Magician Residency and Show Promotion

Here! Brothers, sisters, siblings, Wlcome to Penn Sunday School. I'm Matt Domnelly, and we are broadcasting from Las Vegas, Nevada, currently, the showbiz capital of the world Yeah, I chejected it's still down This week, Pen has revolutionized the way he is learning Spanish. He's found a true disruptor of the space, Sone that can really innovate and change all of mankind. Here he is preaching the loveo, brought to you by masterclass. He's Penn. Yeah! hereere I am preaching love and it's brought to you by masterclass dot com slash pen. Yeah, that's what it's brought to you by. We'll be talking more about lifelong learning as time goes on U And that's what'll be talking about. Lifelong learning with masterclass. And I'll turn this piano I was gonna to say you're like into the piano there. I was a little bit too obsessed with the piano, but right now right now' back to I'm back to right here. Now last week, we thought we might get into your Spanish Revolution too strong of a word. Iation. You know, it's an interesting thing, maybe I'm going to tell you someone else's story. Okay, which is useless, but it's funny Um There's a guy named True Paul True Paul. C you R A M who has the same understanding of vowels as IQadeda. And not RuPaul Tul, right Now, Miss the guy. who flunked out of Spanish in high school. Okay or close to it. had no aptitude for Spanish at all. and then got a job in law enforcement in Florida Okay. I guess he's some sort of Deputy sheriff in a county. and his county had many, many, many, many, many My group workers. Okay, who mostly Mexican who spoke Spanish, right And he was a white guy, a very white guy who does not look a bit Hispanic, which would be important for later in the story. And he being a conscientious law enforcement person. Remember those? Yes. In the days before IC. they're not. I think we have too many conscientious ones as well to use ice. We have many, many conscientious ones. Yes We're on their side Absolutely. It's the ice people. You know, it's like if you when you when you hate TSA, Yes, you know, and you talk to a real police officer about TSA. Yeah They dislikeed them more. hated too. Yeah ye. And they dislike Iice more because people like me conflate them This guy seemed like a really good law enforcement comp. whichich you know, my dad was a deputy sheriff and a jail guard. So I got along very well I was going to say, so obviously I have a high opinion of them, but then I remember that some people don't get along with their father. I get along very I got along very well with my father Yeah What really put a dent in our relationship It was him dying. Yeah. Other than that, the relationship is very good. I'm just taking a master class. He can get past that, you know? Yeah, can you? Hey went to this not knowing any Spanish. Okay. And would have to go which I love. He would have to go to the scene of an altercation. Yeah and run and find a child. because all the children spoke English But he said that was very awkward on of domestic abuse. Oh yeah. Yeah So he decided he had to learn Spanish. and he developed a system which I think is helpful for me C Um Most Spanish stuff you do Whether it's duual lingo Yeah, whether it's a tutor Yeah, whether it's a book They think the best way for you to learn Spanish is to be immersed in Spanish during the learning Yes He didn't do that. Okay talks you in English about how to learn Spanish. Okay. and All right I have a lot of Spanish knowledge because I put in eighteen hundred hours. Yeah. I have a lot of vocabulary, a lot of conjugations A lot of verbs. Verbs are a subset of vocabulary. I know that verbs are words And but it's never congled. Cgealedaledaled U in English, it's congealed. Yeah, okay. congeal act. And he does cognit D Cognits, cognets I forgot how to speak English today. Yeah. Yeah ' I' say I'm like I'm like four months into duolingo and jump spepeak. I don't know jump spepeak, but dualingo is essentially a video game. Right. ye But you do learn vocabulary in some stuff.'s. But my problem and I don't think is much of your problem is takes me a lot to implement it Right. now I have a neighbor who speaks Spanish and whenever I try to attempt to speak any Spanish to them, it goes very poorly And then they instantly just blitz me with phrases to correct me. they're not trying to correct my vocabulary. They're trying to just they just simply just give me whole phrases, whole cloth to try to correct what I'm saying. and they give me a bunch of words I haven't learned at the same time. and I'm feeling Well this this this crerouwpul guy. did this thing that I do Um, which is I was once out with a star of Saturday Night Live when I was on Saturday Night Live And we went out on a I guess double day Okay And he was out with a swimsuit model and I was out with a Victoria Secret model I'm telling you we were stars, isn't? Yeah that was fun that was a fun time. So We go up to this Very, very Um trendy restaurant in Columbus Circle. Very trend and he goes up to the desk and says, could we have a table for four, please And the uh Matrity. er table of the Matries Uh The Matri D says Yes, I can put you right back over here And he says No no, we want to be right up front which is where the Uhu happening people work Yeah It was very clear in the restaurant This is where the peasants go. And this is overlooking Columbus Circle and this is fancy fancy, fancy Smancy. And the people here are fancy schmancy, right And then they say, I'm sorry, there's nothing available up here And he says You know who I am I must send that li And at that point I just shrink up Of course And I feel terrible The guy says to him by his name. I'm sorry. we have to in the back. We don't have tables available. Harvey says it nicely Oftent times do you know who I am is rhetorical bothoth answers being looked at by the oppite by the people, right? R he says it, of course assumes yes, and the person looking at it goes, of course not, otherwise I would. I don't think he did refer to him by his name I don't thinkconize And u Also, you know, do you know who I am is a cliche awful thing. Yes. And of course, there's the story of Bob hope visiting your friend in a nursing home and them not giving him decent service. And he says, you know who I am? And a woman comes up to him and says Ask at the desk they can tell you Ting it into an Alzheimer's joke. Yeah So anyway, any At that point, our relationship, which was very close