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Quaker, official sponsor of FIFA World Cup twenty six This episode is presented by Adobe Acrobat Studio. Josh, as a new parent, you get loads of information just chucked at you. Oh m, it never ends, does it? And it's so difficult to know what's helpful, what's important, what I should be ignoring, what I should hold dear to my heart. It just goes on and on. Well, imagine that's your job dealing with tons of data and information. No, no, no, no No, thank you. I would be appalling at that. Well, luckily, Acrobatch Studio exists with PDF spaces you can turn your docs into knowledge. It lets you bring all your project files into an AI powered workspace to get insights and ideas. So people can cut through the waffle, work smarter and save time and get on with the stuff they really want to do. But the big question is Will it tell me how to get my children to e vegetables? Do that with acrobat. Learn more and try it out on adobe. com Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with is say rock I so clever Over encouraging in my views. Oh, Wow. I Fready did there. Hello, Rob Josha Michael. Binge listened to every episode, sometometimes laughing so hard people have stopped me to ask what I'm listening to. Wow. I've never done that. M must be like people she knows at that office. Yeah, like gigglly like, what are you laughing I get. Freddy, saying your names. Thankks for the last Chloe in Cambridge. PS buuzzing if my timing has worked And I get to hear this when listening next. She's gone seven hundred forty seven She on seven hundred forty seven. AM? Yesterday Monday morning Full disclosure to the guys, we no longer just record on Monday mornings.old our guest episodes, which are the ones where we use You know, maybe three in a day. so you've got more chance. Yeah You've just got to work out those days. Maybe if you see me on a train Yeah. or if you see Rob on a train coming into London at nine AM. this on podcasting going down. Yeah. full disclosure, we've overrun slightly. We've eaten too much lunch. My belly's hur in shouldnt Michael just shat when we've done an Oh, I've got fucking Leon chicken rap halfway down word. you that the old dad's chicken. Oh dear. I know we're strugging because Michael's trying to do his cough while I'm doing my cough. So should't get a cough out and itomy rap was what I went for. Yeah I add a chicken wrap and some fries and an extra pot of chicken in the fr.ways Why do you have so much chicken protein gains Right, okay Are they kicking in?ot yet. Well. So Michael shout when we've done enough Josh Ain. Very good. Oh, got a message about Michael? Michael, Michael Mrvan. Yeah. A chicken coughing throat guy. Yeah, yeah. Fom gotot a DM from someone who had seen Michael performing with his what's his other pod? Oh yeah, I've heard about this. I didn't know he was so wrapped up in this little thing because I did is that called what happened yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? I good pod with Max Rushon and David Odoty, seek it out. I appeared on that Did you? Enjoyed it? Michael asked me to. Little did I know, his filthy little paws were getting a kickback. He's their main guy. He's their main guy. He's doing what he does to us with them. Well, they He's fucking two other men. This is what happened, right? He's audio fucking According to this message we got. Yeah, they did a live show Yeah And they brought him out on stage and he got a standing O. He got stand innovation Do do you talk on their podcast? Yeah, but very infrequently. I'm more of an exec now. But I was there for the live show at Dublin. You' more of an exactars? Ore you still at a producer level? Well at the moment, he' did behind a curtain and eating chicken like some sort of fucking nutame. How was the stand innovation? Good. I enjoyed it. Thank you to the lovely people of Dublin. I can see why it's addictive though gettingnovation. The day I get one of them, I'll get addicted. When I did my London Padium shows I didn't get any standard evasions. I keep want evasion vation is a. It' overstanding ovation. Yeah, ovation. But I did when I was finishing so I put my microphone back in and they just cheered for ages and didn't let me speak in a nice way. This is the problem Well this isn't the reason I don't get standing emations. Co. But also, were I to see someone starting to stand, I'd panic and leave the stage because you assume they're leaving. you know because I just think this is awkward for all concerned. let's end this. Oh no, I'll stand there and take it anyway Well How didd you feel about Michael doing things with other men It turnurned on. Yeah, I know luckys hpar, but yeah. I thought it this was our little thing. Now now he's over there going, Oh, what did you do yesterday? Yeah yeah. I abouta tell you what I did last fucking week. Just saying that whatever I do on that podcast, you both earn from it. I'm earning from that. Yeah. Fucking carry on something Happy to oblige, G me back on Oh wa, great, greatreat news, e. What are your favourite pods? Lark, I'd tell what, make sure you listen to whatever happened on the day before. Give yourself a little listen to Mus twenty four hours It's twenty four hours in podcast custom. Even if you don't want it just set it going at the top and just leave your sppotify playing, I say. No, it is a good podcast and I enjoyed it. Yeah. Do you what I love about that podcast? The money? No, I didn't even know I caught me much, I've not fucking noticed it. I know youil a conservat room becauseum what didn' you do yesterday? What did I do yesterday? Fuckle thans to you This is a very relatable boat. Oh, got Aam ringing me. G Alphram Oh I don't know. I just said that, you know, it was one of things where your phone starts interviewing people that ring you What It's a thing on like iPhones, I don't know I've got an iPhone. There's a thing on phones now. If they get an unknown number call, your phone will go, Ohh, Rob's busy right now. What's your name and what are you ringing about? And then it a text of what's going on. Oh wow. This is Aaron ringing from it's a cold cold thing. so Oh I did a bur then I'd hate to work as a cold caller Would you? Yeah Con't call me now. What are you selling? Try and get me a new phone deal. Hello? Hello is that Rob Beckett? Yeah, yeah, is Scuse calling? I was at your palladium show. and you're standing around the other day actually. Thank you. Yeah, I thought So have you got my number? Oh, because it's in director inquiries sorry, where are you ringing from nineteen eighty seven? Not with the pro I've got an offer. I Oh ye. I'm ringing from twenty fifty That's a warm call. Yeah, mayaybe I'd be quite good at it. You would. I think you got a cheeky charm and because the problem is they make you stick to script too much, I'd probably be sacked for that. Do you know what I mean? Because for going off piece of a little bit of woody bantter. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Well, yeah, I'm not sure what the Director inquiry's sacking policy is. Well, it'd be like you'd Whoever you're working. So did we have a leon or acid? How what's happened to us? Oh That's for a rarap if you know what I mean. It's SNL UK. Oh ye I've been sharing an office with them. Oh the studio. Last leg's been showing the studio with them. Yeahep. So Fridays I'm in the heart of SNL UK. You're in the heart of Youthve Comedy In the heart of youth comedy. Yeah. Saturday Night Live UK. those the uninitiated. Oh yeah. I'm not really cross American comedy, Rob. No. I'm just not No, I'm just not that's fine. That's fine. Yeah. You know, downstairs at the BBC Yeah dresss and then there's like at the end there's like a glass little writer's room. Yes. So my friend James Farmer's working on SNO UK. Youre right, M Mark, are you rubbaging for in there Rennyss? I was just trying to find some painkillers Iink it his fuck my gosh. tell he's older was I ordered a chicken wrap., large portion of the home fries, and six chicken nuggets. What? And they're big old nugs, Leon? Yeah, they're way too. There's a lot of chicken breast in there. Did you eat all? I left one single nugget. Oh that's a guilt thing. That's a guilt I've done that. throwing away the last piece of the cake. Iven't eating that much because I didn't eat all six of the giant fucking nugs. S' the dressing rooms? Oh yeah, you know the that Glass writers' room. It' kind of frosted. I could see those' people in there. I thought, I' going to say hi James Farmer, my friend. Yeah. The door was ajar Yeah tell people who I did. Stop Rrent when he's been Yeah, yeahah I said, sorry, I was just coming to say hello to James Farm. I said hello. My friend, my friend. Youid didn't know any other people in the room? I know it' Gonnie Mcuha, I know as well. I said Oh, hi, Gonnia, L I didn't know it this anywhere I didn't How many people in there? Ten? a busy room to go into, say helloall as well, Yeah, yeah. Becauseuse also as well, I wouldn't expect ten people to be in that size room. No at four to six knee touchingly small. Right, okay I Lave I it turns out we leave One of those people was Tina Fai and I didn't recognize her. Oh she's in she's doing the first one. She's been in ra ages then. James Farmer described it as the biggest power play of all time because I've essentially gone in that. Yeah. Stuck my head a't gone Jen's Farmer, you're right, and then I've looked at her, ignored her. Yeah. Wow, so you've got in there and ignored a woman. I've gone in there and ignored a woman who's A Hollywood star? A Hollywood star. Yeah, what's she been in? Thty Rock. Oh yeah I've actually that before. I don't watch it. I watch American stand upps. I don't watch much American TV. No, when people talk to me about American comics, I'm often panicking that I don't know who they're talking to. You sort of have to nod and pretend. They'll be like, o goh, It's like John Mulane, isn't it? And I think John Malaney is a comedian. I know. Sorry John Maney, the American comedian. isn't John Maloney. John Maloney's the British one, who is the comedy story. Yeah, him and that's I was thinking of. Who's Joh Malaney? Joh Maney's How kids? incredibly famous American comedian. Right, I don't know I've never read ex before. Okay. I like Chevby Chas I actually do. I'm gonna say it, I couldn't pick Chevy Chase out of a lineup. Yeah, Is liive? He is, yeah, But apparently E is really different it's a good documentary about him because he's absolute nob to people and people don't likeish' quite good to watch. Anyway, so Kevin John Mal John Jos some more American comedians? What are we doing? You're just saying them and see if I seem to through where we've got to. Yeah go W be gober be clear. M be clear? I've yeah, we interviewed him? Yeah, I thought I'd get either. I pic I'm out. D Michael for the end of the show, could you write a list of five American comics? Some of which are real and some which aren't. E' knee knee deep in the gesture here. That's quite a fun quiz though. Yeah. If you can, mate, if not just sit there and just trying to internalize those coughs and burps. Yeah but you would for Max and David, I imagine How was your trip? to. Where have you went? Right, So Panama. Malaysia, Malaysia. So I've got things I want to tell you parently wise and we'll go back to Malaysia. I've gotaysia parently. It happened this morning. W wentent to my daughter's assembly. Oh yeah, which was nice. so I had to move things around but went to A the parents invited or did you just turn up? No, parents weren invited and it was an assembly about let me just double check this so I don't want to say it wrong and get told off First thing I noticed the head teacher is a fucking G. She What does that mean? like a gangster? Thank God for that. I thought we were about to get cancellled for something I didn't understand. I know that she's really like she walked in, right? all the kids sat on the floor, teachers on the side, parents at the back on chairs, right? just from the class that are doing the assembly. She walks in, they're all chatting away the kids, which is fine. they've been filing in She puts she puts her hand in the air acher head teacher. The head teacher just stands up front hand in air like like all fingers out, high five in the air like that, right? The kids at notice put the hand up like that. Then she slowly puts one finger in to make it four fingers up. Yeah. Th down Goldenstone the other next. Okay, I'm just adding a bit of theatre today. Not a tight schedule,. No, ye, but let's not let the schedule get in the way of great content Okay, I'm just setting the scene. We're going back to our Yeah yeah. So we' just got four f things up. Th the