Chinese? Fuckin' honky. Yeah . Say something you fucking white with your fake height., fuck you Yeah. six three . Damn . You should get some boots, dude You imagine? I'm not into boots. You've tried them? I've tried them. I've done stuff where like I got styled for press stuff. You got like sneakers, just like regular kicks. Yeah. Oh, those are vans. Yeah, vans or chucks. Anything, when I travel, I only bring one pair of show shoes . Right. And I like fold. You know what I'm saying? Give me something that's like those collapsible cups that look like are they just for the stage ? Yes, just by intentionally, but like, oh, I just keep these in my suitcase. To pairs. I have my walk around and then you're shooting my stage. I respect that. Do you not travel shoes? Yeah. You do travel shoes. For sure. Yeah. Multiples. Do you check a bag even if you're gone for a couple of days No . I check a bag. You check a bag. Check a bag. I'm only thinking about this because my friend brought up to me today. On the road? I have my pillow, I have my shoes. Bathroom stuff. Bring a pillow. Okay. Yeah. All right. I'm a white piece of shit liberal c fuckucking, j ew bitch, clip it. Yeah, dude. Who doesn't need his ball suck, but he likes it. Yeah. Oh, Danny wants his nipples played with. Maybe it's your fucking choice. Well, let's talk about your balls for a second. Dude, which one? Do you want gentle or aggressive ball sucking? All right, you know what? I think my magic mind just kicked in. Yeah. Let's talk about it. Okay . I have a little bit of an insecurity . I used to have an insecurity now I have, maybe a little one. Yeah. Do you know what a varicose seal is? A varicose seal? I don't even know if I'm saying it right. Varicose? I don't think so. Like varicose veins. You have a lot of times a man traditionally on his left side, a lot of people have varicose, is it on your left? Comment , it's extra veins around your testicle . I had that pre puberty. It does two things. One, there's more veins, so like it didn't give as much room for my testicle to grow . And it also could cause fertility issues because there's more blood, it's warmer down there. Okay . I got it removed in eleventh grade. It came back . But my left ball is significantly smaller than my right. I don't think there's a lot of women who are like who want to hook up with me and like, I can't wait to fucking suck his awesome perfect balls . And then they see one smaller and they go, uh , but in my head that's what they're doing. Sure. So when they go down there and if they start with my right, I get hot like don't go to my left, don't go to my left. And if they start with my left, I'm like, the right one's bigger. And then they never cared. So now I'm like, I get it. And when I'm in a relationship or I've been with somebody, it's fine. But there is a first time thing where I want to say to somebody, if you stuck my balls and you don't have to, it's one let me know that my left one's small er It's a real thing. I'm trying to find a way to but yeah, okay. So pressure wise though , pressure wise the real pressure is do they think my ball's too small? Other than that is I just go whatever and then if it's too much it'd be like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't want it. I'm not looking for them to that thing. Do people like a lot of pressure? I think that that's probably a thing because everything's a thing. Do you know what I mean? Everything that you can imagine is a thing. But traditionally , people probably don't want their balls ripped on. I don't know. I think some people probably do, actually. You? No, definitely not. But I'm saying no, that's a sensitive area. I prefer it cut to a clip. Gentle . But I think, you know, I'm thinking I'm just saying, I think there's people out there that are always like this and it's an extreme or something. Yeah, there are people that like clamps on their balls. Exactly. That's my point. I used to know what kind of guy you were. So I was asking. Yeah. Well, thanks for checking in. Yeah, man. Raise on the loose. Oh, go ahead, are we doing more? Let's play the opening clip. We haven't played the opening clip yet. Let's go. Hello . Hello there. We're Jehovah's Witnesses, just sharing a thought from the Bible, if you have a moment? Yeah, give me two minutes. I'm just having a wink . Okay Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother to this. No mom and a fuck is there? Well, welcome . Welcome to your mom's house . With Tom Sugura, Tomas It's like you've changed your name out so many times. It's always someone else We could have both got her ball sucked during that. That's every time too. Why so long? fifteen years, sixteen years. And that's how long the song is. For sixteen years. Oh, I thought you were saying the song is approximately sixteen years. There's a version that is , but Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's always that long For thousands of episodes . Here you go, I'm giving it to you, but I am Ari Shapir. . It's a fucking crazy night we're gonna have here. Shit's about to go down . Look, and we're here to talk Paul. This is a love story. Media, herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS. Time Decor. I'll stab you in the morning of the mess. It's one of the worst things that could happen . What's your favorite Bible version? I don't know any of Catholic. Did you just see your parents? It's not my shit. If you're out there, lady, don't call me. Hump the bad guy in the story. I know that. I'll be a better person tomorrow. At least he's consistent. Finally, something we can agree on. Discuss it in hard. It's not the evening I plan, but I'm having a blast. Now if you'll excuse me. Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, Malcolm X , and now Dog Piss has the stage. All hell dog piss . Guess what? Violent is to show where I do, I guess what I do best , which is complaining way too much about shit that's not that important. I think all YouTubers should be jailed. An army of drunken screaming Santa Clauses. The devil stick guy was the doctor.. Just the food Come along for this beautiful, disgusting, vile and horrendous journey. My new YMH show, subscribe , smash that like button. We're gonna be doing this every other week. This is vile and horrendous . Hear me out. Have you ever had a thought that's so out of left feel? And then no matter what you do to distract or logic your way out of it, it just keeps coming back. Here's the thing a lot of people don't know that thought loop may actually be OCD . Not the I like things to be clean kind. Real OCD involves intrusive, unwanted thoughts that cause genuine distress , along with mental or physical behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief . And it can attach itself to anything, your relationships, your identity, your deepest fears about who you are, but it doesn't have to be that way because OCD highly treatable with the right kind of specialized therapy. OCD needs ERP or exposure and response prevention . And that's where no CD comes in. No CD is the world's largest provider of OCD treatment and is covered by insurance for over one hundred thirty eight million Americans. All their licensed therapists specialize in ERP and will help you learn to take the power away from intrusive thoughts through virtual sessions. If any of this sounds familiar, visit nocdot com to book a free fifteen minute call that's n o cd ot com and the best part is when someone is like you and they're like, fuck's going on here. Well, it's just, you know, it's just it's it's long. It's long. It is long. Yeah. Do you ever look at the analytics and see during those moments there's some drop off? You know, I've never looked and I'm not going to. I 've I've heard people say it's so fucking long and then we made a ten times longer version once. Well, that's fun. Yeah, that's fun. And then there's somebody who did the well, Josh Potter did the Acapella version. So he like he did the whole like who is ? Does he do good sound effects and stuff? He did radio for a long time. Yeah. Santino's good at those things. Santino is also great at accents, noises, and yeah, yeah, yeah. He's he really has that skill set. You know, is good at noises and I don't think he gets his noise credit, Eric Griffin. Does he do a lot of noises? Yeah, just I don't know if like yeah they would be like radio noises but yeah the Michael Winslow of all like that guy is he alive is Michael Winslow alive There was a time I don't know, how old are you? twenty nine. He is, he is. Nice. There was a time when this guy, I actually thought this was the coolest guy in the world for a couple years. As a kid, do you remember ? you D watchid the police academies? Yes, but and I know him in those, but my introduction to him was spaceballs. Because he's in spaceballs too. The creeps and the psychan, the fucking sounds this guy would make. You're like, that's got to be a modified, you know what I mean? Like in post thing and you're like, No, it's just that he can just do those things. You was a kid in the seventies? This would have been in the eighties, yeah. You was a kid in the eighties where like , he's probably doing that in post. Yeah Awkorns. That's a post move. You're just so hip. It didn't sound though like you were like, how could this actually be coming out of this guy? Wasn't he on America's got talent a few years ago doing it . I think he had a little bit of resurgence. Yeah. Yeah, there he is . That's crazy man. I love sounds. I love people. People who could sing and people who could do accents. It's like a magic trick to me. Like it is and if you could be entertaining with it, it's even better . But like even if you could