before then. Yeah. I mean, I would go watch with the improv Catching We were hanging out around Send that liive all the time. He was becoming a very close friend. in that moment He was distancing from good friends And many he turned and said And this is Penn Gillette. He's on Broadway with Penn and teller Oh And at that point I said We've got to go We're leaving now And I took my date. Yeah. more than a date actually grew together for years. Okay tooook her by her hand and said we're leaving. in a way that I never, ever have done that in my life She knew why. Yeah She came along. Now she was dressed Perfect. You know, she was dressed for whatever year this was nineteen ninety. coover of cosma You know which she had happened to be on. before right? She was looking very, very good and She was also wearing shoes that were not built for walking There were shoes that were built for fucking, but you could also wear them out Yes,. There sheo used to be admired and complimented, but not to walk a few blocks. Right in Manhattan. And I said to her in a more controlling way that I usually say things, we're going to McDonald's. Now the McDonald's from Columbus Circle Yeah was up like two blocks. Okay Yeah terrible, but, you know, New York blocks. Yeah. And she said donon't have to go to McDonald's. We just have to not go there. And we just not with him She said, all this can be solved by going to another place without him And I said, we're going to McDonald' And she said Why do we get in a cab I just go downtown There's a lot of restaurants there that we can go to and be very, very happy. And I said, I think I really need to go to McDonald's And when the word need came in, when the verb need came in Um She understood. I needed a cleansing riment. Yeah, were you were you processing that? Are you sim your brain was simply is like, get me to the most like low rent. Get me to where I belong. Get me to. That's all I was saying in my in my heart And she to her credit, she understood that completely. Basically like the least big shot place for me to go right now is McDonald's. Yeah, yeah. I need to do that because I've just been in a humiliating position. Yes. So She I mean to her credit, this story, she's the hero. I mean one of the heroes Um Marie is the other one. She and I walk the two blocks Right. And we go into McDonald's, dressed by the way, very inappropriately for McDonald's. Right. We sit down and everything felt okay. And by the way, although I've seen that gentleman several times since. Yeah. It was awkward from then on On my side, I don't think he even noticed. I think he thought that maybe my date gets sick or something. I don't know He didn't understand. but I don't even know if he got a seat for two. He might have got a table for two. He might. He might have thought I was the whole proble. And he was like, now that that rififf raf is gone. right this way, s We don't know what happened there. All I know is he became very, very right wing Oh I think there's been enough hints here at McDond's Now I'm going I'm telling that story Yeah in order to make myself look bad Okay, okay. Because I will not say, do you know who I am if things look like Being me TV wouldould be helpful. Yeah I speak a little louder so they might recognize my voice, right? Right I do things too be recognized, to give special treatment But in a fluid exchange. what we would call a passive aggressive war Yeah Not listen, I I mean, I hear you I remember when I first interned for you and telleller, We would try to go to a restaurant And uh, We were trying to write for Discovery Channel show. R And sometimes the a waiter would be like, no, I can't give you the Wi Fi here And I would get up and walk privately to the person let me just talk to your manager real quick And then I would just not go, do you know who they are, but just simp explain like these are Pen tell they're over the rear We're trying to write over to coverage Chow showow. We want to write. We want to order food here and rightite here If we have the WiFi, we can do that. And so I would get the WiFi code that way But I consider that one my job And two The way I did it was to walk away from you and do it without you listening to the conversation. Yeah. And I said this because I watched for I cream social we did bonus part, We watched the thing behind the Triple Crown that Netflix did did basically what they did to F one. they did for racing horse racing At one point the guy who wed Kentucky T made anything less interesting. But go ahead they show showed your spin on it. They showed the winner of the Kentucky Derby not being able to get into the after partarty in Kentucky. He was like, we don't have your name unless. He's like, I won the Kentucky Derby. rightight? his horse won exactly, right a horse wanted to winner the party. He'd be welcome. sir. I know What the winner of the Kentuckut Dibree looks like He has a very long face. I don't know why he had such a long face after he won. But I said somebody there is failing. If you are next to the guy who won the race, his horse won the race Is're next the guy riding the horse to win the race And he's trying to get in as soon as they go, you know have a list, you put your hand on that shoulder and be like, go go talk to someone. G walk over, G get a go get a glass of whatever. takeake a step away and someone else has to come in and be like, listen You know, and someone it is someone else's job to say This is how this is how it's supposed to go and work out the situation to people who know better. That's It's supposed to work that way. I went to crossroads Yeah in u LA. Yeah The one in Vegas I go to all the time. and it's Not often crowded. Yeah. but in L.A. it's very crowded. Crossroads is a annoying vegan restaurant that I adore. Yeah. fabulous and I went in Two of us And I said g table for two. And they said sureure, they Put it to the table by the door that was very, very small And I sat there for a moment and I started to look at the menu. I was oblivious and uh All of a sudden The major D came over and said I'm sorry, could we move you to a different table And they moved us to another table in the back that was big and comfortable and d it to. And I was confused And I said What did we do wrong? Why do weong? And my dinner companion said, You were recognized and they fixed it I said, they fixed what. We were sitting at a table, now we're at a table. And they said, Well, no, we were sitting at a terrible table and