other kids do that and they move and dig it and then it go down to So what she's doing, it's counting down. Yeah. I. So she's changing the maths at the same time. Yeah, So she's getting her attention, right that? And then as she's doing it, each kid notices and it suddlys quiet and quieter. Good move. Right. and then she get gets down to one But she gets the finger pulls it down and puts in front of her A mouth. there's mouth. A mouth sorry Oh, compleomplete silence. Complete. Wow. Powerful. Pful. Anyway, should you put your arm up No, no, no, I was just watching like, w what's gonna happen there? And then I'm ning you on. she's got a round up, but then you see the fingers coming up I think she's doing a countown and L's like, ye no Anyway, so they do the assembly and the assemblyies iss about strong women, inspirational women. o? So what they do is they talk about inspirational women and then each child in a line goes through, they hold up a picture and say, this is the most inspiring woman in my life. Yeah, o. So we've got Lose thinking this baby fucking me Otherwise I'm Yeah. So it starts off though. There's like Ariana Grande, Billy Eilish, there's Chloe Kelly, Karent Karen Carney, you know and all that. and I love inspires me because I love football and she's arillant footballer and all this. Then she went on strictly and showed Brilliant and strictly Careo C can do too. Anyway t's really sweet and really then There are some things of like a lady up She's my auntie. She's been very kind to me and looked after me. Some people's parents. look at the thing it bore off Come on . So what about one are the gladiators? What with But some some of them are that there's a lot of athletes and st. And then some of their family members that haven't you not haven't been well, but then they've got well and it's very inspiring and very heart wrenching and people lots of people talking about their mums and stuff like that, right? I'm set a. gets to our doaghtser, right? She whips up You've got no idea She's not mentioned anything. The only thing she said is you come to assembly. I went, yes, and she' was very excited because I've been away. went, What's it a bachor? I'm not telling you I'm not telling you on mummy, I'm not Or maybe it's about L, It's Gay. Yeah Anyway She whips up the pho, Josephine Baker. ' that You tell me that Josephine Baker. Joe who she is? She she's very dead to your daughter. Well she's a dancer that was born in nineteen oh six that was in the civil rights movement. who used to dance and then refuseed to go to places that was said segregation. And quite you know, aspiring woman.. And my daughter has decided that's the most inspiring woman in her life Yeah. And yeah what about her story? doesn't speak to a white eight year old from Kent in twenty twenty six. doesn't like dancing. It doesn't like dancing And so so so yeah, so where' sat What was Lou's reaction when Joseph was Lou thinking this is going to be me I've got a number two Sunday Times areer. Well, yeah, I mean, at that point we were thinking, I maybe of the time I need Because of the timing. when this was being put together, it wasn't the time when Lou was doing a lot of solo parenting. I was away a lot and she'd written thisook and it had gone we' dinner to celebrate it was a big moment. So I was thinking, o God, she might do this for Lou. Anyway, we've been separated slightly here in Lou where you know, as you come in there weren't enough seats so she was sat like a few down from me. Yeah. Anyway, so I didn't really see reaction like that. and then I would come over and I said I said to my daughter to Josephine Baker. She does. Yeah. I went, I've never heard you mention her ever. Yeahah, no yeah, I haven't really. Why did you pick her then? They said just pick her inspire a woman. so I just found her and did her I literally couldn't give a shit about Josephine Baker. But to be fair, I don't know way she's found her though. she's more inspiring than the other. So does it not come up in class? I mean, to be fair, I had five minutes with her and I had to stop Lou from Directly questioning her why she didn't pick L I didn't want to be that mum, but also did want to be that mum, but she wasn't that mum. She kept it to herself. But you know so Josine Baker was an American French dancer, singer and actress. Her career was centered primarily in Europe, mostly in France. She was the first black woman to star in a major motion picture. The nineteen twenty seven French asyilent film Siren of the Tropics. I mean, this is the most of the niche Rich now A would struggle with this guy of niche filmmakakinger Yeah. I think she's just googled it. Sos Josephine Baker now. I keep sending Lu photos of Josephine Baker But she's never mentioned. And she's an insfi woman Yeah. veryery important historically, fair enough. but it was arguably she's done more than Aana Grande I' t she definitely has. Yeah But yes, but it was very weird because everyone was doing like a family member or an athlete or a pop star or someone Sbody pop culture or something Yeah they're like, oh, they're amazing football or whatever. and it was just like She stood up and whipped this phote off when Josephine Baker mind power universe. W she one of the lineesses. Wh made left by. Is that? one of the real nes for the Gladias Anyway, so w it just cracked me up today. Yeah,'s that's good We had Rose's birthday, Rob. I left you with a cliff hanger. balloons Yeah, ye. This is a great thing about living in Exeter Rob You just can't do this in London. You simply can't do this in London. Okay. we just went into a shop. Yeah. called Streamers. Shout out to streamers. Yeah. Just an independent family party shop. Yeah. Just bought some balloons. Yeah. So then, ye. Six squit each for a balloon. How much did you pay before? Fucking loads I did say. Yeah, because you're getting them sent to you because you're so used to living in East London where there is no shops that sell you useful things. an organic loaf. Yeah. But can you get a number for an inflatable forty three? No, you fucking can't. Well I would say so, Josh, this thing isn't like sort of just like if you lived a bit further out of London Or even in a better London not full of hipsters would thinkactly do that in Bromley, which is technically London. Whever, but you could do that if you don't do you could do that. you