The Mars Volta Mushroom Story

This is a podcast from Rover . Anything can be used as a duel if you're adventurous enough Sniper Welcome to the podcast Friday Edition. It's going to be a David Long Eye today . I'm Duncan Heine. This is Jay Re bellion from our radio studio today if you're watching the video online. A couple of reasons. Yeah, we've got a very, very, very incredible guest that's going to be joining us Jay Mo . Jay MO actually was a guest at UT up. I didn't have a like I did a little bit of research this morning but didn't have a lot to do with it and I sort of was thinking fifteen minutes ended up being an hour. Yeah . So we got put together so I got an email basically backstory of it was a very good friend of mine Claire managers talent in predominantly Australia but across the world and she said hey I'm, going to be in town and you catch should up with my buddy JMO who's out on a book launch . And I was like, oh, I don't even know if that's if you know if we've got, you know, we've got space for that. And that was me checking my emails yesterday from an email that was sent about ten days ago and show boss Teags is just a weapon made it happen. Jamo made it happen and I am so glad that it did because the book and the story and the learnings and the ability to reflect on it and create space to be better. All of the shit that I love comes from this chat. Oh, he's so awesome. I'm just going to pick a random review of his book. Take this book home. It's honest, brutally raw, heartfelt, and ultimately uplifting a ray of sunshine for anyone weather in life storms and seeking hope and strength. He's incredibly funny. It's called Mental as anyone you'll have a chance to win copies at the end of the chat. But as per like we always do we start the podcast with a war story Attention snipers gear up and hold your positions . It's time to load up some war stories, your tales from the front line brought to life prepare to fire . , I'm going to go on this one. I got one from Andrew. I'm not going to say where an Australia is, but he is an Australia because I realized there's a first and last name of somebody coming up. Morning fellas and fellet, my story is of Poo Revenge . It was when I lived at a small town around nineteen years old, now fifty two in the period of juvenile participation in the use of marijuana . In this period we used to hang out at the achiever of the group's house someone that was actually doing something other than fuck all that he rented with his hot and easy going girlfriend home didn't care that five or more of us would come around a couple of nights a week until all hours and to partake an FGP funny green plant . We would dribble shit, watch movies, whatever, till we'd wander off into the darkness of our drive home . the On night of this story, one of us will call him Craig Wilson because that's his fucking name first and last year. Ruthless told us he had to head off because he had an early start across the state for work. Nothing was thought of this strange occurrence and the evening went on as normal. After a few hours the rest of us decided to head home on this chilly winter's evening, all getting into our frost covered cars simultaneously with goodbyes and friendly fuck you . I started my car and turned on the wipers and heard the horrible crunchy noise of the wipers on ice with a gap in between. Turn the headlights on and notice something on the screen . Here we go. Notice something on the screen, which was with every crunch and swiper the wipers started spreading across like veggie mite, taking a minute to realize it wasn't budging or dispersing with water , I got out of my car to find four other mates doing the same thing as me and just as confused the more less stoned of us and the more less of us in the IS . The more or less stoned of us investigated and screamed at the top of his lungs that it was indeed shit, human shit. Our fucked heart of a friend had stood on each bonnet and snapped off a brown tail right in front of the right in middle of our windscreens. Credit where credit is Jew. It was pure genius, but I was not letting him get away with this without some poo retribution . After night on a frozen windscreen as well. That's a great play . After not showing for the next few FGP evenings, we had to beat the shit out of him of sorts at footy training all the while as he laughed manically . This is so good. Long play. It took me at least three months until I had the chance for revenge because he was like a fucking meerka every time he was around any of us. When this all happened, it was the days of nineteen eighty nineteen ninety four Falcons in the glorious days Bowser's service at petrol stations . I had my last chance at a Friends eighteenth that we'd all attended and I had to leave early with my girl she had some fucking sport thing on the morning that I had no interest in, but it gave me the perfect excuse to do my deed. I got into the car park, pulled down my strides and perched my ass on top of his rear number plate on that old forward falcon folded down to get oh yes on the Ford Falcons the rear number plate would flop down and in behind it was where the petrol cap was and so he's folded it down he's, made himself a little shelf to shit on. I didn't even put two and two together until you said that it was so good. We had the exact same one on a G eighty seven GL falcon. Oh yes, it was the giga fternoon care we went at the fancy yeah great. After a bit of effort and a gutural sound I let loose the brown anticonda I'd been holding in since that morning's usual appointment with the porcelain throne when finished slowly with great delight I push the number plate back into position . Now the best part of the story was at the next FGP gathering he proceeds to tell us the story of that day when he found my little revenge rendezvous for him. He g'oned to the local survey to fill up his car. The innocent attendant came to his window , grabbed the keys and asked how much and then went to the back of the car. While Mr. Wilson watched in the rear view mirror as he bent down the p ull on the number plate. He said he watched as his head disappeared and then saw him recoil like there was a real fucking anaconda back there after gathering himself and the keys walk back to the driver's window , the th keysrew in and said Fucking fill it yourself and walked off while the rest of us were rolling around before laughing. He told of us of the horror he had to clean up and up at the hot wash before refueling. He never went back to that servo up the storm and fuck the wise all controversial . Love you work boys. Keep it coming yours truly . That's so good. I would guess you wouldn't be so close. You wouldn't be you wouldn't be filling up unless like back in the day you would run at bone dry. Because there was always the chat of you've got to empty your tank completely, then fill it up completely so there's no condensation building up in the tank and r usting it out . It's like a real old school way of doing it. So the fumes would supposedly keep it dry until then but if you were to just keep topping it up and topping it up and topping it up then the water would never be washed out of it. So you'd always rust out your tanks and fuck me somewhere you could drive off and just have to deal with it there . That's bloody one of the clutches plays. The only other way I was trying to think that could be better would be if he did manage to do it again in winter and you could when you pushed it in it then went all around the cap and then it froze like a solid poo tube that you'd need to like chip off the air conditioning vents on those old falcons too just drew straight in off the b onnet. So we had a cat piss on ours one time and fuck me we almost rode the car off . It was rancid, absolutely rancid. What a weird dream last night. Tell me about it. So there was one person I recognized who I won't name, but it was like one of Dixie's mates . And we were at an Airbnb and it was like just relatively swing a dream again. Nah, unfortunately and it was like, you know how stuff super abnormal can happen in dreams ? But it kind of like for the situation it feels normal. So I was sitting there and there was sun going through a ranch slider we were at an airb bn and Dixie's there as well and it wasn't a sexual dream but I turned sort of as I was looking out the window being like that is a fucking mint view I heard a conversation going on behind me and the conversation was yeah we' the photographer's gonna be here in five minutes. We're going to do some artistic nude shots and I was like what? Did I just hear that right? And I was like whatever. And then sure as how the person I know was Starkers soon basically as soon as the photographer arrived, I turned around. I was like, woo shouldn't we see that? And she was up against the wall completely no just with her bum shone but like boobs away and took a couple of snaps then. out And of nowhere there was like six other girls that were also getting artistic nudes taken. You said it wasn't sexual. This sounds like nothing ends up happening. I just felt awkward. I was like, why are all these like people nude that I know here ? Like and I'm just like, I don't I shouldn't be seeing this. This is for my like the partners, this is theirs. I'm not looking at this sort of thing . And yeah, then the dream just basically ended. And I was like, what the fuck? And it was a part of my dream where I had a really it was a different part , really strong smell of cat piss. I haven't smelled in so long as the name of cats. Rancid. So pungent, which is what reminded me of that story. But did you have the DA tablets last night before going to bed? No. Fuck may have happened in the night before and that was a good thing to set up for the boxing. Yeah, they give you the best, best, best lucid weird REM sleep hallucinogenic dreams. Okay, two, so like we said today,'s podcast is going to be long. We're about to get into our guest, which is J Mo, Jonathan Moran, his new book, Mental As yn, is just, it seems outrageously good. I'm super excited to start