just like do the thing and you don't have a bit with it. I'm just like, I want to watch this. Yeah, someone who could do dead on impressions too. I mean, like the caliendo of it all where they just totally more because the thing about the accent, you realize the impression, it's one thing to be able to get the voice down, but then if they are speaking as the person like the thoughts and the way that person would speak, the things they would say. Take it on a character. Yeah, it takes it to another level. Do you know Amir Kay? I know comedian. I know that name. He's another one of those people that just like, yeah. He does that stuff. His voices and not just that's what we're talking characters are so good. Like he could go on stage as a character and it's not like, oh, that's a character. It's so authentic and it's so real and it's just like, dude, amazing. Lot of skin dollars. He had a hair too. It's inasus. He has he used to do a joke, and I'm confident he doesn't do it anymore so I could say it, but like you would always go my hair out for a movie. And then it's like, oh, what are you doing? He goes, I'm watching Godfather That's very funny. Very funny. Yeah, that's the voice. I love the voice thing. I love it. Could you do anything? Could I? Yeah. I mean, I never was like, I'm gonna do the most horrifying like, you know, how you have auditions where you're like, that was terrible . I was doing, you've never had that. I was doing an audition for Mad TV and they told me to prepare like a monolog ue and a character and I did them and they were like great. And then they're like, what about impressions? And I was like, yeah, that wasn't part of the ye, they're like, Are you in there for it? While you're in there, they say do an impression. Yeah. So I did a character, I did a monologue. I did like what they had told me to do. And the lady's like, can you do , you know, like an impression of someone? And I was like, oh no, like that's not what I'm bringing to this. And she was like, just do one. And I was like, what? She was like, can you do, you know, do like somebody ? And I was like, she's like, do like Jack Black. Like she she p pickickeded. Yeah, and I was like, Jack Black She was like, Yeah, just do like a Jack Black impression and I was like, oh, and I was like , you could see me going like and I could see her being like fuck is happening right now. I'm like, well yeah, you just threw this at me and I don't have this in my arsenal . And then I just stammered through probably the worst jack flack impression ever. And I was like done. And she was like, okay, like, we'll let you know. I was like, oh man, it was humiliating. That's funny. It would be great to have that tape. Oh, fuck, man. It's out there somewhere. Why exists? For sure . All of them do. That's the thing . They all exist, man. Every fucking shit you've already gotten to the level to where if it was going to get leaked, they would have done it around. I mean, at this point also I would be like, just fucking, who cares, right? Like leak it. I don't care. When I first moved to LA, I was asked to do an SNL reel because that's that's the thing that everybody does. And like that',s not, I don't do same. I don't do impress , I'll do original characters. I can't do impressions or anything. And then she said, just put a manager at the time, just put a reel together. And I remember put a real together. I still have it. I've cut it in my podcast before I have it somewhere but I, literally did Will Smith Smith. Jada Pinkinsmith . I did Edward Norton . Okay, you know, just things that like so random. Yeah, and I thought maybe like the joke would just be but even then I was still trying to do and I don't know what do you know I don't know. Well, that's the thing about when I've talked to people who do like a lot of impressions and they usually say you know like immediately when you have one. Like if you know what I mean if you go like do alpacino, if they if you can do it, you just everyone would do a little alpacino. Everyone do I hear your alpacino. She's got a great answer. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, that'll yeah. It just doesn't matter. You wouldn't have bad TV today. I've been like, yeah, I got pacino down. But everyone, they say that like you just have them in your like you can just do them or you can't. They say a lot of I don't want to speak for the entire homosexual community , but I do know most of them they know at a certain point, usually around when you could like if you're going to bottom around no just if you're homosexual. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So similar to like you'll know by making this number up at let's say fourteen if you could do impressions and if you're homosexual. Doesn't mean you can't do impressions later. It doesn't mean you can't be homosexual later. Well, yeah, you might be bi. Do you watch or do you scroll a lot on Instagram? Are you like looking at reels? Unfortunately unless I put it in the phone soap, then it's not yeah, then it's doing its own thing. When I just saw this guy who was like, yeah man, he was just doing he' likes ye,ah , I'm mostly straight and I got a little, you know , a little of the other side in me too. And he's doing this interview and is with a girl and the girl's like, yeah, totally. And I'm like, wait, where's he going with this? He's like, you know, like I mostly like chicks, but like, yeah, I've done some gay stuff, you know? And she's like, yeah, and then you figured out whether it's for you or not. He's like, Exactly. Yeah. And I kind of like it, but I like the other stuff too. And I was like, I don't I don't think that dude, that's such a hypocrite. That's exactly like you with Pacino. You know, do impressions. No , but like a little bit you can play with it and you realize, oh, I don't want to be on mad TV , but you're still a little gay. Right. And like, I feel like you're like, I date women, but yeah, I mean, whatever. I'll give some hand jobs every once in a while. I don't know, John. I'm convinced as a straight man, I'm convinced that the only reason I'm straight the only reason I'm as straight as I am is because society taught me that's what I'm supposed to be. I think if everyone was sucking in fucking dicks and jerking off dicks a little bit, I would there's I would like, I don't know. I'm not craving it necessarily. But like, yeah, I don't know. Like I don't love sushi, but it's good for my body. Like when eat fish, when I eat fish, I could tell like sometimes I'll eat I'll eat it, but like I'll drink water as I'm chewing and swallowing it. Yeah. I don't want it, but like whatever. It's good for you. Everyone's pushed if people were pushing homosexuality the way they're pushing sushi, you might be a redneck. We'll be right back after word for my spot. I feel like you could get talked into some shit after that speech. I really do. I don't think so because I think honestly, I'm just being honest. I think the right environment, the right environment . All right, here's I've thought about this. St. Barts. You're at the fuck, you're at the club Eden or whatever. Dude, I don't have your kind of money. I don't even I just go to regular Barts. I go to Bart Simpson. Keep it You're hanging out there. There's a rave going on and there's these cool fucking French dudes who are like, Reek , you know, shirts are open. You guys are having shot. No. They're hugging. No, the accent turns me off. The French accent on men turn me off. Okay, let's make the accent you like then. All right, let's make it a Hemworth. Let's make it Chris Hemsworth. Chris Hemsworth. Arthur is Aussie accent. Yes. And it's Chris Hemsworth in a different world. And you're doing are you doing overhead like single press? No, no, no, no, I already know what the situation is. Okay . It's Chris Hemsworth. There's a woman that I'm so attracted to. It's beautiful woman . And like and like we're like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Chris Hemsworth is part is there. And they're like, oh, then they start fooling around. And like, hey, right, come on in here and then maybe I've never done this, but like, it's Chris , right . So now I'm with her, he's with her. I'm just looking at him saying like, you do my podcast. You know, stuff like this. Yeah, yeah. And then like this is gratuous. I haven't, I don't know for sure, but let's say she goes, I want two, I want two guides inside and my posting at the same time. Wow. Okay, you know, you know, these ausie women. Yeah, they're crazy. Fucking sluts. They usually have the shoes on too. The white ones. I'm like, my dick's touching his dick. Would I say no to it Probably . But I also might just say probably because it's like two dicks and one like you're in a vagina together. Yeah, I don't need to like and also here's the thing. Don't you feel like her encouragement plays a role in this? Like what, if she's like , This is so hot. If she goes, No, no, no, I'm not turned off. Right, right. Yeah, so I'm thinking like, and then once you do that, all right, dicks are like, Oh, look, I didn't melt. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Let me suck his fucking dick , you know, in a different world. In a whole other world. In a whole other world, like, let's say like you're in Brisbane or something. I'm in Brisbane. Okay . And let's say, let's say I'm going down on her and she's beautiful. And by the way, more importantly, she's funnnyy. She's very fun. Okay. Yeah. And she's like, oh, and then she's like, Chris, fuck me well. And like, I'm down like and I'm on her clitoris and she 's right . Would I pull? Would I stop? I think so . But like but, like what if they didn't tell me instead of I'm like, oh, what if he's like, I need a little help. I'm getting me suck your fucking dick. Come on my podcast. Come on my podcast. Yeah. Then on my face . Ellen Roosevelt . Yeah, dude, that's a fucking great scene. Maybe, maybe, who knows? There's a lot of noise out there when it comes to hair loss. 