could if you lived in Soho You could have done on the die. Yeah. Yeah I don't think that would sold any No I won't say anything. done soo, Rob. No I would have a breakdown within twenty four hours because I'd try and go to get a pint of milk in the morning and there'd be people coming back from a night hour. J off their face. No, what I'm telling is there are bits of London where that is still a possibility. you doing a bit more of a hipstery bit. Yeah, ye. Actually, it's interesting you say that Thank you. because we went back to London this weekend. Yeah. So it was my daughter's friend's birthdays. Yeah. So we thought, why don't we spend a weekend in London? It was Mother's Day. It's a nice thing to do. Yeah. East London It makes me feel really, really stressed. This is great. Doee what this feels like? It feels like When you know when Big Ange went on the overlap and just sluagged off Totham. Yeah. I love this energy about you. For peoplee that don't know Big Ange, he's a football manager because it does feel like a character He's a character and' st Yeah. Big Ange used to basically hated Pat Butcher. Big Ange used to manage Tottenham. Yeah, he got sat by Tottenam They've got worse since he's gone. thenen another manager got sacked and then the day that manager got sacked he was on the biggest one of the biggest football podcasts and he was basically not of the biggest podcasts. goingo in on Totham, the way you're going in East London. Yeah. I like the str to live there. Yeah. but it's totally impractical as a way to live. yeep And so I feel like I'm interviewing myself on this podcast three years ago. Yeah. No amount of new restaurants that do small plates makes up for the lack of things you can do with your kids. Yeah or the ease you can get stuff. It's an amazing place to live if you haven't got kids, I think. Yeah. I agree kids, it's hard. It's wild How are your friends getting on them with kids there? Oh they're deep in the cool aid. Right So they're into that vibe. They love small pls and they don't want party streaming but balloons. No,. They love small plates. Yeah. They want to start worrying about secondary schools at the age of six because the options are so bad. Okay, Is that the vibe? That's the vibe My child either gets education or they're in a gang. Yeah There are two options. But That barata. you know my problem I realized was water I've been carriing zombie after school, but we don't want to lose the crocketets We love these crockets. I was walking, so' I'm filming my show at my what you'd call it, special. It's an Americanism. I struggle with that. Y'. I'm just filming my tour show. It's not a special. There's nothing special about it. Everyone's fucking doing them. Well, no, not everyone, not like most of the public No most comedians it's not a special. o It's fine. You're filming you're fine. I'm filming you're fine. When are you filming you're fine? May. This Ay. Right But when's the tour finish? It's the last night. But you're not doing it, you're not adding it on the tour in this country. No, You're done in May so you're finised it Yeah. lovevely lovely So I'm filming' fine. Yeah. I was staying in a hotel in we were stay in Shwditich Yeah because everything we were doing was in East London. Yeah. And I thought Id walked to Hack the Empire. Yeah. The problem I had with East London. So why did you walk there to see the venue? I had forty minutes to kill. I thought I'd rather walk. we had to go and do a wre. for your specialally, we had to go and have a look at it Go and have a look at it, meet the lighting guy, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. And you know, offer opinions on things which opinions I'm just manufacturing off the guff and will stay with me forever. Okay You're making decisions in the immediate moment about stuff you don't really understand, but it'll define how the special goes forever and ever. exactly. Yeah Pfect. The fine. The fine, sorry ye U It got are you wearing for your phone Well, we had a discussion because I wear a feela top on tour as to whether I can clear the feela logo. Right. Where is it going to be on te you? Do you know That' the kind of discussion we were having. Yeahes, a little sticker. What was the saying? When's it out? God knows. How would I know that? I'm not going to watch it So you I love my talkour show. I'm delighted with my t show. I'm delighted it's being filmed. You're not gonna to sit down and put it on, but I'm not going put it on. Which comedians do you think do that? Oh I can tell you a few. Do Do you know? No, no,, no, no, no, just stet up, I'm gonna watch Yeah. I mean there's one thing watching it when it's been it,t I've struggle with it but some people if you're editing it, getting it ready, you have to watch it. But if there's anyone that goes, o, I've got a cut the valvesare, I might stick on my special from twenty eleven. No I think you'd have to be sectioned if you did that. Yeah I've got a name. Would you believe it Alm that they definitely do that. I could imagine G person doing it also cover my mouth there, Michael, because there's been a news story about Royals being liit Brad. So we need to start doing that. You know, like a footallballer, yeah. So's okay that. Yeah. I'll tell you. I don't need to cover mine to e. Anyway, so you walked over there forty minutes to have a look My problem with East London is There's no center There's no middle ground So It's either A chicken box blowing along the street and hitting into a man sleeping under a sleeping bag. Yeah. O it's a pottery studio. There's just nothing in between. Yeah, it's like very twe and hipster or like quiet. I know what rough and red is. And so suddenly you move out of London Yeah, even to Bromley' is a good example. and you go, Oh wait a minute ninety percent of the country are living with these quite normal shops Yeah, ninety percent of the country just go to topop shop doesn't still exist. Our price Our price Walworth. It grab That' why the highigh street is thriving I'll still get my head right. But do you know what I mean? But did your daughter have a good time at the party and it was nice aly at the party It was so nice to see our friends. She had a lovely time on Saturday with her friends. Saturday evening, I went to Aylesbury. Y Great example of the High Street. Yeah. Lovely place. I Did my gig in