reading it tonight. It's available anywhere. We'll put a link in the show notes for the episode notes if you want to buy it. He's interviewed Madonna, partied with Carrie Fisher and now he's opening up about his own battles with mental health. Jonathan J oroan M is a top s Ausie entertainment journal. He's also the host of the Mental Asyn podcast, and he's written a book by the same name. It's honest, it's practical, and it's full of stuff that might just save your bacon. Please welcome our next guest, Jonathan Moran. Hello . What a treat. I'm clapping myself. I'm so excited . I've got a heart on for being here . It is great to have it great to have you here. Apologies for being so absolutely shit and shambolic with any form of coms . Touch base with a mutual friend of ours, Claire about ten days ago . I picked up the email yesterday and they made it show boss Teague's problem. But here we are, you know? It's all worked out in the end. Exactly . I was gagging for it. The minute you message, I was like within thirty seconds, I responded. So I'm here in studio thrilled and tickled pink to be in New Zealand . Hey, can we rewind to the start and give the postcard version of your career? Yeah, because a very normal same as our jobs I guess, not a very normal career to get into . You making me sound like I'm special. You guys have done just as much as I have. We've really done five tenths of fuck all really. So this is nice when we actually get to hear from somebody that's got a bit more of a colorful background.. You're richer You got more money in the bank. We don't. Yeah. No, I reckon you. Yeah, pay in South Pacific Pesos, otherwise known as a New Zealand dollar . And petrol here. Yeah. Bro. three dollars a liter. bro Lucky I drive an electric. That's really that really shows that I'm gay, right? I'm the gay dude driving my little electric car. Here I am in the BYD . Yeah . They go good. We get one of those soon apparently drive . I love my BYD, but I'm just saying like I don't have to worry about the petrol. It's disgusting. Like, I don't know how people afford it. It's actually ridiculous. So you like, how did you get into journalism? I've been doing journalism for decades. I'm three hundred twenty and two in gay and I am forty seven in human . So you know how the math works? Like they're like dog ears . So because we root like dogs It's true. There's a chapter in the book about it. It's called Promiscuity and I've done the maths. It's true. Why are you looking at me like that? I'm just laughing because I just I know this is going to be great a job. We're allowed to talk like this on new podcasts. Yeah. Okay, so my career has been oh shit, sorry. You just turned me off. Yeah, we're allowed to, but then I just turned you off. Sorry, no, you're on your wife. That was homophobic. Thanks, Mate. Yeah. Good. He's from Canterbury. Sorry. No pride here in New Zealand. You're not welcome. Get out of here . You rainbow, whatever I am Look, I've been doing journalism for years and years and years. I'm a print journalist because I'm bed. I've got a face for radio. You guys have faceless Voices for print. Yeah . Can you write? No. I'm shit outside. I'm so bad with apostrophes. It's really sad because in media they're sacking everyone, so they're finally finding me out after all these decades . But in our job, back in the golden days, we got to travel the world. Now they make us do Zooms So we don't get to meet these people face to face , but you know, Madonna , Sher , Bet Midler, all the gay icons , all the fun people. Yeah And it's been an amazing ride. Behind the scenes though, I've fallen apart many times. I've been in hospital in the cycle, which was fun because it was a good thing because they locked the door so I didn't have anywhere else I needed to be and I couldn't go anywhere else. I'm making fun of it, but it was , you know, I've had a really there's a lot of trauma in my book, but there's a lot of hope in it as well because I feel like through sharing our stories , you guys , me , anyone else, Teagues , as well, a producer , then we all feel less alone. And we all come from different walks of life. Everyone's got their own shit going on, but not everyone goes and writes a book, you know, like you've gone from I am an author. But you are now congratulations. National author. Yeah, I am. Yeah, you wrote the book. Yeah, I wrote the book because I had nothing else to do during COVID. And I was my brain was like rip snorting out. I was like, I just needed to do something. I couldn't sit still. And I set myself a challenge and I wrote a minimum of two hours a day and I wrote the book in two weeks. Great nudge. Was it an incredible nudge? Is that sort of a catalyst? Do you read nudge? The yeah, great, like a great effort. Sounds like something sexual be. Well, I'm here for it. I do it twice. It was nudge, not fudge. Did you through that process, did you hit a rock bottom which you could articulate to us. Have you what is the hospital in the psych ward ? Please ring lifeline. I don't know what the number is here in NZ, but if this is triggering for you, but Did you put your hand up because you were waving someone or kids? Just relaxing . Yeah . I overdosed deliberately on badly. I was really bad at it on, you know, panadol, paracetamol and all of that , any medication I could find in the cupboard and ended up in hospital in having my stomach pumped and in the psychoid. I was in there for seven days . That was the first time and that was at about nineteen. So what was Tentman in the lead up to that? I was sexually abused as a kid . I gay and trying to navigate but that I still am because like was and am gay . I've been a bit of everything, really, to be honest. If you read the book, you'll see that I'm a tin foil gay, which means that there's platinum gays that haven't actually ever touched a vagina , and there's tin foil gays that are like they are putrid. We have been everywhere to all of the places. So a platinum gay is a gay that was born by Caesar . You weren't expecting that were you? No , I just and these are the insights that we would not otherwise get, you know, it's in the book. It's in the book. But this is what makes this is what makes this chit so good. And up until like, so if we take it all the way back to your childhood . Everybody has trauma and you can't and I'm not diminishing yours at all. It's relative if I'm not in the war zone right now bombs going off. Yeah. And so no matter what that is, it can be a catalyst for things heading in certain directions and at what point did you go I'm going to become a journalist through all of that trauma? Like what was it that made you go? This is the craft that I want to hone and this is where I see my skillset. I was obsessed with famous people as a kid. I think everyone kind of is a little bit. That's why gossip and celebrity and everyone idolizes you guys and radio people and TV stars and stuff and why people love Instagram and Wannabe Insta famous . I kind of just wanted to do something in the media. I don't know, it just was who I was and who I was never graded English. I wasn't like English language class . So I wasn't looking to do journalism as a great writer. It wasn't about being Shakespeare. That bores me to tears. I don't write my journal my journalism isn't something that you need to get a Thesaurus out and go, ooh, whatever, that's so wanky. Like I'm not interested. That's boring broadsheet stuff . And I don't know. I just followed that path . And I love telling people's stories. I love hearing people's stories. Yesterday I met an amazing person that came to my book launch here in Auckland and just connected this morning we had breakfast because I just wanted to sit down and have a yarn with her life and her story and where she came from and where she's going and what meaning she gets out of life. And to be honest, there were tears in the conversation. There was laughter in the conversation. And that for me is connection. And so journalism for me , yes, I have to write about fucking influences in bikinis in Bali when I'm stuck at my desk , but I also get to write real stories about people going through real stuff and that for me is what I want to be remembered for, not the clickbait stories that I have to write for my for my job. Yeah, it just does mean that you can articulate your own feelings, your own story also. And then evidently, but I'm swearing more like I'm not actually using the best words today. Well I've just had the exact same experience and it does you feel let down when you actually listen back to it and you go swear it's because we talk about all the time. We say swearing is lazy language. Yeah. And sometimes it's the greatest way of emphasizing something as well. But with what you've been through and then being able to articulate it into a book because I think for most people ourselves included, you get stuck in these situations and you kind of don't know what it is that you're going through or how to put it into words so that people can help you or that you can even understand it yourself to be able to help yourself, which is why m Ient'maliz anyingone who can disagree with you on something. Yeah, one hundred percent. I don't think swearing is lazy language. I think swearing is relatable language . And the fact is we're, you know , told we can't swear appropriately in certain situations , but it's relatable, right? We all swear in conversations. When you're sitting with your mates having a beer it's not like we all sit there and talk in proper English and do, you know, see that the Queen's English see that ladies doing lady things, sipping tea . And so it let's be real. This is it real's talk and I think that's a really important point around mental health . When I want to, if I want to sit down with you guys and we're having a coffee, I'd have a coffee because I don't drink, I don't take drugs. I don't do any of the fun things anymore . But I will say to you, how are you? And I want you to give me a truthful answer . I want to hear a truthful answer. And I want to give you my truthful response to that