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I'm touring I'm doing my first out of the country tour though where I'm doing I'm doing the French festival in Scotland I,' thenm doing a week in London and then I'm deciding between I'm going to do Amsterdam and then either Dublin or Berlin and I might do a day in Paris to see if there's any hot guys. Bro . That's a great tour. I'm going to lose so much gover ornment Berlin . Yes, they're both fantastic . I have eight days between Scotland and London, and I don't think I want to do more than two places. And I want to do Amsterdam. Okay Okay , you'll see ASM Great Ambrews in Amster. Okay, great comedy crowds. I would say having done all those cities for stand up, you can't go wrong. Dublin audiences are amazing and so Berlin's a great comedy town. Really that's what I hear. I was surprised to hear that I mean, I had no idea. I just feel like I know people speak English kind of in Ireland. You know , yeah, they're pretty good at English. I can't understand them, but they'll understand maybe. Oh yeah,, you'll definitely it'll be different if you go to Scotland. Is it harder to understand the Scots? I dated the Scots. Yeah, for sure. That was my first homosexual experience. Hell yeah. His name was Scottish. Okay , when I watch movies that take place in Ireland, you need subtitles. Well, there's others like just like here in the States, there's degrees of the accent, you know , outside in like smaller towns you're going to have stronger accents. I think that northern Ireland accents stronger than it is in Dublin . I think the Scots for the most part have a stronger accent than the Irish. And Berlin, a lot of English speakers. The whole thing is , bilingual, yeah, everyone. Everyone's so smart. Yeah, they speak great English. You'll have end references, everything will maybe do all of them. It's just I'm treating this like a vacation too. I don't want to do extend it. Fucking just do more. Yeah. And Paris, by the way, from London, so easy. Yeah, yeah. I've I a girlfriend of mine I used to have lived in London and I was there for years all the time. Oh, you were all the time? Oh , and I love it. Love being there in the Paris trends easy. Yeah, I'm excited. It's gonna be awesome, dude. Anyway, I would I would think I would suck some dick maybe or if that was what the world was because like I don't want like whatever. There's a dick. Right. Like are you it's another thing to say gross out by dick? If we were if we were living in, I don't know Dublin. Dublin or like in Greece and it's fucking two thousand years ago and they're like, yeah everybody suck it's not like you would have your mind of today in that world. All I'm saying is I'm open to the fact that if I was, yes, if we were in a different world, maybe. I do know when I watch pornography I want, there to be a penis. Yeah, same. I don't like lesbian porn. Yeah. And also, here's the truth. I don't want some mediocre dick in there. That's the biggest bummer. When you're like, that looks like my dick. The fuck's that guy. If the guy's body isn't at least decent, yeah, that's fine. Don't show it . But if his penis isn't at least as big as mine. Yeah , then what are we doing here? Yeah, it's gross. I think penises, I think everybody could agree that if there's a penis that's significantly smaller than theirs , it's gross. And it doesn't belong on camera . The person doesn't deserve to work. That's another thing. You have to figure out why are there six inch penises in porn porn. Unless it's unless it's somebody like making homemade stuff. Right, right, right, yeah, but like at the pro level where this is like a studio or whatever is putting it out, you're like, bro, bring in some fucking hammers. Yeah, that's why we all signed up for this. Yeah. Muggsy bogues of pornography. You know, I'm sure it exists. Yeah. But maybe he does this with his hips. Good hip movement . That's a real thing. That's a real thing. I intuitively, I remember like just out of college, I remember like, oh, I think you're supposed to go like this . Like, you know, and it's still when I have sex and I do it like that. And sometimes I think to myself, you fucking phony. Really? Yeah, it's just you fucking phony. It's something like to actually like , you know, to do it like one of those like a hot black guy or something. It's like I get it. You don't have to just go like this , but like to actually be like, you know, you're listening to like Jamarakoya singer . But like, you know, you're listening to the, you know, your yoga movement sex is like, yeah. I don't know, I just feel like they know like I,'m doing this. For them. I know you just yeah, go ahead, go back to your old in out and out. Well, there's a there's a spectrum. There is. Yeah, you don't have to just out. Yeah You don't have to just do that . Yeah , yeah . My unique selling point in the bedroom, I think, is the connection, the vocalization. Vocalization. Yeah . Things you say or sounds you make the things I say, the sounds I make . I guess they're both a funny thing to break up, but the sound no women love the way I go . They like your grinding. No, like the talking like you like to okay Okay. I, like to find out what they like . And then like, I like to communicate. Are you okay? That's great. Yeah. Yeah. So you're a big, you like that. You want those? That's not real. That's a how you doing. How is your weekend? That's small talk d irty . Small talk dirty talk. You're talking about really more pointed questions. Yeah, okay. Yeah. You're checking in a lot. Yeah, that's good. Yeah . I mean, God, this is like a really good resume builder for you, I guess. You know, it's interesting. I've been talking about a bit of this in my act at the moment. It was like a two minute thing. It's become a little longer , but just from where like before I ever had my first kiss to like where I am now and like the things I've learned in talking to people and it's like it's really a lot more intuitive than you would think. What's more intuitive? All of it, like, I've like, I know a lot of people don't like dirty talk. They feel embarrassed about dirty talk. Yeah. Are you a dirty talk guy? I like it. Yeah. Yeah, but dirty talk is just like let me rephrase. I happen to like dirty talk a lot. If it's not small talk, dirty talk. So do you like that? It's not dirty talk to me. Okay, what's what's an example of dirty talk . I want you to put , you know, not these words because that's personal and like it's very much in the moment, but the exposition is I don't want to finger inside of my butt, but I want you to press on my press on it. Yeah, yeah. And like having a way of doing that to where it's not like, do you would you think it's gross if you put your finger on my butt a little bit? But like being able to when you're having dirty talk, you put your finger confidently. Yeah. Yeah. I think of it like if you wanted to put your finger in my mouth, but my teeth are closed, but you're pushing around like the lips . But like, that's a vulnerable thing to say to somebody. Totally. If it's not dirty talk, I I think think.. you're right I think you're right, man. Yeah, look at you. Look how far you've come since your first kiss. I know. I feel like you could start your own video line of how to teach people how to do this stuff. It's good. That's a great idea. What if I for my merch I had a book on if you're neurotic and you want to fuck confidently? Yeah . This is you can sell it. I'm being serious. I'm being serious too. Talk about the G spot is how it work s. Yeah. Do you know that eighty four percent of women cannot orgasm penetratively? Really? Yeah, cut yourself some slack, really. eighty four. eighty four. That's accurate number. If you're a woman and you're beautiful in. the com Pmentsut if you could see or gasm penetratively. Yeah, most need something else. Yeah. And if you're not beautiful, you could also comment. Yeah. If you're like, I'm kind of a pig, but I feel like commenting too. Why is that? Even though we're not even talking about a real person .. Yeah Why is it? And I know how that's received and it's fine. But that isn't like a jerk thing. Like if you're an ugly woman, like ugly woman, ugly people are ugly. Yeah, but there is something like I clock myself and I don't need to censor, but like ugly women, that's mean to ugly woman. Like I don't why I'm saying 'cause we're kind of conditioned to especially be , I mean, I think kind across the board, but there's a more of a sensitivity to saying it about a woman. Like for a guy guy can like own but like I'm not good looking but I got, you know, he can have the personality everyone's like yeah he's not the most handsome guy but he's the fucking best women can have that? Yeah it',s it's less celebrated and I agree . I agree. Yeah. But like we were talking about like, yeah, if you're a fucking ugly dude with a little fucking dick, I don't want to jerk off to you. You fucking loser. Yeah. But you know, if you're an ugly woman, you don't have to let me know if you come penetratively. I'm sorry. You could tell me. That's true . Yeah, we I think it all has to do with just all having mothers honestly. Because everybody has like a special way they, you know, tenderly care for that maternal aspect. And I think it carries into other relationships. So we just are more gentle about women. Whether you're fat or