now we're Very good table. Yeah I said, Oh Okay. went on But I will do this cheating thing, right? Yeah, and you're going to break it down. I've been around you and Teller for a little while now. and you two are the least Celebrity flexing. people I've been around. I've other friends who gained some fame and notoriety as well. You guys are really not guilty of it very Well, I'm going to give you an example where I was guilty of it. Okay So I join the Cw crew or whatever they're called u his watched him first on YouTube. and then I went and paid twenty dollars a month join. I wanted to get the full thing. All the guidebooks and everything. row it in there and it says write a littleittle resume of yourself. Yeah. Now I could have written that I've been studying Spanish for a few years Full stop It' This is where This is re flex But I said I I work with a company magic team in Vegas And I've been learning Spanish. And I got a direct message back from Paul himself. saying Well, your name is Pen Your name is Penjuillette Wow, I've been watching tell her since you know, before I was born. Yeah, which what people always say now they want to make it very clear that I'm old. I will also point out that he is retired from the police force So when he says I'm old, I'm old. But you retire from police, you know, twenty years. Yeah ye. So you can be forty, retire from police. Are you trying to walk it back I would have successfully walked the path had you not noticed U So He said We can zoom Okay Now his style Teaching Turns out that my best way of learning seems to be in English Okay. And when he explains this is how transfer English to Spanish and says that in English. Yeah. I could all of a sudden do it in Spanish Okay, you know? Th do you think having the deep work you've done so far alsoso made that cl. incredibly. Yeah All he's doing is focusing the work I did before. Right, right. So he's like a good like almost graduate teacher. But I went back and started the beginning of his class. Okay, which is also a great review Okay, so we're on Zoom and we're chatting and We are two people that are used to telling the same stories. So his story was very polished and, uh I was saying to him that Hondro And I want to make clear, this is Hondro Joe This is not This is not Hondro actually sounding like this sounds. Yeah When I was speaking to someone who was from Mexico Hondro said, Remember You are speaking the language of Cervantes the language of drug dealers Which is incredibly a racist thing to say, but it's a joke. Yes I imagine it's an out loud Thereir force snobbery of Spanish to Mexico. Yeah relationship. So I said that to Paul And I said, when Hondro said that to me, I said, Well, I'm not going to ever have an accent in Spanish. I'm going to have an American accent becausecause people always have. their original accents. Yeah. And he said I don't And I said What? And he said, Well, my Spanish got good enough. I can pass for someone who's not American. Oh And I said Re healally? And he said, yes Was he wearing a badge when They told him this That is where the story is going, sir. A Not you didn't do a goodidau. Okay. You didn't blow it. Okay. That's where the story is going. Okay. So we said I cannot pass for your accent being from the same place you're from. But if you're from Mexico I can pass as Columbian If you're from Colombia, I can pass as Mexico I said So It's like me. with Mississippi And he said, Not really. It's more like you with Liverpool or Banchester Okay, if someone was speaking with a slight foreign accent Yeah. they were speaking with a heavy puddling an accent on top of it. Yeah. You might not be able to feel it So this he said that is Spanish using this technique he uses He calls patterns, but it doesn't matter but he calls it just his jive. He also we had we had a few words Because he says that when you're speaking, the big mistake you make in Spanish, which is a huge mistake is he says in English when you start a sentence You don't have the whole senate in your head He se but in Spanish. You try to get the whole sentence laid out and then speak And that means that you sound awkward means that you are awkward throws off the conversation So start with Bnde And then if you're going to say something about what you desire, say can'o Win w win kidd He said, then you can start making the rest of the Senates. He said the engine going and then you add cars to it And we uses this analogy Yeah in many of his classes. Okay. I said to him, I know we don't know each other that way And I don't want to sour our relationship. Yeah But I want to tell you that I do think about English now and again and That analogy is horrible. No one ever adds cars to a moving train. You don't say, oK, we're starting this train. Let's get the engine going and then we'll couple other cars on when it's going I said it's an awful analogy And he said to me You're the magician, figure out a way to add fucking cars to a movie tray. So we were giving closer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And he said, My Spanish gets so good that I was called in by all the other police. Many of those police were heritage speakers. Do you know the term heritage speakers? I do not Heritage speaker is someone whose mother and father speak the other language. Yeah. They grow up with it They never speak it outside the home. So there he said, their Spanish is awful I said, I always assumed heritage speakers spoke really well He said, Not really. because they've been working to speak English. So they speak English perfectly, but they have some Spanish from their families He said also their families are trying to speak English so they don't get Imersed today it I said, Ohh, he said, we had two or three heritage speakers on the force and they weren't very useful Very shortly I became the translator in the whole police department crazy And I was called into everything He said then I started doing translation for depositions Oh I six. Then I was in court. Right. And he said I would be cross examined. in Spanish what I heard I said, so you were getting good said yeah, I got pretty good He said, then my Spanish got so good. that I was doing undercover. Now You and I could also be cross examined in Spanish It just won't go well. Absolutely. No Brendo. No Brendo. No good Brendo.nd Rpeito Noum Brenda. Look Brend Lcieto Lcieto. Less it You h a s doayuta You have to put I don't care there someone. D qu. qu. They give me the same is what