answer . And that may involve swearing. So yes, it is lazy if you're just rattling off shit and just doing it whatever, willy nilly My ADHD notices an easter egg there, which is a bit disturbing because it's July I think it's been there since February and I've been had my eye the whole time but it's not mine. I don't think it's like some sort of test ing looking at it for months. It's brutal. Yeah, we think it's a booby trap as well that's all we're lace or something. And then in a second I'll just be munching on it . So I think the whole point that we need to do in life is connect and talk because the problem with the mental health conversation that we have gone past asking are you okay ? Blokes in particular, more fellows take their lives each day than women . Three quarters we're just talking about the stats, three quarters of the people that take their life each day each year , men . And I think that's because we don't know how to receive the answers and we don't know how to answer give the truthful answer. So if someone says to you, are you okay , you will say, yeah, I'm chipped up. Totally. Fine . No one will go past that and say, I'm having a pretty shit day and then if I say that to you , you wouldn't know what to say. You'd be like, anyway, right. So I'm gonna order another beer. We do we make a habit of it too because we obviously in the building here there's truckloads of people. So yesterday was going to the bathroom crossed paths with somebody coming out of the out of the bathrooms he's like how are you making? He's like I said to him pretty fuck feels like my kidneys punched in for urine a test and blood test today. We'll see how that goes, eh? And they're like , I fucked even know this person. See, I now go halfway between that when they go here going today. Oh, how you going? I say, yeah, good today. And they go, ooh, wonder what Easter was like . I thought you were going to tell me that you have your hemorrhoids and that don't go into store number three because it's pretty messy in there, man. An accomplination. So to circle back to the book at what point I guess when did you decide to give up drugs and alcohol? What was the catalyst for that? I did all the drugs and alcohol. Yeah. Ran out. You got to the end of it. I just kept having benders. My mum died . That sent me on a really bad spiral. My mum was my best friend, Trish And I lost my way. I am proud to say that I kept my shit together from a professional perspective , but behind the scenes, I was an absolute train wreck . And on my days off, I would go out, I'd get on cocaine particularly, I'd party my ars off. It's an industry where is available and I would do what I could. And I'd spend every cent that I had on whatever I could find and I'd be sitting with the homeless people on in Sydney in King's Cross trying to score another bag of cocaine five AM and that's pretty rock bottom for me. No , like I feel for people, obviously, that's no not dising people that are homeless. Like , but I was lost and that was a really bad place to be. And I could have gone down any which way. What was it that kicked that? Because we've had this conversation. Somebody actually messaged us and I'm having conversations with a few people at the moment that are in the like on the other side of the planet and they've gone, you're the only person other than me that knows this at the moment. I'm really battling with an addiction and I don't want my family and I don't want my friends and I'm too ashamed. How did you kick it? Did you go through a twelve step program? Did you sort it yourself? What was the catalyst for change and how did you change? So I live in Sydney and my twin sister was living in Jakarta at the time with a husband for work . But our friends and family in Canberra jumped in the car on multiple occasions and drove to Sydney and nursed me and I was in a fetal position through my comedowns . And on this last occasion they took me to my GP, I said, I can't do this. I can't because I'm not going to survive. And the only thing that after my mum had died, the only thing keeping me alive was my sister and my niece. And this was before my sister I had three more nieces . And so I had to I had to do something. So we went to my doctor . Having a good GP is really important. It's freaking expensive. I don't know if it's not medical stuff in New Zealand. Subsidized here, but it's people like eighty bucks, eighty or between sixty and eighty bucks for sort of a consultation. Whereas it's going and they don't bulk bill in Australia anymore. You like you have to they used to bulk bills so you could go in and it wouldn't cost you really anything or it would be definitely subsidized. So it's really bad. And if I'm earning a decent wage and thinking twice about going to the doctor, that's pretty bad. Imagine if you're a parent with three kids, a single parent with three kids and you can't . So having a really a good GP counts and we went into the GP and I was shaking. I was a mess and I just said, Jane I don't even know if I spoke and I took my mom's best friend, who's like a second mum to me and has been since I was a kid and Judy sat there with me and Jane just said, Jonathan, you can't drink . You can't take drugs. It's not in you . Maybe other people have the ability to do that, but for me I'm not that person . That was the last time. And that was it just them saying that . I have fallen off the wagon alcohol wise on a couple of occasions . Never on a massive bender . Yeah . Once a year on the anniversary of my cousin's death, Mark My cousins and I all have a glass of Captain Morgan and Coke . One year I drank the bottle and then was vomiting to the point of like burst capillaries in my eyes like all over my so bad . So I now don't participate in drinking the Captain Morgan , but am not a person that does moderation . I don't I forgot my pants coming to New Zealand . I'm waiting for something. So sitting on the plane in Miandies I was free ballin . I forgot my pants. I just had my tracky ducks and I was like, shit, I'm doing breakfast TV tomorrow morning. I was like frantically trying to buy stuff. Oranga publisher's friend said Can you get something sent to the hotel? Fortunately, we're in the business where we know people and can call in a favor. And so anyway, I got a pair of pants for the TV thing. But then I was like, I need to go shopping. So I went into I Love Ugly, this brand here that I'm obsessed with. They did a great job. I am so obsessed. I constantly feel fat and so I've got all these body issues . So going in there, they made me feel so comfortable. They didn't feel make me feel less than for being this gay guy feeling intimidated being in a men's clothing store . Shout out to Kiano, the shop guy there was awesome. And they and I spent five hundred bucks on stuff that I don't need . Just all or nothing. Yeah. But I did that because I love the brand. I love ugly. What the fuck is ugly? Yeah. Who's ugly? Well, I'm ugly, you're ugly. We're all ugly. We've got all heads like potatoes. And so it's an incredible story that brand as well. It's so cool. Yeah. So cool. And a couple of other people from there came to my launch yesterday because we just I posted on social and then we've just been connecting and but I don't have moderation is what I'm trying to say. So I shop. I went into the bloody shop mart store here and bought crybaby dolls yesterday because I'm on the labu trend . I've got a bloody laboo boo in my bag . Let me get it. Where are you? Did you get the Timou knockoff clothes that go with it as well? I don't do teamu don't. Mainly because I don't know how and secondly age I don't know how and secondly because it takes too long. I need the instant adrenaline here. So is that you've just replaced one vice with another because shopping, eating friends I'm addicted to everything. Yeah, but you didn't get into flirting. I was flirting with you two like a human. You didn't pick it up. Neither of you were flirting back, but I was sitting here just going, just give me something. Tennis against a brick wall. But that was for a lot of people and this is a conversation I'm having with these people in the UK at the moment. It's what Thursday . And so they're going I'm now coming into the weekend. So now it's it's Friday drinks with the team and then as soon as they have a couple of drinks then I fall into calling somebody in a lowered BMW or Mercedes to turn up outside of work and I sling a couple of packets and it's cheap as shit in the UK and it's like we are in the southern hemisphere in terms of drug consumption and the purchasing of drugs, it is wildly expensive, which is why we are currently being flooded from South America with all this Columbian . I'm glad it's expensive because if it wasn't, I would be in a far worse position than I was. But those are the patterns that you and what we talk about we've recently done like a toad session, which is five D five EMODMT and it's sort of almost like a layer of snow going over a mountain so it's fresh tracks. You can't see where you've been before. So now you have the opportunity to go somewhere different. It's like when you go skiing and you look and you see people go down through treelines and that you're like, oh , I wouldn't mind going down through there and then you do it a couple of times and you're like this is fucking awesome. But when there's fresh snow you don't even look at the treelines you just make your own way and you can do something completely different and that's where a lot of people get stuck and they don't have the tools. So what are the tools that you would suggest? Look, I'm not saying it's easy. The fact that I didn't need to go to rehab and I didn't, you know, the fact that I gave up cold turkey of booze and drugs . I never really saw myself as an addict. It's a weird word. What is an addict? How hard was it It wasn't hard at all. It was just it was the psychology that was hard. Yeah . I went on a journey then, journey such a wanky word, but I did, where I got my medication right, I went to a psychiatrist. You referred me to a good news psychiatrist