you're hot or you're skinny, or you're fat and pretty, yeah. Let me know if you could come penetr atively. Let us know you can come penetratively. Yeah. Okay . Yeah. And let us know what would help. Yeah , yeah. I think it's important to ask those questions. And there's those fucking those unicorns out there that penetrate and they're just in it. They're just all right, here we go. I can come in two seconds. Yeah. Yeah, they make you feel good. Yeah, it's like, um, it's like playing comedy works in Denver. It's exactly that's exactly what what I look did. Yes, but where you are, anybody could do what you did. Yeah, you're like, Oh, really? That's a realization I had on my first acting job . It was a show called Und able. It like was the first where I was like a series regular. It was a sitcom. And I'm doing it. I'm like, oh, anybody, at least my part of it. Like , oh, anybody could do this. And like it made me realize how much more like what a lottery ticket it is to win, like to get something like, to have an ego when you're doing something. Yeah , for ninety nine point nine percent of actors like now, fuckin' I like any so many people could do what we're doing. Yeah, you know. Yes. But it's still it feel,s good . It feels good. It feels good to just penetrate and make her have an orgasm and it feels good to do comedy works and it feels good to book jobs. Yes, yes. The trifecta. The comedy works thing too. It like's you the first time you do it, you're like, They this crowd gets it. They're good. And then you leave and you're like, the fuck just happened . And then you think about the fact that there's people that have started at that club and probably worked there all the time and you're like, Dude, you got to get out of here. This is bad. Right. This is too bad. Like the opposite of working out in extra gravity. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what? I'm gonna say something about Denver Comedy Works that I've never talked about. I was there for the first time like a month and a half ago. I did five shows. They were amazing. The first show , I'm on stage, you know, there's people to the left of you, like where you walk on and there's like, you can't really see this on stage. Yeah, but it's not lit. It's so well done . Yeah, they're right there. I got off stage and maybe the most beautiful woman, one of the without a doubt, one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen . Asian sitting sitting by your seats . I didn't look at her feet. I was too busy staring into her heart. Yeah . She sit here, there's two seats in between her and another guy, but they're in the same row . And it also makes sense because the seats were like maybe they just like if we're on a plane and sorry . If we're flying coach and there's two of us , you don't sit in the middle. Right. Was that what they were doing? So I didn't know if they were together or not I. didn And't have enough time to think and say, like, are you with this person? I just wanted to say like, you know, and I just walked past her and I haven't stopped thinking about her. I don't know who it is. Yeah . I've never done this with anything, ever. Misconnection. If you're the hot Asian shick from Denver Comedy Works , I don't know. I don't know, I don't even know. We can 't suck a dick out with you . We can make I think we can make this happen. We have to pinpoint we have to it was a Thursday was the show first it show. All right, so listen, first of all, there's a good amount of people in Denver that have that watch or listen to this show. So you're we got we got somebody , somebody who is listening or watching goes to comedy works all the time. Okay , and somebody who was listening or watching was at the Thursday show. Do I give a date? If you can give the date, I think it's definitely better. Yes. I think we can make this happen. Okay, keep going with what you're doing. So if you are in Denver and you're you're like, man , yes, I saw or even if you know that your friend went see Rick or goes to comedy works a little bit. February twenty sixth, Thursday. It was a Thursday. It was february twenty sixth , downtown Denver, it was probably a little chilly, right? I was perfect. It was a perfect perfect night? It was a perfect night. Perfect night in the most perfect Asian and somebody goes, Oh, that's my friend, you know, that's my friend, Annie or whatever. They know. Yeah, it's not Annie. It could be. Could be Kim. Yeah, better. Annie Kim . Somebody knows Annie Kim and you know, I mean this is maybe not the most politically correct way of asking this. What kind of Asian it was? No one knows No one knows. No . You didn't get Thai or Filipino or Korean vibes or anything? I wouldn't I'm not good at that. I can tell if I look at the written word. Oh yeah. And the reason is because I play magic at the gathering and when I was coming up, there was a lot of different types of Asian magic cards. And you could tell what your title was. Yeah . Yeah. Have you been to Asia at all? Have you traveled to Asia? No, God, it's amazing. I waited so long. I didn't do it for so long , but now I've been a few times. Wow. And there's so much I have not explored yet, but holy shit, is that part of the world incredible? The closest I've ever been was on february twenty sixth . Indeed. I was one Asian. Yeah, almost one Asian. Yeah. And you still think of this woman. I think it's, you know, make this happen. A big reason I think of it was because I'm usually somebody that like speaks for speaks up. Yeah. I'm not even talking like in a romantic situation. Just like, hey, I'm bringing my dogs in OK if I do this, I did I want to like, I'll just ask and then you could say, you know, I'll set your boundaries. So what I'm really holding onto is like the regret of like, why didn't I say something? No, I know what you mean. And I think I foolishly thought like, oh , I'll see her after. Like maybe like on the walkout or like the meeting greet or something. I don't know. I kicked the can down . I didn't make a comment about her during the show. I didn't see her until I walked out. That's what I was saying 'cause it's dark. So I just got off stage. Oh , I see. And it was a great show. That's fucking comedy works, baby. It's the best. And I walk off stage and I literally I was taken aback . You were like , Yeah, I might have. And if you go to tons of Thursday shows and you forgot which one I was, it was the one that when he walked past you, he went like this I couldn't believe what was she wearing? Do you remember? No . I'm remembering a memory. Yeah, yeah. And long straight hair . Even and I thought to myself afterwards, like , why didn't I it's not like even I needed to go on a date with her? I just why did I because the reason I didn't talk to her was because I thought, oh maybe she's with this person and I realized what I could have said. I could have said I walk out looking like if she's here and you're him , hi, I'm so sorry if you two were together. You're so beautiful. And I just wanted like if you guys aren't, you know, like something like that. We're together. Congratulations. This is wonderful. I'd love to give you both a sweatshirt for free. Yeah, yeah. If you had seen her, you know, 'cause sometimes you're when you're on that stage, you can see front row stuff. If she had been, would you have addressed it? Would you have been like excuse me, Mr. Not at the expense of the act if that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. But yes, probably. There's a level of confidence up there, but also I'm not somebody and I'm not meaning to sell I guess maybe I'm selling something, I guess that's not my intention but like I don't hook up with people after shows. Yeah, you know, like not that the people are throwing themselves at me, but like there's a confidence of me like flirting with people on stage sometimes and then if they come up to me after I love it, that's great. I love the idea of this, but like that's probably not that's not a thing that I you know, . Yeah, but with this person , I would have been like , I would love to have , you know, gone out to eat. Yeah , got to know her. Yeah . I can't she was and I said to my friends who are on the show too or your left ball or something. Yeah, also ignore this episode other than just the part where I'm reaching out to you. Yeah, don't listen to the rest, just this part. But like I said, I said, did you see to my friend and I didn't even finish. He goes, the girl in the back and you're walking out, I go, Oh my god, he goes, Oh my god. Oh, so this is a room. So why was she there? What are we doing? What if she's what if what if she's the one watching right now? And she's like, I'm a huge rick fan. And she's the one that reaches out. You know, I love what I do. I really do. I think it's worth coming to a show. I really love what I'm doing . When I find it hard to believe that just a beautiful woman is coming there by herself to see me. It's possible it's possible. She could also be mentally ill, you know ? Statistically, it's possible, yes, but I don't think people that yeah, I don't know . She could be severely mentally ill, but it doesn't matter. What does that look like to you? Like what do you mean when you say severely? What in the cartoon sense but still possibly a fucking demon person? Like she 's mean. Oh yeah, she could be an awful diabolical , just cruel narcissist. You don't know this. Do diabolical cruel people go to a comedy show alone ? I mean, it's not unheard of . Maybe that's her thing is that she goes and I don't know, she peruses the club for targets. You don't know. You don't know. It's all in your head right now. Everything's possible. She could also be