that means, literally Take qu, they give me the same. Yeah. Okay. Take qu U But it really means I don't give the slightest fuck. It's all the same to me Right. Da. U He started doing the list of the senates. He started doing undercover work with cartels Oh Jesus. What he would do is he would speak on the phone they would They would absolutely know he was Latino He would do a deal over the two or three weeks And then they would send in one of their Hispanic looking police officers to do the final step who did not speak Spanish as well and could not do it But he would show up a goo Oa It's like that there was a white DJ like in Ohio who is like the best Obama impersonator So on the radio, it was awesome. But he couldn't really do it in in person appearances to bec come off wr Um That's really funny. And so you're saying his mastery not We talk about like the ability to roll Rs or say certain, you know, he could do all three notes. but you're saying, but it sounds like he's saying rather It's more of the speech pattern. The way you construct and speak sentences is You have to think a certain way about speaking. He wants He wants to get you talking fast what I hear, what I'm trying to keep up. is all sorts of tricks. You can look I it's free on YouTube. Okay. Q R O O Paul Pop right up and you'll say crew Paul Grouple I want to tell you This guy looks whiter than you Okay. All right. There is he has his head shaved, you know, standard Police officer, heads shave goate, right Yeah. And he is has no Latinous qualities. Okay, right accept his speech He said he was one night He said he was taking his wife out to dinner. for her birthday to Apple Bease. You said Sebert Classy here And that it. The front of Apple's was all the celebrities in the Hooown. Yeah haven't tried to get in the back y. And on the way to Appleb's. Yeah, he he had been working on this sting with a large cartel for counterfeit green cards for months while he was on his way who did her He got a text that said, can meet you in an hour to do the exchange So the guy from the cartel had all the money orr whatever. I don't know which r Green cards are money,., all green cards are all the money And he had his little dis drive I can beat you en now. And this was the biggest sting of his career So he said to his wife, All I want for my birthday and for Christmas is to not go out with you on your birthday now. A technique we both tried. Yes This has not worked well in my. No, never does work well. So he drops his wife off apparently on the corner and starts driving toward the meat while he is texting furiously to get his body partners. Yeah to go in and do this while he's going to be in the police car in the back Can't find any of theispanic guys on the force can't find them He's got air support. Another five police cars, right. But he can't get a guy that looks South America. So he's driving and driving and driving and then says on a cell phone call to his other police 've got to go in there. And they said can't go in there, Paul. You look like you're from New York City. from Connecticut, which is where he's from. Yeah He I'm going to give it a try He said I'm going to put on a hat and sunglasses And he said When I take off my hat and sunglasses It means the exchange has been done and come in and bust them Hm This is such a scene from a movie. Yeah. I didn't think it would ever work this way. U and they're meeting in a Circle K parking to do the exchangeion. I always knew shit went down there. Yeah. I always knew. Yeah. And if you want to get toward the front, you're gott to tell them you're on Satight live So he pulls up and s over to the God who starts running towards his car saying this is all in Banish You're white, yourre police. You're white, your police And he starts saying in Spanish No, no, no, no No I look white. I'm really from Colombia The guy says no way, your're police and they're finally standing. and they're speaking Spanish and he says, I'm the one who's been talking to you on the phone for three weeks. I got this all set up. He said, Yes, you have been talking to me. But you're white, you're police He says, no, no, no, no, I'm not police guy goes, I can see you clearly police. You couldn't look more like police He starts walking towards his car And our hero yells to him Go ahead, tell your cartel you're a pussy and you couldn't make the deal And he comes back and says, we're not making the deal. But you are not from Colombia He says, Are you sah from Colombia And he says, why do you look like this H You look white. He said, I do look white, but I'm from Colombia He said, Well, You're white and you're policed. So that Paul says, which I love He says, during the Second World War And I'm hearing this going, What? What do you get it really gonna do this in the parking lot of a circle K He says someome people that lost the war Stay in Europe So they left and went to South America. My grandparents were some of those people So at this point, I say to him So you to make this deal were claiming to be Hitler's grandson. And he says Garing Himler and he says O people were in that town too So all of my family are white, but we all lived in Colombia and raised in Colombia And the guy stands there. and chewse on that for a little while I said, you know, Magicians talk about doing a move under heat. Yes. You're talking about really doing a move under heat. Yeah. I mean, you couldn't have more heat than this, right? No, because certainly the guy says, you're a cop, I'm out of here That's a way to not get shot I tried, no, no, none none of my more Latin looking friends picked to the phone. I tried Yeah. We love that. Right. yeah But instead he goes for I'm the grandchild of himler. God says That's his play Um I might have been able to think of that. But I would never dare do it Brian Trying to keep a guy who who's probably armed to stick around Certainly armed. Yeah. by telling him you're the grandson of him You you tell a story like that, you usually want a fight with what do I got to lose? In this case, he's a lot to lose. Yeah, his life. Yeah. So The guy goes Think you're white, I think you're police He goes, okay, don't make the deal They stand looking at each other This is the cinematic moment. And the guy goes, okay and they make the exchange And he takes off his hat and his sunglasses Yeah And the guy goes I know it I knew it. your police. I knew it. he goes Take him off my hat and sunglasses and the police car pulls in And he