Sticky Toffee Pudding Dessert

I'm on tour. I'm on tour until August. And there are still tickets available at Jamesacaster.com. I'm looking at you. Glasgow, Belfast. Oh, there was somewhere else. Please go on the website and buy chickens, please, JamesAgasper.com! Welcome to the off menu podcast, toasting the pitter breads of conversation, taking the knife of humor. Punching a little hole of chat into the pizza bread and releasing the steam of bad vibes. That's a gamble, my name is James A Castor. Together we own a dream restaurant. Every single week we invite a guest. Ask no favor ever start a main call dessert, side dish, and drink, not in that order. And this week our guest is Ayahua Day Bamboy. Ayahua Da is a wonderful comedian, James. Won the best newcomer award. At the most recent Edinburgh. That's a big deal, man. Everyone was talking about I wasn't at the Edinburgh Fring this year. No no no. But I heard so much of it. Yes, okay. But I heard a lot of those shows for it's we felt free and light, we all s we were all saying. Some people were saying they felt free and light, some of them. By the anchor that was James A. Castlewig. Everyone was calling in the anchor. Yeah. That's good thing, anchor. Keep everyone. Not if you want to swim. Everyone's saying that I want to show was absolutely brilliant. So like I'm very excited to I've I've only we've only met once. I've only met I once and it's one of the funniest conversations I've ever had. So I'm looking forward to this episode. Yeah, what happened? Yeah, um I think I got on her nerves quite quickly, so I think it's gonna be a really nice Nice two and fro. That's good that's good to know. I think I got on her nerves as well. Yeah. Yeah. So this'll be fun. This can be fun. Double truck. Benito, have you met her before? Yes. Did you get on her nerves? find that hard to believe. I want it's going on tour of her show swings and roundabouts. That is the award winning show. So absolutely. Right now, pause the podcast and get to get to voice because it's gonna settle out by the end of the sentence. You'll gotta go. You've got to go. So hot cakes you gotta you gotta James is not pointing at his own butt when he says that. He's talking about the tickets. Just to be clear, just if if the listener could always assume I'm not pointing at my own butt, that'd be great. Yeah. All right. Even the stop clock is putting it soon but twice a day. Yeah, one of those Mickey Mouse clocks. Yeah, yeah, can't help it. Poor Mickey's got no no choice of the matter sometimes. If Ayaw says a secret ingredient that we have pre decided upon, she will be removed from the restaurant. We don't want to do that because talking to her. But she might be grateful for it if we start to get on her nerves again. That's true. Yes. And this week. The secret ingredient is. Biscoff. Biscoff. Now this is going to be a very controversial one. It was suggested to us by a member of the audience at one of our live palladium shows. Yeah. And I don't think it went down very well on the night either. People love biscoff, but what we do all agree on is it's insidious. It's everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. The market is oversaturated with biscoff. Yes. Biscoff in everything. Yeah, biscoff in absolutely everything. Biscoff ice cream, biscoff spread. Brownies. Biscoff Sun Cream. I wasn't even aware it was a biscuit for ages. Yeah. Lotus biscuits. The lotus biscuits. People love 'em. Um but you know, also a lot of people have had enough of them and don't want it don't want biscoff being in absolutely everything. It's the salted caramel problem, it's the truffle problem, it's the pulled pork problem. Yeah. So I think it's fair enough secret ingredient. Yeah. 'Cause it's in everything, it's a bit of a risky one. Yeah, it is. It could it you know backfire. Could happen. Could could happen in the starter. Yes. Who knows? What? You never know, man. It's an ever thing these days. Don't forget, this is out on YouTube tomorrow. If you're listening to this on the day it comes out, it will be available to watch in full. On the YouTube tomorrow, and you can see all the times that James is definitely gonna point at his own butt. Yeah. So you're pretty constant. Yeah. Why? Oh boy! This is the off menu menu of Iowa Bamboy! Welcome Baiwane to the Dream Restaurant. Welcome Baiawane Bye Bye to the Dream Restorant. We've been expecting you ever some time. This is beautiful. Do that again. Welcome I want it, bad boy, it's to the dream left top, but it's been you for some time. Oh that's lovely. First time it's been requested a second time? Yeah, first time ever someone's wanted in to do it again. I really spat that second time. Yeah, because I do I wasn't expecting the volume. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a spectrum of of volumes there that Yes. I went in I went in quite normal. And then James really beefed into me. Yeah, also normal, I guess. Yeah, also normal for him, I suppose. That was sort of passive aggressive in a way that I enjoyed as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I d I do pa passive aggression quite well, I think. Yeah. I prefer aggression. Yeah. That says a lot. Yeah. How you found Ed like before the podcast, how did you find him? Like when you were chatting to him, it was it nice? I found him warm. Oh, that's nice. Yes, you smile with your eyes. Oh good. Um normally With Caucasian men. You know, it's a mixed bag. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You get people who You know, you speak to them and it's like I I can't wait to never speak to you. Again. Yeah. But not with you. Oh, that's nice. That's lucky, because we've got to speak now for quite a long time, I'd say. I can't wait. Yeah. Imagine if you'd arrive and you're gone they're not smiling with their eyes. Yes. And now I've got to speak to them on camera. I would have had to abscond. Immediately. Come in and then I would have rushed out. Yes. You'd be the first guest who's absconded. Yes. No one's ever absconded. We haven't had any absconders so far. No. That's a fantastic track record. We've had no shows. But we've not had absconders. No shows as in you were waiting for them and they didn't but they didn't tell you that they weren't coming. No, they that's not possible. No, they told us they weren't coming, but like very late. We've been here waiting. And then they and then they don't show up. Which feels like a no show to me. Would you call that a no show? That's a no show. That that is I think that's an affront. Yes. Yeah. We've had a few affronters. But never an absconder. I would never ever do that to somebody. Thank you. Unless I hated them. Yeah. Do you want to shout out a few people you hate before we start the podcast? Um some of them are b uh obviously be a posthumous thing, but Henry Kissinger, I'm glad that you're dead. Is this this camera or this which one? This one. Yeah. Uh the Kissinger camera. Yeah. Uh Rory Stewart. I I hate everything that you stand for. Um as well as that freakishly tall man you sit beside. Um, who else do I have in my in my thoughts? Joe Budden, I I I hate you. But not Biden. But did not bid. Biden I mean, you can't hate somebody who whose brain cells are I mean his brain is smooth. Sure. So there's nothing he can do about that. I'm censor now. Like I'm censoring now. Yeah, yeah. The media training's kicked in now, has it? Yeah, so I wanna let's talk about uh Food. Are you a foodie? So I'm not a foodie. Um I can't pretend to to know the the ins and outs. I don't get bogged down in the money shit. But I love to eat. I think that makes you a foodie. Well I did Google w when I found out that I was coming here, I googled the definition of foodie. Mm-hmm. And I think there's some kind of like gastronomical knowledge. Yeah. That you know, you go into the history, you go into like recipes down to the sort of metric Like forensic knowledge. Yeah. I don't have that. I mean, I I love a sausage, bean and cheese melts. So Greg's inject that directly into my veins. I love, you know those noodles. Cabanara ones. The Korean Cabanara. Oh yeah, which the With pink. Oh no, Bullduck Noodle. Oh Bullduck Noodles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one with the The spicy ones that got the chicken on the front is like breathing fire. Exactly but I love the pink one, which is like a spicy carbonara. So there was this there was a period that I ate that every day for about two months. Mm. How was that gastrically for you? Because Not recovered. No, if you're looking at me right now, my stomach is growling. We But I that's the kind of thing I eat. Yeah. So I'm I'm I'm Flexible. Yeah. But I think that those are things that a foodie would maybe bristle at. But you say you would c consider yourself an eater rather than a foodie. This is it. You get joy from food, but you don't Yeah. The problem now is that eater has some connotations. Really? Yeah. And eater is somebody who It's it's the pussy. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not up to date with all the terms. Yeah. Yeah. Uh often on this podcast this happens when Ed and I Yes. Who are he's thirty nine. Thank you. I'm forty one. Time of recording. Yes. This is you guys look really great. Thank you so much. Thank you, but we are old men who don't know what people are talking about anymore. Right. So we get told by our more by our younger, more in touch, in tune guests. that what we've just said is we like to eat pussy. Yes. Yes. So if he's an eater. Yeah. Hmm. You want to eat her. Yes, back in our day we'd just say legend. Yeah, we said that about everything though. It's not even specific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we knew we knew back in the day. That guy's a legend be like, that guy's pussy. Oh wow. This is gonna be so much fun. Yeah, I think so. I think so. He eats yeah so I'm I'm I'm an eater, I guess. Yes. Okay. Congratulations. Yes, thank you. Um swings and roundabouts. Swings and roundabouts. You your new t new tour. It's very exciting. It's um It's kind of crazy. I went to Edinburgh with this show. And I just thought to myself, look Put your best foot forward. Um And I started writing it I want to really give comedy uh like I want to try. And so I quit my job. I was working at advertising. as a strategist and I said, I'm gonna give it a year. And the years actually Considerably well. You've got it you've gotta say it's gone well. Yeah, it's gone considerably well. And a lot of the like swings and roundabouts like in inspired by my pain and my I find it very difficult to to exist. And but it would not be prudent to to exit. Permanently. Mm-hmm. Um, so I I write to keep myself here. And since I'm right about is basically like all of those things in one place. And people people have been so gracious and kind. How long's it been now since you quit your job? A year and a half. Wow. Yeah. So you're going back to work soon? No, I was I was applying for a job. Yeah. Because there's something you know with comedy, it's like you can't write I don't know if you guys have this, but like Nothing comes from nothing. And like I feel like even with swings and roundabouts, a lot of it came from just like being in the office. Yeah. Um, and listening to those like you know, this like uh English idioms and turns of phrase that just like sort of move the day along. And it really it was so so useful for me to soak that up in in situ. And I I think doing comedy like full time, I'm like, What am I King yeah. Sure. Like I need a lady called Helen. Emailing me talking about it's just we we're circling back. Like, What are you talking about, lady? But it it it just it gives you that like the stim. Yeah, I know I know what you mean. You need to be in contact with the world outside of comedy to to get that inspiration. Yes, exactly. I applied uh to a job at uh Waterstones I was unfortunately I didn't even get to inter interview stage. And I told them that I won the prize at Edinburgh. Um But I don't think it cut through. I don't think that's necessarily what they're looking for at Waterstones. I but somebody you know, somebody who is affable, somebody who is, you know, trying to test it on the stage. Yeah. think it would be useful for sales, but it it is. But they're not with books I don't think they're looking for like it's not like They don't need when I go into Waterstones. No one's coming up to me and going, So what sort of thing are you looking for? You look like like there's no banter in water stones, is there? I would bring uh but I'd bring that. Yeah, but I don't think they want that, clearly. I was telling them you want it. But they said no week. Yeah. If James walked into water stones and you'd got the job. Are you how are you selling a book to James? Are you going straight up to him and That's tough because I would I would I would have to I think I would say, You know what, I know you're James A Castor. Oh, right, okay, great. So I would take him to the catering section. I say James, I know your background. Yeah. One of my best friends. Katie Mulligan, she's from Kettering. That's exciting. Yeah. Katie Anamanda. They're from Catchering. Yeah. So I'll take you to Catering section and I'll show you it is it. All the catcher books. Of course. Yeah. That's great. I'd love to buy a book about Kevin. Yeah. Is there a catering section in the point? You might Yeah, a hundred percent. As soon as he arrives, you might be. But it would be it would be made available. Just in case in the in the in the In kiss I've kiss it. Yeah. Yeah. And you'd be surprised because you're like, I didn't know there was a catcher section here. That's good impressionable. I just tried it on the size. It's good. I enjoyed that. Yeah. Well I'd really appreciate that. If I went into Waterstone. I think they should they should have given you that's Waterstone's loss, they didn't give you that job. I think so too. Oh, it is, absolutely. Although I don't have any catering facts. I should ask Katie about that. Yeah. What's a rand a very, very random thing about catering that people should know? Edmund Hillary's boots that you wore at Petheres, first man of Petrus were made in Kevin. That's pretty good. I thought you were gonna say they're still in Kettering or they're in a museum or something. But did he survive the Yeah. First first first person up. Yeah, but first person down as well. Yeah. Yeah. So he did some he didn't up there. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah. I wonder why they've made that. W there seems to be a lot lot of uh tree manufacturers round in Comptonship. Kinky Boots obviously was set in North Hampton. Uh and yeah. That's very good. Yeah. Do you like shoes? Not as much as I should given my butt my butt. Yeah. Yeah. I should I should love them more. Yeah. By the time I was born, uh you know, fatured absolutely uh gutted uh all of North Hampshire and all the like all the industry kind of gone. So like That's insane. Imagine what shoes would have come out of Ketchering. Yeah. Yeah. If things didn't s pan out the way they did. They would have making Lou Buttons up there. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Nike start in Catherine. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. We'll start with still a sparkling water, do you have a preference? I have to be still because of my stomach issues. Yeah, you mentioned bull deck. Possible deck. Yeah, yeah, post bull deck has to be still just less because I think the bubbles fill me up a little bit more. Mm-hmm. So I just want to keep enough space. Yeah. So still water is okay, but from the bottle. That's right. It has to be Tap water is it's not it's not What Why is it not appropriate? So I um I watched a parliamentary debate about the waterways, the British waterways, and what they're dumping in there. I don't know any filter that could get Or what sort of stuff are they putting in there? Sewage. Yeah. Hoo hoo hoo. We can't risk it, boys. No. We can't. I do, I do risk it. All the time. You can't. But I don't know whether that's just I'm thinking, God you deserve to drink shit. We need to unpack that. No, but like everyone else if other people are drinking it, who am I who am I to say Oh, I'm Ed Gamble, I don't drink a shit. Yeah Come on. But you guys are you guys are more you guys are every m y I love this y you're approachable Yes you have this sort of You could be anybody off the streets. Yes. We've led it. Yeah, and you're so you're you you there's a warmth to you. I mean Yours is more I wouldn't say prickly, but I would say It's This Yes. What's that? So for for the listeners, you're This means we can't see. Oh, I forgot. Some people can see. Some people can see with the canvas though. Okay, that's true. They can't they a they actually can't see. That's true. James James is more Take all the time you need. Yes, I believe in a pregnant pose. James is more Dry. Yes. Yes. It's dry. Sardonic. Sardonic. That is the word. Wow. Yes. But you got but I I see why your your British treasures, both of you. That's the first