an angel. I'm just saying this person could be one of many things. We don't know. Well, if you were interested in me and I walked past you, let me just say, I'm so sorry that I didn't say hello. Yes. But that was me. Yeah, that's just a little bit like speaking each other's language. I saw your dog, cute little dog. Are you a big fan of animals in general? Are you an animal guy ? Not enough to be a vegetarian, but enough to wear like I go meatless some days. Oh, that plays a role in yeah. Wow. Yeah, I just they're so , you know , there's so you ever been to a slaughterhouse? Yeah, the Denver end of February . But no, I've seen videos. Yeah, it's awful. I went to one. You're probably fine with it though. You live a man life . I mean, it didn't stop me from meeting me. Yeah. You hunted. You have hunted, right? The only time I went hunting I was sixteen. I haven't hunted since in a long time. What stopped you? Did this happen? No, I was friends. I was in Florida, there was a bunch of rednecks and they were like, You want to come hunting? And it wasn't like it wasn't the type where I have friends who like, I'm going out on a hunt and they go into the mountains or the woods and it's like a three day thing where they're tracking an animal. And then they use an arrow or a rif le and they dress it and they bring it all back. It wasn't like that. This was just like I don't know how many acres in Florida and we were out on a hunting buggy and the guy had like a two hundred seventy one rifle shooting hogs like w,ild hog s. Oh, on a buggy, isn't that kind of cheating and evil? I don't I wouldn't know. It's like a picture on a golf cart you're shooting golfers. No, it's like an elevated picture like five foot tires and the vehicle has an exposed top like there's no doors on it. So everything's exposed and yeah. Do you guys kill the like slaughter the animal and eat it and stuff? In that one, they did , but I have friends that 's that's how they eat. That's what they do is they just hunt and eat what they kill, which I think is a very respectable thing to do. You know, it's like you can go to the supermarket or you can be like, I hunted this and I'm eating it. So yeah. I think it's a bit of a bummer how easy meat is, so how farmed it is and I'm not educated in this at all other than videos I've seen enough that it really turns me off. It's awful. It's awful. I went to that slaughterhouse also I was like comedy works . I was like fourteen. I was pretty young man. And they took me to this slaughterhouse, which was very gross. Did it scare you? It was it was it made me it's not fun to see how it's done. Yeah. I think that should be something that everyone at least watches a video. I feel like if you're going to work in a restaurant anywhere, you should at least be a host for a couple of months. And here's the thing. I think if you had the option, if you're like, what would you rather like if you go to have I need to eat meat and you had the option of going slaughterhouse or go hunting, you'd probably feel better about yourself going hunting. That's an interesting I don't know, that's interesting. Yeah. Because well, hunting are you saying slaughterhouse? Yeah, fair. If you're killing I thought you were saying like after the animals killed to watch it being butchered, I think would be easier. No, the butchering part 's fine. I'm saying that like at a slaughterhouse it's like concentration camp. It's a camp and then you know they walk them in and like fucking thing goes right in the head and then pulled up by their leg. It's not some of the lives that they live before that you. know And, veal is just baby cows and they're being held up by their legs so they don't get fat strong. Fuck, man. It's just so like there's a lot of meats I don't eat but I haven't gone completely meatless. I know. It's great. And then there's the thing. It does it does affect me and it makes me like go like, I don't like this. I'll still eat meat today, you know? Yeah, but like this. I hate that I'm like , I don't like that this fucking happened. I just eat it. But that is how it is sometimes. Like sometimes like sometimes it'll happen like, oh, I can't have meat now because this way my mind is. But then that'll kind of happen once I've already like made the food. Yeah . And then I'm like, I have the food. So I'm like, I hate that this happened, but like , I gotta eat it. I know. I know it's fucking good. Throwing away meat, that's that one's tough for me. I know. Just thinking about the animal that's like, I thought I was gonna eat you, but I didn't, sorry. I almost hate how much I love it. Do you know what I mean? How much you love me? God, yeah. It's in our DNA. I know. I just fucking love it. I don't fuck with snakes though, like this shit . These guys that are willing to like fuck around and then see then real quick bite to the thumb . Wait, is that really a dead person? Not yet. Does he die? Yeah. Why are we showing this? I don't want to watch this. I know you do this stuff. I don't want to watch this. What do you mean this stuff? This stuff I've never seen this before. This kind of stuff. We're watching somebody d fromying it? are What you talking about ? What does that say? You can read that language. Can't you thought you said you? Oh, it's not, he's not really dead. No, it's okay. Yeah, it says he's not really dead. He's not dead. He defined him and it was fucking finding him. Okay. Jesus Christ sometimes you just have to see something different, you know? Like that's just a calf massage . He's just getting his calf massage Oh. Dude, I get that way sometimes all my calves . I do. I don't know why. I get massages constantly and I love it hard. Sometimes I'm not like that, but sometimes I'm the calf. I'm like yeah take it easy. Yeah. This angle too of that this contraption for fixing ankles crazy. I'm not gonna look at it. Why? You know, I've never talked about this. Maybe on a podcast recently, I don't remember how it came up, but just I never saw your dunk. I never watched the video I won't watch the video. I don't want to see that stuff. It's bad. I don't like that kind of stuff. I hear you, I hear you, hold on. All right, how about this stuff here? Wait a minute. How about this? This is this is like no, no, this is gonna be funny. It might not be, but also might it be. It's I haven't seen any of these videos. They gather they gather a bank of videos every week. Yeah, and they give me in this specific folder and it's either horrible where you go that wasn't good or it's very, very funny. Horrible or hilarious . Okay? Yeah, it's actually so gonna watch. That wasn't too bad. Someone jumping off a high thing. No, he's like, he fell off a cliff, but into the water. Okay, we could watch it again. You want to see it? Okay, it's not that bad. You're not fucking with me. It's not no, it's not he just slips and then he goes back and then he's yeah, that's okay. That's okay but that's more than just falling into the water He bounced off some rocks. Yeah . Okay , okay, you know, so was that horrible ? I can handle that. Okay, I think he's okay . I have to say, I don't know how the rest of these will be, but I think maybe they'll be okay. How about this one? This is at a factory ? Yeah, I don't like watching people get hurt. He's okay. He's okay. He's okay. Look over Eddie's sandwich between these boulders going Yeah, he's alright though. Yeah that guy's not dead. Why don't we show some of the other stuff that you do that's just kind of like weird and gross and like how about this one? Yes. No, these are people getting inju red. We don't know that yet. He's not alright. He's not dead. Buddy, why is this stuff that people consume? I don't know. Let's all All right. right, okay. All right, okay, how about this? Let's just talk about your balls. How about this? How about this? This is for the audience. No, this is different. No, how do you know? I haven't even seen any of 'em. I can see the fucking description. This isn't one of the horrible ones. I promise. I need you to know if you're lying now and this takes small to you, I'll never look at you this time. I promise it's not. I promise . I promise . Okay . I promise this is not someone getting hurt or in any way whatsoever. Promise. Did he sign that? Did you film that? That's me. Yeah. Oh, I thought that was Bird . Yeah, see that I can handle and I didn't let you. That I can handle, but where in like who are they selling that to? You know, if that were a show, what network do you go to? Why is that a thing that you even people find to send you? This? Yeah, who gives a shit? I don't understand what you're saying. Why is that on the internet? What are you showing me? Because he's a feeder and there's guys that are aroused by how big his belly's gotten. What's a feeder mean? That his whole thing is like to gain weight and people get off by him gaining his weight. It's interesting. It looks like his face is and like his belly looks like it's different than the rest of the body. I agree. That's just the way he's a kink. That's a sexual kink. Absolutely. Yeah . And because they're attracted to that kind of belly or they're attracted to defeating somebody while they're having sex. No, not I don't think it's during sex. It's just they like that that they're this guy probably has a thing where people are sending him money and then they're like eat more and then keep gaining weight and they like how round he's getting. They like it . All right, I'm making sure that anything I show you here doesn't have an injury or, you know, like that's that's a job. Yeah , yeah . I don't know if well just yeah, I don't mean stuff too. I don't like I see these pranks listen, listen, whatever, I