goes, I knew it. I knew it. Y're police. And he goes, No, no, no Police go to circle K to get dononuts, right Just stay cool Cool, we're okay And he goes It's police and he goes, stay cool Just stay cool And the guy walks over the guy and handcuffs him And he says, I know you are wh I knew you were police. And then Paul says in English, Of course I'm white. off course I'm police Could I look more like police to anybody? Could I look more white than I do? Take him away If you wrote this into like a TV episode, You'd be like, no might be the grandson of a Nazi monologue in the parking lot work. Therefore therefore you should trust me to make this deal That's crazy.. Yeah and you should go to u I don't know if I'm violating his trust but tell this story anyway You should go to Cwpul Yeah. watch one video. to at least see how white this guy looks. So he is he still a tutoring service or everything he just does is on YouTube Uh you you joined his crew to get the PVF's and all that got it And that's twenty dollars a month O I think it's one hundred and fifty bucks lifetime. Okay. Okaykay. but you can get Most of his stuff on YouTube. Okay. But I like to, when I'm using the services of someone. Yeah, I very much like to pay Yeah, no because I have the money Yeah. and I am encouraging free wriders Right? Yeah. So I pay so that you can have it on YouTube if you can't you don't you can afford it.ight. I'm fine with that. My children always yell at me for that. They always go. You know, you could share the subscription was I go, no, no I want these people to make money so they keep doing what they're doing. Right. And when I go with shareware and it says if you want to pay, pay By, rightight becausecause I can So why not help out others? So I'm part of the crew or whatever their crew through Cukachu. Yeah, his whole his whole story was He retired from police moved to Mexico. with his wife who's Colombian And u them. A relative got sick and then I moved back to Florida te to them So he decided Well Maybe I'll make some YouTube videos And that's how we got into this business Fascinating I' I said to him Well, you know, Hondro doesn't want me to Uh, you know used Mexican slang. He said, Well If you want Mexican drug dealers slang No one knows more than me. As you can imagine Oh But I want to talk a little bit about lifelong learning. Let's do. Masterclass Dot com slash pen You can go there and Do your lifelong. Now Rady came in all excited. because you get a class, you just started. Is that right Rady I do. I'm about midway through it. Oh, what are you learning? Jeff Cobs You mean the artist? Yeah. Wow. He does one of these. doeses He's like I mean, I mean, Penateella doing the magic one is one thing, but Jeff Coons doing an art, I guess C Martin doing comedies Yeah is that big. But wow, Jeff Coons. and what is his subject? It's about finding your creativity and art aboutout what? Finding your c creativity? Oh really? and how to make a Really big Balloon animal out of aluminum. He does talk about scale quite a bit. Oh yeah, scale that's what he does, right Essentially Jeff Coons is the Michael Goodeau because you know, whenever you're writing with Goodaot, as you know. Yeah he will at some point suggest let's build a giant one. Yeah. Whatever you're talking about. What if that was in the hot air balloon? Yeah Yeah What have you learned so far Here's the idea I want to talk to you about U He says, this is something thing you hear from a lot of directors. you have to The art's never done, you just have to walk away from it at some point. But before you do that, Jeff says, you still have to make sure that you've taken care of the audience They have to know that you've taken care of them. So he talks about making sure that you put details in that the target audience will recognize. How do you feel about that? I think that's really, really important, and I wish I did it. I just turned in a draft of my new novel Bingo. Yeah to my publisher. And my thinking was, well, he'll make corrections and I'll do another draft. And that's when I'll clean up this stuff. Yes and, um Yeah If he just says, no, this is good I might not clean up that stuff. Elizabeth McCracken, one of my favorite writers, has a great section of a book that says donon't think that paragraph is quite right But I've rewritten it. several times I want to go back and work on it again. probablybably won't Nail this idea in by my next book And it is the most precise way that I feel all the time about everything. Oh wow I am a precrastinator, which means I walk away. I just The New York Times just asked me to write a thing And uh They said I had a three week deadline I had it turned in within thirty six hours And I want to see what they Times makes a lot of corrections. Rightight. And this is you basically know the kick it up hill, so to speak.. What you really do, I'm telling you, if you write for the New York Times, send in anything because they're gonna write it themselves anyway So that's really great. You enjoying it?? I am And does it apply to your life Well we'll figure out a way. Yeah. You always do, don't you? Yeah. And also you're talking about Jeff Coons. you to know a fascinating person in their process is awesome. You're not talking about politics. Yeah, which is always good. If you want, when you become, maybe you say, I don't know if I want the Jeff Coons or the Steve Martin or the Penant teller, you don't have to decide't matter Once you have a membership, you have a membership, everything works at every platform. you use it just audio. It's beautifully produced. They do a wonderful job and they've been supporting us forever. So go to masterclass ot com slash and you get like fifteen percent off, whatever the deal they have going now. It's a really, really good deal. Masterclass dot com slash pen E N n. Oh. So yeah, I sent my novel in It's called Bingo the Ef Assassin. Yes. and the star of the novel is you. That's I've been very hesitant to read it because I'm very I'm Ebarrassed, not embarrassed That's the word. What's the wor? I don't It feels weird A be a character in your book. Yeah, you are a very big character. Yeah Very big. Piff has readd it. Y And I played croquet with him and Mac the other day. He says I have nothing What don't me saying? If you want to take anything out, you let me know. Yeah which is fine courtesy. You have nothing to worry about. Yeah. PF however does Piff is not. Piff is not painted tremendously in the b He's