time we've been called British treasures before. Absolutely. I mean a lot of people would would disagree. I mean obviously no one listened to this podcast. They don't say we've been deaf eat treasures. They listen to it, but they When we went on I love whatever sat in their kitchen, everyone hated us. Yeah. That happened just before Christmas. What was the uh what was the sort of way of the Maile Eg's behavior. It was honest. They do a vote thing where the audience dish they want cooked and we both brought in dishes that we wanted to be cooked for us. And James lost the vote and he reacted by smashing up. The set. There was a model of a polar bear and he punched it in the face and he shook the Christmas tree around and he flipped the wreath off the table. Right. And screamed at the top of his voice on live television. Right. And we thought it was really funny. And then I opened my Instagram and found out it wasn't funny at all. Yeah. There's two hundred and thirty two complaints made to the BBC. Saying I should never be allowed on BBC anymore. B B C please forgive BBC forgive Jeeves. I think the BBC loved it actually. I hope they're in my corner, the B, but you haven't heard from them off the back of it. No. Oh mate. The understanding that the public had was that if that many complaints get made, the BBC have to do a formal investigation. That is what was going around in like some newspapers was like online newspapers. So now there has to be a formal investigation there's been this many complaints. And obviously there wasn't one. Because the BBC aren't wasting their time and resources. Formally investigating what was clearly in the room a joke. Yeah. And everyone was just having a laugh. Polar bear was not a real polar bear. It doesn't matter that I punched him in the face. You would not punch a pull real polar bear in the face. We'd never do it So that and I think that's enough. You hurt a hair first. Yeah. It would not hurt a pull up bear. Never, every simple. But Ed wound people up as well because he criticised Matt Tbitt and said that he hosted the show like a prison warden. Yes. I did say that Matt Tabbit the host host of the show like a prison warden. You've been media trained recently. The listeners don't know this. But you've had media training. Yes. And I So w what would you say about a comment like that being made on live TV? Yes. Right? And likening somebody's behavior to a prison warden. is to say that they're sort of uh kind of fascist murderous people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can't do that. No. But I did it. And you know what, it made Matt Tabbot laugh. He loved it. How w how was the laugh? Was it Did it feel like a sh was it a shoulder one or was it outward? It went on for a while, didn't it? He doesn't do his shoulders. He he laughs at this, he goes and carry on. No, but what's wrong with him? Is he okay? Not really. He's on live telly, he's dealing with a lot of stuff. You know, normally the guests are quite polite to him. I think they go, Oh, that's a delicious pie or whatever. Yes. So I'm firing you know, you're a prison warden at him going, We're we're sort of going your rubbish at this show. With with throwing a lot of accusations his way. So he's stressed anyway, he's trying to cook while all this is going on. And then James smashes up the set at the end. you get a bill. No, actually, well not that I know of, I think the Ebenezer was built. But need to. I feel so sorry for you. Benito was there, he was just just off camera. And that all happened. And then we finished and walked up to Benito. He's like, Good show, guys. He was absolutely expecting something like that to happen. Oh, fantastic. There was no shock from Benito. Has Benito ever been on off menu? No, he must have been. No, he refuses to even when he says something out loud works for the episode, he'll cut it out 'cause he doesn't he doesn't want his voice to be on. No. We'll talk about that afterwards. Poplums of bread, I want it, my boy! Poplums of bread! Bread It has to be bread. Has to be bread. It's got to be bread. I mean I love a flat bread. Hot, fresh out of the oven. Yeah. Um but I also love a a focaca. That is it's quite delicately done. So the Rosemary Sprigs aren't, you know, too sharp. You know, sometimes it's like are you trying to kill kill us or something. Yeah. Lose me spriggs, man. Yeah. They can be spiking. If you bite straight into one sometimes, I don't like that. And it's just like it sets your your teeth on edge. Yeah. But I love a bread Bread is just one of my great loves. You know. It's it's the ultimate sign of It's like somebody giving you bread is somebody giving you love. And warmth. And it's like a welcome as well, isn't it? If you go to a restaurant and they bring you out warm bread, you're like, I feel at home now. Hello. Yeah. Let's do this. Yeah. You know. Would you like to be in a relationship with a baker? A hundred and fifty thousand percent. Hundred fifty thousand. But I I I think with Bakers maybe the archetype would be Bay? Baking is scientific. You can't Very true. Oh, I'm just gonna throw some flour in here and whatever. Those those people Disciplined. They are possibly Using class A drugs. Yes. Bakers? All bakers? Maybe so, yes. Because they've got scales. Yes. So I'm I'm connecting the dots anyway. I'm quite a spiritual person. Yeah. And I I get visions. Basically. So your visions tell you that the bakers are doing drugs? Yes. How useful are your visions normally? Because Very useful. Yeah. Yes. Do you think the baker fight deciding that bakers do drugs is a useful vision to have? I mean if I I I I I was watching this show, um Uh Jonathan Creek. Why are you laughing? 'Cause no one said Jonathan Creek out loud for about fifteen years. No one's watching it. I just wasn't expect I just wasn't I was expecting it to be connec connected to baking. I thought you were gonna say bacoff or something. And then jo I just wasn't expecting Jonathan Creek. That's part of so part of the media tree I'm trying to 'Cause I I get a lot of non sequiturs, but I'm trying to have more No, no, no. Um but Jonathan Creek. Yeah, yeah. I love Jonathan Creek. Fantastic. Yeah. You know that sort of uh um what's the word? You you have a a a sense about things. Mm-hmm. And you can you can connect the dots and and I'm kind of like him. Yeah, not Jonathan Creek. But just not a magician. I'd love to see a reboot of Jonathan Creek with you you in the lead. Who would you want like as like to have a not your assistant, your side care. That's a really, really good question. I think I'd want somebody like um I'd want like a Stephen Merchant. Freakishly tall. You're a merchant, yeah. Freakishly tall with a sort of this tortoise shell glasses and then it'll be a dog somewhere. So Steven Merchant and the dog, they have a a real rapport, but it's my dog. Yeah. Right. That's nice. Yes. So you jealous of the rapport that the dog has with Steven Merchant. Yeah, yeah. So it starts to affect our working relationship. Yeah. But my premonitions they come there just Inopportune moments. I could sense what's going on with the crimes and I get pulled in. So in my six My five Basically GCHQ are calling me every day. Yeah. And Steven, me and Steven are having some issues because of the dog. Okay. But he's able to help me filter those all of these visions through. 