just don't do you ever see these people that do pranks and they go to supermarkets and they like throw stuff at people and they don't like what do you do? I don't know , I just don't find it entertaining. Okay . All right. I don't do nice shit. And also when people do videos that they say, wait for it because they know that the first twenty seconds isn't worth it. It's like cut up the twenty. Cut up the twenty. And if it doesn't work without it, go back to the writers room, you fucking cock . Everybody has a stage now and we're seeing this. Show me something that I don't have to I don't watch home alone. The end of Home Alone is by far the best, right? End of Home Alone? Yes. Same with eight mile. We love the end. I've never seen eight mile . Okay , so the end of it, I could watch the end a million times, but the foreplay is the movie. You remember Home Alone? Of course. The sticky bands come in. Now it's go time. Yeah. If somebody said, watch home alone, but you have to wait for it. The first hour doesn't matter. I'd be like, I'm not watching. I agree. Yes, I agree. That was when things were curated . And now you feel like they're not curated , but you're curating the uncurated. Yes. I've never watched these. I don't know if these are good. But don't you think we're giving a voice to people that deserve it? I don't know, but I know we're giving a voice to a lot of people that don't . That's true. And we're creating a demand for stuff that is gonna feed itself. All right, I'm gonna show you kindness. Show me kindness, show me the guy that goes around England and giving old people flowers. Okay, we don't have anything like that, but I'll give you a few that have no injuries or cruelty . Okay , okay. And then you tell me if any of these resonate with you. Okay. Fair . All right, here's I haven't seen any of these, but I can tell you haven't categorized by cruel. No, no, no, not cruel. I can tell by the folder that it's in that it's not a devastating life ending. Tell me what this folder is. Like what does it say? Well, I'll tell you right after it. Oh, this is a secret. Well, I mean if I told you 'cause it's the name of the I get it. Okay, I get it. Yeah, one, one, one, thirty . You must get a lot of hate with that name, huh? Your name, your name ? My name? Yeah. You must feel a lot of hate with that . I like him for a couple of reasons. It's funny. It's one on its own. It works too. The guy who's you could tell by his voice, he means it. Yeah, yeah. He's like, I know you're not a Jew, so it's okay, but probably there's a lot of people that like don't know for sure. And like, that's a dangerous thing to be right now. It's pretty funny. Jew, are you? Yeah. And she's like, and he's like, Yeah, right. It's almost like she's learning that there 's another way that her name is interpreted too. Yeah . Okay, how about this? Well, now you won't like that. Hold on. How about see? I'm putting it together. All right, how about this? This is pretty cool . I usually just like to start with a few fingers and then you know if they're if they're experienced fisty , they should four fingers are going to slip right in. Yeah . Some people aren't easy to open up like that, you know? So they do need the two fingers stroke nice and slow. He's ready to open up into a third one, you know, and then into a fourth one . Any? Now, like my grandma says, Now this I like . This do you like? Yeah. I like it because it's not showing something that we didn't need to see and they're not putting something on. I think they really are having a conversation they really are. Yeah. This guy's really teaching about how to fist . Well, how to know when to fist. Very different. When you first start, make sure your thumb yeah . And then if you're going to then start to use the punching style , make sure your thumb is in. See, I would see I didn't know. Me, neither. I guess 'cause maybe this is what it means. It can happen if the thumb out of your just like sometimes you could just, like maybe the end of the hole is here and you get stuck . You get stuck. That's important. So it's the opposite of giving a thumbs up. Very true. I'll give you a thumbs up to put your thumb under . This is, I remember learning at a very young age you don't want to throw a punch like this. Yeah, you definitely don't. Yeah, you definitely want that out. Yeah. I mean, Chris Hemsworth, though, would appreciate this, probably . I mean , this I like. See? Yeah. See, I found the sweet spot. Yeah. Show me some more show me some more where people are being authentic. Okay, let's see that. Oh, hit this guy soon. I haven't seen it, but he seems authentic . Hey baby . Daddy's back. Daddy just wanted to ask you a question. Do you think you're too good for Daddy or something? Because I mean Daddy has skills. If you don't want to see the skills, that's okay, but they'll always be here. Daddy can look at like a lollipop . I can do more, but I'm a Just neverin reveals his secrets. So it's like you when I asked what kind of folder it was in. Yeah . See this fine does it back. This is fine. This doesn't make me upset but this I don't need I don't need this you need he needs to hear needs to send this to whoever he's talking to. There's a whole lane of people who don't know that they need to send it to somebody and not just throw it out there. Why? Because they think sometimes they'll be like , you know , Melissa, I got something to say and they're just posting it. And you're like, Yeah, you should send that to Melissa, dude. You should. What's best case scenario for him? In what? In this world by throwing this out on, where was this? This is a TikTok not sure. I've been Instagram. Best scenario, someone like, you know what? I'm curious what other skills you do have. Let's meet up. That is by far the best case scenario. And is he going to care? I mean, and I'm just going to keep I'm just going to I'm going to keep it a hunted. Yeah, okay. . There's a probably a good chance that whoever he's attracted to yeah is not a good looking person. I know this is a mean thing to say, but I'm just saying like when you throw out that on the internet, the people that are like Oh wow, I want to meet you they're probably not meeting a lot of people in real life. They have a very specific look, a very specific thing . They're probably an ugly person . So an ugly person might respond to this and be like, Oh, I would love for you to eat me out or suck me or something . And is he going to be like, Oh, even though you're ugly and I don't know you, I would love to do that. Yes. , yeah You know, I guess, you know, some people will eat at a restaurant. I don't think he's gonna be like, you're not up to my standards . And if you're whoever this is watching, I would love to know the answer to that because you're throwing yourself out there blindly. I don't know what you want to say for his unique appearance, he has a lot of confidence in what he's saying. He's like, Daddy's back, here's all my fighting tricks. He's a regular looking person to me. With the exception of what he's doing with a shirt off, I think he's a regular looking person. He's a regular looking guy. I think that looks like people. I think he's a little heavier than average. Hair . You know what's funny that you say that? You say, and you think that's bad hair? I don't know, you just said it's not. I think that someone he needs to do something with that hair. Do something. That's great hair. It's great hair if it does line. I know. Yeah, he's got great hair. You know what, pull up a mirror and do a side by side. That's the same hairline. A Mir K , in case you don't remember . Look at that. The only difference is he's a little darker , and he's a little bit more in shape. Yeah . Well, I'll say this. You're giving a lot of confidence to this guy. I think that's a good thing. And while you're at that confidence, find somebody that you're interested in that you think might be interested in and you send it to them. Yeah , yeah . Let's see if this has something here for you. I don't know. I don't know what this is yet. I know it's not someone dying . Okay, hold on. Okay , let's just see. Some damn Asian girl keeps putting her masturbation videos on my FYP information. Well, this is kind of interesting because you're trying to find an Asian and this guy's starting with he's not Did you know speaking of Jew from the airport , did you know that Jews as a thing love Asian women and food? Wait, what? Jews have a lot of times if there's an Asian woman with a white guy, he's Jewish , and if he's not, a Jew is jealous of him. Really? Jews love Asian women. It's like a thing. I did not know this. Is that like this is a longstanding thing . So it's something that I noticed. And then I heard I'm like, oh, I noticed that and then like I've asked some of Jewish friends. Does it add up to you? Yes, and it's not something I could say is like not purely fetishizing these women. You're saying that there's just an attraction , I've always been attracted to Asian women. But can you go beyond the physical like attraction? Do you think there's characteristics? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, maybe and I'm just pulling at straws here that maybe there's something to like the neuroses of a Jew and the like the way that the Asian culture is so respect ive. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking like no shoes. Don't touch wash your hands. I don't know, maybe, but I'm just saying from for me from a physical standpoint, I just an Asia I'm just so attracted to it. Is this something about the way you're saying it feels like it's a new revelation. Have you always been attracted? For as long as I could remember, yeah. You have. Okay. And I think it's separate but also Jews love Asian food. I remember my grandma even told me like if you're out, if you're someplace, like not home and you're looking for a Chin goodese restaurant . Look for where like the Jews are . Like you know, if there's like a city in a town in Brooklyn with a lot of Jews, there's gonna be a good Asian restaurant around there. Really? Yeah. See, I always go for look for where there's no white people if you're looking for an ethnic food. In other words, that's fair. You know, if you want sushi, you go to like where you see a lot of Asian people eating. Yeah, Brisbane. There you go. Yeah, hell yeah. Yeah., lucky I've heard that when you're traveling in a foreign country where you don't know much and you don't know what to eat, go where the locals are eating. I've heard that. That's a good expression. Yeah. I don't know if it's an expression more as a little I mean little advice Yeah., that's good advice. Well, let's start this from the beginning. Okay. Damn Asian girl keeps putting her masturbation because she's not doing that first of all my FYP, what's that mean? For your page. So like when you when' youre're on the thing, it's what the algorithm thinks you want. Does he think that she's putting it there for? Yes for him? It's kind of like when people leave comments on my clips and be like, why does this fucking jew keep coming up with my algorithm. I'm likecause ' you're commenting . You're engaging stuff reading it. It's crazy how much comedy fans hate Jews. What? Yeah . You guys are like the fucking you guys? You guys, Jews. You're like the fucking not anymore. All stars of comedy. I also think there's a lot of people who are comedy fans that think they're being funny by being saying shocking stuff. That's very I think it's a lot of that. But it's Jews, he's blah, blah, blah, blah. Jud This ise thinks he's funny. Really? Dude, come on, this is your business. Fuckin' talking like that's crazy . I mean, I almost want to curate some screen grabs for like that's an insane comment to leave. This Jude thinks he's funny. Yeah. Crazy thing to say. That's a word for word. Also a lot of people say the only reason I'm in this business is because I'm a Nepple baby. My dad, you know, sells rugs, or he did. Yeah. Why do you think you're a tour? Because you retired . Is that the is that the business? Yeah. What is it? Marshall? Martial Rutgery. That's how you got this gig . The only reason he gets those guests is because it's paresnt psarent, what were the percentage of comments on comedy are have some version of like Jewish Well, depends on the on the on the channel . Okay, so what 's the how does it break down? Like YouTube more or Instagram? No, I'm saying like I don't know what this is . I know that like if I'm on kit when I'm on kilto now you've given the formula. So that's different. Yeah, but just because someone's like, Oh, I have permission to say Jew, if they're in there, they're going to do it. No, I'm saying they're going to find this audience is going to find the humor in the fact that we're talking about this and dial it up for this episode. I don't think in that makes sense on a normal episode. I think I can tell the difference between a bad joke and a hateful one. Yeah, I think so too. I think it's very obvious. So what kill Tony a lot? Yeah , and that's not me throwing shade to kill Tony. Truly, because also when you have millions of people watching, there's going to be a lot more Jew haters than when you have two hundred thousand watching. Exactly. But I do think on there 's there's there is a lot of people who are who just yeah, they don't they don't like Jews. Crazy. There's a lot of people that don't like Jews. Also, and I think they associate Jews with what their identification of liberal means . Yeah. And their identification of liberal is different than a Democrat. It's just like and there probably is something to they're dialing up how they're viewing Jews with the situation for the last whatever, two years in Israel. So they're conflating the they probably also only think it's been two years going on. Well, you know what I mean? The war. Yes, the war. This one. Yeah. This one, yes. Absolutely. I also think that like that if you don't like somebody, yeah, you're going to be mean through a thing that you identify . Like you without naming any culture, truly, it could be any. You're driving and somebody cuts you off and you see if it's a race or a gender or whatever it is, there's a part of you that like is fucking you know like, fucking like why do women allowed to get a driver's license or whatever you think you don't really mean that, but you hate that person for a second. So you say the mean thing. That's true when you're angry. I think people when you like a comedian goes on their p odcast. I'm here for Tom, who's this fucking jew? You know, or who's this fucking black guy? Or who's this fucking black girl? Yeah, yeah. Whatever it is, they're gonna they're gonna hate you because they don't like if they don't like you if they don't like you if they don't like you or they'll be like, you know what? It's not a bad Jew. Yeah, yeah. I like this black girl. Yeah . Yeah. Yeah, which is like, you know, so it's nice. So it's my responsibility as well to represent Jews and fake Nepo babies. You're doing a great job. I don't know. I mean, like, I don't want to watch people if they're being pranked and it's mean. That's fine. That's a normal, healthy view of things, I think. Because I absolutely do not like Asian women. Hey , this is not a Rick Glasman guy. Also, you know he does. That's like, that's like homophobes saying they don't like gays because they're ashamed of themselves. Yeah. Well, he's been turned down by an Asian woman. They're all over is for you, Paige, buddy. Yeah. Why do you think that they're there ? You've been engaging with these Asian pages . Fuckin' guy. I don't want to give him any more. I think that's enough for him. This one's called Cop Tom. That's all I heard Cop what? Cop Tom. My name. I don't know. You'll see. Ashley's lighting her hair out. I get it. Okay. If Ashley didn't have a warrant, she wouldn't have new charges. She does kind of look like me. Yeah. She didn't have a warrant, she wouldn't be going to jail, and she wouldn't be sleeping on a sidewalk right now. So don't be Ashley . That's pretty good. It did start with actually laboring her hair. I was gonna say that's what they call a hook in social media now. You supposed to start with the ending at the beginning. It's because Ashley's ladder hair fired and then to show, you know, the lighting of it happened. Holy shit. Ashley's lighting her hair on fire. If Ashley is Jesus Christ, does look a lot like me. I'll give you guys that. A lot of times they send stuff they go, this Tom, it's just a guy with a beard and I'm like, That's just a guy with a beard, but sometimes it does actually . You don't have that many distinguishing qualities though. No, no, you have glasses, you have a shaved head, and you have a beard . Anybody that has three of those things and white . Yeah. I think you showed me a white guy with thick black rimmed glasses, a beard and a shaved head. Yeah. I think you could call them Tom. Really? Yes, I think so. Type just Google search, white guy, black glasses. Take the glass and out of it, take the glasses out of it. Okay. I mean, the glasses make the do it, you know, like your glasses. No, but if you just go like white guy bald short beard , yeah, Tom's all over the place . See it,'s a gray beard . Make it say gray beard . Okay . Little penis, with little penis. No, no, no, no. If I come up first, okay. So short, gray beard, short, gray beard. Yeah, absolutely . That could be you. I don't think so . I don't see it even . See, that's the thing is that I think when it's your face you go that's what you become. Like that's that's your next, that's your next but when the thing is that people are missing like distinguishing feet. They just go like, yeah, it's a bald guy with a beer. You're like, Yeah, we don't have the same face at all. Like our nose isn't the same, our cheeks aren't the same, the lips aren't the same. Like, I don't see the similarity. Other than the guy doesn't have hair. Okay, check this out. If that guy was a famous guy and they're making a biography film about him , you would be in the running to be able to cast a player. Agreed. That's what I'm saying. You could play him, they could play you. I'm not gonna is that Tom? I'm not confused. Right, right, right. I know what you're saying. Okay, I'm saying, but I get sent, they're like, I saw your doppelganger today. It's just like a guy with a beat. I get tagging a lot of stuff. I tagged a lot of stuff. Is this you? I'm like, What the fuck are you talking about, man? Okay, this one let's see if this one's fun. All right, let's just try this one. The night that my father bought me a prostitute was the night that he ceased being my father and became my best friend. Not only did he want to talk about what the experience was like, but he then suggested that we go to the casino and gamble all night. And let me tell you why these two things are a problem. Children need parents so they don't need best friends. When my dad introduced me to prostitution and gambling . It became an issue for me. He normalized it for me. I want to speak to the fathers that are watching this video. Please do not buy your sons prostitutes and please don't take them gambling. I gotta disagree with that. I think it's one of the most loving things a father can do. I think this kids this guy's a loser. Do you think that maybe depends on the age of the son though? Yeah, I