who got my medication right. I had to take a month off work and I went to Jakarta and stayed with my sister in Arby and I had to wean myself onto medication because it was so intense the meds that I was on And the medication wasn't for the drugs or alcohol, it was to stabilize my chemical imbalance in my brain. A lot of people are anti medication, whatever, that's fine. For me, it works. It works works. That's right. I'm pro medication in the right situation . And that's what I did. So it wasn't hard . The psychology of it was hard. I didn't need to do AA or any of those things , but other people are different. I'm just wired in a different way . And it's easier now. There are situations where I feel I'm nervous actually. I'm going to the footy tonight with maids. I know gay guy going to the footy. Woo weird . I'm gonna wear something special . I am going there and I'm nervous because everyone's going to be drinking . My social battery is low. I'm socially awkward in those situations. How do I get out? So I'm going to reserve the right to go, have a look , buy some merch because I got a shopping addiction. There we go. And then I'm gonna bugger off. Yes. Unless you feel like staying. Unless I feel like staying there. But my friends know . So you just you put yourself in that position, but you communicate and they know what's up. You're just not gonna be doing this shit out shuffle. Or communicate. I overcompensate. I walk into a room and I'm like, hey yeah. I was walking through the office and I was saying hello everyone. How are you? Blah blah blah. Inside, I'm dying thinking they're looking at me that this who's this fat balding old dude trying to be cool and young wearing I love ugly cool clothes like that's what my head tells me so I mask it too . Fake it till I make it How much is it Dr. Jodie? Yeah, how much is she helped you in what way? She wasn't my doctor. So Dr. Jodie Loinger basically I wrote this memoir so it's my journey, it's my story, it's the sexual abuse, it's the issues around sexuality. It's not all dark. There's light and shade and there's real joy and hope in there because I do want to be alive , but we also didn't want to just put a steaming turd on the table and go, yeah, let's pick apart my trauma and like laugh at some of the beards or not laugh or go yeah sucked in, he's dealt with shit. I've got my shit together or I'm whatever . I wanted to something that will hopefully give them something to help them. I'm not a doctor. I've played doctors and nurses. I was the doctor, thumb atop . And I yeah, that's that's where Dr. Jodie came on board. So I'm affiliated. I've forced myself to become an ambassador for an organization called Gotcha for Life in Australia, Gus Walland, a great broadcaster and the greats. Yeah. Yeah, he is founded this organization because he found that a mate was not well and that we weren't talking about this stuff and that we need to get into prevention rather than dealing with it when it's a crisis for mental health. So Jodie is a non executive board member on Gotcha for Life, and so I rang her and said, I want you. I wanted a woman . I didn't want a man . I don't know why. It was just my head, wanted a woman, I guess, because I don't know. Anyway, so I rang and we met for a coffee. We instantly connected . She really got the idea that I didn't want this psycho babble talk. I wanted it to be real talk. My book isn't Shakespeare. This is me just talking like you ha'vingre a conversation . And so at the end of each section, there's four sections in the book and it's got I can't even remember, I'm so discombobulated sexuality , addiction, self esteem, life and death . And at the end of each section she's written sort of a bit of a summary making sense of what I'm saying. That's so amazing . And then there is thought starters. So I'm going to jump. Let's jump to I'm just going to flick to one fifty four . So I think that's one of those when somebody can summarize what it is and give an articulate understanding from a medical standpoint and what you can do, those tips and those tricks and those thought starters that you're talking about, we had a guy called TJ Power who,'s got a great name. You know, TJ Power. Yeah . He was on the show and he did the exact same thing. He was like, I was a rat bag. All of the things that, all the things that we do , you know , as bad, bad humans sometimes, he did those things. And then he figured it out from a chemical standpoint in your brain why we do them. And then when you understand it, like now at forty two years old , I now understand why I make the decisions that I make. And fuck, that's a long time to just be running wild with no user manual . Yeah , yeah. And I mean, we're so arrogant in life, totally that we think that we have all the answers . I think that's a great I just realize how rich your ring is on your finger. Wow, can I have that? It's gold with all these little sparkling black diamonds . I just wanted to give you an example . So in the section on self esteem, I'm the sort of person that I don't like looking in mirrors because every time I do I feel all I look at is the fat . And so I talk about that and about my body dysmorphia stuff . She talks about how do you help a loved one if they're struggling with low self esteem, things like, you know, it's distressing and you can see their worth, but they can't see it. That's even more distressing. For me, I don't like to look at a mirror, so I don't look at mirrors unless I have to , which is not really an easy thing in life in general , but a lot of reflections of the world there's mirrors everywhere . But one of my favorite things in the books the book is these reflection prompts, which sound very wanky mung bean. I did it with my kids all time. You know, like sitting around Byron Bay in Australia, Kumbaya, you know , or with sarongs on and shed. Stinking of Seabar but you know, it sounds pretty nice to me right now then rushing off to our Kalonic but you know if you were and the the prompts that she's provided are for you if you're going through it or if you're a person that has a friend that's going through it. Which is worth it . Absolutely . So it's got something for both sides of the conversation . And that if you don't give a shit about my story , that stuff's interesting, perfect. If you don't give a shit about the psych stuff, then read my story. But there is something for both people. And the thing is with this book is that you'll go back to it. How many books do we have on our shelves that will never go back to? Probably most of them. Yeah. Well, I've started rereading the books that really resonate with me. So this is one of those ones that you'll continually go over because more it's nice to have like four or five there that you can go back to and the really good ones, like especially the self help ones, you'll read again because you forget. It's like having it's like having like I don't know. I ride old motorcycles and so therefore you need specific tools for old motorcycles. And if you don't have them, then it's fucked and you can't use the thing that you actually love. So these are tools which you'll be able to continually go back to and tinker on yourself and make yourself better again because what you are now, what I am now at forty two will be completely different in five years time. We're all in progress, right? Exactly. We'll be different tomorrow. And how I am right now, I do this thing on my social media where I go on there and I ask people where are you at? And I do it on the podcast, where are you at right now ? Are you on a scale of one to ten on the mental wellness , mental fitness scale? What are you guys? I'd say seven or eight. I would say I'd say probably at a nine and a half on the mental fitness part, physical fitness, I'm at like a fucking two. Like my body is fucking, I didn't actually ask about your fitness. You don't care. I'll be in a fucking beep touch mate. I'll give you a full assessment of your fitness a little bit later off air and I'll let you know where you're at. And what about you? Truthfully? Yes . After this chat, I'm probably an eight . Yesterday , I was a three . And what was the shift between that internet? I can jump, those figures can jump all over the place . My brain sends me in different things. And the day before that, the day the morning that I was flying to New Zealand, I literally could not stop crying. I was sobbing in my kitchen I was packing my bag. Yes, I packed my bag and I put the suitcase on the ground, I was packing it in the kitchen and I could not stop crying because I was freaking out that no one would give a shit that I'm coming to New Zealand not that I need adoration or any of that sort of stuff, but I'm coming to another country and selling a book basically and selling myself and I got a tap dance and my supper, and I was freaking out that no one was going to come to the launch . And then I had a spoke to a friend. They said, Well, what does it matter ? What does it matter if no one comes? And it doesn't. That's the byproduct of the work that's already done. This is the steak meal. That's having a shit. One person can read the book. Yeah you get out one person you'd be happy I'm sure. One person will listen to this conversation go, yeah, okay, there's some bits of that I related to that is that's cool . And so that morning I was pretty on edge. I've also done a massive tour, right? Like I did all the cities in Australia . I'm in Auckland. It's been a big month. And so the book's being released all through it's globally being released all through Europe in the UK, the US, Canada . And so it's very exposing, putting in a book that you're sexually abused and totally dude was standing over you masturbating and you , you know, like that's pretty intense to put everything because it is all of the warts. It's not just a warts and all book. So many people say they're going to release a book and tell everything and they don't. It's so fucking bor . I have put into this book . The only things that I have excluded are things that I've protected other people from that