'Cause like for example, the big and the scales might not be that useful. Yeah. But Steven is the one who helps me. pass through all of these images. Yes. Because he has a photographic memory. Wow. Wow. So everyone's got sort of powers on the show. Everyone has powers on the show. Yeah. What the dog's powers? The dog can actually speak. Yeah, the dog because the dog can speak. But the dog only speaks at home. Because it doesn't w he doesn't want to to to to reveal himself as the only dog in his speaking. Yeah, yeah. Because then the the like scientists get involved, the military would get involved. But the dog actually s like in the dog lineage is like uh crow. I don't know if you know that Croz can't speak. So Crows. Yeah. Crows can basically in what way what do you mean? So somewhere along the line, the the dogs grit, grit, grit, grit, grit maybe had a twist with the crew. Somehow, I don't know. This is in the show. Yeah. Okay, yeah. We discover that the dog the talking dogs, whatever their ancestors had sex with a crow. Yes. Yes. And so that's how so it's not as if it's magical. Yeah. So the you're saying Cro can speak. Is that in the show or is that in real life? Can actually speak in real life. Yes. Uh Benito, please check that. Didn't even look at him. It what as in they can speak they can speak to humans. I think so, yes. You think so? I saw a TikTok, but it may have been AI. Look. But I think Cruz can actually speak. I think I've heard that. It may have been AI. Cruz can't speak. That's the thing with me. I have some I have a lot of factoids. Some of them are I I can't I don't know if there's just me it's just me seeing it to the future. Yeah. And it's not happened yet. Mm-hmm. Or it's something I've seen on TikTok. So it could be a vision. Yes. It could be a t A I TikTok. It could be a fact. Yes. Yeah. It'd be g it'll be fun during this chat to try and filter out w what's what. I know. It's it's it's absolutely nuts. It's like I scare myself sometimes. Your dream starter. Couch. Egg. I love that. Oh Scotch. The curl of the lip, as you said, Scotch egg. Scotch egg. Scotch egg. I mean this country's many things. Do you wanna just list off a few. This country's many things. I I nurse a colonial wound. Yeah. A child of empire begrudgingly. The UK I have a complicated relationship with this with this state. But the fact that the scotch egg comes out of this place. It's it it makes me it gives me hope. Yes. For a better for a better tomorrow. How far does the Scotch egg go to redressing the balance with all of the other stuff, though? Think it goes quite far. Yeah. I mean I'm still here. Yeah, that's true. The Scotch egg's keeping you here. Yeah, move. I could have returned to my homeland, I could have returned to Nigeria ages ago. Scotch egg. You go to a nice little gastro pub. Yeah. Or do and I the no frills. I don't want I don't need a chiso, I don't need any any nonsense on there. Classic runny egg in the middle. Yeah. Some Clarence cool action. Yeah. Oh yeah. Crispy on the outside, golden. I mean this is a this is a a modern feat of engineering. How do they keep the egg running? And cook the meat. And I ha I it's just could actually check that and like no but I think that's maybe why I'm not a freedy. Because I love the mystery. Yeah. I'm just gonna keep it as a mystery, like how do these people cook the meat and have the egg still running? Yeah. Maybe they freeze the egg. first. So the egg is cooked and then frozen solid. And then they wrap it in the meat. And then they fry it. And then by the time the meat's cooked, The egg has become Defrosted. Defrosted. And the yolk is runny. you're not gonna freeze the egg in the shell. No. This could be episode one of the new Jonathan Creek. Yeah. Yes. How do they make Scotch eggs? How do they make Scotch eggs? But we don't Google it. Crucially, we cannot Google Scotch. You can't Google it, no, not on Jonathan Creek. Imagine if you just Googled stuff. Yeah. Crucially, we must get to the bottom of it in the most long winded way possible. Yeah. Stephen Merchant's helping you out, obviously. Of course. 'Cause he's going around kitchens that make scotch eggs and he's taking photos. Yes. When he takes photos of his mind, does he like do a thing with his face so you know he's taking the photo. That's quite nice. Yeah, yeah. Yes, that's good. He's he does have quite long eyelids. So that's useful. We've got long everything right, 'cause he's a tall guy. It'd be weird if he had short eyelids that didn't cover his eyes. Yes. I do want it on record that um I love Steven much in more than Anything. Really? He's never been on this podcast. So here's one of the things in the UK that you like. Scott Sheks and Merchant. Same huh? I love him. What do you love about him? I love his his eyes are so they're come almost like sunken. You know? It looks like pensive but also quite blase. Yes. How do you get that balance? To look like a daisy go, but also it looks ancient. Like an ancient uh oracle. Yes. Not as in he looks old. Not as he looks old. He just looks like he has he knows things. Yes. Yeah Oh, and he's so funny. Yeah, he is funny guy. Very talented man. Yeah. I just uh yeah. He's he has to be he's got to be he's got to be my my helper. In Jonathan in the Jonathan Creek reboot. Yeah. Who'd you want to do the voice of the dog? Can I be silly? Yeah. Yeah. Chris Morris. Be good. He'd never do it. Absolutely never do it. I don't know. Sometimes he does sometimes he pops up and stuff and you He'd absolutely never do. I mean he is probably but it would be a good voice. His voice would suit a dog. Yeah. Yeah. Like a a clever dog that's going around solving crimes. Yeah. Very, very, very clever dog. Didn't he make a short film where someone's dog was speaking to them? I don't know. It's something he could do. Yeah. That's a genius. Yeah. So you want the Scotch egg. I want the Scotch egg. I did a gig I did a gig last night in Chelsea, in a pub in Chelsea. Joel Domit was on. And Joel's always hungry. I need some food. I need some food. And they won't check that. Yeah. But he just works worms. He works outloads. He's got he's got that sort of like energy as well where he's constantly wriggling around, so he's always hungry. And um or he's got worms. Um and the man working in the pub went, I'd get you a Scotch egg. And he said, Do you want a Scotch egg to me? I was like, I just had dinner. So I was like, I don't want a Scotch egg. They brought down this incredible looking Scotch egg. Proper running in the middle. You refuse a Scotch eggs. Yeah, but I'd e I just eat. You are. I know, but then obviously I wanted a Scotch eggs. You're drinking shit water. Yeah turning down Scotch eggs. Who the hell do you think you are? But the audience hadn't been let in yet and they were let in. They didn't even know Joel was on. He was like a uh last minute edition. Surprise. Yeah, and then the audience walking in and there's no dressing room. He was just sat like the door eating a full Scotch egg with yolk running down his chin. Like what a tr what a treat we're in for tonight. Yeah. Yeah It looked like a good Scotch egg. Like Posh Gastro Pub Scotch egg, yeah. Is that always be? Always be competent. Yeah, the yeah, the new one in Chelsea. That's a that's a very good that that's a very good pub. Yes. I mean it looks like a restaurant. It's not a pub. I said on stage this is not a pub, guys. It looks like a restaurant, but I don't I think they might have to change the seating up. A little bit. Okay. To give more pub. Yes. But I know the scotch egg there will be. would be phenomenal. Yeah. It looked like a good Scotch Hagen next time I do that gig. Oh, I'm gonna Scotch. I'm not in Denim. I'm in Scotch. Tim, I will be having a scratch. That's the people who run always be together. They might always be comedy together. Sometimes when you get a Scotch egg, they'll give you like a chutney or like a dip or a little sauce with it. Do you want anything like that on your dream menu? I do like a I do like a little I like a uh mayonnaise that is m is home made. Mm-hmm. So like a and it has a little bit of tanginess to it. that kinda offsets the the kind of salt. Yeah. A little bit of mustard in there, maybe? A tiny bit of mustard in there. Sriracha mayo or like a sriracha mayo. I love a sriracha mayo. That's very, very good. A sriracha mayo and then there's like a I've been been getting truffle mayo's Yeah, that's quite nice. Truffles, you know, it's it's overused in in many ways. But in a male uh just a a a a dollop. It's okay. Wasabi Mayo before we move on? Wasabi May is not allowed. No. No, it's not allowed. My chests, yes. It's going to be too It's too hot. Okay. Yeah. I'm not very good with I'm the one Nigeria well, Yoruba girl. So you the w where my um I'm half Yoruba, half Idoma. That's like the there's lots of different ethnic groups in Nigeria. But Yoruba's are famously good with with like spice levels. Like we can eat hot food. I'm the only one who simply cannot. The o the only whatever. The only one. And if any Yoruba people comment on this thing and claim that they are the they are amongst those who can't have spice, delete the comments. No if we can do that. Yeah. Okay. I think that will have to you might have to have to give you the login and you can do it. I can do that manually. Yes. Yeah, if I don't think Benito can go Through filtering the comments like that. Okay. Yeah. I'd make unfounded claims that I think I need to I need to actually just maintain. Yeah. Your dream main course. So this is where you know how I was telling you guys before that I was very nervous. Mm. Because coming on this institution and I don't want to let my family down and