mean, you shouldn't do it when they're seven. What's the age? To take them gambling ? Prostitute and gambling. Prostitutes may be a little over the line. Okay. Yeah, if this was just gambling, yeah, I'd be like, let's say it's just gambling. Yeah. You think that's crazy . I think it's crazy. Like look,, if you take your kid , your son gambling , I love going to the casino with my dad. That's what I'm saying. And if the son develops a gambling problem, you're gonna feel like you got your kid into a gambling problem. There's a chance there's a good chance though that if the father introduced the son to gambling and prostitution, the father has a gambling problem and that addiction is genetic. I think you might be right. Yeah. I think the prostitution thing's insane because I also feel like a kid should like in my opinion, you should have zero knowledge of your dad's sexual preferences, what he likes, nothing like that shit. It should not be in the conversation and vice versa. I don't want to know what makes my dad's dick hard and I don't want to talk to him about it. I don't like that shit. So I'm with him on that, but the gambling thing, I think, is he's tying the two together. This is the first time I've ever really seen you . Really? Yeah. I don't think you've been putting out a fake, but I saw you as a kid just now. Oh , okay, good. I bet you there's a lot of guys that don't care about telling their dad how they get boners. Oh my gosh, so there's something going on . I just think it's like it's inappropriate. I agree. Yeah, but like, I didn't where's your inappropriate line and that is so PG thirteen to me. Really? A guy that doesn't talk about stuff you do the I don't like, want my dad to talk about everything . You talk about everything. I can't think of it, but I know you. I've watched your stuff. Like the stuff you talk about, the gaping assholes and the I don't talk about you show gaping assholes on here. I don't think something was a gaping asshole thing. I talk about how big a gap asshole was. I don't think so. Really? I think so. How big a gaping asshole? There was something about an asshole and it was like a big asshole and there was talking about something you guys are making fun of like which fit in there . What is that? Maybe like a prolapse kind of thing? Yeah, maybe something like that. That's possible. You just don't want to know if it gets your dad hard. Fuck no . No. Do you want to know what makes your dad hard . I mean, I'm his son. I know a nice pair of jugs. Well, no, that I already know that's what I'm saying. My dad's like, I like tits and be like, okay. Did you mom have big tits? Yeah, when they met and they're at her waist, but like when , yeah, when they met. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, the big tits go down like that. Oh my god, her tits are I think below her waistline. Yeah. Would you rather talk about that kind of stuff with your daddy or your mom? My mom because I know it's upsetting to her to talk about that stuff and she doesn't she's not gonna have the conversation. It's just a it's like when you're a kid and you belch at the table and she's like, you know , so like if I bring up something that's inappropriate, she's gonna have that same reaction and that's fun. That makes me laugh. So it's not my dad he might be like, Yeah, I like when they have a full bush and you're like, Jesus. Yeah, Christmas. Okay, so it's not that you don't want your dad have the information. It's that you don't want to connect with your dad over it. Sexually no yeah, I think probably that's like a male to male thing where I know that there's never going to be a connection but you'd rather you'd rather talk sexual with your mom than your dad as a son. I think that's atypical . Yeah, because I because I also know she's not going en togage in the real conversation. We're not going to we're not going to be at a point where it's like and I like this and I like she 's going to be like absolutely not, which is like you're not really having the conversation. You're provoking. Is there also a language thing there because like English is in her first language? Maybe to a degree, but I'll say it in both languages to her because I know that if I say it in Spanish it's going to bother her even more . So yeah, I'll do that too. I love to upset her. Yeah , that's kind of a thrill. Do you do that? It's an operational cost is upsetting my mom. I don't want to upset her. I want her to laugh. Yeah, but depending on her mood and the pocket that I'm sitting in , I go too far. But I always want her to think what I'm saying is funny. I like my mom to laugh too. It's fun to make her laugh, but it's very fun to upset her because it makes me laugh so hard. And then my dad laughs at that. Yes. And then it's like, you know, yeah. Yeah, it's fun. I have a video that's my most viral. I repost it once a year. It's gone it's my most successful piece of content ever. Ever. And it's my mom being upset that my cousin didn't replace the cold sodas, the warm sodas with the cold sodas. When he takes the sodas out, he doesn't replace it with a cold one. He doesn't replenish it. And my dad sees that my mom's upset and my dad starts acting really upset. Can we pull this clip up? It's a minute . You maybe I don't know if you've seen this before. Fish . You supposed to take the worm ones and fill it up after you finish. You have one today . I'm so you never selled pop today. I had one yesterday. What a million yesterday? You had a million yesterday? I definitely might you're supposed to weak finish. You take the car I can't believe it. I never have anything after you've been here. If I taught you anything, I taught you to replenish. Seriously , we must read her. Everything happened In the basement downstairs in the basement. And if you went downstairs in the basement and got a soda, what was the fucking rule ? You'd replenish . Okay , what the fuck, danny doesn't fucking replenish ? No, I listen . I think it's a microcosm of more serious things. You know you know what? I'm fucking done. I'm serious So really mad? Yeah, because he even said, Don't call my daddy. He's going to say it's big of bigger issues and then he says that. So my point is like, I don't want family members to be upset, but there's something so funny when like we're being silly and somebody's just getting a little upset. It makes you want to keep going. I don't know what that is. Well, I think the thing about that clip in that moment is that the real er it is, like the fact that it's there's a little aspect of performing it from your dad in the beginning, right where he's like, it's all performative for my dad. Right. So you feel that. But then there's a hint of this is grounded and real and that's what makes it sense. So it doesn't feel like a sketch. Yeah, yeah. That's why it makes it. But even in relation in real life too, that's the thing. Like when someone it's like, I know my higher self knows, hey, relax, relax, but is a little bit more a little bit more. Yeah, no. That's a real thing. It's fucking great, dude. That was that was fantastic . You're on tour. I want to tell people again, go see Rick Glaspin on tour. It's Ricky's on the Loose Tour. It's at Ricklaspin. com slash tour. Of course, there's the Take Your Shoes Off Podcast. I want to start black, white, Asian , Hispanic, take your fucking shoes off at the front door. I wanted to say my cities, I don't know where they are. Austin, Cleveland, Dallas, DC, Portland, Eugene, Oregon , as well, Philadelphia , Scotland, London, and I already said those and maybe of course we know there's a beautiful Asian woman in Denver. I don't know how that happens if they send send in or something No I'm saying put it put the energy into the universe and see what it gives gives you back. That's all I'm saying, man. Let's just try. Yeah, you know , Inshalah . So thanks so much for coming. And I hope you have that you make that that connection that was missed and great. You know, every time I think about her , I think about her again thirty minutes later. Yeah, I mean, I know this is going to happen. I feel like it. I feel like it's going to happen. Thank you for coming. This was a lot of fun and I think we're going to have some nice comments. Thanks in this video. And this is what I would like to say to her as well. Yeah, thank you for coming. I hope you had a nice time and we're going to get some nice comments. There you go. All right, we'll see you guys next week. Pick me as hard as you can in the balls . Take me as hard as you can in the balls take me as as the Bard a game falls . Make me as the Bard as a game falls. Oh it's the walls . Yeah . Oh , that's good . Yeah , yeah . Oh , that's good . Can up against the warmth state your life ? Yeah . Can if against the warmth state your life? That's good. against me C.an G itet it against the wall . Slave your lad. Yeah . Yeah . Kick me as hard as you gain in the balls Pick me as hard as you gain in the balls . Oh fuck boy Oh come here scum Oh fucking dummy fucking dummy get the wall exclusive Yeah Oh that's good I've good morph slightly lag fucking dummy warm slightly lag. Come here Scum Fuck in the walk sent your lag, fucking dummy. And it begins to walk sent your lad re fuck boy, fuck squared buck boy and buck buck buck buck buck boy. And it begins the walk snake your lad Here in Key West , we were out before it was in . In this open and inclusive paradise, you can be yourself , make new friends, and savor our live and let live vibe . L WithGBT plus friendly accommodations , our legendary nightlife, and year round activities and events , it's always a good time to come as you are. Key West, close to perfect, far from normal