aren't my story to tell . But everything about me, all of my deepest sniffing petrol as a thirteen year old, mum walking in going, What's he doing? Why does he smell like petrol? And I was in the lounge I was in the lounge room smelling like petrol and then she walked out and I was like in this zombie state in the garage. That's in the book. It's so weird. Why did I do that? Because I was a lost spirenuel kid to who didn't want to be here and I got a hive from it and some mum had to take me to hospital and admit that I had been sniffing petrol. That is in the book trying to kill myself when I was in year four of primary school running across sitting in the middle of the road as a bus came down and someone having to drag me across the road . You know, this is stuff that is very brutally honest and raw . And so right now I feel very exposed and vulnerable and I need a little bit of time to refill my cup and and just wanky to say, be kind to myself. I do need to just , I don't know, just take a second. Could you say it is you are very vulnerable, but I would almost in the reframing of it because it's what I'd like to do. I would just say that you're fucking incredibly brave and that powerful Yeah that's I would say that you're powerful and that you're bra ve and in the vulnerability. And I think that's to be vulnerable, you need to be those things first. I am, but my brain and it's just the way it works and I do try to reprogram it always goes to the I'm not good enough imposter syndrome your shit. And so and I know a lot that's not unique to me. I'm not special . And so by identifying that, hopefully other people will realize their own things are not unique and this is something that we're all dealing with. We all, whatever walk of life that we come from, we have this stuff. So yeah, anyway, that's the honest truth about now. I'm really looking forward to getting off the plane having one day and then starting back at work on Monday. That's going to be really friggin' awesome. Hey, where's your stories? We've got a paper to put out. Yeah. Do you think in twelve months time that there will be I'm just guessing there might be an enormous sense of relief because you've put it out there. There's nothing else that you've been hiding your whole life to put out there. Like in twelve months time when it's out there, but fuck that's out there. I don't even know I've done that. No, I feel relief now. Great . And I feel if in a moment of logic I am so friggin ' proud. How many people can say they've written a book? Walking in to Paper Plus or Whitcools? So sir. And seeing my book there? I mean another country I want to move here, man. Like that oh I just oh it just feels so good because in my brain I constantly tell myself I'm shit so for someone else to say you're not just shit, you're not just not shit . You're worthy of having your book published and it's being sold . Maybe someone might buy it . Wow, I don't give a shit about the money. I'll be lucky to break even. This isn't a money making exercise . If I do this as I've done it, seeing it in the yeah, I just can't even articulate what I'm trying to say, but I feel very proud of what I've achieved. And I'm going to come back to New Zealand because you guys have been so amazing. I'm talking to the I love ugly people about coming back and doing a series of things with them where I go into their stores and have like sessions or whatever, not sex sessions, but just yeah , just I'm very, very grateful. I think if you were to imagine this is what I think of it. If you were to imagine this book and throwing it into a lake and then the ripples that come off of that, that is what you're creating. Every single time one happens, every single time a book gets sold, that goes into somebody's hands and there's a ripple effect off that person. And you imagine how many have moved and how many ripples that you've created like when you think about it's just stacking and stacking and stacking and stacking, it doesn't take long for what you've done to cover every corner of the globe. And that in itself is wildly impressive. And worthy of you stopping down and maybe going through one of these sections that has, what have I done lately that's made me incredibly proud of myself and reflecting on that part and going, holy fuck, I have made a massive difference. Yeah. And I'm feeling that and I feel that here being with you, blokes , definitely. And it's and it's a good feeling . But I'm going to be, you know, it's like that whole conversation about, are you okay? I'm going to be honest with you. I do need a second just to say, Hey , I need a moment just to take a chill. And I think that's okay to say what you need in life . It's a good lesson, I think , to recognize I'm very good at recognizing when my head is not in the right direction And so that's what I'm going to do. I would like to whatever it is, the answer is yes. A couple of questions and this would be considered to be probably the clickbait stuff of this interview, but I'm genuinely interested. How the fuck do you end up partying well were you partying in a hotel Princess Leia? No, we weren't partying. What happened? I'll tell you the truthful story, which would be much more interesting than the book has the story and it's there, but I allude to one bit about it . So I became friends with Carrie Fisher through interviewing her multiple times. And when I was a kid, you can imagine what that's like being a forty year old guy who grew up when the original Star Wars films came out to have Carrie Fisher's email and phone number in your phone and to when she came to Sydney catch up . That is iconic. And so I got a call, not from her, from her assistant saying Carrie wants to see you so I went to the Shangrila hotel I'.ll And fly to LingA the next morning. I was like, cancel all my plans. I've still flew to LA, but cancel all my plans that night or pack when I can pack, I'm going to a hotel . And I went there and she opened the door of a hotel room and I will never forget it. She had a dressing gown on, her hair pulled back, and I just lay at the foot of her bed and we just talked about who Hollywood and how fucked up people are and how you know, she recognized in me that I was broken probably in a similar way to how she was broken and it was very trusting for her to have that conversation with an entertainment journalist. She must have seen you as more than your job clearly. Definitely. And I think she gave zero fucks . Like what did she have to lose? What was I gonna do? Like sticks and stones? Like she's lived . She's been I mean, she died way too young at a time where, you know, her career could have taken off massively again . It was amazing. The little secret I didn't put in the book that I alluded to was that then I went and had intimate relations with her assistant 'cause no show without punching them. I just wanted a little . So then in my head, I'm wondering whether or not she just wanted her sister to get laid. Like a funny old thing are they say it's what when you're old and you're looking back you'd be like that was fucked. And also what people don't understand what people don't understand is the role in which you play gets you through doors that would never be open to anybody else and there's it's a weird midlayer of your common person and then superstardom and you float between the both of them. And that is the trickiest. I had explained to me, beautifully biographical Martin Pepper, who's a journalist from based in Wellington. And he goes, man, I feel sorry for you. And I was like, Why is that? And this is at the height of Izune radio show show and MTV. Like I was crushing it for a young buck and he goes, you roll with famous people, but you aren't famous. You go to expensive shit that you can't pay for it. And he's my mate. And I was like, you've absolutely nailed it on the head. Like I'm there as the I'm there as like a plus one or a fun to have, but I've never done what they've done to get into that position. So it's like an unqualified position that you're in and your job is to and this is like there are friendships in there as well, but nobody understands what it's like. Are they really friendships anyway because you know, these people aren't really your friends? No, it's like a comp are Yeah. It's not like you'd have their numbers, but you wouldn't if I had a spear knight I wouldn't go, hey, what are you up to? And they'd be like, Yes, six. Sounds good. The people that I used to ring when I was drunk dialing when I was high. Yeah , because it was like, I'm gonna ring Delta Goodrim or Guy Sebastian, you know? How ethereally beautiful is Delta Goodrim though ? I've never been Starstrek in my life. I couldn't even talk to her when she was on the red carpet and bursts yeah. Fuck me. I love it. My producer said to me, what are you doing? And then she turned to my producer and goes, and how's your day been? She goes . And that was my only saving grace. She was like, What the fuck just happened? I was like',t even I didn know. I didn't even find her like wildly attractive or anything. There's just she rolled up like a fairy. I just had this aura. Very tall fairy . She's a good person. And so yeah, I did, I have drunk Dial Delta many times. I've drunk dolled Guy Sebastian many times . I don't have Stan Walker's mobile, so I don't drunk doll him but I would if I did we're made we're made. He's off in, he's doing amazing things. He's an incredible thing. Where is he in Hawaii with Jason Mamo doing his god of war? Yes. He was singing there. I reckon my secret is that he's gonna be in the next season of that with the Apple series. I wouldn't be surprised. He is one of the coolest individuals I'd like to ever come across. Like him a lot. I used to think he was gay, but then he married this super hot woman. Yep, I'd say that you were not alone in that. And he does have an incredibly beautiful wife and it was a cool story because they went full circle so they were together and then separated and then she went and had a family with another person and then they've come back together and now they've created