Aylesbury. came back, you know, it was all nice. Yeah Oh my Godd, I was relieved to get to see some grass. Yeah. Well, that you've made a good move. You've made a good move? made a good move. I didn't even mean to talk about that. I don't know why I got into that. I don't know What did you talking about? No do watch my special when it's on TV. You're fine. Talk about TV. Yes. Tell me about Malaysia So you're away from your kids for two weeks. That was really hard. Did it not like that? No. First week was fun, enjoyed the show. Second week enjoyed the show, but there was a problem. Yeah. Well onene of the highlights of the trip though, which I think you'll enjoy, is I made friends with my driver. Oh yeah. So we have a driver, a local guy. S not like you? calledall Daffy. Daffy? Now Daffy's English I'd probably say I'm better at Malaysian than he is at English. No wonder you made friends with him. Right But like his English was okay, but because of my accent. So how far was he having to drive you? You weren't in a hotel on set? I was in a hotel and then we'd drive half an hour into the jungle Right So I was in a nice hotel, but every day was in the jungle or the different scenery or where had to get boats to go to different locations. I've never gotten with someone so well for years But we couldn't speak Did you just kiss No, Be We just use words and noises. you know, when Carlos Tez, Jucing Park and Patry Sereal were all best mates at Man United. I didn't know this, right. So Tez only spoke Spanish. Yeah. Park only spoke Korean Kore. And Patriceia E ever could speak French and Spanish. Right. So he was a bit of a link Beause he could speak to Dephers, but no one could speak to park Park Yeah. And I was starting to thinking well, this imagine 'use I was like, well, how did that work? but I've sort experienced it where we'd say stuff like, ' there was monkeys in Malaysia and I'd say like like ake No monkey and I point and then he knew there that monkey. and then it was like say brrown monkey, bad, black monkey, good. And then I was saying be like naughty monkey. and he was just laughing at my voice. And I was laughing at his voice, and we just sat there pissed themselves laughing. Gight. It's had a great time with him. And then you wore a Tottenham shirt so I bought him an arsenal shirt. Oh They got a phot of me and Dapffy in the Arsenal shirt. So that was all good. The problem was Oh, the monkeys are I hate monkeys. I used to think I like monkeys. Yeah That cheeky little monkeys These brown ones are awful The black ones are very calm, the brown ones. So what they do is They're not allowed to see you with food. So if you've got food on you, they'll just follow you and try and grab it. So you're in the car at this point or you're on set? So they're floating around everywhere, but back at the hotel, some of them are in the hotel grounds, right? And then unfortunately for me I was coming out and by this point, this is like something he talks about. The second week of filming went a bit Bad becauseuse I had a bad stomach. Oh yes, horrendous ness So my problem is I go to the country, I get well involved. I've got the ice. I've got the ice, I'm eating the local food, I'm drinking in the local river, I'm fuggking in. Yeah. But then normally what happens is because I've shipped myself in Indonesia now, India and Malaysia Yeah. That's the top three three eyes. I just I just think My body through the eyes of a needle. Yeah, all three all three needles. And I just think I'm too white and I'm from too much peasant stock to travel this much. shouldn't be that right you. I've got these a box of nature valley Cereal bars are the only things I can eat, right? Anyway, as we're driving home Dapffy knows I've got a bad belly, but we don't know the severity of it because we can't speak. needeed away So you're going to need to give us. Well, I lost four kilos at one point and I must have I shat brown water for nearly four days in a row and I shut my bed Oh And I've never sh my bed before. Oh my God. Have you ever shut your bed? Not in my conscious memory. No I shot my bed It's a horrible horrible thing. what happened when you shot your bed? I just woke up in morning and there was shiting. I it didn't wake you. No. It had just fallen out of your arth. Yeah. Do it dry or was it wet? It was dry? It looked like a makeup smear or like a fake tan smear as opposed to a log. But So here's the decision then, Yeah Alert the hotel to what's happened. Do you ball up the I think can I say what I'd do? I'd be too gutless to tell them Yeah. So I think I'd strip the bed myself. also the language barrier Yeah I just' you know I mean, what can you say? because it did like it wn't log. if it was a log, I'd jump for joy Yeah, but I couldn't see one for days. Yeah. Its a smear. That's a weird thing if I woke up in there' had just been a solitary. I don't think anyone should have a solitary Mr. Whippy next year. I would have Joe I would have been disgusted this. Like the World Cup. Finally, I'm back. Now no one's done a proper loggking. You'd w aup halfay through. You wouldn't no one could do a proper lo don't be anyone the bed was al lo. Did didid you strip the bed? No, So what I did What left it? There weren't loads. It look was just like a little it' like It looked like if a lady had loads of makeup or a man on their forehead and just wiped the bedd in on their forehead Yeah. That's what it looked like. So you presume that's what they thought. Yeah. He's wiped and then the middle of the bed on his forehead. And then what I did was anus level. Yeah. And then But he would have easy just been able to just scrumple it all up and not touch it. So what I did was just when I saw that Gizer next do, I gave him some ringit. Some what? Ringit, the currency. Oh right, I thought that was like a kind of cleaning. I think that's what was wrong with me at one point. Bad KazZ old ringet. So so it just came on out of nowhere. D that I mean and you could only eat nature's bars. Yeah only naturesars. then what happened was I had a really bad day then I thought I'm all right again and then I started eating again, then it came you be in the jungle You'd get the shivers and you'd be like, I need to get on the toilet.. I f had a fever. I was shaking. But there's no toilet in the jungle. but I had a modium to stop me shitting. but then what happened when