pted, I think accurately. Yeah. And the person who's pained the worst of the book is pam Who's also a character. Right. Yeah. I'm a character in the book and I'm painted not well at all. Yeah. That being to say, I'm painted very accurately. I've written my other books first person, a lot of them. Yeah. But this is third person about me Now this is u because this is are going through a cachic ooks. Yeahah So this one Well, he could say no You know, he said to me many times, I want to publish every one of your books, just send them to me. But we've also had many people say, I will love you forever, haven't we? But using random and felony juggler through them. Y And those those those seemed to do well. They did. I got a royalty check from felony juggler. Yeah and a royalty check from random. Okay. Now. getting a royalty check The bundy amounts are really, really low uselessly vanishingly low I love getting them. Why? Beacause it gives you information. It means they made money. Oh yeah, they made money. Yeah, it means they made money. Be our deal is such they have to get everything paid back And they got to get their whole investment back. Yeah. That means they made money Maybe they made twenty five cents, you know, but they made money. Right And that makes me feel good. Yeah. And it's harder and harder because Books are dying. Yeah But I also to give you an idea of the kind of business partner I have Yeah Tell her is representative of the book H And there are jokes at his expense. And he has it goes a little bit beyond good natured ribbing. Okay And, um I wrote to tell her. I was a little scared And I said, I've written this book Bing go the Alf asssassin and I make jokes about you in it. And some of the jokes are a little bit being spirited U I don't want to give you homework of reading the book If you want to just take this file, search for teller, and see that everything's okay. Yeah. I'd like an okay as I go to the publisher and Teller wrote back, You have my oK completely for anything you say at any time about me He said, we are partners, you get to do it That's your right, do whatever you want Classy Classy, Ver, very classy. Not as he appears in the book, but in reality H he started reading y it, really liked it. So that's Oh good, good, good, good So everything is cleaar with Teller. We have a joke we're doing about Teller in the Piff and pop show That was clear withm as well And then I also cleared with them my next idea for a book that I'm working on now, which I think I've already told you B a telleller fifty two years of failure. Yeah, yeah yeah. And telleller's okay with that too. So I cleared everything with tell her Um Yeah. Oh, that's great. That's great they clear that. I'm only laughing because I You talked us about this on this podcast and I was a guest on another podcast and I talked about what you said about your books on that podcast and then I got a text from Glenn. Oh, yeah, you got in big trouble. I did. I got in big trouble Yeah Other stuff too that we won't talk about. No no. I'm not going to write that stuff. The book stuff writes was fine. But yeah, yeah. ye yeah. As usual, Glenn writes it very classy. First class all business email, no emotion. F you. But that's the subtext. That's the subtext. When you get the most courteous email from Glen It just reaches a big, bad signal in the sky. Go fuck your. Yeah, Glen said to me the other day. he said We violated some NDAs And he said, the amazing thing is it wasn't you I said, What? It wasn't me. I didn't do anything wrong. He said, no You did nothing wrong. It was dononnelly When he says Donnelly and not Matt. Yeah. He said Donnelly is Donnelly's smarter than that Yes. I said A the end of the day, yes I said yeah, in my defents I did not know the person doing the pocket was going cut a reel of that. I didn't know a media source would use the realel as quoting me as a source. I received no phone calls. I didn't give any information. If I got a call from a reporter saying, C we put you on record about blank? I would' have been like, No. No, you cannot The last person who be put on record for this is me. I think you should have quoted Taylor Swift. Yeah. In my defense, I have none. One of my favorite lines, really We don't know why I think Talking about things that a podcast shouldn't count. The only thing that I have in my defense is that largely it doesn't I've been a podcast causing very little consequence in life with my you know fourteen years of talking to a microphone. So last thing I expect your was to have an impact When you open that email from Glenn, did you flip out? I just went I went like, what is this about? And then I just my body answered before my brain did. You know what I mean? Like my brain my whole body went like, Oh no. coals I was just getting get an airplane too. I was just getting an airplane to fly home and I was like, o, I'm just spit the ho like just stewing and I feeling sorry for myself Well, no damage was done I don't think so because luckily ye. No one listens to your podcasts Yeah, and no one reads the article If a tree falls into another tree and the exactly falls out. So I believe you the amount of damage you did was zero. I think that was the tone Basically like u Basically yeah, another subtext of Glenn's text would be like, could you imagine if this was hic? Could you imagine to do that actually Can you imagine if you actually fucked this up? Yeah. so I'm sorry. Yeah I don't care because I assume it was me. You know, I get those emails from Glen Whickly My body does not drop. It's just like, oh, okay Yeah Well ye. So there's another piece of information we're not going to talk about. That's right. Although when he told me I thought we'd probably talked about another podcast already. We had talked about. All I was doing was repeating what had happened in the last episode of Penn Sunday School. So So another pod. You did nothing wrong. It was simply saying, Hey, by the way, last week we talked about blank on this podcast. So it is my fault. I don't think so. I think it is. No, because on the podcast, I am being Weasley about it. and my Weasley language wasn't quoted in the article. I see And I said, I am not I live in this dress, I'm liter not hired for blank. Yet. Y I cannot speak officially in this any capacity. It was like, you know what'm what I'm heing, you know that kind of stuff. And I was being very much like, you can't take me as an official word is what I was saying in the