let Basically the well down. And the Maine has been the real source of Anguish for me. Because I was born in London, but I grew up in Lagos. been back and forth. And I don't want to to disgrace my ancestors with this choice. You're putting a lot of a lot of weight on this choice, there. Yeah. I don't think you can disgrace your ancestors with it. Maybe. You could do. But do bear in mind you could do. Yeah. So my my dream main is going to have to be smooky jollof rice. We've I am my she. It's like a green stew. Mm-hmm. And planting. We'll go slow. If they if it's possible, is it this this restaurant can give me anything. Add moi moi. So Moymo is like a bean cake. that's also got a bit of egg in it. So double egg. Double egg. Double egg time. And it's all it will all come together. So it doesn't include my side. Yes, it's all it's all in uh uh one format. There's no in one format, yes, yes. It's all in one format. But If it was there's there's a lot of uh conflict about Joloff Rice. Yes, we've had we you know we've had various sort of o opinions on Joloff Rice in the post. Yeah. Once once I speak on this. Many people have come on the podcast and said this. But they're gonna try and put it to bed. I'm gonna end it now. Okay I'm not saying you can't do it. Yeah. It's not that it's not that I'm gonna try. A good look. It's after after after this, we're not talking about it anymore. Okay. I'm enforcing it too. What do we have when we have other guests on and they want to talk about it? Do we say to them you can't I've already talked spoken about it. Okay. And we've ended it. And we've ended it. You've got to pick something different. Yeah. This is it. Yeah. The Jolof rice, is it Ghanaian Jolof, is it s Nigerian Galof uh Jolof, whatever. It's not even Either of those things. Right. Joloff Rice from Senegal. Chibuddin. That's the original job of fries. Mm-hmm We're not arguing about Nigerians and Ghanaians anymore. both of our jelly of prices are second. to the one they're doing in Senegal. That is the end of it. So this particular jalof that you guys are going to give me is going to be directly inspired by Jeb. So it's gonna have that smokiness. It's gonna have that it's almost like a it's like it feels like there's there's paprika just popping out. Yeah at you to say hello. You know what I mean? Yeah. Similar to perf Yeah. The rice is fluffy. It's almost like it's like a s uh a i in a in a 3D printer or something. It's like it's just it's been m to perfection. But it's just some auntie. In the back. Pussy hat back into it. Yeah. That sounds sexual. But I guess in some ways it is. Yeah. Sure. I mean it sounds phenomenal. Yeah. Oh it's too. I love the the s smokiness. That's what that's what brings me in. Yeah, yeah. Because I guess with because there's Joloff you can just have that is not smoky. But I love when it's like it's like this is like party jalof, right? You would get it like at a wedding or you're going to someone's fiftieth or something and they burn the bo like when the rice is simmering. They leave it at the end to burn and they put like a foil. So we is Yeah. And by the time the Hover that thing. The smell? Yeah. There's nothing like it. Yeah. I mean you can do when I make it, it's not I I can't get it smoky because of the way my I don't have like an open flame in my on my stove. Right, okay. You need you need the open flame to get that taste. Yeah, yeah. That's what does it. So what in in the jollof? Obviously you got all those spices and stuff. Do you is there like m there's there meat in the jollof or you what you what particular meat? So my my meat would be in my Iama Shi, so the meat will always go in this on this side. Yeah. Um, but you would be s you would have simmered it in like a beef stock or like a chicken stock. So that will that will come through. Yeah. But then some people have like I love a smoked turkey. Mm. Katucky wing. And your j and it's it's a bit tough. So you're fighting with the meats, you know. Mm-hmm. But you know that it's you're doing it's a labor of love to consume this meal. Yeah. And that so the meat's mainly coming in the green in the green stew. Yeah. But some people don't like so I love have Ayama Shi with my jolla fries rather than the stew with a white rice. 'Cause some people do that. But I like to have Clash. Of of seasonings. Right. So p people don't like it 'cause it's too much. It's too much. I think it is too much. But I I own the side of too much. Yeah. So you're making you're making this at home? Well I so I've actually discovered uh um it's almost like a ready meal. And it's called Tasties. They sell it in in some of the big Saints base in the country. And it is jolloff rice and chicken. And then they have Ayama She. And they have This is the best thing in the world. Gizdu. Mm-hmm. So his gizzard. and do together. Do is plant. Yes. Not the extinct bird. Not the extinct bird. That would be West R. IP would be really hilarious if the bird was extinct because we were eating it. But the Gizdu is like it then adds like a sweetness because that's sort of red peppers, green peppers, sweetness of the plantain. And that that you can also have that as a side. So there's lots of different types of meats. Yeah. And then oh Shucky. Do you guys know Tribe? Yes. Sure. Pieces of tripe. Uh-huh. Yeah. About. In the stew. I love all that. It's emotional. Shout out to Tribe. Shout out to Tribe. I love Tribe. It's so good. It's so good. And people get so weird about stuff like that. Yeah, because it's it's not good to eat a s an animal's stomach. Because it's full of waste. Oh yeah, you're obsessed with not eating waste, aren't you? I am. Yeah. Yeah, I actually had uh for about maybe three or four months, I was obsessed with fecal clouds. You mean fart, so No, is it when you go into public toilets? Yeah. Basically, if you're in a bar or like in a in a pub, don't take your drink into the toilet. Because they're fecal clouds. Yeah. Because you're like done shit in there and stuff that can evaporate into the air. The whole shit evaporates into the air. Some of it. Some of it. And leaves like fecal matter. Yeah. Yeah. Which can settle into your drink. The When you get if you're going into the toilet, aren't you breathing that in anyway? This is the thing. This is the problem. So damned if I do, damned if I don't. Yeah. They say tough times never last. Only tough people do. I've never heard that phrase. I like that phrase. Because life is tough. So what do what do you do now if you You don't take your drink into the toilet. I don't take my drink into the toilet, but I have to breathe. Yeah. to breathe. So I'm in there like this! Oh God, I can't. There's just so much about life that is, it is. So difficult. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The weight of existence. I mean And if you worry about the weight of existence and then you find out about feet called clouds, like what are you supposed to do? Over the edge. Yeah every edge. Because also think about who's doing the shit in a pub. It's the worst people. It's not the people who care about care about their their health or anything. You do my shit in a pub? Yeah. I have to put my hand up the way my bomb will miss assessment. You shit in a pub as well. Right. Well I've just slugged you both off, I'm sorry. But he tell you shitting in a pub. What is wrong with you? Do your shits at home. So it's shit break. I'm shit break. I'm shitbreak from American Pie. Yeah. Do you have a ship bank for Belkin Pai? No, it's a shit. Could he use his own toilet at home. Yeah. But it's not that but you'd you'd hear. If I needed a shit. I would go for a shit in the pub, but I tend to be like Wake up in the morning, start making the coffee, the smell of the coffee. Off to the toilet, Bish Bash, Bosh, that's me for the day. That's good. Yeah, it's pretty good, right? That's right. That's quite regular. It's pretty much the same time every day. Stand up is that I started shitting in pups. What did you w do you do you remember your first stand up shit in a pub? I remember some early ones. Let's clarify what you mean by that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't standing up while shitted. But uh but yeah, I didn't I didn't do a stand up shit. I've done a squat shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I do I have to do a squat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is It is Yeah. Sure. Yeah, you know this this could end very badly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember those early days of thinking like I'm d I'm actually doing this. I I I I I never would have done this. I would've always been like absolutely no way I'm going for a shit in but in a public toilet. Yeah No way I'm doing that. Uh the other stuff's like, I'm gonna have to I'm nervous before these gigs. Yeah. And I was like, Do you know what I don't even care anymore. This is great. It's fantastic. Reckless abandon? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Just abandon all the way all the way out. I think that's really I think that says a lot about you. And I think it's it's it's opened up a whole new frontier of your emotional state. Yes. You should start doing it. I don't think I should start doing it. It means I'll have to hold my morning one in. Why would you hold your morning one in, sir? Well 'cause I don't need one when I'm in the pub, do I? Okay, that's the thing. So if you want me to start shitting in a pub, I'm gonna have to hold my morning one in. That's true. Do you do so one. It's the more than one a really big long one. Will Smith does this. What what does he do? W I heard on the radio and Will Smith said When he's having a shit in the morning, he wants to get it done. Yeah. He doesn't want to be going back and needing another shit later on in the day. So he'll just sit on the toilet. And he'll be that he's got like Almost like a mini office there. So that's it. He's having a shit. He said it he said it in an interview. He said it in an interview. This was a long time ago. Yeah. I heard him say this. An office. Well he it's like he's got his things. He's got his phone, he's got like some books, he's yeah, he is he's just there with a bunch of whatever he needs f for the day. That's there. having a shit so that like if anyone f you know, if anything happens He's across it. He's across it. You know, and he's there for a long time. I wonder how long is long. Yeah. He said he he just said it was on the radio I I remember I was in Italy It was on the radio. Yeah. Why were you listening to Will Smith on the radio when you're in Italy? Just on the radio. We just put on the radio and he was being interviewed and he he he said, I'd like to get it done. I'd like to get it done, I don't want to I don't want to be going back like it done. Like at one in the day and having like part two, part three. Yeah, but you're not supposed to be on there for that. You're not supposed to be on there for that long. No, you get piles if you do that, you're not supposed to do that. Yeah. I mean that explains so much about him. Yeah. Same side ditch, then you said that that your side is not not included. This is this is where it gets tricky 'cause I I do have I feel like I need to to Also be a little bit. Grown up. So I will do a side of tender stem broccoli. Broccolini. Mm-hmm. Um, just some rock salt, some olive oil. Maybe a bit of garlic. And I need it crunchy. Mm. Cause I want to feel like I've also had my five a day. Yes. You're still getting the nutrients out of it. So I just and I'll just I' I'll I'll I'll just Work at that. Mm-hmm. Intermittently. So is that just to make you feel like a grown up and like you're being healthy? Just to make me and also typically I would be like at dinner with my sister or like my friends and we love a broccolini. The girls love a broccolini. Tender stem. Slender. It's ch and it's a little bit you know? Yeah it's a little bit cheeky. Always always a tender step. So you having it to feel grown up, or are you having it because you love it and the girls love broccoli? Many things can be true at once. Yeah. Yeah. And I think there's a duality there. Yeah. You know? Multiplicity in i if if you must. Because it's the girls the girls love a broccolini. I want to feel grown up. And it actually tastes quite nice. It does. I mean no, I think I started eating broccoli. Be grown up and be like you gotta get you gotta get your vitamins in. Yeah. But over time, I love it now. It's just good. And even at home it's so easy for like when I if I'm doing like a like a salmon and potatoes. I'll just toss some boccolini on the side. Like I'll I'll steam it a little bit and then put it in a um in a f in a frying pan. Little um sesame oil with some salt, onion powder, garlic powder, toss, toss, toss, little butter, we are good to go. Yeah. You got a steamer? And no, I just I steam it manually. I've just put it, you know how you do it's like almost did they call it Ban Marie? Uh oh any the one that just you just put a bath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just did like that. That's how I do it as well. Yeah. I put it in just like a sieve. Put it in like the strainer broccoli and then put it above the water and then cover it with the and it steams it by itself. Yeah. We got My mum my mum got a steamer when we were kids and it was a big deal. It's a big deal, that steamer. Yeah. It is a big I mean, she as an a a purpose built steamer. Yeah. It was like A really big day, we've got this steamer this is how we're gonna do our vegetables now. Uh different shelves. You put them on different shells. I still don't understand the shelving system, but I g I guess you could do more than one at once, I guess that was it. I guess the closest to the steam Yeah, because the further away from the steam you would have it like a bit al dente. Yeah. So you'd put the still sell those? They must do. They're pretty bulky though, I think, from washing it up. Yeah. Oh no, it makes more sense if we can just do it the way we've been doing it. Yeah, I think so. 'Cause then we just get multi use out of our pans, you know. Yeah, exactly. I think with the like I don't have enough room in my kitchen for all this stuff. I want all of these gadgets, but I'd be really annoyed with that. Because you have to put it, I think I don't think it's good to see The gadgets? So you you have like a minimalist kitchen setup. You want to put the gadgets away. So it has to look yeah but My dream. You're gonna have to cut No, I'm not saying it. I can't say it. Well that was good because you were gonna say something. Then you said, You're gonna have to cut this out and then you went, No, I can cut this out. By not saying it. Yes. Yeah. That's media training. Yeah. Yeah. What was it though? I would like to have Two kitchens. Yes. The cooking kitchen and the stage kitchen. Yes. I am trying to my new thing now is I want to be more like everyday girl like like girl next door broccolini girl yeah broccolini girl like she like she cycles you know splits the bill with her boyfriend like that kind of thing like really Like normal girl. Yeah. But actually I want two kitchens. Yeah. But that's why the second kitchen's hidden, right? 'Cause then you don't need to the second kitchen is like and a lot some people in I like really rich people in Nigeria have this where would have the kitchen because our food is very, very fragrant. So it's like it's really hard to make sure the smells don't like go into your whole house. Yeah. So if you're if you're of means, you would cook behind, like in the kitchen behind the house. Yes. So it's like it might even be just a thing of like practicality. Yeah. In the show kitchen, would there be any practicality to it? Could you do anything in the show kitchen or would it be all be like fake food and stuff? You can do things in the show kitchen. So so all the things you do in the show kitchen are like you can steam the veg. Like you can do Like last minute touch ups, like you can you can make tea and coffee. Yeah. Like, but it's not gonna be I'm not gonna be frying palm oil. Yes. The shoe kitchen. The hardcore stuff happens in the back. I like I like it as an idea. Yeah, but I don't want to give down to like I'm not trying to be like you know Aristocratic. Yeah. What about this? Free kitchens. Oh. So that's interesting. Yeah. And it's almost like so it's like yeah, getting closer and closer to the belly of the beasts. It's like going down into a mine. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. So what happens in your mind in the three kitchens? How are they split up then? Jobs wise. Yeah, yeah. First one so like tea and coffee. Yes. Yeah. Second one getting a bit not getting a bit so you'd you'd have like You'd fry garlic in there. Yeah. Or make a sandwich. In the second one. You can make a sandwich in the first. Really? Yeah. Because sandwich is cold, right? Yeah. But if you're making a toasty, gotta be down gonna gotta be in the second. Second kitchen. Second kitchen's for toasties. Yes. Yeah. Third kitchen? Third kitchen, I think that's like your spit roasts. Uh like yeah, if you're sp like spit roasting stuff. Yes. Or a a whole pig. Yeah, there should be like a pit in there, like those fire pit. Open fire, definitely open fire in there. Yeah. Got that in there. Yeah. Yeah. uh and like hot chocolate. Hot chocolate second kitchen. You know what? It depends on the kind of hot chocolate you're making. Yeah. There's I saw one in um I can't remember what who who's come up with this chili, chili hot like hot chocolate with the chili in it. Get that shit in the third kitchen. Yeah. It's great. I love it. I love it. Just throwing stuff together. In your mind, are you the one cooking in all the kitchens? Or are there people cooking for you in the kitchen? Unfortunately there are people who are very well compensated. Yeah. And who love their jobs. Of course. But do they get uglier as they go down through the kitchen? Mine is like the Tavit. In us. In us. Yeah. I I think they're going to be the same beauty levels. Okay. Because I I mean I I I think beauty's in the eye of the beholder. Sure. So anybody who comes into the house is automatically beautiful. Right. Because their spirit must be pure. So And thinks people are ugly. Yeah. Especially in the third kitchen. In the third kitchen, I'm imagining it's really dark in there. It's almost candlelight. It's like a medieval kitchen. And everyone's like they're doing the spit house account. Oh, that's a spit house. We've got another pig there. They're really they're really like I didn't I didn't like that at all. No, but then you don't need to speak to them. Right. Because they have to pass a message up to the second kitchen and then they pass out the yeah. But they so that the third kitchen people, the sort of gremlins, they will not be allowed out. No, you never see them. Okay, okay. Just live in the kitchen, I guess. Right. Your dream drink. Margarita! It can be alcoholic, right? Yeah? Yeah. So Margaret. No. No filter. Dry January, we were calling this. No. I don't I d I don't think it's it makes sense. to do that to to stop drinking in the hardest month of the year. Yeah. I went to a restaurant yesterday and uh On the menu it said it's dry martini January. You love that, didn't you? So it was just Yeah. We got they're doing dry martinis all month. What's the restaurant called? I'll go there today. It's called Suner, spelled S U N E. S U N E. Sooner. Yeah. Shout out to them. Yeah. Dry Martini January. It's too hard right now to be giving up drinking. Yeah. Also, it is a bit silly that you go from like the month where you drink the most in December. Yes. And then go to nothing. You need a soft landing, I think. Yeah, it shops his system. I think dry January should actually just be like beers and what like and wine. Yes. So maybe no spirits. Yeah. If you want to be like Sort of strict about it. Oh, I went to a a a pub the other day as well. This is sounded like I'm Absolutely hog wild in it in but like but into a pub at the at the bar. There was a little gone. About that big little mini gong on the bar. And uh it was there for people to hit it when they had quit. when they couldn't do dry January anymore. Of course. So it was as if if somebody's like I I can't just go every gone. That would happen literally in like you would lose your resolve. Yeah. Yeah. At that pub. Yeah. I'd do that. I'd hit that New Year's Eve. Officials. Yeah, yeah. I once didn't drink for a year. Um And to be honest, it did change my life. Yeah. Oh. Um It was a completely the better. Ch yes, transformative experience and I have never had that much clarity and peace. Um But then I was a wedding and Got absolutely slush. And it just broke the sobriety. Yeah. Yeah. So goodbye to clarity and peace. And since that day I've not known it the it's rest. But you're like a margarita. Of course too. I love a Tommy's. So some so sometimes I alternate. So do it. Like a Salt rim. Just like um Shaken, right? Not the one that they put ice in it. Oh, so you don't want the there's like loads you don't want loads of ice in the car? Yeah, just I just want it doesn't mean we demand. Yeah, yeah. salt room and then I'll alternate with the Tommy's. Tommy's a little bit sweeter. What's the Tommy's? The Tommy's margarita just like a they I think it's it's less cointreau or might um might be no cointreau at all. And it just it's not as tangy. So it doesn't really hit the back of your throat the same way. Mm-hmm. And I'll just alternate like that. Nice. Until I start Sluring my words. Yes. Spicy margaritas? I can't do it I think the spicy margarita is actually It's one of the reasons why the UK social contract is is failing. people need we need to start having a dialogue about the spicy margarita. What is that? Why is it spicy? Yeah. Why am I drinking pep? I don't know actually, but I like it. I like a spicy mug. Ed, where did it come from? What, my love of spicy mug or the drink? I don't know. I just like a bit of spice. It giv it puts a zing a my ding a ling. I love it. Well what don't don't you ever say that again. I'm horrified. It's the first time that he's actually Look I felt that it was gonna be the only time I could say He's could completely I apologize. It just means it's. There was a tea I've Steven Fry. They said that phrase. I liked it. It just means like, you know, a bit of pep pep in your step. Dingling is your penis. Yeah, I know, but I don't mean it gives me a my dinger. It means it gives me a bone. I don't mean it gives me a bone, or I just mean it peps me up. That's what it means. No, it doesn't mean it's taking on a new meaning. It's different now. It's different now. It does mean that. Doesn't mean that now. I'm gonna every time a somebody orders a spicy margarita in my presence, I'm gonna think about a zinging or dingling. Yes. Yeah. You go. Don't bring it up. Little pathetic dingling getting a zing You're doing it. What's wrong? What's wrong with me getting a zing and my ding a ling from a spicy room? Absolutely disgraceful. Yeah. Disgraceful. I know you too well. I would object if you were saying that in the intro's and outros of just me and Benito. Yeah. Yes. And you're saying about getting zing your ding. I just mean I like it. I just mean I like it and it p gives me a pep in my step. Nine nine nine. Please Yeah. Right. I can't I I think and I don't know if Soho House that Terrible establishments. Is the reason Full The spicy margarita being unleashed onto all of us. Yes. And I have a feeling it's them. I can't remember what they call it though. They call it something different. Picante. Picante, that's it. Yeah. I think I and I they have something to do with it. It's a conspiracy. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I'm happy to blame them. Oh yeah. I think it's yeah, I can't have it spicy for some reason. I'm happy to blame them. Yeah. Heartburn. Sorry, guys. Mmm. Yeah. Of course he is. Do I go? Absolutely not. Oh wow. You're a member. James are you a member? No. I got it free for a while because I did gigs for them. Right. I had it free for about four years. Okay. Spent so much time. Interesting. Right. It turns out you're the loser, Jones. I'm the little dweed. Yeah. Sorry. We arrive at your dream dessert. That will be a sticky toffee pudding. Lovely. I'm more of a custard girl than an ice cream. Now, with a sticky toffee pudding, what I'm finding is that certain establishments seem to be skimping on the dates. Okay. And to get the perfect sort of ratio sort of moistness to to kind of firmness. Let's let's bring back the dates and the source on top. that like treacle the treacle sauce. I want it like a drip, like mainline inject it directly into my eyeballs. Yeah. If possible. We can do that at the Dream Restaurant if you want. Yes. Yeah. Um Somet I go to a place and I'm like, Oh I uh I order the sticky toffee, I'm excited, it comes. The Chico sauce it's like I am in jail. Like can you Give me some more. Mm-hmm I feel like Oliver Twist like I'm begging. I need the trickle source. I need as much of it as possible. And it's the perfect way to calm my nerves. My belly is full. And I just add a little bit on top. And a sticky toffee. So much chicken sauce. that a Victorian child will be dead. the end of the day. Because it had so much. Yeah. With some custard. Cost is swirling into the sauce. And it's making this sort of marbled effect on the plate. Typically there's candlelight. So then compliment I mean, this is this is what it means to be alive. Yeah. What else is there? Yeah. Do you