I got home this is, I can't believe the talkogphher about this for so long But It's chang just started. So yeah, but I'm wearing like white linen on the beach being filmed Yeah' at any point in here I'm going George Michael. So anyway, I've got a bad day, so I'm in the car Daffy's driving me back, I've got me nature bars and then it's Ramadam. Yeah. So he pull over goes, Do you want some Food, some local food. Sun just gone down. I think they do a thing where they give out this sort of porridge, rice soup thing It weren't what I was after. No. When you have got Badbelly, you don't want to be given Ramadam soup for a window from a stranger Oh, sorry, this wasn't from Daffy. No, so he just said you want some. I was like, what do you mean? And the basit what happens is and it's lovely. It's a real thing They go out and they give all the people in the town give it to people driving past and it's a big celebration. they make it and it's al like a local restaurant makes it for the great people. But I'm not and but I'm not a say no I mean I would have tried it I take is it a takeaway. a little Yeah. So I've now got I've got a super clear bowl and my nature bathars He takes me to the hotel. I'll get out and I walk al. I get to my hotel's like one flight of stairs out to the stairs She? No. It's a massive monkey staring me out. I'm holding food. Yeah. All Im do is go to bed. He stands up, chases me H You've gotta just give us s food Rob you don't I do. So I throw that on the floor, which feels I' be disrespectful, but at the moment I'm like,'s g give it to me, I'm going give it to the monkey.. And then I hide the nature bars up at me jump because I can't lose them. Beuse there ain't a lot I can't have like that orangang with a fucking fish sh get. You what I mean? I'veard not all the local just stoped speaking Rob. Stopp trying to make. So I'm hiding out and my jumping because I de't with them and then' and I'm try to nice to the monkeys. and then I find out be nice to the monkeys. You end up being like,, you know, okay? How big is this monkey U like, is it physically scary? I'd say this this the big one He's probably's probably about he's only little So you're not physically worried he's going to ripif f No, but bite me and rabies. If you had to find a human for a fair fight, Warrick Davis Okay that kind of build. So I've it downm me jumper and then I'm trying to be like like plastid and nice to machine. I had the ramadan soap well oneess on that but there's los of them aren't there. They moveving a pack. So then but then anyway so then I have to get the bloke at the hotel to Oh w help me It monkeyad brown monkey. Yeahight Not the brown Not the nice black qu. Yeah. So then he was I was like well he works this hotel. he'll know what to do monkeys. Yeah. So I'm following him up. No no because this happens a lot. Oh no. So we' walking up the stairs and then he's like sho sho the monkey, shoe shoe the monkey. Th the monkey starts having to go in and in the end he's just sort of The monkey starts screaring up him, so I just push past him run to the room.ute. But I spoke to Daffy and he said to me, No teeth, no teeth What does that mean? If you show your teeth to a monkey, it means Let's have a fight. Oh my gos. Yeah I can't do no T no T. bowling about starting on monkeys accidentally. So all these monkeys are starting on me becausecause I'm smiley smiley TVC f. and they think I'm the guy like Yeah aggression. You're very callalling card. What is this the first thing you see Yeah So yeah, that was I had a terrible time with the old stomach, yeah. And how then so you were filming in the day and then in the evenings you're just going to bed and feeling Be the first week I was having I went golf we had a couple of drinks but I'm just in bed all day And how Iiling you doing So some days very little, some days like you go a forty minute boat ride to an island in the middle of nowhere and then you're there all day and then get the boat back. So it's very dang. You were doing that with the shts. Oh yeah. So yeah, it was funine. Eone really looked after me and as lovely but I was like, this is a bat. you know, you know, when you're away from home, you got called? T forortune, T forortune some top So if we watch the second half of the series of Tempting Fortune, you're going to lose four kilos over the second half and you're going to basically be between shits at every link. Yeah, you could watch it and try and pick the point where I've lost four kilos of shit resself. Because also it's chronological, so it will happen It will definitely be in oldder. Yeah Yeah. But I doubt yet. wind's it home I don't know don't We don't know th why I know fucking ass That's a question beyond my pay grade. But then I did, oh my Godd When I could eat, I went back to Lanawi Airport and had a Burger King. Oh I had your back. I had was like Michael in Leon. He was like my first This my first proper meal Yeah. ' you just can't get a dry toast in the jungle. You can't It's just not bad How would I have been as a veggie? Oh, there's lots of veggie stuff but it's very spicy and curry and it's beautiful for st. amazing, but it's not what you cannot eat it with a bad belly. So basically, presuming there's another series, how you gonna to approach it? Are you gonna take some extra stuff in case? Well, first of all, I'm going to take my mouth shut. I'm gonna to wear face mask for monkey but I'm just going to hope for the best and just try and be a bit more sensible with food because I will eat anything Which is my downfall in these countries sometimes I. You gota enjoy the local cuisine? Yeah, but I think I might have a few more chicken wraps Yeah, yeah yeah. If available. Well you've certainly started that today. But then at the burging I had a long chicken. You know, it's chicken long chicken burger. Right ye I't even know. I'd never have burger King.. It was one of the best meals I've ever read in my life. And then when I got to the other airport, I had another one. Oh my God.. And then so I basically had two burger kings in the space of like four hours. fourour kilos back on. fourour kilos back on. I was on the plane, I woke up and I had so much salt I woke up I've never woken up like this before. I woke up because my tongue was fizzing. I was there You know, it felt like I some to turn my tongue on. Oh my word. And I'm mad And