their own family together. Oh wow. Can I just say one thing? I want you guys to know and I think I've made it clear, but I want people to know that this book isn't a gay story. There's been a lot of gay in this , but this book is a human story . So it's I love it. You don't I don't think you need to I don't think you need a reference . I just want to say it, but maybe I might need to say that more in Australia than I do New Zealand. I don't need to say that all. It's it is a story. It is a story I think of human triumph. I am starving this tonight. I don't have copy until now, so I appreciate the copy. If text me and let me know what you think of it. And if you hate it, I still want you to write it. I already know I'm gonna love it. Like I'm excited. I'm going to be reading a book on a Friday night. That is not my normal. That f'ucsking perfect. Yeah. That actually is my normal. Yeah. What are you What's what are the other clickbait questions you had in your head? I was gonna ask about Madonna . What? Did you get I didn't party with her? Just interviewing her and being the same room with her. That's cool. Also, Jay's done that with many like people who are MTV as well, but it's just like it is a weird experience. Like when you go, what am I doing here? Like I had the same when interviewed one of the lads from Leed Zeppelin, you're like, why ? How did my life end up here? To make it a salacious one then, what is the most fuck celebrity situation that you've ever been a part of? We did like, have you been to like a ditty freak off party or anything? No, I would love to, even though that's bad , I'm a very sexual person, so I'd try, as I said, I would try it many times. I don't agree with any of the bad stuff that he's done though. What is one of those ones that sticks out in your mind and you're like, I'm gonna tell you who I don't like. And I get asked this question every day, who's your favorite, who's not your favorite celebrity? My least favorite is Emirata, Emily Radakowski, the model turned actor turned model that always has a boobs out. And that's because she made me wait three hours for an interview once and then she showed up and then decided not to do the interview. She was just like, Not w justalked up and went into the event . So and then she and I had a fight on the red carpet because I then called her out on it and was like, That's not cool. I've got a photographer, me, videographer. We've been standing here. You got a publishers. We've all just been sitting here. We could have had other we had other things that we could have been doing and you didn't you just now decided you don't want to do it. Well, you pre approved this. This was all locked in the diary . That's disrespectful. And the photographers were all taking photos of me standing there like waving my hands in front of her. And so then all these stories ran on the daily mail and shit all around the world about, you know, Emiratis blow up on the red carpet with an Aussie journalist . And then I went on my social media and wrote that she was the rudest celebrity I've ever met. And then she went on her social media and said I was misogynistic and I was like, I'm a lot of things . I'm a lot of things, but I am a raging opposite of what misogynistic is . And so we could have picked any word . How did she respond on the recap after you gave her a dressing down? We didn't talk. She wal justked off . Yeah, we didn't talk. Good that you said that. So she and I are in a feud. And yeah, Lynn McGranger, Irene from home and away. Oh , really? Yeah, we don't get on. Why is that? She just seems like she loves to punch derries and just drink cask wine. Why can't you drink that fly there? Is that a sexual thing? No. It's in like she would be she would have a sharp tongue. Oh, yeah yeah it's very old . Look, the reason we had her falling out still follows me on social media probably after this book tour she won't talk to me anymore ever at all. Like won't even maybe she's unfollowed me, haven't checked . She released her own biography memoir thing . It was all pretty boring , but there was a chapter where she wrote about how she loved to have weed . Her and her husband love to smoke weed . How good's that? Yeah . Irene from the diner smoking a punkin bonks. I don't reckon there's too many people in Australia or New Zealand that haven't been on a converted sport drink bottle with a bit of garden hose in it. I reckon there's a huge orange juice bottle . We used to do a bucket bong when I was in high school. Not very good at it. So I wrote a whole story and the headline was Stoned and away . Oh, that's good . Oh , that's good. And she was not happy . I shouldn't put her in a fucking book, take those loss in laughing laughing glass. Let me read you this. I need to find this because how can you disagree with this when she said these quotes as well ? I need to find the bloody things, so okay . Bit she sold more copies of the book after you release the story. In the biggest newspaper in the country, Australia Daily Telegraph ran that story. It makes her more interesting. What other than that she's, got dancing with the stars and the diner with Aiden Ecodimu . Like, really? Come on . She's eighteen away still going. Yeah. Have they reduced the daze or anything? No, still, it's still fire on fire . But Linn McGrange has just retired. Yeah, okay. Not from that. She's gone off to do bigger things . Pantomimes or some shit at the local theater company. And I'm like, Yeah, well, you know, when she wants a press with me, not interested. Sorry, Lynn . But neighbors is finished. Definitely gone. So later neighbors. Okay, I'm going to read you this headline on the online stories that must have changed the headline on the online one, but it was Home and Away Star Reveals Drug Past and it says Much Love Summer Base Soap star Lynn McGrange revealed her old habit of regular cannabis usage in an upcoming memoir set to Shock . The Home and Way Veteran has filled her teller with plenty of revelations, not least of which is the fact she used to love smoking marijuana . Quote we used to grow it . We grew our own in the backyard . My husband has got a real green thumb. The good news is how he is into chilies . Now he is into chilies. And there was a further quote, it's all detailed in her book Acting Up Me, Myself and Irene, which is released, blah . It's going to be totally scandalous and it was not it wasn't just a bit of marijuana I smoked a lot of dope. I just loved it. I would smoke joints. It was the addiction to tobacco because as soon as that went, it was like rolling up a dog turd. It was horrible. Since then I've come across the odd hash cookie, but I'm not going to go there . I would have thought amazing. Husband would have been like, Hak and now Darl, what have you done? You'd be cranky with me. You said this in an interview and you don't expect it to run in the interview . Irene , Lynn, for God's sake . Oh , jeez. That is magic. We should probably wrap it up and let you get on to recharge your seven hours. Seven hour interview. He lo love it. And like we've always got space for you here whenever you come back to jump on and fill in any of the gaps that we may have missed . Must , must Copy stick away, app tooarently. Yes.' Weve got five of them. Do you want me to sign them or do it? Do you want the signature? Yeah, the signatures would be great. Absolutely , why not? Yeah. So we'll put in a keyword for people on the podcast mental and your address and obviously named stuff through the knock for radio Facebook page just onto our DMs. Flick us a message. We'll select some people off there . Might save one for the radio show to give away as well. So if you want to seek chance and you're listening to this New Zealand this afternoon on the radio show there will be a copy to give away too. Jesus has been good. It has been actually it's exactly what I need on a Friday. I love the energy that you bring into a room. It really was boring . You're like, oh, you're making it wear nobody that Claire is friends with is boring. Who is this dude coming in? So Claire is a talent manager, a New Zealand talent manager who's now based in Australia, New Zealand and the greater part of the world and she is a force to be reckoned with. She is a unit, she's a loose unit and she is the best unit. I love her. You catch up with her tonight? Is it the rugby? Is it rugby or what game you going to? I don't know the, rugby is some big game, but it's at Eden Park . Oh, it's the Eden Park game. The Legion's game. Classic AB's. Oh yeah, that'd be fun. There'd be sold probably halfful. I don't know. Yeah. Because hard to get out of the house in New Zealand. It's not raining though, so it should be okay. Yeah. Is it Samora as well? And Tonga maybe? It's good. It's a double header. Cool. Great . I love a double header . Samora, Scotland. It is Sick. Oh, that's gonna be You enjoy that. Well, you might not. You might turn up and get the team kit and then bug her off. Yeah, I'll at least watch half of it. Well, there's four jerseys for you to purchase, so you're in for a treat. We see Lisa's get a Fritz's weener from the hot Dog Standard Outstanding. Really? With that, I'm gonna try not to do the bun because my boyfriend will get cranky . Carbs dog. So I'll just do the Wiener . I'll be happy with that too because then it saves his job when I get back I'm buggering off. I've got to go and see if I can find some more laboo boobs in town, see if they've restocked the shelves. That's just such a wild craze, isn't it? you're here for it. Yeah. What did that cost you? What did that one cost you? eighty bucks? thirty two dollars because it's real and I happen to be walking past the store when they restocked the shelves. In New Zealand or Australia? Australia. Yes., in state It's eighty eighty kiwi. Yeah, but there's a shop mart store here that would have them on occasion, wouldn't they? They have to have them. But mostly they don't stock them because they sell them out like within seconds , so therefore you have to go online and buy them. So I got this one legit and I got it for thirty two bucks Australian. And you open it in a box you have no idea what's in it. That's one of the coolest parts about it. Yeah. So you can get so for the don't know, they basically knocked off where the wild things are characters and turn them into little cuffy dogs and then key rings. Yeah, and our key rings are about what six inches long if that Steve Lee' justs finding out about the music you can hear . Yeah what is it? Is it like this generation's tamagotchi? Exactly. Pretty much. Does it fucking do anything? Nah, well it's very cute. If you want it to we had a quote yesterday that was in a tattoo a tattoist parlor. Anything can be used as a duel if you're adventurous enough . Amazing. On that note , all right, great. Good luck with the Ellie. It's the last date or last book for this one, but I will be back in New Zealand and you will be seeing me again . Don't you worry? Next time maybe you can show up at my event, thanks very much. Jay didn't give me any details until this morning of any of this but it,'s been a real nice surprise . This is classic Jay organisation at its best. Abit, look where we are. It worked out. You beauty. Being rich. This is real Take two of these and call me in the morning , not for radio, with Jam Dubs. He was awesome. Jonathan Moran. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You'll love him. Obviously the keyword there. Make sure you slide into the DMs, punch it in and we've got a few signed copies to give away. Well with getting your hands on and internationally distributed as well so you can get it wherever you want. So what a day a day of guests we've got Sam and Allie from the UK here have based themselves in the middle of bumfuck nowhere here in New Zealand place called Bulls and it's unbeliev as Balls a small town but you guys are both are you jockeys? Yeah, so yeah we're joking a little bit closer we're jockeys based in the UK jump jockeys are a little bit bigger than your average seven dwarves . Yeah. So we didn't know who so who dragged who over here? Because someone would have gone, hey, I've got an idea. And then when you pitched it, because I mean like I've got friends that are from the UK that were pitched it with tricky. We talk about him on the podcast all the time. He thought that he was coming out to something that was tropical, like basically like a miniature Hawaii slightly further south of the equator . Did you think it was this amazing great place and that every single joint looked like the Bay of Islands or Mount Cook were amazing? Or did you know what you getting yourself in for? So all the louds would say to me, they say, Sam, you've got to go to New Zealand. He said, If you go to New Zealand, you'll never come back. He said, It's the place for you. If you like milking cows and you like Rider Norse, he says, This is the place and he liked beer, you'll be absolutely sound. So I pitched it to Ellie and I've listened to your podcast for God knows how long? And I thought, right, we're going to go. We're going to go and have a look. They're crying for jump jockeys here You get smashed a fucking smoother rings on the thing. So for those who don't know expl,ain what exactly that is so we ride over a little bit further distance to the flat racing and they for some reason they put obstacles in the way so we have to jump over them. We have hurdles that are probably about three foot six and they jump to like chase fences that are about four foot probably four foot two. Would be a standard reg ence? Yeah. Yeah, a bit bigger in England than you have them here, but it's sort of similar size to England, but over here they call them live fences. So you can brush through them and they are they are live. Whereas ours are they're all put up fences. Yeah, so there's a grub on the track. Yeah , where you can sort of brush through yours a little bit easier than the ones back at home. How the fuck you get into there? Family really having a total disrespect for life really Yeah . I don't know, it's just, yeah, I just fancied it. It was always sporty like and I was as good as sport, loved football, loved rugby , but like I was too got too small for rugby that started to hurt. And even football I got too small for football so fuck I just take a torse ride in A. So you went from something that something you went from a a maybe hundred kilo person running into you to jumping on the back of half a ton and being six way up in the air and getting trampled by yeah power play that's what that is so yeah I know it's I love it I mean. you, know I, love it in England. It's got lows, isn't it? But like the highs are they're so rewarding. Highs are the best you win . That's what you do it for. Yeah, the good days. I mean, obviously I have to ask the morbid question. When was the last time you came off and what's the sort of injury list? If we were to print out all of your x rays, could we make up a full skeleton? Oh, Jesus, I fell off three times last week . Ellie's having a really bad time with the man. Yeah . Yeah. We went down to Woodfield on the weeke nd and poor Ellie got Ellie got brought down at the first fence and I tell you this like the standard of probably the horses and the riding is a lot maybe a bit lower over here but it's the carnage that brings the people in. The crowd go wild for it. Like the more carnage, the more people that fall. There was a there was a poor chap rode three times round the racetrack be,ar back out of control. And every time the crowd cheered him on , so we went again and he was just like, I just thought they live for it. And it's jump racing that's going to keep racing in this country alive. And it's just like you need we need to push it here totally . So no injuries from the three times coming off in one week. I don't know. Pretty much didn't look really. You just have to get on with you used to it. Like we've had loads of broken bones between us but, you got to put that to the back of your mind and just carry on because otherwise you wouldn't do it. A few I broke my leg quite badly in October and it took me about three months to get back going again and it's the hardest thing is then you realize well, you don't realize how much fitness you lose and like the muscle and yeah getting back it is hard work. A lot of blood sweat and tears but then you get back on and you get the thrill when you're riding in the race and it's all worth it again. There's actually I got great picture from November just before Christmas because I broke my neck and nearly broke a leg. There's me, there's me in a neck brace pushing her in a wheelchair around it. And it's just like , we're just like a bunch of parablegigs yeah, just like gussing around . Meaning broken me. I didn't know I'd, to be fair, I didn't know I'd done it. So yeah. I was like, oh my gosh, how do you have a phone that goes at eight million decibels? It's like they gave me the shit put on sci phone or you can put on speak phone and put 'em on the podcast It's a fellow jockey actually from out here . So what was the injury that caused the broken neck? Like what was the accident that caused so I do I do a bit more of like younger horses . So we were schooling three year olds to be come four year olds after Christmas because that's where your market is four year old five year old horses that win first time out majority, you know, they you'd be looking to pay one hundred, two hundred grand for them sort of horses. That's where the market is for us. Yeah . So yeah, I was schooling a three year old, got a bit brain dead at the last and yeah, just come up and did a rolly poly after just talks it down massively like a rolly poly . Yes broken neck. Broken necklace. And so yeah, chest , so when did you start listening to the podcast? When did you decide that you needed to come down here? Or that your mates forcing you into it? And you're like, I'll give it a nudge. How long have I been listening for? Probably just before probably COVID just before COVID. Yeah, okay. And then I've done the backup there's probably a hundred episod es in the middle, probably like from four hundred to five hundred that I've not done for you. Yeah, I mean, I've been in the game long time, yeah, like I always used to wonder what happened to Harry Chainsaw, right? What happened to him? Should we tell us is he not? He's still here. No , he's here. He's landscaping. Yeah, so he had a couple of written warnings and then sort of signed his own death warrant and no longer able to be employed by this company. But now he does like a lot of acting . He works on film sets and also does landscaping. Okay . He does last night. He would have been doing a pub quiz out east . So he's does lots of him seeing as well which is yeah, he's he's a special buttercream he's a painful mind pure chaos Yeah unfortunately I don't know he's a hard one to keep online. Is it like you to be honest? Yeah, geez. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, but you're it's a special type of community that listens to this podcast day. Oh, it's just a real sound it's a bigger one actually this is, I mean, this is s goingound to kind of self saucy, but this is something that got sent to us the other day by one of the sniper elite, Phil Sutton . Just this is I did I recently did another podcast called Between Two Bears. Bicallyas it was like just finished between two bears pod. What a listen just want to say thanks for the content you put out in the messages you send and the standards you uphold. I'm continually amazed and inspired by the way you and Dunk managed to be so fucking loose but car,ry more respect for others and especially the woman in your life than anyone I've ever listened to or known in life. The whole male world could do with a dose of this mindset. It's amazing the level of filth and depravity the NFR team managed to produce but not, a single bit of disrespectful , not a single bit of it is disrespectful to other individuals. You all deserve a mass of pat on the back, up the wise the boys and the whole NFL family. And I think we struggle to very nice message. We struggle to articulate what it is that we do, but I think we know that that's what we're trying to achieve. Like it's pretty fucked . But I think that is the best explanation that I've had of what it is that this podcast is and that community of individuals like the Sniper and Snipmagh, Facebook group, like such a wild arset of saying the other day, there's a bloke that was listening to an up for radio episode in Helsinki, Finland and was listening kind of work. He was listening semi quietly on his phone and then in a thick Finnish accent someone's like, Is there another sniper here? I don't know what a fucking spring accent is. And so this bike some big finish bl oke and his misses were like, oh we are part of Sniper's Nightmare group as well. We love Not for Radio. So he sat there drinking beers and I'm like, What the actual fuck? Very hard to wrap your head around when this is us talking shit and it's yeah it's got big. Now we've been teasing this for like three days this week. Jay's gonna story about how he come unstuck. Be careful I say it because let's just say this accidentally happened. It was long enough ago, it doesn't matter. Okay, good. It involves Mars Volta Gig and J's Mate getting a dose a little bit wrong. Yeah, so the story goes back away now. It's definitely pre kids, so then it's oh hang on . Snipers reload . Another war story incoming eyes on target scope dialed in. Let's see who hits the mark. I'm just weary this might be our longest podcast ever so this is the last war story. You're going up against the one familiar with the bloke that packed on the windscreens . So long story short, this was pre kids, so twelve, thirteen years ago. One of my favorite bands in the world is Mars Volta. And they were out here doing a show and if you're not familiar with their music , it's just amazing but it's very it's psychedelic ish rock quite heavy and the lead singer is incredible with the microphone. So the microphone's taped up and he fires it out into the crowd like a poi or like I don't know one of those things that's in like fucking mortal combat go get over here like one of those things. So spins it around, flicks it around his neck. He's very theatrical on stage , and the music lends itself to enjoying it over some form of a hallucinogenic experience. So on that note, a friend of mine from the Naughty North of New Zealand made up this con coction of psilocybin magic mushrooms. He made this magic mushroom juice. So me and all my old schoolmates were like, yeah, let's get together and we'll rip into a little bit of this mushy juice and he wasn't coming with us so he sent it with another friend and his advice was take two , don't definitely take three. And by that he meant two shots of this thing. So imagine a shot glass. So we all sit around and we have the first one. It tastes a bit shit. It's like a blended up a shrimp smoothie sort of thing . At this stage I should point out that it's still illegal here in New Zealand you shouldn't be doing this and I understand that and I learnt from I learned the lesson . So we basically get this and when you are partaking in psilicobin it's generally in a managed dose and you measure it out. But even then, you might have the cap of one and the stalk of the other and the stalk fucking fumps you and the cap does nothing . And so to even it out, we had the first one, had a couple more bears, then had the second one. We're kind of sitting there and just fell straight into the classic trap of I'm not feeling anything. Are you feeling anything? The rest of the boys like, No, we're not feeling anything . This is just the mistake everyone makes . So we're like fuck we have another one, you know? Not heeding the advice of have two don't have three. We dived into the third one and all of us were committed in for a penny in for an absolute pounding, it turns out. And so we chop away, the taxi turns up and just getting just as we're getting to the gig, we've got a friend of ours who was a serious drug abuser for a number of years and he's like our canary down the coal mine. So if he's going okay if he's going okay we're all gonna be okay Jock him in . So just before we turn up to the gig he starts falling apart and we're like fuck old mate's going he's going to pieces and so he turns around and looks at us and he goes We're fucked I was like oh god oh god some of us haven't some of us haven't indulged as much as others over time. And so we're a little bit you know, we're hesitant to do it in the first place, but we were kind of all coerced into it . And so this is where things start to wobble because he was going about fifteen minutes in front of us each time. First one, fifteen minutes, second one, fifteen minutes, third one, fifteen minutes. We know that in fifteen minutes time we are proper fucked . And so we got a decision at this point to make like are you going into the gig? Do you just go to the toilets and ride it out or you're gonna go right into the thick of it? So I went with option three . So we turned up and because all of our brains like our heads had literally been flipped open, our brains taken it and thrown down the road at this stage. We walked into the gig and all of us instantly got disassociated with ourselves and each other. And I was like, Wow, I'm here for this gig. So I basically stomped my way to the front of the of the railing at the gig and Marswalta came out and the lights were spectacular and the performance is spectacular and I'm thinking this is just awesome. Like it's heavy but I'm in control here. So I'm rolling through this and my brain's going all over the place but I'm managing to hold on to the roller coaster. I went from being the pilot to the passenger and in a spectacular way . And so probably about two thirds of the way through, I'm like shit, I'm starting to lose a grip on reality here a little bit and I'm starting starting to wig out. So I was like, okay, this time I,'ll get out of here.. I'll bail I'm peeling out. And at this point I was working, I had a radio job and a TV job. So there's a relative large number of people at this group who recognized me just because I was a big cooked human . And so I spun around. I reckon I took about three steps and then just completely blacked out in the crowd and just dropped like a sack of shit. Oh , and so the next thing I know I'm coming to and I'm getting picked up over the railing by security. One bl oske scot my leg, the other bloke scot my arms and these two humongous Pacific Island guys who I've known have worked doors at events that I've been a part of for years and they're like holy fuck Jay, what have you taken? And I was like, oh it's m ushrooms and they're like, You're fucked. And I was like, No kidding. So take me outside and I park up on this rubber bin. I was like, holy shit and I'm just sort of pulling it together. I was like pulled out my phone and had a pack of darts. I was like, I'll have a dart and I'll just level this whole thing out. So I'm starting to come back to normal. And so I put whack a dart in my mouth, sparked it up, and then these three girls came up to me and it was like their faces were all rushing in at different times and they were saying shit but I couldn't understand what they were saying and I was like what are you fucking talking about? Boom, lights out again . So I slid off the rubbish bin, cracked my head on the concrete and woke up to them going put them in the recovery position, put them in the recovery position. And as I was coming to, one of them goes, Oh , he's pissed his pants . And so I'd hit my head so hard that I'd piss myself . And so I was like, Ah, shit. Oh my gosh . This is a real issue . And so pulled myself back together, pulled my phone out and said to the boys, where about to tell you is they had been sitting up on the top of the stands just watching the whole thing unfold , not me falling off and smacking my head, but watching the gig unfold and just getting the security of a collective, you know? Like a whole bunch they can't pick us all off. And so being together made them feel safe. So I was like, I'll come up and find you. And I walked up and they made space for me in the middle. And so I dropped them in the middle of this. And they're like, Where have you been? So I told them the story. And I was like, I crack my head, I piss my pants. And so each one of them took a turn reaching over and grabbing my crutch and then smelling their hand going , that,' ysup. pissed That's a hundred century. And that is my story about Mars Voltaron Mushrooms. Oh my gosh. Well, there's an ad form, don't do mushrooms. Drugs bad. Okay . Holy hecker. How'd you not told me that story? I don't know. I've never really came up . Well, what a treat. That'll do it for the Yeah, Ellie, thank you so much for coming to say good day. Where are you? What are you up in Norcamore today? Basically yeah, come see you guys. I 've seen nothing before. It's our weekend off. So yeah, so we thought we'd make the travel. Great. Yeah, day off work. And then what are you gonna go? Absolutely send it in town tonight. Yeah, probably. Yeah, I'd like to. Yeah. Go and have a few scoops and yeah kick on. Head back home again. But yeah perfect. So what? Head Oh, head back home again. Have a head back home again. Yeah, I play that myself after a few drinks yeah. But you stay in town tonight. Staying in town yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Maybe tomorrow night as well and then yeah got another goat alright well if you like we said earlier ' gotve copies of that book to give away mental through the Not for Radio Facebook page. Thanks for coming in Tambloody awesome to meet you and we'll be back on Monday with the Inside Word a reminder you can subscribe to the podcast unlocks about two hundred fifty e andpisodes when you become sniper elite ad free as well and your chance to win more kit and like Jay alluded to, you saw in the podcast there is quite a big announcement coming in the very near future announcement. I think a lot of people are going to be excited about it but it's Friday so have a fucking great weekend go well, go long and up the worse Rover , music, radio, podcasts