like? Fecal clouds. Anywhere near that. I will fucking flip this mic. Ha ha I was in a state of bliss. You know it's like I was right there. Yeah, he knew that. And that's why he brought up the fecal club. Oh, that is cruel. Yeah, that's cool. That's a cru. Yeah. So a fecal club would end that. It's just ended it. Yeah. A hundred percent. What an awful way to win the dream menu. A fecal cloud. A fecal cloud, yeah. Fecal cloud, right at the end. Yeah, yeah. Petty four. Yeah. I feel like stomping you out. Guests often feel like that in the air. I don't feel proud of it. Yeah. You've sort of defiled yourself. Yeah, yeah. So I love I love the the source. When I delve into a sticky toughy pudding, I want it to be like moist with that sauce throughout the whole thing. And sometimes you get in and it's dry. It's dry in the middle. I can't so that for me is where I and I don't know what if that's a mistake or if it's on purpose. But it it must be Throughout. But I think that's also what you're talking about with the dates, the lack of dates. If there's dates throughout it, that stays moist and yeah. Cause I'm I'm seeing it where it's more of like this weird cake. Like sponge. Yeah, and I just I'm just like I'm always looking forward to sticky toffee. Mm-hmm. There seems to be like a and I I I think maybe if there's an ombudsman or some kind of like quality control Yeah that's you know, like in in y you can't call something champagne if it's not from the region of champagne. Some kind of standard for the sticky toffee that we know. that if we've ordered this thing that it's going to be that. Yes. So And I maybe somebody's looking into it. I don't know, Gordon, help us out. Yes, Gordon Ramsey. Yeah. Yeah, Gordon Ramsey is one of my Unfortunately one of my idols. Really? That's a surprise. You you love love and you love life and you're very spiritual and Gordon Ramsey. doesn't embody those things. When I think about it. Yeah. But I guess I contain multitudes. Yes, absolutely. What what do you love about Gordon Mamsey? I love that he is able to immediately detect when something has been microwave. And he will do it. Yeah. If you dear like. He knows. He knows what you're doing. Yeah, he's not really asking, is he? He's not asking. It's a test. And it's it's and it's and it's a very Nigerian thing to do. So there's something about him that so Nigerian. Yeah. 'Cause he's asking you because he knows that if you lie. Yeah. Oh, God in And and why are you serving him frozen food? Yeah. Why do you serve these people on kitchen nightmares, what are they claying? It's like come on. Yeah. He'll know. Yeah he'll know. He'll know this is being filmed. It's already know as the audience. Why lie when it's already been filmed? Have you seen him touch a plate? When 'cause he's he's and he's he's he he moves it around like this. And what he's doing is he's inspecting the dish but he's also checking the of the plate because that's one of the ways he knows that he's been microwaved. Well that's the thing So you think you're cat you think you're going to deceive Gordon Ramsey? Why you try to deceive Gordon Ramsey. I I would I personally would never try to deceive Gordon Ramsey. No. And when he declares Sometimes you've m you've microwaved it, that's too bad. Mm-hmm. If you have a microwave, dude, but there's something about it that is not quite right, he'll say, it's dry. It's just it's so dry. The way he pronounces restaurant, he says restaurant. Oh, Gorgon. I love Gorgon Ramsey. Oh First of all, I'm gonna read your menu back to you and you'll see how you feel about it, okay? So you would like Still water, bottled. Very important as bottled. Pop on to bread you want flat bread or forcaccia with rosemary. Starter Scotch egg with home made mayonnaise. Main course, smokey Jul off Rice with I am a Masay. She Iamasha. I am Ashae. Plantain, Coldslaw and Moymoy. Yes. Side dish, tend to stand broccoli with rock salt, olive oil, and garlic. Drink. Alternate between margarita and a Tommy's margarita. There's a sticky toffee pudding with so much treacle sauce and custard. Mm. How do you feel about that? That's a beautiful many for the bread, can I add one thing? Yes. Yeah. It could also be pandasal. A pandasal bread is I think is Filipino? There's this restaurant ramo in Soho. It's like Filipino ramen. I've been there, it's great. I really like that. Oh the Panasell. It's a fluffy bread that is just Like I don't think I had the bread. I should have had the bread. I should have had the bread. Yeah, get have get the bread next time. It is fantastic. It soaks up all any sauce. that you can get your hands it's like and and they put garlic and butter on it. Yeah. It's high. And it's soft. Pandasal. Yeah. Added. Oh. Pretty good menu. It's pretty delicious. Do you think? Yeah, really good. That main made me really hungry. Yeah. Yeah. I really like the Scotch egg into the Jolof into sticky toffee pudding. It's sort of like a a British Nigerian fusion. Yeah. Yes. But it just sounds really warming and filling and Yeah, I love a warm and a and filling meal. Yeah. And just like you're just you're chatting and like laughing and You just feel like you might actually be all right. Yeah. You were worried you'd let people down today? Yeah. Do you feel like you have? I don't think you have. I think I think you've I think we've let ourselves down. Yeah. And like I think you know Maybe there's gonna be a lot more complaints to the BBC after this. Probably. Probably. Whereas I think you were worried about letting down your ancestors. Yes. I think you've absolutely made them proud. Yes and also and think and think how proud you've made Gordon Ramsey as well. Yeah. Thank you, Gordon. One day we shall discuss Oh, that's the end of the sentence? Yes. One day we shall discuss. Thank you for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Iowa Day. Thank you so much. Thank you. This has been joyful. Yes. I've loved every second. Love that episode, James. Absolutely fantastic. I think we really got to know Iwari there, but like absolutely every single uh aspect of her being came through in that podcast. Yes. Very spiritual at times. Yes. Obviously hilarious. Yes. Sometimes. Very serious. Yes. Very stern. Scotch. Love Scotch X. Yeah. Absolutely love Scotch eggs and did not say biscoff at any point. So we didn't have a kick about the dream restaurant. Imagine biscoff scotch egg wouldn't not like that. Uh speak for yourself. If if the egg was if the egg was like, you know, a capri's cream egg. And it was like covered in like a Like a marshmallow and then there was a biscoff layer around the marshmallow and then it's covered in like digestive biscuit crumbs and then they deep fry that. I'll try that. They deep fry it? Yeah, got a deep fry it. You're mad. You would try that. I'd try that. That'd blow your head off. What are you talking about? That's too sweet for you, even. No way. Cabries cream egg covered in biscoff sort of sausage meat style. And then marshmallows. No, no marshmallows. I said I said marshmallows. No, but I'm saying this is what I want. This is I'm reducing the sugar. Biscoff around the outside. Yeah. And then rolled in toasted coconut for the breadcrumb style thing. I might just go to a health spa, mate. I agree. Don't forget to go and see I O and A on tour. The show is called Swings and Roundabouts. Award winning. Award winning show. Yeah, I mean you could hit how funny she is on this episode. Yeah, yeah. That's just a taste of what she has to offer. Yeah, yeah. She'll get you. She'll get you. Um, don't forget to watch this on YouTube as well. Subscribe to the YouTube. Yeah, no I'd say in that episode there was a lot of like, you know Yeah. You that really got across how much I wanted of all those. The curl of the lip that's got a check. It's worth it for that. It's worth it just for the curl of the lip at when it's. Thanks for listening to this. Obviously, even if you like I've heard it, why don't you watch it, just go and put it on in the background or something so you we get another view. Yeah. Because Benito said if the YouTube doesn't take off soon, he's gonna take all his clothes off and run into the sea. Yeah, and sell his house. Like Reginald. Said he's gonna sell his house. He's gonna sell his house. Then where's Toast gonna live? Imagine Toast poor Toast walking around London with a bindle. toast of a bendle just go around London. Just because the YouTube wasn't watched enough. Yeah, even though it was really naughty yesterday. It was naughty yesterday.