it took fourteen hours because I had to go round her own. Oh my go. But know you know, it was part of your thinking let's gamble Look, mate, I've had a terrible time. just fucking sling it straight across Tran. It's rather dark I think of happen Well, the good news is you had that when you were out there because if that had kicked in my day on the plane and you were doing it on the plane. Yeah. so luckily that's happened twice now of India which just I had it before, but apologies for how much Oh it's a good gasological talk. And so what was it like when you got home? So we got home and then I got home and I landed at five foot in the morning and then I took the kids. what do you want to do? because I was like I haven't seen them. Weekend ye. We went to Gravity trampoline Park at Buewater and it was quite full long. but it kept me awake in the evening because I was like got to eight o'clock and I was like, I was so jet lged and tired I was like, I've got to try and stay awake, Lu because if I can't sleep now I'll just wake up at two AM for the whole day. And I was like, went I went, what I'm going to do is I'm going to stand on the stairs because it's dangerous. I w fall to sleep and'll be I'll be awake. Did you f down the stairs? Y. 'cause I was firstly stood up on the stairs. What time is this? eight o'clock. I'll stand on the stairs because I won't feel the sple st on the stairs. Oh it's horrible. yeah, we're happy to be back now. twow weeks is a long time it's the kids. so ye it was difficult, especially when you're ill, but I think if In' was ill it would have been Is it nice to hear like get back and hear like your daughter talking about Josephine Baker and stuff around the house and all that kind of stuff Yeah, I mean ye Yeah, because that's what I missed when I was away. Yeah I haven't had chat with my daughter about Josephine Baker for ages We'll do that. But yeah, I back now and I'm back for a little bit while. We got a nice holiday plan soent t of time with the kids. But yeah, we were basically ringing at seven hundred forty five UK time just before school and then that was my like three forty five in the afternoon and that worked quite well. And if anyone that is working a way, rather than doing it on Zoom, we did it on just audio and it was done on the school running the car. So that then there was a definitive endpoint where they were going in for the day rather than getting a bit sad and down because I wasn't there. you know it's hard for them And then when I come in my daughter like, I g give her big ug and then she cried, I could hear a crying in my ear. I was like, Oh, lesss that. Anyway, but yeah, all good.. But yeah, happy to be back and, you know, rescuing Lou from another two weeks from solo pairony. God, yeah, how is it for Lou? Oh yeah, Well she got a skip, which I think is her emotional support vehicle. Yeah and it just loaded it full of crap. Oh really. Yeah had a bit of a clear out. She reorganised, we've got this little like cupboard, like the pantry we call it, little cupboard where we keep her like the beans and stuff and it's an absolute pix star mess. Lou reordered it onestly, I don't know if I'm middlege but I've really got an erection. It wass so good. And she's built like you think she's had that building up through writing the book, through promoting the book, through selling the book and now she's like, now I can finally do the pantry. Yeah she did it look great. and she got little these little levels. So like like it's like seating it's like rate seating for the baked beans Oh. But we have got twenty five cans of baked beans because Lou always puts it on the food order You couldn't see what we had before. Yeah, of course. them. You'll work through them. Mary Kondo. Mary Kondo. She's the Marie Kondo. Mary Kuondo is the quueen of shops and Marie Kondo is the tidy woman. That's hard, isn't it? It's very. It Ver very similar things. utes Rightntil timeing. Another way he screams at a chicken cough. fifty minutes. We both felt like we'd come to a natural end and Michael, didid you feel that, Michael? Yeah No, he's a good in he. Yeah Okay, Rob. Now for a special part of the show. I'm very excited to bring you named it myself pocket money memories. There we go. B bit of nostalgia. littleittle bit of nostalgia, we're gonna look back to our childhoods, but specifically littleittle thing called pocket money. upp for that. And it's brought to you by Monzo. You have an award winning kids account. They do. They do. And they are the experts when it comes to kids and money. Go on then, Rob. What was your pocket money situation as a kid? Pocket money for me was a bit loose. It wasn't a defined amount But obviously we get money Christas and birdays and od money from Granda. so we'd have I always felt like there was a little pot of money. It's bubbling along. I remember I always wanted money for holiday so I'd save and then I would get like money for chores grass and cars, but I would save her money for the football shirts. I got pocket money for my grand rother my parents. Yeah. weekly, she'd give me ten p for every year of my age. seventy p when I was seven eightyP when I was eight. So I had my jar. Did you have a piggy bank? Where did you keep your money in? I used to keep it in my shoe. What? I used to put my money in a shoe, not my dad. Yeah So I do think it's important to explain to children how to save money Because the interest in is shue wasn't that good No of course a great interest rate? No, of course not. I'd say that money was stagnating in that shoe. E'd have been much bad doing the mononzo. Did you ever lose pocket money or waste it on something looking back was a bad decision? I made some bad decisions, but I think you have to learn byy them. Did you buy a boom box? No, I bought a walkman that was rubbish that only had fast forward No play. No I'm sorry, I't play. No, But you couldn't rewind. Say I played a song Yeah. And then I wanted to hear it again I'd have to turn the tape over and fast forward the other way to get back to get back. That's stressful Seven qured that So that's ten weeks pocket money if I was seventy. Cheap Walman isn't it? He was a very cheap Walman. And that's a lot of saving. He wass only seventy per a week. I know it's ten weeks. It's aective Ipe. That's one hundred weeks Oh, seven pounds. That seventy pay T weeks I might