podcast But that wasn't cutting into the clip That's why I was left down a. I'll also tell you I've learned something that really makes me laugh Yeah Zoom does not get jokes Right Um I have had, you know, the play that I wrote with Care Coleman. Yeah, which doesn't have a good title. By the way, if you've got a good title, send it to us. We'll use it. It was originally called Kayen comes back. That it was called infestation. And it was called manifestation that it was called Don't Stab yourour daughter in theye Okay, that it was called Delusion, illusion Now it's called delusion But that's a Neil Patrick Harris show that ran in LA. Okay, so it's not that. We have no name We have bookings for it And we are doing a reading. this is the stage of a project for me. Okaykay There' a stage. I'm sitting writing Th I send it to Glan do. And then I say, Ohh, there's a producer we can meet. Oh, they liked it. Oh good, do. Oh this is good, dope. Then There's a zo meeting. Yeah. Well, Jason Alexander's directing and he is assistant director here. We have a stage manager. We've just gotten a few million dollars in investments and we have a booking in Toronto in twenty eight and you'll be the magic consultant and we have another producer will bring gone So now there's like six people in a Zoom meeting. Yeah, rightight? Yeah and they're talking about We're going to start workshops in September in L.A. We don't know if they're going to go to the Kurt Douglas whether we're going to go to the other theater there. what they have the field do they have on these. That's across the street from Bob's big booy the only thing I heard Um u d d We've got all this money. We're going to do it. It's going to we want to it in Toronto, but it's going to debut before twenty eight. Steppenwol is going to be coming in. We're going to be doing a reading for seventy five people. We've got three or four people coming in from Australia, a few coming in from Great Britain, theyre coming in from Canada. We're hoping to get several theater companies interested in this They say all this And I say . Really? Ha guys, very funny. I was just writing stuff, right? And in my mind. which is where I do a lot of my thinking Yeah I'm actually saying Is it too late to get out of this? This is a mistake. Can I get out of this? Because I'm going have to work. and they say And you'll be magic consultant on this. And I said f course But I I'm gonna to hire people to help me So I get handsome Jack on the horn and say, canan you do all this work for me? handsome Jack? And he goes, Yeahah, no problem I go good. And if we have to hire someone else he goes, I'll hire them. I go But I'll be the magic consultant. He goes, yes H I gone out of doing anything? He he goes, no And then they tell me in order to G magic consonsultant credit You have to make sure you write how all the tricks are done in the script. I said, Well, that'll ruin the script whichich I don't care about. I just want to get out of work. Right. You know to write it. Right. And they say, no, no. If you don't do that, then if we hire somebody to help you They can claim that they actually came up with the tricks You have to have in there how the tricks are done I go okay. Wh be Los Angeles. I people have been sued for credits. Yeah, it's happened.'m down for three hours and work on this And I do And one of the comments on how the magic is done is this is not magic. this is special effects. When they're figuring out this, I'm gonna be go snooping around trying to find a vegan donut. That's what it says in the script and So I write this up and I send it. But during the meeting. somebody says You know We only need a small stage and a small audience. and there are theaters in high schools. Hollyw that have been Given money by Steven Spielberg. and other really rich people and they are really, really good. places Yeah. And I say Well, there is the problem of Jason and I not being able to come within a thousand yards of school. which no one laughs at. No. But they just ignore it, Pen saying crazy shit Be all the way through I say crazy shit. likeike they say We're going to be so and so on They won't be cutten to the royalties. We're just going to put them on a straight And I say, just w to get this straight. When we meet with this person, first thing I say is that I insist to have royalties And everyone pauses and goes, No The opposite of that And I go So they Who gives the royalties? and they say Nobody I then Glen says I can explain this to them you give away any royalties you want as long as they're out of your share I go. So we don't mention royalties to anyone. Okay. So this is all Zoom is taking notes, right and Yeah I then put I read the Zoom notes and it says what's been covered and what you have to do, your actions. All right, right. Right. your tos So then it says at the end. What you need to do, Pen Make sure you give such and such a person your royalties And it must be remembered that you and Jason Alexander cannot come within a thousand yards of any school Now these are the Zoom summaries that I get. Yeah And then I know that the head producer, the Big cheheese, she gets those two. and she files them Oh, good. goodood. And because anyone who missed the meeting can look those over.. Sure and definitely we brought up in court Ai y. by Jason Alexander. Wh says, who started this rumor about me not being able to allowed to go through any school? U So up Yeah, ye. So I said to Zoom I assume those were jokes But Zoom doesn't know. No And Zoom Kim in due time Sw doesn't go, Oh. Yeah, yeah. Well, I knew that. I get it. I knew that you were allowed near schools. I thought so. Yeah. And I knew you weren't giving your royalties away What do you think about in order to dissuade people from voting for a Democrat in Texas? They're trying to label him a vegan. I know, Isn't that funny He's trying to say I'm not a vegan. I've been eating barbecue my whole life There's no evidence he said anything. Oh, he did say, we could eat less meat one day a week or something. Yeah Yeah yeah. And Trump's the one to call him a vegan And it's now just totally a pejorative, right? Yeah. That's the thing that is crazy. Itanss like trans leaning, you like everything. It just comes with so much implications. Yeah. It's Hollywood values, all that stuff. That's Telor Rico, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Here's where teeam spports comes in. Yeah, rightight? This iss where teeam spports come in. Yeah H do not think Trump is doing a good job. I do not think the Republicans are doing their duty because they're supporting him. even though what he's doing is morally and legally and constitutionally wrong Those three things sometimes overlap They have in this case. Yeah. I'm very against Trump I also try to Stay away from team sports. Right So I'm watching Telerico on LOD show. Yeah, right And I feel myself feeling this. I mean really feeling it Oh man, he's a Christian, that's great. Great good team. Great. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm thinking, I I don't think Christianity is true. Why am I cheering him being a Christian? Right? If I met Terto Rico and we get talking about religion when I go Yeah, Christianity. good You tell them that his train metaphor is flawed. You can't ask An Rich, can I get a witness? Has anyone ever ever added cars to a moving trin You mean outside of modeling You do it modeling? I'm sure somebody's tried it And then another brogan forord me, I think this says kimchi and other those foods been shown to have enzymes that absorb microplastics in your in your thing and take it out. I love Kimji. Right. So it seems like your anti plastic thing. you might be well aligned. As Frank Zappa said, plastic people, oh baby, you're such a drag. I just got a new thing, which is a soda stream bottle that's insulated. so you can Put your cold water in. Yeah. fiz it up top on it says it'll keep it cold and with fizz for forty eight hours That's waiting in my car for me right now That's go. Anything else we have to cover? What do you got coming up? You're still working at the magician's room? Yeah, the magician' rooms every Tuesday and Wednesday. What's his name? Goldrake? Gold Drake's he's the eight hundred thirty guy. He's a prime timee guy. Who else is there? Conjurerors. Awesome, veryy lovely, very talented do it with a great show ats six hundred thirty And then they haveve late night Magic at ten thirty. Farrell Dylan is there at the four hundred thirty Fam Fily slot all the days that I'm not. days a week there. And yeah, there's a haunted brunch thing they do there. They keep it busy over there, but it's super fun. I just got added to the Marquis. I'm the Marquis montage up there. And if you want to go see my show, you enter the code sccoops for thirty percent off, thirty five percent off of my tickets. get into my show Wouldn't you just have a seat for me if I asked to? Yeah, yeah. I'm talking to the listeners too. Oh I say. Zoom will tell me, donon't forget the Pen month ticket. Zoom will say Don't forget to give Pen the thirty percent discount. Don't make him walk up to the booth and say, Do you know who I am? No the show's coming together well. I'm trying to think of a version I'll talk about more off there, but I have a version of dreams. I think that'll work in that size room of the size audiences I'm getting that might be funny and fun That's a tough one. It is a tough one So I'll tell you my solution and's Okay like it. Okay. Anything else Are are people coming to see you? Yeah, people ye. Luckily I've been having a good a handful of pcket listeners almost every show so far, which is very nice. do. It's been great. We're still getting obviously getting people to know who we are and that kind of stuff. So we're building. We're figuring out building. I'm doing what You and Piff and Mac do, which is all you do is try to figure out how to get butttson and seats. Yeah, that's all we do. won't I say it like I'm going to figure it out. I'll just begin the process like everyone else does of doing a thousand things and hoping some of it works. Yeah. You know what Glen Ally says. Yeah. You fucked up, Matt. No. No, I have that text. I do have that. What else Glen Ally says is, it's not anything It's everything. Yeah. Nothing will ever get people in there. but everything will. Yes. ye, yeah, yeah. That makes a lot of sense and that's what it feels like And You just have to just, you know, I do cooking shows. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eactly. Yeah, yeah. It sells a ticket here and there. Yeah. No, so yees, I upling my social media clips and Iself to roll out this other stuff. Okay Well, that was Penn Sunday Sool brought to you by Masterclass dot com slash pen. Oh, what do you want to say about the paperclip theory And we got it wrong was that Paperclip there is the AI thing about tellelling AI make Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the what's what do I want to say? Rubber band theory. It is the rubber band theory. Oh It is the rubber band theory That's right, it is the rubber band theory And I know the paperclip theory, I know the rubber band theory. and if you confuse the two 's going really hurt. That's all I'm telling you. That's all I'm telling you, that was Bed Sunday schoolchool Ajudja a bag of powdder cheese you become naked Paperookterers you tell AI to make a paperip? Yeah, they turn the whole universe again You know we love you. Hey Matt Dondley. do you have anybody to thank other than Glen Ally? I want to thank Glen Ally for allowing me to show up here today and do my job. I want to thank all the people suppter us over at patreon dot com slash pen. Redady and I when we see our doctors, we think of you guys. Chris Angel's other brother, David smoked my eyelids and punched my cigarette. Oh you lineback. Lucas Cleanbird loves laughs and learens here, James, Matt Edmunds, Shaw Family shenanigans, Michael Helpin. Kevin Merryiman, Jay. Edmo, Craig Crawford, Treay in the Canada T shirt. Yeah. Tony Bunyan Snipe Johnson, Harry Morley, Galactic President Scooper Star Mc Scoops aot Harry the gorilla who can't wait to see Penn and telleller live Uh Kevin Burke, David McLaughlin, O Bear Greg Ally fucking Parker Charlie Seta's trans rightits. No shit, Sherlock. Tch Tippes Oh, by the way, did I mention this is the Coach rat bastard. Blame MG from the planet Skyron And Dromeda Galaxy David, I wantan to figure Cnt prinner, Sge Brush, Luke. Artisanal Sudoku I like that guy I like that guy. And I've worked on saying the name, so he switches it back to the proper name Butering and I don't Peter B. Clark, Matt William, Rebecca Bostra, Brad Sherlag, Steve Felbman, Jonathan P. Roby Neeey Corn revered Past the butter and salt Oh, popcorn revere. now I get it popcorn revered. Okay. Adam Stickney, Niigar Falls, Bill Newton, David K. Nick Dingman Cmenturum Suusy Feelber, Lancy Mentch, Broken Hastings andita Scott. likero. Thank you all