start storing my money in a shoe Banking's right for me But it is for my kids with Monzo. Exactly. And well, that's the interesting thing, Rob. That's the interesting thing. St still trying to work that seven maths out How does your experience of pocket money affect your experiences now as a parent with kids with pocket money? Well I had an incredibly different upbring into what my children are having. What about you A't they ever sit you Mama dad sit you down and talk you through banks? No I know I haven't really with my kids. But my daughter gets pocket money every week and saves it up and she buys stuff now we've got the difficult thing where my son's a different age to her. He's not old enough yet to have a savings situation. So we're kind of just buying him stuff that's equal value to what she do you know what I mean? Do we start him on her level Or then he's earn quite a lot of money for a five year old once he hits five. Do you know what I mean? It's like, what do you do? I think they should be earning pocket money, not receiving it for just existing. The thing is, Rob Looking back Learning to manage your money, learning what to do with your pocket money, they are important life lessons you learn at that stage. But now with Monzo, it is easier for parents to keep an eye on it. You can do so, you can track what they're spending, you can get notifications when they've spent. you can talk about them reaching spending limits. It's a much simpler time, thanks pouse at Monzo. O three Monai. Dindy sorry That we. And whether it was us back in the day of our pocket money or kids now, you can't be as a kid having some money, having your independence and now having the opportunity to earn interest on that money. But also a cool colored cardbate. look at that. L at that! I can' tell you how much I would like a debit card that colour. Little pink one. littleittle pink one. go for? Yeah One more of them, you're off mate. Oh, that's nice yellow yeah we go. Monzo's Aard winning kids account. Download your favourite bank. For children aged six to fifteen, interest paid monthly. You can have ten thousand pounds maximum in savings per child. Parent or guuarding account needed first, UK residence only Tase and C' apply Do do a small business shout or shout. You've got one actually. Yeah. Hi, Robin Josh. I'd love a small business shout out, please My name is Emily. I used to be a TV producer and worked with both of you, Wed with both of you and it went so well that I moved out of London and completely changed careers I've been a potter for many years and recently took the leap to follow my passion by opening my own pottery studio in Oxton, OXTON Village on the Whirl. O called Seize the Cay We run relaxed, friendly pottery classes where people can learn wheel throwing and hand building. We offer one off taster sessions if you fancy having a go on the wheel, as well as six week courses where you learn the whole process from throwing and trimming to glazing your finished pots. We also offer studio memberships for people who want regular access to the space to practice and develop their pottery skills This is this is very simply done, isn't it? This is a TV person who knows what She knows what' doing. She's getting to the point. You can find us at sees theclay. co. Uk or Instagram at seees the Clay Underscore Pottery Studio Thanks so much, Emily. There you go. Good luck Emily. Good luck, Emily. alsoso. book in there. You might get some goss about what we were like. Oh yeah. She'll be She'll be throwing a pot and telling you, you know The reality iss a television go. Oh, Josh,'s lovely. everyone lovedves Josh. He's so lovely. What was Rob like? Oh, he's quite direct and a bit distant That's why they offered I'm easy, you know. couldould be more distant ideally. I've moved to Liverpool. I'm not demanding, I'd say that Yeah. Just I needed a fresh bedsheets I'm good to go. Exactly. Did it ever come back on you Well shit had a shit. It was clean the next day and it was never mentioned. Yeah, but I did I'll give a big old ringot. Yeah. I gave him probably about forty quid in ringot. Yeah. and's J little money there. Yeah He didn't have to ll up Yeah, bed cheet full of my shit. Yeah, fair enough. But I'd do that forty ringit. with no forty pounds Yeah forty pounds. If I said you'd go in that room and bagd just pick up a thing and put it in that bag. would you do that? I'd traveled to Bromley to do it, Well. Fair enough. I'll see you on Thursday. Yeah Savves Lure Job. Do you want to do small business? Hello, Get in touch with a small businessiness show. as a huge thank you for an incredible podcast. I've listened since twenty four twenty twenty four and I have a daughter and thank goodness I had the back catalog to get me through the sleepless nights. I've teamed up with another set of parents who had their kids the same time as me. We were based in Chelestwood, Essex and realized Whilst there are lots of events for mums and babies, lots are aimed at the babies or just cost a lot to meet other parents. That's where Bring your own baby Drag was born We host brunches in baby safe spaces with extra changeing mat, but with entertainment aimed at parents, not just mums, even our host Queen equals Jessic Blaze is a parent to a little boy and twin girls and in the thick of potty training sleepless nights. By parents, for parents, our first event sold out in seventy two hours and we are building from strength to streth. foollow us on socials BYOB drag and our website BYob drag. com dot UK. That's Anna from Chelmmsford. So this is a drag queen event And you bring the kids to it. Oh, that's great fun. That's great. Al also, when they're baby babies, they can still be really rude and swear and Stop Pubble her Love it. B YO B drag. Yes, please. Right, there we go Joshua It's been a pleasure. It's been absolute joy I' see you tomorr. Bye, bye tomorrow Stitch fix, stop shopping, get styled. A plus on the outfit, Miss. Turner You are about to slay parent teacher conferences. Oh these? Just the most perfect fitting jeans my stylist sent me. Oh, hello you? Who didn't set one foot in a mall and still looks amazing J to share your size, style, and budget, and your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. Stitchfix, G started today at stitchfix. com to my stylist This look is dedicated to you. Thank you, Thankk you